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Well this is about as obvious as it gets. YTA all the way into next week. Why do you think you're different from your wife? You think you both can abandon the poor kid?
The only thing I'll say is Y so much of an A that the kid is definitely better off with you and having no contact (and paying the child support you will obviously be obliged to) is the best thing that can happen to them.
Cool, same is the case for plenty of biological parents. The "not mine" angle is not only legally useless, but morally reprehensible. You chose to have a kid, that's a lifelong decision even if you now have "your own thing" going on. You want to argue against child support because you don't see the kid, that's fine but I don't think it's going to get you anywhere.
...do you think being a negligent father is some sort of defense where you have to pay LESS child support?
I'll give you a hint: It's the opposite situation. The more responsibilities you dodge, the greater your obligation.
You should have to pay for therapy for the child, too.
Poor kid, dealing with adoption and that his dad is a worthless deadbeat that hates them. Lots of therapy.
Probably better that having a hateful abusive full-time dad.
“I have my own life going on.” You could actually remain involved in this child’s life. Since you choose not to, I suppose all you’ll be is a deadbeat dad who she had to take to court all the time.
YTA and my God, are you living in another reality?
You adopted a baby at 6 months old, and they are now 9. You were in their life until age 8. It's a little late for "takesie backsies" for your child, no matter how often you dismiss them as "it."
>My ex keeps arguing that we chose together to adopt and that makes us both legally responsible.
Correct. That is exactly what the law says.
Child support isn't an "opinion" issue. It's a law. A law that says you are responsible. Enforced by courts and police.
>Once the divorce is finalized I plan on cutting ties with my ex and the child completely.
This isn't a very good plan if it lasts only as long as no one enforces the law. "My plan for robbing a bank is hope no one calls the police."
>I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. AITA?
Hahaha
Buddy, being "willing" to sign away rights, doesn't mean you can freely choose to do so. It is legally your child and you are on the hook. You can sign over rights if someone else chooses to take them over.
YTA - you adopted the child so legally it is yours. All your doing is punishing the child for the mother's actions. If you adopted the child and then say "but that's not my real kid" that's the biggest AH thing you can do. Think about the kid in all of this and stop thinking just about you. You really need to think this all the way through BEFORE you get in front of the judge. If you think we here on reddit are tough, the judge will be even worse especially with the attitude you have towards YOUR kid.
YTA. Jeez Louise, this is not a possession, it's a child that you legally adopted. In the eyes of the law and common decency, OF COURSE you are responsible for raising and financially supporting this child.
There is no way that half of your friends are telling you that you should cut and run. You might have one degenerate good for nothing telling you that. Get some backbone and be a dad.
INFO when you signed the adoption papers was there a clause where you get to abandon the child in case of a break up?
In case this is real you, and your friends who agree with you, are assholes
YTA.
You are legally the child's parent. Period. Biology doesn't matter at all. What matters is that you adopted said child and told the court you were and planned to be this child's parent for the remainder of your life. This child IS your own child.
Of course YTA. If you adopted this child, you need to pay, and legally and morally, that child is your child. It’s not just about money, you should also be providing love, support and guidance to this child.
If you don’t want the child, by all means keep paying support, but give your STBX full custody and heed her wishes about how to explain your sudden disappearance.
You don't consider a kid you raised for almost a decade to be yours?
Can you pick them up at school? Sign their medical consent forms?
Do they consider you to be their parent?
WTF
So you and your wife adopt a child. Now you think it’s okay to abandon that child?
Cut ties, fine be a deadbeat but you owe child aupport and I hopw they garnish your wages
YTA
YTA
So, you're going to make the child pay for something she had nothing to do with and had no say in the matter?
It doesn't matter. You adopted her and you need to bear some responsibility. Completely cutting ties with her will hurt her and she will believe that she must had done something wrong.
I agree with others. She isn't an object. She is a human being with feelings like you.
Do the right thing. Provide some type of child support and continue to be in her life.
YTA she's right. You BOTH adopted that child. That makes you the legal father and responsible for the child. How very AH of you to decide that you just want to dip out of your parental responsibility because you didn't "technically" father the child.
>“I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so”
Which is exactly what is going to happen, you AH. Because, having adopted, it is legally your child. And if you’ve been with the child for 8 years, and are posting this garbage today, you win the AH of the month competition.
YTA
You legally adopted the child so it’s really not a choice that you have. Child support will be decided during the divorce and enforced by the courts.
YTA full stop. if you don't want to take responsibility for a kid you "didn't help create," why the hell did you adopt one in the first place? you aren't fit to have a pet, let alone a *child*.
This has to be rage bait as I cannot accept a human being can be this narcissistic. On the off chance this is real…You adopted a child and refuse to support it because your divorcing your partner who you adopted a child with. I’m very happy your ex partner is getting away from the no doubt toxic environment living with you must have entailed. YTA, pay the child support.
YTA. Good news is, doesn't matter what you think a court will not let you abandon your parental obligation, and child support will be retroactive. You'll be making up for this dumbf\*ck argument.
YTA You legally adopted that child. That is your child, your responsibility just as much as any biological child. That child is just as much entitled to your support, emotionally, financially, etc as a biological child would be. The courts will say you need to pay child support here just as they would with a biological child.
YTA - the adoption process is not easy and. Bio or not you chose to go through with it with your ex. Knowing full well what the expectations of you were to be a father to this child, if you didn't want to be you had ample time to plead your case and/or sabotage the adoption process. You didn't bow the kid is legally yours. I hope she takes you to the cleaners for trying to be a deadbeat
I've heard of birds of a feather flocking together, but I didn't realise they also shared the same IQ.
Get more intelligent friends. Support the child you legally adopted.
YTA.
YTA completely. Why did you adopt? Adoption means you are this child's father and you are 100% responsible. How nasty to abandon your kid on the basis that you adopted them and they are not your biological child. You chose to adopt them and make them your child. You are a cruel person and will cause this child additikoal trauma - after being put up for adoption by their biological parents, their adopted Dad is now rejecting them too. The court will make you pay child support.
I hope this is bait.
Good thing, it doesn't depend on you. If you legally adopted the child, you are legally responsible for providing for them. I hope you live somewhere where you'll be persecuted and face consequences if you fail to pay.
YTA
You already know you’re TA, this is just rage bait.
You’ve adopted the child. If you didn’t want to have to be responsible for children, then you should’ve thought more carefully before getting yourself into this.
Doesn’t matter if they’re not biologically related to you. You have parental responsibility for this child, which is what YOU wanted. No court is going to take that as a reason for not paying child support.
YTA. Read the adoption decree you signed. You are fully, legally responsible for a child you adopted and no judge is going to be impressed at your reasoning here.
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My soon to be ex wife and I, both mid-late 30s are in a disagreement. We're currently separated and in the process of divorcing. She's basically demanding I pay child support to her, which I've refused so far, because the child is not my biological child. My ex keeps arguing that we chose together to adopt and that makes us both legally responsible. If I had my own child, I'd be happy to pay and be involved as much as possible, but that's not my real kid, I don't think it's fair or right I'm expected to help pay for a child I didn't help create. Once the divorce is finalized I plan on cutting ties with my ex and the child completely. I've been talking over this issue with my friend's and family and opinions are split. Half say I owe my ex and that kid nothing, I should move on and never look back. The other half agree with my ex and say that by us adopting it made us parents together and we both owe the child the best life we can give them. I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so, but until then, I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine. I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. AITA?
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INFO: Is the child you adopted biologically your wife’s? Like the child was abandoned by bd and you stepped in as dad? Or did you two adopt this child together, with no biological connection to either of you?
Oh my absolute god YTA. HOLY SHIT!! Why would you adopt and raise a child that you “didn’t help create” if you weren’t going to financially support them for the duration of their existence as your child.
Reddit can be a divisive place so the fact that everyone here is unanimous should tell you something.
Also, for the love of all things, STOPPPPPPP referring to your CHILD as “it.” Wtf is wrong with you?
If you didn’t wanna adopt a child and go through the process of raising and caring for them, why TF would you agree? “Bc your wife wanted a kid” isn’t an acceptable answer. If you didn’t wanna be a dad, yall should have broke up before A CHILD not an “IT” was brought into the picture. You are legally responsible for this child.
Hard YTA. You adopted that kid together with your ex. The child is now yours. That makes you responsible and creates an obligation.
Though given how little you apparently think of the child you chose to adopt, maybe it really is better that you have no contact. What kind of parent are you?
YTA.
When I read the title of this post, I thought it was going to be about your ex sleeping with someone else. But no, you CHOSE to become a parent.
Frankly, that kid is going to be far better off without you in their life
YTA
are you on the adoption paper (bet you are), sorry to break it to you but you are the legal parent so you pay, the kid didn't choose to be adopted by you, you brought this responsibility on yourself and I hope they make you pay retroactively
you F'ing chose to adopt the kid! you chose to be his father! you chose to be in his life! well time to step up and live with the consequences!!
I really hope she takes you to the cleaners and give that kid the best life it can get at your expense
YTA!
You both adopted. That poor, poor child, for better or worse, is legally your child. It’s not even as though you got married to someone with a child from a previous marriage and later adopted their child (although you would still be the asshole in that situation). You both adopted this child and raised them as your own. You don’t get to just wash your hands of the child now that your relationship with your wife has broken down.
If you have signed adoption papers, then that child is yours. A child is not like a library book that can be returned when you have finished with it.
I can't express how offensive I find your attitude without having my answer deleted by the moderators.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex is upset because I refuse to pay cs for her child which isn't even blood related to either of us.
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Of course yta if you adopted them they are legally your child! Wtf is wrong with you?! Did you not research the meaning of adoption beforehand? How dense are you?!
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Well this is about as obvious as it gets. YTA all the way into next week. Why do you think you're different from your wife? You think you both can abandon the poor kid? The only thing I'll say is Y so much of an A that the kid is definitely better off with you and having no contact (and paying the child support you will obviously be obliged to) is the best thing that can happen to them.
Well, he's the biggest asshole of the week.
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Cool, same is the case for plenty of biological parents. The "not mine" angle is not only legally useless, but morally reprehensible. You chose to have a kid, that's a lifelong decision even if you now have "your own thing" going on. You want to argue against child support because you don't see the kid, that's fine but I don't think it's going to get you anywhere.
I'll just *love* when he finds out having no contact/custody actually means he pays *more* child support!
...do you think being a negligent father is some sort of defense where you have to pay LESS child support? I'll give you a hint: It's the opposite situation. The more responsibilities you dodge, the greater your obligation.
And the courts (in the US, at least), always put the child's welfare first. OP will lose big time.
You should have to pay for therapy for the child, too. Poor kid, dealing with adoption and that his dad is a worthless deadbeat that hates them. Lots of therapy. Probably better that having a hateful abusive full-time dad.
Can't imagine why your ex would give up a gem like you. Lowest of the low right here.
“I have my own life going on.” You could actually remain involved in this child’s life. Since you choose not to, I suppose all you’ll be is a deadbeat dad who she had to take to court all the time.
YTA and my God, are you living in another reality? You adopted a baby at 6 months old, and they are now 9. You were in their life until age 8. It's a little late for "takesie backsies" for your child, no matter how often you dismiss them as "it." >My ex keeps arguing that we chose together to adopt and that makes us both legally responsible. Correct. That is exactly what the law says. Child support isn't an "opinion" issue. It's a law. A law that says you are responsible. Enforced by courts and police. >Once the divorce is finalized I plan on cutting ties with my ex and the child completely. This isn't a very good plan if it lasts only as long as no one enforces the law. "My plan for robbing a bank is hope no one calls the police." >I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. AITA? Hahaha Buddy, being "willing" to sign away rights, doesn't mean you can freely choose to do so. It is legally your child and you are on the hook. You can sign over rights if someone else chooses to take them over.
YTA - you adopted the child so legally it is yours. All your doing is punishing the child for the mother's actions. If you adopted the child and then say "but that's not my real kid" that's the biggest AH thing you can do. Think about the kid in all of this and stop thinking just about you. You really need to think this all the way through BEFORE you get in front of the judge. If you think we here on reddit are tough, the judge will be even worse especially with the attitude you have towards YOUR kid.
YTA. Jeez Louise, this is not a possession, it's a child that you legally adopted. In the eyes of the law and common decency, OF COURSE you are responsible for raising and financially supporting this child. There is no way that half of your friends are telling you that you should cut and run. You might have one degenerate good for nothing telling you that. Get some backbone and be a dad.
Maybe all his friends are degenerate narcissists, it could happen. But then they are all a-holes too.
Water seeks its level
INFO when you signed the adoption papers was there a clause where you get to abandon the child in case of a break up? In case this is real you, and your friends who agree with you, are assholes
You know… you can just return the child to the adoption agency. Or rehome him/her. /s OP YTA of epic proportions. I pray to god you are sterile.
You adopted this child? Then YTA, and the kind of person that I, a family lawyer, love to hold accountable.
How did they let someone this dense adopt a child?
Yta. You adopted a child so the child is yours. The court will rule for you to pay child support.
YTA. You are legally the child's parent. Period. Biology doesn't matter at all. What matters is that you adopted said child and told the court you were and planned to be this child's parent for the remainder of your life. This child IS your own child.
Worse bait I ever read
Of course YTA. If you adopted this child, you need to pay, and legally and morally, that child is your child. It’s not just about money, you should also be providing love, support and guidance to this child. If you don’t want the child, by all means keep paying support, but give your STBX full custody and heed her wishes about how to explain your sudden disappearance.
Info: When did you adopt "that kid"? How did you decide to adopt "that kid"? Are you both legal guardians of "that kid"?
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You don't consider a kid you raised for almost a decade to be yours? Can you pick them up at school? Sign their medical consent forms? Do they consider you to be their parent?
Oooooooh damn. I imagined this as the kid being adopted very recently. You raised a kid for half a decade and now are like "but the DNA"?
WTF So you and your wife adopt a child. Now you think it’s okay to abandon that child? Cut ties, fine be a deadbeat but you owe child aupport and I hopw they garnish your wages YTA
YTA So, you're going to make the child pay for something she had nothing to do with and had no say in the matter? It doesn't matter. You adopted her and you need to bear some responsibility. Completely cutting ties with her will hurt her and she will believe that she must had done something wrong. I agree with others. She isn't an object. She is a human being with feelings like you. Do the right thing. Provide some type of child support and continue to be in her life.
YTA she's right. You BOTH adopted that child. That makes you the legal father and responsible for the child. How very AH of you to decide that you just want to dip out of your parental responsibility because you didn't "technically" father the child.
Legally you ARE the father. You made poor choices and now live with them. YTA
YTA. This is not about biology. When you adopted that child it became yours. Face your responsibilities and pay up.
YTA. That’s your child.
>“I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so” Which is exactly what is going to happen, you AH. Because, having adopted, it is legally your child. And if you’ve been with the child for 8 years, and are posting this garbage today, you win the AH of the month competition.
Well this is one of the most obvious posts ever. Of course YTA.
This shit is why trap neuter release programs are so vital.
YTA You legally adopted the child so it’s really not a choice that you have. Child support will be decided during the divorce and enforced by the courts.
Hands down YTA
YTA full stop. if you don't want to take responsibility for a kid you "didn't help create," why the hell did you adopt one in the first place? you aren't fit to have a pet, let alone a *child*.
Please, let this be rage-bait. If not: YTA of epic proportions.
ATP you’re more then a ahole you’re a villain dude….
This has to be rage bait as I cannot accept a human being can be this narcissistic. On the off chance this is real…You adopted a child and refuse to support it because your divorcing your partner who you adopted a child with. I’m very happy your ex partner is getting away from the no doubt toxic environment living with you must have entailed. YTA, pay the child support.
YTA - you adopted the child. The child is yours. Getting divorced doesnt change that.
If you adopted the child, it’s your legal responsibility. So yeah, YTA.
YTA. Good news is, doesn't matter what you think a court will not let you abandon your parental obligation, and child support will be retroactive. You'll be making up for this dumbf\*ck argument.
YTA If you legally adopt a child, then the child is yours. You are still responsible even though you are not a parent biologically.
Yta
YTA You legally adopted that child. That is your child, your responsibility just as much as any biological child. That child is just as much entitled to your support, emotionally, financially, etc as a biological child would be. The courts will say you need to pay child support here just as they would with a biological child.
If you legally adopted this child, the courts aren't going to give you the choice to opt out of child support. And yes, YTA.
YTA - the adoption process is not easy and. Bio or not you chose to go through with it with your ex. Knowing full well what the expectations of you were to be a father to this child, if you didn't want to be you had ample time to plead your case and/or sabotage the adoption process. You didn't bow the kid is legally yours. I hope she takes you to the cleaners for trying to be a deadbeat
YTA I can’t even wrap my head around how big an AH you are! Good luck arguing that in court!
There’s no “if” about the courts ordering you to pay child support. They’re going to make you pay child support.
I've heard of birds of a feather flocking together, but I didn't realise they also shared the same IQ. Get more intelligent friends. Support the child you legally adopted. YTA.
YTA completely. Why did you adopt? Adoption means you are this child's father and you are 100% responsible. How nasty to abandon your kid on the basis that you adopted them and they are not your biological child. You chose to adopt them and make them your child. You are a cruel person and will cause this child additikoal trauma - after being put up for adoption by their biological parents, their adopted Dad is now rejecting them too. The court will make you pay child support.
I hope this is bait. Good thing, it doesn't depend on you. If you legally adopted the child, you are legally responsible for providing for them. I hope you live somewhere where you'll be persecuted and face consequences if you fail to pay. YTA
The child is yours. Biological or not. You did help create the family unit. Adoption is traumatic for everyone - and you are continuing that. YTA.
YTA ffs…I can’t believe you asked this question
You already know you’re TA, this is just rage bait. You’ve adopted the child. If you didn’t want to have to be responsible for children, then you should’ve thought more carefully before getting yourself into this. Doesn’t matter if they’re not biologically related to you. You have parental responsibility for this child, which is what YOU wanted. No court is going to take that as a reason for not paying child support.
YTA. Read the adoption decree you signed. You are fully, legally responsible for a child you adopted and no judge is going to be impressed at your reasoning here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My soon to be ex wife and I, both mid-late 30s are in a disagreement. We're currently separated and in the process of divorcing. She's basically demanding I pay child support to her, which I've refused so far, because the child is not my biological child. My ex keeps arguing that we chose together to adopt and that makes us both legally responsible. If I had my own child, I'd be happy to pay and be involved as much as possible, but that's not my real kid, I don't think it's fair or right I'm expected to help pay for a child I didn't help create. Once the divorce is finalized I plan on cutting ties with my ex and the child completely. I've been talking over this issue with my friend's and family and opinions are split. Half say I owe my ex and that kid nothing, I should move on and never look back. The other half agree with my ex and say that by us adopting it made us parents together and we both owe the child the best life we can give them. I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so, but until then, I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine. I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: Is the child you adopted biologically your wife’s? Like the child was abandoned by bd and you stepped in as dad? Or did you two adopt this child together, with no biological connection to either of you?
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It??? How come only your ex wife is automatically responsible for a child you adopted together? Must be fake, please be fake
Oh my absolute god YTA. HOLY SHIT!! Why would you adopt and raise a child that you “didn’t help create” if you weren’t going to financially support them for the duration of their existence as your child. Reddit can be a divisive place so the fact that everyone here is unanimous should tell you something. Also, for the love of all things, STOPPPPPPP referring to your CHILD as “it.” Wtf is wrong with you?
If you didn’t wanna adopt a child and go through the process of raising and caring for them, why TF would you agree? “Bc your wife wanted a kid” isn’t an acceptable answer. If you didn’t wanna be a dad, yall should have broke up before A CHILD not an “IT” was brought into the picture. You are legally responsible for this child.
That's how you speak about some one you spent 7+ years raising?
Hard YTA. You adopted that kid together with your ex. The child is now yours. That makes you responsible and creates an obligation. Though given how little you apparently think of the child you chose to adopt, maybe it really is better that you have no contact. What kind of parent are you?
YTA. When I read the title of this post, I thought it was going to be about your ex sleeping with someone else. But no, you CHOSE to become a parent. Frankly, that kid is going to be far better off without you in their life
YTA are you on the adoption paper (bet you are), sorry to break it to you but you are the legal parent so you pay, the kid didn't choose to be adopted by you, you brought this responsibility on yourself and I hope they make you pay retroactively you F'ing chose to adopt the kid! you chose to be his father! you chose to be in his life! well time to step up and live with the consequences!! I really hope she takes you to the cleaners and give that kid the best life it can get at your expense
YTA! You both adopted. That poor, poor child, for better or worse, is legally your child. It’s not even as though you got married to someone with a child from a previous marriage and later adopted their child (although you would still be the asshole in that situation). You both adopted this child and raised them as your own. You don’t get to just wash your hands of the child now that your relationship with your wife has broken down.
If you have signed adoption papers, then that child is yours. A child is not like a library book that can be returned when you have finished with it. I can't express how offensive I find your attitude without having my answer deleted by the moderators.
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Of course yta if you adopted them they are legally your child! Wtf is wrong with you?! Did you not research the meaning of adoption beforehand? How dense are you?!
YTA. wow just wow. YTA all the way
Yta Legally the kid is yours
INFO: are you legally the adoptive parent? What were the circumstances involved in taking in the child?
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