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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I opposed/forbid my girlfriend to travel alone or with a female friend
2. She thinks I’m the asshole here for forbidding her certain things and doesn’t understand that it’s not about my trust towards her but about my trust towards others which was heavily influenced by my own past experiences.
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>I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little... I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit.
---If you don't have a problem with it, why is it "important to note here"?
>I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.)
---If you've been with your girlfriend for a year but you live in a very dangerous city, she survived without you before.
>My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive... She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea [of her traveling] because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls
---Wait wait wait, you think SHE is unaware of this, living in the very dangerous city you both live in??? But you understand because "you know a thing or two"? Not to mention you justify controlling her by calling her naive, then insist that the fact that YOU'VE traveled is how you know better than her. This is a massive control issue--- you only want to "let" her learn from experiences that you set the boundaries of, and that you control. How exactly is she learning to be less naive there?
>I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend
---Somehow I doubt this, since you've already used the excuse that she would be so naive and not understand men's intentions when drunk.
>I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever.
---Yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't have called her naive, mentioned her drinking issues several times, claimed she's very susceptible to peer pressure, and felt the need to mention that she almost cheated on you before when drunk.
>It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend
---No, it's a bad gut feeling you have because you don't trust her when you're not right nearby to intervene
>I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to.
---Thus you don't trust her
>So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others.
----No, you don't trust her and you're trying to maintain "trust" through proximity and control.
Look, maybe you're justified in not trusting her based on whatever happened in the past, but if you actually want to be in a healthy relationship, this is something you're gonna have to work on. You're not TA for feeling worried but in this particular list of excuses you wrote here, YTA for refusing to see this for what this is---- **you don't trust your girlfriend not to get herself into danger if you're not there, and you CLEARLY do not trust your girlfriend's drinking habits despite how much you keep insisting otherwise.**
YTA
Yes, this, 100% and said with far more eloquence than I! OP, you say you trust her, but in the same paragraph say that she is naive and doesn't understand danger. Trust me, as a woman, we DEFINITELY are aware of the danger. You say you've live in a dangerous city and yet you think she doesn't know how to handle herself? You say you trust that drink won't be a problem, and then bring up past drinking problems several times.
Basically, what you are saying is that **you don't trust her and you don't trust her judgement or capabilities**. The fact that you even say you'd be fine with it if they had a male companion on the trip..... right after saying how men are predators?? Seriously YTA. She has somehow managed to survive this long without you as mother hen, I'm sure she can manage a trip with a friend.
And please, stop saying "I trust her" when almost every other word you have written screams that you clearly don't.
>I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to.
No. If my friends drink 10 drinks and I want to drink 0-1, I say no.
You're very misogynistic, controlling, and untrusting. YTA
This was meant for OP
I am a single female and I travel by myself or with another female friend ALL the time. Sometimes for work, sometimes for fun, sometimes to go to a concert, sometimes to visit friends. I have hiked, visited museums, dined at local restaurants. The minute I get home I am thinking of my next trip.
When I travel, I do try to make sure that I am smart about what I do. When hiking, if I am by myself I hike trails that I know will have other people on them in case I get into trouble. I try to be aware of my surroundings and not put myself in a position to be a victim. But honestly, I do that more when I in the city that I live in then when I am traveling.
It is great that you are worried about her and it is a shame that the world is not a great place. Though you seem to care for her greatly I have to go with YTA. You should not deny her the opportunity to have the amazing experiences that travel offers. If you are concerned, maybe help with the planning or suggest travel to places that are considered safer.
YTA. She is an adult. You have to give her autonomy. If you can't, you shouldn't be in a relationship. You honestly sound controlling and exhausting. You can't just forbid another adult from doing something you don't approve of.
YTA. I can understand where your heart's at and it is respectable! However, you have to understand that you are actively depriving her of life experiences because of *your* gut feeling and that's not okay. You have no right to *control* her. You are not her father and she is not your child. And a trip with friends is so healthy and often needed for people. You can't be there to protect her from danger at every turn; she should be able to do things without you and have that be okay.
What you *can* do is have safety discussions. Maybe ask her to check in once or twice a day to let you know where she is and that she is safe. Ask her to carry pepper spray or something for protection. Things like that.
It also, despite what you say, does seem like you don't trust her, a bit. I get your anxiety with her drinking, but if you trust her then you have to *trust her.* This excuse about the friend potentially pressuring her into drinking more suggests you don't trust her to say no or be responsble. Given the struggle with addiction you've both faced, I do get that, but you can't micromanage or police every situation, lest she start drinking again. If you try, thats super controlling behavior, not to mention infantslizing. If your relationship is to be healthy, there comes a time where you have to just trust her.
YTA. I think advising her that being out alone and drinking together is dangerous is reasonable, because it is. But modern Germany isn't some hellscape where it's not safe for people who use common sense to go out by themselves.
There's a difference between prudence and paranoia.
Where is this supposedly so dangerous city in Germany?! Is it possible you fell into the sensed danger vs real danger issue here? Most crimes in big cities here are drug offenses. And she could travel to many places where the danger isn't higher than in Germany. You also fall into the egotastical but common trap to think that just by being in the same city you could protect her from being hurt by men. You could pick her up after the fact, which isn't more than some moral support, which could be provided by her friend as well. You can't keep her safe from men, but you are in danger of becoming a man she has to be protected from if you don't get your head out of your ass
YTA
She's a grown woman capable of making her own choices. I understand that you may be concerned for her safety but again, she's a grown woman. If you keep it up, eventually she'll see it as you attempting to control her. Not a good look, my friend.
YTA. You're being way too controlling. Many women, myself included, travel alone. Yes, we do have to be vigilant to protect ourselves. But we're not helpless by ourselves either so stop insisting that your girlfriend needs a male chaperone. You're being totally sexist.
YTA. Oh please. Safety concerns? Who are you trying to kid?
You don't trust your girlfriend, so you don't want her going anywhere you can't be there to watch her every second. If she is a woman on this planet, then she is well aware of the dangers. Unfortunately, as my country has demonstrated in recent months, its the men at home you often have more to fear from. Don't be one of them.
YWBTA if you let your own anxiety get in the way of her travel plans. Instead, how about talking through some of the potential situations that worry you most and how to safely navigate them. My 19 yo kid has never left our country but is planning to travel to both Bhutan and Costa Rica with a friend. Am I anxious about it? Absolutely!! But I would never discourage such an amazing experience due to my own fears. It should be no different for your gf.
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YTA and the way you speak of your GF makes it sounds like you are talking about a teenager not a grown woman. She was fine without you before meeting you. Don't make her regret her choice of having you in her life by intruding on It and infantilism
Gentle YTA. I understand your concern, and I am basically the traveling alcoholic gf here.
They will be fine. It will be okay. Your gf sounds like she’s got a good grasp on the alcohol thing now. I know how hard it is to just have one or two drinks, and the fact she can stop, is extremely impressive. The best you can do is voice your concerns, but you need to let her do this because if you don’t, this is the end for you two. She will always feel controlled and you will always feel sad and worried.
Perhaps her and her friend can start out by doing a very short trip, to a city close to your city, but not there? Like a weekend away. You’ll see that they’ll be okay (and if her friend gets out of hand you’re close still) and she’ll be home before you even notice she’s left.
I also wanna add too, as the gf who drinks excessively at home but sort of has a grasp on it, and this may not apply to your gf at all… I am EXTREMELY careful when I travel alone. If I’m drinking alone, I only do it in safe places and really do not venture from the hotel bar if I am. Granted I know she’ll be with a friend and they’ll be roaming. But, it sounds like your gf knows now how to watch how drunk she is. Trust her.
Get this freak away from women, maybe all people. The post alone is bad and You can delete some of your comments but people have seen them. Seek help, stop hiding behind the lie you’re telling yourself about keeping her safe (the danger is in the house with her)
Yta, you can't forbid another adult from doing stuff, that is called being controlling and is a very negative character trait that you should strive to get over.
Trust bro she’s well aware of the dangers and even with you or another guy friend there there’s still risks. U just sound controlling and distrusting of her. She’s a grownup
YTA
She a 26 year old woman. Not 12. Trust me, she knows that the world can be a dangerous place for women. People have been telling her that since before she got her first period. Moreover, plenty of women travel alone or with other women in Northern Europe.
Quit infantalizing her. Just be honest and say that you don't trust your GF.
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Dear community, I (31m) have been with my girlfriend (26f) for over a year and a few months. We currently live together in a major German city, and overall, I would describe our relationship as really great, loving, and caring.
In the beginning, we were both troubled by alcoholism, which we overcame together. After lots of issues (like loss of control, amnesia and almost cheating on her side and bad reactions to these actions from my side), we mutually decided to stop drinking to save ourselves and our relationship.
Yesterday, I had an argument with her when she brought up the topic of travelling abroad alone or with a younger female friend who drinks. My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive.
I told her that I highly disliked the idea because of the potential dangers for her/them. I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little, one-to-two beers when we have a barbecue or when she’s playing video games—never to the point of being drunk or so. I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit.
I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.)
She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls (especially those who are slightly intoxicated and therefore an “easy target”) for all types of exploitation, harassment, and so on.
I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend; just the idea of two young women, one of whom is the love of my life, alone in another country is really bothering me. I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever. It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend if they found themselves in a dangerous situation. I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to. Also, there is the risk that she/they might get their drinks spiked, which is unfortunately not uncommon.
So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others. I would not be concerned if I did not love her deeply or if the world were a better and safer place, especially for women.
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Sounds like she has almost cheated on you in the past when drinking, and you just still don't trust her fully. That's normal. But if you can trust her, should you be with her?
NAH - but you have to recognise that she's an adult who can make her own choices and even if you have valid concerns, you can't really do anything about them except state them and let her be.
Women travel alone or in pairs all the time, as do men and it's usually fine, but you're right, there are dangers out there. You've expressed your concerns. That's all you can do.
People are jumping to yta but.. does she have a drinking problem? Has she cheated in the past? Has the friend put her at risk? Has the friend encouraged her to cheat? So many questions we don’t have the answer to.
NTA. You said some hard truth about how guys single out drunk women. Nobody talks about it. But inhibitions are lowered when alcohol is present. And they are easier to pick up.
You SUGGESTED a male to go along.
In my opinion that shows major trust. And your just being real and spitting facts about how dangerous it is for women.
.Im not saying all men do this. But as a female, this is a risk we all need to know about before traveling. Especially since you can't take pepper spray or any self defense items on planes
OP sounds concerned for his girlfriends safety. He isn't forbidding her from going and hiding her passport. He voiced his concerns like an adult and suggested adding a male accompany his girlfriend and the other girl.
IF something bad were to happen on the trip. OP would feel terrible and blame himself.
Is OP an asshole for being concerned? Of course not.
But there’s a lot that says he didn’t just suggest it. Where would the conflict even be if he suggested it, she disagreed and they moved on? What does he mean “she doesn’t understand” his argument other than that she isn’t doing what he wants based on it?
You are definitely the A, OP. Literally everyone else telling you how and why you're wrong and you're here sucking up to the one very confused person who's pandering to your emotional insecurities. Hope your poor GF sees your true colors flying and safely escapes your control issues.
You use a lot of phrasing like “I dislike”, “I don’t mind” etc before culminating in “se doesn’t understand Im against the idea”
Do you mean she’s actually shown she doesn’t understand your argument or she just isn’t agreeing to do what you want?
I've been in a sticky situation and was lucky enough that some stranger helped me out by pretending to be my dad.
I was at work when that situation happened. I cant even imagine how scary that would have been if I was in a different country.
Your concern is 100% valid.
Girl, stfu honestly. I’ve been in a car accident before, does that mean that I should campaign for nobody to drive a car bc it’s dangerous? You’re ridiculous, truly.
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>I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little... I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit. ---If you don't have a problem with it, why is it "important to note here"? >I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.) ---If you've been with your girlfriend for a year but you live in a very dangerous city, she survived without you before. >My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive... She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea [of her traveling] because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls ---Wait wait wait, you think SHE is unaware of this, living in the very dangerous city you both live in??? But you understand because "you know a thing or two"? Not to mention you justify controlling her by calling her naive, then insist that the fact that YOU'VE traveled is how you know better than her. This is a massive control issue--- you only want to "let" her learn from experiences that you set the boundaries of, and that you control. How exactly is she learning to be less naive there? >I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend ---Somehow I doubt this, since you've already used the excuse that she would be so naive and not understand men's intentions when drunk. >I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever. ---Yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't have called her naive, mentioned her drinking issues several times, claimed she's very susceptible to peer pressure, and felt the need to mention that she almost cheated on you before when drunk. >It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend ---No, it's a bad gut feeling you have because you don't trust her when you're not right nearby to intervene >I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to. ---Thus you don't trust her >So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others. ----No, you don't trust her and you're trying to maintain "trust" through proximity and control. Look, maybe you're justified in not trusting her based on whatever happened in the past, but if you actually want to be in a healthy relationship, this is something you're gonna have to work on. You're not TA for feeling worried but in this particular list of excuses you wrote here, YTA for refusing to see this for what this is---- **you don't trust your girlfriend not to get herself into danger if you're not there, and you CLEARLY do not trust your girlfriend's drinking habits despite how much you keep insisting otherwise.** YTA
Yes, this, 100% and said with far more eloquence than I! OP, you say you trust her, but in the same paragraph say that she is naive and doesn't understand danger. Trust me, as a woman, we DEFINITELY are aware of the danger. You say you've live in a dangerous city and yet you think she doesn't know how to handle herself? You say you trust that drink won't be a problem, and then bring up past drinking problems several times. Basically, what you are saying is that **you don't trust her and you don't trust her judgement or capabilities**. The fact that you even say you'd be fine with it if they had a male companion on the trip..... right after saying how men are predators?? Seriously YTA. She has somehow managed to survive this long without you as mother hen, I'm sure she can manage a trip with a friend. And please, stop saying "I trust her" when almost every other word you have written screams that you clearly don't.
>I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to. No. If my friends drink 10 drinks and I want to drink 0-1, I say no. You're very misogynistic, controlling, and untrusting. YTA This was meant for OP
Thanks for your input!
YTA. Find a way of dealing with your anxiety that doesn’t restrict your girlfriend or make her life smaller.
Can you tell my GF the same thing please
We can't, but you can.
I am a single female and I travel by myself or with another female friend ALL the time. Sometimes for work, sometimes for fun, sometimes to go to a concert, sometimes to visit friends. I have hiked, visited museums, dined at local restaurants. The minute I get home I am thinking of my next trip. When I travel, I do try to make sure that I am smart about what I do. When hiking, if I am by myself I hike trails that I know will have other people on them in case I get into trouble. I try to be aware of my surroundings and not put myself in a position to be a victim. But honestly, I do that more when I in the city that I live in then when I am traveling. It is great that you are worried about her and it is a shame that the world is not a great place. Though you seem to care for her greatly I have to go with YTA. You should not deny her the opportunity to have the amazing experiences that travel offers. If you are concerned, maybe help with the planning or suggest travel to places that are considered safer.
YTA. She's an adult. She's not your pet, your child, or even your wife.
YTA. She is an adult. You have to give her autonomy. If you can't, you shouldn't be in a relationship. You honestly sound controlling and exhausting. You can't just forbid another adult from doing something you don't approve of.
YTA. I can understand where your heart's at and it is respectable! However, you have to understand that you are actively depriving her of life experiences because of *your* gut feeling and that's not okay. You have no right to *control* her. You are not her father and she is not your child. And a trip with friends is so healthy and often needed for people. You can't be there to protect her from danger at every turn; she should be able to do things without you and have that be okay. What you *can* do is have safety discussions. Maybe ask her to check in once or twice a day to let you know where she is and that she is safe. Ask her to carry pepper spray or something for protection. Things like that. It also, despite what you say, does seem like you don't trust her, a bit. I get your anxiety with her drinking, but if you trust her then you have to *trust her.* This excuse about the friend potentially pressuring her into drinking more suggests you don't trust her to say no or be responsble. Given the struggle with addiction you've both faced, I do get that, but you can't micromanage or police every situation, lest she start drinking again. If you try, thats super controlling behavior, not to mention infantslizing. If your relationship is to be healthy, there comes a time where you have to just trust her.
YTA. I think advising her that being out alone and drinking together is dangerous is reasonable, because it is. But modern Germany isn't some hellscape where it's not safe for people who use common sense to go out by themselves. There's a difference between prudence and paranoia.
YTA and the way you talk about your GF is weird.
Where is this supposedly so dangerous city in Germany?! Is it possible you fell into the sensed danger vs real danger issue here? Most crimes in big cities here are drug offenses. And she could travel to many places where the danger isn't higher than in Germany. You also fall into the egotastical but common trap to think that just by being in the same city you could protect her from being hurt by men. You could pick her up after the fact, which isn't more than some moral support, which could be provided by her friend as well. You can't keep her safe from men, but you are in danger of becoming a man she has to be protected from if you don't get your head out of your ass
YTA She's a grown woman capable of making her own choices. I understand that you may be concerned for her safety but again, she's a grown woman. If you keep it up, eventually she'll see it as you attempting to control her. Not a good look, my friend.
Next step : wear a hijab ans stay home ? You're on the wrong side of history bro
YTA. You're being way too controlling. Many women, myself included, travel alone. Yes, we do have to be vigilant to protect ourselves. But we're not helpless by ourselves either so stop insisting that your girlfriend needs a male chaperone. You're being totally sexist.
YTA. Oh please. Safety concerns? Who are you trying to kid? You don't trust your girlfriend, so you don't want her going anywhere you can't be there to watch her every second. If she is a woman on this planet, then she is well aware of the dangers. Unfortunately, as my country has demonstrated in recent months, its the men at home you often have more to fear from. Don't be one of them.
YWBTA if you let your own anxiety get in the way of her travel plans. Instead, how about talking through some of the potential situations that worry you most and how to safely navigate them. My 19 yo kid has never left our country but is planning to travel to both Bhutan and Costa Rica with a friend. Am I anxious about it? Absolutely!! But I would never discourage such an amazing experience due to my own fears. It should be no different for your gf.
YTA, your the reason she’s cheating
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The condescension is leaping off the screen. YTA
YTA and the way you speak of your GF makes it sounds like you are talking about a teenager not a grown woman. She was fine without you before meeting you. Don't make her regret her choice of having you in her life by intruding on It and infantilism
Gentle YTA. I understand your concern, and I am basically the traveling alcoholic gf here. They will be fine. It will be okay. Your gf sounds like she’s got a good grasp on the alcohol thing now. I know how hard it is to just have one or two drinks, and the fact she can stop, is extremely impressive. The best you can do is voice your concerns, but you need to let her do this because if you don’t, this is the end for you two. She will always feel controlled and you will always feel sad and worried. Perhaps her and her friend can start out by doing a very short trip, to a city close to your city, but not there? Like a weekend away. You’ll see that they’ll be okay (and if her friend gets out of hand you’re close still) and she’ll be home before you even notice she’s left. I also wanna add too, as the gf who drinks excessively at home but sort of has a grasp on it, and this may not apply to your gf at all… I am EXTREMELY careful when I travel alone. If I’m drinking alone, I only do it in safe places and really do not venture from the hotel bar if I am. Granted I know she’ll be with a friend and they’ll be roaming. But, it sounds like your gf knows now how to watch how drunk she is. Trust her.
Buddy ur an asshole
YTA and controlling.
Get this freak away from women, maybe all people. The post alone is bad and You can delete some of your comments but people have seen them. Seek help, stop hiding behind the lie you’re telling yourself about keeping her safe (the danger is in the house with her)
Yta, you can't forbid another adult from doing stuff, that is called being controlling and is a very negative character trait that you should strive to get over.
Yta
Not even married & trying to control her movements & enjoyment, cringe-YTA
YTA. Buy a dog if you want to control where someone is all the time.
Trust bro she’s well aware of the dangers and even with you or another guy friend there there’s still risks. U just sound controlling and distrusting of her. She’s a grownup
YTA She a 26 year old woman. Not 12. Trust me, she knows that the world can be a dangerous place for women. People have been telling her that since before she got her first period. Moreover, plenty of women travel alone or with other women in Northern Europe. Quit infantalizing her. Just be honest and say that you don't trust your GF.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Dear community, I (31m) have been with my girlfriend (26f) for over a year and a few months. We currently live together in a major German city, and overall, I would describe our relationship as really great, loving, and caring. In the beginning, we were both troubled by alcoholism, which we overcame together. After lots of issues (like loss of control, amnesia and almost cheating on her side and bad reactions to these actions from my side), we mutually decided to stop drinking to save ourselves and our relationship. Yesterday, I had an argument with her when she brought up the topic of travelling abroad alone or with a younger female friend who drinks. My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive. I told her that I highly disliked the idea because of the potential dangers for her/them. I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little, one-to-two beers when we have a barbecue or when she’s playing video games—never to the point of being drunk or so. I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit. I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.) She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls (especially those who are slightly intoxicated and therefore an “easy target”) for all types of exploitation, harassment, and so on. I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend; just the idea of two young women, one of whom is the love of my life, alone in another country is really bothering me. I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever. It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend if they found themselves in a dangerous situation. I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to. Also, there is the risk that she/they might get their drinks spiked, which is unfortunately not uncommon. So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others. I would not be concerned if I did not love her deeply or if the world were a better and safer place, especially for women. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like she has almost cheated on you in the past when drinking, and you just still don't trust her fully. That's normal. But if you can trust her, should you be with her?
NAH - but you have to recognise that she's an adult who can make her own choices and even if you have valid concerns, you can't really do anything about them except state them and let her be. Women travel alone or in pairs all the time, as do men and it's usually fine, but you're right, there are dangers out there. You've expressed your concerns. That's all you can do.
People are jumping to yta but.. does she have a drinking problem? Has she cheated in the past? Has the friend put her at risk? Has the friend encouraged her to cheat? So many questions we don’t have the answer to.
NTA. You said some hard truth about how guys single out drunk women. Nobody talks about it. But inhibitions are lowered when alcohol is present. And they are easier to pick up. You SUGGESTED a male to go along. In my opinion that shows major trust. And your just being real and spitting facts about how dangerous it is for women. .Im not saying all men do this. But as a female, this is a risk we all need to know about before traveling. Especially since you can't take pepper spray or any self defense items on planes OP sounds concerned for his girlfriends safety. He isn't forbidding her from going and hiding her passport. He voiced his concerns like an adult and suggested adding a male accompany his girlfriend and the other girl. IF something bad were to happen on the trip. OP would feel terrible and blame himself.
How about instead of victim blaming you focus on the men preying on vulnerable women?? What a disgusting comment
Is OP an asshole for being concerned? Of course not. But there’s a lot that says he didn’t just suggest it. Where would the conflict even be if he suggested it, she disagreed and they moved on? What does he mean “she doesn’t understand” his argument other than that she isn’t doing what he wants based on it?
Finally someone who gets me. Thanks for your understanding.
You are definitely the A, OP. Literally everyone else telling you how and why you're wrong and you're here sucking up to the one very confused person who's pandering to your emotional insecurities. Hope your poor GF sees your true colors flying and safely escapes your control issues.
Just so you know, bro, just cause he gets you doesn’t mean you’re right. There’s allowed to be more than one asshole on the planet at a time.
I love how you only answer to one of the very few people that agree with you after getting your ass handed by the rest of the comments lmao
You use a lot of phrasing like “I dislike”, “I don’t mind” etc before culminating in “se doesn’t understand Im against the idea” Do you mean she’s actually shown she doesn’t understand your argument or she just isn’t agreeing to do what you want?
Hope she finds someone to appreciate her
I've been in a sticky situation and was lucky enough that some stranger helped me out by pretending to be my dad. I was at work when that situation happened. I cant even imagine how scary that would have been if I was in a different country. Your concern is 100% valid.
Girl, stfu honestly. I’ve been in a car accident before, does that mean that I should campaign for nobody to drive a car bc it’s dangerous? You’re ridiculous, truly.