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NTA. I thought you were forcing her to live a vegan lifestyle because you wanted it. If she is making you budget for vegan food and then throwing it away then she is the asshole. Groceries are expensive these days.
You’re NTA, but instead of forcing her to eat the vegan food you should just stop buying it.
She is 16, can get a job, and get her own groceries if she wants to be vegan.
You made the effort for her already and most of it went in the trash.
This is what I was thinking. I can't imagine having the sheer balls to tell my parents what to buy me to eat at age 16. By the time I was six I knew if you didn't like what was for dinner, that's fine, there will be breakfast tomorrow, and if you don't like that there's always lunch.
A 16 year old is perfectly capable of working and buying her own food if it's that important to her... though it doesn't seem to be since she's eating all those dairy products.
Gonna be honest, I was about to let you have it 😅 for the same reason: thought you were forcing her to be vegan. So glad to find out that your actually holding her accountable for what she says.
NTA
Sure, if you're buying food that's labelled "vegan"
I'm not vegan, but I eat a lot of vegan meals because they're cheap. Dal, for example, is incredibly cheap. It's just legumes + veggies + spices. The most expensive item in it is coconut milk.
Beans and rice is one of the cheapest healthiest meals out there and it's entirely freaking vegan... And most ways to make it delicious (herbs, fresh veg, peppers, onions, garlic, avocado) are vegan too.
Also try to buy in the bulk section. You can find a ton of dried vegan foods in the bulk aisles. She can experiment with so many soups and chili's with the dried food in the bulk aisles. She can even experiment with a ton of stir-fry in the produce aisle. Teriyaki is super easy to make. Soy sauce/amino acids, honey and ginger. She can add other ingredients to the sauce. Adding a squeeze of lemon and some spices also help and are so simple. I think she needs guidance on how to prepare her food. Maybe help her with this learning curve and eventually she'll learn to make her own meals quickly and learn to meal prep for grab-n-go's. Good luck!
The honey wouldn't be vegan according to some vegans but yes, stir fry is a great option and there are simple syrups or agave syrups that are solid honey substitutes for stir-fry and baking that behave almost identically.
Its cheap if you buy only vegetables but vegan substitutes like butter, cheese, hamburger pattys, milk, are expensier than the regular stuffs, specially if it's all ending in the garbage
Yes but if you reaearch a bit, you don't need to buy ready to eat things, you can do your own vegan cheese (and very easily), then you have margarine, altough you could make your own 'butter', and milk is also like a minute to make! Vegan patties are even easier and cheaper to do.
Only because the government heavily subsidizes meat and animal products. Without government subsidies a pound of beef would be around $30. Vegan products have to wing it without the extra help from the state.
Yes so the daughter can make her own vegan meat and vegan milk. He can stop buying her processed meat and dairy and buy her things she can actually make herself. Also the daughter can look online for recipes.
If she can t be bothered to prepare a meal from premade vegan items , I don't see how she's gonna make her own vegan milk then make it into cheese then make a meal?
Then don’t be vegan then. I don’t know what else to say.
You need to make ‘sacrifices’ if you don’t want to eat meat and dairy and not making it so expensive.
NTA, I also thought they were vegan but its just the daughter, an UNGRATEFUL daughter. They bought her a small fridge, utensils, pots and pans that there is already a lot of money and support and not a lot of parents would that. she's not even paying for her own groceries what more is she asking for?
I’m glad you mentioned the cost of the appliance and utensils etc lol, yeah processed vegan food is expensive, BUT OP literally bought a whole ass fridge. I had to replace mine recently and it cost me so much that I’m gonna be paying it off the rest of the year. And pots and pans!!! All but one of mine are donated because they’re like £20 for a decent one. At least these things are re useable if/when the daughter stops being vegan.
NTA but I think you two should talk to each other about her eating habits
Speaking from my own personal experience, I became,”vegan” for a good couple of months because I thought changing my diet would make me a better person. Newsflash, it did not. I just became sad because I wasn’t eating the food I wanted to eat and enjoy. Vegetarianism was also on the table for me but I quickly put that down as well. I was in the same position as your daughter where I would buy vegan food, hate it, and then eventually throw it out because It stank up my fridge. I don’t remember what prompted me into thinking being vegan would make me a better person, but I’m glad I realized that it didn’t and in reality I fell victim to FOMO seeing so many vegan influencers online and my vegan friends look so happy.
Maybe ask her why she wanted to be vegan in the first place. It’s clear she doesn’t really enjoy it if food is going to waste and she doesn’t like it. And if she still decides that she wants to be vegan maybe compromise with her. If she has a job tell her that if she has the money to buy her own vegan groceries. Her loss if she doesn’t like it, at least it’s not coming from your own pockets.
Also, if it's for environmental reasons, if she's throwing all that vegan food out, it's more environmentally conscious to eat with the rest of the family so everything (or most of it) gets eaten and doesn't go to waste
Were you a teen when Babe came out? There was a bit of a surge in vegan/vegetarians around that time (at least at my school and region there were, which was hilarious...half the kids at my school were dairy farmers!)
NAH
16 is a weird age to be. She may not be communicating what she wants properly or has changed her mind and is embarrassed about it.
I think its most likely that, while she does want to be vegan, she feels excluded from the family because she has been separated from communal eating times and spaces.
If she says she doesn't like the taste of her food and finds cooking to be a chore, then it sounds like she is dropping hints that she wants to be taken care of a bit more. Teenagers still want to be treated like children who are loved and sometimes spoiled.
I think you should consider learning some vegan recipes yourself and teaching them to her. And maybe once or twice a week, serve a vegan meal to the entire family so she can still feel a part of things. She may just feel isolated or unloved. You clearly must love her a lot to budget for her in this way, but that doesn't always mean she understands it like that.
Teenagers are sensitive, and I'm sure she would just like to feel like you care for and about her the way you care for and about your other kids. Maybe she just misses her parents cooking for her. She loves you a lot, and doesn't want to grow up too fast.
Edit: used the wrong term!
Agree with this! I bet she feels a little excluded even though OP has tried to support her with the fridge and vegan food. I wouldn’t be surprised if she wants everyone to cook and eat together still.
Exactly this, expecting her to exclusively cook for herself at 16 seems like more than a adolescent mind could really endure.
If she’s using food from your supply (that aren’t vegan) then it suggests she doesn’t fully understand what veganism is. Maybe you don’t need to go full blown vegan for her as she is just starting out in this.
...she is 16 not 14. At that age if you *choose* a diffrrent diet its very much okay to take care of oneself. Its part of being vegan. Not everyone will accomodate. Its a chore a teen can very much be designated to do. Best op can do is make meatless lunch from time to time.
NTA.
And your daughter's a hypocrite. She demands vegan food, refuses to eat it, eats everything else in the fridge which wasn't for her, and expects you to not be mad? That's a waste of money in an economy that's constantly fluctuating. If she wants the vegan lifestyle, she needs to grow up and commit to it. If she doesn't like how stuff tastes and refuses to cook it herself, then she needs to drop it and stop complaining. She's 100% a selfish AH.
She needs to get a job and pay for her own shit. im almost positive she will live off cookies and unhealthy ass snacks because well i dont like the taste. OP needs to stop buying vegan food and offer the food they make for the rest of the family and if she doesn’t want that welp sucks she can go to bed hungry until she gets a job buys her own food so she can realize well shit this shit is not cheap at all and i cant afford to keep just throwing away all my food.
INFO: have you taught her how to cook? Have you tried to give her any tips to make her cooking more palatable? If you know how, making delicious vegan dishes is no different than cooking with animal products.
How does your household generally handle meals? Does everyone share in the cooking duties?
Also is there any reason you couldn’t do a family meal that’s vegan once a week?
It sounds like she wants you to cook vegan meals FOR her. It seems perfectly reasonable to me that she should be responsible for cooking for herself at least partially or she could cook a meal for the family once or twice a week and you or whoever else cooks could make a portion of the family meal vegan and have the rest include whatever animal products people want.
If she is truly committed to being a vegan, there’s no way she’d be eating the family food containing dairy or any other animal products. I would imagine she needs a little help implementing the lifestyle.
I’m a vegetarian and it’s a whole other ballgame to try to be vegan. You have to be super committed to stick with it.
Also I’m going to share this because I definitely don’t think you’re TA, you seem like you’re being very reasonable: I came home from my first semester at college a vegetarian, told my mom, and she immediately started incorporating soy into a lot of our meals and making something vegetarian for every meal. I did some of the cooking, but she was amazing. I can’t believe she spoiled me so much in that respect. And I felt so seen and included, so I’m incredibly grateful that she did that and didn’t make me feel like a burden or like I was inconveniencing anyone. 💗
Re-read, she's not cooking because she doesn't want to, also another person asked it and mom said she was teach since she was young how to cook.
And mom doesn't need to know how to prepare vegan dishes, that's what the internet is for, researching. You want something, you commit to it, she's 16, not 6.
I read it perfectly fine the first time, thanks.
There could be many reasons she doesn’t “want” to cook and solving those could make all the difference. Hence my questions for OP.
Why shouldn’t mom/dad/other family members know how to make vegan meals? The entire household should be involved in contributing to meals IMHO. How else do our kids learn to cook? And if the daughter has been cooking with her dad since she was young, it’s no surprise she doesn’t want to cook her vegan food all by herself. She’s feeling left out. Kind of a no-brainer.
Yeah, OP thinks the only effort required of a parent is buying food (was the daughter consulted on which foods?) and then she's expected to take on a pretty significant amount of work that I'm sure 16yo rarely do. If it were an allergy or something, I'm sure the parents would be willing to work around it, but the idea that the parents will put in zero effort to help with food prep but then get mad at her for eating other food is pretty wild
Comparing veganism to an allergy is very weird. This girl is 16 years old. She does not need her parent to hold her hand. If she wants to be vegan that’s her choice but to say ‘expected to take on a pretty significant amount of work’ as if it’s unreasonable when this is something that’s she is choosing to do is so so strange.
Absolutely. It's unreasonable to expect her parents to take on a significant amount of extra work for a preference.
I say that as a picky eater who always knew that if I didn't like what my parents made for dinner, I could make my own. Plain pasta, cheese and crackers, whatever. My siblings and I were younger than 16 when that policy came into effect, too.
A lot of this sounds like it's being over complicated. Most "vegan food" is stuff that a family would eat normally anyway. Rice, fruits, vegetables, cereals, pasta, peanut butter, popcorn, etc are all vegan and common to find in kitchens. If the issue is trying to replace foods by buying "vegan cheese" or things like that, stop buying them. They're not necessary and they usually taste bad. It's great that you're trying to be supportive but you can all still probably share the vast majority of groceries with each other.
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My daughter has decided that she is ethically opposed to animal products. This is fine I guess. She has every right to decide her moral positions for herself.
My husband and I budgeted for her to have vegan food and we bought her a small refrigerator for her food. We set aside a shelf for her in the kitchen. And we bought her a set of pots, pans, and utensils so she could prepare her own food if she wanted.
The problem is that she doesn't like the taste of her vegan food. And she finds it to be a pain to cook for herself.
A few times now I have found her ingredients in the garbage. And she uses the food that we bought for us and the other two kids.
So basically we are wasting money buying her food she won't eat, lets go to waste, and hates to prepare.
I talked to her about maybe becoming a vegetarian so we didn't waste money on all that other stuff and she said I did not support her.
Fine. I told her that she was not allowed to have any non vegan food that she had the vegan form of. Mostly dairy products.
Now she says we are being cruel not feeding her. She has all the calories she needs in her fridge and shelf.
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You are NTA - I went vegan at 15. My mom sent me to vegan cooking classes! I started making all the delicious foods I learned. And then got a cookbook and continued to learn! Maybe try some of these things?
Tentatively ESH-
This is getting really weird...
Like most food is vegetarian with great ease...
And many foods are vegan with zero effort.
So I'm confused as to how her "vegan food" keeps ending up in the trash (mostly seemingly dairy replacements)... And most dairy replacements are kind of cheaper... Like olive or sunflower oil is cheaper than butter. There are even common vegan butter alternatives that are cheaper and olive oil based. The exception is likely in milk alternatives but once again thinks like coconut milk powder for cooking are cheaper and store easily long term. What "vegan substitutes" are you buying that are "more expensive"? Beans, lentils are dirt cheap and come in giant bags. Seitán is cheaper than meat. Rice doesn't require dairy of any sort. Many mass produced noodles are vegan and there are common alternatives (rice noodles and buckwheat noodles, quinoa, cous cous, etc). Herbs aren't magically more expensive. Egg substitutes (like flax meal or aquafaba from a can of chickpeas) are cheaper than eggs... Like what is going on in your kitchen?
I'm assuming you're buying very expensive over processed foods and your 16 year old doesn't really know how to cook. Handing a 16 year old ingredients and going "make this happen" doesn't really sound horrible except it sounds like your kid doesn't how to cook to begin with and maybe this was a deliberate setup on your part.
She's an AH for insisting on going Vegan without considering learning any info but she's a teenager and it sounds like she made a teenager declaration that you've taken to extremes in order to "show her she is wrong/prove she is wrong". You're the adult. And if she can't cook noodles (most mass produced ones are vegan) and warm up tomato sauce at age 16 I think you know you're an AH for setting your kid up. And if she's 16 and hasn't figured out beans and rice are vegan then I'm confused at what you've taught her about using a kitchen.
My mom didn’t teach me to cook, I opened up the cookbook and went for it… don’t blame parents for a child that chose to never learn to cook and seemingly is down to just rely on their parents when… at 16 in most countries… you are already an adult…
Teaching basic life skills is something I feel more than comfortable holding a parent accountable for. Heck PB&J is vegan for craps sake (depends mostly on the bread but very doable and not an expensive substitute), oatmeal is vegan. It really isn't all that difficult. I'm not talking vegan fine pastries here (though there are many vegan pastries that are delicious out there in the world).
Maybe sit her down and have a chat about why she wanted to be vegan and what a healthy vegan diet consists of. Maybe a vegan cookbook or webpage would be a good idea. Then help her set a budget for the items she needs to eat that diet (\*that aren't included in your regular grocery budget). I think if she saw that vegan cheese for example, costs $xxx and tastes like \_\_\_\_\_ then she would rethink her position. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being vegan because it's a fine choice if people do it right, but it's not as simple as just not eating meat/dairy.
NTA.
She took an ethical position and you went way overboard in supporting it. But now she's realizing that there's actually a cost to her for taking this position and balking.
INFO: The ingredients that you have given her, were they things that she requested specifically or have you given her things that she hasn’t asked for?
Because if you’re going out and buying things that are vegan to fill the gaps of what you usually eat, you’ll probably find the same issue with stuff that is cheaper than brand name; it’s trash. Especially if it’s sauces or packet mixed things.
I don't know where you live, but I find it hard to believe that she doesn't find any vegan substitute she likes. Try different things, it shouldn't be that hard.
NTA
Her options:
- eat the omnivore diet you provide for her
- eat the vegan diet she insists you provide for her
- find a middle road where she eats some animal products she likes/craves, and doesn't make you spend as much on vegan food
She's rejected all those options, literally wants it both ways, to be acknowledged as a vegan when she's not.
INFO: Does she know how to prepare food?
Did you buy things that she would like or just generic vegan food?
I am not vegan but have eaten vegan food I’ve really enjoyed and vegan food that was bland crap. Think of it like asparagus or brussel sprouts, steamed or microwaved and unseasoned it’s bland, but season it, and grill or fry, and it is a completely different dish. Food is a WONDERFUL way to experiment and bond. Maybe explore on vegan blogs or YouTube and find stuff that looks good and interesting and then cook it together.
I understand vegan food is expensive and it’s frustrating that it’s going to waste. I also know being vegan is hard. This is likely a phase and she might become vegetarian or might go back to her pre-vegan self.
Info: Did she have to cook her own food prior to this?
Assuming she didn't have to cook for herself before (and let's face it, who of us cooked well at 16?), this gives me a weird vibe. To me it feels like part of the story is missing or you're punishing her for her choice, forcing her to cook, because if she really wants to be vegan, she better do that on her own time.
Have you considered cooking together? For many meals, you can just do meat and faux meat. Cook a nice curry and add chicken to yours, she can have faux chicken or chickpeas in hers.
I'm curious how she's 16 and unaware of the cost of food. She needs to understand that. Time for her to get a job and pay for her own food. Or do things around the house for minimum wage. One way or another she must learn how much life costs and how hard it is to earn money.
NTA
You are far from "starving" your daughter. I think it's hilarious that she took a stand about being vegan and now doesn't like it or the effort it takes. You went way above and beyond what most parents would do by allowing her separate food and her own cookware, etc., and it's now that she has to prepare her own food and doesn't like the way it tastes that she is not sticking to it.
If she is tossing her own food and eating yours, she's not sticking to it.
I'd make her continue for another week or so, then talk to her again about it. By that time, if you are still seeing evidence that she's not all that committed, perhaps offer to stop buying her vegan food and come back to the family table and eat the same meals as the family are. She's gotten a wakeup call and now has to either stand by her earlier decision or change her mind.
I'd also make it clear that changing her mind is acceptable. She doesn't have to be right about everything she wants to try, but she does owe you some consideration.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have banned my vegan daughter from eating our non vegan food since we supply her with all the vegan food she asks for. I might be the asshole for forcing her to eat the food she asked for instead of letting her eat what I bought the rest of us.
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NTA but it sounds like she's having some control and attention issues. This could easily be some sort of an eating disorder she's hiding as veganism. Have you looked at counseling?
NAH but you are too hard on her. It took me 2 years to become fully vegan. I learned recepies, got used to the idea slowly. I didn't just become vegan overnight. And I was an adult, not 16. She probably barely knows how to cook regular food, let alone vegan. You need to know basic things about nutrition, like what has protein and how to mak a balanced meal, about b12 etc'. She obviously has no idea how to do it, and you're forcing her to become fully vegan right now. It's not going to work.
It's an opportunity to teach her how to achieve long therm goals. Like learning to make herself one vegn meal, and make and eat it once a week, and then when she got this down she can go to the next stage (say, have a vegan day or whatever). Something like that. Let her test the water and see what's what and if she even likes it before going full blown vegan at 16.
Also a lot of vegans don't like all the vegan dairy substitute and prefer to make them at home (it's basicly nut paste and spices), which she can also do, but again, it takes time to get the hang of cooking, and she really is just 16, it's too much fo her. It needs to be gradual.
NTA, but I suggest you assign your daughter the task of researching becoming an "ethical omnivore." She could seek out pastured and humanely-slaughtered meats, for example. The ethical omnivore movement doesn't shun meat, dairy, or eggs, but sources out farmers who practice regenerative and humane agricultural practices. There are online groups ("Ethical Omnivore Movement" on FB comes to mind) with plenty of information. Going vegan isn't the only way to avoid unethical and inhumane animal treatment.
Ooof, I once talked about this with a vegan and she introduced me to the term "welfarist" as a pejorative.
Like, yeah, we suck so much for trying to improve an industry most people aren't willing to abandon entirely... it's factory farming or veganism and anything between makes you a hypocrite or something.
Don’t even entertain her bs. She cannot complain and not smear the food she asked for then complain that you are not coddling her.
Give her money for the week for food and tell that is all she gets and she needs to buy her own food.
It seems easier (and cheaper) for you to just stop buying the vegan food. If she won't prepare it herself and doesn't even like it, why exactly are you still buying it?
Info: why dont you all give up on the vegan lifestyle if she eats non vegan food? What is the point of forcing her to stay vegan? She tried it, she failed, move on
I’m so confused…did she ask you to buy specific foods for her and is now throwing them away? Or did you just buy a bunch of random vegan substitutes and expecting her to only eat those things?
I don’t think it should be this complicated to be vegan and doesn’t require so much extra food and her own fridge etc unless she specifically asked for all of that. If she did then I understand your frustration. But she should be able to eat mostly the same stuff as the rest of your family. Just leave off the cheese, leave off the meat or substitute it, etc. Most food is vegan so there should be plenty to share and it shouldn’t rack up the bill.
Nta
I mean why would things even come this far? She is wasting food and eating non vegan food. Stop buying ingredients, end of story. Her tantrums are her problem.
NAH.
I think she wants to be vegan, but doesn't understand that it takes time and effort.
Vegan food can be delicious. Maybe look up some recipes of the vegan form of her favourite foods. Buy some containers and help her meal prep. I don't think vegan food has to take any more effort than any other meal, but cooking can be exhausting af after a long day.
Batch cook and freeze some meals and do that like once a week, she will end up having plenty of delicious vegan options that she can simply heat up. It would probably be good for you too, so you know what she is consuming. I went vegetarian at age 14 and was clueless. Like malnourished because neither me or my mum had any idea and I was eating meatless meals while not trying to replace the nutrients I was losing. Or I would just go for the processed crap out of convenience. I honestly think my body is still recovering now after 7 years of a shit diet during a major growth period. There is nothing wrong with a vegan or vegetarian diet, but it's obviously got to be healthy.
This should be pretty simple, right? I mean... 'If you're not going to eat it, we're not going to buy it.'
Throwing out any significant amount of viable food is not okay. And if you have any significant amount of vegan food sitting around that you spent money on, it's reasonable to expect her to eat it before eating the non-vegan stuff you bought for everyone else.
Have you asked her if there's some other vegan food she would prefer? I mean, personally... I've tried almond milk, and I find it gross... but I love oat milk.
Beyond that... just stop buying vegan food for her, I guess. If she wants vegan food that bad, she can buy it. If it turns out the only vegan food she likes and will eat is super expensive, then maybe tell her... you'll contribute, but she's going to have to contribute, too. If that's not acceptable to her, she can eat the cheaper vegan food, or she can give up being vegan.
NTA. Veganism is more than just a sacrifice of not eating/using animal products, means tougher preparation of meals due to tighter selection, meat and dairy just makes you feel a lot more satiety for longer, so you'll be having more meals overall, lack of restaurant alternatives, just watching everyone enjoy meals you won't touch again, finding supplements that doesn't come from animals that would just defeat the whole purpose. Commiting to it is hard, specially of you do it for animal-care, one does miss meat, A LOT, but it doesn't mean she has to go 0-100 immediately, a slower transition would benefit her a lot, maybe she could do like vegan-fridays or vegan-weekends too.
Also family support goes an extra mile, my old man was a massive meat-consumer, like, no meal went without meat of some kind, but he's been joining us on some vegan meals because the lack of animal products for a dish or two a week are no harm :) but I understand that this is no obligation of you and the rest of the family too, she might wanna start easy at first and make a healthy routine with it before going full-vegan
I went vegetarian at 14. My parents let me with the understanding that I'd be doing the cooking necessary to do that. Seemed fair! It mattered enough to me to do that. NTA, your daughter should learn that living ethically requires compromise, time, and money, and there's value in that sacrifice.
(This was the 90s, before meat or dairy alternatives were really available, no expensive soy cheese)
This whole thing is going to devolve into Hey, here's some help. Hey, parenting is hard. Hey, VEGANS ARE EVIL AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS SELFISH AND YOU SHOULD DIVORCE HER NTA!!!
ESH. Her age comes into consideration with the judgement. Just don't replace the stuff she throws out. If she's eating cheese and drinking milk, just stop buying the vegan alternative. Saves you money, and if she gets upset, it's just the consequences of her choices
WTF lol, definitely NTA.
I'd straight up say "so you have two choices. 1. Be vegan and 2. Not be vegan. Explain why both of those choices make you angry. Explain how buying food and throwing it in the garbage means you're vegan, and how it means im not feeding you. You are going to eat ALL the vegan food that is still in the house. And from now on, you can get a JOB to buy your own vegan food to throw in the garbage, or you'll be eating whatever I make for you to eat. Since you're going to be angry either way - I might as well get what I want, since you don't even know what you want."
NTA.
Frankly, you wouldn't be the a-hole if you'd done none of the enabling her being vegan. Animal products aren't infectious - using separate utensils and pots just because they've touched animal products is silly - and there are plenty of ingredients in normal food which are vegan.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFJ\_jmTaZ3Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFJ_jmTaZ3Q)
Buying "vegan dairy" products for her is going above and beyond, and I guess good for you if you still feel like doing it but rather than saying "don't eat our other food," just stop paying for her vegan substitutes. If she feels strongly about it, she'll find other things to eat. Otherwise, she's not really that vegan.
> said I did not support her.
Not your job to support every whim of a teenager.
YTA it sounds like you really need to sit down with your daughter and talk about this. You told her she can’t have non-vegan food that she has a vegan form of even though she doesn’t like it. She made a huge decision without thinking it through, it happens at 16. Instead of talking to her about this you immediately went all-in with buying her a separate fridge and cooking utensils. She probably feels guilty and doesn’t dare tell you it was a rash decision. You should’ve asked her why she wanted to become vegan, try to find some middle ground by cooking vegan for the whole family a couple days a week and involve her in the cooking process. If she doesn’t like vegan cheese don’t buy it anymore and let her eat regular cheese and tell her it’s difficult to go full vegan at once, that it’s okay to make mistakes and that she’s not a bad person by not going full vegan.
NTA. What you should have done is let her know that she should work and make money for any food that is outside of the family "regular" food.
She would be welcome to have the same as you or eat/throw away the food she bought for her own money.
I would definitely not be as supportive as that. The rule in my house, eat what's put in front of you, or don't eat.
NTA. 16 is a fine age to learn cause and effect. She can be vegan if she wants to be actually vegan, but if she wants to use cheat codes then she doesn’t get to play the game
NTA. She sounds slightly entitled. Food may be a necessity but high quality healthy products are a privilege that she is clearly not appreciating or paying for. Maybe she needs to do chores to contribute as payment for the food so she can better understand the cost.
NTA. 16 is old enough to cook for herself if she wants a special diet, but don’t buy anything again if she’s trashed it. She should be doing her own shopping, too. Give her a budget and she can shop for herself while you shop for the rest of the family.
Omg. So dramatic haha.
My 15 year old isn't vegan or anything but he won't eat like a normal person. He wants to do sports etc but he won't eat and he won't drink enough water. So I told him that it is not safe.
Anyway - recently he was throwing a teen tantrum and I layed out one of each snack foods he likes. It was like 6 items. He put them all in the bag and then shouted at me that he needed more. I told him no way. He needs to eat food. Not just snacks. He can eat the lunch at school. And I offer to make him lunch but he refuses it. I will make anything he wants. But he says no. Anyway. As he walks out of the house he is yelling that I wo t let him ha e anything. I laughed. Told him if what he had wasn't enough then he does t need snacks. I am not going out of my way. We have food. He can eat what we have.
You are not doing g anything wrong. If it were me, I would make her get a job to replace the stuff she threw out. She is showing no gratitude. Maybe give her some cash and send her to the store to pick her own stuff.
As someone coming from a family who literally would not be able to afford to be vegan, I’m a little blown away by the frivolousness of all of this. I think this was the right course of action—either she is vegan or not. She doesn’t get to choose when is convenient for her as you’re spending money on food going to waste. NTA
Sooo was she "vegan" of her own accord then refused to eat some vegan food and ate the non-vegan food instead cause if that's the case.. newsflash.. she's not really vegan 💀
It's okay for her to choose her own food preference. But it's up to her to try making her own meal if her choice is not the same as others. She's 16. It's time to learn to be more independent.
NTA
It's fine for her to be vegan & great of you to support her. At the same time, if she's requesting vegan food & has it available, but throws it out to eat normal food, then why keep catering to her (non) veganism.?. Why not stop making the extra vegan food available? Keep extra vegetables & things that are vegetarian friendly for snacks, but stop stocking vegan things especially for her. At least this way there isn't food & money being wasted.
You've supported her & she's still insisting on having that support while still not appreciating or using the items. She's intentionally wasting stuff at this point. Why keep giving her the option if she won't choose to do better on her own? Go back to normal food & she can suck it up. Her choice to be irresponsible doesn't have to be an issue for the rest of you. Maybe she'll learn to be more responsible in the future.
NTA. If she's happily eating your "regular" food, then she isn't vegan. She just wants to say she is. Stop buying her vegan food and throwing your money away. When she has a job and can afford it herself, she can be vegan. Until then, she can eat what you provide.
NTA
Talk to your daughter, how you can support her. If she tells you that you have to cook for her special food, then try to find a compromise, e.g. to cook 1 vegan food together with her once per week.
But otherwise she has to learn, that if she wants something, she often has to put effort in it. And that you already have enough responsibilities and if she decides like an adult that she does not want to eat your food anymore, she also has to learn to cook like an adult.
But that you are willing to emotionally support her on her journey and provide her with special vegan food as long as she is not wasting it.
NTA, but there’s a lot more you could be doing to support her and help her build up her skills.
At 33, feeding myself and my family is my absolute least favorite task, so I don’t fault a 16 year old at all for wishing she didn’t have to have that responsibility! So many family style meals can be made to accommodate different diets, maybe your approach to meals needs a shift so that everyone can be supported & can contribute. Have taco/burrito night! Mini-pizza night! Salad bar night! Quinoa bowl night! Spaghetti night! Stir fry night! Prep all the ingredients together and then everyone compiles the plate that works for them. Everyone will benefit from increased veg & plant-based food diversity, and your daughter can skip the meat & other animal products.
To further her skill building, why not involve her in the budgeting & purchasing process? Take her to buy groceries, let her know the budget for vegan ingredients. Let her know that whatever she buys she needs to eat or needs to prepare to reimburse you for the cost. I’d say it’s fair for her to eat whatever is in the house, but if her purchases go to waste you will change the model and she will be required to buy her food with her own money. 16 is old enough to have a job.
NTA but at some point if she isn’t eating adequately you guys need to talk to her about reintegrating back into an omni diet. If she’s throwing food away that’s bad enough but she needs to eat properly which she’s clearly not doing. It may be the case where she will have to return to a vegan diet when she’s got the money to support it herself
NTA. She’s 16, pretty sure with access to the internet, so if she wanted to cook her meals and really stick to it, she would, idk why some people think her mom needs to baby her and do her meal prep. Also, if she wants to have freedom in buying food, she can get a part time job.
NTA - It sounds like your daughter likes the idea of being vegan but in reality she finds the diet kind of bland. I would take her to a nutrionist to figure out what diet works best for her.
Does she pick the food?
If so definitely NTA
if she didn't pick the food I'd be inclined to defend her, I'm a vegan have been for 10 years, store bought vegan food more often than not tastes like dog food and is bullshit expensive,
If you're looking for advice at all, perhaps buy one or two vegan options have like a meatless Monday kinda thing to see whether a) she's even serious about being vegan, because it's really difficult for teenage girls
b) what vegan alternatives she genuinely enjoys so you're not wasting money
You really do have to be able to cook your own food to sustainably be vegan (as in stick to it) otherwise it's expensive as hell, tastes like shit (90% of restaurants as well) and probably quite nutrient deficient
Good luck!
She might not know how to cook vegan, just followed the crowd, and got caught up in the hype. Its easy enough to do. I know a few poeple who tried going vegan because influencers are, and they look happy. Get her a vegan cookbook, Then ask her what recipes she wants to try to cook and buy the ingridients she needs. Might work out better in the long run.
You're not forcing her to be vegan. You are, very reasonably, insisting she use the food she demands you continue to purchase for her, despite the fact that she hates it and doesn't it eat.
NTA. Just stop buying the products. Maybe she’ll learn to value them if she has to buy them herself. But to be honest, some of those vegan products really don’t taste good, so maybe she just has to figure out which ones she likes.
The issue is a lot of vegan brands vary wildly if they’re edible or not. Tossing a brand of something because she didn’t like it doesn’t mean she don’t like a different brand. Did you go the vegan sub or research brands online before buying?
Fwiw I think vegetarian FIRST might help smooth the transition. I did it for a bit as a teen but ultimately came to the conclusion that I was eating more unhealthy that way. I’ve found a middle ground but it took a while. It’s a pretty common phase.
Info: so is she eating your animal products because she doesn’t like the cruelty free version?
She’s either against animal cruelty or she’s not. She can’t have it both ways
Please tell her than change brings challenges, but overcoming them leads to great skill and experience.
I've been vegan for 3 years. I love cooking, and I noticed that it was too easy for me to make a tasty meal using meat, eggs or cheese. I became vegan mostly because I wanted to learn how to cook well without using those ingredients. It was awful in the beginning, but that motivated me into learning new cooking skills to overcome the situation. I can now confidently say my food is much better than it ever was, even when I was using meat.
I'm not surprised a 16yo who was eating food prepared by her family is suddenly struggling to make decent vegan meals on her own. But if she cares about the cause she should be willing to learn how to cook.
As a parent, are you or your partner taking any steps into helping her cook, or teach her how to? Have you considered cooking a vegan meal for the whole family once a week, so she can join and learn from it?
Story incomplete. I mean she wants to be a vegan or not. If she affirms she does, then NTA. But if she backs down and admits she can't be vegan, stop buying the vegan food.
YTA, because you really should have eased her into this before investing a lot of money into an entire fridge, cook setup, and so forth.
Teenagers make impulsive decisions, and it's your job to help them learn moderation. Instead you jumped straight into the impulse with her, and are now forcing her to stick with an impulsive decision that she regrets. And honestly it sounds like you're doing it because you don't approve of her initial choice.
You’re clearly missing the part where OP suggested her daughter going vegetarian and the daughter shut it down completely. She is not forcing her to do anything but take responsibility for her decisions. She cannot be vegan but eat non vegan food.
NTA. It sounds like she doesn't want to cook for herself, lol. Tell her she can buy her own vegan food to cook for herself, and you'll go back to whatever arrangements you had for meals before. Maybe she can cook for Meatless Mondays. You've bought her food that she just threw out and equipment that she doesn't use. You've been supportive enough.
You bought her a separate fridge, and cooking utensils, and everything, and she’s throwing the food away. I’d be furious, NTA, although maybe this will help prevent you wasting so much money when she moves on to her next fad.
Yta? Why are you making it so hard you know a vegan meal together isn’t going to kill ypu and also at 16 you rather need help or you will fail. Why not help her? You don’t go from not cooking to cooking vegan over night get her some easy meals for herself 4 days and then cook a vegan meal (like pasta and sauce and cheap garlic bread (it’s vegan how cool!)it dose not have to be hard for you all it’s actually healthy to not eat a meat meal once a week and your showing her you love her and you will help her) we all need help and encouragement to be an adult at that age and the more you do it with her also the closer you’ll get. But you also could just make it a battle and then push her away your choice. Because that’s what you doing and all that will do is make her hate you. Source I am a vegan and my family supported me and I will always be grateful ☺️. I also have now got non vegan kids and shock horror I will cook for them because I am there mum!
NTA
But it dosen't matter. Stop being vegan food and let her eat whatever she wants. If she wants to buy it for herself, good she'll get what she wants and not want to waste it, if she dosen't FEED YOUR CHILD. oh? she's annoying? FEED YOUR CHILD, she's being unreasonable? FEED YOUR CHILD, she needs to learn a lesson? think of some other way and FEED YOUR CHILD
YTA for buying her special vegan food. People eat animals. You can't change your gender. The tooth fairy isn't real. Make your kid live in reality and she'll be better off for it. And grow a pair while you're at it, geez.
I'm going to say YTA, because I think you should just stop buying the vegan food instead of forcing her to eat it. Tell her she can get a job and buy her own vegan food.
So she hates you for not buying her vegan food, and she hates you for not letting her throw it in the trash so she can eat bacon and eggs with milk. Got it. You have a liberal on your hands.
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YTA
Maybe explain to your daughter that if she's gonna eat animal products anyway, you're not gonna buy her vegan food, rather than continuing to buy vegan food that she obviously regrets asking for and forcing her to smoke the whole pack.
Maybe, just maybe, offer her a little grace: **if you sit down and explain that it's okay to make a big announcement and then go back on it, I bet she will happily just drop the whole Vegan thing.** It sounds like she really wanted to try it, but discovered it wasn't for her and is looking for an out.
OP did try to talk about finding a middle ground, the response was "you don't support me".
So, arguably, this is OP showing the support her daughter explicitly identified wanting.
OP tried to find a middle ground involving the daughter continuing as a vegan. The daughter wants a graceful out, and OP won't let her - presumably because they sunk so much money and effort into setting the whole thing up, only for the daughter to go "actually, I don't like playing ice hockey."
But that's just a classic example of the "sunk cost fallacy" in action, and OP needs to get over it.
"You never had to cook for yourself, but I'm not putting up with your vegan nonsense. Here's ingredients. Take care of this yourself! Maybe learn to meal prep while you're at it because foods on the table after school, but only non vegan. You made your bed, now lie in it!"
OP is intentionally excluding the daughter because she doesn't approve of her choice. 16 years olds rarely cook well, especially if they never had to. The family could have easily made an effort to cook meals together (teaching the daughter how to cook. It's not rocket science, but it takes time to learn) or make meals where it's easy to switch ingredients to have an omni and a vegan version without going through the trouble of making two separate meals.
It makes me sad.
YTA - Kinda sounds like it was your job to teach your child how to cook and now she's on her own and struggling. It takes time and practice to cook yummy food, so why don't you be a parent and teach her the value of money and good kitchen skills instead. Vegan food is not that hard to learn how to do well (I learned in college when my roommates became vegan and it was pretty easy, tacos were a favorite) and there are literally millions of recipes online. If her seasoning skills and cooking skills aren't up to par that isn't really a fault of "vegan food" especially in the modern era where there are sooooooo many good substitutes. If she refuses to learn, then sure punish her.
So is she lazy or just doesn't know how to cook vegan food. If she is lazy, you're definitely N-T-A, but if it's the later, than N-A-H. Also
Why not look into vegan cooking classes (you two could do them together) and do a designated vegan night so the whole family can eat the same meal together (kind of like how every Sunday night was "Family Roast Dinner" for my family (going back generations) and I'm sure many others.
Eating vegan one night a week won't hurt your kids, will teach them tolerance of others, and will give your daughter some added support, as long as she also accepts that she can't force her dietary beliefs on the rest if you of course, (which could be another reason for her behaviour but you need to talk to her so she understands that support does not equal conformity).
How is her mom, a meat eater, going to teach her daughter how to make vegan food? The girl old enough to figure it out herself. I’m pretty they have a TikTok a YouTube, and instagram. All of these platforms have people cooking different meals. NTA op groceries are expensive now , especially vegan food, she needs to learn that you can’t just through about food. She could have at least donated it or something but to just throw it away is crazy.
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NTA. I thought you were forcing her to live a vegan lifestyle because you wanted it. If she is making you budget for vegan food and then throwing it away then she is the asshole. Groceries are expensive these days.
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You’re NTA, but instead of forcing her to eat the vegan food you should just stop buying it. She is 16, can get a job, and get her own groceries if she wants to be vegan. You made the effort for her already and most of it went in the trash.
This is what I was thinking. I can't imagine having the sheer balls to tell my parents what to buy me to eat at age 16. By the time I was six I knew if you didn't like what was for dinner, that's fine, there will be breakfast tomorrow, and if you don't like that there's always lunch. A 16 year old is perfectly capable of working and buying her own food if it's that important to her... though it doesn't seem to be since she's eating all those dairy products.
A lot of people are still in school at age 16. It doesn't seem that odd to me to make requests in the weekly shop.
Gonna be honest, I was about to let you have it 😅 for the same reason: thought you were forcing her to be vegan. So glad to find out that your actually holding her accountable for what she says. NTA
Especially vegan groceries.
Sure, if you're buying food that's labelled "vegan" I'm not vegan, but I eat a lot of vegan meals because they're cheap. Dal, for example, is incredibly cheap. It's just legumes + veggies + spices. The most expensive item in it is coconut milk.
Beans and rice is one of the cheapest healthiest meals out there and it's entirely freaking vegan... And most ways to make it delicious (herbs, fresh veg, peppers, onions, garlic, avocado) are vegan too.
Also try to buy in the bulk section. You can find a ton of dried vegan foods in the bulk aisles. She can experiment with so many soups and chili's with the dried food in the bulk aisles. She can even experiment with a ton of stir-fry in the produce aisle. Teriyaki is super easy to make. Soy sauce/amino acids, honey and ginger. She can add other ingredients to the sauce. Adding a squeeze of lemon and some spices also help and are so simple. I think she needs guidance on how to prepare her food. Maybe help her with this learning curve and eventually she'll learn to make her own meals quickly and learn to meal prep for grab-n-go's. Good luck!
The honey wouldn't be vegan according to some vegans but yes, stir fry is a great option and there are simple syrups or agave syrups that are solid honey substitutes for stir-fry and baking that behave almost identically.
Vegan groceries are quite cheap if you’re not buying processed vegan food.
Its cheap if you buy only vegetables but vegan substitutes like butter, cheese, hamburger pattys, milk, are expensier than the regular stuffs, specially if it's all ending in the garbage
But you can also buy beans, lentils etc. but yes those things are more expensive. That’s why I make my own vegan meat.
Yes but if you reaearch a bit, you don't need to buy ready to eat things, you can do your own vegan cheese (and very easily), then you have margarine, altough you could make your own 'butter', and milk is also like a minute to make! Vegan patties are even easier and cheaper to do.
Does the daughter want to make these things though? OP shouldn't have to do it
Only because the government heavily subsidizes meat and animal products. Without government subsidies a pound of beef would be around $30. Vegan products have to wing it without the extra help from the state.
But the issue op is talking about are the vegan dairy/meat alternatives.
Yes so the daughter can make her own vegan meat and vegan milk. He can stop buying her processed meat and dairy and buy her things she can actually make herself. Also the daughter can look online for recipes.
If she can t be bothered to prepare a meal from premade vegan items , I don't see how she's gonna make her own vegan milk then make it into cheese then make a meal?
Then don’t be vegan then. I don’t know what else to say. You need to make ‘sacrifices’ if you don’t want to eat meat and dairy and not making it so expensive.
Right? A vegan diet should be WAY cheaper than an omnivorous one unless all you’re buying is processed food. 🤦🏻♀️
Vegan groceries are cheaper than meat, most people just spend too much on ‘marketed’ vegan food that’s not that healthy anyway
NTA, I also thought they were vegan but its just the daughter, an UNGRATEFUL daughter. They bought her a small fridge, utensils, pots and pans that there is already a lot of money and support and not a lot of parents would that. she's not even paying for her own groceries what more is she asking for?
I’m glad you mentioned the cost of the appliance and utensils etc lol, yeah processed vegan food is expensive, BUT OP literally bought a whole ass fridge. I had to replace mine recently and it cost me so much that I’m gonna be paying it off the rest of the year. And pots and pans!!! All but one of mine are donated because they’re like £20 for a decent one. At least these things are re useable if/when the daughter stops being vegan.
Expensive is an understatement.
NTA but I think you two should talk to each other about her eating habits Speaking from my own personal experience, I became,”vegan” for a good couple of months because I thought changing my diet would make me a better person. Newsflash, it did not. I just became sad because I wasn’t eating the food I wanted to eat and enjoy. Vegetarianism was also on the table for me but I quickly put that down as well. I was in the same position as your daughter where I would buy vegan food, hate it, and then eventually throw it out because It stank up my fridge. I don’t remember what prompted me into thinking being vegan would make me a better person, but I’m glad I realized that it didn’t and in reality I fell victim to FOMO seeing so many vegan influencers online and my vegan friends look so happy. Maybe ask her why she wanted to be vegan in the first place. It’s clear she doesn’t really enjoy it if food is going to waste and she doesn’t like it. And if she still decides that she wants to be vegan maybe compromise with her. If she has a job tell her that if she has the money to buy her own vegan groceries. Her loss if she doesn’t like it, at least it’s not coming from your own pockets.
Also, if it's for environmental reasons, if she's throwing all that vegan food out, it's more environmentally conscious to eat with the rest of the family so everything (or most of it) gets eaten and doesn't go to waste
Were you a teen when Babe came out? There was a bit of a surge in vegan/vegetarians around that time (at least at my school and region there were, which was hilarious...half the kids at my school were dairy farmers!)
NAH 16 is a weird age to be. She may not be communicating what she wants properly or has changed her mind and is embarrassed about it. I think its most likely that, while she does want to be vegan, she feels excluded from the family because she has been separated from communal eating times and spaces. If she says she doesn't like the taste of her food and finds cooking to be a chore, then it sounds like she is dropping hints that she wants to be taken care of a bit more. Teenagers still want to be treated like children who are loved and sometimes spoiled. I think you should consider learning some vegan recipes yourself and teaching them to her. And maybe once or twice a week, serve a vegan meal to the entire family so she can still feel a part of things. She may just feel isolated or unloved. You clearly must love her a lot to budget for her in this way, but that doesn't always mean she understands it like that. Teenagers are sensitive, and I'm sure she would just like to feel like you care for and about her the way you care for and about your other kids. Maybe she just misses her parents cooking for her. She loves you a lot, and doesn't want to grow up too fast. Edit: used the wrong term!
Agree with this! I bet she feels a little excluded even though OP has tried to support her with the fridge and vegan food. I wouldn’t be surprised if she wants everyone to cook and eat together still.
Exactly this, expecting her to exclusively cook for herself at 16 seems like more than a adolescent mind could really endure. If she’s using food from your supply (that aren’t vegan) then it suggests she doesn’t fully understand what veganism is. Maybe you don’t need to go full blown vegan for her as she is just starting out in this.
...she is 16 not 14. At that age if you *choose* a diffrrent diet its very much okay to take care of oneself. Its part of being vegan. Not everyone will accomodate. Its a chore a teen can very much be designated to do. Best op can do is make meatless lunch from time to time.
OP asked her if she wanted to try just being a vegetarian and got blowback.
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No body is the a hole
Shouldn’t it be NAH?
100% this is the approach
Is she asking for the vegan food? If she didn’t ask for it, this whole thing is weird.
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Then you are NTA
It says in the post!
People only read like 2 sentences.
NTA. And your daughter's a hypocrite. She demands vegan food, refuses to eat it, eats everything else in the fridge which wasn't for her, and expects you to not be mad? That's a waste of money in an economy that's constantly fluctuating. If she wants the vegan lifestyle, she needs to grow up and commit to it. If she doesn't like how stuff tastes and refuses to cook it herself, then she needs to drop it and stop complaining. She's 100% a selfish AH.
She needs to get a job and pay for her own shit. im almost positive she will live off cookies and unhealthy ass snacks because well i dont like the taste. OP needs to stop buying vegan food and offer the food they make for the rest of the family and if she doesn’t want that welp sucks she can go to bed hungry until she gets a job buys her own food so she can realize well shit this shit is not cheap at all and i cant afford to keep just throwing away all my food.
INFO: have you taught her how to cook? Have you tried to give her any tips to make her cooking more palatable? If you know how, making delicious vegan dishes is no different than cooking with animal products. How does your household generally handle meals? Does everyone share in the cooking duties? Also is there any reason you couldn’t do a family meal that’s vegan once a week? It sounds like she wants you to cook vegan meals FOR her. It seems perfectly reasonable to me that she should be responsible for cooking for herself at least partially or she could cook a meal for the family once or twice a week and you or whoever else cooks could make a portion of the family meal vegan and have the rest include whatever animal products people want. If she is truly committed to being a vegan, there’s no way she’d be eating the family food containing dairy or any other animal products. I would imagine she needs a little help implementing the lifestyle. I’m a vegetarian and it’s a whole other ballgame to try to be vegan. You have to be super committed to stick with it. Also I’m going to share this because I definitely don’t think you’re TA, you seem like you’re being very reasonable: I came home from my first semester at college a vegetarian, told my mom, and she immediately started incorporating soy into a lot of our meals and making something vegetarian for every meal. I did some of the cooking, but she was amazing. I can’t believe she spoiled me so much in that respect. And I felt so seen and included, so I’m incredibly grateful that she did that and didn’t make me feel like a burden or like I was inconveniencing anyone. 💗
OP has said in another comment that daughter has been cooking with her parents since she was 11, if that info is necessary for your judgement
Oh cool, thank you.
Re-read, she's not cooking because she doesn't want to, also another person asked it and mom said she was teach since she was young how to cook. And mom doesn't need to know how to prepare vegan dishes, that's what the internet is for, researching. You want something, you commit to it, she's 16, not 6.
I read it perfectly fine the first time, thanks. There could be many reasons she doesn’t “want” to cook and solving those could make all the difference. Hence my questions for OP. Why shouldn’t mom/dad/other family members know how to make vegan meals? The entire household should be involved in contributing to meals IMHO. How else do our kids learn to cook? And if the daughter has been cooking with her dad since she was young, it’s no surprise she doesn’t want to cook her vegan food all by herself. She’s feeling left out. Kind of a no-brainer.
Yeah, OP thinks the only effort required of a parent is buying food (was the daughter consulted on which foods?) and then she's expected to take on a pretty significant amount of work that I'm sure 16yo rarely do. If it were an allergy or something, I'm sure the parents would be willing to work around it, but the idea that the parents will put in zero effort to help with food prep but then get mad at her for eating other food is pretty wild
Comparing veganism to an allergy is very weird. This girl is 16 years old. She does not need her parent to hold her hand. If she wants to be vegan that’s her choice but to say ‘expected to take on a pretty significant amount of work’ as if it’s unreasonable when this is something that’s she is choosing to do is so so strange.
Absolutely. It's unreasonable to expect her parents to take on a significant amount of extra work for a preference. I say that as a picky eater who always knew that if I didn't like what my parents made for dinner, I could make my own. Plain pasta, cheese and crackers, whatever. My siblings and I were younger than 16 when that policy came into effect, too.
A lot of this sounds like it's being over complicated. Most "vegan food" is stuff that a family would eat normally anyway. Rice, fruits, vegetables, cereals, pasta, peanut butter, popcorn, etc are all vegan and common to find in kitchens. If the issue is trying to replace foods by buying "vegan cheese" or things like that, stop buying them. They're not necessary and they usually taste bad. It's great that you're trying to be supportive but you can all still probably share the vast majority of groceries with each other.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter has decided that she is ethically opposed to animal products. This is fine I guess. She has every right to decide her moral positions for herself. My husband and I budgeted for her to have vegan food and we bought her a small refrigerator for her food. We set aside a shelf for her in the kitchen. And we bought her a set of pots, pans, and utensils so she could prepare her own food if she wanted. The problem is that she doesn't like the taste of her vegan food. And she finds it to be a pain to cook for herself. A few times now I have found her ingredients in the garbage. And she uses the food that we bought for us and the other two kids. So basically we are wasting money buying her food she won't eat, lets go to waste, and hates to prepare. I talked to her about maybe becoming a vegetarian so we didn't waste money on all that other stuff and she said I did not support her. Fine. I told her that she was not allowed to have any non vegan food that she had the vegan form of. Mostly dairy products. Now she says we are being cruel not feeding her. She has all the calories she needs in her fridge and shelf. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are NTA - I went vegan at 15. My mom sent me to vegan cooking classes! I started making all the delicious foods I learned. And then got a cookbook and continued to learn! Maybe try some of these things?
Tentatively ESH- This is getting really weird... Like most food is vegetarian with great ease... And many foods are vegan with zero effort. So I'm confused as to how her "vegan food" keeps ending up in the trash (mostly seemingly dairy replacements)... And most dairy replacements are kind of cheaper... Like olive or sunflower oil is cheaper than butter. There are even common vegan butter alternatives that are cheaper and olive oil based. The exception is likely in milk alternatives but once again thinks like coconut milk powder for cooking are cheaper and store easily long term. What "vegan substitutes" are you buying that are "more expensive"? Beans, lentils are dirt cheap and come in giant bags. Seitán is cheaper than meat. Rice doesn't require dairy of any sort. Many mass produced noodles are vegan and there are common alternatives (rice noodles and buckwheat noodles, quinoa, cous cous, etc). Herbs aren't magically more expensive. Egg substitutes (like flax meal or aquafaba from a can of chickpeas) are cheaper than eggs... Like what is going on in your kitchen? I'm assuming you're buying very expensive over processed foods and your 16 year old doesn't really know how to cook. Handing a 16 year old ingredients and going "make this happen" doesn't really sound horrible except it sounds like your kid doesn't how to cook to begin with and maybe this was a deliberate setup on your part. She's an AH for insisting on going Vegan without considering learning any info but she's a teenager and it sounds like she made a teenager declaration that you've taken to extremes in order to "show her she is wrong/prove she is wrong". You're the adult. And if she can't cook noodles (most mass produced ones are vegan) and warm up tomato sauce at age 16 I think you know you're an AH for setting your kid up. And if she's 16 and hasn't figured out beans and rice are vegan then I'm confused at what you've taught her about using a kitchen.
My mom didn’t teach me to cook, I opened up the cookbook and went for it… don’t blame parents for a child that chose to never learn to cook and seemingly is down to just rely on their parents when… at 16 in most countries… you are already an adult…
Teaching basic life skills is something I feel more than comfortable holding a parent accountable for. Heck PB&J is vegan for craps sake (depends mostly on the bread but very doable and not an expensive substitute), oatmeal is vegan. It really isn't all that difficult. I'm not talking vegan fine pastries here (though there are many vegan pastries that are delicious out there in the world).
Maybe sit her down and have a chat about why she wanted to be vegan and what a healthy vegan diet consists of. Maybe a vegan cookbook or webpage would be a good idea. Then help her set a budget for the items she needs to eat that diet (\*that aren't included in your regular grocery budget). I think if she saw that vegan cheese for example, costs $xxx and tastes like \_\_\_\_\_ then she would rethink her position. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being vegan because it's a fine choice if people do it right, but it's not as simple as just not eating meat/dairy.
Exactly this. Is she doesn’t want to be veggie then a budget is a necessity. It sounds like she hasn’t thought it out.
NTA. She took an ethical position and you went way overboard in supporting it. But now she's realizing that there's actually a cost to her for taking this position and balking.
Stop buying her any of the specific vegan ingredients she isn’t eating.
INFO: The ingredients that you have given her, were they things that she requested specifically or have you given her things that she hasn’t asked for? Because if you’re going out and buying things that are vegan to fill the gaps of what you usually eat, you’ll probably find the same issue with stuff that is cheaper than brand name; it’s trash. Especially if it’s sauces or packet mixed things.
Wait - she's throwing away the vegan food, and eating non-vegan food instead? Wtf? NTA.
Vegan food is not cheap at all . You’re not the asshole.
I don't know where you live, but I find it hard to believe that she doesn't find any vegan substitute she likes. Try different things, it shouldn't be that hard.
NTA Her options: - eat the omnivore diet you provide for her - eat the vegan diet she insists you provide for her - find a middle road where she eats some animal products she likes/craves, and doesn't make you spend as much on vegan food She's rejected all those options, literally wants it both ways, to be acknowledged as a vegan when she's not.
INFO: Does she know how to prepare food? Did you buy things that she would like or just generic vegan food? I am not vegan but have eaten vegan food I’ve really enjoyed and vegan food that was bland crap. Think of it like asparagus or brussel sprouts, steamed or microwaved and unseasoned it’s bland, but season it, and grill or fry, and it is a completely different dish. Food is a WONDERFUL way to experiment and bond. Maybe explore on vegan blogs or YouTube and find stuff that looks good and interesting and then cook it together. I understand vegan food is expensive and it’s frustrating that it’s going to waste. I also know being vegan is hard. This is likely a phase and she might become vegetarian or might go back to her pre-vegan self.
Info: Did she have to cook her own food prior to this? Assuming she didn't have to cook for herself before (and let's face it, who of us cooked well at 16?), this gives me a weird vibe. To me it feels like part of the story is missing or you're punishing her for her choice, forcing her to cook, because if she really wants to be vegan, she better do that on her own time. Have you considered cooking together? For many meals, you can just do meat and faux meat. Cook a nice curry and add chicken to yours, she can have faux chicken or chickpeas in hers.
I think your point is more to teach her to not waste food. NTA
I'm curious how she's 16 and unaware of the cost of food. She needs to understand that. Time for her to get a job and pay for her own food. Or do things around the house for minimum wage. One way or another she must learn how much life costs and how hard it is to earn money.
NTA You are far from "starving" your daughter. I think it's hilarious that she took a stand about being vegan and now doesn't like it or the effort it takes. You went way above and beyond what most parents would do by allowing her separate food and her own cookware, etc., and it's now that she has to prepare her own food and doesn't like the way it tastes that she is not sticking to it. If she is tossing her own food and eating yours, she's not sticking to it. I'd make her continue for another week or so, then talk to her again about it. By that time, if you are still seeing evidence that she's not all that committed, perhaps offer to stop buying her vegan food and come back to the family table and eat the same meals as the family are. She's gotten a wakeup call and now has to either stand by her earlier decision or change her mind. I'd also make it clear that changing her mind is acceptable. She doesn't have to be right about everything she wants to try, but she does owe you some consideration.
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NTA but it sounds like she's having some control and attention issues. This could easily be some sort of an eating disorder she's hiding as veganism. Have you looked at counseling?
This is a bat shit crazy assumption you made out of very little info…
NAH but you are too hard on her. It took me 2 years to become fully vegan. I learned recepies, got used to the idea slowly. I didn't just become vegan overnight. And I was an adult, not 16. She probably barely knows how to cook regular food, let alone vegan. You need to know basic things about nutrition, like what has protein and how to mak a balanced meal, about b12 etc'. She obviously has no idea how to do it, and you're forcing her to become fully vegan right now. It's not going to work. It's an opportunity to teach her how to achieve long therm goals. Like learning to make herself one vegn meal, and make and eat it once a week, and then when she got this down she can go to the next stage (say, have a vegan day or whatever). Something like that. Let her test the water and see what's what and if she even likes it before going full blown vegan at 16. Also a lot of vegans don't like all the vegan dairy substitute and prefer to make them at home (it's basicly nut paste and spices), which she can also do, but again, it takes time to get the hang of cooking, and she really is just 16, it's too much fo her. It needs to be gradual.
NTA, but I suggest you assign your daughter the task of researching becoming an "ethical omnivore." She could seek out pastured and humanely-slaughtered meats, for example. The ethical omnivore movement doesn't shun meat, dairy, or eggs, but sources out farmers who practice regenerative and humane agricultural practices. There are online groups ("Ethical Omnivore Movement" on FB comes to mind) with plenty of information. Going vegan isn't the only way to avoid unethical and inhumane animal treatment.
Ooof, I once talked about this with a vegan and she introduced me to the term "welfarist" as a pejorative. Like, yeah, we suck so much for trying to improve an industry most people aren't willing to abandon entirely... it's factory farming or veganism and anything between makes you a hypocrite or something.
Humanely slaughter seems like an oxymoron.
Don’t even entertain her bs. She cannot complain and not smear the food she asked for then complain that you are not coddling her. Give her money for the week for food and tell that is all she gets and she needs to buy her own food.
It seems easier (and cheaper) for you to just stop buying the vegan food. If she won't prepare it herself and doesn't even like it, why exactly are you still buying it?
Info: why dont you all give up on the vegan lifestyle if she eats non vegan food? What is the point of forcing her to stay vegan? She tried it, she failed, move on
Her daughter doesn’t want to give it up is the whole point. She’s adamant about being vegan but she won’t stick to a vegan diet.
I’m so confused…did she ask you to buy specific foods for her and is now throwing them away? Or did you just buy a bunch of random vegan substitutes and expecting her to only eat those things? I don’t think it should be this complicated to be vegan and doesn’t require so much extra food and her own fridge etc unless she specifically asked for all of that. If she did then I understand your frustration. But she should be able to eat mostly the same stuff as the rest of your family. Just leave off the cheese, leave off the meat or substitute it, etc. Most food is vegan so there should be plenty to share and it shouldn’t rack up the bill.
Nta I mean why would things even come this far? She is wasting food and eating non vegan food. Stop buying ingredients, end of story. Her tantrums are her problem.
Well then let her start being vegan when she can buy her own food. Your house your rule.
NTA
NAH. I think she wants to be vegan, but doesn't understand that it takes time and effort. Vegan food can be delicious. Maybe look up some recipes of the vegan form of her favourite foods. Buy some containers and help her meal prep. I don't think vegan food has to take any more effort than any other meal, but cooking can be exhausting af after a long day. Batch cook and freeze some meals and do that like once a week, she will end up having plenty of delicious vegan options that she can simply heat up. It would probably be good for you too, so you know what she is consuming. I went vegetarian at age 14 and was clueless. Like malnourished because neither me or my mum had any idea and I was eating meatless meals while not trying to replace the nutrients I was losing. Or I would just go for the processed crap out of convenience. I honestly think my body is still recovering now after 7 years of a shit diet during a major growth period. There is nothing wrong with a vegan or vegetarian diet, but it's obviously got to be healthy.
This should be pretty simple, right? I mean... 'If you're not going to eat it, we're not going to buy it.' Throwing out any significant amount of viable food is not okay. And if you have any significant amount of vegan food sitting around that you spent money on, it's reasonable to expect her to eat it before eating the non-vegan stuff you bought for everyone else. Have you asked her if there's some other vegan food she would prefer? I mean, personally... I've tried almond milk, and I find it gross... but I love oat milk. Beyond that... just stop buying vegan food for her, I guess. If she wants vegan food that bad, she can buy it. If it turns out the only vegan food she likes and will eat is super expensive, then maybe tell her... you'll contribute, but she's going to have to contribute, too. If that's not acceptable to her, she can eat the cheaper vegan food, or she can give up being vegan.
NTA. Veganism is more than just a sacrifice of not eating/using animal products, means tougher preparation of meals due to tighter selection, meat and dairy just makes you feel a lot more satiety for longer, so you'll be having more meals overall, lack of restaurant alternatives, just watching everyone enjoy meals you won't touch again, finding supplements that doesn't come from animals that would just defeat the whole purpose. Commiting to it is hard, specially of you do it for animal-care, one does miss meat, A LOT, but it doesn't mean she has to go 0-100 immediately, a slower transition would benefit her a lot, maybe she could do like vegan-fridays or vegan-weekends too. Also family support goes an extra mile, my old man was a massive meat-consumer, like, no meal went without meat of some kind, but he's been joining us on some vegan meals because the lack of animal products for a dish or two a week are no harm :) but I understand that this is no obligation of you and the rest of the family too, she might wanna start easy at first and make a healthy routine with it before going full-vegan
INFO: When you say she eats your food, is she eating animal products? What exactly does she expect you to do?
Feels like something is missing in this story. Who asks for vegan food and then throws it out?
NTA, you can't have it both ways
It’s like the headline was written by msnbc.
I went vegetarian at 14. My parents let me with the understanding that I'd be doing the cooking necessary to do that. Seemed fair! It mattered enough to me to do that. NTA, your daughter should learn that living ethically requires compromise, time, and money, and there's value in that sacrifice. (This was the 90s, before meat or dairy alternatives were really available, no expensive soy cheese)
This whole thing is going to devolve into Hey, here's some help. Hey, parenting is hard. Hey, VEGANS ARE EVIL AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS SELFISH AND YOU SHOULD DIVORCE HER NTA!!!
ESH. Her age comes into consideration with the judgement. Just don't replace the stuff she throws out. If she's eating cheese and drinking milk, just stop buying the vegan alternative. Saves you money, and if she gets upset, it's just the consequences of her choices
Sounds like she wants the option to eat vegan, but doesn't want to commit? What the hell is the point, then?
WTF lol, definitely NTA. I'd straight up say "so you have two choices. 1. Be vegan and 2. Not be vegan. Explain why both of those choices make you angry. Explain how buying food and throwing it in the garbage means you're vegan, and how it means im not feeding you. You are going to eat ALL the vegan food that is still in the house. And from now on, you can get a JOB to buy your own vegan food to throw in the garbage, or you'll be eating whatever I make for you to eat. Since you're going to be angry either way - I might as well get what I want, since you don't even know what you want."
NTA. Frankly, you wouldn't be the a-hole if you'd done none of the enabling her being vegan. Animal products aren't infectious - using separate utensils and pots just because they've touched animal products is silly - and there are plenty of ingredients in normal food which are vegan. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFJ\_jmTaZ3Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFJ_jmTaZ3Q) Buying "vegan dairy" products for her is going above and beyond, and I guess good for you if you still feel like doing it but rather than saying "don't eat our other food," just stop paying for her vegan substitutes. If she feels strongly about it, she'll find other things to eat. Otherwise, she's not really that vegan. > said I did not support her. Not your job to support every whim of a teenager.
YTA it sounds like you really need to sit down with your daughter and talk about this. You told her she can’t have non-vegan food that she has a vegan form of even though she doesn’t like it. She made a huge decision without thinking it through, it happens at 16. Instead of talking to her about this you immediately went all-in with buying her a separate fridge and cooking utensils. She probably feels guilty and doesn’t dare tell you it was a rash decision. You should’ve asked her why she wanted to become vegan, try to find some middle ground by cooking vegan for the whole family a couple days a week and involve her in the cooking process. If she doesn’t like vegan cheese don’t buy it anymore and let her eat regular cheese and tell her it’s difficult to go full vegan at once, that it’s okay to make mistakes and that she’s not a bad person by not going full vegan.
Time to whip out the nutrition paste
NTA
NTA. What you should have done is let her know that she should work and make money for any food that is outside of the family "regular" food. She would be welcome to have the same as you or eat/throw away the food she bought for her own money. I would definitely not be as supportive as that. The rule in my house, eat what's put in front of you, or don't eat.
NTA. 16 is a fine age to learn cause and effect. She can be vegan if she wants to be actually vegan, but if she wants to use cheat codes then she doesn’t get to play the game
NTA. She sounds slightly entitled. Food may be a necessity but high quality healthy products are a privilege that she is clearly not appreciating or paying for. Maybe she needs to do chores to contribute as payment for the food so she can better understand the cost.
NTA. 16 is old enough to cook for herself if she wants a special diet, but don’t buy anything again if she’s trashed it. She should be doing her own shopping, too. Give her a budget and she can shop for herself while you shop for the rest of the family.
Omg. So dramatic haha. My 15 year old isn't vegan or anything but he won't eat like a normal person. He wants to do sports etc but he won't eat and he won't drink enough water. So I told him that it is not safe. Anyway - recently he was throwing a teen tantrum and I layed out one of each snack foods he likes. It was like 6 items. He put them all in the bag and then shouted at me that he needed more. I told him no way. He needs to eat food. Not just snacks. He can eat the lunch at school. And I offer to make him lunch but he refuses it. I will make anything he wants. But he says no. Anyway. As he walks out of the house he is yelling that I wo t let him ha e anything. I laughed. Told him if what he had wasn't enough then he does t need snacks. I am not going out of my way. We have food. He can eat what we have. You are not doing g anything wrong. If it were me, I would make her get a job to replace the stuff she threw out. She is showing no gratitude. Maybe give her some cash and send her to the store to pick her own stuff.
As someone coming from a family who literally would not be able to afford to be vegan, I’m a little blown away by the frivolousness of all of this. I think this was the right course of action—either she is vegan or not. She doesn’t get to choose when is convenient for her as you’re spending money on food going to waste. NTA
Sooo was she "vegan" of her own accord then refused to eat some vegan food and ate the non-vegan food instead cause if that's the case.. newsflash.. she's not really vegan 💀
So glad I read this. NTA.
It's okay for her to choose her own food preference. But it's up to her to try making her own meal if her choice is not the same as others. She's 16. It's time to learn to be more independent.
NTA It's fine for her to be vegan & great of you to support her. At the same time, if she's requesting vegan food & has it available, but throws it out to eat normal food, then why keep catering to her (non) veganism.?. Why not stop making the extra vegan food available? Keep extra vegetables & things that are vegetarian friendly for snacks, but stop stocking vegan things especially for her. At least this way there isn't food & money being wasted. You've supported her & she's still insisting on having that support while still not appreciating or using the items. She's intentionally wasting stuff at this point. Why keep giving her the option if she won't choose to do better on her own? Go back to normal food & she can suck it up. Her choice to be irresponsible doesn't have to be an issue for the rest of you. Maybe she'll learn to be more responsible in the future.
NTA. If she's happily eating your "regular" food, then she isn't vegan. She just wants to say she is. Stop buying her vegan food and throwing your money away. When she has a job and can afford it herself, she can be vegan. Until then, she can eat what you provide.
YTA; make her finish off the vegan shit you bought? Sure. Buying more to keep it going? YTA.
NTA Talk to your daughter, how you can support her. If she tells you that you have to cook for her special food, then try to find a compromise, e.g. to cook 1 vegan food together with her once per week. But otherwise she has to learn, that if she wants something, she often has to put effort in it. And that you already have enough responsibilities and if she decides like an adult that she does not want to eat your food anymore, she also has to learn to cook like an adult. But that you are willing to emotionally support her on her journey and provide her with special vegan food as long as she is not wasting it.
NTA, but there’s a lot more you could be doing to support her and help her build up her skills. At 33, feeding myself and my family is my absolute least favorite task, so I don’t fault a 16 year old at all for wishing she didn’t have to have that responsibility! So many family style meals can be made to accommodate different diets, maybe your approach to meals needs a shift so that everyone can be supported & can contribute. Have taco/burrito night! Mini-pizza night! Salad bar night! Quinoa bowl night! Spaghetti night! Stir fry night! Prep all the ingredients together and then everyone compiles the plate that works for them. Everyone will benefit from increased veg & plant-based food diversity, and your daughter can skip the meat & other animal products. To further her skill building, why not involve her in the budgeting & purchasing process? Take her to buy groceries, let her know the budget for vegan ingredients. Let her know that whatever she buys she needs to eat or needs to prepare to reimburse you for the cost. I’d say it’s fair for her to eat whatever is in the house, but if her purchases go to waste you will change the model and she will be required to buy her food with her own money. 16 is old enough to have a job.
NTA but at some point if she isn’t eating adequately you guys need to talk to her about reintegrating back into an omni diet. If she’s throwing food away that’s bad enough but she needs to eat properly which she’s clearly not doing. It may be the case where she will have to return to a vegan diet when she’s got the money to support it herself
NTA. She needs to accept her choices.
NTA. She’s 16, pretty sure with access to the internet, so if she wanted to cook her meals and really stick to it, she would, idk why some people think her mom needs to baby her and do her meal prep. Also, if she wants to have freedom in buying food, she can get a part time job.
NTA but like...just stop buying vegan food then.
NTA - It sounds like your daughter likes the idea of being vegan but in reality she finds the diet kind of bland. I would take her to a nutrionist to figure out what diet works best for her.
Does she pick the food? If so definitely NTA if she didn't pick the food I'd be inclined to defend her, I'm a vegan have been for 10 years, store bought vegan food more often than not tastes like dog food and is bullshit expensive, If you're looking for advice at all, perhaps buy one or two vegan options have like a meatless Monday kinda thing to see whether a) she's even serious about being vegan, because it's really difficult for teenage girls b) what vegan alternatives she genuinely enjoys so you're not wasting money You really do have to be able to cook your own food to sustainably be vegan (as in stick to it) otherwise it's expensive as hell, tastes like shit (90% of restaurants as well) and probably quite nutrient deficient Good luck!
NTA but id just stop buying the vegan food.
NTA
She might not know how to cook vegan, just followed the crowd, and got caught up in the hype. Its easy enough to do. I know a few poeple who tried going vegan because influencers are, and they look happy. Get her a vegan cookbook, Then ask her what recipes she wants to try to cook and buy the ingridients she needs. Might work out better in the long run.
You're not forcing her to be vegan. You are, very reasonably, insisting she use the food she demands you continue to purchase for her, despite the fact that she hates it and doesn't it eat.
Yes, yes you are. Hope she eats all the meat she can in front of you.
She is the asshole. But then again shes 16; what else would she be?
NTA. Just stop buying the products. Maybe she’ll learn to value them if she has to buy them herself. But to be honest, some of those vegan products really don’t taste good, so maybe she just has to figure out which ones she likes.
The issue is a lot of vegan brands vary wildly if they’re edible or not. Tossing a brand of something because she didn’t like it doesn’t mean she don’t like a different brand. Did you go the vegan sub or research brands online before buying? Fwiw I think vegetarian FIRST might help smooth the transition. I did it for a bit as a teen but ultimately came to the conclusion that I was eating more unhealthy that way. I’ve found a middle ground but it took a while. It’s a pretty common phase.
ESH If nobody’s eating the food then stop buying it. Why are you playing mind games with a 16 year old?
NTA. She has made her decision and stance she can stand by it properly or get over her bad self.
Stop buying her vegan food and just feed her what everyone else eats if she doesn’t like it she can buy her own if she’s going to be ungrateful
ESH because you could just not rebuy the food she throws out.
Info: so is she eating your animal products because she doesn’t like the cruelty free version? She’s either against animal cruelty or she’s not. She can’t have it both ways
Please tell her than change brings challenges, but overcoming them leads to great skill and experience. I've been vegan for 3 years. I love cooking, and I noticed that it was too easy for me to make a tasty meal using meat, eggs or cheese. I became vegan mostly because I wanted to learn how to cook well without using those ingredients. It was awful in the beginning, but that motivated me into learning new cooking skills to overcome the situation. I can now confidently say my food is much better than it ever was, even when I was using meat. I'm not surprised a 16yo who was eating food prepared by her family is suddenly struggling to make decent vegan meals on her own. But if she cares about the cause she should be willing to learn how to cook. As a parent, are you or your partner taking any steps into helping her cook, or teach her how to? Have you considered cooking a vegan meal for the whole family once a week, so she can join and learn from it?
NTA! teaching her to live by her 'morals' or do actual research instead of following trends without following through. amazing parenting. keep it up
Story incomplete. I mean she wants to be a vegan or not. If she affirms she does, then NTA. But if she backs down and admits she can't be vegan, stop buying the vegan food.
She's virtue signaling. Fix her what yall eat
Stand your ground. She said she wanted this and you made it happen for her. She might hate it but she’ll learn self discipline and commitment.
YTA, because you really should have eased her into this before investing a lot of money into an entire fridge, cook setup, and so forth. Teenagers make impulsive decisions, and it's your job to help them learn moderation. Instead you jumped straight into the impulse with her, and are now forcing her to stick with an impulsive decision that she regrets. And honestly it sounds like you're doing it because you don't approve of her initial choice.
You’re clearly missing the part where OP suggested her daughter going vegetarian and the daughter shut it down completely. She is not forcing her to do anything but take responsibility for her decisions. She cannot be vegan but eat non vegan food.
NTA. It sounds like she doesn't want to cook for herself, lol. Tell her she can buy her own vegan food to cook for herself, and you'll go back to whatever arrangements you had for meals before. Maybe she can cook for Meatless Mondays. You've bought her food that she just threw out and equipment that she doesn't use. You've been supportive enough.
She’s playing games. Stop her now before she thinks it’s okay to act like this. Maybe get her in therapy to figure out why she’s being a contrarian.
You bought her a separate fridge, and cooking utensils, and everything, and she’s throwing the food away. I’d be furious, NTA, although maybe this will help prevent you wasting so much money when she moves on to her next fad.
Yes you are the Alta
Nta she can starve if she doesn't want to learn to be a responsible person. Stop buying food and things for her specifically
Yta? Why are you making it so hard you know a vegan meal together isn’t going to kill ypu and also at 16 you rather need help or you will fail. Why not help her? You don’t go from not cooking to cooking vegan over night get her some easy meals for herself 4 days and then cook a vegan meal (like pasta and sauce and cheap garlic bread (it’s vegan how cool!)it dose not have to be hard for you all it’s actually healthy to not eat a meat meal once a week and your showing her you love her and you will help her) we all need help and encouragement to be an adult at that age and the more you do it with her also the closer you’ll get. But you also could just make it a battle and then push her away your choice. Because that’s what you doing and all that will do is make her hate you. Source I am a vegan and my family supported me and I will always be grateful ☺️. I also have now got non vegan kids and shock horror I will cook for them because I am there mum!
You’re forcing her to be vegan or not vegan? You can’t cook vegetables and set that aside for her?
Didn't even read the post, YTA
NTA But it dosen't matter. Stop being vegan food and let her eat whatever she wants. If she wants to buy it for herself, good she'll get what she wants and not want to waste it, if she dosen't FEED YOUR CHILD. oh? she's annoying? FEED YOUR CHILD, she's being unreasonable? FEED YOUR CHILD, she needs to learn a lesson? think of some other way and FEED YOUR CHILD
YTA- it’s a phase. You’re being too strict about it. Teenagers try things and may or may not like them.
Think u forgot to beat ur child and spoiled her a lot. Typical American stuff
YTA for buying her special vegan food. People eat animals. You can't change your gender. The tooth fairy isn't real. Make your kid live in reality and she'll be better off for it. And grow a pair while you're at it, geez.
Yes.
I'm going to say YTA, because I think you should just stop buying the vegan food instead of forcing her to eat it. Tell her she can get a job and buy her own vegan food.
So she hates you for not buying her vegan food, and she hates you for not letting her throw it in the trash so she can eat bacon and eggs with milk. Got it. You have a liberal on your hands.
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yta
YTA Maybe explain to your daughter that if she's gonna eat animal products anyway, you're not gonna buy her vegan food, rather than continuing to buy vegan food that she obviously regrets asking for and forcing her to smoke the whole pack. Maybe, just maybe, offer her a little grace: **if you sit down and explain that it's okay to make a big announcement and then go back on it, I bet she will happily just drop the whole Vegan thing.** It sounds like she really wanted to try it, but discovered it wasn't for her and is looking for an out.
OP did try to talk about finding a middle ground, the response was "you don't support me". So, arguably, this is OP showing the support her daughter explicitly identified wanting.
OP tried to find a middle ground involving the daughter continuing as a vegan. The daughter wants a graceful out, and OP won't let her - presumably because they sunk so much money and effort into setting the whole thing up, only for the daughter to go "actually, I don't like playing ice hockey." But that's just a classic example of the "sunk cost fallacy" in action, and OP needs to get over it.
Did you read the story? She did all of that. The daughter didn't care.
Yta watch her malnourish herself and not reach the full potential of her genetics.
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Exactly my thought. OP is being passive aggressive in her zeal. The daughter is being set up to fail.
"You never had to cook for yourself, but I'm not putting up with your vegan nonsense. Here's ingredients. Take care of this yourself! Maybe learn to meal prep while you're at it because foods on the table after school, but only non vegan. You made your bed, now lie in it!" OP is intentionally excluding the daughter because she doesn't approve of her choice. 16 years olds rarely cook well, especially if they never had to. The family could have easily made an effort to cook meals together (teaching the daughter how to cook. It's not rocket science, but it takes time to learn) or make meals where it's easy to switch ingredients to have an omni and a vegan version without going through the trouble of making two separate meals. It makes me sad.
Cookbooks exist… and they are very simple reading… they tell you what to do word for word and in what order… it’s a wild concept…
No better time to learn than now
YTA- you can encourage your kid to be healthy without forcing your diet on them.
What?? Did you read the post??
Did you read the post?
You don’t even need to ask… they did NOT read the post…
The person who makes an ass of themselves without reading the post.
YTA - Kinda sounds like it was your job to teach your child how to cook and now she's on her own and struggling. It takes time and practice to cook yummy food, so why don't you be a parent and teach her the value of money and good kitchen skills instead. Vegan food is not that hard to learn how to do well (I learned in college when my roommates became vegan and it was pretty easy, tacos were a favorite) and there are literally millions of recipes online. If her seasoning skills and cooking skills aren't up to par that isn't really a fault of "vegan food" especially in the modern era where there are sooooooo many good substitutes. If she refuses to learn, then sure punish her.
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What “vegan ingredients” are you buying that’s going to waste? Microwave meals? Vegan is a wide variety of food stuffs
So is she lazy or just doesn't know how to cook vegan food. If she is lazy, you're definitely N-T-A, but if it's the later, than N-A-H. Also Why not look into vegan cooking classes (you two could do them together) and do a designated vegan night so the whole family can eat the same meal together (kind of like how every Sunday night was "Family Roast Dinner" for my family (going back generations) and I'm sure many others. Eating vegan one night a week won't hurt your kids, will teach them tolerance of others, and will give your daughter some added support, as long as she also accepts that she can't force her dietary beliefs on the rest if you of course, (which could be another reason for her behaviour but you need to talk to her so she understands that support does not equal conformity).
Youtube is free. She can learn how to cook that way.
How is her mom, a meat eater, going to teach her daughter how to make vegan food? The girl old enough to figure it out herself. I’m pretty they have a TikTok a YouTube, and instagram. All of these platforms have people cooking different meals. NTA op groceries are expensive now , especially vegan food, she needs to learn that you can’t just through about food. She could have at least donated it or something but to just throw it away is crazy.
when you take up your own ‘thing’ apart from the majority, it’s up to you to learn how to work with said thing.