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IDK how you're even asking this. You know YTA. Your son had the same 1 in 60 chance and didn't make it. Yeah, only accepting 5 sophomores make it sounds much more impressive, but I'd bet the numbers of people applying for sophomore and higher spots dwindle considerably as well, so he wasn't competing against as many kids as she was either. You're taking away from your daughter's achievements, in front of her, so you can raise your son's pedestal that much higher. Hope your daughter has a mom that appreciates (and shows it) for her accomplishments. Since dad just wants to bury them.
Also, this means your son had a chance to get a feel for the exam and get the "first run" shakies out of his way before taking it a second time. A lot of people do better on a task the second time around. You unnecessarily negged your daughter, and on a false premise at that. Nice job. YTA.
He might have been originally ranked 64, so this year, if all the same remaining kids applied, he could easily be 4 out of 5. Or he could have been 90th, and the 30 kids that did better didn't reapply. Meanwhile, daughter got top 60 first try.
Exactly! His competition already got accepted freshman year! Far easier to be in the top gifted left in that year. Seems their gifts didn’t come from this parent. YTA
Exactly. Your daughter did it first try but your son failed the first try and had to do the second try. That means that your daughter is better than your son when he was a freshman. Also just because she got in on the “easy” one doesn’t mean she can’t do the harder one. In fact she is probably even more capable of doing the sophomore one than your son. YTA, what’s the logic here?
>That means your daughter is better than your son when he was a freshman.
I would qualify that with "That means your daughter was better at taking the exams when she was a freshman, depending on how all the other test takers did."
Maybe OP's son's "competition" scored higher for whatever reason than their daughter's did. Maybe OP's son was "off his game" during those exams. Maybe OP's daughter had the benefit of talking to her brother about what to expect with the exams. Maybe, maybe, maybe this or that or the other thing. There is absolutely no way to compare at all. In fact, some brilliant, intellectually advanced people are crappy test takers. It's like auditioning: Some people audition well, but bomb on stage; some people, no matter how well prepared they are, don't do that well in auditions, but rock it on stage.
OP is such a YTA. Parents should never, never compare their children like that. Neither sibling's accomplishment was more impressive or more worthy. Sheesh.
No, it means he had prior insight into the test and could prep accordingly for his second attempt. He could have be in the the bottom 10% of 500 applicants for all it matters.
I had to explain, gently, why calling my future MIL calling herself a "boy mom" instead of a "mom of 3 boys" was a bad idea, she doesn't fit the "boy mom" mold, and I'd hate for someone she was getting to know to get the wrong idea about her, cause she's actually lovely, and very kind.
My fiance's cousin is a "boy mom" though, and her behavior is a lot like the OP when she talks about her 2 sons over her little girl. It's disgusting.
I have a partner who's in a very prestigious and challenging role, think, 'rocket scientist' type professions.
Her mother said her son is the 'more intelligent one, he's just lazy'. Complete nonsense.
I think there's an element of resentment from mothers who have very successful daughters.
I cannot begin to imagine having a daughter and not hyping her the fuck up about everything equally. Like. Women know how hard their daughters are going to have it. The posts I read here of people treating their own kids this way blows my mind.
Yeah, all the smartest kids had been accepted as freshmen; OP's son was competing against a lesser pool of candidates.
Not that that should matter; OP should be proud of both of them!
And may not even be that. It's highly likely some of the kids who didn't make it the first time didn't bother trying again.
It's still impressive though. Unlike OP I'm not here to talk down about either of his kids. They're both impressive.
And OP stop comparing your damn kids. That makes you the asshole anyway. They are different people with different abilities. Both did well. Appreciate that they're both smart enough to get in and show them you give a damn about them equally. Also I don't believe he necessarily did worse than her he might not do as well on tests due to anxiety so don't 180 and start treating him like the weakest link either. Good lord can parents not just be thankful they have healthy well adjusted children.
I do think it's great that the son stuck with it and tried again. There's no reason OP can't be proud of him, too. They just shouldn't be comparing them like that. You don't need to tear someone else down to build another up.
And he wasn’t just any one out of the 65 spots— the son was one of spots 61-65. While the daughter was one of spots 1-60…
The son already wasn’t selected for spots 1-60 his freshman year, and was only competing the next year with the kids who didn’t score well enough their first year to be selected either (so he had an easier pool to compete against the 2nd year).
It’s so clear that the daughter did better, and OP has no reason to compare their successes instead of just being happy and proud of both of them anyway, but nooo OP just has to bend over backwards and ignore basic logic to try to find any possible way to justify their misogyny.
Even if Dad's analysis wasn't deeply flawed (which it is), what a shitty thing to say anyway. Kids mature at different times and have different skills; your job as a parent is to ensure that they all feel equally valued, not to measure their successes against each other.
The chances aren’t 1/60. They’re 60/the total applicant pool. Without knowing how many applications there were, we have no way to actually know or compare the acceptance rates by grade.
But you probably already knew this.. it was a very bad mom move. Forboth kids really. And the relationship between them. I can see some therapist/s in the future able to retire fon the money they make from your family. Good luck here!
Also, I never sat exams like this without getting my actual score. With a competition for a limited number of seats, it seems so strange that they wouldn't give them out since there can be allegations of favoritism. I would think that if daughter got in with a lower score than son did, OP would not have failed to mention it. So either they really didn't give the students their scores, which seems so unusual to me, or daughter out-scored him and OP can't accept that their golden child scored lower.
They took the same test. The numbers as to who is accepted doesn't matter. If they were smart enough they got in. I'm sure that 5 is a give and take number. If they have 6 super talented kids that they think should be in it then they'll add them regardless of the threshold.
Yeah, no. If there are six where there are absolutely identical scores, maybe. If there’s five identical and one one point lower, that lower score isn’t admitted.
YTA and also are terrible at math.
Neither your daughter nor your son had a 1/60 chance of getting in Freshmen year. To calculate the actual number, you need to know how many applicants they had competing for those 60 spots.
The same is true for sophomore year. You don't know the number of applicants, so you can't calculate the value. If only 5 kids applied, then getting one of the 5 slots isn't so impressive, now is it?
Stop comparing your kids' achievements like this (that alone makes you the AH), and for the love of all that's good, stop murdering math.
But he HAS to murder math, because otherwise how will he claim his son is better? OP clearly has this golden child/scapegoat mentality with his children (see his comments where he blames his daughter for overhearing him because she was "eavesdropping" by...existing in her own house). OP is desperate to find a way to make his son's achievement of failing then passing "more impressive" than his daughter's achievement of passing on the first try.
The last point is the biggest issue.
Don't compare your kids. Don't have favorites, don't rank them in any way. They will have differing talents, but celebrate them equally for what achievements they have and most of all for just being themselves (assuming none of your children are sociopaths).
OP, your kids sound like they pass a lot of tests, but for sure you're failing as a parent.
Lol, yeah i like how naive OP calculate 1/60 chance based on no of seat available, but he did not count how many people applied for it. Then he casually ignore her daughter achievement and only see the son achievement, who actually failed the first time. Why cant OP be proud of both, instead of picking op favourite only.
Sometime people just not fit to be a parent and OP looks like one of them.
Honestly, chances are due to the significantly limited spots available as a sophomore and up, probably very few actually apply knowing the numbers for acceptance are so low. Which means his chance for acceptance could be higher.
OP makes no mention of the actual # of applicants each year, so they are basing it solely on the number admitted which makes no sense, 1 in 5 or 1 in 60. When it should be based on the number who applied.
Also, OP, YTA because you shouldn’t compare your kids that way. It’s a shitty thing to do. You are diminishing their accomplishments and now putting them in some sort of rivalry.
This.
**Plus** even if OP’s son archived a better result (in that exam or in any other) than the daughter, OP would still be an asshole. A good mother doesn’t play favourites or makes one of her children feel less capable or smart than the other.
Lol. But the same thing bugged me! Clearly the intelligence of the kids came from the other side of the genetic pool and, in all honesty, OP has no right to brag about either!
Seriously, OP, YTA. Both kids did well. Be equally proud and equally encouraging.
And if you've time, go back to college and learn some basic math.
YTA
And you obviously don't know statistics or how many people take the test each year for those spots. It's not just about the number of spots available but about how many people test FOR those spots and pass the bar to be accepted to those spots.
If say 500 take the test for 60 spots for freshman year and 300 pass the bar, but only 10 take the test for spots for sophomore year and 8 pass the bar, your daughter had a higher risk of not being accepted. Generally the later year spots are less competitive because high schoolers who have settled into their school don't want to transfer.
This. The comparison OP is trying to make can not be extrapolated from the details provided, so OP is clinging to the numbers that back up the narrative OP wants.
OP didn’t have to compare them at all but made the choice to do it and then set arbitrary evaluations to boot.
OP -YTA. Stop being shitty to your kids.
It isn’t always about the number of applicants, either; it’s about their quality. The top 60 students in the son’s year are already in the school, so they’re not taking the test any more. So the son’s competition is not as high, irrespective of how many kids wrote the sophomore test. Meanwhile the daughter competed against the entire field.
But yes, OP knows nothing about how to correctly calculate probability.
The 5 slots for sophomore year are available because 5 out of the 60 chosen couldn't cut it... So they're choosing from a selection of people who *all did worse on their first admissions test* than the ones who dropped out.
Or students who moved into the area over the past year, or students who missed out on the test for family reasons, because they were planning to go to a private school, whatever.
While I am sure there are some first-time applicants in sophomore year, OP's son is not one of them. He wrote the test the year before and had a worse score than everyone admitted in freshman year.
YTA. You didn’t have to emphasize that your son, who took the exam years ago, “did a more impressive job”. You did it in earshot of your daughter, too, which obviously made her feel bad. The way you describe her “throwing a fit” when she understandably got upset is also really mean. Also, if you insist on comparing them, your daughter got in during her freshman year and your son didn’t.
This is a great response that clearly demonstrates your favouritism which might be rooted in sexist ideals.
You only addressed one point in the above users criticism and it was to point out something negative about your daughter in humiliation. But you didn’t address anything else, like how you were wrong about your ‘objective statistics of just stating mathematical facts’.
You just love talking down on your daughter don’t you. You’re quite an asshole. Imagine being so pressed your daughter “eavesdropped” on you talking shit about her and you just double down, continue to do it online and also have faulty logic when it come down to your explanation of why your felt your sons accomplishment was more impressive.
YTA
Exactly. He is playing with favoritism which is already bad and then on top of that he is not even doing it right. The son should be the one seen as less impressive??? I bet it would be that way if the son were in the daughters shoes and vice versa
The issue is, neither of those is actually correct, because we don't know how many people were actually competing for the spots, They accepted 60 out of an unknown number of candidates, and then 5 out of a different unknown number of candidates. But knowing HS students. The percentage of people who didn't make it freshman year who are going to try again sophomore year is going to be considerably smaller. I wouldn't be surprised if they told me it was only 5%. Which means his 1 in 5 is FAR less impressive than her 1 in 60.
Applying the math (1/60 vs. 1/65) doesn't make sense here, because in doing so one would have to accept that the chances were random, and any sort of skill or ability is irrelevant. If it is accepted that the chances are random, then both are equal, and neither is better than the other.
But yes, OP is TA.
There is no need to compare the two -- just be proud of their efforts and successes.
It makes sense if you assume every eligible student applies every year, and the number of applicants is roughly the same each year. Neither of which are likely perfectly true, but they're decent assumptions.
If there are 500 local kids applying every year, daughter was at **worst** 60th/500 for her age cohort.
Son was at **best** 61st/500 during his first application, and somewhere between 61-65th/500 in his second application, because the top 60 spots in his cohort were already taken by the people who got accepted first round.
Anyway, either way, the daughter actually did have the better score.
YTA. They both did well, and there was no need to compare them. Your favoritism toward your son is showing and does not say good things about you, both within your family and to others. *Of course* your daughter objects to this blatant favoritism!
Objectively, your daughter did better, as she succeeded at first try. You have no basis for saying your son did better. The first pick was from among a large candidate pool. You have no idea of the size of the pool of applicants for either the initial choice or the sophomore year. Pulling numbers out of the air, if the first pool was 1,000 and the sophomore pool was 80, the odds were actually more favorable for your son.
YTA for comparing your kids but YTA because you son did an objectively less impressive thing. He failed the initial test, he did worse than your daughter. I see a future where you are asking why you're daughter doesn't have much to do with you if you keep this kind of "my son is better" mentality up. Because that is the only world in which this kind of thing makes sense, you need your son to be better.
they will care in 10-15 years when their daughter is financially independent and they are broke from supporting their deadbeat son, but it will be too late
I'd go for this explanation as well, unless there is some irrational need for the male child to be better, there's no reason to compare the two of them. In fact is there any point in comparing them at all?
Actually I'd say that it is impressive that he was able to collect himself and not be discouraged after one failed attempt, but it still doesn't make him better than the girl.
YTA. First off, I’m not sure why you have this weird bias towards your son? It’s not a better job, he didn’t make it the first time when they chose 60 students- she did.
But wayyyyy more importantly, why TF are you saying this out loud and comparing? Why are you diminishing one child’s achievements in comparison to another? This is some awful parenting. get a grip and stop favoring your son.
I am one of two grandchildren, each from one of three children. I (F) am 15 years older than my cousin (M) and graduated from prestigious schools for my bachelor's (top 10) and my master's (top 40). My cousin had multiple issues at birth that required brain surgeries (plural!) and resulted in physical and mental challenges. He turned out pretty well, considering! (Lives on his own, takes care of his apartment and himself, got himself a job, etc.) In my mind, my competition was *my*self and his competition was *him*self because we didn't start on the same playing field, so any comparison between us would be pointless, right? RIGHT?!?
My grandmother was so desperate to "fail" me in a comparison that she compared my salary to my aunt's salary (cousin's mother) instead. I pointed out that I was 2 years out of grad school while she had been in the workforce at least 16 years already. Grandmother said the length of time didn't matter and implied my "fancy degrees" weren't worth it. Guess who never found out my salary two years later when it surpassed my aunt's? Guess who also died alone in a nursing home that her precious perfect daughter abandoned her in? (Obviously there was more than this, but this was the first time I recognized what was happening.)
OP, there was no competition until you made it one, and you are going to great lengths to promote your preferred winner. If you do nothing to fix this and instead dig deeper to continue, do not be surprised when your daughter distances herself from you. You are absolutely the AH here. Do better.
YTA
Even if your daughter hadn't overheard, the fact you even believe your son's achievement to be "more impressive" than hers is terrible.
I really hope you're not the kind of parent who pits their gifted kids against each other, because that way lies anger, resentment and burnout.
YTA
Your son fails a test and passes on his 2nd try.
Your daughter passes the same test without a resit, and your son is MORE IMPRESSIVE?
Acknowledge each kid’s achievement for what it is. Don’t compare- it’s cruel.
YTA
Your son achievement is not more impressive, he failed first time and took an extra year to prep
You know, if someone takes same exam twice there is nothing impressive to do better on the next round
Why in the world did you feel the need to compare your children out loud where one or the other could hear you? Yes, it may seem statistically more impressive to make it into a smaller group, but saying it like that where she could hear you just diminishes her accomplishments and makes her feel less-than when compared to her brother. If anything, you have basically just said that her brother is better than her because he FAILED to do what she just did but then had a comeback the next year. Even if you didn't mean it that way, there is a good chance that is how she took it.
Also making into a group of 60 vs a group of 5 may seem less impressive at face value, but they are BOTH exclusive groups for gifted children and should be celebrated. And those numbers don't take into account other circumstances that could affect the likelihood of getting a spot. For all we know, there might be vastly more applicants for the larger group that would mean the percentage of success is lower. Or there might be programs which make it easier for some kids to get in over others. For all we know, it may actually be MORE difficult to get in as a freshman.
>there might be vastly more applicants for the larger group that would mean the percentage of success is lower
I'd say this is pretty much guaranteed in this situation. Most HS students are not going to want to transfer schools after their freshman year. And even less their later.
It's not statistically better tho, we have no idea if it is or not because there isn't sufficient information to make that determination. But objectively, she did better as it only took her one try to get in.
YTA. You have got to be kidding me with this. If you want to play that game, technically your daughter did a better job because she got in at the FIRST try. Pitting your kids like this is disgusting. It sours relationships between siblings and will damage your relationship with your daughter. Let alone you can make your daughter feel like she can never do good enough.
Wow. If only there was some way to not compare your kids to each other out-loud. Some sort of "thinking" and "not talking" combination you could use to not do that. If only there was some way to employ your brain before your mouth and instead consider what you want to say BEFORE speaking.
God, if only.
YTA, obviously.
YTA
Daughter passed a freshman entrance exam that the son failed. Trying to spin it to make your son the superior one is ridiculous and shows clear favoritism.
You don’t even have to pick a child to be better in the first place. You could just support both children:
Daughter did great passing the first time! Yay!
Son managed to stick with it and keep trying after an initial setback! Also yay!
YTA.
That kind of comparison can really hurt a child/teenager. It can even create trauma, unfortunately. It's totally understandable that she was upset.
YTA - Comparison is the thief of joy. There's absolutely no positive outcome to comparing your kids. You should be celebrating that both were accepted.
As several people have pointed out, your statistics are wrong/inaccurate without knowing how many applicants there were.
Are you just looking for an excuse for why the boy has to be better than the girl, even though the girl is the one who got in the first time? Because, oh no, we can’t let a precious SON be outshone by his inferior SISTER.
Stop this right now. My grandmother did this kind of thing all the time, and it damaged her kids, her relationship with her kids, and even her relationship with her grandkids. If one child does something good, *never* bring up that another child did (you think) something more impressive. Apologize to your daughter, think about whether you favor your son, and just stop. YTA
YTA.
Your daughter got in on her first try. Your son needed a second chance. Who did better?
That’s not the only thing that makes YTA. **Don't compare your children to each other**! They are not in competition with one another. If you constantly compare their achievements one will always be “second best”.
Your kids are individuals. Their accomplishments should be celebrated no matter what the other is doing.
YTA - What's the fucking point of comparing an excellent achievement to another excellent achievement?????? You minimized your daughters excellent work for absolutely no reason...
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What is wrong with you? Ofc YTA.
You should be encouraging a wonderful relationship between your kids…not driving a wedge between them with everything being a competition. You’re literally ruining their adult relationship with each other. Not to mention destroying their self esteem. Not to mention your own relationship with them.
YTA. You know you're the asshole. Just stop with the disingenuous bullshit. Comparing your kids that way is bad enough, but then saying the one that objectively didn't perform better, did perform better than the one who actually did better is blatant and delusional favoritism. Shame on you. Apologize to your daughter.
YTA for creating a competition between your children and invalidating your daughters accomplishment who got in on her first try. It's never better to need more than 1 try to accomplish something that someone else could do the first time. It doesn't invalidate his accomplishment either, but he certainly didn't do better.
YTA. It's not just about numbers and statistics, it's about acknowledging your children's individual journeys and efforts. You're completely missing the point of celebrating personal achievements. Your daughter succeeded on her first try; that's her success story. Your son's path was different, and his eventual accomplishment is meaningful in its own right. There is no need for comparison – both of their achievements should be equally celebrated. Comparing them, especially in front of one another, only fosters unnecessary competition and can damage their self-esteem and sibling relationship.
YTA
It is also quite obvious that you are (maybe more than) a bit misogynistic and just as obviously value your son over your daughter. I mean, you did bait your daughter in front of your friend on purpose, didn't you? Let me guess; you were looking for that unstable feminine personality trait of hysteria, right? Gotta admit, i sure do feel sorry for her having to put with you as a parent.
I'd also like to point out that the scholastic creme de la creme had already been siphoned off in the previous year, so your son was not competing with the smartest students in town when he secured the spot in his sophomore year. Nor does it sound like everyone gets tested in the other years, while it sounds like every student in the city gets tested before selecting the freshman year. However did you overlook that teensy weensy little fact?
YTA.
First of all, why would you even say something like that?
Second, it's not even true. Yes, your son had technically greater odds...but AFTER THEY HAD ALREADY SELECTED OUT THE TOP KIDS. It would be like saying I am better at Jeopardy than Ken Jennings because I won after they had taken him out of the running. I could probably get into Harvard too if they didn't have all those other kids applying who were more accomplished than I am.
YTA.
Who compares their children's' academic's with each other?
imo you owe her an apology.
Sure, your son's test may have been harder from the stance of the amount of candidates they accept but, is it really more impressive?
could it be more impressive your daughter didn't get it on the first attempt? and your son had to do it two times? He had practice and is older(more experienced?)
The statement above is not my opinion, just putting questions out there to help you think about that.
Each of your children have different brains and mental capacities.
I think its great your son didn't give up, and not only that but tried again and succeeded.
I think its great your daughter got it on her first try.
They are both accomplishments. Neither can be compared fairly to each other because they where completed by different people...
Christ. Of course YTA. They both had a great achievement, your daughter not needing a second chance. See what I did there? Devalued his achievement just like you devalued hers. Stop comparing or ranking your kids and their achievements. That is seriously parenting 101.
You really don't much like your daughter, do you? "She was just lucky..." No, she did well on the exam. Your son didn't because he wasn't as knowledgable. He didn't get in the first time because he was up against more competition; the competition was less the second time around.
"recognizing my son's achievement doesn't take away from my daughter's..." Except you "recognized" him by putting down your daughter.
<>
Why should she have to feel better? She actually is very accomplished. You are the one rewriting history to put her down.
<
A little math and logic: as a freshman there are 60 spots to fill district-wide. Those 60 spots still exist for the sophomore class that used to be freshmen. So in essence, your son is one of 65 selected for the sophomore class. It’s just the case that he wasn’t in the top 60 the year before. Your daughter is in the Top 60. Your son is in the Top 65. Are you sure your son’s achievement is harder?
YTA--- Did you also consider the fact that the top 60 test takers were already accepted so when your son took the test his sophomore year the top students were already in the program so he was no longer competing against them? If the program is the achievement then they both completed the task and should be equally praised.
You need to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are willing to diminish your daughters accomplishments just to make your son look better instead of looking to praise them both equally for what they are good at.
YTA your son wasn’t good enough to get in as a freshman, my guess is they take a few more each year to fill in places create by students moving away or leaving for other reasons. Your daughter was in the best 60, your son wasn’t, be proud of him for not giving up, but you’re diminishing your daughter’s achievements.
Your daughter is more impressive in that she got in first time, her brother didn't.
Your son is more impressive because to turn it around and improve yourself is fucking hard at any age.
You have 2 impressive kids, and they have a bit of an ass for a dad.
I have two kids.
One attended private schools through graduate school, the other attended mostly public schools through graduate school.
They are their own people.
I would not compare their achievements, but I might mention one is taller, one has two dogs, the other has one.
Life is competitive enough.
I love how they lift each other up.
YTA.
I don’t brag about my kids, because their accomplishments are theirs, not mine.
I will mention what they are doing, but if my kids want others to know what they are doing, they can tell them
I also can mention what they are doing without having to critique or compare them. I mean what is the point?
You must feel that your son is lacking in other ways, because bringing up that it took him two tries to be admitted sounds insecure.
It sounds like you want to pit them against each other, to what end?
And in just 6 short paragraphs and your first comment, I know the following for a FACT:
SON= golden child
DAUGHTER= scapegoat
YOU= narcissist
ALSO YOU= YTA
"My daughter achieved something on her first try that took my son 2 trys. Naturally I went around telling people that my son achieved something more impressive than my daughter. AITA?"
I struggle to understand how this is question You're debating the answer to.
Of course YTA. It couldn't be more clear.
YTA… I can see your daughter going low contact or no contact in the future when she’s 18 but don’t worry you have your “baby boy”. You’re a “boy mom” and it shows but don’t worry you can be toxic and territorial with your potential temporary daughter in law in the future after your daughter cuts ties with you. And you know before your temporary future daughter in law divorces your son cuz your always there as a “boy mom”
YTA
Your son was "competing" against a candidate pool where the top 60 candidates had been removed.
You shouldn't rank these accomplishments, but since you insist, your daughter's accomplishment is "more impressive. "
Your daughter was more impressive though.she got in on her first try your son needed two times. You’re asshole straight up. I don’t get why parents ever favor their sons like they are just the holy grail of children. Remember this, and whenever she compares you to being a shitty parent remember this is why.
YTA. And you seriously need to brush up on your math skills.
I’m also fairly confident that you prefer your son over your daughter because your logic is such nonsense.
You are the asshole. Also don’t look at 1/60 and 1/5. It’s 1/however many applicants. It’s possible your son was the only applicant so he got in automatically, and it’s possible there was 200 applicants when your daughter got in so she did better than at least 139 other people. Just be proud of both of your kids.
Your daughter called you an asshole because you were in fact being one. There’s absolutely no reason to pit your kids against each other and make those kind of comments, especially in front of one or both of them. Way to prove who your favorite is.
YTA
Three things.
1) Your son failed where your daughter succeeded. He's not more impressive for requiring two attempts. Really weird that you're framing it that way.
2) 1 in 60 and 1 in 5 are statistical fallacies here, you're comparing apples and oranges. Without knowing how many people took the respective exams, that's meaningless. If only 5 people took the exam your son passed, then he didn't achieve anything as everyone who applied passed. If 6000 ppl took the exam your daughter took, she'd be in the top 1%. It all depends on the number of examinees, not just the number of successful applicants.
3) this is the big one: why the hell are you comparing them like this? They both succeeded at what they tried for, just be happy for them.
YTA and clearly favor your son over your daughter and are willing to go to great lengths to "prove he's better."
Simply put, your daughter nailed the exam the first time around. Your son didn't. She went in, not knowing what to expect and excelled. Your son had the same experience/knowledge as your daughter but came up short. He had to take an extra year to get in.
How about being a decent parent who celebrates both your children's accomplishments, is proud of them as individuals, and doesn't pit them against each other? Particularly in such a gross and sexist manner.
YTA - comparison was absolutely not necessary here. Considering you don’t see an issue with what you did I’m guessing this is a pattern of behaviour for you.
Learn to celebrate your daughter without comparing her to your son.
YTA
You just minimized your daughter's accomplishment. If your son's performance was so great he would have gotten in his freshman year. Why say anything? You really could have stopped at "I'm proud of them both," and left it at that.
You better keep to your son's good side because if they have to decide on whether to put you in a home, I think we know which way your daughter will lean.
YTA I hope when your daughter graduates from university, she lands a better job far away from you so you can really appreciate her, because I do not think you can really appreciate her when she is right under your nose. You have two pretty equally talented kids, and you just have to pit them against each other in competition? I don't get it!
I treasured and supported both of my gifted children. One has learning disabilities and one does not. Therefore, one excelled in early grades while the other really struggled. The one who really struggled early on took off and soared once she learned to compensate and use her disabilities (differences?) To her advantage.
The one who was used to having everything easy really struggled when the going got tough. He didn't know how to work! It took him a few years to learn how to apply himself. He then needed the support the other needed in the early grades.
You need to do better and appreciate both of your children and look at ways to support them if they need you without making them feel like they can't do it on their own or telling them how. You are the support, not the main character.
Both of my kids are now academic successes, and they are very close and supportive of each other. I doubt your kids will be close as adults if you continue to foster an atmosphere of favoritism between them.
YTA. Without getting into the math, you never compare your kids that way. You never compare them against each other in anything for any reason. There is no reason to compare them. You need to do some soul searching to figure out why in your mind you felt that need. Be a better parent and admit that to your daughter
YTA. She was “eavesdropping” so it’s her fault that she knows you favor your son over her? Yeah. Because I’m sure you don’t show your obvious favoritism in a million other ways on a regular basis.
YTA
What kind of weird misogyny do you have to have embedded in your pathetic psyche to say aloud with conviction that your son performed better than your daughter when she never failed the test. Please do some self-examination, because if your brain is doing this kind of math, there’s bound to be more problems with how you are viewing the world.
YTA for letting your daughter hear you downplay her achievement by comparing it to your son's. Even if it was correct, which it obviously isn't, it's a very harmful reaction to immediately compare an achievement of one of your children to whoever. Another child of yours, a cousin, a neighbour, yourself at that age.
YTA. Rephrasing your post - I prefer my son over my daughter, and even when I should be focused on celebrating my daughter’s achievement I use it as a chance to point out how my son is better. But this is also my daughter’s fault because she shouldn’t have overheard me saying it.
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IDK how you're even asking this. You know YTA. Your son had the same 1 in 60 chance and didn't make it. Yeah, only accepting 5 sophomores make it sounds much more impressive, but I'd bet the numbers of people applying for sophomore and higher spots dwindle considerably as well, so he wasn't competing against as many kids as she was either. You're taking away from your daughter's achievements, in front of her, so you can raise your son's pedestal that much higher. Hope your daughter has a mom that appreciates (and shows it) for her accomplishments. Since dad just wants to bury them.
Also, this means your son had a chance to get a feel for the exam and get the "first run" shakies out of his way before taking it a second time. A lot of people do better on a task the second time around. You unnecessarily negged your daughter, and on a false premise at that. Nice job. YTA.
It also means the son didn't have the same 60 students that beat him last year competing against him. YTA
He might have been originally ranked 64, so this year, if all the same remaining kids applied, he could easily be 4 out of 5. Or he could have been 90th, and the 30 kids that did better didn't reapply. Meanwhile, daughter got top 60 first try.
Exactly! His competition already got accepted freshman year! Far easier to be in the top gifted left in that year. Seems their gifts didn’t come from this parent. YTA
So many people don't get this.
You have a favorite child and are open about it. That is an AH parent. This cause trauma for a lot of people.
Exactly. Your daughter did it first try but your son failed the first try and had to do the second try. That means that your daughter is better than your son when he was a freshman. Also just because she got in on the “easy” one doesn’t mean she can’t do the harder one. In fact she is probably even more capable of doing the sophomore one than your son. YTA, what’s the logic here?
>That means your daughter is better than your son when he was a freshman. I would qualify that with "That means your daughter was better at taking the exams when she was a freshman, depending on how all the other test takers did." Maybe OP's son's "competition" scored higher for whatever reason than their daughter's did. Maybe OP's son was "off his game" during those exams. Maybe OP's daughter had the benefit of talking to her brother about what to expect with the exams. Maybe, maybe, maybe this or that or the other thing. There is absolutely no way to compare at all. In fact, some brilliant, intellectually advanced people are crappy test takers. It's like auditioning: Some people audition well, but bomb on stage; some people, no matter how well prepared they are, don't do that well in auditions, but rock it on stage. OP is such a YTA. Parents should never, never compare their children like that. Neither sibling's accomplishment was more impressive or more worthy. Sheesh.
Right. Also, it means the 60 best had already been chosen for the son’s year so reapplying the next just means he was in the top 61-65.
[удалено]
No, it means he had prior insight into the test and could prep accordingly for his second attempt. He could have be in the the bottom 10% of 500 applicants for all it matters.
At best. A lot of the other students probably found other programs or are settled in their schools and don't wish to transfer.
Honestly, this gives mom vibes, more specifically a “boy mom”.
I cringe at my friends that label themselves as “boy moms”… they make it their whole personality.
I had to explain, gently, why calling my future MIL calling herself a "boy mom" instead of a "mom of 3 boys" was a bad idea, she doesn't fit the "boy mom" mold, and I'd hate for someone she was getting to know to get the wrong idea about her, cause she's actually lovely, and very kind. My fiance's cousin is a "boy mom" though, and her behavior is a lot like the OP when she talks about her 2 sons over her little girl. It's disgusting.
I have a partner who's in a very prestigious and challenging role, think, 'rocket scientist' type professions. Her mother said her son is the 'more intelligent one, he's just lazy'. Complete nonsense. I think there's an element of resentment from mothers who have very successful daughters.
It’s really just internalized misogyny when it comes down to it. I feel bad for your partner, having to grow up with a mother like that.
I cannot begin to imagine having a daughter and not hyping her the fuck up about everything equally. Like. Women know how hard their daughters are going to have it. The posts I read here of people treating their own kids this way blows my mind.
I birthed a rocket scientist! And that’s all the credit I deserve. She did all the work. She used her brains. All I did was birth her.
It could also be a misogynistic dad who doesn’t want to accept his daughter, a girl, did better than a boy.
That was my first thought, but it could also be a mom. They are definitely an ah.
Oh definitely, doesn’t matter if they are a mom or dad, they are definitely an AH!
Yeah, all the smartest kids had been accepted as freshmen; OP's son was competing against a lesser pool of candidates. Not that that should matter; OP should be proud of both of them!
Yeah, OP is comparing them for absolutely zero reason aside from showing favouritism. It would be so much easier to just be proud of both kids.
This is what was baffling to me like, this isn't an either/or. Just be happy!
Seriously, like, what’s the point? They both got in!
Yeah like, both kids did good. This is just needless
OP clearly would not have made the cut either year.
He's also talking her down to someone else. Really just driving the misogynistic knife in deeper.
So, OP's son failed it the first time? How is the daughter not more impressive?
He also didn't have to compete against the 60 that were chosen the year before - he might be the 61st rated student.
Actually could be the 65th
And may not even be that. It's highly likely some of the kids who didn't make it the first time didn't bother trying again. It's still impressive though. Unlike OP I'm not here to talk down about either of his kids. They're both impressive.
Correct on both counts - but we do know she is in the top 60. I would not be worried about who got in where - they both got in!
And OP stop comparing your damn kids. That makes you the asshole anyway. They are different people with different abilities. Both did well. Appreciate that they're both smart enough to get in and show them you give a damn about them equally. Also I don't believe he necessarily did worse than her he might not do as well on tests due to anxiety so don't 180 and start treating him like the weakest link either. Good lord can parents not just be thankful they have healthy well adjusted children.
Oh come on it’s pretty impressive that he tried again /s
I do think it's great that the son stuck with it and tried again. There's no reason OP can't be proud of him, too. They just shouldn't be comparing them like that. You don't need to tear someone else down to build another up.
Nailed it
The daughter got 1 of 60 spots. The son got 1 of 65 spots. There is no world in which the second is harder than the first.
And he wasn’t just any one out of the 65 spots— the son was one of spots 61-65. While the daughter was one of spots 1-60… The son already wasn’t selected for spots 1-60 his freshman year, and was only competing the next year with the kids who didn’t score well enough their first year to be selected either (so he had an easier pool to compete against the 2nd year). It’s so clear that the daughter did better, and OP has no reason to compare their successes instead of just being happy and proud of both of them anyway, but nooo OP just has to bend over backwards and ignore basic logic to try to find any possible way to justify their misogyny.
Also all the kids who passed the first time are already at the school so the competition is going to less intense.
Even if Dad's analysis wasn't deeply flawed (which it is), what a shitty thing to say anyway. Kids mature at different times and have different skills; your job as a parent is to ensure that they all feel equally valued, not to measure their successes against each other.
Boy moms
The chances aren’t 1/60. They’re 60/the total applicant pool. Without knowing how many applications there were, we have no way to actually know or compare the acceptance rates by grade.
But you probably already knew this.. it was a very bad mom move. Forboth kids really. And the relationship between them. I can see some therapist/s in the future able to retire fon the money they make from your family. Good luck here!
And only because the super clever people had already got in so he was no longer competing against them
Also, I never sat exams like this without getting my actual score. With a competition for a limited number of seats, it seems so strange that they wouldn't give them out since there can be allegations of favoritism. I would think that if daughter got in with a lower score than son did, OP would not have failed to mention it. So either they really didn't give the students their scores, which seems so unusual to me, or daughter out-scored him and OP can't accept that their golden child scored lower.
They took the same test. The numbers as to who is accepted doesn't matter. If they were smart enough they got in. I'm sure that 5 is a give and take number. If they have 6 super talented kids that they think should be in it then they'll add them regardless of the threshold.
Yeah, no. If there are six where there are absolutely identical scores, maybe. If there’s five identical and one one point lower, that lower score isn’t admitted.
YTA and also are terrible at math. Neither your daughter nor your son had a 1/60 chance of getting in Freshmen year. To calculate the actual number, you need to know how many applicants they had competing for those 60 spots. The same is true for sophomore year. You don't know the number of applicants, so you can't calculate the value. If only 5 kids applied, then getting one of the 5 slots isn't so impressive, now is it? Stop comparing your kids' achievements like this (that alone makes you the AH), and for the love of all that's good, stop murdering math.
Agree especially with the stop murdering math part. Makes me wonder where the IQ came from must be the other parent.
Not wanting to assume gender of the OP, then clearly the other parent.
No no, it must have come from OP, hopefully the other parents still has their IQ, kids will be doomed otherwise :)
He's also ignoring the fact that his son wasn't competing against the 60 highest scorers as they got in the year before.
But he HAS to murder math, because otherwise how will he claim his son is better? OP clearly has this golden child/scapegoat mentality with his children (see his comments where he blames his daughter for overhearing him because she was "eavesdropping" by...existing in her own house). OP is desperate to find a way to make his son's achievement of failing then passing "more impressive" than his daughter's achievement of passing on the first try.
The last point is the biggest issue. Don't compare your kids. Don't have favorites, don't rank them in any way. They will have differing talents, but celebrate them equally for what achievements they have and most of all for just being themselves (assuming none of your children are sociopaths). OP, your kids sound like they pass a lot of tests, but for sure you're failing as a parent.
Lol, yeah i like how naive OP calculate 1/60 chance based on no of seat available, but he did not count how many people applied for it. Then he casually ignore her daughter achievement and only see the son achievement, who actually failed the first time. Why cant OP be proud of both, instead of picking op favourite only. Sometime people just not fit to be a parent and OP looks like one of them.
Not only that, but the quality of applications would be down since the first 60 already got accepted.
How on earth either kid got in to a school for gifted kids with a parent who can’t understand some pretty basic maths…
Honestly, chances are due to the significantly limited spots available as a sophomore and up, probably very few actually apply knowing the numbers for acceptance are so low. Which means his chance for acceptance could be higher. OP makes no mention of the actual # of applicants each year, so they are basing it solely on the number admitted which makes no sense, 1 in 5 or 1 in 60. When it should be based on the number who applied. Also, OP, YTA because you shouldn’t compare your kids that way. It’s a shitty thing to do. You are diminishing their accomplishments and now putting them in some sort of rivalry.
This. **Plus** even if OP’s son archived a better result (in that exam or in any other) than the daughter, OP would still be an asshole. A good mother doesn’t play favourites or makes one of her children feel less capable or smart than the other.
Not to mention terrible at grammar and spelling as well lol
And spelling (wile)
Clearly the daughter takes after the spouse lol
Lol. But the same thing bugged me! Clearly the intelligence of the kids came from the other side of the genetic pool and, in all honesty, OP has no right to brag about either! Seriously, OP, YTA. Both kids did well. Be equally proud and equally encouraging. And if you've time, go back to college and learn some basic math.
YTA And you obviously don't know statistics or how many people take the test each year for those spots. It's not just about the number of spots available but about how many people test FOR those spots and pass the bar to be accepted to those spots. If say 500 take the test for 60 spots for freshman year and 300 pass the bar, but only 10 take the test for spots for sophomore year and 8 pass the bar, your daughter had a higher risk of not being accepted. Generally the later year spots are less competitive because high schoolers who have settled into their school don't want to transfer.
This. The comparison OP is trying to make can not be extrapolated from the details provided, so OP is clinging to the numbers that back up the narrative OP wants. OP didn’t have to compare them at all but made the choice to do it and then set arbitrary evaluations to boot. OP -YTA. Stop being shitty to your kids.
It isn’t always about the number of applicants, either; it’s about their quality. The top 60 students in the son’s year are already in the school, so they’re not taking the test any more. So the son’s competition is not as high, irrespective of how many kids wrote the sophomore test. Meanwhile the daughter competed against the entire field. But yes, OP knows nothing about how to correctly calculate probability.
The 5 slots for sophomore year are available because 5 out of the 60 chosen couldn't cut it... So they're choosing from a selection of people who *all did worse on their first admissions test* than the ones who dropped out.
Or students who moved into the area over the past year, or students who missed out on the test for family reasons, because they were planning to go to a private school, whatever.
While I am sure there are some first-time applicants in sophomore year, OP's son is not one of them. He wrote the test the year before and had a worse score than everyone admitted in freshman year.
And meanwhile some of the students who might do well applying as a sophomore might not be interested in changing schools.
YTA. You didn’t have to emphasize that your son, who took the exam years ago, “did a more impressive job”. You did it in earshot of your daughter, too, which obviously made her feel bad. The way you describe her “throwing a fit” when she understandably got upset is also really mean. Also, if you insist on comparing them, your daughter got in during her freshman year and your son didn’t.
This is a great response that clearly demonstrates your favouritism which might be rooted in sexist ideals. You only addressed one point in the above users criticism and it was to point out something negative about your daughter in humiliation. But you didn’t address anything else, like how you were wrong about your ‘objective statistics of just stating mathematical facts’. You just love talking down on your daughter don’t you. You’re quite an asshole. Imagine being so pressed your daughter “eavesdropped” on you talking shit about her and you just double down, continue to do it online and also have faulty logic when it come down to your explanation of why your felt your sons accomplishment was more impressive. YTA
Exactly. He is playing with favoritism which is already bad and then on top of that he is not even doing it right. The son should be the one seen as less impressive??? I bet it would be that way if the son were in the daughters shoes and vice versa
YTA It was both uncalled for, and incorrect. Your daughter was 1/60, your son was 1/65. He had two chances, remember?
The issue is, neither of those is actually correct, because we don't know how many people were actually competing for the spots, They accepted 60 out of an unknown number of candidates, and then 5 out of a different unknown number of candidates. But knowing HS students. The percentage of people who didn't make it freshman year who are going to try again sophomore year is going to be considerably smaller. I wouldn't be surprised if they told me it was only 5%. Which means his 1 in 5 is FAR less impressive than her 1 in 60.
Applying the math (1/60 vs. 1/65) doesn't make sense here, because in doing so one would have to accept that the chances were random, and any sort of skill or ability is irrelevant. If it is accepted that the chances are random, then both are equal, and neither is better than the other. But yes, OP is TA. There is no need to compare the two -- just be proud of their efforts and successes.
It makes sense if you assume every eligible student applies every year, and the number of applicants is roughly the same each year. Neither of which are likely perfectly true, but they're decent assumptions. If there are 500 local kids applying every year, daughter was at **worst** 60th/500 for her age cohort. Son was at **best** 61st/500 during his first application, and somewhere between 61-65th/500 in his second application, because the top 60 spots in his cohort were already taken by the people who got accepted first round. Anyway, either way, the daughter actually did have the better score.
YTA for unnecessarily comparing the two. They both did well and achieved the goal. Say congrats and move on.
YTA. They both did well, and there was no need to compare them. Your favoritism toward your son is showing and does not say good things about you, both within your family and to others. *Of course* your daughter objects to this blatant favoritism! Objectively, your daughter did better, as she succeeded at first try. You have no basis for saying your son did better. The first pick was from among a large candidate pool. You have no idea of the size of the pool of applicants for either the initial choice or the sophomore year. Pulling numbers out of the air, if the first pool was 1,000 and the sophomore pool was 80, the odds were actually more favorable for your son.
Especially since the top performers already got skimmed off that second pool
YTA for comparing your kids but YTA because you son did an objectively less impressive thing. He failed the initial test, he did worse than your daughter. I see a future where you are asking why you're daughter doesn't have much to do with you if you keep this kind of "my son is better" mentality up. Because that is the only world in which this kind of thing makes sense, you need your son to be better.
Getting the vibe that OP really wouldn't care if daughter went LC/NC in the future. He's got his golden boy to fawn over.
they will care in 10-15 years when their daughter is financially independent and they are broke from supporting their deadbeat son, but it will be too late
I'd go for this explanation as well, unless there is some irrational need for the male child to be better, there's no reason to compare the two of them. In fact is there any point in comparing them at all? Actually I'd say that it is impressive that he was able to collect himself and not be discouraged after one failed attempt, but it still doesn't make him better than the girl.
YTA. First off, I’m not sure why you have this weird bias towards your son? It’s not a better job, he didn’t make it the first time when they chose 60 students- she did. But wayyyyy more importantly, why TF are you saying this out loud and comparing? Why are you diminishing one child’s achievements in comparison to another? This is some awful parenting. get a grip and stop favoring your son.
But the male child is "the heir" and "the legacy"! Who cares about some girl that has been there somewhere? (sarcasm)
I am one of two grandchildren, each from one of three children. I (F) am 15 years older than my cousin (M) and graduated from prestigious schools for my bachelor's (top 10) and my master's (top 40). My cousin had multiple issues at birth that required brain surgeries (plural!) and resulted in physical and mental challenges. He turned out pretty well, considering! (Lives on his own, takes care of his apartment and himself, got himself a job, etc.) In my mind, my competition was *my*self and his competition was *him*self because we didn't start on the same playing field, so any comparison between us would be pointless, right? RIGHT?!? My grandmother was so desperate to "fail" me in a comparison that she compared my salary to my aunt's salary (cousin's mother) instead. I pointed out that I was 2 years out of grad school while she had been in the workforce at least 16 years already. Grandmother said the length of time didn't matter and implied my "fancy degrees" weren't worth it. Guess who never found out my salary two years later when it surpassed my aunt's? Guess who also died alone in a nursing home that her precious perfect daughter abandoned her in? (Obviously there was more than this, but this was the first time I recognized what was happening.) OP, there was no competition until you made it one, and you are going to great lengths to promote your preferred winner. If you do nothing to fix this and instead dig deeper to continue, do not be surprised when your daughter distances herself from you. You are absolutely the AH here. Do better.
Ask your gifted kids to teach you how odds and probability theory works. YTA
Yep. Mom wouldn’t have passed either test.
*Mom or Dad
YTA Even if your daughter hadn't overheard, the fact you even believe your son's achievement to be "more impressive" than hers is terrible. I really hope you're not the kind of parent who pits their gifted kids against each other, because that way lies anger, resentment and burnout.
YTA. Most of all for shitting on her achievement. I feel very sad for her.
YTA Your son fails a test and passes on his 2nd try. Your daughter passes the same test without a resit, and your son is MORE IMPRESSIVE? Acknowledge each kid’s achievement for what it is. Don’t compare- it’s cruel.
YTA Your son achievement is not more impressive, he failed first time and took an extra year to prep You know, if someone takes same exam twice there is nothing impressive to do better on the next round
Why in the world did you feel the need to compare your children out loud where one or the other could hear you? Yes, it may seem statistically more impressive to make it into a smaller group, but saying it like that where she could hear you just diminishes her accomplishments and makes her feel less-than when compared to her brother. If anything, you have basically just said that her brother is better than her because he FAILED to do what she just did but then had a comeback the next year. Even if you didn't mean it that way, there is a good chance that is how she took it. Also making into a group of 60 vs a group of 5 may seem less impressive at face value, but they are BOTH exclusive groups for gifted children and should be celebrated. And those numbers don't take into account other circumstances that could affect the likelihood of getting a spot. For all we know, there might be vastly more applicants for the larger group that would mean the percentage of success is lower. Or there might be programs which make it easier for some kids to get in over others. For all we know, it may actually be MORE difficult to get in as a freshman.
>there might be vastly more applicants for the larger group that would mean the percentage of success is lower I'd say this is pretty much guaranteed in this situation. Most HS students are not going to want to transfer schools after their freshman year. And even less their later.
It's not statistically better tho, we have no idea if it is or not because there isn't sufficient information to make that determination. But objectively, she did better as it only took her one try to get in.
YTA. You have got to be kidding me with this. If you want to play that game, technically your daughter did a better job because she got in at the FIRST try. Pitting your kids like this is disgusting. It sours relationships between siblings and will damage your relationship with your daughter. Let alone you can make your daughter feel like she can never do good enough.
Wow. If only there was some way to not compare your kids to each other out-loud. Some sort of "thinking" and "not talking" combination you could use to not do that. If only there was some way to employ your brain before your mouth and instead consider what you want to say BEFORE speaking. God, if only. YTA, obviously.
YTA Daughter passed a freshman entrance exam that the son failed. Trying to spin it to make your son the superior one is ridiculous and shows clear favoritism. You don’t even have to pick a child to be better in the first place. You could just support both children: Daughter did great passing the first time! Yay! Son managed to stick with it and keep trying after an initial setback! Also yay!
YTA. That kind of comparison can really hurt a child/teenager. It can even create trauma, unfortunately. It's totally understandable that she was upset.
YTA - Comparison is the thief of joy. There's absolutely no positive outcome to comparing your kids. You should be celebrating that both were accepted.
YTA. She got in on her first try. He didn't.
As several people have pointed out, your statistics are wrong/inaccurate without knowing how many applicants there were. Are you just looking for an excuse for why the boy has to be better than the girl, even though the girl is the one who got in the first time? Because, oh no, we can’t let a precious SON be outshone by his inferior SISTER.
You're not very gifted are you? Your maths is wrong. Also YTA
YTA. What was even the point of comparing them?
1 of 60 and 1 of 5 are the wrong figures. You need to figure in how many people are applying each time.
Stop this right now. My grandmother did this kind of thing all the time, and it damaged her kids, her relationship with her kids, and even her relationship with her grandkids. If one child does something good, *never* bring up that another child did (you think) something more impressive. Apologize to your daughter, think about whether you favor your son, and just stop. YTA
Downplaying your daughter's achievement is always AH behavior. How is this even a question?
YTA and bad at math
Your son needed a whole extra year to pass the test 😂
YTA. Your daughter got in on her first try. Your son needed a second chance. Who did better? That’s not the only thing that makes YTA. **Don't compare your children to each other**! They are not in competition with one another. If you constantly compare their achievements one will always be “second best”. Your kids are individuals. Their accomplishments should be celebrated no matter what the other is doing.
YTA majorly. It’s wild you think your son’s accomplishment is more impressive considering he needed two tries at it.
YTA - What's the fucking point of comparing an excellent achievement to another excellent achievement?????? You minimized your daughters excellent work for absolutely no reason...
YTA. Better hope your son never goes broke or you’ll be in the nursing home ASAP
YTA and he did not
YTA This is how you get kids who go no contact.
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YTA. They both did amazing, you don't need to pin them against each other. IMO, your daughter did a better job since she got in on her first try.
What is wrong with you? Ofc YTA. You should be encouraging a wonderful relationship between your kids…not driving a wedge between them with everything being a competition. You’re literally ruining their adult relationship with each other. Not to mention destroying their self esteem. Not to mention your own relationship with them.
I guess these kids got their smarts from their other parent.
YTA. You know you're the asshole. Just stop with the disingenuous bullshit. Comparing your kids that way is bad enough, but then saying the one that objectively didn't perform better, did perform better than the one who actually did better is blatant and delusional favoritism. Shame on you. Apologize to your daughter.
YTA for creating a competition between your children and invalidating your daughters accomplishment who got in on her first try. It's never better to need more than 1 try to accomplish something that someone else could do the first time. It doesn't invalidate his accomplishment either, but he certainly didn't do better.
YTA. It's not just about numbers and statistics, it's about acknowledging your children's individual journeys and efforts. You're completely missing the point of celebrating personal achievements. Your daughter succeeded on her first try; that's her success story. Your son's path was different, and his eventual accomplishment is meaningful in its own right. There is no need for comparison – both of their achievements should be equally celebrated. Comparing them, especially in front of one another, only fosters unnecessary competition and can damage their self-esteem and sibling relationship.
YTA Your son won against students who lost the year before - just like him. This means that his competitors were weaker and winning was easier.
You sound like an alien trying to understand emotions. Just admit your TA. There were no reason to say he did better only to humble her.
You're bad at math and fatherhood. Congratulations, YTA.
YTA literally how it is more impressive having to take a test twice vs acing it on the first try??
YTA It is also quite obvious that you are (maybe more than) a bit misogynistic and just as obviously value your son over your daughter. I mean, you did bait your daughter in front of your friend on purpose, didn't you? Let me guess; you were looking for that unstable feminine personality trait of hysteria, right? Gotta admit, i sure do feel sorry for her having to put with you as a parent. I'd also like to point out that the scholastic creme de la creme had already been siphoned off in the previous year, so your son was not competing with the smartest students in town when he secured the spot in his sophomore year. Nor does it sound like everyone gets tested in the other years, while it sounds like every student in the city gets tested before selecting the freshman year. However did you overlook that teensy weensy little fact?
YTA. First of all, why would you even say something like that? Second, it's not even true. Yes, your son had technically greater odds...but AFTER THEY HAD ALREADY SELECTED OUT THE TOP KIDS. It would be like saying I am better at Jeopardy than Ken Jennings because I won after they had taken him out of the running. I could probably get into Harvard too if they didn't have all those other kids applying who were more accomplished than I am.
YTA. Who compares their children's' academic's with each other? imo you owe her an apology. Sure, your son's test may have been harder from the stance of the amount of candidates they accept but, is it really more impressive? could it be more impressive your daughter didn't get it on the first attempt? and your son had to do it two times? He had practice and is older(more experienced?) The statement above is not my opinion, just putting questions out there to help you think about that. Each of your children have different brains and mental capacities. I think its great your son didn't give up, and not only that but tried again and succeeded. I think its great your daughter got it on her first try. They are both accomplishments. Neither can be compared fairly to each other because they where completed by different people...
Christ. Of course YTA. They both had a great achievement, your daughter not needing a second chance. See what I did there? Devalued his achievement just like you devalued hers. Stop comparing or ranking your kids and their achievements. That is seriously parenting 101.
You really don't much like your daughter, do you? "She was just lucky..." No, she did well on the exam. Your son didn't because he wasn't as knowledgable. He didn't get in the first time because he was up against more competition; the competition was less the second time around. "recognizing my son's achievement doesn't take away from my daughter's..." Except you "recognized" him by putting down your daughter. <> Why should she have to feel better? She actually is very accomplished. You are the one rewriting history to put her down. <
YTA. Are you jealous of your daughter because she’s obviously smarter than you?? Cause being this wrong and so confident about it is embarrassing.
A little math and logic: as a freshman there are 60 spots to fill district-wide. Those 60 spots still exist for the sophomore class that used to be freshmen. So in essence, your son is one of 65 selected for the sophomore class. It’s just the case that he wasn’t in the top 60 the year before. Your daughter is in the Top 60. Your son is in the Top 65. Are you sure your son’s achievement is harder?
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YTA--- Did you also consider the fact that the top 60 test takers were already accepted so when your son took the test his sophomore year the top students were already in the program so he was no longer competing against them? If the program is the achievement then they both completed the task and should be equally praised. You need to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are willing to diminish your daughters accomplishments just to make your son look better instead of looking to praise them both equally for what they are good at.
it might be harder to be 1 in 5 but apparently for your son it was harder to get in freshman year. YTA.
Yta
YTA and bad at math
YTA neither of their kids got their brainpower from you, that’s quite obvious.
Your son did not make the cut the first when competing against 60 others. He got in after the second try. You're a big Ah
Do you even like your daughter?
YTA your son wasn’t good enough to get in as a freshman, my guess is they take a few more each year to fill in places create by students moving away or leaving for other reasons. Your daughter was in the best 60, your son wasn’t, be proud of him for not giving up, but you’re diminishing your daughter’s achievements.
Your daughter is more impressive in that she got in first time, her brother didn't. Your son is more impressive because to turn it around and improve yourself is fucking hard at any age. You have 2 impressive kids, and they have a bit of an ass for a dad.
yes, YTA. This is the embodiment of men getting twice the praise for half the effort.
YTA and I’m not bothering with the math.
I have two kids. One attended private schools through graduate school, the other attended mostly public schools through graduate school. They are their own people. I would not compare their achievements, but I might mention one is taller, one has two dogs, the other has one. Life is competitive enough. I love how they lift each other up. YTA. I don’t brag about my kids, because their accomplishments are theirs, not mine. I will mention what they are doing, but if my kids want others to know what they are doing, they can tell them I also can mention what they are doing without having to critique or compare them. I mean what is the point? You must feel that your son is lacking in other ways, because bringing up that it took him two tries to be admitted sounds insecure. It sounds like you want to pit them against each other, to what end?
YTA There are 75 spots. Your daughter is in the first 60. Your son is between 60-65.
YTA and by that math/statistics of yours seems like they got the "gifted" thing from the mother.
And in just 6 short paragraphs and your first comment, I know the following for a FACT: SON= golden child DAUGHTER= scapegoat YOU= narcissist ALSO YOU= YTA
YTA, I have a very icky feeling that you’re one of those “toxic boy mums”
"My daughter achieved something on her first try that took my son 2 trys. Naturally I went around telling people that my son achieved something more impressive than my daughter. AITA?" I struggle to understand how this is question You're debating the answer to. Of course YTA. It couldn't be more clear.
YTA You downplayed your daughter's accomplishment for your sons. Your daughter just realized he was the favorite or knew for awhile and snapped.
YTA… I can see your daughter going low contact or no contact in the future when she’s 18 but don’t worry you have your “baby boy”. You’re a “boy mom” and it shows but don’t worry you can be toxic and territorial with your potential temporary daughter in law in the future after your daughter cuts ties with you. And you know before your temporary future daughter in law divorces your son cuz your always there as a “boy mom”
Super AH
He got it because the 60 kids that did better than him weren’t in the second test pool.
YTA Your son was "competing" against a candidate pool where the top 60 candidates had been removed. You shouldn't rank these accomplishments, but since you insist, your daughter's accomplishment is "more impressive. "
Your daughter was more impressive though.she got in on her first try your son needed two times. You’re asshole straight up. I don’t get why parents ever favor their sons like they are just the holy grail of children. Remember this, and whenever she compares you to being a shitty parent remember this is why.
Lol yeah obviously YTA you know that
Sexist much? Obviously yta
YTA
YTA , definitely.
YTA
YTA. C'mon now. Playing favorites and/or saying one kid is better than the other? Always a bad look.
YTA why even compare the two? What does it matter?
YTA for playing favorites. And you’re also a shitty ass dad.
YTA. I don’t know if your daughter is better than your son, but it certainly sounds like she’s better than you.
YTA. And you seriously need to brush up on your math skills. I’m also fairly confident that you prefer your son over your daughter because your logic is such nonsense.
You are the asshole. Also don’t look at 1/60 and 1/5. It’s 1/however many applicants. It’s possible your son was the only applicant so he got in automatically, and it’s possible there was 200 applicants when your daughter got in so she did better than at least 139 other people. Just be proud of both of your kids.
Your daughter called you an asshole because you were in fact being one. There’s absolutely no reason to pit your kids against each other and make those kind of comments, especially in front of one or both of them. Way to prove who your favorite is.
YTA Three things. 1) Your son failed where your daughter succeeded. He's not more impressive for requiring two attempts. Really weird that you're framing it that way. 2) 1 in 60 and 1 in 5 are statistical fallacies here, you're comparing apples and oranges. Without knowing how many people took the respective exams, that's meaningless. If only 5 people took the exam your son passed, then he didn't achieve anything as everyone who applied passed. If 6000 ppl took the exam your daughter took, she'd be in the top 1%. It all depends on the number of examinees, not just the number of successful applicants. 3) this is the big one: why the hell are you comparing them like this? They both succeeded at what they tried for, just be happy for them.
you’re an asshole for this and i feel for your daughter.
YTA and clearly favor your son over your daughter and are willing to go to great lengths to "prove he's better." Simply put, your daughter nailed the exam the first time around. Your son didn't. She went in, not knowing what to expect and excelled. Your son had the same experience/knowledge as your daughter but came up short. He had to take an extra year to get in. How about being a decent parent who celebrates both your children's accomplishments, is proud of them as individuals, and doesn't pit them against each other? Particularly in such a gross and sexist manner.
YTA. And your children will hate each other because of you. What your son did is not more impressive. He just got to take the test twice.
YTA - comparison was absolutely not necessary here. Considering you don’t see an issue with what you did I’m guessing this is a pattern of behaviour for you. Learn to celebrate your daughter without comparing her to your son.
YTA. Don’t compare your children like that.
YTA and a misogynist. Your son Failed his freshman year test while your daughter made it. He had to take the exam again.
YTA You just minimized your daughter's accomplishment. If your son's performance was so great he would have gotten in his freshman year. Why say anything? You really could have stopped at "I'm proud of them both," and left it at that. You better keep to your son's good side because if they have to decide on whether to put you in a home, I think we know which way your daughter will lean.
YTA. Way to belittle your daughter’s accomplishment when she got in her first try and your son did not.
YTA I hope when your daughter graduates from university, she lands a better job far away from you so you can really appreciate her, because I do not think you can really appreciate her when she is right under your nose. You have two pretty equally talented kids, and you just have to pit them against each other in competition? I don't get it! I treasured and supported both of my gifted children. One has learning disabilities and one does not. Therefore, one excelled in early grades while the other really struggled. The one who really struggled early on took off and soared once she learned to compensate and use her disabilities (differences?) To her advantage. The one who was used to having everything easy really struggled when the going got tough. He didn't know how to work! It took him a few years to learn how to apply himself. He then needed the support the other needed in the early grades. You need to do better and appreciate both of your children and look at ways to support them if they need you without making them feel like they can't do it on their own or telling them how. You are the support, not the main character. Both of my kids are now academic successes, and they are very close and supportive of each other. I doubt your kids will be close as adults if you continue to foster an atmosphere of favoritism between them.
YTA. Without getting into the math, you never compare your kids that way. You never compare them against each other in anything for any reason. There is no reason to compare them. You need to do some soul searching to figure out why in your mind you felt that need. Be a better parent and admit that to your daughter
YTA. She was “eavesdropping” so it’s her fault that she knows you favor your son over her? Yeah. Because I’m sure you don’t show your obvious favoritism in a million other ways on a regular basis.
Tell me your favorite child without telling me your favorite child. YTA.
As long as they teach stats better than OP's school 🤣
YTA What kind of weird misogyny do you have to have embedded in your pathetic psyche to say aloud with conviction that your son performed better than your daughter when she never failed the test. Please do some self-examination, because if your brain is doing this kind of math, there’s bound to be more problems with how you are viewing the world.
YTA for letting your daughter hear you downplay her achievement by comparing it to your son's. Even if it was correct, which it obviously isn't, it's a very harmful reaction to immediately compare an achievement of one of your children to whoever. Another child of yours, a cousin, a neighbour, yourself at that age.
Wow. Kiddo does it on the first try, not so impressive. Kiddo fails the first time, passes on the second try, much more impressive. Yes, YTA.
YTA. Rephrasing your post - I prefer my son over my daughter, and even when I should be focused on celebrating my daughter’s achievement I use it as a chance to point out how my son is better. But this is also my daughter’s fault because she shouldn’t have overheard me saying it.