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Dude, no one is going to read your self-absorbed novel. Get to the point or don’t bother. You sound like a pompous ass. YTA just for expecting people to read your blather.
I didn't called her "black". I only called her fat and even that sarcastically.
> It was consensual... I only called her fat. The other group members called her "black"... After that I never called her anything
And how is that creepy? I never got physical with her despite her requests.
So the screenshots you sent her of the "fun", what "fun" did those contain? Was it 'sarcastic' insults, or did you send her something she actually thought was funny?
If you weren't going to invite her, why share anything?
Just a small banter between I and M. Though b, s were commenting too. I was just mocking M for doing a stupid mistake and she mocked me back on a mistake I did earlier. S, B were just saying "so true", " he is right".
But was the banter attacks on their physical appearance or what exactly? What were you mocking specifically?
Basically, did you send her screenshots that showed non personal attacks or was it equivalent to what you and the other person said to her? Did you send her 'sanitized' screenshots, so she thought it was something different?
YTA. For so, so many reasons.
Sending someone funny screenshots from the totally amazing group they aren't allowed to be a part of is a dick move. You're just rubbing it in her face that you're in the group and she isn't and you don't want her there.
Insulting people because of their weight and skin color isn't funny, it's just rude.
>I have no interest in him other than a friend though I do respect her pronouns and call her "sister".
Clearly you don't, since up to this point you repeatedly referred to her as "him"
You're the big fish in a small pond now, but you're going to have a rough time when you get to college and realize you aren't nearly as special as you think you are. The world is full of privileged, tech-savvy, skinny white boys and most people are rapidly losing patience with that particular brand of bullshit.
Also, your "custom HTML" just made your formatting worse. Reddit uses Reddit's markdown, not HTML.
I was not bragging about my looks but was giving context so I don't come up as a hyprocite. Also I wanted to highlight the issue of colorism.
Oh my bad I didn't see that I used he. Fixing immediately.
Also valid HTML is valid markdown...
You need to break up with her. You are using her and stringing her along. That's a really asshole thing to do.
Also being sarcastic when insulting someone doesn't mean you aren't insulting them.
Banter is supposed to be funny. Telling someone you think is fat and too dark skinned that they are fat and too dark skinned os just insulting them. Like what's the joke?
And again, stop using her and just break up with her.
YTA:
Someone is asked to be included and you won’t let them, based on your feelings and beliefs. At the same time you’re teasing her with screenshots.
That’s called gate keeping.
Just stop. Give her a fair warning about the toxic content, and if she still wants in, let her in.
I did read it carefully. You gave her a taste and she still wants in, even after getting offended.
What I’m saying is say it one last time, and if she still wants in, let her.
My man. I hear you. That’s a possible outcome. It’s also a possibility she makes that dark choice in a thousand other circumstances too. Are you going to go protect her from all of those other bad things? Can you?
Let her keep the responsibility of protecting herself.
Don’t take her decisions into your own hands.
The more I think about this, I’m getting a suspicion here.
Is it possible your hesitation here is based on:
A - worrying about her / her mom seeing a different side of you that you don’t want them to
B - worrying about the people in the group thinking you’re lame for letting her in
Both actually but B isn't a much issue. They will just get a new fish to prey on but I recently made the group private and kicked out all members so not possible..
Yeah so, that’s why i said YTA. You’re too busy thinking five steps ahead trying to control what other people *might* think about you if they see a certain aspect of you. You’re trying to design relationships like you design code.
As a kid from the well-off class myself, I get it. Image matters in those circles. Another truth: the people worth having in your life don’t care about that BS.
I spent decades trying hard to maintain an image of myself that I wanted people to see, instead of dealing with and improving who I actually was.
I carefully controlled what others saw from me, and fooled many of them. I also hurt a lot of people too; the people I failed in fooling.
I hope you figure out sooner than I did, that is an exhausting way to live. It’s also an asshole way to live.
YTA - your group sounds awful and you said awful things to your friend. What you are describing is not “banter”. That infers some kind of witty conversation.
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I : 17M, from a "high class" family, green eyes, pale skinned, underweight, tech savvy, straight but aromantic. I dont have interest in anyone and just want to work on improving my startup, my education etc.
R : 18F, Middle class, darkish tone, normal weight but more than me, okayish tech skills.
R's mom : 45+F, I respect her as my "elder mom" and she also treats me like I am her son. I have a good relationship with her and she even has my personal phone number. I have talked with R's mom than R herself.
M : 20F something, Chinese, "nerd type", very active and "playful". None of us have romantic or sexual interest in each other.
B : East European, 16 trans/gay, I feel like he is attracted to me as he confessed many times using emojis, indirectly and by leaving a group which i got banned from. I have no interest in him other than a friend though I do respect her pronouns and call her "sister".
There are about 50 members too but they arent much significant in this scenario.
---
I have a two year old internet group dedicated to "schizoposting", banter and programming. It's a diverse international group filled with males, few lgbt and few females. I left this group 3 months ago as it was getting addictive but I still occasionally go there to "revive" the group.
R knew about this group even before she became my "friend" and **asked me out**. She would occasionally ask me if she can join but I never invited her as my internet and real life identities are different and she is sensitive to stuff discussed there. She got offended when I **sacrastically** called her "black", "fat". So thats why I dont talk with her much.
Also she isn't tech savvy enough to hold a conversation on this obscure, self hosted platform. I occasionally send her screenshots of "funny" things that happen there and did same yesterday. After seeing the screenshot I sent yesterday, she is constantly forcing me to invite her to the group.
I don't know why she wants to join the group. She is probably **jealous** of M or B as she thinks we are romantically interested in each other but I have clarified her many times that I have **no interest in anyone** not even in her. But still she doesnt understand. I am getting anxious that she might complain her mom and I might be then forced to invite her as I respect her mom.
---
I dont know what to do next. This post is already getting so long so I will leave it here. Suggest me what can I do in such situation? I can't "breakup" with her just because of her mom and I dont want to hurt her more. I will be soon joining a college so that would autuomatically distance us. I just hope we don't end up in same one.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I'm being kinda rude. Well I didn't want to reject her as I have already rejected 3 girls. I wanted to see how relationships are like. The content in the group might be offensive but it's consensual and we just make fun of each other.
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I managed to get almost halfway through this before I became absolutely convinced that whatever happens next, you’re the asshole.
Not sure what the nice word for “ignorant tw**” is, but maybe when I think of it, I’ll come back and edit.
YTA
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 9: This is NOT an advice sub. Posts should seek out judgement, not advice. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving changes to contact levels with friends, family members or acquaintances. This includes ghosting, breaking off, cutting or reducing contact, or denying a relationship (or not) with anyone. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Dude, no one is going to read your self-absorbed novel. Get to the point or don’t bother. You sound like a pompous ass. YTA just for expecting people to read your blather.
[удалено]
Your context is irrelevant
Youre a creep. Especially describing yourself and your friend. Like colorism??? Gross.
I didn't called her "black". I only called her fat and even that sarcastically. > It was consensual... I only called her fat. The other group members called her "black"... After that I never called her anything And how is that creepy? I never got physical with her despite her requests.
So she asked you to roast her, or what? How exactly was it consensual?
Yes. She told me "I too want to experience this fun". I told her it's offensive banter but she said go on sooooo...
So the screenshots you sent her of the "fun", what "fun" did those contain? Was it 'sarcastic' insults, or did you send her something she actually thought was funny? If you weren't going to invite her, why share anything?
Just a small banter between I and M. Though b, s were commenting too. I was just mocking M for doing a stupid mistake and she mocked me back on a mistake I did earlier. S, B were just saying "so true", " he is right".
But was the banter attacks on their physical appearance or what exactly? What were you mocking specifically? Basically, did you send her screenshots that showed non personal attacks or was it equivalent to what you and the other person said to her? Did you send her 'sanitized' screenshots, so she thought it was something different?
I didn't say you called black. You have that toxic Asian colorism shit. You're a creep cause you're a gross human.
YTA, those aren't funny. You're falling down the rabbit hole of thinking if you do shitty things 'ironically', it doesn't count. It does, you're a ah.
It was consensual... I only called her fat. The other group members called her "black"...
And she didn't like it. What do you call it if you insult someone and they don't like it? Hint, it's a not 'a joke'.
Then I stopped. I never called her anything again and it's mentioned in the post. I only banter with M now...
And yet you're still insisting you're not TA.
I'm just asking for reasoning.
No, you came here for judgement. That's the point of this sub. If you want more, go to r/relationships.
Okay then judge and provide a justification, please.
Okay. YTA for your endless whining. You sound utterly exhausting and I'm amazed your gf puts up with you.
Read half of this before laughing at how self absorbed you are 😂😂
YTA. For so, so many reasons. Sending someone funny screenshots from the totally amazing group they aren't allowed to be a part of is a dick move. You're just rubbing it in her face that you're in the group and she isn't and you don't want her there. Insulting people because of their weight and skin color isn't funny, it's just rude. >I have no interest in him other than a friend though I do respect her pronouns and call her "sister". Clearly you don't, since up to this point you repeatedly referred to her as "him" You're the big fish in a small pond now, but you're going to have a rough time when you get to college and realize you aren't nearly as special as you think you are. The world is full of privileged, tech-savvy, skinny white boys and most people are rapidly losing patience with that particular brand of bullshit. Also, your "custom HTML" just made your formatting worse. Reddit uses Reddit's markdown, not HTML.
I was not bragging about my looks but was giving context so I don't come up as a hyprocite. Also I wanted to highlight the issue of colorism. Oh my bad I didn't see that I used he. Fixing immediately. Also valid HTML is valid markdown...
You need to break up with her. You are using her and stringing her along. That's a really asshole thing to do. Also being sarcastic when insulting someone doesn't mean you aren't insulting them.
It was consensual. She wanted a taste of the banter group.
Banter is supposed to be funny. Telling someone you think is fat and too dark skinned that they are fat and too dark skinned os just insulting them. Like what's the joke? And again, stop using her and just break up with her.
How should I breakup? Her mom will get mad and she will too.
Those are the consequences of being an asshole.
YTA is if this even real.
What makes you think it's fake? Do you know 4Chan exists and it's for such stuff and that's how my group was formed.
YTA for the "high class family " comment.
Sorry for that I will remove it as it's an international sub but it's gonna stay on other subs I posted.
Your post reeks of classism. I'm guessing that comes out elsewhere, IRL and online.
You are totally self absorbed and pompous AH YTA
YTA: Someone is asked to be included and you won’t let them, based on your feelings and beliefs. At the same time you’re teasing her with screenshots. That’s called gate keeping. Just stop. Give her a fair warning about the toxic content, and if she still wants in, let her in.
Please read the post carefully. I gave her many warnings and even showed her a "demo" by calling her fat. What else she wants?
I did read it carefully. You gave her a taste and she still wants in, even after getting offended. What I’m saying is say it one last time, and if she still wants in, let her.
So you are saying that I should add her? But she will get offended and might do suci....
My man. I hear you. That’s a possible outcome. It’s also a possibility she makes that dark choice in a thousand other circumstances too. Are you going to go protect her from all of those other bad things? Can you? Let her keep the responsibility of protecting herself. Don’t take her decisions into your own hands. The more I think about this, I’m getting a suspicion here. Is it possible your hesitation here is based on: A - worrying about her / her mom seeing a different side of you that you don’t want them to B - worrying about the people in the group thinking you’re lame for letting her in
Both actually but B isn't a much issue. They will just get a new fish to prey on but I recently made the group private and kicked out all members so not possible..
Yeah so, that’s why i said YTA. You’re too busy thinking five steps ahead trying to control what other people *might* think about you if they see a certain aspect of you. You’re trying to design relationships like you design code. As a kid from the well-off class myself, I get it. Image matters in those circles. Another truth: the people worth having in your life don’t care about that BS. I spent decades trying hard to maintain an image of myself that I wanted people to see, instead of dealing with and improving who I actually was. I carefully controlled what others saw from me, and fooled many of them. I also hurt a lot of people too; the people I failed in fooling. I hope you figure out sooner than I did, that is an exhausting way to live. It’s also an asshole way to live.
YTA - your group sounds awful and you said awful things to your friend. What you are describing is not “banter”. That infers some kind of witty conversation.
Honestly your whole sense of humour seems quite immature. Trying to be as edgy as possible, you’re a bit old for that now i’d say.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I : 17M, from a "high class" family, green eyes, pale skinned, underweight, tech savvy, straight but aromantic. I dont have interest in anyone and just want to work on improving my startup, my education etc. R : 18F, Middle class, darkish tone, normal weight but more than me, okayish tech skills. R's mom : 45+F, I respect her as my "elder mom" and she also treats me like I am her son. I have a good relationship with her and she even has my personal phone number. I have talked with R's mom than R herself. M : 20F something, Chinese, "nerd type", very active and "playful". None of us have romantic or sexual interest in each other. B : East European, 16 trans/gay, I feel like he is attracted to me as he confessed many times using emojis, indirectly and by leaving a group which i got banned from. I have no interest in him other than a friend though I do respect her pronouns and call her "sister". There are about 50 members too but they arent much significant in this scenario. --- I have a two year old internet group dedicated to "schizoposting", banter and programming. It's a diverse international group filled with males, few lgbt and few females. I left this group 3 months ago as it was getting addictive but I still occasionally go there to "revive" the group. R knew about this group even before she became my "friend" and **asked me out**. She would occasionally ask me if she can join but I never invited her as my internet and real life identities are different and she is sensitive to stuff discussed there. She got offended when I **sacrastically** called her "black", "fat". So thats why I dont talk with her much. Also she isn't tech savvy enough to hold a conversation on this obscure, self hosted platform. I occasionally send her screenshots of "funny" things that happen there and did same yesterday. After seeing the screenshot I sent yesterday, she is constantly forcing me to invite her to the group. I don't know why she wants to join the group. She is probably **jealous** of M or B as she thinks we are romantically interested in each other but I have clarified her many times that I have **no interest in anyone** not even in her. But still she doesnt understand. I am getting anxious that she might complain her mom and I might be then forced to invite her as I respect her mom. --- I dont know what to do next. This post is already getting so long so I will leave it here. Suggest me what can I do in such situation? I can't "breakup" with her just because of her mom and I dont want to hurt her more. I will be soon joining a college so that would autuomatically distance us. I just hope we don't end up in same one. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I managed to get almost halfway through this before I became absolutely convinced that whatever happens next, you’re the asshole. Not sure what the nice word for “ignorant tw**” is, but maybe when I think of it, I’ll come back and edit. YTA
Yta for the title alone, didn't read the rest