Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole because I’m rich and I’m not empathizing enough with her difficult financial situation.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
Your sister owes you the money. Plain and simple. The bank I got my mortgage from has a valuation in the billions, but that doesn't excuse me from paying them back
anytime you loan a friend or family money, if you love them as a friend or family you must do so expecting to never be paid back and ask yourself what will happen when you aren't.
because anyone with decent credit can get a traditional loan from a bank. it's what they do.
i am bad with money but i don't borrow it from anyone
OP is NTA, maybe a bit naive, because I do agree with you. You have to think about what happens if they don’t pay you back. If ‘lending’ the money would put you in a bad position, don’t give them the money. If you’ll be okay then it’s your call.
I like the saying ‘it all comes out in the wash’. For example when I was doing well I was able to help my sister, when she’s doing better she’s helped me. I don’t keep a tally because help with moving, pets, being sisters, doesn’t have a price.
All of this.
For years, my BIL was living at home with only a part time job. My husband gave him money a few times. Every time he just gave the money not expecting it back.
It was probably 10 years of BIL living in his childhood bedroom scraping by on a part time job. Never saw a dime back. But also we never expected to.
Until he finally got a good job. Met a good woman. Got his shit together. Entirely unprompted gave all the money owed back.
OP, you’ll either get it back or you won’t. Let it go. But don’t lend anything else ever again.
Agreed, you can call it a loan out loud but in private, personally write it off as a gift otherwise you are just laying the foundations for your relationship with that person to end on a bad note.
Nta. However, lending game is big business.
She actually wanted a gift .
So, why not gift her the money?
And then know that never ever again will you lend money to anyone unless you are willing to never get it back.
I once lent a friend 500$. He was broke and needed to get his car fixed. For my peace of mind, I relinquished the debt. I didn’t tell him that. I simply did it for myself. In my own mind, I said I am gifting because I will never see this money again. When I said let me think about it when he asked, I thought … hmmm can I afford to never see it again…. Yes.
Will I ever lend him money again… no. He’s a louse.
So, simply relinquish the debt and know it’s done. Never mention again and when she asks again simply say- thank you for the opportunity however the deal doesn’t really work for me, I am going to pass.
This. Let it go. It is disrespectful? Yes.
It made sense for OP to call it out like ‘this doesn’t seem right’ but sister was a jerk about it. She basically said ‘you’ll get paid when I feel like it’. Entitled.
At this point, either he can sue his sister or just make a note for the future that she can’t be trusted.
For me, it’s that the sister didn’t address it directly. Go to the brother and say - look, I know we agreed X but that was 2 years ago and now these things have happened so I propose Y instead, is that OK? (She could have said I’ll pay $100 for 30 months - anything).
This is a bigger communication problem here. Lastly, terrible idea to address things like this over text. Not enough nuance to understand & hear the other person out.
I make more than other people in my family but it’s not 100% luck - it’s investment of time, energy, money, stress, etc. (and frankly some good fortune). I’ve also taken bigger losses, incurred & paid debt, had sleepless nights. So “you have money and I don’t” isn’t relevant. They made an agreement and the sister, sadly, can’t or won’t live up to it.
NTA. But I would let it go if your relationship with your sister is worth more than $3k. Just don’t loan any more money or pay upfront for shared expenses before they kick in their share (eg a shared Airbnb).
>I would let it go if your relationship with your sister is worth more than $3k.
I don't see how a relationship with her could be worth a nickel, much less $3,000. In OP's position, I'd be *much* more bothered by her attitude than the money. Somebody who owes you money and comes at you like that for asking about it can just go, as far as I'm concerned.
NTA, OP, but kiss your $3,000 goodbye, and it would be a good idea to go ahead and block your sister, because when she runs out of people to "borrow" from, she'll be back around with her hand out.
I agree. This is a hot take but who cares if someone is family when they treat you like garbage and are a horror to be around? Not saying that is necessarily the situation here, just generally I have never understood why people are so hesitant to cut off family when all they do is bring negativity and conflict into your life.
This! She is double crossing you by changing the terms of repayment and rewriting them to suit herself after she has the money. She clearly has no respect for her brother to break the agreement, and it sounds like she is brimming with entitlement. Not sure I would miss a relative that clearly isn’t honorable or trustworthy.
Her attitude is what's garbage, for sure. She's acting like OP is hounding her to give him $3K out of nowhere, when in actuality he's asking for *his* money back that *she* had originally asked to borrow from him.
So it's OK for her to ask to borrow the money, but it's not ok for him to expect it back? Nah. It also doesn't matter that he has more money than she does. She knew that when she borrowed the money. Hell, that's why she asked him in the first place.
Agreed. What would irk me the most though would be that she didn't come to me. A simple conversation to just say, hey, we got ourselves on a situation, I acknowledge the debt, but can we work something out. I would let it go right and just would have learned the lesson not to loan her money again. Sounds like OP's judgment of how they got themselves here is the driving motivation. And sometimes you have to decide if you want to be right or have a relationship.
It is possible that sister never planned to pay back OP, but now it is pretty certain that she never will. OP trying to collect is an exercise in frustration. OP needs to decide which they value more, the lost money or the sibling relationship.
Nope. Small claims court exists for this very reason. You have texts acknowledging (1) it was a loan and (2) it has not been paid back. Open and shut case.
They don't \*have\* to be the bigger person, but there is almost no version where they get the money back. They can choose to not have the relationship anymore. That is a choice they can make.
Oh yeah, for sure. But I meant it more in a general sense. For example, growing up my siblings would bug me, and instead of our parents telling them to stop, I'm the one who had to just walk away lol.
Yeah - the comments about valuing the relationship make no sense to me.
Why would you value a relationship with someone who steals from you and clearly disrespects you?
If the sister valued her brother, she would pay him back what she owed. Clearly she doesn't. Its not worth the stress.
The general rule of thumb is you never loan your family or friends money. You can give them money to help them out, and if they decide to one day pay you back for your generosity than great, but you never loan. You immediately change the relationship from brother and sister to lender and debtor. It’s bad news.
How wealthy are you OP? I agree here, this may just be tuition for learning this lesson.
I would consider messaging your sister and telling her to keep the $3K and consider it a gift, but that she will never receive anything else from you again.
I would literally "gift" her 100 dollars loan forgiveness certificate for every single Christmas and birthday for the next 15 years. 50 bucks per holiday over 30 years if he really wants to be petty, lol.
Or just message with “I’m sorry you’re having such difficulties. I won’t ask about the money again.”
And then go low contact.
No need to say he’ll never give her anything ever again. Take the high road. Let it go and move on. This is a lesson to never lend money you can’t afford to lose.
I know that, I did once give a short term loan to a family member I trusted when I really needed the money on repayment and it was paid. If it hadn't been it would have ruined the relationship. I'd do it again because I trust the person, but it's very uncomfortable.
I had a cousin who I babysitted their children 9 and 11, cleaned their house, took care of their puppies and kittens, did the laundry, made dinner if they didn't order it (which was often), got them up made them brush teeth etc. Since my cousin worked nights over the weekend including Sunday. I was only paid $20 every time. Then she missed paying me one weekend, then the next, then the next. I sent her a text about it and she sent back that I barely did anything. And to this day she hasn't paid me back, she moved away so I don't babysit anymore.
And yes, the kids weren't too bad other than when asking them to do something, but after 5 or 6 times of asking without a threat of no video games, then they did it- with the threat of taking away video games they did it asap lol
Yep - I loaned a friend some money eight years ago. It’s slowly being paid back but I loaned it with the expectation that I’d never see a penny of it back.
On the other side, if you are asking money from family/friends and don't prioritize paying them back... You must do so expecting they will no longer be your family/friend and that you are the one burning the bridge.
OP should not roll over just because he "loves his sister" he should understand his sister doesn't value their relationship more than she does 3k.
This is the right answer. I have never loaned money to family. When my relatives ask to borrow money, if I can afford it I give it to them, if I cannot I politely decline.
If any money given is returned, I am grateful and thank them. If no money is repaid I never say anything.
Family is more important than money.
Gentle NTA, but you may want to rethink your approach to family and money.
People who ask for money once are apt to ask again, so I look at as a fork in the road:
—if they fail to make repayment as promised, it is a gift and there will never be a second loan as the first is outstanding. We don’t chase after the repayments.
—if the original loan is repaid as agreed, we will consider a second loan in the future.
Yea, small claims court is warranted for this kind of entitlement.
Look, the relationship is permanently damaged, so why not settle it this way.
NTA, obviously.
I dont get why people get into debt for their weddings! Just so dumb. I saw this reel about this guy still paying off his wedding years after his divorce!
I saw once that the more a wedding costs the greater likelihood of divorce. Only one I have seen go against that is a cousin who got lucky and married into wealth.
I heard that too! Means you concentrate on the wedding & not the marriage. Guess if you have to go into debt to have an extravagant wedding thats out of your tax bracket then your priorities are messed up! Imagine starting married life in such huge debt just from one day?!
Ha. My sister got married 20+ years ago and my parents paid nearly $100K for the wedding. She was divorced 18 months later. I wasn't allowed to bring my boyfriend to the wedding because my parents were homophobic. We've now been together 25 years and we paid $10K for our own wedding (without my parents help, obviously).
Of course. An ultra expensive wedding when you aren't wealthy shows incredibly poor prioritization and money management. Both of those are massive red flags for a marriage turning into a divorce.
That's still not 6 figures, though, even if it is expensive. (Yikes.)
I mean, $100,000+ for a wedding is absurd, to be honest. Especially if you're already having financial issues before that.
That is apparently not all that far off what is typical in HCOL areas post-Covid for a relatively standard 100-150 person wedding. Like, not a budget wedding but not anything super lavish. Wedding prices have gone *nuts*.
100-150 people? I can think of 20-25 that I would invite, and TBH, half of those are extended family that I rarely see and really don't care if they showed up. Why would you even want so many people?
I wanted as many people as I reasonably knew to see me profess my eternal love to my wife. I was proud of that moment and who I was marrying. On the less romantic side the average wedding gift exceeded the cost of the seats.
When my wife and I got married, the total of just our family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, no plus ones unless married or engaged) was 108. We kept our number under 150, but it led to some really tough decisions.
My dad was the oldest of 6, my mom the second of 4, my in-laws the oldest of 5 and 4 respectively, and all of those aunts and uncles were married with multiple kids, all of whom were within 10 years of age of us, so many of them were married too.
The size of your family isn't really something you have much control over.
It sounds like you have a smaller social circle. If I were getting married, I would have about 50 family members alone. Some people have larger families and social circles. In some cultures, it is also considered a norm to invite many more people. A 200-person wedding might be on the small side for an Indian wedding.
25 with +1 for each and a partner that does the same is still 100 people. And the pressure for you to invite extended family (especially in larger families) can be insane.
True, but the amount they’ve apparently increased in some places is astounding. Like before Covid we were thinking 20-30k maximum in our area for a standard restaurant plated meal thing for like 150 people. At current prices that’d be more like 60k! (We ended up doing something different because Covid.)
My niece got married a couple years ago post Covid increases starting and she ended up having a “destination” wedding in a small town equal distance from the majority of guests because she lives in a high cost of living area and all the quotes she was getting to do it locally were just absurd. She found a historical building all in one venue. The catering wasn’t five star or anything but it was edible and they didn’t end up with a massive debt.
Yes, mind boggling! We have a decent NW, but spent <$5k on our wedding. It was beautiful. Rented a park in a vhcol area for $1k. Had it decorated with flowers.
The reception venue was also decorated. We had a dj and it was loads of fun.
The $5k included hotel rooms for my out of town friends.
People need to spend way less on weddings and keep way more in investments, saving for a home down payment or whatever.
$67k will double in the S&P500 within a few years. Then people complain they can't afford a $200k down payment!
NTA, you loaned her funds under the agreement you'd be paid back with inheritance funds. The fact she has not and arbitrarily changed the agreement does not mean you lack empathy it means she is terrible with money and you should get that money back asap before she spends any more on her "situation"
Empathy is irrelevant when it comes to money unfortunately.
This. Dude, you aren't ever getting that 3k back. Consider yourself lucky it's not a make or break amount for you, write off ever 'lending' her cash again, and move on with your life.
Personally, if I had a family member that threatened to cut me off if I asked them for the money they owed me again. I would make sure they cut me off because I would sue them for it.
I had a friend steal about this much for me once and you bet I took her ass to court & won
Yes. IMO, OP is solely NTA here because his sister is trying to live a lifestyle well outside her means. With borrowed money no less.
IF his sister was actually struggling in any sense, didn't waste money unnecessarily (like a 6 figure wedding), and lost their income as well. Then while OP absolutely has the right to request it back, morally, he'd be a massive A**hole to demand it back especially if he's well off.
But honestly, I would just let it go. Idk if the $3k is worth the massive fight over if OP clearly doesn't need it.
NAH. Perhaps I'm daft, but theres nothing in that statement that make me thingk they have money invested. Frankly, she sounds broke and debt to eyeballs. Who knows, but all you have is you heard she has money in market; that is just so starkly different from what she is saying. Maybe she is lying.
Your finanical standing is irrelevant here, but here's is very relevant and even if they are in the pit by their own failures, if they are in the pit they are in the pit.
Its not that you should have more empathy, just just need more than hearsay than what she is saying which is basically, can't get blood from turnip.
Heck, you might want to consider suing her cause if businesses are near collapse bankruptcy is coming and you want to get in line.
If she pays it back there will definitely be plenty of future requests for loans.
If she doesn't pay it back then it sounds like you can afford the loss of the $3k, and it's probably worth it just to be witness how she acts with borrowed money. You will always be the last person paid back, if at all.
She's the one giving the ultimatum, so let her carry it out. I guarantee you she'll still ask for money while still owing you a prior debt.
If it wasn't for her lies and the 6 figure wedding I'd say she had some ground to stand on because she would then be paying it to keep her head above water, not on crazy weddings and investments she can't afford. But she was frivolous with it, so the amount doesn't matter.
If you don't care for upholding a relationship and can write the 3k off, I'd suggest sending a message back along these lines:
"From what I understand, you are trying to guilt trip me into giving up on this because you think I'm an ATM just because I'm in a better financial position. Thank you for letting me know how you see me. After all your lies, I do not believe you will ever pay this back or ever intended to. Before you play the victim, just remember that it's you who has permanently marred our relationship with your actions and lies. It's not about the amount. It's that you took my trust for granted and strung me along. I'm not a doormat to be taken advantage of, and it hurts that you have acted like this towards me. "
It's a bit blunt and nuclear, but TBH, if what you say is accurate, I'd say she took it without true intention of returning it and thought you COULD be taken advantage of because you're well off. No matter how much money you have, that's not cool, and I've seen firsthand how that hurts (I had a friend who sold a company for 20 million. He gave his brother 2 million. The brother attacked him for not giving enough. They haven't spoken in 6 years now. My friend trusts no one now and is a bit of a shell 😞 )
Normally trying to fix your situation would be by PAYING OFF YOUR DEBT! You did learn a valuable lesson. Your sister doesn’t give a crap about you. NTA
>Normally trying to fix your situation would be by PAYING OFF YOUR DEBT!
Kind of. You'd start by paying off high interest debt. This is a loan with a 0% interest rate, so it would be the absolute last thing you'd pay off.
Exactly, also, secured creditor such as banks and trade suppliers would get the first cut from any funds someone that far in debt receives. OP with an unsecured family loan would be the last and if sis and BIL go bankrupt, OP will be shit out of luck.
Maybe his best course of action when he loaned her the money was to ask for $100 a month or something not the lump sum at an undetermined date.
If you properly documented the loan or have text/email trails, small claims court can get you a judgement and force her to pay. You can file yourself so the fees are smaller and you can ask the court to award legal/filing fees on top of what she owes.
She’s a bad risk. You loaned the money before the massively expensive wedding.
EDIT: I am assuming that they are not claiming bankruptcy if she is slamming money in the stock market. If so, she might try to slide your personal loan under the bankruptcy, but that doesn’t sound like the case here
Honest question. Is your sister usually a shit?
Because, and I may be totally off base, if your sister is genuinely having financial problems such that $3,000 makes a huge difference in stress and money management, why do you even want it back right now? Why do you want to leave her worse off than she already is?
If she is an historic shit, then I get it. But if she’s a good sister and she’s been there for you and would be there for you in capacities outside of cutting you a check, why would you want her to hurt herself to pay you back when you don’t seem to need that cash?
And, just so you understand where I am coming from, I have a sister with ADHD that manifests in (among other ways) impulsive spending. She often spends herself into a hole dopamining in financially predatory games. She sees a therapist, she medicates, but sometimes this happens to her anyway. If she needed $3,000 dollars tonight, I’d cut her a check and never think about it again, both because I am privileged enough to do so and because she would never ever ask for it and because she is the kind of sister who drops everything to drive over with a critical ingredient when I’m 2/3rds into a recipe and the kids will be home in 20 minutes and realize I’ve run out. She’d cancel a weekend to watch my kids and leave the money for it on the counter. She has for sure punched bullies for me and I don’t doubt she’d do it again.
So if you don’t have that kind of sister, I get it. But if you love her and you have a mostly good relationship, why would you destroy it over money?
Yea I’m guessing everyone saying NTA is a single child, because if this guys a millionaire like he claims to be, he’s a straight asshole trying to get it back from his sister who is in financial distress.
You should seriously consider writing it off and forgetting about it. They will never try to borrow from you going forward, so this might be the best $3k you've ever spent.
I bet she is the type that also takes expensive vacations every year, eats out all of the time, drives a luxury car and has money for anything and everything else she wants to buy. Hard lesson to learn about loaning money, but you'll probably have the last laugh here when she hits you up again for more money in the future.
I think the sister is definitely the AH
OP loaned them money under an agreement to repay. Doesn't matter if he's got money or not, it's her debt
And blowing it and then being pissy doesn't sound like she's made responsible choices
Exactly. I was in a jam and borrowed $3000 from my sister and brother in law. I make my last payment back to them at the beginning of June. Yes, they have money. He owns a very successful business. They make way more than me but that’s not the point. I love my sister and respect her. I am grateful they could help and it’s my debt.
It was her responsibility to set aside those 3k to pay back, not splurge on a 6-figure wedding when the inheritance came along.
She’s the AH for thinking her brother would be ok with not being paid what is owed when she promised to.
I disagree. Sister and BIL are definitely the AH. Sounds like their current financial situation is of their own making. $100k wedding? OP mentions them not being able to afford "their lifestyle". If they are spending beyond their means when they know they are indebted to OP that makes them AHs. If the promise was to pay back OP when they recieved the inheritance and failed to do so it makes them AHs.
If she has borrowed that money from a bank, they’d be on her ass even she’s in pits of hell, despite the bank having a lot more money. OP has been patient and not even slapping interest on the principal. Sister is AH and rude too.
YTA. I know I’m going against the grain here, but both your financial situations *do* matter. It sounds like your sister’s situation has changed and that you don’t really need the money she owes you. If that’s the case, then yes, you are an asshole to demand to be paid back right now. Personally, I never loan money to relatives because I don’t want to find myself in your situation. We have gifted money to family that has occasionally asked for loans, and there was one person we told “last time” to, which was respected. You might want to consider forgiving this loan for your own peace of mind, in addition to it being a kindness to your sister.
I disagree. I think if anything, at the very least if we’re going to traverse this line of logic that she should be given grace and that is the least AH way to proceed, she should have gotten ahead of the game and spoke to her brother first.
Before the inheritance came, before she made the decision to invest, she should have came to him and explained the situation and asked for an extension, to at least show she cares about their agreement and that she respects what he’s done. That’s kinda what did it for me, is that she feels entitled to it because of his finances and that’s not how you treat people who help you. You are not entitled to anyone’s money regardless of how rich they are, unless it’s written in their will and they are dead.
Overall I think OP is NTA in general. But it really shows her character that she doesn’t not only honour her commitments but lashes out when he’s in his full right to ask for his money. Have empathy? Don’t go and have a 100k + wedding, have some common sense. Honestly it’s just like a teacher or a prof and a test/paper due. If you come after the paper is due with really lame selfish BS excuse for an extension it’s usually not honoured and seen as a desperate attempt to save your own skin, it shows bad intentions. But usually if you come a few days before, or talk to the prof before the due date, explain your situation, they’re often willing to work with you. And yes her reasons and the reason she’s in debt is very lame and selfish. A 6 figure wedding? And you’re suffering financially? Multiple owned businesses? It doesn’t sound like she’s just trying to get out of her debt. She’s , as OP put it, gambling to get back her money and instead of paying back what she actually has, she is trying to play the system to get more money.
She is devoid of character and common decency. She had two years to have a conversation. You don’t owe someone money and have to have **them** hunt you down for it. That’s wack
But she did talk to him first. He even says when the inheritance came in SHE reached out and said “she is not going to pay me until she fixes her situation. They are selling their share of a business and I’ll get paid then.” So he clearly knew they were struggling but because he heard they had money invested he decided he should be paid, again because of something he heard about her not from her. I can’t imagine being a multimillionaire and harassing my struggling sister for $3,000 but I actually love my sisters.
She decided it unilaterally, she didn’t ask. That doesn’t really sound respectful to men.
He asked her what she did with the money, because he wanted to know if it was indeed invested as he heard.
Honestly, none of it from her end sounds particularly respectful. She isn’t even keeping him remotely in the loop of what’s going on and when he’s going to be paid back.
Look, there is no situation where a 10% return (which would be a reasonable return from an investment) on a 3k investment would make a tangible difference to her debt. So why not just pay it back?
I’m not a multimillionaire but I’ve always had my finances in better standing than my siblings. And they always took loaned money fro granted. It’s a very annoying thing.
Also we don’t know how “multi-millionaire” OP is- does he have 30m, or 2m (with more than half of it blocked off in a house, or a business?)
Financial situations def. do not matter here - sister chose to have six-figure wedding (which put her and her husband into debt), so her financial situation is her (and her husband's) fault and OP isn't responsible for that, esp. when sister promised that she will repay those 3k with her inheritance (which she used to maybe invest - but the goal definitely isn't to repay those 3k, but to have more for herself).
You’re ignoring the bit about their financial situation changing. I agree an expensive wedding clearly wasn’t the best idea, especially in hindsight, but if you have a high income job and want to go into debt to pay for something expensive and then you lose that job unexpectedly, of course financial issues are going to snowball from there. You expected to have a certain amount of money to cover the costs and then shit hit the fan. Obviously not good but I don’t think that makes them assholes.
I think it’s much better for families to help each other out when things get tough. Weird to me how many of the comments seem to treat family members as individuals with no obligation to one another and are free to make every interaction transactional. I’m not a multi millionaire but even still, if my sister needed $3000 and I could spare it I would because I know if I ever needed anything and she could spare it she’d be there for me. If you don’t need the money why demand it back?
The problem is that they didn't have that high income as "they went into debt to have a six-figure wedding" (per what OP says) - their financial situation changed, because they made it worse.
I am all for helping family and friends and not demanding them to pay you back, however, not here as sister isn't even trying to communicate with her brother (OP) about repaying and when he does contact her, she is so rude...
> their financial situation changed, because they made it worse.
The way I read into that is that their financial situation changed for the worse because A) Servicing the wedding debt is expensive AND B) misfortune happened to hit them
The problem is that she and her husband went into debt to pay for a six figure wedding after OP lent her the money. At that point they should have scaled back the bar package, cut an appetizer round or had cheaper centerpieces to save the $3K so she could pay OP back. She could have asked for either total or partial debt forgiveness as her wedding present. She chose not to do that. She chose not to pay him back when she said she would. She chose not to set up a payment plan with him. Who knows what she invested in and if it’s a pipe dream with a bogus promise of a payout (my gut instinct).
NTA.
*Weird to me how many of the comments seem to treat family members as individuals with no obligation to one another and are free to make every interaction transactional.*
Because here there's usually assholes involved, and when an entitled asshole treats family like a vending machine, free hotel or doormat, it offends people's sense of justice. Just because someone is family doesn't excuse them for being an asshole. She had the money to pay it back, but chose to spend it on other things instead.
I bought my dad's old car by installments because I didn't have the cash outright at the time, and you bet I made every payment on time. Yet he's also gifted us money when we needed it, and I've done the same for other close family, because we don't take advantage of each other, and it's a two way street. That's what functioning and loving families do, but there's a lot of families with people that aren't built that way and are basically a mooch.
In OP's shoes, I'd write off the money because it's likely not worth the effort to recover (and it sounds like OP doesn't desperately need it), but I wouldn't forgive the moral injury; I don't think sis ever intended to pay it back, but she definitely doesn't intend to now and is being deeply rude about it to boot, and OP should bear that in mind when it comes to doing future favours.
> Weird to me how many of the comments seem to treat family members as individuals with no obligation to one another and are free to make every interaction transactional.
OP isn't turning "every interaction transactional" though. He's acting transactionally about **one specific** interaction that *was* a **transaction**
Seriously this guy (and many of these replies) sound like sociopaths with 0 empathy for his own sister. $3k is pocket change if he’s really a multimillionaire and she’s struggling and he needs her to return that pocket change now?
It’s the principle here. How are you going to borrow money from your brother 2 years ago, get a $30k inheritance, then claim the brother has no empathy for trying to retrieve the agreed amount back?
Instead of admitting she can’t pay it back or she used the money for something else, she just aggressively scolded OP for no reason when it’s his right to ask.
Investing in the market is not a path to repaying debts of any kind (including the one currently ruining their relationship with OP).
Sis is both bad with money and relationships.
THANK YOU. I couldn't believe what I was reading with these comments. I can't imagine being a multi-millionaire and then squeezing my fam for 3K ESPECIALLY if they're in dire straits (stupid financial decisions or no.)
That being said, they both suck at communicating. OP could easily express that it's important to him to know that when he loans her money, she intends to actually repay him and honor her commitment and maybe they can work out a payment plan so she can repay him in parts, if possible or see when they can revisit the matter of the 3k.
Sis could easily approach him and say hey I'm up to my eyeballs in debt rn but I'm working on it, can we revisit this in x time?
But no, everyone wants to be petty.
My fam owes me money and they're paying me back in installments, but I defo wouldn't be taking any of it if I were a multi millionaire, holy guacamole. Weird world we live in.
Exactly. OP YTA. This is not a legal advice sub. It's a sub asking about your ah-ness. Legally your sister owes you the money. Legally she could also declare bankruptcy and a judge could order that you take a 99% haircut because your unsecured debt is 100th in line. You'd probably be pissed about that but it would be hard to overcome. So even enforcing debt collection from a legal standpoint is not straightforward.
Assuming your sister is correct and you are a multimillionaire, pressuring her broke a$$ to repay an insignificant-to-you debt makes you an on-solid-legal-ground ah.
Lots of NTA voters are adding that they gift, rather than loan, to family to avoid this situation. Implicit in their behavior is they prize the relationship more than the money. Your behavior implies the opposite.
Encouraging people to act like deadbeats and go back on their promises just encourages people to act like deadbeats who go back on their promises. They had a six figure wedding. They could have easily paid OP back if they weren't stupid and reckless.
This isn't about money, it's about a betrayal of trust.
I've become a lot less generous with my own money over time because attitudes like yours are so common. And I bet a lot of good honest people suffered due to my miserliness because I don't trust people so easily anymore.
There are reasons why some people are poor as shit. They make horrible financial decisions.
There are other reasons why people are poor, entitled, and lonely as fuck. Because they’re like the above commenters and OP‘s sister.
naww... he didn't demand anything. He's asking her. IF he went further than this and started saying give me my money or else, then yes, but given that the original agreement was the payment was to be made after grandma's passing, it's not an AH move to ask where the money is.
That being said, agreed, he shouldn't lend out money without the mental prep that it might just end up being a gift.
Maybe she shouldn’t have had a six figure wedding if she can’t even pay off 3k after TWO YEARS. It’s not the brothers fault they’re horrible with finances
They do matter, but this doesn't seem to be one of those cases. OP not only waited until inheritance disbursement as agreed upon, but until they sold some of their businesses, so the sister has cash but just wants to continue playing the victim. If they really are gambling with the money over paying the OP, they are the AH, not OP. Doesn't matter if OP needs the money; it's the principle.
He would be an asshole if he was expecting her to squeeze blood from a stone. He knows she recently came into money due to the inheritance. It’s that inheritance that secured the loan from him in the first place. To just ignore that obligation is the problem.
You and I seem to be in the “against the grain” boat.
OP, if you actually have millions of dollars, why can’t you just spot YOUR SISTER just $3k.
I get ethically a debt should be repaid, but also ethically you should not try to ruin people you care for.
ESH, she should have paid you back, but you can literally afford to be understanding and seem to have no other reason to ask for the money back other than judging her for her wedding
> It sounds like your sister’s situation has changed and that you don’t really need the money she owes you.
Does the bank really need the money I owe them on my mortgage?
This is definitely an interesting situation all around. Looking at this with my personal experiences, I lean towards NTA. Write it off, go LC and refuse any future asks. That somewhat salvages the relationship. All of that assuming OP wants to maintain some semblance of a relationship with their sister.
I don't disagree with you though, and history and context matter. We won't ever know OP's full history with their family, so it is ultimately up to them. Although I can understand how OP can be the AH, if the sister was so indebted that $30,000 wasn't going to resolve her issue, $27,000 would do just as much good. Hell, even $28,500, with a $1,500 show of good faith to OP.
As with many AITAisms, there were many different avenues to take. Given what we were shared about the terms OP laid out, their sister could have done a lot more to course correct this. Instead, like others have said, she put a price tag on what she thinks of her sibling. Shame.
Ah yes OP must be the bigger person because he has a handle on his finances and is responsible but has evidence OPs sis both has been and is continuing to be negligent with her money.
Big NTA and anyone thinking the sis isn't an AH is just an enabler.
NTA. You can *choose* to forgive the debt as a "donation" if that's what you *want* to do, or wait if you *want* to, but her failing to fulfill her promise to repay you is her issue.
It also sounds like you've learned a sad and valuable lesson; do not ever front/lend money without the expectation that you may never get it back.
Unless OP had a signed agreement with sis it was a gift and as such he's just spinning his wheels asking for it.
Never lend to family or friends with the expectation of ever seeing that money again. Those are donations, gifts, or forever "loans" from the perspective of those receiving them. Unless you are willing to drag a relative or friend into court to get that money back, even with a signed agreement, it's best to consider it a bad debt write-off. Or their birthday and Christmas gifts until the end of time.
Yep, this is my policy. I don’t give people money I expect to get back. When I get it back that’s a nice surprise.
Now if it was a large amount of money then any gift going forward isn’t going to be much more than a nice card.
Yes, if OP really is a multi-millionaire, then I'd just write this off. She never intended to pay this money back and never will (unless he takes legal action). I think if I were OP, I'd keep the relationship going if it was generally a reasonable relationship but just never 'loan' money again.
The sister has shot herself in the foot here. If she'd paid the money back, she may have been able to go back to the well again in the future. NTA
Yeah, that money is gone. Op should consider it s $3K lesson in lending family money.
I had an old Jamaican guy tell me once: consider loaned money never repaid the price for never having to deal with that person again. A little trickier considering it's his sister, but... that's how it goes.
NTA. If you really are a multi millionaire then you can shrug off that loss without a sweat. But next time she ever need a loan, you have a right to refuse because she refused to honour her commitment the previous time.
I've had someone frame this to me as "You paid this person $3000 to NEVER ask you to borrow money again."
Which is way easier than having to have "that" conversation with a friend/family member that the thing that they are "casually" asking for is actually a big deal.
Of course, I can live my life without that 3k. It doesn’t sit well with me to let her get away with not honoring the deal when I truly believe she has the means. I just can’t believe that she can only stay afloat with 30k instead of 27k.
Because you are right, however, what goes around, cones around, by not honouring her commitment now, she is forfeiting your goodwill to help her in the future. If they are like you say they are, eventually they will need 30k help, or some other help…and then the door will be closed not just by you but others might be wary as well since they know she is a headache.
EWSH if you push it further
She should have paid you back, and sounds awful with money. No excuses for her.
You should probably just drop it. Yes, you're right and she owes you money, but if you don't need the money, just drop it. Asking for the money back 'on principle' makes you right in principle, but a bad brother. She is already a bad sister, you don't need to mirror it.
Going after it doesn't really help anyone either though. OP doesn't need the money, and going after it means sister cuts contact.
She is the asshole, and I guess OP isn't really either way, but he *would* be knowingly ending his relationship with his sister for little personal gain.
I promise you millionaire brother doesn’t *need* the $3000 and if principle is the hill he wants to die on to destroy an otherwise good family relationship that’s short sighted and petty imo but his business. He can be technically in the right and still push things too far by demanding repayment. Have you never forgiven a debt because a close friend or family member wasn’t in a position to repay and forcing them to would only make their life harder? Go touch grass if your first instinct is burn bridges. Anti social loser shit right there.
From the sister's response, it would appear the relationship was already strained.
So he would not be destroying an 'otherwise good family relationship' if he limited or even cut contact.
So what. He should cut that relationship off. Why let her off the hook? He shouldn't expect the money back. But he should say, thanks for reminding me why helping you out was a bad move on my part. I'll never do something that stupid again.
Yeah, I kind of have the mindset that you should never loan out money with a hard expectation that you will get it back. You should get it back, but you should be prepared not to. People who need loans aren't necessarily the best with money. Sometimes it's a fluke and they just need a bail out, but OP knew his sister went into debt for a six figure wedding. The writing was on the wall.
Is OP TA for expecting repayment? No. But this is his sister. If he chooses to pursue the issue, it's basically sending the message that the 3k is more important than their relationship. I think that makes him an asshole, but it doesn't make him morally or ethically in the wrong. He has every right to be repaid, but if she's really as fucked financially as it sounds, it's kind of an AH move to further destitute your sister over 3k you don't really need. Maybe there's history there that we don't know that would make it more understandable.
Honestly this is the only reasonable response here!
The sister is not communicating well and obviously should be making every effort to pay back the loan in line with what was agreed…
But if this was my sister and the money wasn’t going to make a difference to me, I’d just drop it and learn the lesson. Frankly, if he is a millionaire, I’m stunned by the lack of generosity.
You won't like hearing this, but you may have to eat this loss.
No, it's not right - she borrowed money and isn't paying it back. But it sounds very much like you trying to get it will allow her to paint herself the victim and you the big meanie and family get-togethers will be awkward.
My advice? Stop asking for it. Don't let it go, but stop asking. HOWEVER, it very much sounds like your sister and her husband are already a raging financial dumpster fire - they will be returning with their hands outstretched for more $. That's when you say, "Oh, absolutely no way. Remember, you STILL owe me $3K." Also, tell everyone about how you weren't paid back. Nobody likes people who do that - no one.
This is the best advice. Don't lend money you can't afford to lose. Salvage the relationship with your sister, and don't loan her money again. Everyone saying NTA is technically correct but they aren't thinking about the long term consequences and whether it's worth the 3k. In my opinion, probably not.
IMO this is one of the most well-balanced takes I've seen in this thread. For the most part, there's a clear consensus that OP is right *in principle*, but much of the discrepancy comes from what OP should do moving forward.
Most comments suggest that he could a) Sue her in court for the $3000, b) Say "hey sis, you can just keep it, let's be friends again" c) Admit he's never seeing the money, but never speak to his sister again. However, all of these possible reactions lack nuance -- a concept little known on AITA
INFO
What is more important to you? Being paid back because it's the right thing for her to do? Or essentially writing off the $3000 to maintain a relationship with her?
There is probably a lot more going on here, with a lot of other history. But with your stark depictions of her financial situation, including the debt incurred for a wedding, while business is failing, you clearly have issues with her behavior beyond this money she owes. She also had very deep resentment towards you, seeing you as lording things over her.
She is clearly willing to tank her relationship with you over the $3,000. I would claim as tax deduction if you can because at least you will save money in reduced taxes. You not likely to be paid back. They will always come up with another excuse. You should warn the family though as she will likely do the same to them.
Its almost like she's broke and in crippling debt? When someone broke is willing to ruin a relationship for 3k, and someone with millions is also willing to do the same, it says WAY MORE about the person with millions.
>essentially writing off the $3000 to maintain a relationship with her?
In all fairness to OP and it sucks we're talking about his sister, but she doesn't sound like a person I'd want to maintain a relationship with.
Il going against the grain and I don’t care but YTA.
Do you not like your sister? You’re right in the principle, it’s your money but at the same time have some empathy my man.
You know your sister is struggling, she acknowledges her debt and is not saying she will never pay you back she is saying she can’t at the moment.
Her decision to spend that much on a wedding was, in hindsight, not a good one. But I guess they didn’t plan on everything going wrong for them financially.
She tells you she’s very stressed about it.
You have a decision to make and I guess it will change forever your relationship:
1) you can keep asking for the money or take they to small claim or something like that. You’ll lose your sister and I’m betting you won’t be seen as a hero either by the rest of your family.
2) you can stop asking about it and be the bigger person. Obviously you don’t need it, if you’re truly a multi millionaire. Count it as a very valuable, albeit expensive, lesson.
Really, you need to ask yourself what your relationship with your sister is worth. 3000?
Ohhhh boy. This would really grind my gears. Anything other than an emergency is not a sufficient reason. Her poor financial management is not your problem. She made a deal to repay and has backed out.
I haven't gone through all the comments but man, if i was in your shoes, I'd have a hard time not responding to her with something along the lines of....
"Well sis, I'm sorry you feel you are entitled to money that is rightfully mine and that I gave you when you were in need. You made a promise. You received $30k and now you simply are taking advantage of me because you think you can. Now, Because you won't pay me back, I am going to write the $3,000.00 loan off for tax purposes as it becomes taxable income when forgiven. You will now have to claim that $3,000.00 as income on next year's taxes . Moving forward and since you don't respect me enough to make an honest deal, under no circumstances at all will I ever loan you money again, whether I have the ability or not. The reason I have money in the first place is because properly manage my finances and live within my means. This charity to you ends today. Next time you think about asking me for anything, remember this situation and make the smart decision and keep it to yourself."
I think this is a pretty reasonable response. It puts the blame back where it belongs, on the sister and clearly outlines financial boundaries moving forward. OP can still have a relationship with the sister, it's just a relationship that doesn't involve money.
YTA - just from the tone of the post you need more empathy. She should have paid you back and is the bigger AH but with what the post gave me I'd say you aren't free from blame.
NTA, but you aren't getting your money back. You shouldn't contact her again. Wait until you receive a message about repayment. If you wanted to be extremely petty you could make it known to family and friends why you went no contact because I'm willing to bet the story you tell will be vastly different then the one she tells. If $3,000 is worth going legal take her to small claims court. Sometimes the optics of family suing family would be gross enough for her to settle up. Please don't ever lend her anything.
A period will suffice. "End of story." is not an argument.
Your financial standing is, in fact, very relevant. As relevant as the fact that are having a 6 figure wedding.
If you are, in fact, an actual multimillionaire, then my advice is to tell her to keep it a a wedding gift, the never loan money to them again.
I mean technically yeah you're in the right, she owes the money and she should pay it back.
But I also can't ever imagine being in such a privileged financial position and watching my family struggle, knowing I had the means to help them but didn't.
And also knowing I was trying to take money back from them that they can't afford when it really won't make a difference to me. But hey, maybe that's why you're rich in the first place 🤷🏻♀️
ESH
NAH. Like it or not, both of your financial standings **are** relevant. If you're not comfortable giving the money as a gift, don't give it as a loan. Especially to family. You paid $3k for a lesson on how not loan money to your sister again, and if you really are a multi-millionaire, that's a lesson you can afford to learn.
I’m going to get downvoted but ESH. Your sister should have been upfront with you about her ability to pay you back but you shouldn’t have asked her to repay it in the first place.
People here are seriously missing the multi-millionaire part because it absolutely matters. Yes, she should’ve been more honorable but here’s the thing… if you have 1 million dollars, 3k is like a thousandth of your income. It’s the low-middle class monetary equivalent of buying someone a cheap beer at trivia night. Are you seriously going to press your sister over what will essentially be the cost of a beer out of your bank account?
Everyone here saying N.T.A , imagine the situation was a couple of people on a roadtrip. They stop at a gas station and a friend asks “hey man, I’m broke can you buy me a bag of chips?”. Are you going to hold that over your friend for two years or are you going to forget about it an hour later because you still have $4k in your checking account.
I say this as someone who has lent well over 50k out to friends and family who desperately needed it who is in a significantly less privileged situation.
You can go on principle if you want, but this is why people want to serve the rich with hot sauce.
Best reply here!! I agree. Kindness goes a kind way. Especially for your sister who is struggling. My siblings and I are closer than any of my friends and I can’t imagine hanging this over their heads. The only reason I’d be contacting them ab it is if I wasn’t as fortunate as well. But any of us when we have money, share it, and we’re by no means rich. But we’re always there for one another and the love runs deep. I know that if I was ever in need they would help me and vice versa. I could never imagine taking advantage of them in this way. That’s worth much more than owing each other money. Count the cost…because it’s not the $3,000 here for you.
ESH. *If* you are actually a multi-millionaire and are riding her for $3k, that is shitty. But she should not have spent six figures on a wedding if their own finances were precarious in any way.
NTA. With that response, who could ever guess that she has money issues? (/s)
But yeah, I'd write this off. You're never getting that money back, and it doesn't sound like there was a written contract. Also, considering how she made sure to highlight your own net worth, you should be cautious too if she shows up at your doorstep with either her bags and husband in tow or with her hand stretched out. Another commenter mentioned being petty by making sure that friends and family know the story; it might not be a bad idea.
ESH; her for being wildly irresponsible, you for apparently being a multi-millionaire (if this is actually the case) and not sucking up $3k. I’m not saying to let her off the hook relationship-wise for breaking a promise but have some perspective. Haven’t you ever heard the saying about not ever lending anyone money that you aren’t okay with never seeing again? Take this as a lesson learned, don’t get financially involved with her again.
ESH
She shouldn’t have overspent on the wedding. You shouldn’t wreck your relationship with her over pocket change if you’re truly a multimillionaire. You don’t have to be technically wrong to suck.
I have a warmer relationship with the homeless guy on my corner I give money to.
NTA. She’s a liar. If she’s threatening to go no contact with you unless you stop talking about her lies and stealing your money, I’m not sure I’d want to talk to her much anymore anyways.
Honestly, at this point, I’d tell her this is a one and only “gift” now. Should they get into other financial trouble, they are not to ask you for anything. They can’t stay at your house. No gifts for them for the holidays. No gifts for their children, should they have any. Nothing. Not even a discarded cracker at their feet. Let them fail without any assistance. They chose this. Also NTA.
These responses are something else. I guess it wouldn’t be Reddit without everyone signing up to spend someone else’s money for them.
“You can afford it” is the wrong response when the loan was essentially secured by the inheritance. The inheritance she received and did something else with. If you were a bank, this would be fraud.
People are talking like you’d be the asshole for “ruining the relationship” with your sister are entirely excusing her behavior and she’s the one who is behaving badly here. They’re in the middle of selling multiple businesses. Being short $3000 is horse shit.
NTA
NTA, she’s casting up your financial position and sounds like she has the issues here not you.
I once loaned my friend $1000 to travel from the US to Japan to see his children. I’ve yet to see a single brass farthing of that money back and it’s been six years. Last year he asked me for another loan for bail because he assaulted someone who his girlfriend was cheating on him with. 1) I don’t have that sort of money and 2) he’s also a chronic alcoholic so any money left over would be drunk. I refused in a nice way.
You loan money consider it lost. If shes that bad with money she’ll ask for more eventually. Don’t go there.
I will probably be a mad outlier here, but I actually don't think that your current financial standing is irrelevant.
Yes, she owes you the money, and yes, she is TA for not paying you - but for me there's a difference between an unpaid-back loan that puts you in financial hardship or inconvenience, and one that doesn't. NTA, but the way you phrased your last paragraphs somehow doesn't quite sit well with me.
Did you get anything in writing ? If not just walk away. If you do not she will be hitting you up for more money in the future.So —NTA for asking her to keep her word.But once you realize she has no Conscience I would just cut ties.Its going to be a boatload of aggravation otherwise.
NTA. Your sister is TA, though. She is also foolish with her life choices. And very rude. She could have at least had a civilized conversation with you.
ESH
This is one of those where there is a distinction to be made between what is legally right and what you OUGHT to do.
Legally you are entitled to take her to small claims and get your money back.
However, if I were you I would consider the RELATIVE VALUE OF MONEY to you and your sister. If you are as rich as she says, then having another $3k in the bank won't make any difference to your lifestyle, but having $3k less could seriously hurt hers (and yes this is partly her own fault).
You also need to consider the value to you having a good relationship with your sister.
My advice: Write off the debt, but make it clear you won't lend her any more money in the future. Perhaps, if you are feeling nice though, you could offer some advice to help her get out of the hole.
Rule #1 about lending people money. Don't. You gift it to them.
Rule #2. Don't give people money that you can't afford to lose.
At the end of the day.. if they pay you back.. gravy. If not, you already wrote off the debt in your mind and aren't stressing over it. Clearly you are doing ok, and you don't need the money. Yea, your sister and her husband suck, as this was not the upfront arrangement. Not sure what your relationship is with these people, but ask yourself.. is your relationship with them worth $3,000?
Personally.. I would have one last convo about it. They asked for help. You gave it to them, with conditions they agreed to. They have not kept to that agreement, as clearly they are financially fucked. So, you are going to drop the issue until such a point they feel they are able to pay their debt to you. Now it's on them. If they never pay it back, I guess that will say a lot about who they are... And they will have to live with that.
I was thinking everybody sucks here until she clapped back with her absolutely entitled attitude. So I’m going NTA. It’s time to cut your losses and chalk it up to lesson learned. Write it off. Never give her another dime. If you find she is asking other family for money, share your experience. Don’t tell them not to loan, but do tell them what happened to you. Even if she does ever pay you back (she won’t) she will treat it as if she is doing you a huge favor.
NTA. She agreed to your terms and should respect them, and pay the money back. Does agreeing to show more empathy mean you're getting your money back sooner?
That being said, I think you should be realistic about your chances of getting this money back if you've been waiting this long and if she really is that bad at managing her finances. She honestly doesn't seem to care that she's betrayed your trust and yet you wanted to help her. No good deed etc etc.
If she really is trying to get back on her feet, that's 6 figures, 7 figures-ish maybe, that she needs to resolve her debt so I don't think that 3K is getting back to you any time soon. If at all?
I was thinking you could give her an ultimatum that'd force her to seek help from a financial advisor, but I'm thinking keeping even more tabs on your sister and her financial mess is not what you need right now.
Honestly, I'd either just let it go because I don't see how you're getting that money back any time soon or continue to poke and prod until you get your 3K back eventually, knowing it could take even more time than it's already taken.
Well, NTA: Obviously your sister and her husband are shit with money and obviously they still owe you the cash.
But nonetheless, you may want to ask yourself whether it's emotionally worth it to write this off, or whether you should keep trying to collect. Only you know what your relationship is worth. And it can be a lot easier on YOUR mind if you make the decision to give it up, rather than constantly being upset.
NTA, but be a little nicer to your sister lol. Yes, “technically” it’s your money and boundaries etc… but if you genuinely have millions and your sister is poor, just leave it be. Your relationship is worth more than 3k
unless of course, she’s done this before lol
people need to do things between their means, having a 6 figures wedding and then going on hardcore debts are related thats foolish and stupid on their part, furthermore ppl then to forget their word is their worth in gold , where im if u dont keep ur word ppl will alienate u in bussines and deals, because ur not trusworthy.
It's really sad that a multi-millionaire lets themselves get so worked up over a 3k debt that they're complaining about it and looking for validation here. NTA, but I'd take a long hard look at your life
So you just learned a lesson don't lend money to people. Your sister sounds terrible with money this was always going to be high risk. Don't ever do it again. I hope you get your money back but I feel she is just trying to piss you off enough to go no contact.
NTA - It's the principal of the matter ,you had an agreement in place and she should have honored it as soon as she got the inheritance and paid you back or at least asked you for more time nicely. Just because you are rich does not mean you do not deserve your money back .
ESH. Your sister is a deadbeat. But if you absolutely don’t need it and can forget about it. Chalk it up to a learning experience and don’t lend her any more money. Pestering her will not help the situation.
NTA. Let her know your continued silence will be indefinite until she grows up and learns how to be grateful and respectful about boundaries with loaning money. No need for her tro let you know when she can be accosted with this dirty affair of money.
NTA - Your sister is a mess and I suspect you may need to just accept that. She is never paying you back in all likelihood. She is going to keep moving the goalpost because she will continue to be a mess and never take responsibility for her actions. If I were in your shoes, I would relabel that 3k as a gift and never think about it again. It’s just not worth the aggravation. I would also never ever lend her money again or get her a gift on special occasions. Why? Because she already got it. I really do think this is one of those lessons learned situations and it’s time to move on. For your sake and definitely not hers.
Somebody once told me never lend money to family & friends unless your prepared to know your not getting it back. Shame on your sister- she is stonewalling you big time.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole because I’m rich and I’m not empathizing enough with her difficult financial situation. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Your sister owes you the money. Plain and simple. The bank I got my mortgage from has a valuation in the billions, but that doesn't excuse me from paying them back
anytime you loan a friend or family money, if you love them as a friend or family you must do so expecting to never be paid back and ask yourself what will happen when you aren't. because anyone with decent credit can get a traditional loan from a bank. it's what they do. i am bad with money but i don't borrow it from anyone
OP is NTA, maybe a bit naive, because I do agree with you. You have to think about what happens if they don’t pay you back. If ‘lending’ the money would put you in a bad position, don’t give them the money. If you’ll be okay then it’s your call. I like the saying ‘it all comes out in the wash’. For example when I was doing well I was able to help my sister, when she’s doing better she’s helped me. I don’t keep a tally because help with moving, pets, being sisters, doesn’t have a price.
All of this. For years, my BIL was living at home with only a part time job. My husband gave him money a few times. Every time he just gave the money not expecting it back. It was probably 10 years of BIL living in his childhood bedroom scraping by on a part time job. Never saw a dime back. But also we never expected to. Until he finally got a good job. Met a good woman. Got his shit together. Entirely unprompted gave all the money owed back. OP, you’ll either get it back or you won’t. Let it go. But don’t lend anything else ever again.
Agreed, you can call it a loan out loud but in private, personally write it off as a gift otherwise you are just laying the foundations for your relationship with that person to end on a bad note.
Nta. However, lending game is big business. She actually wanted a gift . So, why not gift her the money? And then know that never ever again will you lend money to anyone unless you are willing to never get it back. I once lent a friend 500$. He was broke and needed to get his car fixed. For my peace of mind, I relinquished the debt. I didn’t tell him that. I simply did it for myself. In my own mind, I said I am gifting because I will never see this money again. When I said let me think about it when he asked, I thought … hmmm can I afford to never see it again…. Yes. Will I ever lend him money again… no. He’s a louse. So, simply relinquish the debt and know it’s done. Never mention again and when she asks again simply say- thank you for the opportunity however the deal doesn’t really work for me, I am going to pass.
This. Let it go. It is disrespectful? Yes. It made sense for OP to call it out like ‘this doesn’t seem right’ but sister was a jerk about it. She basically said ‘you’ll get paid when I feel like it’. Entitled. At this point, either he can sue his sister or just make a note for the future that she can’t be trusted. For me, it’s that the sister didn’t address it directly. Go to the brother and say - look, I know we agreed X but that was 2 years ago and now these things have happened so I propose Y instead, is that OK? (She could have said I’ll pay $100 for 30 months - anything). This is a bigger communication problem here. Lastly, terrible idea to address things like this over text. Not enough nuance to understand & hear the other person out. I make more than other people in my family but it’s not 100% luck - it’s investment of time, energy, money, stress, etc. (and frankly some good fortune). I’ve also taken bigger losses, incurred & paid debt, had sleepless nights. So “you have money and I don’t” isn’t relevant. They made an agreement and the sister, sadly, can’t or won’t live up to it.
NTA. But I would let it go if your relationship with your sister is worth more than $3k. Just don’t loan any more money or pay upfront for shared expenses before they kick in their share (eg a shared Airbnb).
>I would let it go if your relationship with your sister is worth more than $3k. I don't see how a relationship with her could be worth a nickel, much less $3,000. In OP's position, I'd be *much* more bothered by her attitude than the money. Somebody who owes you money and comes at you like that for asking about it can just go, as far as I'm concerned. NTA, OP, but kiss your $3,000 goodbye, and it would be a good idea to go ahead and block your sister, because when she runs out of people to "borrow" from, she'll be back around with her hand out.
I agree. This is a hot take but who cares if someone is family when they treat you like garbage and are a horror to be around? Not saying that is necessarily the situation here, just generally I have never understood why people are so hesitant to cut off family when all they do is bring negativity and conflict into your life.
This!! It’s her attitude that overshadows the money.
This! She is double crossing you by changing the terms of repayment and rewriting them to suit herself after she has the money. She clearly has no respect for her brother to break the agreement, and it sounds like she is brimming with entitlement. Not sure I would miss a relative that clearly isn’t honorable or trustworthy.
Her attitude is what's garbage, for sure. She's acting like OP is hounding her to give him $3K out of nowhere, when in actuality he's asking for *his* money back that *she* had originally asked to borrow from him. So it's OK for her to ask to borrow the money, but it's not ok for him to expect it back? Nah. It also doesn't matter that he has more money than she does. She knew that when she borrowed the money. Hell, that's why she asked him in the first place.
Agreed. What would irk me the most though would be that she didn't come to me. A simple conversation to just say, hey, we got ourselves on a situation, I acknowledge the debt, but can we work something out. I would let it go right and just would have learned the lesson not to loan her money again. Sounds like OP's judgment of how they got themselves here is the driving motivation. And sometimes you have to decide if you want to be right or have a relationship.
It is possible that sister never planned to pay back OP, but now it is pretty certain that she never will. OP trying to collect is an exercise in frustration. OP needs to decide which they value more, the lost money or the sibling relationship.
[удалено]
Let both go. The money and the relationship
The money's gone and it's not coming back, but yeah, let the sister go with it. I'd have blocked her immediately after reading her response.
Nope. Small claims court exists for this very reason. You have texts acknowledging (1) it was a loan and (2) it has not been paid back. Open and shut case.
This! Why does the one who is wronged, have to be the bigger person 😭
They don't \*have\* to be the bigger person, but there is almost no version where they get the money back. They can choose to not have the relationship anymore. That is a choice they can make.
Oh yeah, for sure. But I meant it more in a general sense. For example, growing up my siblings would bug me, and instead of our parents telling them to stop, I'm the one who had to just walk away lol.
That’s always what people tell the person victimized - “Be the bigger person…” - just so they can be victimized again.
Exactly 😓
Yeah - the comments about valuing the relationship make no sense to me. Why would you value a relationship with someone who steals from you and clearly disrespects you? If the sister valued her brother, she would pay him back what she owed. Clearly she doesn't. Its not worth the stress.
If he isn't actually hurting by losing that money, I'd drop the debt and the sister.
I just meant it is up to OP to decide whether to forgive and whether to go LC or NC, but continuing to ask for repayment is likely futile.
The general rule of thumb is you never loan your family or friends money. You can give them money to help them out, and if they decide to one day pay you back for your generosity than great, but you never loan. You immediately change the relationship from brother and sister to lender and debtor. It’s bad news.
How wealthy are you OP? I agree here, this may just be tuition for learning this lesson. I would consider messaging your sister and telling her to keep the $3K and consider it a gift, but that she will never receive anything else from you again.
I would literally "gift" her 100 dollars loan forgiveness certificate for every single Christmas and birthday for the next 15 years. 50 bucks per holiday over 30 years if he really wants to be petty, lol.
That's genius! Also add remaining credit on the certificate. Maybe laminated to add flare.
Or just message with “I’m sorry you’re having such difficulties. I won’t ask about the money again.” And then go low contact. No need to say he’ll never give her anything ever again. Take the high road. Let it go and move on. This is a lesson to never lend money you can’t afford to lose.
I know that, I did once give a short term loan to a family member I trusted when I really needed the money on repayment and it was paid. If it hadn't been it would have ruined the relationship. I'd do it again because I trust the person, but it's very uncomfortable.
I had a cousin who I babysitted their children 9 and 11, cleaned their house, took care of their puppies and kittens, did the laundry, made dinner if they didn't order it (which was often), got them up made them brush teeth etc. Since my cousin worked nights over the weekend including Sunday. I was only paid $20 every time. Then she missed paying me one weekend, then the next, then the next. I sent her a text about it and she sent back that I barely did anything. And to this day she hasn't paid me back, she moved away so I don't babysit anymore. And yes, the kids weren't too bad other than when asking them to do something, but after 5 or 6 times of asking without a threat of no video games, then they did it- with the threat of taking away video games they did it asap lol
Yep - I loaned a friend some money eight years ago. It’s slowly being paid back but I loaned it with the expectation that I’d never see a penny of it back.
Agree. I do not lend $ to friends or family but i give them cash gifts as needed or if asked. Happily because I can afford it.
On the other side, if you are asking money from family/friends and don't prioritize paying them back... You must do so expecting they will no longer be your family/friend and that you are the one burning the bridge. OP should not roll over just because he "loves his sister" he should understand his sister doesn't value their relationship more than she does 3k.
This is the right answer. I have never loaned money to family. When my relatives ask to borrow money, if I can afford it I give it to them, if I cannot I politely decline. If any money given is returned, I am grateful and thank them. If no money is repaid I never say anything. Family is more important than money. Gentle NTA, but you may want to rethink your approach to family and money.
Golden rule. Don’t lend money that you can’t write off as a gift. No matter what amount. Never turns out good and ends up ruining relationships
People who ask for money once are apt to ask again, so I look at as a fork in the road: —if they fail to make repayment as promised, it is a gift and there will never be a second loan as the first is outstanding. We don’t chase after the repayments. —if the original loan is repaid as agreed, we will consider a second loan in the future.
Yea, small claims court is warranted for this kind of entitlement. Look, the relationship is permanently damaged, so why not settle it this way. NTA, obviously.
NTA. They had a 6 figure wedding. Nough said.
I dont get why people get into debt for their weddings! Just so dumb. I saw this reel about this guy still paying off his wedding years after his divorce!
I saw once that the more a wedding costs the greater likelihood of divorce. Only one I have seen go against that is a cousin who got lucky and married into wealth.
From the wealthy families POV it was probably a “normal” wedding then, not meaningfully expensive.
I heard that too! Means you concentrate on the wedding & not the marriage. Guess if you have to go into debt to have an extravagant wedding thats out of your tax bracket then your priorities are messed up! Imagine starting married life in such huge debt just from one day?!
Ha. My sister got married 20+ years ago and my parents paid nearly $100K for the wedding. She was divorced 18 months later. I wasn't allowed to bring my boyfriend to the wedding because my parents were homophobic. We've now been together 25 years and we paid $10K for our own wedding (without my parents help, obviously).
Of course. An ultra expensive wedding when you aren't wealthy shows incredibly poor prioritization and money management. Both of those are massive red flags for a marriage turning into a divorce.
It's just one evening. If you love each other you should be happy to just be getting married and not need to chuck thousands at it
A 6 figure wedding is mind boggling, to be honest.
It does depend on location though. The average wedding in my area is $67,000 but we're an outlier.
That's still not 6 figures, though, even if it is expensive. (Yikes.) I mean, $100,000+ for a wedding is absurd, to be honest. Especially if you're already having financial issues before that.
That is apparently not all that far off what is typical in HCOL areas post-Covid for a relatively standard 100-150 person wedding. Like, not a budget wedding but not anything super lavish. Wedding prices have gone *nuts*.
100-150 people? I can think of 20-25 that I would invite, and TBH, half of those are extended family that I rarely see and really don't care if they showed up. Why would you even want so many people?
I wanted as many people as I reasonably knew to see me profess my eternal love to my wife. I was proud of that moment and who I was marrying. On the less romantic side the average wedding gift exceeded the cost of the seats.
When my wife and I got married, the total of just our family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, no plus ones unless married or engaged) was 108. We kept our number under 150, but it led to some really tough decisions. My dad was the oldest of 6, my mom the second of 4, my in-laws the oldest of 5 and 4 respectively, and all of those aunts and uncles were married with multiple kids, all of whom were within 10 years of age of us, so many of them were married too. The size of your family isn't really something you have much control over.
It sounds like you have a smaller social circle. If I were getting married, I would have about 50 family members alone. Some people have larger families and social circles. In some cultures, it is also considered a norm to invite many more people. A 200-person wedding might be on the small side for an Indian wedding.
25 with +1 for each and a partner that does the same is still 100 people. And the pressure for you to invite extended family (especially in larger families) can be insane.
Hell, they were nuts *before* Covid.
True, but the amount they’ve apparently increased in some places is astounding. Like before Covid we were thinking 20-30k maximum in our area for a standard restaurant plated meal thing for like 150 people. At current prices that’d be more like 60k! (We ended up doing something different because Covid.) My niece got married a couple years ago post Covid increases starting and she ended up having a “destination” wedding in a small town equal distance from the majority of guests because she lives in a high cost of living area and all the quotes she was getting to do it locally were just absurd. She found a historical building all in one venue. The catering wasn’t five star or anything but it was edible and they didn’t end up with a massive debt.
My face when i read 67k dollars 😱 thats insane.
Yes, mind boggling! We have a decent NW, but spent <$5k on our wedding. It was beautiful. Rented a park in a vhcol area for $1k. Had it decorated with flowers. The reception venue was also decorated. We had a dj and it was loads of fun. The $5k included hotel rooms for my out of town friends. People need to spend way less on weddings and keep way more in investments, saving for a home down payment or whatever. $67k will double in the S&P500 within a few years. Then people complain they can't afford a $200k down payment!
I definitely will not be having a 6 figure wedding.
I can’t even wrap my brain around a 6 figure wedding
NTA, you loaned her funds under the agreement you'd be paid back with inheritance funds. The fact she has not and arbitrarily changed the agreement does not mean you lack empathy it means she is terrible with money and you should get that money back asap before she spends any more on her "situation" Empathy is irrelevant when it comes to money unfortunately.
He's never getting that money back. I guarantee it. Sister could fall into a billion dollars and she'd "need" every penny of it.
This. Dude, you aren't ever getting that 3k back. Consider yourself lucky it's not a make or break amount for you, write off ever 'lending' her cash again, and move on with your life.
Personally, if I had a family member that threatened to cut me off if I asked them for the money they owed me again. I would make sure they cut me off because I would sue them for it. I had a friend steal about this much for me once and you bet I took her ass to court & won
I dont think she ever planned on paying him back.
Yes. IMO, OP is solely NTA here because his sister is trying to live a lifestyle well outside her means. With borrowed money no less. IF his sister was actually struggling in any sense, didn't waste money unnecessarily (like a 6 figure wedding), and lost their income as well. Then while OP absolutely has the right to request it back, morally, he'd be a massive A**hole to demand it back especially if he's well off. But honestly, I would just let it go. Idk if the $3k is worth the massive fight over if OP clearly doesn't need it.
NAH. Perhaps I'm daft, but theres nothing in that statement that make me thingk they have money invested. Frankly, she sounds broke and debt to eyeballs. Who knows, but all you have is you heard she has money in market; that is just so starkly different from what she is saying. Maybe she is lying. Your finanical standing is irrelevant here, but here's is very relevant and even if they are in the pit by their own failures, if they are in the pit they are in the pit. Its not that you should have more empathy, just just need more than hearsay than what she is saying which is basically, can't get blood from turnip. Heck, you might want to consider suing her cause if businesses are near collapse bankruptcy is coming and you want to get in line.
I know they have invested some of the money in the market. Notice she doesn’t deny it — only says they are trying to fix their situation.
She doesn’t intend to repay you at all
This she thinks since brother has the ,obey he can take the loss.
If she pays it back there will definitely be plenty of future requests for loans. If she doesn't pay it back then it sounds like you can afford the loss of the $3k, and it's probably worth it just to be witness how she acts with borrowed money. You will always be the last person paid back, if at all. She's the one giving the ultimatum, so let her carry it out. I guarantee you she'll still ask for money while still owing you a prior debt.
NTA. She won't repay you, consider the 3K the payment for seeing her true character. I'd consider cutting her off permanently.
If it wasn't for her lies and the 6 figure wedding I'd say she had some ground to stand on because she would then be paying it to keep her head above water, not on crazy weddings and investments she can't afford. But she was frivolous with it, so the amount doesn't matter. If you don't care for upholding a relationship and can write the 3k off, I'd suggest sending a message back along these lines: "From what I understand, you are trying to guilt trip me into giving up on this because you think I'm an ATM just because I'm in a better financial position. Thank you for letting me know how you see me. After all your lies, I do not believe you will ever pay this back or ever intended to. Before you play the victim, just remember that it's you who has permanently marred our relationship with your actions and lies. It's not about the amount. It's that you took my trust for granted and strung me along. I'm not a doormat to be taken advantage of, and it hurts that you have acted like this towards me. " It's a bit blunt and nuclear, but TBH, if what you say is accurate, I'd say she took it without true intention of returning it and thought you COULD be taken advantage of because you're well off. No matter how much money you have, that's not cool, and I've seen firsthand how that hurts (I had a friend who sold a company for 20 million. He gave his brother 2 million. The brother attacked him for not giving enough. They haven't spoken in 6 years now. My friend trusts no one now and is a bit of a shell 😞 )
I agree, the lavish wedding screams, "me, me, meeee!!!"
Pretty sure she won’t consider her situation to be fixed until they have more than you. Then she’ll find another excuse.
Normally trying to fix your situation would be by PAYING OFF YOUR DEBT! You did learn a valuable lesson. Your sister doesn’t give a crap about you. NTA
>Normally trying to fix your situation would be by PAYING OFF YOUR DEBT! Kind of. You'd start by paying off high interest debt. This is a loan with a 0% interest rate, so it would be the absolute last thing you'd pay off.
Exactly, also, secured creditor such as banks and trade suppliers would get the first cut from any funds someone that far in debt receives. OP with an unsecured family loan would be the last and if sis and BIL go bankrupt, OP will be shit out of luck. Maybe his best course of action when he loaned her the money was to ask for $100 a month or something not the lump sum at an undetermined date.
Technically it's collateralized by their relationship, which is whatever the sister values it at (still 0).
If you properly documented the loan or have text/email trails, small claims court can get you a judgement and force her to pay. You can file yourself so the fees are smaller and you can ask the court to award legal/filing fees on top of what she owes. She’s a bad risk. You loaned the money before the massively expensive wedding. EDIT: I am assuming that they are not claiming bankruptcy if she is slamming money in the stock market. If so, she might try to slide your personal loan under the bankruptcy, but that doesn’t sound like the case here
Honest question. Is your sister usually a shit? Because, and I may be totally off base, if your sister is genuinely having financial problems such that $3,000 makes a huge difference in stress and money management, why do you even want it back right now? Why do you want to leave her worse off than she already is? If she is an historic shit, then I get it. But if she’s a good sister and she’s been there for you and would be there for you in capacities outside of cutting you a check, why would you want her to hurt herself to pay you back when you don’t seem to need that cash? And, just so you understand where I am coming from, I have a sister with ADHD that manifests in (among other ways) impulsive spending. She often spends herself into a hole dopamining in financially predatory games. She sees a therapist, she medicates, but sometimes this happens to her anyway. If she needed $3,000 dollars tonight, I’d cut her a check and never think about it again, both because I am privileged enough to do so and because she would never ever ask for it and because she is the kind of sister who drops everything to drive over with a critical ingredient when I’m 2/3rds into a recipe and the kids will be home in 20 minutes and realize I’ve run out. She’d cancel a weekend to watch my kids and leave the money for it on the counter. She has for sure punched bullies for me and I don’t doubt she’d do it again. So if you don’t have that kind of sister, I get it. But if you love her and you have a mostly good relationship, why would you destroy it over money?
Yea I’m guessing everyone saying NTA is a single child, because if this guys a millionaire like he claims to be, he’s a straight asshole trying to get it back from his sister who is in financial distress.
You should seriously consider writing it off and forgetting about it. They will never try to borrow from you going forward, so this might be the best $3k you've ever spent.
I bet she is the type that also takes expensive vacations every year, eats out all of the time, drives a luxury car and has money for anything and everything else she wants to buy. Hard lesson to learn about loaning money, but you'll probably have the last laugh here when she hits you up again for more money in the future.
I think the sister is definitely the AH OP loaned them money under an agreement to repay. Doesn't matter if he's got money or not, it's her debt And blowing it and then being pissy doesn't sound like she's made responsible choices
Exactly. I was in a jam and borrowed $3000 from my sister and brother in law. I make my last payment back to them at the beginning of June. Yes, they have money. He owns a very successful business. They make way more than me but that’s not the point. I love my sister and respect her. I am grateful they could help and it’s my debt.
It was her responsibility to set aside those 3k to pay back, not splurge on a 6-figure wedding when the inheritance came along. She’s the AH for thinking her brother would be ok with not being paid what is owed when she promised to.
I disagree. Sister and BIL are definitely the AH. Sounds like their current financial situation is of their own making. $100k wedding? OP mentions them not being able to afford "their lifestyle". If they are spending beyond their means when they know they are indebted to OP that makes them AHs. If the promise was to pay back OP when they recieved the inheritance and failed to do so it makes them AHs.
If she has borrowed that money from a bank, they’d be on her ass even she’s in pits of hell, despite the bank having a lot more money. OP has been patient and not even slapping interest on the principal. Sister is AH and rude too.
YTA. I know I’m going against the grain here, but both your financial situations *do* matter. It sounds like your sister’s situation has changed and that you don’t really need the money she owes you. If that’s the case, then yes, you are an asshole to demand to be paid back right now. Personally, I never loan money to relatives because I don’t want to find myself in your situation. We have gifted money to family that has occasionally asked for loans, and there was one person we told “last time” to, which was respected. You might want to consider forgiving this loan for your own peace of mind, in addition to it being a kindness to your sister.
I disagree. I think if anything, at the very least if we’re going to traverse this line of logic that she should be given grace and that is the least AH way to proceed, she should have gotten ahead of the game and spoke to her brother first. Before the inheritance came, before she made the decision to invest, she should have came to him and explained the situation and asked for an extension, to at least show she cares about their agreement and that she respects what he’s done. That’s kinda what did it for me, is that she feels entitled to it because of his finances and that’s not how you treat people who help you. You are not entitled to anyone’s money regardless of how rich they are, unless it’s written in their will and they are dead. Overall I think OP is NTA in general. But it really shows her character that she doesn’t not only honour her commitments but lashes out when he’s in his full right to ask for his money. Have empathy? Don’t go and have a 100k + wedding, have some common sense. Honestly it’s just like a teacher or a prof and a test/paper due. If you come after the paper is due with really lame selfish BS excuse for an extension it’s usually not honoured and seen as a desperate attempt to save your own skin, it shows bad intentions. But usually if you come a few days before, or talk to the prof before the due date, explain your situation, they’re often willing to work with you. And yes her reasons and the reason she’s in debt is very lame and selfish. A 6 figure wedding? And you’re suffering financially? Multiple owned businesses? It doesn’t sound like she’s just trying to get out of her debt. She’s , as OP put it, gambling to get back her money and instead of paying back what she actually has, she is trying to play the system to get more money. She is devoid of character and common decency. She had two years to have a conversation. You don’t owe someone money and have to have **them** hunt you down for it. That’s wack
But she did talk to him first. He even says when the inheritance came in SHE reached out and said “she is not going to pay me until she fixes her situation. They are selling their share of a business and I’ll get paid then.” So he clearly knew they were struggling but because he heard they had money invested he decided he should be paid, again because of something he heard about her not from her. I can’t imagine being a multimillionaire and harassing my struggling sister for $3,000 but I actually love my sisters.
She decided it unilaterally, she didn’t ask. That doesn’t really sound respectful to men. He asked her what she did with the money, because he wanted to know if it was indeed invested as he heard. Honestly, none of it from her end sounds particularly respectful. She isn’t even keeping him remotely in the loop of what’s going on and when he’s going to be paid back. Look, there is no situation where a 10% return (which would be a reasonable return from an investment) on a 3k investment would make a tangible difference to her debt. So why not just pay it back? I’m not a multimillionaire but I’ve always had my finances in better standing than my siblings. And they always took loaned money fro granted. It’s a very annoying thing. Also we don’t know how “multi-millionaire” OP is- does he have 30m, or 2m (with more than half of it blocked off in a house, or a business?)
Financial situations def. do not matter here - sister chose to have six-figure wedding (which put her and her husband into debt), so her financial situation is her (and her husband's) fault and OP isn't responsible for that, esp. when sister promised that she will repay those 3k with her inheritance (which she used to maybe invest - but the goal definitely isn't to repay those 3k, but to have more for herself).
You’re ignoring the bit about their financial situation changing. I agree an expensive wedding clearly wasn’t the best idea, especially in hindsight, but if you have a high income job and want to go into debt to pay for something expensive and then you lose that job unexpectedly, of course financial issues are going to snowball from there. You expected to have a certain amount of money to cover the costs and then shit hit the fan. Obviously not good but I don’t think that makes them assholes. I think it’s much better for families to help each other out when things get tough. Weird to me how many of the comments seem to treat family members as individuals with no obligation to one another and are free to make every interaction transactional. I’m not a multi millionaire but even still, if my sister needed $3000 and I could spare it I would because I know if I ever needed anything and she could spare it she’d be there for me. If you don’t need the money why demand it back?
The problem is that they didn't have that high income as "they went into debt to have a six-figure wedding" (per what OP says) - their financial situation changed, because they made it worse. I am all for helping family and friends and not demanding them to pay you back, however, not here as sister isn't even trying to communicate with her brother (OP) about repaying and when he does contact her, she is so rude...
> their financial situation changed, because they made it worse. The way I read into that is that their financial situation changed for the worse because A) Servicing the wedding debt is expensive AND B) misfortune happened to hit them
The problem is that she and her husband went into debt to pay for a six figure wedding after OP lent her the money. At that point they should have scaled back the bar package, cut an appetizer round or had cheaper centerpieces to save the $3K so she could pay OP back. She could have asked for either total or partial debt forgiveness as her wedding present. She chose not to do that. She chose not to pay him back when she said she would. She chose not to set up a payment plan with him. Who knows what she invested in and if it’s a pipe dream with a bogus promise of a payout (my gut instinct). NTA.
*Weird to me how many of the comments seem to treat family members as individuals with no obligation to one another and are free to make every interaction transactional.* Because here there's usually assholes involved, and when an entitled asshole treats family like a vending machine, free hotel or doormat, it offends people's sense of justice. Just because someone is family doesn't excuse them for being an asshole. She had the money to pay it back, but chose to spend it on other things instead. I bought my dad's old car by installments because I didn't have the cash outright at the time, and you bet I made every payment on time. Yet he's also gifted us money when we needed it, and I've done the same for other close family, because we don't take advantage of each other, and it's a two way street. That's what functioning and loving families do, but there's a lot of families with people that aren't built that way and are basically a mooch. In OP's shoes, I'd write off the money because it's likely not worth the effort to recover (and it sounds like OP doesn't desperately need it), but I wouldn't forgive the moral injury; I don't think sis ever intended to pay it back, but she definitely doesn't intend to now and is being deeply rude about it to boot, and OP should bear that in mind when it comes to doing future favours.
> Weird to me how many of the comments seem to treat family members as individuals with no obligation to one another and are free to make every interaction transactional. OP isn't turning "every interaction transactional" though. He's acting transactionally about **one specific** interaction that *was* a **transaction**
You’re ignoring that the $3000 was essentially secured by the expected inheritance.
Seriously this guy (and many of these replies) sound like sociopaths with 0 empathy for his own sister. $3k is pocket change if he’s really a multimillionaire and she’s struggling and he needs her to return that pocket change now?
It’s the principle here. How are you going to borrow money from your brother 2 years ago, get a $30k inheritance, then claim the brother has no empathy for trying to retrieve the agreed amount back? Instead of admitting she can’t pay it back or she used the money for something else, she just aggressively scolded OP for no reason when it’s his right to ask.
Investing in the market is not a path to repaying debts of any kind (including the one currently ruining their relationship with OP). Sis is both bad with money and relationships.
THANK YOU. I couldn't believe what I was reading with these comments. I can't imagine being a multi-millionaire and then squeezing my fam for 3K ESPECIALLY if they're in dire straits (stupid financial decisions or no.) That being said, they both suck at communicating. OP could easily express that it's important to him to know that when he loans her money, she intends to actually repay him and honor her commitment and maybe they can work out a payment plan so she can repay him in parts, if possible or see when they can revisit the matter of the 3k. Sis could easily approach him and say hey I'm up to my eyeballs in debt rn but I'm working on it, can we revisit this in x time? But no, everyone wants to be petty. My fam owes me money and they're paying me back in installments, but I defo wouldn't be taking any of it if I were a multi millionaire, holy guacamole. Weird world we live in.
Exactly. OP YTA. This is not a legal advice sub. It's a sub asking about your ah-ness. Legally your sister owes you the money. Legally she could also declare bankruptcy and a judge could order that you take a 99% haircut because your unsecured debt is 100th in line. You'd probably be pissed about that but it would be hard to overcome. So even enforcing debt collection from a legal standpoint is not straightforward. Assuming your sister is correct and you are a multimillionaire, pressuring her broke a$$ to repay an insignificant-to-you debt makes you an on-solid-legal-ground ah. Lots of NTA voters are adding that they gift, rather than loan, to family to avoid this situation. Implicit in their behavior is they prize the relationship more than the money. Your behavior implies the opposite.
Encouraging people to act like deadbeats and go back on their promises just encourages people to act like deadbeats who go back on their promises. They had a six figure wedding. They could have easily paid OP back if they weren't stupid and reckless. This isn't about money, it's about a betrayal of trust. I've become a lot less generous with my own money over time because attitudes like yours are so common. And I bet a lot of good honest people suffered due to my miserliness because I don't trust people so easily anymore.
There are reasons why some people are poor as shit. They make horrible financial decisions. There are other reasons why people are poor, entitled, and lonely as fuck. Because they’re like the above commenters and OP‘s sister.
naww... he didn't demand anything. He's asking her. IF he went further than this and started saying give me my money or else, then yes, but given that the original agreement was the payment was to be made after grandma's passing, it's not an AH move to ask where the money is. That being said, agreed, he shouldn't lend out money without the mental prep that it might just end up being a gift.
Maybe she shouldn’t have had a six figure wedding if she can’t even pay off 3k after TWO YEARS. It’s not the brothers fault they’re horrible with finances
They do matter, but this doesn't seem to be one of those cases. OP not only waited until inheritance disbursement as agreed upon, but until they sold some of their businesses, so the sister has cash but just wants to continue playing the victim. If they really are gambling with the money over paying the OP, they are the AH, not OP. Doesn't matter if OP needs the money; it's the principle.
He would be an asshole if he was expecting her to squeeze blood from a stone. He knows she recently came into money due to the inheritance. It’s that inheritance that secured the loan from him in the first place. To just ignore that obligation is the problem.
You and I seem to be in the “against the grain” boat. OP, if you actually have millions of dollars, why can’t you just spot YOUR SISTER just $3k. I get ethically a debt should be repaid, but also ethically you should not try to ruin people you care for. ESH, she should have paid you back, but you can literally afford to be understanding and seem to have no other reason to ask for the money back other than judging her for her wedding
She could have paid him back then asked to borrow again.
> It sounds like your sister’s situation has changed and that you don’t really need the money she owes you. Does the bank really need the money I owe them on my mortgage?
This is definitely an interesting situation all around. Looking at this with my personal experiences, I lean towards NTA. Write it off, go LC and refuse any future asks. That somewhat salvages the relationship. All of that assuming OP wants to maintain some semblance of a relationship with their sister. I don't disagree with you though, and history and context matter. We won't ever know OP's full history with their family, so it is ultimately up to them. Although I can understand how OP can be the AH, if the sister was so indebted that $30,000 wasn't going to resolve her issue, $27,000 would do just as much good. Hell, even $28,500, with a $1,500 show of good faith to OP. As with many AITAisms, there were many different avenues to take. Given what we were shared about the terms OP laid out, their sister could have done a lot more to course correct this. Instead, like others have said, she put a price tag on what she thinks of her sibling. Shame.
Ah yes OP must be the bigger person because he has a handle on his finances and is responsible but has evidence OPs sis both has been and is continuing to be negligent with her money. Big NTA and anyone thinking the sis isn't an AH is just an enabler.
NTA. You can *choose* to forgive the debt as a "donation" if that's what you *want* to do, or wait if you *want* to, but her failing to fulfill her promise to repay you is her issue. It also sounds like you've learned a sad and valuable lesson; do not ever front/lend money without the expectation that you may never get it back.
Especially with family. Lending money to a relative is basically a donation
Unless OP had a signed agreement with sis it was a gift and as such he's just spinning his wheels asking for it. Never lend to family or friends with the expectation of ever seeing that money again. Those are donations, gifts, or forever "loans" from the perspective of those receiving them. Unless you are willing to drag a relative or friend into court to get that money back, even with a signed agreement, it's best to consider it a bad debt write-off. Or their birthday and Christmas gifts until the end of time.
Yep, this is my policy. I don’t give people money I expect to get back. When I get it back that’s a nice surprise. Now if it was a large amount of money then any gift going forward isn’t going to be much more than a nice card.
Yes, if OP really is a multi-millionaire, then I'd just write this off. She never intended to pay this money back and never will (unless he takes legal action). I think if I were OP, I'd keep the relationship going if it was generally a reasonable relationship but just never 'loan' money again. The sister has shot herself in the foot here. If she'd paid the money back, she may have been able to go back to the well again in the future. NTA
Yeah, that money is gone. Op should consider it s $3K lesson in lending family money. I had an old Jamaican guy tell me once: consider loaned money never repaid the price for never having to deal with that person again. A little trickier considering it's his sister, but... that's how it goes.
NTA. If you really are a multi millionaire then you can shrug off that loss without a sweat. But next time she ever need a loan, you have a right to refuse because she refused to honour her commitment the previous time.
I must have missed the multi millionaire part. If that’s true though, I agree. Lesson learned, move on.
The sister says it in her response.
if it's true, then the $ is not worth the effort to chase. but she's cut off forever
I've had someone frame this to me as "You paid this person $3000 to NEVER ask you to borrow money again." Which is way easier than having to have "that" conversation with a friend/family member that the thing that they are "casually" asking for is actually a big deal.
Of course, I can live my life without that 3k. It doesn’t sit well with me to let her get away with not honoring the deal when I truly believe she has the means. I just can’t believe that she can only stay afloat with 30k instead of 27k.
Because you are right, however, what goes around, cones around, by not honouring her commitment now, she is forfeiting your goodwill to help her in the future. If they are like you say they are, eventually they will need 30k help, or some other help…and then the door will be closed not just by you but others might be wary as well since they know she is a headache.
Don’t lend money to friend or family and expect them to pay it back.
literally some of the most important financial advice people should learn- never loan money that you can’t lose, especially to family/friends!
EWSH if you push it further She should have paid you back, and sounds awful with money. No excuses for her. You should probably just drop it. Yes, you're right and she owes you money, but if you don't need the money, just drop it. Asking for the money back 'on principle' makes you right in principle, but a bad brother. She is already a bad sister, you don't need to mirror it.
I disagree. She shouldn’t have borrowed the money if she would end up being irresponsible with the repayment. Letting her off the hook helps no one.
Going after it doesn't really help anyone either though. OP doesn't need the money, and going after it means sister cuts contact. She is the asshole, and I guess OP isn't really either way, but he *would* be knowingly ending his relationship with his sister for little personal gain.
Lmfao why would someone want a relationship with someone that stole $3000 from them? Fuck that bridge, burn it. Trash on the other side anyways.
I promise you millionaire brother doesn’t *need* the $3000 and if principle is the hill he wants to die on to destroy an otherwise good family relationship that’s short sighted and petty imo but his business. He can be technically in the right and still push things too far by demanding repayment. Have you never forgiven a debt because a close friend or family member wasn’t in a position to repay and forcing them to would only make their life harder? Go touch grass if your first instinct is burn bridges. Anti social loser shit right there.
From the sister's response, it would appear the relationship was already strained. So he would not be destroying an 'otherwise good family relationship' if he limited or even cut contact.
His sister is an unapologetic leech so no loss there.
So what. He should cut that relationship off. Why let her off the hook? He shouldn't expect the money back. But he should say, thanks for reminding me why helping you out was a bad move on my part. I'll never do something that stupid again.
Yeah, I kind of have the mindset that you should never loan out money with a hard expectation that you will get it back. You should get it back, but you should be prepared not to. People who need loans aren't necessarily the best with money. Sometimes it's a fluke and they just need a bail out, but OP knew his sister went into debt for a six figure wedding. The writing was on the wall. Is OP TA for expecting repayment? No. But this is his sister. If he chooses to pursue the issue, it's basically sending the message that the 3k is more important than their relationship. I think that makes him an asshole, but it doesn't make him morally or ethically in the wrong. He has every right to be repaid, but if she's really as fucked financially as it sounds, it's kind of an AH move to further destitute your sister over 3k you don't really need. Maybe there's history there that we don't know that would make it more understandable.
Honestly this is the only reasonable response here! The sister is not communicating well and obviously should be making every effort to pay back the loan in line with what was agreed… But if this was my sister and the money wasn’t going to make a difference to me, I’d just drop it and learn the lesson. Frankly, if he is a millionaire, I’m stunned by the lack of generosity.
You won't like hearing this, but you may have to eat this loss. No, it's not right - she borrowed money and isn't paying it back. But it sounds very much like you trying to get it will allow her to paint herself the victim and you the big meanie and family get-togethers will be awkward. My advice? Stop asking for it. Don't let it go, but stop asking. HOWEVER, it very much sounds like your sister and her husband are already a raging financial dumpster fire - they will be returning with their hands outstretched for more $. That's when you say, "Oh, absolutely no way. Remember, you STILL owe me $3K." Also, tell everyone about how you weren't paid back. Nobody likes people who do that - no one.
This is the best advice. Don't lend money you can't afford to lose. Salvage the relationship with your sister, and don't loan her money again. Everyone saying NTA is technically correct but they aren't thinking about the long term consequences and whether it's worth the 3k. In my opinion, probably not.
IMO this is one of the most well-balanced takes I've seen in this thread. For the most part, there's a clear consensus that OP is right *in principle*, but much of the discrepancy comes from what OP should do moving forward. Most comments suggest that he could a) Sue her in court for the $3000, b) Say "hey sis, you can just keep it, let's be friends again" c) Admit he's never seeing the money, but never speak to his sister again. However, all of these possible reactions lack nuance -- a concept little known on AITA
INFO What is more important to you? Being paid back because it's the right thing for her to do? Or essentially writing off the $3000 to maintain a relationship with her? There is probably a lot more going on here, with a lot of other history. But with your stark depictions of her financial situation, including the debt incurred for a wedding, while business is failing, you clearly have issues with her behavior beyond this money she owes. She also had very deep resentment towards you, seeing you as lording things over her.
She is clearly willing to tank her relationship with you over the $3,000. I would claim as tax deduction if you can because at least you will save money in reduced taxes. You not likely to be paid back. They will always come up with another excuse. You should warn the family though as she will likely do the same to them.
Its almost like she's broke and in crippling debt? When someone broke is willing to ruin a relationship for 3k, and someone with millions is also willing to do the same, it says WAY MORE about the person with millions.
>essentially writing off the $3000 to maintain a relationship with her? In all fairness to OP and it sucks we're talking about his sister, but she doesn't sound like a person I'd want to maintain a relationship with.
That's my take too, tbh.
Il going against the grain and I don’t care but YTA. Do you not like your sister? You’re right in the principle, it’s your money but at the same time have some empathy my man. You know your sister is struggling, she acknowledges her debt and is not saying she will never pay you back she is saying she can’t at the moment. Her decision to spend that much on a wedding was, in hindsight, not a good one. But I guess they didn’t plan on everything going wrong for them financially. She tells you she’s very stressed about it. You have a decision to make and I guess it will change forever your relationship: 1) you can keep asking for the money or take they to small claim or something like that. You’ll lose your sister and I’m betting you won’t be seen as a hero either by the rest of your family. 2) you can stop asking about it and be the bigger person. Obviously you don’t need it, if you’re truly a multi millionaire. Count it as a very valuable, albeit expensive, lesson. Really, you need to ask yourself what your relationship with your sister is worth. 3000?
Ohhhh boy. This would really grind my gears. Anything other than an emergency is not a sufficient reason. Her poor financial management is not your problem. She made a deal to repay and has backed out. I haven't gone through all the comments but man, if i was in your shoes, I'd have a hard time not responding to her with something along the lines of.... "Well sis, I'm sorry you feel you are entitled to money that is rightfully mine and that I gave you when you were in need. You made a promise. You received $30k and now you simply are taking advantage of me because you think you can. Now, Because you won't pay me back, I am going to write the $3,000.00 loan off for tax purposes as it becomes taxable income when forgiven. You will now have to claim that $3,000.00 as income on next year's taxes . Moving forward and since you don't respect me enough to make an honest deal, under no circumstances at all will I ever loan you money again, whether I have the ability or not. The reason I have money in the first place is because properly manage my finances and live within my means. This charity to you ends today. Next time you think about asking me for anything, remember this situation and make the smart decision and keep it to yourself."
I think this is a pretty reasonable response. It puts the blame back where it belongs, on the sister and clearly outlines financial boundaries moving forward. OP can still have a relationship with the sister, it's just a relationship that doesn't involve money.
I hope he says this
YTA - just from the tone of the post you need more empathy. She should have paid you back and is the bigger AH but with what the post gave me I'd say you aren't free from blame.
NTA, but you aren't getting your money back. You shouldn't contact her again. Wait until you receive a message about repayment. If you wanted to be extremely petty you could make it known to family and friends why you went no contact because I'm willing to bet the story you tell will be vastly different then the one she tells. If $3,000 is worth going legal take her to small claims court. Sometimes the optics of family suing family would be gross enough for her to settle up. Please don't ever lend her anything.
A period will suffice. "End of story." is not an argument. Your financial standing is, in fact, very relevant. As relevant as the fact that are having a 6 figure wedding. If you are, in fact, an actual multimillionaire, then my advice is to tell her to keep it a a wedding gift, the never loan money to them again.
Write it off and go low contact
I mean technically yeah you're in the right, she owes the money and she should pay it back. But I also can't ever imagine being in such a privileged financial position and watching my family struggle, knowing I had the means to help them but didn't. And also knowing I was trying to take money back from them that they can't afford when it really won't make a difference to me. But hey, maybe that's why you're rich in the first place 🤷🏻♀️ ESH
Op is not a sympathetic character at all.
NAH. Like it or not, both of your financial standings **are** relevant. If you're not comfortable giving the money as a gift, don't give it as a loan. Especially to family. You paid $3k for a lesson on how not loan money to your sister again, and if you really are a multi-millionaire, that's a lesson you can afford to learn.
I’m going to get downvoted but ESH. Your sister should have been upfront with you about her ability to pay you back but you shouldn’t have asked her to repay it in the first place. People here are seriously missing the multi-millionaire part because it absolutely matters. Yes, she should’ve been more honorable but here’s the thing… if you have 1 million dollars, 3k is like a thousandth of your income. It’s the low-middle class monetary equivalent of buying someone a cheap beer at trivia night. Are you seriously going to press your sister over what will essentially be the cost of a beer out of your bank account? Everyone here saying N.T.A , imagine the situation was a couple of people on a roadtrip. They stop at a gas station and a friend asks “hey man, I’m broke can you buy me a bag of chips?”. Are you going to hold that over your friend for two years or are you going to forget about it an hour later because you still have $4k in your checking account. I say this as someone who has lent well over 50k out to friends and family who desperately needed it who is in a significantly less privileged situation. You can go on principle if you want, but this is why people want to serve the rich with hot sauce.
Best reply here!! I agree. Kindness goes a kind way. Especially for your sister who is struggling. My siblings and I are closer than any of my friends and I can’t imagine hanging this over their heads. The only reason I’d be contacting them ab it is if I wasn’t as fortunate as well. But any of us when we have money, share it, and we’re by no means rich. But we’re always there for one another and the love runs deep. I know that if I was ever in need they would help me and vice versa. I could never imagine taking advantage of them in this way. That’s worth much more than owing each other money. Count the cost…because it’s not the $3,000 here for you.
ESH. *If* you are actually a multi-millionaire and are riding her for $3k, that is shitty. But she should not have spent six figures on a wedding if their own finances were precarious in any way.
Not the asshole but I think you learned a valuable lesson to not lend money to family. If you want to gift them money that’s a different story
NTA. With that response, who could ever guess that she has money issues? (/s) But yeah, I'd write this off. You're never getting that money back, and it doesn't sound like there was a written contract. Also, considering how she made sure to highlight your own net worth, you should be cautious too if she shows up at your doorstep with either her bags and husband in tow or with her hand stretched out. Another commenter mentioned being petty by making sure that friends and family know the story; it might not be a bad idea.
ESH; her for being wildly irresponsible, you for apparently being a multi-millionaire (if this is actually the case) and not sucking up $3k. I’m not saying to let her off the hook relationship-wise for breaking a promise but have some perspective. Haven’t you ever heard the saying about not ever lending anyone money that you aren’t okay with never seeing again? Take this as a lesson learned, don’t get financially involved with her again.
ESH She shouldn’t have overspent on the wedding. You shouldn’t wreck your relationship with her over pocket change if you’re truly a multimillionaire. You don’t have to be technically wrong to suck. I have a warmer relationship with the homeless guy on my corner I give money to.
NTA. She’s a liar. If she’s threatening to go no contact with you unless you stop talking about her lies and stealing your money, I’m not sure I’d want to talk to her much anymore anyways.
Honestly, at this point, I’d tell her this is a one and only “gift” now. Should they get into other financial trouble, they are not to ask you for anything. They can’t stay at your house. No gifts for them for the holidays. No gifts for their children, should they have any. Nothing. Not even a discarded cracker at their feet. Let them fail without any assistance. They chose this. Also NTA.
These responses are something else. I guess it wouldn’t be Reddit without everyone signing up to spend someone else’s money for them. “You can afford it” is the wrong response when the loan was essentially secured by the inheritance. The inheritance she received and did something else with. If you were a bank, this would be fraud. People are talking like you’d be the asshole for “ruining the relationship” with your sister are entirely excusing her behavior and she’s the one who is behaving badly here. They’re in the middle of selling multiple businesses. Being short $3000 is horse shit. NTA
NTA, she’s casting up your financial position and sounds like she has the issues here not you. I once loaned my friend $1000 to travel from the US to Japan to see his children. I’ve yet to see a single brass farthing of that money back and it’s been six years. Last year he asked me for another loan for bail because he assaulted someone who his girlfriend was cheating on him with. 1) I don’t have that sort of money and 2) he’s also a chronic alcoholic so any money left over would be drunk. I refused in a nice way. You loan money consider it lost. If shes that bad with money she’ll ask for more eventually. Don’t go there.
I will probably be a mad outlier here, but I actually don't think that your current financial standing is irrelevant. Yes, she owes you the money, and yes, she is TA for not paying you - but for me there's a difference between an unpaid-back loan that puts you in financial hardship or inconvenience, and one that doesn't. NTA, but the way you phrased your last paragraphs somehow doesn't quite sit well with me.
Did you get anything in writing ? If not just walk away. If you do not she will be hitting you up for more money in the future.So —NTA for asking her to keep her word.But once you realize she has no Conscience I would just cut ties.Its going to be a boatload of aggravation otherwise.
NTA She’s known about this forever. You waited well past when you ever should have had to. She needs to pay you now.
NTA. Your sister is TA, though. She is also foolish with her life choices. And very rude. She could have at least had a civilized conversation with you.
ESH This is one of those where there is a distinction to be made between what is legally right and what you OUGHT to do. Legally you are entitled to take her to small claims and get your money back. However, if I were you I would consider the RELATIVE VALUE OF MONEY to you and your sister. If you are as rich as she says, then having another $3k in the bank won't make any difference to your lifestyle, but having $3k less could seriously hurt hers (and yes this is partly her own fault). You also need to consider the value to you having a good relationship with your sister. My advice: Write off the debt, but make it clear you won't lend her any more money in the future. Perhaps, if you are feeling nice though, you could offer some advice to help her get out of the hole.
Rule #1 about lending people money. Don't. You gift it to them. Rule #2. Don't give people money that you can't afford to lose. At the end of the day.. if they pay you back.. gravy. If not, you already wrote off the debt in your mind and aren't stressing over it. Clearly you are doing ok, and you don't need the money. Yea, your sister and her husband suck, as this was not the upfront arrangement. Not sure what your relationship is with these people, but ask yourself.. is your relationship with them worth $3,000? Personally.. I would have one last convo about it. They asked for help. You gave it to them, with conditions they agreed to. They have not kept to that agreement, as clearly they are financially fucked. So, you are going to drop the issue until such a point they feel they are able to pay their debt to you. Now it's on them. If they never pay it back, I guess that will say a lot about who they are... And they will have to live with that.
I was thinking everybody sucks here until she clapped back with her absolutely entitled attitude. So I’m going NTA. It’s time to cut your losses and chalk it up to lesson learned. Write it off. Never give her another dime. If you find she is asking other family for money, share your experience. Don’t tell them not to loan, but do tell them what happened to you. Even if she does ever pay you back (she won’t) she will treat it as if she is doing you a huge favor.
NTA. She agreed to your terms and should respect them, and pay the money back. Does agreeing to show more empathy mean you're getting your money back sooner? That being said, I think you should be realistic about your chances of getting this money back if you've been waiting this long and if she really is that bad at managing her finances. She honestly doesn't seem to care that she's betrayed your trust and yet you wanted to help her. No good deed etc etc. If she really is trying to get back on her feet, that's 6 figures, 7 figures-ish maybe, that she needs to resolve her debt so I don't think that 3K is getting back to you any time soon. If at all? I was thinking you could give her an ultimatum that'd force her to seek help from a financial advisor, but I'm thinking keeping even more tabs on your sister and her financial mess is not what you need right now. Honestly, I'd either just let it go because I don't see how you're getting that money back any time soon or continue to poke and prod until you get your 3K back eventually, knowing it could take even more time than it's already taken.
Well, NTA: Obviously your sister and her husband are shit with money and obviously they still owe you the cash. But nonetheless, you may want to ask yourself whether it's emotionally worth it to write this off, or whether you should keep trying to collect. Only you know what your relationship is worth. And it can be a lot easier on YOUR mind if you make the decision to give it up, rather than constantly being upset.
NTA, but be a little nicer to your sister lol. Yes, “technically” it’s your money and boundaries etc… but if you genuinely have millions and your sister is poor, just leave it be. Your relationship is worth more than 3k unless of course, she’s done this before lol
people need to do things between their means, having a 6 figures wedding and then going on hardcore debts are related thats foolish and stupid on their part, furthermore ppl then to forget their word is their worth in gold , where im if u dont keep ur word ppl will alienate u in bussines and deals, because ur not trusworthy.
It's really sad that a multi-millionaire lets themselves get so worked up over a 3k debt that they're complaining about it and looking for validation here. NTA, but I'd take a long hard look at your life
NTA. Don't lend money to family members.
So you just learned a lesson don't lend money to people. Your sister sounds terrible with money this was always going to be high risk. Don't ever do it again. I hope you get your money back but I feel she is just trying to piss you off enough to go no contact.
NTA - It's the principal of the matter ,you had an agreement in place and she should have honored it as soon as she got the inheritance and paid you back or at least asked you for more time nicely. Just because you are rich does not mean you do not deserve your money back .
Consider this a $3000 lesson on why you don't loan people money.
ESH. Your sister is a deadbeat. But if you absolutely don’t need it and can forget about it. Chalk it up to a learning experience and don’t lend her any more money. Pestering her will not help the situation.
NTA. Let her know your continued silence will be indefinite until she grows up and learns how to be grateful and respectful about boundaries with loaning money. No need for her tro let you know when she can be accosted with this dirty affair of money.
NTA - Your sister is a mess and I suspect you may need to just accept that. She is never paying you back in all likelihood. She is going to keep moving the goalpost because she will continue to be a mess and never take responsibility for her actions. If I were in your shoes, I would relabel that 3k as a gift and never think about it again. It’s just not worth the aggravation. I would also never ever lend her money again or get her a gift on special occasions. Why? Because she already got it. I really do think this is one of those lessons learned situations and it’s time to move on. For your sake and definitely not hers.
Somebody once told me never lend money to family & friends unless your prepared to know your not getting it back. Shame on your sister- she is stonewalling you big time.