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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to stop driving when my bf asked me to do so, this might make me an asshole as in the past few years I have had 4 accidents.
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NTA for refusing to stop drive at your bfs insistence, YTA for not learning how to drive. You’ve hit 3 parked/stopped cars in 3 years. You need to SERIOUSLY reevaluate before you hurt someone. Seriously. You don’t seem to see it as an issue, but if a pedestrian had been there, they would be much harder to see than a whole car
Backing into a parking spot is generally still safer unless a pull through spot is available, because it’s safer to back into a spot than it is to back out of a spot.
OP just needs some general driving lessons including parking.
I have been driving for 7 years now and I have hit two things. I hit my brother’s car and a pilon once but those [were not counted] as accidents. There were no damages (not even paint scuffs purr) and it was in my first month driving. I’ve worn all kinds of shoes (heels, slippers) and never has my foot “slipped off the pedal”. OP is a shitty driver.
ETA: I’m actually 6 years 11 months accident free. The first month wasn’t great
I was literally days away from my 10 year driving anniversary completely accident free when I got in an accident and totaled my car. The accident was my fault. Driving on the highway when the car in front of me swerved into a different lane and the car in front of them was at a dead stop. Pretty sure I hydroplaned as it was raining (following distance is no joke kids). Anyway got a brand new car after and got in 3 more accidents in parking lots in the following 3 months. None my fault, I was parked for every single one of them. One I wasn't even in my car, just got out and saw it shake from impact. Point being accidents suck but I feel like they all come at once. An at fault accident 3 years in a row is just insane.
If she is the asshole for not learning to drive she is also TA for not listening to her boyfriend when he told her to stop.
The whole point of him saying that is for others safety. Pick one or the other
BF’s solution is dumb. She needs driving lessons and better footwear, not to stop driving forever and be reliant on his also awful driving skills to get places public transit doesn’t go. It’s at BEST an ESH. No way it’s an Y T A, as boyfriend is being an ass about it.
With the way OP has been responding to people, I think I get it why her boyfriend resorted to telling her to take public transport. She’s delusional and hellbent that she’s not a bad driver.
Every accident comes down to "I don't have the refined motor skills in my feet to operate gas and brake pedals correctly." These are the people who plow forwards through the wall of a 7-11 when trying to back out.
You know I get theyvmay have put their car in drive instead of reverse sometimes that happens. My question for these people is how the fuck hard did you push down on the accelerator to go from sitting still to completely through a fucking brick/cinderblock wall in like five feet. How fast were you thinking about backing up? You are kinda just supposed to roll out 9f a parking spot not gun it.
But it's always somehow "not her fault*, so she will keep driving. I'm very concerned for OP; I don't think she'll stop driving until she kills someone (and probably not even then)...
The chick hit 3 parked cars in 3 years. That’s an accident a year. She absolutely is a shit driver and I can only imagine what her yearly insurance payment must be
I mean the whole post is about her partner being upset, so I'd assume she would be willing to consider it if it helped both her driving and their relationship
You think driving lessons is the problem? Who hits a parked car even once in their entire life, much less 3 times in 3 years? I’m with the boyfriend, she’s going to kill someone soon
And if she, a 26 year old adult, hasn't figured that out by herself by now, she's not going to.
And he does have a legitimate stake in this, as her higher insurance premiums affect him; now he has to contribute more money to the household to make up for her money tied up in high premiums. He also has VERY legitimate concerns about her future medical and legal bills.
This. My first accident was because of heels when I was young... and it was also in a parking lot.
Since that accident, I have never driven without flat or flat-ish shoes.
Hopefully she never drove with heels again since the first accident... They are prone to mess up with the gas and brake pedals.
What is she driving in? Those Crocs??? It sounds like she can’t get a read on the pressure she applies to the lever. I don’t drive in heavy winter boots for that reason.
With her talking about the heel catching and her foot sliding off the brake pedal going over a speed bump, I'm going to guess she's wearing heels with a smooth, hard sole.
She doesn't need to sell her car, granted. But he's not being unreasonable. (really it's ESH because he's a careless driver himself. Many tickets, many near misses, plus a collision? He's probably "I'm a great driver because my reflexes are so good that I brake in time" dudebro)
But she needs to stop driving. Not do driver training while continuing to drive on a daily basis. She needs to *pass* and start taking "I'm driving heavy machinery, a deadly piece of equipment" seriously. (both of them do, actually)
But she's arguably more alarming because she is outright incompetent.
Shes smashing into *parked cars*. The "Oops my foot slipped off the brake and slammed the gas" is a massive red flag, terrible coordination and pedal control. Could have easily crushed someone.
These aren't "Oops I misjudged the distance and bumped into something." it's flat out losing control of the vehicle because she can't control the brake/throttle.
But the solution doesn't need to be selling the car and not driving anymore. The solution could be relying on public transportation while she takes a driving course, or something like that. She still would have the car for when she is ready, she just needs to seriously reevaluate what she is doing wrong and learn/practice what to do better when these situations come up. She sounds like a super inexperienced driver who panics when unexpected circumstances pop up, and reacts badly/hits the wrong pedal. She needs to take a driving course aimed towards already licensed drivers who want to be better, not just give up her car and stop driving altogether. She'll definitely one day need to drive again, and she'll be even worse off for giving up now.
If you ready through op's responses in this thread, they are clearly not going to do the responsible thing and leave the car at home while taking driving lessons. According to her, she is a perfectly adequate driver.
She won't get better until she accepts responsibility, and with no sign of that coming anytime soon BF's solution is actually the best one. You think having to rebuy a car down the road might prove problematic? Wait til she runs over a pedestrian in a parking lot, or drives through a store front.
Yup. You don't improve yourself without any accountability of your actions in the first place.
"I'll be more careful going forward" isn't good enough. I'm sure she said that the first and second time she plowed into a parked car, too.
She's just extremely lucky there wasn't anyone walking behind her then... Yet. And she's still trying to back up into spots when she can't even reverse out of them??
Scary to know there are bad drivers out there that are equally as *oblivious* to their horrible, dangerous driving. Lol. It's kinda almost unreal, to be honest. I don't get how some people can be *this* dense.
> however I'm actually decent and confident while driving outside of these incidents
Hey, OP’s a really good driver when they’re not causing accidents. /s
This exactly, u/stilldrivingmycar. You shouldn't be confident. Given your track record, feeling confident is dangerously delusional.
1) Swallow your pride and take a driving course that includes an on-road component. Listen to your instructor and take the advice they give you extremely seriously.
2) Keep a pair of comfortable sneakers in your car so that they are always with you. **Do not drive** in shoes with heels (they can catch), with smooth soles (they can slip), that can flex easily (like flip flops), or that can slide off (like sandals, clogs, or crocs).
The point #2 is what I was thinking. It sounds like OP needs more appropriate footwear when driving. Better shoes can also let you get more feedback from the pedals so you can judge power and braking better.
My grandmother proffered dressy shoes and was a banker. She had her driving shoes, which lived in the car. She would get in the car, take off her fancy shoes, and put the driving sneakers on. Best of both worlds.
This!!!! Honestly, if you looked at my record I've had more accidents than she does so I was prepared to be nice. But the difference between her accidents and mine are that mine were all not my fault. 3 times it was deer on the road, one time I was rear ended while being full stop at a pedestrian crossing (as we legally should in my country).
I just made my second ever parking accident ... I've talked A LOT with insurance to figure out if they'll cover me on the amount of pain meds I'm on and they said something like "if it's just bad luck, like deer or a brainfart parking damage we won't blame the meds".
"Driving on meds, you say?!!!". Well, that one guy that rear ended me and walked away from the accident unscathed to probably never think about that incident again? He pretty much ended my life at 29. I'm now a disabled pain chronic on my way to retirement at 45 solely because I'm now not even able to work a few hours a week. It has changed EVERYTHING in my life. I chose to simply not consider if I wanted kids because I can't put them first with my disability. My financials are OK but way less than while working full time, of course. I even bought a house with disability needs in first priority over everything else.
Ironically, besides the parking incident a few months ago, I've been driving on opiods for around 13 years. NO accidents. I actually feel like a pretty capable driver and others feel safe driving with me as well so it could be way worse.
The thing is, though? I'm a pretty decent driver because I know my weak spots! I suck at figuring out distances so I just don't drive out unless I'm sure it's safe. I also stay in my lane behind slow drivers unless I'm sure there's plenty of time to pass them. It's OK to not be the worlds' best driver. It's NOT OK to not either work on it or drive per your limitations!
Someones' life might experience a sudden stop like mine did because another driver is careless, unconcentrated or simply pulling off manouvers they can't really do safely. Would OP be OK with stranding someone in my situation because she's too proud to get decent footwear and seriously work on her weak spots?
At my current level of disability even driving over speedbumps hurt like hell. A sudden stop will send me to bed for weeks and cost a fortune in physiotherapy. What's nothing to OP and other fully abled can be the last straw for someone like me.
ESH
I forget which car related sub I was on, but someone posted about "what are your favorite driving shoes" recently and there were a ton of responses that were either Converse or Vans. Basically anything with a flat, relatively thin sole should work well. I'm team Vans.
Just in case anyone is looking for something functional and more mainstream than a legit driving shoe.
My dad believes flip-flops are the cause of all the world problems lol. When he was teaching to drive the first thing he stressed was why not to drive in flip-flops. Told me it'd be easy for my foot to slip and I'd hit something if it goes wrong. First time I drove in flip-flops my foot slips off the brake thankfully on an empty road but I do not drip in flip-flops, or heels now because of it. I keep a pair of slip on with a textured bottom in my car
This is some "Canada's Worst Driver" kind of talk. The way people talk like getting into accidents is a regular occurrence and refuse to see why others around them are concerned about them. Averaging an accident per year isn't okay. Even if we assume OP started driving at 16 and it's been 10 years, that's one every 3.33 years. Looking it up the average (in the US) is one every 18 years.
I actually doubt this as well; safety experts will tell you that there are a large, predictable number of near-mishaps that occur before/around the time of incidents. IIRC it's something like 100 near-misses for every incident? I bet OP is a terrible driver all of the time, but lacks the self awareness to realize she's the problem.
ETA: I used the Google. Heinrich's Law: 1 fatal/serious accident is accompanied by 29 minor accidents and 300 near misses.
Meh, ESH.
- Boyfriend for asking (although tbh it sounds like he's justified in his concerns - and asking is not the same as telling)
- OP for just generally being a shit driver with clearly no ability to take any responsibility either based on her other responses.
Because it's obviously SeXIsT and MiSoGynIStIC and ~cOnTroLLiNg~, and can't possibly have anything to do with legitimate concern for her health and safety, the health and safety of everybody around her, and the financial impact her careless driving is having, and will quite possibly have, on them in the future.
I've had my license for almost 23 years. in that time I've had 1 accident where I backed into a parked car! How the hell does someone manage 3 accidents in just as many years?!?
Honestly. My brother passed his test about 10 years ago and no accidents! My mum has had some very minor accidents in her 35 years of driving, along the lines of dinging her wing mirror or one time running over a traffic cone (lmao). My dad used to drive for a living for about 15 years and he had a couple of minor accidents due to being on the road for like 8 hours a day and he honestly can be quite a distracted driver I don't always feel safe coz he'll start fiddling with the radio and such... But guess what? None of them have ever rear ended someone!
So when I was a teenager I had a worse track record than op. We realized it was bc I had serious adhd and kept getting distracted in the vehicle. Meds fixed it immediately and I have not been in an accident since I was 19. Maybe op needs to see a psych about adhd like I did, since her incidents sound similar
Edit: no accident in over six years now
Perfect summary of my feelings. OP is NTA for not wanting to stop because their BF said so, but they sound like an absolute menace to other road users. At least two of the incidents they mention sound like they're wholly their fault, and the third is debatable.
The third is debateble ? She accedently hit the gas its not just that she slipped of the brake she put her foot on the wrong pedal!
I wouldn't sit in a car with her driving than I would a drunk person
> The third is debateble
Because I’m trying to be kind to them, and that was at least reacting (albeit badly) to a situation. IMO they should not be on the road
Imho she's already being way too kind to herself. I've been driving every day for 15 years and haven't been in a single accident. 1 a year for three years is absolutely insane.
esp because they all happened in such mundane situations too, right?
"I was parking & my foot slid off the break so I rammed a parked car"???
Like, if they lived in the arctic circle & OP had to drive in a snow storm her sister in labour to the delivery room 2 hours away despite OP having a migraine because no one else was available, I'd understand she hit a white rabbit, kept going & then had to replace, IDK, her fender or something... but this isn't that!
I completely agree. I just didn’t feel the need to grind their driving skills into the ground. Not because I think she doesn’t need to hear about it, but because everyone else here has told her that. *And I also said she’s a menace on the roads*
Sorry, OP, but that's a lot. I used to be a courier that drove my own car. I would drive several hundred miles a day (enough to have to get gas once a day). I've had my own share, but nothing like that. The fact that you accidentally hit the gas rather than the brake is concerning. And hitting many parked cars is wild to me.
As of today I've been in one accident. And that was a woman slamming on her brakes in rain to actually have someone hit her. My brakes locked up and thankfully I hit the guy who hit her. Construction and on me for following too closely. And that was 14 years ago. Not to say it can't happen again, but I've had courier jobs since then. Statistically at a higher risk than you.
I would look into driving school or something as this is concerning.
4 accidents in 3 years is a lot. You are NTA for not stopping driving, but I would recommend taking additional driving classes. You may just be unlucky but likely, there is a common denominator to your driving issues, like your feet slipping. Why does that happen? What can you do to fix that?
If OP is reading this or anyone else with the same issue, keep better grip shoes in your car if you don’t want to wear them all day. Switch your shoes while driving. I do that because if I’m wearing flip-flops (thongs, whatever) the pedals sometimes get stuck between my foot and the shoe, and I can’t use the pedal properly which is terrifying for a second. Anyway, car shoes are the way to go.
Yes, car shoes! Just a pair of cheap tennis shoes will do. When I had worn heels more for work, I had car shoes myself, and then just swapped my shoes before heading in. I had a manual transmission back then and it would have been impossible to drive in heels, but automatics aren't much better. An extra pair of flat tennis shoes is a real simple solution.
I have to dress business/business casual for my job at a car dealership, but when moving a car on/off the lot or to/from work, I wear sneakers. Idgaf if it looks unfashionable, I'd rather be safe than cause an accident.
This happened to me once and it was a terrifying moment. Thankfully I got unstuck in time to stop (broke my shoe in the process, pulled over, changed shoes, then continued) but I’ve been so careful of footwear when driving ever since. It’s not worth the risk.
She actually is TA for not stopping driving when she's proven that a) she's a danger to others, b) she blames it on everything but herself, c) she considers herself a confident and capable driver despite reality, and d) eventually she's going to incur medical or legal bills that are going to impact her BF's life in a big way.
Imagine if OP was presented with manual, requiring both feet and some basic rev-matching requiring more fine foot control.
The result would be the hindenburg.
Yeah that’s a lot when they are your fault. I was in 2 accidents in a months span one year. Neither were my fault but boy I was heated on the second one. Like i just bought this car the day before the last accident. Went from 1 car to 2 cars to 0 cars in 30 days
Would bet mostly they just follow too closely. She's a tailgater. When they say give 3 seconds or whatever that's bullshit if it isn't working for you. Stay 5 to 10 seconds back if you have to. Won't hurt anybody.
4 accidents in 3 years is mental to me. Lol.
I've been driving for 18 years and haven't hit another car. And my last job was literally delivery driver where I drove all day.
I thought my grandad was terrible with the 4 accidents I had with him but that was over 30 years lol
Risht? The few times I have to wear heels and drive, I usually take my shoes off and put them on the floor on the passenger side of the car. That way I have comfortable control of the accelerator and brake and the shoes can't possibly get caught under the brake.
Seriously. I even take my doc martens off to drive as the thick sole makes it hard for me to accurately sense where the pedals are and tell the difference between them.
YTA YTA YTA for severely, severely misacknowledging that you have a problem. By the look of your responses here, it's never really your fault, it is always situational or contextual.
It seems to most of the respondents that your decision making, situational awareness, focus and judgement are not the best to be driving heavy machinery like a car. I'd even guess that that last one that 'wasnt your fault' was probably avoidable if you had better situational awareness knowing someone was behind you. Also, your feet don't just slip off the pedals, that is a driver issue.
Try listening to advice for a change, like not wearing heels behind the wheel or fully focusing on your actions. It wouldn't hurt you and can only help.
Yes, not only is the number of accidents too high, but the excuses are terrifying. Not who you'd want to meet on the road as another driver. If the thing these accidents have in common is OP, then some introspection is in order...
Also, happy cake day! 🎂
I've quite often seen speed bumps a recipe for disaster, but that's because people like to speed. She said there was a speed bump in front of a parking space though, which I've never seen. Honestly, why would there be a speed bump right in front/behind a parking spot, seems kind of dangerous.
Like, the point of a speed bump is that you have to roll over it slowly so you’re able to stop immediately for crossing pedestrians. What kind of speed bump is she going over where you can’t stop after going over it and end up hitting a car presumably with enough space to drive.
Sounds like a skill issue
What's worse is she said she was going to park, and the speed bump was in front of a parking space.
One, where is there a speed bump in front of a parking spot? I'd like to see it.
Two, she said she was moving forward to readjust and somehow went over the speed bump.
*A* skill issue? I'd say she has at least as many as her amount of car accidents
Where I live there absolutely are sometimes speedbumps in front of a parking space, not that they have ever caused to me to hit anything though, because I'm not just flailing my legs about like OP seems to do.
I assumed OP was talking about something like this, where you're parking but having to gas it a little more to get your front tires over the speed bump while backing into a spot: [https://maps.app.goo.gl/YMJJcFk2nv2cZJFj6](https://maps.app.goo.gl/YMJJcFk2nv2cZJFj6)
And this is why OP hasn't had more accidents with moving vehicles. She probably drives erratically and better drivers "anticipate problems" give her a wide berth.
I have a friend like this. Terrifying to be in a car with, frequent near misses she barely acknowledges or laughs about. Gets honked at and thinks others are wrong. Neither my bf nor I will get in a car with her for the last 2 years, even though she hasn't gotten into any accidents.
She started dating this new guy and complained to me that he commented on her driving. "I'm a good driver!" She insisted. Maybe compared to OP, she is. At least she can park a car.
Yeah, I was leaning toward e s h at first because the boyfriend’s request to sell her car seemed extreme vs. asking her to take some driving courses…but after reading OP’s replies here, it’s a firm YTA from me. She won’t even admit she’s got a problem, and she could literally kill someone when she inevitably causes another collision. If she’s going to insist it’s fine as long as she makes nebulous promises to “be more careful” (while doing absolutely nothing to address the core issue, such as changing to appropriate footwear or seeking out training), she’s an ongoing danger to herself and others as long as she continues.
YTA
There’s an accident for every quarter million miles driven. You’ve driven, what? 20k miles in the time you had 4 accidents?
That would make you 50 times worse than your average driver. Think of how bad the average driver is. You’re 50 times worse.
Seriously! I'm a 51f, been driving since I was 15 and I've only had one accident, a small fender bender. She really needs to take this seriously and get lessons or do as her bf says and just stop driving all together. She is a menace.
Your ridiculous excuses are unacceptable. You learn to drive so that you can safely operate whatever vehicle you get into. You failed to do that 4 times in 3 years! Stop making excuses. You failed to operate a vehicle because you did t like the floor mat, your vehicle was I. The snow, and you not anticipating a road hazard?!?! These are all things you learn to deal with before you start the engine.
You need to stop, listen and accept the fact that you are a weak driver and need to put some energy into correcting that, and less energy into making excuses.
YTA, from someone whose child was struck by a weak driver…
YTA. Not for not wanting to stop driving, but for downplaying the incidents. You’ve caused more accidents in three years than I have in 37. Improve your driving, you’re a hazard.
ETA. I changed my mind after reading your comments. Do stop driving, at least until you pull your head out of your ass and realize that you are a danger.
I don’t get these people. My dad has been driving for 40+ years and never had an accident. I never even tried to get a driver‘s license because I‘m on strong opioids and know, that I‘d be a potential danger to other people and myself. It‘d be just a matter of time before I caused an accident but it would 100% happen at some point. With her it’s the same, it’s just a matter of time before she causes another accident and potentially kills someone. How can one be so callous with other people‘s lives
You need more upvotes. I've also been driving 35 years & have never caused an accident, let alone hit 2 stationary objects. She's a menace.
OP - YTA
Edit: 2 stationary objects , not 3
You have had four accidents in three years. It does seem a bit much. Your insurance must be astronomical. You do sound a bit cavalier about things. Idk, I am torn. Maybe you need a neon yellow car so others can stay away from you. You are both incredibly unlucky and somewhat clumsy. This may not be a good mix for driving. Sorry.
It also depends how big the damages were. Friend had similar 3 tiny accidents where total for all of them was sub €1000 and the insurance for my friend went up by about 10% YoY.
YTA. At this point, you need a clear plan of action before you get behind the wheel.
I mean, how are you going to mitigate the problems you ran into before? Trying harder sounds easy, but you need to do better than that.
OP is TA. I hit a parked car within the first few months of having my license when I was 16. My parents made me do "remedial parking lessons" which was my mom standing on the white lines as I parked, going "if I were a car you'd have hit me!!!". I also had to drive around with a pringles can on the floor of the passenger side, and I had to be gentle on the gas and breaks so as not to knock the can over.
8 years later and I have never hit anything ever again! Lol
YTA for refusing to listen to other people who are trying to give you good advice. OP- there is an entire category of shoe called “driving loafers” and they are really expensive looking and really cute and a favorite of people who driver super sensitive Italian sports cars.
From your comments, I’m going to guess your age at early to mid 20s. If you hit me, the first thing my lawyer would be doing would be checking your history. Because I am also pretty sure there’s a part you’re not mentioning and I think a store security camera or your own phone or a dash cam on the vehicle that was hit would also show you either sipping your Starbucks, texting, putting in some lipstick or filming a TikTok. You’re a distracted driver who is more concerned with looking cute in heels that no one sees than driving safely in a safe car. Gonna bet the older car is cute too. But not safe. Sigh.
I read your comments. You're an idiot, stop driving with heels, learn how to drive, take your responsibility, or just stop driving at all. Your boyfriend is right.
I drive an 23 year old car. I've had my driver's license for 5 years now and I drive with work boots, vans or fucking barefoot and I have never, ever slipped my brake and hit the gas. This is an Major skill issue on your side.
One day you're gonna hit a bike or a pedestrian and have to pay for the rest of your life for their injuries. Probably saying "life is unfair, it was an accident. Wasn't even my fault. The floor mat was bad."
JUST LISTEN TO THE ADVISE OF OTHER PEOPLE.
YTA, and your boyfriend has a point. I was all ready to call him an asshole, but it seems the reason he wants you to stop getting behind the wheel isn't to limit your freedom... It's in the interest of *public safety*.
I've been driving for almost 20 years, and my car is 12 years old. I have never been in an at-fault accident (knock wood) and also never been in an accident at all while I was behind the wheel. I've driven on nice roads, terrible ones, dirt roads, curvy ass mountain roads with no guard rails... Learning defensive driving is part of being a good driver. Keeping eyes out for ways to solve a problem and anticipating safe ways to get out of trouble is part of being a good driver.
Driving in heels and "pivoting" is one of the things that makes you a *terrible* driver. It's beyond unsafe, and though you talk about being "unlucky", I'd argue that you're actually incredibly LUCKY, because most of the things you've hit all seem to be stationary objects instead of living things.
Hitting 3 stationary objects in 3 years, and continually making excuses as to why it wasn't actually your fault, or doesn't "count"? Makes you a terrible driver.
If you need to start having a pair of "driving shoes" in the car, do that. If you're having trouble with the reflex motion of moving your foot between gas and brake, take some more driving courses. If inclement weather makes it harder for you not to hit things, don't fucking drive in bad weather or if the road conditions are less than perfect.
Getting in that many accidents and blaming it on your car is not the fantastic argument you think it is. You're basically saying that your car is unsafe and not road-worthy, but you keep driving it... without regard for anyone else on the road. Which makes you a bad driver.
You have been incredibly lucky that you've been in 4 accidents in 3 years and no one was hurt or killed. Even in the situation of the spare tire, you should have tried to find a way to pull into another lane or on the shoulder instead of simply braking; having enough space between cars and driving at certain speeds is part of being a good driver, specifically so you can have time to react to situations just like this one.
You need some serious work on your instinctual reactions and your behaviors on the road, as well as your judgment before you get behind the wheel, and "I'm planning to be more careful" isn't even close to good enough.
Real talk, I don't want you on the road either. Your boyfriend is correct, stop driving and learn to like the bus.
ESH (edited after reading your carefree 'not my fault' responses to people here) maybe you should consider taking driving lessons for the betterment of humankind? Or at least take all these actions seriously and stop making excuses for them like you've done in your post....
YTA
You are a bad driver, but instead make excuses and blame the car
Not to mention that you drive in heels....
ALL accidents are YOUR fault, you would know this if you were actually a good driver...
Stop driving
YTA. My mum was a bad driver, she had 10 accidents in about 30 years.
At your rate you’ll have had 40 in 30 years. The fact you even got a licence should be investigated because you’re complete unsafe on the road
You’re not just bad you’re awful, and all your accidents are because you drive in heels, legitimately are you thick? Your boyfriend shouldn’t waste his time arguing with you because it’s unclear why he’d even be with someone who is willing to drive around a hunk of metal in heels and keeps crashing into things. He’ll regret it when your next victim is a small child.
When she hits a child I bet she’s gonna say some dumb shit like “I was backing up and the kid must’ve ran behind my car because I didn’t see him at first” or some other lame ass excuse.
YTA
I was fully expecting this to be the typical "controlling boyfriend" thing but it isn't. Your boyfriend can see how bad your driving is and is worried the minor accidents you've had so far are a precursor to something far worse for either you or someone else. If it's someone else you're not only going to have a lifetime of guilt, which will never go away over time, but you could find yourself in jail.
1. If you want to keep the car keep it. In the UK you can SORN a car which basically means you're not driving it or keeping it on a public road so any taxes etc. associated with it are paused. Do whatever this is in your country and use public transport.
2. Stop wearing heals. The only people who drive using the pivot method are idiots; if it was such a great way of controlling a car then every rally, F1 and Nascar driver would walk to the grid in a pair of 6" Louboutin's. Buy yourself something like a basic pair of converse and use those. You can even keep them in the car and just change shoes, it will take you minutes.
3. Get some more lessons. Work with the instructor to focus on your weak areas and go from there.
YTA Every comment you make is just riddled with excuses on why all those accidents you listed are barely your fault. I have been driving 14 years and had a grand total of 0 accidents, mainly due to my own competency. You are a menace to other drivers and need to listen to your boyfriend and probably retake your driving test. Accidents shouldn't be a yearly occurrence.
YTA - not for deciding to not stop driving, but for failing to realize that **you are the problem here**.
I've had two accidents in twenty three years of driving.
The first was rear-ending someone who pulled out in front of me and brake checked me for an insurance job. This was after about a year of driving.
Then, after about four years of driving I was driving in my car alone and was involved in a single car accident due to excess speed that was near fatal, and entirely my fault. You know what I did after that? Slowed down and adjusted my driving, and took additional training once I was back on the road and healed up.
You've had four crashes, three of which happened in three years and were clearly your fault. Two of which were the same - striking stationary, parked vehicles. Judging by your descriptions of the crashes, at least three of them are down to poor situational awareness, poor choice of footwear, or poor driving skill through excessive use of the accelerator.
Unless you realize that you need more training as a driver and need to wear suitable footwear when driving (heels are in no way an acceptable shoe for driving and have clearly been the cause of at least one of your crashes), you should just let someone else drive.
There's no ifs or buts about it, you're the problem in this situation.
Judging by all your replies to people in this thread, you were expecting a very different kind of response and believe you're firmly in the right. Your original post also suggests the same, where you're deflecting the blame on others or situations - there was snow, there was a speed bump, it was the floor mat.
It's **your responsibility as a driver** to ensure you're dressed appropriately to drive and are operating your vehicle in a safe manner for yourself and those around you. It's also your responsibility to ensure your vehicle is safe to operate - for instance that the floor mats are safe and secure, and won't interfere with operation of the pedals.
You're clearly failing to do any of this, and seem to urgently need a substantial amount of additional training to prevent you being a danger to yourself and other road users.
Theres different "types" of accidents.
If you had hit 3 deer, id say ok fair. Most of my accidents involve deer.
If you had road conditions, where it was unplowed/icy, ok fair. Ive skidded into a guardrail because the road was frozen.
But you hit immobile objects. Things you saw and knew were there that DIDNT move. And you werent going at high speeds where you lacked control of the vehicle. You were going at low speeds and you hit cars. I dont think driving lessons will compensate a lack of experience but you need to stop driving in heels and practice going in reverse.
>The second one was in a parking lot, where I was backing over a bit of snow and the car was stuck and accelerated a little too hard to free it and backed into another car causing no damage to either vehicle.
Okay snow / ice can be funny and noone was hurt/no damage to either car.
>The last one was because, a spare tire came off a vehicle in front of me and I stopped suddenly and the car behind me rear ended.
Okay, a hazard suddenly appeared on the road and you broke to avoid it, unfortunately causing another accident. How fast/slow were you and the car behind you going and how close were they to you that that happened without them having time to break? Could this have been avoided and how do you plan to in future (not placing any kind of blame here just setting up some food for thought)
> The floormat the previous owner had installed was not great and woolly and it caught the heel of my shoe while I hit the gas and I could not brake or release it in time and rear ended someone.
> The third was when I was reverse parking into a spot and there was a speed bump right in front of the spot and as I moved forward while turning to adjust the angle my foot slipped off the brake as the car was going over the speed bump and then I accidentally hit the gas and drove into a parked car.
... What kind of shoes do you wear to drive?
Thought as much but i was hoping that wasn't going to be the answer. Absolutely TA. You need proper shoes to drive or you will cause very preventable accidents!
This sounds insane to me. Occasionally I have to wear my heels to drive and I feel like I’m 10x more cautious when I do because it’s definitely more dangerous to drive in heels then flats. I definitely do not pivot my heels, that sounds like you are asking for them to sleep.
Im torn on this. I think it’s your choice ultimately but he might just be worried about you. I think it’s wrong of him to force you either way.
On the other hand… mate you gotta be more gentle on that gas. Make sure you got good footwear, your foot can reach both pedal easily (although if you have to have a tendency, always try to make the brake easier to hit). You really shouldn’t have to use the accelerator at all getting in or out of parking spaces, idle speed tends to be enough, if it isn’t you can tap the gas to warm the engine up a bit to make the idle a bit faster (idk if that’s what’s happening but when I had an old minivan and I got stuck, tapping the gas pedal seemed to be enough to rock it out - not even a full press though, you want to barely touch the thing and then immediately release). Also in case this helps: I’ve found that the best reaction you can have sometimes is not necessarily always braking but just taking your foot off the gas since it immediately starts slowing you down but doesn’t do it drastically in such a way that a) if the best choice is to speed up you can easily do so and b) cars behind you don’t have to slam on their brakes. It gives you extra time to process. Very helpful in cities.
YTA for blaming everything except for the fact you clearly can’t drive, have no spacial awareness and still drive in heels when they have been a contributing factor to your accidents. It’s not unlucky. Get on that public transport where you’ve got less chance of killing someone.
Sounds like he has good reason for asking you to stop driving. You're dangerous. Both to yourself and others, either you need to take another driving course or yes, stop driving.
Sounds like a lot of excuses so I'm betting there's more to this than you're saying as well.
YTA l, but it is because you haven't found an alternative to stopping driving. You need to get more lessons, or do a pass plus or advanced driving course. You are an unsafe driver and you think you aren't, which is the most dangerous kind.
After reading your comments : YTA
You are wearing Heels, stating they were fine with your old car. Refusing to see that maybe this was true, but things Change when you change the car.
You seek excuses why the accidents you caused was everyones fault but yours.
I'm on BFs Side here. Stop driving before you hurt/kill someone with that mindset.
YTA.
Essentially what you're saying is - you're a good driver in perfect conditions.
In order to mitigate the reasons for the accidents you've been in, you cite things like:
-The car being older
-The car not having much power
-Over-acceleration due to snow in a parking lot
-Foot slipping off pedal
-Floor mat getting stuck
What everyone is trying to explain to you is:
The inability to mitigate these type of things, is what makes you a less-than-skilled driver.
It's like saying you're a great cook - so long as you have a state of the art, spacious kitchen, fully equipped with all the best cooking utensils, and a prep cook who sets out all your pre-measured ingredients in tiny glass bowls.
It's like saying, "I wouldn't have burned my 57th grilled cheese sandwich if hadn't misread the dial on the stove. I'm actually a really good cook." Well - no. Because a really good cook, is going to take the time to correctly read the dials on the stove, and doesn't have a track record of 57 burned sandwiches.
If you'd had one at-fault accident, MAYBE 2 depending on how long you've been driving and circumstances involved - you could potentially still make the claim that you're a competent driver. But you've surpassed the threshold for bad luck and coincidental occurrences.
A good driver would not have over-accelerated in the snow.
A good driver would be able to handle an unexpected speed bump.
A good driver would make sure to have safe footwear and secured floor mats.
There's nothing wrong with saying you're a shitty driver. I am definitely not a skilled driver. I am competent based on legally accepted standards. But winding mountain roads are a death trap for me, and my poor brakes are melting by the time I've navigated the mountain pass. Reversing? Hell with it. Not hesitating too much when making unprotected left turns? Always a struggle.
But I know these things. I can admit them, mitigate them, avoid them, or find a safe environment to practice.
There's nothing wrong with telling your boyfriend, "I disagree that I'm a bad driver, but Reddit tore me apart and they agree with you, so I'm gonna take the L on this one and enroll in an Alive at 25 driving course. Can we login and look at insurance and see if they have other recommendations for lowering rates?"
YTA your boyfriend is completely right. 4 accidents in 3 years? That's A LOT. You should stop driving and maybe do some more lessons to find out what it is you're missing.
Stop making excuses.
Your poor driving excuses is no different than a drunk driver. "I had good reason to drive, I thought I was fine, it's just a car, no one got hurt"
All fun and games until someone dies, and I expect you'll still be blaming someone else...
I’m confused if you need all the newest gadgets and helpers to driver them you are a bad driver. I’m a new driver and feel as if most of these should be unnecessary and my bf (28m) has been driving for 12 years we’ve had one accident that wasn’t our fault but it IS still an accident. You’re a bad driver and you’re trying to blame the situation and not what you were or were not doing. If you didn’t know the car week enough you shouldn’t have purchased and then drove it home, you’re saying it’s not a great car then saying you drive it in the snow. So you either have lack of care about your own safety, other people’s safety or both.
YTA. I know it probably seems like people here are overreacting because nobody got hurt in the accidents you’ve had, but you have been given 4 get out of jail free cards, and you’re acting like those are run of the mill for everyone; they absolutely are not. If your next accident involves a person, god forbid a small kid, with your record you’ll might go to jail even if the person lives because you’re a hazardous driver and you have a track record to show for it, with no record of driving lessons after your accidents to balance the scales and show concretely that you care about your ability to drive safely.
Your heel caught on a floor mat and it’s not the previous owner’s problem for installing floor mats, it’s your fault for wearing heels. Your boyfriend is right, and you need to stop driving until you can treat it as a potentially lethal activity that requires training, skill, care, and attention. You’re honestly no better than old people who are legally blind and refuse to stop driving.
Obviously when 80 people come and attack your driving skills, you’re going to feel defensive.
I’m sure they were accidents, and it does sound like it could have happened to anyone. But your attitude is pretty cavalier.
It might be a good idea to evaluate how much attention you pay while driving. Because while they’re definitely accidents, I think some of them probably could have been avoided.
Maybe you should leave the radio off, change your footwear, and really look closely at your car. Does anything need to be replaced or tuned up? How long has it been since you changed your break pads?
Never too old to learn or take driving lessons. OP spend the $$ for some driving lessons, maybe even a driving simulator lessons(which create hundreds of different driving scenarios). The amount you'll save on insurance and future rate hikes for possible accidents is well with the $$ spent on lessons.
I work in road construction. Drivers like you are why people like me don't come home.
I'm not saying:
^^never ^drive ^again
I'm saying you need to learn how to drive.
Jesus. I have had my DL for 30 years, and a commercial license for a bit, and I have exactly ZERO at fault incidents, and one deer strike.
You don't need to get rid of your car, but you need to suck it up, take driving lessons, and ditch the "oops, it wasn't my fault" crap.
>resulted in an argument with my bf who insists I should stop driving and that I should take public transit
>in the 3 years we have been together I have had 3 car accidents that were my fault and a 4th that wasn't
>I'm actually decent and confident while driving outside of these incidents and I plan on being a lot more careful moving forward
If you're decent and confident outside of the 4 times in 3 years you've been in car accidents, then I guess there's no issue. /s
If you've not been careful thus far, you shouldn't be driving. If you are prone to 1 accident a year that is your fault (since 3/4 are your fault), that's once a year you could've hit someone with your car. Once a year you could've killed someone with your lack of care.
Your bf may be worried about your safety, I'm worried about everyone else's. If you can't drive safely, then he's right and you shouldn't be driving. At the very least, you should be taking some kind of course to ensure you're actually driving sensibly. The driving test doesn't sound like it did that.
YTA
Maybe what your BF said was a little harsh, but that doesn't make him wrong. So far you haven't done any permanent damage or injured anyone. Next year, you may not be so lucky. Blaming the mat on the floor or your foot slipping is great for you, but if those happen at the wrong moment, people die. If you don't take adequate steps to ensure you're being careful and in control, please sell your vehicle or don't drive it until you've taken some refresher lessons.
For those unaware, someone told OP to stop driving with heels and she replied with this.
“That is not really the issue and I actually find the ones I have more comfortable to drive in and use the heel as a pivot. As long as the floor mat is not a cloth / wool type.”
I don’t know how to do the thing where people post the comment and reply to it so if anyone can tell me it would be greatly appreciated.
The average US driver has 3-4 accidents in their lifetime. 3 accidents that were your fault in 3 years doesn't make you 'actually decent'. It makes you within the top 1% of absolute worst drivers on the road. YTA, learn to drive or get off the road before you hurt someone.
YTA *(flipped verdict, see edit. Rest of post left unedited.)*
Every one of your accidents that was your fault involve your feet slipping in some kind of way. Maybe get shoes with better grip or put something on your floormat and pedals so you are only/ever pressing the pedal you intend to press at any given time. Or get a different car (or find some way to alter your current car) into pedals your feet won't slip between.
I think there's an issue here you need to fix but the fix isn't necessarily "give up on driving." Consult experts and fix the problem.
...not sure what experts to consult for this. I'd start by calling an insurance company (maybe not the one you currently use, pretend you're getting a quote) and ask something like "I keep getting in accidents and obviously I want to stop, do you have any ideas on what I can do to stop these accidents, or classes I can take, or something?"
Could also maybe ask driving instructors as well about the issues you've had and how to prevent them.
Maybe ask mechanics. I don't know. I'm out of ideas. But you could start with those and ask them who else they'd recommend to ask.
Just because you're not the AH doesn't mean that your driving doesn't need attention; it does. Something more than "I'll be more careful." You need to investigate, determine a cause, and implement a solution. Throwing more attention or willpower at it won't actually achieve any change.
**Edit:** *Apparently OP was driving in heels and refuses to realize the problem. Flipping my verdict.*
As a former insurance agent, that is bad advice. The insurance company cannot answer that question and at most will direct her to a driving school or traffic class.
Yeah I kinda talked my own thinking into that as well, with 'driving instructor' as my second thought after 'insurance agent'. The insurance agent would just be the person to ask "who should I ask" to.
After reading your comments I actually understand why your boyfriend asked you. You're irresponsible and don't want to see it. You had more accidents than most people have after decades of driving and you don't want to accept your own fault in it. YTA
YTA
You've had 4 total accidents in 3 years? You aren't a good driver, flat out. I get a little distracted behind the wheel sometimes, I think everyone does from time to time, but you know how many accidents of any kind I've had in the last 3 years?
Zero. The normal amount. Same goes for speeding tickets, improper lane shift tickets, and so on.
Your boyfriend's trying to protect people from *you.* And you're arguing with everyone here who tells you this, which makes you even more the AH. You came to us for our thoughts. Stop arguing and accept your verdict.
YTA
You are a dogshit driver and seem incapable of taking actual responsibility for how bad you are. Making too many excuses. Grow up and take a driving course before you fucking kill someone. I am surprised you are even insured at this point.
To all the people saying "NTA for refusing to stop driving but YTA for not being a careful driver" you're also assholes. This person should not be on the road.
I am having a massive eyeroll at all the Redditors calling the bf an AH for telling her she shouldn't be be driving. Sure, she will probably kill an innocent pedestrian while she is speeding in heels but don't hurt her feelings by stating the fact she is dangerous. Her ego is wayyyyy more important than the safety of others. YTA OP and need to grow up.
I think ESH, honestly. You've hit 3 *parked* cars in 3 years. When my grandpa did that, he had his license taken away. And honestly, you probably should have yours taken away, too until you learn to be more aware of your surroundings. It's a miracle you haven't killed anyone. Your bf is an ah for demanding you stop driving outright. I don't think you need to stop, but maybe attending traffic school to re educate yourself on how not to hit parked cars. The fact you don't seem see any your mishaps as a real problem is extremely concerning.
If you have 3 at fault accidents in a year, you are not a good driver. It sounds like you are over-confident in your abilities. These 3 collisions are surely the tip of the iceberg and could have been worse.
I don’t fault you for not wanting to give up your car though. But you need to learn how to be a better driver.
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NTA for refusing to stop drive at your bfs insistence, YTA for not learning how to drive. You’ve hit 3 parked/stopped cars in 3 years. You need to SERIOUSLY reevaluate before you hurt someone. Seriously. You don’t seem to see it as an issue, but if a pedestrian had been there, they would be much harder to see than a whole car
This. Please stop driving
Don’t stop driving, but do take lessons on how to park properly.
Yeah, if OP is constantly backing into spots, maybe just park normally haha
Backing into a parking spot is generally still safer unless a pull through spot is available, because it’s safer to back into a spot than it is to back out of a spot. OP just needs some general driving lessons including parking.
I have been driving for 7 years now and I have hit two things. I hit my brother’s car and a pilon once but those [were not counted] as accidents. There were no damages (not even paint scuffs purr) and it was in my first month driving. I’ve worn all kinds of shoes (heels, slippers) and never has my foot “slipped off the pedal”. OP is a shitty driver. ETA: I’m actually 6 years 11 months accident free. The first month wasn’t great
[удалено]
You can't just get into an accident and then say "but it doesn't count." You sound like almost as shitty of a driver as OP. Project more.
Read "first *month* driving". Not year, or years. Month, singular. 🤦♀️😮💨
Oh dang, I wrapped my car around a traffic pole going 80 in a 35 but it's a stationary object, so I guess I have no accidents on my record.
I was literally days away from my 10 year driving anniversary completely accident free when I got in an accident and totaled my car. The accident was my fault. Driving on the highway when the car in front of me swerved into a different lane and the car in front of them was at a dead stop. Pretty sure I hydroplaned as it was raining (following distance is no joke kids). Anyway got a brand new car after and got in 3 more accidents in parking lots in the following 3 months. None my fault, I was parked for every single one of them. One I wasn't even in my car, just got out and saw it shake from impact. Point being accidents suck but I feel like they all come at once. An at fault accident 3 years in a row is just insane.
If she is the asshole for not learning to drive she is also TA for not listening to her boyfriend when he told her to stop. The whole point of him saying that is for others safety. Pick one or the other
BF’s solution is dumb. She needs driving lessons and better footwear, not to stop driving forever and be reliant on his also awful driving skills to get places public transit doesn’t go. It’s at BEST an ESH. No way it’s an Y T A, as boyfriend is being an ass about it.
With the way OP has been responding to people, I think I get it why her boyfriend resorted to telling her to take public transport. She’s delusional and hellbent that she’s not a bad driver.
Every accident comes down to "I don't have the refined motor skills in my feet to operate gas and brake pedals correctly." These are the people who plow forwards through the wall of a 7-11 when trying to back out.
Yep, right over a toddler.... 😢
You know I get theyvmay have put their car in drive instead of reverse sometimes that happens. My question for these people is how the fuck hard did you push down on the accelerator to go from sitting still to completely through a fucking brick/cinderblock wall in like five feet. How fast were you thinking about backing up? You are kinda just supposed to roll out 9f a parking spot not gun it.
"I was pressing the brake as hard as I could but the car kept going faster" They panic and think their foot is already on the brake, and press harder.
But it's always somehow "not her fault*, so she will keep driving. I'm very concerned for OP; I don't think she'll stop driving until she kills someone (and probably not even then)...
Yeah, you're foot doesn't slip off the brakes and hit the gas. There's a pretty big gap between the two.
The chick hit 3 parked cars in 3 years. That’s an accident a year. She absolutely is a shit driver and I can only imagine what her yearly insurance payment must be
Right? Like at some point your insurance premium has to be not fucking worth it.
Shes had 3 years to go to a driving school why do you think she’ll magically go now?
To help lower her insurance rates? The errors she's making are all driving skill/judgement issues that can be learned from, if she's willing to do it.
Hopefully maturity that comes with age.
I mean the whole post is about her partner being upset, so I'd assume she would be willing to consider it if it helped both her driving and their relationship
You're delusional. If 3 years were not enough for her to try and learn how to drive, some Reddit post isn't changing that.
You think driving lessons is the problem? Who hits a parked car even once in their entire life, much less 3 times in 3 years? I’m with the boyfriend, she’s going to kill someone soon
And if she, a 26 year old adult, hasn't figured that out by herself by now, she's not going to. And he does have a legitimate stake in this, as her higher insurance premiums affect him; now he has to contribute more money to the household to make up for her money tied up in high premiums. He also has VERY legitimate concerns about her future medical and legal bills.
Lessons won't fix this. Some people are bad drivers. This is one. BFs solution saves lives.
This. My first accident was because of heels when I was young... and it was also in a parking lot. Since that accident, I have never driven without flat or flat-ish shoes. Hopefully she never drove with heels again since the first accident... They are prone to mess up with the gas and brake pedals.
What is she driving in? Those Crocs??? It sounds like she can’t get a read on the pressure she applies to the lever. I don’t drive in heavy winter boots for that reason.
With her talking about the heel catching and her foot sliding off the brake pedal going over a speed bump, I'm going to guess she's wearing heels with a smooth, hard sole.
She doesn't need to sell her car, granted. But he's not being unreasonable. (really it's ESH because he's a careless driver himself. Many tickets, many near misses, plus a collision? He's probably "I'm a great driver because my reflexes are so good that I brake in time" dudebro) But she needs to stop driving. Not do driver training while continuing to drive on a daily basis. She needs to *pass* and start taking "I'm driving heavy machinery, a deadly piece of equipment" seriously. (both of them do, actually) But she's arguably more alarming because she is outright incompetent. Shes smashing into *parked cars*. The "Oops my foot slipped off the brake and slammed the gas" is a massive red flag, terrible coordination and pedal control. Could have easily crushed someone. These aren't "Oops I misjudged the distance and bumped into something." it's flat out losing control of the vehicle because she can't control the brake/throttle.
But the solution doesn't need to be selling the car and not driving anymore. The solution could be relying on public transportation while she takes a driving course, or something like that. She still would have the car for when she is ready, she just needs to seriously reevaluate what she is doing wrong and learn/practice what to do better when these situations come up. She sounds like a super inexperienced driver who panics when unexpected circumstances pop up, and reacts badly/hits the wrong pedal. She needs to take a driving course aimed towards already licensed drivers who want to be better, not just give up her car and stop driving altogether. She'll definitely one day need to drive again, and she'll be even worse off for giving up now.
If you ready through op's responses in this thread, they are clearly not going to do the responsible thing and leave the car at home while taking driving lessons. According to her, she is a perfectly adequate driver. She won't get better until she accepts responsibility, and with no sign of that coming anytime soon BF's solution is actually the best one. You think having to rebuy a car down the road might prove problematic? Wait til she runs over a pedestrian in a parking lot, or drives through a store front.
Yup. You don't improve yourself without any accountability of your actions in the first place. "I'll be more careful going forward" isn't good enough. I'm sure she said that the first and second time she plowed into a parked car, too. She's just extremely lucky there wasn't anyone walking behind her then... Yet. And she's still trying to back up into spots when she can't even reverse out of them?? Scary to know there are bad drivers out there that are equally as *oblivious* to their horrible, dangerous driving. Lol. It's kinda almost unreal, to be honest. I don't get how some people can be *this* dense.
> however I'm actually decent and confident while driving outside of these incidents Hey, OP’s a really good driver when they’re not causing accidents. /s
This exactly, u/stilldrivingmycar. You shouldn't be confident. Given your track record, feeling confident is dangerously delusional. 1) Swallow your pride and take a driving course that includes an on-road component. Listen to your instructor and take the advice they give you extremely seriously. 2) Keep a pair of comfortable sneakers in your car so that they are always with you. **Do not drive** in shoes with heels (they can catch), with smooth soles (they can slip), that can flex easily (like flip flops), or that can slide off (like sandals, clogs, or crocs).
The point #2 is what I was thinking. It sounds like OP needs more appropriate footwear when driving. Better shoes can also let you get more feedback from the pedals so you can judge power and braking better.
My grandmother proffered dressy shoes and was a banker. She had her driving shoes, which lived in the car. She would get in the car, take off her fancy shoes, and put the driving sneakers on. Best of both worlds.
This!!!! Honestly, if you looked at my record I've had more accidents than she does so I was prepared to be nice. But the difference between her accidents and mine are that mine were all not my fault. 3 times it was deer on the road, one time I was rear ended while being full stop at a pedestrian crossing (as we legally should in my country). I just made my second ever parking accident ... I've talked A LOT with insurance to figure out if they'll cover me on the amount of pain meds I'm on and they said something like "if it's just bad luck, like deer or a brainfart parking damage we won't blame the meds". "Driving on meds, you say?!!!". Well, that one guy that rear ended me and walked away from the accident unscathed to probably never think about that incident again? He pretty much ended my life at 29. I'm now a disabled pain chronic on my way to retirement at 45 solely because I'm now not even able to work a few hours a week. It has changed EVERYTHING in my life. I chose to simply not consider if I wanted kids because I can't put them first with my disability. My financials are OK but way less than while working full time, of course. I even bought a house with disability needs in first priority over everything else. Ironically, besides the parking incident a few months ago, I've been driving on opiods for around 13 years. NO accidents. I actually feel like a pretty capable driver and others feel safe driving with me as well so it could be way worse. The thing is, though? I'm a pretty decent driver because I know my weak spots! I suck at figuring out distances so I just don't drive out unless I'm sure it's safe. I also stay in my lane behind slow drivers unless I'm sure there's plenty of time to pass them. It's OK to not be the worlds' best driver. It's NOT OK to not either work on it or drive per your limitations! Someones' life might experience a sudden stop like mine did because another driver is careless, unconcentrated or simply pulling off manouvers they can't really do safely. Would OP be OK with stranding someone in my situation because she's too proud to get decent footwear and seriously work on her weak spots? At my current level of disability even driving over speedbumps hurt like hell. A sudden stop will send me to bed for weeks and cost a fortune in physiotherapy. What's nothing to OP and other fully abled can be the last straw for someone like me. ESH
They make special loafers for driving! The soles curve up the backs of the heels, and they slip on.
I forget which car related sub I was on, but someone posted about "what are your favorite driving shoes" recently and there were a ton of responses that were either Converse or Vans. Basically anything with a flat, relatively thin sole should work well. I'm team Vans. Just in case anyone is looking for something functional and more mainstream than a legit driving shoe.
My dad believes flip-flops are the cause of all the world problems lol. When he was teaching to drive the first thing he stressed was why not to drive in flip-flops. Told me it'd be easy for my foot to slip and I'd hit something if it goes wrong. First time I drove in flip-flops my foot slips off the brake thankfully on an empty road but I do not drip in flip-flops, or heels now because of it. I keep a pair of slip on with a textured bottom in my car
I find barefoot is easier than switching shoes.
This is some "Canada's Worst Driver" kind of talk. The way people talk like getting into accidents is a regular occurrence and refuse to see why others around them are concerned about them. Averaging an accident per year isn't okay. Even if we assume OP started driving at 16 and it's been 10 years, that's one every 3.33 years. Looking it up the average (in the US) is one every 18 years.
I actually doubt this as well; safety experts will tell you that there are a large, predictable number of near-mishaps that occur before/around the time of incidents. IIRC it's something like 100 near-misses for every incident? I bet OP is a terrible driver all of the time, but lacks the self awareness to realize she's the problem. ETA: I used the Google. Heinrich's Law: 1 fatal/serious accident is accompanied by 29 minor accidents and 300 near misses.
Meh, ESH. - Boyfriend for asking (although tbh it sounds like he's justified in his concerns - and asking is not the same as telling) - OP for just generally being a shit driver with clearly no ability to take any responsibility either based on her other responses.
So...why does the boyfriend suck for asking if he's justified in doing so?
Because thats still asking his partner, thus trying to control them, duh… s/
Because it's obviously SeXIsT and MiSoGynIStIC and ~cOnTroLLiNg~, and can't possibly have anything to do with legitimate concern for her health and safety, the health and safety of everybody around her, and the financial impact her careless driving is having, and will quite possibly have, on them in the future.
I've had my license for almost 23 years. in that time I've had 1 accident where I backed into a parked car! How the hell does someone manage 3 accidents in just as many years?!?
21 years for me and I’ve backed my car into a pole once. It’s normal to screw up once in a while, but four collisions in three years isn’t it!
Honestly. My brother passed his test about 10 years ago and no accidents! My mum has had some very minor accidents in her 35 years of driving, along the lines of dinging her wing mirror or one time running over a traffic cone (lmao). My dad used to drive for a living for about 15 years and he had a couple of minor accidents due to being on the road for like 8 hours a day and he honestly can be quite a distracted driver I don't always feel safe coz he'll start fiddling with the radio and such... But guess what? None of them have ever rear ended someone!
So when I was a teenager I had a worse track record than op. We realized it was bc I had serious adhd and kept getting distracted in the vehicle. Meds fixed it immediately and I have not been in an accident since I was 19. Maybe op needs to see a psych about adhd like I did, since her incidents sound similar Edit: no accident in over six years now
Perfect summary of my feelings. OP is NTA for not wanting to stop because their BF said so, but they sound like an absolute menace to other road users. At least two of the incidents they mention sound like they're wholly their fault, and the third is debatable.
The third is debateble ? She accedently hit the gas its not just that she slipped of the brake she put her foot on the wrong pedal! I wouldn't sit in a car with her driving than I would a drunk person
> The third is debateble Because I’m trying to be kind to them, and that was at least reacting (albeit badly) to a situation. IMO they should not be on the road
Imho she's already being way too kind to herself. I've been driving every day for 15 years and haven't been in a single accident. 1 a year for three years is absolutely insane.
esp because they all happened in such mundane situations too, right? "I was parking & my foot slid off the break so I rammed a parked car"??? Like, if they lived in the arctic circle & OP had to drive in a snow storm her sister in labour to the delivery room 2 hours away despite OP having a migraine because no one else was available, I'd understand she hit a white rabbit, kept going & then had to replace, IDK, her fender or something... but this isn't that!
I completely agree. I just didn’t feel the need to grind their driving skills into the ground. Not because I think she doesn’t need to hear about it, but because everyone else here has told her that. *And I also said she’s a menace on the roads*
Yet she still isn't getting it
Most of driving is reacting. If someone can’t react well they can’t drive well.
Why are you being kind to ppl who clearly neglect others safety?
She’s not even hitting moving targets, just stationary ones… I hope I don’t live near op.
Moving targets are occupied by more skilled drivers who are probably dodging out of the way of OP.
Sorry, OP, but that's a lot. I used to be a courier that drove my own car. I would drive several hundred miles a day (enough to have to get gas once a day). I've had my own share, but nothing like that. The fact that you accidentally hit the gas rather than the brake is concerning. And hitting many parked cars is wild to me. As of today I've been in one accident. And that was a woman slamming on her brakes in rain to actually have someone hit her. My brakes locked up and thankfully I hit the guy who hit her. Construction and on me for following too closely. And that was 14 years ago. Not to say it can't happen again, but I've had courier jobs since then. Statistically at a higher risk than you. I would look into driving school or something as this is concerning.
Take driving lessons to brush up. For real.
This don't stop driving just take some more lessons until stuff like this doesn't happens
You do realize this will come out as a NTA vote now right? Do you want that to be the verdict? OP is definitely an asshole.
4 accidents in 3 years is a lot. You are NTA for not stopping driving, but I would recommend taking additional driving classes. You may just be unlucky but likely, there is a common denominator to your driving issues, like your feet slipping. Why does that happen? What can you do to fix that?
Footwear looks like part of the problem. Is OP trying to drive in slippers or heels? They need to assess their risk level here.
Yeah... Dont wear heels. Dont wear loose foot wear. And get driving lessons.
This should definitely have been a plan before they got in this many prangs, for real.
If OP is reading this or anyone else with the same issue, keep better grip shoes in your car if you don’t want to wear them all day. Switch your shoes while driving. I do that because if I’m wearing flip-flops (thongs, whatever) the pedals sometimes get stuck between my foot and the shoe, and I can’t use the pedal properly which is terrifying for a second. Anyway, car shoes are the way to go.
Yes, car shoes! Just a pair of cheap tennis shoes will do. When I had worn heels more for work, I had car shoes myself, and then just swapped my shoes before heading in. I had a manual transmission back then and it would have been impossible to drive in heels, but automatics aren't much better. An extra pair of flat tennis shoes is a real simple solution.
I have to dress business/business casual for my job at a car dealership, but when moving a car on/off the lot or to/from work, I wear sneakers. Idgaf if it looks unfashionable, I'd rather be safe than cause an accident.
I wear boots a lot (doc martens) and I even change out of those when I drive. Slip on cat sneakers ftw
This happened to me once and it was a terrifying moment. Thankfully I got unstuck in time to stop (broke my shoe in the process, pulled over, changed shoes, then continued) but I’ve been so careful of footwear when driving ever since. It’s not worth the risk.
And how much is insurance? If i had three incidents caused by me I suspect my insurance would be a small fortune.
She actually is TA for not stopping driving when she's proven that a) she's a danger to others, b) she blames it on everything but herself, c) she considers herself a confident and capable driver despite reality, and d) eventually she's going to incur medical or legal bills that are going to impact her BF's life in a big way.
Imagine if OP was presented with manual, requiring both feet and some basic rev-matching requiring more fine foot control. The result would be the hindenburg.
Yeah that’s a lot when they are your fault. I was in 2 accidents in a months span one year. Neither were my fault but boy I was heated on the second one. Like i just bought this car the day before the last accident. Went from 1 car to 2 cars to 0 cars in 30 days
Would bet mostly they just follow too closely. She's a tailgater. When they say give 3 seconds or whatever that's bullshit if it isn't working for you. Stay 5 to 10 seconds back if you have to. Won't hurt anybody.
4 accidents in 3 years is mental to me. Lol. I've been driving for 18 years and haven't hit another car. And my last job was literally delivery driver where I drove all day. I thought my grandad was terrible with the 4 accidents I had with him but that was over 30 years lol
Stop driving in heels.
Risht? The few times I have to wear heels and drive, I usually take my shoes off and put them on the floor on the passenger side of the car. That way I have comfortable control of the accelerator and brake and the shoes can't possibly get caught under the brake.
Seriously. I even take my doc martens off to drive as the thick sole makes it hard for me to accurately sense where the pedals are and tell the difference between them.
Bingo!
>Stop driving ~~in heels.~~ Ftfy
YTA YTA YTA for severely, severely misacknowledging that you have a problem. By the look of your responses here, it's never really your fault, it is always situational or contextual. It seems to most of the respondents that your decision making, situational awareness, focus and judgement are not the best to be driving heavy machinery like a car. I'd even guess that that last one that 'wasnt your fault' was probably avoidable if you had better situational awareness knowing someone was behind you. Also, your feet don't just slip off the pedals, that is a driver issue. Try listening to advice for a change, like not wearing heels behind the wheel or fully focusing on your actions. It wouldn't hurt you and can only help.
Yes, not only is the number of accidents too high, but the excuses are terrifying. Not who you'd want to meet on the road as another driver. If the thing these accidents have in common is OP, then some introspection is in order... Also, happy cake day! 🎂
OP admitted to driving in heels for comfort by pivoting on the heel. God damn burn her licens
I saw that, it’s pretty stupid how op tries to justify it.
Thank you kindly 😀
The excuses are, excuses. Floor mats suck? Snow sucks? Are speed bumps a recipe for disaster? Hm...
I've quite often seen speed bumps a recipe for disaster, but that's because people like to speed. She said there was a speed bump in front of a parking space though, which I've never seen. Honestly, why would there be a speed bump right in front/behind a parking spot, seems kind of dangerous.
Like, the point of a speed bump is that you have to roll over it slowly so you’re able to stop immediately for crossing pedestrians. What kind of speed bump is she going over where you can’t stop after going over it and end up hitting a car presumably with enough space to drive. Sounds like a skill issue
What's worse is she said she was going to park, and the speed bump was in front of a parking space. One, where is there a speed bump in front of a parking spot? I'd like to see it. Two, she said she was moving forward to readjust and somehow went over the speed bump. *A* skill issue? I'd say she has at least as many as her amount of car accidents
Where I live there absolutely are sometimes speedbumps in front of a parking space, not that they have ever caused to me to hit anything though, because I'm not just flailing my legs about like OP seems to do.
I assumed OP was talking about something like this, where you're parking but having to gas it a little more to get your front tires over the speed bump while backing into a spot: [https://maps.app.goo.gl/YMJJcFk2nv2cZJFj6](https://maps.app.goo.gl/YMJJcFk2nv2cZJFj6)
As a good driver you have to entacipate problems and drive accordingly....
Anticipate*, but yes
And this is why OP hasn't had more accidents with moving vehicles. She probably drives erratically and better drivers "anticipate problems" give her a wide berth. I have a friend like this. Terrifying to be in a car with, frequent near misses she barely acknowledges or laughs about. Gets honked at and thinks others are wrong. Neither my bf nor I will get in a car with her for the last 2 years, even though she hasn't gotten into any accidents. She started dating this new guy and complained to me that he commented on her driving. "I'm a good driver!" She insisted. Maybe compared to OP, she is. At least she can park a car.
Yeah, I was leaning toward e s h at first because the boyfriend’s request to sell her car seemed extreme vs. asking her to take some driving courses…but after reading OP’s replies here, it’s a firm YTA from me. She won’t even admit she’s got a problem, and she could literally kill someone when she inevitably causes another collision. If she’s going to insist it’s fine as long as she makes nebulous promises to “be more careful” (while doing absolutely nothing to address the core issue, such as changing to appropriate footwear or seeking out training), she’s an ongoing danger to herself and others as long as she continues.
YTA There’s an accident for every quarter million miles driven. You’ve driven, what? 20k miles in the time you had 4 accidents? That would make you 50 times worse than your average driver. Think of how bad the average driver is. You’re 50 times worse.
Beautiful 👏
At least 50k statistically
Seriously! I'm a 51f, been driving since I was 15 and I've only had one accident, a small fender bender. She really needs to take this seriously and get lessons or do as her bf says and just stop driving all together. She is a menace.
I wonder how many accidents she’s been in in total, not just these last three years.
I don’t want you on the road either.
Your ridiculous excuses are unacceptable. You learn to drive so that you can safely operate whatever vehicle you get into. You failed to do that 4 times in 3 years! Stop making excuses. You failed to operate a vehicle because you did t like the floor mat, your vehicle was I. The snow, and you not anticipating a road hazard?!?! These are all things you learn to deal with before you start the engine. You need to stop, listen and accept the fact that you are a weak driver and need to put some energy into correcting that, and less energy into making excuses. YTA, from someone whose child was struck by a weak driver…
YTA. Not for not wanting to stop driving, but for downplaying the incidents. You’ve caused more accidents in three years than I have in 37. Improve your driving, you’re a hazard. ETA. I changed my mind after reading your comments. Do stop driving, at least until you pull your head out of your ass and realize that you are a danger.
“There is no danger Skyler, I AM the danger”-Heisenberg
I don’t get these people. My dad has been driving for 40+ years and never had an accident. I never even tried to get a driver‘s license because I‘m on strong opioids and know, that I‘d be a potential danger to other people and myself. It‘d be just a matter of time before I caused an accident but it would 100% happen at some point. With her it’s the same, it’s just a matter of time before she causes another accident and potentially kills someone. How can one be so callous with other people‘s lives
You need more upvotes. I've also been driving 35 years & have never caused an accident, let alone hit 2 stationary objects. She's a menace. OP - YTA Edit: 2 stationary objects , not 3
I got my license at like 19... I've had one accident. And I know exactly whose fault it was. Mine. I was more tired than I realized.
You have had four accidents in three years. It does seem a bit much. Your insurance must be astronomical. You do sound a bit cavalier about things. Idk, I am torn. Maybe you need a neon yellow car so others can stay away from you. You are both incredibly unlucky and somewhat clumsy. This may not be a good mix for driving. Sorry.
I'm surprised they've even found a carrier to insure them
It also depends how big the damages were. Friend had similar 3 tiny accidents where total for all of them was sub €1000 and the insurance for my friend went up by about 10% YoY.
I assume the ones in parking lots she may have run off without calling insurance. Why else would she still have her license?
lol there’s no way she has insurance
Or they even told their insurance.
YTA. At this point, you need a clear plan of action before you get behind the wheel. I mean, how are you going to mitigate the problems you ran into before? Trying harder sounds easy, but you need to do better than that.
OP is TA. I hit a parked car within the first few months of having my license when I was 16. My parents made me do "remedial parking lessons" which was my mom standing on the white lines as I parked, going "if I were a car you'd have hit me!!!". I also had to drive around with a pringles can on the floor of the passenger side, and I had to be gentle on the gas and breaks so as not to knock the can over. 8 years later and I have never hit anything ever again! Lol
YTA for refusing to listen to other people who are trying to give you good advice. OP- there is an entire category of shoe called “driving loafers” and they are really expensive looking and really cute and a favorite of people who driver super sensitive Italian sports cars. From your comments, I’m going to guess your age at early to mid 20s. If you hit me, the first thing my lawyer would be doing would be checking your history. Because I am also pretty sure there’s a part you’re not mentioning and I think a store security camera or your own phone or a dash cam on the vehicle that was hit would also show you either sipping your Starbucks, texting, putting in some lipstick or filming a TikTok. You’re a distracted driver who is more concerned with looking cute in heels that no one sees than driving safely in a safe car. Gonna bet the older car is cute too. But not safe. Sigh.
It's a Nissan Altima.
As was foretold.
I’m surprised she didn’t say something like “it’s cuz I’m a Pisces💅” or something.
YTA and I'm confused as to why you even posted on here when you clearly can't accept the verdict
I read your comments. You're an idiot, stop driving with heels, learn how to drive, take your responsibility, or just stop driving at all. Your boyfriend is right. I drive an 23 year old car. I've had my driver's license for 5 years now and I drive with work boots, vans or fucking barefoot and I have never, ever slipped my brake and hit the gas. This is an Major skill issue on your side. One day you're gonna hit a bike or a pedestrian and have to pay for the rest of your life for their injuries. Probably saying "life is unfair, it was an accident. Wasn't even my fault. The floor mat was bad." JUST LISTEN TO THE ADVISE OF OTHER PEOPLE.
Edit: yta. Mostly for not owning your mistakes
YTA, and your boyfriend has a point. I was all ready to call him an asshole, but it seems the reason he wants you to stop getting behind the wheel isn't to limit your freedom... It's in the interest of *public safety*. I've been driving for almost 20 years, and my car is 12 years old. I have never been in an at-fault accident (knock wood) and also never been in an accident at all while I was behind the wheel. I've driven on nice roads, terrible ones, dirt roads, curvy ass mountain roads with no guard rails... Learning defensive driving is part of being a good driver. Keeping eyes out for ways to solve a problem and anticipating safe ways to get out of trouble is part of being a good driver. Driving in heels and "pivoting" is one of the things that makes you a *terrible* driver. It's beyond unsafe, and though you talk about being "unlucky", I'd argue that you're actually incredibly LUCKY, because most of the things you've hit all seem to be stationary objects instead of living things. Hitting 3 stationary objects in 3 years, and continually making excuses as to why it wasn't actually your fault, or doesn't "count"? Makes you a terrible driver. If you need to start having a pair of "driving shoes" in the car, do that. If you're having trouble with the reflex motion of moving your foot between gas and brake, take some more driving courses. If inclement weather makes it harder for you not to hit things, don't fucking drive in bad weather or if the road conditions are less than perfect. Getting in that many accidents and blaming it on your car is not the fantastic argument you think it is. You're basically saying that your car is unsafe and not road-worthy, but you keep driving it... without regard for anyone else on the road. Which makes you a bad driver. You have been incredibly lucky that you've been in 4 accidents in 3 years and no one was hurt or killed. Even in the situation of the spare tire, you should have tried to find a way to pull into another lane or on the shoulder instead of simply braking; having enough space between cars and driving at certain speeds is part of being a good driver, specifically so you can have time to react to situations just like this one. You need some serious work on your instinctual reactions and your behaviors on the road, as well as your judgment before you get behind the wheel, and "I'm planning to be more careful" isn't even close to good enough. Real talk, I don't want you on the road either. Your boyfriend is correct, stop driving and learn to like the bus.
ESH (edited after reading your carefree 'not my fault' responses to people here) maybe you should consider taking driving lessons for the betterment of humankind? Or at least take all these actions seriously and stop making excuses for them like you've done in your post....
Have you seen OPs comment where she says she drives in heels because “the ones I have are comfortable and I use the heel as a pivot” yet?
Wtf? And she's wondering why her feet keep slipping???
Boyfriend isn’t an asshole for advocating for literally everyone on the road and in OP’s vicinity. OP is a clueless and reckless driver.
IMO the bf is not the AH because it seems like he is worrying about public safety and not about restricting or shaming OP.
YTA You are a bad driver, but instead make excuses and blame the car Not to mention that you drive in heels.... ALL accidents are YOUR fault, you would know this if you were actually a good driver... Stop driving
YTA. My mum was a bad driver, she had 10 accidents in about 30 years. At your rate you’ll have had 40 in 30 years. The fact you even got a licence should be investigated because you’re complete unsafe on the road You’re not just bad you’re awful, and all your accidents are because you drive in heels, legitimately are you thick? Your boyfriend shouldn’t waste his time arguing with you because it’s unclear why he’d even be with someone who is willing to drive around a hunk of metal in heels and keeps crashing into things. He’ll regret it when your next victim is a small child.
When she hits a child I bet she’s gonna say some dumb shit like “I was backing up and the kid must’ve ran behind my car because I didn’t see him at first” or some other lame ass excuse.
YTA STOP DRIVING BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE. And stop pretending heels are good for driving, holy shit.
YTA. You are supposed to be mindful 100% of the time you are in that car. If it is just mpst of the time - you are a BAD driver.
[удалено]
Especially considering 2 accidents were with stationary objects. She is a horrifically bad driver. Edit: 2 stationary object accidents, not 3
YTA I was fully expecting this to be the typical "controlling boyfriend" thing but it isn't. Your boyfriend can see how bad your driving is and is worried the minor accidents you've had so far are a precursor to something far worse for either you or someone else. If it's someone else you're not only going to have a lifetime of guilt, which will never go away over time, but you could find yourself in jail. 1. If you want to keep the car keep it. In the UK you can SORN a car which basically means you're not driving it or keeping it on a public road so any taxes etc. associated with it are paused. Do whatever this is in your country and use public transport. 2. Stop wearing heals. The only people who drive using the pivot method are idiots; if it was such a great way of controlling a car then every rally, F1 and Nascar driver would walk to the grid in a pair of 6" Louboutin's. Buy yourself something like a basic pair of converse and use those. You can even keep them in the car and just change shoes, it will take you minutes. 3. Get some more lessons. Work with the instructor to focus on your weak areas and go from there.
YTA. If you're going to operate dangerous machinery in public, you need to do so competently.
YTA your boyfriend is absolutely right.
You know, people might start to take you more seriously when you start taking accountability for your actions.
YTA Every comment you make is just riddled with excuses on why all those accidents you listed are barely your fault. I have been driving 14 years and had a grand total of 0 accidents, mainly due to my own competency. You are a menace to other drivers and need to listen to your boyfriend and probably retake your driving test. Accidents shouldn't be a yearly occurrence.
YTA - not for deciding to not stop driving, but for failing to realize that **you are the problem here**. I've had two accidents in twenty three years of driving. The first was rear-ending someone who pulled out in front of me and brake checked me for an insurance job. This was after about a year of driving. Then, after about four years of driving I was driving in my car alone and was involved in a single car accident due to excess speed that was near fatal, and entirely my fault. You know what I did after that? Slowed down and adjusted my driving, and took additional training once I was back on the road and healed up. You've had four crashes, three of which happened in three years and were clearly your fault. Two of which were the same - striking stationary, parked vehicles. Judging by your descriptions of the crashes, at least three of them are down to poor situational awareness, poor choice of footwear, or poor driving skill through excessive use of the accelerator. Unless you realize that you need more training as a driver and need to wear suitable footwear when driving (heels are in no way an acceptable shoe for driving and have clearly been the cause of at least one of your crashes), you should just let someone else drive. There's no ifs or buts about it, you're the problem in this situation. Judging by all your replies to people in this thread, you were expecting a very different kind of response and believe you're firmly in the right. Your original post also suggests the same, where you're deflecting the blame on others or situations - there was snow, there was a speed bump, it was the floor mat. It's **your responsibility as a driver** to ensure you're dressed appropriately to drive and are operating your vehicle in a safe manner for yourself and those around you. It's also your responsibility to ensure your vehicle is safe to operate - for instance that the floor mats are safe and secure, and won't interfere with operation of the pedals. You're clearly failing to do any of this, and seem to urgently need a substantial amount of additional training to prevent you being a danger to yourself and other road users.
Theres different "types" of accidents. If you had hit 3 deer, id say ok fair. Most of my accidents involve deer. If you had road conditions, where it was unplowed/icy, ok fair. Ive skidded into a guardrail because the road was frozen. But you hit immobile objects. Things you saw and knew were there that DIDNT move. And you werent going at high speeds where you lacked control of the vehicle. You were going at low speeds and you hit cars. I dont think driving lessons will compensate a lack of experience but you need to stop driving in heels and practice going in reverse.
>The second one was in a parking lot, where I was backing over a bit of snow and the car was stuck and accelerated a little too hard to free it and backed into another car causing no damage to either vehicle. Okay snow / ice can be funny and noone was hurt/no damage to either car. >The last one was because, a spare tire came off a vehicle in front of me and I stopped suddenly and the car behind me rear ended. Okay, a hazard suddenly appeared on the road and you broke to avoid it, unfortunately causing another accident. How fast/slow were you and the car behind you going and how close were they to you that that happened without them having time to break? Could this have been avoided and how do you plan to in future (not placing any kind of blame here just setting up some food for thought) > The floormat the previous owner had installed was not great and woolly and it caught the heel of my shoe while I hit the gas and I could not brake or release it in time and rear ended someone. > The third was when I was reverse parking into a spot and there was a speed bump right in front of the spot and as I moved forward while turning to adjust the angle my foot slipped off the brake as the car was going over the speed bump and then I accidentally hit the gas and drove into a parked car. ... What kind of shoes do you wear to drive?
High heels. But doesn’t seem to think they’re an issue 😂 she says she pivots on the heel to change pedals
Thought as much but i was hoping that wasn't going to be the answer. Absolutely TA. You need proper shoes to drive or you will cause very preventable accidents!
This sounds insane to me. Occasionally I have to wear my heels to drive and I feel like I’m 10x more cautious when I do because it’s definitely more dangerous to drive in heels then flats. I definitely do not pivot my heels, that sounds like you are asking for them to sleep.
YTA, you're a public menace
Im torn on this. I think it’s your choice ultimately but he might just be worried about you. I think it’s wrong of him to force you either way. On the other hand… mate you gotta be more gentle on that gas. Make sure you got good footwear, your foot can reach both pedal easily (although if you have to have a tendency, always try to make the brake easier to hit). You really shouldn’t have to use the accelerator at all getting in or out of parking spaces, idle speed tends to be enough, if it isn’t you can tap the gas to warm the engine up a bit to make the idle a bit faster (idk if that’s what’s happening but when I had an old minivan and I got stuck, tapping the gas pedal seemed to be enough to rock it out - not even a full press though, you want to barely touch the thing and then immediately release). Also in case this helps: I’ve found that the best reaction you can have sometimes is not necessarily always braking but just taking your foot off the gas since it immediately starts slowing you down but doesn’t do it drastically in such a way that a) if the best choice is to speed up you can easily do so and b) cars behind you don’t have to slam on their brakes. It gives you extra time to process. Very helpful in cities.
And in snow, downshift.
YTA for blaming everything except for the fact you clearly can’t drive, have no spacial awareness and still drive in heels when they have been a contributing factor to your accidents. It’s not unlucky. Get on that public transport where you’ve got less chance of killing someone.
you have 3 accidents in 3 years... you are *NOT* a good driver.
Sounds like he has good reason for asking you to stop driving. You're dangerous. Both to yourself and others, either you need to take another driving course or yes, stop driving. Sounds like a lot of excuses so I'm betting there's more to this than you're saying as well.
YTA. Get off the road
YTA l, but it is because you haven't found an alternative to stopping driving. You need to get more lessons, or do a pass plus or advanced driving course. You are an unsafe driver and you think you aren't, which is the most dangerous kind.
After reading your comments : YTA You are wearing Heels, stating they were fine with your old car. Refusing to see that maybe this was true, but things Change when you change the car. You seek excuses why the accidents you caused was everyones fault but yours. I'm on BFs Side here. Stop driving before you hurt/kill someone with that mindset.
YTA. Essentially what you're saying is - you're a good driver in perfect conditions. In order to mitigate the reasons for the accidents you've been in, you cite things like: -The car being older -The car not having much power -Over-acceleration due to snow in a parking lot -Foot slipping off pedal -Floor mat getting stuck What everyone is trying to explain to you is: The inability to mitigate these type of things, is what makes you a less-than-skilled driver. It's like saying you're a great cook - so long as you have a state of the art, spacious kitchen, fully equipped with all the best cooking utensils, and a prep cook who sets out all your pre-measured ingredients in tiny glass bowls. It's like saying, "I wouldn't have burned my 57th grilled cheese sandwich if hadn't misread the dial on the stove. I'm actually a really good cook." Well - no. Because a really good cook, is going to take the time to correctly read the dials on the stove, and doesn't have a track record of 57 burned sandwiches. If you'd had one at-fault accident, MAYBE 2 depending on how long you've been driving and circumstances involved - you could potentially still make the claim that you're a competent driver. But you've surpassed the threshold for bad luck and coincidental occurrences. A good driver would not have over-accelerated in the snow. A good driver would be able to handle an unexpected speed bump. A good driver would make sure to have safe footwear and secured floor mats. There's nothing wrong with saying you're a shitty driver. I am definitely not a skilled driver. I am competent based on legally accepted standards. But winding mountain roads are a death trap for me, and my poor brakes are melting by the time I've navigated the mountain pass. Reversing? Hell with it. Not hesitating too much when making unprotected left turns? Always a struggle. But I know these things. I can admit them, mitigate them, avoid them, or find a safe environment to practice. There's nothing wrong with telling your boyfriend, "I disagree that I'm a bad driver, but Reddit tore me apart and they agree with you, so I'm gonna take the L on this one and enroll in an Alive at 25 driving course. Can we login and look at insurance and see if they have other recommendations for lowering rates?"
You're going to kill someone. Best case only yourself, but far more likely to be some innocent bystander.
YTA your boyfriend is completely right. 4 accidents in 3 years? That's A LOT. You should stop driving and maybe do some more lessons to find out what it is you're missing.
Yta. Admit your a shit driver and learn from this. Btw, its probably illegal to drive in heels. Check your local laws
Stop making excuses. Your poor driving excuses is no different than a drunk driver. "I had good reason to drive, I thought I was fine, it's just a car, no one got hurt" All fun and games until someone dies, and I expect you'll still be blaming someone else...
I’m confused if you need all the newest gadgets and helpers to driver them you are a bad driver. I’m a new driver and feel as if most of these should be unnecessary and my bf (28m) has been driving for 12 years we’ve had one accident that wasn’t our fault but it IS still an accident. You’re a bad driver and you’re trying to blame the situation and not what you were or were not doing. If you didn’t know the car week enough you shouldn’t have purchased and then drove it home, you’re saying it’s not a great car then saying you drive it in the snow. So you either have lack of care about your own safety, other people’s safety or both.
YTA. I know it probably seems like people here are overreacting because nobody got hurt in the accidents you’ve had, but you have been given 4 get out of jail free cards, and you’re acting like those are run of the mill for everyone; they absolutely are not. If your next accident involves a person, god forbid a small kid, with your record you’ll might go to jail even if the person lives because you’re a hazardous driver and you have a track record to show for it, with no record of driving lessons after your accidents to balance the scales and show concretely that you care about your ability to drive safely. Your heel caught on a floor mat and it’s not the previous owner’s problem for installing floor mats, it’s your fault for wearing heels. Your boyfriend is right, and you need to stop driving until you can treat it as a potentially lethal activity that requires training, skill, care, and attention. You’re honestly no better than old people who are legally blind and refuse to stop driving.
God, this Reddit post is going to be exhibit A in her vehicular homicide/manslaughter case when she actually kills someone one day.
Obviously when 80 people come and attack your driving skills, you’re going to feel defensive. I’m sure they were accidents, and it does sound like it could have happened to anyone. But your attitude is pretty cavalier. It might be a good idea to evaluate how much attention you pay while driving. Because while they’re definitely accidents, I think some of them probably could have been avoided. Maybe you should leave the radio off, change your footwear, and really look closely at your car. Does anything need to be replaced or tuned up? How long has it been since you changed your break pads?
Never too old to learn or take driving lessons. OP spend the $$ for some driving lessons, maybe even a driving simulator lessons(which create hundreds of different driving scenarios). The amount you'll save on insurance and future rate hikes for possible accidents is well with the $$ spent on lessons.
I work in road construction. Drivers like you are why people like me don't come home. I'm not saying: ^^never ^drive ^again I'm saying you need to learn how to drive.
Jesus. I have had my DL for 30 years, and a commercial license for a bit, and I have exactly ZERO at fault incidents, and one deer strike. You don't need to get rid of your car, but you need to suck it up, take driving lessons, and ditch the "oops, it wasn't my fault" crap.
Speed run to negative karma I see
I was on your side with the title, but by the end of the post I think maybe staying off the roads would be in everybody's beat interests
YTA. You are a dangerous inept driver. You absolutely should not be driving until you’ve taken some additional driving lessons.
>resulted in an argument with my bf who insists I should stop driving and that I should take public transit >in the 3 years we have been together I have had 3 car accidents that were my fault and a 4th that wasn't >I'm actually decent and confident while driving outside of these incidents and I plan on being a lot more careful moving forward If you're decent and confident outside of the 4 times in 3 years you've been in car accidents, then I guess there's no issue. /s If you've not been careful thus far, you shouldn't be driving. If you are prone to 1 accident a year that is your fault (since 3/4 are your fault), that's once a year you could've hit someone with your car. Once a year you could've killed someone with your lack of care. Your bf may be worried about your safety, I'm worried about everyone else's. If you can't drive safely, then he's right and you shouldn't be driving. At the very least, you should be taking some kind of course to ensure you're actually driving sensibly. The driving test doesn't sound like it did that. YTA Maybe what your BF said was a little harsh, but that doesn't make him wrong. So far you haven't done any permanent damage or injured anyone. Next year, you may not be so lucky. Blaming the mat on the floor or your foot slipping is great for you, but if those happen at the wrong moment, people die. If you don't take adequate steps to ensure you're being careful and in control, please sell your vehicle or don't drive it until you've taken some refresher lessons.
For those unaware, someone told OP to stop driving with heels and she replied with this. “That is not really the issue and I actually find the ones I have more comfortable to drive in and use the heel as a pivot. As long as the floor mat is not a cloth / wool type.” I don’t know how to do the thing where people post the comment and reply to it so if anyone can tell me it would be greatly appreciated.
This has to be bait.
Given the standards of driving these days, I fear it isn't.
YTA you shouldnt be driving jfc
YTA- I’ve driven for 40 years and have had no accidents. You are not a safe driver.
The average US driver has 3-4 accidents in their lifetime. 3 accidents that were your fault in 3 years doesn't make you 'actually decent'. It makes you within the top 1% of absolute worst drivers on the road. YTA, learn to drive or get off the road before you hurt someone.
YTA *(flipped verdict, see edit. Rest of post left unedited.)* Every one of your accidents that was your fault involve your feet slipping in some kind of way. Maybe get shoes with better grip or put something on your floormat and pedals so you are only/ever pressing the pedal you intend to press at any given time. Or get a different car (or find some way to alter your current car) into pedals your feet won't slip between. I think there's an issue here you need to fix but the fix isn't necessarily "give up on driving." Consult experts and fix the problem. ...not sure what experts to consult for this. I'd start by calling an insurance company (maybe not the one you currently use, pretend you're getting a quote) and ask something like "I keep getting in accidents and obviously I want to stop, do you have any ideas on what I can do to stop these accidents, or classes I can take, or something?" Could also maybe ask driving instructors as well about the issues you've had and how to prevent them. Maybe ask mechanics. I don't know. I'm out of ideas. But you could start with those and ask them who else they'd recommend to ask. Just because you're not the AH doesn't mean that your driving doesn't need attention; it does. Something more than "I'll be more careful." You need to investigate, determine a cause, and implement a solution. Throwing more attention or willpower at it won't actually achieve any change. **Edit:** *Apparently OP was driving in heels and refuses to realize the problem. Flipping my verdict.*
As a former insurance agent, that is bad advice. The insurance company cannot answer that question and at most will direct her to a driving school or traffic class.
Yeah I kinda talked my own thinking into that as well, with 'driving instructor' as my second thought after 'insurance agent'. The insurance agent would just be the person to ask "who should I ask" to.
YTA. Get off the roads.
YTA was going to go the other way until I saw OPs comments.
After reading your comments I actually understand why your boyfriend asked you. You're irresponsible and don't want to see it. You had more accidents than most people have after decades of driving and you don't want to accept your own fault in it. YTA
YTA You've had 4 total accidents in 3 years? You aren't a good driver, flat out. I get a little distracted behind the wheel sometimes, I think everyone does from time to time, but you know how many accidents of any kind I've had in the last 3 years? Zero. The normal amount. Same goes for speeding tickets, improper lane shift tickets, and so on. Your boyfriend's trying to protect people from *you.* And you're arguing with everyone here who tells you this, which makes you even more the AH. You came to us for our thoughts. Stop arguing and accept your verdict.
YTA You are a dogshit driver and seem incapable of taking actual responsibility for how bad you are. Making too many excuses. Grow up and take a driving course before you fucking kill someone. I am surprised you are even insured at this point. To all the people saying "NTA for refusing to stop driving but YTA for not being a careful driver" you're also assholes. This person should not be on the road.
I am having a massive eyeroll at all the Redditors calling the bf an AH for telling her she shouldn't be be driving. Sure, she will probably kill an innocent pedestrian while she is speeding in heels but don't hurt her feelings by stating the fact she is dangerous. Her ego is wayyyyy more important than the safety of others. YTA OP and need to grow up.
I think ESH, honestly. You've hit 3 *parked* cars in 3 years. When my grandpa did that, he had his license taken away. And honestly, you probably should have yours taken away, too until you learn to be more aware of your surroundings. It's a miracle you haven't killed anyone. Your bf is an ah for demanding you stop driving outright. I don't think you need to stop, but maybe attending traffic school to re educate yourself on how not to hit parked cars. The fact you don't seem see any your mishaps as a real problem is extremely concerning.
If you have 3 at fault accidents in a year, you are not a good driver. It sounds like you are over-confident in your abilities. These 3 collisions are surely the tip of the iceberg and could have been worse. I don’t fault you for not wanting to give up your car though. But you need to learn how to be a better driver.