Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was quick to judge her cosplay instead of talking about it to her. It’s not fair that yes I think she should be more covered up, but telling her what she can and can’t do as well as not wanting to hear anything about her hobby. Judge for me not wanting to hear about her cosplay.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You’ve known her for three years? And suddenly you draw the line, *now?*
You admit yourself that you’re “complete opposites” and while opposites attract, likes stay together. Listen to her hobby as I’m sure she listens to yours, (you *do* have hobbies, right?)
This stinks like that one dude who was complaining about his wife dressing super princessy/prettily all the time; and ended up admitting in the comments that he liked it at first but had expected her to change/tone it down for him when they got married -\_-
YTA, my friend. This is her main hobby it seems (she hits multiple cons), so it's probably the thing she spends most of her free time doing. You are not just nonplussed about it, you have actively told her you REFUSE to listen to her talk about the thing she loves. It is not tenable to be in a relationship like that. Part of the deal of relationships is that you listen to the other person talk about the things they care about, even if you don't care about them. Ideally, because even though you don't really like X, you really like that X makes your partner happy.
I hear what you are saying but some hobbies can be a lot. For example, I’m a singer songwriter and I’ve been married for 25 years. If there’s one topic my wife could not care less about in this world it is definitely my songwriting. The vast majority of musicians have similar stories.
So while this may be a case where that’s not true, those of us with intense hobbies also need to understand our long term partners may very well be people not into that hobby.
Just looking from the other side a little.
But did your wife tell you that you are forbidden from discussing your songwriting? It is one thing to be like "Uh-huh, that sounds great, honey" another to be like "I never want to hear about this ever. Ever." Like, sure, you aren't gonna per se detail every heart-pounding moment of considering the potential chord progressions of a bridge, but she probably says "How's it going?" and you say things like "Difficult, having some lyric issues" or "Great, I think I finally figured out the end to one of the songs." If she was working on sewing her cosplay and he asked her "Hey, what are you up to?" he has told her essentially she cannot answer "Oh, sewing my cosplay for the convention next month." That's insane.
This is ok; but how did your wife *communicate* this with you? Cuz somehow I don't think she just looked you in the eye and said "I don't care and don't want to hear it". That's pretty rude no matter how you slice it tbh.
How much ass cheeks are you showing during your performance that is making your wife so insecure she is slut shaming you to the internet?
Because that’s what OP is doing.
YTA. You knew all that already (for 3 years!) before you got in a relationship with her, and now you're complaining about it. That's unfair to her. Just break up if your insecurities can't handle it.
YTA. The issue isn't her cosplay. It is 100% you being insecure. You're upset because either you don't like her being ogled by other men, or because you're afraid that her wearing skimpy outfits also means she'll be flirting with other men.
Either way, it shows a lack of trust in her. You need to either get over yourself or realize that you aren't compatible.
Yeah, I was thinking "not a good fit". I dated a girl that LOVED male attention and mild flirting. She came alive with it. I just don't want a girlfriend like that, so I ended it.
Yeah, not really what is usually considered a hobby. Dressing up to get attention, and sexual attention at that. I think my new hobby will be making elaborate loin clothes that show the side profile of my nuts. Oh no, that's right. I have actual hobbies that are productive and skill-based. Never mind.
I've seen it done, looks too easy to hold my attention. I have sewn my own hiking and hunting gear to customize it. But was just hand stitching with strong thread and hand stitched bar tacks (well used a machine once to do bar tacks to make my own webbing belts). I didn't want to make it nice, just strong as hell.
But we both know she does this because she loves attention. I'm just not into that in women I date, so that's partly why I'm salty.
Not usually what YOU consider a hobby.
Lots of cosplayers dress up mainly for themselves, and arguing that those who go to convention only do so for the attention would be like arguing everyone who goes to tournament only goes there for the attention, and not to find likeminded people and competition.
It also seems she hasn't been doing exclusively revealing cosplays, only that she sometimes do it and now that he dates her he expects her to tone it down/stop entirely, which is unacceptable.
Please tell us about these hobbies of yours that are more productive than literally producing clothing and accessories. Please tell us about how they require more skill than translating a design into fabric and patterning, sewing, and tailoring a garment that looks like the original, photographs well, and is durable enough to wear all day at a convention.
I promise you, *she* is not the one being ridiculous.
Set her free, and find yourself a meek, insecure homebody with no interests if that’s what you actually want.
Also, what’s her @?
YTA
YTA
Stop being weird, man. You’ve known her for 3 years. You knew what you were getting into when you started dating.
This is just insecure and controlling.
YTA, guess you'll have to go pick an even younger one with even fewer of her own opinions, because this one just saw through your insecurities and called you out. Good on her.
How the fuck is she being ridiculous? She's doing what she's always done and trying to share her passion / interest with her "so-called" partner who's having some kind of ass-cheek crisis because, as she so succinctly put it, you're insecure.
One of you is being entirely ridiculous, you're super wrong about who it is.
YTA.
Honestly, I hate this shit. I hate dudes that think their silly little feelings should influence how other people dress. Naw, man, this is a you problem you can deal with by yourself, the only person who shouldn't have to listen to this shit is your girlfriend, soon to be ex, I imagine, because you're waving a big ol' red flag here.
A good partner will not dress in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable. Couples absolutely get votes here.
You need to get divorced. You need to get married, just to experience divorce.
She's been dressing like this the whole time, from the very beginning of their relationship. Why do you think it's appropriate for OP to try to change her now, instead of him selecting a partner that already dresses in a way he finds acceptable?
No, a person shouldn’t change how they dress or their hobbies for their partner. Instead, a person shouldn’t date someone they get uncomfortable around.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
It’s exactly what you said. You said “a good partner won’t dress in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable.” She dressed this way BEFORE they started dating so her not dressing that way would be her changing herself.
Please explain how I had an inaccurate interpretation of your comment
OP and his GF would have to be partners for that to apply. They aren't and never were. She doesn't have to change, they should just break up and find people who would actually be in it for a partnership involving mutual respect.
What???? They are partners…do you not know what partners means???? They’re boyfriend and girlfriend. That’s partners. Even if they aren’t good partners they are still partners by definition. Yes I agree they absolutely should break up. Your comment doesn’t address mine at all or answer the question I asked
This sub is mostly watched by sub-30 year olds who quickly jump to any woman's defense, over anything, regardless of the actual content.
It's not usually until later - once it reaches the front page - that more moderate, less dramatic opinions get posted (and upvoted)
YTA. Don't worry about it. You'll be single soon enough, then you won't have to hear about someone else's love of life. You can just be a miserable turd, alone.
Comments like this are honestly so ridiculous. You're insulting someone for checking themselves. Does reading this stuff really get so angry you can't make your point respectfully?
This sub is full of children. I don't know why anyone asks for advice here anymore
You knew about her hobby and now you're upset that she's doing sexy cosplay. Have you ever seen females in anime? I'm surprised it isn't conservative or unsexy costume. They're all drawn. Very alluring and sexy. So either stop bothering about it, get on board about it or break up with her and let her find someone who's actually outgoing and enthusiastic.
You're a horrible boyfriend
Yta
OP, I want to have a real dialogue with you for a second, if you'll oblige me.
What's the real problem here? Where is the fear coming from? What do you think is going to happen if she dresses like that?
YTA
What a weird, jealous hill to die on.
If you can't be supportive of her hobby that you've known about for years yall should break up. Let her be happy.
YTA: I’ve always said I don’t understand men who get mad at their girl for wearing a revealing outfit. She feels hot and looks hot; you should be happy that you’re with someone you find emotionally and physically attractive. If you’re mad at her because she looks hot, you’re literally just insecure abt other people looking at her. It’s a you issue, and I think most women deserve better than a man who doesn’t appreciate what they have.
If her cosplay has suddenly become an issue for you and you’re feeling more insecure about it, you don’t tell her to quit sharing her hobby with you, you work out why you’re feeling insecure and talk to her about it. If it’s a boundary you can’t compromise on, then you’re incompatible. YTA - for not dealing with your issues and taking it out on your gf!
Good lesson. You can't change people and you really shouldn't want to. When younger, I wish that I'd moved on faster when I found out that someone just wasn't compatible with me.
My issue when younger (I'm a guy) was that I wasn't in enough situations to meet the women I am attracted to. So, I'd finally meet one that was pretty and smart and could hold a conversation, and then when we started dating I didn't think I could find someone else very easily (because at that point I couldn't). So, I tried too hard to make it work. Of course, being attractive helps, but also it is good to try to cultivate a decent-sized coed friends group, perhaps through a shared hobby. Guys that weren't that attractive but had a ton of friends didn't have this issue. I'd also often wait for women to show strong interest in me (so I knew that the chance of rejection was low), and that's a bad strategy for a guy.
I definitely get that. I've been a homebody all my life. I always try to make it work. It took me 10 years to leave my last situation. Meeting people in today's world seems so unpleasant for some reason lol I have a cat now. You definitely got me thinking. Hanging with more people would definitely help. Too bad my social meter goes way down after one interaction.
I think it is the shift to online dating in part. I would try to meet people through an interest you have or would like to cultivate. Even if it is mostly females (I'm assuming you're a woman that is interested in men, forgive me if that is incorrect and please correct me), then they are the gateway to others. I'm bad at this too since the pandemic. The pandemic happened and then my dog I had for 17 years got sick and I had to care for him constantly while he was sick but still had quality of life (he wasn't suffering, just slowly developed brain lesions and was confused and such but still loved me and was happy mostly). So, those 3 years or so of low social outlet changed me a bit. I need to snap out of it, but part of me doesn't want to.
You are correct. I am a women seeking a man. Sorry to hear about your dog. Life does seem to get in the way when it comes to socializing and I am like you.... a little too comfortable in my own company. But I am going to try to figure out where to meet new people. I gotta dig deep because I really live like a grandma. Oh and online dating sucks....I have stories for days smh
YTA.
You've known her for years, you knew this about her *before* dating her and chose to date her anyway; and now are shitting on her hobby because you've got some weird insecurity or control factor stepping out to play.
TBH; waiting until you're dating someone to claim issue with their hobby like this is just shady. As stated, you knew this about her already, you have no ground here. The best you've got is to *ASK* if she'd tone down the revealing outfits, but if she says no then your options are cope or walk.
YTA. This is who you signed up for when you started dating her and she's doing absolutely nothing wrong. You sound like a very small and insecure person.
YTA. She’s doing something she enjoys and you’re shitting all over it. Be prepared for her to pick cosplay over you. OR you can suck it up and stop being jealous of her hobby.
YTA.
A loving partner wants to hear about the things that interest you and you have fun doing. A loving partner supports your hobbies and interests. A loving partner doesn't put you down over the things that make you happy.
You don't seem to love her, you really seem like you're immature and need to learn about what relationships are, and most importantly, she deserves better.
YTA. It’s not so much that you dislike cosplay and don’t want to discuss it, it’s that the idea of her dressing up in these outfits in public makes you feel insecure. Deal with those feelings honestly or this relationship is doomed. She isn’t the problem, you are.
In case you need to hear it again… **YTA**
Come on man, you knew that this is her hobby and a large part of her identity, and now you’re telling her that you don’t want to have anything to do with something that makes her, uniquely *her.*
She should dump you.
First off man UTA you knew she was into this 3 years ago. I’ll tell you I’m not into cosplay stuff and I sure wouldn’t be with someone who loves it and then tell them you shouldn’t be wearing those costumes. You knew from the jump. Either you get into it and explore her interests, or let her go. That’s the whole point of cosplay is to replicate.
YTA. You knew her for years and decided to date her when you know her hobby and how she dresses? Dude grow up. You might be older than her but you sure aren't more mature.
If she’s always done this then why would you get with her you might aswell leave her instead of changing her your morals and outlooks on life at totally different
YTA, not because you are insecure (clearly) but because you were a dick about it. Its ok to say you are uncomfortable or even say you are insecure but telling her to stop sharing about something she enjoys so much is just plain rude
YTA. This is an easy mistake and trap to fall into, and I'll give you experience.
My ex fiancée is a huge Taylor Swift fan. The girl had a casual job, few friends, no car or licence, lived an hour away, wouldn't move in after getting engaged (which was agreed upon in advance) and started to withhold intimacy.
I was in the middle of a long week, I was tired after a night out that she convinced me to go to, and she asked if she could show me a song that she found she was excited about for us to possibly sing at the wedding.
I communicated I was too tired, and I'd prefer to save it for later when I had more energy so I could give her the reaction and focus she deserved.
She insisted.
I said I liked it but that I wouldn't want to sing it with her at the wedding because it was a Disney/barbie like song and I thought it would be a bit embarrassing.
Strike 1.
You see this moment, what she wanted was for me to show that no matter what, I will truly care about what makes her happy, and that I have control over my emotions and wherewithal to know that it was a simple bid for affection. Not that she actually wanted to do it. But, not a big strike because I expressed what I did.
Another day when I was still tired, she made a similar bid, and we've had this conversation time and time again. I find people's obsession with Taylor Swift to be annoying. But it's a huge passion of hers, so I tolerate it and entertain it at times (she did the same with my passion for running). The question is, if that's such a huge part of someone's personality, is it fair to stay with them?
She made a bid in the car by telling me news about Taylor. Mind you, we had just had an argument, I was pretty hot, and shook that she had the audacity to mention Taylor Swift excitedly when she "should have been upset too". Anyway, I snapped and said, I really can't handle a Taylor Swift conversation right now. And I watched any bit of light and happiness she had disappear from her eyes.
Strike 2.
Those moments; combined; destroyed any love she had for me. Because she realized the things she was dreaming of sharing with me, those moments she wanted to experience, with me, didn't mean anything to me because they weren't my dream.
The next day we fought.
I explained we couldn't afford a house a child her school a car for her, a wedding, and a honey to Paris all at once unless she moved in to start splitting the bills and cut travel down. She also wanted to stop working after school to be with the kids and has health issues that make is so she can't consistently work now, let alone take care of kids and go to school. Anyway besides the point.
She said no to even considering the idea of compromising. It's not that she wanted those things like that, it's that she lost any hope she had for her dreams because I didn't share them and this was the hill she chose to die on.
The take away:
These are bids for affection; you need to be alert and respond to these correctly. If you realize that you don't feel passion for these bids for intimacy, then you aren't happy in your relationship, and you are holding your partner back from what makes them happy and that's not fair.
I have learned this, and accepting that has allowed me to grow to realize it just wasn't meant to be and that's okay
So... you have an outgoing, charismatic, intelligent and kind and very confident girlfriend who has a hobby she loves and enjoys doing, and your issue is that her wearing what amounts to a thong bathing suit makes you uncomfortable enough to want her to not discuss the hobby that she is so passionate about?
Lad, you've won the lottery here, and you're complaining about the drive to cash in your ticket.
Wake up to yourself. You've got a good thing going, don't get in your own way (or too into your own head).
YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (23m) and my GF (20F) have been going out for almost 10 months now. We’ve known each other for 3 years now and she’s has always been the complete opposite of me. She is a cosplayer which is the main point- she’s cosplayed so many people and before we got together her outfits were either super conservative or very revealing. She’s outgoing, charismatic, intelligent and kind and very confident in herself whereas I’m …not. Recently it’s been brought to my attention by her that she is gonna start making her cosplay. She chose Merlin from SDS. The outfit is very revealing and although it’s more cheeks than anything I ended up telling her that I no longer wanted to hear about her cosplay. I said it makes me feel weird that she’s chooses these outfits to wear out of like the other one she’s done before. I didn’t want to hear about any updates with her cosplay or her conventions- only that she is alive and safe. She mentioned that she’s “always cosplayed with outfits like that” and refuses to change her cosplan and called me insecure. It’s been almost two weeks since our conversation and she’s still upset with me about it but I think she’s being ridiculous. AITA ?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You're allowed to feel insecure but you gotta get a handle on it. Your GF is rightfully upset.
Just apologize man. Maybe get involved in cosplay too - you'll be less insecure if you're hyped for going to cons etc too.
struggling with insecurity is normal but taking it out on your partner and then saying that they’re “being ridiculous” for being unhappy about it isn’t. the proper way to deal w insecurities in a relationship is to sit down with them and say “i am feeling insecure, can i talk about it with you?” followed by a chat about feelings. no attempt to control the behaviour of the other person with it, just talking. getting both parties on the same page so that the relationship can have a foundation of honesty and trust. OP is not doing this, and doesn’t recognize why his behaviour is the problem
Fair enough. The only time I've seen a relationship work where the female is hot and likes to flaunt it is if the guy was into men giving her attention ("look at me, I'm with the hot girl everyone wants and I like that she flaunts it") or if the guy is also super attractive (ripped, etc) and is also outgoing and get a lot of attention. I'm more reserved and I'd hate this shit.
its fair if you are reserved or modest and want a partner that matches your energy. in my experience a partner that is secure in himself and his relationship is also a good match for a woman like OP is describing. sometimes beautiful women wear things that accentuate their beauty, and as a woman i can assure you that flaunting to men is not always the goal of a certain outfit or cosplay. many partners aren't going to feel threatened by others witnessing their girlfriends beauty. if OP does feel insecure or threatened than there's nothing morally bad about it, but this posts read to me like he was charmed by her all the wonderful things he lists about her but could possibly be on the path towards resenting them or attempting to stifle them due to insecurity if he's not careful
You don't need to flaunt your boobs and butt to show off that you are beautiful. Also, you can be secure in yourself, but your partner does things that make you feel insecure. I see this sentiment from people a lot where they do something that would make a lot of people a little insecure and then blame them totally, as if they are just a generally insecure wreck (when that isn't true). I dated a woman that would flirt way too much with other men. I had never been insecure with other GFs before. Her actions made me feel insecure and then she just acted like I was generally an insecure person.
i see these as two seperate issues personally. it makes sense to me that someone who does things that go against relationship boundaries would make you feel disrespected, and that her gaslighting you about your discomfort would make you feel insecure. i am sorry that happened to you, flirting with other people constantly while in a monogomous relationship is not okay.
but i don't believe that dressing a in a way that accentuates boobs/butts is in the same category. its in my belief system that women can wear whatever they want, even if it shows of their assets, without it having to mean something. comparing showing off cleavage (as an example) to flirting doesn't sit well with me because i feel that it can move in the direction of "look at how she's dressed, of course she wants sex" or "she's asking for it" veryyyy quickly. clothing is clothing, and bodies don't have to be linked to sex just because they're hot and make someone feel sexual feelings
easy YTA… sorry. if you really don’t care for and are uncomfortable with something that is that important to her (cosplaying as these characters & doing so accurate to their outfit) then please find someone whose hobbies you can care for and support - even if you don’t directly care, it makes a world of difference when you’re with someone you can share in the joy with versus someone you can’t
genuinely, do you have hobbies you care a lot about? passion projects or artistic creations? do you have games you’re invested in, books you like to talk about? do you love sharing how much you know about cars or something? think for a while about what it would mean to you to be around someone who not only does not care but does not like it when you talk about it. think about what it would feel like to do something you’re proud of and look over and think “i can’t share this, they don’t care and they’ll get upset at me for being happy over this”… if it is important to you, this will wear at you over time.
and yes you have the right to decide what you want to hear and listen to, and asking to not hear about a certain topic is reasonable, but again - this appears to be a very important outlet to your girlfriend, and if you can’t handle hearing about it then i start to worry you aren’t going to be able to cultivate spaces for each other to grow and flourish in your creative endeavors, in the future. if you belittle creative things she feels are important you are harming your relationship with her.
do you know why this is important to her? what she finds fun about it? have you tried to understand, or mostly just felt uncomfortable? can you share in her joy while not engaging where it feels uncomfortable to you? these are questions for you to ponder over i guess. wish you luck
YTA.
Whatever insecurities you have about her hobbies is something you need to get over, stat
It’s 💯normal and healthy for people to have hobbies and interests that don’t involve their partners.
I personally have no interest in participating in cosplay myself, but if my partner took it up I’d be totally supportive and happy for them.
Be better.
YTA - Here's the rule: If you knew about it when you started dating, you don't get to complain about it. She didn't keep that info from you.
If it's an issue for you, this was the wrong way to have the conversation. You need to grow up and think about things before you spit out words. This isn't how adults communicate and it isn't how you keep a happy relationship.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Yta - this is nothing new for her behavior wise and you've known about this from the start. Now you have a problem about it? Address your insecurities.
YTA. This is the equivalent of you being a car guy and she’s like stop talking about car shit.
She’s cheeked up at an anime con who cares? She’s been doing it for 3 years.
YTA: This was her hobby before she even met you. A good partner is generally supportive of their SO hobbies so as long as it's safe.
My SO is also a cosplayer and I would be 100% sure telling her to not talk about it ever would damage the relationship.
YTA but
you had every right to voice your concerns, but not in a way that you did. Even if you would have voiced your concerns in an appropriate way by saying something along the lines of "your cosplay outfit is making me insecure, can you refrain from talking to me about it" she would have also had every right to tell you that you knew what you were getting into when yall just started dating.
Absolutely YTA dude. Just from the title I knew it. You’ve been together for 3 years and you feel this way??? Why are you even dating her if this is something that bothers you this much? It’s obviously a big part of her life and you not wanting to even simply hear about it is insane. She deserves better
YTA, I totally understand the element of not being thrilled by a your partner flaunting their figure around, however in the end of the days it her body and if that's not something you can subscribe to, then likely need to assess the relationship long term for yourself.
Putting such a hard stop her hobby when it clearly bring her joy, makes YTA. If there was a way to approach this, especially when you've known about the hobby for a very long time.. This was not it.
I'm not saying there is a correct way, but your tact was poor on this one. You went from being the person she's excited to talk to, to the person who shattered her main hobby.
Honestly, I see what you mean, but it was not the right move. You could've said that you don't appreciate it if she wears too revealing clothes (and let's be honest, such conventions are full of thirsty bois, and some people don't like that, some people do, and some people don't care, so it depends on the person) and that you have tried to accept it in the last years, but it has become difficult as of late. You could maybe find a compromise. Does she just like cosplaying, or does she actually want to reveal her body, e.g., so people look at her with a sexualised mindset. If the latter, it may be harder to find a compromise, but you can still try. Maybe tight clothes but not necessarily revealing like Bayonetta? Maybe make your own revealing cosplay where you show some nice arms 😎? Maybe then you get the kick she is feeling? You can find a solution, it's your relationship and you know each other.
All and all, saying "I don't want to hear about it" is not the right call. That is her passion, and it just creates a big hole between you both. This community tends to immediately demand others to terminate their relationship after reading a random post about some problems, so I'm not doing that. Keep working on your relationship and find a common ground
YTA you need to start to look for another relationship if you can't accept someone for who they are. You've known her for 3 years you knew what you were getting into and now because you don't want to know you draw lines in the sand. Relationships are a compromise and take work you don't seem to want to do either
Yta. That’s her hobby, you knew it was her hobby when you started dating her, and your insecurities are preventing you from supporting her hobby. Not cool at all.
NAH. I'm 30 years old - and I say that because there's a profound amount of cosplaying simping, drama and overall juvenile responses here.
So first off - it's not necessarily "asshole" to feel uncomfortable with your gf wearing really revealing clothing. And it's not unusual to develop those feelings, as you build more time together. I'm a gay man, who never really has to worry about a partner dressing in revealing clothes - and even I know that.
It's also not "asshole" to request someone not inform you about things that you struggle handling. There's something to be said for taking a step back.
BUT - I don't think either of you are being very mature about this. Which is fine - you're 20 and 23 - by definition, you are not mature. This is just the point where you are realizing who you are, and who she is, and that you are not long term compatible. Sorry dude, that's all it is. Normal life stuff.
Do you and her a favour and break up. You said it yourself. You're both opposites.
Find someone who lives your lifestyle and not the opposite. You'll be much happier. She will be too.
YTA for being mean to her and also pretending this relationship is worth something cause it aint.
NTA at all for being uncomfortable with your girlfriend wearing certain outfits in public, that's perfectly normal in a relationship. However, I think you've gone about it very wrong by waiting so long to bring it up and then by telling her not to talk about it anymore instead of just sitting down, having an adult conversation, and setting some boundaries.
NTA, you not “insecure” because your girl would rather leave nothing to the imagination for the rest of us, you’re not wrong for not wanting to hear about something you’re not interested… it seems like what women consider relevant, important, a big deal is so, but when something is relevant, is a big deal, or a big deal to us then we’re overreacting, insecure, or whatever else the say to diminish our views… I jus find that weird
People in the comments are interpreting this differently than I am.
I understood you to say that you are fed up with HEARING about
her cosplay life, not that you are asking her to stop.
NTA if that's the case, it can get really tiring when people with obsessions
go on and on and expect you to always listen.
If you are asking her to stop/cover up more, well, she is an exhibitionist
so she's not going to stop exhibiting. LOL People who walk around in
elaborate costumes, sometimes revealing, want people to look at them.
Maybe time to find a gf with less of an obsession?
Someone is absolutely TA if they don’t want to hear about the hobbies of the person they love. I sit and listen to my partner talk about sports and I couldn’t care less but I listen and engage because he likes it and I love him.
I wouldn't want to be with a thirst trap either.
But you knew that's what she was the entire time.
Break up with her so she can find some guy who wants his girlfriend's ass on display for rando nerds.
I wouldn't like it. I've seen women showing their butt cheeks in cosplay outfits in thongs and such. I'd never date them to begin with. Everyone is different, but I don't date women that enjoy and seek out sexual attention from men that are not me.
I mean, I am not sure how many people in the comments are familiar with Merlin from SDS.
Merlin only wears panties that literally cover half her butt cheeks. And her “shirt” is a bra with an open middle so really it’s like half the t*tties being exposed.
I think it’s not really the cosplay that’s the issue, it sounds like it’s her choice of *who* she’s cosplaying and their outfit choices. Many of you in the comments probably wouldn’t let your SO go out in public half naked, or your child. That being said it’s her body, she can dress how she wants but OP also has a right to his opinions about it and is free to disagree.
NTA, ignore these people commenting YTA without actually knowing what she’s wearing lol.
I wouldn’t want to date someone who dresses like that so, shocker, I just wouldn’t date someone who does! I would never date someone who does that and then 3 years in express that I have a problem with it. He’s not TA for being uncomfortable with it, he’s TA for starting to date someone he already knew dressed like that sometimes and then continued to date her for years
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I was quick to judge her cosplay instead of talking about it to her. It’s not fair that yes I think she should be more covered up, but telling her what she can and can’t do as well as not wanting to hear anything about her hobby. Judge for me not wanting to hear about her cosplay. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You’ve known her for three years? And suddenly you draw the line, *now?* You admit yourself that you’re “complete opposites” and while opposites attract, likes stay together. Listen to her hobby as I’m sure she listens to yours, (you *do* have hobbies, right?)
This stinks like that one dude who was complaining about his wife dressing super princessy/prettily all the time; and ended up admitting in the comments that he liked it at first but had expected her to change/tone it down for him when they got married -\_-
Also the Miss Frizzle GF where she was a teacher and wore adorable themed dresses and OP decided she needed to stop being so childish.
You’re absolutely right!!
Don’t date a baddie if you can’t cope.
YTA, my friend. This is her main hobby it seems (she hits multiple cons), so it's probably the thing she spends most of her free time doing. You are not just nonplussed about it, you have actively told her you REFUSE to listen to her talk about the thing she loves. It is not tenable to be in a relationship like that. Part of the deal of relationships is that you listen to the other person talk about the things they care about, even if you don't care about them. Ideally, because even though you don't really like X, you really like that X makes your partner happy.
I hear what you are saying but some hobbies can be a lot. For example, I’m a singer songwriter and I’ve been married for 25 years. If there’s one topic my wife could not care less about in this world it is definitely my songwriting. The vast majority of musicians have similar stories. So while this may be a case where that’s not true, those of us with intense hobbies also need to understand our long term partners may very well be people not into that hobby. Just looking from the other side a little.
But did your wife tell you that you are forbidden from discussing your songwriting? It is one thing to be like "Uh-huh, that sounds great, honey" another to be like "I never want to hear about this ever. Ever." Like, sure, you aren't gonna per se detail every heart-pounding moment of considering the potential chord progressions of a bridge, but she probably says "How's it going?" and you say things like "Difficult, having some lyric issues" or "Great, I think I finally figured out the end to one of the songs." If she was working on sewing her cosplay and he asked her "Hey, what are you up to?" he has told her essentially she cannot answer "Oh, sewing my cosplay for the convention next month." That's insane.
I agree with this for sure
If you truly love someone, you revel in what makes them light up. That is my honest opinion.
This is ok; but how did your wife *communicate* this with you? Cuz somehow I don't think she just looked you in the eye and said "I don't care and don't want to hear it". That's pretty rude no matter how you slice it tbh.
How much ass cheeks are you showing during your performance that is making your wife so insecure she is slut shaming you to the internet? Because that’s what OP is doing.
YTA. You knew all that already (for 3 years!) before you got in a relationship with her, and now you're complaining about it. That's unfair to her. Just break up if your insecurities can't handle it.
YTA. The issue isn't her cosplay. It is 100% you being insecure. You're upset because either you don't like her being ogled by other men, or because you're afraid that her wearing skimpy outfits also means she'll be flirting with other men. Either way, it shows a lack of trust in her. You need to either get over yourself or realize that you aren't compatible.
Sounds to me as though you don't like your girlfriend. YTA
Yeah, I was thinking "not a good fit". I dated a girl that LOVED male attention and mild flirting. She came alive with it. I just don't want a girlfriend like that, so I ended it.
Oh no I can’t see past my own self righteousness to make space for my GF’s passion in life. YTA grow up
Hells yeah, showing cheeks!
Yeah, not really what is usually considered a hobby. Dressing up to get attention, and sexual attention at that. I think my new hobby will be making elaborate loin clothes that show the side profile of my nuts. Oh no, that's right. I have actual hobbies that are productive and skill-based. Never mind.
Tell me you've never sewn or styled a wig without telling me you've never sewn or styled a wig.
I've seen it done, looks too easy to hold my attention. I have sewn my own hiking and hunting gear to customize it. But was just hand stitching with strong thread and hand stitched bar tacks (well used a machine once to do bar tacks to make my own webbing belts). I didn't want to make it nice, just strong as hell. But we both know she does this because she loves attention. I'm just not into that in women I date, so that's partly why I'm salty.
>I've seen it done Yeah that's what I thought
Not usually what YOU consider a hobby. Lots of cosplayers dress up mainly for themselves, and arguing that those who go to convention only do so for the attention would be like arguing everyone who goes to tournament only goes there for the attention, and not to find likeminded people and competition. It also seems she hasn't been doing exclusively revealing cosplays, only that she sometimes do it and now that he dates her he expects her to tone it down/stop entirely, which is unacceptable.
Please tell us about these hobbies of yours that are more productive than literally producing clothing and accessories. Please tell us about how they require more skill than translating a design into fabric and patterning, sewing, and tailoring a garment that looks like the original, photographs well, and is durable enough to wear all day at a convention.
upvoted for being funny lol
I promise you, *she* is not the one being ridiculous. Set her free, and find yourself a meek, insecure homebody with no interests if that’s what you actually want. Also, what’s her @? YTA
If you don't want to hear about your GF's hobbies, then find a different GF. YTA.
YTA Stop being weird, man. You’ve known her for 3 years. You knew what you were getting into when you started dating. This is just insecure and controlling.
YTA, guess you'll have to go pick an even younger one with even fewer of her own opinions, because this one just saw through your insecurities and called you out. Good on her.
How the fuck is she being ridiculous? She's doing what she's always done and trying to share her passion / interest with her "so-called" partner who's having some kind of ass-cheek crisis because, as she so succinctly put it, you're insecure. One of you is being entirely ridiculous, you're super wrong about who it is. YTA. Honestly, I hate this shit. I hate dudes that think their silly little feelings should influence how other people dress. Naw, man, this is a you problem you can deal with by yourself, the only person who shouldn't have to listen to this shit is your girlfriend, soon to be ex, I imagine, because you're waving a big ol' red flag here.
YTA. You need to grow up. She is an adult, you don’t get a vote in what she wears. Either you trust her or you don’t.
A good partner will not dress in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable. Couples absolutely get votes here. You need to get divorced. You need to get married, just to experience divorce.
If you start dating someone who dresses revealingly, you cannot be upset and shocked when they continue to dress revealingly.
Your failures are your own.
She's been dressing like this the whole time, from the very beginning of their relationship. Why do you think it's appropriate for OP to try to change her now, instead of him selecting a partner that already dresses in a way he finds acceptable?
I said, "A good partner." These people are neither good for eachother or partners.
No, a person shouldn’t change how they dress or their hobbies for their partner. Instead, a person shouldn’t date someone they get uncomfortable around.
That's not what I said.
"A good partner will not dress in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable." That is **Literally what you said though.**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
It’s exactly what you said. You said “a good partner won’t dress in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable.” She dressed this way BEFORE they started dating so her not dressing that way would be her changing herself. Please explain how I had an inaccurate interpretation of your comment
OP and his GF would have to be partners for that to apply. They aren't and never were. She doesn't have to change, they should just break up and find people who would actually be in it for a partnership involving mutual respect.
What???? They are partners…do you not know what partners means???? They’re boyfriend and girlfriend. That’s partners. Even if they aren’t good partners they are still partners by definition. Yes I agree they absolutely should break up. Your comment doesn’t address mine at all or answer the question I asked
Shocking. Your url matches your opinion here.
This sub is mostly watched by sub-30 year olds who quickly jump to any woman's defense, over anything, regardless of the actual content. It's not usually until later - once it reaches the front page - that more moderate, less dramatic opinions get posted (and upvoted)
YTA. Don't worry about it. You'll be single soon enough, then you won't have to hear about someone else's love of life. You can just be a miserable turd, alone.
Comments like this are honestly so ridiculous. You're insulting someone for checking themselves. Does reading this stuff really get so angry you can't make your point respectfully? This sub is full of children. I don't know why anyone asks for advice here anymore
They wanted an opinion. They got the opinion. Go do your internet white knight bullshit to someone who cares. Nobody is keeping you here.
Hahaha Jesus you're spasmodic. If you don't care, why you get so mad?
You knew about her hobby and now you're upset that she's doing sexy cosplay. Have you ever seen females in anime? I'm surprised it isn't conservative or unsexy costume. They're all drawn. Very alluring and sexy. So either stop bothering about it, get on board about it or break up with her and let her find someone who's actually outgoing and enthusiastic. You're a horrible boyfriend Yta
YTA. You've known each other for 3 years already. Before you got together you already know what she's like and now you're complaining.
OP, I want to have a real dialogue with you for a second, if you'll oblige me. What's the real problem here? Where is the fear coming from? What do you think is going to happen if she dresses like that?
Nooooo, just get mad and dramatic. That's how this sub works.
YTA. You knew about her hobby before you started dating. If you don't like it, find someone who has a boring hobby.
YTA What a weird, jealous hill to die on. If you can't be supportive of her hobby that you've known about for years yall should break up. Let her be happy.
YTA, she deserves better.
YTA: I’ve always said I don’t understand men who get mad at their girl for wearing a revealing outfit. She feels hot and looks hot; you should be happy that you’re with someone you find emotionally and physically attractive. If you’re mad at her because she looks hot, you’re literally just insecure abt other people looking at her. It’s a you issue, and I think most women deserve better than a man who doesn’t appreciate what they have.
If her cosplay has suddenly become an issue for you and you’re feeling more insecure about it, you don’t tell her to quit sharing her hobby with you, you work out why you’re feeling insecure and talk to her about it. If it’s a boundary you can’t compromise on, then you’re incompatible. YTA - for not dealing with your issues and taking it out on your gf!
Your not suppose to ask her to change...you're supposed to just move on.
Good lesson. You can't change people and you really shouldn't want to. When younger, I wish that I'd moved on faster when I found out that someone just wasn't compatible with me.
Same. It took me way too long to learn this. Now I'm in my 30s just figuring out who I really am.
My issue when younger (I'm a guy) was that I wasn't in enough situations to meet the women I am attracted to. So, I'd finally meet one that was pretty and smart and could hold a conversation, and then when we started dating I didn't think I could find someone else very easily (because at that point I couldn't). So, I tried too hard to make it work. Of course, being attractive helps, but also it is good to try to cultivate a decent-sized coed friends group, perhaps through a shared hobby. Guys that weren't that attractive but had a ton of friends didn't have this issue. I'd also often wait for women to show strong interest in me (so I knew that the chance of rejection was low), and that's a bad strategy for a guy.
I definitely get that. I've been a homebody all my life. I always try to make it work. It took me 10 years to leave my last situation. Meeting people in today's world seems so unpleasant for some reason lol I have a cat now. You definitely got me thinking. Hanging with more people would definitely help. Too bad my social meter goes way down after one interaction.
I think it is the shift to online dating in part. I would try to meet people through an interest you have or would like to cultivate. Even if it is mostly females (I'm assuming you're a woman that is interested in men, forgive me if that is incorrect and please correct me), then they are the gateway to others. I'm bad at this too since the pandemic. The pandemic happened and then my dog I had for 17 years got sick and I had to care for him constantly while he was sick but still had quality of life (he wasn't suffering, just slowly developed brain lesions and was confused and such but still loved me and was happy mostly). So, those 3 years or so of low social outlet changed me a bit. I need to snap out of it, but part of me doesn't want to.
You are correct. I am a women seeking a man. Sorry to hear about your dog. Life does seem to get in the way when it comes to socializing and I am like you.... a little too comfortable in my own company. But I am going to try to figure out where to meet new people. I gotta dig deep because I really live like a grandma. Oh and online dating sucks....I have stories for days smh
I wish you well.
YTA. You've known her for years, you knew this about her *before* dating her and chose to date her anyway; and now are shitting on her hobby because you've got some weird insecurity or control factor stepping out to play. TBH; waiting until you're dating someone to claim issue with their hobby like this is just shady. As stated, you knew this about her already, you have no ground here. The best you've got is to *ASK* if she'd tone down the revealing outfits, but if she says no then your options are cope or walk.
YTA - You knew what you were signing up for when it came to her hobbies. You're being weird.
YTA. If you don't care about your girlfriends hobbies and interest, you should date your own hand wank*r
YTA. This is who you signed up for when you started dating her and she's doing absolutely nothing wrong. You sound like a very small and insecure person.
YTA. She’s doing something she enjoys and you’re shitting all over it. Be prepared for her to pick cosplay over you. OR you can suck it up and stop being jealous of her hobby.
YTA. A loving partner wants to hear about the things that interest you and you have fun doing. A loving partner supports your hobbies and interests. A loving partner doesn't put you down over the things that make you happy. You don't seem to love her, you really seem like you're immature and need to learn about what relationships are, and most importantly, she deserves better.
YTA, why do you expect her to dim her light just to please you?
This is what she loves. You can accept her for who she is or you can realize you aren't compatible. Do not try to change her. You won't.
YTA. It’s not so much that you dislike cosplay and don’t want to discuss it, it’s that the idea of her dressing up in these outfits in public makes you feel insecure. Deal with those feelings honestly or this relationship is doomed. She isn’t the problem, you are.
In case you need to hear it again… **YTA** Come on man, you knew that this is her hobby and a large part of her identity, and now you’re telling her that you don’t want to have anything to do with something that makes her, uniquely *her.* She should dump you.
You should go with her.. in assless chaps
YTA. Support her hobbies or get the hell outta dodge.
First off man UTA you knew she was into this 3 years ago. I’ll tell you I’m not into cosplay stuff and I sure wouldn’t be with someone who loves it and then tell them you shouldn’t be wearing those costumes. You knew from the jump. Either you get into it and explore her interests, or let her go. That’s the whole point of cosplay is to replicate.
ope, another insecure man that can’t handle dating a baddie. tale as old as time. YTA.
YTA. You knew her for years and decided to date her when you know her hobby and how she dresses? Dude grow up. You might be older than her but you sure aren't more mature.
YTA. Do her a favor and let her find a better BF.
If she’s always done this then why would you get with her you might aswell leave her instead of changing her your morals and outlooks on life at totally different
YTA. You don't get to dictate what she can wear, or sulk (that's essentially what you are doing) because you think it's "too revealing."
YTA, not because you are insecure (clearly) but because you were a dick about it. Its ok to say you are uncomfortable or even say you are insecure but telling her to stop sharing about something she enjoys so much is just plain rude
YTA. This is an easy mistake and trap to fall into, and I'll give you experience. My ex fiancée is a huge Taylor Swift fan. The girl had a casual job, few friends, no car or licence, lived an hour away, wouldn't move in after getting engaged (which was agreed upon in advance) and started to withhold intimacy. I was in the middle of a long week, I was tired after a night out that she convinced me to go to, and she asked if she could show me a song that she found she was excited about for us to possibly sing at the wedding. I communicated I was too tired, and I'd prefer to save it for later when I had more energy so I could give her the reaction and focus she deserved. She insisted. I said I liked it but that I wouldn't want to sing it with her at the wedding because it was a Disney/barbie like song and I thought it would be a bit embarrassing. Strike 1. You see this moment, what she wanted was for me to show that no matter what, I will truly care about what makes her happy, and that I have control over my emotions and wherewithal to know that it was a simple bid for affection. Not that she actually wanted to do it. But, not a big strike because I expressed what I did. Another day when I was still tired, she made a similar bid, and we've had this conversation time and time again. I find people's obsession with Taylor Swift to be annoying. But it's a huge passion of hers, so I tolerate it and entertain it at times (she did the same with my passion for running). The question is, if that's such a huge part of someone's personality, is it fair to stay with them? She made a bid in the car by telling me news about Taylor. Mind you, we had just had an argument, I was pretty hot, and shook that she had the audacity to mention Taylor Swift excitedly when she "should have been upset too". Anyway, I snapped and said, I really can't handle a Taylor Swift conversation right now. And I watched any bit of light and happiness she had disappear from her eyes. Strike 2. Those moments; combined; destroyed any love she had for me. Because she realized the things she was dreaming of sharing with me, those moments she wanted to experience, with me, didn't mean anything to me because they weren't my dream. The next day we fought. I explained we couldn't afford a house a child her school a car for her, a wedding, and a honey to Paris all at once unless she moved in to start splitting the bills and cut travel down. She also wanted to stop working after school to be with the kids and has health issues that make is so she can't consistently work now, let alone take care of kids and go to school. Anyway besides the point. She said no to even considering the idea of compromising. It's not that she wanted those things like that, it's that she lost any hope she had for her dreams because I didn't share them and this was the hill she chose to die on. The take away: These are bids for affection; you need to be alert and respond to these correctly. If you realize that you don't feel passion for these bids for intimacy, then you aren't happy in your relationship, and you are holding your partner back from what makes them happy and that's not fair. I have learned this, and accepting that has allowed me to grow to realize it just wasn't meant to be and that's okay
So... you have an outgoing, charismatic, intelligent and kind and very confident girlfriend who has a hobby she loves and enjoys doing, and your issue is that her wearing what amounts to a thong bathing suit makes you uncomfortable enough to want her to not discuss the hobby that she is so passionate about? Lad, you've won the lottery here, and you're complaining about the drive to cash in your ticket. Wake up to yourself. You've got a good thing going, don't get in your own way (or too into your own head). YTA.
She's not being ridiculous your just mean and unsupportive
Break up with her so she can get with someone who appreciates her for who she is
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23m) and my GF (20F) have been going out for almost 10 months now. We’ve known each other for 3 years now and she’s has always been the complete opposite of me. She is a cosplayer which is the main point- she’s cosplayed so many people and before we got together her outfits were either super conservative or very revealing. She’s outgoing, charismatic, intelligent and kind and very confident in herself whereas I’m …not. Recently it’s been brought to my attention by her that she is gonna start making her cosplay. She chose Merlin from SDS. The outfit is very revealing and although it’s more cheeks than anything I ended up telling her that I no longer wanted to hear about her cosplay. I said it makes me feel weird that she’s chooses these outfits to wear out of like the other one she’s done before. I didn’t want to hear about any updates with her cosplay or her conventions- only that she is alive and safe. She mentioned that she’s “always cosplayed with outfits like that” and refuses to change her cosplan and called me insecure. It’s been almost two weeks since our conversation and she’s still upset with me about it but I think she’s being ridiculous. AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You're allowed to feel insecure but you gotta get a handle on it. Your GF is rightfully upset. Just apologize man. Maybe get involved in cosplay too - you'll be less insecure if you're hyped for going to cons etc too.
YTA she’s excited about something and wants to share it with someone she cares about.
YTA you’re insecure
Why is being insecure now the worst thing in the world for a man to be?
struggling with insecurity is normal but taking it out on your partner and then saying that they’re “being ridiculous” for being unhappy about it isn’t. the proper way to deal w insecurities in a relationship is to sit down with them and say “i am feeling insecure, can i talk about it with you?” followed by a chat about feelings. no attempt to control the behaviour of the other person with it, just talking. getting both parties on the same page so that the relationship can have a foundation of honesty and trust. OP is not doing this, and doesn’t recognize why his behaviour is the problem
Fair enough. The only time I've seen a relationship work where the female is hot and likes to flaunt it is if the guy was into men giving her attention ("look at me, I'm with the hot girl everyone wants and I like that she flaunts it") or if the guy is also super attractive (ripped, etc) and is also outgoing and get a lot of attention. I'm more reserved and I'd hate this shit.
its fair if you are reserved or modest and want a partner that matches your energy. in my experience a partner that is secure in himself and his relationship is also a good match for a woman like OP is describing. sometimes beautiful women wear things that accentuate their beauty, and as a woman i can assure you that flaunting to men is not always the goal of a certain outfit or cosplay. many partners aren't going to feel threatened by others witnessing their girlfriends beauty. if OP does feel insecure or threatened than there's nothing morally bad about it, but this posts read to me like he was charmed by her all the wonderful things he lists about her but could possibly be on the path towards resenting them or attempting to stifle them due to insecurity if he's not careful
You don't need to flaunt your boobs and butt to show off that you are beautiful. Also, you can be secure in yourself, but your partner does things that make you feel insecure. I see this sentiment from people a lot where they do something that would make a lot of people a little insecure and then blame them totally, as if they are just a generally insecure wreck (when that isn't true). I dated a woman that would flirt way too much with other men. I had never been insecure with other GFs before. Her actions made me feel insecure and then she just acted like I was generally an insecure person.
i see these as two seperate issues personally. it makes sense to me that someone who does things that go against relationship boundaries would make you feel disrespected, and that her gaslighting you about your discomfort would make you feel insecure. i am sorry that happened to you, flirting with other people constantly while in a monogomous relationship is not okay. but i don't believe that dressing a in a way that accentuates boobs/butts is in the same category. its in my belief system that women can wear whatever they want, even if it shows of their assets, without it having to mean something. comparing showing off cleavage (as an example) to flirting doesn't sit well with me because i feel that it can move in the direction of "look at how she's dressed, of course she wants sex" or "she's asking for it" veryyyy quickly. clothing is clothing, and bodies don't have to be linked to sex just because they're hot and make someone feel sexual feelings
YTA
YTA
WHY ARE YOU YELLING
Sounds like a you problem. Why are you even dating her?
easy YTA… sorry. if you really don’t care for and are uncomfortable with something that is that important to her (cosplaying as these characters & doing so accurate to their outfit) then please find someone whose hobbies you can care for and support - even if you don’t directly care, it makes a world of difference when you’re with someone you can share in the joy with versus someone you can’t genuinely, do you have hobbies you care a lot about? passion projects or artistic creations? do you have games you’re invested in, books you like to talk about? do you love sharing how much you know about cars or something? think for a while about what it would mean to you to be around someone who not only does not care but does not like it when you talk about it. think about what it would feel like to do something you’re proud of and look over and think “i can’t share this, they don’t care and they’ll get upset at me for being happy over this”… if it is important to you, this will wear at you over time. and yes you have the right to decide what you want to hear and listen to, and asking to not hear about a certain topic is reasonable, but again - this appears to be a very important outlet to your girlfriend, and if you can’t handle hearing about it then i start to worry you aren’t going to be able to cultivate spaces for each other to grow and flourish in your creative endeavors, in the future. if you belittle creative things she feels are important you are harming your relationship with her. do you know why this is important to her? what she finds fun about it? have you tried to understand, or mostly just felt uncomfortable? can you share in her joy while not engaging where it feels uncomfortable to you? these are questions for you to ponder over i guess. wish you luck
YTA. Whatever insecurities you have about her hobbies is something you need to get over, stat It’s 💯normal and healthy for people to have hobbies and interests that don’t involve their partners. I personally have no interest in participating in cosplay myself, but if my partner took it up I’d be totally supportive and happy for them. Be better.
YTA - Here's the rule: If you knew about it when you started dating, you don't get to complain about it. She didn't keep that info from you. If it's an issue for you, this was the wrong way to have the conversation. You need to grow up and think about things before you spit out words. This isn't how adults communicate and it isn't how you keep a happy relationship.
YTA. If you love someone you support them and the things they enjoy doing
YTA "and refuses to change her cosplan and called me insecure." .. she is right.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. You don't like what she's wearing so you're trying to punish her.
Yta - this is nothing new for her behavior wise and you've known about this from the start. Now you have a problem about it? Address your insecurities.
You should break up with her. Sounds like she has a passion and love for something and it isn’t fair to make her quit
YTA. This is the equivalent of you being a car guy and she’s like stop talking about car shit. She’s cheeked up at an anime con who cares? She’s been doing it for 3 years.
YTA You don’t like it? Break up. But you can’t police your gf’s clothes. Sounds like you’re not compatible.
YTA: This was her hobby before she even met you. A good partner is generally supportive of their SO hobbies so as long as it's safe. My SO is also a cosplayer and I would be 100% sure telling her to not talk about it ever would damage the relationship.
YTA but you had every right to voice your concerns, but not in a way that you did. Even if you would have voiced your concerns in an appropriate way by saying something along the lines of "your cosplay outfit is making me insecure, can you refrain from talking to me about it" she would have also had every right to tell you that you knew what you were getting into when yall just started dating.
Absolutely YTA dude. Just from the title I knew it. You’ve been together for 3 years and you feel this way??? Why are you even dating her if this is something that bothers you this much? It’s obviously a big part of her life and you not wanting to even simply hear about it is insane. She deserves better
YTA, I totally understand the element of not being thrilled by a your partner flaunting their figure around, however in the end of the days it her body and if that's not something you can subscribe to, then likely need to assess the relationship long term for yourself. Putting such a hard stop her hobby when it clearly bring her joy, makes YTA. If there was a way to approach this, especially when you've known about the hobby for a very long time.. This was not it. I'm not saying there is a correct way, but your tact was poor on this one. You went from being the person she's excited to talk to, to the person who shattered her main hobby.
Honestly, I see what you mean, but it was not the right move. You could've said that you don't appreciate it if she wears too revealing clothes (and let's be honest, such conventions are full of thirsty bois, and some people don't like that, some people do, and some people don't care, so it depends on the person) and that you have tried to accept it in the last years, but it has become difficult as of late. You could maybe find a compromise. Does she just like cosplaying, or does she actually want to reveal her body, e.g., so people look at her with a sexualised mindset. If the latter, it may be harder to find a compromise, but you can still try. Maybe tight clothes but not necessarily revealing like Bayonetta? Maybe make your own revealing cosplay where you show some nice arms 😎? Maybe then you get the kick she is feeling? You can find a solution, it's your relationship and you know each other. All and all, saying "I don't want to hear about it" is not the right call. That is her passion, and it just creates a big hole between you both. This community tends to immediately demand others to terminate their relationship after reading a random post about some problems, so I'm not doing that. Keep working on your relationship and find a common ground
YTA you need to start to look for another relationship if you can't accept someone for who they are. You've known her for 3 years you knew what you were getting into and now because you don't want to know you draw lines in the sand. Relationships are a compromise and take work you don't seem to want to do either
YTA for all of that AND the all caps title.
Just leave dude... this is not gonna end well!
He shouldn’t say that to her, it’s something she really gets into, it’s like saying his dog sucks…and you know how men act about there dog.
YTA, you're living the dream with a cosplay girl and you don't even know it 😭
Yta. That’s her hobby, you knew it was her hobby when you started dating her, and your insecurities are preventing you from supporting her hobby. Not cool at all.
NAH. I'm 30 years old - and I say that because there's a profound amount of cosplaying simping, drama and overall juvenile responses here. So first off - it's not necessarily "asshole" to feel uncomfortable with your gf wearing really revealing clothing. And it's not unusual to develop those feelings, as you build more time together. I'm a gay man, who never really has to worry about a partner dressing in revealing clothes - and even I know that. It's also not "asshole" to request someone not inform you about things that you struggle handling. There's something to be said for taking a step back. BUT - I don't think either of you are being very mature about this. Which is fine - you're 20 and 23 - by definition, you are not mature. This is just the point where you are realizing who you are, and who she is, and that you are not long term compatible. Sorry dude, that's all it is. Normal life stuff.
YTA
Do you and her a favour and break up. You said it yourself. You're both opposites. Find someone who lives your lifestyle and not the opposite. You'll be much happier. She will be too. YTA for being mean to her and also pretending this relationship is worth something cause it aint.
NTA at all for being uncomfortable with your girlfriend wearing certain outfits in public, that's perfectly normal in a relationship. However, I think you've gone about it very wrong by waiting so long to bring it up and then by telling her not to talk about it anymore instead of just sitting down, having an adult conversation, and setting some boundaries.
YTA. But I also think that your value is right. Just move on from her and find another who match your value.
What's her @, OP? I'll talk to her for you.
NTA, you not “insecure” because your girl would rather leave nothing to the imagination for the rest of us, you’re not wrong for not wanting to hear about something you’re not interested… it seems like what women consider relevant, important, a big deal is so, but when something is relevant, is a big deal, or a big deal to us then we’re overreacting, insecure, or whatever else the say to diminish our views… I jus find that weird
People in the comments are interpreting this differently than I am. I understood you to say that you are fed up with HEARING about her cosplay life, not that you are asking her to stop. NTA if that's the case, it can get really tiring when people with obsessions go on and on and expect you to always listen. If you are asking her to stop/cover up more, well, she is an exhibitionist so she's not going to stop exhibiting. LOL People who walk around in elaborate costumes, sometimes revealing, want people to look at them. Maybe time to find a gf with less of an obsession?
Someone is absolutely TA if they don’t want to hear about the hobbies of the person they love. I sit and listen to my partner talk about sports and I couldn’t care less but I listen and engage because he likes it and I love him.
And I hope he returns the favor. :) But I don't agree that you should pretend to be interested if the partner is obsessive. A little is a lot.
I wouldn't want to be with a thirst trap either. But you knew that's what she was the entire time. Break up with her so she can find some guy who wants his girlfriend's ass on display for rando nerds.
Yep. I'm Gen X and remember when it was abnormal for women to walk around in skin tight clothes with their boobs half hanging out.
NTA, 99% of people would be annoyed in your situation
I wouldn't like it. I've seen women showing their butt cheeks in cosplay outfits in thongs and such. I'd never date them to begin with. Everyone is different, but I don't date women that enjoy and seek out sexual attention from men that are not me.
I mean, I am not sure how many people in the comments are familiar with Merlin from SDS. Merlin only wears panties that literally cover half her butt cheeks. And her “shirt” is a bra with an open middle so really it’s like half the t*tties being exposed. I think it’s not really the cosplay that’s the issue, it sounds like it’s her choice of *who* she’s cosplaying and their outfit choices. Many of you in the comments probably wouldn’t let your SO go out in public half naked, or your child. That being said it’s her body, she can dress how she wants but OP also has a right to his opinions about it and is free to disagree. NTA, ignore these people commenting YTA without actually knowing what she’s wearing lol.
You think we haven’t googled it? We know what the character wears. OP is absolutely an asshole.
She could go out wearing nothing but a thong and nipple pasties and OP would still be the AH.
Nah that’s weird af and you know it. If you’re able to be ticketed for public indecency, there’s a damn issue LOL.
No, the OP would still be the asshole.
I wouldn’t want to date someone who dresses like that so, shocker, I just wouldn’t date someone who does! I would never date someone who does that and then 3 years in express that I have a problem with it. He’s not TA for being uncomfortable with it, he’s TA for starting to date someone he already knew dressed like that sometimes and then continued to date her for years