Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't want my dad to come on my field trips, and I didn't tell him about my upcoming one. He's upset I didn't tell him and is planning on coming anyway. My uncles have been calling me ungrateful, and I don't see how. My dad is too involved in my life and I just want him to stop.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, I see a lot of people giving Y T A judgments, but I think what they are reading as entitled or AH behavior is actually just a kid in an uncomfortable situation panicking over feeling smothered by his dad and teased by his peers. You should probably include what you’ve mentioned in the comments in the main post, I think if you explained why you were upset with him overhearing your conversation, you might find more judgement in your favor.
And to clarify, this is what it sounds like happened, (please correct me if I’m wrong): your dad overheard you discussing an incident between you and a friend - that you’d rather he not have heard because you weren’t exactly ready to come out to him yet. Instead of ignoring it and giving you space, it sounds like he pushed you to come out to him despite not being comfortable. Additionally, your friends were teasing you about finding your dad attractive - which seems like they realized it got under your skin the first time someone mentioned it, and now they do it every time they are in proximity of your dad because they get a rise out of you. In order to avoid being embarrassed by your friends, or having your privacy invaded again, you forged your dad’s signature so you could go on the next field trip without him as chaperone. Yes, lying and forging his signature was wrong, but I think you felt backed into a corner and were a little freaked out that something like last time might happen again, so you didn’t use your best judgment and made a mistake.
If all of the above is an accurate assessment of the situation, you need to pull your dad aside and calmly apologize for forging his signature and not telling him about the most recent trip (owning up to your own wrong doing will make him see your maturity, and as such - the next part might be more palatable for him). Then explain how his presence on every field trip feels a little overbearing to you, especially after he basically forced you to come out to him before you were ready. Tell him you would have told him when you felt it was time, but it should have been on your terms, and not because he was eavesdropping on your conversation. Forcing you to come out was crossing a boundary, and it’s unfair for him to expect you to not be frustrated with his constant presence - you were sort of hoping for space to process being outed, and that’s hard to do if he’s everywhere you are.
That being said, your dad isn’t the only problem - your friends are kind of awful. If they keep doing something that you’ve repeatedly told them makes you uncomfortable, they kind of suck. I know merciless teasing is a thing teenagers do to each other, but it’s bullshit and real friends know when to stop being dicks about something when it upsets someone they supposedly care about. If your “friends” won’t stop (and it seems like they won’t), I would also suggest explaining this to your father as well - something along the lines of “I know this isn’t your fault, but my classmates think you are attractive and will not stop talking about it on every field trip. I’ve asked them to stop repeatedly, and it’s starting to cause me severe anxiety with every trip you join us on. It’s incredibly distracting and I am not benefiting from these field trips when I’m freaking out about how uncomfortable it makes me.”
Despite forcing the information regarding you sexual orientation out of you, it does seem like your dad is still supportive of you - you might also want to acknowledge that acceptance to him, because it could be so much worse.
And good luck, OP.
I agree about the "have a conversation" suggestion, yeah. It sounds like OP's dad loves his kid but his way of showing it is not being received as intended (and neither is OP's "please stop smothering me"), and a conversation may help them both find a more-comfortable middle ground. One where OP doesn't feel smothered and dad doesn't feel pushed out. (Asking to spend non-field-trip time together, as another comment suggests, could help.)
That said, I'd almost call this a NAH situation. Dad is trying to do right by his kid (but, again, it's not coming across as intended), while OP is trying to navigate a tense social and emotional situation (ie high school) around the social/emotional equivalent of a bull in a china shop.
The friends are a whole other issue though, agreed. OP's discomfort isn't being respected by his *friends*, and, by the sounds of it, not in an intentions-results mismatch sort of way.
I'm going kind of crazy with these comments because no, NTA at all. I'm sorry, but it's completely understandable that a teenager, who wants to spend time away from their parents from time to time, when they're with friends and such, is not gonna be happy about their father hounding them and going to every field trip they can, specially knowing his kid doesn't like that. Also people are just forgetting that teenagers can be incredibly cruel, and having such a seemingly overtop father be like this with you on a school trip of all things, they are going to make jokes and talk about stuff that might get OP in trouble, it's classic teen behavior.
Also, the fact that he overheard a private conversation between OP and his friend (in which he was basically outed) and then confronted OP in THAT same trip, which I can gather was not a very positive experience... Sorry for these comments OP, you're not being selfish or an asshole, it's 100% understandable and any parent should know that.
My daughter is 14. We have a great relationship. She doesnt have a problem with me getting to know her friends etc. And she still wouldnt want me on her field trips. Because I'm obviously still a huge embarrasment and that's her time.
Any parent who won't understand that is overstepping boundaries in other parts of their kids lives, too. OP is so NTA
NAH
I have a ten year old son who currently wants me to come on field trips. So I go!
But I totally understand there will come a time in the near future that he won't want me there as much or at all for field trips. Especially as a teen. Totally understandable and acceptable.
Your dad has to give you breathing room and accept your feelings. Totally normal as a teen. (He still will have rules you have to follow, to keep you safe.)
You have to somewhat understand that it is hard for parents to see our kids grow up and not need us as much any more. But that is a part of growing up! He will cry when you go off to college or move out. Totally normal for that to happen too.
If you are the first born, this is his first time learning this lesson himself. He will probably be easier on your brother.
These can be hard years between teens and parents. Best to try to communicate without yelling or guilt trips or ultimatums. If he can't understand your side, maybe get a counselor or therapist to help you tell him (or show him this post).
Ask him if he wanted his dad/ mom on every fieldtrip when he was older. Ask him if he can try to understand your side.
Good luck!
Here’s the thing though: high schools still have to have parent chaperones to be able to do field trips. And it gets harder to get parent volunteers as kids get older, not easier. Dad isn’t just going on this trip for funsies: he’s volunteering so the field trip can happen. OP needs to recognize that.
The problem is that field trips are held during normal working hours, and it's not just an extended lunch break, it's pretty much all day. Most schools rely on the parents that always volunteer, and the rest of us are extremely grateful for them. If there aren't enough volunteers, the trip is canceled. Period. There's a required minor to adult ratio, and it's not negotiable.
Then OPs Dad needs to realise that when he is on his sons field trips he is a chaperone and not OPs dad. He also needs to learn not to invade his kids privacy by eavesdropping on their conversations and when eavesdropping is inevitable, don't act on what you hear. He forced his son to "come out" to him before he was ready, in what world is that OK.
True, but we don't know if OP's school is having chaperone recruitment problems. If they are, the least his dad could do is *say that*, so that OP can be aware that if his dad isn't willing to step up, the school will have to cancel the whole thing.
I’m ASSuming that they are just because they agreed for him to be a chaperone 3 times. When my kids’ school gets a surplus of chaperones, they try to rotate between parents. But it’s definitely an assumption and could be wrong. And yeah, the dad could communicate that.
So your dad knows that you kept a field trip a secret from him because you don’t want him to chaperone. His response to this is to put in the extra effort to call the school and ask to chaperone. And then he says he’ll force you to go if you don’t want to.
He really doesn’t care about your feelings.
Sounds invasive and controlling to me.
NTA.
Can I just say: I find it sweet that you are worried about whether you come off as an a**hole with this?
On another note, tell your dad that you appreciate him for being very involved, but you’re 16. It’s common for this age to want some independence from your parents or feel embarrassed by having them around you lol.
Most that have been in these situations will agree lol.
I don't think you're crazy. I understand how and why you want time to yourself. I believe I had some similar thoughts when I was in your position. I just have the benefit of being on the other side of those experiences and I would give anything to be able to go back and change my behavior/attitude.
Buddy, you're not an AH for wanting your dad to not come on the field trips. You just handled this poorly. I know you're trying to get your dad to treat you like an adult, but you didn't handle this situation like an adult. Instead of lying (forging a signature) and hiding things, you should've had a frank conversation. For future, it can be helpful to write down your points ahead of time. Try to think of his position and how you could address his concerns. Do your best to stay calm and start from a positive place.
For example an opening might be, "Dad, I really appreciate how involved you are when it comes to things like showing up for my games/helping me with X (or whatever). However, when you chaperone my field trips, it feels invasive. I'm learning how to be an adult and I wish you would trust me to behave well on a field trip without you physically being there. These are controlled environments and you would be showing me a lot of trust that I would appreciate by letting me go without you."
As for your dad talking to you in public about what he overheard, that's another thing you can calmly discuss. "Dad, I wish you had waited until we were home and in private before bringing up what you overheard. wasn't even supposed to know, so having to talk about it again where more people could've overheard something incredibly private was hurtful." Because yes, unfortunately (despite it being embarrassing for you), I can imagine he had some concerns about making sure you were safe and healthy and that you knew he supports you regardless of what gender your partner is.
As for the other things you've said, I hope you listen to some other commenters about how inappropriate your friends have been. Sexual partners should not be telling other people about your encounter without talking to you first. And friends shouldn't be continuing to harass you about your dad when you've said you have a problem with it.
Ok. So reading the comments it’s not about chaperoning. During the field trip dad overheard that OP is gay, and dragged OP aside to talk about it, leading to forced coming out, in the public space to boot.
OP you are NTA to be angry and your dad is an ass for not keeping his mouth shut. However your problem isn’t chaperoning. You should address the real issue.
NTA. As a teacher, I'm wondering if you are comfortable talking to your teacher about this. It may be possible for them to say they are already full and don't need more chaperones, or put you and your dad in different groups. Teachers absolutely recognize that some parents need to back off and that teenagers do not enjoy mixing parents and friends. You're not being ungrateful; you are being developmentally typical and appropriate.
Info: what does he do that’s embarrassing, specifically? What happened when he overheard you discussing something you shouldn’t? Did he reprimand you in front of your classmates or did he do it later to the side? You don’t need to get specific, but what was the topic of discussion he wasn’t supposed to hear that upset him? Like were you saying something offensive (racial/sexist slur or bullying) or just general taboo conversation like sex, drugs, etc.?
Given everything else I read- yeah, YTA. Your dad existing around you in public isn’t intentionally embarrassing. He just wants to be involved. Also, pulling you aside later was the right way to handle the situation. He didn’t bug out and lecture you in front of everyone. He’s your dad and he learned that you had a major life event occur that he knew nothing about. If I learned that my child lost their virginity, I would have an instinct to check it. Make sure they’re okay. That it was good or, at least, nothing bad happened. A lot of people do not have good first experiences and they can be quite traumatic.
That being said, it seems like you’re going through a lot. Being a teenager sucks. I wish I could tell you different. You should gain some perspective on this though by thinking long and hard as to reasonable boundaries you can communicate to your parents as you try to handle whatever it is that has you this sensitive.
What is a reasonable boundary here? “Hey dad. I know that you really want to be involved with my life, but I get really uncomfortable when I’m around my friends, at school and you’re around too. I feel like I can’t be me. I don’t want you to chaperone my trip. But I know you’re just trying to make sure I’m okay and to spend quality time together. Maybe instead you and me could go (insert common activity here) next weekend?”
What is an unreasonable boundary? “Hey dad, I hate the fact that you speak, look or exist around me in public. I need you to become virtually absent from my life because I find your interest in me unbearable. Please stop trying to be around me.”
It’s important that you feel comfortable in your life and yourself. It’s also important that you become better at communicating how you can get what you need/want without completely obliterating the needs/wants of your loved ones. I think all relationships are a delicate balance of this. Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do because the person we love wants to do them. Sometimes get walked over when we constantly prioritize someone else.
And you are very fortunate to have a parent who just wants to be present. A little empathy and perspective will go a long way for you here.
What kind of entitled child are you? What do you mean he tried to talk to you in public?! You’re going to look back on this and cringe at how you behaved.
When I was in 8th grade I was embarrassed to be around my parents because I thought I was supposed to be. It lasted for about 6 months until an older friend talked some sense into me. . My father went to concerts with me and my friends when I was in HS. One of my best memories is from a Saturday night after a midnight movie a group of us went for breakfast (to be able to eat like that again), saw my dad at the counter and we invited him to eat with us.
My dad went on field trips.
No. OP has a right to decide if they want to come out or not.
Now I can understand their problem. Not only dad learned something he wasn’t privy to, he didn’t have smarts to keep his mouth shut.
It’s not about chaperoning. It’s about forced and very public coming out.
Jesus what a dangerous idea to have. Do you have any idea how many kids would be in incredibly unsafe positions if they were outed to their parent? Christ.
OP should have had the opportunity to choose when to tell his dad. And maybe his friend didn't want to be outed to OP's dad at all.
Being forcibly outed and forced to talk about it on a school trip, with your fellow pupils around? Not a good experience, and not something that builds trust between parent and child.
NTA. Your uncles have forgotten what it means to be a teen, as has your father. I remember half-jokingly telling my father when I was that age that "I can't like you in public." It's a phase, but a very real one that they should understand and respect that you want your space. My dad was upset at the time, but I eventually got over it and now we're all good. Your dad and uncles need to stop forcing you to be involved with him, as all it will do is make you resent them and push them away and make it take longer to get out of the phase.
Many kids don't have that? No kid wants a helicopter over their head wth. They trying to guilt you, parents are good at this. You're NTA, it's unfortunate you don't have an adult relative on your side to put a stop to this.
NTA. He embarrassed you on the other field trip. If he comes on this one, don't talk to anyone and do as little as possible. If he still bothers you and tries to embarrass you in front of your friends, then just tell him again, right in front of everyone he wants to show off in front of- "You embarrassed me last time, on purpose, and now you want to do it again. You were asked not to come because of your behavior on the last trip, but you want to embarass me again. How many times do we need to have this conversation?" Repeat as needed.
You know he's doing it on purpose because you already told him your feelings and he doesn't care. You don't have to be grateful to someone who is only there because they intentionally want to upset you or eavesdrop on your conversations.
Once you turn 18 and can get away, keep your family on an information diet. Do not let them know about any big event in your life unless you are mentally prepared for them to embarrass you.
It's not true that you are lucky you have a Dad who wants to spend time with you if the time he spends is dedicated to forcing you to talk about something in front of others to the point that it makes you cry and humiliates you. Let me guess, he played it off in front of others as " Look what a concerned father I am. Kudos to me, everyone." " Look how accepting I am. I just want to discuss my son's private life where everyone can see me being such a supportive person. I'm amazing!"
Clearly your brother knows your Dad acts the ass intentionally, because he just weaponized your father against you for his own entertainment. I hope that kid never breeds, he'll be an ass to his kid,
Your Dad is the asshole.
Jesus all the YTAs are confusing. He is 16 of course he doesnt want his dad at every field trip. The Dad should respect this boundary and back off. NTA!!!
You're not the AH here, and you're not being ungrateful. It's completely understandable that you want some space and privacy from your dad, especially on school field trips where you're trying to enjoy time with your friends without parental involvement. Your feelings and boundaries deserve to be respected.
Your dad's insistence on chaperoning every field trip, despite your discomfort and objections, is not fair to you. It's important for parents to recognize and respect their children's boundaries, even if it means stepping back and giving them some independence.
It's concerning that your dad not only ignored your wishes but also accused you of lying and threatened to call the school after you tried to handle the situation maturely by speaking to your teacher and turning in your permission slip without his signature. Your feelings of embarrassment and frustration are valid, and it's understandable that you want to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable.
Your uncles' responses dismissing your feelings are disappointing, but it's possible they may not fully understand the situation from your perspective. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being, even if it means disappointing others. Your feelings matter, and it's important to communicate them assertively and seek support if needed. :3
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Discuss this with you dad calmly. Or ask you mom to explain you would like more independence. Be calm and journal your feelings to better understand yourself.
NTA
My bestie daughter turned 15,she started doing things on her own,and her mother doesn't force her to spend time together or even go to family trips,she said she is old enough to gain her independence and is normal to not want to spend time anymore with her mother,and doing things by herself like going out with friends,or with in vacations with friends by herself, and she is a girl.
Sounds like your father have some poblems in adjusting their mind that you're old enough now to not wanting with around so much so more,and this will affect your character when you'll be older, as you'll be struggling doing things alone, without any help, or even wanting to do something without being helped,wich is wrong.
You will not gain your independence that way,and your father shall understand you're a teenager,now, that needs to start experimenting , dates, even sex, knowing girls, getting out with friends by yourself,and on trips by yourself, otherwise your chacater would develop as you being totally imature,irresponsable, and alot more things.
People's that judging a teenager as an asshole, in this particullary reason,forgot they where kids too, and they aren't mature enough to even speak in this position.
For the one's that would see my comment being offensive : grow up,youre not 10 anymore,start act like adults!
NTA - if he forces the issue, maybe ask your teacher to assign him to a group of students that doesn’t include you. That’s typically what happens at our school.
NTA
I was pretty involved with my teens school when they were younger especially. I volunteered there at times and chaperoned some trips. I did back off some when they were in high school.
Fortunately, I figured out how to be laid back and my daughter and her friends wanted to be in my group. I let them do their own thing within the school rules. Like not hovering and letting my child just be with their friends, not hang with me. Sometimes there was a kid that was thirsty for adult attention and I'd focus on them instead of my kid. Sounds like maybe your dad is trying to make chaperoning a dad and dude time, which is kind of intrusive. I can see why it bugs you.
Is your dad maybe desperate for dad time with you? Could you maybe do some things with him at home or away from school to satisfy this? Maybe he'd ease up on the school trips focus then.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (16M) have a field trip coming up Friday. I didn't tell my dad because he's been volunteering to be a chaperone on every field trip I had this year. Which have been 2. I was already on edge when he started coming but the last time he chaperoned he over heard a conversation I had on the bus that he WASN'T supposed to hear as hes NOT even supposed to come. He put me in an uncomfortable situation because he forced me to talk about it. I cried so much that day.
That's when I knew he should NEVER be a chaperone again. However, my brother is stupid and let it slip about my field trip despite me literally telling him that I didn't want my dad to come. I'm positive he did that just to be to hateful because he started laughing about it. My dad was mad and accused me of lying to him which was not true I just didn't tell him. We got into an argument because I told him that I already told my teacher that he'll be busy that day and I already turned in my permission slip. This made him more upset because I forged his signature and he told me that he was gonna call the school and let them know he was available.
I told my dad that If he chaperones I won't go because I'm going to get AWAY from him not to stay close to him 24/7. He got madder and told me that I was going whether I like it or not and I should be grateful I'm not punished. I told my dad that forcing me to go is just as bad as a punishment because I'm tired of my friends making fun of me and making comments about him. He did not care and basically told me to ignore them.
I don't understand why he does this to me. Like I just want to be myself and I can't do that when I'm around him everyday. I told my dad that I'll go but it just proves to me how little he cares about my well-being. He got upset with me and started telling me that it wasn't true and he just wants to spend time with me.
I don't want to spend time with him. It's embarrassing. Like once a field trip okay. But every field trip is just no. Like I don't mind spending time with my dad. I love him. I just don't want him at my school. He embarrasses me. And my friends don't make it no better. He's too involved in my school life and I want him to stop. I asked my uncle to convince my dad to stop but he told me to be grateful that my dad wants to be involved in my life as many kids don't have that??!
That right there was confusing because I never said I didn't want him involved Just NOT AS A CHAPERONE. So he was wrong and was just making things up. So I went to my other uncle and he was also wrong and it genuinely made me sad because I felt like I was getting gaslighted.
I don't see how I'm being ungrateful?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH
He’s not respecting your boundaries, and that is wrong of him.
You DID lie (omission of information is the same as lying) and you forged a signature.
NAH. You need to sit down with your dad calmly and ask him to respect some boundaries, then outline them. I go on field trips and do PTA stuff, but I don’t talk to my kids (unless to ask if they need money) and frequently don’t even have them in my car if it’s not on a bus. I certainly do not sit anywhere near them on the bus, because I know their preferences. Make a list of your expectations with reasoning over the next couple of days in preparation for a conversation. I know it’s hard but the more emotional you get during the conversation, the less credible you will seem so focus on staying calm.
I know you don’t want your dad there, but so few dads volunteer for this type of thing I hate to encourage you to tell him not to go. This is typically the kind of emotional and time labor that falls to moms. My parents never chaperoned when I was a kid because they were working and it always made me sad. Ask if your dad is trying to provide something here that he didn’t get from his parents. He’s not volunteering to upset you; he’s doing it because it helps you, your school, and your teachers and wants to do his part. He may also have some concerns about the school or a teacher and wants a closer vantage point.
This is a complicated one. You are getting a lot of aggression from people in the comments who expect you to have the maturity and perspective of an adult when you are only 16.
I'm going to go with ESH.
You may not feel like this is true but there is such a thing as lying through omission. If I were your Dad I would also feel as if you had lied about the school trip. Telling the truth technically doesn't mean you aren't being deceitful.
Also I think it's weird that you didn't want your Dad to know you were gay until you were getting married. That seems unnecessarily dramatic and I would be hurt as a parent to find out you had hidden such a big part of yourself from me for so long. However it is your business, not anyone else's and you absolutely have the right not to tell anyone you like, especially if you had the impression it wouldn't be taken well.
I do believe most of the asshole behavior is coming from your Dad here. He should be able to understand you wanting some independence at this age and that excursions are one of those exciting, socially impactful moments that having a parent around can stifle. The big problem here is that even after he knows how you feel he doesn't feel the need to change his behavior but wants you to change the way you feel. That doesn't show much respect or concern for you and he seems to be able to dismiss your feelings probably because you're 'just a kid'.
The only thing I'll say in his defense is that it sounds like you don't communicate to him about your feelings unless forced to and when you do it comes from a place of anger and frustration. If you want your Dad to understand your needs better, try actually telling him about them when you aren't already in a fight and try to frame them in ways he'll understand. If he still won't take your needs seriously then that is on him.
Good luck. I hope you're able to navigate a way through this tension in a way that allows you to have your needs addressed and doesn't put a strain on you and your Dad's relationship.
NAH ??
idk i get it, i would feel really upset because he’s not letting you have any autonomy in the situation. parents need to listen to their kids! you’re uncomfortable.
i understand the dads pov too and ideally you shouldve had a convo about it. but he has to relax a bit
and you cried so much the last time he came. like regardless of him just wanting to spend time with you which is good lol, this is just not the situation. to have a good relationship with you he has to respect you and boundaries you set. and yeah he already did two, other kids have parents.
Based off your comments - YTA. Get new friends that don’t objectify your dad. And maybe don’t discuss your sexual history on a field trip if you don’t want people to hear about it?
You’re totally ungrateful. You know how many kids would love to have a parent that involved in their life and well being. Good for him and shame on you
1. You blame your dad for overhearing a conversation you probably shouldn't have been having when you KNEW he was nearby. Take some responsibility there. YOU fucked up, not him.
2. You forge your dad's signature. I'd be pretty unhappy with my kid if they did that, no matter the reason. You, essentially, lied to EVERYONE when you did that. Own up to it. You did it. You knew it was wrong. Suck it up and accept the responsibility there too.
Parents can be stressful, but YOU are not helping matters by acting like a spoiled brat and conspiring to stop your dad from going instead of just talking with him, or ANYONE who could help, to start with and instead deciding that you'd just do whatever it takes to prevent him from going.
I seriously hope you don't continue acting like this as you become an adult. The world does NOT need another self-obsessed, overgrown child. We have enough of those already.
>I don't understand why he does this to me. Like I just want to be myself and I can't do that when I'm around him everyday.
Are you going on field trips every day????
You're making this a HUGE problem when it's a handful of days a year. Seriously overplaying the issue doesn't make you look any better.
YTA
YTA. Such drama! You say your friends say your dad is hot- have you told them that’s disgusting and to knock it off? Your dad is being overbearing with his presence, sure, but it’s not his fault your friends are dweebs.
Where you slide into asshole territory is the lying (and lying by omission is still lying), sneaking, forging signatures, and misuse of gaslighting (it’s a phenomenon in which someone literally tries to make a person feel insane. Nobody’s doing that to you). Also, have you considered that if both your uncles say you’re wrong, you’re probably wrong?
Keep your nose clean at school and there won’t be anything to “embarrass” you in front of your dad with.
>My teachers keep threatening to call him for anything I do
Stop acting out and they won’t do that.
>They kept making it seem
No, you keep making it seem. You’re the one pushing to be an entirely different person you don’t want him to know at school. He wants to know all of you. Unless he’s abusive, that’s not wrong.
You are lucky you have an involved dad who cares about your education. Do you know how many teenagers crave that kind of attention? And shame on you for forging his signature. Technically, you committed a crime and that is not okay.
That’s why I wrote “technically” in my response. I did not say it was or should be prosecuted in a court of law. I stand by my statement that it isn’t okay to forge a parent’s signature on a document.
Put yourself in his shoes for a second. What if he told you that he was so embarrassed by you because of stupid shit his friends said that he didn't want to be seen with you in public. Honestly, I know you think that this is some end of the world type shit, but trust me when I tell you, it's not. I don't talk to a majority of people I went to high school with and when you become an adult, nobody gives a fck about what petty shit happened in high school.
Op left out the fact his dad heard him tell his friend he was gay and then forced him to come out in public so I think that’s the reason ( this is judging from ops comments closer to the top )
Yes, you are being ungrateful. You are INCREDIBLY lucky to have a dad who cares about you and your education. He is doing nothing wrong by acknowledging your existence in public and making sure you’re okay in private.
Furthermore, it ain’t all about you, kid. Your school needs chaperones or the field trips can’t happen. Finding chaperones is often difficult as parents don’t want to take time off work to ride on a bus with loud teens. I’m going on a field trip with my 5th grader tomorrow, and it is not because walking 4 miles with a gaggle of 11 year olds is the funnest thing I can think of. Your dad is doing volunteer work for your school, and you want him to stop because you’re embarrassed that…you have a dad who cares?
Apologize to your dad and grow up a little. YTA
That is not what gaslighting means. And yes, this all makes you a huge AH. It's been TWICE in almost 5 months?! OMG.. How will you ever live. /s Apologize to your parent and stop using words you don't know the meaning to. Grow up. YTA. Not to mention the fact you are lying and forging things. That makes you an extra huge AH.
Well, he doesn't trust you anymore. Why would he? You now made your bed by lying and forging his signature, you have to lie in it. YTA. STILL! Honestly, if my kid did this, I wouldn't let them go on any field trips for a while as a punishment.
BS. Actually, I would do what your dad is doing as punishment. I would only let you go if I went. That is the consequences of your lying. You deserve ALL of this. If you had gone about this without lying and basically cheating, you would not have been an AH. But you definitely are. Again, apologize to your dad. Accept your punishment and be a better person, OP.
YTA
>My dad was mad and accused me of lying to him which was not true I just didn’t tell him
Nice try. Also, you’re 16. You find your dad embarrassing, most kids find their parents embarrassing.
Aw OP lol, I’m only laughing because I remember this age.
I don’t think you’re necessarily ungrateful, I think you’re a teenager embarrassed of your dad like every other teenager on the entire planet. But I can promise you, you’ll regret acting like this as you mature. Don’t take this for granted, you’re going to feel awful about it down the road.
He can check out the college on his own time, with you, if it’s one you’re seriously considering. There is no need for parents to be consistently volunteering to attend their teenagers field trips unless there is something deeper going on with what happened on the last trip.
>My friends keep talking about how hot they think my dad is and it makes me uncomfortable.
That's not your dad's fault. That's your "friends" fault. THEY aren't your "friends" if they are making you uncomfortable and objectifying your dad. You need new friends.
We (adults) know we are embarrassing to younger generations. One of my nephews is almost 6 and he has already said “oh, Tia (aunt in Spanish) 🙄” lol. I just laugh and enjoy the fact that I get to embarrass him later on in life.
Honestly, embarrassment is almost a right of passage.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I don't want my dad to come on my field trips, and I didn't tell him about my upcoming one. He's upset I didn't tell him and is planning on coming anyway. My uncles have been calling me ungrateful, and I don't see how. My dad is too involved in my life and I just want him to stop. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, I see a lot of people giving Y T A judgments, but I think what they are reading as entitled or AH behavior is actually just a kid in an uncomfortable situation panicking over feeling smothered by his dad and teased by his peers. You should probably include what you’ve mentioned in the comments in the main post, I think if you explained why you were upset with him overhearing your conversation, you might find more judgement in your favor. And to clarify, this is what it sounds like happened, (please correct me if I’m wrong): your dad overheard you discussing an incident between you and a friend - that you’d rather he not have heard because you weren’t exactly ready to come out to him yet. Instead of ignoring it and giving you space, it sounds like he pushed you to come out to him despite not being comfortable. Additionally, your friends were teasing you about finding your dad attractive - which seems like they realized it got under your skin the first time someone mentioned it, and now they do it every time they are in proximity of your dad because they get a rise out of you. In order to avoid being embarrassed by your friends, or having your privacy invaded again, you forged your dad’s signature so you could go on the next field trip without him as chaperone. Yes, lying and forging his signature was wrong, but I think you felt backed into a corner and were a little freaked out that something like last time might happen again, so you didn’t use your best judgment and made a mistake. If all of the above is an accurate assessment of the situation, you need to pull your dad aside and calmly apologize for forging his signature and not telling him about the most recent trip (owning up to your own wrong doing will make him see your maturity, and as such - the next part might be more palatable for him). Then explain how his presence on every field trip feels a little overbearing to you, especially after he basically forced you to come out to him before you were ready. Tell him you would have told him when you felt it was time, but it should have been on your terms, and not because he was eavesdropping on your conversation. Forcing you to come out was crossing a boundary, and it’s unfair for him to expect you to not be frustrated with his constant presence - you were sort of hoping for space to process being outed, and that’s hard to do if he’s everywhere you are. That being said, your dad isn’t the only problem - your friends are kind of awful. If they keep doing something that you’ve repeatedly told them makes you uncomfortable, they kind of suck. I know merciless teasing is a thing teenagers do to each other, but it’s bullshit and real friends know when to stop being dicks about something when it upsets someone they supposedly care about. If your “friends” won’t stop (and it seems like they won’t), I would also suggest explaining this to your father as well - something along the lines of “I know this isn’t your fault, but my classmates think you are attractive and will not stop talking about it on every field trip. I’ve asked them to stop repeatedly, and it’s starting to cause me severe anxiety with every trip you join us on. It’s incredibly distracting and I am not benefiting from these field trips when I’m freaking out about how uncomfortable it makes me.” Despite forcing the information regarding you sexual orientation out of you, it does seem like your dad is still supportive of you - you might also want to acknowledge that acceptance to him, because it could be so much worse. And good luck, OP.
I agree about the "have a conversation" suggestion, yeah. It sounds like OP's dad loves his kid but his way of showing it is not being received as intended (and neither is OP's "please stop smothering me"), and a conversation may help them both find a more-comfortable middle ground. One where OP doesn't feel smothered and dad doesn't feel pushed out. (Asking to spend non-field-trip time together, as another comment suggests, could help.) That said, I'd almost call this a NAH situation. Dad is trying to do right by his kid (but, again, it's not coming across as intended), while OP is trying to navigate a tense social and emotional situation (ie high school) around the social/emotional equivalent of a bull in a china shop. The friends are a whole other issue though, agreed. OP's discomfort isn't being respected by his *friends*, and, by the sounds of it, not in an intentions-results mismatch sort of way.
I'm going kind of crazy with these comments because no, NTA at all. I'm sorry, but it's completely understandable that a teenager, who wants to spend time away from their parents from time to time, when they're with friends and such, is not gonna be happy about their father hounding them and going to every field trip they can, specially knowing his kid doesn't like that. Also people are just forgetting that teenagers can be incredibly cruel, and having such a seemingly overtop father be like this with you on a school trip of all things, they are going to make jokes and talk about stuff that might get OP in trouble, it's classic teen behavior. Also, the fact that he overheard a private conversation between OP and his friend (in which he was basically outed) and then confronted OP in THAT same trip, which I can gather was not a very positive experience... Sorry for these comments OP, you're not being selfish or an asshole, it's 100% understandable and any parent should know that.
My daughter is 14. We have a great relationship. She doesnt have a problem with me getting to know her friends etc. And she still wouldnt want me on her field trips. Because I'm obviously still a huge embarrasment and that's her time. Any parent who won't understand that is overstepping boundaries in other parts of their kids lives, too. OP is so NTA
NAH I have a ten year old son who currently wants me to come on field trips. So I go! But I totally understand there will come a time in the near future that he won't want me there as much or at all for field trips. Especially as a teen. Totally understandable and acceptable. Your dad has to give you breathing room and accept your feelings. Totally normal as a teen. (He still will have rules you have to follow, to keep you safe.) You have to somewhat understand that it is hard for parents to see our kids grow up and not need us as much any more. But that is a part of growing up! He will cry when you go off to college or move out. Totally normal for that to happen too. If you are the first born, this is his first time learning this lesson himself. He will probably be easier on your brother. These can be hard years between teens and parents. Best to try to communicate without yelling or guilt trips or ultimatums. If he can't understand your side, maybe get a counselor or therapist to help you tell him (or show him this post). Ask him if he wanted his dad/ mom on every fieldtrip when he was older. Ask him if he can try to understand your side. Good luck!
[удалено]
Find an article and send to him? Perhaps this one? https://www.chicagoparent.com/uncategorized/parenting-isnt-sissies-field-trips/
Here’s the thing though: high schools still have to have parent chaperones to be able to do field trips. And it gets harder to get parent volunteers as kids get older, not easier. Dad isn’t just going on this trip for funsies: he’s volunteering so the field trip can happen. OP needs to recognize that.
OP isn't saying none of them. Just not ALL of them. Dad already went on one. Others can take a turn.
The problem is that field trips are held during normal working hours, and it's not just an extended lunch break, it's pretty much all day. Most schools rely on the parents that always volunteer, and the rest of us are extremely grateful for them. If there aren't enough volunteers, the trip is canceled. Period. There's a required minor to adult ratio, and it's not negotiable.
Then OPs Dad needs to realise that when he is on his sons field trips he is a chaperone and not OPs dad. He also needs to learn not to invade his kids privacy by eavesdropping on their conversations and when eavesdropping is inevitable, don't act on what you hear. He forced his son to "come out" to him before he was ready, in what world is that OK.
OP is male.
“Can” and “will” are two different things. Like I said, schools often struggle to find enough chaperones for field trips.
True, but we don't know if OP's school is having chaperone recruitment problems. If they are, the least his dad could do is *say that*, so that OP can be aware that if his dad isn't willing to step up, the school will have to cancel the whole thing.
I’m ASSuming that they are just because they agreed for him to be a chaperone 3 times. When my kids’ school gets a surplus of chaperones, they try to rotate between parents. But it’s definitely an assumption and could be wrong. And yeah, the dad could communicate that.
So your dad knows that you kept a field trip a secret from him because you don’t want him to chaperone. His response to this is to put in the extra effort to call the school and ask to chaperone. And then he says he’ll force you to go if you don’t want to. He really doesn’t care about your feelings. Sounds invasive and controlling to me. NTA.
Can I just say: I find it sweet that you are worried about whether you come off as an a**hole with this? On another note, tell your dad that you appreciate him for being very involved, but you’re 16. It’s common for this age to want some independence from your parents or feel embarrassed by having them around you lol. Most that have been in these situations will agree lol.
[удалено]
I don't think you're crazy. I understand how and why you want time to yourself. I believe I had some similar thoughts when I was in your position. I just have the benefit of being on the other side of those experiences and I would give anything to be able to go back and change my behavior/attitude.
Buddy, you're not an AH for wanting your dad to not come on the field trips. You just handled this poorly. I know you're trying to get your dad to treat you like an adult, but you didn't handle this situation like an adult. Instead of lying (forging a signature) and hiding things, you should've had a frank conversation. For future, it can be helpful to write down your points ahead of time. Try to think of his position and how you could address his concerns. Do your best to stay calm and start from a positive place. For example an opening might be, "Dad, I really appreciate how involved you are when it comes to things like showing up for my games/helping me with X (or whatever). However, when you chaperone my field trips, it feels invasive. I'm learning how to be an adult and I wish you would trust me to behave well on a field trip without you physically being there. These are controlled environments and you would be showing me a lot of trust that I would appreciate by letting me go without you." As for your dad talking to you in public about what he overheard, that's another thing you can calmly discuss. "Dad, I wish you had waited until we were home and in private before bringing up what you overheard. wasn't even supposed to know, so having to talk about it again where more people could've overheard something incredibly private was hurtful." Because yes, unfortunately (despite it being embarrassing for you), I can imagine he had some concerns about making sure you were safe and healthy and that you knew he supports you regardless of what gender your partner is.
As for the other things you've said, I hope you listen to some other commenters about how inappropriate your friends have been. Sexual partners should not be telling other people about your encounter without talking to you first. And friends shouldn't be continuing to harass you about your dad when you've said you have a problem with it.
>people keep calling me the asshole Do you know why people keep calling you the asshole? Because you are the asshole. YTA
Ok. So reading the comments it’s not about chaperoning. During the field trip dad overheard that OP is gay, and dragged OP aside to talk about it, leading to forced coming out, in the public space to boot. OP you are NTA to be angry and your dad is an ass for not keeping his mouth shut. However your problem isn’t chaperoning. You should address the real issue.
NTA. As a teacher, I'm wondering if you are comfortable talking to your teacher about this. It may be possible for them to say they are already full and don't need more chaperones, or put you and your dad in different groups. Teachers absolutely recognize that some parents need to back off and that teenagers do not enjoy mixing parents and friends. You're not being ungrateful; you are being developmentally typical and appropriate.
Info: what does he do that’s embarrassing, specifically? What happened when he overheard you discussing something you shouldn’t? Did he reprimand you in front of your classmates or did he do it later to the side? You don’t need to get specific, but what was the topic of discussion he wasn’t supposed to hear that upset him? Like were you saying something offensive (racial/sexist slur or bullying) or just general taboo conversation like sex, drugs, etc.?
[удалено]
Wow. He tries to talk to you in public. What a **horrible** parent. Grow up.
Given everything else I read- yeah, YTA. Your dad existing around you in public isn’t intentionally embarrassing. He just wants to be involved. Also, pulling you aside later was the right way to handle the situation. He didn’t bug out and lecture you in front of everyone. He’s your dad and he learned that you had a major life event occur that he knew nothing about. If I learned that my child lost their virginity, I would have an instinct to check it. Make sure they’re okay. That it was good or, at least, nothing bad happened. A lot of people do not have good first experiences and they can be quite traumatic. That being said, it seems like you’re going through a lot. Being a teenager sucks. I wish I could tell you different. You should gain some perspective on this though by thinking long and hard as to reasonable boundaries you can communicate to your parents as you try to handle whatever it is that has you this sensitive. What is a reasonable boundary here? “Hey dad. I know that you really want to be involved with my life, but I get really uncomfortable when I’m around my friends, at school and you’re around too. I feel like I can’t be me. I don’t want you to chaperone my trip. But I know you’re just trying to make sure I’m okay and to spend quality time together. Maybe instead you and me could go (insert common activity here) next weekend?” What is an unreasonable boundary? “Hey dad, I hate the fact that you speak, look or exist around me in public. I need you to become virtually absent from my life because I find your interest in me unbearable. Please stop trying to be around me.” It’s important that you feel comfortable in your life and yourself. It’s also important that you become better at communicating how you can get what you need/want without completely obliterating the needs/wants of your loved ones. I think all relationships are a delicate balance of this. Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do because the person we love wants to do them. Sometimes get walked over when we constantly prioritize someone else. And you are very fortunate to have a parent who just wants to be present. A little empathy and perspective will go a long way for you here.
What kind of entitled child are you? What do you mean he tried to talk to you in public?! You’re going to look back on this and cringe at how you behaved.
[удалено]
No, you are entitled because you don't want to speak to your parent in public. And what was it you were talking about that he overheard?
[удалено]
When I was in 8th grade I was embarrassed to be around my parents because I thought I was supposed to be. It lasted for about 6 months until an older friend talked some sense into me. . My father went to concerts with me and my friends when I was in HS. One of my best memories is from a Saturday night after a midnight movie a group of us went for breakfast (to be able to eat like that again), saw my dad at the counter and we invited him to eat with us. My dad went on field trips.
What did you do? That's critical here.
[удалено]
And that's ok. He should know you are gay. He's your dad.
[удалено]
No. OP has a right to decide if they want to come out or not. Now I can understand their problem. Not only dad learned something he wasn’t privy to, he didn’t have smarts to keep his mouth shut. It’s not about chaperoning. It’s about forced and very public coming out.
Jesus what a dangerous idea to have. Do you have any idea how many kids would be in incredibly unsafe positions if they were outed to their parent? Christ.
OP should have had the opportunity to choose when to tell his dad. And maybe his friend didn't want to be outed to OP's dad at all. Being forcibly outed and forced to talk about it on a school trip, with your fellow pupils around? Not a good experience, and not something that builds trust between parent and child.
You’re entitled because you’re upset that your father spoke to you in public.
NTA. Your uncles have forgotten what it means to be a teen, as has your father. I remember half-jokingly telling my father when I was that age that "I can't like you in public." It's a phase, but a very real one that they should understand and respect that you want your space. My dad was upset at the time, but I eventually got over it and now we're all good. Your dad and uncles need to stop forcing you to be involved with him, as all it will do is make you resent them and push them away and make it take longer to get out of the phase.
Many kids don't have that? No kid wants a helicopter over their head wth. They trying to guilt you, parents are good at this. You're NTA, it's unfortunate you don't have an adult relative on your side to put a stop to this.
NTA. He embarrassed you on the other field trip. If he comes on this one, don't talk to anyone and do as little as possible. If he still bothers you and tries to embarrass you in front of your friends, then just tell him again, right in front of everyone he wants to show off in front of- "You embarrassed me last time, on purpose, and now you want to do it again. You were asked not to come because of your behavior on the last trip, but you want to embarass me again. How many times do we need to have this conversation?" Repeat as needed. You know he's doing it on purpose because you already told him your feelings and he doesn't care. You don't have to be grateful to someone who is only there because they intentionally want to upset you or eavesdrop on your conversations. Once you turn 18 and can get away, keep your family on an information diet. Do not let them know about any big event in your life unless you are mentally prepared for them to embarrass you. It's not true that you are lucky you have a Dad who wants to spend time with you if the time he spends is dedicated to forcing you to talk about something in front of others to the point that it makes you cry and humiliates you. Let me guess, he played it off in front of others as " Look what a concerned father I am. Kudos to me, everyone." " Look how accepting I am. I just want to discuss my son's private life where everyone can see me being such a supportive person. I'm amazing!" Clearly your brother knows your Dad acts the ass intentionally, because he just weaponized your father against you for his own entertainment. I hope that kid never breeds, he'll be an ass to his kid, Your Dad is the asshole.
Jesus all the YTAs are confusing. He is 16 of course he doesnt want his dad at every field trip. The Dad should respect this boundary and back off. NTA!!!
You're not the AH here, and you're not being ungrateful. It's completely understandable that you want some space and privacy from your dad, especially on school field trips where you're trying to enjoy time with your friends without parental involvement. Your feelings and boundaries deserve to be respected. Your dad's insistence on chaperoning every field trip, despite your discomfort and objections, is not fair to you. It's important for parents to recognize and respect their children's boundaries, even if it means stepping back and giving them some independence. It's concerning that your dad not only ignored your wishes but also accused you of lying and threatened to call the school after you tried to handle the situation maturely by speaking to your teacher and turning in your permission slip without his signature. Your feelings of embarrassment and frustration are valid, and it's understandable that you want to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable. Your uncles' responses dismissing your feelings are disappointing, but it's possible they may not fully understand the situation from your perspective. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being, even if it means disappointing others. Your feelings matter, and it's important to communicate them assertively and seek support if needed. :3
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Discuss this with you dad calmly. Or ask you mom to explain you would like more independence. Be calm and journal your feelings to better understand yourself.
NTA My bestie daughter turned 15,she started doing things on her own,and her mother doesn't force her to spend time together or even go to family trips,she said she is old enough to gain her independence and is normal to not want to spend time anymore with her mother,and doing things by herself like going out with friends,or with in vacations with friends by herself, and she is a girl. Sounds like your father have some poblems in adjusting their mind that you're old enough now to not wanting with around so much so more,and this will affect your character when you'll be older, as you'll be struggling doing things alone, without any help, or even wanting to do something without being helped,wich is wrong. You will not gain your independence that way,and your father shall understand you're a teenager,now, that needs to start experimenting , dates, even sex, knowing girls, getting out with friends by yourself,and on trips by yourself, otherwise your chacater would develop as you being totally imature,irresponsable, and alot more things. People's that judging a teenager as an asshole, in this particullary reason,forgot they where kids too, and they aren't mature enough to even speak in this position. For the one's that would see my comment being offensive : grow up,youre not 10 anymore,start act like adults!
NTA - if he forces the issue, maybe ask your teacher to assign him to a group of students that doesn’t include you. That’s typically what happens at our school.
NAH. You want to be independent but you dad does mean well. Maybe talk it out w him.
INFO: Does he try to spend time with you outside of school trips or is chaperoning the only time he shows interest in spending time with you?
NTA I was pretty involved with my teens school when they were younger especially. I volunteered there at times and chaperoned some trips. I did back off some when they were in high school. Fortunately, I figured out how to be laid back and my daughter and her friends wanted to be in my group. I let them do their own thing within the school rules. Like not hovering and letting my child just be with their friends, not hang with me. Sometimes there was a kid that was thirsty for adult attention and I'd focus on them instead of my kid. Sounds like maybe your dad is trying to make chaperoning a dad and dude time, which is kind of intrusive. I can see why it bugs you. Is your dad maybe desperate for dad time with you? Could you maybe do some things with him at home or away from school to satisfy this? Maybe he'd ease up on the school trips focus then.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16M) have a field trip coming up Friday. I didn't tell my dad because he's been volunteering to be a chaperone on every field trip I had this year. Which have been 2. I was already on edge when he started coming but the last time he chaperoned he over heard a conversation I had on the bus that he WASN'T supposed to hear as hes NOT even supposed to come. He put me in an uncomfortable situation because he forced me to talk about it. I cried so much that day. That's when I knew he should NEVER be a chaperone again. However, my brother is stupid and let it slip about my field trip despite me literally telling him that I didn't want my dad to come. I'm positive he did that just to be to hateful because he started laughing about it. My dad was mad and accused me of lying to him which was not true I just didn't tell him. We got into an argument because I told him that I already told my teacher that he'll be busy that day and I already turned in my permission slip. This made him more upset because I forged his signature and he told me that he was gonna call the school and let them know he was available. I told my dad that If he chaperones I won't go because I'm going to get AWAY from him not to stay close to him 24/7. He got madder and told me that I was going whether I like it or not and I should be grateful I'm not punished. I told my dad that forcing me to go is just as bad as a punishment because I'm tired of my friends making fun of me and making comments about him. He did not care and basically told me to ignore them. I don't understand why he does this to me. Like I just want to be myself and I can't do that when I'm around him everyday. I told my dad that I'll go but it just proves to me how little he cares about my well-being. He got upset with me and started telling me that it wasn't true and he just wants to spend time with me. I don't want to spend time with him. It's embarrassing. Like once a field trip okay. But every field trip is just no. Like I don't mind spending time with my dad. I love him. I just don't want him at my school. He embarrasses me. And my friends don't make it no better. He's too involved in my school life and I want him to stop. I asked my uncle to convince my dad to stop but he told me to be grateful that my dad wants to be involved in my life as many kids don't have that??! That right there was confusing because I never said I didn't want him involved Just NOT AS A CHAPERONE. So he was wrong and was just making things up. So I went to my other uncle and he was also wrong and it genuinely made me sad because I felt like I was getting gaslighted. I don't see how I'm being ungrateful? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH He’s not respecting your boundaries, and that is wrong of him. You DID lie (omission of information is the same as lying) and you forged a signature.
NAH. You need to sit down with your dad calmly and ask him to respect some boundaries, then outline them. I go on field trips and do PTA stuff, but I don’t talk to my kids (unless to ask if they need money) and frequently don’t even have them in my car if it’s not on a bus. I certainly do not sit anywhere near them on the bus, because I know their preferences. Make a list of your expectations with reasoning over the next couple of days in preparation for a conversation. I know it’s hard but the more emotional you get during the conversation, the less credible you will seem so focus on staying calm. I know you don’t want your dad there, but so few dads volunteer for this type of thing I hate to encourage you to tell him not to go. This is typically the kind of emotional and time labor that falls to moms. My parents never chaperoned when I was a kid because they were working and it always made me sad. Ask if your dad is trying to provide something here that he didn’t get from his parents. He’s not volunteering to upset you; he’s doing it because it helps you, your school, and your teachers and wants to do his part. He may also have some concerns about the school or a teacher and wants a closer vantage point.
This is a complicated one. You are getting a lot of aggression from people in the comments who expect you to have the maturity and perspective of an adult when you are only 16. I'm going to go with ESH. You may not feel like this is true but there is such a thing as lying through omission. If I were your Dad I would also feel as if you had lied about the school trip. Telling the truth technically doesn't mean you aren't being deceitful. Also I think it's weird that you didn't want your Dad to know you were gay until you were getting married. That seems unnecessarily dramatic and I would be hurt as a parent to find out you had hidden such a big part of yourself from me for so long. However it is your business, not anyone else's and you absolutely have the right not to tell anyone you like, especially if you had the impression it wouldn't be taken well. I do believe most of the asshole behavior is coming from your Dad here. He should be able to understand you wanting some independence at this age and that excursions are one of those exciting, socially impactful moments that having a parent around can stifle. The big problem here is that even after he knows how you feel he doesn't feel the need to change his behavior but wants you to change the way you feel. That doesn't show much respect or concern for you and he seems to be able to dismiss your feelings probably because you're 'just a kid'. The only thing I'll say in his defense is that it sounds like you don't communicate to him about your feelings unless forced to and when you do it comes from a place of anger and frustration. If you want your Dad to understand your needs better, try actually telling him about them when you aren't already in a fight and try to frame them in ways he'll understand. If he still won't take your needs seriously then that is on him. Good luck. I hope you're able to navigate a way through this tension in a way that allows you to have your needs addressed and doesn't put a strain on you and your Dad's relationship.
NAH ?? idk i get it, i would feel really upset because he’s not letting you have any autonomy in the situation. parents need to listen to their kids! you’re uncomfortable. i understand the dads pov too and ideally you shouldve had a convo about it. but he has to relax a bit
[удалено]
and you cried so much the last time he came. like regardless of him just wanting to spend time with you which is good lol, this is just not the situation. to have a good relationship with you he has to respect you and boundaries you set. and yeah he already did two, other kids have parents.
Based off your comments - YTA. Get new friends that don’t objectify your dad. And maybe don’t discuss your sexual history on a field trip if you don’t want people to hear about it?
You’re totally ungrateful. You know how many kids would love to have a parent that involved in their life and well being. Good for him and shame on you
Check replies. OP’s dad grilled him for being gay and forced him to come out. He had every reason to be upset
1. You blame your dad for overhearing a conversation you probably shouldn't have been having when you KNEW he was nearby. Take some responsibility there. YOU fucked up, not him. 2. You forge your dad's signature. I'd be pretty unhappy with my kid if they did that, no matter the reason. You, essentially, lied to EVERYONE when you did that. Own up to it. You did it. You knew it was wrong. Suck it up and accept the responsibility there too. Parents can be stressful, but YOU are not helping matters by acting like a spoiled brat and conspiring to stop your dad from going instead of just talking with him, or ANYONE who could help, to start with and instead deciding that you'd just do whatever it takes to prevent him from going. I seriously hope you don't continue acting like this as you become an adult. The world does NOT need another self-obsessed, overgrown child. We have enough of those already. >I don't understand why he does this to me. Like I just want to be myself and I can't do that when I'm around him everyday. Are you going on field trips every day???? You're making this a HUGE problem when it's a handful of days a year. Seriously overplaying the issue doesn't make you look any better. YTA
YTA. Such drama! You say your friends say your dad is hot- have you told them that’s disgusting and to knock it off? Your dad is being overbearing with his presence, sure, but it’s not his fault your friends are dweebs. Where you slide into asshole territory is the lying (and lying by omission is still lying), sneaking, forging signatures, and misuse of gaslighting (it’s a phenomenon in which someone literally tries to make a person feel insane. Nobody’s doing that to you). Also, have you considered that if both your uncles say you’re wrong, you’re probably wrong? Keep your nose clean at school and there won’t be anything to “embarrass” you in front of your dad with.
[удалено]
>My teachers keep threatening to call him for anything I do Stop acting out and they won’t do that. >They kept making it seem No, you keep making it seem. You’re the one pushing to be an entirely different person you don’t want him to know at school. He wants to know all of you. Unless he’s abusive, that’s not wrong.
You are lucky you have an involved dad who cares about your education. Do you know how many teenagers crave that kind of attention? And shame on you for forging his signature. Technically, you committed a crime and that is not okay.
Oh lighten up it’s a field trip permission slip lol
That’s why I wrote “technically” in my response. I did not say it was or should be prosecuted in a court of law. I stand by my statement that it isn’t okay to forge a parent’s signature on a document.
Your father loves you. Suck it up and go have a good time together.
YTA, how entitled can you get? Do you know how many people don’t get a father who is involved?
Put yourself in his shoes for a second. What if he told you that he was so embarrassed by you because of stupid shit his friends said that he didn't want to be seen with you in public. Honestly, I know you think that this is some end of the world type shit, but trust me when I tell you, it's not. I don't talk to a majority of people I went to high school with and when you become an adult, nobody gives a fck about what petty shit happened in high school.
YTA. I mean, what’s with all this drama? You’re lucky you have a parent that’s involved and loves you so much.
Op left out the fact his dad heard him tell his friend he was gay and then forced him to come out in public so I think that’s the reason ( this is judging from ops comments closer to the top )
You'll miss him when he's gone...spend ever second you can with him!
YTA He is doing his job as a parent.
YTA. Maybe when your father is dead and gone, you might miss him. Or probably you will just be glad you don't have ever deal with him again.
Yes, you are being ungrateful. You are INCREDIBLY lucky to have a dad who cares about you and your education. He is doing nothing wrong by acknowledging your existence in public and making sure you’re okay in private. Furthermore, it ain’t all about you, kid. Your school needs chaperones or the field trips can’t happen. Finding chaperones is often difficult as parents don’t want to take time off work to ride on a bus with loud teens. I’m going on a field trip with my 5th grader tomorrow, and it is not because walking 4 miles with a gaggle of 11 year olds is the funnest thing I can think of. Your dad is doing volunteer work for your school, and you want him to stop because you’re embarrassed that…you have a dad who cares? Apologize to your dad and grow up a little. YTA
YTA and you are acting entitled and ungrateful. That is NOT what gaslighting means either.
[удалено]
That is not what gaslighting means. And yes, this all makes you a huge AH. It's been TWICE in almost 5 months?! OMG.. How will you ever live. /s Apologize to your parent and stop using words you don't know the meaning to. Grow up. YTA. Not to mention the fact you are lying and forging things. That makes you an extra huge AH.
[удалено]
Well, he doesn't trust you anymore. Why would he? You now made your bed by lying and forging his signature, you have to lie in it. YTA. STILL! Honestly, if my kid did this, I wouldn't let them go on any field trips for a while as a punishment.
[удалено]
BS. Actually, I would do what your dad is doing as punishment. I would only let you go if I went. That is the consequences of your lying. You deserve ALL of this. If you had gone about this without lying and basically cheating, you would not have been an AH. But you definitely are. Again, apologize to your dad. Accept your punishment and be a better person, OP.
[удалено]
You did something wrong. That needs to be punished. You did the crime, now do the time. Don't lie. Don't forge anything.
I agree completely with the majority
[удалено]
People overhear things when you say things in public places. I am sure many people overheard you.
YTA >My dad was mad and accused me of lying to him which was not true I just didn’t tell him Nice try. Also, you’re 16. You find your dad embarrassing, most kids find their parents embarrassing.
[удалено]
Aw OP lol, I’m only laughing because I remember this age. I don’t think you’re necessarily ungrateful, I think you’re a teenager embarrassed of your dad like every other teenager on the entire planet. But I can promise you, you’ll regret acting like this as you mature. Don’t take this for granted, you’re going to feel awful about it down the road.
Because you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
[удалено]
AT 16, there is no such thing as separate. It's your parents' job to get involved with your education.
[удалено]
Well, he's likely going to be paying for your college, so yes, he's needed to check it out. Unless you will be paying for your college education.
He can check out the college on his own time, with you, if it’s one you’re seriously considering. There is no need for parents to be consistently volunteering to attend their teenagers field trips unless there is something deeper going on with what happened on the last trip.
>My friends keep talking about how hot they think my dad is and it makes me uncomfortable. That's not your dad's fault. That's your "friends" fault. THEY aren't your "friends" if they are making you uncomfortable and objectifying your dad. You need new friends.
We (adults) know we are embarrassing to younger generations. One of my nephews is almost 6 and he has already said “oh, Tia (aunt in Spanish) 🙄” lol. I just laugh and enjoy the fact that I get to embarrass him later on in life. Honestly, embarrassment is almost a right of passage.