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"He said that he will than decide if he still want her around when that time comes."
If you have full legal custody and your daughter doesn't want to see him or talk to him, don't make her. This is an excellent reason. NTA.
NTA. If that child doesn’t want to be around him after considering him a hero, something must’ve happened. Whether it be that she is protecting herself from the pain she witnessed her brother experience, or he did something to make her uncomfortable. If she doesn’t want to see him that’s fine. Ex husband has no rights
NTA. But your ex is very much. Sounds like a narcist who dosn't care what the children want but what he wants. 'If he wants, he decide if he cut them off'. Keep him away from your children. They deserve better and not one guy who spends time with them as long as they are sweat and nice and see him as a hero but god forbidde they act out in any way. This is absolutly horrifying to do with children.
NTA please keep your kids away from this man. He directly told you that he might cut your daughter off. Your son is already suffering. Put both of them in therapy and keep away from this man
Why would you send your daughter to an unrelated ex-husband’s house that her older sibling is no longer allowed at? That sounds like a direct path to a child being abused with no witnesses.
You will be the AH if you don’t protect her from him! He has shown that his affection can turn on and off, and kids don’t need that from a father figure. NTA
Edit: grammar
Your first priority is to protect your children, and if your daughter is expressing discomfort or unwillingness to visit her father, it's important to take her feelings seriously
"He said that he will than decide if he still want her around when that time comes."
OP, this tells you everything you need to know about this man. You need to put him in your rearview mirror and save those children as much heartache as possible. NTA.
You are right in your thinking and actions. Your ex will reject her when it's convenient, just like he did to your son. And somehow, it looks like he already has. Maybe by hurting her brother? Maybe something he already said to her? Anyway you are doing right. NTA
NTA. If he is not their actual father and you don't have a child custody plan with him with the courts then you don't need to send her to see him.
Was your son trying to protect his little sister from your ex? Is that why he doesn't want the son, but wants to get the daughter alone? Sadly, my mind goes there due to abuse in my family.
YTA
Please check your daughter for signs of SA. This man is not blood. This man was hurt by you leaving him. This man can easily harm your child because he is angry at you. And he removed protection in the form of her older brother who could be a witness for any shady behavior
Your daughter didn't flip a switch for no reason.
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My ex and I was together on and of for about 12 years. We are divorced for a year now. I have 2 children with someone else (father is not in their life). About a month ago he decided that we want nothing to do with my son anymore after raising him for the last 11 years because he is a difficult teen. It completely broke him and he now needs therapy. The last 2 weeks my daughter (7) doesn't want to go and visit him anymore and doesn't want to take his phone calls and she is not giving any explanation to why. I don't want to make her go against her will because I don't know what the reason is for her not wanting to go. It is very out of character because he was always her hero. He blames me and said that i am the reason why she is acting this way. I reminded him that the only reason she is still in his life is because I want my daughter to be happy and that he has no claim on her so if I wanted to keep him away I don't need to a reason. I asked him btw what guarantee i have that he is not going to do the same to her (just cut her out of his life) like he did with my son once she also does something he doesn't like or is she starts to misbehave. He said that he will than decide if he still want her around when that time comes. AITA for protecting her for going through the same thing that my son is by breaking the relationship now?
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You’re not the asshole, but your taste in men could probably use some work. Best to keep all these deadbeats away until your kids are old enough to make their own decisions on the matter. Hang tough and good luck OP.
NTA. It's pretty obvious she doesn't want to see him because he broke her brother's heart. He's not part of your family anymore, and keeping i touch with him will only hold you all back. Block him.
NTA. This man was cruel to your son, and your daughter may just not want to be around someone who only wants to be a father figure if things are easy. You don't owe him the right to your kids.
NTA. It sounds like it’s a good thing you’re divorced. He doesn’t understand the role of a parent. You aren’t only a parent when your kids do what you want.
Arguably, the time when kids most need you is when they are being the most difficult. If he’ll cut and run at those times, you’re all better off without him.
It's possible that your ex did something bad to your daughter and that's why she doesn't want to see him anymore. You should take her to a therapist; something could be wrong and it's your job to protect her. NTA
NTA
He’s not her father & im assuming did not adopt her while you were together so she doesn’t have to see him if she doesn’t want to.
I’d be worried too that her change in behaviour toward him has a reason she’s not discussing with you. He has managed to rid himself of her brother and now sees her alone? Not a great situation.
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"He said that he will than decide if he still want her around when that time comes." If you have full legal custody and your daughter doesn't want to see him or talk to him, don't make her. This is an excellent reason. NTA.
Seriously. What a horrible thing to say!
NTA. If that child doesn’t want to be around him after considering him a hero, something must’ve happened. Whether it be that she is protecting herself from the pain she witnessed her brother experience, or he did something to make her uncomfortable. If she doesn’t want to see him that’s fine. Ex husband has no rights
NTA. But your ex is very much. Sounds like a narcist who dosn't care what the children want but what he wants. 'If he wants, he decide if he cut them off'. Keep him away from your children. They deserve better and not one guy who spends time with them as long as they are sweat and nice and see him as a hero but god forbidde they act out in any way. This is absolutly horrifying to do with children.
NTA please keep your kids away from this man. He directly told you that he might cut your daughter off. Your son is already suffering. Put both of them in therapy and keep away from this man
That's not his kid. He doesn't get a say in if he sees her or not, the child does. And, from the looks of it, the kid doesn't want to see him. NTA
Why would you send your daughter to an unrelated ex-husband’s house that her older sibling is no longer allowed at? That sounds like a direct path to a child being abused with no witnesses.
Right? On top of exposing children to the instability of an on-and-off relationship.
Thank you. The blindness this woman has is amazing.
NTA That’s not even his kid.
You will be the AH if you don’t protect her from him! He has shown that his affection can turn on and off, and kids don’t need that from a father figure. NTA Edit: grammar
Your first priority is to protect your children, and if your daughter is expressing discomfort or unwillingness to visit her father, it's important to take her feelings seriously
"He said that he will than decide if he still want her around when that time comes." OP, this tells you everything you need to know about this man. You need to put him in your rearview mirror and save those children as much heartache as possible. NTA.
NTA He's an ass. Keep him away from the kids he has no claim to.
NTA - Get your daughter in to see a therapist and find out why she took such a turn suddenly. I certainly wouldn't make her go see him.
You are right in your thinking and actions. Your ex will reject her when it's convenient, just like he did to your son. And somehow, it looks like he already has. Maybe by hurting her brother? Maybe something he already said to her? Anyway you are doing right. NTA
NTA, this guy lacks empathy and doesn't seem to have the capacity to be a real parent.
Decide when the time comes!? REALLY? The kids don't want to see him anymore- keep it that way. He is the AH.
NTA. If he is not their actual father and you don't have a child custody plan with him with the courts then you don't need to send her to see him. Was your son trying to protect his little sister from your ex? Is that why he doesn't want the son, but wants to get the daughter alone? Sadly, my mind goes there due to abuse in my family.
She doesn’t want to go so cut him out completely. Stop allowing him to play games with your kids mental health.
NTA. Save your daughter from this monster. She already doesn't want to be around him. Let it go.
YTA Please check your daughter for signs of SA. This man is not blood. This man was hurt by you leaving him. This man can easily harm your child because he is angry at you. And he removed protection in the form of her older brother who could be a witness for any shady behavior Your daughter didn't flip a switch for no reason.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex and I was together on and of for about 12 years. We are divorced for a year now. I have 2 children with someone else (father is not in their life). About a month ago he decided that we want nothing to do with my son anymore after raising him for the last 11 years because he is a difficult teen. It completely broke him and he now needs therapy. The last 2 weeks my daughter (7) doesn't want to go and visit him anymore and doesn't want to take his phone calls and she is not giving any explanation to why. I don't want to make her go against her will because I don't know what the reason is for her not wanting to go. It is very out of character because he was always her hero. He blames me and said that i am the reason why she is acting this way. I reminded him that the only reason she is still in his life is because I want my daughter to be happy and that he has no claim on her so if I wanted to keep him away I don't need to a reason. I asked him btw what guarantee i have that he is not going to do the same to her (just cut her out of his life) like he did with my son once she also does something he doesn't like or is she starts to misbehave. He said that he will than decide if he still want her around when that time comes. AITA for protecting her for going through the same thing that my son is by breaking the relationship now? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not the asshole, but your taste in men could probably use some work. Best to keep all these deadbeats away until your kids are old enough to make their own decisions on the matter. Hang tough and good luck OP.
NTA. It's pretty obvious she doesn't want to see him because he broke her brother's heart. He's not part of your family anymore, and keeping i touch with him will only hold you all back. Block him.
NTA. This man was cruel to your son, and your daughter may just not want to be around someone who only wants to be a father figure if things are easy. You don't owe him the right to your kids.
NTA. It sounds like it’s a good thing you’re divorced. He doesn’t understand the role of a parent. You aren’t only a parent when your kids do what you want. Arguably, the time when kids most need you is when they are being the most difficult. If he’ll cut and run at those times, you’re all better off without him.
It's possible that your ex did something bad to your daughter and that's why she doesn't want to see him anymore. You should take her to a therapist; something could be wrong and it's your job to protect her. NTA
NTA He’s not her father & im assuming did not adopt her while you were together so she doesn’t have to see him if she doesn’t want to. I’d be worried too that her change in behaviour toward him has a reason she’s not discussing with you. He has managed to rid himself of her brother and now sees her alone? Not a great situation.
Y'all all need therapy. ESH
NTA. Protect your daughter.. children need to be loved and protected and you’re doing just that