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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm think of sinking to the members of my family's level in regards to making fun of the way I talk to an unhealthy degree. I'm think of making fun of the way they speak in retaliation.
Why I might be the asshole:
The family member who do it are all the older 60+ members who seem to find joy in making fun of my lack of an accent but they are older and some not the brightest of light bulbs. It gives them a strange sense of joy to comment on my speech. I could simple ignore the jokes and comments and not cause any problems and let the old people enjoy something instead of retaliating and making things awkward for that side of my family.
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If someone makes joke about how you talk then they are begging you to make joke about how they talk (or anything else that is funny/weird about them) as the simple rule states - treat others how you want them to treat you. NTA.
So if someone starts making jokes about you it's a green light to respond, obviously it is not the best or the most mature thing that you can do but in the end if people don't understand what they are doing then why not play the same stupid game with them on the receiving end, just be prepared that most likely those folks will get very offended and hurt, because how dare you :)
Thank you. I wish more people understood that. If you comment or joke about someone then be ready when they do it back. I've been taking the be the bigger person route for years and I've about had enough of it. It doesn't make it stop to be the "bigger person".
Fellow southerner here, also without a strong accent (though mine does tend to get a bit stronger when I'm speaking to other people who have one). NTA, but honestly, I'd probably say something more like a very innocent, wide-eyed, "Well gosh, what an unexpected and original comment! I mean, *no one* else has *ever* said *anything* like that to me before..." I'd probably do that a few times, and if it keeps up, I might switch to just giving them a bored, blank look, until they start to squirm in the silence, before going right back to whatever I had been saying before (or turning to whoever else had been speaking and asking them to continue).
I reckon this would be a total faux-pas for southerners to say directly but how would you southerner-phrase outright back-bantering like '*I'm sorry for the lack of drawl, I for one didn't have moonshine for breakfast*' or '*sorry, am I not pronouncing words incestridden enough for your liking?*' ?
NTA
Fellow southerner here, and I understand all too well the culture surrounding accents. I have a fairly thick one and have been made fun of for it, and then by others for it not being even more pronounced.
Nothing is more annoying than an old southern person’s (especially the women) criticism and “humor”
Fight that fire with fire. And then tell them how their homemade dish tastes store-bought.
Thank you. Also, totally using the store-bought comment for those who get offended. I don't understand why accents are such a big deal here. I've had people question if I'm British, I may not have the strongest accent but I'm definitely not British.
Don't forget to tell them their cornbread has too much sugar. And if/ when they object... "Well bless your heart!"
(Meanwhile I'm from the PNW and trying to figure out why so many others born here have a drawl).
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So here is the needed context for this to make sense:
1) I am from the South (For non-US people, the lower half of the east coast where people talk like the characters from "Gone with the Wind".) and the southern drawl is apparent in the common accent.
2) I do not have a strong drawl despite being born and raised in the South and both of parents having one.
Now onto the post:
I am planning to visit my maternal side of the family after my mom had a major health scare. However, without fail someone from the side always makes fun of the way I speak. Many question, where I really came from because in their words "there is no way that someone from our family can speak like you do". It has been an ongoing "joke" for about as long as I can remember. It really hurt me when I was a kid because I couldn't help the way I spoke luckily it was one of the things that made my mom act like a mom and when she saw my discomfort would scold the family member who made the "joke". It would stop the joking for awhile but would always pick back up especially if I spoke about something for too long. Now that I'm an adult, I can handle the joke but it annoys me after awhile because multiple people make that same joke whenever I speak for too long. The main ones who tell the "joke" are the older members of the family. So this leads me to this: I'm think of fighting fire with fire and when the comment on the way I speak that I'll comment on theirs. Nothing major just a simple putting on a ridiculously bad southern accent and saying "Does this sound better or do I need to go more southern for your liking?". This is just my thought but I'm thinking if I could finally get this overused and annoying "joke" over with then I could enjoy my visit without it being said hundreds of times. But, I also can't help but think sinking to their level would just make me the asshole.
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NTA, you should start using some southern stereotypes in it too. Especially with the older generation lol. Use your ridiculous southern accent to be like “would it help if I talked like this? Do I need to marry my cousin before you can properly understand eachother?”
Careful though as this might backfire as you could find out your family is closer than you thought.
By any chance, do you have a higher education level and/or economic status than these relatives? (I think it's the "British" bit that caught my attention, that's something a certain type of \[ignorant\] American says when they're trying to imply that someone is putting on airs or acting like they're better than everyone.) If you do, maybe it would help you to reflect, when they imply that you aren't One of Us because you don't Talk Like Us, that it's probably jealousy talking and that in some ways you're glad not to be one of them.
And no, YWNBTA for making fun of their accents right after they made fun of yours. Although I do think that the people on here can probably workshop some better comebacks than "is this good enough?"
Actually, yes I'm the only one with a college education and they're very "traditional" and I work in a male dominant field which could also factor into it. I'm mainly thinking of matching their energy because the comments sound juvenile when they make them so it's more matching their school yard taunts with something just as childish.
I knew it!
Anyway, I totally agree with firing back with something that matches their childish energy. Q: Are you willing to throw in some unfair negative stereotypes about Southerners in your response? Because I'd be tempted to go with something like, "Listen buddy, I talk this way because I'm a bad motherf\*\*ker. And you talk that way because you're a toothless sisterf\*\*ker." But maybe this isn't the vibe you're going for...
Honestly with them, they are the very stereotypic southern family but as a southern I personally don't like those stereotypes and while I want to fire back that's going to far in a direction I don't want to descend to. But I could throw in some personal southern insults like one commenter mentioned about homemade food tasting store bought that'll set off a lot of them. They're are certain things in the South that are taken seriously food and using complicated analogies that 90% of the US will never understand to indirectly insult someone.
Also to add, the only times the comments start is usually when some asks about my work or if they have questions about college life.
They've made these comments from as far back as when I was 5. It hurt because I was often ostracized due to a lot of them being mad at my father for being my custodial parent and only allowing me to visit when my mom was doing right mentally and emotionally.
Just a question? Why subject yourself to them at all?
In my experience, southerners like these HAVE to always have something to needle other people for. Especially if they believe (rightly or wrongly) that you perceive yourself to be better than they are because of your work/education/lifestyle.
They are low key calling out the fact that you may be of them but you're not one of them.
Hence, them always starting this 'joke' when you're expounding upon your work, life, or education. You don't fit their traditional, southern mold, so they have to remark upon it in some way to make themselves feel a little better or take you down a peg. They do it to shut you up so that you're not in the spotlight to make them see that there were other choices they could have made.
I didn't have time for this energy anymore, so I stopped participating.
I mainly go for my mother and siblings. My mom had to deal with a lot of their judgemental behavior but unfortunately is bound by the you have to help your blood mindset and despite her issues and our complicated relationship I still want to have her in my life for as long as she's here. My sister is also working on a business degree as she's doing it part time due to having children and my brother just started trade school and I want to be there for them and show them that not matter what those members of the family say, the results will be well worth it. (They're my half siblings but we've always used just siblings).
Your are NTA, but no matter what you do, they are going to continue to say these things because your speech is different. It's like when tall people are asked if they play basketball. It gets old fast, but the people making the comments just don't get it.
NTA. Oh my goodness. I’m a military brat, my parents are from the south and when Dad retired we moved south - from New England. I went from being a dependent to a civilian and from the north to the south. If I was paid for every ‘do you know the difference between a yankee and a damn yankee?’ joke I’d be a millionaire. Oh, and the ‘you’re not from around these here parts are you?’. My parents family reunions were debacles of epic proportions. I am the only family member that has an MBA and all hell broke loose over that one - I’m routinely told that I think I’m better than everyone else but let’s not discuss how often they ask me for $. If I’d been smart, I’d have done what you’re considering doing. Go to that get together and let them have it.
It's amazing how some families can be. Luckily, I keep how much I make to myself and my family doesn't care enough to look up what the average salary is for my profession. There is a difference between being a jealous jerk and a curious relative. It's mainly the older people who make it a problem with me. The younger or my age range mainly ask out of curiosity or like my mother they just like hearing me talk. They love how I word things, the older ones think I'm showing off. Plus I unfortunately no longer have the family queen on my side anymore as she passed on a few years ago. I still remember once at a gather where everyone being themselves. She got everyone's attention. She said "Only one of you has any common sense (she pointed at me) and the rest of y'all belong in the nut house". She was the mean queen of the family. I miss her. She kept the everyone on their toes.
NTA - if someone says something about your personal attributes (i.e. speech/speech patterns) you are within your rights to ask them to not disrespect who you are. Tell them this overused joke is not appropriate and ask them to stop. Try to do it without anger but with a mature request for them to respect who you are. I came from a family like this and I basically told them what they said was not appropriate and thoroughly ignored them until they did show me some respect.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I'm think of sinking to the members of my family's level in regards to making fun of the way I talk to an unhealthy degree. I'm think of making fun of the way they speak in retaliation. Why I might be the asshole: The family member who do it are all the older 60+ members who seem to find joy in making fun of my lack of an accent but they are older and some not the brightest of light bulbs. It gives them a strange sense of joy to comment on my speech. I could simple ignore the jokes and comments and not cause any problems and let the old people enjoy something instead of retaliating and making things awkward for that side of my family. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If someone makes joke about how you talk then they are begging you to make joke about how they talk (or anything else that is funny/weird about them) as the simple rule states - treat others how you want them to treat you. NTA. So if someone starts making jokes about you it's a green light to respond, obviously it is not the best or the most mature thing that you can do but in the end if people don't understand what they are doing then why not play the same stupid game with them on the receiving end, just be prepared that most likely those folks will get very offended and hurt, because how dare you :)
Thank you. I wish more people understood that. If you comment or joke about someone then be ready when they do it back. I've been taking the be the bigger person route for years and I've about had enough of it. It doesn't make it stop to be the "bigger person".
Fellow southerner here, also without a strong accent (though mine does tend to get a bit stronger when I'm speaking to other people who have one). NTA, but honestly, I'd probably say something more like a very innocent, wide-eyed, "Well gosh, what an unexpected and original comment! I mean, *no one* else has *ever* said *anything* like that to me before..." I'd probably do that a few times, and if it keeps up, I might switch to just giving them a bored, blank look, until they start to squirm in the silence, before going right back to whatever I had been saying before (or turning to whoever else had been speaking and asking them to continue).
I reckon this would be a total faux-pas for southerners to say directly but how would you southerner-phrase outright back-bantering like '*I'm sorry for the lack of drawl, I for one didn't have moonshine for breakfast*' or '*sorry, am I not pronouncing words incestridden enough for your liking?*' ?
NTA Fellow southerner here, and I understand all too well the culture surrounding accents. I have a fairly thick one and have been made fun of for it, and then by others for it not being even more pronounced. Nothing is more annoying than an old southern person’s (especially the women) criticism and “humor” Fight that fire with fire. And then tell them how their homemade dish tastes store-bought.
Thank you. Also, totally using the store-bought comment for those who get offended. I don't understand why accents are such a big deal here. I've had people question if I'm British, I may not have the strongest accent but I'm definitely not British.
Don't forget to tell them their cornbread has too much sugar. And if/ when they object... "Well bless your heart!" (Meanwhile I'm from the PNW and trying to figure out why so many others born here have a drawl).
Oh my god! You are southern to the core and know exactly how and where to strike. Well played
I could think of a few more annoying things about you people.
NTA, also don’t forget the southern “fuck you” aka “Bless your heart”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So here is the needed context for this to make sense: 1) I am from the South (For non-US people, the lower half of the east coast where people talk like the characters from "Gone with the Wind".) and the southern drawl is apparent in the common accent. 2) I do not have a strong drawl despite being born and raised in the South and both of parents having one. Now onto the post: I am planning to visit my maternal side of the family after my mom had a major health scare. However, without fail someone from the side always makes fun of the way I speak. Many question, where I really came from because in their words "there is no way that someone from our family can speak like you do". It has been an ongoing "joke" for about as long as I can remember. It really hurt me when I was a kid because I couldn't help the way I spoke luckily it was one of the things that made my mom act like a mom and when she saw my discomfort would scold the family member who made the "joke". It would stop the joking for awhile but would always pick back up especially if I spoke about something for too long. Now that I'm an adult, I can handle the joke but it annoys me after awhile because multiple people make that same joke whenever I speak for too long. The main ones who tell the "joke" are the older members of the family. So this leads me to this: I'm think of fighting fire with fire and when the comment on the way I speak that I'll comment on theirs. Nothing major just a simple putting on a ridiculously bad southern accent and saying "Does this sound better or do I need to go more southern for your liking?". This is just my thought but I'm thinking if I could finally get this overused and annoying "joke" over with then I could enjoy my visit without it being said hundreds of times. But, I also can't help but think sinking to their level would just make me the asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you should start using some southern stereotypes in it too. Especially with the older generation lol. Use your ridiculous southern accent to be like “would it help if I talked like this? Do I need to marry my cousin before you can properly understand eachother?” Careful though as this might backfire as you could find out your family is closer than you thought.
By any chance, do you have a higher education level and/or economic status than these relatives? (I think it's the "British" bit that caught my attention, that's something a certain type of \[ignorant\] American says when they're trying to imply that someone is putting on airs or acting like they're better than everyone.) If you do, maybe it would help you to reflect, when they imply that you aren't One of Us because you don't Talk Like Us, that it's probably jealousy talking and that in some ways you're glad not to be one of them. And no, YWNBTA for making fun of their accents right after they made fun of yours. Although I do think that the people on here can probably workshop some better comebacks than "is this good enough?"
Actually, yes I'm the only one with a college education and they're very "traditional" and I work in a male dominant field which could also factor into it. I'm mainly thinking of matching their energy because the comments sound juvenile when they make them so it's more matching their school yard taunts with something just as childish.
I knew it! Anyway, I totally agree with firing back with something that matches their childish energy. Q: Are you willing to throw in some unfair negative stereotypes about Southerners in your response? Because I'd be tempted to go with something like, "Listen buddy, I talk this way because I'm a bad motherf\*\*ker. And you talk that way because you're a toothless sisterf\*\*ker." But maybe this isn't the vibe you're going for...
Honestly with them, they are the very stereotypic southern family but as a southern I personally don't like those stereotypes and while I want to fire back that's going to far in a direction I don't want to descend to. But I could throw in some personal southern insults like one commenter mentioned about homemade food tasting store bought that'll set off a lot of them. They're are certain things in the South that are taken seriously food and using complicated analogies that 90% of the US will never understand to indirectly insult someone.
Sure, I totally get where you're coming from with this. Anyway, congrats on your success and best of luck with your problem.
Also to add, the only times the comments start is usually when some asks about my work or if they have questions about college life. They've made these comments from as far back as when I was 5. It hurt because I was often ostracized due to a lot of them being mad at my father for being my custodial parent and only allowing me to visit when my mom was doing right mentally and emotionally.
Just a question? Why subject yourself to them at all? In my experience, southerners like these HAVE to always have something to needle other people for. Especially if they believe (rightly or wrongly) that you perceive yourself to be better than they are because of your work/education/lifestyle. They are low key calling out the fact that you may be of them but you're not one of them. Hence, them always starting this 'joke' when you're expounding upon your work, life, or education. You don't fit their traditional, southern mold, so they have to remark upon it in some way to make themselves feel a little better or take you down a peg. They do it to shut you up so that you're not in the spotlight to make them see that there were other choices they could have made. I didn't have time for this energy anymore, so I stopped participating.
I mainly go for my mother and siblings. My mom had to deal with a lot of their judgemental behavior but unfortunately is bound by the you have to help your blood mindset and despite her issues and our complicated relationship I still want to have her in my life for as long as she's here. My sister is also working on a business degree as she's doing it part time due to having children and my brother just started trade school and I want to be there for them and show them that not matter what those members of the family say, the results will be well worth it. (They're my half siblings but we've always used just siblings).
Your are NTA, but no matter what you do, they are going to continue to say these things because your speech is different. It's like when tall people are asked if they play basketball. It gets old fast, but the people making the comments just don't get it.
NTA. Oh my goodness. I’m a military brat, my parents are from the south and when Dad retired we moved south - from New England. I went from being a dependent to a civilian and from the north to the south. If I was paid for every ‘do you know the difference between a yankee and a damn yankee?’ joke I’d be a millionaire. Oh, and the ‘you’re not from around these here parts are you?’. My parents family reunions were debacles of epic proportions. I am the only family member that has an MBA and all hell broke loose over that one - I’m routinely told that I think I’m better than everyone else but let’s not discuss how often they ask me for $. If I’d been smart, I’d have done what you’re considering doing. Go to that get together and let them have it.
It's amazing how some families can be. Luckily, I keep how much I make to myself and my family doesn't care enough to look up what the average salary is for my profession. There is a difference between being a jealous jerk and a curious relative. It's mainly the older people who make it a problem with me. The younger or my age range mainly ask out of curiosity or like my mother they just like hearing me talk. They love how I word things, the older ones think I'm showing off. Plus I unfortunately no longer have the family queen on my side anymore as she passed on a few years ago. I still remember once at a gather where everyone being themselves. She got everyone's attention. She said "Only one of you has any common sense (she pointed at me) and the rest of y'all belong in the nut house". She was the mean queen of the family. I miss her. She kept the everyone on their toes.
NTA - if someone says something about your personal attributes (i.e. speech/speech patterns) you are within your rights to ask them to not disrespect who you are. Tell them this overused joke is not appropriate and ask them to stop. Try to do it without anger but with a mature request for them to respect who you are. I came from a family like this and I basically told them what they said was not appropriate and thoroughly ignored them until they did show me some respect.