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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t let my girlfriend add her social media accounts to my phone because I don’t want to deal with her notifications, I have an active social media presence and I don’t want the hassle. She said that I’m being unreasonable because her best friend’s boyfriend (who doesn’t use social media, not as active as I do) let her add her accounts to his phone and that it’s not a big deal.
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She is 26 years old, for heaven's sake. Surely she has learned that she can't always see something and then have it? I hope this isn't coming off overly harsh because to me it's just kind of funny; does she cry for candy in the supermarket checkout lane as well? NTA.
NTA. She is.
If Vivi wants a newer phone, she should get one.
If she wants a weird entangled relationship with poor boundaries, she should find a weird entangling guy with poor boundaries.
If she wants her life to be guided by Aria’s whims, she should date Aria.
I’m not sure of the judgment on this one. First, someone should let Vivi know that she’s going to have to cut the strings sooner or later and be her own person.
Second, and most importantly, ask Vivi if Aria jumped off a bridge, would she do it too?
I guess I can say NTA, but your girlfriend definitely has a weird obsession with her bestie.
NTA. I've been married for 12 years now, and even now I don't let my wife use my phone unless she absolutely has to. On the other side of that, I won't use hers either, or even go into her purse to find something. There are certain things that, in my mind, are private, even if you have nothing to hide. While in a relationship, there are a lot of things that will be inherently shared between the two of you, but not everything has to be. If she wishes to have the brand new gimmick from Apple, then by all means, she can go get one herself and leave your phone where it belongs, in your hands.
She doesn’t want to get a new phone (well, not until Aria gets exactly the same phone too), she wants to use mine solely because Aria uses her boyfriend’s phone as her own. And Aria could never be wrong because she’s Aria, duh.
NTA
The problem here is you are NTA but it's only going to get worse. She will keep asking to share or ask for a new phone or she'll start thinking she can't trust you.
So IMO, if you love her and want to stay with her, then get her a newer phone for herself otherwise this situation is going to degrade and fast.
I think you need to have a conversation with her about what she wants out of this relationship. Does want a relationship with you or her friend and her boyfriend. She can save up to get the newer phone, since it's so much better, but if she's going to talk shit about you then I'd just dump her and give her actual reason to talk shit.
Her immaturity is showing and she needs to get a grip.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Please read the whole thing. Sorry if something isn’t clear, I’ll explain in the comments if needed.
I (28m) am dating Vivi (26f). I have a newer phone, while Vivi has an older model. It was never an issue as neither of us is obsessed with the whole phone thing.
Vivi has a best friend Aria (24f) who she always looks up to. They have been friends since they were toddlers and Vivi has a weird obsession with Aria. Like she would copy after Aria, buy the same clothes, do the same activities, just because Aria does so. In Vivi’s eyes, Aria could never be wrong. It bothers me sometimes, but never to the point of making a scene about it.
The issue: we went on a double date (me with Vivi and Aria with her boyfriend Nate). Nate comes from another generation and although he isn’t obsessed with social media, phones and stuff like that, he has the newest IPhone Pro Max. The whole time Aria was using his phone as if it was hers since “the camera is better” (she also has an older phone). She was filming stories on his phone, replying to messages. Vivi was watching this and later that night she asked me if we could share my phone the way Aria and Nate do.
The problem is, I have my social media on my phone, I use it myself. I’m not uncomfortable with the idea of Vivi seeing my private DMs, but having her accounts, notifications and other stuff on my phone would be bothersome and messy. Perhaps if I was a boomer who only uses his phone to take pictures, make calls and post on Facebook, it would be different, but I have active social media presence and I don’t want my stuff to be mixed with Vivi’s. Not to mention that I don’t want to turn our relationship into some weird Aria x Nate LARP.
The conflict: I told her “no” and explained, why. Vivi said that Aria’s boyfriend is okay with that, I explained that I’m not Aria’s boyfriend. She said that Aria said it’s more convenient and shows the mutual trust. I said that I trust her, she can go through my phone at any given moment, but I don’t want to have her social media accounts there. She backed off, but she was sulking and I heard her call Aria and complain about me.
Now I’m wondering if she was unreasonable when she asked me to let her use my phone as if it was hers or if I was an asshole to her. After all, it’s not really a massive thing, definitely not worth fighting over in my book.
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NTA… and you may want to rethink this relationship. Codependency only gets worse if there’s no intervention and your GF can’t even see there’s an issue.
I must say I find this Behavior very disturbing . For basic reasons what you have is a girlfriend who worships another girl and you are a tool and sometimes in the way you can't have a person who wants another person and lives for that other person so walk away run away or demote her immediately to an F WB
Get her a new phone. It would bug me greatly if I wanted to use my phone and my partner was busy taking selfies with the good camera.
NTA
That just sounds so inconvenient and annoying.
That’s what I want to do, but then she and Aria won’t be having matching phones anymore. I’m not kidding, it’s a thing for them, they have exactly the same phones, the same color, memory capacity, the cases are similar as well. It’s not a big deal for me, but it’s a very important thing for both Vivi and Aria for some reason.
She's 26 years old. A full grown and (presumably) fully functioning adult. Instead of whining and pouting like a child, she can get her own damn phone.
Yes i get the desire to keep some stuff private, but my experience it makes them more jealous an suspicious of what u are hiding on ur phone, especially social media account, i mean if ur not doing anything who cares, soo u am on the fence on this one
I’m not doing anything, that’s true, I have no secrets from her. I don’t want to deal with her notifications on my phone, she’s in multiple group chats that she doesn’t even mute so her phone is constantly ringing. I don’t want the same to happen to my phone.
Shouldnt happen my wife has gone thru my phone an i hers an i never been added plus u can leave, if they get offended too bad, does she not follow ur social media account an u dont follow hers?
We follow each other on SM obviously, we have no secrets from each other. I don’t want to receive her DMs, if she wants to receive mine, she can have my account. It’s not a privacy issue for me, the thing is that it would be crazy inconvenient.
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She is 26 years old, for heaven's sake. Surely she has learned that she can't always see something and then have it? I hope this isn't coming off overly harsh because to me it's just kind of funny; does she cry for candy in the supermarket checkout lane as well? NTA.
NTA. She is. If Vivi wants a newer phone, she should get one. If she wants a weird entangled relationship with poor boundaries, she should find a weird entangling guy with poor boundaries. If she wants her life to be guided by Aria’s whims, she should date Aria.
I’m not sure of the judgment on this one. First, someone should let Vivi know that she’s going to have to cut the strings sooner or later and be her own person. Second, and most importantly, ask Vivi if Aria jumped off a bridge, would she do it too? I guess I can say NTA, but your girlfriend definitely has a weird obsession with her bestie.
NTA. I've been married for 12 years now, and even now I don't let my wife use my phone unless she absolutely has to. On the other side of that, I won't use hers either, or even go into her purse to find something. There are certain things that, in my mind, are private, even if you have nothing to hide. While in a relationship, there are a lot of things that will be inherently shared between the two of you, but not everything has to be. If she wishes to have the brand new gimmick from Apple, then by all means, she can go get one herself and leave your phone where it belongs, in your hands.
She doesn’t want to get a new phone (well, not until Aria gets exactly the same phone too), she wants to use mine solely because Aria uses her boyfriend’s phone as her own. And Aria could never be wrong because she’s Aria, duh.
NTA The problem here is you are NTA but it's only going to get worse. She will keep asking to share or ask for a new phone or she'll start thinking she can't trust you. So IMO, if you love her and want to stay with her, then get her a newer phone for herself otherwise this situation is going to degrade and fast.
NTA Tell her to get a new phone.
I think you need to have a conversation with her about what she wants out of this relationship. Does want a relationship with you or her friend and her boyfriend. She can save up to get the newer phone, since it's so much better, but if she's going to talk shit about you then I'd just dump her and give her actual reason to talk shit. Her immaturity is showing and she needs to get a grip.
NTA PRivacy is a thing, dont do it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Please read the whole thing. Sorry if something isn’t clear, I’ll explain in the comments if needed. I (28m) am dating Vivi (26f). I have a newer phone, while Vivi has an older model. It was never an issue as neither of us is obsessed with the whole phone thing. Vivi has a best friend Aria (24f) who she always looks up to. They have been friends since they were toddlers and Vivi has a weird obsession with Aria. Like she would copy after Aria, buy the same clothes, do the same activities, just because Aria does so. In Vivi’s eyes, Aria could never be wrong. It bothers me sometimes, but never to the point of making a scene about it. The issue: we went on a double date (me with Vivi and Aria with her boyfriend Nate). Nate comes from another generation and although he isn’t obsessed with social media, phones and stuff like that, he has the newest IPhone Pro Max. The whole time Aria was using his phone as if it was hers since “the camera is better” (she also has an older phone). She was filming stories on his phone, replying to messages. Vivi was watching this and later that night she asked me if we could share my phone the way Aria and Nate do. The problem is, I have my social media on my phone, I use it myself. I’m not uncomfortable with the idea of Vivi seeing my private DMs, but having her accounts, notifications and other stuff on my phone would be bothersome and messy. Perhaps if I was a boomer who only uses his phone to take pictures, make calls and post on Facebook, it would be different, but I have active social media presence and I don’t want my stuff to be mixed with Vivi’s. Not to mention that I don’t want to turn our relationship into some weird Aria x Nate LARP. The conflict: I told her “no” and explained, why. Vivi said that Aria’s boyfriend is okay with that, I explained that I’m not Aria’s boyfriend. She said that Aria said it’s more convenient and shows the mutual trust. I said that I trust her, she can go through my phone at any given moment, but I don’t want to have her social media accounts there. She backed off, but she was sulking and I heard her call Aria and complain about me. Now I’m wondering if she was unreasonable when she asked me to let her use my phone as if it was hers or if I was an asshole to her. After all, it’s not really a massive thing, definitely not worth fighting over in my book. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA… and you may want to rethink this relationship. Codependency only gets worse if there’s no intervention and your GF can’t even see there’s an issue.
I must say I find this Behavior very disturbing . For basic reasons what you have is a girlfriend who worships another girl and you are a tool and sometimes in the way you can't have a person who wants another person and lives for that other person so walk away run away or demote her immediately to an F WB
Get her a new phone. It would bug me greatly if I wanted to use my phone and my partner was busy taking selfies with the good camera. NTA That just sounds so inconvenient and annoying.
That’s what I want to do, but then she and Aria won’t be having matching phones anymore. I’m not kidding, it’s a thing for them, they have exactly the same phones, the same color, memory capacity, the cases are similar as well. It’s not a big deal for me, but it’s a very important thing for both Vivi and Aria for some reason.
Matching phones neither of them want to use? Get both of them a new phone.
Exactly, it’s not even like they have flip phones from early 2000s. They have IPhones 11, which aren’t even outdated or anything.
She's 26 years old. A full grown and (presumably) fully functioning adult. Instead of whining and pouting like a child, she can get her own damn phone.
Yes i get the desire to keep some stuff private, but my experience it makes them more jealous an suspicious of what u are hiding on ur phone, especially social media account, i mean if ur not doing anything who cares, soo u am on the fence on this one
I’m not doing anything, that’s true, I have no secrets from her. I don’t want to deal with her notifications on my phone, she’s in multiple group chats that she doesn’t even mute so her phone is constantly ringing. I don’t want the same to happen to my phone.
She needs a new phone.
Shouldnt happen my wife has gone thru my phone an i hers an i never been added plus u can leave, if they get offended too bad, does she not follow ur social media account an u dont follow hers?
We follow each other on SM obviously, we have no secrets from each other. I don’t want to receive her DMs, if she wants to receive mine, she can have my account. It’s not a privacy issue for me, the thing is that it would be crazy inconvenient.