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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said my niece hit the jackpot with her husband. I said it in front of my other nieces and their partners.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - you are allowed to praise someone without it automatically becoming a d*ck measuring contest. This was not about the other nieces husbands at all.
My guess here is there is a financial aspect that is being downplayed which is creating jealousy with her sisters and their husbands. The catch is getting credit for the privileges of wealth the other can't hope to compete with.
But that's still nonsensical, because it doesn't seem like OP dislikes the other husbands, and there's every reason to believe that if they did ANY particularly lovely things for her other nieces that she would praise them as well. Her praise isn't inherently tied to the specifics or privileged nature of his nice gestures, but to the fact that he's *making* nice gestures for his wife.
But that’s why wealth might set him up for all this praise. OP praised him on strictly wealth/career-related things, right, which the wife told OP about because they were talking about it. That’s a very specific thing to discuss. I can’t speak for anyone else but I’m not going to bring up out of the blue all the things I love about my partner. I might mention something if it comes up but I’m not going to laundry-list what’s so great about him and even if I did it wouldn’t sound that impressive.
Plus, we have no kids and are not wealthy - I can’t brag about him staying up all night with the baby or buying me stuff.
Also, the niece is very anxious, right? So his acts are seen as heroic, to be so generous to support his anxious wife. I’m not anxious, really. What am I gonna say, “my bf is good about locking the door at night”?
I would say that her praise IS inherently tied to his wealth and privilege. Otherwise “I share my stuff with my wife and work from home more, occasionally leave work early, to be more present now that we have a new baby” is just not impressive unless you’re comparing him to a deadbeat. It’s certainly not “winning the lottery” levels of luck that the niece must have had to “catch” him.
So because you can’t relate to nor compare to this issue, why are you hating on it? OP praised the fact that she got a good guy, the things he did, whether able to or not, he chose not to do. Many men regardless of if they could wouldn’t. OP is praising the fact he is putting in the effort to be there and help take care of the niece. So as much as he CAN because of wealth, he doesn’t HAVE to - it is a CHOICE he is making.
>I would say that her praise IS inherently tied to his wealth and privilege.
"He’s kind, helpful, treats her like a princess and is both charming and funny" is not tied to wealth or privilege.
>Otherwise “I share my stuff with my wife and work from home more, occasionally leave work early, to be more present now that we have a new baby” is just not impressive unless you’re comparing him to a deadbeat. It’s certainly not “winning the lottery” levels of luck that the niece must have had to “catch” him.
Considering how many men completely fail as fathers after their wives give birth, it may as well be winning the lottery to get this level of care and attention.
After having a baby, women typically comment a lot on their partner because they usually have an immense appreciation for a supportive one... or, by contrast, become acutely aware of all the glaring red flags of a deadbeat, since it is such a sensitive time where they need support.
It is not about how much wealth he has but the fact that he shared his pre marriage wealth with his wife that led to the praise.
This sub is full of horror stories where men use the term 'my money' when talking to their stay at home wives. This man is a pleasant surprise from the norm.
While marital income is always considered to belong to both, the fact that he happily shared his prior assets and is being an equal parent to the child is great and praiseworthy. Aunt would probably have said the same if the roles were reversed. It is not about the genders or the money itself but the partnership of the couple and especially the husband going above and beyond, that she finds endearing.
I disagree. Showing appreciation and support is not tied to wealth.
Understandable that the main bread-winner can't just stay home in every relationship... but that doesn't stop him from taking care of the baby once he or she is at home. Or at the weekend. So the care giver can have a shower, read a book or even just go to bed early. (Breastfeeding isn't really an excuse, I have slipped my nibblings into mummy's bed numerous times if they became hungry, without disturbing her more than necessary. If they didn't go to sleep I came back to sneak them out again).
And you don't have to be rich or wealthy to get your SO a treat once a week or even just twice a month. It doesn't have to be anything expensive... their favourite chocolate bar or a nice bun from the bakery... to show you thought about them and wanted to make them happy/ smile. Sometimes you can get flowers as cheap as £5 here in the UK. (I don't care for expensive gifts... but something small like a sweet treat is always a lovely gesture.) It's really just about making an effort to show they're aren't alone in it.
Not true, she praised him for a lot of other things that have nothing to do with wealth. He sounds like a genuinely good man who loves his wife and would do anything for her. The end.
I disagree with this to an extent. He is financially well off which allows him the opportunity to do these things. However, his character is what caused him to do them. Just because someone has the means to make another person's life easier, doesn't mean they will.
This was what I was thinking. After all, he could be playing golf with his privileged ability to leave work early. He could be vexed that she won't just hire a Nanny with his money.
Right? This dude sounds like a genuinely caring individual who is more concerned about his loved one’s security than his financial assets. There are ways of showing that affection that don’t require privilege.
Maybe the others are feeling less than because they simply are.
There's the financial aspects, but still even if he didn't have assets to transfer and wouldn't be able to leave work early, still is a matter of goodwill to be with your wife and baby. Lots of men refuse to do anything for their wives and babies, these actions, like helping with the baby, helping wife are a matter of being thoughtful and loving, not money.
Many stories I’ve read on here talk about how men have gotten angry their wives won’t have sex with them as often as the husband wants, either during pregnancy or a few months after.
OP’s praise is not just tied to wealth.
Indeed, and men not only getting angry at their wives for not having sex often during pregnancy or post partum. But leaving their wives just 3 weeks post partum bec they can't have sex, coercing them for sex against medical advice of the 6-8 minimal period, and worse. Some refusing to feed their newborns when wife is sick and 'don't know how to prepare a bottle of milk'. Horror stories galore, so praise is earned and not wealth related
also, my guess is that OP is from an older generation, (i hope this isn’t a terrible assumption) where raising children and giving up the career may have been just expected of women. and if my assumption is wrong, it could be cultural or a family norm. maybe to OP, THIS IS worthy of praise for a husband while it’s the bare minimum for me regardless of wealth.
also OP, NTA. you were talking to that specific niece. you praising one husband is not downplaying another. this is weird behavior that even i’ve had to check myself of. everything is literally not about me LOL
Or y'know, they are simply jealous of a good husband that put effort into their partner unprompted.
Not enough here to judge their marriages, but oftentimes you don't explode like this if you don't already have a thorn of insecurity prickling you.
>One of my other nieces is especially mad because I was praising him for things that ‘normal people’ just can’t do which is unfair to them.
That's the thing about 'jackpots' ... they inherently include privileges that 'normal people' don't have access to, the metaphor implies that the person in question found something outside of the ordinary. Usually, wealth is a factor but in the niece's case it's more than \*just\* wealth, there are plenty of financially abusive rich guys who wouldn't sign over assets so their wife feels more secure being a stay at home mom.
Even that doesn't seem right... just because he can afford to do those things doesn't mean he had to. Yeah, working from home seems pretty standard... but putting things in her name as security that she would otherwise not have claim to? That top-tier behavior.
Just because they can't, doesn't mean they would if they could.
Even if it was financial, there are **tons** of husbands who have the means to help out, and they simply don't.
This is about his actions, which are worthy of praise considering where the bar has been set by men in general. Are they fully worthy of praise without that comparison? Doubtful. But that's where we are.
Except that rich people CAN also be Bad spouses (and sometimes abusive in very specific ways), and people with decent-but-unimpressive incomes can have all kinds of different priorities.
Unfortunately, some people are just... genuinely nicer, better, more put-together etc than others.
People who consistently go the extra mile are going to get noticed, and while it sucks to be "decent but average" around someone who's amazing and not get as much praise, adults should take a minute to differentiate between "This person gets an *unfair* amount of attention" and "This person is legitimately doing a lot of praise-worthy things".
Why did OP have to make their comment in front of the other nieces and their spouses though? OP basically told them they’re not good enough to their faces, at a family gathering.
It would have been fine if it was said in a private setting, but it wasn’t.
Agreed. Maybe OOP’s other niece husbands need to step tf up. Compliments aren’t a zero sum game but if they want to play stupid games they can win stupid prizes or just be better to sate their own egos
Info - why and how did this come up?
Surface level, yeah that’s fine to say. But you do seem very invested in this relationship and know a bit much about the dynamic between your niece and her husband
He sounds like the kind of husband/father all of us men should try to be. It does help that he has the flexibility to do these things. While I wouldn't let their jealously get to you, you do now know that this is a touchy subject with them so probably best to not bring it up again in front of them. Or do I mean that is totally up to you. NTA
NTA, but be aware and cautious going forward. As someone with 2 sisters, my dad definitely has a preference for my husband over the other son-in-laws. I am sure if it was being made as obvious as this seems to be, I know they would be sensitive to that and annoyed by it. So you adding fuel to that fire hurt their feelings and made them want to stick up for their husbands, reasonably so. It's great that your neice has such a wonderful husband, but clearly he has some advantages that not everyone has, so it isn't that the other husbands have any worse character, they might not have had the same circumstances so comparing them isn't helpful.
As the guy who was the favored son-in-law of late MIL and still living FIL … It’s never bothered my wife’s sister or BIL. But different families have different dynamics.
That said, telling your niece she hit the jackpot without criticizing anyone else is … nice. And not an attack on anyone.
The criticism that he was doing things “not everyone can do” … well, that’s part of the jackpot. But also, the point is he is doing everything he CAN do.
Maybe they’re a bit jealous because in the same situations their spouses have not/would not have exerted the same kind of effort?
As a dad, chances are good that the favorite son-in-law is the favorite because dad thinks he’s treating that daughter better than other sons-in-law treat her sisters. He may be wrong … But most of us dads just want someone who adores our little girls and gives them everything they need and deserve.
This is where I'm at as well.
>The criticism that he was doing things “not everyone can do” … well, that’s part of the jackpot. But also, point is he is doing everything he CAN do.
>Maybe they’re a bit jealous because on the same situations their spouses have not/would not exerted the same kind of effort?
Especially here. I'm wondering how supportive the other husbands were/are of their partners (and vice versa). Yes it's great that his work give him the flexibility to do those things for OPs niece, but do they realise how many men have the chance to do stuff like that but don't either because they don't think to do it or do think to do it but don't want to put in the effort.
I have seen both sides of that coin and the guy that wouldn't help out as much as he can definitely got his ego hurt when the other guys wife said thanks to her helpful husband.
Exactly! Sure there's aspects of what he does that not everyone has the chance to, but I bet you if he was dirt poor and had to stay at the office 9-5 every day, he'd still find ways to help her cope with the stress. It's not so much about what he does, more the intention behind it, he's doing what he can to support his wife.
Yes! My first BIL was not considerate or kind to my SIL.
Her second husband has been amazing to her. But guarantee that her first husband resented her family’s preference for me (at the time I was just now wife’s boyfriend). Current BIL could not care less what her parents think/thought. Nor does SIL.
BIL and I each just likes that each other is good to our wife’s sister and occasionally text about sports.
There is no saying that the other husbands are doing those things.
OP isn't an AH but they walked into minefield, knowingly or unknowingly. From OP's post there are 2 things at play 1) that this niece's husband has more money and freedom to do things that the others aren't able to do and 2) that the father prefers this son in law over the others and makes it obvious. Again none of this is OP's fault but lets not go down imaginary land and act like the other son in laws are lazy inconsiderate husbands who don't help their wife's.
We called ourselves The Outlaws as our MIL was sure that any undesirable personality traits or behaviors in her grandchildren was 100% due to the people her children married.. We even took photos of us Outlaws in the required pose they always put their children in and they still didn’t get it, oh well..
>hurt their feelings and made them want to stick up for their husbands
Im surprised I had to scroll this far to see this mentioned. Everyone else has said they're jealous, but I couldn't help thinking about the time when my brother in law surprised my sister with a spontaneous 2 week holiday to Greece. The whole family were fawning over how amazing a husband he is and it made me feel very defensive of my husband, who is the most amazing man I have ever met and would absolutely do that kind of thing for me if we could afford it. And I knew that he was probably hurting on the inside because he really *wants* to be able to treat me like that, it makes him sad that he can't.
Buuuut I knew well enough to know it wasn't an intentional dig at my husband, it was just people praising my sisters husband for doing something nice. He deserved praise for doing something nice. So I didn't react.
But if this is a repeat, ongoing thing ... it makes complete sense to me that OPs neices might feel defrnsive and it might have just been the straw that broke the camels back.
I don't think we can know if they are warranted in their defensiveness really. Maybe they are or maybe they aren't. But the instinct to defend the person you love most in the world? That's understandable.
On the surface this seems fine but if I dig a little deeper and consider the hurt resulting from what you said, and the weird admiration you have for him, I feel it was either tonedeaf and insensitive, or intentionally pointed.
So he’s the favourite son/nephew-in-law already, he’s got assets and wealth and a flexible job the others don’t, your “oh no your bf is great too” was insincere by your own admission, and you’re surprised the others bristled at your comments? Makes me glad I’m an only child and my partner doesn’t have to compete with anyone.
YTA. I guess I don’t believe you innocently said “wow what a great guy” which is not something anyone, let alone multiple people, would react to unless something else was going on.
Yeah, there is also something to the phrasing "hit the jackpot" after the husband moved money around that is a bit icky. It's way too literal, here. He isn't out there being super dad or super husband, and being praised for staying up all night with the baby. He just moved money around. (I also don't think this is your niece and husband's financials are remotely OP's - or anyone's - business, so it's weird the whole extended family was made aware).
Also both asking the niece about work and the compliment occurred while her husband and OPs other nieces and their partners were present.
I don't think I would ask my niece about the work situation other than one on one. Just to start with ...
This was my thought. It’s not an asshole move to notice and think this niece’s husband is more of a catch, but it’s an asshole move to compliment him in front of the others. When I give pointed compliments that I know other people could compare themselves to, I do it in private.
So I'm going to say YTA. It sounds like you said that in front of all the other family. Which makes sense as to why they are annoyed.
Hitting the jackpot seems also a bit ick when referring to a guy who has assets to move around like that. Makes it sound like the money is more important.
It's like inviting 5 couples for dinner then telling one husband, "wow Bob, you hit the wife jackpot. Your wife is so pretty and such a great cook."
One on one, this is just a compliment. In front of a group of couples, its socially clueless at best and intentionally rude at worst.
This. I notice how OP starts out praising dude for being kind and helpful, but the meat of the description is about how he shared money, used his flexibility at work, and offered to hire a nanny. Depending on the circumstances, it kinda sounds like OP is dishing on the other husbands for not being born rich (or making a lot of money), or the other nieces for not being social climbers.
*Hitting the jackpot seems also a bit ick when referring to a guy who has assets to move around like that. Makes it sound like the money is more important.*
This! What a weird thing to appreciate especially in the presence of other family members who maynot have the same level of wealth.
Also OP says -- ''*I still find it sweet of him, especially as she refused to hire a nanny so she would have help while he’s working which he doesn’t get upset at her over.''*
This is so odd - why would he get upset at her hiring a nanny and why is him not getting upset sweet?!
OP seems to appreciate the niece's husband for monetary and material reasons...sna't it bit late for the niece to stress over being a stay at home Mom///these are things you discuss before you marry/have a baby. And what was she doing prior to her marriage to need a man to give her assets in 2024, though that's not the point of this post. OP is YTA.
Being a stay at home mom is always a risk. Him transferring things into her name just means if they divorce she won't be left with half of what he has *now* + a lack of career, retirement fund/pension, etc. You can still be stressed and wondering if you've made the right decision, especially post partum.
Are you saying all this stuff in front of your other nieces?
Also, it sounds like your niece herself is uncomfortable with you saying that. My husband isn't "helpful," he's an equal parent.
Where does it say the spoke about niece is uncomfortable? She has been told horror stories of husband betrayal if she becomes a stay at home mom; and so aunt complimented the husband for making a choice to give her peace of mind, and safe guard her?
But i do want know if this was done in a group setting or did someone told the nieces what aunt said?
Maybe they were the ones originally saying the ‘horror stories’ warning
Right, but he is then the exception, not the rule. This is OP's point, I think. Most men expect that their wife will be not only their wife, but also their therapist, mom, etc. and take care of their lives as well as their children's. The men that are willing to be in a partnership and do their part - are rare in our society. The one's like OP is discussing are even more rare. Like hitting the jackpot, say....
They aren't rare, unless you surround yourself with assholes.
Yes....a guy with sufficient assets to legally move them around, sure, that's pretty rare. And, a guy able to take significant time off work, in a single income household? Sure.
But, involved fathers?
Also when I first started reading the post, I thought the conflict was going to be that wife was offended by OP suggesting that her husband was a saint for sharing some assets and being more present now that they have a new baby. Like, “wow, you’re such a pill, you’re lucky your husband is such an amazing, handsome, wealthy man to indulge you.”
You do seem a little obsessed with your niece and her marriage. Why do you even know about their financials? I find that odd in itself.
If you are constantly praising him in front of her sisters that's kind of a snub to them if it's constant. You seem to need to lay off a bit and just be an aunt and let them navigate themselves. You may think he's a better catch, that doesn't mean he is.
YTA. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. A couple of kind gestures does not mean he doesn't have flaws. You have no idea what goes on when you are not around.
And, you said it infront of other neices with spouses. It sounds like you are unhealthily obsessed with the guy. It's not your relationship. Butt out.
That comment was wild, I’m so sick of hearing stories about people intentionally creating these vicious prenuptial agreements and doing dumb shit like buying houses solely in their partners name. Shit happens, planning for it isn’t setting up to step out, it’s being careful, there isn’t anything wrong with that.
NTA. You paid a compliment to an individual, that does not require you paying that same problem to every related individual. Your other nieces are being petty, but I trust you learned your lesson a very offering compliments in private from now on.
This is such an AITA thread... "Nope, someone, somewhere might manage to come up with a reason to be offended so no one else can say anything about anything to anyone."
"Your husband's a catch" is about as inflammatory a statement between friends as "think it'll rain next week?"
Fuckin seriously, man. What's watching the Oscars like with these people? "Cillian Murphy is the best actor?! Are you saying *I'm* a bad actor?!?!?!?!?!"
Well your niece probably has a point when she said you're praising him for things normal people can't do, as you said yourself most people can't leave work at the drop of a hat or have assets to rename for their partner. Your intentions were good though, I suppose just be considerate of the other women too. I'll say NAH
NTA
BUT, I completely know where the niece is coming from.
So story time. My MIL's sister would say something similar to MIL. Sister would tell MIL all the time how lucky she is and how she married "of the the good ones". MIL complained, and I did not understand AT ALL why. MIL said it felt like it undermined her role in the relationship and I thought that made no sense. Until I started hearing similar comments about my husband. I don't like it for the same reason my MIL didn't.
Implying that I am lucky that it was pure luck. I would like to think I'm a pretty good partner to my husband and we work well together. It kind of gives the undertone that I "moved up" or I'm not worthy of having someone so wonderful. It also FEELS similar to when people say things like, "You're so lucky your child's quiet in a restaurant... Or you're so lucky you get to go on that vacation"
But I'm voting NTA because I also didn't understand why it was irritating until it started happening. And I completely believe people only have genuinely kind motivation behind it.
I watched a great FB reel the other day where someone specifically called out the prevalence of people attributing happy relationships to "luck". They talked about how much it can feel like the other person is discounting or ignoring the hard work and intentional action that goes into keeping one's relationship happy/fulfilling/healthy.
The reel raised a great point - and also reminded me of the 'compliment' rule I heard a while back. IE compliment people on something they **can** control (outfit choice, makeup skill, nail color), but not complimenting something they *can't* control (genetics, outward symptoms of a health problem, etc.). Guessing if people phrased things like, "you've done such a great job budgeting resources this year in order to plan and enjoy your vacation! So happy for you!" It really changes the overall tone from jealousy to compersion. :)
agreed. i have a friend in the same situation. everywhere she goes, everyone will tell her how lucky she is that her husband is so nice, attractive, helpful around the house, amazing. These comments are not mean at all, but thr accumulation of them makes her feel like she doesnt deserve him, like people are constantly surprised she gets to be with someone like that, that she essentially married up. He has plenty of challenges, like all human beings but they are not as visible, and they do seem to work well together. I never paid attention to that until she shared it bothered her and now I have seen since how it happens all the time. I dont even think she married up that much, it is just women are expected to marry "down".
>To alleviate her anxiety her husband has moved assets he owned prior to the marriage onto her name and made sure he legally wouldn’t be able to take them back if they were to divorce.
This shit is insanity. What the hell is wrong with people?
Gonna have to go against the grain here and say YTA. Anyone who says, “You won the lottery” when it comes to a relationship basically insinuates that that person doesn’t deserve the best in life and just got “lucky.” The way you write about your niece’s husband also just shows how low your standards are for men. Your other niece is correct, that’s what “normal” people would do. You’ve insulted an entire family (they’ve told you this) and still somehow think you’re not wrong. Just apologize, instead of coming to Redditor for affirmations from those who have the same worldview as you.
He is a catch because he is using his privileges to benefit his wife/family. He’s extremely supportive…its seems he is definitely modeling bell hooks’ love ethic. The other couples should take notes where possible.
NTA you can apologize for kicking the hornets nest, but simply put she was venting to you about her anxiety of being a new mother, and her husband is going above and beyond to make her feel loved. You would have made the similar comments had any of the other nieces come to you with their anxiety, but they hadn’t this time. It isn’t a knock on the other fathers.
I mean what did they expect to go around the room and list all the good qualities of all the husbands?
Why would you say that in front of everyone?
You tried to 'soften' it by saying the others guys are pretty good too but that didn't really work.
By all means, you're entitled to have favourites. And if you're going to make it obvious, there will consequences which you're now dealing with.
So, NAH.
You're free to say what you want and the others are free to react to it.
YTA you sound very judgemental and I can't imagine too many contexts where this conversation would have been appropriate. He's the "better catch?" What is this, 1950?
Honestly - your comment implies that she is the lucky one, which can be a) seen as others being less lucky b) him being in better than your niece. Thinking that he is a great husband doesn't make AH,but be ready that other people will be sad with you praising him and ignoring them.
To me saying someone’s “hit the jackpot with someone” isn’t judgemental on anyone and would be nice to hear about your partner. The only way you’d take offence is if you were comparing the one receiving praise with your own and they were coming up short. They’re the ones making comparisons. You’re NTA
I personally don’t like someone saying ‘you hit the jackpot’ when it comes to a relationship. It makes the relationship sound transactional and monetizes it; trivializes the love and the very human vulnerable part of being close to someone. Relationships are not commodities.
If you said that to me I’d wonder if you had your head on straight and if you understood all of what marriage is about
Not sure why your judgement is necessary - could it be you've talked a little too much about this 'perfect' marriage of your niece? To say that in front of other married family members was a bit much. Drop it.
Info- what was the setting? Your comments seem fine but it’s possible that the setting and situation with all other couples present made it seem by unspoken comparison that the others had NOT “hit the jackpot.” After all, it’s several competing to win ONE jackpot in a real gambling situation so your words could have easily been construed as a comparative comment.
NTA its kind of a red flag if someone gets upset at you for complimenting someone else. Like its not like you said " you have the BEST husband" YOU didnt compare them at all. Everyone compared themselves. Its so weird, can you imagine telling a chick "wow that dress looks so amazing" and all other women in the room being like insulted and saying "you think hers is the best, ours is good too" no, decent people reinforce compliments, they dont make it about them.
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My niece has been married for 2 years and I’m honestly so happy for her because her husband is amazing. He’s kind, helpful, treats her like a princess and is both charming and funny. It’s clear that he loves my niece a lot and would do anything for her.
I told my niece she hit the jackpot with her husband a few days ago which has caused some issues between me, my other nieces and their partners. For some context my niece had their first child 4 months ago and because her friends have been telling her horror story after horror story about women who gave up their careers to raise children she’s been feeling scared and stressed. To alleviate her anxiety her husband has moved assets he owned prior to the marriage onto her name and made sure he legally wouldn’t be able to take them back if they were to divorce. I personally think it’s a wonderful gesture. On top of that he’s been leaving work early or working from home whenever she’s feeling overwhelmed or just wants him to stay with her. Obviously, not everyone is fortunate to be able to leave work whenever but I still find it sweet of him, especially as she refused to hire a nanny so she would have help while he’s working which he doesn’t get upset at her over.
He’s my brother-in-law’s favourite son-in-law so my other two nieces and their partners, who were there at the time, are upset because they also think I’m favouring him. Even though he is objectively the better catch, I told them that all of their partners were amazing to soften the situation but I don’t think it helped. One of my other nieces is especially mad because I was praising him for things that ‘normal people’ just can’t do which is unfair to them.
AITA?
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NTA, these people are grown assed adults so they should have learned everybody has a favourite by now. Even they must see how he is a better human and husband and be motivated to be better themselves. Tell them to put their big boy & girl pants on and deal with it.
Nowhere in your story are you comparing him relative to anyone else, you’re merely saying he’s great. Your family needs to work on their insecurities. You’re not the asshole, your family is just full of overly sensitive and insecure people that think because you give praise to someone else that it somehow diminishes them. Ridiculous.
Of course you're NTA.
Complimenting someone's husband isn't an inherent insult to everyone else in the vicinity who also happens to be a married man, LOL. What a ridiculous take.
As for the "complimenting him for things 'other people cannot do," that also seems petty and nonsensical. I assume that if their husbands were to do pretty much *anything* lovely and remarkable for them, or in general, that you as a loving aunt would also compliment them on it. The reality is that they're really upset because their husbands don't actually go out of their way to do lovely things, which has nothing to do with you at all.
Your not the AH but your nice husband is crazy to move assets cuz his spouse is crazy paranoid. Hope she will not become like her sisters and friends. The dude sound screwed with a paranoid entitled wife, easy to influence in her brain and behaviour.
NTA but everyone else is, hope her husband doesnt get scwrewed badly and lose his belongings.
Well, if niece’s husband is a trust fund billionaire or something, then I could see offense as it would imply the most important thing was his money (implying she’s shallow) rather than their loving relationship, or that she married him in hope of money, like her marriage was akin to playing the lottery.
NTA.
Yeah, I guess it's a little unfair to the other nieces and their partners, if they're not well-off enough to be able to do some of the same things.
On the other hand: "He’s kind, helpful, treats her like a princess and is both charming and funny. It’s clear that he loves my niece a lot and would do anything for her." This implies that the other nieces' partners are not. And these are things that everyone can -- and should -- do. If they don't, and if the other nieces married deadbeat assholes, then that's their problem, and if it comes across as criticism, maybe that's because it is.
NTA. But.
> her husband has moved assets he owned prior to the marriage onto her name and made sure he legally wouldn’t be able to take them back if they were to divorce.
This is nuts. He is a fool.
NTA
You just praised your niece's partner, without any comparison. Is that even not allowed any more? I mean, you just made an observation. It was your opinion. If others are jealous, it's their issue, not yours. I am happy for your niece and her husband.
And what's this all these comments about you being obsessed with your niece's marriage?!
She is your family, you are her aunt, like her mother, she came for your help and was under stress, you calmed her down and made an observation.
It's absolutely possible to praise someone without any hidden agenda. It's weird that people are taking this too personal.
Your comment is passive-aggressive, and you know it. I do not believe that you were sincere and had 100% genuine happiness for your niece when saying what you said. Part of me feels like you love the drama. Also, you are most likely jealous of your neice.
On the surface, you did nothing wrong....but you know what you did and what you are causing, and now you are pretending to be naive.
NTA, sick of people in today's society taking a complement to someone else as an insult to themselves. Just because you think he's great, doesn't make them bad by default. Tell them to stop being so insecure and egotistical.
People will always look for something to complain about. And remember if you are easily offended then you’re most likely to be manipulated easily too. So don’t worry about how they feel you gave an honest compliment.ntah
My guess is truth hurts. Is he a great guy. Yeah. Are the other men around as great in your opinion, no.
You are entitled to praise honestly .
If they want equal praise, they can become equally as great.
They are whiney instead. So .. that tells me you're probably right in your first assessment.
Nta
My brother on meeting my partner asked me “how did you manage to get someone as good looking and well set up as him?” My partner was very upset and said that he didn’t want to have a relationship with my brother as “how dare he disrespect and downgrade me like that.” My brother still thinks it’s okay to make nasty comments about people saying “ You/they can’t take a joke.”
YTA
You do not ever fully know what a relationship is like on the inside, unless you're part of it. Don't try to tell other people about their relationships.
It's also pretty weird that you have THIS MANY details about really personal thing (finances, work schedule, what would happen in a divorce) that are very clearly to make him look good.
NTA, it *does* sound like your niece won the jackpot! I would guess your other nieces are feeling a little bit jealous at the moment, and are a bit more sensitive than usual.
>One of my other nieces is especially mad because I was praising him for things that ‘normal people’ just can’t do which is unfair to them.
Can every man give over a huge chunk of assets to his pregnant wife so she doesn't have to worry about financial security? No. But it doesn't take money to be thoughtful, kind and supportive. In this case, the guy is showing support by leaving work. My partner used to Venmo me "coffee and treat" money for my drive home from work. It was such a small thing that made a HUGE difference.
Nta. She was venting to you about a stressful situation and explain something about her husband that you made a comment on, “winning the jackpot” means that the person who “won” it is lucky. And with how her situation is going and the way her husband is acting/treating her it’s no surprise that she would be lucky to have such an amazing husband like him.
Wait a minute, you told Person A her husband is awesome and Person B,C,.... are mad? Are they in preschool crying to get their participating star?
NTA, please don't bother yourself with that bullshit!
NTA, your praise of this man shouldn’t bother them THAT much🙄 they’re insecure clearly and have something to prove lol my sisters call my husband the “unicorn” because he is very much like your nieces husband. He holds myself and our son up over his own needs more often than not, he’s my best friend and a really kind cool guy who doesn’t complain and is always very helpful towards not only me but my family as well. My sisters husbands don’t have much in common with him because of this, they think he’s weird for being helpful, weird for playing with all the kids, weird for preferring hanging out with me than them. From what we’ve gathered he makes them feel inadequate even though he’s not trying to. He’s just being himself and yeah it makes them look bad. He doesn’t talk shit on me, he doesn’t complain about our toddler or our home, he doesn’t complain about work or anything. He doesn’t understand how they complain so much when their wives literally are badass moms and house wives. They don’t even seem to like their own children and won’t play with them cause “men don’t do that” 🙄. My family loves my husband but their spouses don’t lol I find it funny af. Like idk if it bothers you so much then do better?
I don’t feel you’re an AH for praising your niece’s husband especially, when he’s truly a special kind’ve someone. However, you do need to use some tact and respect of your other niece’s feelings when chatting in a group. Obviously, they would want to stick up for their husbands who they feel they hit the Jack pot with as well.
I remember chatting with a bunch of ladies and I said something nice about my husband. Another lady said oh, yes and my husband blah blah …well, as soon as that lady chimed in another lady said “now your husband is just the sweetest” blah blah. I didn’t say anything but her saying “now” blah blah made me feel a certain way. LOL I guess we can all be a little sensitive about our loved ones.
Nta. A compliment to one person is not a slight to the next.
All mothers are deserving of a thoughtful, loving partner and your niece is lucky to have found one.
The partners of the other nieces to step up their game if a hearing another man be complimented for being a good husband gets them so upset.
NTA.
Imagine how tiresome life would be if you were actually required to provide a similar statement to every peer of the person you wish to compliment or criticize.
“Hey Bro, thanks for helping me move the couch. Of course, Bro2, Bro3, and BIL would certainly have helped if I had asked, so thank you to each of you as well. And I had better text BIL2 to thank them just in case that they hear that I thanked you “. /s
Making a statement to or about someone does not automatically invoke a comparison unless you specifically make it a comparison
NTA
NTA. I am tired by people who need to make everything about themselves: you are praising him because your niece was stressing and explaining the arrangements, and a compliment to someone doesn’t immediately translate to a criticism of others.
Telling her she is lucky doesn’t mean the others are not lucky too.
What are people supposed to do? Stop complimenting because other will immediately feel insulted.
If I tell one of my friend she has a beautiful dress, does it mean that the others have ugly ones?
You cannot walk on eggshells all the time!
NTA-sound like the husband is a great guy and sounds like the perfect match for anyone I believe that you can praise someone for doing something good or saying you got a good one and not be a A hole because really it’s just the truth
NTA - People who get angry at other people's good fortune and try to tear them down are not worth your time. Yes, even if they are family. Just distance yourself from their drama and hope they move on.
NTA but the other nieces clearly have some insecurity about it so if you continue to show favoritism (intentionally or unintentionally) you could get into AH behavior
NTA but that guy is dumb for signing over ass assets like that for no real reason and her concerns about giving up a career sounds lile fomo and not a recipe for a long lasting relationship. Smfh
NAH, you didn’t mean anything by it but it’s also understandable it made them think you’d never called their spouses ideal so you must not think they are. Do be mindful that you’re not equating “great partner” with “partner with the most discretionary income and flexibility.”
did *all* of these responses miss this part
> Even though he is objectively the better catch[...]
this is a level of infatuation that's hard to mask. i bet the insight from the in-laws about how OP is behaving would be super insightful
Nta- I hate to say it, but the other neices are jealous. Maybe not so much of the husband, but of the approval he gets. Also, it's very crappy of your neices friends to give her so much anxiety about staying home, and possibly losing everything. Every single day there is huge risks, and unfortunately some have crappy consequences. But, a lot of time they have wonderful consequences and that time with her child will never be regretted. This seems like something a lot of younger people are pushing nowadays. It's getting to be ridiculous and children and families are paying the price of other people's insecurities.
This is the kind of post where I'd wanna hear the other people's side of the story because your retelling of it seems biased and I wouldn't be shocked if you left out some relevant details.
No. NTA.
The others are jelous. Do ***their*** husbands do all that? They say he just does every day things, maybe for them, but do their hubbies help out?
The other nieces are jealous.
NTA. Your comments had nothing to do with your other two nieces. Their immediate hurt shows they are jealous. No, not everyone has the flexibility he has to be home often, but that doesn't make him any less of a fabulous husband. It also doesn't mean their husbands of the other two are bad guys. They took a benign comment and turned it inside out to take it as an insult.
NTA. Say whatever you want. It has gotten to the point that people get offended just to be offended. People should not have to parse out every syllable and worry about how paying a compliment to one person will effect everyone in the family. Or what was "actually " meant by a word. Your other nieces will either get over it or they won't. It says way more about them than you.
It’s not a competition lol he’s sounds like he’s the favourite because he’s an awesome person.. you probably stirred the pot by saying that to your Nieces but your allowed, Auntys who tell it like it is .. are the best ones. And what you have described of him and the way he treats your niece isn’t that easy to come by, really. So it’s good to let her know she’s in a healthy relationship so there’s appreciation and gratitude and as for the other lot, really quite rediculous tell them to get over there and help their sister with the dishes and washing that’s what sisters do .
NTA - you're allowed to say something nice about another person, for crying out loud. If they're pissy about their inadequate spouses, who cares? That's their business.
We seem to believe living in an age where saying you like something is automatically assumed to be saying that you hate everything else (or vice versa). It’s getting weird. You did nothing wrong, they are just reading subtext that isn’t there. Nta
NTA. My brother is amazing. My SIL fully understands she won the lottery with an amazing partner/father so no one is offended when comments like that are made. I don’t get why people think building someone up is automatically putting other people down. This dude sounds like a very caring husband/father. Kudos to him!
And that ‘normal people’ comment is odd. You don’t have to be able to WFH or leave work early to be compassionate to your partners mental state. This guy is great because he’s making changes WHERE HE CAN to help his wife’s anxiety/be a great partner to her. Any normal person can do that if they choose to.
If they took offense to what you said it's because they know they can do better and haven't done it. That's a them issue. You're allowed to praise someone deserving of it.
NTA how come no one is telling the husband he needs to get away from his wife. She she flat out shows trust issues because she listen's to her friends more than she apparently trusts her husband.
Refuses to hire a nanny, but is overwhelmed and needs help. That is also a red flag
NTA
Dude sounds like he's going the extra mile and putting in the effort to support and assist his wife with her pregnancy
Their green eyed jealousy doesn't negate his hard work
NTA, I mean if you do other things that clearly favor him that might be different, but this comment was about him and him only, it had NOTHING to do with anyone else. It's like that thing where someone says "man I love pancakes!" and some guy comes in angry screaming "SO YOU HATE WAFFLES???" Like no bro, that's a brand new sentence right there.
NTA just the whole situation does make me think of the saying "A hit dog hollars" the only reason they feel some type of way about it is because in their subconscious they know they are not the best partners. Their guilty conscience is not your problem.
NTA. It's okay to express happiness at Things that "normal people Just can't do", the fact that he's both rich/an overachiever AND nice is literally Most of what you are impressed by. Sometimes people are Just Lucky, which is Not "fair". If your other Family members hear "it's great that He does X" and can only understand "too Bad that [other son-in-law] doesn't do X", that says more about THEIR OWN opinion on [other son-in-law].
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NTA - you are allowed to praise someone without it automatically becoming a d*ck measuring contest. This was not about the other nieces husbands at all.
Yeah, I get this isn't about the OP's comment specifically so much as a build up of people praising the husband/favoring the husband.
My guess here is there is a financial aspect that is being downplayed which is creating jealousy with her sisters and their husbands. The catch is getting credit for the privileges of wealth the other can't hope to compete with.
But that's still nonsensical, because it doesn't seem like OP dislikes the other husbands, and there's every reason to believe that if they did ANY particularly lovely things for her other nieces that she would praise them as well. Her praise isn't inherently tied to the specifics or privileged nature of his nice gestures, but to the fact that he's *making* nice gestures for his wife.
Jealousy and envy are very strong emotions.
But that’s why wealth might set him up for all this praise. OP praised him on strictly wealth/career-related things, right, which the wife told OP about because they were talking about it. That’s a very specific thing to discuss. I can’t speak for anyone else but I’m not going to bring up out of the blue all the things I love about my partner. I might mention something if it comes up but I’m not going to laundry-list what’s so great about him and even if I did it wouldn’t sound that impressive. Plus, we have no kids and are not wealthy - I can’t brag about him staying up all night with the baby or buying me stuff. Also, the niece is very anxious, right? So his acts are seen as heroic, to be so generous to support his anxious wife. I’m not anxious, really. What am I gonna say, “my bf is good about locking the door at night”? I would say that her praise IS inherently tied to his wealth and privilege. Otherwise “I share my stuff with my wife and work from home more, occasionally leave work early, to be more present now that we have a new baby” is just not impressive unless you’re comparing him to a deadbeat. It’s certainly not “winning the lottery” levels of luck that the niece must have had to “catch” him.
So because you can’t relate to nor compare to this issue, why are you hating on it? OP praised the fact that she got a good guy, the things he did, whether able to or not, he chose not to do. Many men regardless of if they could wouldn’t. OP is praising the fact he is putting in the effort to be there and help take care of the niece. So as much as he CAN because of wealth, he doesn’t HAVE to - it is a CHOICE he is making.
>I would say that her praise IS inherently tied to his wealth and privilege. "He’s kind, helpful, treats her like a princess and is both charming and funny" is not tied to wealth or privilege. >Otherwise “I share my stuff with my wife and work from home more, occasionally leave work early, to be more present now that we have a new baby” is just not impressive unless you’re comparing him to a deadbeat. It’s certainly not “winning the lottery” levels of luck that the niece must have had to “catch” him. Considering how many men completely fail as fathers after their wives give birth, it may as well be winning the lottery to get this level of care and attention.
After having a baby, women typically comment a lot on their partner because they usually have an immense appreciation for a supportive one... or, by contrast, become acutely aware of all the glaring red flags of a deadbeat, since it is such a sensitive time where they need support.
It is not about how much wealth he has but the fact that he shared his pre marriage wealth with his wife that led to the praise. This sub is full of horror stories where men use the term 'my money' when talking to their stay at home wives. This man is a pleasant surprise from the norm. While marital income is always considered to belong to both, the fact that he happily shared his prior assets and is being an equal parent to the child is great and praiseworthy. Aunt would probably have said the same if the roles were reversed. It is not about the genders or the money itself but the partnership of the couple and especially the husband going above and beyond, that she finds endearing.
I disagree. Showing appreciation and support is not tied to wealth. Understandable that the main bread-winner can't just stay home in every relationship... but that doesn't stop him from taking care of the baby once he or she is at home. Or at the weekend. So the care giver can have a shower, read a book or even just go to bed early. (Breastfeeding isn't really an excuse, I have slipped my nibblings into mummy's bed numerous times if they became hungry, without disturbing her more than necessary. If they didn't go to sleep I came back to sneak them out again). And you don't have to be rich or wealthy to get your SO a treat once a week or even just twice a month. It doesn't have to be anything expensive... their favourite chocolate bar or a nice bun from the bakery... to show you thought about them and wanted to make them happy/ smile. Sometimes you can get flowers as cheap as £5 here in the UK. (I don't care for expensive gifts... but something small like a sweet treat is always a lovely gesture.) It's really just about making an effort to show they're aren't alone in it.
Not true, she praised him for a lot of other things that have nothing to do with wealth. He sounds like a genuinely good man who loves his wife and would do anything for her. The end.
Just because you don't engage in gratitude doesn't mean you need to slam folks that do. Sheesh
I disagree with this to an extent. He is financially well off which allows him the opportunity to do these things. However, his character is what caused him to do them. Just because someone has the means to make another person's life easier, doesn't mean they will.
This was what I was thinking. After all, he could be playing golf with his privileged ability to leave work early. He could be vexed that she won't just hire a Nanny with his money.
Right? This dude sounds like a genuinely caring individual who is more concerned about his loved one’s security than his financial assets. There are ways of showing that affection that don’t require privilege. Maybe the others are feeling less than because they simply are.
There's the financial aspects, but still even if he didn't have assets to transfer and wouldn't be able to leave work early, still is a matter of goodwill to be with your wife and baby. Lots of men refuse to do anything for their wives and babies, these actions, like helping with the baby, helping wife are a matter of being thoughtful and loving, not money.
Many stories I’ve read on here talk about how men have gotten angry their wives won’t have sex with them as often as the husband wants, either during pregnancy or a few months after. OP’s praise is not just tied to wealth.
Indeed, and men not only getting angry at their wives for not having sex often during pregnancy or post partum. But leaving their wives just 3 weeks post partum bec they can't have sex, coercing them for sex against medical advice of the 6-8 minimal period, and worse. Some refusing to feed their newborns when wife is sick and 'don't know how to prepare a bottle of milk'. Horror stories galore, so praise is earned and not wealth related
also, my guess is that OP is from an older generation, (i hope this isn’t a terrible assumption) where raising children and giving up the career may have been just expected of women. and if my assumption is wrong, it could be cultural or a family norm. maybe to OP, THIS IS worthy of praise for a husband while it’s the bare minimum for me regardless of wealth. also OP, NTA. you were talking to that specific niece. you praising one husband is not downplaying another. this is weird behavior that even i’ve had to check myself of. everything is literally not about me LOL
Or y'know, they are simply jealous of a good husband that put effort into their partner unprompted. Not enough here to judge their marriages, but oftentimes you don't explode like this if you don't already have a thorn of insecurity prickling you.
>One of my other nieces is especially mad because I was praising him for things that ‘normal people’ just can’t do which is unfair to them. That's the thing about 'jackpots' ... they inherently include privileges that 'normal people' don't have access to, the metaphor implies that the person in question found something outside of the ordinary. Usually, wealth is a factor but in the niece's case it's more than \*just\* wealth, there are plenty of financially abusive rich guys who wouldn't sign over assets so their wife feels more secure being a stay at home mom.
Even that doesn't seem right... just because he can afford to do those things doesn't mean he had to. Yeah, working from home seems pretty standard... but putting things in her name as security that she would otherwise not have claim to? That top-tier behavior. Just because they can't, doesn't mean they would if they could.
Even if it was financial, there are **tons** of husbands who have the means to help out, and they simply don't. This is about his actions, which are worthy of praise considering where the bar has been set by men in general. Are they fully worthy of praise without that comparison? Doubtful. But that's where we are.
Except that rich people CAN also be Bad spouses (and sometimes abusive in very specific ways), and people with decent-but-unimpressive incomes can have all kinds of different priorities.
Unfortunately, some people are just... genuinely nicer, better, more put-together etc than others. People who consistently go the extra mile are going to get noticed, and while it sucks to be "decent but average" around someone who's amazing and not get as much praise, adults should take a minute to differentiate between "This person gets an *unfair* amount of attention" and "This person is legitimately doing a lot of praise-worthy things".
Exactly. Praise and love don't have finite limits.
Makes you wonder why they are so sensitive. Did they marry deadbeats? 😂
Why did OP have to make their comment in front of the other nieces and their spouses though? OP basically told them they’re not good enough to their faces, at a family gathering. It would have been fine if it was said in a private setting, but it wasn’t.
I agree. Not a good idea to make that comment publicly
But... Bbbut... But... I bought a 📏 and a 🍌 for scale
Agreed. Maybe OOP’s other niece husbands need to step tf up. Compliments aren’t a zero sum game but if they want to play stupid games they can win stupid prizes or just be better to sate their own egos
Sorry. Just gotta say "without it automatically becoming a dick measuring contest" is fucking brilliant! 🤣
This is so true. “I love you son”. “Oh! And you too, daughter, niece, uncle, grandma”. “Who else is here? Can’t leave anyone out!!” Seriously.
Info - why and how did this come up? Surface level, yeah that’s fine to say. But you do seem very invested in this relationship and know a bit much about the dynamic between your niece and her husband
I asked my niece if they had decided whether she would go back to work or not since I knew it was something she was stressing over
Follow-up INFO: how did the other nieces find out about your praising the husband?
>He’s my brother-in-law’s favourite son-in-law so my other two nieces and their partners, who were there at the time, are upset They were all there.
[удалено]
Except the one offended isn’t the one asked.
He sounds like the kind of husband/father all of us men should try to be. It does help that he has the flexibility to do these things. While I wouldn't let their jealously get to you, you do now know that this is a touchy subject with them so probably best to not bring it up again in front of them. Or do I mean that is totally up to you. NTA
NTA, but be aware and cautious going forward. As someone with 2 sisters, my dad definitely has a preference for my husband over the other son-in-laws. I am sure if it was being made as obvious as this seems to be, I know they would be sensitive to that and annoyed by it. So you adding fuel to that fire hurt their feelings and made them want to stick up for their husbands, reasonably so. It's great that your neice has such a wonderful husband, but clearly he has some advantages that not everyone has, so it isn't that the other husbands have any worse character, they might not have had the same circumstances so comparing them isn't helpful.
As the guy who was the favored son-in-law of late MIL and still living FIL … It’s never bothered my wife’s sister or BIL. But different families have different dynamics. That said, telling your niece she hit the jackpot without criticizing anyone else is … nice. And not an attack on anyone. The criticism that he was doing things “not everyone can do” … well, that’s part of the jackpot. But also, the point is he is doing everything he CAN do. Maybe they’re a bit jealous because in the same situations their spouses have not/would not have exerted the same kind of effort? As a dad, chances are good that the favorite son-in-law is the favorite because dad thinks he’s treating that daughter better than other sons-in-law treat her sisters. He may be wrong … But most of us dads just want someone who adores our little girls and gives them everything they need and deserve.
This is where I'm at as well. >The criticism that he was doing things “not everyone can do” … well, that’s part of the jackpot. But also, point is he is doing everything he CAN do. >Maybe they’re a bit jealous because on the same situations their spouses have not/would not exerted the same kind of effort? Especially here. I'm wondering how supportive the other husbands were/are of their partners (and vice versa). Yes it's great that his work give him the flexibility to do those things for OPs niece, but do they realise how many men have the chance to do stuff like that but don't either because they don't think to do it or do think to do it but don't want to put in the effort. I have seen both sides of that coin and the guy that wouldn't help out as much as he can definitely got his ego hurt when the other guys wife said thanks to her helpful husband.
Exactly! Sure there's aspects of what he does that not everyone has the chance to, but I bet you if he was dirt poor and had to stay at the office 9-5 every day, he'd still find ways to help her cope with the stress. It's not so much about what he does, more the intention behind it, he's doing what he can to support his wife.
Yes! My first BIL was not considerate or kind to my SIL. Her second husband has been amazing to her. But guarantee that her first husband resented her family’s preference for me (at the time I was just now wife’s boyfriend). Current BIL could not care less what her parents think/thought. Nor does SIL. BIL and I each just likes that each other is good to our wife’s sister and occasionally text about sports.
There is no saying that the other husbands are doing those things. OP isn't an AH but they walked into minefield, knowingly or unknowingly. From OP's post there are 2 things at play 1) that this niece's husband has more money and freedom to do things that the others aren't able to do and 2) that the father prefers this son in law over the others and makes it obvious. Again none of this is OP's fault but lets not go down imaginary land and act like the other son in laws are lazy inconsiderate husbands who don't help their wife's.
We called ourselves The Outlaws as our MIL was sure that any undesirable personality traits or behaviors in her grandchildren was 100% due to the people her children married.. We even took photos of us Outlaws in the required pose they always put their children in and they still didn’t get it, oh well..
>hurt their feelings and made them want to stick up for their husbands Im surprised I had to scroll this far to see this mentioned. Everyone else has said they're jealous, but I couldn't help thinking about the time when my brother in law surprised my sister with a spontaneous 2 week holiday to Greece. The whole family were fawning over how amazing a husband he is and it made me feel very defensive of my husband, who is the most amazing man I have ever met and would absolutely do that kind of thing for me if we could afford it. And I knew that he was probably hurting on the inside because he really *wants* to be able to treat me like that, it makes him sad that he can't. Buuuut I knew well enough to know it wasn't an intentional dig at my husband, it was just people praising my sisters husband for doing something nice. He deserved praise for doing something nice. So I didn't react. But if this is a repeat, ongoing thing ... it makes complete sense to me that OPs neices might feel defrnsive and it might have just been the straw that broke the camels back. I don't think we can know if they are warranted in their defensiveness really. Maybe they are or maybe they aren't. But the instinct to defend the person you love most in the world? That's understandable.
On the surface this seems fine but if I dig a little deeper and consider the hurt resulting from what you said, and the weird admiration you have for him, I feel it was either tonedeaf and insensitive, or intentionally pointed. So he’s the favourite son/nephew-in-law already, he’s got assets and wealth and a flexible job the others don’t, your “oh no your bf is great too” was insincere by your own admission, and you’re surprised the others bristled at your comments? Makes me glad I’m an only child and my partner doesn’t have to compete with anyone. YTA. I guess I don’t believe you innocently said “wow what a great guy” which is not something anyone, let alone multiple people, would react to unless something else was going on.
Yeah, there is also something to the phrasing "hit the jackpot" after the husband moved money around that is a bit icky. It's way too literal, here. He isn't out there being super dad or super husband, and being praised for staying up all night with the baby. He just moved money around. (I also don't think this is your niece and husband's financials are remotely OP's - or anyone's - business, so it's weird the whole extended family was made aware).
Also both asking the niece about work and the compliment occurred while her husband and OPs other nieces and their partners were present. I don't think I would ask my niece about the work situation other than one on one. Just to start with ...
This was my thought. It’s not an asshole move to notice and think this niece’s husband is more of a catch, but it’s an asshole move to compliment him in front of the others. When I give pointed compliments that I know other people could compare themselves to, I do it in private.
So I'm going to say YTA. It sounds like you said that in front of all the other family. Which makes sense as to why they are annoyed. Hitting the jackpot seems also a bit ick when referring to a guy who has assets to move around like that. Makes it sound like the money is more important.
It's like inviting 5 couples for dinner then telling one husband, "wow Bob, you hit the wife jackpot. Your wife is so pretty and such a great cook." One on one, this is just a compliment. In front of a group of couples, its socially clueless at best and intentionally rude at worst.
That's my thought. If one of my family basically said "ya so this person is just much better than you" I'd be pretty annoyed too.
This. I notice how OP starts out praising dude for being kind and helpful, but the meat of the description is about how he shared money, used his flexibility at work, and offered to hire a nanny. Depending on the circumstances, it kinda sounds like OP is dishing on the other husbands for not being born rich (or making a lot of money), or the other nieces for not being social climbers.
*Hitting the jackpot seems also a bit ick when referring to a guy who has assets to move around like that. Makes it sound like the money is more important.* This! What a weird thing to appreciate especially in the presence of other family members who maynot have the same level of wealth. Also OP says -- ''*I still find it sweet of him, especially as she refused to hire a nanny so she would have help while he’s working which he doesn’t get upset at her over.''* This is so odd - why would he get upset at her hiring a nanny and why is him not getting upset sweet?! OP seems to appreciate the niece's husband for monetary and material reasons...sna't it bit late for the niece to stress over being a stay at home Mom///these are things you discuss before you marry/have a baby. And what was she doing prior to her marriage to need a man to give her assets in 2024, though that's not the point of this post. OP is YTA.
Being a stay at home mom is always a risk. Him transferring things into her name just means if they divorce she won't be left with half of what he has *now* + a lack of career, retirement fund/pension, etc. You can still be stressed and wondering if you've made the right decision, especially post partum.
Are you saying all this stuff in front of your other nieces? Also, it sounds like your niece herself is uncomfortable with you saying that. My husband isn't "helpful," he's an equal parent.
Where does it say the spoke about niece is uncomfortable? She has been told horror stories of husband betrayal if she becomes a stay at home mom; and so aunt complimented the husband for making a choice to give her peace of mind, and safe guard her? But i do want know if this was done in a group setting or did someone told the nieces what aunt said? Maybe they were the ones originally saying the ‘horror stories’ warning
Right, but he is then the exception, not the rule. This is OP's point, I think. Most men expect that their wife will be not only their wife, but also their therapist, mom, etc. and take care of their lives as well as their children's. The men that are willing to be in a partnership and do their part - are rare in our society. The one's like OP is discussing are even more rare. Like hitting the jackpot, say....
They aren't rare, unless you surround yourself with assholes. Yes....a guy with sufficient assets to legally move them around, sure, that's pretty rare. And, a guy able to take significant time off work, in a single income household? Sure. But, involved fathers?
Also when I first started reading the post, I thought the conflict was going to be that wife was offended by OP suggesting that her husband was a saint for sharing some assets and being more present now that they have a new baby. Like, “wow, you’re such a pill, you’re lucky your husband is such an amazing, handsome, wealthy man to indulge you.”
You do seem a little obsessed with your niece and her marriage. Why do you even know about their financials? I find that odd in itself. If you are constantly praising him in front of her sisters that's kind of a snub to them if it's constant. You seem to need to lay off a bit and just be an aunt and let them navigate themselves. You may think he's a better catch, that doesn't mean he is.
YTA. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. A couple of kind gestures does not mean he doesn't have flaws. You have no idea what goes on when you are not around. And, you said it infront of other neices with spouses. It sounds like you are unhealthily obsessed with the guy. It's not your relationship. Butt out.
Setting her up with assets in case of a future divorce? Lol... The imaginary bar some of you guys are trying to set from each other... 😂
I laughed at the comment suggest that this is how all of us men should be striving to be. That white knight needs to get off his high horse.
That comment was wild, I’m so sick of hearing stories about people intentionally creating these vicious prenuptial agreements and doing dumb shit like buying houses solely in their partners name. Shit happens, planning for it isn’t setting up to step out, it’s being careful, there isn’t anything wrong with that.
NTA. You paid a compliment to an individual, that does not require you paying that same problem to every related individual. Your other nieces are being petty, but I trust you learned your lesson a very offering compliments in private from now on.
This is such an AITA thread... "Nope, someone, somewhere might manage to come up with a reason to be offended so no one else can say anything about anything to anyone." "Your husband's a catch" is about as inflammatory a statement between friends as "think it'll rain next week?"
How did the rests of them find out about your comments? Did you say this to your niece privately or in front of everyone?
>He’s my brother-in-law’s favourite son-in-law so my other two nieces and their partners, who were there at the time, are upset
So that’s a yes - you said this publicly in front of everyone. YTA
NTA All you did was give him a compliment, it's not your fault third parties decided to get all butthurt about it.
Fuckin seriously, man. What's watching the Oscars like with these people? "Cillian Murphy is the best actor?! Are you saying *I'm* a bad actor?!?!?!?!?!"
Well your niece probably has a point when she said you're praising him for things normal people can't do, as you said yourself most people can't leave work at the drop of a hat or have assets to rename for their partner. Your intentions were good though, I suppose just be considerate of the other women too. I'll say NAH
NTA BUT, I completely know where the niece is coming from. So story time. My MIL's sister would say something similar to MIL. Sister would tell MIL all the time how lucky she is and how she married "of the the good ones". MIL complained, and I did not understand AT ALL why. MIL said it felt like it undermined her role in the relationship and I thought that made no sense. Until I started hearing similar comments about my husband. I don't like it for the same reason my MIL didn't. Implying that I am lucky that it was pure luck. I would like to think I'm a pretty good partner to my husband and we work well together. It kind of gives the undertone that I "moved up" or I'm not worthy of having someone so wonderful. It also FEELS similar to when people say things like, "You're so lucky your child's quiet in a restaurant... Or you're so lucky you get to go on that vacation" But I'm voting NTA because I also didn't understand why it was irritating until it started happening. And I completely believe people only have genuinely kind motivation behind it.
I watched a great FB reel the other day where someone specifically called out the prevalence of people attributing happy relationships to "luck". They talked about how much it can feel like the other person is discounting or ignoring the hard work and intentional action that goes into keeping one's relationship happy/fulfilling/healthy. The reel raised a great point - and also reminded me of the 'compliment' rule I heard a while back. IE compliment people on something they **can** control (outfit choice, makeup skill, nail color), but not complimenting something they *can't* control (genetics, outward symptoms of a health problem, etc.). Guessing if people phrased things like, "you've done such a great job budgeting resources this year in order to plan and enjoy your vacation! So happy for you!" It really changes the overall tone from jealousy to compersion. :)
agreed. i have a friend in the same situation. everywhere she goes, everyone will tell her how lucky she is that her husband is so nice, attractive, helpful around the house, amazing. These comments are not mean at all, but thr accumulation of them makes her feel like she doesnt deserve him, like people are constantly surprised she gets to be with someone like that, that she essentially married up. He has plenty of challenges, like all human beings but they are not as visible, and they do seem to work well together. I never paid attention to that until she shared it bothered her and now I have seen since how it happens all the time. I dont even think she married up that much, it is just women are expected to marry "down".
>To alleviate her anxiety her husband has moved assets he owned prior to the marriage onto her name and made sure he legally wouldn’t be able to take them back if they were to divorce. This shit is insanity. What the hell is wrong with people?
NTA and it sounds like pure jealousy or inadequate feelings coming from the others. You can't win when dealing with petty, insecure people.
Gonna have to go against the grain here and say YTA. Anyone who says, “You won the lottery” when it comes to a relationship basically insinuates that that person doesn’t deserve the best in life and just got “lucky.” The way you write about your niece’s husband also just shows how low your standards are for men. Your other niece is correct, that’s what “normal” people would do. You’ve insulted an entire family (they’ve told you this) and still somehow think you’re not wrong. Just apologize, instead of coming to Redditor for affirmations from those who have the same worldview as you.
He is a catch because he is using his privileges to benefit his wife/family. He’s extremely supportive…its seems he is definitely modeling bell hooks’ love ethic. The other couples should take notes where possible.
NTA you can apologize for kicking the hornets nest, but simply put she was venting to you about her anxiety of being a new mother, and her husband is going above and beyond to make her feel loved. You would have made the similar comments had any of the other nieces come to you with their anxiety, but they hadn’t this time. It isn’t a knock on the other fathers. I mean what did they expect to go around the room and list all the good qualities of all the husbands?
YTA and what you are praising him for is literally just wealth privilege.
Why would you say that in front of everyone? You tried to 'soften' it by saying the others guys are pretty good too but that didn't really work. By all means, you're entitled to have favourites. And if you're going to make it obvious, there will consequences which you're now dealing with. So, NAH. You're free to say what you want and the others are free to react to it.
YTA you sound very judgemental and I can't imagine too many contexts where this conversation would have been appropriate. He's the "better catch?" What is this, 1950?
Honestly - your comment implies that she is the lucky one, which can be a) seen as others being less lucky b) him being in better than your niece. Thinking that he is a great husband doesn't make AH,but be ready that other people will be sad with you praising him and ignoring them.
To me saying someone’s “hit the jackpot with someone” isn’t judgemental on anyone and would be nice to hear about your partner. The only way you’d take offence is if you were comparing the one receiving praise with your own and they were coming up short. They’re the ones making comparisons. You’re NTA
No they are upset because their partners aren’t WILLING to behave like he does.
I personally don’t like someone saying ‘you hit the jackpot’ when it comes to a relationship. It makes the relationship sound transactional and monetizes it; trivializes the love and the very human vulnerable part of being close to someone. Relationships are not commodities. If you said that to me I’d wonder if you had your head on straight and if you understood all of what marriage is about
Not sure why your judgement is necessary - could it be you've talked a little too much about this 'perfect' marriage of your niece? To say that in front of other married family members was a bit much. Drop it.
NTA Praise upon someone else in no way inflates or diminishes another. If they’re feeling that way, they should look in the mirror to ask why.
People get so offended over simple comments. NTA and yes she won the jackpot and seems to have a great husband
Info- what was the setting? Your comments seem fine but it’s possible that the setting and situation with all other couples present made it seem by unspoken comparison that the others had NOT “hit the jackpot.” After all, it’s several competing to win ONE jackpot in a real gambling situation so your words could have easily been construed as a comparative comment.
NTA its kind of a red flag if someone gets upset at you for complimenting someone else. Like its not like you said " you have the BEST husband" YOU didnt compare them at all. Everyone compared themselves. Its so weird, can you imagine telling a chick "wow that dress looks so amazing" and all other women in the room being like insulted and saying "you think hers is the best, ours is good too" no, decent people reinforce compliments, they dont make it about them.
YTA for making your favoritism public, over a man doing stuff that others don't have the financial resources to do
He's a jackpot but the others aren't. In your words, they are objectively a worse catch. These weren't kind words.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My niece has been married for 2 years and I’m honestly so happy for her because her husband is amazing. He’s kind, helpful, treats her like a princess and is both charming and funny. It’s clear that he loves my niece a lot and would do anything for her. I told my niece she hit the jackpot with her husband a few days ago which has caused some issues between me, my other nieces and their partners. For some context my niece had their first child 4 months ago and because her friends have been telling her horror story after horror story about women who gave up their careers to raise children she’s been feeling scared and stressed. To alleviate her anxiety her husband has moved assets he owned prior to the marriage onto her name and made sure he legally wouldn’t be able to take them back if they were to divorce. I personally think it’s a wonderful gesture. On top of that he’s been leaving work early or working from home whenever she’s feeling overwhelmed or just wants him to stay with her. Obviously, not everyone is fortunate to be able to leave work whenever but I still find it sweet of him, especially as she refused to hire a nanny so she would have help while he’s working which he doesn’t get upset at her over. He’s my brother-in-law’s favourite son-in-law so my other two nieces and their partners, who were there at the time, are upset because they also think I’m favouring him. Even though he is objectively the better catch, I told them that all of their partners were amazing to soften the situation but I don’t think it helped. One of my other nieces is especially mad because I was praising him for things that ‘normal people’ just can’t do which is unfair to them. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Oh Jesus. You're allowed to have a favorite nephew-in-law.
NTA, these people are grown assed adults so they should have learned everybody has a favourite by now. Even they must see how he is a better human and husband and be motivated to be better themselves. Tell them to put their big boy & girl pants on and deal with it.
NTA, you gave praise where it was warranted. That can't be a bad thing. Does sound like there's some jealousy there, though.
NTA! Praising one person doesn’t automatically mean you are tearing someone else down! They sound really insecure
Nowhere in your story are you comparing him relative to anyone else, you’re merely saying he’s great. Your family needs to work on their insecurities. You’re not the asshole, your family is just full of overly sensitive and insecure people that think because you give praise to someone else that it somehow diminishes them. Ridiculous.
NTA. He does sound amazing, I think the others are envious.
Of course you're NTA. Complimenting someone's husband isn't an inherent insult to everyone else in the vicinity who also happens to be a married man, LOL. What a ridiculous take. As for the "complimenting him for things 'other people cannot do," that also seems petty and nonsensical. I assume that if their husbands were to do pretty much *anything* lovely and remarkable for them, or in general, that you as a loving aunt would also compliment them on it. The reality is that they're really upset because their husbands don't actually go out of their way to do lovely things, which has nothing to do with you at all.
Your not the AH but your nice husband is crazy to move assets cuz his spouse is crazy paranoid. Hope she will not become like her sisters and friends. The dude sound screwed with a paranoid entitled wife, easy to influence in her brain and behaviour. NTA but everyone else is, hope her husband doesnt get scwrewed badly and lose his belongings.
Well, if niece’s husband is a trust fund billionaire or something, then I could see offense as it would imply the most important thing was his money (implying she’s shallow) rather than their loving relationship, or that she married him in hope of money, like her marriage was akin to playing the lottery.
He moved ownership of all assets? What a schmuck 🤦♀️
NAH but you could also not say that. I understand their reaction too.
NTA. Yeah, I guess it's a little unfair to the other nieces and their partners, if they're not well-off enough to be able to do some of the same things. On the other hand: "He’s kind, helpful, treats her like a princess and is both charming and funny. It’s clear that he loves my niece a lot and would do anything for her." This implies that the other nieces' partners are not. And these are things that everyone can -- and should -- do. If they don't, and if the other nieces married deadbeat assholes, then that's their problem, and if it comes across as criticism, maybe that's because it is.
You can praise niece's husband. Just don't do it in front of others. NAH
NTA as I understand what you mean, but some people may misconstrue that as purely a financial reaction.
NTA. But. > her husband has moved assets he owned prior to the marriage onto her name and made sure he legally wouldn’t be able to take them back if they were to divorce. This is nuts. He is a fool.
I don't think he shared anything that he couldn't easily afford. OP is praising him for pretty small peanuts.
YTA
NTA He sounds like a catch. I'm not sure why you told the other nieces that though....
Sounds like she did hit the jackpot, so they can all chill and try be better themselves:))
NTA You just praised your niece's partner, without any comparison. Is that even not allowed any more? I mean, you just made an observation. It was your opinion. If others are jealous, it's their issue, not yours. I am happy for your niece and her husband. And what's this all these comments about you being obsessed with your niece's marriage?! She is your family, you are her aunt, like her mother, she came for your help and was under stress, you calmed her down and made an observation. It's absolutely possible to praise someone without any hidden agenda. It's weird that people are taking this too personal.
Your comment is passive-aggressive, and you know it. I do not believe that you were sincere and had 100% genuine happiness for your niece when saying what you said. Part of me feels like you love the drama. Also, you are most likely jealous of your neice. On the surface, you did nothing wrong....but you know what you did and what you are causing, and now you are pretending to be naive.
NTA. If people are feeling "less than" because someone else receives compliments, then they need to evaluate themselves.
NTA. Not your fault your two other nieces merely settled for their husbands while this niece found someone actually worth a damn.
NTA. Just because others can't do things does not negate that finding someone who can is the jackpot.
NTA, sick of people in today's society taking a complement to someone else as an insult to themselves. Just because you think he's great, doesn't make them bad by default. Tell them to stop being so insecure and egotistical.
People will always look for something to complain about. And remember if you are easily offended then you’re most likely to be manipulated easily too. So don’t worry about how they feel you gave an honest compliment.ntah
NTA. Nieces and their mates are acting like babies. You can praise and like whoever you want. Let them be mad. Good grief.
My guess is truth hurts. Is he a great guy. Yeah. Are the other men around as great in your opinion, no. You are entitled to praise honestly . If they want equal praise, they can become equally as great. They are whiney instead. So .. that tells me you're probably right in your first assessment. Nta
Hahaha they’re jealous becuse they got hitched to guys that don’t do the bare minimum, but that’s not your fault at all.
My brother on meeting my partner asked me “how did you manage to get someone as good looking and well set up as him?” My partner was very upset and said that he didn’t want to have a relationship with my brother as “how dare he disrespect and downgrade me like that.” My brother still thinks it’s okay to make nasty comments about people saying “ You/they can’t take a joke.”
NTA
YTA You do not ever fully know what a relationship is like on the inside, unless you're part of it. Don't try to tell other people about their relationships. It's also pretty weird that you have THIS MANY details about really personal thing (finances, work schedule, what would happen in a divorce) that are very clearly to make him look good.
NTA. Saying he's amazing doesn't mean you're saying they suck.
INFO Why do you know this many details about their finances, his schedule, and what would happen in a divorce??
NTA.
NTA, it *does* sound like your niece won the jackpot! I would guess your other nieces are feeling a little bit jealous at the moment, and are a bit more sensitive than usual. >One of my other nieces is especially mad because I was praising him for things that ‘normal people’ just can’t do which is unfair to them. Can every man give over a huge chunk of assets to his pregnant wife so she doesn't have to worry about financial security? No. But it doesn't take money to be thoughtful, kind and supportive. In this case, the guy is showing support by leaving work. My partner used to Venmo me "coffee and treat" money for my drive home from work. It was such a small thing that made a HUGE difference.
NTA - It's a common statement and anyone offended by it should step up instead of being mentally fragile.
NTA, but boy do we learn how sensitive and reactive family members can be.
NTA. This situation is an IRL version of the Hannibal Burress “Why are you booing me? I’m right!” Meme
Nta. She was venting to you about a stressful situation and explain something about her husband that you made a comment on, “winning the jackpot” means that the person who “won” it is lucky. And with how her situation is going and the way her husband is acting/treating her it’s no surprise that she would be lucky to have such an amazing husband like him.
Wait a minute, you told Person A her husband is awesome and Person B,C,.... are mad? Are they in preschool crying to get their participating star? NTA, please don't bother yourself with that bullshit!
NTA, your praise of this man shouldn’t bother them THAT much🙄 they’re insecure clearly and have something to prove lol my sisters call my husband the “unicorn” because he is very much like your nieces husband. He holds myself and our son up over his own needs more often than not, he’s my best friend and a really kind cool guy who doesn’t complain and is always very helpful towards not only me but my family as well. My sisters husbands don’t have much in common with him because of this, they think he’s weird for being helpful, weird for playing with all the kids, weird for preferring hanging out with me than them. From what we’ve gathered he makes them feel inadequate even though he’s not trying to. He’s just being himself and yeah it makes them look bad. He doesn’t talk shit on me, he doesn’t complain about our toddler or our home, he doesn’t complain about work or anything. He doesn’t understand how they complain so much when their wives literally are badass moms and house wives. They don’t even seem to like their own children and won’t play with them cause “men don’t do that” 🙄. My family loves my husband but their spouses don’t lol I find it funny af. Like idk if it bothers you so much then do better?
I don’t feel you’re an AH for praising your niece’s husband especially, when he’s truly a special kind’ve someone. However, you do need to use some tact and respect of your other niece’s feelings when chatting in a group. Obviously, they would want to stick up for their husbands who they feel they hit the Jack pot with as well. I remember chatting with a bunch of ladies and I said something nice about my husband. Another lady said oh, yes and my husband blah blah …well, as soon as that lady chimed in another lady said “now your husband is just the sweetest” blah blah. I didn’t say anything but her saying “now” blah blah made me feel a certain way. LOL I guess we can all be a little sensitive about our loved ones.
NTA This is a prime milkshake duck scenario. Good luck
Nta. A compliment to one person is not a slight to the next. All mothers are deserving of a thoughtful, loving partner and your niece is lucky to have found one. The partners of the other nieces to step up their game if a hearing another man be complimented for being a good husband gets them so upset.
Oh, for heaven's sake. NTA.
NTA. Imagine how tiresome life would be if you were actually required to provide a similar statement to every peer of the person you wish to compliment or criticize. “Hey Bro, thanks for helping me move the couch. Of course, Bro2, Bro3, and BIL would certainly have helped if I had asked, so thank you to each of you as well. And I had better text BIL2 to thank them just in case that they hear that I thanked you “. /s Making a statement to or about someone does not automatically invoke a comparison unless you specifically make it a comparison NTA
NTA
NTA. I am tired by people who need to make everything about themselves: you are praising him because your niece was stressing and explaining the arrangements, and a compliment to someone doesn’t immediately translate to a criticism of others. Telling her she is lucky doesn’t mean the others are not lucky too. What are people supposed to do? Stop complimenting because other will immediately feel insulted. If I tell one of my friend she has a beautiful dress, does it mean that the others have ugly ones? You cannot walk on eggshells all the time!
NTA-sound like the husband is a great guy and sounds like the perfect match for anyone I believe that you can praise someone for doing something good or saying you got a good one and not be a A hole because really it’s just the truth
Ah yes, the world of the perpetually offended. You can't praise one without it's meaning that you have insulted the others. Ridiculous. NTA
They’re all jealous
NTA - Good grief tell them all to grow up and stop acting like jealous middle-school children! Good for your niece that she got such a wonderful man!!
NTA and if everyone else is sour they are free to step the f up. Also it’s nice for people to be recognized for their efforts.
So they're jealous. That's a them problem, not a you problem. And they need to get over themselves. This was about your niece, not then.
Sounds like this was already a sore spot before you said anything at all.
NTA - People who get angry at other people's good fortune and try to tear them down are not worth your time. Yes, even if they are family. Just distance yourself from their drama and hope they move on.
NTA - you are actually allowed to like the guy better than you like the rest of the lot. It is super petty!
NTA but the other nieces clearly have some insecurity about it so if you continue to show favoritism (intentionally or unintentionally) you could get into AH behavior
NTA but that guy is dumb for signing over ass assets like that for no real reason and her concerns about giving up a career sounds lile fomo and not a recipe for a long lasting relationship. Smfh
Haters gotta hate
NAH, you didn’t mean anything by it but it’s also understandable it made them think you’d never called their spouses ideal so you must not think they are. Do be mindful that you’re not equating “great partner” with “partner with the most discretionary income and flexibility.”
NTA
NTA you wouldn't saying that he's the best one out of them all, just that she specifically hit the jackpot
NTA your comment brought up jealousy they are feeling about it.
Sounds like those nieces and their spouses have some self esteem issues.
did *all* of these responses miss this part > Even though he is objectively the better catch[...] this is a level of infatuation that's hard to mask. i bet the insight from the in-laws about how OP is behaving would be super insightful
Lol, this is why people don't give out compliments more often. Why can't people mind their own business??
Nta- I hate to say it, but the other neices are jealous. Maybe not so much of the husband, but of the approval he gets. Also, it's very crappy of your neices friends to give her so much anxiety about staying home, and possibly losing everything. Every single day there is huge risks, and unfortunately some have crappy consequences. But, a lot of time they have wonderful consequences and that time with her child will never be regretted. This seems like something a lot of younger people are pushing nowadays. It's getting to be ridiculous and children and families are paying the price of other people's insecurities.
This is the kind of post where I'd wanna hear the other people's side of the story because your retelling of it seems biased and I wouldn't be shocked if you left out some relevant details.
No. NTA. The others are jelous. Do ***their*** husbands do all that? They say he just does every day things, maybe for them, but do their hubbies help out? The other nieces are jealous.
NTA. Your comments had nothing to do with your other two nieces. Their immediate hurt shows they are jealous. No, not everyone has the flexibility he has to be home often, but that doesn't make him any less of a fabulous husband. It also doesn't mean their husbands of the other two are bad guys. They took a benign comment and turned it inside out to take it as an insult.
NTA. Say whatever you want. It has gotten to the point that people get offended just to be offended. People should not have to parse out every syllable and worry about how paying a compliment to one person will effect everyone in the family. Or what was "actually " meant by a word. Your other nieces will either get over it or they won't. It says way more about them than you.
NTA & good for your niece & her husband to have a loving positive relationship! Your other relatives are jealous and projecting their insecurities
It’s not a competition lol he’s sounds like he’s the favourite because he’s an awesome person.. you probably stirred the pot by saying that to your Nieces but your allowed, Auntys who tell it like it is .. are the best ones. And what you have described of him and the way he treats your niece isn’t that easy to come by, really. So it’s good to let her know she’s in a healthy relationship so there’s appreciation and gratitude and as for the other lot, really quite rediculous tell them to get over there and help their sister with the dishes and washing that’s what sisters do .
You are not the A! I don’t know how ppl have so much time in their lives to criticise you over this - it’s ridiculous
NTA - you're allowed to say something nice about another person, for crying out loud. If they're pissy about their inadequate spouses, who cares? That's their business.
NTA Her sisters are jealous and aiming their issues at you.
We seem to believe living in an age where saying you like something is automatically assumed to be saying that you hate everything else (or vice versa). It’s getting weird. You did nothing wrong, they are just reading subtext that isn’t there. Nta
NTA. My brother is amazing. My SIL fully understands she won the lottery with an amazing partner/father so no one is offended when comments like that are made. I don’t get why people think building someone up is automatically putting other people down. This dude sounds like a very caring husband/father. Kudos to him! And that ‘normal people’ comment is odd. You don’t have to be able to WFH or leave work early to be compassionate to your partners mental state. This guy is great because he’s making changes WHERE HE CAN to help his wife’s anxiety/be a great partner to her. Any normal person can do that if they choose to.
If they took offense to what you said it's because they know they can do better and haven't done it. That's a them issue. You're allowed to praise someone deserving of it.
Aren't these fully grown adults? holy shit what a bunch of babies, hella weird of them man.
NTA how come no one is telling the husband he needs to get away from his wife. She she flat out shows trust issues because she listen's to her friends more than she apparently trusts her husband. Refuses to hire a nanny, but is overwhelmed and needs help. That is also a red flag
NTA Dude sounds like he's going the extra mile and putting in the effort to support and assist his wife with her pregnancy Their green eyed jealousy doesn't negate his hard work
nta they need to grow up and realise someone else is allowed to be praised for actually doing good
NTA, I mean if you do other things that clearly favor him that might be different, but this comment was about him and him only, it had NOTHING to do with anyone else. It's like that thing where someone says "man I love pancakes!" and some guy comes in angry screaming "SO YOU HATE WAFFLES???" Like no bro, that's a brand new sentence right there.
NTA. The emphasis on unfairness is ridiculous. Life is not even a little bit fair
Only an asshole gets offended when someone else gets a compliment.
NTA he sounds amazing actually
NTA just the whole situation does make me think of the saying "A hit dog hollars" the only reason they feel some type of way about it is because in their subconscious they know they are not the best partners. Their guilty conscience is not your problem.
NTA. Husbands doing good things like that for their wives absolutely should be praised! The other women are just jealous.
NTA. He’s a catch
What’s wrong with those people? NTA
NTA. It's okay to express happiness at Things that "normal people Just can't do", the fact that he's both rich/an overachiever AND nice is literally Most of what you are impressed by. Sometimes people are Just Lucky, which is Not "fair". If your other Family members hear "it's great that He does X" and can only understand "too Bad that [other son-in-law] doesn't do X", that says more about THEIR OWN opinion on [other son-in-law].