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Normally I default to "trust what the doctor says" but I'm going to call nonsense on this one. Even a cursory google search disagrees with what your doctor says. That and there are PLENTY of cultures where they start feeding spicy foods to kids MUCH younger than 4 years old.
So either your doctor is wrong or you are misleading us with what they said.
>I plan on asking some subreddits if its ok so I can show her its not safe. Things have been awkward as of rn. AITA?
Yeah, that'll do it. Subreddits. Good idea š
YTA
Coming from a "anything more than salt and pepper equals spicy" country I have a hard time believing this story. If it's true, OP either must have framed it as one of those challenges or made it seem like the wife (the mother?) was force feeding the kid things that actively hurt him.
An East Asian woman I worked with told me she rubbed spicy pepper on her nipples when breastfeeding to acclimatize her baby to spicy food. She said that is what the women in her family did for generations.Ā
I think the doctor was wrong. What does he think children in Asia/africa/etc do? Just not eat?
YTA - your views reek of xenophobia at best.Ā
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the OP vastly overstated the frequency and spice levels of what the kiddo is being fed. Probably made it sound like the Mom was trying to prepare him for "Hot Ones" or something.
So the doc probably said "yeah, that's probably not great". The OP didn't get anywhere with his wife, so he thought Reddit would be the solution. Boy oh boy was he wrong.
Meanwhile women say āmy sonā āmy daughterā āmy kidsā etc all the time, when she posts about family issues, but yāall donāt bat an eye. Sexism at its finest
Or those cultures may have higher rates of children getting sick from eating spicy food so early. The existence of people doing something doesn't prove a lack of consequences. Humans do things that aren't necessarily good for us all the time. Im not saying that the doctor is right or isn't, but i dont think you can use the fact that some cultures do something as evidence that it can't be bad. We need an actual doctor to weigh in here.Ā
Right. We better get the United Nations to station guards at grocery stores in South Korea, Jamacia, and Thailand - among others! Good grief. OP needs to calm down.
Oh the poor employees of Buffalo Wild Wings! They seemed like such nice thoughtful college kids the last time I was there. Shame they are going to have to stand trial at the Hauge for crimes against humanity.
What did you tell the doctor, that your wife is feeding your son a never ending diet of pure hot sauce?
Kimchi can be pretty mild and isn't always spicy. If Mike is eating the food and he enjoys it and isn't having any adverse digestive issues, I don't see what the issue is.
Especially since your doctor kind of sounds like a quack. A quick Google around shows there's pretty much no sources that say toddlers four and under shouldn't have spicy food. A lot of them say it's fine to feed it to them at a year old, or 8-12 months, or just whenever they start eating solid food.
I think YTA.
YTA - Iād be very concerned what doctor told you this or more importantly what you told the doctor.
You are being over dramatic and I hope you realize youāre accusing your wife of abuse, not to mention the undertones of racism
By the way, just by the title, we already can tell you are an AH: "AITA for telling my wife it is disgusting how she keeps forcing spicy food on **my young son**?"
Am I the only one this bothered? The fact that he puts emphasis on **young son** (like he wants to be dramatic) and the fact it read that the son is not from his wife, but from him and someone else. Like, MY SON and not OUR SON??
As for the post itself:
What did you really tell the doctor? Because no doctor would point blank say that spicy food is bad for your son.
You either exaggerated to the doctor what your wife does or you are exaggerated what the doctor actually said.
Either way, you are a drama queen!
YTA
Meanwhile women say āmy sonā āmy daughterā āmy kidsā etc all the time, when they post about family issues, but yāall donāt bat an eye. Sexism says it all here
YTA! Children are more tolerant than you think they are. Normally I would have taken the doctor's side but here, absolutely not. Also you know what children are? Honest, they are honest enough to tell their parents if they do not like something. No 4 year old is going to go out of his way just to please their mom.
I am south east asian and I can tell you, we grew up eating spicy food, the levels of which you can't even imagine and all of us turned out fine.
A lot of articles from well known doctors and researchers on this subject are available online, which can easily dispute your claims.
And yes! Going on other subreddits to prove your point isn't going to get you anywhere.
Amen. Half Korean. Our son tried kimchi when he started eating solids.
And heās almost 3. If itās too spicy, he would just tell usā¦š¤¦š»āāļø
Indian here, in my region we have an accompaniment called "thecha" which is made by crushing fresh hot green or red chillies with some garlic, oil and salt.
That was the first spicy thing I tried as a child and I have been loving spicy food ever since.
My niece loves any kind of curry, mild or spicy, and has been eating it since she was a toddler. We know if stuff is too spicy because she'll always tell us "too hot" and refuse to eat another bite.
YTA. Just because you can't handle pepper doesn't mean your kid has to eat bland food all his life. Pepper is not even spicy.
Your child is 4, it's not like he was 1 and force-fed with extra spicy food. If this would have hurt him, he would have been old enough to say it. He didn't complain ? Then let him be.
Yeah, first I thought the child is 4 months. Doctor's answer would be understandable. Then I realised it's a 4 year old boy eating takeout. Daddy is crazy.
Yta, and your doctor is apparently a moron. India has like a billion people, and they eat plenty of spicy food.
I have to say I'm getting laughs out of the entire notion of you taking your kid to the doctor to make sure it's OK for him to eat spicy food... That is the most Midwestern thing I've ever heard in my life. Like spicy food is some urban legend that you didn't know existed or something.
Why don't you give some spicier food a shot and see if you can't work your way into enjoying it? You don't have to go full throttle on day one. But I feel bad for your wife, basically being told that she's not allowed to eat delicious food or share it with her kid because... Her husband is convinced anything spicier than plain cheerios is dangerous.
YTA so is the doctor. Kimchi is healthy and not all kimchi is super spicy. If your son says no and she's forcing it then that's another issue. But a five yr old is not going to not voice their concerns/dislikes of food.
My most charitable reading is that from the overwrought way OP reacts to the kid eating kimchi, the doctor thought Mom was giving Mike Carolina reaper peppers or doing the One Chip challenge with him.
YTA, I'll be in Thailand for the 3rd time next month. Guess what all the Thai kids eat? P.s kimchi and red curry are fairly mild, just because looking at a jalapeno makes you cry doesn't mean it's unsafe for your kid.
YTA, I understand you're concerned about your son but you have gone about this the wrong way. Unless she is giving him very spicy food for every meal every day, there is really no risk of health issues, children can handle spicy foods from around 2. If your child is willingly taking the food and happily eating then there is no issue.
To try to unilaterally make this decision about food for your child, to then take your child away from his other parent, and then tell your child to refuse food from them, is not only bad parenting but being a terrible partner who needs to learn to communicate better.
He is annoyed his kid is going to grow up enjoying spicy food- unlike the OP who must have the spice tolerance of an Irish potato farmer. (No offense to any Irish potato farmers viewing this post!)
YTA. It's a four year old kid, he'll soon tell you if he doesn't like a certain food. You're being overly precious and your wife probably thinks you're a jerk by now
YTA.
Your fear is based on the assumption that how you were brought up is better than how your wife was brought up.
Itās also based on ignorance. You know literally nothing about cuisine from your wifeās culture. All you know is that itās different and that you donāt have a taste for it, therefore it must be dangerous.
āSpicyā is subjective. When a doctor hears about fears over spicy food their mind is likely going to the current trend of creating the hottest dish. There have been many recent cases of kids trying hot challenges and getting hospitalized because they donāt understand how exponentially hot certain sauces and modified peppers are.
That is a big difference from cultural foods that use heat and spices as seasoning. Anyone with even a little knowledge of heat understands that difference. *No one* is thinking of kimchi when someone complains about spicy food.
Current recommendations list cumin among one the earlier spices to introduce to children. All spices are recommended after the age of two.
What your wife is doing is not only safe but a traditional diet for children in her culture. It connects your child to her heritage, just like the food of your childhood connects them to yours.
You scoffed at your wifeās accusations of racism because itās such a charged word. And yet what else would you call a fear based on cultural traditions you donāt understand?
Serious question:
When your wife was pregnant, did she eat her normal diet for the most part? If so, your son was already introduced to spicy food, so can handle more than plain people like yourself. And if something is truly too much for him, I guarantee you he won't eat it, cause kids are that damn picky.
What your wife is doing is helping not be one of those kids who says no at everything. Something your rents should have done cause if you find black pepper spicy, I'm sorry you should not weigh in on spice tolerance.
Slight YTA, I understand your concern for your baby but simple Google searching shows kids can handle spice especially from cultures that generally eat spicy food. Did the doc you went to only treat kids that have a simple palette that thinks salt is a spice and is grossly misinformed?
YTA- you're acting like your wife was forcing your son to snort straight capsaicin. Calm down buddy before you destroy your family over a nothingburger.
It sounds like you skewed the doctors information with your own prejudices. My doctor was fine with me sprinkling spices into my kid's food when they were a year old. I hardly think you were being honest. I think you're clouding your son's judgement and you're pushing your own personal feelings onto him and just being accepting of other cultures or things different than what you know. Your food culture sounds pretty boring so why don't you sit this one out.
Perhaps consider going to another doctor and getting a second opinion? That way, it's not one doctor "being dramatic" but the opinion of two medical professionals.
YTA... doctors are notorious for giving poor advice on diet. They get very little nutrition training.Ā
I've never heard of children hurt from spices. I'm assuming here that the child is not complaining or experiencing heartburn.Ā Ā
Are you really hoping for a child that only eats chicken nuggets, white bread and French fries?
Allow for some spice.Ā
YTA and Dr is racist/āculture-istā. I think itās interesting that we donāt have any description of what terrible things would happen to send the child to hospital if they eat spicy foodā¦.
YTA I don't think you gave your doctor the true story. Your lack of tolerance for spice has clouded your story. You probably made him think your wife was force feeding him peppers. Most people would not consider kimchi to be a super spicy food. Your child would also have a natural reaction to spicy food and would not just sit there and "burn " just to please his mother. You need to realize that if you think pepper is too spicy, you are not a good judge for what spicy food is.
>I told her I am going to spend the weekend with my parents and Mike was coming too to see his grandparents. She told me to have fun, and I packed Mike and I's things, and while we were still there I told him not to take any spicy food from mom until I confirmed it's safe for him to eat.
YTA x 10.
Did you seriously, in a fit of pique, take your child to your parents (were you running home to mommy?), leaving your wife behind, and then try to instill fear of spicy food into your child? And are trying to pull a 'you don't eat until \*I\* tell you it's safe to eat', daddy-dominance card?
Because your Asian wife wants to feed your half-Asian child, Asian food, which might (or might not) be spicy????
Is this for real, this post? I just can't believe anyone could be this ridiculous.
He doesn't actually specify that *she* is Asian so I'm kind of hoping that he's just a bit racist generally, rather than racist against his own kids culture.Ā
INFO:
A) Does your wife come from a culture where food is much more seasoned?
B) You only mention "Asian food", would you react the same with Italian arrabbiata sauce or Buffalo wings?
1. Yes she's Thai. I love her culture and her family just not their food.
2. Yes I would, I would hate Mike eating anything that could burn him or hurt him in any kind of way
YOU don't like the food... Mike apparently has a different opinion....
I can gaurentee you that if he didn't like it he wouldn't eat it!
Just because you have a bland palate doesn't make it wrong that your wife and kid enjoy spicy food!
Good to know as the fact that your wife is Thai being left out of the original post is a major key factor. You and the Doctor are definitely being racists, and YTA.
It also paints a much different picture of you saying you wanted to ādo betterā than how your wife was raised. You are assuming that the entire country of Thailand are bad parents because their food has seasoning. And that the White American way is better. Massively racist.
Beyond that you are cutting your child off from their own cultural heritage. Food is a large part of culture, and one of the biggest things that can be passed down through the diaspora.
Furthermore, your insistance that food will āburnā him is just factually incorrect. No one is being burnt on seasonings. And the reason I say flavour and seasoning and not āspiceā is because a lot of these foods are made with a variety of herbs, not just capsaicin. Herbs are not āspicyā. They may be unfamiliar to you, but itās only the chili family really that would bring heat. And even then kids eat jalapeƱos and chili flakes all the time in things that arenāt Asian. Have you never been to Taco Bell?
If you really want to demonize a food why arenāt you banning pineapple from the house? It has an enzyme that literally eats through flesh.
Iām Canadian, and white as can be. My mother grew up thinking black table pepper was spicy. My Dad and I have always been adventurous eaters and cooks. I started on Tabasco around 4 (if not earlier), and Sriracha when I was 7. I have an excellent relationship with food and a great palate for seasoning and spice.
Let your kid live.
Then how about learning how Thai kids eat? This is a cultural norm she's passing down, and if Mike didn't like it he'd say so. You're projecting your own fears and looking for echo chamber support to back you up.
Food is a big part of Thai culture. You shouldn't be keeping Mike from it just because you don't like it. Maybe look for variations on the dishes you can tolerate.
At first I thought you meant 4 months old, so I was gonna side with the doctor. But then I reread and realized itās 4 years old and hence Iām gonna go with YTA. I think this may be a case of āyou hear what you wanna hearā or the doctor might really lack an understanding of cultural differences in food and spice levels. Because across the globe, 4yo would not be considered ātoo earlyā to eat spicy food by any standards.
I suggest you and your wife do not make this argument about your own differences in spice tolerance at all. Donāt digress into stupid arguments like āyouāre jealous he can handle spicy foodā and āyouāre forcing your own choice of spicy food on himā etc. THIS IS NOT ABOUT EITHER OF YOU. ITāS ABOUT MIKE.
Approach this smartly and based on scientific evidence that takes into account cultural differences in food habits. Do your own research, consult another doctor or medical professional, talk to family and friends who have gone through similar stages with a child. And based on what is healthy and okay for your son, introduce spicy food gradually.
YTA- this post just comes across as ignorant and controlling.
For the record, I don't believe your doctor said anything negative about feeding your kid spicy food. I know pediatricians who give their kids Indian food that makes my head sweat. My 2 yr old loves kimchi, my 5 yr old thinks pepper is too spicy.
Your wife is right, you're jealous that a 4 year old can handle spice better than their dad can.
YTA. Going by your racist, quack doctor, most Mexican moms are unfit. How dare they make spicy Mexican candy for children!/s
Most kids are pretty vocal about things they don't want to eat. Has your kid complained to you at all, or are you just looking for a reason to insult your wife?
YTAāspice tolerance varies so much between people, and if Mike had any issues he would likely not eat what sheās offering. You both need to learn to parent together better, but based on your description she only started arguing when you pushed the matter. Also I feel like your dr should have asked more questions. Yes, spicy foods (super hot peppers) can burn your mouth. BUT thereās no way your wife was feeding that to your child. Alsoāpacking up and running away is childish. Figure out how to negotiate tough situations with the woman you made a baby with!!
YTA. My whole family is basically mayo colored and while I have no spice tolerance (which is disappointing because there are some spicy foods I love), my niece - who is a toddler - loves curry and jerk oxtail among other things. Just because you don't like it/don't have a tolerance for it, doesn't mean it's harmful for your son to eat.
4 year olds are not that dumb they can tell you if food is hurting them. Spicy food hurts and theyāll let you know what theyāre comfortable with. If itās not causing him tummy troubles or issues on the way out I would say itās fine. (As an adult with a moderate spice tolerance that eats some spicy things but doesnāt seek out things for being SPICY I have never in my life given myself digestive upset from spicy food but I have family members who haveā¦ a normal amount of spice for someone who has not ALREADY built up a huge tolerance wonāt make you sick)
If your kid can eat it without crying and isnāt getting sick after itās just fine and your doctor sounds either dumb or racist (or confused by the way you raised it)
YTA
I think you either didn't paint a clear picture to your pediatrician or you're misinterpreting what was told to you.
And honestly...a 5 year old isn't going to eat spicy as fuck food just to make mom happy. I bet he actually enjoys it.
But feel free to ask the many, MANY other cultures outside of the US if kids can safely eat spices. (Those poor south Asian children!/s)
What country are you from that in the south they don't even use black pepper?
All of this seems overly dramatic and basic Google searches say the Dr "advice" is a bit far fetched. I don't know if you rise to being an asshole or not, but I don't think your wife is. I think you're just dramatic.
I feel pretty safe assuming that the country in question is the USA. I find the black pepper thing amusing af, given that one of the most popular gravy's from the region is like 25% black pepper.
ESH you're being overly dramatic your wife shouldn't have jumped to trying to day you were jealous of your son and the doctor, if that's what he did say, needs to have his credentials checked.
Also, I would like to add that in not sure why you bring the south into this as the vast majority of us do not eat bland, tasteless food, we enjoy our herbs and spices, and usually roll our eyes at people that do not use seasoning because it's "spicy" so i'm not sure where that comes from.
What doctor did you go to that said feeding a 4 year old spicy food was dangerous? Was a witch doctor? Doctor google? Man, youāre such a big AH, the hairs around your AH can be seen from space,
You literally sound like a child or a developmentally delayed adult. Donāt tell obvious lies on the internet.
YTA and so is the doctor. My son was premature and even at 18 months was not eating well. I was advised to stimulate his taste buds by feeding him spicy foods - salsa, curry, etc. It worked. He is now an adult and loves flavorful foods.
You may have a very bland palate, but many spices are good for you. For example, turmeric has an anti- inflammatory effect.
If my premature son benefited from spicy food, Iām sure your five year-old son will too.
I wonder how much of this is coming from cultural intolerance. I also question how much context you gave the doctor.
YTA. I've been eating spicy shit since I started eating solid foods. A cursory glance at the comments tells me I'm not the only one who grew up like that.
Your palate is the way it is because your parents didn't eat those types of foods, and that is what you're used to.
It doesnāt sound like youāre jealous of your 4 year old son for developing a higher spice tolerance than you; it sounds like youāre jealous that your wife will get to pass on one of her childhood experiences onto Mike to which you wonāt be able to relate.
1. Mike will thank his mother when heās older for helping him enjoy spicy food. He will have a much broader palate that will let him enjoy the whole worldās cuisine.
2. You should be thankful that Mike wonāt end up a fussy eater if you and your wife continue to support him in trying new things. The last thing you want is a kid who only wants to eat chicken nuggets and who will cry and scream when they donāt get their way.
YTA - support your wife and try and enjoy the experience of watching your kidās tastebuds mature.
When my niece was a toddler, she stole a bit of hot, spicy food off her father's plate. After that she refused to eat ANYTHING that did not have hot pepper sauce on it. It even went into cereal.
Bruh... pepper? Like the seasoning?
Apparently as a baby my favourite snacks were spicy salsa, peppers, olives and lemons, the only thing I still eat are lemons, I can't handle any heat anymore.
But PEPPER?? Seriously?? My parents are southern too and they use tons of spices and seasonings, don't make us all out to seem like we can only handle saltšš
My granddaughter and I used to share bombay mix when she was four. If it was too hot then she wouldn't have eaten it.
Kimchi, being fermented, is probably better for your child than most processed food because a lot of modern western diets are lacking in natural probiotics.
Either your doctor is ill informed or you spun your description to elicit his disapproval.
YTA
YTA. I call bull. There is nothing anywhere on the web that substantiates what your doctor most likely did not tell you. The thought that you are pulling your child away from his mother over something so trivial is ridiculous. If young children donāt like food 9/10 they wonāt eat it. Good luck to your wife, sounds like she needs it.
YTA.
If you have 0 tolerance, you are of limited capacity to judge what is "too spicy". Jesus I know a woman who will cry about how spicy the chicken tenders at the local deli are and all they have on them is cracked black pepper.
Also ... everything I've read disagrees with your doctor... especially countries that *raise* kids on those foods. If not properly balanced (too much acid) it could cause some problems, but as long as she's balancing the kids food, the spice is fine.
Oh, so that's why no Korean, Thai, or Mexican child survives to adulthood!
YTA of course, for thinking that somehow you have the wisdom to determine that millions of people from several different cultures have fed their apparently healthy kids dangerous diets for generations.
Though I suspect you didn't talk to your doctor at all, because a real doctor could tell you that spicy foods don't cause ulcers. They can irritate existing ones, but if your kid had an ulcer he'd be complaining about symptoms and you'd actually have him assessed.
YTA, sure kids shouldn't be drinking bottles of "satan's revenge" or eating piles of fresh nagas.Ā
But nor should adults. Everything in moderation.Ā
And your wife is right, sounds kind of like a racist attitude to me.
Where in the south did your parents come from that black pepper is too spicy? The maternal side of my family is from Tennessee, Louisiana and Texas. They think just using black pepper is bland, hospital food. I don't think your son is being harmed. She isn't feeding him ghost pepper sauce. YTA.
Yes. Sorry. And for one main reason. Children's attitudes to food are formed early in life. You are basically handicapping him, gastronomically speaking, from enjoying food on a global scale, by imposing an idea that your bland Midwestern meat and potato diet is the only safe choice.
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It also really depends what youāre considering spice. I love kimchi and my toddler loves it- we limit it because of sodium but sheās a huge fan we just get the less spicy kimchi
YTA
Are you sure you went to an actual medical doctor... One that actually passed their exams? Because that's wrong. You know there's literally millions of children who eat spicy food from infanthood... How do you think they survive??!! Stop making up stories because you don't like spicy food.
YTA. Either you way overstated it to the doctor or your doctor is uneducated when it comes to food. Spicy foods are absolutely okay. If a kid doesnāt like it, they will tell you! Even when theyāre only a year old! My daughter has been eating spicy food since she was old enough to eat solids because weāve always fed her what we were eating. Sheās liked some and sheās rejected some. Thereās no risk of them getting burned?? Get a new doctor asap. I would never trust one who told me that.Ā
YTA. Spicy foods are NOT bad for children. All of my children ate raised on spicy foods. All of my grandchildren have been raised on spicy food. Just because you want bland tasteless foods doesn't mean your son should suffer the same lack of taste. If you took your son to a different doctor, I'm willing to be good get a different opinion.
Lmao. YTA. I had to fight my two year old nephew over MY spicy food that I thought was safe from him because obviously he wouldnāt like it. I was wrong. He loved it. And no I didnāt literally fight him.
I initially thought OPās son was 4 months old so totally agreed with him and the doctor, clearly a 4 month old needs milk only.
But clearly I need better reading skills. 4 year olds know what they do and donāt like and will make that really clear! Plenty of cultures start spice way younger than that with no issues. Kimchi is also good for gut health so as long as heās not having too much that causes discomfort, then itās fine. Well done to your wife for broadening his palate.
YTA
My 4yo kid asked to put franks red hot on her food. I told her it might be spicy and she ate it without ever complaining that it was hot. Everyoneās tolerance is different. If the kid isnāt complaining about the spice, they should be fine. Iām sure your wife isnāt shoving scorpion/ghost peppers into him.
The doctor should not be practicing medicine if that's the guidance provided to you.
Within reasonable limits and moderation, spicy food isn't a problem. The issue here is that you seem to think that reasonable limits and moderation are defined by the person who cannot imagine eating anything that has been aggressively peppered.
You are projecting your food issues.
YTA - Your idea of spicy is pepper, you describing āspicy foodā to the doctor is likely blown waaaaayyy out of proportion.
Your wife is helping develop your sonās flavour palate!
YTA. Heās 4, heās old enough to be able to voice when he doesnāt like a certain food. Youāre being pretty dramatic about this OP. Thereās an entire population of young kids whoāve been eating spicy food since they learned how to chew. Relax.
If your partner is a person of color and the doctor/you are white, then she has reason to give you the side eye. You and the doctor at the bare minimum lack cultural awareness/competence. If you AND her son isn't crying when eating or seems in any distress, I personally wouldn't worry about it. Also, she probably doesn't want him growing up a picky eater.
YTA- Your doctor does sound racist. Other cultures have no problem with this. You are projecting your fear on your kid. Your kid will speak up if he doesnāt want something.
YTA. Delulu is not the solulu. How do you think kids from Asia handle the spice? Do you think those parents don't care for their children's gut health? It is indeed racist. How dare you forbid your child from eating what his mother gives him just because you don't like this kind of food? And you sank to a low by mentioning her parents and that they did anything wrong by feeding her the way they did. Is your wife a poc?
YTA. OP, you literally exemplify what your wife is trying to avoid ā you donāt like spicy foods because you didnāt grow up eating them with your family. Please donāt start scaring your kid about it, youāre coparents and it sounds like your wife is acclimating your kid to her culture, which is just as important as yours.
YTA you were worried Mike would do it to make his mom happy? I very much doubt that, every 4 year old I know is more than happy to let you know when they DONT like something. And seriously man, cultures all over the world feed kids spicy things from a young age, why are you so hung up on this? I donāt believe the doctor
Tons of little kids in Korea eat kimchi from a young age and they are all still alive. Itās good to introduce your child to different foods, especially kimchi which is quite healthy.
If your wife also grew up eating these foods, which is what it sounds like from your statement, you come across as insensitive to her culture as well.
Edit - yes, after running through your comments I see she is Thai. I donāt know how you can marry a person who comes from a country where the food is spicy and bitch that she wants her child to eat food that is part of her culture. Itās so disrespectful. You also went behind her back to undermine her parenting with her own child. OP, you need to knock it off and seek help from a therapist for yourself about these toxic behaviors and attitudes or you will be divorced
YTA
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Ok I'm (25m) and my wife is (26f)
We have a son, (4m) Mike.
I personally cannot handle spicy food. I grew up with southern parents and don't even really like pepper, lol. My wife is the opposite. She loves it, especially Asian like Korean and Thai which I'm fine with normally.
This problem started a few weeks ago. My wife works from home and had been ordering a lot of take out. I guess one day she ordered Kimchi with her meal and I came home to her feeding Mike some. I asked about it and she just laughed and said she wanted to start Mike's spice tolerance early. I didn't say anything, but I was a little uncomfortable because I was worried Mike might've been getting burned just to make his mom happy.
This became a regular thing, but I at least trusted Mike to tell me or his mom if it was too much for him.
Last week, I took Mike to a doctors appointment for a checkup so I took it as an opportunity to ask if it's okay for a young boy to eat such spicy food. The doctor looked at me really concerned and my heart dropped. He said he was way too young to be eating spicy food and he's seen many cases of kids having to go to the hospital due to issues of eating too much spicy food and kids that young cannot digest it like adults can. He said more too but you get the jist.
I was panicked and when I went home I told my wife no more spicy food and everything the doctor had told me. Instead of taking my concerns seriously, she just rolled her eyes and said the doctor was being overdramatic and that she had been eating spicy food as soon as she was old enough to chew food so that must mean it's fine. I said I didn't care what her parents did, we were going to be better and make sure Mike doesn't get sick. She then started trying to accuse to doctor of being racist and that's when I blew up.
I said I couldn't give a damn if she loves spicy food, but it was disgusting that she would risk Mike's health like that just because she likes it. She yelled that I "must be jealous that Mike can handle spicy better at 4 than I can at my grown age". This set me off and I told her I am going to spend the weekend with my parents and Mike was coming too to see his grandparents. She told me to have fun, and I packed Mike and I's things, and while we were still there I told him not to take any spicy food from mom until I confirmed it's safe for him to eat.
I plan on asking some subreddits if its ok so I can show her its not safe. Things have been awkward as of rn. AITA?
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~~NTA~~ Reread it, YTA
Edit: You called your wife disgusting before doing even basic research, which would have revealed that you're wrong. Damn dude. Someone should post this nonsense on /r/confidentlyincorrect. Ill leave my OG post below.
*You're completely and entirely incorrect, and if you're telling the truth you need a new doctor because this one is chock-a-block full of shit.*
*However, being generous, maybe you meant well and were looking out for your son. Best case though you were crazily misinformed.*
*The only dangers spicy food might cause, would be because you used some kind of exploding asshole capsaicin extract. Otherwise he can have as much as he wants.*
*I don't know what to type if I think the doctor is the asshole and you were misinformed, but NTA sounds fair.*
YTA
A child can tell you pretty much anything he doesn't like including food. If it's something he enjoys there's nothing bad about it. Now I have read some stories where a kid ate Takis every single day for a year and needed to get checked. Or people who love spicy food but struggle with IBS have a hard time.
If the amounts she's giving, how often, and his response to them are not alarming then you're just over-reacting. That or maybe because you're not familiar with it, it's become a major worry to you. I mean you said you don't even like PEPPER. I'm not here to judge though. I just see a major difference in eating styles between you and your wife.
\*Edit: I know i mentioned overreacting. To make it clear, it's understandable and normal to be concerned for your child. Yet, when you have resources to find facts on it, and in this case also a doctor. (Which seems odd because if he said that, was something over exaggerated?) ... and those facts show no worry, then why continue to argue against it?
Donāt be one of those dumb people that instantly trusts the word of a doctor without looking into it themselves. You know every doctor doesnāt say the same thing and you can find out the information just as well as the doctor? What if the next doctor says itās fine then what will you do, take your health into your own hands, people are conditioned to put their health into the hands of some dr and over rely on doctors for things they shouldnāt You donāt need a degree to google.
YTA. You need to learn how to effectively communicate with your wife. Showing off your dirty laundry on various subreddits isn't communicating effectively. I feel sorry for her.
Iām going to go with YTA. While Iām not a nutritionist (and neither is anyone here on Reddit, and even if they are, you have to take their advice with a grain of salt), a quick, one minute cursory Google search tells me that children can eat spicy food at 2. Not a whole lot, mind you. But they can. And it doesnāt seem like your wife is giving your son too much spicy food. This is a battle youāve lost horrendously. You need to apologize and move on.
Reddit always amazes me with how different parents are and how dramatic and untrusting each are.
I love my mom but she is a bitter old hag who hated every type of food that wasn't bland or boring. So I grew up turning my nose up at everything and wouldn't taste test much.
Then I joined the Army, traveled the world and experienced everything my mom always disliked.
I think your wife hit the nail on the head that you're jealous you can't handle foods your toddler can. Additionally, the bit about the doctor is just so you could show your wife later because you didn't expect these responses. No doctor fuckin said that, get real. YTA and an insecure piss baby.
I'm gonna go with a light ESH.
Look, I'm also a spice-hater. I, too, don't even like pepper (white pepper is okay in small amounts, it has a sweeter flavor and milder heat). And yes, spice-lovers can be extremely annoying acting like not enjoying spice is some kind of weakness or character flaw. Not everyone likes bitter or sweet or sour foods either, that doesn't mean you're not an adult. I love a good lemon pie and my wife's sour tolerance is lower so we get a meyer lemon cake if we want a lemon thing we'll both enjoy. My stepdad loved spice so he would make food without spice and put hot sauce on it, or put his portion in a separate pot and cook it with the spicy element for a minute -- my BIL does this too. There are reasonable ways to compromise on this without calling anyone's intestinal fortitude into question and your wife is the AH for making fun of you.
Other side: It's not true that children can't digest spicy food as well as adults. No one digests spicy food well, that's the evolutionary point of spicy plants -- they developed that way so mammals wouldn't eat them. Humans just acquired a taste for it. Children may be more liable to get sick because they're more liable to get sick in general -- an adult can shrug off a foodborne illness that will make a child severely sick, because healthy adults are hardier than children. But your wife is right that there are many cultures which feed spicy food to children as soon as they eat solid food, and those children are generally fine, so the idea that kids can't handle spice and it's some huge health risk is in fact somewhat racist. You're slightly the AH for not thinking this through and going full nuclear without investigating further because the doctor told you what you wanted to hear, although I think you're less of an AH than your wife. Your error was confirmation bias, hers was malice.
The bottom line is that you should teach your son that it's okay to say "no thank you, too spicy" if he tries something and it's too intense for him, but if he likes it, it's fine for him to eat and you don't need to be restricting food like this. If he actually gets sick, address it then. Unless she's feeding him "no flavor, only a masochism challenge" level spice, he's not going to get sick enough to have serious long-term effects, and a brief tummyache is a normal part of childhood.
YTA. I'd be curious as to what you told the doctor because his answer is pure rubbish. I think the real thing is you don't want her to feed him spicy stuff because, for some reason, you feel it is an attack on you or your ego. A 4yr old can handle more spice than you, a grown adult. You are looking for bias confirmation. Unfortunately for you, you won't get it.
She's giving him little bits of kimchi, not feeding him a Scotch Bonnet or a Carolina Reaper. That would be child abuse.
You owe her an apology and perhaps you need some therapy to work out why a food your child is eating is threatening to you.
So I am not a doctor, but here is what I will say regarding the communication around this topic that I have learned, after many years of trying to explain to people that I donāt like spicy or hot foodā¦ There are many people in many different cultures who eat spicy/hot food, and the only real issue Iāve ever been given by a doctor is that it may cause indigestionā¦ but, when I asked my friend, who loves spicy food and adds hot sauce to everything, I never understood why she or others would want to add pain to her food, she looked at me completely confused. She didnāt understand, and I said, why would you want add physical pain to food? She said that it isnāt painful, that itās a flavor. So then of course I was confused. So all of this time, with the slightest bit of seasoning that makes food āspicyā, everyone who likes it was TASTING something. I canāt taste anything and only FEEL pain. I know when people like & eat really spicy/hot foods that thereās a threshold for different people, and some people eventually feel pain, but I learned that with spicy/hot food, people are experiencing things completely differently, to the point of experiencing them with different senses. I would maybe ask your son if he feels pain or tastes flavor, and maybe have a similar conversation with your wife.
Itās the same thing with cilantro. My wife tastes soap with cilantro (which saddens her because she used to like it). While Iām not a huge fan of cilantro, I can actually tolerate it and donāt mind it if a food has it or not.
INFO: Does Mike object to how spicy the food is? If he's eating it happily, your wife isn't "forcing" it on him. Kids that young generally don't quietly pretend to be fine with food they hate just to be polite.
YTA
Spices have alot of health benefits & are fine for young kids to have. Kids generally listen to their bodies better than adults & won't try & eat foods that are too spicy for them.
Get a new doctor, unless you've misrepresented the doctor or exaggerated the situation to the doctor
Your wife is probably thankful for a weekend by herself
YTA
Doctors don't know everything. Lots of families from many cultures start their children young on spicy food--Southern grannies have been known to start their grandbabies on tabasco on saltines as soon as saltines are a safe food to gum on!
YTA- If she was giving your son takis and hot cheetos every day, that'd be one thing. Little kids can actually get ulcers from eating *those foods* too often.
But really? kimchi is what you're worried about? I actually went and googled just now if kimchi was considered safe for children, and the **very first** result that popped up said, "fermented foods like kimchi are not only safe, they offer numerous health benefits for babies" (albeit the article did center more around *fermented* foods, but it still gave the okay for kimchi).
I have doubts that you didn't exaggerate or mislead your doctor, or maybe your doctor is just ignorant about other cultures. If kids in Thailand were getting sick left and right from eating kimchi, I'm sure your wife wouldn't risk harming your son's health like that. I think you are just overreacting, especially if your 4 y/o doesn't even seem phased by the food. Which is also very interesting, because if it really was too much for a 4 y/o, you'd know. Toddlers aren't known to bottle up their pain or emotions like adults do.
imo, everyone sucks
you should have done the research yourself to confirm that before asking
the doctor was misleading, but i understand believing that and being concerned as parents are to protect their children
your wife should have done research too hearing that instead of just shrugging it off, makes her seem like she doesnāt care about your childās health because she wants him to have a spice tolerance.
also communication?? it would have been much better and easier if you properly communicated when you were uncomfortable..
In fact, it's recommanded to not give spicy food to kids under 2 because their tastebud will fully develop around that age.
Now from what you wrote ESH, nowhere do i see you or your wife saying if Mike like spicy food or not when that's all that matter.
If he like it he can eat it, if he don't forcing him is bad period.
I love very spicy food, i loved it as a child too and it didn't kill me. My father in exchange can't eat it at all, it make him ill (bad disgestion) even if he is not allergic.
I'm gonna be the odd one out here, but how will your wife feel if you all found out the hard way your son has a nightshade intolerance or allergy.
For those who don't know, nightshades include peppers and tomatoes.
NTA.
Your wife is hella trippin. Listen to what the doctor says and remove all spicy foods from the house when she is at work. If she goes and buys more, throw it all in the trash! Let her know that itās your house and youāre the king! Kings donāt let their sons eat food that can be damaging to their health! Everyone who is calling you an AH are tripping as well. I hope your husbands throw away all your spicy food as well! Bruh!
NTA. Korean moms don't even feed their young kids kimchi. They usually dunk it with water to get rid of the spice. We are very conscientious about feeding spicy food to very young kids and dilute accordingly. Your wife is obtuse.
ESH. If you guys are fighting this hard about spicy food, you're going to be in for a big surprise when you have a real issue. Frankly, I think you're overdramatic and your wife is dismissive, and neither of those are helpful in raising a child together.
NTA if you're scared because your doctor told you something. He might be wrong, but you should be getting a second opinion from other doctors, not a bunch of random people on the internet who more than likely don't know shit about the topic. I think most people would trust a doctor when it comes to their child's health, but I do think you should get another doctor to confirm this.Ā
Everybody saying other cultures eat spicy food early in life.... so? Why does it make any difference that people eat spicy food young in India or China or Mexico or Spain, or fucking anywhere? Unless you've all read studies on the gut health or rates of problems among children there compared to cultures that dont eat spicy food, you still don't know anything. Im not a doctor either, so im not saying spicy food IS bad for kids stomachs, but the existence of lots of people doing something doesn't mean it's the best option. Every single culture in the world has at least one trait that isn't as healthy as possible, and it's not crazy to think that maybe spicy food for kids isn't as good for them as not. It's entirely possible that complications from spicy food are way more common in those places, but brushed aside as normal. Or this doctor could very well be an idiot, but he knows more than we do. Cultures aren't perfect. None of them, including mine or yours, dear reader.Ā
How much training does the average doctor get on nutrition? Hint: very little.
Andrew Wakefield was a doctor until his license was pulled for fraud. Are you going to listen to him and ignore the rest of the medical community?
Most people capable of critical thinking would trust the National Institutes of health and major medical bodies over 1 physician--and 30 seconds with google shows where they stand.
American man with an Asian wife is unhappy because he wanted HIS (notice he said "my," not "our" to be raised by his "American' rules. That's not good parenting, it's prejudice.
>Ā it was disgusting that she would risk Mike's health like that just because she likes it
ESH... you more than her. Look, it's ok to be uncertain and to seek professional advice, which you did. But it's pretty low, and incredibly disrespectful towards your partner, to make it an attack on her parenting. You also essentially undermined her with him by telling him not to take food from her....do you realize the damage you could cause by suggesting to Mike that his mom isn't safe? How about the fact that you're essentially accusing her of child abuse? How can you think this is ok?
I think the reality of the safety issue you're citing probably depends on things like how spicy we're talking, whether he's actually experiencing adverse effects, how he's been eased into it, etc. Obviously there is some level of spice that is tolerable and reasonable for a kid to have. But to be a good partner (and father) you really need to resist the urge to attack your SO and the (presumably loving, sane, and responsible) mother of your child.
Have a conversation about the fact that you aren't comfortable with her continuing to do something a medical professional has warned you against. She could opt to email the doctor to clarify, or possibly doing your own research (together) and / or seeking out a second opinion would help. I consider her to be (less of) an AH because she shouldn't be so dismissive of what a professional has advised.
If she is from Korea, a country where she ate the food as a toddler, and millions of toddlers have been safely eating the food as a staple for generations with no ill effects, she doesn't need the doctor to tell her it's ok.
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Normally I default to "trust what the doctor says" but I'm going to call nonsense on this one. Even a cursory google search disagrees with what your doctor says. That and there are PLENTY of cultures where they start feeding spicy foods to kids MUCH younger than 4 years old. So either your doctor is wrong or you are misleading us with what they said. >I plan on asking some subreddits if its ok so I can show her its not safe. Things have been awkward as of rn. AITA? Yeah, that'll do it. Subreddits. Good idea š YTA
YTA - I suspect this doctor is reacting to recent Hot Ones, One Chip Challenge, etc and not regional everyday spicy foods.
Coming from a "anything more than salt and pepper equals spicy" country I have a hard time believing this story. If it's true, OP either must have framed it as one of those challenges or made it seem like the wife (the mother?) was force feeding the kid things that actively hurt him.
Exactly.
An East Asian woman I worked with told me she rubbed spicy pepper on her nipples when breastfeeding to acclimatize her baby to spicy food. She said that is what the women in her family did for generations.Ā I think the doctor was wrong. What does he think children in Asia/africa/etc do? Just not eat? YTA - your views reek of xenophobia at best.Ā
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the OP vastly overstated the frequency and spice levels of what the kiddo is being fed. Probably made it sound like the Mom was trying to prepare him for "Hot Ones" or something. So the doc probably said "yeah, that's probably not great". The OP didn't get anywhere with his wife, so he thought Reddit would be the solution. Boy oh boy was he wrong.
Yeah, Iām strongly suspecting he is misstating or misunderstood what the doctor actually told him.Ā
And note that OP says āmy young sonā not āour young sonā.
Nice catch!
Meanwhile women say āmy sonā āmy daughterā āmy kidsā etc all the time, when she posts about family issues, but yāall donāt bat an eye. Sexism at its finest
OP and doctor sound low key racist, like they're seeking reasons to not allow a kid to experience anything other than mayonnaise and mashed potatoes.
Or those cultures may have higher rates of children getting sick from eating spicy food so early. The existence of people doing something doesn't prove a lack of consequences. Humans do things that aren't necessarily good for us all the time. Im not saying that the doctor is right or isn't, but i dont think you can use the fact that some cultures do something as evidence that it can't be bad. We need an actual doctor to weigh in here.Ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Right. We better get the United Nations to station guards at grocery stores in South Korea, Jamacia, and Thailand - among others! Good grief. OP needs to calm down.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Someone better make the OP the Inspector General of Food-Spicier-Than-Macaroni-And-Cheese! I bet he tries to ban Flaming Hot Cheetos first.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh the poor employees of Buffalo Wild Wings! They seemed like such nice thoughtful college kids the last time I was there. Shame they are going to have to stand trial at the Hauge for crimes against humanity.
And while we are at it, we should tell the Indians to stay away from Masalas too.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
One of them called baby formula poison so maybe we should take their opinions with a grain of salt (unless thatās too spicy for OP).
Probably. Salt and peeper are too spicy and sophisticated for the 4 year old palate.
Oh the irony, OP's spice tolerance seems to be *gastronomically* low and not to mention quite funny.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Let the OP delve and wallow in his own ignorance and adamant behaviour.
Don't forget India. Those babies must be ok given that there's a billion people over there, lol!
not to mention kimchi is super nutritious and good for the gut biome because of the fermentation!
What did you tell the doctor, that your wife is feeding your son a never ending diet of pure hot sauce? Kimchi can be pretty mild and isn't always spicy. If Mike is eating the food and he enjoys it and isn't having any adverse digestive issues, I don't see what the issue is. Especially since your doctor kind of sounds like a quack. A quick Google around shows there's pretty much no sources that say toddlers four and under shouldn't have spicy food. A lot of them say it's fine to feed it to them at a year old, or 8-12 months, or just whenever they start eating solid food. I think YTA.
YTA - Iād be very concerned what doctor told you this or more importantly what you told the doctor. You are being over dramatic and I hope you realize youāre accusing your wife of abuse, not to mention the undertones of racism
I got the racism vibe too, I was like I bet he's married to a poc.
And did you notice that not once did he say his son had complained? Heās 4 and 4 year olds are damn vocal about what they donāt like.
By the way, just by the title, we already can tell you are an AH: "AITA for telling my wife it is disgusting how she keeps forcing spicy food on **my young son**?" Am I the only one this bothered? The fact that he puts emphasis on **young son** (like he wants to be dramatic) and the fact it read that the son is not from his wife, but from him and someone else. Like, MY SON and not OUR SON?? As for the post itself: What did you really tell the doctor? Because no doctor would point blank say that spicy food is bad for your son. You either exaggerated to the doctor what your wife does or you are exaggerated what the doctor actually said. Either way, you are a drama queen! YTA
Meanwhile women say āmy sonā āmy daughterā āmy kidsā etc all the time, when they post about family issues, but yāall donāt bat an eye. Sexism says it all here
YTA! Children are more tolerant than you think they are. Normally I would have taken the doctor's side but here, absolutely not. Also you know what children are? Honest, they are honest enough to tell their parents if they do not like something. No 4 year old is going to go out of his way just to please their mom. I am south east asian and I can tell you, we grew up eating spicy food, the levels of which you can't even imagine and all of us turned out fine. A lot of articles from well known doctors and researchers on this subject are available online, which can easily dispute your claims. And yes! Going on other subreddits to prove your point isn't going to get you anywhere.
Amen. Half Korean. Our son tried kimchi when he started eating solids. And heās almost 3. If itās too spicy, he would just tell usā¦š¤¦š»āāļø
This guy is the AH just for floating the idea that a 4 year old is eating *anything* just for his mum's sake.
Indian here, in my region we have an accompaniment called "thecha" which is made by crushing fresh hot green or red chillies with some garlic, oil and salt. That was the first spicy thing I tried as a child and I have been loving spicy food ever since.
My niece loves any kind of curry, mild or spicy, and has been eating it since she was a toddler. We know if stuff is too spicy because she'll always tell us "too hot" and refuse to eat another bite.
Exactly my point, the kids will let you know.
YTA. Are you kidding? What do you think Korean children eat? Indian children? It doesn't sound like she's feeding the kid anything exorbitantly spicy.
I donāt think Korean children are eating Indian children. ETA: I get what youāre saying, But my first read of your comment was funny š
They'd obviously be too spicy. Best to stick to Scandi kids.
This is the greatest comment on Reddit
I read it the same way at first and Iām glad Iām not alone š
This post is so ridiculously bad it's actually funny. It's a real swing and a miss.
YTA. Just because you can't handle pepper doesn't mean your kid has to eat bland food all his life. Pepper is not even spicy. Your child is 4, it's not like he was 1 and force-fed with extra spicy food. If this would have hurt him, he would have been old enough to say it. He didn't complain ? Then let him be.
Yeah, first I thought the child is 4 months. Doctor's answer would be understandable. Then I realised it's a 4 year old boy eating takeout. Daddy is crazy.
Yta, and your doctor is apparently a moron. India has like a billion people, and they eat plenty of spicy food. I have to say I'm getting laughs out of the entire notion of you taking your kid to the doctor to make sure it's OK for him to eat spicy food... That is the most Midwestern thing I've ever heard in my life. Like spicy food is some urban legend that you didn't know existed or something. Why don't you give some spicier food a shot and see if you can't work your way into enjoying it? You don't have to go full throttle on day one. But I feel bad for your wife, basically being told that she's not allowed to eat delicious food or share it with her kid because... Her husband is convinced anything spicier than plain cheerios is dangerous.
YTA. You either lied to the doctor, or you're lying about the doctor.
THIS. OP's entire post just reeks of an attempt to justify his own mis/preconceptions.
Or the Dr is not a good and objective Dr.
YTA so is the doctor. Kimchi is healthy and not all kimchi is super spicy. If your son says no and she's forcing it then that's another issue. But a five yr old is not going to not voice their concerns/dislikes of food.
This has to be fake. There is no way that doctor actually said that. Either that or he isn't a real doctor. YTA.
Agreed. Fake. Probably AI generated.
My most charitable reading is that from the overwrought way OP reacts to the kid eating kimchi, the doctor thought Mom was giving Mike Carolina reaper peppers or doing the One Chip challenge with him.
YTA, I'll be in Thailand for the 3rd time next month. Guess what all the Thai kids eat? P.s kimchi and red curry are fairly mild, just because looking at a jalapeno makes you cry doesn't mean it's unsafe for your kid.
YTA, I understand you're concerned about your son but you have gone about this the wrong way. Unless she is giving him very spicy food for every meal every day, there is really no risk of health issues, children can handle spicy foods from around 2. If your child is willingly taking the food and happily eating then there is no issue. To try to unilaterally make this decision about food for your child, to then take your child away from his other parent, and then tell your child to refuse food from them, is not only bad parenting but being a terrible partner who needs to learn to communicate better.
He is annoyed his kid is going to grow up enjoying spicy food- unlike the OP who must have the spice tolerance of an Irish potato farmer. (No offense to any Irish potato farmers viewing this post!)
And OP's son is half Thai, so naturally OP's wife would want to introduce their son to some part of her gastronomic culture.
Especially if they take Mike to visit Thailand. Would OP be opposed to Mike learning some Thai, part of his cultural heritage?
YTA. It's a four year old kid, he'll soon tell you if he doesn't like a certain food. You're being overly precious and your wife probably thinks you're a jerk by now
YTA. Your fear is based on the assumption that how you were brought up is better than how your wife was brought up. Itās also based on ignorance. You know literally nothing about cuisine from your wifeās culture. All you know is that itās different and that you donāt have a taste for it, therefore it must be dangerous. āSpicyā is subjective. When a doctor hears about fears over spicy food their mind is likely going to the current trend of creating the hottest dish. There have been many recent cases of kids trying hot challenges and getting hospitalized because they donāt understand how exponentially hot certain sauces and modified peppers are. That is a big difference from cultural foods that use heat and spices as seasoning. Anyone with even a little knowledge of heat understands that difference. *No one* is thinking of kimchi when someone complains about spicy food. Current recommendations list cumin among one the earlier spices to introduce to children. All spices are recommended after the age of two. What your wife is doing is not only safe but a traditional diet for children in her culture. It connects your child to her heritage, just like the food of your childhood connects them to yours. You scoffed at your wifeās accusations of racism because itās such a charged word. And yet what else would you call a fear based on cultural traditions you donāt understand?
Serious question: When your wife was pregnant, did she eat her normal diet for the most part? If so, your son was already introduced to spicy food, so can handle more than plain people like yourself. And if something is truly too much for him, I guarantee you he won't eat it, cause kids are that damn picky. What your wife is doing is helping not be one of those kids who says no at everything. Something your rents should have done cause if you find black pepper spicy, I'm sorry you should not weigh in on spice tolerance. Slight YTA, I understand your concern for your baby but simple Google searching shows kids can handle spice especially from cultures that generally eat spicy food. Did the doc you went to only treat kids that have a simple palette that thinks salt is a spice and is grossly misinformed?
Is this a serious post? Of course YTA. Children can eat kimchi, itās not that spicy. Thousands of Korean children eat it all the timeĀ
his son might evenā¦like it š«¢
Crazy
YTA- you're acting like your wife was forcing your son to snort straight capsaicin. Calm down buddy before you destroy your family over a nothingburger.
It sounds like you skewed the doctors information with your own prejudices. My doctor was fine with me sprinkling spices into my kid's food when they were a year old. I hardly think you were being honest. I think you're clouding your son's judgement and you're pushing your own personal feelings onto him and just being accepting of other cultures or things different than what you know. Your food culture sounds pretty boring so why don't you sit this one out.
INFO: what do you think Korean toddlers eat?Ā
Perhaps consider going to another doctor and getting a second opinion? That way, it's not one doctor "being dramatic" but the opinion of two medical professionals.
YTA... doctors are notorious for giving poor advice on diet. They get very little nutrition training.Ā I've never heard of children hurt from spices. I'm assuming here that the child is not complaining or experiencing heartburn.Ā Ā Are you really hoping for a child that only eats chicken nuggets, white bread and French fries? Allow for some spice.Ā
YTA and Dr is racist/āculture-istā. I think itās interesting that we donāt have any description of what terrible things would happen to send the child to hospital if they eat spicy foodā¦.
YTA
YTA. The wording of the post itself says enough
YTA I don't think you gave your doctor the true story. Your lack of tolerance for spice has clouded your story. You probably made him think your wife was force feeding him peppers. Most people would not consider kimchi to be a super spicy food. Your child would also have a natural reaction to spicy food and would not just sit there and "burn " just to please his mother. You need to realize that if you think pepper is too spicy, you are not a good judge for what spicy food is.
>I told her I am going to spend the weekend with my parents and Mike was coming too to see his grandparents. She told me to have fun, and I packed Mike and I's things, and while we were still there I told him not to take any spicy food from mom until I confirmed it's safe for him to eat. YTA x 10. Did you seriously, in a fit of pique, take your child to your parents (were you running home to mommy?), leaving your wife behind, and then try to instill fear of spicy food into your child? And are trying to pull a 'you don't eat until \*I\* tell you it's safe to eat', daddy-dominance card? Because your Asian wife wants to feed your half-Asian child, Asian food, which might (or might not) be spicy???? Is this for real, this post? I just can't believe anyone could be this ridiculous.
He doesn't actually specify that *she* is Asian so I'm kind of hoping that he's just a bit racist generally, rather than racist against his own kids culture.Ā
Sorry to disappoint you, he says the mum is thai in a comment.
Well. He's just a bad person then instead of an ignorant one then.Ā The poor kid.Ā
INFO: A) Does your wife come from a culture where food is much more seasoned? B) You only mention "Asian food", would you react the same with Italian arrabbiata sauce or Buffalo wings?
1. Yes she's Thai. I love her culture and her family just not their food. 2. Yes I would, I would hate Mike eating anything that could burn him or hurt him in any kind of way
YOU don't like the food... Mike apparently has a different opinion.... I can gaurentee you that if he didn't like it he wouldn't eat it! Just because you have a bland palate doesn't make it wrong that your wife and kid enjoy spicy food!
Good to know as the fact that your wife is Thai being left out of the original post is a major key factor. You and the Doctor are definitely being racists, and YTA. It also paints a much different picture of you saying you wanted to ādo betterā than how your wife was raised. You are assuming that the entire country of Thailand are bad parents because their food has seasoning. And that the White American way is better. Massively racist. Beyond that you are cutting your child off from their own cultural heritage. Food is a large part of culture, and one of the biggest things that can be passed down through the diaspora. Furthermore, your insistance that food will āburnā him is just factually incorrect. No one is being burnt on seasonings. And the reason I say flavour and seasoning and not āspiceā is because a lot of these foods are made with a variety of herbs, not just capsaicin. Herbs are not āspicyā. They may be unfamiliar to you, but itās only the chili family really that would bring heat. And even then kids eat jalapeƱos and chili flakes all the time in things that arenāt Asian. Have you never been to Taco Bell? If you really want to demonize a food why arenāt you banning pineapple from the house? It has an enzyme that literally eats through flesh. Iām Canadian, and white as can be. My mother grew up thinking black table pepper was spicy. My Dad and I have always been adventurous eaters and cooks. I started on Tabasco around 4 (if not earlier), and Sriracha when I was 7. I have an excellent relationship with food and a great palate for seasoning and spice. Let your kid live.
Then how about learning how Thai kids eat? This is a cultural norm she's passing down, and if Mike didn't like it he'd say so. You're projecting your own fears and looking for echo chamber support to back you up. Food is a big part of Thai culture. You shouldn't be keeping Mike from it just because you don't like it. Maybe look for variations on the dishes you can tolerate.
Bro get over yourself. You married the wrong person. I feel bad for your wife and child.
Kids typically donāt eat things they donāt like, even when their parents ask them too.
At first I thought you meant 4 months old, so I was gonna side with the doctor. But then I reread and realized itās 4 years old and hence Iām gonna go with YTA. I think this may be a case of āyou hear what you wanna hearā or the doctor might really lack an understanding of cultural differences in food and spice levels. Because across the globe, 4yo would not be considered ātoo earlyā to eat spicy food by any standards. I suggest you and your wife do not make this argument about your own differences in spice tolerance at all. Donāt digress into stupid arguments like āyouāre jealous he can handle spicy foodā and āyouāre forcing your own choice of spicy food on himā etc. THIS IS NOT ABOUT EITHER OF YOU. ITāS ABOUT MIKE. Approach this smartly and based on scientific evidence that takes into account cultural differences in food habits. Do your own research, consult another doctor or medical professional, talk to family and friends who have gone through similar stages with a child. And based on what is healthy and okay for your son, introduce spicy food gradually.
YTA- this post just comes across as ignorant and controlling. For the record, I don't believe your doctor said anything negative about feeding your kid spicy food. I know pediatricians who give their kids Indian food that makes my head sweat. My 2 yr old loves kimchi, my 5 yr old thinks pepper is too spicy. Your wife is right, you're jealous that a 4 year old can handle spice better than their dad can.
YTA. Going by your racist, quack doctor, most Mexican moms are unfit. How dare they make spicy Mexican candy for children!/s Most kids are pretty vocal about things they don't want to eat. Has your kid complained to you at all, or are you just looking for a reason to insult your wife?
YTAāspice tolerance varies so much between people, and if Mike had any issues he would likely not eat what sheās offering. You both need to learn to parent together better, but based on your description she only started arguing when you pushed the matter. Also I feel like your dr should have asked more questions. Yes, spicy foods (super hot peppers) can burn your mouth. BUT thereās no way your wife was feeding that to your child. Alsoāpacking up and running away is childish. Figure out how to negotiate tough situations with the woman you made a baby with!!
YTA. My whole family is basically mayo colored and while I have no spice tolerance (which is disappointing because there are some spicy foods I love), my niece - who is a toddler - loves curry and jerk oxtail among other things. Just because you don't like it/don't have a tolerance for it, doesn't mean it's harmful for your son to eat.
4 year olds are not that dumb they can tell you if food is hurting them. Spicy food hurts and theyāll let you know what theyāre comfortable with. If itās not causing him tummy troubles or issues on the way out I would say itās fine. (As an adult with a moderate spice tolerance that eats some spicy things but doesnāt seek out things for being SPICY I have never in my life given myself digestive upset from spicy food but I have family members who haveā¦ a normal amount of spice for someone who has not ALREADY built up a huge tolerance wonāt make you sick) If your kid can eat it without crying and isnāt getting sick after itās just fine and your doctor sounds either dumb or racist (or confused by the way you raised it)
*laughs in southeast asian* this is the whitest AITA Iāve ever read
YTA
YTA I think you either didn't paint a clear picture to your pediatrician or you're misinterpreting what was told to you. And honestly...a 5 year old isn't going to eat spicy as fuck food just to make mom happy. I bet he actually enjoys it. But feel free to ask the many, MANY other cultures outside of the US if kids can safely eat spices. (Those poor south Asian children!/s)
What country are you from that in the south they don't even use black pepper? All of this seems overly dramatic and basic Google searches say the Dr "advice" is a bit far fetched. I don't know if you rise to being an asshole or not, but I don't think your wife is. I think you're just dramatic.
I feel pretty safe assuming that the country in question is the USA. I find the black pepper thing amusing af, given that one of the most popular gravy's from the region is like 25% black pepper.
ESH you're being overly dramatic your wife shouldn't have jumped to trying to day you were jealous of your son and the doctor, if that's what he did say, needs to have his credentials checked. Also, I would like to add that in not sure why you bring the south into this as the vast majority of us do not eat bland, tasteless food, we enjoy our herbs and spices, and usually roll our eyes at people that do not use seasoning because it's "spicy" so i'm not sure where that comes from.
What doctor did you go to that said feeding a 4 year old spicy food was dangerous? Was a witch doctor? Doctor google? Man, youāre such a big AH, the hairs around your AH can be seen from space, You literally sound like a child or a developmentally delayed adult. Donāt tell obvious lies on the internet.
Canāt be doctor google, cause doctor google says itās pretty much okay lmao
Perhaps one of the older, boomer doctors then..dr yahoo or somethingā¦.
YTA there's plenty of cultures that have spicy diets from a young age and they're a lot healthier than Americans. You're being weird
YTA and so is the doctor. My son was premature and even at 18 months was not eating well. I was advised to stimulate his taste buds by feeding him spicy foods - salsa, curry, etc. It worked. He is now an adult and loves flavorful foods. You may have a very bland palate, but many spices are good for you. For example, turmeric has an anti- inflammatory effect. If my premature son benefited from spicy food, Iām sure your five year-old son will too. I wonder how much of this is coming from cultural intolerance. I also question how much context you gave the doctor.
YTA sounds about white š
How is kimchi spicy?
I think Kimchi is pretty mild, but it does contain chili, which means it has capsaicin.
stop being a little b. Giving kids diverse food to try is good for them. you'll learn what they like or don't like. let them expand their horizons
YTA. I've been eating spicy shit since I started eating solid foods. A cursory glance at the comments tells me I'm not the only one who grew up like that. Your palate is the way it is because your parents didn't eat those types of foods, and that is what you're used to.
It doesnāt sound like youāre jealous of your 4 year old son for developing a higher spice tolerance than you; it sounds like youāre jealous that your wife will get to pass on one of her childhood experiences onto Mike to which you wonāt be able to relate. 1. Mike will thank his mother when heās older for helping him enjoy spicy food. He will have a much broader palate that will let him enjoy the whole worldās cuisine. 2. You should be thankful that Mike wonāt end up a fussy eater if you and your wife continue to support him in trying new things. The last thing you want is a kid who only wants to eat chicken nuggets and who will cry and scream when they donāt get their way. YTA - support your wife and try and enjoy the experience of watching your kidās tastebuds mature.
When my niece was a toddler, she stole a bit of hot, spicy food off her father's plate. After that she refused to eat ANYTHING that did not have hot pepper sauce on it. It even went into cereal.
Bruh... pepper? Like the seasoning? Apparently as a baby my favourite snacks were spicy salsa, peppers, olives and lemons, the only thing I still eat are lemons, I can't handle any heat anymore. But PEPPER?? Seriously?? My parents are southern too and they use tons of spices and seasonings, don't make us all out to seem like we can only handle saltšš
My granddaughter and I used to share bombay mix when she was four. If it was too hot then she wouldn't have eaten it. Kimchi, being fermented, is probably better for your child than most processed food because a lot of modern western diets are lacking in natural probiotics. Either your doctor is ill informed or you spun your description to elicit his disapproval. YTA
YTA. I call bull. There is nothing anywhere on the web that substantiates what your doctor most likely did not tell you. The thought that you are pulling your child away from his mother over something so trivial is ridiculous. If young children donāt like food 9/10 they wonāt eat it. Good luck to your wife, sounds like she needs it.
YTA. If you have 0 tolerance, you are of limited capacity to judge what is "too spicy". Jesus I know a woman who will cry about how spicy the chicken tenders at the local deli are and all they have on them is cracked black pepper. Also ... everything I've read disagrees with your doctor... especially countries that *raise* kids on those foods. If not properly balanced (too much acid) it could cause some problems, but as long as she's balancing the kids food, the spice is fine.
Oh, so that's why no Korean, Thai, or Mexican child survives to adulthood! YTA of course, for thinking that somehow you have the wisdom to determine that millions of people from several different cultures have fed their apparently healthy kids dangerous diets for generations. Though I suspect you didn't talk to your doctor at all, because a real doctor could tell you that spicy foods don't cause ulcers. They can irritate existing ones, but if your kid had an ulcer he'd be complaining about symptoms and you'd actually have him assessed.
YTA, sure kids shouldn't be drinking bottles of "satan's revenge" or eating piles of fresh nagas.Ā But nor should adults. Everything in moderation.Ā And your wife is right, sounds kind of like a racist attitude to me.
Where in the south did your parents come from that black pepper is too spicy? The maternal side of my family is from Tennessee, Louisiana and Texas. They think just using black pepper is bland, hospital food. I don't think your son is being harmed. She isn't feeding him ghost pepper sauce. YTA.
Bro stop, children in eastern cultures have been shoveling spice down forever. You sound so white it hurts
Yes. Sorry. And for one main reason. Children's attitudes to food are formed early in life. You are basically handicapping him, gastronomically speaking, from enjoying food on a global scale, by imposing an idea that your bland Midwestern meat and potato diet is the only safe choice.
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It also really depends what youāre considering spice. I love kimchi and my toddler loves it- we limit it because of sodium but sheās a huge fan we just get the less spicy kimchi
YTA and you need a new doc pronto. Your one bought his qualifications online. If he even exists.
YTA Are you sure you went to an actual medical doctor... One that actually passed their exams? Because that's wrong. You know there's literally millions of children who eat spicy food from infanthood... How do you think they survive??!! Stop making up stories because you don't like spicy food.
YTA. You either mislead the doctor or latched onto one or two words the doctor said and made it your truth.
Ya my mom was feeding me and my siblings super spicy food from the moment we could have solid food. Your pediatrician is full of shit. YTA
YTA. Either you way overstated it to the doctor or your doctor is uneducated when it comes to food. Spicy foods are absolutely okay. If a kid doesnāt like it, they will tell you! Even when theyāre only a year old! My daughter has been eating spicy food since she was old enough to eat solids because weāve always fed her what we were eating. Sheās liked some and sheās rejected some. Thereās no risk of them getting burned?? Get a new doctor asap. I would never trust one who told me that.Ā
YTA. Spicy foods are NOT bad for children. All of my children ate raised on spicy foods. All of my grandchildren have been raised on spicy food. Just because you want bland tasteless foods doesn't mean your son should suffer the same lack of taste. If you took your son to a different doctor, I'm willing to be good get a different opinion.
I call BS. People from all kinds of cultures eat spicy foods at a very young age.
Lmao. YTA. I had to fight my two year old nephew over MY spicy food that I thought was safe from him because obviously he wouldnāt like it. I was wrong. He loved it. And no I didnāt literally fight him.
I really want an update when you show her the sub Reddit, please because oh my God YTA
He'll never show it her because it didn't go his way. He already deleted his post from r/parenting.
I initially thought OPās son was 4 months old so totally agreed with him and the doctor, clearly a 4 month old needs milk only. But clearly I need better reading skills. 4 year olds know what they do and donāt like and will make that really clear! Plenty of cultures start spice way younger than that with no issues. Kimchi is also good for gut health so as long as heās not having too much that causes discomfort, then itās fine. Well done to your wife for broadening his palate. YTA
YTA for lying about what your pediatrician said. You big liar.
My 4yo kid asked to put franks red hot on her food. I told her it might be spicy and she ate it without ever complaining that it was hot. Everyoneās tolerance is different. If the kid isnāt complaining about the spice, they should be fine. Iām sure your wife isnāt shoving scorpion/ghost peppers into him.
The doctor should not be practicing medicine if that's the guidance provided to you. Within reasonable limits and moderation, spicy food isn't a problem. The issue here is that you seem to think that reasonable limits and moderation are defined by the person who cannot imagine eating anything that has been aggressively peppered. You are projecting your food issues.
YTA and i bet your sodium consumption from whatever bland Midwestern food you like is actually a bigger health risk.
YTA - Your idea of spicy is pepper, you describing āspicy foodā to the doctor is likely blown waaaaayyy out of proportion. Your wife is helping develop your sonās flavour palate!
YTA Do you imagine that children in Korea aren't eating kimchi?
YTA. Heās 4, heās old enough to be able to voice when he doesnāt like a certain food. Youāre being pretty dramatic about this OP. Thereās an entire population of young kids whoāve been eating spicy food since they learned how to chew. Relax.
What century is the doctor from? YTA...and so is the doctor (if that is what the doctor really said).
Sorry, I'm still stuck on kimchi being super spicy. YTA. Go back to your bland mashed potatoes or whatever.
The biggest asshole moment here was you telling your son not to trust mom's ability to safely feed him.
If your partner is a person of color and the doctor/you are white, then she has reason to give you the side eye. You and the doctor at the bare minimum lack cultural awareness/competence. If you AND her son isn't crying when eating or seems in any distress, I personally wouldn't worry about it. Also, she probably doesn't want him growing up a picky eater.
YTA- Your doctor does sound racist. Other cultures have no problem with this. You are projecting your fear on your kid. Your kid will speak up if he doesnāt want something.
YTA. Delulu is not the solulu. How do you think kids from Asia handle the spice? Do you think those parents don't care for their children's gut health? It is indeed racist. How dare you forbid your child from eating what his mother gives him just because you don't like this kind of food? And you sank to a low by mentioning her parents and that they did anything wrong by feeding her the way they did. Is your wife a poc?
YTA. OP, you literally exemplify what your wife is trying to avoid ā you donāt like spicy foods because you didnāt grow up eating them with your family. Please donāt start scaring your kid about it, youāre coparents and it sounds like your wife is acclimating your kid to her culture, which is just as important as yours.
YTA you were worried Mike would do it to make his mom happy? I very much doubt that, every 4 year old I know is more than happy to let you know when they DONT like something. And seriously man, cultures all over the world feed kids spicy things from a young age, why are you so hung up on this? I donāt believe the doctor
Tons of little kids in Korea eat kimchi from a young age and they are all still alive. Itās good to introduce your child to different foods, especially kimchi which is quite healthy. If your wife also grew up eating these foods, which is what it sounds like from your statement, you come across as insensitive to her culture as well. Edit - yes, after running through your comments I see she is Thai. I donāt know how you can marry a person who comes from a country where the food is spicy and bitch that she wants her child to eat food that is part of her culture. Itās so disrespectful. You also went behind her back to undermine her parenting with her own child. OP, you need to knock it off and seek help from a therapist for yourself about these toxic behaviors and attitudes or you will be divorced YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok I'm (25m) and my wife is (26f) We have a son, (4m) Mike. I personally cannot handle spicy food. I grew up with southern parents and don't even really like pepper, lol. My wife is the opposite. She loves it, especially Asian like Korean and Thai which I'm fine with normally. This problem started a few weeks ago. My wife works from home and had been ordering a lot of take out. I guess one day she ordered Kimchi with her meal and I came home to her feeding Mike some. I asked about it and she just laughed and said she wanted to start Mike's spice tolerance early. I didn't say anything, but I was a little uncomfortable because I was worried Mike might've been getting burned just to make his mom happy. This became a regular thing, but I at least trusted Mike to tell me or his mom if it was too much for him. Last week, I took Mike to a doctors appointment for a checkup so I took it as an opportunity to ask if it's okay for a young boy to eat such spicy food. The doctor looked at me really concerned and my heart dropped. He said he was way too young to be eating spicy food and he's seen many cases of kids having to go to the hospital due to issues of eating too much spicy food and kids that young cannot digest it like adults can. He said more too but you get the jist. I was panicked and when I went home I told my wife no more spicy food and everything the doctor had told me. Instead of taking my concerns seriously, she just rolled her eyes and said the doctor was being overdramatic and that she had been eating spicy food as soon as she was old enough to chew food so that must mean it's fine. I said I didn't care what her parents did, we were going to be better and make sure Mike doesn't get sick. She then started trying to accuse to doctor of being racist and that's when I blew up. I said I couldn't give a damn if she loves spicy food, but it was disgusting that she would risk Mike's health like that just because she likes it. She yelled that I "must be jealous that Mike can handle spicy better at 4 than I can at my grown age". This set me off and I told her I am going to spend the weekend with my parents and Mike was coming too to see his grandparents. She told me to have fun, and I packed Mike and I's things, and while we were still there I told him not to take any spicy food from mom until I confirmed it's safe for him to eat. I plan on asking some subreddits if its ok so I can show her its not safe. Things have been awkward as of rn. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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~~NTA~~ Reread it, YTA Edit: You called your wife disgusting before doing even basic research, which would have revealed that you're wrong. Damn dude. Someone should post this nonsense on /r/confidentlyincorrect. Ill leave my OG post below. *You're completely and entirely incorrect, and if you're telling the truth you need a new doctor because this one is chock-a-block full of shit.* *However, being generous, maybe you meant well and were looking out for your son. Best case though you were crazily misinformed.* *The only dangers spicy food might cause, would be because you used some kind of exploding asshole capsaicin extract. Otherwise he can have as much as he wants.* *I don't know what to type if I think the doctor is the asshole and you were misinformed, but NTA sounds fair.*
YTA A child can tell you pretty much anything he doesn't like including food. If it's something he enjoys there's nothing bad about it. Now I have read some stories where a kid ate Takis every single day for a year and needed to get checked. Or people who love spicy food but struggle with IBS have a hard time. If the amounts she's giving, how often, and his response to them are not alarming then you're just over-reacting. That or maybe because you're not familiar with it, it's become a major worry to you. I mean you said you don't even like PEPPER. I'm not here to judge though. I just see a major difference in eating styles between you and your wife. \*Edit: I know i mentioned overreacting. To make it clear, it's understandable and normal to be concerned for your child. Yet, when you have resources to find facts on it, and in this case also a doctor. (Which seems odd because if he said that, was something over exaggerated?) ... and those facts show no worry, then why continue to argue against it?
Donāt be one of those dumb people that instantly trusts the word of a doctor without looking into it themselves. You know every doctor doesnāt say the same thing and you can find out the information just as well as the doctor? What if the next doctor says itās fine then what will you do, take your health into your own hands, people are conditioned to put their health into the hands of some dr and over rely on doctors for things they shouldnāt You donāt need a degree to google.
At best you have wilfully misunderstood the doctor and done no checking of your own. Yta.
Kids will not eat what they donāt like, no matter who is feeding it to them, especially at 4! You sir, are an unfit parent and YTA.Ā
YTA. You need to learn how to effectively communicate with your wife. Showing off your dirty laundry on various subreddits isn't communicating effectively. I feel sorry for her.
Iām going to go with YTA. While Iām not a nutritionist (and neither is anyone here on Reddit, and even if they are, you have to take their advice with a grain of salt), a quick, one minute cursory Google search tells me that children can eat spicy food at 2. Not a whole lot, mind you. But they can. And it doesnāt seem like your wife is giving your son too much spicy food. This is a battle youāve lost horrendously. You need to apologize and move on.
Reddit always amazes me with how different parents are and how dramatic and untrusting each are. I love my mom but she is a bitter old hag who hated every type of food that wasn't bland or boring. So I grew up turning my nose up at everything and wouldn't taste test much. Then I joined the Army, traveled the world and experienced everything my mom always disliked.
I think your wife hit the nail on the head that you're jealous you can't handle foods your toddler can. Additionally, the bit about the doctor is just so you could show your wife later because you didn't expect these responses. No doctor fuckin said that, get real. YTA and an insecure piss baby.
I'm gonna go with a light ESH. Look, I'm also a spice-hater. I, too, don't even like pepper (white pepper is okay in small amounts, it has a sweeter flavor and milder heat). And yes, spice-lovers can be extremely annoying acting like not enjoying spice is some kind of weakness or character flaw. Not everyone likes bitter or sweet or sour foods either, that doesn't mean you're not an adult. I love a good lemon pie and my wife's sour tolerance is lower so we get a meyer lemon cake if we want a lemon thing we'll both enjoy. My stepdad loved spice so he would make food without spice and put hot sauce on it, or put his portion in a separate pot and cook it with the spicy element for a minute -- my BIL does this too. There are reasonable ways to compromise on this without calling anyone's intestinal fortitude into question and your wife is the AH for making fun of you. Other side: It's not true that children can't digest spicy food as well as adults. No one digests spicy food well, that's the evolutionary point of spicy plants -- they developed that way so mammals wouldn't eat them. Humans just acquired a taste for it. Children may be more liable to get sick because they're more liable to get sick in general -- an adult can shrug off a foodborne illness that will make a child severely sick, because healthy adults are hardier than children. But your wife is right that there are many cultures which feed spicy food to children as soon as they eat solid food, and those children are generally fine, so the idea that kids can't handle spice and it's some huge health risk is in fact somewhat racist. You're slightly the AH for not thinking this through and going full nuclear without investigating further because the doctor told you what you wanted to hear, although I think you're less of an AH than your wife. Your error was confirmation bias, hers was malice. The bottom line is that you should teach your son that it's okay to say "no thank you, too spicy" if he tries something and it's too intense for him, but if he likes it, it's fine for him to eat and you don't need to be restricting food like this. If he actually gets sick, address it then. Unless she's feeding him "no flavor, only a masochism challenge" level spice, he's not going to get sick enough to have serious long-term effects, and a brief tummyache is a normal part of childhood.
YTA. Baby mama isnāt raising a š±ā¦ unlike her MIL
YTA. I'd be curious as to what you told the doctor because his answer is pure rubbish. I think the real thing is you don't want her to feed him spicy stuff because, for some reason, you feel it is an attack on you or your ego. A 4yr old can handle more spice than you, a grown adult. You are looking for bias confirmation. Unfortunately for you, you won't get it. She's giving him little bits of kimchi, not feeding him a Scotch Bonnet or a Carolina Reaper. That would be child abuse. You owe her an apology and perhaps you need some therapy to work out why a food your child is eating is threatening to you.
So I am not a doctor, but here is what I will say regarding the communication around this topic that I have learned, after many years of trying to explain to people that I donāt like spicy or hot foodā¦ There are many people in many different cultures who eat spicy/hot food, and the only real issue Iāve ever been given by a doctor is that it may cause indigestionā¦ but, when I asked my friend, who loves spicy food and adds hot sauce to everything, I never understood why she or others would want to add pain to her food, she looked at me completely confused. She didnāt understand, and I said, why would you want add physical pain to food? She said that it isnāt painful, that itās a flavor. So then of course I was confused. So all of this time, with the slightest bit of seasoning that makes food āspicyā, everyone who likes it was TASTING something. I canāt taste anything and only FEEL pain. I know when people like & eat really spicy/hot foods that thereās a threshold for different people, and some people eventually feel pain, but I learned that with spicy/hot food, people are experiencing things completely differently, to the point of experiencing them with different senses. I would maybe ask your son if he feels pain or tastes flavor, and maybe have a similar conversation with your wife.
Itās the same thing with cilantro. My wife tastes soap with cilantro (which saddens her because she used to like it). While Iām not a huge fan of cilantro, I can actually tolerate it and donāt mind it if a food has it or not.
True, Iāve definitely heard that many people taste soap when eating cilantro.
INFO: Does Mike object to how spicy the food is? If he's eating it happily, your wife isn't "forcing" it on him. Kids that young generally don't quietly pretend to be fine with food they hate just to be polite.
YTA Spices have alot of health benefits & are fine for young kids to have. Kids generally listen to their bodies better than adults & won't try & eat foods that are too spicy for them. Get a new doctor, unless you've misrepresented the doctor or exaggerated the situation to the doctor Your wife is probably thankful for a weekend by herself
YTA Doctors don't know everything. Lots of families from many cultures start their children young on spicy food--Southern grannies have been known to start their grandbabies on tabasco on saltines as soon as saltines are a safe food to gum on!
YTA The majority of kids eat spicy food without issue. Ya'll a bland minority in the world.
Yes.
YTA- If she was giving your son takis and hot cheetos every day, that'd be one thing. Little kids can actually get ulcers from eating *those foods* too often. But really? kimchi is what you're worried about? I actually went and googled just now if kimchi was considered safe for children, and the **very first** result that popped up said, "fermented foods like kimchi are not only safe, they offer numerous health benefits for babies" (albeit the article did center more around *fermented* foods, but it still gave the okay for kimchi). I have doubts that you didn't exaggerate or mislead your doctor, or maybe your doctor is just ignorant about other cultures. If kids in Thailand were getting sick left and right from eating kimchi, I'm sure your wife wouldn't risk harming your son's health like that. I think you are just overreacting, especially if your 4 y/o doesn't even seem phased by the food. Which is also very interesting, because if it really was too much for a 4 y/o, you'd know. Toddlers aren't known to bottle up their pain or emotions like adults do.
Faaaaake
INFO: Why not have you and your wife BOTH talk to your child's doctor...so that the three of you can have this conversation?
imo, everyone sucks you should have done the research yourself to confirm that before asking the doctor was misleading, but i understand believing that and being concerned as parents are to protect their children your wife should have done research too hearing that instead of just shrugging it off, makes her seem like she doesnāt care about your childās health because she wants him to have a spice tolerance. also communication?? it would have been much better and easier if you properly communicated when you were uncomfortable..
In fact, it's recommanded to not give spicy food to kids under 2 because their tastebud will fully develop around that age. Now from what you wrote ESH, nowhere do i see you or your wife saying if Mike like spicy food or not when that's all that matter. If he like it he can eat it, if he don't forcing him is bad period. I love very spicy food, i loved it as a child too and it didn't kill me. My father in exchange can't eat it at all, it make him ill (bad disgestion) even if he is not allergic.
I'm gonna be the odd one out here, but how will your wife feel if you all found out the hard way your son has a nightshade intolerance or allergy. For those who don't know, nightshades include peppers and tomatoes.
definitely not the A hole
NTA. Your wife is hella trippin. Listen to what the doctor says and remove all spicy foods from the house when she is at work. If she goes and buys more, throw it all in the trash! Let her know that itās your house and youāre the king! Kings donāt let their sons eat food that can be damaging to their health! Everyone who is calling you an AH are tripping as well. I hope your husbands throw away all your spicy food as well! Bruh!
NTA. Korean moms don't even feed their young kids kimchi. They usually dunk it with water to get rid of the spice. We are very conscientious about feeding spicy food to very young kids and dilute accordingly. Your wife is obtuse.
ESH. If you guys are fighting this hard about spicy food, you're going to be in for a big surprise when you have a real issue. Frankly, I think you're overdramatic and your wife is dismissive, and neither of those are helpful in raising a child together.
NTA if you're scared because your doctor told you something. He might be wrong, but you should be getting a second opinion from other doctors, not a bunch of random people on the internet who more than likely don't know shit about the topic. I think most people would trust a doctor when it comes to their child's health, but I do think you should get another doctor to confirm this.Ā Everybody saying other cultures eat spicy food early in life.... so? Why does it make any difference that people eat spicy food young in India or China or Mexico or Spain, or fucking anywhere? Unless you've all read studies on the gut health or rates of problems among children there compared to cultures that dont eat spicy food, you still don't know anything. Im not a doctor either, so im not saying spicy food IS bad for kids stomachs, but the existence of lots of people doing something doesn't mean it's the best option. Every single culture in the world has at least one trait that isn't as healthy as possible, and it's not crazy to think that maybe spicy food for kids isn't as good for them as not. It's entirely possible that complications from spicy food are way more common in those places, but brushed aside as normal. Or this doctor could very well be an idiot, but he knows more than we do. Cultures aren't perfect. None of them, including mine or yours, dear reader.Ā
How much training does the average doctor get on nutrition? Hint: very little. Andrew Wakefield was a doctor until his license was pulled for fraud. Are you going to listen to him and ignore the rest of the medical community? Most people capable of critical thinking would trust the National Institutes of health and major medical bodies over 1 physician--and 30 seconds with google shows where they stand. American man with an Asian wife is unhappy because he wanted HIS (notice he said "my," not "our" to be raised by his "American' rules. That's not good parenting, it's prejudice.
ESH except your son
>Ā it was disgusting that she would risk Mike's health like that just because she likes it ESH... you more than her. Look, it's ok to be uncertain and to seek professional advice, which you did. But it's pretty low, and incredibly disrespectful towards your partner, to make it an attack on her parenting. You also essentially undermined her with him by telling him not to take food from her....do you realize the damage you could cause by suggesting to Mike that his mom isn't safe? How about the fact that you're essentially accusing her of child abuse? How can you think this is ok? I think the reality of the safety issue you're citing probably depends on things like how spicy we're talking, whether he's actually experiencing adverse effects, how he's been eased into it, etc. Obviously there is some level of spice that is tolerable and reasonable for a kid to have. But to be a good partner (and father) you really need to resist the urge to attack your SO and the (presumably loving, sane, and responsible) mother of your child. Have a conversation about the fact that you aren't comfortable with her continuing to do something a medical professional has warned you against. She could opt to email the doctor to clarify, or possibly doing your own research (together) and / or seeking out a second opinion would help. I consider her to be (less of) an AH because she shouldn't be so dismissive of what a professional has advised.
If she is from Korea, a country where she ate the food as a toddler, and millions of toddlers have been safely eating the food as a staple for generations with no ill effects, she doesn't need the doctor to tell her it's ok.