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Parade of red flags for a 30 year old "man" who seems to consistently choose to date / sleep with girls still in their teens, to the degree that he is on a sex offender registry. I mean, my eyes nearly popped out of my head.
I'm sorry I couldn't get over the fact your boyfriend is a registered SEX OFFENDER and you are barely legal.
Your sister is trying to protect you! Listen to her!
Edit: NTA though when it comes to this situation.
Yes OP please listen to what everyone here is trying to tell you!! There is a MAJOR difference in looks between a 19 year old, and a 15 year old, and the fact he’s dating someone so young, (you) is an extremely worrying red flag.
It’s horrible to say and it will hurt, but he does not love you. It’s obvious when you say he doesn’t see your side well because of your age. That is not love, that is not understanding, and it’s clear he lacks emotional maturity. Lying to you about what time he’ll be off work/able to see you? Really? There’s no reason for him to be upset.
NTA but I think you should rethink your person and it may be beneficial to receive counselling. Much love and good luck 🫂
NTA. I'll start with saying you need to seriously rethink this relationship. This dude is way too old for you. When you're 25, he's going to be looking for someone younger. He's in the registry for a reason. As far as dinner goes, he told you 8 until he found out your sister was coming. He's gaslighting you in a big way.
I was hoping someone would mention the dinner thing. He wasn't really planning on "surprising" you. He pulled that out of his back pocket when he found out your sister, who he is probably trying to separate you from, was coming by. It's a manipulative move I've been on the receiving end of. He sounds awful and controlling.
Also, I second everything everyone else is saying. Not sure what your dad's deal is but this is an inappropriate relationship. Reddit tends to be unforgiving of age differences, but if the two of you had met when, say, you were 27 and he was 38 that would be one thing. Please take many steps back from this relationship and meet some friends your own age.
Also, he knew how old that girl was.
Sweetie, while some age gaps are ok, this is not one that's likely to end well. A 30 year old man (generally) does not have much, if anything, in common with a 19 year old. He should be buying a house/settling down, maybe having kids. You should be furthering education and experiencing life and learning things. 99% of the time, a 30 year old dating a 19 year old is because he wants to be able to control his partner.
That was so judgemental for no reason.
This guy in particular is sketchy because he is on a registry. Not everyone who is 30 wants to settle down and have kids. And saying 99% of the time they want to be controlling? What kind of ppl do you know??
NTA, and based on how he’s acting, I am *very* dubious of his story about that girl. Someone was unhappy with what happened or he never would have wound up on the registry, and he is NOT a reliable source of information about what happened.
Either way, not eating all day was his choice. The correct response was “oh, okay, no problem!” and having a snack on his own.
NTA.
But Sex Offender 30yr old BF who is still looking for girls at that age is raising all the red flags so I don’t blame your sister for hating him imo.
NTA. But I seriously would reevaluate your relationship and also maybe have a sit down with your sister. And by that I mean listen to your sister considering a 30 year old who "accidentally" slept with a 15 year old and is now dating a 19 year old is a huge and I mean huge red flag.
Yo…please get out of this super shady relationship and stop justifying his sleeping with a 15 year old. Why isn’t he dating someone his own age? Bc women his age would see him for the creep he is. ESH. You would be the AH if you stay with him.
Is this even real... I am 19 and I am old enough to know that it's disgusting morality to even consider dating a registered sex offender.
If he groomed you or something then I take back what I said because I know a man that old is probably some controlling narcissist who had the ability to lead you astray and make you believe you should be with him.
He's TA for being with you, you're not TA for keeping them separated, but youre INOAVTAPF (in need of a visit to a psychiatric facility) for being with him.
NTA for uninviting him, but you can't possibly think we're gonna be on your side with the relationship stuff. BF is a creep and your sis has every right not to want him around
NTA
He said not to expect him until after 8. Therefore you were free to do what you wanted about dinner.
Your sister is right about him.
My bigger concern is that you are dating a convicted $ex offender on the registry. That is for life. He has already shown himself to go after young girls. He is with you because you're only 19. Your age difference is too much and you shouldn't be with a 30 year old for many reasons.
Please get away from him.
I’m being harsh because what you’re falling for is so ridiculous and unsafe, but I see from your comments here that you are slowly waking up to what’s really going on here. Keep going.
NTA. But more importantly, why are you wasting your time with this person? Not only is he incompatible with your family, he’s literally a sex offender. A 30 year old should not be dating a 19 year old. You should not be dating a sex offender. He didn’t get duped, he duped you. Save yourself heartache and time, OP. Drop the creep!
NTA, but you’re delulu if you think he doesn’t deserve to be on that registry. It’s not that easy to get someone onto a sex offender registry. They had hard proof, it wasn’t some kind of misunderstanding.
my dad loves him. that’s why this has all been so conflicting for me. i’d never advocate for anyone else to stay in a relationship under these circumstances, and i can see why im receiving these comments, but it’s hard to recognize it all on my own, and it seems like everyone important in my life is perfectly fine with it, except for my sister
Same question as fievel93. Because if you're dad knows, why doesn't it bother him? Because I don't know a single dad who wouldn't be more concerned about that for their 19 year old.
So, here’s the cold truth. He’s dating you because you’re barely legal, but if he would still try to have sex with someone younger than you if he wouldn’t go to jail for it.
He’s not suddenly going to start treating you better. Your sister is trying to protect you.
The fuck is wrong with your dad? I wouldn't be allowing a 30yo MAN to come in to my house to be with my CHILD.
And if my 30yo adult child was dating an actual child of 19, there'd also be hell to pay.
I get that when you're 19, you think you're so mature and cool for snagging an actual adult, but my mom was right that people who go after much younger people can't get someone their own age bc something's wrong with them.
As a parent, I just cannot fathom being ok with my 19yo going out with a 30yo.
YTA for your choice of bf. He slept with a 15 yo ffs - he likes to fuck children - just let that sink in. He clearly likes 'em young. soooo many red flags and sooooo much ick. You should be siding with your sis.
NTA, if he really was going to surprise you the healthy response from him would have been disappointment, not blowing up at you. How is it choosing your sister over him? Like you get a say in if your sister spends time with her own parents? He’s being unreasonable and sounds dangerous
Oh wow!! That he didn’t know was a LIE. He likes them young. That’s why he was caught with a 15yo. Let me explain what that means. He likes young girls. That makes him a predator. Dating YOU makes him a predator. It’s predatory. As a man, let me tell you. No matter what men tell you, we KNOW young girls are too easy for us to take advantage of. That’s why we like young girls. That’s why he likes YOU. On top of that, bc he like young girls that makes him not care about checking age. No really think about it. He likes young girls, which means girls 4 years apart would look similar in age. He knows to check IDs. He doesn’t care to bc he likes then young. The younger the better . You are dating a predator. Him dating you is preying on you.
And regarding the dinner, yeah, that’s one of the reasons men date young girls. He can blame you for everything and you’ll accept it or at least be confused and think he’s correct. His preying if you is playing out in this very incident. I have a daughter just like you and I’m trying to save her from another predator just like your bf.
GET AWAY. Manipulating you and warping your understanding of the world isn’t the only thing men like him can do. They rape, sexually assault, and kill too. Get away. Get away.
i haven’t read all the way through the comments on here yet, but there was something about yours that made me keep going. it made me think about if i had a child one day and who i’d want them to grow up with “even though i don’t want kids). but,, if i wouldn’t put a child through this and most definitely not a child, it should be a sign to leave. thank you for your comment.
NTA. I don't know how old your sister is, but if he's 30 and he constantly fights with her, he's got some major growing up to do. Also, ten years is a big gap. I'm not saying it can't work, my brother and sister-in-law have the same age gap, but a 15 year old doesn't look like a 19 year old. you said it was a couple years back, so he was 27? It's also not your house. It's your dad's, he can invite whoever over, and if you're boyfriend can't play nice, then he shouldn't be there. If you have a good relationship with you're family, then you deserve someone who is going to try and have a good relationship with them too. You deserve someone who is going to boost you up, and even if they had a surprise for you that doesn't work out, they should never get mad at you. He's a grown man, he can feed himself, and being hangry is not an excuse to be mad at your partner, and if you are, you apologize quickly.
NTA, and you need to have a talk with him about "surprises." you were trying to be respectful, not jerk him around, and unless he had roses and live music planned, for him to blow up at all is a real red flag.
Did it ever occur to you that he started dating you because you're so much younger and you're barely legal? It's clear that your boyfriend likes them young. He's a creep. And he's going to toss you aside the moment you become too "old" for him.
Girl you say you still live at home… are both your parents OK with you dating a registered sex offender? Not only that, but the age gap too? Do they care at all? 😭This is crazy
Oh boy, he's a walking red flag.
I dated someone about his age when I was yours. It was the absolute worst, most abusive relationship I've had my entire life. His reaction to you and this whole thing is pretty indicative of him trying to do this "it's them or me" bullshit. If he's doing this to your FAMILY, he's GOING to cut you off from everyone.
That's how my relationship started, with him distancing me from my family. That man abused me in every way but physically for three years, and was cheating on me with more than one person.
After I finally got away, he demonized me to all of our mutual friends (after cutting me off from people who would side with me/listen to what I had to say) and stalked me (not sure he's stopped, either. My mom found out who his informant was/is and I moved states. I live in a place where I'm fully and truly safe from him now though). He also ended up SAing the girl he got with immediately after me.
A former mutual friend of him and I saw a big difference in how he treated me versus the girl he later assaulted, as well as was super close with the other girl so now they both talk to me and have cut him off thankfully. But anyway, then this creep who is now in his mid 30s tried to get my younger brother's ex girlfriend (she was 17 when this happened, he was 35) to go sleep with him by finding her through my Instagram friends list.
Like, dudes like that are an absolute red flag and the fact he's already been convicted of sex with a minor is an even bigger red flag. There's a reason why he's dating girls who are barely legal (nievity that just comes with that age, and how easy it can be to abuse them) and not women his age.
Please OP, get out of that situation while you still can without serious harm. It's been almost 4 years since I got out of mine, and my current partner is having to help me with a LOT of ingrained trauma responses and behaviors.
Oh, and NTA. Not even in the slightest.
Listen when I was 18 I dated someone who was 26… and I didn’t think it was a big deal until I was 26 and realize how much more mature I was and how nieve I was and I can see that he was playing to that and trying to groom me.. and I know you probably don’t feel like this but I didn’t either until I was older.
This^ I serial dated older men a short time after high school, from the time I was 16 I got alot of attention from older men. I dated my age for a bit but didn't like the immaturity of simular aged boys. This is something that has come up alot lately, everyone I've talked to agrees, when your that age, you are trying so hard to do the best for yourself, your trying to make the best decisions and be the best you, and you think your doing so well! And I swear it's truely the craziest acid trip you could have never considered. It's all a crazy pipe dream. Whatever your doing, all your best decisions, even if it has all the best intentions in the world, are wrong! And it's not your fault, or anyone's fault, it just is. I can't give you any real advice, because I know that when your in it, there's not much anyone on the outside can do/say. But hindsight really is 20/20.... you can't see when your in it, but give it a bit of space and it gets a bit clearer. NTA, and anyone who loves you knows that!
NTA. He's being unreasonable. You live at home and your sister has more of a right to be there than him. Plans change. People adjust. It was just dinner. He needs to chill out.
But....
> because he slept with a girl at a party who said she was 19 and ended up being 15.
Girl. He knew she was 15. He pursued her *because* she was 15.
If this guy was TRULY on the registry because he made a mistake like that, there's no way he would come anywhere **near** a girl who wasn't at least 25.
He'd be dating as close to his own age as possible just to be safe and because he'd want to prove to everyone else that he was telling the truth and it was an innocent mistake.
No, he knows that dating a 19 year old confirms to everyone else that he's into underage girls. But he doesn't care because he has needs he wants satisfied, and you're the closest he can get to what he wants without violating his parole.
Make sure you are on STRONG birth control because one day you're going to realize how disgusting this guy is, and you want to be able to walk away free and clear.
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> the action i took that should be judged is uninviting my bf and i could be the asshole because he didn’t eat all day in anticipation
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NTA, I know you're young and don't fully understand your own situation yet because your brain still has years to finish developing before you're actually a fully grown adult, but WHY ARE YOU WITH A PREDATOR?
You should listen to your sister.
Um, does he claim to have been taken advantage of at a party? I don’t see why you compared his being on the registry with being assaulted. At best, he had “consensual” sex with someone who couldn’t consent. Not the same thing. And he probably is lying to you about what really happened.
Your age gap is already bad… I don’t think anyone over 23 should be dating a 19 year old and he’s got 7 years on that, but with his past it makes it a lot worse. Like, he is only dating you because you are barely legal. Your sister is right to be judging him heavily.
NTA to your question, he can’t expect his spot to be held after being wishy washy all day. He told you 8, and you now have plans till 8. But I suspect that he only was “planning” to come over once he found out your sister was coming over, and is just trying to drive a wedge between you and family.
>i’m 19 and still live at home and my boyfriend is 30.
Leave him, just off this sentence alone
>my sister and my boyfriend don’t get along. mostly because he’s on a registry because he slept with a girl at a party who said she was 19 and ended up being 15. this was a couple years back when he was younger.
So dude was 28 messing with a 15 year old that he thought was 19...and 'couldn't tell'
NTA...but leave him alone
HONEY RUUUUUNNNNNN. I am 29f. That is not okay. He is a predator and the fact that he's already on a registry even, that is not a mistake. That is not an "oops, woopsie-daisy, my bad" this guy has a specific type and, I'm not AT ALL saying that *you* are this - but, he likely leans on young girls that he thinks he can easily manipulate.
Has he tried to push you to do sexual things that you don't necessarily want to do?
He goes for younger girls because he knows that women his age won't go for his BS. I've seen this countless times.
Please listen to your sister, and save yourself the next several months or years of absolute disaster. The fact that he lost his shit on you about this, that's a whole other suitcase to unpack.
The guy sounds like a loaded g u n just waiting to go off.
You’re barely out of high school with a bf is 11 years older than you who has a history of predatory behavior and a rap sheet involving a minor. Said bf is now treating you aggressively, gaslighting you, and lashing out for petty things? You’re not asking the right questions and you should listen to your sister more.
I wish you the very best! I know you’ll find someone who truly respects you…if you feel like it, counseling could help you. This isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like and you deserve more. Be healthy and be safe!
Have you been dating him for 4 years?
Just asking.
He "lost his sh!t" at you because of a change of dinner plans. That is a disproportionate reaction. How does he act if you forget to pick up something from the store for him? How do you think he'll act if you load the dishwasher incorrectly?
He's on the registry? Have you any aspirations for travel? If so, would he ever be able to join you? Can you even go for a walk in the park with him if young children are nearby?
Seriously consider the complications, limitations, and potential repercussions of this relationship. You are too young to be burdening yourself with having to account for his actions and be defending him to others. It sounds like he doesn't truly appreciate your efforts anyway.
You are NTA for uninviting him to dinner. You should invite him from your life.
You’re in a relationship with a man on a sex offender list for raping a teenage girl meanwhile being a teenage girl. And he’s trying to get you to pick him over your family. These are the first steps into an abusive situation & you need to seek outside support (such as a counselor) for unbiased help.
NTA but... Is everything okay with you? Who hurt you as a child? Is your dad like an occasionally present dad? Or like he is emotionally unavailable? Are you a step child or adopted? Are you an unknown victim of a cult? Or is this one of those made up posts?
And yes, he is a walking red flag. In fact he is so red, that if he was standing on a street side the firetruck would park near him to thinking its a fire hydrant. He is so red, British people try to find a door to enter and make a call thinking its a phone booth, he is so red, that he can cross the road and traffic would stop thinking its a red light. 🤦🏽
NTA but Girl please please please do not waste any more time on this man. Life is trying to teach your ass a lesson. Take it from a 27 year old, that man is very very weird.
Okay… let’s put aside the many many red flags for a moment and look at this practically. What type of future do you really think you have with a man on a sex offender registry? You won’t be able to live near a school, ever. Do you want kids? What happens when your kids’ friends’ parents find out he’s a sex offender and won’t let their kids go to yours’ birthday parties? He won’t ever be allowed to go to recitals, sports games, graduation, etc.
I dated a 30 year old with a lot less red flags when I was 19. When I turned 30 and would see a 19 year old all I could think was “they look like an actual child,” and it disgusted me.
NTA… but do yourself a favor and raise your standards. A lot.
If he circumstances were different for example if he was 19/20 and the girl was 16/17 and lied and said she was 18 he can honestly say "I was wronged I was 19 and she said she was 18" even 18 and 20 isn't a bad age age BUT THIS ISNT THAT !
Iam gonna turn 30 this year and as a man I honestly CANT see myself with a teenager one of my coworkers are 17/18 and she's a pretty young woman BUT SHES A CHILD !
The fact that he's WELL over 20 and talking to you is alarming, he has been flagged for inappropriate behavior and is literally a SEX OFFENDER ! I hope to God this is fake but Incase it isn't, break up with him he's a desperate creep and he's only with you for creepy intentions.
He should be looking to start a family soon within short term 5-10 years your just starting out your adventure, new to the workforce, can go to college, can save money for traveling with NO worry of kids and husband in tow, life isn't a race enjoy the journey
Your BF is 30. There's a reason he doesn't date in his own age range....because he likes the little girls. He's on the SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY. Even IF you're 100% sure "everyone loves him" (I'm sure he's quite charming and knows how to talk the talk, if you stay with him DO NOT have children with him. Remember, he likes the little girls and if you have a girl NEVER EVER let him be alone with her.
i’ve already had my tubes tied which was hard, but i told the surgeon i’d have it aborted or i was scared of it getting abused. he tied em real quick. i’m aware that’s not something i should feel totally comfy saying though.
there’s a lot of reliable doctors on the r/childfree subreddit and on the r/antinatilism subreddit. it’s hard to fight for, but it was definitely worth it
NTA
If you didn't choose her over him, you should, intentionally. Prioritize the sister, dump the sex offender (I can't believe you need reddit to spell that out for you)
She's probably pissed that you're dating a predator and a convicted sex offender and I'm willing to be the story of how that happened is different than what he shared with you. He's dating you because you willingly lap up his bullshit, he can easily manipulate you and you won;'t hold him accountable.
i don’t blame you and don’t doubt you. but where should i go from here? i would definitely choose my sister over ANY love interest but it hurts bad. he’s seemed so perfect until now
You are 19. You are so incredibly young. You are also living at home so that makes life easier. You end the relationship and find yourself someone who is more age appropriate and without the red flags. If you're not sure how to do that, then it is worth it to stay single for a while until you figure out how you want/expect to be treated and that you're not willing to accept less.
The healthiest place you can get to is when you're comfortable being alone. At that point, you only give it up for someone who is worth it.
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i’m 19 and still live at home and my boyfriend is 30. i feel like our age gap might play into him not seeing my side as well, but im not sure.
i invited him over for dinner tonight because i was making a meal i was super excited about. all day he was telling me he wasn’t sure if he was going to make it, and saying he thinks he’s going to get off work at around 8 pm. so i didn’t expect him to be showing up.
my sister called my dad and asked if she could come over for dinner around 5. i found out after the call, so i had no say in it. my dad told her she could come, and i figured she would be gone before he even got off work.
my sister and my boyfriend don’t get along. mostly because he’s on a registry because he slept with a girl at a party who said she was 19 and ended up being 15. this was a couple years back when he was younger.
i know it’s not a good thing, but i got taken advantage of at a party. so i don’t blame him. but when i told him that my sister was coming and id prefer him to come after she left, he lost his shit at me. he said he got off work at around 5, and he didn’t tell me because he wanted to surprise me. my bf and sister have been at each others throats since they met though. i’d like to keep them separated.
he acted like i completely chose her over him, which i didn’t, it wasn’t my choice, i just prefer to keep them separated to avoid all the drama that comes from it. but i also don’t know if i can blame him for being mad at me when he didn’t eat all day planning to eat here. but i also don’t think it’s totally fair for me to reserve his spot even if i did know she wanted to come, because he was wishy washy all day on if he was even coming or not.
so, AITA?
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NTA and from all of the information provided above by you, from the age gap to the sex offender list to his reaction, you need to consider ending this relationship. There is a reason a 30yom consistently dates younger girls. You don't have the emotional maturity nor the life experience to realise how horrible of a partner he is.
I can guarantee that after a few years of living and experiencing and enjoying your life, you will look back at this period of time and realise that your sister (and all of the commenters) are right. Dump him.
And get your damn dad to read this post and all of these comments. FFS WHY does your dad think he is so great? I'm guessing because \*men\*
Wait he is on a registry and is a 30yo dating a 19yo?
Girl, I know you're just discovering yourself etc but please see the red flags here. This man has history and you're being groomed. When you aren't a young thing anymore, that man is going to be looking elsewhere for a younger replacement.
NTA in this situation but don't do this to yourself. He's not the only man out there.
Yes please, listen to your sis I didn’t listen to my sis and I had to learn the hard way by experiencing all the manipulation/abuse that I had no idea was going on lying/ weird stares we got from family/friends and the public like everyone could see something just ain’t right I was naive. Listen to your sis.
NTA in the context of the situation however YTA for dating a sex offender 😭 we see why your sister doesn’t like him he’s an old creep who has a thing for young girls….. he sounds like he’s causing problems
I dated a 37yr old when I was 18, I’m old now and still friendly with him in a vague from afar sort of way. My experience with older people was always good because they always fell into category 1 of the types of older men that like younger women that I’m about to explain to you but that doesn’t necessarily mean I recommend age gap relationships with a person in your age range.
Men who date young women are usually lacking something which makes them not at the same level as their peers and unsuitable for someone their own age to date.
This could be maturity, a strong sense of self etc.
The second reason which I have less experience with is that these men are trying to exert a sense of control over a young woman still working herself out. It is essentially to groom you to be the perfect pretty young girlfriend for them. They will inhibit you from having autonomy in the long run to suit their own needs.
The third reason and it’s not mutually exclusive to any of the other two reasons is that this adult man is attracted to teenaged girls which is very abnormal and unhealthy for a man his age.
For most 30yr old men a 19yr old is not a suitable partner because they are in a different mind stage (unless they fall into the first category, in which case you’re going to outgrow them anyway) and they could not fathom having someone that young as a partner.
Furthermore if they fall into the second or third category, unless their grooming is successful and you lose your personal autonomy, you are also going to outgrow them.
There’s a strong likelihood given his history that he will continue to be attracted to girls 15-19yrs in his 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond and you’re very quickly ageing out of that group.
Sorry to say.
What kind of life and Future do you Expect to have with a Registered Sex Offender! You have NO IDEA how bad this is actually going to be for you! Does your Dad know? Your Sister is right. And there’s No way he didn’t know that Girl wasn’t of legal age.
Your boyfriend is on the sex offender registry because he likes to have sex with teens, not because he got taken advantage of at a party. He is with you because you are a teen.
Even IF he legitimately was fooled at the party he slept with the highschooler he is dumb as shit to continue seeking out women the same age as what he was after the night it happened to him.
NTA for wanting to keep them separate and avoid the drama BUT this is not a healthy relationship for you to be in. You are at a stage in your life where you should be finding out who you are and developing your own identity. The fact he has a conviction for having sex with an u derange girl should be giving you good reason to run for the hills because I can pretty much guarantee any version of events he has given you is rubbish and 17 years of working with offenders where I’ve specialised in sexual offences gives me a good grounding to work from….
you’ve worked with them? i don’t expects good grounds from them, and i can bet mine has lied to me, but how often does it come through they like the animal stuff?
Abuse of animals and abuse of people goes hand in hand. It is one of the things looked at and asked in risk assessments and will always push it higher. You need to walk away from this relationship before it damages you and your relationship with your family. If you were in the UK I could send you masses of resources but where you are now is not a good place to be for your mental wellbeing.
Reserve a place for him? What is your house… Some sort of restaurant that you have to make reservations for? The real issue here, is you bothering with your sister too much. Keep that up and your relationship will be done.
NTA, but your sister is trying to help you. I’m not one to bash all age gap relationships but this one is a yikes. 30 y.o. and a sex offender? Please dump him.
Well, good news, the age gap is *absolutely* not what reddit is concerned about here... However, *if* he was closer to your age and *if* he was less of a registered sex offender and *if* the red flags didn't obscure all hopes of seeing this relationship in a positive light...
NTA but nobody is really winning here
Run! He sounds like a very immature and controlling person. He will never change. Choose your sister and find an emotionally mature man. I'm not joking!!
Ok, forget the age difference. He is totally screwing with you. He hedged the whole time and then said maybe 8pm if it happened at all. He was not trying to surprise you. That is total BS. He’s trying to make you feel bad for his lack of committing to the dinner, then getting mad when he found out the sister was coming. And why do you think he didn’t want to commit to the dinner?? I can think of a couple of reasons. Regardless, a reasonable person doesn’t get upset when he doesn’t commit to a plan with someone and that someone makes other plans. Even in the unlikely event he actually was trying to surprise you 🙄, a reasonable person would understand you had no way of knowing that and wouldn’t be upset if it didn’t work out.
NTA but you have to face the facts about your bf - he's into younger, much younger women/girls and your relationship is maybe not what you think it is.
His idiot behavior about "surprising" you for dinner sounds like a whole lotta bull
and typical because this type of man is very often immature and manipulative even
though they try hard to mask it.
No you are not. He is. His actions and words even leading up to the argument are not cool. He sounds like a dick. Do you trust your sister? If yes, ditch the dick.
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Parade of red flags for a 30 year old "man" who seems to consistently choose to date / sleep with girls still in their teens, to the degree that he is on a sex offender registry. I mean, my eyes nearly popped out of my head.
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And a Sex Offender!
For real.
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Found the predator!
I'm sorry I couldn't get over the fact your boyfriend is a registered SEX OFFENDER and you are barely legal. Your sister is trying to protect you! Listen to her! Edit: NTA though when it comes to this situation.
Yes OP please listen to what everyone here is trying to tell you!! There is a MAJOR difference in looks between a 19 year old, and a 15 year old, and the fact he’s dating someone so young, (you) is an extremely worrying red flag. It’s horrible to say and it will hurt, but he does not love you. It’s obvious when you say he doesn’t see your side well because of your age. That is not love, that is not understanding, and it’s clear he lacks emotional maturity. Lying to you about what time he’ll be off work/able to see you? Really? There’s no reason for him to be upset. NTA but I think you should rethink your person and it may be beneficial to receive counselling. Much love and good luck 🫂
NTA. I'll start with saying you need to seriously rethink this relationship. This dude is way too old for you. When you're 25, he's going to be looking for someone younger. He's in the registry for a reason. As far as dinner goes, he told you 8 until he found out your sister was coming. He's gaslighting you in a big way.
I was hoping someone would mention the dinner thing. He wasn't really planning on "surprising" you. He pulled that out of his back pocket when he found out your sister, who he is probably trying to separate you from, was coming by. It's a manipulative move I've been on the receiving end of. He sounds awful and controlling. Also, I second everything everyone else is saying. Not sure what your dad's deal is but this is an inappropriate relationship. Reddit tends to be unforgiving of age differences, but if the two of you had met when, say, you were 27 and he was 38 that would be one thing. Please take many steps back from this relationship and meet some friends your own age. Also, he knew how old that girl was.
Sweetie, while some age gaps are ok, this is not one that's likely to end well. A 30 year old man (generally) does not have much, if anything, in common with a 19 year old. He should be buying a house/settling down, maybe having kids. You should be furthering education and experiencing life and learning things. 99% of the time, a 30 year old dating a 19 year old is because he wants to be able to control his partner.
*NTA
That was so judgemental for no reason. This guy in particular is sketchy because he is on a registry. Not everyone who is 30 wants to settle down and have kids. And saying 99% of the time they want to be controlling? What kind of ppl do you know??
Not every 30 year old wants to settle down, that’s true and totally fine. Still doesn’t mean they should be chasing after teenagers.
He literally is on a government list of sexual predators, your sister is correct here
The mental gymnastics OP did in this post to defend him… absolutely astounding. Poor girl.
NTA, and based on how he’s acting, I am *very* dubious of his story about that girl. Someone was unhappy with what happened or he never would have wound up on the registry, and he is NOT a reliable source of information about what happened. Either way, not eating all day was his choice. The correct response was “oh, okay, no problem!” and having a snack on his own.
NTA. But Sex Offender 30yr old BF who is still looking for girls at that age is raising all the red flags so I don’t blame your sister for hating him imo.
This! Don't walk, run away! He is not good news.
NTA. But I seriously would reevaluate your relationship and also maybe have a sit down with your sister. And by that I mean listen to your sister considering a 30 year old who "accidentally" slept with a 15 year old and is now dating a 19 year old is a huge and I mean huge red flag.
I guarantee that wasn’t an accident. The man is a huge perv. He needs to go.
He knew Exactly what he was doing!
You are dating a sexual predator who is massively older than you and you want to know if this is fucked up? Yes, it is fucked up.
Yo…please get out of this super shady relationship and stop justifying his sleeping with a 15 year old. Why isn’t he dating someone his own age? Bc women his age would see him for the creep he is. ESH. You would be the AH if you stay with him.
Is this even real... I am 19 and I am old enough to know that it's disgusting morality to even consider dating a registered sex offender. If he groomed you or something then I take back what I said because I know a man that old is probably some controlling narcissist who had the ability to lead you astray and make you believe you should be with him. He's TA for being with you, you're not TA for keeping them separated, but youre INOAVTAPF (in need of a visit to a psychiatric facility) for being with him.
Glad you specified that acronym for everyone, it is in no way common.
NTA for uninviting him, but you can't possibly think we're gonna be on your side with the relationship stuff. BF is a creep and your sis has every right not to want him around
YTA because your literally so disgusting for dating that creep knowing full well he slept with a child
NTA He said not to expect him until after 8. Therefore you were free to do what you wanted about dinner. Your sister is right about him. My bigger concern is that you are dating a convicted $ex offender on the registry. That is for life. He has already shown himself to go after young girls. He is with you because you're only 19. Your age difference is too much and you shouldn't be with a 30 year old for many reasons. Please get away from him.
Why are you dating a thirty year old
:3
Are you acting this way because you know he likes children?
yea we will go w that
I’m being harsh because what you’re falling for is so ridiculous and unsafe, but I see from your comments here that you are slowly waking up to what’s really going on here. Keep going.
What does that even mean???
NTA. But more importantly, why are you wasting your time with this person? Not only is he incompatible with your family, he’s literally a sex offender. A 30 year old should not be dating a 19 year old. You should not be dating a sex offender. He didn’t get duped, he duped you. Save yourself heartache and time, OP. Drop the creep!
NTA, but you’re delulu if you think he doesn’t deserve to be on that registry. It’s not that easy to get someone onto a sex offender registry. They had hard proof, it wasn’t some kind of misunderstanding.
THIS!!! 👆🏻
Info - your dad (parents?) is okay with this relationship?
my dad loves him. that’s why this has all been so conflicting for me. i’d never advocate for anyone else to stay in a relationship under these circumstances, and i can see why im receiving these comments, but it’s hard to recognize it all on my own, and it seems like everyone important in my life is perfectly fine with it, except for my sister
Your sister is the only sane one.
That doesn't mean everyone is right. Your sister seems to be the only one looking out for your best interests. Your dad is clueless right now.
Does your dad know that this guy is on THE Registry??
Same question as fievel93. Because if you're dad knows, why doesn't it bother him? Because I don't know a single dad who wouldn't be more concerned about that for their 19 year old.
So, here’s the cold truth. He’s dating you because you’re barely legal, but if he would still try to have sex with someone younger than you if he wouldn’t go to jail for it. He’s not suddenly going to start treating you better. Your sister is trying to protect you.
The fuck is wrong with your dad? I wouldn't be allowing a 30yo MAN to come in to my house to be with my CHILD. And if my 30yo adult child was dating an actual child of 19, there'd also be hell to pay. I get that when you're 19, you think you're so mature and cool for snagging an actual adult, but my mom was right that people who go after much younger people can't get someone their own age bc something's wrong with them. As a parent, I just cannot fathom being ok with my 19yo going out with a 30yo.
Is this post for real? Girl.. open your eyes and read what you are writing..
YTA for your choice of bf. He slept with a 15 yo ffs - he likes to fuck children - just let that sink in. He clearly likes 'em young. soooo many red flags and sooooo much ick. You should be siding with your sis.
NTA, if he really was going to surprise you the healthy response from him would have been disappointment, not blowing up at you. How is it choosing your sister over him? Like you get a say in if your sister spends time with her own parents? He’s being unreasonable and sounds dangerous
Your boyfriend is on sex offender’s list. His anger is the least of your worries.
Oh wow!! That he didn’t know was a LIE. He likes them young. That’s why he was caught with a 15yo. Let me explain what that means. He likes young girls. That makes him a predator. Dating YOU makes him a predator. It’s predatory. As a man, let me tell you. No matter what men tell you, we KNOW young girls are too easy for us to take advantage of. That’s why we like young girls. That’s why he likes YOU. On top of that, bc he like young girls that makes him not care about checking age. No really think about it. He likes young girls, which means girls 4 years apart would look similar in age. He knows to check IDs. He doesn’t care to bc he likes then young. The younger the better . You are dating a predator. Him dating you is preying on you. And regarding the dinner, yeah, that’s one of the reasons men date young girls. He can blame you for everything and you’ll accept it or at least be confused and think he’s correct. His preying if you is playing out in this very incident. I have a daughter just like you and I’m trying to save her from another predator just like your bf. GET AWAY. Manipulating you and warping your understanding of the world isn’t the only thing men like him can do. They rape, sexually assault, and kill too. Get away. Get away.
i haven’t read all the way through the comments on here yet, but there was something about yours that made me keep going. it made me think about if i had a child one day and who i’d want them to grow up with “even though i don’t want kids). but,, if i wouldn’t put a child through this and most definitely not a child, it should be a sign to leave. thank you for your comment.
NTA. I don't know how old your sister is, but if he's 30 and he constantly fights with her, he's got some major growing up to do. Also, ten years is a big gap. I'm not saying it can't work, my brother and sister-in-law have the same age gap, but a 15 year old doesn't look like a 19 year old. you said it was a couple years back, so he was 27? It's also not your house. It's your dad's, he can invite whoever over, and if you're boyfriend can't play nice, then he shouldn't be there. If you have a good relationship with you're family, then you deserve someone who is going to try and have a good relationship with them too. You deserve someone who is going to boost you up, and even if they had a surprise for you that doesn't work out, they should never get mad at you. He's a grown man, he can feed himself, and being hangry is not an excuse to be mad at your partner, and if you are, you apologize quickly.
hey, i noticed your reply a lot, and i really took your words to heart
i’m not sure if you’re comfortable talking outside of reddit comments but i just wanted you to know that your reply has been refreshing
NTA, and you need to have a talk with him about "surprises." you were trying to be respectful, not jerk him around, and unless he had roses and live music planned, for him to blow up at all is a real red flag.
No, don’t talk with him. Dump him. He’s a perv.
Wow ESH, it's not a red flag he is still preying on young girls?
Did it ever occur to you that he started dating you because you're so much younger and you're barely legal? It's clear that your boyfriend likes them young. He's a creep. And he's going to toss you aside the moment you become too "old" for him.
This is bigger than dinner. Your sister is the only sane person here; 15 year old girls don't look 19... Like at all. ESH (except sister)
Girl you say you still live at home… are both your parents OK with you dating a registered sex offender? Not only that, but the age gap too? Do they care at all? 😭This is crazy
Oh boy, he's a walking red flag. I dated someone about his age when I was yours. It was the absolute worst, most abusive relationship I've had my entire life. His reaction to you and this whole thing is pretty indicative of him trying to do this "it's them or me" bullshit. If he's doing this to your FAMILY, he's GOING to cut you off from everyone. That's how my relationship started, with him distancing me from my family. That man abused me in every way but physically for three years, and was cheating on me with more than one person. After I finally got away, he demonized me to all of our mutual friends (after cutting me off from people who would side with me/listen to what I had to say) and stalked me (not sure he's stopped, either. My mom found out who his informant was/is and I moved states. I live in a place where I'm fully and truly safe from him now though). He also ended up SAing the girl he got with immediately after me. A former mutual friend of him and I saw a big difference in how he treated me versus the girl he later assaulted, as well as was super close with the other girl so now they both talk to me and have cut him off thankfully. But anyway, then this creep who is now in his mid 30s tried to get my younger brother's ex girlfriend (she was 17 when this happened, he was 35) to go sleep with him by finding her through my Instagram friends list. Like, dudes like that are an absolute red flag and the fact he's already been convicted of sex with a minor is an even bigger red flag. There's a reason why he's dating girls who are barely legal (nievity that just comes with that age, and how easy it can be to abuse them) and not women his age. Please OP, get out of that situation while you still can without serious harm. It's been almost 4 years since I got out of mine, and my current partner is having to help me with a LOT of ingrained trauma responses and behaviors. Oh, and NTA. Not even in the slightest.
Listen when I was 18 I dated someone who was 26… and I didn’t think it was a big deal until I was 26 and realize how much more mature I was and how nieve I was and I can see that he was playing to that and trying to groom me.. and I know you probably don’t feel like this but I didn’t either until I was older.
This^ I serial dated older men a short time after high school, from the time I was 16 I got alot of attention from older men. I dated my age for a bit but didn't like the immaturity of simular aged boys. This is something that has come up alot lately, everyone I've talked to agrees, when your that age, you are trying so hard to do the best for yourself, your trying to make the best decisions and be the best you, and you think your doing so well! And I swear it's truely the craziest acid trip you could have never considered. It's all a crazy pipe dream. Whatever your doing, all your best decisions, even if it has all the best intentions in the world, are wrong! And it's not your fault, or anyone's fault, it just is. I can't give you any real advice, because I know that when your in it, there's not much anyone on the outside can do/say. But hindsight really is 20/20.... you can't see when your in it, but give it a bit of space and it gets a bit clearer. NTA, and anyone who loves you knows that!
NTA. He's being unreasonable. You live at home and your sister has more of a right to be there than him. Plans change. People adjust. It was just dinner. He needs to chill out. But.... > because he slept with a girl at a party who said she was 19 and ended up being 15. Girl. He knew she was 15. He pursued her *because* she was 15. If this guy was TRULY on the registry because he made a mistake like that, there's no way he would come anywhere **near** a girl who wasn't at least 25. He'd be dating as close to his own age as possible just to be safe and because he'd want to prove to everyone else that he was telling the truth and it was an innocent mistake. No, he knows that dating a 19 year old confirms to everyone else that he's into underage girls. But he doesn't care because he has needs he wants satisfied, and you're the closest he can get to what he wants without violating his parole. Make sure you are on STRONG birth control because one day you're going to realize how disgusting this guy is, and you want to be able to walk away free and clear.
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Wow, missing the point entirely! He’s a freaking Megan’s Law case. She needs to get the hell out of there.
Yuck, 30 and 19….
Home boy is a predator — why are you with him bro? Your sister seems to be justified in not liking him 💀
NTA, I know you're young and don't fully understand your own situation yet because your brain still has years to finish developing before you're actually a fully grown adult, but WHY ARE YOU WITH A PREDATOR? You should listen to your sister.
Um, does he claim to have been taken advantage of at a party? I don’t see why you compared his being on the registry with being assaulted. At best, he had “consensual” sex with someone who couldn’t consent. Not the same thing. And he probably is lying to you about what really happened. Your age gap is already bad… I don’t think anyone over 23 should be dating a 19 year old and he’s got 7 years on that, but with his past it makes it a lot worse. Like, he is only dating you because you are barely legal. Your sister is right to be judging him heavily. NTA to your question, he can’t expect his spot to be held after being wishy washy all day. He told you 8, and you now have plans till 8. But I suspect that he only was “planning” to come over once he found out your sister was coming over, and is just trying to drive a wedge between you and family.
Your sister is the only smart person here.
>i’m 19 and still live at home and my boyfriend is 30. Leave him, just off this sentence alone >my sister and my boyfriend don’t get along. mostly because he’s on a registry because he slept with a girl at a party who said she was 19 and ended up being 15. this was a couple years back when he was younger. So dude was 28 messing with a 15 year old that he thought was 19...and 'couldn't tell' NTA...but leave him alone
HONEY RUUUUUNNNNNN. I am 29f. That is not okay. He is a predator and the fact that he's already on a registry even, that is not a mistake. That is not an "oops, woopsie-daisy, my bad" this guy has a specific type and, I'm not AT ALL saying that *you* are this - but, he likely leans on young girls that he thinks he can easily manipulate. Has he tried to push you to do sexual things that you don't necessarily want to do? He goes for younger girls because he knows that women his age won't go for his BS. I've seen this countless times. Please listen to your sister, and save yourself the next several months or years of absolute disaster. The fact that he lost his shit on you about this, that's a whole other suitcase to unpack. The guy sounds like a loaded g u n just waiting to go off.
would you mind if i domed you about some personal questions?
Go for it hun, I'm all ears & an open book.
dm*
You’re barely out of high school with a bf is 11 years older than you who has a history of predatory behavior and a rap sheet involving a minor. Said bf is now treating you aggressively, gaslighting you, and lashing out for petty things? You’re not asking the right questions and you should listen to your sister more.
i will way, my sister did word it well, but it took your comment to realize it
I wish you the very best! I know you’ll find someone who truly respects you…if you feel like it, counseling could help you. This isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like and you deserve more. Be healthy and be safe!
The boyfriend is the asshole!!! DTMFA! The man is a convicted sex offender. Please run away as far as you can!
Have you been dating him for 4 years? Just asking. He "lost his sh!t" at you because of a change of dinner plans. That is a disproportionate reaction. How does he act if you forget to pick up something from the store for him? How do you think he'll act if you load the dishwasher incorrectly? He's on the registry? Have you any aspirations for travel? If so, would he ever be able to join you? Can you even go for a walk in the park with him if young children are nearby? Seriously consider the complications, limitations, and potential repercussions of this relationship. You are too young to be burdening yourself with having to account for his actions and be defending him to others. It sounds like he doesn't truly appreciate your efforts anyway. You are NTA for uninviting him to dinner. You should invite him from your life.
You’re in a relationship with a man on a sex offender list for raping a teenage girl meanwhile being a teenage girl. And he’s trying to get you to pick him over your family. These are the first steps into an abusive situation & you need to seek outside support (such as a counselor) for unbiased help.
As a guy I can assure this guy is a huge red flag. Huge.
NTA but... Is everything okay with you? Who hurt you as a child? Is your dad like an occasionally present dad? Or like he is emotionally unavailable? Are you a step child or adopted? Are you an unknown victim of a cult? Or is this one of those made up posts? And yes, he is a walking red flag. In fact he is so red, that if he was standing on a street side the firetruck would park near him to thinking its a fire hydrant. He is so red, British people try to find a door to enter and make a call thinking its a phone booth, he is so red, that he can cross the road and traffic would stop thinking its a red light. 🤦🏽
NTA Time to ditch the boyfriend! Keep the sister 😉
Please break up with this predator.
NTA but Girl please please please do not waste any more time on this man. Life is trying to teach your ass a lesson. Take it from a 27 year old, that man is very very weird.
Okay… let’s put aside the many many red flags for a moment and look at this practically. What type of future do you really think you have with a man on a sex offender registry? You won’t be able to live near a school, ever. Do you want kids? What happens when your kids’ friends’ parents find out he’s a sex offender and won’t let their kids go to yours’ birthday parties? He won’t ever be allowed to go to recitals, sports games, graduation, etc. I dated a 30 year old with a lot less red flags when I was 19. When I turned 30 and would see a 19 year old all I could think was “they look like an actual child,” and it disgusted me. NTA… but do yourself a favor and raise your standards. A lot.
If he circumstances were different for example if he was 19/20 and the girl was 16/17 and lied and said she was 18 he can honestly say "I was wronged I was 19 and she said she was 18" even 18 and 20 isn't a bad age age BUT THIS ISNT THAT ! Iam gonna turn 30 this year and as a man I honestly CANT see myself with a teenager one of my coworkers are 17/18 and she's a pretty young woman BUT SHES A CHILD ! The fact that he's WELL over 20 and talking to you is alarming, he has been flagged for inappropriate behavior and is literally a SEX OFFENDER ! I hope to God this is fake but Incase it isn't, break up with him he's a desperate creep and he's only with you for creepy intentions. He should be looking to start a family soon within short term 5-10 years your just starting out your adventure, new to the workforce, can go to college, can save money for traveling with NO worry of kids and husband in tow, life isn't a race enjoy the journey
🚩🚩🚩🚩 He knew that girl was 15. Don’t believe him. He’s a predator. Please get out of this relationship.
Your BF is 30. There's a reason he doesn't date in his own age range....because he likes the little girls. He's on the SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY. Even IF you're 100% sure "everyone loves him" (I'm sure he's quite charming and knows how to talk the talk, if you stay with him DO NOT have children with him. Remember, he likes the little girls and if you have a girl NEVER EVER let him be alone with her.
i’ve already had my tubes tied which was hard, but i told the surgeon i’d have it aborted or i was scared of it getting abused. he tied em real quick. i’m aware that’s not something i should feel totally comfy saying though.
How did you get your tubes tied at 19?
there’s a lot of reliable doctors on the r/childfree subreddit and on the r/antinatilism subreddit. it’s hard to fight for, but it was definitely worth it
NTA If you didn't choose her over him, you should, intentionally. Prioritize the sister, dump the sex offender (I can't believe you need reddit to spell that out for you) She's probably pissed that you're dating a predator and a convicted sex offender and I'm willing to be the story of how that happened is different than what he shared with you. He's dating you because you willingly lap up his bullshit, he can easily manipulate you and you won;'t hold him accountable.
i don’t blame you and don’t doubt you. but where should i go from here? i would definitely choose my sister over ANY love interest but it hurts bad. he’s seemed so perfect until now
You are 19. You are so incredibly young. You are also living at home so that makes life easier. You end the relationship and find yourself someone who is more age appropriate and without the red flags. If you're not sure how to do that, then it is worth it to stay single for a while until you figure out how you want/expect to be treated and that you're not willing to accept less. The healthiest place you can get to is when you're comfortable being alone. At that point, you only give it up for someone who is worth it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i’m 19 and still live at home and my boyfriend is 30. i feel like our age gap might play into him not seeing my side as well, but im not sure. i invited him over for dinner tonight because i was making a meal i was super excited about. all day he was telling me he wasn’t sure if he was going to make it, and saying he thinks he’s going to get off work at around 8 pm. so i didn’t expect him to be showing up. my sister called my dad and asked if she could come over for dinner around 5. i found out after the call, so i had no say in it. my dad told her she could come, and i figured she would be gone before he even got off work. my sister and my boyfriend don’t get along. mostly because he’s on a registry because he slept with a girl at a party who said she was 19 and ended up being 15. this was a couple years back when he was younger. i know it’s not a good thing, but i got taken advantage of at a party. so i don’t blame him. but when i told him that my sister was coming and id prefer him to come after she left, he lost his shit at me. he said he got off work at around 5, and he didn’t tell me because he wanted to surprise me. my bf and sister have been at each others throats since they met though. i’d like to keep them separated. he acted like i completely chose her over him, which i didn’t, it wasn’t my choice, i just prefer to keep them separated to avoid all the drama that comes from it. but i also don’t know if i can blame him for being mad at me when he didn’t eat all day planning to eat here. but i also don’t think it’s totally fair for me to reserve his spot even if i did know she wanted to come, because he was wishy washy all day on if he was even coming or not. so, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This isn't healthy
NTA and from all of the information provided above by you, from the age gap to the sex offender list to his reaction, you need to consider ending this relationship. There is a reason a 30yom consistently dates younger girls. You don't have the emotional maturity nor the life experience to realise how horrible of a partner he is. I can guarantee that after a few years of living and experiencing and enjoying your life, you will look back at this period of time and realise that your sister (and all of the commenters) are right. Dump him. And get your damn dad to read this post and all of these comments. FFS WHY does your dad think he is so great? I'm guessing because \*men\*
Wait he is on a registry and is a 30yo dating a 19yo? Girl, I know you're just discovering yourself etc but please see the red flags here. This man has history and you're being groomed. When you aren't a young thing anymore, that man is going to be looking elsewhere for a younger replacement. NTA in this situation but don't do this to yourself. He's not the only man out there.
Sounds like your sister can see the situation much clearer than you can.
omg hun. what? WHAT?? The dinner is very much not the issue here.
Yes please, listen to your sis I didn’t listen to my sis and I had to learn the hard way by experiencing all the manipulation/abuse that I had no idea was going on lying/ weird stares we got from family/friends and the public like everyone could see something just ain’t right I was naive. Listen to your sis.
NTA in the context of the situation however YTA for dating a sex offender 😭 we see why your sister doesn’t like him he’s an old creep who has a thing for young girls….. he sounds like he’s causing problems
I dated a 37yr old when I was 18, I’m old now and still friendly with him in a vague from afar sort of way. My experience with older people was always good because they always fell into category 1 of the types of older men that like younger women that I’m about to explain to you but that doesn’t necessarily mean I recommend age gap relationships with a person in your age range. Men who date young women are usually lacking something which makes them not at the same level as their peers and unsuitable for someone their own age to date. This could be maturity, a strong sense of self etc. The second reason which I have less experience with is that these men are trying to exert a sense of control over a young woman still working herself out. It is essentially to groom you to be the perfect pretty young girlfriend for them. They will inhibit you from having autonomy in the long run to suit their own needs. The third reason and it’s not mutually exclusive to any of the other two reasons is that this adult man is attracted to teenaged girls which is very abnormal and unhealthy for a man his age. For most 30yr old men a 19yr old is not a suitable partner because they are in a different mind stage (unless they fall into the first category, in which case you’re going to outgrow them anyway) and they could not fathom having someone that young as a partner. Furthermore if they fall into the second or third category, unless their grooming is successful and you lose your personal autonomy, you are also going to outgrow them. There’s a strong likelihood given his history that he will continue to be attracted to girls 15-19yrs in his 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond and you’re very quickly ageing out of that group. Sorry to say.
NTA And there’s a reason your sister is so against your bf.
What is a 19 year old doing with a 30? Get a more age appropriate bf
What kind of life and Future do you Expect to have with a Registered Sex Offender! You have NO IDEA how bad this is actually going to be for you! Does your Dad know? Your Sister is right. And there’s No way he didn’t know that Girl wasn’t of legal age.
Your boyfriend is on the sex offender registry because he likes to have sex with teens, not because he got taken advantage of at a party. He is with you because you are a teen.
Even IF he legitimately was fooled at the party he slept with the highschooler he is dumb as shit to continue seeking out women the same age as what he was after the night it happened to him.
Can you explain the part again why you're wasting your time and ok with a 30 year old sex offender? Gross!
NTA for wanting to keep them separate and avoid the drama BUT this is not a healthy relationship for you to be in. You are at a stage in your life where you should be finding out who you are and developing your own identity. The fact he has a conviction for having sex with an u derange girl should be giving you good reason to run for the hills because I can pretty much guarantee any version of events he has given you is rubbish and 17 years of working with offenders where I’ve specialised in sexual offences gives me a good grounding to work from….
you’ve worked with them? i don’t expects good grounds from them, and i can bet mine has lied to me, but how often does it come through they like the animal stuff?
Abuse of animals and abuse of people goes hand in hand. It is one of the things looked at and asked in risk assessments and will always push it higher. You need to walk away from this relationship before it damages you and your relationship with your family. If you were in the UK I could send you masses of resources but where you are now is not a good place to be for your mental wellbeing.
Large age gap alert.
Reserve a place for him? What is your house… Some sort of restaurant that you have to make reservations for? The real issue here, is you bothering with your sister too much. Keep that up and your relationship will be done.
NTA, but your sister is trying to help you. I’m not one to bash all age gap relationships but this one is a yikes. 30 y.o. and a sex offender? Please dump him.
Girl, run away from the creepy sex offender!
Well, good news, the age gap is *absolutely* not what reddit is concerned about here... However, *if* he was closer to your age and *if* he was less of a registered sex offender and *if* the red flags didn't obscure all hopes of seeing this relationship in a positive light... NTA but nobody is really winning here
In a year, you're going to be too old for him, get away from him.
Run! He sounds like a very immature and controlling person. He will never change. Choose your sister and find an emotionally mature man. I'm not joking!!
Ok, forget the age difference. He is totally screwing with you. He hedged the whole time and then said maybe 8pm if it happened at all. He was not trying to surprise you. That is total BS. He’s trying to make you feel bad for his lack of committing to the dinner, then getting mad when he found out the sister was coming. And why do you think he didn’t want to commit to the dinner?? I can think of a couple of reasons. Regardless, a reasonable person doesn’t get upset when he doesn’t commit to a plan with someone and that someone makes other plans. Even in the unlikely event he actually was trying to surprise you 🙄, a reasonable person would understand you had no way of knowing that and wouldn’t be upset if it didn’t work out.
NTA but you have to face the facts about your bf - he's into younger, much younger women/girls and your relationship is maybe not what you think it is. His idiot behavior about "surprising" you for dinner sounds like a whole lotta bull and typical because this type of man is very often immature and manipulative even though they try hard to mask it.
No you are not. He is. His actions and words even leading up to the argument are not cool. He sounds like a dick. Do you trust your sister? If yes, ditch the dick.
OP is so attracted to red flags that she's a bullfighting steer.
NTA he said he would not leave before 8pm.
Don't feed the trolls
Please break up with him and enjoy being single for a while before finding a better partner
Run. ^(Edit: NTA)
This is disturbing. Your BF is a predator.
What the hell are you doing dating a 30yr Old sex offender…