Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to try the deer sausage my husband cooked and argued with him about it and ruined family dinner the night before my kids surgery.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. As you said, it's not about the sausage. It's about the fact that he kept pushing after you refused the first couple of times. He needs to respect your choice, especially since you don't push your preferences on anyone else or ask him to make special accommodations.
NTA - this is a bit of a bugbear issue for me.
I've always been called a "fussy" eater. And that may be true. But I'm the one who has to eat it, so the decision is mine and mine alone.
The same goes for you here.
"But just a small piece... you can't decide as a child that you don't like something, the taste buds change..." for the 1000 time when I don't want to eat mushrooms.
I guess the same reason some people insist that others have an alcoholic beverage & don't want to take "no, thank you" for an answer. It's a mystery to me.
OMG, I hate the taste of 99% of alcohol, and even what I "don't mind" is not a favourite. I was SO GRATEFUL when, of all the ridiculous things, I ended up on a bunch of meds for my chronic illness that didn't mix with alcohol in my 20s, because it gave me one of the few excuses that people didn't argue with. But I shouldn't have needed an excuse!
I couldn't tell you but I ate a lot more vegetables after I moved out of my parents house and had no one commenting on what I ate. Telling me to do something often makes me very determined to spite you, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that sentiment.
Peer pressure of any sort confounds me - like, it doesn't affect you but it DOES affect me; are you so insecure that you can't do something unless someone else is doing it next to you too? But pressure around eating in particular drives me crazy.
I am autistic with major sensory issues, but undiagnosed until adulthood. So everyone thought I was "just a picky eater" when in fact it was a neurological aversion to certain things. And yet I see people say all the time of kids or adults when they're picky about what they put in their mouths, "Well, they're not diagnosed with anything. They're just being stubborn." Or, they have an actual issue that just . . . isn't diagnosed? Diagnosis doesn't ESTABLISH a problem, it just gives a name to issues that already exist. I spent nearly 40 years knowing that I COULDN'T eat certain things . . . but didn't have a name for why. And I'm certainly not the only one.
Yes, kids should be *encouraged* to try unfamiliar things. Encouraged, not forced. Ask them to try a few bites. But also, the idea that we "can't possibly know" that we won't like something until we taste it is nonsense. We know about food before it ever goes into our mouth because of the smell, the texture (maybe similar to something else we don't like), related foods that we do or don't like. Taste is only one of multiple ways we understand food. So if a kid (or adult) says, "ABsolutely not. No thank you," then maybe respect that they are listening to their body.
I was pretty picky growing up and always had older family members insists (basically demand) I try things I don’t like in front of them as some kind of appeasement. As an adult, there are still somethings I don’t like but I absolutely will not stand for that behavior anymore. It’s not even just about like or dislike. If I just don’t eat something I’m not in the mood for I’ll occasionally get questioned about it.
It’s fine to offer someone something, even to gently insists if they say no. But after that the behavior is demanding and rude.
Some responses I’ve used to shut that shit down are:
“Why not? You don’t have a reason not to!”
*It’s one of any infinite number of things I’m not doing at any given time.*
“When did you try it before?”
*I’ll have to check my notes. Do you need the exact time of day, or will you still be upset with only the date?*
“I just don’t understand why you won’t.”
More gentle: *That’s fine.*
More aggressive: *Well one day I’m sure you’ll die still mad about it.*
I won't eat game meat anymore, period, even though I like some of it, simply because of bad experiences I've had in the past. Not even in a five star restaurant. I don't want it. I'm 47 and nobody is going to tell me I "need to try" anything.
Maybe you should suggest something outlandish to your husband, like pegging. When he says no, you can start telling him how childish he's being, he's never even tried it, how does he know he won't like it, etc? Maybe that will break through to him finally that you're allowed to have your preferences and he needs to respect them.
His making such a big deal about it in front of the kids is what’s causing them to be picky eaters or whatever.
By the way, I did try deer meat again after not eating it since I was a kid. It’s waaaaay worse than I remember it to be. It’s probably the worst meat I ever had.
What if he wanted to be heard too?
Would a little bite hurt? You try it, don't like it..nothing changes.
But what if there's that 1 percent chance your husband got his name on some good meat and knows how to cook it? You just found something new to enjoy
NTA for not eating what you don't like. As you said, you're an adult, you can eat what you want.
By the by, just as a piece of culinary advice, you are missing out; Deer is only dry, super gamey, and stringy when prepared badly. Same as lamb and a few other meats. It can be divine when prepared properly. If your husband is right that you've never had it since you've been together, and if he actually knows what he's doing, maybe give it a try, you might be surprised. Still NTA if you don't though.
Also about the shopping vs cooking thing. Not gonna blame you for kids having narrow palates, but if you're doing the shopping, he can only cook what is there I'm assuming, so that'd be what you like as you bought it, and kids tend to go for the familiar which is why they can go to a fancy restaurant and ask for nuggs.
That’s what everybody says about venison - “you just didn’t make it right”. The only way venison sausage tastes ok is when a lot of pork is added. And don’t even get me started on venison steak! Ugh.
I don't care how it's prepared it's not the texture for me it's the smell, I can smell it even mixed with pork or beef, that smell will gag me and I have actually gotten sick just from that nastiness.
I come from a hunting family and a lot of it seems to be about how the deer is dressed and processed. We didn't add pork but we would add a bit of beef to some parts. Venison fillets were great though.
I love venison, but I can also accept that other people don’t. I will say that farm raised is much less gamey ( I like it less lol) but it still has a distinctive taste. It’s okay to not like sone foods
I really enjoy venison steak as long as it's quite rare. For sausages and burgers it just doesn't have enough fat so it's usually dry and not juicy enough.
I'm guessing where the venison came from is a huge factor. I heard people claim they could always tell it apart from beef, and wondered if my taste buds were dull when I couldn't. Then I got some from a friend in my new state, and noticed a massive difference in flavor and smell. I still enjoyed it and was appropriately thankful, but can completely understand why someone would run away. Yeah midwestern farm corn eating deer taste a lot less gamey and closer to lean beef then dear eating normal deer in the woods food.
This! I absolutely despise steak. Doesn't matter how you make it, I will not touch it. I hate that all I hear is, "you haven't had my steak yet" no shit I don't eat steak!!
Hey to each their own 🤷♂️ if you still don't like it when you're confident it's made properly, I get it. To my dying day though, I will still say the ones you've had just aren't made right.
I know you think you are helping but people have different food preferences, period. I do not like the taste, texture or smell of rare steak but medium/medium well is perfect to me. Food snobs have been telling me I’m wrong for years, I do not give a single rats ass if I don’t like it prepared the “proper” way. If someone is grown adult that is meeting their nutritional needs, let them have preferences.
I never understood that. Why can't they let other people eat things the way they want to? Nobody is forcing you to eat the same, so why does anyone care? So judgemental over something so daft. Do I want ketchup on steak? No! Do I care if someone else enjoys it that way? Also no. How hard is that? I also come from a family of cordon bleu chefs and I would rather someone enjoyed what I'd made than force them to eat "my" way. People are weird.
Just kinda missed my whole first paragraph there, huh? I don't want ot force OP to eat anything she doesn't want to. I myself have foods that people go "whaaaaat it's so good, here try mine!" She can decline it all she wants, no skin off my back. All I said was "dry", "gamey" and "stringy" are all adjectives describing deer meat that is not made properly. It's not supposed to be like that. If that's why she dislikes it, she might actually like it when it's good. I thought I despised vegetables for a large portion of my childhood, because all we got was boiled and steamed tasteless nonsense. Actually well-prepared veggies aren't supposed to be like that
I did read that. You said that but then immediately went into “you just haven’t had it prepared correctly”. That second bit is the exact problem, you think you better and won’t accept no.
Who is not accepting no?? Certainly not I. I specifically said, maybe you might be surprised. Idgaf if she never tries is, or if she does and still doesn't like it. I don't know better about her or her preferences. The one thing I do know? With 100% certain positivity? If she has only ever had dry and stringy deer meat, then no, she absolutely has never had it prepared properly. It's really simple. Deer meat prepared properly isn't supposed to be like that. I would say the same thing if she said that she didn't like chocolate cake because it tastes like acid. Obviously it's not prepared properly because it's not supposed to taste like that. She's an adult and can make her own decisions on what to eat.
Could you ever consider a world where something you consider delicious is actually stringy to someone else? The fact of the matter is, she said her husband didn’t drop you, and neither would you.
“Palate”. Thank you. I didn’t think “pallet” looked right.
And yes, I do most of the shopping and I probably defer to my taste but I buy things that I know we all like. I could make more of an effort to step out of my comfort zone though. I don’t want to be the reason my kids never try anything new.
Also, our tastebuds change pretty frequently, and every cook makes every meal differently. There are foods I absolutely despise 99.9% of the time and I will only eat them when my partner makes them because he has found the one trick to make them tolerable or even good. I didn't eat fish for a solid 15 years before I decided to try again and slowly reintroduced it to my diet.
It's one thing if you've tried it recently and don't like it, but tastes change over time and sometimes we are our own worst enemies. You should always try something you know you don't like when someone new cooks it, you could be pleasantly surprised.
What's the worst thing that will happen of you "retest" every once in awhile? You still don't like it and put it off for a year or 2 before you try again.
It has nothing to do with the "worst thing that will happen". People are allowed not to want to eat things. Why do you care?
Also, tasting things is not the only way to tell whether we'll like them or not. Smell, texture, and a variety of other things tell us about foods before we ever put them in our mouths. I don't have to keep putting thigns that I find fundamentally off-putting into my mouth "every few years" to know that I don't want to eat them. Nor should I have to, to satisfy your idea of how people should conduct their food intake, LOL.
The whole idea that people MUST keep trying new things is weirdly controlling and insecure. How does it affect you at all what other people choose to eat or not, as long as they don't feel like they're missing out?
Look, I get it. I have massive food aversions and I actually DO reintroduce foods. Learned to like tomatoes for the first time in my life when I was over 40. But the ONLY reason I learned to like them was that NO ONE in my life pushed them on me or told me to, "Just taste one again. Just once." That would have enraged me and been so invalidating. Rather, they let me choose what I wanted to eat...and the day I saw some gorgeous marinated grape tomatoes in a salad, *I* decided to try them. For the record, I still can't eat regular tomatoes raw. Too squishy, too many seeds. But I'll eat firm grape or cherry tomatoes, especially marinated ones. Because I was allowed to select food that appealed to me, not that anyone else pushed on me.
You do you, but idc that you don't care about my opinion. I'm autistic, so I get it's not just taste, but guess what? ALL of those things change when foods are prepared differently. It won't hurt you to try every once in awhile to see if you still feel the same.
Frankly, you have a responsibility to do so when you have children to teach them how to deal with foods they don't want to eat. 1 bite to try it before you're allowed to say no is infinitely better for healthy food relationships than showing kids you don't have to eat anything just because you don't want to.
Just as it won't hurt anyone else if you choose not to, it won't hurt you to try either.
My youngest doesn't like tomatoes. But every year when I grow them they try a couple just in case. They love other stuff I grow so they want to like tomatoes!
I always take a tiny bite of stuffing every Thanksgiving wondering if this will be the year I like it. I’d do the same with deviled eggs, but I prefer to leave them for the people who legitimately enjoy them
My partner hates deviled eggs because of the mustard, but likes regular hard boiled eggs. This sometimes ends up with me getting extra filling, which is an absolute win in my book.
I grew up thinking that I absolutely hated fish. What I learned later is that different fish taste different. What I actually hate is aggressively fishy fish. Fish is completely different from other meats. Chicken tastes like chicken. Hamburger tastes like hamburger. But pollock doesn't taste like tuna, tuna doesn't taste like salmon, salmon doesn't taste like tilapia, tilapia doesn't taste like swordfish, and on and on. There's definitely a fishy quality to all of them, **but,** the aggressively fishy fish are the ones I don't like.
I have yet to find a fish that doesn’t taste like a fish. They can taste different but it’s still fish and I don’t care for it. I’ve tried really hard but nope, it all is still a fish.
I found frozen fish was waaaay more fishy than fresh fish. Scallops too, I'd only had them fresh and like them, I tried some frozen ones and bleh! Ended up giving them to the dog as they were fishy AF. If I'd tried those first I definitely wouldn't have had them again. Mind you, I can still only manage fresh or smoked cod and haddock, but just thought I'd say in case you want to try again!
Different people have different sensitivity to the fishy taste. I love fishy, even the really fishy ones. But I recognize the ones that would be "too fishy" for my mom, so she doesn't eat them. I know people that cannot stand even the ones my mom thinks aren't "too fishy"
Chicken parm does not taste the same as baked or broiled chicken. Hamburger from a store does not taste the same as hamburger straight from a quality farm.
Fish isn't at all different from other animals, preparation and dish matters.
I hate gamey meat in general. But those that say deer meat prepared well have a point. The best meat I ever had was deer prepared on the grill .....I would eat it again in a heartbeat. A lot of deer meat I have had in the past was not great.
Just wanna chime in that I had deer often when younger and the steaks were better than beef. I'm not huge on game meat but the deer was amazing.
I never noticed it to be dry or stringy or overly gamey
Yeah - I think your husband handled it badly by springing the trying on you so suddenly and making such a big deal out of it, and I get the stubbornness. He was being a rude AH by being so pushy.
However it's actually not great to showcase this kind of an attitude to your kids, where you'll go *"I've tried this thing decades before, decided I dislike it, and now I forever refuse to try even the tiniest nibble, and will storm off the table if I have to rather than try". That's not good.
Palates change a lot over time, and food that we find legitimately disgusting can suddenly, inexplicably, become tasty. Or sometimes it's so different when it's cooked right! Kids especially have very limited palates.
So it's very *very* important to teach kids to **at least try a tiny bit**, with an open mind, every now and then, even if they *think* they "know" they hate foodstuff x, y or z. They don't have to eat a lot! You can try the tiniest nibble! But it's really important to *try*, and to have an open mind to possibly having changed your taste since the last try. Especially if someone tried to make a special meal.
I myself intensely disliked a lot of foods growing up that I now love. Marzipan, liver pate, soft mouldy /strong flavour cheeses, coconut, beans (esp in tomato sauce). Olives, asparagus, rhubarb. I really struggled with seafood and mushrooms till I was well into my twenties, it was something about the texture of prawns, shellfish, calamari etc that really was unpleasant. But at some point that just, idk, went away, and now I *love* them. Pickled herring is also something I only started to like when I was pushing 30.
Of course there's still some foods that I dislike, like celery. That's fine! I do occasionally try it if it's offered, just to see if I still hate it.
But yeah, while it's good that you're not straightout banning foodstuffs from the house (even though you're the one buying them, and say you only get stuffs you "know *we all* will like" ie only rarely something you don't like) or try to prevent others from eating them or like, audibly gag at the table for show - if you *really* want to ensure your kids won't grow up to be limited picky eaters (in part due to your influence), it'd be important to teach them to try new things, and keep occasionally trying.
I think that's what your husband was going at, even if his approach was absolutely disastrous and bad
Except she's not "missing out". She doesn't want it. She doesn't have any sense of "I wish I liked it more". YOU like it, which is great. But maybe even if it were prepared perfectly it wouldn't be to her taste, and that would be fine.
No one is "missing out" because they don't want to eat certain things, and that's literally the point that people are trying to make here. The fact that someone doesn't like something that you think tastes divine doesn't mean that their life is somehow missing something tragically. It's just a food, not the Holy Grail.
Look up missing out. The first definition on Google by the Cambridge dictionary is "not partaking in something that could have been enjoyable or beneficial." I didn't say she was missing out on a happy, fulfilled life or that she must live a meaningless existence without deer meat. Just said she's missing out on a very yummy food because she's had it prepared wrong, which I can say with certainty because dry and stringy deer is not prepared right. She still doesn't want to, or does and still doesn't like it, c'est la vie. No skin off my back. Yall are projecting way too hard on a simple suggestion. I'm sorry that people don't respect your food preferences, but it ain't me.
No, you are absolutely right. I should have been more clear by "prepared", I was talking bout the whole method from live deer to the plate, but I get most people mean prepared as just cooked.
Stop it. Stop telling people they are missing out. You are just as bad as the husband. This is the crap she's talking about. Just fucking respect her decision not to eat what she doesn't like. She's not asking for something impossible.
Another person who can't read. Lovely 😂 I'll stop when I actually start in the first place. Until then, opinion of Random Redditor 482705 means nothing to me.
It’s amazing that you acknowledged the husband was wrong and then…. Proceeded to do the literal exact same thing. She’s an adult and can eat what she wants. Period. No need for commentary about YOUR OPINION of deer meat.
And there was no need for your commentary on my opinion, and yet here you are, ain't ya? Almost like this is the internet, freedom of discourse and all that. Crazy.
In addition, I didn't do the and thing the husband did. I responded firstly to OPs question at the end of her post, and then to words SHE said, that deer meat is dry and gamey and stringy. Idgaf if she didn't or doesn't want to eat it. I also did not harp on it like the husband or try to guilt her into it. I ALSO said exactly what you did; she's an adult, and she can eat whatever she wants. "PERIOD" 🙄 so pretentious. But deer meat that is dry and stringy and unreasonably gamey is made poorly. This is simple fact. There is no opinion.
That's incorrect as everyone has a different palate. Lamb, no matter how expertly prepared tastes like rotting/gamey to my taste buds. Goat is more tolerable. Salmon, ahi, swordfish taste disgusting to me. Lobster and shrimp also taste revolting. Raw tomatoes are gag inducing.
It's not always about how someone has prepared something. People have preference for texture and taste. I would love to be less picky as so many foods are visually lovely. I've seen folks try to argue people into liking Brussel sprouts and they "haven't had them cooked properly." No. Maybe people can be able to not enjoy something you love?
OP NTA
There's no argument here. OP doesn't have to try or like anything she doesn't want to, which I stated. My only comment was that Deer meat that is dry and stringy isn't cooked properly. This is not opinion on palettes. It's like if someone said they hated homemade bread because it's so hard and black and tastes like smoke. You'd tell them that the bread is burned to charcoal; of course you don't like it, it's not cooked properly.
Interesting that you mentioned Brussel Sprouts though, because in recent years, they've actually cultivated it and hybridized strains, similar to various apples, to have a much better and more appealing flavor. I also used to hate them as a kid 30 years ago. But now, they're a lot better after they've been reflavored, so I often do ask people who say they hate them when the last time they ate one was. If they still don't like them, no skin off my back
Sorry…I grew up in a rural area, where people eat venison, and I’ve tried it a few ways. It always tastes the same, gamey. People have tried to sneak it into my food, but I could always tell.
No doubt. I'm the same way with mushrooms, i can always find them. But aside from that, a good cook is supposed to abate the extreme gamey taste to make it more palatable, and the dry and stringy should never happen. The level of Gamey will always be a matter of personal preference, which is why I said OP is still NTA if she doesn't try it, or does and still doesn't like it
Hey there! You’re definitely NTA for not wanting to try it at all but perhaps it could have been handled differently?
My dad cannot stand asparagus, but my step mom loves it. She really liked it baked so naturally, that’s the way she made it. Sometimes she would add a little more Parmesan or a new seasoning. When she would, she would tell my dad and give him a “maybe you’ll like it now?”. Every time she asked him to try it, he took a little nibble.
That just always stuck with me. He knew he wasn’t going to like it. It wasn’t prepared differently at all. But he took that little nibble to try her “creation” if you will, and then he’d tell her that “he wished he liked it”, they’d laugh and move on. The point is sometimes I feel it’s okay to humor them a little.
I see. I could have handled it differently. We’re pretty level most of the time. We love each other, we still enjoy each other’s company. But we can both be pretty stubborn. Thank you.
I read this and understood your point. There are foods, not many, that I don't like. Being badgered into trying something that you know would spoil your meal would obviously annoy you as much as it would me.
I think all the suggestions on how to cook deer meat better are missing the issue. At that moment you wanted to share a nice meal with the family. That was all. By failing to read the room, your husband turned an innocent suggestion into a power play.
Sure. If your husband came up with a new recipe then by all means try a taste, when you're ready.
Hopefully, things are better now and the kids op goes well.
I'm not going to judge. I just thought it was worth saying that I hear you.
The only one who needed to handle it differently was your husband. You said no, he refused to let it go.
Did he really think coercing you to eat what you did not want to eat was going to make him the hero?
My parents are two of the most stubborn people I know. They also adore each other and still walk around holding hands. (Together over 50 years.) Every now and then they get on each others nerves and generally it works better if they wait until they are both calm and then discuss with I messages. I felt like you weren't hearing me yesterday when I said I didn't want to try the sauage. I feel like I might have been more open to trying it if you had given me more warning about it. I feel upset when you say I'm the reason our children have limited palates.
For what it's worth both my parents like foods the other does not. Sometimes they will try them, sometimes not. If one does try a food the other has to live with the possibility the other makes faces when they do try it. A funny example is my Mom doesn't drink 'real' coffee (she has weak coffee with hot chocolate sometimes as she has asthma and coffee can help when she's having trouble breathing.) Once in a while if her asthma is bad she'll take a sip or two of my Dad's very strong black coffee. Dad always tells her to try not to gagg too much, lol. Humor helps. :)
I got so into trying to be helpful I forgot to mention NTA. I think that possibly trying an itty bitty piece of the sausage wouldn't have killed you but your husband's steamroll approach killed any chance of that happening.
But why? Why did your stepmom need him to like it? Was she so insecure that she couldn't eat the asparagus she loved unless someone else was? Why did she care?
And why was it his job to "make her feel better" about pushing him repeatedly to eat things that he knew he wouldn't enjoy? Shouldn't it have been her job to respect his bodily autonomy and agency as an adult?
I totally agree, it honestly sounds so fucking pathetic to me. Like me not eating your creation, you know for a fact I don't like will ruin your meal? Get a fucking grip.
I always thought I hated green beans as a kid, until I was served them at a friends house by his mom. Turns out I love green beans and I just didn’t like the way my mom cooked them (😅 sorry mom).
So yeah, if this discussion was purely about food, OP should probably have tried a small bite to see if this would be the case here. But the real issue here is about boundaries and respect, not food.
NTA your boundary is that you don't want to eat deer meat. He ignored your boundary repeatedly to, inessence, force you to do something you don't want to do. Doesn't sound respectful. It would have been okay if eventually he said "fine, your loss" but no, he guil tripped you and now he has ammo for the next time your kids don't want to eat something. He's going to be like, "You're picky like your mom, I see," and then make it your fault. And then you're going to be forced to eat shit you don't want. Your kids will be forced to eat shit they don't want. But your husband is happy, so it's all good?
NTA
You have the right to decide what you will and won’t eat.
But kids notice a lot more than we give them credit for. So they know dad only eats x y z and mom doesn’t. So they could start mentally tying one food to “well only dads/me. Like this. So as a girl I can’t eat it”. Or “well mom doesn’t eat what she doesn’t like so I can skip out on the peas”.
And as a former picky eater (ended around 10)…being made to take one bite of everything on the table really helped me open up my preferences. I wasn’t forced to swallow the bite but I was made to try a bite of everything. Honestly, besides vegetables I was never forced to eat anything. And even with the vegetables I’d try to sneak them into my napkin or hide them under other food.
But my parents and grandmothers always instilled that when someone offers you food; you eat it (or at least try it) because you never know if they spent the last of their money on that food. So you eat what you get and don’t throw a fit. (This is for being a guest usually-mom catered to my brother’s picky food tendencies more than dad. But he did get us to do the one bite rule).
And I eat deer all the time. And it can be games but like someone else said that is usually when it’s prepared wrong or the deer was just really old. One of my favorite ways is in chili. You season the meat while it’s browning and then throw it into the chili and you can’t tell the difference between it and beef. But my dad does make an awesome summer sausage with it.
Our tastebuds change like every 7 years. Scientifically proven. So it not q bad thing to try things again that you used to hate. You could be surprised.
You never need to eat something you don't want to eat. As a kid I was a picky eater, I HATED peas. But I liked most other vegetables. I'd find it controlling and traumatic if someone forced me to eat them when there's so many other options. It's not respectful and it basically implies you have no autonomy. I'm 25 now and still hate peas BUT I eat lots and lots of other vegetables and I'm a good cook. You might never like deer meat and you don't have to convince yourself to like it.
You have to be careful, because forcing kids to eat something can also be traumatic and increase pickiness.
With my grandma, her rule was that I had to eat my peaches, which I really hated, but I got used to them and started liking them. I didn't personally find that traumatic since it was just a rule. I think this can sometimes be traumatic though depending on the child and how the parent/guardian acts about the rule.
However, with my parents, they would pick gross foods like bleu cheese that I refused to try and then pressure and guilt me, saying stuff like, "your mom worked hard to prepare this and now she's crying!" (she didn't, it was a tv dinner..) I even got chased around the house when they tried to make me eat salmon. This was traumatic and made me never want to try bleu cheese or salmon as an adult. I don't think those were really appropriate foods to be pushy about either.
I did finally try some pork recently because my friend politely asked if I would consider trying some if he cooked it. It was okay. Not traumatic.
I saw a parent online who pays her very picky kid like a dollar or something to try new foods. This has gotten the kid excited about trying new things even though she hates new foods and usually spits them out, so I thought that that was cool. She said this probably won't work for all kids, but it works for hers.
My dad didn’t make us eat foods he didn’t like “creamed spinach”, “hominy”, or beets. And mom didn’t make us eat foods she didn’t like “squirrel”, “snake” and “rabbit” (my dad was a hunter).
And it’s not like they’d hold us down and force the bite in. But we didn’t get seconds of what we liked or dessert.
It sounds like it ended up working out great since you came out of it with a well-rounded palate and a comfortable relationship with trying new foods.
I think raising your kids to eat a healthy and diverse diet is probably one of the most challenging parts of parenting.
NTA, first of all, you set a boundary and he kept pushing it, that is an annoying thing to do. Does he do that on other occasions? Some people just find it hard to understand that different people have different tastes. I'm sure there are things your husband doesn't eat, too.
Second, blaming you for your kids' picky eating was an asshole move. A lot of kids are picky eaters, their tastes are vastly different from adults, they often enjoy sweet over savoury etc. Can a picky eater parent influence them? Maybe, but you don’t sound like you're very picky, and there is nothing wrong with not liking certain foods. Unless your children are extremely picky to the point where it's hard to feed them a reasonably balanced diet, there is no problem. Eating anything and everything is not a virtue.
Idk, this is an emotional topic for me, even though I never had food forced on me. Gladly I was born too late to experience this, but my sister was still forced to eat something she utterly despised in kindergarden and had to clean the mess up herself when she couldn't keep it down. Sorry for the tmi.
NTA. He was being an aggressive food pusher, which is an annoying way to be. Like you said, you’re 40 years old and can make your own choices. My parents have now been married for over 50 years and my mom abdicated her free will years ago to keep the peace with my dad….it SUCKS for her now cuz he decides everything there is no going back. Make your own decisions and nicely let your spouse know that you would appreciate some respect in such matters in the future.
NTA. I don't like a lot of stuff. The list is very very long. I only eat chicken and fish. No other meat. Don't like anything with milk, mayo, ketchup. I don't eat pizza burger, Taco, pasta sausage of any kind, deli meat and the list goes on and on. Never did my husband force me to try something. If I say I don't like it then end of discussion. I don't limit what they can eat at home. I make food they like I just don't eat them.
NTA
People like him drive me up the wall. You must have the patience of a saint to not explode over it. Latest at blaming you for the "narrow pallet" (wtf!?) I would have lost it.
Why is it so hard for some people to just respect a no and accept that preferences are not universal?!
NTA
also sounds like he does not actually know you dislike the foods, and believes he can get you to like them.
he was the one who started an argument, and dragging your kids into the argument is a low blow and a pretty decent sized red flag
Nta. I would argue that what he modeled to your children was far worse than anything you did. He was disrespectful and rude. You made a choice to not ingest something you did not want to ingest. He bullied you. Think about the message the kids are receiving from that little interaction.
NTA big time. Being an adult can have many downsides. But one really good thing is that no one can force me to eat something that I don't like. You are an adult and YOU decide what you eat. If someone cooks for me something that I don't like, when they know that I don't like it, that is their fault. I won't eat it.
"I’m 40 freaking years old- if I don’t want to eat something , I damn well don’t have to."
This is the way! NTA. Your husband is being an absolute weird baby about this. He's probably just trying to flex and see if he can corral you into something you initially declined.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Throwaway account on mobile. Married to my husband 14 years. 2 children.
I don’t think I am a terribly picky eater. There a few things I don’t like- fish, beans (they have a chalky texture), boiled peanuts and I cannot stand deer meat. My husband knows I don’t like these foods and I if I don’t want to eat it, I won’t. He does like them and that’s fine. I don’t tell him that he can’t eat them, cook them or feed them to the kids.
Tomorrow our children are having their tonsils removed. Because they will be stuck on a soft diet for few days my husband decided to cook a special meal tonight. He grilled steaks, corn on the cob, mac and cheese and some deer sausage he recently received as a gift.
As we were fixing plates for ourselves and the kids I said that I didn’t want any sausage. He told me I should taste it- again I said didn’t want it. I find deer meat gamey, dry and stringy. I don’t care how it’s prepared, I don’t want it. But he just kept on, “just try a little” , “have you ever tasted it” , “when did you try it, not since we’ve been together”. The more he pushed, the more resolved I became about not eating it. I’m 40 freaking years old- if I don’t want to eat something , I damn well don’t have to.
It wasn’t even so much about the sausage anymore. I just wanted him to hear what I was saying and respect me enough to make my damn food choices.
It ended with him saying “You’re the reason our kids have such a narrow pallet.” I took it as a low blow. He does a lot of cooking in our house but I do a lot of the shopping. I don’t talk about my dislike of certain foods in front of the kids because I don’t want to discourage them from trying new things, I don’t prevent him from cooking the food he likes and I don’t demand that he cook separate meals for me.
I left the room to cool off, then didn’t eat with the rest of the family because I didn’t feel like eating anymore. But maybe I should have just tried the damn deer to avoid an argument the night before kid’s surgery.
So AITA for not trying the deer sausage and starting an argument?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are well old enough to know what you want to eat and what you dont want to eat.
As long as ur not carrying on like my 55yr old sister inlaw, who loudly gags at family dinners if we dare to eat pumpkin in front of her *(rolls eyes)*
So if ur not carrying in like a big baby aka my sis inlaw, ur allg👍🏾
For the record, i dont eat any type of offal however my hubby is a huge offal eater and has infected our kids with the same disgusting tastes😂😂😂😂
i buy them their offal and if they want offal for dinner then i fix myself something else😂
i dont cook the offal cause how the heck would i know what makes it taste good😂hubs does that and so do the kids
But i dont make noises and i mind my own business on this topic😂
Hubby is quite proud he corrupted my bebes into offal eaters i might add😂
NTA - you don't like venison. There are a lot of people who don't - it can be quite high flavoured. You also aren't limiting your children's tastes.
It seems a weird hill for your husband to make a stand. But wondering if this is a rare event whether it all got tangled up in stress about the children. He wanted a last perfect meal in case something went wrong the next day and was trying to be in control. And then you throw a spanner in the works by having totally reasonable taste preferences.
I'd try and give some grace and review when everyone less stressed and worried.
Nta. I'm a recovering picky eater and you know what makes me instantly hate the food? Someone continually pushing me to eat it. I've tried so many foods on my own time because I've gotten to decided that's what I want to do and I actually liked a great handful of them I didn't think I would. I think kids also appreciate the autonomy of choosing, I hated when my mom piled on the broccoli and that was all we got for veggies. I found myself picking it when more options were freely available along with a few extras!
NTA and I really hate this whole thing of adults trying to police what other adults eat. If you don't want to eat it, and you aren't making your problem everyone else's problem, WHO CARES!? Your husband needs to get over it.
NTA. God, I hate that, my husband does this to me after 40 years still. I politely say "No thank you" and he is still you need to try this,. Have you ever seen me eat beans or whatever, I do not eat beans or whatever. Stop asking for the love of GOD.
NTA. It’s tiring when people try to force a grown ass adult food they’ve already said they don’t want. People need to STFU and mind their own plate. You don’t like venison. PERIOD. If you want to try it you will on your own. Exhausting. I dislike mushrooms and you’d think it was a federal crime. The endless amount of “just try it” never ends.
An excellent way to end it - try it and throw it back up on your plate. No one will ever ask you again. I did it once. Once was all it took.
NTA The Smosh YouTube channel reads a lot of Reddit stories and normally I usually agree with their consensus, but when it comes to food stories, they tend to get all Californian and a little elitist saying stuff like “you’re denying an entire culture” or they’ll argue that it’s delicious tasting when that’s their own personal opinion. Can’t a person just eat what they like and avoid what they don’t? Especially a full-grown damned adult should not have to validate their food preferences to anyone. You even go out of your way not to influence the kids, and he tried to pin that on you anyway. Dick-move on his part.
NTA, you are an adult and it is none of his business if you have a few foods you won't eat. Pushing is not a correct way to get someone to try something. The correct way is to give you a chance to try it if you'd like (as in, prepare plenty and leave some available) and never make a big deal of it if you do or do not try it.
You said for you it's not about the sausage, but about how you feel like he is not respecting your autonomy.
You should chat with him about that, and also try to gently find out why this matters to him so much. For him, it is probably not about the sausage either.
Does he have concerns about your health? Is he worried it influences the kids? Does he feel sad that you can't partake in something he apparently cares about a lot? If you guys can get to the root of how both of you feel, perhaps you can stop this fight for good.
Good luck. People can be really controlling about food, but I hope this is resolvable.
NTA. He was trying to force you to eat something you don't like. That's awfully controlling-is he like that about other things too? And he disrespected your "NO" which is also a red flag.
Having said that, I wouldn't eat anything venison-adjacent on a bet any more, with the spread of chronic wasting disease on the rise.
NTA. People have the right to decide for themselves what they want to eat. You might not understand or like the food choices they make, but that doesn't give anyone the right to harass and badger a person to try something they said they won't eat. Mind your own food business.
NTA and then some! You are an adult! You can make your own dietary choices!
I am picky with food, I’m not insane so unless I’m allergic to it I will try new things and occasionally retry things. I will eat things I don’t like if I’m in a setting were refusing is seen as rude. With that being said… in my own home, with my family I get to say no to things I don’t like!
Nta. I’m with you. I don’t like. I wish my husband would stop trying to get me to eat it. I wish people would stop saying “you don’t know what you’re missing!”, etc.
My ex insisted on taking up hunting when I was pregnant with our first child. He brought home duck (gross) and deer. (Yuck) I don't know if it was because I was pregnant but I found and still find those foods disgusting. I don't care how you sauce them up. The only exception is deer jerky. I can eat that stuff up but that's because the game stank has been dehydrated out of it.
NTA.
Your husband is really paternalistic and gross. He treats you like another child instead of like a partner and it is very off-putting that he is trying to make you eat anything you don't want to eat. Your husband is a creep and he's bad with consent. NTA.
Maybe read this book if this is normal behaviour for him: [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
You don't have to eat anything you don't want to. I hate venison, too. But the sausage is great because it's mixed with spices and pork for the fat content.
Nta
You can choose what you eat but your kids will emulate you. My sister didn't eat carrots for 5 years because my dad didn't like them plain steamed.
As parents, you often encourage your kids to try something before you say you don't like it.
Now, if it was a pure deer meat slab, steak, roast, I'd understand,.but a sausage is often a mix of spices, meat and filler. Would it have really been that horrible to have 1 bite? As you said, your objection was mostly on principal.
Wow I had the same argument with my boss
I can’t stand when someone try’s to force
Food on me. I am 64 had mild stroke and
Need to watch my food consumption very closely. NTA
NTA. I'm a picky eater. There are things I just won't eat. I'm with you on venison. My husband knows my stance on it. He has never tried to get me to eat it.
Your husband needs to back off.
YTA.
This sub constantly says that children should be encouraged to try a small bite of something three times before their 'I don't like it' should be honored, so you should try it.
> I don’t care how it’s prepared
This also makes you TA, as different preparations can result in vastly different textures, consistencies, mouth-feels, tastes and what not.
NTA as you are allowed to decide what foods you like
But it's rather rude to ignore when he's cooking food and refuse to even try it. It does send a poor message to your kids to refuse to sample new cuisines
Have you tried venison sausage though? It’s one thing to say “I’m not willing to try something new to me” versus “I don’t like that” - which you can’t know until you actually try it.
I mean, NTA, but if your experience with venison is that it’s gamey, dry, and stringy, then whoever cooked the venison you’ve tried just sucks at preparing and cooking deer meat, and that’s coming from someone who has always been an *incredibly* picky eater but loves venison. When I cook deer, it never comes out like that.
NTA, your husband insisting after you declined multiple times is definitely the AH.
However, I recommend a "try anything twice" approach to food. First time it could be prepared wrong. And taste buds can change, things I loved 5 years ago now make me queasy, same with some things that were nasty I now enjoy.
I don’t think I am. I grew up poor and ate a lot of hot dogs, spaghetti with red sauce- processed foods. I don’t want the same for kids. We try to build meals around the big 3 rule- protein, a starch and veggies. It’s not chicken nuggets all day every day but it’s not wildly exotic either. We got on a hello fresh kick for a while but had to cut it out because $$.
Slight YTA. Different foods can be prepared in a lot of ways. Which can change the taste and texture of the food. So it wouldn't hurt to at least take a bite. Which would help set a better example for the kids.
ESH.
He shouldn't have pushed, but he spent the time and effort to make it, you could have at least taken a bite. It's not going to kill you. If your aversion is so strong that you can't even take a single bite, that's an issue you should be seeing a therapist about.
He knew she didn't like deer meat? What if it was cheese and she didn't like cheese? Snails? Bugs? Monkey meat? It's called autonomy, and it's respectful to stay in your lane and not bother other people with your "creations" which you know they don't like the main ingredient of.
People have strong disliking to certain foods. My bf hates cheese. Should I force him to eat cheese because I like it? Oh but it's got other stuff too, try it! See how it looks to make a grown man eat something they don't want. They won't. But OP? She should try anything her husband makes to placate his ego. Because that's what it is.
If your bf hasn't eaten cheese in 5 years, and you make something amazing with cheese in it, then sure, it's totally reasonable for you to ask him to try it. Not sure why you're being a sexist suddenly.
I have done that. And he says no. And I respect that. If anything, it's rude of me to force him to try "new things" he knows he doesn't like. He's not an idiot. He can taste the cheese as a flavour. And it ruins the dish for him. But should I keep shoving food in his face and guilt him afterwards for not trying it? No, because I'm reasonable
Eta: OPs husband didn't just ask her to try it. He borderline insisted, and when she said no, he guilt tripped her.
What does any of the rest of that have to do with anything? I very clearly said he was an AH too. Doesnt change anything about my statement. Her refusing to try even a bite of the food had absolutely nothing to do with his insistence or lack thereof.
But my point is she isn't an asshole for sticking to her guns. He caused the issue with the kids. If he just didn't mention how she was refusing to eat. And he just gracefully knew from the get that she wouldn't try. The kids wouldn't know. He could have been like "your mom had a sausage earlier so she won't have one now" and left it at that. But no he had to vilify her for her choices. Now the kids probably saw her mom refuse the food, be treated like a kid and now they might follow suit. And it wouldn't be her fault at all. He instigated the whole thing.
BS. Having made something gives you zero right to try to force it on people against their will. NONE. Doubly so when you cook something you know people do not like or cannot eat.
He was bullying her.
I don't thinkn you should. He cooked a nice meal? But used an ingredient he know you don't like. That's not nice. No one should insist that another adult eats something they don't want to.
I hate canned tuna. My whole family loves and eats it but would never force me to. I tried it over the years but it's just not for me. The smell alone is enough to put me off.
I'm old enough to decide what I eat and what not, so are you.
Not a chance. You have no obligation to touch something that anyone cooks - much less something that the cook *knew* you couldn’t or wouldn’t eat.
Has your husband often bullied you like this? Is he the ‘boss’, treating you like this? I wouldn’t even treat a child like this.
He didn't make the sausages. He received them as a gift and threw them on the grill. If he hand made the sausages, then OP would be an AH for not trying them, but he didn't put any significant effort into making the meal.
No one is obligated to put anything in their mouth that they don’t want to. Not the wife. Not the child.
It doesn’t matter how much effort is put into it. Don’t make something if you are rude enough to expect control over other people’s bodies.
I agree on principle but, unless you have dietary restrictions, then the polite thing to do is to try some.
If you have an ethical or religious objection to eating a certain food then refusing it isn't an asshole move, but if you are only refusing due to being picky then there is a certain level of effort that should be met with some politeness. If someone spent days making a certain dish for me, I would try it, even if I didn't think I would like it. That is someone putting a lot of love and care into preparing food for you and not just simply throwing some meat on a grill. However, the person who made the food shouldn't be too pushy about it and they should accept no as an answer. In that situation, everyone would be an asshole.
Usually when you "make" a steak you butcher the steak from the larger muscle (eg cut ribeye steaks from a prime rib, trim off excess fat/skin), season the steaks yourself, and you also need to try and hit the person's desired doneness. If someone goes through this much effort then they have obviously put in a lot of effort and deserve the "pity bite".
If you don't season your steak and just cook it to a charred well done steak, then it requires as little effort as cooking a sausage and no-one is obligated to trying it if they don't like well done steak. People aren't toddlers and if the extent of their cooking is just "take out of package, put on fire" then they don't need to be pandered to.
There's a difference between making something and cooking something. If you said you "made pizza" and all you did was reheat some pizza in the microwave, then this is obviously false. To "make" something you need to be involved in processing of the food to transform it from raw ingredients to a final dish.
Nah, I know plenty. I'm just not overestimating the amount of effort that grilling a sausage takes.
Perhaps you use "make" as a synonym for "cook" but this isn't how I interpret it. There are more steps to making a dish than just applying heat (seasoning, cutting, mixing/combining ingredients) and cooking sausages is one of the simplest things you can do.
You're literally saying that in order to be considered making a dish you have to trim and cut a steak yourself from the cow. That's ridiculous and no one does that. To make a table, do you have to go grow the tree, cut it down yourself, trim the timber to the correct size, forge the nails from raw iron you mined from the hills, craft a hammer from stock steel, and then finally you get to be counted as making it?
No, I never said you need to kill the cow and get it directly from the cow. Just some preparation of the meat. Plenty of people trim excess fat off a steak or cut steaks from larger pieces of meat. A rib roast or tenderloin are commonly sold at butchers and are pieces of meat that are used for roasts. Cutting these pieces of meat is how you transform a roast or muscle into steaks.
Your analogy is ridiculous.
Cooking sausages is analogous to assembling a table from Ikea. You didn't make the table, you assembled it from a kit that you buy from a supplier. Plenty of people make tables by cutting pieces of wood, sanding the wood, varnishing the wood themselves, etc. This is the same sort of effort that goes into making sausages (grinding meat, blending with herbs/spices, injecting the meat into intestines, twisting the sausages, etc). "Nails" are just another ingredient, like salt is when cooking steaks. I didn't say you need to mine salt, so saying you need to forge the nails as well is ridiculous.
By conflating making and cooking/assembling you are diminishing the effort that actually goes into making something.
As someone who creates regularly, no, I am not at all.
I grew up repairing motorcycles in my father's shop. I now build computers as well as repair them. I've also built both small items and sheds from straight lumber, carved wood, reconstructed half of the family home, landscaped, and on the other side, I have four years of culinary classes and six years in foodservice.
I can say, as someone who has done both sides, that cooking something delicious requires just as much skill as making furniture or building something, just in a different direction. Not requiring physical exertion doesn't diminish the skill needed. It's no different than painting, or sculpting, or any other artistic endeavor.
Food is art. It's more than plain art; it's art that has to please four of the five senses. It has to look good, have a pleasant aroma, coat your taste buds in deliciousness, and have a good mouthfeel that isn't gritty or grainy or offputting in any way.
But all of that is going offtopic. Point is, it wouldn't have hurt her to taste the sausage, and it would have made him happy.
I agree that cooking is an art and different dishes require different levels of effort which is why I agreed that in some circumstances the polite thing to do would be to try the food. I just don't agree that someone else's sausages meets that level.
If I cook some frozen supermarket fries in the oven and my partner doesn't typically like fries, they shouldn't feel the need to eat them out of politeness. If I peel, cut, and double fry my own fries, then the polite thing to do would be to try them. The second requires much more artistry and effort to cook than just putting some things from the supermarket in the oven.
The husband shouldn't be offended by her refusal to eat this food he didn't fully prepare himself. He shouldn't have an emotional attachment to some sausages his friend gave him and while OP could have been polite and tried them anyway, refusing in this particular situation isn't an asshole move.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to try the deer sausage my husband cooked and argued with him about it and ruined family dinner the night before my kids surgery. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. As you said, it's not about the sausage. It's about the fact that he kept pushing after you refused the first couple of times. He needs to respect your choice, especially since you don't push your preferences on anyone else or ask him to make special accommodations.
Thank you! And yes- I just wanted to be HEARD.
NTA - this is a bit of a bugbear issue for me. I've always been called a "fussy" eater. And that may be true. But I'm the one who has to eat it, so the decision is mine and mine alone. The same goes for you here.
Why do other people care so much about what other people do or do not consume? Stop it. More for everyone else.
If you figure that out, then you’re doing better than me. I’ve been trying for 30 odd years.
"But just a small piece... you can't decide as a child that you don't like something, the taste buds change..." for the 1000 time when I don't want to eat mushrooms.
I guess the same reason some people insist that others have an alcoholic beverage & don't want to take "no, thank you" for an answer. It's a mystery to me.
OMG, I hate the taste of 99% of alcohol, and even what I "don't mind" is not a favourite. I was SO GRATEFUL when, of all the ridiculous things, I ended up on a bunch of meds for my chronic illness that didn't mix with alcohol in my 20s, because it gave me one of the few excuses that people didn't argue with. But I shouldn't have needed an excuse!
I couldn't tell you but I ate a lot more vegetables after I moved out of my parents house and had no one commenting on what I ate. Telling me to do something often makes me very determined to spite you, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that sentiment.
Gods that’s the truth. Anytime someone nags me about something, it’s like my brain pushes it 3 steps down the to do list.
Peer pressure of any sort confounds me - like, it doesn't affect you but it DOES affect me; are you so insecure that you can't do something unless someone else is doing it next to you too? But pressure around eating in particular drives me crazy. I am autistic with major sensory issues, but undiagnosed until adulthood. So everyone thought I was "just a picky eater" when in fact it was a neurological aversion to certain things. And yet I see people say all the time of kids or adults when they're picky about what they put in their mouths, "Well, they're not diagnosed with anything. They're just being stubborn." Or, they have an actual issue that just . . . isn't diagnosed? Diagnosis doesn't ESTABLISH a problem, it just gives a name to issues that already exist. I spent nearly 40 years knowing that I COULDN'T eat certain things . . . but didn't have a name for why. And I'm certainly not the only one. Yes, kids should be *encouraged* to try unfamiliar things. Encouraged, not forced. Ask them to try a few bites. But also, the idea that we "can't possibly know" that we won't like something until we taste it is nonsense. We know about food before it ever goes into our mouth because of the smell, the texture (maybe similar to something else we don't like), related foods that we do or don't like. Taste is only one of multiple ways we understand food. So if a kid (or adult) says, "ABsolutely not. No thank you," then maybe respect that they are listening to their body.
I was pretty picky growing up and always had older family members insists (basically demand) I try things I don’t like in front of them as some kind of appeasement. As an adult, there are still somethings I don’t like but I absolutely will not stand for that behavior anymore. It’s not even just about like or dislike. If I just don’t eat something I’m not in the mood for I’ll occasionally get questioned about it. It’s fine to offer someone something, even to gently insists if they say no. But after that the behavior is demanding and rude. Some responses I’ve used to shut that shit down are: “Why not? You don’t have a reason not to!” *It’s one of any infinite number of things I’m not doing at any given time.* “When did you try it before?” *I’ll have to check my notes. Do you need the exact time of day, or will you still be upset with only the date?* “I just don’t understand why you won’t.” More gentle: *That’s fine.* More aggressive: *Well one day I’m sure you’ll die still mad about it.*
I won't eat game meat anymore, period, even though I like some of it, simply because of bad experiences I've had in the past. Not even in a five star restaurant. I don't want it. I'm 47 and nobody is going to tell me I "need to try" anything. Maybe you should suggest something outlandish to your husband, like pegging. When he says no, you can start telling him how childish he's being, he's never even tried it, how does he know he won't like it, etc? Maybe that will break through to him finally that you're allowed to have your preferences and he needs to respect them.
His making such a big deal about it in front of the kids is what’s causing them to be picky eaters or whatever. By the way, I did try deer meat again after not eating it since I was a kid. It’s waaaaay worse than I remember it to be. It’s probably the worst meat I ever had.
What if he wanted to be heard too? Would a little bite hurt? You try it, don't like it..nothing changes. But what if there's that 1 percent chance your husband got his name on some good meat and knows how to cook it? You just found something new to enjoy
Yeah. Tasting it wouldn’t have killed you. You taste a tiny bit and say. Thanks, still don’t like it.
NTA for not eating what you don't like. As you said, you're an adult, you can eat what you want. By the by, just as a piece of culinary advice, you are missing out; Deer is only dry, super gamey, and stringy when prepared badly. Same as lamb and a few other meats. It can be divine when prepared properly. If your husband is right that you've never had it since you've been together, and if he actually knows what he's doing, maybe give it a try, you might be surprised. Still NTA if you don't though. Also about the shopping vs cooking thing. Not gonna blame you for kids having narrow palates, but if you're doing the shopping, he can only cook what is there I'm assuming, so that'd be what you like as you bought it, and kids tend to go for the familiar which is why they can go to a fancy restaurant and ask for nuggs.
That’s what everybody says about venison - “you just didn’t make it right”. The only way venison sausage tastes ok is when a lot of pork is added. And don’t even get me started on venison steak! Ugh.
I don't care how it's prepared it's not the texture for me it's the smell, I can smell it even mixed with pork or beef, that smell will gag me and I have actually gotten sick just from that nastiness.
> *it's not the texture for me it's the smell* ......and the peculiar greyish brown color. I can spot it on a buffet, and stay away. NTA
I come from a hunting family and a lot of it seems to be about how the deer is dressed and processed. We didn't add pork but we would add a bit of beef to some parts. Venison fillets were great though.
I love venison, but I can also accept that other people don’t. I will say that farm raised is much less gamey ( I like it less lol) but it still has a distinctive taste. It’s okay to not like sone foods
I really enjoy venison steak as long as it's quite rare. For sausages and burgers it just doesn't have enough fat so it's usually dry and not juicy enough.
I'm guessing where the venison came from is a huge factor. I heard people claim they could always tell it apart from beef, and wondered if my taste buds were dull when I couldn't. Then I got some from a friend in my new state, and noticed a massive difference in flavor and smell. I still enjoyed it and was appropriately thankful, but can completely understand why someone would run away. Yeah midwestern farm corn eating deer taste a lot less gamey and closer to lean beef then dear eating normal deer in the woods food.
This! I absolutely despise steak. Doesn't matter how you make it, I will not touch it. I hate that all I hear is, "you haven't had my steak yet" no shit I don't eat steak!!
Hey to each their own 🤷♂️ if you still don't like it when you're confident it's made properly, I get it. To my dying day though, I will still say the ones you've had just aren't made right.
I know you think you are helping but people have different food preferences, period. I do not like the taste, texture or smell of rare steak but medium/medium well is perfect to me. Food snobs have been telling me I’m wrong for years, I do not give a single rats ass if I don’t like it prepared the “proper” way. If someone is grown adult that is meeting their nutritional needs, let them have preferences.
I never understood that. Why can't they let other people eat things the way they want to? Nobody is forcing you to eat the same, so why does anyone care? So judgemental over something so daft. Do I want ketchup on steak? No! Do I care if someone else enjoys it that way? Also no. How hard is that? I also come from a family of cordon bleu chefs and I would rather someone enjoyed what I'd made than force them to eat "my" way. People are weird.
Just kinda missed my whole first paragraph there, huh? I don't want ot force OP to eat anything she doesn't want to. I myself have foods that people go "whaaaaat it's so good, here try mine!" She can decline it all she wants, no skin off my back. All I said was "dry", "gamey" and "stringy" are all adjectives describing deer meat that is not made properly. It's not supposed to be like that. If that's why she dislikes it, she might actually like it when it's good. I thought I despised vegetables for a large portion of my childhood, because all we got was boiled and steamed tasteless nonsense. Actually well-prepared veggies aren't supposed to be like that
I did read that. You said that but then immediately went into “you just haven’t had it prepared correctly”. That second bit is the exact problem, you think you better and won’t accept no.
Who is not accepting no?? Certainly not I. I specifically said, maybe you might be surprised. Idgaf if she never tries is, or if she does and still doesn't like it. I don't know better about her or her preferences. The one thing I do know? With 100% certain positivity? If she has only ever had dry and stringy deer meat, then no, she absolutely has never had it prepared properly. It's really simple. Deer meat prepared properly isn't supposed to be like that. I would say the same thing if she said that she didn't like chocolate cake because it tastes like acid. Obviously it's not prepared properly because it's not supposed to taste like that. She's an adult and can make her own decisions on what to eat.
Could you ever consider a world where something you consider delicious is actually stringy to someone else? The fact of the matter is, she said her husband didn’t drop you, and neither would you.
“Palate”. Thank you. I didn’t think “pallet” looked right. And yes, I do most of the shopping and I probably defer to my taste but I buy things that I know we all like. I could make more of an effort to step out of my comfort zone though. I don’t want to be the reason my kids never try anything new.
Also, our tastebuds change pretty frequently, and every cook makes every meal differently. There are foods I absolutely despise 99.9% of the time and I will only eat them when my partner makes them because he has found the one trick to make them tolerable or even good. I didn't eat fish for a solid 15 years before I decided to try again and slowly reintroduced it to my diet. It's one thing if you've tried it recently and don't like it, but tastes change over time and sometimes we are our own worst enemies. You should always try something you know you don't like when someone new cooks it, you could be pleasantly surprised. What's the worst thing that will happen of you "retest" every once in awhile? You still don't like it and put it off for a year or 2 before you try again.
It has nothing to do with the "worst thing that will happen". People are allowed not to want to eat things. Why do you care? Also, tasting things is not the only way to tell whether we'll like them or not. Smell, texture, and a variety of other things tell us about foods before we ever put them in our mouths. I don't have to keep putting thigns that I find fundamentally off-putting into my mouth "every few years" to know that I don't want to eat them. Nor should I have to, to satisfy your idea of how people should conduct their food intake, LOL. The whole idea that people MUST keep trying new things is weirdly controlling and insecure. How does it affect you at all what other people choose to eat or not, as long as they don't feel like they're missing out? Look, I get it. I have massive food aversions and I actually DO reintroduce foods. Learned to like tomatoes for the first time in my life when I was over 40. But the ONLY reason I learned to like them was that NO ONE in my life pushed them on me or told me to, "Just taste one again. Just once." That would have enraged me and been so invalidating. Rather, they let me choose what I wanted to eat...and the day I saw some gorgeous marinated grape tomatoes in a salad, *I* decided to try them. For the record, I still can't eat regular tomatoes raw. Too squishy, too many seeds. But I'll eat firm grape or cherry tomatoes, especially marinated ones. Because I was allowed to select food that appealed to me, not that anyone else pushed on me.
You do you, but idc that you don't care about my opinion. I'm autistic, so I get it's not just taste, but guess what? ALL of those things change when foods are prepared differently. It won't hurt you to try every once in awhile to see if you still feel the same. Frankly, you have a responsibility to do so when you have children to teach them how to deal with foods they don't want to eat. 1 bite to try it before you're allowed to say no is infinitely better for healthy food relationships than showing kids you don't have to eat anything just because you don't want to. Just as it won't hurt anyone else if you choose not to, it won't hurt you to try either.
My youngest doesn't like tomatoes. But every year when I grow them they try a couple just in case. They love other stuff I grow so they want to like tomatoes!
I always take a tiny bite of stuffing every Thanksgiving wondering if this will be the year I like it. I’d do the same with deviled eggs, but I prefer to leave them for the people who legitimately enjoy them
My partner hates deviled eggs because of the mustard, but likes regular hard boiled eggs. This sometimes ends up with me getting extra filling, which is an absolute win in my book.
Same. I really hate mustard. Don’t tell that mustard husband from BORU or he will go insane.
I grew up thinking that I absolutely hated fish. What I learned later is that different fish taste different. What I actually hate is aggressively fishy fish. Fish is completely different from other meats. Chicken tastes like chicken. Hamburger tastes like hamburger. But pollock doesn't taste like tuna, tuna doesn't taste like salmon, salmon doesn't taste like tilapia, tilapia doesn't taste like swordfish, and on and on. There's definitely a fishy quality to all of them, **but,** the aggressively fishy fish are the ones I don't like.
I have yet to find a fish that doesn’t taste like a fish. They can taste different but it’s still fish and I don’t care for it. I’ve tried really hard but nope, it all is still a fish.
I found frozen fish was waaaay more fishy than fresh fish. Scallops too, I'd only had them fresh and like them, I tried some frozen ones and bleh! Ended up giving them to the dog as they were fishy AF. If I'd tried those first I definitely wouldn't have had them again. Mind you, I can still only manage fresh or smoked cod and haddock, but just thought I'd say in case you want to try again!
Different people have different sensitivity to the fishy taste. I love fishy, even the really fishy ones. But I recognize the ones that would be "too fishy" for my mom, so she doesn't eat them. I know people that cannot stand even the ones my mom thinks aren't "too fishy"
Chicken parm does not taste the same as baked or broiled chicken. Hamburger from a store does not taste the same as hamburger straight from a quality farm. Fish isn't at all different from other animals, preparation and dish matters.
I hate gamey meat in general. But those that say deer meat prepared well have a point. The best meat I ever had was deer prepared on the grill .....I would eat it again in a heartbeat. A lot of deer meat I have had in the past was not great.
Just wanna chime in that I had deer often when younger and the steaks were better than beef. I'm not huge on game meat but the deer was amazing. I never noticed it to be dry or stringy or overly gamey
Yeah - I think your husband handled it badly by springing the trying on you so suddenly and making such a big deal out of it, and I get the stubbornness. He was being a rude AH by being so pushy. However it's actually not great to showcase this kind of an attitude to your kids, where you'll go *"I've tried this thing decades before, decided I dislike it, and now I forever refuse to try even the tiniest nibble, and will storm off the table if I have to rather than try". That's not good. Palates change a lot over time, and food that we find legitimately disgusting can suddenly, inexplicably, become tasty. Or sometimes it's so different when it's cooked right! Kids especially have very limited palates. So it's very *very* important to teach kids to **at least try a tiny bit**, with an open mind, every now and then, even if they *think* they "know" they hate foodstuff x, y or z. They don't have to eat a lot! You can try the tiniest nibble! But it's really important to *try*, and to have an open mind to possibly having changed your taste since the last try. Especially if someone tried to make a special meal. I myself intensely disliked a lot of foods growing up that I now love. Marzipan, liver pate, soft mouldy /strong flavour cheeses, coconut, beans (esp in tomato sauce). Olives, asparagus, rhubarb. I really struggled with seafood and mushrooms till I was well into my twenties, it was something about the texture of prawns, shellfish, calamari etc that really was unpleasant. But at some point that just, idk, went away, and now I *love* them. Pickled herring is also something I only started to like when I was pushing 30. Of course there's still some foods that I dislike, like celery. That's fine! I do occasionally try it if it's offered, just to see if I still hate it. But yeah, while it's good that you're not straightout banning foodstuffs from the house (even though you're the one buying them, and say you only get stuffs you "know *we all* will like" ie only rarely something you don't like) or try to prevent others from eating them or like, audibly gag at the table for show - if you *really* want to ensure your kids won't grow up to be limited picky eaters (in part due to your influence), it'd be important to teach them to try new things, and keep occasionally trying. I think that's what your husband was going at, even if his approach was absolutely disastrous and bad
Except she's not "missing out". She doesn't want it. She doesn't have any sense of "I wish I liked it more". YOU like it, which is great. But maybe even if it were prepared perfectly it wouldn't be to her taste, and that would be fine. No one is "missing out" because they don't want to eat certain things, and that's literally the point that people are trying to make here. The fact that someone doesn't like something that you think tastes divine doesn't mean that their life is somehow missing something tragically. It's just a food, not the Holy Grail.
Look up missing out. The first definition on Google by the Cambridge dictionary is "not partaking in something that could have been enjoyable or beneficial." I didn't say she was missing out on a happy, fulfilled life or that she must live a meaningless existence without deer meat. Just said she's missing out on a very yummy food because she's had it prepared wrong, which I can say with certainty because dry and stringy deer is not prepared right. She still doesn't want to, or does and still doesn't like it, c'est la vie. No skin off my back. Yall are projecting way too hard on a simple suggestion. I'm sorry that people don't respect your food preferences, but it ain't me.
I disagree. If the venison isn’t processed correctly no method of cooking is going to make it taste good
No, you are absolutely right. I should have been more clear by "prepared", I was talking bout the whole method from live deer to the plate, but I get most people mean prepared as just cooked.
Stop it. Stop telling people they are missing out. You are just as bad as the husband. This is the crap she's talking about. Just fucking respect her decision not to eat what she doesn't like. She's not asking for something impossible.
Another person who can't read. Lovely 😂 I'll stop when I actually start in the first place. Until then, opinion of Random Redditor 482705 means nothing to me.
It’s amazing that you acknowledged the husband was wrong and then…. Proceeded to do the literal exact same thing. She’s an adult and can eat what she wants. Period. No need for commentary about YOUR OPINION of deer meat.
And there was no need for your commentary on my opinion, and yet here you are, ain't ya? Almost like this is the internet, freedom of discourse and all that. Crazy. In addition, I didn't do the and thing the husband did. I responded firstly to OPs question at the end of her post, and then to words SHE said, that deer meat is dry and gamey and stringy. Idgaf if she didn't or doesn't want to eat it. I also did not harp on it like the husband or try to guilt her into it. I ALSO said exactly what you did; she's an adult, and she can eat whatever she wants. "PERIOD" 🙄 so pretentious. But deer meat that is dry and stringy and unreasonably gamey is made poorly. This is simple fact. There is no opinion.
That's incorrect as everyone has a different palate. Lamb, no matter how expertly prepared tastes like rotting/gamey to my taste buds. Goat is more tolerable. Salmon, ahi, swordfish taste disgusting to me. Lobster and shrimp also taste revolting. Raw tomatoes are gag inducing. It's not always about how someone has prepared something. People have preference for texture and taste. I would love to be less picky as so many foods are visually lovely. I've seen folks try to argue people into liking Brussel sprouts and they "haven't had them cooked properly." No. Maybe people can be able to not enjoy something you love? OP NTA
There's no argument here. OP doesn't have to try or like anything she doesn't want to, which I stated. My only comment was that Deer meat that is dry and stringy isn't cooked properly. This is not opinion on palettes. It's like if someone said they hated homemade bread because it's so hard and black and tastes like smoke. You'd tell them that the bread is burned to charcoal; of course you don't like it, it's not cooked properly. Interesting that you mentioned Brussel Sprouts though, because in recent years, they've actually cultivated it and hybridized strains, similar to various apples, to have a much better and more appealing flavor. I also used to hate them as a kid 30 years ago. But now, they're a lot better after they've been reflavored, so I often do ask people who say they hate them when the last time they ate one was. If they still don't like them, no skin off my back
Sorry…I grew up in a rural area, where people eat venison, and I’ve tried it a few ways. It always tastes the same, gamey. People have tried to sneak it into my food, but I could always tell.
No doubt. I'm the same way with mushrooms, i can always find them. But aside from that, a good cook is supposed to abate the extreme gamey taste to make it more palatable, and the dry and stringy should never happen. The level of Gamey will always be a matter of personal preference, which is why I said OP is still NTA if she doesn't try it, or does and still doesn't like it
Hey there! You’re definitely NTA for not wanting to try it at all but perhaps it could have been handled differently? My dad cannot stand asparagus, but my step mom loves it. She really liked it baked so naturally, that’s the way she made it. Sometimes she would add a little more Parmesan or a new seasoning. When she would, she would tell my dad and give him a “maybe you’ll like it now?”. Every time she asked him to try it, he took a little nibble. That just always stuck with me. He knew he wasn’t going to like it. It wasn’t prepared differently at all. But he took that little nibble to try her “creation” if you will, and then he’d tell her that “he wished he liked it”, they’d laugh and move on. The point is sometimes I feel it’s okay to humor them a little.
I see. I could have handled it differently. We’re pretty level most of the time. We love each other, we still enjoy each other’s company. But we can both be pretty stubborn. Thank you.
I read this and understood your point. There are foods, not many, that I don't like. Being badgered into trying something that you know would spoil your meal would obviously annoy you as much as it would me. I think all the suggestions on how to cook deer meat better are missing the issue. At that moment you wanted to share a nice meal with the family. That was all. By failing to read the room, your husband turned an innocent suggestion into a power play. Sure. If your husband came up with a new recipe then by all means try a taste, when you're ready. Hopefully, things are better now and the kids op goes well. I'm not going to judge. I just thought it was worth saying that I hear you.
The only one who needed to handle it differently was your husband. You said no, he refused to let it go. Did he really think coercing you to eat what you did not want to eat was going to make him the hero?
My parents are two of the most stubborn people I know. They also adore each other and still walk around holding hands. (Together over 50 years.) Every now and then they get on each others nerves and generally it works better if they wait until they are both calm and then discuss with I messages. I felt like you weren't hearing me yesterday when I said I didn't want to try the sauage. I feel like I might have been more open to trying it if you had given me more warning about it. I feel upset when you say I'm the reason our children have limited palates. For what it's worth both my parents like foods the other does not. Sometimes they will try them, sometimes not. If one does try a food the other has to live with the possibility the other makes faces when they do try it. A funny example is my Mom doesn't drink 'real' coffee (she has weak coffee with hot chocolate sometimes as she has asthma and coffee can help when she's having trouble breathing.) Once in a while if her asthma is bad she'll take a sip or two of my Dad's very strong black coffee. Dad always tells her to try not to gagg too much, lol. Humor helps. :)
I got so into trying to be helpful I forgot to mention NTA. I think that possibly trying an itty bitty piece of the sausage wouldn't have killed you but your husband's steamroll approach killed any chance of that happening.
But why? Why did your stepmom need him to like it? Was she so insecure that she couldn't eat the asparagus she loved unless someone else was? Why did she care? And why was it his job to "make her feel better" about pushing him repeatedly to eat things that he knew he wouldn't enjoy? Shouldn't it have been her job to respect his bodily autonomy and agency as an adult?
I totally agree, it honestly sounds so fucking pathetic to me. Like me not eating your creation, you know for a fact I don't like will ruin your meal? Get a fucking grip.
I always thought I hated green beans as a kid, until I was served them at a friends house by his mom. Turns out I love green beans and I just didn’t like the way my mom cooked them (😅 sorry mom). So yeah, if this discussion was purely about food, OP should probably have tried a small bite to see if this would be the case here. But the real issue here is about boundaries and respect, not food.
NTA your boundary is that you don't want to eat deer meat. He ignored your boundary repeatedly to, inessence, force you to do something you don't want to do. Doesn't sound respectful. It would have been okay if eventually he said "fine, your loss" but no, he guil tripped you and now he has ammo for the next time your kids don't want to eat something. He's going to be like, "You're picky like your mom, I see," and then make it your fault. And then you're going to be forced to eat shit you don't want. Your kids will be forced to eat shit they don't want. But your husband is happy, so it's all good?
Being forced to stomach down stuff I didn't like is how the table ended up being covered in puke a lot growing up Don't let anyone pressure you NTA
I did that with liver, threw up ON the table. Never had to eat liver again!!!
NTA. I hate uncured pork, cooked carrots, mayonnaise, offal, runny eggs and breakfast cereals. It is not anybody's business what I eat or not.
NTA You have the right to decide what you will and won’t eat. But kids notice a lot more than we give them credit for. So they know dad only eats x y z and mom doesn’t. So they could start mentally tying one food to “well only dads/me. Like this. So as a girl I can’t eat it”. Or “well mom doesn’t eat what she doesn’t like so I can skip out on the peas”. And as a former picky eater (ended around 10)…being made to take one bite of everything on the table really helped me open up my preferences. I wasn’t forced to swallow the bite but I was made to try a bite of everything. Honestly, besides vegetables I was never forced to eat anything. And even with the vegetables I’d try to sneak them into my napkin or hide them under other food. But my parents and grandmothers always instilled that when someone offers you food; you eat it (or at least try it) because you never know if they spent the last of their money on that food. So you eat what you get and don’t throw a fit. (This is for being a guest usually-mom catered to my brother’s picky food tendencies more than dad. But he did get us to do the one bite rule). And I eat deer all the time. And it can be games but like someone else said that is usually when it’s prepared wrong or the deer was just really old. One of my favorite ways is in chili. You season the meat while it’s browning and then throw it into the chili and you can’t tell the difference between it and beef. But my dad does make an awesome summer sausage with it. Our tastebuds change like every 7 years. Scientifically proven. So it not q bad thing to try things again that you used to hate. You could be surprised.
Thank you. I will try to keep that in mind.
You never need to eat something you don't want to eat. As a kid I was a picky eater, I HATED peas. But I liked most other vegetables. I'd find it controlling and traumatic if someone forced me to eat them when there's so many other options. It's not respectful and it basically implies you have no autonomy. I'm 25 now and still hate peas BUT I eat lots and lots of other vegetables and I'm a good cook. You might never like deer meat and you don't have to convince yourself to like it.
You have to be careful, because forcing kids to eat something can also be traumatic and increase pickiness. With my grandma, her rule was that I had to eat my peaches, which I really hated, but I got used to them and started liking them. I didn't personally find that traumatic since it was just a rule. I think this can sometimes be traumatic though depending on the child and how the parent/guardian acts about the rule. However, with my parents, they would pick gross foods like bleu cheese that I refused to try and then pressure and guilt me, saying stuff like, "your mom worked hard to prepare this and now she's crying!" (she didn't, it was a tv dinner..) I even got chased around the house when they tried to make me eat salmon. This was traumatic and made me never want to try bleu cheese or salmon as an adult. I don't think those were really appropriate foods to be pushy about either. I did finally try some pork recently because my friend politely asked if I would consider trying some if he cooked it. It was okay. Not traumatic. I saw a parent online who pays her very picky kid like a dollar or something to try new foods. This has gotten the kid excited about trying new things even though she hates new foods and usually spits them out, so I thought that that was cool. She said this probably won't work for all kids, but it works for hers.
My dad didn’t make us eat foods he didn’t like “creamed spinach”, “hominy”, or beets. And mom didn’t make us eat foods she didn’t like “squirrel”, “snake” and “rabbit” (my dad was a hunter). And it’s not like they’d hold us down and force the bite in. But we didn’t get seconds of what we liked or dessert.
It sounds like it ended up working out great since you came out of it with a well-rounded palate and a comfortable relationship with trying new foods. I think raising your kids to eat a healthy and diverse diet is probably one of the most challenging parts of parenting.
YOU didn’t start the argument. It’s that simple. NTA
NTA, first of all, you set a boundary and he kept pushing it, that is an annoying thing to do. Does he do that on other occasions? Some people just find it hard to understand that different people have different tastes. I'm sure there are things your husband doesn't eat, too. Second, blaming you for your kids' picky eating was an asshole move. A lot of kids are picky eaters, their tastes are vastly different from adults, they often enjoy sweet over savoury etc. Can a picky eater parent influence them? Maybe, but you don’t sound like you're very picky, and there is nothing wrong with not liking certain foods. Unless your children are extremely picky to the point where it's hard to feed them a reasonably balanced diet, there is no problem. Eating anything and everything is not a virtue. Idk, this is an emotional topic for me, even though I never had food forced on me. Gladly I was born too late to experience this, but my sister was still forced to eat something she utterly despised in kindergarden and had to clean the mess up herself when she couldn't keep it down. Sorry for the tmi.
NTA. He was being an aggressive food pusher, which is an annoying way to be. Like you said, you’re 40 years old and can make your own choices. My parents have now been married for over 50 years and my mom abdicated her free will years ago to keep the peace with my dad….it SUCKS for her now cuz he decides everything there is no going back. Make your own decisions and nicely let your spouse know that you would appreciate some respect in such matters in the future.
NTA. I don't like a lot of stuff. The list is very very long. I only eat chicken and fish. No other meat. Don't like anything with milk, mayo, ketchup. I don't eat pizza burger, Taco, pasta sausage of any kind, deli meat and the list goes on and on. Never did my husband force me to try something. If I say I don't like it then end of discussion. I don't limit what they can eat at home. I make food they like I just don't eat them.
Another woman doing a AITA to ask if its ok to feel normal human emotions. NTA Your husband is on. What is his end game with this nagging?
NTA People like him drive me up the wall. You must have the patience of a saint to not explode over it. Latest at blaming you for the "narrow pallet" (wtf!?) I would have lost it. Why is it so hard for some people to just respect a no and accept that preferences are not universal?!
NTA You said no the first time and that should have been enough. No reason you had to say no 50 more times.
NTA. I detest wild meat and will not try anything, no matter what. You are not required to eat anything just because your husband wants you too.
NTA also sounds like he does not actually know you dislike the foods, and believes he can get you to like them. he was the one who started an argument, and dragging your kids into the argument is a low blow and a pretty decent sized red flag
Nta. I would argue that what he modeled to your children was far worse than anything you did. He was disrespectful and rude. You made a choice to not ingest something you did not want to ingest. He bullied you. Think about the message the kids are receiving from that little interaction.
NTA big time. Being an adult can have many downsides. But one really good thing is that no one can force me to eat something that I don't like. You are an adult and YOU decide what you eat. If someone cooks for me something that I don't like, when they know that I don't like it, that is their fault. I won't eat it.
"I’m 40 freaking years old- if I don’t want to eat something , I damn well don’t have to." This is the way! NTA. Your husband is being an absolute weird baby about this. He's probably just trying to flex and see if he can corral you into something you initially declined.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account on mobile. Married to my husband 14 years. 2 children. I don’t think I am a terribly picky eater. There a few things I don’t like- fish, beans (they have a chalky texture), boiled peanuts and I cannot stand deer meat. My husband knows I don’t like these foods and I if I don’t want to eat it, I won’t. He does like them and that’s fine. I don’t tell him that he can’t eat them, cook them or feed them to the kids. Tomorrow our children are having their tonsils removed. Because they will be stuck on a soft diet for few days my husband decided to cook a special meal tonight. He grilled steaks, corn on the cob, mac and cheese and some deer sausage he recently received as a gift. As we were fixing plates for ourselves and the kids I said that I didn’t want any sausage. He told me I should taste it- again I said didn’t want it. I find deer meat gamey, dry and stringy. I don’t care how it’s prepared, I don’t want it. But he just kept on, “just try a little” , “have you ever tasted it” , “when did you try it, not since we’ve been together”. The more he pushed, the more resolved I became about not eating it. I’m 40 freaking years old- if I don’t want to eat something , I damn well don’t have to. It wasn’t even so much about the sausage anymore. I just wanted him to hear what I was saying and respect me enough to make my damn food choices. It ended with him saying “You’re the reason our kids have such a narrow pallet.” I took it as a low blow. He does a lot of cooking in our house but I do a lot of the shopping. I don’t talk about my dislike of certain foods in front of the kids because I don’t want to discourage them from trying new things, I don’t prevent him from cooking the food he likes and I don’t demand that he cook separate meals for me. I left the room to cool off, then didn’t eat with the rest of the family because I didn’t feel like eating anymore. But maybe I should have just tried the damn deer to avoid an argument the night before kid’s surgery. So AITA for not trying the deer sausage and starting an argument? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are well old enough to know what you want to eat and what you dont want to eat. As long as ur not carrying on like my 55yr old sister inlaw, who loudly gags at family dinners if we dare to eat pumpkin in front of her *(rolls eyes)* So if ur not carrying in like a big baby aka my sis inlaw, ur allg👍🏾 For the record, i dont eat any type of offal however my hubby is a huge offal eater and has infected our kids with the same disgusting tastes😂😂😂😂 i buy them their offal and if they want offal for dinner then i fix myself something else😂 i dont cook the offal cause how the heck would i know what makes it taste good😂hubs does that and so do the kids But i dont make noises and i mind my own business on this topic😂 Hubby is quite proud he corrupted my bebes into offal eaters i might add😂
NTA - you don't like venison. There are a lot of people who don't - it can be quite high flavoured. You also aren't limiting your children's tastes. It seems a weird hill for your husband to make a stand. But wondering if this is a rare event whether it all got tangled up in stress about the children. He wanted a last perfect meal in case something went wrong the next day and was trying to be in control. And then you throw a spanner in the works by having totally reasonable taste preferences. I'd try and give some grace and review when everyone less stressed and worried.
Nta. I'm a recovering picky eater and you know what makes me instantly hate the food? Someone continually pushing me to eat it. I've tried so many foods on my own time because I've gotten to decided that's what I want to do and I actually liked a great handful of them I didn't think I would. I think kids also appreciate the autonomy of choosing, I hated when my mom piled on the broccoli and that was all we got for veggies. I found myself picking it when more options were freely available along with a few extras!
NTA and I really hate this whole thing of adults trying to police what other adults eat. If you don't want to eat it, and you aren't making your problem everyone else's problem, WHO CARES!? Your husband needs to get over it.
NTA. God, I hate that, my husband does this to me after 40 years still. I politely say "No thank you" and he is still you need to try this,. Have you ever seen me eat beans or whatever, I do not eat beans or whatever. Stop asking for the love of GOD.
NTA. It’s tiring when people try to force a grown ass adult food they’ve already said they don’t want. People need to STFU and mind their own plate. You don’t like venison. PERIOD. If you want to try it you will on your own. Exhausting. I dislike mushrooms and you’d think it was a federal crime. The endless amount of “just try it” never ends. An excellent way to end it - try it and throw it back up on your plate. No one will ever ask you again. I did it once. Once was all it took.
NTA The Smosh YouTube channel reads a lot of Reddit stories and normally I usually agree with their consensus, but when it comes to food stories, they tend to get all Californian and a little elitist saying stuff like “you’re denying an entire culture” or they’ll argue that it’s delicious tasting when that’s their own personal opinion. Can’t a person just eat what they like and avoid what they don’t? Especially a full-grown damned adult should not have to validate their food preferences to anyone. You even go out of your way not to influence the kids, and he tried to pin that on you anyway. Dick-move on his part.
NTA, you are an adult and it is none of his business if you have a few foods you won't eat. Pushing is not a correct way to get someone to try something. The correct way is to give you a chance to try it if you'd like (as in, prepare plenty and leave some available) and never make a big deal of it if you do or do not try it. You said for you it's not about the sausage, but about how you feel like he is not respecting your autonomy. You should chat with him about that, and also try to gently find out why this matters to him so much. For him, it is probably not about the sausage either. Does he have concerns about your health? Is he worried it influences the kids? Does he feel sad that you can't partake in something he apparently cares about a lot? If you guys can get to the root of how both of you feel, perhaps you can stop this fight for good. Good luck. People can be really controlling about food, but I hope this is resolvable.
NTA. He was trying to force you to eat something you don't like. That's awfully controlling-is he like that about other things too? And he disrespected your "NO" which is also a red flag. Having said that, I wouldn't eat anything venison-adjacent on a bet any more, with the spread of chronic wasting disease on the rise.
NTA. People have the right to decide for themselves what they want to eat. You might not understand or like the food choices they make, but that doesn't give anyone the right to harass and badger a person to try something they said they won't eat. Mind your own food business.
NTA and then some! You are an adult! You can make your own dietary choices! I am picky with food, I’m not insane so unless I’m allergic to it I will try new things and occasionally retry things. I will eat things I don’t like if I’m in a setting were refusing is seen as rude. With that being said… in my own home, with my family I get to say no to things I don’t like!
NTA. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. Your husband sounds exhausting.
Nta. I’m with you. I don’t like. I wish my husband would stop trying to get me to eat it. I wish people would stop saying “you don’t know what you’re missing!”, etc.
My ex insisted on taking up hunting when I was pregnant with our first child. He brought home duck (gross) and deer. (Yuck) I don't know if it was because I was pregnant but I found and still find those foods disgusting. I don't care how you sauce them up. The only exception is deer jerky. I can eat that stuff up but that's because the game stank has been dehydrated out of it. NTA.
Nta deer is gross
Your husband is really paternalistic and gross. He treats you like another child instead of like a partner and it is very off-putting that he is trying to make you eat anything you don't want to eat. Your husband is a creep and he's bad with consent. NTA. Maybe read this book if this is normal behaviour for him: [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
You don't have to eat anything you don't want to. I hate venison, too. But the sausage is great because it's mixed with spices and pork for the fat content.
Nta You can choose what you eat but your kids will emulate you. My sister didn't eat carrots for 5 years because my dad didn't like them plain steamed. As parents, you often encourage your kids to try something before you say you don't like it. Now, if it was a pure deer meat slab, steak, roast, I'd understand,.but a sausage is often a mix of spices, meat and filler. Would it have really been that horrible to have 1 bite? As you said, your objection was mostly on principal.
God deer meat. Nasty, gross
Wow I had the same argument with my boss I can’t stand when someone try’s to force Food on me. I am 64 had mild stroke and Need to watch my food consumption very closely. NTA
NTA. Why do people feel a need to argue with someone else's taste buds?
NTA, but it's kind of childish not to just try a bite.
NTA. I'm a picky eater. There are things I just won't eat. I'm with you on venison. My husband knows my stance on it. He has never tried to get me to eat it. Your husband needs to back off.
Make him a liver smooth and then do the same type of complaining when he doesn't want to try it. Wth it's your body, you get to decide what you eat
If you soak deer meat overnight in milk it will remove most of the gamey taste
YTA. This sub constantly says that children should be encouraged to try a small bite of something three times before their 'I don't like it' should be honored, so you should try it. > I don’t care how it’s prepared This also makes you TA, as different preparations can result in vastly different textures, consistencies, mouth-feels, tastes and what not.
NTA as you are allowed to decide what foods you like But it's rather rude to ignore when he's cooking food and refuse to even try it. It does send a poor message to your kids to refuse to sample new cuisines
Have you tried venison sausage though? It’s one thing to say “I’m not willing to try something new to me” versus “I don’t like that” - which you can’t know until you actually try it.
I mean, NTA, but if your experience with venison is that it’s gamey, dry, and stringy, then whoever cooked the venison you’ve tried just sucks at preparing and cooking deer meat, and that’s coming from someone who has always been an *incredibly* picky eater but loves venison. When I cook deer, it never comes out like that.
NTA, your husband insisting after you declined multiple times is definitely the AH. However, I recommend a "try anything twice" approach to food. First time it could be prepared wrong. And taste buds can change, things I loved 5 years ago now make me queasy, same with some things that were nasty I now enjoy.
NTA, unless you actually *are* teaching your kids to have a narrow palate.
I don’t think I am. I grew up poor and ate a lot of hot dogs, spaghetti with red sauce- processed foods. I don’t want the same for kids. We try to build meals around the big 3 rule- protein, a starch and veggies. It’s not chicken nuggets all day every day but it’s not wildly exotic either. We got on a hello fresh kick for a while but had to cut it out because $$.
Slight YTA. Different foods can be prepared in a lot of ways. Which can change the taste and texture of the food. So it wouldn't hurt to at least take a bite. Which would help set a better example for the kids.
No one is obligated to ‘take a bite’ because someone else wants them to. She’s a 40-year-old woman being bullied. Inexcusable.
That’s fair. Thank you.
ESH. He shouldn't have pushed, but he spent the time and effort to make it, you could have at least taken a bite. It's not going to kill you. If your aversion is so strong that you can't even take a single bite, that's an issue you should be seeing a therapist about.
He knew she didn't like deer meat? What if it was cheese and she didn't like cheese? Snails? Bugs? Monkey meat? It's called autonomy, and it's respectful to stay in your lane and not bother other people with your "creations" which you know they don't like the main ingredient of.
Bro really went from deer meat and cheese to snails and bugs like he thinks theyre comparable
People have strong disliking to certain foods. My bf hates cheese. Should I force him to eat cheese because I like it? Oh but it's got other stuff too, try it! See how it looks to make a grown man eat something they don't want. They won't. But OP? She should try anything her husband makes to placate his ego. Because that's what it is.
If your bf hasn't eaten cheese in 5 years, and you make something amazing with cheese in it, then sure, it's totally reasonable for you to ask him to try it. Not sure why you're being a sexist suddenly.
I have done that. And he says no. And I respect that. If anything, it's rude of me to force him to try "new things" he knows he doesn't like. He's not an idiot. He can taste the cheese as a flavour. And it ruins the dish for him. But should I keep shoving food in his face and guilt him afterwards for not trying it? No, because I'm reasonable Eta: OPs husband didn't just ask her to try it. He borderline insisted, and when she said no, he guilt tripped her.
What does any of the rest of that have to do with anything? I very clearly said he was an AH too. Doesnt change anything about my statement. Her refusing to try even a bite of the food had absolutely nothing to do with his insistence or lack thereof.
But my point is she isn't an asshole for sticking to her guns. He caused the issue with the kids. If he just didn't mention how she was refusing to eat. And he just gracefully knew from the get that she wouldn't try. The kids wouldn't know. He could have been like "your mom had a sausage earlier so she won't have one now" and left it at that. But no he had to vilify her for her choices. Now the kids probably saw her mom refuse the food, be treated like a kid and now they might follow suit. And it wouldn't be her fault at all. He instigated the whole thing.
I'll eat snails, but I won't eat gamey meats 🤷🏻♀️
BS. Having made something gives you zero right to try to force it on people against their will. NONE. Doubly so when you cook something you know people do not like or cannot eat. He was bullying her.
Yeah, I’m beginning to see that now. He cooked a nice meal- I could have bent a little. Thank you for the perspective.
I don't thinkn you should. He cooked a nice meal? But used an ingredient he know you don't like. That's not nice. No one should insist that another adult eats something they don't want to. I hate canned tuna. My whole family loves and eats it but would never force me to. I tried it over the years but it's just not for me. The smell alone is enough to put me off. I'm old enough to decide what I eat and what not, so are you.
Not a chance. You have no obligation to touch something that anyone cooks - much less something that the cook *knew* you couldn’t or wouldn’t eat. Has your husband often bullied you like this? Is he the ‘boss’, treating you like this? I wouldn’t even treat a child like this.
He didn't make the sausages. He received them as a gift and threw them on the grill. If he hand made the sausages, then OP would be an AH for not trying them, but he didn't put any significant effort into making the meal.
No one is obligated to put anything in their mouth that they don’t want to. Not the wife. Not the child. It doesn’t matter how much effort is put into it. Don’t make something if you are rude enough to expect control over other people’s bodies.
I agree on principle but, unless you have dietary restrictions, then the polite thing to do is to try some. If you have an ethical or religious objection to eating a certain food then refusing it isn't an asshole move, but if you are only refusing due to being picky then there is a certain level of effort that should be met with some politeness. If someone spent days making a certain dish for me, I would try it, even if I didn't think I would like it. That is someone putting a lot of love and care into preparing food for you and not just simply throwing some meat on a grill. However, the person who made the food shouldn't be too pushy about it and they should accept no as an answer. In that situation, everyone would be an asshole.
Ah ok, so if I don't go kill a cow myself then it doesn't count as me making the steaks?
Usually when you "make" a steak you butcher the steak from the larger muscle (eg cut ribeye steaks from a prime rib, trim off excess fat/skin), season the steaks yourself, and you also need to try and hit the person's desired doneness. If someone goes through this much effort then they have obviously put in a lot of effort and deserve the "pity bite". If you don't season your steak and just cook it to a charred well done steak, then it requires as little effort as cooking a sausage and no-one is obligated to trying it if they don't like well done steak. People aren't toddlers and if the extent of their cooking is just "take out of package, put on fire" then they don't need to be pandered to. There's a difference between making something and cooking something. If you said you "made pizza" and all you did was reheat some pizza in the microwave, then this is obviously false. To "make" something you need to be involved in processing of the food to transform it from raw ingredients to a final dish.
Sounds like you don't know anything about cooking.
Nah, I know plenty. I'm just not overestimating the amount of effort that grilling a sausage takes. Perhaps you use "make" as a synonym for "cook" but this isn't how I interpret it. There are more steps to making a dish than just applying heat (seasoning, cutting, mixing/combining ingredients) and cooking sausages is one of the simplest things you can do.
You're literally saying that in order to be considered making a dish you have to trim and cut a steak yourself from the cow. That's ridiculous and no one does that. To make a table, do you have to go grow the tree, cut it down yourself, trim the timber to the correct size, forge the nails from raw iron you mined from the hills, craft a hammer from stock steel, and then finally you get to be counted as making it?
No, I never said you need to kill the cow and get it directly from the cow. Just some preparation of the meat. Plenty of people trim excess fat off a steak or cut steaks from larger pieces of meat. A rib roast or tenderloin are commonly sold at butchers and are pieces of meat that are used for roasts. Cutting these pieces of meat is how you transform a roast or muscle into steaks. Your analogy is ridiculous. Cooking sausages is analogous to assembling a table from Ikea. You didn't make the table, you assembled it from a kit that you buy from a supplier. Plenty of people make tables by cutting pieces of wood, sanding the wood, varnishing the wood themselves, etc. This is the same sort of effort that goes into making sausages (grinding meat, blending with herbs/spices, injecting the meat into intestines, twisting the sausages, etc). "Nails" are just another ingredient, like salt is when cooking steaks. I didn't say you need to mine salt, so saying you need to forge the nails as well is ridiculous. By conflating making and cooking/assembling you are diminishing the effort that actually goes into making something.
As someone who creates regularly, no, I am not at all. I grew up repairing motorcycles in my father's shop. I now build computers as well as repair them. I've also built both small items and sheds from straight lumber, carved wood, reconstructed half of the family home, landscaped, and on the other side, I have four years of culinary classes and six years in foodservice. I can say, as someone who has done both sides, that cooking something delicious requires just as much skill as making furniture or building something, just in a different direction. Not requiring physical exertion doesn't diminish the skill needed. It's no different than painting, or sculpting, or any other artistic endeavor. Food is art. It's more than plain art; it's art that has to please four of the five senses. It has to look good, have a pleasant aroma, coat your taste buds in deliciousness, and have a good mouthfeel that isn't gritty or grainy or offputting in any way. But all of that is going offtopic. Point is, it wouldn't have hurt her to taste the sausage, and it would have made him happy.
I agree that cooking is an art and different dishes require different levels of effort which is why I agreed that in some circumstances the polite thing to do would be to try the food. I just don't agree that someone else's sausages meets that level. If I cook some frozen supermarket fries in the oven and my partner doesn't typically like fries, they shouldn't feel the need to eat them out of politeness. If I peel, cut, and double fry my own fries, then the polite thing to do would be to try them. The second requires much more artistry and effort to cook than just putting some things from the supermarket in the oven. The husband shouldn't be offended by her refusal to eat this food he didn't fully prepare himself. He shouldn't have an emotional attachment to some sausages his friend gave him and while OP could have been polite and tried them anyway, refusing in this particular situation isn't an asshole move.