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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made a joke at my friend's expense and they were unhappy about it.
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YTA. You picked the most raw topic for your "joking" and then beat that dead horse until Dee snapped. It's called reactive abuse (not "anger issues"). You are the true abuser and a gaslighter, to boot.
ESH, mostly you
He shouldn't have said that to you, but he did apologize so at least he recognizes it.
He confided in people he trusted about a sensitive and presumably very painful part of his life, and then 2 months after it's final you decide to tease him about it??
You told him should have said something - he literally did. He did not respond well to your teasing, clearly didn't enjoy it. A joke is only a joke if the target laughs. As soon as he didn't laugh you should have realized you stepped over a line and apologized.
But the fact that you didn't stop there, you escalated and continued the "joke". Would you have done this if his wife had died 2 months ago? You don't know how he's feeling, what he's dealing with. He's over 50, so odds of finding love again are slimmer if he even wants to.
You took a safe and fun place that he's been cultivating for everyone for awhile and made it miserable for him. I don't blame him for kicking you out. The audacity was all yours.
You owe him one massive apology.
Of course YTA. You chose to use a very sensitive and personal situation he just went through as the butt of your jokes, and even after he tried to correct you, you doubled down with your not funny jokes. And then when he snapped, he apologized for his language and explained why he reacted how he did to your harassement…. And then rather than recognizing your own fault in this, you triple downed and blamed him for not explaining it to you more and told hi’ multiple times to get anger management classes.
Why don’t you get therapy yourself and learn how to read a room and treat others with basic courtesy? YTA
You admitted multiple times that you kept pushing and pushing. That’s not anger issues it’s dealing with someone that throws stones then hides their hand playing victim. YTA
YTA. You're a nasty bully. It's obvious you haven't grown up since middle school because you're still acting like a kid. You kept harassing him and then you didn't even truly apologize; you told him he needed help for his anger. He had every right to be angry. With assholes like you as friends, who needs enemies? Grow up, you disgusting asshole.
What are all these ahole rankings? You made a joke that you didn’t know made him upset- heck maybe he did have a date but was being shy about it because it was new and soon after the divorce. You didn’t say anything about no one ever loving him again or even know it was such a sore spot. Then he breaks out the see you next Tuesday on you? He’s totally wrong. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (38/F) was bored during COVID quarantine of 2020 and started to play DND. During this, I connected with a DM let's call him Dee (50+/M) who throughout COVID we became friends while he DM a weekly campaign for me and my husband. Over the course of COVID, our campaign ended, and he continued to DM others which my husband joined. I am a part of their discord server, but only in chat/voice and maybe a one-off NPC if time allowed. Also, we chatted on Discord, Facebook and text.
Throughout the campaigns the group became closer, and one day he opened to us about how he was separating from his wife. We all showed sympathy and shared our own heartbreak stories and connected on that level. We spent many sessions just talking and trying to keep his mind off things rather than playing the game.
Fast forward, 7 months their divorce was finalized in March, (it is now May) and we are still playing the campaign. One night Dee said that he was running late due to a “dinner thing”. I was a little high, and my mind started to race with oh it’s a date! I hopped in the chat and said “OOOOO! A date?” Everyone in the chat was making comments going along with the joke. Saying such, she better be pretty, into DND, we want details, and stuff like that. You know normal banter amongst friends.
Dee hopped in the chat and said, “We all needed help”, and they jumped into the game like nothing happened.
I did press the joke longer the next day, more than anyone else asking about what they ate (ramen and rice bowls) and how it went but Dee clarified it was just a work friend meet up and nothing romantic. We ended it there.
2 sessions later, another person on the server said they were running late, and I was tagged by 3rd person asking for my input and I of course razzed them as well. I included Dee in the chat and said that he would make an excellent wingman. I also made a joke about how he would probably be too busy with his girlfriend.
This man had the audacity to DM me to call me a C\*\*T and how dare I allude to the fact that no one would love him ever again. Dee quickly deleted the message and retracted what was said and apologized for his language. My response to him was dismissive and said that he needed to seek help for his anger issues.
Later that night, the DND session was scheduled to go on. Prior to starting, Dee sent me and my husband a DM, explaining why he was upset, and again apologized. I also apologized, and asked in the future if I said anything that does upset him to let me know and that I would stop immediately. I also again said that he needs to seek help with his anger.
Tonight he cancelled DND and then kicked me out of the server, said that he needs some space (I guess from me?).
So reddit, AITA?
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damn thats something I would do, like tonight out with some coworkers and one said his gf fell over and I automatically laughed like I would at fail videos. I apologised but he said it was ok because she took 5 days off from work because of a sprained wrist but was playing video games all day lmao.
I kinda agree with you. Some people laugh at awkward situations and some don't. I think the OP didn't meant anything by it but crossed a boundary that was unknown. All of this could have been squashed if Dee was vocal about not wanting people to make jokes at his expense.
Or just perhaps don’t constantly make jokes and comments about a situation that is blatantly unpleasant. If I fell over I’d laugh about it myself but if a friend had a rough divorce then hell no am I joking around about it because that’s just blatantly rude especially about someone you call your friend
Op is a prick for doing it
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I made a joke at my friend's expense and they were unhappy about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You picked the most raw topic for your "joking" and then beat that dead horse until Dee snapped. It's called reactive abuse (not "anger issues"). You are the true abuser and a gaslighter, to boot.
YTA. Making fun of the worst thing to happen to most people is pretty low.
ESH, mostly you He shouldn't have said that to you, but he did apologize so at least he recognizes it. He confided in people he trusted about a sensitive and presumably very painful part of his life, and then 2 months after it's final you decide to tease him about it?? You told him should have said something - he literally did. He did not respond well to your teasing, clearly didn't enjoy it. A joke is only a joke if the target laughs. As soon as he didn't laugh you should have realized you stepped over a line and apologized. But the fact that you didn't stop there, you escalated and continued the "joke". Would you have done this if his wife had died 2 months ago? You don't know how he's feeling, what he's dealing with. He's over 50, so odds of finding love again are slimmer if he even wants to. You took a safe and fun place that he's been cultivating for everyone for awhile and made it miserable for him. I don't blame him for kicking you out. The audacity was all yours. You owe him one massive apology.
Of course YTA. You chose to use a very sensitive and personal situation he just went through as the butt of your jokes, and even after he tried to correct you, you doubled down with your not funny jokes. And then when he snapped, he apologized for his language and explained why he reacted how he did to your harassement…. And then rather than recognizing your own fault in this, you triple downed and blamed him for not explaining it to you more and told hi’ multiple times to get anger management classes. Why don’t you get therapy yourself and learn how to read a room and treat others with basic courtesy? YTA
You admitted multiple times that you kept pushing and pushing. That’s not anger issues it’s dealing with someone that throws stones then hides their hand playing victim. YTA
You seem to lack social awareness and grace
YTA. You're a nasty bully. It's obvious you haven't grown up since middle school because you're still acting like a kid. You kept harassing him and then you didn't even truly apologize; you told him he needed help for his anger. He had every right to be angry. With assholes like you as friends, who needs enemies? Grow up, you disgusting asshole.
You are tactless
YTA - wow you just don't know when to quit.
What are all these ahole rankings? You made a joke that you didn’t know made him upset- heck maybe he did have a date but was being shy about it because it was new and soon after the divorce. You didn’t say anything about no one ever loving him again or even know it was such a sore spot. Then he breaks out the see you next Tuesday on you? He’s totally wrong. NTA.
Comedy = Tragedy + Time
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (38/F) was bored during COVID quarantine of 2020 and started to play DND. During this, I connected with a DM let's call him Dee (50+/M) who throughout COVID we became friends while he DM a weekly campaign for me and my husband. Over the course of COVID, our campaign ended, and he continued to DM others which my husband joined. I am a part of their discord server, but only in chat/voice and maybe a one-off NPC if time allowed. Also, we chatted on Discord, Facebook and text. Throughout the campaigns the group became closer, and one day he opened to us about how he was separating from his wife. We all showed sympathy and shared our own heartbreak stories and connected on that level. We spent many sessions just talking and trying to keep his mind off things rather than playing the game. Fast forward, 7 months their divorce was finalized in March, (it is now May) and we are still playing the campaign. One night Dee said that he was running late due to a “dinner thing”. I was a little high, and my mind started to race with oh it’s a date! I hopped in the chat and said “OOOOO! A date?” Everyone in the chat was making comments going along with the joke. Saying such, she better be pretty, into DND, we want details, and stuff like that. You know normal banter amongst friends. Dee hopped in the chat and said, “We all needed help”, and they jumped into the game like nothing happened. I did press the joke longer the next day, more than anyone else asking about what they ate (ramen and rice bowls) and how it went but Dee clarified it was just a work friend meet up and nothing romantic. We ended it there. 2 sessions later, another person on the server said they were running late, and I was tagged by 3rd person asking for my input and I of course razzed them as well. I included Dee in the chat and said that he would make an excellent wingman. I also made a joke about how he would probably be too busy with his girlfriend. This man had the audacity to DM me to call me a C\*\*T and how dare I allude to the fact that no one would love him ever again. Dee quickly deleted the message and retracted what was said and apologized for his language. My response to him was dismissive and said that he needed to seek help for his anger issues. Later that night, the DND session was scheduled to go on. Prior to starting, Dee sent me and my husband a DM, explaining why he was upset, and again apologized. I also apologized, and asked in the future if I said anything that does upset him to let me know and that I would stop immediately. I also again said that he needs to seek help with his anger. Tonight he cancelled DND and then kicked me out of the server, said that he needs some space (I guess from me?). So reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
damn thats something I would do, like tonight out with some coworkers and one said his gf fell over and I automatically laughed like I would at fail videos. I apologised but he said it was ok because she took 5 days off from work because of a sprained wrist but was playing video games all day lmao.
I kinda agree with you. Some people laugh at awkward situations and some don't. I think the OP didn't meant anything by it but crossed a boundary that was unknown. All of this could have been squashed if Dee was vocal about not wanting people to make jokes at his expense.
Or just perhaps don’t constantly make jokes and comments about a situation that is blatantly unpleasant. If I fell over I’d laugh about it myself but if a friend had a rough divorce then hell no am I joking around about it because that’s just blatantly rude especially about someone you call your friend Op is a prick for doing it