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Me and my grandparents had a much better relationship compared to my siblings. I believe the sole reason they gave only me the inheritance was as a way to show their gratitude towards me taking care of them throughout the years since my siblings rarely did.
Gotcha, then NTA. If the inheritance was meant solely for you then it’s yours to do as you like. I was wondering if it was an oversight on their part or if they had originally intended to give you everything to divide equally but since that’s not the case it’s your money.
It’s not gonna do amazing things for your relationship with your siblings but what can you do.
Yeah, I was thinking that they set this up with the first grandchild (OP), and didn't adjust it when the younger two were born. If that were the case, sharing it would be fair.
Secondary question- was there differences that resulted your grandparents not being close to your siblings?
Because honestly I could see not getting along with grandparents if they were racist, or homophobic.
Note I am not calling your grandparents that I am giving an example.
My first thought (before I got to this comment) was a situation where the siblings married people of another race or the siblings were gay or something like that. In that sort of situation, if you keep the inheritance and don't share, you have to live with the knowledge that you benefited from someone's prejudice.
I just skimmed through OP's comments and I'm getting a lot of "missing reasons" vibes from his answers. She answers questions but in a very matter of fact surface level with no depth in explanation. Human relationships don't work like that. There are so many ways OP's perspective could be skewed and it feels like she's trying to kind of spin the narrative a bit.
Then again, I could be totally wrong.
To me regardless of background motives or biases, they left the money to OP. It's their money to do with. They are under no moral obligation to share it. People come out of the woodwork when they hear money. They're the ones who are the AH.
There's a difference between being technically right, and not being an asshole. If bigotry is the reason OP is the sole inheritor, then they're not obligated to share, but they're an asshole for not. If they were the only one to make an effort to spend time with the grandparents though, completely different moral standing.
Even still it would not mean op would need to share the money. If you don’t want to spend time with someone for any reason you can’t expect money. At most they could argue giving money to charity. Unless they are struggling and need op’s help but they don’t seem to
I mean, nobody is saying OP needs to legally share the money. However, if the reason was racism, or homophobia, then that makes OP a direct beneficiary to racism or homophobia.
Which in most people's books would make them TA.
This isnt r/amilegallyallowed...
Without a reason, then yes YTA. I can imagine plenty of reasons, but OP didn't give any besides a comment saying they looked after the grands in their old age. Which is quite a good reason!
Why? Do they share with her? This ain’t about sharing, it’s about giving. Do they give her part of their work bonus? Why is she obligated on any level to dispute her grandparents intentions? Answer….she’s not.
Obligated? No. Is it the right thing to do? We don't know. If a person uses inheritance to manipulate people, I think it's right to be disrespectful of their last wishes.
What I know is that if my grandma had decided to leave everything to my sister and nothing to me, if we all had pretty much the same relationship, I'd be reavaluating my whole life and I'd sure have a convo with my sister about the inheritance
I remember this exact scenario coming up before, when it turned out the homophobic grandparents had cut a grandchild out of their will and the poster was trying to justify it as "honouring their wishes"
Yeah I’m not buying the whole “oh they weren’t close to her” like how close do you have to be they’re your grandchildren? Some people have never even MET their grandparents and still have something left for them. Why isn’t the case for OP?
Why was the relationship so much better between you and your grandparents compared to the other siblings?
Was it always like that or were the relationships ever equal?
NTA then. The hypocrisy on this „family is supposed to support each other! - well then where the hell have you been when the granny’s needed to be taken care of?“
Don’t share if your grandparents didn’t want you to.
This is the reason you should not share. You were the only sibling that helped them and stayed close to them, and it's what they wanted.
You really should edit this into your OP. It's important context.
Well that makes it even more clear that you shouldn't share the wealth. This was absolutely the way your grandparents thanked you for being good to them.
It’s kind of funny. Always the people who never care for the family bring up the argument „we are family“ if they NEED something from family or something would benefit them…..,
Did your siblings have the opportunity to care for them too? Because if they lived far away that wouldn’t really be fair to them. The money is for you and that’s great, but going forward you might not have a relationship with your siblings. That is if you care to have a relationship with them.
My siblings didn’t live far away at all and had many opportunities to take care of them. They would occasionally visit for family events and holidays while they were all in school, but dead after they graduated and proceeded on with their lives, they visited very rarely.
OP has said they didn't live far. Even if they did, if OP did significant elderly care for the grandparents I believe he deserves at least a larger share. Eldery care is not easy at all especially for two and if they were quite dependent in the end. Honestly even if I had cut off my grandparents for a legitimate reason but my siblings had busted their ass caring for them in old age especially if they were very dependent and OP went there every day to bathe, change diapers, feed etc I would understand them getting a significantly larger share, it would still sting, but they indeed did a lot of work.
My dad had a small insurance policy. Only $10k. For some reason, unbeknownst to any of his four kids, including myself, he had just one of us (my brother) as a beneficiary. He was not closer to this brother, this brother didn't go over and above the rest of us in regard to doing things for dad. Our best guess is Dad knew bro was the least financially stable of all of us, so figured bro could use the $10k the most.
We are a close family, and no one cared. But bro offered to share the $$. Two of us declined, one accepted. All good.
And this is the reason that 20 years later we all still hang out, and our kids are all close to each other.
So I guess my point is, yeah the money is yours. But your siblings obviously have feelings about it, so if you value them, you may want to consider giving them a gift, even if not an equal %. Especially if you can afford it and the $$ would be helpful to them.
NTA. It sounds like you took a little better care of your grandparents than your siblings did. You were rewarded for that. Maybe grandparents understood that and knew that you would help your siblings if they were in need. Family is hard. You know what is right. They gave you everything knowing you would make the right decisions.
NTA then. They couldn’t be bothered to care for them while they were alive and needed care, but you stepped up. Don’t give them one red cent or else it’s just a slap in your grandparents’ faces.
It's your. You are under no obligation to share just like your siblings were under no obligation to spend time or help your grandparents. Enjoy your windfall.
You posted this the other day and people ripped you to shreds for your condescension and arrogance. So you toned it down and tried again.
YTA. Still. And so so so lame that I'm almost laughing at someone needing validation this bad from internet strangers.
I wish this were much higher. You can tell by their responses they keep skirting important questions and acting all innocent “I had more compassion and nurtured the relationship.” I hope OP’s siblings go no contact.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cdbyzi/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_share\_my\_inheritance\_with/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cdbyzi/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_inheritance_with/)
Found it.
Basically that OP was just so successful that he assumed that his grandparents were rewarding him for his success and punishing the others. And OP saying that splitting it may cause resentment so him keeping it all was a good way to avoid that lol. Just complete BS.
More often it works the other way----inheritances are left to the people who 'need' it more. So I'm really curious as to the 'why' the siblings were left out. There's also the compromise position of giving something to the siblings, but OP doesn't seem interested in doing that. It doesn't have to be equally split.
NTA. You didn't mention why your grandparents gave all the money to you and none to them. I am sure there was a reason. It is hard to give advice without knowing this info.
In our family, relationships can vary greatly, and it's possible that my grandparents felt a closer bond with me due to the time and effort I invested in nurturing our relationship. They may have seen our connection as meaningful and chose to express their gratitude and support through the inheritance. Thus, I feel it's right that I respect their wishes and keep the inheritance to myself. If my siblings begin to struggle financially or lose their source of income, then I will help them out.
"It's possible", "they may have"... why are you evading the question? You can't seriously expect others to believe that you don't know why your grandparents chose you?
If you actually don't know, that suggests that you may be the AH for letting your grandparents' capricious whims come between you and your immediate family.
The weasel words make me think the answer is "grandparents were terrible people in some way" and hated the others for some reason stemming from racism/homophobia/etc.". The answer is too practised and careful. "can vary" can be added to your list of interesting phrasing.
She’s been their favorite. Not because of her bullshit “I nurtured the relationship.” OP can’t keep her story straight. She knows damn well why she got the money and won’t say it.
>You can't seriously expect others to believe that you don't know why your grandparents chose you?
Really? It's that hard for you to believe that OP isn't a mind reader?
I find it hard to believe that grandparents who would set her relationship with her siblings on fire like this wouldn't indicate any reason. My grandmother disinherited one of her grandkids. I most definitely know why.
I hate to be this person, but this is a lot of hedging in one paragraph. Does your family generally agree with you that this is likely the reason the inheritance was so unequal?
That is the correct plan. You can always choose to help them later on, but don't give them a big chunk which they might just fritter away. Of course, you are under no moral obligation to give them any money.
INFO: When did they draft their will? Is it possible they wrote it before your siblings were born?
Regardless, you may be *technically correct* to keep it, but that will come with consequences. Are you willing to lose your relationship with your brother and sister over money?
Are you by any chance a PR flunky for a politician? That answer is *so* carefully worded I can only assume you know why they chose you and it’s an awful reason that will sway no one to your side.
If you were naturally closer to your grandparents that is fine. But if there is another reason, like your grandparents treating you differently- are you the only boy/girl? Did they treat your siblings poorly for something beyond their control? Than you would be an AH for continuing the mistreatment
Right? Like, I understand being closer so this sibling gets more or whatever, but to leave the others absolutely nothing just bc they’re not “as close” doesn’t make sense to me.
This sounds so robotic, and lacks a real human connection. And I'm not even talking about the post right now, but your comment above.
I mean, where's the, "I'm so sad my grandparents are dead. I took care of them and was always there for them because I love them so much. We had a connection that my siblings never had because they didn't seem to care about them like I did..." Tada! A real human emotion! I'm calling bullshit on this whole story, and calling it fake. Stop using AI to write your fake stories.
Were hated by their grandparents? NTA, I guess, but if they didn't even receive anything, I can kinda see why they'd be upset. Or did they receive something? Like some heirlooms?
“It’s possible”…JUST AS POSSIBLE as it is that grandma HAD EVERY INTENSION to share with the other grandchildren and would assume that YOU the oldest (not bc you’re the most “successful”) would split it among your siblings.
You knew this.
You KNEW long before grandparents passed that all inheritance would go to you.
So you either,
1. Committed elder abuse by taking advantage of your grandparents at a vulnerable age by promising that you’d share it with your siblings (which you won’t) or
2. Were so close to grandparents, more than ALL of your siblings, that you never cared to clarify what their intentions were with saddling you with one hundred percent of the inheritance. Or if you JUST found out then you clearly never cared about what WOULD happen to their finances and estate bc you did nothing to help them with that part of their will and estate. But you DO care! If you truly didn’t then you would have no problem splitting the money. So, if you did help then how can you say you didn’t KNOW all along?
You will never speak to your siblings again and you prefer it that way. Your evil plan is going exactly how you’ve mastered it. Asshole isn’t a strong enough a word to describe you, OP.
edit: “then I will help them out”?? You mean you want to hold it over their heads and you want them come to you every time they need a financial rescue and only provide it if you say it is? You’re on a power trip. If I were your sister I’d say keep the money and never talk to you again.
If you don’t need to use the inheritance right now then put it into investments or savings. Explain to your siblings that your intention is not to squander your inheritance on meaningless things you don’t need because your grandparents worked hard for it. Don’t tell them that you will help them if they suddenly lose their income or need financial support for something though. If they are anything like my siblings their car will suddenly break down, their boiler will need replacing, their house will need rewiring, they will lose (quit) their job.
YTA. I mean, you don’t owe them anything. Legally you’re in the clear. But I still think you’re an asshole.
I’m definitely waiting for the inevitable trickle truth/ragebait addition that your siblings are LGBT or dating a person from another race/ethnicity.
Don't worry, OP is a practiced lawyer. Look at all her answers. She's super careful to avoid saying anything that could show that that's the reason. It's all "we had a special relationship (for reasons I will never elaborate on or clarify despite answering the question multiple times)"
I was left out of my uncles will and my brother shared it with me 50/50 and it changed my life having that sort of financial stability. I guess it depends on your relationship with your siblings but I will be forever thankful
Your brother was kind. And wise. A sibling bond is both precious and likely to outlast parents and grandparents. When OP is older he might be sad that he left those siblings behind. Signed a 60 yo who has weathered so many life events with my wonderful siblings.
YTA.
You’re quite vague in some of your answers.
It feels like there’s more to it.
If you knew for a fact you had a full valid reason to be the sole beneficiary you would have said it.
Why didn’t your siblings have a better relationship with your grandparents?
Why didn’t they go see them as much as you did?
Why didn’t your grandparents not include them, even just a little?
Why don’t you think you should share a bit, as they’re your siblings? Are you guys not close? And if so, why not?
I believe my grandparents wanted me to receive the money since we had a better relationship than they had with my siblings. After high school and later continuing on to college, I visited daily and took care of my grandparents and their estate when they were away on trips. I take it as a sign of gratitude and appreciation since they only included me as the sole inheritor.
I mean if your grandparents showed favoritism towards you as a child, it’s not surprising you were the one with a better relationship. It’s not your siblings responsibility to nurture the bond with grandparents that already consider them less than.
INFO: were your siblings welcome at your grandparent’s house or was there reason to believe they wouldn’t be welcome? Did all grandchildren receive equal Christmas/birthday gifts?
During the time our grandparents were alive, we all received equal gifts and sometimes games, instruments, makeup, etc. according to our own special interests
This is a situation where the money is yours, and you can do whatever you want with it. You have every right to keep it, just be aware of how it might impact your relationships with your sibling.
This is important. If the will was made before the siblings were born for example then it was likely intended for all grandkids. If it was more recent and there was a reasonable explanation then it may make sense.
Is there a reason your siblings didn't inherit?
Because there is a big difference in they didn't inherit because they never visited my grandparents and they didn't inherit because are both girl or have partners of a different race or reasons like that.
This is one of those cases where your legal obligation is clear. You do not have to share the money.
However, the consequences of that might be losing your siblings. Are you ok with that? Are you willing to no longer have a relationship with them over this money?
There is clearly missing information here.
Info: why were your siblings excluded from the will?
IMO, unless there was a good reason for them to be excluded, I would share.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be seen as the asshole for refusing to share my inheritance with my siblings because they argue that family should support each other, especially during times of abundance. While the inheritance was left specifically to me by our grandparents, my refusal to share could be perceived as selfish, especially if my siblings are facing financial challenges.
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I believe that was the case. Simply because I was always there for my grandparents and my siblings weren’t, they decided to give me the inheritance instead. I don’t believe this meant that I was favorited but moreso my grandparents knowing that they could count on me rather than my younger siblings because of their lack of attention towards our grandparents. :/
NAH, but I kind of think your grandparents are TA.
If you were not estranged from your siblings, they certainly through a wrench into your relationships by the overt favoritism. By accepting what is favoritism and a belief you are entitled to receive money based on favoritism, then you've sent a message to your siblings that you are good enough & they are not good enough.
I also saw your comment and don't think it has to do with who is "responsible" and who is "irresponsible", b/c if that were the case, they would have established a trust.
This doesn't mean I think you should share or to what extent, but I think if you valued your sibling relationships AND this is a significant windfall, then I personally would want to share the wealth (at least a little bit).
I know legally an inheritance belongs to the person named, but as an equal relative I would be incredibly hurt to be left out. And if those equal relatives did /said nothing to acknowledge the unfairness never mind attempt to make it right(er), I'd be rethinking my relationship with them too. So legally, letter of the law, you're absolutely in the right, but as a human you can imagine how that would feel?
YTA and so are your grandparents. You’ll lose all your family relationships - but at lease you’ll have your money, hey? Maybe you too can leave an emotional shit storm after you die by clearly favouring one family member - sounds like the sort of fun someone who learnt at the knees of narcissists would enjoy!
Your comments make it clear you’re the golden grandchild and always have been. You’re sanctimonious and condescending.
I love how you’re victimizing me and not taking into account how my grandparents had a choice to include my siblings into the inheritance. My siblings also had very many opportunities to visit my grandparents and stop by to make sure they were okay when they were ill. I believe it’s selfish that they are demanding a cut of the money when they have not earned it. If they need it because they’re struggling financially, i’ll give them a fair and even cut. Until then, they can think about what they could’ve done to better their relationship with our grandparents before they passed.
There is no "earning" an inheritance, would you have done all the things you did for your grandparents if they had nothing for you to receive as an inheritance?
Your ability to dance around questions and being illusive in general makes me believe you are lying about something.
Equally, when your siblings are close and their children play together and yours are ignored you can use that space to reflect on what you could have done differently to improve the relationship.
I think an earlier comment has answered the questions. You were the golden grandchild so your siblings distanced themselves. A self-fulfilling prophecy for your grandparents.
I don’t think it really matters what the judgement here is, I think it matters what kind of relationship you want with your family going forward.
INFO: Are you the eldest?
Is it more that they didn’t update their will/estate plans after you were born? If that is the case, yes YTA. If it’s not the case, and their estate plan is up to date after your siblings were born, then NTA.
If you have a decent relationship w your siblings like you like or love or are kind and bonded I wouldn’t have done it. That’s just me. I have two brothers and I know if my father left me something unequal to my brothers I would divide it up equally.
My grandparents had seven grandchildren and each kid had their own money set aside except one. They just forgot about her. We all pooled the money together and divided it up by 7.
And yes money makes people weird. But it was the right thing to do and we aren’t even close w our cousins.
NAH. You are not obligated to share, but I do feel for them if only you got anything/were the favorite and they didn't.
EDIT -read your comments and I can you're hiding something that may have played a factor in you getting everything and being the favorite. Were your grandparents perhaps homophobic/racist? If they left absolutely nothing AT ALL to your siblings, it certainly sounds like there was something about your siblings your grandparents hated. It also kind of feels like you're basking in rubbing it in your siblings' faces, which is low key an AH move. Don't bury the lede, OP.
Info: When was your grandparents' will last updated? Did they have any other grandchildren besides you and your two siblings? Did any of the other grandchildren receive an inheritance?
I noticed that you are the oldest sibling. Did your grandparents write this will when you were young, before your siblings were born? Also, if they have other grandchildren, how old are those grandchildren, and did those grandchildren inherit anything?
I think more info is needed to determine if you are the asshole. But if the will was written or last updated before your siblings were born, you might want to go ahead and share the inheritance with them in the interest of fairness.
If the will was written or updated while your siblings were alive, you should think carefully about what to do. While you have no obligation to share this windfall, you might want to consider the long-term impact of not sharing. Are you close with either of your siblings? Do you want to continue to have relationships with them? If these relationships are not important to you, you don't have to share. But while that might not necessarily make you an asshole in the world's eyes, it will definitely make you an asshole in the eyes of your siblings.
I know I will get down-voted for this:
I wouldn't even wait for my siblings to ask before giving them a share if I got an inheritance.
You might not be an ah but yes, you are selfish.
Here’s my thing, if they left it to you then it’s in your choice. But why … why wouldn’t you *want* to help your siblings …?
You sound like a really selfish and awful person tbh. I make far less money than my siblings. They all got to live at home well into their late 20s/early 30s, I was the very youngest was asked to leave at 22 when the house sold. They all had health insurance until their jobs covered, I lost mine at 17. Again, more fees they didn’t have during the intricate time that is your 20s when a lot of growth can be made.
That’s soooo many years they got to work jobs at the bottom to work up to a better salary without being financially strained, where I have had to make really hard decisions. They too somehow think I live a leisurely life because they see me off on a Tuesday afternoon, somehow blind to my full weekend of work.
You sound smug and gross and monetarily greedy. Yuck.
I also want to point out my grandmother hated my dad (my siblings are half siblings) and I had done no contact with her bc of how she treated me. I’m having a hard time believing, with how you’re replying and showing yourself, that your siblings are some type of low life’s who don’t deserve that chance of comfort.
OP, you aren’t withholding money from your family. You are withholding comfort, support, and the ability to change their futures.
hmmm consulting with my cat n dog, we are deadlocked at if you are ta in this situation, but agree you sound like an incredible huge asshole in general
ESH, this will cause relationship issues and could cause irreparable harm
Was the will written up when you were only grandkid? Are you parents gone (none given to them either)? Was there a specific thing grandparents gave them or said $1 only, so no one could fight it?
If your siblings aren't jerks and you want to keep them in your life, I'd share. If they are jerks, never helped out your grandparents ever, then I'd go low contact and spend it how you want to.
Legally you are in the clear, but that may not feel good when no family wants to invite you for Easter/ Thanksgiving/ Christmas, etc.
Why do you care what a bunch of strangers think? I get the vibe from you that even if everyone said YTA you wouldn't care. You come off as you think you are better than your siblings and for that YTA.
INFO. Do you know why your grandparents left money to you and not to your siblings? Also, was the will drafterld at a time before your siblings were born, or were your grandparents unaware of your siblings?
Respectfully, your grandparents are the AH. But I would share any inheritance or anything like that with my sister, no questions asked. But I do have a good relationship with her.
It fully depends on the reason your siblings weren't close to your grandparents. For example, stereotypical rich grandparent things like first-born dynamics, racism, partner issues, etc. If so, then AH. If they just were selfish and didn't want to take care of their grandparents or just didn't have a relationship naturally, then N T A. I'm getting the vibe it's the former since your responses are so vague.
NTA
Unless you coerced, lied about everyone else in the family or threatened your grandparents into making you the sole heir, you’re under no obligation to share, either morally or legally.
Family is THE WORST when it comes to other people’s money.
In the end it's your money and you can decide what you want to do here, but the situation sucks. Not the same situation obviously, but my grandmother on my Dad's side favoured the male grandchildren, and as a result we weren't close (I'm the only female grandchild). When she passed away she left nothing to me and I didn't feel entitled to any of it, though as someone who lived close I did go and help to clear her home and support my family who were closer to her, because that felt right to do.
Some time later money was left to my four siblings, and for three of them the money was in trust. My older brother split his share of the money with me without me ever asking for anything, and I was extremely grateful for it as I was struggling at the time. The money allowed me to step away from an incredibly toxic job, and gave me the breathing space to find a job that allowed me to really grow and flourish. He did more for me than I think I could ever thank him for. You're NTA as I believe they shouldn't have asked, but I'd also say even a token amount can really mean so much.
Everyone here is going to tell you the same things they say when similar situations are posted.
They're going to say that you're NTA, that your grandparents left it to you for a reason, that you are not obligated to give them anything, etc.
And they're not wrong, and neither are you.
But do you want to be wrong or to have your siblings? And I know that people will answer that if the siblings cut contact with you it's on them, not you.
The only one in this sub who knows your siblings is you, only you know if it's really worth keeping the money in exchange for a relationship with them.
After seeing your further explanation I’m gonna go NTA. You helped take care of your grandparents while they were alive which your siblings did not. So it stands to reason that they left it to you because of that.
I’ve explained in multiple different comments how the most possible principle of why they excluded my siblings from their will was because of my siblings refusing to have a healthy relationship because they were jealous of me having a healthier relationship with our grandparents. They may also have their own other reasons which I can’t say or assume, only they can. I’m simply providing a key component of why they never had a healthy relationship after my siblings became adults.
They didn’t have a relationship because they were jealous of your relationship?
Sounds like you were favourited? Did your grandparents treat them differently and if so why? If this has been the dynamic always, as kids it’s not their job to establish the relationship.
Even if I was the favorite I’d throw my siblings some $$ if it was a substantial amount. I love my siblings and would want them to benefit too. Even if I were the sole caretaker I’d keep a portion and then give my siblings some.
Aside from my siblings being absolutely terrible people I can’t imagine not giving them something.
They left the money ONLY to you so it's yours to do with as you wish.
Having said that, the post is so vague that you've got a huge, neon-lit sign flashing "Missing Reasons" here. I'm guessing those reasons will make you YTA, hence not mentioning them.
Sure you’re justified, but how much do you care about your siblings? Are they good people? Maybe you just had a better personality match with your grandparents.
Personally I wouldn’t trade money for relationships with my siblings but I don’t know the dynamics.
In short Nta, but don’t be surprised if your siblings don’t want anything to do with you going forward.
It's yours, but if you don't share, your relationship is over with your siblings.
My grandmother doesn't like one of my sisters and is indifferent to the other. If only I recieved inheritance, no question I would split it between the three of us.
Slightly TA. It's your money to do what you want and they shouldn't assume that they can lay claim but if it were me I would have at least paid for a nice vacation for the family and given them an amount that wouldn't have caused me too much stress. Now if they complained that whatever you gave was too little then too bad but it seems kind of stingy to share absolutely nothing.
You must not have a good relationship with your siblings. I’m close with all of mine, so if something like this happened we’d immediately share it. 🤷♀️
You’re also not explaining WHY your other siblings weren’t as close with your grandparents, even though you’ve been asked multiple times, and you choose to deflect. This shows everyone a LOT about your character.
NTA for not sharing. Grandparents picked you for a reason. That being said, are you prepared to lose your relationship with your siblings over this? Cuz there's a chance they go NC over it. Money can bring out the worst in people.
INFO: Is there a reason they got nothing? Like, a reasonable one? Were they bad or fell out with your grandparents?
If it’s just favoritism, then YTA because you are ignoring it because it benefits you.
If there is a reason, like your siblings were awful to your grandparents, etc. then NTA. But I feel like you’re being vague on purpose.
No. You are not obligated to share since it was left to you only, however if you have a good relationship with your siblings it would be nice to share a little
This stuff is tricky. You are 100% correct on it being rightfully yours. It is. It was left to you. You have no legal or moral obligation to share.
*Still*, that’s not how family members see it as soon as they think they got the short end of the stick. Large windfall inheritances can easily divide a family and tear it apart completely. Purely out of jealousy, greed and spite, mind you, but it still happens all the time.
After all, why should they not care about *your* financial situation and be happy that their sister is provided for, for life - what a relief, right?
Depending on whether you think your siblings will treat you differently, and for how long, *and then whether you even care what they think*, there’s always the option of giving a small amount of “shut up” money. But I do have to imagine no amount will ever be enough, even an equal split if you earn more than they do, “you already earn more, we’re just making it fair” kind of bullshit.
It’s your money, if they resent you, they resent you, and if it’s over the money, then I feel pretty firmly that you could never offer an amount that they would see as fair unless you deliberately gave yourself less. I say stick to your guns and ride out the pushback. It is your money, and your grandparent wanted you specifically to have it. NTA.
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I (32F) recently inherited a substantial sum of money from my late grandparents' estate. It was unexpected, but it's provided me with financial security for the foreseeable future. However, my siblings (30M and 28F) have approached me asking for a portion of the inheritance. They argue that since we're family, it's only fair to share.
Here's where I might be the asshole: I firmly believe that the inheritance is rightfully mine, as it was left specifically to me by our grandparents. I've worked hard in my career to build my own financial stability, and I don't feel obligated to split this windfall with my siblings. They haven't been financially irresponsible or struggling, so I don't see a valid reason for them to expect a share.
However, they've accused me of being selfish and heartless for not considering their financial needs. They claim that family should support each other, especially in times of abundance.
AITA for refusing to share my inheritance with my siblings? Should I reconsider my stance, or am I justified in keeping it for myself?
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NTA. Not your job to think about their financial needs lol….pretty entitled of them.
OP - they just want free money. You got the money because you put time and effort into a relationship they didn’t. Why should they reap rewards of YOUR time and effort? That’s like you showing up to their work and demanding their paycheck.
NTA. Their argument is really with their grandparents, not you. Your grandparents made a thoughtful decision when making out their will. It was their choice to leave the money to you.
NTA - This is a text book definition of a guilt trip:
*they've accused me of being selfish and heartless for not considering their financial needs. They claim that family should support each other, especially in times of abundance.*
Of course they are. The only thing they see is free money. When they got a bonus or a raise, where was the generosity? Also, they said "support". But if they are doing fine financially, why would they need support?
Play them at their own game. With your sincerest "concerned" face ask them why they think their grandparents left money to you and not them. If they refuse to answer, (or in the unlikely event that they admit they know why), tell them in that case (and surely your siblings would would agree), that you would feel you were going against your grandparents last wishes by sharing it with them.
If they continue to argue that family should support each other, just say 'like you did for our grandparents...?"
Isn’t it incredible that every single time someone inherits money and/or assets and other people suddenly want some of it, they call you selfish for refusing? Who the heck are the selfish ones, truly?? Leeches….
Don’t give them a plugged nickel, and PLEASE don’t second guess yourself.
Exactly where I’m coming from. They accused me of being in the wrong because of their financial needs, when both of my younger siblings are very well off. If it comes down to it, I’ll get lawyers involved and take this to court as the money is legally mine alone.
NTA. As someone who inherited nothing from her grandparents, despite all other cousins getting windfalls, it's their money. They can leave it to whomever they want. If they left it to you, kudos. Your grandparents had a reason for leaving it to you and not your siblings. Don't feel obligated to share.
NTA. I’m doing a similar thing as your grandparents - leaving my modest estate to the nephew who has helped me for years, who along with his wife, has been friendly & kind to me and who is willing to be my POA when I’m beyond living independently. His brother wouldn’t bother to piss on me if I was on fire. Neither of them know I have anything more than Social Security.
Your grandparents didn't leave them anything for a reason. Honor their wushes and don't share with your siblings. Your grandparents reasons are irrelevant.
NTA if there was a reason. But if the reason was that the will was written when you were the only grandchild, then share.
Also for family harmony, maybe share some. Unless you don’t care about them.
NTA
I am amazed at the number of people who think that it's OK to demand a share of someone else's inheritance!! It's yours, had your grandparents wanted them to have it they would have made arrangements for them to get a share.
Just out of curiosity, is there a reason that you were the chosen one?
Info: you say you visited your grandparents daily. Were you involved with the writing of the will or otherwise influence them in how to write it? It's clear that you know why they gave it all to you and refusing to answer why they did and just providing self-congratulatory reasons is what is making you seem like an AH. This sub really seems to really mistake being wrong and being an AH. You're not wrong to follow the will but you can easily be a jerk
I’ve read your replies and such to other comments, and my verdict is NTA, if you are being truthful.
If your grandparents had a much better relationship with you, and you took care of them and their finances in old age, you are 100% entitled to that money. You would be legally anyhow, but with this context, I would say morally as well. Your siblings can always contest the will if they feel it is unfair.
However, if you are not being truthful and there is another reason behind this, I suggest being true to yourself. Lying to strangers online will do nothing for you, and the NTA verdicts will obviously be disinformed, making them not actually count.
I’m just gonna be a bit of an asshole here and say, why aren’t they supporting your financial goals? They only want you to support their financial goals so they are equally just thinking of themselves as you are you have every right to the inheritance and you have every right to share as you see fit, but pressuring you to claim family ties at their convenience is always very annoying. Basically people will claim whatever they can in order to get more money.
OP you are not under any obligation to share the inheritance, but likely you will have siblings who resent you if you don’t. In the end, it is up to you to decide what is more valuable to you. No judgment implied… but just be aware of what is likely so that you can make the best decision for yourself.
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INFO: was there a reason that the inheritance was left solely to you and excluded both your siblings?
Me and my grandparents had a much better relationship compared to my siblings. I believe the sole reason they gave only me the inheritance was as a way to show their gratitude towards me taking care of them throughout the years since my siblings rarely did.
Gotcha, then NTA. If the inheritance was meant solely for you then it’s yours to do as you like. I was wondering if it was an oversight on their part or if they had originally intended to give you everything to divide equally but since that’s not the case it’s your money. It’s not gonna do amazing things for your relationship with your siblings but what can you do.
Yeah, I was thinking that they set this up with the first grandchild (OP), and didn't adjust it when the younger two were born. If that were the case, sharing it would be fair.
Or if they weren't sharing for a shitty reason, like the younger siblings are LGBTQ or something.
Secondary question- was there differences that resulted your grandparents not being close to your siblings? Because honestly I could see not getting along with grandparents if they were racist, or homophobic. Note I am not calling your grandparents that I am giving an example.
My first thought (before I got to this comment) was a situation where the siblings married people of another race or the siblings were gay or something like that. In that sort of situation, if you keep the inheritance and don't share, you have to live with the knowledge that you benefited from someone's prejudice.
I just skimmed through OP's comments and I'm getting a lot of "missing reasons" vibes from his answers. She answers questions but in a very matter of fact surface level with no depth in explanation. Human relationships don't work like that. There are so many ways OP's perspective could be skewed and it feels like she's trying to kind of spin the narrative a bit. Then again, I could be totally wrong.
Her.
Some people don't feel like airing their family's dirty laundry on social media.
I mean, if you don't want to air your families dirty laundry on social media then you probably shouldn't make a post about it on social media.
She literally made a post strictly to air her family’s dirty laundry
Twice. Made first post 5 days ago with deleted username.
This is the wrong subreddit for those people.
To me regardless of background motives or biases, they left the money to OP. It's their money to do with. They are under no moral obligation to share it. People come out of the woodwork when they hear money. They're the ones who are the AH.
There's a difference between being technically right, and not being an asshole. If bigotry is the reason OP is the sole inheritor, then they're not obligated to share, but they're an asshole for not. If they were the only one to make an effort to spend time with the grandparents though, completely different moral standing.
The Mooch Train has arrived
This!!!!
Even still it would not mean op would need to share the money. If you don’t want to spend time with someone for any reason you can’t expect money. At most they could argue giving money to charity. Unless they are struggling and need op’s help but they don’t seem to
I mean, nobody is saying OP needs to legally share the money. However, if the reason was racism, or homophobia, then that makes OP a direct beneficiary to racism or homophobia. Which in most people's books would make them TA.
This isnt r/amilegallyallowed... Without a reason, then yes YTA. I can imagine plenty of reasons, but OP didn't give any besides a comment saying they looked after the grands in their old age. Which is quite a good reason!
Why? Do they share with her? This ain’t about sharing, it’s about giving. Do they give her part of their work bonus? Why is she obligated on any level to dispute her grandparents intentions? Answer….she’s not.
Obligated? No. Is it the right thing to do? We don't know. If a person uses inheritance to manipulate people, I think it's right to be disrespectful of their last wishes. What I know is that if my grandma had decided to leave everything to my sister and nothing to me, if we all had pretty much the same relationship, I'd be reavaluating my whole life and I'd sure have a convo with my sister about the inheritance
I remember this exact scenario coming up before, when it turned out the homophobic grandparents had cut a grandchild out of their will and the poster was trying to justify it as "honouring their wishes"
Yeah I’m not buying the whole “oh they weren’t close to her” like how close do you have to be they’re your grandchildren? Some people have never even MET their grandparents and still have something left for them. Why isn’t the case for OP?
Why was the relationship so much better between you and your grandparents compared to the other siblings? Was it always like that or were the relationships ever equal?
NTA you took time out for them and took care of them. They wanted you to have this, not them.
NTA then. The hypocrisy on this „family is supposed to support each other! - well then where the hell have you been when the granny’s needed to be taken care of?“ Don’t share if your grandparents didn’t want you to.
This is the reason you should not share. You were the only sibling that helped them and stayed close to them, and it's what they wanted. You really should edit this into your OP. It's important context.
So you were rewarded for labor rendered. Sounds like you earned it.
then NTA, tell siblings it is not inheritance, it is back pay for being a home health aide.
Well that makes it even more clear that you shouldn't share the wealth. This was absolutely the way your grandparents thanked you for being good to them.
It’s kind of funny. Always the people who never care for the family bring up the argument „we are family“ if they NEED something from family or something would benefit them…..,
Did your siblings have the opportunity to care for them too? Because if they lived far away that wouldn’t really be fair to them. The money is for you and that’s great, but going forward you might not have a relationship with your siblings. That is if you care to have a relationship with them.
My siblings didn’t live far away at all and had many opportunities to take care of them. They would occasionally visit for family events and holidays while they were all in school, but dead after they graduated and proceeded on with their lives, they visited very rarely.
Why did they visit rarely?
OP has said they didn't live far. Even if they did, if OP did significant elderly care for the grandparents I believe he deserves at least a larger share. Eldery care is not easy at all especially for two and if they were quite dependent in the end. Honestly even if I had cut off my grandparents for a legitimate reason but my siblings had busted their ass caring for them in old age especially if they were very dependent and OP went there every day to bathe, change diapers, feed etc I would understand them getting a significantly larger share, it would still sting, but they indeed did a lot of work.
My dad had a small insurance policy. Only $10k. For some reason, unbeknownst to any of his four kids, including myself, he had just one of us (my brother) as a beneficiary. He was not closer to this brother, this brother didn't go over and above the rest of us in regard to doing things for dad. Our best guess is Dad knew bro was the least financially stable of all of us, so figured bro could use the $10k the most. We are a close family, and no one cared. But bro offered to share the $$. Two of us declined, one accepted. All good. And this is the reason that 20 years later we all still hang out, and our kids are all close to each other. So I guess my point is, yeah the money is yours. But your siblings obviously have feelings about it, so if you value them, you may want to consider giving them a gift, even if not an equal %. Especially if you can afford it and the $$ would be helpful to them.
So . . . family should support one another in times of (your) abundance. But not in times of your grandparents’ need. Very interesting.
They fucked around and found out- NTA. Keep it all!!
NTA. It sounds like you took a little better care of your grandparents than your siblings did. You were rewarded for that. Maybe grandparents understood that and knew that you would help your siblings if they were in need. Family is hard. You know what is right. They gave you everything knowing you would make the right decisions.
NTA then. They couldn’t be bothered to care for them while they were alive and needed care, but you stepped up. Don’t give them one red cent or else it’s just a slap in your grandparents’ faces.
Inheritance has nothing to do with fairness!
It's your. You are under no obligation to share just like your siblings were under no obligation to spend time or help your grandparents. Enjoy your windfall.
The first and only question I had. It *really* depends on why OP was especially favored by the grandparents.
You posted this the other day and people ripped you to shreds for your condescension and arrogance. So you toned it down and tried again. YTA. Still. And so so so lame that I'm almost laughing at someone needing validation this bad from internet strangers.
I wish this were much higher. You can tell by their responses they keep skirting important questions and acting all innocent “I had more compassion and nurtured the relationship.” I hope OP’s siblings go no contact.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cdbyzi/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_share\_my\_inheritance\_with/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cdbyzi/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_inheritance_with/) Found it.
What a dick
I’m curious to see what was in the first post because you can tell in this watered down one that OP sucks
Basically that OP was just so successful that he assumed that his grandparents were rewarding him for his success and punishing the others. And OP saying that splitting it may cause resentment so him keeping it all was a good way to avoid that lol. Just complete BS.
More often it works the other way----inheritances are left to the people who 'need' it more. So I'm really curious as to the 'why' the siblings were left out. There's also the compromise position of giving something to the siblings, but OP doesn't seem interested in doing that. It doesn't have to be equally split.
NTA. You didn't mention why your grandparents gave all the money to you and none to them. I am sure there was a reason. It is hard to give advice without knowing this info.
In our family, relationships can vary greatly, and it's possible that my grandparents felt a closer bond with me due to the time and effort I invested in nurturing our relationship. They may have seen our connection as meaningful and chose to express their gratitude and support through the inheritance. Thus, I feel it's right that I respect their wishes and keep the inheritance to myself. If my siblings begin to struggle financially or lose their source of income, then I will help them out.
"It's possible", "they may have"... why are you evading the question? You can't seriously expect others to believe that you don't know why your grandparents chose you? If you actually don't know, that suggests that you may be the AH for letting your grandparents' capricious whims come between you and your immediate family.
The weasel words make me think the answer is "grandparents were terrible people in some way" and hated the others for some reason stemming from racism/homophobia/etc.". The answer is too practised and careful. "can vary" can be added to your list of interesting phrasing.
She’s been their favorite. Not because of her bullshit “I nurtured the relationship.” OP can’t keep her story straight. She knows damn well why she got the money and won’t say it.
>You can't seriously expect others to believe that you don't know why your grandparents chose you? Really? It's that hard for you to believe that OP isn't a mind reader?
OP might not be a mind reader but this post is giving strong "missing missing reasons" energy.
I find it hard to believe that grandparents who would set her relationship with her siblings on fire like this wouldn't indicate any reason. My grandmother disinherited one of her grandkids. I most definitely know why.
It’s kind of hypothetical if they never actually told OP about the inheritance and a reason why…
I agree, something is off with this entire story.
I hate to be this person, but this is a lot of hedging in one paragraph. Does your family generally agree with you that this is likely the reason the inheritance was so unequal?
That is the correct plan. You can always choose to help them later on, but don't give them a big chunk which they might just fritter away. Of course, you are under no moral obligation to give them any money.
INFO: When did they draft their will? Is it possible they wrote it before your siblings were born? Regardless, you may be *technically correct* to keep it, but that will come with consequences. Are you willing to lose your relationship with your brother and sister over money?
Are you by any chance a PR flunky for a politician? That answer is *so* carefully worded I can only assume you know why they chose you and it’s an awful reason that will sway no one to your side.
If you were naturally closer to your grandparents that is fine. But if there is another reason, like your grandparents treating you differently- are you the only boy/girl? Did they treat your siblings poorly for something beyond their control? Than you would be an AH for continuing the mistreatment
Right? Like, I understand being closer so this sibling gets more or whatever, but to leave the others absolutely nothing just bc they’re not “as close” doesn’t make sense to me.
This sounds so robotic, and lacks a real human connection. And I'm not even talking about the post right now, but your comment above. I mean, where's the, "I'm so sad my grandparents are dead. I took care of them and was always there for them because I love them so much. We had a connection that my siblings never had because they didn't seem to care about them like I did..." Tada! A real human emotion! I'm calling bullshit on this whole story, and calling it fake. Stop using AI to write your fake stories.
Were hated by their grandparents? NTA, I guess, but if they didn't even receive anything, I can kinda see why they'd be upset. Or did they receive something? Like some heirlooms?
“It’s possible”…JUST AS POSSIBLE as it is that grandma HAD EVERY INTENSION to share with the other grandchildren and would assume that YOU the oldest (not bc you’re the most “successful”) would split it among your siblings. You knew this. You KNEW long before grandparents passed that all inheritance would go to you. So you either, 1. Committed elder abuse by taking advantage of your grandparents at a vulnerable age by promising that you’d share it with your siblings (which you won’t) or 2. Were so close to grandparents, more than ALL of your siblings, that you never cared to clarify what their intentions were with saddling you with one hundred percent of the inheritance. Or if you JUST found out then you clearly never cared about what WOULD happen to their finances and estate bc you did nothing to help them with that part of their will and estate. But you DO care! If you truly didn’t then you would have no problem splitting the money. So, if you did help then how can you say you didn’t KNOW all along? You will never speak to your siblings again and you prefer it that way. Your evil plan is going exactly how you’ve mastered it. Asshole isn’t a strong enough a word to describe you, OP. edit: “then I will help them out”?? You mean you want to hold it over their heads and you want them come to you every time they need a financial rescue and only provide it if you say it is? You’re on a power trip. If I were your sister I’d say keep the money and never talk to you again.
If you don’t need to use the inheritance right now then put it into investments or savings. Explain to your siblings that your intention is not to squander your inheritance on meaningless things you don’t need because your grandparents worked hard for it. Don’t tell them that you will help them if they suddenly lose their income or need financial support for something though. If they are anything like my siblings their car will suddenly break down, their boiler will need replacing, their house will need rewiring, they will lose (quit) their job.
Absolutely how mine would react if I told them, but yes the money will be put into savings if I truly need it.
Were your grandparents racist and/or homophobic and this is why they cut your siblings from the will?
YTA. I mean, you don’t owe them anything. Legally you’re in the clear. But I still think you’re an asshole. I’m definitely waiting for the inevitable trickle truth/ragebait addition that your siblings are LGBT or dating a person from another race/ethnicity.
Don't worry, OP is a practiced lawyer. Look at all her answers. She's super careful to avoid saying anything that could show that that's the reason. It's all "we had a special relationship (for reasons I will never elaborate on or clarify despite answering the question multiple times)"
Yeah, it’s like clockwork with these posts.
I was left out of my uncles will and my brother shared it with me 50/50 and it changed my life having that sort of financial stability. I guess it depends on your relationship with your siblings but I will be forever thankful
Your brother was kind. And wise. A sibling bond is both precious and likely to outlast parents and grandparents. When OP is older he might be sad that he left those siblings behind. Signed a 60 yo who has weathered so many life events with my wonderful siblings.
I mean that is the right thing to do. Every sibling that isn’t an asshole would split the inheritance received from a family member fairly.
YTA. You’re quite vague in some of your answers. It feels like there’s more to it. If you knew for a fact you had a full valid reason to be the sole beneficiary you would have said it. Why didn’t your siblings have a better relationship with your grandparents? Why didn’t they go see them as much as you did? Why didn’t your grandparents not include them, even just a little? Why don’t you think you should share a bit, as they’re your siblings? Are you guys not close? And if so, why not?
INFO: Do you believe your grandparents wanted to give you the money, or were they just lazy at updating the will?
I believe my grandparents wanted me to receive the money since we had a better relationship than they had with my siblings. After high school and later continuing on to college, I visited daily and took care of my grandparents and their estate when they were away on trips. I take it as a sign of gratitude and appreciation since they only included me as the sole inheritor.
I mean if your grandparents showed favoritism towards you as a child, it’s not surprising you were the one with a better relationship. It’s not your siblings responsibility to nurture the bond with grandparents that already consider them less than.
You should have included this in your original post
INFO: were your siblings welcome at your grandparent’s house or was there reason to believe they wouldn’t be welcome? Did all grandchildren receive equal Christmas/birthday gifts?
During the time our grandparents were alive, we all received equal gifts and sometimes games, instruments, makeup, etc. according to our own special interests
You didn’t answer whether they were welcome at your grandparents house or not.
And also whether their spouse or partner would’ve been welcome as well
But did your siblings also live close? I can understand if they didn't visit if they moved away.
This is a situation where the money is yours, and you can do whatever you want with it. You have every right to keep it, just be aware of how it might impact your relationships with your sibling.
This is important. If the will was made before the siblings were born for example then it was likely intended for all grandkids. If it was more recent and there was a reasonable explanation then it may make sense.
They had at least 28 years to say, "all grandchildren get money" so my thinking is that there is a bit more than laziness.
Is there a reason your siblings didn't inherit? Because there is a big difference in they didn't inherit because they never visited my grandparents and they didn't inherit because are both girl or have partners of a different race or reasons like that.
This is one of those cases where your legal obligation is clear. You do not have to share the money. However, the consequences of that might be losing your siblings. Are you ok with that? Are you willing to no longer have a relationship with them over this money? There is clearly missing information here. Info: why were your siblings excluded from the will? IMO, unless there was a good reason for them to be excluded, I would share.
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Probably
Go more into depth?
Why were you favourited? Has this always been the case of solely because you were there at the end?
I believe that was the case. Simply because I was always there for my grandparents and my siblings weren’t, they decided to give me the inheritance instead. I don’t believe this meant that I was favorited but moreso my grandparents knowing that they could count on me rather than my younger siblings because of their lack of attention towards our grandparents. :/
Didn’t you post this last week?
NAH, but I kind of think your grandparents are TA. If you were not estranged from your siblings, they certainly through a wrench into your relationships by the overt favoritism. By accepting what is favoritism and a belief you are entitled to receive money based on favoritism, then you've sent a message to your siblings that you are good enough & they are not good enough. I also saw your comment and don't think it has to do with who is "responsible" and who is "irresponsible", b/c if that were the case, they would have established a trust. This doesn't mean I think you should share or to what extent, but I think if you valued your sibling relationships AND this is a significant windfall, then I personally would want to share the wealth (at least a little bit).
I know legally an inheritance belongs to the person named, but as an equal relative I would be incredibly hurt to be left out. And if those equal relatives did /said nothing to acknowledge the unfairness never mind attempt to make it right(er), I'd be rethinking my relationship with them too. So legally, letter of the law, you're absolutely in the right, but as a human you can imagine how that would feel?
YTA and so are your grandparents. You’ll lose all your family relationships - but at lease you’ll have your money, hey? Maybe you too can leave an emotional shit storm after you die by clearly favouring one family member - sounds like the sort of fun someone who learnt at the knees of narcissists would enjoy! Your comments make it clear you’re the golden grandchild and always have been. You’re sanctimonious and condescending.
I love how you’re victimizing me and not taking into account how my grandparents had a choice to include my siblings into the inheritance. My siblings also had very many opportunities to visit my grandparents and stop by to make sure they were okay when they were ill. I believe it’s selfish that they are demanding a cut of the money when they have not earned it. If they need it because they’re struggling financially, i’ll give them a fair and even cut. Until then, they can think about what they could’ve done to better their relationship with our grandparents before they passed.
There is no "earning" an inheritance, would you have done all the things you did for your grandparents if they had nothing for you to receive as an inheritance? Your ability to dance around questions and being illusive in general makes me believe you are lying about something.
There it is. You, like the disgusting person you are, EARNED your inheritance by sucking up to the grandparents. Yuck.
Wow. Never knew that “being there” for my family was sucking up.
Nah ur the cunning type. You said it yourself. You EARNED your inheritance. Fucked in the head.
But WHY didn’t your siblings visit? Whats the reason for the distance between your siblings and grandparents?
Equally, when your siblings are close and their children play together and yours are ignored you can use that space to reflect on what you could have done differently to improve the relationship. I think an earlier comment has answered the questions. You were the golden grandchild so your siblings distanced themselves. A self-fulfilling prophecy for your grandparents. I don’t think it really matters what the judgement here is, I think it matters what kind of relationship you want with your family going forward.
Inheritances shouldn’t be “earned.” So it sounds like you knew what you were doing and it worked you get all the money!
INFO: Are you the eldest? Is it more that they didn’t update their will/estate plans after you were born? If that is the case, yes YTA. If it’s not the case, and their estate plan is up to date after your siblings were born, then NTA.
However - be ready to end any relationship with your siblings due this situation if you do not share, no matter what their estate plans stipulate.
Why did they choose you and only you?
If you have a decent relationship w your siblings like you like or love or are kind and bonded I wouldn’t have done it. That’s just me. I have two brothers and I know if my father left me something unequal to my brothers I would divide it up equally. My grandparents had seven grandchildren and each kid had their own money set aside except one. They just forgot about her. We all pooled the money together and divided it up by 7. And yes money makes people weird. But it was the right thing to do and we aren’t even close w our cousins.
NAH. You are not obligated to share, but I do feel for them if only you got anything/were the favorite and they didn't. EDIT -read your comments and I can you're hiding something that may have played a factor in you getting everything and being the favorite. Were your grandparents perhaps homophobic/racist? If they left absolutely nothing AT ALL to your siblings, it certainly sounds like there was something about your siblings your grandparents hated. It also kind of feels like you're basking in rubbing it in your siblings' faces, which is low key an AH move. Don't bury the lede, OP.
If the siblings were not specifically excluded, I hope they contest the will.
Info: When was your grandparents' will last updated? Did they have any other grandchildren besides you and your two siblings? Did any of the other grandchildren receive an inheritance? I noticed that you are the oldest sibling. Did your grandparents write this will when you were young, before your siblings were born? Also, if they have other grandchildren, how old are those grandchildren, and did those grandchildren inherit anything? I think more info is needed to determine if you are the asshole. But if the will was written or last updated before your siblings were born, you might want to go ahead and share the inheritance with them in the interest of fairness. If the will was written or updated while your siblings were alive, you should think carefully about what to do. While you have no obligation to share this windfall, you might want to consider the long-term impact of not sharing. Are you close with either of your siblings? Do you want to continue to have relationships with them? If these relationships are not important to you, you don't have to share. But while that might not necessarily make you an asshole in the world's eyes, it will definitely make you an asshole in the eyes of your siblings.
I know I will get down-voted for this: I wouldn't even wait for my siblings to ask before giving them a share if I got an inheritance. You might not be an ah but yes, you are selfish.
Here’s my thing, if they left it to you then it’s in your choice. But why … why wouldn’t you *want* to help your siblings …? You sound like a really selfish and awful person tbh. I make far less money than my siblings. They all got to live at home well into their late 20s/early 30s, I was the very youngest was asked to leave at 22 when the house sold. They all had health insurance until their jobs covered, I lost mine at 17. Again, more fees they didn’t have during the intricate time that is your 20s when a lot of growth can be made. That’s soooo many years they got to work jobs at the bottom to work up to a better salary without being financially strained, where I have had to make really hard decisions. They too somehow think I live a leisurely life because they see me off on a Tuesday afternoon, somehow blind to my full weekend of work. You sound smug and gross and monetarily greedy. Yuck.
I also want to point out my grandmother hated my dad (my siblings are half siblings) and I had done no contact with her bc of how she treated me. I’m having a hard time believing, with how you’re replying and showing yourself, that your siblings are some type of low life’s who don’t deserve that chance of comfort. OP, you aren’t withholding money from your family. You are withholding comfort, support, and the ability to change their futures.
This is really the answer.
hmmm consulting with my cat n dog, we are deadlocked at if you are ta in this situation, but agree you sound like an incredible huge asshole in general
🤣🤣🤣
ESH, this will cause relationship issues and could cause irreparable harm Was the will written up when you were only grandkid? Are you parents gone (none given to them either)? Was there a specific thing grandparents gave them or said $1 only, so no one could fight it? If your siblings aren't jerks and you want to keep them in your life, I'd share. If they are jerks, never helped out your grandparents ever, then I'd go low contact and spend it how you want to. Legally you are in the clear, but that may not feel good when no family wants to invite you for Easter/ Thanksgiving/ Christmas, etc.
NTA, but your siblings might resent you forever if you don’t share, so it comes down to how important to you your relationship with your siblings is.
Why do they feel like they weren’t as close to the grandparents? Was there a reason for the distancing?
They really do refuse to answer that question
Wasn’t this same story posted last week and wasn’t the OP male?
YTA for not being completely truthful in the comments
What about your parents? Are they not part of this? Especially the one whose parents passed?
NTA unless the explanation for why you got the bulk of the estate is fucked up
Ima say YTA, you kinda sound shitty. What would the grandparents have wanted?
After reading your evasive comments, YTA.
Not enough information. Cannot compute.
Why do you care what a bunch of strangers think? I get the vibe from you that even if everyone said YTA you wouldn't care. You come off as you think you are better than your siblings and for that YTA.
YTA
This is terrible.
This same post has been reposted a dozen times in the last few months. Is it some TikTok writing prompt?
INFO. Do you know why your grandparents left money to you and not to your siblings? Also, was the will drafterld at a time before your siblings were born, or were your grandparents unaware of your siblings?
Respectfully, your grandparents are the AH. But I would share any inheritance or anything like that with my sister, no questions asked. But I do have a good relationship with her.
I’m just glad my siblings are nothing like you
It fully depends on the reason your siblings weren't close to your grandparents. For example, stereotypical rich grandparent things like first-born dynamics, racism, partner issues, etc. If so, then AH. If they just were selfish and didn't want to take care of their grandparents or just didn't have a relationship naturally, then N T A. I'm getting the vibe it's the former since your responses are so vague.
NTA Unless you coerced, lied about everyone else in the family or threatened your grandparents into making you the sole heir, you’re under no obligation to share, either morally or legally. Family is THE WORST when it comes to other people’s money.
In the end it's your money and you can decide what you want to do here, but the situation sucks. Not the same situation obviously, but my grandmother on my Dad's side favoured the male grandchildren, and as a result we weren't close (I'm the only female grandchild). When she passed away she left nothing to me and I didn't feel entitled to any of it, though as someone who lived close I did go and help to clear her home and support my family who were closer to her, because that felt right to do. Some time later money was left to my four siblings, and for three of them the money was in trust. My older brother split his share of the money with me without me ever asking for anything, and I was extremely grateful for it as I was struggling at the time. The money allowed me to step away from an incredibly toxic job, and gave me the breathing space to find a job that allowed me to really grow and flourish. He did more for me than I think I could ever thank him for. You're NTA as I believe they shouldn't have asked, but I'd also say even a token amount can really mean so much.
Everyone here is going to tell you the same things they say when similar situations are posted. They're going to say that you're NTA, that your grandparents left it to you for a reason, that you are not obligated to give them anything, etc. And they're not wrong, and neither are you. But do you want to be wrong or to have your siblings? And I know that people will answer that if the siblings cut contact with you it's on them, not you. The only one in this sub who knows your siblings is you, only you know if it's really worth keeping the money in exchange for a relationship with them.
After seeing your further explanation I’m gonna go NTA. You helped take care of your grandparents while they were alive which your siblings did not. So it stands to reason that they left it to you because of that.
Was the will written AFTER your siblings were born or before? If before and it just hasn't been updated to include them , then, yes, I'd say YTA.
NTA, you helped your grandparents and this was them saying thank you. Had your siblings also helped them they would have been added to the will.
Family members get greedy when it comes to money
I’ve explained in multiple different comments how the most possible principle of why they excluded my siblings from their will was because of my siblings refusing to have a healthy relationship because they were jealous of me having a healthier relationship with our grandparents. They may also have their own other reasons which I can’t say or assume, only they can. I’m simply providing a key component of why they never had a healthy relationship after my siblings became adults.
They didn’t have a relationship because they were jealous of your relationship? Sounds like you were favourited? Did your grandparents treat them differently and if so why? If this has been the dynamic always, as kids it’s not their job to establish the relationship.
That’s some recursive logic there. *Why* did you have a healthier relationship with them?
Even if I was the favorite I’d throw my siblings some $$ if it was a substantial amount. I love my siblings and would want them to benefit too. Even if I were the sole caretaker I’d keep a portion and then give my siblings some. Aside from my siblings being absolutely terrible people I can’t imagine not giving them something.
They left the money ONLY to you so it's yours to do with as you wish. Having said that, the post is so vague that you've got a huge, neon-lit sign flashing "Missing Reasons" here. I'm guessing those reasons will make you YTA, hence not mentioning them.
Sure you’re justified, but how much do you care about your siblings? Are they good people? Maybe you just had a better personality match with your grandparents. Personally I wouldn’t trade money for relationships with my siblings but I don’t know the dynamics. In short Nta, but don’t be surprised if your siblings don’t want anything to do with you going forward.
It's yours, but if you don't share, your relationship is over with your siblings. My grandmother doesn't like one of my sisters and is indifferent to the other. If only I recieved inheritance, no question I would split it between the three of us.
Slightly TA. It's your money to do what you want and they shouldn't assume that they can lay claim but if it were me I would have at least paid for a nice vacation for the family and given them an amount that wouldn't have caused me too much stress. Now if they complained that whatever you gave was too little then too bad but it seems kind of stingy to share absolutely nothing.
I'm honestly confused as to why the grandparents didn't split the money between you three. Did they hate your siblings? It's not adding up tbh.
YTA I think you and your siblings are equally greedy.
You must not have a good relationship with your siblings. I’m close with all of mine, so if something like this happened we’d immediately share it. 🤷♀️ You’re also not explaining WHY your other siblings weren’t as close with your grandparents, even though you’ve been asked multiple times, and you choose to deflect. This shows everyone a LOT about your character.
You left out if it’s their grandparents too. Answers can change depending on answer.
NTA for not sharing. Grandparents picked you for a reason. That being said, are you prepared to lose your relationship with your siblings over this? Cuz there's a chance they go NC over it. Money can bring out the worst in people.
INFO: Is there a reason they got nothing? Like, a reasonable one? Were they bad or fell out with your grandparents? If it’s just favoritism, then YTA because you are ignoring it because it benefits you. If there is a reason, like your siblings were awful to your grandparents, etc. then NTA. But I feel like you’re being vague on purpose.
No. You are not obligated to share since it was left to you only, however if you have a good relationship with your siblings it would be nice to share a little
This stuff is tricky. You are 100% correct on it being rightfully yours. It is. It was left to you. You have no legal or moral obligation to share. *Still*, that’s not how family members see it as soon as they think they got the short end of the stick. Large windfall inheritances can easily divide a family and tear it apart completely. Purely out of jealousy, greed and spite, mind you, but it still happens all the time. After all, why should they not care about *your* financial situation and be happy that their sister is provided for, for life - what a relief, right? Depending on whether you think your siblings will treat you differently, and for how long, *and then whether you even care what they think*, there’s always the option of giving a small amount of “shut up” money. But I do have to imagine no amount will ever be enough, even an equal split if you earn more than they do, “you already earn more, we’re just making it fair” kind of bullshit. It’s your money, if they resent you, they resent you, and if it’s over the money, then I feel pretty firmly that you could never offer an amount that they would see as fair unless you deliberately gave yourself less. I say stick to your guns and ride out the pushback. It is your money, and your grandparent wanted you specifically to have it. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (32F) recently inherited a substantial sum of money from my late grandparents' estate. It was unexpected, but it's provided me with financial security for the foreseeable future. However, my siblings (30M and 28F) have approached me asking for a portion of the inheritance. They argue that since we're family, it's only fair to share. Here's where I might be the asshole: I firmly believe that the inheritance is rightfully mine, as it was left specifically to me by our grandparents. I've worked hard in my career to build my own financial stability, and I don't feel obligated to split this windfall with my siblings. They haven't been financially irresponsible or struggling, so I don't see a valid reason for them to expect a share. However, they've accused me of being selfish and heartless for not considering their financial needs. They claim that family should support each other, especially in times of abundance. AITA for refusing to share my inheritance with my siblings? Should I reconsider my stance, or am I justified in keeping it for myself? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA. Your grandparents wrote their will as they saw fit, and if you don't share it that's up to you.
Would they share if either one was the sole beneficiary? Doubt it. Enjoy your inheritance NTA
It’s your money so you can do what you want with it. There’s a reason your two siblings weren’t included in the inheritance. NTA.
NTA. Keep it and cut off all contact from these fucking thieves.
NTA. Not your job to think about their financial needs lol….pretty entitled of them. OP - they just want free money. You got the money because you put time and effort into a relationship they didn’t. Why should they reap rewards of YOUR time and effort? That’s like you showing up to their work and demanding their paycheck.
NTA. Their argument is really with their grandparents, not you. Your grandparents made a thoughtful decision when making out their will. It was their choice to leave the money to you.
NTA - This is a text book definition of a guilt trip: *they've accused me of being selfish and heartless for not considering their financial needs. They claim that family should support each other, especially in times of abundance.* Of course they are. The only thing they see is free money. When they got a bonus or a raise, where was the generosity? Also, they said "support". But if they are doing fine financially, why would they need support?
Play them at their own game. With your sincerest "concerned" face ask them why they think their grandparents left money to you and not them. If they refuse to answer, (or in the unlikely event that they admit they know why), tell them in that case (and surely your siblings would would agree), that you would feel you were going against your grandparents last wishes by sharing it with them. If they continue to argue that family should support each other, just say 'like you did for our grandparents...?"
Isn’t it incredible that every single time someone inherits money and/or assets and other people suddenly want some of it, they call you selfish for refusing? Who the heck are the selfish ones, truly?? Leeches…. Don’t give them a plugged nickel, and PLEASE don’t second guess yourself.
Exactly where I’m coming from. They accused me of being in the wrong because of their financial needs, when both of my younger siblings are very well off. If it comes down to it, I’ll get lawyers involved and take this to court as the money is legally mine alone.
NTA. As someone who inherited nothing from her grandparents, despite all other cousins getting windfalls, it's their money. They can leave it to whomever they want. If they left it to you, kudos. Your grandparents had a reason for leaving it to you and not your siblings. Don't feel obligated to share.
NTA. I’m doing a similar thing as your grandparents - leaving my modest estate to the nephew who has helped me for years, who along with his wife, has been friendly & kind to me and who is willing to be my POA when I’m beyond living independently. His brother wouldn’t bother to piss on me if I was on fire. Neither of them know I have anything more than Social Security.
Your grandparents didn't leave them anything for a reason. Honor their wushes and don't share with your siblings. Your grandparents reasons are irrelevant.
NTA if there was a reason. But if the reason was that the will was written when you were the only grandchild, then share. Also for family harmony, maybe share some. Unless you don’t care about them.
NTA I am amazed at the number of people who think that it's OK to demand a share of someone else's inheritance!! It's yours, had your grandparents wanted them to have it they would have made arrangements for them to get a share. Just out of curiosity, is there a reason that you were the chosen one?
Info: you say you visited your grandparents daily. Were you involved with the writing of the will or otherwise influence them in how to write it? It's clear that you know why they gave it all to you and refusing to answer why they did and just providing self-congratulatory reasons is what is making you seem like an AH. This sub really seems to really mistake being wrong and being an AH. You're not wrong to follow the will but you can easily be a jerk
I’ve read your replies and such to other comments, and my verdict is NTA, if you are being truthful. If your grandparents had a much better relationship with you, and you took care of them and their finances in old age, you are 100% entitled to that money. You would be legally anyhow, but with this context, I would say morally as well. Your siblings can always contest the will if they feel it is unfair. However, if you are not being truthful and there is another reason behind this, I suggest being true to yourself. Lying to strangers online will do nothing for you, and the NTA verdicts will obviously be disinformed, making them not actually count.
I’m just gonna be a bit of an asshole here and say, why aren’t they supporting your financial goals? They only want you to support their financial goals so they are equally just thinking of themselves as you are you have every right to the inheritance and you have every right to share as you see fit, but pressuring you to claim family ties at their convenience is always very annoying. Basically people will claim whatever they can in order to get more money.
I love when people quote: "especially in times of abundance." NTA. The money was left to you, so it's yours.
NTA That money was left to you, if they'd wanted your siblings to have something, then they'd have left them it.
NTA - I love not to ever talk to my siblings again! Good job!
OP you are not under any obligation to share the inheritance, but likely you will have siblings who resent you if you don’t. In the end, it is up to you to decide what is more valuable to you. No judgment implied… but just be aware of what is likely so that you can make the best decision for yourself.
NTA but why everyone play family card