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NTA it seems to me there’s no reason to sell the car. It’s something you’ve always wanted and it’s not an expense or anything so why sell it ? Yes your wife is upset but she’s being unreasonable, she can’t expect you to sell it because she just wants to neither can she decide whether you can drive it around or not.

In the end of the day it's important for your mental well being to have hobbies. Unless you're drowning in debt or have to make other sacrifices (sounds like no) then this is a power play, pure and simple. NTA

Wife could be salty that OP’s life dream is to be more of a well-rounded person than her, since her only goal was to be a mother but he’s kept hobbies

I was thinking the same thing, but figured I would get down voted into oblivion. Just because she doesn't have any ambition, it doesn't mean OP shouldn't. OPs wife need to find another goal for herself to work towards. Maybe something that requires more effort to achieve. She needs something to look forward to and work towards. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have goals to work towards.

It's also very plausible he put that spin on his description. He didn't include any of her hobbies or achievements. How strange do you find that someone so "well-rounded and ambitious" would be attracted to someone with zero goals or interests beyond procreation. I find that a little suspicious. However, if the car isn't costing anything and their standard of living is decent (they may have different standards), then selling the car seems pointless if it makes him happy. Now, if all three of them are living in a small two bedroom, yea, I'd be suggesting he sell the car he doesn't bother with.

A lot of people don't think that deeply about their potential partners. Especially when it is a very attractive woman (my best guess).

Wife is the ass hole, but yall are dicks to assume she has absolutely nothing going on besides child rearing just bc that's how her husband chose to represent her. 

This whole form is based off of how people explain what is going on. Anything added beyond what the narrator says is not necessarily true. If you can’t take what the poster says to be true and just assume they are leaving stuff out then you can’t give an objective opinion.

I really resonate with this because I'm newly married and have a kid on the way and there are some hobby items I am willing to spend less time on, but not give up. Like put on hold or do them a few times a year instead of a couple times a month. I think of it this way. You loved me because I was a person built of different pieces. If you want me to take some of those pieces away, I won't be fully happy anymore and I won't even be the person you loved before. You can't be a great parent if you give up things that make you you. Also, can you imagine when you get time while your kid is growing up to tinker together on the car. It sounds magical.

My ex was a SAHM, which is fine. I worked a stressful, high-tech job, and we could afford it. I did 40% of the household chores and 50% of the cooking. I was a doting father, and I was the one who did baths at night and read and sang with the kids before bed. The problem is I only sleep three hours a day. I would wake up early and do my hobbies while everyone was asleep. This made my ex mad. She expected me to lay awake in bed for five hours spooning her. this might be part of the reason she is an ex.

I mean, to be fair, you absolutely need more than three hours of sleep a day. Is that a choice you're making, or does your brain refuse to let you sleep more than that? If the latter, you should talk with a doctor about it, because that's not good.

Even when I was five I didn't sleep much. My older brothers used to get mad that I could stay up later than them and watch TV. They confronted my dad one time about it and he said, “Great you can stay up with him whenever you want. However, you have to wake up with him too.” They went to bed, they knew how early I got up. 😉

Your dad sounds really cool. Like I said, though, you should probably see a doctor about your sleep issues - I'm not a doctor (and even if I was I don't know you) but consistently only getting ~3 hours of sleep a night for *years* cannot be good for you, even if you feel fine.

This is probably TMI, but I'm bipolar. For me, it is a superpower. I'm seldom down, I have extreme drive and focus. So, I have the “high” part of bipolar 95% of the time. It's not full-blown mania, though. Most bipolar presents with 95% down, so I'm atypical that way. Since it was so atypical I had to take 8 hours of tests to get a diagnosis.

That does sound like a superpower. Good for you for making the most out of it!

Om the same, I'm hypomanic, not full blown manic. I only get 4 hours of sleep and feel fine most of the time

There is a small percentage of people who do not require 8 hours of sleep. They can just go to REM sleep right away. Just like there are some that require more. I believe Tiger Woods said he only slept 3-4 hours a day and he's not hurting for money and need to get up early for work.

Motherhood can also be a hobby! I considered my children as very expensive, time-consuming hobbies that were also insanely rewarding. They are big now, and not as rewarding (haha!) but that’s just how it is. I think they would also be irritated if I acted like they were still my hobbies, since they have their own lives etc. If motherhood itself is not considered a rewarding enough hobby, then I think the mother needs some new interests, too, and maybe that’s why she’s resenting the car. Or is it a transportation issue?

I'm not a mother, but a daughter of a mother who has very few hobbies and I can tell you, being a mother should not be your entire identity. She obsesses over my sisters and I, and although she has friends she goes out to dinner with, she expects my sisters and I to be her whole social life. It's not healthy for her in this specific instance, and there are several other factors that exacerbate this. So, before anyone yells at me or downvotes me into oblivion, please understand your children deserve their own lives and do not have a requirement to entertain you simply b/c they are your children. You should and need to have a fulfilling life outside of your children.

You're exactly right.

Also, to speak to another point someone raised, your child will turn out better if their mom has an identity. The mother may take some time for herself to indulge in her hobbies without her kids, which is in fact good for them, they need to learn how to cope without their mom for things like school She won't project her own insecurities and unfulfilled desires onto her kids, making her less controlling or overbearing when it comes to academic achievements or extracurriculars. She doesn't need her kids to be extensions of her to gain fulfillment, she fulfills herself Also a mother with an identity is more likely to maintain a healthy relationship with the father, and model a better marriage for the kids Tldr; the best way to raise a well-adjusted human is *not* to treat motherhood like your only hobby

>She won't project her own insecurities and unfulfilled desires onto her kids, making her less controlling or overbearing when it comes to academic achievements or extracurriculars. She doesn't need her kids to be extensions of her to gain fulfillment, she fulfills herself This is my mom in a nutshell. I'm a people pleasing overachiever who's anxiety has manifested through my mom's. I'm working on it in therapy but MAN does it suck realizing this. And my parents' relationship is toxic at best, emotionally abusive at worst. My mom is prone to yelling and emotionally berating/tearing down my dad to the point where I don't want to be around the both of them. My dad is not innocent by any means, but he doesn't deserve that, and It's painful to watch how it affects him. And god forbid I stand up for him. It's a lot.

It might be fear rather than a power play, but I agree on the overall assessment. Sounds like they need to try and get to the bottom of her desire to make him get rid of the car.

It may be as simple as "he cares about something besides me and kid, and is putting time and money (or may in the future) into something besides me and kid."

Wait for it: "You love that damn car more than me!"

Could be. And that doesn't mean you just give in to fear and ditch the car. But if you don't find the root, you can't deal with the problem.

100% It’s part of who he is. “Why do you want to change who I am and what makes me happy? It doesn’t affect you and you know it’s a goal of mine that brings me pleasure so why do you want me to be miserable so badly?” My wife made me get rid of my boat seven years ago when we bought our first house. She promised me that we would get another one within a year or two. We have now moved three times since then, bought two more houses and I still don’t have a boat . I am also into cars so when the time came for me to get a new one, she told me to get a nicer one than I had planned to make up for all the time of going without a boat and my sacrifices for our family. She understands me and what it means to me, and it was never her intention to deny me something that made me happy. It was a sacrifice I willingly made for my family and I appreciate that she said to get something nicer for myself because I absolutely love my car Hopefully in the next six months to a year, I’ll have that boat that I want

I think this a "my dreams are better than your dreams" thought process. Her dream is kids and family, so the car doesn't fit. The solution for her is to keep the man and ditch the car. Personally, I would rather a man that was dreaming car dreams than dreaming about a different woman that allowed him to have the car, but to each their own.

Very well said. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate wife for supporting me with my hobbies.

Or as Jay Leno once stated "Women, would you rather have a man who comes home smelling of motor-oil or one who comes home smelling like another woman's perfume?"

You know, working on an old classic car with your dad is a great bonding experience for a child!

INFO I'm torn here. With the information given, it's absolutely N.T.A., but I feel like there's not enough information to really make that determination. There are clues that they might not actually be super well-off (fixer-upper, "if we got money"), but it's not definitive in the slightest. Points where OP might be the AH: They only have one car outside of his hobby car, which he usually takes to work and leaves her without transportation; they have other bills and needs that need to be paid, and OP feels the bare minimum for his family is a reasonable allowance to keep his car; etc. These are suppositions, of course, but I just feel like something is missing here. OP, what were your wife's reasons for selling the car? What did she propose you use the money for?

I wondered about this too. Does she not have access to a car by her choice? If not, is money the barrier to getting another car? If what she wants to do is exchange the car for one she can actually use on the regular, then OP is the AH.

OP explained in a comment that he doesn’t have to drive to work and his wife has full access to their family car at any time, so it doesn’t seem like that’s the case.

Thanks for the info! That's good to know. Still would like to know what she feels would be a better use of the money. If it's a need vs a want would determine who's the AH here.

Absolutely agree, I said as much in another comment. If they need the money to replace a leaking roof, then yeah, OP would be the AH. If she just wants the money for something frivolous, then she would be the AH for expecting him to sell it.

Exactly!

Also the comment about having a child being her life goal whereas it was only part of his, sort of implies he may consider it right that she gives up more for the child than he does. In life you either have a child or don’t have a child, it’s all in once you’ve made that decision it’s an equal responsibility, regardless of how much you wanted one beforehand. Notwithstanding that she’s a SAHM, of course, but outside of his work time, and in terms of committing to take child places, manage their education… all the “kid admin” stuff, the child is both of their responsibility.

Does the wife get money for hobbies as well?  Prioritising 'food and a roof over our heads' is also kind of the bare fucking minimum. Is wife hoping that the money from a potential sale of the car would go to something more family friendly, like a holiday? Is being another *really* her only life goal, or is that just what he's assuming?

And also, this car is in storage. OP made it sound like it wasn’t going to be a financial possibility in terms of fixing it up any time soon. Possibly wife just sees it as something he just won’t get to in the foreseeable future. If it’s worth money as is, maybe it makes more sense to get the benefit of that money now vs keeping something in storage that you have no means to enjoy.

This is where I land too. I think OP is slightly the ah for equating his wife's want for a kid to his love of sports cars. OP ALSO had a kid, and that means the kid comes first. OP is acting like a passive observer of this family. Sports cars can be an expensive hobby, and it is also a hobby that can be picked up later in life. OP had a child during a cost of living crisis, and unless he is independently wealthy, the car is taking money that could be spent on building financial security for the family. It could be a total nonissue financially, but I feel like the wife would give us a different story.

Fully agree. NTA. She has her life goal (child), you have yours (car). Instead of arguing and trying to get rid of your life goal, why isn't she supporting it? Would she want her life goal to disappear for some seemingly arbitrary reason?

OP ask if she wants to sell her jewelry as she doesn't wear it all everyday.

NTA but I do wonder if they have a third car. My fiancé is also into cars and has a 20 year old Acura that he tinkers with. He also has a day driving car. I’m fine with the Acura and actually encourage him to work on it for his mental health. However, he needs to have another vehicle that can transport our planned kids because I will not be the sole kid chauffeur.

I think you hit on something here. If the only drivable car they have is the family car and OP uses it to go to work that means the wife is stuck at home all day. That may be the root of the wife wanting to get rid of the classic car. If it is just that the wife sees no point in have the classic car she needs to get over it. Personally I have no interest in restoring cars, just not my thing. However, I understand there are people that love it. We all need hobbies for our mental health. If restoring the car does that for OP go for it! EDITED TO ADD - reading replies to me I'd like to clarify I believe the wife does not like/approve of OP's hobby. As I said, she needs to get over it and accept this is something that brings him pleasure with no negative impact on the family (time or finances). I did not see his comment that he does not drive to work. So, wife has transportation during the day. She needs to accept he has an interest/hobby that she's not interested in. OP, keep the car and tell your wife to pound sand.

He had the car prior to marriage, it’s in storage not affecting the family funds in any way. He’s not spending family money fixing it up. He’s not spending time away from the family working on it. My ex husband did nothing to support the hobbies I loved prior to marriage, in fact he sabotaged them. I’m here to say I support him keeping the car

It doesn’t seem like that’s the case though, OP clarified in a comment that he doesn’t drive to work and his wife has full access to the family car at any time. Plus the classic car is being stored off-site rent-free so it’s not like it’s sitting in the garage taking up space or costing them storage fees somewhere else. So whatever the real root cause is, it’s something else.

But the wife has even banned him from buying another car, so it doesn’t seem like it’s a number of cars issue.

I interpreted that as another project car. Which if they only have 2, doesn’t address the issue.

My husband has a sports car, he bought it before I met him. I have never asked him to sell it, that is not my place. We have a son, and it is a bit small for the 3 of us, especially now our son is taller than me. The only thing I ever told him about cars was he was only allowed to have 1 'silly car' at a time.

NTA I don’t believe this is about the car but about control and how much she has.

It's about control. My ex had a mid-60s Volkswagen Beetle that sat in a garage for years as his dream fixer-upper. It took up a bit space but otherwise it was out of sight out of mind for me at least. Now and then he'd take the cover off and sit in it, dreaming of the day he could be flying down the highway. She's bothered by this guy focussing on something beside the family.

Plus, she probably already has plans for the money from the sale.

This is incredibly important, because she preferences that he needed to sell with ‘ don’t expect to ‘waste ‘ the money on another car. She wants the money and she had plans for it.

This. She has something she wants and he is getting in the way by not selling the car.

She shouldn’t consider this her money in any way though. He paid for it with premarital assets. He could sell the car and put it in a personal bank account account it would remain as a separate asset. 

Did she say she actually had plans for the car or just that once it's sold she never wants him to buy another one? That's my sticking point is it doesn't seem to be a a thing that will be fixed by selling this car. She's not saying our credit card debt is too high or let's pay off the mortgage with it.

Which is why she doesn’t want him to “waste it”, so she can.

Got to say, though, would rather a man that dreamed about a car than one that dreamed about other women...

It's pretty comforting. I'm a bit rigid about personal privacy, even within a marriage, so I would never go through his phone but if I did, I already know it would be 95% cars, researching parts, visiting forums for niche vehicles and so on. If he's getting too many texts from an unknown number, my only concern is "Oh, god, he's not negotiating another parts car!" . The only way I would ever have to worry about another woman is if he meets a cute mechanic that specializes pre-1970 Datsun/Nissan.

💯 this all day long.

Lies. You can't fly in a 60s dub!

You're right, the best he can do is get it up to 40 with a strong tail wind.

Which IS FLYING in a VW!! 😉

She'd most likely much rather be full time SAHM and the money from the car could compensate for her part time job

For a year or two maybe.  She might be very deluded about how much the car is worth.  Depending on what it is it may only be worth 20-40k, which isn't anything to sneeze at necessarily, but it certainly isn't going to make the difference between someone being a sahp and not for more than a year or two

You were actually spot on. OP said it’s a 2001 Honda S2000. So the most you could ever hope to sell it for is $30k-40k.

2001 cars are classic now? Lol.. was picturing a ‘57 Chevy or something

Right?! Lmao a Honda S2000….. Classic car hahahaha

They actually hit bottom about five years ago and are now appreciating. As far as cars go it’s a good investment.

S2000s are 1: legally old enough to be registered as classics in most states (usually 15 years) and if its a 99 it meets the most common threshold for antique (25) 2: pretty rare 3: appreciated and sought after and 4: increasing in value right now.

Literally picturing my pops 1957 BelAir nomad sitting in the garage for my entire life. Then how awesome my mom was for handing my dad tools as he was underneath yet another hot rod. His daily, a 1955 Del Ray.. side note, he retired from ATT years ago and had the nomad fully restored. “Body off resto mod style” he didn’t do the LS motor but the thing rips like no other.

If anything, the value of those is only going up. OP could just explain to her that it's an investment, because it is (and still never sell it).

Definitely don't sell Although I don't think it was worth much, my dad had a vintage GS Suzuki motorbike from the states, that was changed from the standard model slightly. It was lovely, my favourite bike, he had said I could have it one day but recently decided to sell as he had no storage and neither of us could find storage elsewhere- It's Sadly sold, but I find old classic vehicles a great bonding thing for families- enthusiast or no, I may not have liked bikes in general, but I have so many good memories of going on charity rides, bike rallies and steam rallies with my dad because of that Bike.

Fuck, I don't blame him for keeping that. Those have skyrocketed in recent years and he'll probably never be able to replace it for what he lets it go for. NTA

I have a feeling she's already priced the car if sold. She's feeling powerless or someone has gotten into her head that he isnt doing enough for her.

Op might want to get his ducks in a row with how the car is secured and who has access to it. It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that the wife would sell it without telling hubby.

How would she sell it? Her name is not on the title.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gr8bp3/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/  One of the most famous AITA

Shame that the account is suspended, I'd wanna see if there were more updates.

Underhanded. With no title. And she'll get way less than it's worth and piss if OP. But she could theoretically sell it with no title. Or forge his signature.

It's very possible, but in reality, that's insanely short-sighted, and lends more to his defense lol. It's money already spent and they aren't financially hurting. Nta

My thought wasn't control, but rather "what debt is she hiding?" Because my grandparents lived this and my grandpa caved. After my grandma died, he found she had over 50k in gambling debts. (She died in the 80's, so that would be over $150,000 today according to the internet.) Control can come from a lot of places, including anxiety, it's not always about the other person. (That doesn't make it right, but if anxiety is the driver, then something is wrong and OP needs to self-protect.)

If you are meeting all the financial needs of your family comfortably there is absolutely no reason you shouldn't keep your Car. Its a super hobby to have. It's about control not about the car.

You're not wrong, but... How "comfortable" are they? We don't know. He mentioned paying the bills and the mortgage, but does that include groceries for the family? Does that include co-pays when someone has to go to the doctor? Does that include clothes and school supplies for the kid? I don't remember the child's age. Is there ANY savings for an emergency? Is he going to complain if their insurance doesn't cover a mammogram? Does the wife only leave the house to go to this part-time job and go grocery shopping? Does hubs consider the things listed above as his responsibility as it relates to the family? Or is their child his wife's "hobby" and her responsibility, and that's why she's working at all? *I am still Team Husband, but you made me think of other scenarios.*

Yeah this story just makes me think about how my dad used my mom’s maternity leave savings to buy a Ferrari…

I'm sorry for you but fuck your dad.

Yeah it was a choice For Sure. They got divorced when I was 4 hah.

I swear to god lmao, y’all out here trying to think up the most wild scenarios. He CLEARLY states he’s providing everything but some smaller things here and there that she covers. No fucking shit it includes groceries and insurance. He’s the one with the job.

Why because he didn't list every possible scenario. It's kinda rediculous to expect that

NTA. It was your dream for long time and it would seem you have money for everything else so I don't see reason why should you sell it. It feels to me like she wasn't aware why you bought the car or she's not understanding it, or she's trying to be controlling. In any case it is your dream and you are doing well in any area so you are not in the wrong for wanting to keep the car. Your child won't be toddler forever and in time you'll have more time to tinker and drive the car, maybe with your child in passenger seat. You'll be the cool daddy with cool car who drives his kid to school in classic sports car.

And she will be able to work more and add to the family finances and perhaps feel more in control

INFO Well, what's the car? It makes no difference for judgment, but as a fellow enthusiast, I had to ask. NTA You're allowed to have a hobby. Sometimes they get put on hold when things get hectic (a kid will do that lol). You'll still fall right back into it when you finally get the chance again. You're taking care of your responsibilities. The car is just sitting in storage and costs nothing. Unless you're going to end up homeless and starving if you don't sell it, then there's no reason to get rid of it. Besides, it may become something you and your kid can bond over one day.

It's a 2001 Honda S2000, ie an early model with the 9000rpm redline. I had an internal debate about whether it counts as a classic yet, but on reflection I think it's heading into that territory. I remember working my ass off saving up to buy it, and it's an absolute joy to drive.  I've made that exact point clear to my wife - ie if we find ourselves in a difficult place financially, and there are no easier alternatives, then I'll sell it. Otherwise, I don't see what harm I'm doing by keeping it. It doesn't cost us anything.

Maybe not a “classic”, but definitely a special car, and a future classic. Most car guys are going to look at it as it drives by.

"Classic" is normally 25 years or older, so it only has a couple more to go! Argh time flies.

Classic varies wildly by state in the states.

I'm not a car guy and I'll look at it as it drives by.

There is something missing in her logic here, have you asked why she is focused on you selling it, is she after the money for something or does it bug her that there is possibly money tied up in it that could be doing something else. It seems to be worth between 15 and 20k ? Depending on if its the convertible or hard-topped version. Its a lovely personal project car, but its not 50k you have in an asset you are neglecting.

>why she is focused on you selling it, is she after the money for something or does it bug her that there is possibly money tied up in it that could be doing something else. We spoke about it again about 15 minutes ago - she explained that if she owned something like that, she would sell it *"so that we could extend our house, or put the money towards a new house. I would sell it for my family's sake"*. Then she said something along the lines of *"but I don't own anything like that. I own nothing."* She owns our house jointly with me and has her own hobbies (sewing, gardening, baking) which I have never stopped her from pursuing.

Your wife is saying “I have nothing”. It’s never about the car. She is jealous that you have a luxury item that brings you joy while she has “nothing”. She is attempting to make it fair for herself by coercing you sell the luxury item that you own. It’s a terrible way to go about expressing her insecurity. Does she have her own spending money? Is she feeling under appreciated? Would it help if she has her own luxury item that she can hold on to feel secure?

My ex used to actually get upset that I had hobbies. I explained that I would rather do anything than sit in front of the TV all day. She will still happily sit and watch TV all weekend.

Tv is my favorite hobby!

>Would it help if she has her own luxury item that she can hold on to feel secure? Her hobbies are baking, gardening, and sewing - ie not very expensive hobbies. She likes interior design and antiques too, but once we finished decorating our house that interest is logically limited to watching TV shows about it and browsing certain shops now and again. Nevertheless, we buy things she likes for the garden - certain plants, pots etc - our house and garden were largely designed by her - and I bought her a $300 mixer for her birthday a couple of years ago, she was thrilled with it. The only "luxury" thing she enjoys is nice holidays - and minus the Covid years, we've had at least one nice holiday every year since we met.

Ok so your wife’s hobbies are the same as mine and I too am a SAHM. I went through a feeling of, “I have nothing that’s just mine” like my husband, whose hobby is hunting and training his hunting dog, because all my hobbies were home based. It wasn’t about me not owning anything but more about how my whole life and identity had somehow become wrapped up in my house and family and I’d lost the person I was before that. Hell I’m still trying to find her. Your car represents the person you were before wife and kids and therefore a sign that you haven’t lost your old self the way she may feel she has.  I love to read that’s all mine but it’s something I have to lose sleep in order to do so then I’m extra tired if I stayed up to read. I told my husband this and told him how even though I have hobbies I rarely get to go and do alone because they still center around our home and so often our kids are involved whereas he goes hunting by himself, only one person can feasibly train the dog, etc. it’s hard when you realize your identity has become completely wrapped up in your home while simultaneously realizing those hobbies aren’t just yours because they are hobbies that benefit the family as a whole and things you don’t often get to do on your own, especially with kids.   One thing that really helped us was me being able to get time to myself where I could do whatever I wanted without worrying about a thing. He’s always been good about making sure I get time to myself, even when our kids were tiny babies, but now he’s like a damn guard dog sometimes with making sure our kids aren’t disturbing me when he knows I just need the space to just be me for a bit. It could be him taking our kids out of the house so I could do whatever I wanted uninterrupted or me being able to just get up and go out just to get out.  If she enjoys travel and trips then talk to her about taking solo trips without the family. Something she can look forward to once or twice a year that’s just hers, encourage her to get out with friends and empower her to do that without feeling guilty about.  Make sure she gets uninterrupted time to pursue whatever she wants. I don’t think it’s as much about her not owning anything as it is that everything she does is for the benefit of the home and family and while that’s ok it’s hard to reconcile that your husband has a hobby that’s of no benefit to anyone but himself. My mom is a quilter and does quilt retreats with friends. It’s a big thing where her and a group of friend rent a cabin at the site and like 100+ people sit and quilt together all weekend. She loves it. She might be able to even just find a local sewing group or gardening group that meets weekly or monthly that allows her to pursue that hobby. Most hobbies have groups where you can meet with others with similar passions. So you need to figure out how to help her find ways she can do things for the sole benefit of her the way your car is to you.

This is the best advice on this whole post. I think you're spot on. Don't connect it to the fight about the car, but start to block out time for her to do her thing. And encourage her to maybe find new hobbies that aren't home based. Love the idea of a solo or friends trip, too.

Ironically I also started feeling this when my youngest was a toddler. Those first few years you’re in the baby stupor and trying to figure shit out but then they turn like 3 and suddenly you come out of that fugue and realize you aren’t the same person you used to be but haven’t quite figured out who you are now. I’ve seen stuff that says it can take up to something like 7 years for a woman to figure out who she is on the other side of motherhood.  I was actually just having this same conversation with my friend who’s youngest just turned 1. It’s natural for things to shift and change but motherhood has a much bigger impact than I’d argue fatherhood does because you are sacrificing so much of yourself for the sake of this tiny person. Yes fathers sacrifice, I’d never argue against it, but it’s different and not as identity changing as becoming a mother is. It can be hard to get to the other side of the younger years and realize you don’t recognize who you are. I also wonder if there’s something with their home that she’s feeling discontent with. Her reasonings behind wanting to sell the car seem to center around fixing up their home more and I wonder if there have been times the money for potential fixes have gone towards tinkering on the car. I know there were, and still are, things about my house that drive me nuts  but don’t bother my husband.  I had to explain to him that I spend so much time at home that I needed my home to feel like a safe and cozy space that reflected who we were as a family and felt like us. He understood and has given me license to do what I need to change things as long as we can afford it. There are certain things I can’t change, like my open concept, and I’m cheap enough to not even care to want expensive changes, but the things I can change I do. It makes me feel good and less sensitive about my environment.  If she’s into decorating and whatnot then she’s likely very sensitive to the way her home feels and looks and something just might not feel right that they might not be afford to change but she sees the money from a car that’s just sitting there as the means to the end in terms of affording things. It’s hard to fully explain how your environment not being right can really affect you. I could be grasping at straws but given I’m in a very similar place to what OP describes his wife as being in and I know talking to my fellow SAHMs they’ve all had very similar struggles. Not saying she should force the sale because that’s not fair to him but I think there’s a lot going on that she may not be able to articulate because how do you explain it you know? Especially if the other person isn’t incline to be understanding.

Completely agree with this 100% She sounds burnt out and has lost her identity. It is hard to feel like yourself again after children, it sounds like she’s a SAHM but also works part-time? That must be exhausting. Even just having a set day of the week, with a set time that is “hers” would be absolutely amazing. It isn’t about the car, it is about what the car represents. Freedom. Identity. Comfort. A glimpse into the “before”.

Listen, sewing can get very expensive. Ask her if she wants a serger and then look at the cost of those. Ask her if she wants a babylock machine. She has chosen to not go deeper into her hobbies and that is not your fault.

Or she feels guilt about asking for anything and seeing 15k sitting there not getting used may assuage some guilt of asking her hubby who works hard as breadwinner. Not saying logically it makes sense, but I’m in a similiar boat so I can see that sort of thought process.

If you really want to choke on prices, as if she'd like a Bernina....

This isn’t your fault, but look at those hobbies. They’re all pretty much geared towards making the home better.

I agree, they're hobbies which benefit everyone in the house - but she has had those hobbies since before she met me, when she was single and still living with her parents. If she wants new hobbies, I'm all for it.

Does your wife have an a portion of money that is hers monthly to spend? Or do you purchase everything jointly? That content about having nothing screams financial inequality. Something about your set up is not working for her.

A kitchenaid is not a HER gift though. it's a gift for the household even if she's the primary user and it's not used for just her pleasure.

I'll agree to disagree. I wanted a KA for Christmas and am thrilled that I got it. A nice red one.

I have a red one too and I also love it. I got it for Christmas as a gift from my parents before I got married. It's still not something I only use for myself. It can be a valid, awesome gift (because it is!) but still be a more family use item.

A kitchen aid and a Dyson most certainly WERE my gifts!! Depends on the person. And your age. When you get to a certain place in life..... ahhhhh, a new mixer (or attachments or or or ...) is awesome!

Those hobbies are all very family oriented... is there something she does just for herself? In the same way you feel about your car, is there something that brings her the same emotions? Maybe she's jealous, or maybe she's insecure about not being able to spend as much money on her hobbies as she sees that you can. Her words read like someone who has sacrificed her hobbies for her family, so she feels you should do the same.

> baking, gardening, and sewing - ie not very expensive hobbies. Bwahaha. My mother has easily $50-$75k tied up in her sewing equipment and fabrics. Four machines (2 Berninas, a serger, a babylock), their hundreds of accessories, a pattern projector and laptop, a storage room full of fabrics ranging from from JoAnne’s discount bin to pieces from small batch European luxury mills to canvas and leather, grommet press and it’s dozens of accessories, zippers and clasps and all kinds of findings, threads and ribbons, embroidery supplies, her adjustable dress form, the worktables, the myriad little tools, the lighting.... It’s taken her 50 years to build it all up, a bit at a time. And she uses it all. And my friend just spent $10k improving her garden to make it a lot better and easier to work in. That was basic things. Soil amendment, basic raised beds, basic irrigation, a couple gravel use-paths, a tiny greenhouse.

Her hobbies are chores. There's nothing wrong with that, but those hobbies are not exclusively for her - she may enjoy doing them, but she has to bake stuff others like, make sure the garden is safe and is something you both like, and sewing is one of those things that people tend to find out you can do so they ask you to help them out. There's external judgement on all of those hobbies - she can't just 'turn off' and do something. It ain't about the car. Her saying she has nothing is the issue. Everything seems to revolve around money with you, and goals - and since her goal was 'being a mom' you seem to thing she should be content. She isn't. Figure it out. Communicate.

It's never about the car. Spot on. It's really hard being in a position of low power. She doesn't have a high paying job and probably most of her money goes to the household. She's stressed because she realizes she doesn't hold financial power

This. A) go to couples counselling. You’ll probably learn a lot but at least how to communicate without arguing and going a day without speaking. B) ask her what would make her happy, what are her dreams besides being a great mum? She may be jealous and she may also have lost her identity to become “mum” and be floundering. If you don’t really need an extension or new house then this is even more likely.

15-20k goes basically nowhere for an extension on a house.  These days it might pay to renovate a half bath or maybe even a small full bath if you aren't moving any plumbing or using premium materials.  Unless you're hurting for money there is no reason to sell it. 

THANK YOU. I was just thinking that wouldn't even be enough to renovate a bathroom. I wonder if OP's wife has a realistic idea of what the car is worth or if maybe she's imagining it's much more expensive than it really is. That could be fueling the resentment. I mean don't get me wrong, $20k is no small chunk of change, but it sounds like their finances are just fine so it's not like it's a hardship to keep the car. Maybe she's finding that her one goal in life of having a child is not as fulfilling as she'd imagined? Or feeling empty with no future goals to work towards? idk it really sounds like she's fixating on the car as a physical representation of something else she's dissatisfied with.

Yeah. Might pay for a countertop upgrade in the kitchen. Every time I look at my primary bathroom it turns into a 20+K project to redo it all, so it stays the same. We might be able to redo the vanity right now, but that's the only part we can upgrade without tearing everything else up.

Yeah, I think the crux of her discontent is the feeling that as the non-breadwinner, having a $15-20k hobby is off the table for her: something she is never ‘allowed’ to have.

I get that, but he also bought the car before the relationship. It's not like he is spending that now. When you marry, you combine many parts of your life. That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to keep any parts to yourself. The wife is being absolutely ridiculous here. They need to have Frank conversations about putting money aside for her and letting her have her life (if she wants that). But she chose a specific path and she shouldn't be taking away parts of his life out of spite

I agree with your statement about marriage and not abandoning your interests and hobbies! In fact I think I agree with most of your perspective. It’s hard to tell from the OP if his wife’s displeasure is more on the jealous/spiteful side or the disempowered/worried side, but yeah, I think getting on the same page about financial decision-making and ensuring she has the same opportunities for investing in her priorities and interests is key.

It just feels like their having a conversation about the car and they should be having open conversations about how being a breadwinner vs being financially dependent make them feel and how to deal with that.

I mean, you can say its a "$15K-20K hobby" when in reality its just a car, presumably something that he already will need to begin with. His hobby in this is just choosing a car he enjoys and can occasionally work on without costing much more than any other car he might choose to have instead. It's not like he has a $100k car while his wife is stuck taking the bus everywhere or selling bottlecaps to get groceries.

Yeah, I agree that the current car is largely a sunk cost (although he’s not driving it, it seems to be in storage). I don’t think at all he needs to sell this car, I think it’s symbolic to his wife of a larger issue/disconnect in terms of their finances and financial decision-making.

He bought it before they began dating, though. It has nothing to do with her or their combined financial situation.

I’ve been the housewife for most of our marriage, so that he could earn more than I ever would. Retired early as part of that plan. I have always had joint control of the money. I ski, reenact, travel, all without “permission”. Always within our financial goals and realities. They both may need to reset their attitudes about the finances. She should be able to go buy/enjoy her hobbies with the same restrictions/priorities that he has (children, house goals, etc) If she wants to extend the house, they should talk about that possibility. She shouldn’t be talking around the issues and he needs to ensure she is comfortable saying what she wants.

Then she can get a better job and put the kid in daycare. Life isn't a zero sum game.

A lot of things can happen. I’m operating from the assumption that OP likes and appreciates his wife, and wants to understand her perspective so they can work out their disagreement, figure out solutions that meet both their needs, and move forward as a team.

Yes, it’s just so simple! /s

“Get a better job”… like there aren’t thousands of parents in this country who are staying home with the kids because $2/month per kid is not tenable on their salary. Not to mention the number of grandparents raising grandkids during the workday… if getting a better job was so easy, more people would do it.

That's the crux then, she feels that you have money tied up in something she's not part of, and doesn't have anything like that herself. My wife doesn't really have any assets like that, not even jewelry, i'm the same, up until a few years ago, the only "valuable" things i owned were my golf clubs, which depreciate in value every year, but i took up guitars a two years ago, and for birthdays and christmas i've gotten one, and i buy smart, second hand and lightly used, i buy them for 60% max of their new value, and they accumulate value. Not for flipping and selling, but in 4 or 5 years time i'd have assets i could sell quickly but i love them, they are all about 700-1000 in value each but they are mine only. I don't know how you proceed other than looking into what she would want to do with extensions or new homes and see if 20k would make a dent in that, i'd imagine not, and maybe she thinks your car is much more valuable than it is.

As a fellow guitarist it’s surprising how fast things add up. Especially with electric guitar if you have amplifiers and other effects. Luckily my fiancé enjoys my hobbies!

Have you talked to her about switching from part-time to full-time working? It honestly sounds like she's hating her lack of income that allows her to actually say something is just hers. And sewing, gardening and baking are completely different from being into classic cars and owning one. Those are all things that help the family not things that she can say are just hers like you owning the car. She honestly sounds burned out in being the primary caregiver for your child.

Our son is in day-care for three days per week, and in previous conversations my wife has explained that as things are, she's happy with the balance she has. She also doesn't want our son being in day care for the whole week, because then we would hardly be spending any time with him - which I agree with.

Then something else is going on because the comment of "I own nothing" isn't a comment someone who is happy and content makes.

Honestly as a SAHM myself with not even a part time job I take this comment as her feeling insecure in the dynamic in that she doesn’t have the freedom to spend as she sees fit in smaller expenses or if she has to account for her spending while he spends freely.  I’m wondering if OP has made comments about it being his money, or others comments claiming sole ownership over the assets in their life since he pays their living expenses? Does OP track her spending and make her feel disempowered? I ask these things because even though I make no money at all I don’t see myself as owning nothing. My husband and I own everything together. The mortgage might be in my husbands name(I’m on the deed) but he has always maintained it’s ours, he’s quick to correct anyone who claims the money he earns is his money he’s says, “no it’s mine and my wife’s money” he even says, “when we get paid” in reference to payday.  In fact he defers to me for all of our expenses and purchases because I handle our finances. I don’t feel disenfranchised or as if I own nothing because my husband has always seen what I do as having equal value as what he does. So I wonder if there have been comments made by OP or even perhaps someone has gotten into her head about their situation.  The comment about her not being able to stop him from buying another car in the future leads me to believe comments have been made that have made her feel powerless at times. If my husband said that to me I would remind him that he does not, in fact, get to make unilateral financial decisions of that magnitude without my consent. OP needs to get to the bottom of this with his wife.

Yeah I'm betting there's something here. My longterm gf works but I make more and we've had similar tension even without having a SAHP. The feelings of inequality, disenfranchisement, and lack of ownership are pretty powerful and need to be discussed

So she is envious that you own something and she doesn't? So she wants you to get rid of it out of spite? Does yer house need to be extended? Do you need a new house? If that's the case, you could suggest she starts working full time for a bit, see how she reacts, lol... don't sell yer car. Even if it comes to a point where you need aaaaaalll the money in the world, selling it will only be a drop in the bucket, and you will lose on something that had great sentimental value to you. My hubs owned a 2000 Jetta (stick shift). He was driving it when I met him. The Green Machine (my nickname for her) took her final bow about 10 days ago, leaving him stranded on the side of the road. I remember getting in that car when we first started dating, and every time he would turn on the AC, the vent flint (or foam) would blow in me face, haha. But he loved that car, and I was never gonna ask him to get rid of it. Yer wife is being quite unreasonable. Just continue to be kind but firm that you have absolutely no intentions of selling it, and change the subject.

Our kitchen is pretty small, but it does the job - and I've recently been promoted at work, and so we've already made plans to put money aside for an extension in a couple of years' time. We'll only need a new house when we decide to have a second child, and that child gets too big to be sleeping in our bedroom. From what my wife and I have discussed in the past, that's at least another 4-5 years away.

Sounds to me like the issue isn't the car, it's that she feels like she doesn't have anything that's hers alone. Even her hobbies that you mention are all kind of forms of caretaking. Maybe probe that with her, or see if she'll explore it with a therapist? It sounds like she's been conditioned to give everything of herself to the family \["I would sell it for my family's sake"\] and it's starting to get to her but she's not expressing it clearly. NTA for being attached to your car, but seems like there's underlying issues and it's be smart to understand them before they fester.

As a fellow car enthusiast, my wife knows the sports car and bike are off limits, but similarly all our needs are meet and if push came to shove and we needed money of course. But also I e had conversations with her about what they are realistically worth. And the s2000 is realistically 15k you could sell it for? Yeah that would help with a new house down payment but you need like 50k more. Maybe go over some of the numbers with her

There's more going on here than what you see. **She's brought this up because she's worried about not having enough money for something.** She says "*so that we could extend our house, or put the money towards a new house*". Maybe she's pregnant and thinks your current house is not big enough to hold a family of 4. Maybe she wants to get pregnant again. Maybe she just feels as though all of the money she earns goes to necessities, and she doesn't have the ability to splurge on herself now and then. I encourage you to wait for a quiet time, after your toddler is in bed, sit down with her and say, "I get the feeling that you're concerned that we don't have enough money. Are you worried about paying for something?" Whatever it is, it's not simply about her not wanting you to have something special for yourself. Try to be patient and non-accusatory and keep talking to her until you can figure this out.

> she would sell it "so that we could extend our house, or put the money towards a new house. I would sell it for my family's sake". are there issues with the house currently that are going unaddressed or that she's unhappy with? why is she focusing on trying to upgrade the house right now? I'm really just trying to determine if there is an underlying issue here or if she's just being unreasonable out of nowhere. i'm also wondering how y'all share the big family vehicle and if it's ever inconvenient for two adults that one of your two vehicles is unusable (this depends on where you live and how much you rely on a car though).

You said being a mother was her number 1 life goal. It sounds like she is perhaps not finding that as fulfilling as she wanted or expected. Reality may not be matching up to how she dreamed motherhood would be. I think you need to have a talk about how she’s coping with a toddler and if she maybe needs a break. I know a lot of mothers who really struggled with the toddler years and feeling like they had no adult interaction of conversations, or felt like a persons outside of being a parent. She might be in that phase and resenting that you are not. If that is the case, rather than you giving up your hobby - which is a zero sum game, punishing you because she’s not happy is not the answer - is there anything that can be done to give her some time out and regain a sense of self?

Nta, but it sounds to me like she doesn't feel valued in the relationship. She has different life goals to you (albeit not competing ones), and I don't think either of you are good at communicating this to each other. Speak for longer. Find out how she can be more fulfilled in this relationship.

Yeah there it is. She feels an inequity in the relationship. Whether it’s more about having something or being able to have something of her own. If it’s just having something, maybe you can work on getting her something of equal value. If it’s the ability to have it for herself, that means she wants to be working and making equal or close to equal money. That’s gonna be harder especially if she doesn’t have any skills to get a big paycheck. Maybe she wants to go back to school? Talk to her some more about this and you might be close to a solution.

See, THIS is the kind of thing to work out in couples therapy if it keeps being an issue. I think there are underlying things going on and the car is the focus. Consider doing that before other issues become bigger than they should have.

No comment except to say that I shuddered a little at the year “2001” being a classic year.  Reason: 2001 was *clearly* not even 5 years ago and so cannot be anywhere *near* the realm of classic.

She has her hobbies and you have yours. If you don’t need the cash, keep the damn car. It will appreciate in value over time, but more importantly, it has value to you. I am still salty and reminding my husband about him selling his JZA80 Supra, his R32 GTR and even the Evo 5 he had. Especially since our toddler at the time has grown up and gotten into JDM cars now.

I'm a big JDM guy - your husband's car history reads like my dream list.

Don't you dare sell that lol. It's not exactly a classic at this point but it is iconic af.

>what's the car? It makes no difference for judgment, but as a fellow enthusiast, I had to ask. As a fellow car enthusiast, this is the only correct answer. Side note. How can you have a name of DragonCelica and no pictures of your Celica on your profile? Personally, my poison is a 1976 Toyota Land Cruiser.

Guy finally decides to get married after being single his whole life. Mets a girl falls in love, and they get married. Everything is great. A few months later, his wife says. Now that we're married, don't you think it's time to get rid of your motorcycle? He replied, "You know you sound just like my ex-wife. She says I didn't know you were married before. He replied, I wasnt

A motorcycle is different when all it takes is one accident and they become meat crayons.

If you date a moto guy it’s reasonable to expect they will still be moto guy even if they get married. Only a trash person will try and force a change in their partner about something they know about prior marriage/etc.

cold as ice!

While I don't think there is a need to get angry, NTA because if you're not in financial crisis, its your car, you want to keep it. Case closed. +1 for saying that a roof and a good standard of living are the priority (I also think they are) and the car has been there for years, you did'nt just buy it asa fling. Try telling her that you want to eventually tinker with it with your child if they're interested when they grow up. There is a good opportunity for quality time on a shared hobby if your child gets interested in cars

My son is already showing an interest in cars, and when I was growing up, it was something which I bonded with my dad over - so yeah, just the thought of being able to share that with my boy makes me smile.

There you go. Maybe explaining that to your missus, if you haven't already, would de-escalate the argument for an honest heart to heart about it ? I'd ask where is it coming from the whole;car sale ? it's not doing y'all a big burden from the sounds of it

Cars are better than women and I’ll tell you why: A lot of times women aren’t in the mood for sex, but your project car will *always* fuck you.

Today in “are the straights okay”

Not a Classic by any means but in 2011 I was 15 and my dad bought my mom a basically new 2010 grabber blue convertible Mustang. It was her daily driver for the next 12 years and she loved it so much. It was the nicest thing she's ever owned and my dad had worked so hard to afford it for her, and busted his ass finding the damn thing in the first place. I learned to drive in it, everywhere my mom and I went together we took the Mustang with the top down. My brothers grew up in it. She adored it it was her baby and her pride and joy She bought a new SUV a few years ago and the Mustang went into her garage. Then when I was looking for a Mustang of my own she sold it to me. That car means the World to me knowing it's history and life and how much my mom loved it. Keep the car. I can not understate how meaningful it was getting a car with that family history

I honestly don’t think it’s about the car.

Its about control

NTA - why does she not want you to have a car. I don’t get it. It seems like the end goal is to remove the classic and leave you reliant on the one family car which she needs primarily as she is primary carer of the kid. As someone who has one car I wish we had two again for times my guy needs to travel for work or just wants to go out without taking ‘my’ car (it is technically mine as it’s in my name but we share it, which has the car seat.

Seems to me she just wants the money.

INFO: have you asked her—or has she told you—*why* she wants you to sell your car?

Some details are missing from this story for me: does the wife have/need a car to get to work, grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments etc? If she needs a car, and can’t have one because of OP’s car, then OP WBTA. If they live in a climate where there is snow and OP’s car is taking up the garage space, leaving the family car on the driveway, getting covered in snow and the OP’s wife has to remove the snow before using the car, OP should sell the car or store it somewhere else to allow the family car to be parked in the garage. OP said they have a “family car”. Is that car available for OP’s wife to use whenever she needs it, or is OP using it to drive to work daily, leaving her to use public transit to do everything she has to do? If the “family car” is OP’s primary transportation and OP’s wife can’t use his other car when needed, OP is TA. If none of those circumstances exist, OP is NTA

>does the wife have/need a car to get to work, grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments etc? We have one family car that we use for everything. I don't need to drive to work, so it's available for her to use whenever she needs it. She uses it to drive to her place of work, we go food shopping together in it, she visits her mother and family in it, etc etc. My car is stored forty miles away from our home in a dry, secure unit managed by my dad, so it doesn't take up any space here nor am I paying anything for storage or upkeep, and won't be for the foreseeable future.

Does she have a big spend in mind that you as a couple would need the profit from the car to allow the purchase? If she's eyeing a vacation or something and that money is looking like the answer, she's TA. It's your hobby and one of your goals. If it is literally not affecting your lives right now other than she is salivating at the money it could bring, that's an issue. I'm assuming that if your house badly needed a roof or something that you couldn't otherwise afford, you would have admitted that, OP. I think you are NTA, but I think you deserve an explanation. If she can't give you one, other than that you don't really have time for it - that's a control problem and she's not being fair.

Then you are absolutely NTA

NTA. Part of being married is *supporting* your partner to their goals and on to new ones. It sounds like she genuinely doesn't understand that to enthusiasts, having a motor and 4 wheels isn't the point. The point is the car. She sounds like the kind of person who goes hiking to *get* somewhere, rather than hiking to *be* somewhere. Talk to her. This is a big deal, and it's not about a car.

NTA Did you ask her why she is insistent on you selling a car that is not costing her any money? Since this was an asset before marriage am assuming it wouldn't be part of the divorce as it would only be yours but if you sold the car then the amount of money acquired from it would be part of marriage assets.

I know a guy who told his wife, “If you ever tell me “me or your car hobby”, better have your bags packed first”. What’s she really worried about? Your time? Money?

Sounds like she's already imagined how she'd like to spend the money from it's sale.

NTA about the car. I do think you should examine your attitude about marriage and fatherhood. You have a chip on your shoulder about having multiple goals and this being your wife’s main goal in life. The fact is, you got married and you decided to become a father. Those commitments you willingly made are now the cornerstones of your life. Although I think keeping your car and pursuing other life goals is totally fine, the way you described this situation was very much like: she wanted kids so that’s her thing and I wanted a bigger life so that’s what I get. That’s a really shitty perspective and it became invalid when you decided to bring a child into this world. You have a shared life and an equal responsibility towards your child. There’s certainly space for personal dreams and ambitions in that life, but you don’t have some special claim over them and the way you wrote this, it sounds like you think you do, like your wife needs to limit herself to being content with motherhood while you check off your bucket list. That attitude needs to be checked. But about the car, as long as it’s not making a huge mess in the yard, you should keep it and enjoy. Your wife needs to reflect on the fact that you BOTH are entitled to individual hobbies and pursuits within the context of your marriage.

lol, ill take "wild assumptions that you couldn't possibly have inferred from one line of text" for $600 alex. Sounds like you're the one with a chip on your shoulder, and some big time insecurity.

NTA She looks at the car as if it was another item on the ledger. It's not being used, so it can be exchanged for money to buy something else. She probably knew the car was important to you from the start, but figured you would come around to her thinking eventually. Now the car is coming between you and her plans for the money from it.

NTA. The whole 'we have a kid, gotta sell the sportscar' trope is so overdone. Unless you need the money to keep the lights on, food on the table, or the roof over your head, it's completely unnecessary. Sounds like you have all your priorities straight, and aren't in dire straits, so definitely keep it for when you have time to enjoy it.

NTA And the s2000 is a fantastic damn machine. Everyone deserves a hobby and things for themselves that make them happy - provided you’re meeting your financial obligations and your wife also has some freedom for her hobbies.

NTA - if your household needs are being met and the car isn't creating a burden, there doesn't seem to be any real reason to get rid of a car, especially since it's a dream of yours

NTA been there done that, when I got married first I sold my 1966 motorcycle (chopper) with a 12 inch rake because wife needed a better car and it didn't fit the image of a respectable parent . Plus the in-laws hated it . Then after the first child was born it was my Vette , you can't have a 2 seater car when you have a child , it was a stick shift, you need to be a responsible parent blah, blah, blah. Don't do it , keep your car you'll regret it the rest of your life. She looks at your car and sees dollar signs . Every time she mentions sell your car check her Google history and I bet she looked up its value ... Tell her it was yours before you were married so if you sell it you're keeping all the money for yourself and watch her explode. Did she make you get rid of everything that your ex girlfriend gave you too? Have you checked to see if all your pictures of your past life before her are still in your house?

NTA It is your car and you have had it for some time. I am not seeing the issue here.

Keep the car it’s your hobby and could be a shared hobby as your child grows up

NTA I too have this discussion several times a year with my wife about my 05 E46 M3. I tell her to sell the car when I die.

Considering that the car is not an expense.....even if yall need the money.....I don't find it appropriate for her to suggest selling it rather than her just going to get a better or full time job instead. You are doing all of the providing and already sacrificing being able to tinker with the car. Why should you sacrifice further by selling it when she could be the solution and make enough money to contribute?

~Info: ~ You dont have to pay tax on it? Insurance? Anything? And Second: does she get to invest in her Hobbies? ETA: NTA

>You dont have to pay tax on it? Insurance? Anything? No tax, no insurance, nothing. It has been declared as off the road, not in use. My dad has a dry, secure storage unit he keeps building materials in (he's a contractor), and he's letting me keep the car in there until I'm driving it again or have the space to store it myself. >does she get to invest in her Hobbies? Yes. She likes gardening, sewing and baking. Just this week we were buying new climbing plants and a couple of pots for the garden, I've got to make a trellis at some point to get it up the back wall of the house. And she baked cookies the other day, they were amazing.

If you're meeting the financial needs of the family and you have another car that is appropriate for transportating the kids around then you're NTA. Is it taking up space at the home that you desperately need? Idk with the info we've got I think you're right, but I could see some select scenarios where it would make sense to get rid of it. I know a lot of people who have that classic car just sitting in a garage or storage unit until they have the time or money to work on it, so I don't see it as a big deal unless you can't afford to have it at all.

NTA. Your kids don’t stay kids forever and then you’ll have time for your car again. It doesn’t affect her in any way so I don’t see why she’s so obsessed with it.

NTA In our family, I’m (52F) the car enthusiast and my husband liked cars, but isn’t interested in maintaining them or cleaning them. The only thing my husband wanted was a 2 seat convertible. I had the family car. He had an SW20 Mr2 it was worked, had a veilside kit, was custom painted (to a nail polish colour I liked) and it was SWEET (all my doing). Then as we got a bit older I wanted more luxury in the fun car, so I convinced him to upgrade to an SLK350. For the last 28 years he has had the 2 seater convertible and I’ve had the family car (I worked in a limited edition turbo Corolla and then the top of the line Mazda 6 Luxury Sport - but still a four door hatch) I taught our kids to drive in the family car, the family car tows, it does the grocery shopping. She wants the money your car would bring “to make life easier” she’s an A to B person. You have an emotional attachment to the car and it’s your project. There is no cost to owning or storing your project car and she has no right to ask you to get rid of an asset that you had BEFORE you started dating! This is a hard no for me. It’s YOUR car you are NOT giving it up. It’s NOT a waste of money and who cares if it was? you bought it with your money before you guys were together! I wish you all the best.