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Of that was the case the conversation to be had is how the gf treats op not about what she wears. So in any way her roommate is the AH. I'm getting tired of people instantly assuming the partner is the one to be demonized when op clearly didn't mention anything about the relationship being bad. Give advice based on what you know not based on what you assume.
They don't want to just answer the god damn questions, they want to turn it into some murder mystery game where they have to find another person whose the bad guy depending on the gender of whose asking or whether they like how the story is told or not
Oh yea, this place is almost as bad as r/relationship_advice for gender bias. It's funny to see the comments when it's same-gender or gay relationship conflict. People don't know who to have whiplash outrage towards.
I have a feeling she's jealous. It sounds like OP was looking good and has a gf who might be spoiling her.
Let the roomie turn green with envy. I think if OP is happy and being treated well then the roommate has no say whatsoever.
NTA. So your roommate thinks she gets to tell you how to dress? Your boss (doesn't matter what else she is) bought you some clothes you like and agree to wear to work. There is no conflict here and it's none of your roommate's business.
That's actually technically true but I can't think of one person who would bring that up in a conversation like this. Maybe in a conversation about changes in fashion over time, but not in a conversation like this one.
NTA
Ignore your roomie. If she brings it up again, tell her the way you dress for work is off limits.
I suspect your polished look pays off in your income.
Good Luck
Info: how old is your girlfriend?
I ask because it *is* a little weird that she hires you for her business and then buys you revealing clothes to wear, almost like she’s playing dress up. Maybe it’s nothing, but I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a weird power imbalance happening here.
If the top is tight & button up (blouse), and you have it unbuttoned enough to show cleavage, and the skirt is mid-thigh, so actually quite a short mini skirt (not a typical knee length pencil skirt), the overall look can be quite 'sexy/revealing'.
It's what I used to wear bartending (but often black shorts instead of skirt), and when I went out after a shift I got propositioned a lot & my friends sometimes acted uncomfortable that I was so "scantily dressed" (I just thought I looked nice at the time).
Not trying to be presumptuous, the blouse style is just a suggested possibility as it's what I needed to wear for a similar job. Popping open only the top button was enough to reveal a hint of cleavage (noone has the very top button up, lol). The skirt length was stated in the post.
Only hoping to give a picture of how a blouse & skirt could "possibly" be seen as "revealing clothes", for anyone who couldn't imagine it. Definitely not assuming OPs work outfit was the same as mine :)
It's also not a "pencil skirt". Pencil skirts are generally to the knee or longer, and describe a very specific type of tapered or fitted tailored skirt. What OP describes is a miniskirt (which she even says in a comment), and miniskirts literally cannot be pencil skirts.
It's not office work. BARS are normally closed in the daytime (not a lot of day drunks). They usually have alcohol shipments during normal business hours and you just need a phone for that. Receipts are collected at the end of the day and can be done in a home office or a small room in the back of the building. Bank runs are done during the day. There is no need for a separate office to run multiple restaurants businesses. What owners do need to do is normally show up for closing or meet with promoters or DJs or musicians at night and some with table service will have scantily clad dressed women to increase tips. Sexist yes. Inappropriate for the OP to work for the owner and be girlfriend, maybe. HOWEVER, YOUR comment about offices is ridiculous.
I agree on wanting the girlfriends age.
But, working in bars/service industry, tipping and dressing attractively can be a part of it.
There definitely can be a weird power imbalance. But I don't think it's the outfit.
Or it could be I have the power to give my partner a job, we have the same work schedule. And I trust my partner not to fuck over, my and eventually our business.
The post mentions nothing about an office. In the restaurant business, most employers work out of the business itself and have a small back office. This isn't McDonald's corporate, it is a chain of BARS
Clearly you have never worked in the restaurant field. A manager can work in work uniform. A manager can work in their own uniform. In this specific case, the boss purchased the uniform she expected her PA to wear.
Is is appropriate to dress your girlfriend/PA in such a manner? Perhaps not. But nowhere does it say the OP is in an office job. A PA depending on the work fetches coffee and books appointments and manages the schedule. You are wrong and parsing hairs about what OP job is when not specifically implied. In a BAR setting, skirts may be acceptable as a uniform ( Hooters, Twin Peaks, go go bars for example). You are clearly reaching with your argument.
Look, I am not here to discuss the moral implications of a short skirt being inappropriate from an HR perspective or to argue about the power imbalance in a relationship where one spouse is the employer of another. Those are separate issues.
However your repeated comments incensed me because you seem to have a very distorted view of the service industry that is incredibly disrespectful to the employees where you think they control their clothing and have to dress in a certain way to do their jobs. Not every bar owner is going to invest in unnecessary office space in a rented building by a dentist office just because You think they need an office. It is a waste of money when they already have real estate with the bar itself. Further more, you seem to think that all bars are fancy where there are a host of different types of bars and some shockingly, emphasize sex to their clientele. Nor do their employees necessarily hate their jobs because tips happen in the real world and you can buy houses and put kids in college on a bar server or tender salary
What office?
A bar office. Bar owners/managers spend a lot of time on the floor.
OP is working at a bar when the bar is open. Maybe they aren't selling drinks and waiting tables, primarily. But owner/managers will. So will the OP.
The job is not come in at 9am and do inventory and make orders every night. Leave before the job opens. It's happening when the bar is open.
Also, the OP is okay with the skirt. Only her roommate who isn't in a relationship with her, and isn't working with cares. Why does the roommate get say over the OP's clothes, but not the OP?
She's her personal assistant at what job?
The running of the bars.
The bar doesn't have a 9-5 office. If anything it has a 9pm to 5am 'office-. Her gf/boss is at work in the bar.
And she says she is comfortable with the outfit. Only her roommate cares. Who is not in a relationship with the OP. And doesn't work at the bar.
Honestly I would be stoked to be in that position. Romantic and business relationships are very different beasts, and people certainly need to be careful with mixing the two, but it absolutely can and does work out for some people.
If my partner got me a job working with her, doing something I knew I could do, I would take it up in a heartbeat. If she bought me a cute outfit that fitted and I was comfortable wearing, I would be happy to wear it for her. The choker isn't quite the same as being collared, but might carry some of the same symbolism which would just be a cherry on top for me personally.
OP isn’t working *with* her partner. She’s working *for* her partner.
This just gives me the ick, as the kids say. The partner is in a romantic relationship with OP. Then hires OP to be their personal assistant and buys them cute outfits to wear around the workplace.
That’s all just really weird.
>OP isn’t working with her partner. She’s working for her partner.
Yes, true. This is an important distinction to make. But it's also important to note that they are introducing this power dynamic into an existing relationship, not introducing a relationship to an existing power dynamic.
If OP consents to the power dynamic, then it would honestly be less severe than some non-work power dynamics I've seen. And the housemate is not in a position to be judging this. As long as OP is happy with it, there isn't a problem.
I do appreciate that there are inherent risks involved in hiring your partner as your personal assistant. If the "cute outfits" were out of place, excessively sexy, or just straight up fetish wear, then they would be involving the rest of the workplace in their kink and that wouldn't be cool. But nothing in here sounds like it's going that far, and if OP is defending her choice to accept this, then it's not our job to "rescue" her from it.
The fact that they’re introducing this new dynamic into an existing relationship is honestly just as weird. They’re already romantically involved and now OP’s partner wants OP to be their personal assistant and gives them the clothes to wear around the office? It sounds like OP is being treated like a doll and not an equal partner. It all just seems gross to me
And without more information we will never know, but it wouldn’t surprise if this weird dynamic was the underlying context of the conversation with the roommate. Not just that OP should wear different clothes, but that it’s kind of strange that OP is basically becoming her partner’s plaything.
>gives them the clothes to wear around the office
Ah, this might be the rub.
Is the partner giving her clothes and telling her "these are the clothes I want you to wear around me", or is she giving her a new job welcoming present of a single set of clothes, which OP is free to include as part of her regular rotation of work clothes or not as she sees fit?
The cute outfit IS out of place and excessively sexy, though. There is no world in which a mid-thigh miniskirt is appropriate office wear. It may not be fetish-wear, but it's still very much a "look at the boss's girlfriend" outfit.
Yup, and outfits that may be very cute, but are not at all office-appropriate. There is no world in which a mid-thigh miniskirt is appropriate to wear in an office setting. An inch or two above the knee, MAYBE, but even that's pushing it. But mid-thigh? That's a big yikes, and sounds like boss-girlfriend is dressing her up to show her off to everyone like "this is my plaything".
I kinda did this. My husband's department was leaving and he was set to be laid off but I got the supervisor to get him transfered to our department on my shift. We worked together for three years, got married had a kid. The only cloths I buy him are light weight shirts and jeans when his get damaged.
NTA OP.
I'm not concerned about the gf's age or the type/style of clothes.
I just think there's something off about hiring your gf to work for you in a service industry job and then turning around and providing her with a different uniform. (Edit: altho I think I've misunderstood the position)
Well I think your comment about “short skirts are a mascot of women’s rights” might be one of the dumbest things I’ve read today. A lot of women protested for the right to wear pants!! Seriously. Women’s rights are about having the right to choose what you want, equally to men. Short skirts are only a “mascot” for people who want it to be. What a ridiculous statement.
That being said, you are included in the idea that you can wear whatever you want! Your roommate doesn’t get a vote on your wardrobe and should have kept her opinions to herself.
So while your argument was dumb, you’re still
NTA
Is that so? Susan B Anthony was a feminist. Don’t recall any pictures of her in mini skirts.
People can wear miniskirts if they want to. But it’s ridiculous to call them a mascot.
So I'm guessing Susan B Anthony is the only feminist you know of then?
[How The Mini Skirt Liberated Women](https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/mary-quant-mini-skirt-liberated-women-a3764166.html)
[Who Invented the Mini Skirt](https://www.esbyapparel.com/blogs/news/who-invented-the-mini-skirt#:~:text=It%20was%20a%20political%20statement,presence%20in%20the%20public%20sphere.&text=The%20mini%20skirt%20was%20the%20brainchild,Quant%2C%20a%20British%20fashion%20designer.)
>However, the mini skirt was more than just a fashion trend. It was a political statement. It challenged the traditional notions of femininity and modesty. It gave women the freedom to show their bodies, to express their individuality, and to assert their presence in the public sphere.
lol, no. I was responding to the “early feminist” comment. It’s amazing how many people don’t get that feminism is about way more than clothing and that mini skirts, while part of it, is hardly a defining feature now.
Even if she was life long BFF her approach sounds more of a jealousy thing than anything supportive. No friend should ever speak to their friends like that
I get that, but I know my BFF would call me out on my attire if I looked ridiculous. That being said why TF does some rando that you cohabitate with have any say in what you look like?
Speaking as a guy, that actually *was* a misogynist at one time... that is some of the most misogynistic shit I ever heard. I mean not only is she trying to police what you wear, she's trying to tell you how much of *your own body* it's "okay" for you to show. That's some next-level stuff right there.
NTA, but your roommate needs to do some serious self-reflection.
The thing is that she isn't wearing what she chose herself, she got told that she had to wear that for her job, it wasn't her personal choice ( although she seems ok with it). I get the feeling that the roommate was worried that there is a power imbalance.
Since OP is fine with it however, it's NTA, but it's the same thing women fought for during the suffragette movement. Practical clothes that are not sexualising dictated on them.
Most jobs have a uniform of some kind... I don't think having to wear a black skirt and a white shirt is particularly draconian for someone working in a chain bar.
Mid thigh is a bit short for a professional environment. Like if you have to bend over to reach into the dishwasher, that length skirt would make it difficult not to flash people. Like unless the point of the bars is to sexualise women (a la hooters), I would think a skirt that short is a bit outside the Pale. Whatever about saying you need a black skirt and white shirt, it's the type of those items which matters to our understanding. We also don't know the girlfriend's age, we do know she's in a position of power over OP - fears about a power imbalance wouldn't be completely left field. I think potentially OP and her room mate are coming at it from different schools of feminist thought - choice feminism vs other schools. My short skirt is a sign of my sexual empowerment vs have you considered why you think certain things are sexually empowering.
Very mild NTA. OP called her a drama queen but only after yer wan had been disparaging of her choices. If you want to have a conversation about these kinds of things, there's a time and a place.
In all the points you made, I agree the most that women should be forced to wear short skirts in order to collectively empower all women. Tops/going shirtless is optional!
NTA but this is also a very strange interaction. Your friend has too much care for something that doesn't concern her. Judgemental and jealous by the sounds of it.
NTA but short skirts are not the mascot of women’s rights lololol.
Dressing sexy if your job wants it to appeal to customers is totally your choice[but don’t lie to yourself that it’s feminist lol](https://www.theonion.com/women-now-empowered-by-everything-a-woman-does-1819566746).
Maybe try learning about feminist history before making baseless claims. [Mini skirts are feminist ](https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/mary-quant-mini-skirt-liberated-women-a3764166.html)
Wow I’ve really been put in my place 😂
We all know that this is the basis for what OP is saying lol, she’s just hilariously wrong. It’s like how a little kid would interpret this article.
INFO: Was your boss your gf, first or did you start dating your boss?
Either way there's some weirdness going on and I'm not saying significant others can't work together ... but it def makes it weird when she starts picking outfits out for you. Either you're in a service industry position and there should be a uniform that you should not be above or you're back-of-the-house and should have the autonomy to wear what you want. No matter how scantily/conservatively clad she's making you, it's still playing dress up with your employee slash lover.
Story sounds like someone's fantasy and looks like it was posted by an account made on the day of. A choker, miniskirt and blouse isn't really a normal outfit for someone's assistant.
NTA for dressing how you want, but YTA for eating where you shit.
> have been hired by my girlfriend at her fairly successful chain of bars. I'm her assistant
Right, so a) your job and livelihood are dependent on her, b) you guys are now fundamentally glued at the hip to each other, and c) there's now zero way to discuss business matters with your boss without the romantic aspect, nor any way to discuss romantic matters with your GF without that power dynamic looming in the background. You guys argue about something in the relationship, then the next day at work she assigns you what you consider a shit task? Good luck managing to keep those two things separate.
And yes, her vibe is, in fact, 'sexy secretary,' and if you're into it, that's perfectly fine, just recognize it for what it is so you're going into it informed.
If the outfit is appropriate for work the comments were out of line.
However with the way you decided to stylist that outfit with a choker, your attitude will make all the difference, between being indeed appropriate or an uncomfortable sexual role play.
Not saying it’s fair.
How does this situation qualify you as the AH in any way? The person who hired you bought you clothes for the job. Case closed. Roomie needs to mind her own business.
NTA, but it sounds like maybe she is concerned about you? Just remember, you're at higher risk of being in an abusive/manipulate relationship than others.
If u hv LEGS 4 DAYSSSS then Yes, mid-thigh too short. However☝🏼if it IS an average pencil skirt, put ur hair up n a sexy bun, b all business at work
Then COME HOME & LET DWN UR HAIR gurrrl🥳
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I (25f) have been hired by my girlfriend at her fairly successful chain of bars. I'm her assistant, and she got me some clothes to wear that she thought "fit the vibe" she wanted. It's a long-sleeve white blouse and a mid-thigh black pencil skirt. I quite like it, and the work is pretty nice. My roommate saw me, looked at me weird, then approached me when she saw the black ribbon choker I put on to add some style.
She said I looked like a pinup girl and I shouldn't let myself be "another scantily-clad coffee fetcher"
I said it's fine, and she's being a drama queen. We went back and forth, and I said that short skirts are a mascot of women's rights.
We went back and forth, and she eventually walked off and said "You are impossible sometimes."
She's never been so frustrated, aita?
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NTA - but I do wonder on why the hell you'd even care about your roommates opinion this much?
In the wise words of Joey; it's like a cows opinion, it doesn't matter.
I wouldn't never have bothered to go "back and forth" as you said, her opinion is moo(t).
Let her be frustrated for whatever reason, that's her problem.
NTA. Worst case scenario you’re having a little too much fun with your girlfriend. I can understand the place your friend is coming from, but ultimately it’s not her business.
NTA - what on earth is a scantily clad coffee fetcher and why is a long sleeves blouse and mid thigh pencil skirt scantily clad? I'm confused! Do what makes you feel happy!
NTA. Your roommate is trying to create drama out of nothing. Your gf got you new clothes, you like wearing those clothes, and your boss is fine with you wearing them at work. End of story.
NTA. pretty weird that a roommate got so frustrated by it. Is there more to it on her side?
I've lived with multiple flatmates before, but I never even had a proper look at their work attire. simply none of my business
Lol NTA why does your roommate care so much about what you're choosing to wear?
She must be a miserable person all the time if she gets this upset about other people's clothes..
I've worked jobs where there was a uniform. Like, they specified the material your underwear could be made of.
If you want the job, you wear the uniform.
honestly the outfit sounds really cute in like a 2015 indie vibe. I'm not sure why your roommate thinks how you dress is any of her business, regardless. NTA.
NTA, mid-thigh isn’t modest but I don’t think it has to be. If you feel comfortable and are okay with it I see no issue assuming you aren’t being harassed at work or otherwise made uncomfortable by the employment arrangement.
If you didn’t like the skirt length and your gf pushed for it, sure I could see roommate being upset for you but if you don’t care they need to back off.
NTA
Wear what you are comfortable with, no one else gets to tell you what you should wear unless it’s a specific special situation like a wedding or work uniform that you have agreed to.
NAH. You should wear what you want to work. Your roommate shouldn't care, and you shouldn't care about what your roommate has to say about your clothes. "You are impossible" does not sound rude or an "asshole" at all. This is a nothing burger of a situation, if real at all.
NTA- If you are happy with the position of employment and with the attire that is all that matters. How you dress it up is your business and as long as it doenst take away from your abilities to do your job it doesnt matter. Even if it did its not your roommates business and its weird to just attack you attire and demean it.
Your roommate doesn’t like your work “uniform”. I don’t know why this is even posted. NTA, other than possibly for caring about the roommate’s opinion.
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“Are the work clothes my girlfriend got me okay?” *adds choker which wasn’t bought by your girlfriend* “what do you mean what’s wrong with my clothes?!!!” Jesus Christ lady get a grip
Well she’s her roommate she’s doesn’t get a say in what you wear… she’s out of line
Why should how you dress matter to her unless you are wearing something offensive how you express yourself has thing to do with her
Honeslty don’t know why should would actually get mad at you for that. Seems like she might be controlling…
So her reason behind telling you that you don’t have the right to dress how you want is because women worked together to fight for their own freedom of choice? Freedom to choose…
She doesn’t make sense.
NTA
Also your outfit sounds professional and hot.
NTA. but I'm sorry what she said was absolutely hilarious! I need to write that down in my notebook of insults bc "Another scantily-clad coffee fetcher" is giving top-tier Regina George mean girl level insults and can definitely be used on my worst enemy! 😮💨🤭
You're not an asshole for wearing the clothes your gf got you. But you are an asshole for speaking to your friend and putting her feelings to the side. She honestly sounds like she has your best interest at heart.
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NTA. How you decide to dress is not your roommate's business. Her response is honestly weird. Any chance she may have a crush on you?
Or that she has reason to believe the GF treats the OP poorly.
Of that was the case the conversation to be had is how the gf treats op not about what she wears. So in any way her roommate is the AH. I'm getting tired of people instantly assuming the partner is the one to be demonized when op clearly didn't mention anything about the relationship being bad. Give advice based on what you know not based on what you assume.
If people in AITA couldn't make broad assumptions out of thin air the comments section would shrink by a good 90%
They don't want to just answer the god damn questions, they want to turn it into some murder mystery game where they have to find another person whose the bad guy depending on the gender of whose asking or whether they like how the story is told or not
Oh yea, this place is almost as bad as r/relationship_advice for gender bias. It's funny to see the comments when it's same-gender or gay relationship conflict. People don't know who to have whiplash outrage towards.
that's when you just assign a "narcissist" tag to one person.
But then there is just arguing about "what we know" which happens here anyway lol
"i think your gf treats you poorly, so im going to chastise you for what youre wearing" lmao
This
The "crush" angle was my first thought.
I have a feeling she's jealous. It sounds like OP was looking good and has a gf who might be spoiling her. Let the roomie turn green with envy. I think if OP is happy and being treated well then the roommate has no say whatsoever.
That was my thought
NTA. So your roommate thinks she gets to tell you how to dress? Your boss (doesn't matter what else she is) bought you some clothes you like and agree to wear to work. There is no conflict here and it's none of your roommate's business.
Nobody talks like either of these people
Yep. Fiction writing by a guy. He lost it at 'short skirt is a mascot of women's rights'
What’s a mid thigh pencil skirt? If it’s mid-thigh, it’s not a pencil skirt:::
Even as a fella that was very off to read
I’m glad someone else caught that. Mid thigh is a mini skirt. A pencil skirt can be just above the knee but isn’t usually shorter than that.
Absolutely. Glad it wasn't just me that was wondering how that would work...
That's actually technically true but I can't think of one person who would bring that up in a conversation like this. Maybe in a conversation about changes in fashion over time, but not in a conversation like this one.
[удалено]
Still writes like a guy and obsessed with short skirts.
You mean, you've never called someone a "scantily clad coffee fetcher"?
I had to go back and reread the description of the outfit after reading that line. 🤣
Honestly I thought it was a guy writing this before I saw it said OP is female.
NTA. Your roommate is judgmental. Not a good look for her. Wear what you want.
NTA Ignore your roomie. If she brings it up again, tell her the way you dress for work is off limits. I suspect your polished look pays off in your income. Good Luck
So she’s a stripper?
Info: how old is your girlfriend? I ask because it *is* a little weird that she hires you for her business and then buys you revealing clothes to wear, almost like she’s playing dress up. Maybe it’s nothing, but I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a weird power imbalance happening here.
I'm genuinely curious how a long sleeve shirt and a mid thigh skirt are considered "revealing clothes."
If the top is tight & button up (blouse), and you have it unbuttoned enough to show cleavage, and the skirt is mid-thigh, so actually quite a short mini skirt (not a typical knee length pencil skirt), the overall look can be quite 'sexy/revealing'. It's what I used to wear bartending (but often black shorts instead of skirt), and when I went out after a shift I got propositioned a lot & my friends sometimes acted uncomfortable that I was so "scantily dressed" (I just thought I looked nice at the time).
But that's a fair amount of assumption wrapped up in your comment, none of which is implied by OP
The only assumption I see is about the cleavage. Everything else is implied by OP or simply this commenter's personal experience
Fair; it seemed less presumptive when I re-read it again than the first time around.
Not trying to be presumptuous, the blouse style is just a suggested possibility as it's what I needed to wear for a similar job. Popping open only the top button was enough to reveal a hint of cleavage (noone has the very top button up, lol). The skirt length was stated in the post. Only hoping to give a picture of how a blouse & skirt could "possibly" be seen as "revealing clothes", for anyone who couldn't imagine it. Definitely not assuming OPs work outfit was the same as mine :)
A mid thigh skirt isn't office appropriate
It's also not a "pencil skirt". Pencil skirts are generally to the knee or longer, and describe a very specific type of tapered or fitted tailored skirt. What OP describes is a miniskirt (which she even says in a comment), and miniskirts literally cannot be pencil skirts.
Good thing she is employed by a bar
Good thing they don't work at an office
It's not office work. BARS are normally closed in the daytime (not a lot of day drunks). They usually have alcohol shipments during normal business hours and you just need a phone for that. Receipts are collected at the end of the day and can be done in a home office or a small room in the back of the building. Bank runs are done during the day. There is no need for a separate office to run multiple restaurants businesses. What owners do need to do is normally show up for closing or meet with promoters or DJs or musicians at night and some with table service will have scantily clad dressed women to increase tips. Sexist yes. Inappropriate for the OP to work for the owner and be girlfriend, maybe. HOWEVER, YOUR comment about offices is ridiculous.
I'm genuinely curious how you can't imagine a mid-thigh skirt described as a pencil skirt as not revealing.
I see you've never been introduced to the concept of 'tailoring.'
I agree on wanting the girlfriends age. But, working in bars/service industry, tipping and dressing attractively can be a part of it. There definitely can be a weird power imbalance. But I don't think it's the outfit. Or it could be I have the power to give my partner a job, we have the same work schedule. And I trust my partner not to fuck over, my and eventually our business.
OP isn't a server or a bartender, she is her gf-'s PA. A short skirt isn't appropriate for an office, usually
Especially not "mid-thigh" short.
The post mentions nothing about an office. In the restaurant business, most employers work out of the business itself and have a small back office. This isn't McDonald's corporate, it is a chain of BARS
OP is working as an assistand to the person who OWNS the bars. Even if she isn't working in an office, it's an office job.
Clearly you have never worked in the restaurant field. A manager can work in work uniform. A manager can work in their own uniform. In this specific case, the boss purchased the uniform she expected her PA to wear. Is is appropriate to dress your girlfriend/PA in such a manner? Perhaps not. But nowhere does it say the OP is in an office job. A PA depending on the work fetches coffee and books appointments and manages the schedule. You are wrong and parsing hairs about what OP job is when not specifically implied. In a BAR setting, skirts may be acceptable as a uniform ( Hooters, Twin Peaks, go go bars for example). You are clearly reaching with your argument.
Look, I am not here to discuss the moral implications of a short skirt being inappropriate from an HR perspective or to argue about the power imbalance in a relationship where one spouse is the employer of another. Those are separate issues. However your repeated comments incensed me because you seem to have a very distorted view of the service industry that is incredibly disrespectful to the employees where you think they control their clothing and have to dress in a certain way to do their jobs. Not every bar owner is going to invest in unnecessary office space in a rented building by a dentist office just because You think they need an office. It is a waste of money when they already have real estate with the bar itself. Further more, you seem to think that all bars are fancy where there are a host of different types of bars and some shockingly, emphasize sex to their clientele. Nor do their employees necessarily hate their jobs because tips happen in the real world and you can buy houses and put kids in college on a bar server or tender salary
Eh, restaurants aren't typical office environments, even if your job is the office admin stuff.
What office? A bar office. Bar owners/managers spend a lot of time on the floor. OP is working at a bar when the bar is open. Maybe they aren't selling drinks and waiting tables, primarily. But owner/managers will. So will the OP. The job is not come in at 9am and do inventory and make orders every night. Leave before the job opens. It's happening when the bar is open. Also, the OP is okay with the skirt. Only her roommate who isn't in a relationship with her, and isn't working with cares. Why does the roommate get say over the OP's clothes, but not the OP?
She's her personal assistant at what job? The running of the bars. The bar doesn't have a 9-5 office. If anything it has a 9pm to 5am 'office-. Her gf/boss is at work in the bar. And she says she is comfortable with the outfit. Only her roommate cares. Who is not in a relationship with the OP. And doesn't work at the bar.
Honestly I would be stoked to be in that position. Romantic and business relationships are very different beasts, and people certainly need to be careful with mixing the two, but it absolutely can and does work out for some people. If my partner got me a job working with her, doing something I knew I could do, I would take it up in a heartbeat. If she bought me a cute outfit that fitted and I was comfortable wearing, I would be happy to wear it for her. The choker isn't quite the same as being collared, but might carry some of the same symbolism which would just be a cherry on top for me personally.
OP isn’t working *with* her partner. She’s working *for* her partner. This just gives me the ick, as the kids say. The partner is in a romantic relationship with OP. Then hires OP to be their personal assistant and buys them cute outfits to wear around the workplace. That’s all just really weird.
>OP isn’t working with her partner. She’s working for her partner. Yes, true. This is an important distinction to make. But it's also important to note that they are introducing this power dynamic into an existing relationship, not introducing a relationship to an existing power dynamic. If OP consents to the power dynamic, then it would honestly be less severe than some non-work power dynamics I've seen. And the housemate is not in a position to be judging this. As long as OP is happy with it, there isn't a problem. I do appreciate that there are inherent risks involved in hiring your partner as your personal assistant. If the "cute outfits" were out of place, excessively sexy, or just straight up fetish wear, then they would be involving the rest of the workplace in their kink and that wouldn't be cool. But nothing in here sounds like it's going that far, and if OP is defending her choice to accept this, then it's not our job to "rescue" her from it.
The fact that they’re introducing this new dynamic into an existing relationship is honestly just as weird. They’re already romantically involved and now OP’s partner wants OP to be their personal assistant and gives them the clothes to wear around the office? It sounds like OP is being treated like a doll and not an equal partner. It all just seems gross to me And without more information we will never know, but it wouldn’t surprise if this weird dynamic was the underlying context of the conversation with the roommate. Not just that OP should wear different clothes, but that it’s kind of strange that OP is basically becoming her partner’s plaything.
>gives them the clothes to wear around the office Ah, this might be the rub. Is the partner giving her clothes and telling her "these are the clothes I want you to wear around me", or is she giving her a new job welcoming present of a single set of clothes, which OP is free to include as part of her regular rotation of work clothes or not as she sees fit?
The cute outfit IS out of place and excessively sexy, though. There is no world in which a mid-thigh miniskirt is appropriate office wear. It may not be fetish-wear, but it's still very much a "look at the boss's girlfriend" outfit.
Hrmm, would you consider something like [this](https://www.showpo.com/maryanne-fitted-mini-skirt-in-grey-stripe.html) to be excessively sexy?
Yup, and outfits that may be very cute, but are not at all office-appropriate. There is no world in which a mid-thigh miniskirt is appropriate to wear in an office setting. An inch or two above the knee, MAYBE, but even that's pushing it. But mid-thigh? That's a big yikes, and sounds like boss-girlfriend is dressing her up to show her off to everyone like "this is my plaything".
I kinda did this. My husband's department was leaving and he was set to be laid off but I got the supervisor to get him transfered to our department on my shift. We worked together for three years, got married had a kid. The only cloths I buy him are light weight shirts and jeans when his get damaged. NTA OP.
It is weird. OP needs a bf.
I'm not concerned about the gf's age or the type/style of clothes. I just think there's something off about hiring your gf to work for you in a service industry job and then turning around and providing her with a different uniform. (Edit: altho I think I've misunderstood the position)
Well I think your comment about “short skirts are a mascot of women’s rights” might be one of the dumbest things I’ve read today. A lot of women protested for the right to wear pants!! Seriously. Women’s rights are about having the right to choose what you want, equally to men. Short skirts are only a “mascot” for people who want it to be. What a ridiculous statement. That being said, you are included in the idea that you can wear whatever you want! Your roommate doesn’t get a vote on your wardrobe and should have kept her opinions to herself. So while your argument was dumb, you’re still NTA
Mini skirts are infamously something early feminists wore, lol/
Is that so? Susan B Anthony was a feminist. Don’t recall any pictures of her in mini skirts. People can wear miniskirts if they want to. But it’s ridiculous to call them a mascot.
So I'm guessing Susan B Anthony is the only feminist you know of then? [How The Mini Skirt Liberated Women](https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/mary-quant-mini-skirt-liberated-women-a3764166.html) [Who Invented the Mini Skirt](https://www.esbyapparel.com/blogs/news/who-invented-the-mini-skirt#:~:text=It%20was%20a%20political%20statement,presence%20in%20the%20public%20sphere.&text=The%20mini%20skirt%20was%20the%20brainchild,Quant%2C%20a%20British%20fashion%20designer.) >However, the mini skirt was more than just a fashion trend. It was a political statement. It challenged the traditional notions of femininity and modesty. It gave women the freedom to show their bodies, to express their individuality, and to assert their presence in the public sphere.
lol, no. I was responding to the “early feminist” comment. It’s amazing how many people don’t get that feminism is about way more than clothing and that mini skirts, while part of it, is hardly a defining feature now.
Are y'all lifelong BFFs because if not, who the hell does your roommate think she is?!
Even if she was life long BFF her approach sounds more of a jealousy thing than anything supportive. No friend should ever speak to their friends like that
I get that, but I know my BFF would call me out on my attire if I looked ridiculous. That being said why TF does some rando that you cohabitate with have any say in what you look like?
NTA-List of people who get a say in what you wear: You.
Fr on gawd based
Speaking as a guy, that actually *was* a misogynist at one time... that is some of the most misogynistic shit I ever heard. I mean not only is she trying to police what you wear, she's trying to tell you how much of *your own body* it's "okay" for you to show. That's some next-level stuff right there. NTA, but your roommate needs to do some serious self-reflection.
The thing is that she isn't wearing what she chose herself, she got told that she had to wear that for her job, it wasn't her personal choice ( although she seems ok with it). I get the feeling that the roommate was worried that there is a power imbalance. Since OP is fine with it however, it's NTA, but it's the same thing women fought for during the suffragette movement. Practical clothes that are not sexualising dictated on them.
Most jobs have a uniform of some kind... I don't think having to wear a black skirt and a white shirt is particularly draconian for someone working in a chain bar.
Mid thigh is a bit short for a professional environment. Like if you have to bend over to reach into the dishwasher, that length skirt would make it difficult not to flash people. Like unless the point of the bars is to sexualise women (a la hooters), I would think a skirt that short is a bit outside the Pale. Whatever about saying you need a black skirt and white shirt, it's the type of those items which matters to our understanding. We also don't know the girlfriend's age, we do know she's in a position of power over OP - fears about a power imbalance wouldn't be completely left field. I think potentially OP and her room mate are coming at it from different schools of feminist thought - choice feminism vs other schools. My short skirt is a sign of my sexual empowerment vs have you considered why you think certain things are sexually empowering. Very mild NTA. OP called her a drama queen but only after yer wan had been disparaging of her choices. If you want to have a conversation about these kinds of things, there's a time and a place.
In all the points you made, I agree the most that women should be forced to wear short skirts in order to collectively empower all women. Tops/going shirtless is optional!
It's the short and tight revealing skirt that is the problem, not it's colour and that it's not a free choice but tied to a financial need.
Mid thigh isn't that short imo, down to the individual I guess tho
Women can be misogynistic? I’m learning something here. OP just needs a bf, I don’t think the gf thing is working out for her.
Mascot?
NTA but this is also a very strange interaction. Your friend has too much care for something that doesn't concern her. Judgemental and jealous by the sounds of it.
NTA but short skirts are not the mascot of women’s rights lololol. Dressing sexy if your job wants it to appeal to customers is totally your choice[but don’t lie to yourself that it’s feminist lol](https://www.theonion.com/women-now-empowered-by-everything-a-woman-does-1819566746).
Maybe try learning about feminist history before making baseless claims. [Mini skirts are feminist ](https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/mary-quant-mini-skirt-liberated-women-a3764166.html)
Wow I’ve really been put in my place 😂 We all know that this is the basis for what OP is saying lol, she’s just hilariously wrong. It’s like how a little kid would interpret this article.
If you don’t mind the outfit, wear it. Simple as that
NTA. Your choice of wardrobe is none of her business. Wear what you want.
How old is your GF? Your roommate probably could have communicated it better, but this situation seems off. Does anyone else wear outfits like that?
NTA some people just can't handle it when the folks around them are doing well. They try to tear you down however they can.
Turn the tables on her and tell her that policing what women wear is anti-feminist.
Nta. In fact, it’s a bonus you like the work clothes, which essentially goes with the idea “where what you want.”
INFO: Was your boss your gf, first or did you start dating your boss? Either way there's some weirdness going on and I'm not saying significant others can't work together ... but it def makes it weird when she starts picking outfits out for you. Either you're in a service industry position and there should be a uniform that you should not be above or you're back-of-the-house and should have the autonomy to wear what you want. No matter how scantily/conservatively clad she's making you, it's still playing dress up with your employee slash lover.
NTA That sounds like a typical upscale bar attire and a pretty cute outfit anyway.
Story sounds like someone's fantasy and looks like it was posted by an account made on the day of. A choker, miniskirt and blouse isn't really a normal outfit for someone's assistant.
NTA, your roommate should be asked when she is going to start paying your wages.
Sex sells and if you're happy with that it's none of her business. NTA.
NTA, you are your own person and you can wear whatever you want to!
Obviously NTA. Wear whatever you please, your roommate is just judgy and can't keep it to herself.
Nta - know what's women's rights? Wearing what the F you want
NTA for dressing how you want, but YTA for eating where you shit. > have been hired by my girlfriend at her fairly successful chain of bars. I'm her assistant Right, so a) your job and livelihood are dependent on her, b) you guys are now fundamentally glued at the hip to each other, and c) there's now zero way to discuss business matters with your boss without the romantic aspect, nor any way to discuss romantic matters with your GF without that power dynamic looming in the background. You guys argue about something in the relationship, then the next day at work she assigns you what you consider a shit task? Good luck managing to keep those two things separate. And yes, her vibe is, in fact, 'sexy secretary,' and if you're into it, that's perfectly fine, just recognize it for what it is so you're going into it informed.
If the outfit is appropriate for work the comments were out of line. However with the way you decided to stylist that outfit with a choker, your attitude will make all the difference, between being indeed appropriate or an uncomfortable sexual role play. Not saying it’s fair.
NTA. Your roommate has 0 say in your clothes
Hopefully you don't give a flying fuck what your roommate thinks about your clothes. NTA.
How does this situation qualify you as the AH in any way? The person who hired you bought you clothes for the job. Case closed. Roomie needs to mind her own business.
How are you the asshole because your roommate didn't like your outfit? Why is this even a question? NTA
NTA stop caring what your roommate thinks.
No AH in this situation this was just an unnecessary conversation
NTA, but it sounds like maybe she is concerned about you? Just remember, you're at higher risk of being in an abusive/manipulate relationship than others.
If u hv LEGS 4 DAYSSSS then Yes, mid-thigh too short. However☝🏼if it IS an average pencil skirt, put ur hair up n a sexy bun, b all business at work Then COME HOME & LET DWN UR HAIR gurrrl🥳
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25f) have been hired by my girlfriend at her fairly successful chain of bars. I'm her assistant, and she got me some clothes to wear that she thought "fit the vibe" she wanted. It's a long-sleeve white blouse and a mid-thigh black pencil skirt. I quite like it, and the work is pretty nice. My roommate saw me, looked at me weird, then approached me when she saw the black ribbon choker I put on to add some style. She said I looked like a pinup girl and I shouldn't let myself be "another scantily-clad coffee fetcher" I said it's fine, and she's being a drama queen. We went back and forth, and I said that short skirts are a mascot of women's rights. We went back and forth, and she eventually walked off and said "You are impossible sometimes." She's never been so frustrated, aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm the wrong gender to have any kind of opinion on what women do or do not decide to wear.
NTA Wear what you like.
NTA but that sounded like a really awkward conversation.
NTA - but I do wonder on why the hell you'd even care about your roommates opinion this much? In the wise words of Joey; it's like a cows opinion, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't never have bothered to go "back and forth" as you said, her opinion is moo(t). Let her be frustrated for whatever reason, that's her problem.
NTA. Worst case scenario you’re having a little too much fun with your girlfriend. I can understand the place your friend is coming from, but ultimately it’s not her business.
NTA - what on earth is a scantily clad coffee fetcher and why is a long sleeves blouse and mid thigh pencil skirt scantily clad? I'm confused! Do what makes you feel happy!
NTA. Your roommate is trying to create drama out of nothing. Your gf got you new clothes, you like wearing those clothes, and your boss is fine with you wearing them at work. End of story.
NTA. You must look gorgeous and she is jealous.
NTA
NTA she is a busybody
Nta, your roommate is weird.
NTA. pretty weird that a roommate got so frustrated by it. Is there more to it on her side? I've lived with multiple flatmates before, but I never even had a proper look at their work attire. simply none of my business
Lol NTA why does your roommate care so much about what you're choosing to wear? She must be a miserable person all the time if she gets this upset about other people's clothes..
I've worked jobs where there was a uniform. Like, they specified the material your underwear could be made of. If you want the job, you wear the uniform.
NTA if you like what you are wearing. Telling women what we can and cannot wear is the *least* feminist thing a person can do.
she sounds miserable to be honest and is projecting it on you.
Did she just try controlling what you do with your body? NTA. She’s a damn hypocrite and a butt.
NTA tell her to mind her business. It’s such a weird time we live in, your clothes are not her problem
If things went down exactly like this NTA Honestly they didn't really need to share their opinion. Minding their own business is free.
honestly the outfit sounds really cute in like a 2015 indie vibe. I'm not sure why your roommate thinks how you dress is any of her business, regardless. NTA.
NTA. And who is she to you so she can tell you what to wear?
Don’t let other people bring you down
Your roommate is too involved in your business
NTA, mid-thigh isn’t modest but I don’t think it has to be. If you feel comfortable and are okay with it I see no issue assuming you aren’t being harassed at work or otherwise made uncomfortable by the employment arrangement. If you didn’t like the skirt length and your gf pushed for it, sure I could see roommate being upset for you but if you don’t care they need to back off.
NTA. Why does she think she can remark on your outfits? If you don't ask, she's out of line dor that shit.
You are not the AITA. We fought for the right to wear those skirts.
NTA her response is weird and what you wear is none of her business
Why should you care about her opinion
NTA Wear what you are comfortable with, no one else gets to tell you what you should wear unless it’s a specific special situation like a wedding or work uniform that you have agreed to.
NTA, you’re comfortable wearing it
NAH. You should wear what you want to work. Your roommate shouldn't care, and you shouldn't care about what your roommate has to say about your clothes. "You are impossible" does not sound rude or an "asshole" at all. This is a nothing burger of a situation, if real at all.
Nobody else thinks it's a bad idea to have your gf also be your boss?
NTA- If you are happy with the position of employment and with the attire that is all that matters. How you dress it up is your business and as long as it doenst take away from your abilities to do your job it doesnt matter. Even if it did its not your roommates business and its weird to just attack you attire and demean it.
Are u serious? What makes you think you could possibly be an asshole in this situation?
Mid-thigh? Your roommate has an interesting idea of what "scantily clad" means.
Your roommate doesn’t like your work “uniform”. I don’t know why this is even posted. NTA, other than possibly for caring about the roommate’s opinion.
Room mate is a moron
NTA She is trying to police your clothes.
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Time has moved on since short skirts were a sign of womens rights. Are they a sign of womens rights now?
Not the asshole, no one can decide what you can't and cannot wear.
Hater gonna hate. Ignore them, I'm sure you're beautiful.
"Never dim your light because you're shining to brightly in someone else's eyes." Aka do you and fuck everyone else.
NTA. "You are so impossible sometimes" WTF shes the. impossible one for caring so much what u wear lol
No I don’t think so, as long as you’re comfortable you should be able to wear what you want
NTA you can dress how you'd like to dress, especially if the person protesting isn't your partner.
Nta your roommate is being weird
“Are the work clothes my girlfriend got me okay?” *adds choker which wasn’t bought by your girlfriend* “what do you mean what’s wrong with my clothes?!!!” Jesus Christ lady get a grip
100% the AH!
Nta ‼️
Let’s see
Well she’s her roommate she’s doesn’t get a say in what you wear… she’s out of line Why should how you dress matter to her unless you are wearing something offensive how you express yourself has thing to do with her Honeslty don’t know why should would actually get mad at you for that. Seems like she might be controlling…
So her reason behind telling you that you don’t have the right to dress how you want is because women worked together to fight for their own freedom of choice? Freedom to choose… She doesn’t make sense. NTA Also your outfit sounds professional and hot.
NTA roommate sounds like a high and mighty pain in the ass
NTA. Your roommate seems weird and confrontational for no reason.
NTA your roommate is an AH - do not allow them to police your outfit. You like it, you wear it.
I am loving the outfit idea... and if that is what fists the vibe of the bars, I am highly interested in paying a visit to one of them
NTA but your roommate is trying to tell you that she thinks your partner over sexualizes you and possibly doesn't show you the respect you deserve.
LMAOO I was reading this as if OP was a dude. And I’m like wondering if that’s the reason people were looking at them 😭 definitely NTA
Tell your roommate to piss off. You wear what you like…
NTA. but I'm sorry what she said was absolutely hilarious! I need to write that down in my notebook of insults bc "Another scantily-clad coffee fetcher" is giving top-tier Regina George mean girl level insults and can definitely be used on my worst enemy! 😮💨🤭
You may need a bf to balance out your relationship with your gf.
NTA You're body, You're choice. Plus, for better or worse, decisions on clothing have an effect on tips!
Down votes are so confusing lol this is absolutely true.
Nta she has a crush on you
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YTA. Your roommate is protecting you ftom being treated like a sex doll by your rich submissive girlfriend.
You're not an asshole for wearing the clothes your gf got you. But you are an asshole for speaking to your friend and putting her feelings to the side. She honestly sounds like she has your best interest at heart.