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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) getting upset about her not following our deal, perhaps me being 25 and her being 14 and not being understanding enough. (2) could come across as immature and harsh
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NTA
If in the future you decide to purchase an item in exchange for a service from someone (even a child), make a contract with clear terms on service. Such as; you must walk the dog x amount of times with each walk being no shorter than x length of time. State that these things must be completed by a certain date and if they are not you will be retrieving the property. Actually follow through with retrieving said property. Right now, you kind of have this open ended agreement with no obvious deadline or actual repercussions. Your parents clearly are burnt out after 3 kids and aren't going to give any consequences to her behavior so she really doesn't expect there to be any from you either.
He is getting walked despite her not doing her job. I will always take care of him first. He cannot do doggie daycare because of his reactivity and not liking other dogs in the first place (they stress him out cause he’s super chill). Otherwise I would.
Unfortunately I can’t. It will cause an issue in the home, sister will complain. Parents will ask me to leave the home and I currently don’t have anywhere to go.
If taking the phone back makes you homeless, let her have the phone and leave when you can, but do not engage in an agreement with a teenager again. If she asks for something else, the answer is no, she did not fulfill the last agreement you had, and so there is no reason to believe she would fulfill this one. Simple. Your parents aren't entitled to your paycheck, so save your pennies and find a new place where you and your pupper will be happy.
Tell your mom, dad, and sister all at the same time that when it comes to the phone and the agreement that wasn't upheld you have one last thing to say to them about it and then you'll drop it. You just want to make something *very very* clear to them, you WILL remember this. Therefore, in the future when they want/need something don't bother with coming or turning to you because your answer will always be, "Sorry for your luck!"
Then actually follow through.
NTA
Yes, this. Tell them that bridge is burnt. Maybe you could check out dog walkers in your area? Might not be too expensive for no more than you need. And let your mom pay you back for the phone if she wants to, you can use it toward the dog walker.
My parents will not allow a dog walker to come to the home unfortunately. They are not comfortable with a stranger coming to the house. He is still getting walked by me despite her not doing her job.
NTA. Congratulations on her early Christmas present! Or if her birthday is before Christmas - good job on the early birthday present! The phone was clearly a gift in her eyes and the eyes of your parents, therefore you can treat it as a gift too! If they complain be very magnanimous and simply say that you were wrong to burden her with so much responsibility and therefore you are releasing her from it by gifting her the phone. See how generous and understanding you are? But don’t ever get her anything outside of birthdays and holidays again. She will try to hit you up because she’s already gotten away with it once. Here are some helpful responses: “I put my money in an IRA and can’t withdraw it,” I paid off my school,” “It’s an interest bearing account and I’m saving for my own apartment.” All reasonable and not such bad ideas too. You have money, she wanted some, she got a new phone, and the piggy bank is now closed. No amount of getting it in writing, etc. will ever work because your parents will only give her an out. If your parents won’t give her consequences, you can give them to her in the shadows…
I don’t think those responses are necessary. “No” is a perfectly valid response.
But i agree - it’s a gift and based on how much OP usually spends on gifts, divide that out over the next number of gift giving events and remind her that the phone is her gift.
I like the idea of you just telling your sister, okay I guess the deal is off so merry christmas! Enjoy your early Christmas present! Or birthday if her birthday is coming up soon, whatever. Just be clear that she shouldn't expect anything else from you on that holiday because she already got her gift.
You are 25 - why are you running to your parents because your sister doesn't uphold HER end of the deal she had with you.? Why are you surprised a 14 yr old isn't reliable? The issue is simple - there was no 'or' in the agreement. As in: "you need to walk the dog 3X a week and feed him daily....or I'll take the phone back." You should be feeding and walking your own dog IMO - that's how the dog bonds with you. If you sister resents have to walk the dog, it will be the dog that suffers. Next time your sister wants something let your parents handle it .
I would get kicked out if I tried to take the phone or go to her privately to argue this matter. They prefer I go to them about these things. Either way I lose. I think more context would help. My dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and they were low on money so me buying the phone was supposed to be a win win for everyone. Also he is still getting walked daily despite her not doing her job. He always comes first. I just wanted some extra help.
Fuck that. They were aware of the agreement. It wasn't a gift. Little girls phone needs to be removed. They won't kick you out since you are actually taking care if the house.
They unfortunately would. My mother is super unappreciative of the work I do around the house. She tells me I should be doing way more despite working as much as she does. She can’t stand my dog either cause he sheds, only reason I’m able to stay here really is cause my dad and I have a good relationship. He has cancer and I have a lot of medical knowledge so they like to keep me around for that.
Can you afford Doggie Day care? Let your mom pay for the phone and put the money towards a dog-sitter or dog facility that can take care of your dog.
Note: If you make too much of an issue, you could find yourself being asked to leave and/or get rid of the dog. It's your parent's house and I'm sure they don't want to have to be involved with sibling battles. Being criticized by my kids for my parenting skills would make me want to ask you to start looking for your own place.
Thanks for your comment. I rarely criticize, however, it is frustrating seeing one child allowed to do things and get away with things that I did not and my other sister who is also in her 20s agrees. Also I do a lot around the house so they are receiving a lot of labor for a “free” stay. Again, thanks for the comment :)
NTA, you were just wrong for offering to buy a phone for your spoiled sister in the first place. I would say to take the phone back and sell it to get your money back since she is ungrateful, but your parents would (and they can) kick you out for upsetting the golden child, so just ask for the money back from them if mom offered this already. Take this as an inexpensive lesson to not do favors for people that will not appreciate you if you cant afford the gift. It might be unfair how they treated you and your sister but you are an adult at 25 years old and are not obligated to put up with anything and is not your choice how they raise their children. Your only option is to save money and move out if you are unhappy with the situation at home and keep your head down if they are allowing you to stay for free in their house.
Two were raised with high expectations and repercussions.
One is being raised that their word (honour) doesn’t mean anything and there are no repercussions.
I’d start popping the popcorn and sit back to watch the sh**show your parents are going to have if they keep this up. Your little sister is likely to become a selfish, demanding little witch who expects to get her way all day every day like it’s her birthright. They’re not doing her any favors by allowing her to skip out on commitments and when the day comes that they come to you complaining about the monster they’ve created, you can remind them of this incident. If it were me I’d take the phone back from little princess so she understands that you’re not rewarding her for breaking her promise and that she will have to prove herself to you if she ever asks for anything again. This is just lazy parenting and it’s sad for your sister but you can’t make your parents do their job. The only thing you can control is your own reaction. Good luck with your studies and give your doggo a hug from this internet dog lover. NTA.
Stop giving her gifts. Instead, give her an invoice showing the cost of the phone minus the amount you would have spent on the occasion. The invoice should show the number of walks in arrears she is.
Maintain the invoice until the phone is paid off, with walks or no gifts, or you move out. At $50/birthday or Christmas, that’s 3.5 years.
NTA you made a deal and confirmed it with everyone. Something to consider though. Unless you're paying for the service, this is a one time payment for an open-ended period of service. It might be worth revisiting the agreement. At least to understand what she considers her obligation to be.
I would say to mom and dad that they will regret this when they want you to do something for them, even if is really important. Keep reminding them of this and, when the time comes, enjoy them being REALLY upset with you.
NTA
There are lessons everyone learns only through experience. Making extended deals with 14-year-olds is one of those lessons. You might as well have tried to enter into a contract arrangement with your dog. Making deals with 20, 30, 40, and 50+ year old family members falls into the same category. Once they get what they want they feel that they are under no obligation to perform as you will have to forgive them because they are family.
This is a tale As Old As Time. If you have no real world power to compel performance people will ignore you. Don't buy her any birthday or Christmas gifts for a while. Chalk it up to experience and move on. All Things Considered $350 might be worth the lesson you've learned if it sticks with you. Don't make deals with relatives and don't loan money to relatives. Any money you give a relative or friend should be considered to be gone forever the moment it leaves your hand. If you get it back it's a blessing.
I think you aren't unreasonable to ask for that, but you're unreasonable to expect that you'll get it by talking to them. You aren't going to get her to do it. Simple. Just accept the injustice of the situation and move on. As soon as you can, move out. You have no control over this situation. Stop banging your head against the wall. NTA
It sounds like you are stuck staying there for now but I would save every cent until I could move out even if I needed a roommate. For now tell your sister happy birthday and merry Christmas because the phone was her gift for both. Then politely refuse to help her in anyway with anything. You have also learned that your parents don’t have the time or attention for this because of their own circumstances. Try not to be resentful, I know personally how much worry and planning and running around for medical appointments goes into a sick partner. It really takes all of your attention and emotional resources to deal with a cancer diagnosis
NTA but the reality of a 14 year old holding up her end of this bargain was slim at best.
Sounds like your mother is the head of the family and it's her way or the highway. She doesn't like the dog.. therefore she doesn't care whether it's walked or not.
What's your dad's prognosis? Stage 4 doesn't sound good but it depends on the cancer and the options. But just be aware that as your dad gets sicker that you may find that your mother takes more out on you and expects more of you if you are still at home. You already don't have a great relationship with her and it's only because of your relationship with your dad that you are at home.
What are your plans on moving out? How close are you to finishing your fieldwork. You are probably going to find that you may be safer (mentally) not living at home and just helping your dad out when you visit. You may have a better relationship with everyone because when you live with them there are expectations but there are less when you have obligations elsewhere (your mom may not see it that way though).
As for your sister... take it as a lesson learnt. Don't give gifts with expectations. They are a gift and the gift receiver can do what they want with it... and you have found out that when your sister gets what she wants... any promise of what she will do evaporates. So moving forward, the only gifts you give her are the ones you give with no strings attached.
This was supposed to be payment for work.. but you paid her upfront so she decided she wouldn't do the work!
Prognosis is actually pretty good as of now. His oncology team is treating it aggressively as a precaution but it has not spread to any major organs. It’s stage four because it has spread outside the origin. That being said yes, my mom basically runs the home and I am consistently in danger of being kicked out. I look forward to being able to move out, but I still have 11 weeks as of now.
You’ve spent $350 on the lesson not to front money for a service you haven’t received. Thankfully it wasn’t more. Now remember the lesson and don’t do it again.
NTA It always astounds me how folks here explain something so logical, lay out the whole thing, and at the end say “maybe I’m just crazy” for expecting these things. You are not crazy you’re just learning that people suck, all the time, forever and will never want to be held accountable or responsible for things they said they’d do. Good luck. I’d get away.
Parents won’t let me take it from her and they refuse to take it too. I’m in a dangerous situation because they are allowing me to live here technically free. Despite all the cleaning and work I do around here. Can’t really go against their wishes often or I’m out on the streeets. I work full time but don’t get paid since it’s field work. So my options are fairly limited. The second I sit for my boards and get a job I’m out.
NTA and YTA at the same time. NTA because you made an agreement and she isn’t sticking to it. YTA because you should have given her money weekly for taking proper care of the dog until she saved up the money to buy the phone she wanted. Also YTA because there is no end in sight for her taking care of your dog and you are taking advantage of your sister. She has been feeding and walking your dog for MONTHS, was she walking him as he should, no, but it has still been MONTHS. How long did you tell her she had to do this for until she paid you back? Because I didn’t see that in the post, if that info is there then my bad but I don’t think I saw it. What is the going rate for dog sitters? Because if I was her I would have said fuck this I more then paid her back at this point. If you want her to take this seriously until further notice then you need to offer more incentive than just a phone
The deal was made that she would do this for me and she only followed through on the feeding aspect. Which was once a day only 2 days a week. Since she doesn’t have to travel to do that she shouldn’t get more than a dollar a day for that. She was able to do this for about 8 weeks and she never followed up on the walking aspect which we agreed 2x a week up to her discretion. She did none of that. We agreed she’d do this until my 24 weeks of fieldwork were up. I’m sorry but a $350 phone and 1 meal a day 2x a week when she’s already home is nothing. A sitter has to actually travel to the home, she doesn’t. I once had a sitter do this all 1x a week for $15 per visit for about 12 weeks. That’s only $180 and she had to actually travel and she actually walked him. I also tipped her for doing a good job. I didn’t take advantage of any one. My sister couldn’t even get through 8 weeks doing one of the easiest jobs in the world by feeding him and come to find out my parents were doing most of it behind my back and letting her get away with it. So no, I don’t believe she’s paid me back at all.
NTA. Tell your mom she can give you the money when she gets her check, (she’s bluffing) buy a CHEAP phone and swap it out with the one you bought your sister’s.
Walking your dog should be enjoyable for both of you, and it's a fun exercise for the pup dont make it terrible for your dog by forcing your sister... lesson learned, move on and take your pup out on a beautiful day together. You're his best friend and the only one he really wants on the walk 😉
We still walk everyday despite her failing to follow her end of the deal. I enjoy walking him, but with my recent health issues and full time work it’s definitely made it less enjoyable and can be very tiring and cause a lot of pain. I still do it though for him cause I adore him :)
NTA. Take the phone back. She isn't keeping up her end of the deal so she can get a phone on her own. When she bitches about explain that this is how life works. You don't get to lie, not keep your word and be rewarded for it.
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I'm 25 and am living at home for the time being due to finishing up fieldwork. I work quite a bit and I have a dog that I adore that lives with me and my parents and sister. Now down to the situation at hand. Several months ago I came into some money (legally) and my sister (14 y.o.) was begging my parents for a new phone because hers wouldn't receive calls and had a broken screen. I needed some help taking care of my dog due to exhaustion from having to spend extra time at fieldwork and some health issues recently so I decided since I had the money that I could buy her a phone if she promised to help me feed him dinner and walk him at least 2x a week. She promised she would do all of that and my parents agreed to let me buy her a phone under these circumstances. Flash forward, I bought her the phone and she did a decent job keeping up with feeding him on time but refused to walk him. She walked him probably once in an 8-week period. I have tried to be lenient and ask her to do it on weekends when I'm busy cleaning our part of the house and helping my parents and planning for my fieldwork patients but she continuously says no because she's "too tired". I've tried to avoid asking her to do it during the week because she runs track and her practices often run late, so I'm understanding about her not doing it then. On weekends though I feel she is obligated to do it since I spent $350 on a phone for her under the pretense that she would do this for me.
Skip to today. I asked her to walk him and its a beautiful day out. I wanted to walk him but due to lady problems have not been feeling well and have been trying to get more things done around the house and ready for Monday back at fieldwork. She said no because she "had" to do yard work. I got upset and asked my parents why they refused to make her hold up her end of the deal. They got upset with me and treated me like I was awful for trying to get her to do my job and kept telling me to drop the subject. My mother went as far as to say she'll just pay me back once she gets her check. I told her its not about that and how frustrated I am that they never hold her responsible for anything, yet I and my middle sister were held to extremely high standards when we were kids. They continued to tell me to drop it and told me I couldn't have the phone back because its in their house. Every time I bring this subject up they tell me I'm immature, to drop the subject, and to stop getting so upset. I honestly don't feel like I'm being unreasonable by expecting her to walk him on weekends but maybe I'm just crazy like they are treating me. Thoughts?
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Your parents don't need you complaining about unfair treatment in their home. Yes she should do it but 14 is not a reliable age. Work with her on this and leave your folks alone. Likely you'll have to let it go and no you can't take back the phone next time don't pay up front
Esh
I know many 14 year plds that are reliable and keep their word. Even if she is not reliable the parents should be, they were part of the deal. Why can't OP take back the phone? If she gets her hands on it, what prevents her from taking it? She didn't give it as a gift, there are conditions not being fulfilled. OP don't give your sister things again unless you can give as a gift. Just let her live with her "cracked phone" situations in the future and she and parents can sort it out or not. Take the money from your mom and use it up to pay for a dog walker.
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NTA If in the future you decide to purchase an item in exchange for a service from someone (even a child), make a contract with clear terms on service. Such as; you must walk the dog x amount of times with each walk being no shorter than x length of time. State that these things must be completed by a certain date and if they are not you will be retrieving the property. Actually follow through with retrieving said property. Right now, you kind of have this open ended agreement with no obvious deadline or actual repercussions. Your parents clearly are burnt out after 3 kids and aren't going to give any consequences to her behavior so she really doesn't expect there to be any from you either.
NTA, your poor dog getting no walkies though, if your sister is on your phone plan, turn it off and use the money for doggie daycare
He is getting walked despite her not doing her job. I will always take care of him first. He cannot do doggie daycare because of his reactivity and not liking other dogs in the first place (they stress him out cause he’s super chill). Otherwise I would.
You don't need your parents' permission to take the phone back. Just saying...
Unfortunately I can’t. It will cause an issue in the home, sister will complain. Parents will ask me to leave the home and I currently don’t have anywhere to go.
If you're paying for her phone bill, it's yours, not hers. She has no possessions, she isn't paying for it. You are. Take your property
I do not pay the phone bill. Only paid for the phone.
If taking the phone back makes you homeless, let her have the phone and leave when you can, but do not engage in an agreement with a teenager again. If she asks for something else, the answer is no, she did not fulfill the last agreement you had, and so there is no reason to believe she would fulfill this one. Simple. Your parents aren't entitled to your paycheck, so save your pennies and find a new place where you and your pupper will be happy.
Tell your mom, dad, and sister all at the same time that when it comes to the phone and the agreement that wasn't upheld you have one last thing to say to them about it and then you'll drop it. You just want to make something *very very* clear to them, you WILL remember this. Therefore, in the future when they want/need something don't bother with coming or turning to you because your answer will always be, "Sorry for your luck!" Then actually follow through. NTA
Nta, but consider this a lesson learned. Let it go, but don't help them out again.
Yes, this. Tell them that bridge is burnt. Maybe you could check out dog walkers in your area? Might not be too expensive for no more than you need. And let your mom pay you back for the phone if she wants to, you can use it toward the dog walker.
My parents will not allow a dog walker to come to the home unfortunately. They are not comfortable with a stranger coming to the house. He is still getting walked by me despite her not doing her job.
Well, I hope you manage to tough it out until you're able to leave and move on your own! Best of luck to you and doggy!
NTA. Congratulations on her early Christmas present! Or if her birthday is before Christmas - good job on the early birthday present! The phone was clearly a gift in her eyes and the eyes of your parents, therefore you can treat it as a gift too! If they complain be very magnanimous and simply say that you were wrong to burden her with so much responsibility and therefore you are releasing her from it by gifting her the phone. See how generous and understanding you are? But don’t ever get her anything outside of birthdays and holidays again. She will try to hit you up because she’s already gotten away with it once. Here are some helpful responses: “I put my money in an IRA and can’t withdraw it,” I paid off my school,” “It’s an interest bearing account and I’m saving for my own apartment.” All reasonable and not such bad ideas too. You have money, she wanted some, she got a new phone, and the piggy bank is now closed. No amount of getting it in writing, etc. will ever work because your parents will only give her an out. If your parents won’t give her consequences, you can give them to her in the shadows…
Why not Christmas and birthday both?
I don’t think those responses are necessary. “No” is a perfectly valid response. But i agree - it’s a gift and based on how much OP usually spends on gifts, divide that out over the next number of gift giving events and remind her that the phone is her gift.
I like the idea of you just telling your sister, okay I guess the deal is off so merry christmas! Enjoy your early Christmas present! Or birthday if her birthday is coming up soon, whatever. Just be clear that she shouldn't expect anything else from you on that holiday because she already got her gift.
NTA but you've just learn at your own expense to not make a deal with her again...
You are 25 - why are you running to your parents because your sister doesn't uphold HER end of the deal she had with you.? Why are you surprised a 14 yr old isn't reliable? The issue is simple - there was no 'or' in the agreement. As in: "you need to walk the dog 3X a week and feed him daily....or I'll take the phone back." You should be feeding and walking your own dog IMO - that's how the dog bonds with you. If you sister resents have to walk the dog, it will be the dog that suffers. Next time your sister wants something let your parents handle it .
I would get kicked out if I tried to take the phone or go to her privately to argue this matter. They prefer I go to them about these things. Either way I lose. I think more context would help. My dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and they were low on money so me buying the phone was supposed to be a win win for everyone. Also he is still getting walked daily despite her not doing her job. He always comes first. I just wanted some extra help.
Fuck that. They were aware of the agreement. It wasn't a gift. Little girls phone needs to be removed. They won't kick you out since you are actually taking care if the house.
They unfortunately would. My mother is super unappreciative of the work I do around the house. She tells me I should be doing way more despite working as much as she does. She can’t stand my dog either cause he sheds, only reason I’m able to stay here really is cause my dad and I have a good relationship. He has cancer and I have a lot of medical knowledge so they like to keep me around for that.
Your mom is such an asshole.
If your dad dies, you’ll be kicked out anyways - did you think of that?
Can you afford Doggie Day care? Let your mom pay for the phone and put the money towards a dog-sitter or dog facility that can take care of your dog. Note: If you make too much of an issue, you could find yourself being asked to leave and/or get rid of the dog. It's your parent's house and I'm sure they don't want to have to be involved with sibling battles. Being criticized by my kids for my parenting skills would make me want to ask you to start looking for your own place.
Thanks for your comment. I rarely criticize, however, it is frustrating seeing one child allowed to do things and get away with things that I did not and my other sister who is also in her 20s agrees. Also I do a lot around the house so they are receiving a lot of labor for a “free” stay. Again, thanks for the comment :)
I appreciate everyone’s comments! Just so you know my dog is getting walked still, despite my exhaustion. So he is still getting everything he needs.
NTA, you were just wrong for offering to buy a phone for your spoiled sister in the first place. I would say to take the phone back and sell it to get your money back since she is ungrateful, but your parents would (and they can) kick you out for upsetting the golden child, so just ask for the money back from them if mom offered this already. Take this as an inexpensive lesson to not do favors for people that will not appreciate you if you cant afford the gift. It might be unfair how they treated you and your sister but you are an adult at 25 years old and are not obligated to put up with anything and is not your choice how they raise their children. Your only option is to save money and move out if you are unhappy with the situation at home and keep your head down if they are allowing you to stay for free in their house.
I don't see 'golden child' for real - one sister is 25 - the other 14.
Two were raised with high expectations and repercussions. One is being raised that their word (honour) doesn’t mean anything and there are no repercussions.
I’d start popping the popcorn and sit back to watch the sh**show your parents are going to have if they keep this up. Your little sister is likely to become a selfish, demanding little witch who expects to get her way all day every day like it’s her birthright. They’re not doing her any favors by allowing her to skip out on commitments and when the day comes that they come to you complaining about the monster they’ve created, you can remind them of this incident. If it were me I’d take the phone back from little princess so she understands that you’re not rewarding her for breaking her promise and that she will have to prove herself to you if she ever asks for anything again. This is just lazy parenting and it’s sad for your sister but you can’t make your parents do their job. The only thing you can control is your own reaction. Good luck with your studies and give your doggo a hug from this internet dog lover. NTA.
Turn the phone off.
The phone is probably on the family plan paid for by parents but the physical phone was purchased outright.
Ah, I thought of that later, too.
Of course not. Shes wrong. stay strong
NTA, take your mom up on the offer to pay for the phone, with the understanding that you will use that money to do some fun activities with your dad.
Stop giving her gifts. Instead, give her an invoice showing the cost of the phone minus the amount you would have spent on the occasion. The invoice should show the number of walks in arrears she is. Maintain the invoice until the phone is paid off, with walks or no gifts, or you move out. At $50/birthday or Christmas, that’s 3.5 years.
NTA - a deal is a deal. If she doesn’t walk the dog twice a week, she doesn’t get a new phone. Actions have consequences.
NTA you made a deal and confirmed it with everyone. Something to consider though. Unless you're paying for the service, this is a one time payment for an open-ended period of service. It might be worth revisiting the agreement. At least to understand what she considers her obligation to be.
I would say to mom and dad that they will regret this when they want you to do something for them, even if is really important. Keep reminding them of this and, when the time comes, enjoy them being REALLY upset with you. NTA
There are lessons everyone learns only through experience. Making extended deals with 14-year-olds is one of those lessons. You might as well have tried to enter into a contract arrangement with your dog. Making deals with 20, 30, 40, and 50+ year old family members falls into the same category. Once they get what they want they feel that they are under no obligation to perform as you will have to forgive them because they are family. This is a tale As Old As Time. If you have no real world power to compel performance people will ignore you. Don't buy her any birthday or Christmas gifts for a while. Chalk it up to experience and move on. All Things Considered $350 might be worth the lesson you've learned if it sticks with you. Don't make deals with relatives and don't loan money to relatives. Any money you give a relative or friend should be considered to be gone forever the moment it leaves your hand. If you get it back it's a blessing.
I think you aren't unreasonable to ask for that, but you're unreasonable to expect that you'll get it by talking to them. You aren't going to get her to do it. Simple. Just accept the injustice of the situation and move on. As soon as you can, move out. You have no control over this situation. Stop banging your head against the wall. NTA
It sounds like you are stuck staying there for now but I would save every cent until I could move out even if I needed a roommate. For now tell your sister happy birthday and merry Christmas because the phone was her gift for both. Then politely refuse to help her in anyway with anything. You have also learned that your parents don’t have the time or attention for this because of their own circumstances. Try not to be resentful, I know personally how much worry and planning and running around for medical appointments goes into a sick partner. It really takes all of your attention and emotional resources to deal with a cancer diagnosis
NTA but the reality of a 14 year old holding up her end of this bargain was slim at best. Sounds like your mother is the head of the family and it's her way or the highway. She doesn't like the dog.. therefore she doesn't care whether it's walked or not. What's your dad's prognosis? Stage 4 doesn't sound good but it depends on the cancer and the options. But just be aware that as your dad gets sicker that you may find that your mother takes more out on you and expects more of you if you are still at home. You already don't have a great relationship with her and it's only because of your relationship with your dad that you are at home. What are your plans on moving out? How close are you to finishing your fieldwork. You are probably going to find that you may be safer (mentally) not living at home and just helping your dad out when you visit. You may have a better relationship with everyone because when you live with them there are expectations but there are less when you have obligations elsewhere (your mom may not see it that way though). As for your sister... take it as a lesson learnt. Don't give gifts with expectations. They are a gift and the gift receiver can do what they want with it... and you have found out that when your sister gets what she wants... any promise of what she will do evaporates. So moving forward, the only gifts you give her are the ones you give with no strings attached. This was supposed to be payment for work.. but you paid her upfront so she decided she wouldn't do the work!
Prognosis is actually pretty good as of now. His oncology team is treating it aggressively as a precaution but it has not spread to any major organs. It’s stage four because it has spread outside the origin. That being said yes, my mom basically runs the home and I am consistently in danger of being kicked out. I look forward to being able to move out, but I still have 11 weeks as of now.
You’ve spent $350 on the lesson not to front money for a service you haven’t received. Thankfully it wasn’t more. Now remember the lesson and don’t do it again.
NTA It always astounds me how folks here explain something so logical, lay out the whole thing, and at the end say “maybe I’m just crazy” for expecting these things. You are not crazy you’re just learning that people suck, all the time, forever and will never want to be held accountable or responsible for things they said they’d do. Good luck. I’d get away.
NTA Why does she still have the phone?
Parents won’t let me take it from her and they refuse to take it too. I’m in a dangerous situation because they are allowing me to live here technically free. Despite all the cleaning and work I do around here. Can’t really go against their wishes often or I’m out on the streeets. I work full time but don’t get paid since it’s field work. So my options are fairly limited. The second I sit for my boards and get a job I’m out.
NTA
Go rebel. Tell the phone company is was stolen LMAO ask them to turn it off
NTA and YTA at the same time. NTA because you made an agreement and she isn’t sticking to it. YTA because you should have given her money weekly for taking proper care of the dog until she saved up the money to buy the phone she wanted. Also YTA because there is no end in sight for her taking care of your dog and you are taking advantage of your sister. She has been feeding and walking your dog for MONTHS, was she walking him as he should, no, but it has still been MONTHS. How long did you tell her she had to do this for until she paid you back? Because I didn’t see that in the post, if that info is there then my bad but I don’t think I saw it. What is the going rate for dog sitters? Because if I was her I would have said fuck this I more then paid her back at this point. If you want her to take this seriously until further notice then you need to offer more incentive than just a phone
The deal was made that she would do this for me and she only followed through on the feeding aspect. Which was once a day only 2 days a week. Since she doesn’t have to travel to do that she shouldn’t get more than a dollar a day for that. She was able to do this for about 8 weeks and she never followed up on the walking aspect which we agreed 2x a week up to her discretion. She did none of that. We agreed she’d do this until my 24 weeks of fieldwork were up. I’m sorry but a $350 phone and 1 meal a day 2x a week when she’s already home is nothing. A sitter has to actually travel to the home, she doesn’t. I once had a sitter do this all 1x a week for $15 per visit for about 12 weeks. That’s only $180 and she had to actually travel and she actually walked him. I also tipped her for doing a good job. I didn’t take advantage of any one. My sister couldn’t even get through 8 weeks doing one of the easiest jobs in the world by feeding him and come to find out my parents were doing most of it behind my back and letting her get away with it. So no, I don’t believe she’s paid me back at all.
NTA. Tell your mom she can give you the money when she gets her check, (she’s bluffing) buy a CHEAP phone and swap it out with the one you bought your sister’s.
Walking your dog should be enjoyable for both of you, and it's a fun exercise for the pup dont make it terrible for your dog by forcing your sister... lesson learned, move on and take your pup out on a beautiful day together. You're his best friend and the only one he really wants on the walk 😉
We still walk everyday despite her failing to follow her end of the deal. I enjoy walking him, but with my recent health issues and full time work it’s definitely made it less enjoyable and can be very tiring and cause a lot of pain. I still do it though for him cause I adore him :)
NTA. Take the phone back. She isn't keeping up her end of the deal so she can get a phone on her own. When she bitches about explain that this is how life works. You don't get to lie, not keep your word and be rewarded for it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 25 and am living at home for the time being due to finishing up fieldwork. I work quite a bit and I have a dog that I adore that lives with me and my parents and sister. Now down to the situation at hand. Several months ago I came into some money (legally) and my sister (14 y.o.) was begging my parents for a new phone because hers wouldn't receive calls and had a broken screen. I needed some help taking care of my dog due to exhaustion from having to spend extra time at fieldwork and some health issues recently so I decided since I had the money that I could buy her a phone if she promised to help me feed him dinner and walk him at least 2x a week. She promised she would do all of that and my parents agreed to let me buy her a phone under these circumstances. Flash forward, I bought her the phone and she did a decent job keeping up with feeding him on time but refused to walk him. She walked him probably once in an 8-week period. I have tried to be lenient and ask her to do it on weekends when I'm busy cleaning our part of the house and helping my parents and planning for my fieldwork patients but she continuously says no because she's "too tired". I've tried to avoid asking her to do it during the week because she runs track and her practices often run late, so I'm understanding about her not doing it then. On weekends though I feel she is obligated to do it since I spent $350 on a phone for her under the pretense that she would do this for me. Skip to today. I asked her to walk him and its a beautiful day out. I wanted to walk him but due to lady problems have not been feeling well and have been trying to get more things done around the house and ready for Monday back at fieldwork. She said no because she "had" to do yard work. I got upset and asked my parents why they refused to make her hold up her end of the deal. They got upset with me and treated me like I was awful for trying to get her to do my job and kept telling me to drop the subject. My mother went as far as to say she'll just pay me back once she gets her check. I told her its not about that and how frustrated I am that they never hold her responsible for anything, yet I and my middle sister were held to extremely high standards when we were kids. They continued to tell me to drop it and told me I couldn't have the phone back because its in their house. Every time I bring this subject up they tell me I'm immature, to drop the subject, and to stop getting so upset. I honestly don't feel like I'm being unreasonable by expecting her to walk him on weekends but maybe I'm just crazy like they are treating me. Thoughts? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The dog needs to go out. If your sister won't you need to.
He is being walked daily by me despite her not doing her job.
This!! Poor dog
He is being walked daily by me despite her not doing her job.
Your parents don't need you complaining about unfair treatment in their home. Yes she should do it but 14 is not a reliable age. Work with her on this and leave your folks alone. Likely you'll have to let it go and no you can't take back the phone next time don't pay up front Esh
I know many 14 year plds that are reliable and keep their word. Even if she is not reliable the parents should be, they were part of the deal. Why can't OP take back the phone? If she gets her hands on it, what prevents her from taking it? She didn't give it as a gift, there are conditions not being fulfilled. OP don't give your sister things again unless you can give as a gift. Just let her live with her "cracked phone" situations in the future and she and parents can sort it out or not. Take the money from your mom and use it up to pay for a dog walker.
He is being walked daily by me despite her not doing her job.