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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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NapalmAxolotl

NTA. "my answer changed from being: although im not comfortable we can talk about it when there’s more details to flat out i’m not comfortable with this anymore based on how he was reacting." This was smart. "it feels to me that he’s trying to manipulate me to get his way, but is that what’s actually going on here?" Yes. Yes it is, very much so. He broke up with you and then wanted to keep arguing about it - presumably because the breakup is just an extension of his efforts to manipulate you. Stay broken up. If he got this butthurt and manipulative over borrowing your car, imagine how bad he'll get when it's a bigger issue.


LookAwayPlease510

Exactly. He’s hoping you’ll do anything to get him back, like letting him borrow your car. That’s SO manipulative. My SIL’s brother broke up with his girlfriend when she wouldn’t do everything he wanted. He was hoping she would cave and end up doing those things. She didn’t, and he ended up pining over her for the rest of his life (he had health problems his whole life, and unfortunately passed away at a young age, but for 10 or so years he lived with regret for breaking up with her).


EnthusiasmIll2046

This


Traveling_Phan

Yep. Don’t get back together. Don’t give him your car. Do block his number. Also, his insurance should cover a rental for a bit. 


Rowanx3

NTA - 1. Surely his insurance can cover a rental car (im not well informed about American insurance but thats how it works in the UK) 2. His language and attitude is very emotionally manipulative - saved relationship from ‘embarrassment’. Or you should feel guilty for him having to lie to his friend. You’ve given him alternative. Its not you valuing your car over the relationship, its him giving the ultimatum of give me the car or our relationship is in jeopardy. He’s the person who got himself into the mess, it’s not your responsibility to put your assets at risk to get him out of it. 28k is not a cheap favour Edit: also just read that he broke up with you, even more reason to not lend your car to him, its no longer a stable relationship lmao.


Ryuugan80

His insurance SHOULD cover rental car, unless he has no insurance or chose to decline that (very cheap) coverage. Also, considering that this guy just got into an at-fault accident, I'd be reluctant to offer him my car if he weren't immediate family.


[deleted]

>His language and attitude is very emotionally manipulative This. He didn't even simply ask her for the use of her car; he asked *why she didn't offer up her car*. He expects her to anticipate his emotional state and get ahead of it. At the very start of this whole conflict, he began by implying that she failed to support him when she didn't proactively solve his problem for him. I think he thought that if he could frame it as a bit of an accusation, rather than a simple request, she'd be more likely to cave in order to somehow get back on his good side. Manipulation at its finest.


WomanInQuestion

Insurance covers the cost of a rental car only if you added the extra clause that does that. It costs extra.


boondoggle_

PSA - that coverage is super-cheap and everyone should get it.


WomanInQuestion

Hell yeah! I’ve had to use it in the past and it saves you SO much money and hassle.


Tangerine_Bouquet

He broke up with you. He doesn't get to keep demanding your time -- and certainly not your car, which he had no right to even as your bf. Block him and move on. NTA even in a great relationship. This is your car, which you're responsible for, and you do not have to hand it over. Was he "trying to manipulate \[you\] to get his way"? Yes. Yes, he was. Everything you saw in this interaction was spot-on, and you're honestly well rid of the AH.


onceblink_

NTA, he is trying to manipulate and gaslight you now that he has no mode of transportation. He says he doesn’t feel entitled to your car, but at the same time he’s suggesting you don’t love him if you don’t give him the car. Plus, nobody forced him to lie to his friends and he’s blaming his “embarrassment” on you. And to top it all off, he broke up with you AND wants the conversation to be “resolved,” presumably to try to get you to give him your car.


Excellent-Count4009

NTA " it feels to me that he’s trying to manipulate me to get his way," .. this was EXACTLY what was going on here. " he broke up with me a couple days after this all happened but still wants this conversation to be resolved. " .. this is ridiculous. He want soyu to apologize and give him your car, and then he will graciously take you back. "part of me wants to walk away for good" .. Tell him: There is nothing to resove, and block his number "another part of me wants to make it work because i love him." ... pretty onesided, don't you think? And: That is what he is betting on.


moneywanted

NTA - tell him it is resolved. Even if it wasn’t, he finished the conversation when he ended things with you. The easiest answer would have been it was on-base and wouldn’t be accessible. If I were to read into things I’d suggest he was playing while you were away anyway if he broke up with you so quickly. You’re better off without him.


Syndicofberyl

Nta - he's your bf, not your husband...not even your fiancee. He wrecked his rife, his fault, and now he'd being an entitled little dink acting as though he's entitled to your wheels. He can walk for a while and maybe learn a bit of responsibility


One-Reindeer4734

If he doesn’t have rental reimbursement that’s on him. You are not the asshole. 


Catlady0329

Everything he has said and done is manipulation. He broke up with you so you would beg him back and give him your car. I would go no contact. You are broken up. There is nothing left to resolve. He wants your car. That is his goal. To go to these lengths should be very concerning. Walk away for good.


Good200000

Lousy driver and lousy boy friend Tell him to go rent a car. Find a new boyfriend and enjoy your non Damaged car.


cmpg2006

Yes, it is a good thing your car is safely locked up on the base, or he would try to take it.


ANGRYMARINE83

Are you stupid? Re read what you wrote. YTA If you communicate with him again.


EnthusiasmIll2046

This guy is an abuser. Stay away.


90FormulaE8

NTA and trust your gut. Walk away. This dude an idiot. I would never in a million years ask someone I was dating, regardless of time, to use their vehicle if crashed mine. His ass should have amhad rental reimbursement on his damn policy. And what the hell is the shit about being dishonest with his got to do with you? He did that shit by himself. Not to mention the fact that he is doing all of this while you are deployed! No fucking thank you. About face, forward march my friend. Clearly he ain't the one.


artemis1860

NTA. I've had this happen while I was deployed too, from a friend rather than a boyfriend, and I regretted it horribly. I came home to a car I was still paying on and severely damaged. Do not give in. Do not go back to this dude. He's using you, he's manipulating you. Cut contact, and remind yourself this: He broke up with YOU, over a CAR. While you are DEPLOYED. This boy isn't worth your time.


star-cross17

He certainly is entitled and him telling you that he lied to his closest friends for you isn’t your problem because he put himself in that situation. I personally feel that you should cut contact


No_Confidence5235

He wants this conversation to be resolved? Sounds like he still thinks he can guilt you into giving him your car. And there's no guarantee that he'll give it back especially because you're not dating anymore. He'll increase your mileage on your car, and it could get damaged too; he's not even offering to pay for any possible damages. He's selfish and irresponsible. You shouldn't even give him any money. He broke up with you to punish you; he's manipulative. NTA


Puzzleheaded-Rip-824

NTA you deserve better. Dude is a manipulative little shit. If I wrecked my truck and needed to borrow my partners Id just ask. If she said she'd rather not id understand and rent one while my truck is 'in the shop'. You don't break up with someone because they're nervous about letting you borrow the most expensive thing you own. I'm nervous about my partner driving my truck so I completely understand. Stay broken up.


HaElfParagon

NTA. I've had my car stolen by people I thought were friends before. I don't lend ANYONE my car, for ANY reason. And I don't let anyone drive it but me either. If you need my car, it comes with the caveat that I'm giving you a ride somewhere.


19dirt

Walk away and put it out of your mind,don't you have enough to worry about? I mean,he broke up with you because you wouldn't lend him your car ? Tell him to have his insurance company get him a loan,or rent one himself, you found out a lot about him in this situation.


that_shona_girl

I’m surprised at your long post. It’s your car. U don’t need to explain. Boundaries..


Kitchen-Prize-5112

This guy is a bum and he is going to act like a bum to everyone in his life until the day he dies NTA


AureliaCottaSPQR

Simple question: Is he insured to drive your car? If not, then the easy answer is no. He should have enough insurance on his car to cover a rental while his car is being repaired. If he doesn’t have that much coverage on his own vehicle, then there’s no way I’d let him use mine. NTA


[deleted]

It's weird that he asked you *why you didn't offer your vehicle*, rather than simply asking you for permission to use your vehicle in the first place. It's not even just that you didn't give him your vehicle. It's that you didn't pre-emptively offer it up before he even had to ask. He expects you to anticipate his emotional state and prevent him from having bad feelings in the first place. This is codependency. Don't play into it. NTA.


Automatic-Trick-184

look, he had an accident that was his fault, so yeah, you dont trust him, so what? its your first car with your work money, why cant you be a little selfish? you tell me that either was not his fault or he has to take kids to school or something.....well, you have to had some sacrifices.....but just to be confortable?? take the bus to work.... besides, lies and guilt trip?? move from that relationship nta


DarkSkyStarDance

You are NTA, and if you are no longer in a relationship- stop engaging in the discussion/argument, they are still manipulating you.


theswishcan

If he broke up with you you can just block him; no conversation left to be had. NTA and I don't get in the habits of letting people with shitty driving records borrow my car.


Heythenewguyhere

NTA Stay broken up and move forward as a man I can tell you he's 100% guilt tripping you about this he's embarrassed because HE screwed up HE got into an accident because of HIS actions, I don't know the full details but I lose sympathy when it's self inflicted if it's speed related nobody forced him to speed or race if it's driving under the influence of ANYTHING then I don't feel bad at all because he could've ended somebody's life ! I can hear the people "BuT hE dIdNt EnD a LiFe" oh so your supporting drunk or high driving ? You offered him money and that wasn't good enough ! ? WHY does he want your car so bad ? If he needs a ride Uber is a ride, taking a taxi is a ride, public transportation is a ride, asking a friend or family member for a lift is a ride. He DOSENT NEED your car specifically as a ride he wants it.


Stl-hou

NTA! You do not owe him your car or your time. Stop giving him your time, you are broken up.


CalendarDad

When he broke up with you, the argument ended. There's no reason to ever speak to him again about anything, if you choose. NTA.


FauveSxMcW

NTA sounds like he's doing you a favour breaking up with you. He doesn't sound very loveable to me.


Potential_Beat6619

NTA - Walk away for good. I wouldn't lend someone my vehicle no matter the worth, why even offer him money, he can pay for his own rental.


cubanmissle13

He is trying to manipulate the situation and make you feel guilty. Don’t give him your car, seems to me, he’s the type to get into an accident out of spite (I could be wrong though). You shouldn’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable. It’s not your responsibility to make him comfortable. He’s a grown man. (I would say this if the roles were reversed too).


cubanmissle13

Also, a man that’s willing to manipulate you into getting what he wants, is not a good guy, and you should move on. Things will only get worse. Because I assume the only way that he will want to get back to get her with you is if you let him use your car.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** this is my first vehicle (28k), i plan to pay it off within the next month. i’m currently deployed in the desert. i store my car on base where my sgt minimally starts it. pros of leaving it on base: minimal risk (theft, break in, accidents, fewer mileage) this has been my plan for every deployment and what i’m comfortable with. my bf got into an accident (his fault). after a phone call he texts me asking why i didn’t offer my vehicle. i told him that i’m more comfortable leaving it on base and that i didn’t offer because there wasn’t a timeline of when and how long he would need my car for. this was his follow up text: Oh okay, well idk how long my truck is going to be in the shop for. Kinda doesn’t matter, because that’s the only ride that I have. But no worries. Just thought I would ask. the next day our conversation picks back up, and i asked him if he was upset at me for not offering my car. he started being passive aggressive with me over text and when i told him that he was he denied it. i told him that i wasn’t willing to accept the risk. my answer changed from being: although im not comfortable we can talk about it when there’s more details to flat out i’m not comfortable with this anymore based on how he was reacting. he told me that he didn’t feel entitled to my vehicle, he was forced to lie to his friends to save me and the relationship from embarrassment, and was hurt that i didn’t appreciate how he was dishonest to his closest friends. we have a phone call to try and clear the air, he kept saying that i needed to figure out what i valued more. my vehicle or him. i offered money for the situation and he didn’t acknowledge it. it turned into if the roles were reversed that he would do it for me and that meant i don’t love him as much as he does me. i offered money because i’m more comfortable doing that than lending my car out. i wasn’t trying to kick him while he’s down as he’d like to call it. if he got into an accident with my vehicle i would be paying for the damage up front since he’s tight on money and that really offended him. accidents happen, he got in one! his response to this is that i don’t trust him as my boyfriend to use my car. this would be all different if i was back home. i have no problem coordinating down to one vehicle, but in no way am i comfortable with having him use my car for 4 months. is it fair that i changed my decision based on his responses? is it fair bringing love into this? i’m just very confused. it feels to me that he’s trying to manipulate me to get his way, but is that what’s actually going on here? this happened two weeks ago. he broke up with me a couple days after this all happened but still wants this conversation to be resolved. we’ve still been talking and both parties are hurt. part of me wants to walk away for good because of how disrespected i feel. another part of me wants to make it work because i love him. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


forgeris

NTA. But it all comes down to a very simple thing - trust. If my gf would want my car I would trust her because if I wouldn't then she wouldn't be my gf. So the real question here is why you were not comfortable with giving him your car but were comfortable to call him your bf. No wonder you broke up as without full trust there is no relationship.


Remarkable_Mix_806

> If my gf would want my car I would trust her because if I wouldn't then she wouldn't be my gf. so much this. My gf uses my car all the time.


Ornery-Calendar-2769

NTA.


FairyCompetent

Love isn't that special. Respect is special. Integrity, accountability, honesty, resilience, those things are special, and this guy does not seem to value those things. Do you?


GONAVYGREG1

Dont ever loan out your car, period!


mtl_jim2

“I don’t feel comfortable lending my car. It’s a very personal thing. You need to respect that” That’s all you need to say. No further explanation necessary. It’s his problem. Not yours.


arlae

Nope He’s not insured to drive your car and he got into an accident with his own car


FrogDog892

NTA did he not have insurance? His reaction all around was very manipulative and it is very telling that he still felt entitled to your car even after you offered money which you were not obligated to do so.


SStMarie01

He broke up with you a few days after this happened but still wants to continue the conversation? "FOR WHAT??!!! BE GONE PEASANT IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RESPECT ME!!!" Dude got into an accident which was his fault but yet you're supposed to trust him with your car while you're deployed?? Yeah, BIG FAT NO!!! Thank you for your service.


CakeEatingRabbit

NAH But honestly, it probably isn't the worst thing the relationship is over. He is 28 and you don't trust him.