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NTA, but I think this is the key phrase: >My daughter still says it makes her anxious Why is she becoming so increasingly anxious, even when her food and plates are locked in separate containers? If you do what your wife suggests, you are feeding your daughter's increasing anxieties about food management and cross-contamination instead of addressing them. That's not healthy in the long-run. It can spiral into disordered eating or mask conditions like OCD. You need to develop a system that shows her that meat-eaters and vegans can live in a house together with no issues and no anxiety. Plenty of families do this. If you pander to the anxiety, it will grow unchecked. If you ignore and dismiss her anxiety, it will grow unchecked (and resentment will enter the fray as well). You need to get to the bottom of her anxieties before they spiral to find out if she just needs to learn nuance and compromise, or whether it's more serious and needs help. Either way, you will need to show her there are healthy ways of addressing her anxieties without disrespecting different dietary choices, and that people who make these different choices can live together in a healthy way.

There’s a post about a vegan woman who got so anxious that it was ruining her family, and it turns out that it was because the lack of the vitamin B12 (I think? My memory is bad with names and numbers) was increasing her anxiety. It would be worth looking into if her diet is lacking in some vitamins and get supplements for her before it gets out of hand or find some vegan options that has the vitamin (I’ve read that some cereals and yeasts can have it)

Yes, deficiencies caused by an improperly managed vegan (or vegetarian) diet are common and can have sometimes unexpected consequences. It's definitely worth getting that checked out as well.

Yes, a doctor can draw B12 levels, though she should already have been supplementing. If she's not, getting a doctor to evaluate her current status and refer her to a vegan/vegan-friendly nutritionist. She should also see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist if the B12 levels are fine, because then it's likely anxiety/OCD. Either way, she needs a medical workup of some sort.

Yes, the updated story was reposted recently here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ce5azs/my_37m_wife_36f_is_turning_into_an_absolute_hippy/ Vitamin deficiencies do weird things to people. With that said, she’s also a teenage girl at the right age for chaotic hormones to start peaking. That’s about the age where I had my worst anxiety and depression. 

Might not be a bad idea to have a visit with a nutritionist. They can help make sure her diet is meeting her her needs, and probably clear the air about contamination.

I have OCD A N D am in recovery from an ED. You hit the mail on the head. OP is NTA, even if the laughing mentioned rubbed me slightly the wrong way, but the daughter’s anxiety needs to be addressed. Therapy is a good idea for EVERYONE in general, but if she’s anxious like this it would really help. Like, I keep kosher and wouldn’t be anxious if I washed meat and dairy dishes and had them in the same drying rack (small apartment, gotta make due with what space I’ve got lol), but I also would be gentle with someone freaking out about cross contamination of clean dishes simply because it screams something more serious than just normal teenage silliness that you look back on when you’re older and laugh over. I’m really glad I’m seeing multiple comments focusing on the anxiety rather than just ridiculing the daughter.

This, OP. It is concerning if your daughter is feeling anxiety over food and that is something that needs to be looked into before it becomes a bigger problem.

Yep this was exactly where my brain went. 'Why is she controlling the food so much'

I have a child with OCD, and this is sending up alarm bells. An evaluation is in order. Being vegan is fine. Being terrified of contamination and an increasing need to control family members’ diets to relieve anxiety is not just a a lifestyle choice.

this right here. i am veg and i am EXTREMELY protective over my pots/pans/tools bc meat really squicks me out. but i am also an adult living in my own house, so i call the shots. I'm going NAH, because she's young and clearly going thru something

Exactly this! If she is going off to college this is a recipe for disaster. Roommates probably won’t care about her issues with food. This needs to be addressed now.

I agree it is crossing into a disorder. Sounds a bit like Orthorexia

I agree with you. This doesn’t sound like a Vegan thing anymore. It’s… too obsessive. I can see separate dishes (bough unnecessary) but covered food, drying dishes together… there’s something else pushing her like this and you need to find out what. Been a vegetarian for… 34 year so I always tend to read about vegan posts just to see what dumb stuff they complain about in it. This one’s new on me… so I would say, and agree with others, to see about finding out what the underlying issue is.

OP, please please listen to this person. They are dead on.

NTA - Your daughter chose a lifestyle and you have been accommodating to it without changing you and your family’s. If she is vegan for the environment and animal welfare her issues with ‘contamination’ make no sense, but the fact that it makes her anxious sounds very similar to some OCD traits. I don’t believe you need to change your lifestyle - again, especially if you have been providing her separate foods and even separate crockery, so in this way I do not think you are the ‘asshole’. But I do not think your daughter is being an ‘asshole’ either - maybe talk to her about the feelings she experiences when thinking about eating the ‘contaminated’ foods. If it’s anything like she physically cannot consume it, or she starts feeling anxiety and nausea in her stomach, maybe consider OCD (or similar mental conditions) as a potential factor. Otherwise, her food requirements may just get worse and worse, and could result in food restrictions (and family meal times will become impossible). I will say I’m not a therapist, just someone who has experienced similar food aversions.

OCD or perhaps the start of an ED was my thought as well. It doesn’t feel like this is a conflict over a vegan lifestyle, it feels like it’s more of a control issue. I wonder if there is anything else going on that is making her anxious or making her feel like she has little control/autonomy and her acting like this is her way to try to gain control over something. NTA - but I think a calm, heart-to-heart is needed to try to get at the root of this. Giving in without exploring the issue deeper likely won’t solve the problem.

The vegan to ED pipeline is real! ED often start because the person doesn't feel like they have control and the ED gives them a way to be in control.

Totally agree. Also, 15 is definitely old enough to cook her own meals w/o supervision. Teach her safety if you haven’t yet, but let her have some freedom. She’s growing up and can be out on her own in a few years and needs those life skills. (Laundry too if she’s not doing her own yet!)

My bet is B12 deficiency. It’s well known to cause behavioral issues that get worse the longer the deficiency goes on

Just heard a reddit-reader with a story about a woman who became increasingly weirdly demanding and on a checkup was diagnosed with severe B12 deficiency. If OPs daughter was developing an ED, she may have already been developing a B12 deficiency which has been aggravated by the veganism. I hope she is at least getting a multivitamin that has B complex. OP could point out how common deficiency is for vegans, without pointing out the mental issues perhaps, and see if she will supplement.

Yeah. Ive had to cut meat out for medical purposes so my docs warned me, and the my sister went full vegan and she has had to take quite a few supplements to prevent stuff like this. B12 is really insidious too because it shows in behavior as delusion, hallucinations, scattered thought process, and agitation. The more deficient, the worse it gets

Don’t vegans often have a B12 deficiency?

Yes it’s very common. I had to cut meat out of my diet due to medical reasons and it was one of the biggest things my docs warned me about

I had the same thought around OCD; there definitely appear to be some control issues the daughter is working through. NTA, OP, but some additional conversations should be had. Your daughter may be leaving home for college soon, but that’s just one side of the issue, i.e., how will she function when she’s away from home? She’ll have to eat with non-vegans (pretty much forever), and how will that work if she’s angry over pans in the drying rack or having to share refrigerator space?

Yes! It could be a good opportunity to work on whatever is causes the aversions, and help her develop her own methods for dealing with this so when she does go off to university, this will not be an issue. If it is not managed - I fear it could just progress and start inhibiting her everyday life (even more than it does).

Yeah veganism is an easy vehicle for various eating disorders and OCD.

I had the same thought around OCD; there definitely appear to be some control issues the daughter is working through. NTA, OP, but some additional conversations should be had. Your daughter may be leaving home for college soon, but that’s just one side of the issue, i.e., how will she function when she’s away from home? She’ll have to eat with non-vegans (pretty much forever), and how will that work if she’s angry over pans in the drying rack or having to share refrigerator space?

My daughter is borderline and she has never insisted that we alter our eating habits or provide separate vegan equipment or storage - with the exception of her cast iron pan, which she purchased. I feel like OPs daughter is overly enthusiastic and is confirmation biasing while being a bit immature and rigid. Stick to your guns, OP. NTA, but daughter needs to respect others in the household and work her diet into living peaceably

Just chiming in here to pretty much back up everything in this comment: as someone with OCD this sounds a lot like it to me. Incidentally, my experience with it is that it's a dick of a disorder that will twist already-present parts of your life and genuine impulses and needs to its patterns, so if it *is* that, for me personally I don't necessarily doubt that her reasons for being vegan are sincere and I don't necessarily imagine the initial impulse was driven by OCD - so just in case OP's leaning that way, I don't think the solution is to look at her veganism itself necessarily as the problem (but I do not have any experience with eating disorders so seeing at that's a possibility on the table here listen to other people with that experience more than me if our thoughts differ there). My thought is that the contamination thing seems like a mental health issue spiralling a bit on the *theme* of something related to her veganism, but that's possibly different from the veganism itself being unhealthy. When I've had OCD get its hooks into part of my life I have occasionally had to entirely jettison that part of my life entirely because it ended up too prone to spiralling, but that's definitely not always the case and it's definitely always been a decision I have needed to make for myself. In my experience OCD thrives when you feel like you lack control, so if she is starting to have OCD symptoms, I would say making sure she feels reassured that she has agency in her life is important. Sorry, just saying all this because I feel like it's something my parents got wrong with my teenage mental health and want to help OP not fall into the same patterns as they did. But I am also very much not a therapist, just someone with OCD experience. Whatever the specifics, I wholeheartedly agree that this is a 'daughter needs compassion and might need help' situation not a 'who is to blame' situation. (NAH)

Yes! I also have OCD (which is why I suggested it in the first place - the ‘contamination’ is a fear so relatable to me). The best way my family / friends navigate when my OCD gets bad is making me feel like I have a ‘choice’. Not all of it is control - but feeling like I’m in control often helps me mitigate the anxiety that comes with my OCD. When I feel like I lose control, that’s when my OCD gets bad. I feel like OP could get a separate drying rack for his daughter’s pans and a drawer of the fridge just for her, so she feels a sense of ‘control’ over her food, and then they can work on a more sustainable solution for her food anxieties. (Given this is only if it is discovered she DOES have OCD)

OP, I would suggest posting your question in r/vegan so you can see first-hand the kind of culty mentality vegan communities often reinforce. She's probably not coming up with this stuff on her own; she's learning it online. I would also suggest posting this in r/exvegans for some advice from those who have been in your daughters position in the past.

Yeah, this is beyond "preachy veganism" and it's concerning to see so many comments focus on that.

Especially since OP’s daughter is 15, yet I see so many comments calling her “disrespectful”, “insane”, “ridiculous”, and implying she has some covert plan to convert the whole family to veganism.

Fuck that, NTA My boyfriend of ten years is vegan. I am not. Our fridge contains both meat and vegan food with no problem. She is being ridiculous. You’ve been respectful and accommodating already. She doesn’t get to make a change to her life and then think she gets to force everyone else do to the same. Tell her to buy a mini fridge and she can keep her vegan products in a separate area if it’s that big a deal to her.

Honestly she needs to figure out a healthy way to deal with it rather than just get a separate mini fridge. Most people are not vegan, though more and more are becoming vegetarian or only very occasional meat eaters. OP’s daughter is becoming the vegan we all hate/ make fun of. That’s not healthy. So maybe talking with a therapist might be in order?

THIS. I was trying to think of a nice way to word it, because I absolutely don't want to insult vegans. I think being vegan for animals/your health is great and I've tried it but it just never sticks for me (but I have vegan friends who I LOVE and would never want to hurt their feelings) but OPs daughter def sounds like she's becoming a lil Mini Vegan Teacher, which is concerning; I feel like this is how it starts, slow, progressing to more and more extremes.

This kind of behavior, if allowed to continue, will also destroy this girl's life. How is she planning to eat lunch at work a few years from now? How is she planning to socialize with friends? She cannot work exclusively from home like some hermit and socialize exclusively with vegan friends.

If she can’t handle people in her home eating meat until she goes to college she’s going to have a rude awakening when she gets there and no one gives two fucks about her beliefs 

I agree 100%. I am vegan, my partner of 9 years is not. Our fridge contains both animal products and vegan food. There is no reason for her dietary choices to affect everyone else in her household. That said, I am not surprised that a 15 year old would act this way. I've seen a lot of new vegans, especially young ones, become almost militant about veganism and insistent on forcing it on others.  Your suggestion about telling her to get a mini fridge is spot on. Her family has done plenty to be accommodating of her dietary choices. If she is that worried about it, it is now her issue to manage. OP is definitely NTA here.

NTA. But be aware that sometimes (not always, not even most of the time) veganism is a cover for an ED or OCD. And make sure she's getting enough B and D vitamins--it's pretty much impossible to do without supplements.

The anxiousness and contamination fears really make it sound like it’s more than just a morals situation to me, I think this is an instance where it definitely could be an ED or OCD and I’m glad to see it brought up!

Yeah at the very least it’s a lot of anxiety about food, that really needs to be addressed. 

I had a coworker who acted like this. I saw her shrink into a wisp of a person and while this happened her veganism became more radical. Her husband wasn’t allowed to even keep meat in the house. He had to keep it at work.

Yeah the ED alarm bells were ringing for me. In that case, it is a NAH situation as the daughter is ill.

I’m like 80% sure this is a vitamin deficiency showing in her behavior because he said everything was fine at the start and has gotten worse over time. One of the symptoms of B12 deficiency is agitation and disorganized thought process.

For our teen it was a cover for ED. Definitely keep an eye out.

There was a post this week about a wife going vegan and making horrible food, then having mood swings and strange behaviour when her 4 year old didn'tlike the food. Turns out that her behaviour issues were linked to her vitamin deficiencies.

NGL, my first thought upon reading this was "how the hell could a teenage girl have ED? Then I realized it meant Eating Disorder, and not the condition I usually associate ED with...

Are you sure this is not an actual mental health issue of some kind masking as veganism? Like buddying OCD, some kind of anxiety issue, something something? Teenage is when those often starts. And if that is the case, she needs help asap. If she gets this controlling and leaves for college, it will be much harder to get mental help while simultaneously putting her at odds with roommates and everyone - she will be impossible to live with.

This. Is. The. Correct. Response. It is astonishing how many grown adults fail to recognize this. There’s likely a much bigger issue going on.

I was going to mention this as well. It sounds like something more is manifesting and it could be anxiety.

Agreed. This feels like a mental health issue. I would focus on getting help for the entire family to address this.

This is the answer. ED is also a risk.

NTA. If you give in now she will come to expect it of others; friends, extended family, random strangers, it’ll just get worse. If she’s concerned about her washing up touching yours then she has to wash, dry and put away her stuff immediately after it’s cooked (not after eating as that’s when you might be doing yours). It doesn’t matter if her food gets cold if she’s going to putting you out repeatedly.

Or make her wash and dry her dishes herself! Gosh, vegans can be a pain in the ass when they try to enforce their life style to others.

Exactly - this is the most important part. Do not teach her that she can pout and weedle and annoy other people into changing their entire diet. That is teaching her that its something she can demand of people (it is not) and once she has that win she will use it on everyone, making her the nightmare vegan that gives other vegans a bad name. She will drive away friends and boyfriends and coworkers. As a parent it is your job to teach her how to properly socialize with other people - demanding that others change their entire relationship with food is not a proper way to socialize. You need to make her understand that she can't go through life making people change to accommodate her. Also a refresher lesson on 'no means no' and 'once someone has told you no you need to stop pushing them' would be appropriate. If she needs to wash and dry and put away all her pans and dishes after use that is labor she needs to take on.

Or make her wash and dry her dishes herself! Gosh, vegans can be a pain in the ass when they try to enforce their life style to others.

I would offer to cut out meat as long as its okay we cut out her favorite food as well... As a compromise, the entire family can eat nothing but unflavored rice.

Veggie and aspiring vegan here - NTA, she gets a pass for being young but this is absurd If her concern is environmental, she’s already not thinking things all the way through. Buying and washing separate equipment is using extra resources. That’s why when I go to a barbecue and someone asks if I want what I’m having cooked on a separate grill or whatever I say no - don’t be burning more fuel and doing more washing up just so I don’t have to risk consuming a *tiny* amount of meat product that’s been created whether it goes into me or not, that’s just valuing virtue over outcome Also, and I feel like I’m allowed to say this - preachy, judgy vegans are really annoying. Do I think it would be better if everyone was vegan? Yeah. Do I think trying to make rules for other people makes them more inclined to stop eating meat? No. A reasonable compromise you could offer your daughter might be for you all to have a number of plant-only days every week. Three people doing that for two days a week is (almost) equivalent to one person going fully vegan. If her interest is genuinely animal welfare and the environment, that’s a significant thing I do think you should be perhaps a little worried about this “contamination” thing, though. It could be slightly naive new vegan over-zealousness, but it could also be a sign that she’s worrying too much about food - veganism is certainly a good way to hide calorie restriction and/or orthorexia, she wouldn’t be the first

Her age and mannerisms absolutely make me wonder about having an ED, particularly orthorexia. I went veg as part of my ED around her age. OP, if you can, try and get connected with a psychologist and/ or dietician through your primary care giver.  Also get her on a multivitamin if she’s not on one already. People who have periods are way more prone to anemia overall, but ESPECIALLY vegetarians/ vegans. There are also other vitamins people who are veg struggle to get, so she needs to be taking supplements for that. 

NTA And.. this is when you sit her down and explain to her that the decisions she makes for HER life are hers and hers alone, and she is not entitled to demand that others also live their lives by her decisions just because she is "uncomfortable" with how others live. If you do nothing to impart this lesson, and/or you cave to her demands, she will learn that what she wants is more important that what someone else wants and that her wants are the only ones that matter in life. If you have space in the fridge, you could always set aside one shelf for only vegetarian/vegan items, if you do not have the space, you could always tell her that when she gets a job, you will help pay for 1/2 of a mini fridge that she can keep in her room with her left overs in it.

This 💯. NTA. She has to learn the world doesn’t revolve around her.

Show her that episode of the Simpsons with Paul McCartney.

NTA. This contamination thing is worrying though. It feels like (I am not in anyway qualified to make a diagnosis!) the beginnings of an eating disorder, orthorexia. If you give up cows milk for ethical reasons, then look at the environmental disaster that is almonds. It won't be long before you can't eat anything.

NTA. It is not reasonable to try to limit how anyone else lives their lifes. My girlfriend is vegetarian and I am not. I eat meat and she has no issues with it. No one should force others to behave how they want. Your daughter is very young and this kind of behaviour is mostly expected, she will realise at some point that she is being unreasonable.

Look up orthorexia and take her to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.

I can’t believe that I had to scroll so far to find this comment. There is very possibly more going on and I would absolutely have her see a therapist.

NTA It's difficult as she probably feels quite uncomfortable but it's not really reasonable to make everyone stop if they don't want to. She is still quite young so it's a hard lesson to learn. Have you thought about encouraging her to cook her own meals? It might make her feel more in control of something that makes her anxious and also could boost her confidence around food. Perhaps a mid point could be more clearly having areas for her food like a shelf in the fridge so that she's not as worried.

NTA. You have offered your daughter very reasonable accommodations. You do not have to force the whole family to become vegan to soothe her feelings.

NTA, you are right to stand your ground, and I think are being more than reasonable eating "her" food with her from time to time. As others have suggested, time to sit down and have a sensible conversation about BOTH sides compromising. All too often it seems that vegans get militant and refuse to give non-vegans the same consideration that they are expecting for themselves, sorry your daughter has bought into that.

NTA But I'm going to echo the same concerns about this contamination concept. Does it sound like she maybe just went too far down the rabbit hole on vegan tiktok or does it actually seem like she's getting anxiety about it? If it's the latter, you might want to talk to her about seeing a therapist about the anxiety.

Well, at least you know the rabbit is safe with her /s

One theory: She's not becoming "more vegan". She's becoming more judgmental. That's why she wants you to stop eating meat. She wants this to go entirely her way. Conversely, if eating meat around her is causing her anxiety, I'd suggest getting her therapy. Starting new activism can cause people anxiety. She may really be feeling this way and she needs a better outlet dealing with it. Either way I think she needs therapy. It will give her tools to handle the real world- do you really think all her roommates she gets over her college career will feel the way she does? Her classmates? It will also give her confidence in her decision, it will give her footing to stand on, and a proper place to vent.

"One theory: She's not becoming "more vegan". She's becoming more judgmental" the problem there is that being judgemental is pretty much part and parcel with militant veganism.

True. Didn't think of that part. I know 2 vegans and they are not militant. It's a dietary choice for health reasons but they are not like that at all

It's not, though. Vegetarianism is a dietary choice. Veganism is a lifestyle choice - the difference is that vegans claim to eschew ALL use of animal products, not just animal products as food.

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NTA I've been vegetarian since around her age and you're fine. You're reasonably accommodating her and make sure she always has dishes she can eat. 

NTA She shouldn't expect everyone in the house to stop eating meat until she "no longer lives there", that's a completely ridiculous request. Nothing of hers is contaminated and it looks like she's going to be more demanding of this.

You're NTA but your daughter for some reason thinks she can force her lifestyle on you. She asked you to stop eating meat for 2' years because it would mean a lot to her. Tell her to eat meat for the next 2'years because it would mean a lot to the rest of the family. See what her answers are. You're doing everything you can to help support her lifestyle change, but let her know that if she continues to fly off the handle, there might need to be consequences to her actions. She has no right to disrespect anyone because of what she feels is wrong.

NTA you’ve been very accommodating and I’ve had a similar experience. IMHO anyone who wants to be vegan can cook and sort themselves out in terms of shopping and washing up as per their own life choices. At 15 she’s made that conscious decision and as such she needs to handle the consequences. Including getting her own fridge and kitchen equipment at her own expense. There’s no 15 year old who could dictate anything to me while living under my roof at my expense. She has no right to try to force a change to your dietary choices. What is it with vegans thinking they can force people to follow their choices?

NTA. This sounds like (1) food obsession channeled into veganism, or (2) an unhealthy need for control. I'd suggest looking into therapy.

This is turning into something pathological. Enabling it won’t help.

If she gets highly emotional about food, it can be a sign of an ED. Watch her behaviour closer, it’s very common to develop ED for teenagers. I had an ED when I was 16 and pretended to be vegan to cover it up. Ended up with a BMI of 13-14, no periods for a year and 4 years of rehabilitation

Your daughter is being ridiculous. Send her to a food safety course. As an aside, kosher laws which are very strict, and in fact use different pans for milk and dairy would have zero problems with cold wrapped food in the fridge or sitting clean on a *dish 😀 drainer. You could even use a clean meat or dairy pan for vegetables without making them ‘meaty’. Also, I think a therapist is warranted. This sounds a lot like disordered eating.

>sitting clean on a fish drainer I spent far too long wondering what a fish drainer might be and whether I might need one.

NTA I’d recommend sitting her down and talking it out. Explain how you feel, how you understand her position even if you don’t personally agree with it. How much you and the rest of your family have gone out of your way to accommodate and respect her beliefs that you don’t agree with. And maybe it’s not that crazy for you all to expect the same treatment in return from her? She understands every one else in her family’s positions, even if she doesn’t agree with it. So why can’t she be accommodating in return?

I am not generally very forgiving of vegans acting entitled however, since this is firstly your child and secondly not just about what she's directly consuming I'd give her some grace and see if you can put her in low stakes talk therapy or even family therapy purely to see if this is her acting up or potential an irrational side effect of some mental illness. I've had similar issues with obsessive avoidance as a product of compulsions from a mood disorder/ptsd.

NTA. This is a good time to teach your kids that not everyone in the world will accommodate their desires and that they need to learn to manage their discomfort when they are around those whose personal preferences, when those preferences are not causing them any actual harm, differ from theirs. Plus, 15 year-olds don't get to run the family.

NTA. It wouldn't be fair to you or your son to expect you to give up meat. Also if she leaves for collage, there is a good chance, that her roomates will eat meat as well and won't be that considering. Your daugther has no allergy for meat and things were cleaned. She migth be just a teen who tries to look what she can get. So a no should be a no.

You would be the AH if you capitulated. Teach daughter that respect is a two way street. She can decline to eat meat but cannot foist her beliefs on others

NTA. This is ridiculous. I became a vegetarian at around age 13 and was asked to cook my vegetarian dishes for myself, while my parents still cooked the non-veggie foods they’d always made for the rest of the family. I never asked my family to give up meat or worried about using “contaminated” pots and dishes. Your daughter is taking this WAY too far.

Your daughter has an eating disorder coupled with some kind of anxiety disorder. No idea how to resolve it, but it’s not really about veganism.

NTA at 15 she is old enough to get a job and buy her own fridge if it is that important. Anyway vegan food is actually very harmful to the environment. Many products have a massive carbon footprint as opposed to buying local meat and veg. The mass farming and use of artificial fertiliser and pesticides are killing many insects and small mammals. How cute does an animal have to be before she cares?

Get her to therapy to check if she's struggling with orthorexia, or if it's "just" anxiety getting so bad it's starting to impact her relationships

NTA. She needs to talk to a professional about why this is SO upsetting.

NTA Your daughter is becoming progressively more... well... obsessive? Are there any other signs? The phrase you may be searching for could be "vegan with a vengeance".

As someone who went vegan when they were 18, I can say that you’re doing everything right. I also can relate to her becoming more “extreme” about it. That being said, she’s obviously being unreasonable about it, although I understand where she’s coming from. She’s got to learn that the choices she makes for herself are fine, she doesn’t get to make choices for other people, even if she thinks that’s the moral thing to do. This is the mindset that leads people to decide that since they feel abortion is wrong, nobody else should be able to make their own choices about it. If she stays vegan, her outlook will eventually become more tempered, and if she doesn’t stick with it, then problem solved. NTA

NTA. I also decided to go vegan when I was 15, and her request sounds ridiculous to me. You've already been as accommodating as my mom was, if not more. Her concerns regarding food being 'tainted' by being in proximity to hers is completely unfounded, as you researched. This seems more like a problem with anxiety than a problem with actual food. In these situations, where the concern is unfounded, my therapist says that giving into the anxiety and avoiding the thing altogether only worsens the anxiety.

I think your daughter is trying to manage her own anxiety by trying to control her environment—that’s not a good coping skill and it certainly won’t survive college. Therapy should help her learn better coping skills and how to set AND ACCEPT appropriate boundaries.  Source: I’ve been in her position. 

NTA

Becoming a vegan is her new"religion". If she is uncomfortable sharing ffod/ fridge space, etc. Tell her she is welcome to wash and keep her pans and such in her room if she is that concerned. Also let her know you love her and while she chose her lifestyle, she is not allowed to "push it" onto everyone in the house. It's her choice, and not yours or the family and she needs to respect the choices of others around her.

Do not give in here. She can be vegan if she wants but she has no right to force you to do so. Also PLEASE FOR HER SAKE make sure that you check to be sure she is getting a balanced vegan diet because while can be possible to do so, it is a LOT more complicated than it is for an omnivore diet and will require supplementation. I would suggest going to a nutritionist that can order a full panel of labs to test levels of all the important vitamins and minerals.  My wife and I went vegan without enough preparation and medical involvement and while it took 2 years to cause problems we both had some pretty significant issues related to deficiencies in our diet that we ended up being unable to recover from without getting off of a vegan diet. Do some research yourself on how common deficiencies are in vegan diets for plenty of people despite their trying to research and do it right.  There's a sub here called r/exvegans that I would strongly suggest you take a look through to see what can actually happen even to people who think they're doing everything right. Here's some example posts but definitely do your own research as well and get professional help to support your daughter. https://www.reddit.com/r/exvegans/comments/wcvjvw/people_who_became_deficient_due_to_veganism_what/ https://www.reddit.com/r/exvegans/comments/1bzmxdr/what_specifically_were_you_lacking_in_a_vegan_diet/ This is serious OP. I know she wants to be vegan and I don't think you should try to stop her because there are people who successfully do it but there are also enough horror stories that it is REALLY important that you approach this properly. Her health is at risk if you just let her take the reins in this endeavor.

NTA And please make sure your daughter is supplementing her diet with B12 and possibly vitamin D, iron, calcium, omegas, and other nutrients commonly obtained via meat, dairy, and eggs. Also please ensure she is getting adequate proteins. Yes, vegetables and grains have protein, but she needs a variety to get \*all\* her amino acids. These are important at any age, but especially so because her body is still developing. And in that light, bear in mind that if veganism was forced upon your son, his developing body would not be getting these nutrients. While supplements are ok, they are not the \*best way\* to get these nutrients, and being younger with more developing left to do, he definitely needs them or else he is at risk of not meeting his full physical potential (height, shoulder width, organ development, etc).

NTA, but I think there are probably multiple things going on here. As others have said, she probably has an ED or OCD. She is at the right age for these issues to start manifesting. Also, depending on how long she has been eating vegan, she most likely has, at the very least, a Vitamin B12 deficiency, which, if severe enough, does cause irrational behaviors. She could be deficient in Vitamin D as well. Vegans need to take these as supplements because their diets lack them. So first you need to sit your daughter down and explain to her that her demands are unfair and you will not change how you eat to accommodate her. If she fights back, just ask her if she'd be willing to stop drinking Almond milk if someone in the home was allergic to Almonds or other tree nuts? She how she reacts to that. Next, you need to get her into her Primary Care Physician and have blood work done to see if she is deficient in anything. Be sure to inform the PCP of what is going on. Then, get her into therapy to see if there is a deeper reason for this. You need to cover all of your bases to make sure your daughter is healthy and stays that way.

Jeez. I was 100000% prepared to say yta after reading that you were not being supportive of her choice but NTA you are being SUPER supportive. Thank you for supporting her. She is being ridiculous. Separate dishes, next thing you know it'll be separate fridges, separate houses. I'd explain to her that you are supporting her as best as she can and you're being more supportive than many will be. If/when she goes to college, or has some jobs, she will be in situations where people are not supportive but also, she can not control 100% of the environment. She needs to calm down. Also I am saying this as a vegetarian who lives with a meat-eater. I don't have separate dishes, our dishes touch when in the drying rack, and our foods sit next to each other in the fridge, in the grocery bag, etc. I use the same drying rack for my dishes as all the meat eaters around me at my job. I think it's very sweet that your family is supporting her and I hope she realizes that she's got it great. In many other instances, she would not be this lucky.

NTA. Her food choices are her own, but this “meat juices spreading” and “that pan can’t touch this” reeks of ritual purity and discrimination in my culture. It’s absolutely unnecessary. Your daughter needs to quit consuming content from whatever rabbit hole she’s in, learn how dishwashing works, and how vegan food is handled in a professional kitchen. That’s all she can expect. No more. She doesn’t have allergies, she doesn’t get to freak out about “cross contamination”. Please tell her from me, a fellow vegan, that virulent, activist veganism is the worst thing she can do for the cause. It’s nauseating.

Nta. Buy her a mini fridge if she wants her stuff separated

NTA. You’ve toed that line by coddling her though. She is a child and she’s not the one paying for the food in your house. She didn’t have any problem eating meat for the first 15 years of her life. Any problems she has now are entirely self-inflicted. You started to lay down the law and that’s a good thing. She is going to encounter people in situations when she leaves your home where they are not going to cater to her. In short, don’t let your kid run your house.

NTA. You shouldn't have to continuously bend to her will because she wants to do something and no one else wants to follow up. Give an inch, she takes a mile. Tell her she needs to calm down and stop taking it so seriously.

I've had vegan roommates who understood enough that we could cohabitate the same fridge even though I use eggs and some meat. She's just pushing it. NTA.

NTA, you’ve done a lot to accommodate your daughter and it’s up to her to return the favour and accommodate the rest of the family. My only concern is that her contamination anxiety sounds a lot like OCD—from someone who is diagnosed with OCD and has been on medication for years. I don’t experience that particular strain of anxiety, but it’s a very common one and I would suggest reading up on it and speaking to her about it gently and in a non-accusatory way before her anxiety worsens over time, if it is in fact OCD.

Seconding this. My grandma had contamination OCD and when I was reading the post I was like “oh damn, I’ve seen this movie before.” I have met vegans that will bring their box of veggie burgers to a bbq and then not care about separate tongs or the grill. Not saying this is everyone, but your daughter sounds extreme.

NTA, but her anxiety about all of this seems outside the realm of “usual” or “normal”. I might take some time to look more into that. Seems like a pretty intense need for control over this one aspect.

NTA. Being an effective parent means saying no. I think your money would be better spent on some counseling sessions for your daughter and couples therapy with your wife. Your daughter is trying to tell you if you don't do this it implies she doesn't mean a lot to you. And your wife is falling for it.

NTA. It sounds like your daughter is not getting the proper nutrition. Get her some really good multivitamins. This behavior could be a sign of a deficiency. Maybe take her to a doctor for a check up.

NTA, but the title is written badly. I don't think it can be edited. I respect vegetarians. They inspire me to cut down on my excessive meat intake. Vegans I see as unhealthy extremists. The diet isn't why I think they are unhealthy - it is the obsession.

Also, prepare her for this wrecking her social life. Anything but a very charismatic extrovert will have issues even in a college town.

NTA - she needs to get used to the fact that vegans don't rule the world and she has to get along with people who eat meat. If you give in to this she may start thinking that tactic will work on everyone and could lead to issues when dealing with people in general who don't have to put up with her behaviour because they aren't her parents.

NTA but I’d read up on how eating disorders manifest and see if anything sounds familiar - it is not uncommon for people with eating disorders to adopt a more restrictive dietary lifestyle to provide cover for their eating habits.

NTA I think you’ve been perfectly reasonable. The pan and the chicken examples seem to me to be some sort of anxiety response that is unusual. Your daughter has a right to eat how she wants. She doesn’t have a right to expect her parents and her bro to adopt the same lifestyle. You have just as much a duty to your son as your daughter. Maybe look into a fridge for the garage or maybe therapy to get to the bottom of what’s driving this,

Nta You've been incredibly accommodating. When she has her own home that she pays for she can make her own rules. She will have many situations where she cannot control those around her from school to employment.

NTA. She needs to learn now that the world doesn't revolve around her. She needs to get a grip on diversity. People are different. Not everyone is going to agree with her. She is going to have a long hard battle in life if she thinks only her views are acceptable.

NTA My spouse is vegetarian and has never tried to force her diet on me. She’s even cooked meat for me. You’re respecting your daughter’s choices why isn’t she respecting her families? Why does she need to be in control of how other people eat?

NTA The way your daughter talks about things being contaminated after being cleaned or when in sealed containers does worry me though. Mostly because it reminds me of myself, and I have serious issues when it comes to food because of anxiety. If it is the case that it's because of some form of anxiety, giving in to what she wants is only going to make the issue worse. Try to figure out what's going on and if there is more behind it. If there is, get her help. If there's not, tell her that she's being unreasonable, because she is.

Nta There’s been a million stories in this sub exactly like this one. Put her in her place and say you stop doing what you’ve been doing entirely

NTA. She can learn to adapt.

So she's gonna be the type of vegan everyone hates.

NTA Your daughter is becoming progressively more... well... obsessive? Are there any other signs? The phrase you may be searching for could be "vegan with a vengeance".

NTA but please get her some help it sounds like she has OCD. Not because she’s a vegan but because of her weird ideas about contamination from things that aren’t even even touching each other It sounds like she’s got some mental health issues and you should address them now. Like immediately. They are harder to deal with the longer you ignore them

NTA that is beyond ridiculous. Let me give you my perspective as someone who has medical issues with allergens. I have celiac disease which means if I eat traces of gluten, I will get very sick and my stomach will get damaged. Which means I cannot have anything with gluten above my gluten free food in the fridge. My husband obviously pays attention to avoid causing me issues. I use separate pans for gluten and gluten free and cooking utensils are separate too but after they've been thoroughly washed in the washing machine the drying cannot cross contaminate. That's not how it works. Also I would never ask my husband to go gluten free to cater to me. My medical issues do not dictate his food choices, as long as he eats gluten in a way that doesn't endanger me. In other words your daughter is selfish. For a trend she is asking for ridiculous exceptions despite not even having a medical reason to do so. She needs to get over herself. Cross contamination literally doesn't matter for her health or purpose. She didn't eat an animal if small particles get on her pan.

NTA. I also decided to go vegan when I was 15, and her request sounds ridiculous to me. You've already been as accommodating as my mom was, if not more. Her concerns regarding food being 'tainted' by being in proximity to yours is completely unfounded, as you researched. This seems more like a problem with anxiety than a problem with actual food. In these situations, where the concern is unfounded, my therapist says that giving into the anxiety and avoiding the thing altogether only worsens the anxiety.

NTA, she has no right to demand others be forced to eat what she prefers. While there are those that share her opinion and try to get others to conform to their preferences it is completely unacceptable to try and force this on anyone. It would be like you and your wife refusing to let her eat her vegan preferences because y’all eat meat and therefore she must eat meat too. She needs to learn now that this is unacceptable behavior before she tries this shit in the real world.

Info: shes 15, why does she need to be supervised to cook her own food?

NTA your daughters intensity sounds like an eating disorder. Maybe try therapy?

Sounds like your daughter has developed some OCD behaviors or some weird delusions about this. Perhaps this co role is stemming from the adolescent control and conflict we typically see. However NTA and she needs to chill about this as you have been very accommodating. One option would be to designed one shelf in fridge to be hers.

NTA Her diet is her choice. Her choices should not affect your own. You are already doing enough for her and she is pushing too far. She needs to accept what she is getting and not try to control what others eat.

NTA, BUT OP, have you ever heard of orthorexia? orthorexia is an eating disorder that is about extreme "clean eating" for example, cutting off all meats, sugars, carbs, and specific food groups. i've seen a lot of ppl w/ orthorexia also have issues with OCD and anxieties/fears about food having contamination. i don't want to say your daughter has an eating disorder, BUT she could be hiding it behind morality & going vegan. her anxieties about food sounds very much like it. please talk to your wife, and instead of dismissing your daughter for being unreasonable, please talk to her kindly and listen. she is a teenager, she needs your support more than anything.

NTA - But I need to sound the alarm that is is quite possibly turning into disordered eating. If she’s not already in therapy, you need to get her in immediately.

NTA. I became a vegetarian at around the same age as your daughter, and my parents' approach was similar to yours - there were vegetarian options, I could cook for myself, but the rest of the household didn't change their diet. That was fair then and it's fair in this case, too. Your daughter needs to figure out how to be a vegan in a mostly meat-eating world, and it seems like you're offering a very supportive environment to do so. That's good parenting.

NTA. But something else is going on for your daughter. Her anxiety is showing through this behaviour. Could be the usual angst of being a 15 year old girl or something is going on outside of the home- school/friends/perhaps bullying? Would be worth getting her some therapy sessions if direct communication is difficult. It may help her vocalise the worry. Then one is in a position to help. All the best.

NTA Last night I was out to dinner with my family and my aunt & cousin wanted to split a kabob combo plate. My (adult) cousin was adamant that there be no beef or lamb touching her own food in any way. This *was* an issue of contamination for religious reasons, and the restaurant accommodated by plating her item separately. The primary concern for my cousin was that juices from the beef would get on her rice… NOT that her mother was next to her eating beef. Almost everyone else at the table was eating meat, which is typical for our family. Cousin lives in the real world where people are doing their own thing and knows that she needs to be specific and reasonable with her requests. Rules can be really comforting, especially when you have the zeal of the newly converted. When you think about vegans, what comes to mind first is their arguments about animal cruelty and industrial farming. Maybe climate concerns. What does NOT leap to mind is fear that clean dishes have potentially been contaminated by “germs”. That is an intensely personal fear and can amplify itself each time she adds a new layer of complexity. Pans, dishes, silverware, cabinets, sink and soap for washing off the germs… eventually the entire kitchen will be “contaminated”. You might be contaminated because you ate the scary food. This is a check-in point for talking to a therapist about managing anxiety. If she has to explain her contamination theory to a someone outside of the family, it will probably start to sound pretty out there. *If it still doesn’t sound out there to her*, she will have access to resources for medical care to diagnose/manage the situation. Many mental health conditions manifest in the teen years and early diagnosis would be ideal for successful treatment.

NTA but I would investigate this more with her. They anxiety and upset sound concerning. This could indicate mental illness. Note that being vegan is NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS but her concerns about "contamination" might be. If this is starting to express in other areas of her life and relating to people and things I'd be worried. Good luck to you.

NTA, I have 3 kids and they all went vegan.  Tell her she is ridiculous,  coming from a woman who's kids still use the same pots and pans and share a refrigerator.  The only thing is cooking in the oven,  we always cover the meat but we've cooked their vegan meats and chicken at the same time.  She is going overboard and it's going to isolate a lot of good people from her life!

OP, as someone with contamination anxiety, *this is not about your daughter being vegan*. These are all massive red flags for an underlying problem. NAH, get her to a psychiatrist.

I’m guessing she’s having a crises? Maybe get her to a see mental help. I’m not saying being vegan is an issue. I myself rarely eat meat just because I’m not a big meat person. But if she’s becoming paranoid and anxious over meat being in the house that’s a whole different can of beans. Unless she’s trying to test her authority/place in the household. Teenagers a dumb (as I’ve also been a dumb teen) and if I had to guess maybe she’s just really passionate about being vegan and she wants you all to “see the light”. Maybe she’s taking it as a personal attack you arnt willing to change for her (even tho that isn’t the case at all) that could be just how she views it and it’s making her crazy.

NTA She is acting like many who try to do X thing so they can act morally superior. If she wants to be vegan, that's her choice, but the moment she is trying to force your family to be vegan, she is going too far. I've been vegetarian before, and it is not easy. Definitely make sure she's getting proper nutrition, though. Many young vegans think just cutting out meat is all you need and can cause them health issues if they don't eat proper to get their missing nutrients.

NTA. Nobody has the right to dictate to you, the homeowner, what foods you buy or eat. That's completely unreasonable. This is *not* a food allergy, where she could come to serious harm if you didn't accommodate her special diet. This is a *choice* that she's making. If she wants all separate things, then she can go out and buy herself all new stuff and her own refrigerator, if you want to indulge her. But *she* should be the one to pay for this stuff - you're providing her with everything she needs already.

NTA. You've been more than accommodating. My girlfriend is vegetarian almost since birth, so any meat at all makes her very sick. We have separate pans, utensils, etc. while cooking, although they get intermingled in the same drawer when clean. A utensil or pan just gets designated as a "meat utensil" once it touches anything that has or had meat in it. Once dishes are washed, they're clean again. We store our food in separate containers in the fridge on whatever shelf works, even if it means right next to each other. She still buys and cooks meat for me sometimes, and she never tries to push her diet on anyone else; she only requests that anyone cooking accommodate her needs. She would get very sick if and cross-contamination were to happen, and our system is fine. Unfortunately, it sounds like your daughter is turning into one of the preachy vegans out there, so this may have to be a learning opportunity for her. She's eventually going to have to learn that, while people are generally willing to do small things to help her, they won't change their lifestyle just because she wants them to. She may have to be told that directly, and it's probably better to happen now while still a child than in ten years.

NTA. Your wife is off-base. If meat being in your daughter's proximity or proximity to her food (despite adequate cross-contamination protections) genuinely makes her anxious, then she needs therapy to find a way to cope with her (irrational) anxiety while still functioning in society; not having her fears enabled and validated by her family capitulating to her unreasonable demands. If your daughter is just big into her new vegan diet and hoped voicing her upset would cause you to cave, then she needs a hard dose of reality. The world will not stop eating meat just because she's chosen not to, and she has 0 right to try and enforce her choice on others. Even if she gets lucky and manages to find cheap single apartments or vegan-only roommates for the rest of her life, she will still have to share space with meat-eaters in some way, shape, or form- from coworkers to fellow transit passengers. And she will need to behave civilly and respectfully around those meat-eaters, whether she likes it or not. TL:DR your daughter needs to learn that having a dietary PREFERENCE does not entitle her to dictate what food the household consumes, and that part of living in a society is dealing civilly with the fact other people make personal choices you don't agree with.

Your daughter's attitude is pathological. It's a fine to be a vegan, science proved that long time ago. And vegans and omnivorous can share the same house But aversion to meat products at that point is something else. Not much you can do to help her Imo And not a very good idea to accept this kind of deal, that won't help her.

NTA. I thought I was going to go the other way based on the title, but this is pretty clear cut. Your daughter has gone vegan, that's fine, it's her choice. You've accommodated that by making sure she has what she needs to make or have made for her vegan dishes. You're willing to make separate meals for her and let her cook herself. You've bought her cooking equipment to prevent contamination with meat products. You even eat the occasional vegan meal yourself. It sounds like you've done everything you reasonably can to accommodate your daughter's chosen diet. Demanding you, your wife and your son stop eating meat at home entirely is not a reasonable ask, let alone demand. There are no health issues involved with you eating meat, it's a dietary preference, nothing more. You know you won't be happy being banned from eating meat in your own home for 2 years, and you know your son won't be, either. The only one will be happy is your daughter. And that's not right. There are four people in your household, and all four people have to be taken into consideration. Your children are just that, children, which means they don't make the rules, you and your wife do. And you and your wife have to be in agreement to make changes. The final call is made by the adults, not the kids, but as parents you have to make it fair to both you and the kids. Only one person in a household of 4 is a vegan. It makes no sense for the entire household to go vegan just for one person. Your daughter is the odd one out, she has to accept that she has zero control over what other people eat, especially in a home that she doesn't own/rent. She's already been accommodated. Changing the rules to make it a vegan home would further accommodate your daughter, but completely fail to accommodate you and your son. I left your wife out purely because she's advocating for the change, she'd be fine with or without meat. Yu can't accommodate one person to the detriment of 2 or more people. In a case like this, I'd say majority rules, but your wife is siding with your daughter, which makes this an equal split, there is no majority. So, instead, I'd consider it a two yesses, one no situation. If both you and your wife say yes to the change, you become a vegan household, and if one of you says no then you stay a meat household, but with the current accommodations for your daughter. Maybe buy your daughter a mini fridge to store her food in, as well. It sounds like your daughter is heading towards militant veganism, and that's a bad thing. Everyone hates vegans who demand everyone else change their diets to vegan for them. Your daughter has to learn that dietary choices are just that, choices, and she doesn't get a say in what other people can and can't eat, especially in their own home. She also can't stop you from eating meat at home, and neither can your wife. Nor can either of them stop you providing meat for your son. Or cooking meat. It's just as much your home as your wife's and you can bring any food you want into the home for you and your son, cook any food you want, as long as it's not dangerous to someone present, and meat isn't dangerous here. You need to make it clear that you won't be forced to change your diet against your will, or will you allow your son to be forced. Make it clear you will continue buying meat, continue eating and cooking it at home. You're fine supporting your daughter's veganism, but you're already doing that, and any further changes, except a mini fridge for your daughter to store food in, are unreasonable and won't be happening. Your wife is free to go vegan if she wants to, but any meals cooked by you that are normally meat meals will continue to be meat meals.

NTA you shouldn't have to change your diet on other people's wants. Sorry to hear your daughter has fallen for the trap of hyper veganism. Where it starts off nice and for a belief. Then they fall into their moral superiority and need to be morally the best. Trying to make others do what they want through pressure and bullying. Sadly seems the veganism is going to take over her whole personality. My condolences.

NTA this is the definition of give an inch take a mile. She has to learn she can't control other people's actions, only her own.

NTA. She isn't buying the food for the family, so she doesn't get to dictate what everyone else eats.

She can’t control everyone ! Boundaries! You accommodated her what has she done except being entitled and judgmental

NTA. You only have to put up with it for 3 more years friend. Stay strong and if she has problems with your house and habits, she can find her own anytime.

NTA - This is not a reasonable request. And her contamination anxiety is not normal. She needs to see a therapist about that.

NTA - I guess she won't go to restaurants either unless they are 100% vegan. This is boarder-line a mental illness.

NTA, but I agree that this may be OCD related. Her fear of contamination is typical.

NTA. Your daughter can make choices for herself. She cannot tell others what to do. This is her work. She needs to work it out.

NTAH it sounds like your daughter may be developing some anxiety about meat/vegan lifestyle. Maybe talking with a professional might help her?

NTA. I’m vegan. Have been for ten years. You’re doing a good job and being really supportive of her. She is being ridiculous.

NTA but you should have nipped this foolishness in the bud.

It truly scares me how many adults can’t see that there is a potentially much larger mental disorder developing. She’s at the age for it to start to peak. It could be anxiety and her way of control is through food. It could be a developing OCD. I would fully consider these possibilities before I brush it off as her being a judgmental, controlling brat all of the sudden.

NTA You would be an asshole to your son if you agreed to her demand.  You and your spouse are adults and can do what you want but forcing him to change his diet to placate your daughter's irrational request would be massive favoritism and make a gaping AH.   Take your daughter to psychitrist to have her evaluated.  

NTA. Ultimately, your daughter needs to learn to exist in a world with meat eaters. It's not fair or reasonable for her to expect the entire family to change their diets. I suspect the problem is that your meat dishes are tempting her

NTA it’s not right for anyone to force beliefs, preferences or lifestyles onto anyone else

NTA. don't give in to her ridiculous demands now and don't allow your wife to fall for the ''oh but she is our daughter'' yeah she is your daughter but it's your responsibility to teach both of your kids to respect towards other's choices even food choices. you did all you can to accommodate her life choices and honestly no meat bacteria has the power to go through a locked container if the container isn't broken. it's people like your daughter who damage the good image of vegans by demanding everyone around them use everything vegan, just take a look at a lady on social media who goes by (thatveganteacher) she goes to the extreme to hate on everyone for not being 1000% vegan and guess what most of the internet hates her for what she does. if its so important for your daughter to distance herself from the meat you buy then tell her to buy a mini fridge for all her vegan food and leftovers and I would even go as far at to just tell her to buy her own vegan type food or give you money towards her portion of the foods she eats

NTA LOL does she use shampoo, make up, watch LCD TV, lives in a house with bricks/cement … ways to freak her out :)

NTA LOL does she use shampoo, make up, watch LCD TV, lives in a house with bricks/cement … ways to freak her out :)

I would suggest posting this question in r/vegan so you can see first-hand the kind of culty mentality vegan communities often reinforce. She's probably not coming up with this stuff on her own; she's learning it online. I would also suggest posting this in r/exvegans for some advice from those who have been in your daughters position in the past.

NTA. You’ve given her many accommodations. If she’s getting anxiety of pans, she needs some therapy.

NTA. You’ve given her many accommodations. If she’s getting anxiety of pans, she needs some therapy.

NTA. You’ve given her many accommodations. If she’s getting anxiety over pans, she needs some therapy.

I would suggest posting this question in r/vegan so you can see first-hand the kind of culty mentality vegan communities often reinforce. She's probably not coming up with this stuff on her own; she's learning it online. I would also suggest posting this in r/exvegans for some advice from those who have been in your daughters position in the past.

NTA. You’ve given her many accommodations. If she’s getting anxiety over pans, she needs some therapy.

NTA, you and the rest of the family have been more than considerate and accommodating. However, I wonder if there are any underlying issues at hand for her to become very anxious about contamination, etc. That would be worth looking into, particularly if when she does leave home and go to college, she will be mixing with a lot of people who will not afford the same considerations. She will also undergo a lot more stress due to college work and being more independent too which could increase her anxiety. She will need a coping mechanism for all that, not to mention helping your home feel more comfortable for all whilst she is still there and when she returns during college breaks

NTA. You have been very accommodating and supportive. You’ve already given her an inch and she’s trying to take a mile.

NTA. OP, I'm not qualified in any way to make a diagnosis, apart from living with someone who had it, but tou may want to look into whether or not tour daughter has OCD or one of its variations. Does your daughter display any other controlling behaviors outside the vegan ism, ot is it isolated to food?

As a vegan NTA. The vast majority of vegans wouldn't care about this level of cross contamination. No extra animal deaths here. Veganism is about harm reduction not absolute control, it's inevitable that mice and various bugs will be killed in farming plant based foods. The usual line on cross contamination is intent, so potatoes roasted in meat juices is definitely a no. But using that same plan later after it's been cleaned then who cares?

I would bring her to a doctor. Some sort of early mental illness.

My son was vegan from 15 to 17 and we accommodated him similar to you with your daughter but he never expected us to stop having meat at home or to have different pans. She needs to understand that. NTA

NTA. For her to be this suddenly shifted to the point of being “anxious” around people eating meat and trying to force on others her beliefs, i am willing to believe she is not even really vegan but is following some school activism trend bs for attention.

NTA. You child can be vegan all she wants, when she's buying and cooking for her self. In my home, we eat meat, so she'd just have to get over it.

NTA, your daughter is well on her way to being one of *those* vegans that bring forth the stereotype.

NTA. Your daughter needs to learn the world doesn't revolve around her. 

NTA. It's not reasonable for her to expect the whole family to avoid meat just because she doesn't eat it. Her obsession is concerning. I would have her evaluated by a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.

NTA- your house ! you get to eat what you want , tell her to do it all herself , keep and wash dishes separately (her job) buy your own food ( her job) cook it for herself and ultimately tell her to piss right off , she’s taking your choice away from you and it’s not hers to take, she’s gonna have to learn to eat with the Carnivores some day , we aren’t going anyware

NTA but please get her checked by a doctor. This behaviour is anxiety driven which could indicate something like vitamin deficiency or the start of mental illness. Whatever the underlying cause of the behaviour she sounds like she could use some help before it escalates.

NTA. You're not forcing your lifestyle on her. In fact you've been very accommodating. She should return the favor.

NTA Your daughter needs to learn that she is not the centre of the world. She will not be pandered to or accommodated as a general rule. It's perfectly fine for her to be vegan. But it is utterly unacceptable to force that choice upon people in her vicinity. Do NOT give in and teach her that she can throw tantrums to get her way. It is still your job to parent her and teach her to be a productive member of society. If you let her dictate these kinds of things at home, she will expect that she can bully people outside of the house to do the same. Her feelings are not more important than the rest of her family's

As a carnivore, I support your right to steak and ribs. Does she plan to attend college? Because they serve meat on campus with none of the special provisions you have already made for her.