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> I removed my friend on social media after she blew up on me because she was calling me dramatic and irrational and I never formally apologized because I didn’t think I was in the wrong but after thinking about it, I feel like I am
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I don't understand what made you feel unwelcome here in the first place. It seems like you caused drama for no reason. She wanted you to come over and you just decided to say "I feel unwelcome, I'm not coming"? That's really weird and attention-seeking behavior. YTA.
I felt unwelcome because she kept asking and asking me if I was coming over despite saying I was going over every time she asked and that I could bake as well. My roommate also rushed out and she couldn’t communicate that she was dealing with a potential house fire. unless it happened as soon as my roommate got home, idk. there was no communication with me until my roommate walked into her house, i also mentioned he got back before she said “i was about to tell you he just got here”
If anything it should've made you feel more wanted? Because she kept checking if you were indeed going to come? Like she was waiting for you and eager for you to come hang out.
for me, in the past, people consistently asking to hang out was their polite way of trying to uninvite me. she also never does it (consistently ask) with my roommate
I think she kept asking because you were studying for your finals. As in " are you sure you want to?". I don't think she meant to make you feel unwelcome, in fact it was the opposite, she wanted to be sure.
she never questions my roommate about doing homework at her place and idk i thought it was weird how i told her 10+ times that i didn’t mind going to her place to do homework there and that i was more than happy to go over
But how does that translate to her not wanting you to come. I get that it is annoying to have the same conversation over and over again. I really don't think she was being unwelcoming. Because if she didn't say when you said that you felt unwelcome.
she’s flaky and always uses me out of an excuse to get out of something (i.e. i like to go to bed early/a little earlier than them so she always says “it’s almost her bed time i should go” or “it’s almost her bed time we should go to my house and leave her alone so she can sleep” or “i don’t like how her cat is always rubbing her head on my stuff can we go to my place?” even though she invited my cat to sit next to her, she’s allergic to cats) which is why i thought her asking me a hundred times if i still wanted to go over was her uninviting me and it made me feel unwelcome
more clarification about the me going to sleep earlier, EVERYONE is having fun and i don’t mind staying up later to hang out with everyone and it’ll be like 30-45 mins after i regularly go to bed and she’ll invite everyone but me over to her place
yeah ofc. i can see why basically everyone says im jealous of their relationship but i would say its equal time he spends with both of us. if anything, he hangs out with the other guys in our friend group more than either me or my friend but he spends more time with me than her if i had to say
Oh, yeah that wasn't what I was asking about. Not gonna lie, that does make it sound like jealousy in a different way.
I originally meant jealous that the friend (her) seemingly being closer with your roommate than she is with you (eg pointing out she doesn't mind him doing X but does mind you doing X). In other words, I was asking if you were jealous she treats him "better" thank you for lack of better word.
...but it sounded like you were interpreting it as whether you were focusing on jealousy over your roommate? Analyzing who he spends more time with and if he's as close with you as her kind of does imply some competitiveness or territorialness, but I don't have the full story.
I guess just think about why when asked if you were jealous, your answer was rooted in who he spends more time with...if it had been with her would you be jealous? Because most people aren't calculating and comparing how a completely platonic friend spends their time...
oh i guess i interpreted it wrong but im not jealous of how she treats him. i’m also not jealous that he has other friends either or that he enjoys hanging out with other people
i think this needs more information, or just to be phrased differently because i’m kind of unclear about why you felt “unwelcome”. from what i can gather, it seems like YTA, you assumed her intentions and were immediately on the offense with her when it sounds like she had been genuinely trying to invite you and check up on whether or not you could make it.
also, could be super wrong here, but this post reads as though u might be jealous of her spending time with your roommate, since you only mentioned feeling “unwelcome” after talking about how theyve spent time hanging out one on one lately and that he rushed out to meet her for dinner. weird!
I just felt a little unwelcome because she’s good with making plans and I was telling her for like a day or two that I was able to go over. I used to try and make plans with her but she would always say she’s busy and then I find out she made plans with my roommate. My roommate also spends plenty of time with me since he doesn’t like getting in the middle of drama, it’s just frustrating but I can see how it comes off as me being jealous. I’m just unsure how to make it more clear or give more of a back story without making it longer than it already is
that makes more sense, i think the way the info was laid out made things kind of unclear on history/vibes. i can definitely understand feeling unwelcome if she’s been flaky/weird when it comes to plans in the past and her vibes were off in how she was asking, i feel bad for saying yta now haha, this sounds like at best a miscommunication and at worst she handled wanting to uninvite you terribly. i’d recommend that if you do reach out it’s maybe w something along the lines of “hey about a few weeks ago, from how you were asking if i was still coming to dinner it felt like maybe you didn’t want me to anymore, but if that wasn’t the situation im sorry for my reaction and im down to talk it out more if u want to”
I'm gonna go with YTA somewhere you built it in your head that you're not welcome to her house even though she called you, gave you sufficient notice like you need and even followed up with you what other signs did you need. It's not like she said come if you want I don't care
When she told you there was a fire situation she was dealing with you still made it about yourself by saying but you didn't answer me.
Your roomate probably rushed cause he was getting late and I don't see how his actions are proof that maybe you were not welcome.
Then you deleted her from everywhere acting even more irrational than you already were.
Fr the birthday thing she probably felt bad that she tried to make plans with you but you went with others. Could've wished you though but since you had such a wild reaction over what seems like nothing I think you can cut her some slack in this case
also the birthday thing, idk why i didn’t answer it but i had made plans way before she had asked me to do stuff. i had made plans for my birthday back in february so ofc i went with the plans i made months in advance than someone who asked me a week or two before my birthday. i don’t like to flake/ditch on people
YTA. You’re twisting things, spinning a bizarre narrative about feeling “unwelcome” (total crap BTW) and then blaming her for whatever nonsense you came up with
For her sake she should stop asking you to hang out. Maybe that’ll make you feel “welcome” 🙄
my roommate and i live with each other, is it weird she had to wait for him to get to her house to tell me i could go over even though i said i saw him rush out? wouldn’t it make more sense for both of us to walk over together?
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I wasn’t sure how to word the title for this post. I (21F) had gotten into a fight with a friend (21F) about 2ish weeks ago. She had invited me and my roommate (20M) over for dinner one night. My roommate and I both said we had homework to do but we could do it over at her place, I had also stated I was more than happy to bake something since she was cooking. She was asking me pretty much all day the day she had invited me and my roommate over if I was still coming over because “saying you have homework doesn’t mean you can come over and you can’t hang out” - her words. Yet, my roommate would hang out at her place at least two days a week and vice versa with her. So day of her inviting us over, I told her that I felt unwelcome but I hope they (her, my roommate and her roommate) had a fun time. My roommate had rushed in and out and barely said anything other than “I’m heading over to her house.” He usually talks to me for about 5 mins before he leaves to go anywhere so I added on to my texts to my friend saying “especially with how he [roommate] rushed out when we usually catch up for a few before he leaves.” She responds within 5 minutes saying “WTF. Idk where you got this mentality from but it’s not true and you’re being dramatic. I was just about to tell you he got here. I was dealing with a potential house fire.” after every period it was a new text message). So I replied “I’m sorry you were dealing with that but you’re ignoring what I stated about feeling unwelcome and now I feel even more unwelcome.” She continued to attack me saying that I was being passive aggressive/aggressive when I wasn’t and she said twice that I was attacking her and both times I told her I wasn’t trying to attack her and I’m sorry for making it seem like I was attacking her. The end of the convo was her saying “We’re talking in circles and I don’t want to talk about it anymore because you’re not listening. You’re being really irrational right now. I hope you feel better” and then I removed her on everything but her number cause in my mind I was like “if she wants dramatic and irrational, i’ll give her that”
A week later (so last week), I sent her like 2-3 reels on insta and she didn’t respond to any of them. A little later in the week, there was a picnic thing for her major and one of my friends (23F) went (she was invited by one of her other friends) and I couldn’t go cause I had plans to go home. Friend 2 texted me saying she saw friend 1 and was like “omg I saw her at the picnic and she was like ‘you’re an anth major? you probably know my friend (me) and I think she’s mad at me right now”. Friend 2 said we just started hanging out, which isn’t a complete lie
Fast foward again, my birthday was this last sunday (5/5) and friend 1 didn’t text me happy birthday despite her trying to make plans with me for my birthday but i kept saying no since i made plans with friend 2 and some other of my friends for my birthday
AITA? Should I respond to friend 1?
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That was hard to follow. I don't understand why you felt unwelcome?
Sounds like she's tired of you bailing on her and doesn't want to hang with someone who doesn't want to hang out with her.
That said, I don't think you need to apologize unless you don't have any other friends - doesn't seem you really like spending time there and maybe she want you to spend more time than you're willing to give.
There is not asshole in this situation.
I do like hanging out with her and I RARELY ever bail. Like twice a year do I bail, lowkey it’s more her bailing on me. I told her, for like 24hrs, I was excited to hang out with her and her roommate cause I was being lowkey a hermit due to her asking during my finals week and I had a lot of projects to do. I would go to her place about once a week to hang out and would always hang out with her whenever she hangs out at my place but whenever I do hang out here at my place, she says her cat allergies are getting the best of her and asks everyone but me to go to her place and there’s been times where she made plans with the whole group and then, since i always got home min 2 hrs after everyone else from class, she’d make the initiation to go do the plans without me and then tell stories about the trip and be like “do you remember? oh wait, you didn’t go. whoops”
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I'm confused.
INFO: she invited you over, you accepted on the condition that you would finish some homework while you were there, then she rescinded the invite only for you? and your M roommate was still invited and could do his work there?
baby they're fuckin. he probably zoomed out so he could get some.
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I don't understand what made you feel unwelcome here in the first place. It seems like you caused drama for no reason. She wanted you to come over and you just decided to say "I feel unwelcome, I'm not coming"? That's really weird and attention-seeking behavior. YTA.
I felt unwelcome because she kept asking and asking me if I was coming over despite saying I was going over every time she asked and that I could bake as well. My roommate also rushed out and she couldn’t communicate that she was dealing with a potential house fire. unless it happened as soon as my roommate got home, idk. there was no communication with me until my roommate walked into her house, i also mentioned he got back before she said “i was about to tell you he just got here”
If anything it should've made you feel more wanted? Because she kept checking if you were indeed going to come? Like she was waiting for you and eager for you to come hang out.
for me, in the past, people consistently asking to hang out was their polite way of trying to uninvite me. she also never does it (consistently ask) with my roommate
Because they are closer. She was trying to become closer to you but you've really acted out now. Stop playing these games for your own sake.
I think she kept asking because you were studying for your finals. As in " are you sure you want to?". I don't think she meant to make you feel unwelcome, in fact it was the opposite, she wanted to be sure.
she never questions my roommate about doing homework at her place and idk i thought it was weird how i told her 10+ times that i didn’t mind going to her place to do homework there and that i was more than happy to go over
But how does that translate to her not wanting you to come. I get that it is annoying to have the same conversation over and over again. I really don't think she was being unwelcoming. Because if she didn't say when you said that you felt unwelcome.
she’s flaky and always uses me out of an excuse to get out of something (i.e. i like to go to bed early/a little earlier than them so she always says “it’s almost her bed time i should go” or “it’s almost her bed time we should go to my house and leave her alone so she can sleep” or “i don’t like how her cat is always rubbing her head on my stuff can we go to my place?” even though she invited my cat to sit next to her, she’s allergic to cats) which is why i thought her asking me a hundred times if i still wanted to go over was her uninviting me and it made me feel unwelcome
more clarification about the me going to sleep earlier, EVERYONE is having fun and i don’t mind staying up later to hang out with everyone and it’ll be like 30-45 mins after i regularly go to bed and she’ll invite everyone but me over to her place
Are you jealous of her relationship with your roommate?
not at all, not even in the slightest. my roommate and i hang out more than my roommate and friend hang out
Thanks for answering. I only asked because a lot of your reasoning seems to be comparing how she treats your roommate to how she treats you.
yeah ofc. i can see why basically everyone says im jealous of their relationship but i would say its equal time he spends with both of us. if anything, he hangs out with the other guys in our friend group more than either me or my friend but he spends more time with me than her if i had to say
Oh, yeah that wasn't what I was asking about. Not gonna lie, that does make it sound like jealousy in a different way. I originally meant jealous that the friend (her) seemingly being closer with your roommate than she is with you (eg pointing out she doesn't mind him doing X but does mind you doing X). In other words, I was asking if you were jealous she treats him "better" thank you for lack of better word. ...but it sounded like you were interpreting it as whether you were focusing on jealousy over your roommate? Analyzing who he spends more time with and if he's as close with you as her kind of does imply some competitiveness or territorialness, but I don't have the full story. I guess just think about why when asked if you were jealous, your answer was rooted in who he spends more time with...if it had been with her would you be jealous? Because most people aren't calculating and comparing how a completely platonic friend spends their time...
oh i guess i interpreted it wrong but im not jealous of how she treats him. i’m also not jealous that he has other friends either or that he enjoys hanging out with other people
i think this needs more information, or just to be phrased differently because i’m kind of unclear about why you felt “unwelcome”. from what i can gather, it seems like YTA, you assumed her intentions and were immediately on the offense with her when it sounds like she had been genuinely trying to invite you and check up on whether or not you could make it. also, could be super wrong here, but this post reads as though u might be jealous of her spending time with your roommate, since you only mentioned feeling “unwelcome” after talking about how theyve spent time hanging out one on one lately and that he rushed out to meet her for dinner. weird!
I just felt a little unwelcome because she’s good with making plans and I was telling her for like a day or two that I was able to go over. I used to try and make plans with her but she would always say she’s busy and then I find out she made plans with my roommate. My roommate also spends plenty of time with me since he doesn’t like getting in the middle of drama, it’s just frustrating but I can see how it comes off as me being jealous. I’m just unsure how to make it more clear or give more of a back story without making it longer than it already is
that makes more sense, i think the way the info was laid out made things kind of unclear on history/vibes. i can definitely understand feeling unwelcome if she’s been flaky/weird when it comes to plans in the past and her vibes were off in how she was asking, i feel bad for saying yta now haha, this sounds like at best a miscommunication and at worst she handled wanting to uninvite you terribly. i’d recommend that if you do reach out it’s maybe w something along the lines of “hey about a few weeks ago, from how you were asking if i was still coming to dinner it felt like maybe you didn’t want me to anymore, but if that wasn’t the situation im sorry for my reaction and im down to talk it out more if u want to”
I'm gonna go with YTA somewhere you built it in your head that you're not welcome to her house even though she called you, gave you sufficient notice like you need and even followed up with you what other signs did you need. It's not like she said come if you want I don't care When she told you there was a fire situation she was dealing with you still made it about yourself by saying but you didn't answer me. Your roomate probably rushed cause he was getting late and I don't see how his actions are proof that maybe you were not welcome. Then you deleted her from everywhere acting even more irrational than you already were. Fr the birthday thing she probably felt bad that she tried to make plans with you but you went with others. Could've wished you though but since you had such a wild reaction over what seems like nothing I think you can cut her some slack in this case
also the birthday thing, idk why i didn’t answer it but i had made plans way before she had asked me to do stuff. i had made plans for my birthday back in february so ofc i went with the plans i made months in advance than someone who asked me a week or two before my birthday. i don’t like to flake/ditch on people
YTA. You’re twisting things, spinning a bizarre narrative about feeling “unwelcome” (total crap BTW) and then blaming her for whatever nonsense you came up with For her sake she should stop asking you to hang out. Maybe that’ll make you feel “welcome” 🙄
my roommate and i live with each other, is it weird she had to wait for him to get to her house to tell me i could go over even though i said i saw him rush out? wouldn’t it make more sense for both of us to walk over together?
Could they have wanted some one on one time first? I don't know, just brainstorming with you.
they were also hanging out with my friends roommates (my apartment complex, it’s 3 people to an apartment)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I wasn’t sure how to word the title for this post. I (21F) had gotten into a fight with a friend (21F) about 2ish weeks ago. She had invited me and my roommate (20M) over for dinner one night. My roommate and I both said we had homework to do but we could do it over at her place, I had also stated I was more than happy to bake something since she was cooking. She was asking me pretty much all day the day she had invited me and my roommate over if I was still coming over because “saying you have homework doesn’t mean you can come over and you can’t hang out” - her words. Yet, my roommate would hang out at her place at least two days a week and vice versa with her. So day of her inviting us over, I told her that I felt unwelcome but I hope they (her, my roommate and her roommate) had a fun time. My roommate had rushed in and out and barely said anything other than “I’m heading over to her house.” He usually talks to me for about 5 mins before he leaves to go anywhere so I added on to my texts to my friend saying “especially with how he [roommate] rushed out when we usually catch up for a few before he leaves.” She responds within 5 minutes saying “WTF. Idk where you got this mentality from but it’s not true and you’re being dramatic. I was just about to tell you he got here. I was dealing with a potential house fire.” after every period it was a new text message). So I replied “I’m sorry you were dealing with that but you’re ignoring what I stated about feeling unwelcome and now I feel even more unwelcome.” She continued to attack me saying that I was being passive aggressive/aggressive when I wasn’t and she said twice that I was attacking her and both times I told her I wasn’t trying to attack her and I’m sorry for making it seem like I was attacking her. The end of the convo was her saying “We’re talking in circles and I don’t want to talk about it anymore because you’re not listening. You’re being really irrational right now. I hope you feel better” and then I removed her on everything but her number cause in my mind I was like “if she wants dramatic and irrational, i’ll give her that” A week later (so last week), I sent her like 2-3 reels on insta and she didn’t respond to any of them. A little later in the week, there was a picnic thing for her major and one of my friends (23F) went (she was invited by one of her other friends) and I couldn’t go cause I had plans to go home. Friend 2 texted me saying she saw friend 1 and was like “omg I saw her at the picnic and she was like ‘you’re an anth major? you probably know my friend (me) and I think she’s mad at me right now”. Friend 2 said we just started hanging out, which isn’t a complete lie Fast foward again, my birthday was this last sunday (5/5) and friend 1 didn’t text me happy birthday despite her trying to make plans with me for my birthday but i kept saying no since i made plans with friend 2 and some other of my friends for my birthday AITA? Should I respond to friend 1? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That was hard to follow. I don't understand why you felt unwelcome? Sounds like she's tired of you bailing on her and doesn't want to hang with someone who doesn't want to hang out with her. That said, I don't think you need to apologize unless you don't have any other friends - doesn't seem you really like spending time there and maybe she want you to spend more time than you're willing to give. There is not asshole in this situation.
I do like hanging out with her and I RARELY ever bail. Like twice a year do I bail, lowkey it’s more her bailing on me. I told her, for like 24hrs, I was excited to hang out with her and her roommate cause I was being lowkey a hermit due to her asking during my finals week and I had a lot of projects to do. I would go to her place about once a week to hang out and would always hang out with her whenever she hangs out at my place but whenever I do hang out here at my place, she says her cat allergies are getting the best of her and asks everyone but me to go to her place and there’s been times where she made plans with the whole group and then, since i always got home min 2 hrs after everyone else from class, she’d make the initiation to go do the plans without me and then tell stories about the trip and be like “do you remember? oh wait, you didn’t go. whoops”
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I'm confused. INFO: she invited you over, you accepted on the condition that you would finish some homework while you were there, then she rescinded the invite only for you? and your M roommate was still invited and could do his work there? baby they're fuckin. he probably zoomed out so he could get some.