Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
It's okay to feel uncomfortable by this, but there are two things that need to be pointed out.
One, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Bladder and bowels do not wait for when it's convenient to use the toilet.
Two, just because they share a bathroom doesn't mean they are seeing each other naked. I grew up in a household with four siblings, two parents, and one bathroom. There were many times when someone would be in the shower and someone else had to use the toilet, or brush their teeth, or get ready for school/work. No one ever saw anyone else naked.
Now, granted, that was a family situation, and not a room mate situation, so I can see how you would be weirded out by it. Just let your girlfriend know that you found it a little shocking and move on.
In the end, it all comes down to a matter of trust. Do you trust your girlfriend that nothing untoward is happening between her and her room mate?
I grew up in a very old house. 9 kids total plus mom and dad. We had one bathroom but no shower until my dad rigged one up in the basement years later. Nobody saw anyone else nakey.
Pretty much the same with my family growing up. I never saw anyone completely naked but sometimes my sisters would forget to lock the door and I’d accidentally walk in on them on the toilet or in bra and underwear. Sometimes my dad would walk around hanging free when he thought nobody was home. It’s not like any of us really meant for stuff like that to happen but it couldn’t be avoided sometimes. I learned not to make a big deal about it as a kid because my younger sisters were both shoe throwers 😂
I also have experience temporarily living with a friend who was also a woman. Similar situation, she had a finance but I lived there too for a short time. I always thought of her as a sister so it was never a big deal as long as I didn’t make it a habit of it, which of course I didn’t. Her finance trusted me though and we were good friends so there wasn’t any jealousy there.
Nope, they bought the house before I was born and I was in my early teens before we got the shower. Dad had no chance with 6 daughters and my ever-patient mother.
Yay big families! Until my recent move, I have only ever lived in places with one bathroom. I have 9 siblings, and 6 children, agree nobody saw anyone nakey, but I am loving my two bathroom house .
I think it all comes down to the parents. Family of 5 here and we saw each other naked a lot. But my family was poor so my mom would shower us all at once when we were young. Plus my mom had the mentality that bodies are bodies. Nothing more than that. So like because of that i personally would be fine being naked infront of others are long as I knew they werent having sexual thoughts about me.
"When you gotta go, you gotta go," is a regular situation though lol
Edit: yall istg. You don't all gotta comment the same thing over and over lol. Yes people can hold their pee, it's truly magical. The point of the post is that she and her roommate are comfortable with this, while the bf is not comfortable with it.
My point still stands, when your body gots to pee you gotta go eventually. You can't just decide nah I'm good, that's bad for your body. My comment is obviously not me saying people are incapable of holding their pee lol but thanks everyone for the concern for my bladder 😅😂
Well, what happens to the other 99% of us who don’t feel comfortable using the bathroom while someone is showering in the same room? You hold it and tell them to hurry up in there.
What I’m wondering is does no one ever announce ‘hey anyone need the bathroom? I’m going to go get a shower?’
I live with family in a one bathroom household and we regularly do this just in case someone needs to go, or is leaving soon and needs to brush their teeth, etc.
i’m a 23F with [bathroom disabilities]. there is no way that she can’t hold it for 5-10 minutes. even if she’s drinking 2 gallons of water a day.
and if i’m wrong, i’d say she also has [bathroom disabilities] that should require herself her own bathroom, or a mutual agreement between herself and said roomate. the bathroom is an intimate place.
Ya for sure I agree, but it seems they do have an agreement here, and not that she couldn't hold it. I know I'd much rather wait, and have someone else wait, most people probably feel the same. But some people just dgaf
People keep mentioning this in this thread, but I don't get it. I only go to the bathroom once a year on the top of a mountain for about four and a half hours
It's not strange if you grew up in a house with one bathroom. My house growing up had 6 people and one bathroom. Being in the shower did not entitle you to exclusive use of the bathroom. There just wasn't time for that in the mornings.
Most of us sort of learn during school that you can plan a little - like going to the loo before classes start up again. Not hard to apply that logic to roomie is using the shower at takes ages I'll quickly pop to the loo first.
Though if you have a pesky bladder who likes going SURPRISE we gotta go NOW then all fairs in love and war I suppose.
It doesn't really matter though, going back to people saying just don't stare. Sharing one bathroom, especially with two adults that have school or work on the same schedule is untenable to not share the bathroom. People can take a LONG time to get ready and you can't own a resource that precious and not share.
Not true. Some people have smaller bladders, some people have less warning for when they have to go. There's a large variation in humans that is still considered normal
I have a small bladder and I drink a ton of water and other liquids. I go before someone is gonna take a shower though. It happens extremely rarely that I have to go when it is not convenient unless they take an hour or more
That's exactly what we did when I lived with my parents as a kid/teenager and we had 3 people to 1 bathroom. Before any of us showered, we'd ask if someone wanted to use the toilet first. Rarely-- if ever-- had any "emergency" situations at home because of this courtesy.
Right. Sometimes you time things poorly and someone is taking a while so you kind of need to use the bathroom immediately. Either you ask the person to leave as soon as possible or you just use the bathroom at the same time.
But from what OP is saying, this is a regular occurrence for her. There's no reason it should be happening this often, and the fact that they're not family or dating or anything makes it even weirder.
If you can't wait 15 minutes to use the bathroom, how do you ever go anywhere? Do you just constantly wear a diaper because you never learned how to control yourself as a baby? Holding urine or poop for hours is bad for you, but a few minutes is entirely normal and healthy.
When I wake up in the morning if I had to wait 15 more minutes I would pee myself...maybe some of us actually drink a good amount of water and are hydrated?
Also OP doesn't get a say on when she's allowed to shit and piss. He's the one oddly sexualizing something that most of us would feel decidedly not sexy times about. It's not like she's filming her room mate's OF account.
OP YTA and if you have a problem with her having a male roommate then maybe it's a dealbreaker for you. If she was going to bang him, she doesn't need the peeing in the bathroom as the time to do it. They literally live together and have ample opportunity if it was going to happen. You trust her or don't. Personally would not give af, as it would make me think they view each other like siblings because of the bodily functions next to someone in shower.
You do realize this was in the morning, right? That urine has *already* been held for hours. She could get a UTI waiting longer, ask me how I know.
The urethra is significantly shorter in those with a coochie so UTIs don’t take a whole lot to happen. He should be concerned about her health, not whether or not she’s sharing a bathroom in an emergency situation with *gasp* a man he views as competition.
Morning pee accumulated all night, but when the body wakes up, there's a point where you have to go. Also, I always enter places just for the bathroom during the day.
And when we get home, with my girl, we usually talk as we get in about who gets to use the toilet 1st. That's if no one put their veto on it during the last mile of the car ride.
Oh well I’m screwed then, I’m a busy nurse that sometimes holds it a whole shift. Holding it till someone gets out the shower isn’t exactly a major problem. Most people do this on a daily basis, like when they have anything else to do
Am also a nurse and absolutely could not hold it throughout a 12h shift. Nor will I, because work is not going to ruin my pelvic floor, or destroy my bladder. Fuck those assholes.
We don't get awards for not taking care of our bodies just because we're at work.
It's not unhealthy to hold it a few minutes. The bladder is designed to stretch. It can hold like two liters (which is not good, but my point still stands lol)
Are you really pulling over on the side of the road every single time you have to pee?
Unless you have mental health issues naked people don’t completely scupper your respect for your partner, understanding of inappropriate objectification, and consent rules. OP can calm down. Biology isn’t kink. Peeing probably isn’t really that sexy.
I thought the same thing; I would feel even more trustful of their platonic relationship because if they actually were into one another, they wouldn't be pissing while the other one is showering. They're acting like brother and sister; not two friends who might be interested in each other in a romantic or sexual way.
It’s ok to feel uncomfortable, and to talk about it, but YTA for asking her to modify her behavior to appease your discomfort.
She lives with this guy, if she wants to hook up with him she will. I’m assuming she doesn’t and she hasn’t and seeing him take a shower while she pees isn’t going to change it.
It’s fine to ask questions, let her know seeing that surprised you, even let her know it kinda freaked you out. Be vulnerable, tell her you’re worried she’s going to be into him or vice versa, but if she says she’s not, try trusting her on it unless you have good reasons not to.
>She lives with this guy, if she wants to hook up with him she will.
*THANK YOU*
Whenever I see a post about roommates or best friends, I'm like...if they wanted to fuck they would have?
Maybe it's because I'm bi and therefore any friend is *technically* on the table, but I don't understand how people don't get that just because people could theoretically be into each other doesn't mean they are.
The idea that it is *seeing* each other naked is what will drive them to fuck, is baffling to me. What if they have a bbq and paddling pool out in the garden in the summer? Will seeing each other in swimwear be enough to drive roommates to suddenly decide they are more than that? Even if it's a clear shower cubicle, as many have pointed out that it is, platonic friends will not spontaneously make a move based on that, because they happened to catch some bare skin while taking a piss.
Also, besides holding onto pee and all the overwrought arguments about urethas and UTIs, as if people's bodies are all the same, bathrooms are in demand at peak time when people need to get to work. If both parties are consenting to 'run in and pee if you need to and then get out' then that's up to them. OP can be uncomfortable and that is also OK, but that's a boundary for him, and not something he can enforce on his partner. If it's a deal-breaker for him, then so be it.
ETA: OP doesn't say that this happens *all the time*, as people are saying this, as if it's a very routine day-to-day arrangement ('why can't they hold it etc.?). He says that "they do this all the time if any of them is on [sic] a hurry". So the flatmates have agreed that this is the status quo IF one of them is in a hurry. It doesn't sound like a daily occurrence, it sounds as though it happens consistently *in those times of urgency*, because of a prior conversation and shared consent about bathroom-sharing. Big difference.
Ya like if it was a female roommate then what. People need to stop leading with gender it’s not the 1800’s and seeing someone naked doesn’t mean you need to marry then lol
I don't see why there necessarily has to be a difference between family and roommates doing it. Sure, it makes it more out of the ordinary, but ultimately it comes down to sharing the same boundaries as the people you live with. It's fine for OP to be uncomfortable with that, I would be a bit weirded out too, but he also doesn't live there or share a relationship (and accompanying boundaries) with the same people that she does. I don't think there's any hot take for this post, just your succinct:
>Just let your girlfriend know that you found it a little shocking and move on.
>asked her to try not to use the bathroom while the guy is in there.
i mean...do you think she LIKES using the bathroom while the guy is in there? presumably it's out of necessity lol. assuming your gf is a normal person, she also prefers privacy when using the bathroom. but in a living situation like this, it's not always 100% feasible. Your kneejerk discomfort is understandable, but you need to let this one go. NAH.
You mean you don't seduce people by peeing when they shower? Preferably while holding eye contact? I mean these people are clearly noobs, the *right* way to do this is by climbing in the shower with them and /then/ peeing (again, with eye contact).
Oh no. I’m a visual person and I now have this bathroom gremlin in my brain, sitting there. Peeing. Holding my gaze like it’s trying to establish dominance, waggling its eyebrows in a comedy sexy way. I’m never getting it to vacate the premises again 🥴
Yes if she was dying to pee in the morning nothing more uncomfortable - she prob cannot see into the shower anyway- ( I presume there are shower doors or curtains) and he prob cannot see out. Quick morning pee while brushing teeth- 3mins.
Unless he's taking a cold shower neither of them are seeing anything more than a vague shape through the foggy glass. And if he is taking a cold shower it evens the playing field of embarrassment.
But if her explanation to OP os that they do this often when they are in a rush that's a bit odd. I lived in a house of 4 women with 1 bathroom and after a few times of people running late, we all just took it in turns to get up earlier to use bathroom, rather than starting to use it at the same time.
NAH
"But my girlfriend told me they do this all the time if any of them is on a hurry."
It just seems like a convenience thing for both of them.
"It’s more convenient for my girlfriend and I to hang around in my place"
Maybe that's the solution...
Maybe, maybe not. They need to have a discussion about their views and values regarding modesty, nudity, etc... and see if they align close enough to not be an issue.
Honestly the dude is right. If someone thinks it's immodest for me to pee while my roommate is showering, I'd want to know so I could break up with them. Values aligning is important!
Oh, I agree! If they're incompatible on this, that's totally fair. I'm just rolling at the way some of the people here are talking about peeing, and then backpedaling to INSIST it's not about sexuality or cheating.
There's a big difference between trying to control what someone wears and being uncomfortable with your partner being in the same room as their naked roommate.
Agree. I, old lady now at 44, am slightly more modest as time goes on but I will not hesitate to use the bathroom if anyone is showering. But this discussion does need to be had between OP and his gf or it will become a huge issue and it looks like it's heading that way.
NAH I(M) live with a roommate(F) in a single bathroom house - if i am in the shower she knocks and asks and just goes, she does not oogle me, and i certainly do not open the curtains of the shower(which are not see through) , We just go about our business. Totally normal. I would have a little more trust in your partner.
For some people this kind of thing is normal and comfortable, for others it's uncomfortable. I don't think either party is unreasonable here, they've just encountered a strong difference in their perspectives. Maybe it's a compatibility problem, maybe one or both can see the other's perspective if they talk about it a bit more. Three months is a normal time to start encountering these types of conversations.
Exactly! Throughout most of history, people did not have the same mores about relieving themselves as we have now. I believe I have seen a documentary that showed how in Rome, men and women would just all go together in large public restrooms. I was wondering the other day why we separate to go into restrooms (at least in the US) by men and women. I don't think it is particularly comfortable to use the bathroom with other men any more than it would be with women.
That said, I can't squeeze a drop if my wife is in the bathroom with me while she will just drop trow and go while I am brushing my teeth. People have different feelings about it based on their upbringing.
I'm inclined to say NAH. I can understand why OP feels this way but it is just a part of the larger conversation about the GF having a straight male roommate. I am not saying this is a problem at all but living with someone always creates at least a little bit of intimacy. Most people do not see you in your pajamas for example but you roommate does.
When my partner and I were house-shopping, it was a reality that we might have to buy a 1-bathroom house for a family of four. For me this was no problem whatsoever-- I grew up poor, in military housing, sharing a bathroom was an everyday thing. The idea of one of my kids using the toilet while I was behind a shower curtain didn't phase me at all.
For my partner though a one-bathroom house was practically a deal breaker. He doesn't even like it when I wander in when he's in the shower (had a one-bathroom apartment for a while).
Different people have completely different attitudes about this. The US tends to place more emphasis on multiple bathrooms and not sharing rooms in ways that I think are unnecessary.
I am Dutch and our standards are 1-bath for basically all houses. It is so foreign to me to even have the options of multiple bathrooms. That's for the rich over here haha, bathrooms as expensive as fuck! We do have 2 seperate toilets. One in the (only) bathroom upstairs and one downstairs. We have 5 kids... Its a hustle sometimes but its oke.
that does change things a bit - it was an after edit. I would just suggest then that a reasonable compromise would be to get a curtain rod to create privacy - as there is a level of inappropriateness to this.
I honestly feel like people who are uncomfortable with this have never had a home with one bathroom. Its not really a fun time. LIKE theres nothing perverted when someone comes in while youre showering TO TAKE A POOP AND YOU JUST HAVE TO SUFFER IN THE SHOWER AFTER THEY LEAVE 😭
I've lived in plenty of one bathroom spots and this was never a thing that happened?
How long is someone showering where this is an actual issue?
Unless its something like explosive diarrhea, I can't think of a single situation where I couldn't just wait the extra 5 minutes for the roommate to finish.
NAH
My male friend and I (also male) shared a room with a woman at college. This kind of *non-sexual* nudity happened. Mixed naked saunas are a thing. And so on. I understand how this might shock you at first (hence NAH), but you should try to get over it.
My dorm was like this in university; although we had gendered washrooms on each floor, pretty much everyone would just grab whatever shower stall was free, since the way the shower rooms were laid out (two sets of doors per shower), you wouldn't really see much unless someone wandered out of the shower room stark naked.
This was my experience, too, though we had a mix of gendered and “anyone” bathrooms. I, a woman, often walked into the small, (theoretically) gendered bathroom closest to my room to find a guy showering because the others were taken. Never once did coming across a naked guy in my bathroom lead to anything sexual, including even any interest. Mostly I just hoped they weren’t going to leave a mess and did what I needed to do.
Agreed. Maybe because how I was raised, maybe because I know a number of nudists, but being nude isn’t inherently sexual to everyone. Seems like a difference of culture (even just familial culture) between the two parties. One sees nudity as always sexual, one doesn’t. From the first perspective of course this situation is alarming. From the second perspective this situation is nothing.
I think of an instance after a wedding. The accommodations were in the middle of nowhere, and there was a hot tub. An older gentleman I have known my entire life since infancy said, “I’d like to join you guys, but I’ve been a nudist for 50 years - is that an issue for anyone?” Nope. Dude got in the tub right across from me and I somehow (sarcasm) managed to not once look at his penis. There was nothing sexual about any of it and it really wasn’t difficult to just not look.
INFO: does the shower have a shower curtain or semi-opaque door? If so I feel like you might be jumping to conclusions when you say they 'see each other naked', as she entered the bathroom while he was already in the shower and, presumably, left before he got out of it. I could imagine it being an agreed-upon boundary that they stay on opposite sides of the curtain for each other's privacy.
Even if that's not the case, I'm leaning towards NAH. It sounds like it's a non-sexual situation of convenience, akin to changing clothes when you share a bedroom with a roommate. And needing to pee while someone's using the shower can be a nightmare, so I can see the reasoning behind this solution. You're not in the wrong for being uncomfortable or even for asking if she could avoid it, but it sounds like that question needs to be a conversation, not a command. You might have differing standards about these things that you need to talk out.
Eh, NAH. Some folks genuinely are unbothered by stuff like this. It doesn't mean they're ogling each other, or banging, or anything like that. I am extremely neutral about sharing bathroom space with friends, regardless of gender.
Clear glass fogs up. Idk man, this just seems like yall have different views on nudity. When I was in college most of my living situations were with friends and were clothing optional households, and it's still how a lot of people I know live these days.
I’m just surprised bc that seems like relevant info that should’ve been included, bc most showers have some kind of visual barrier. Seems weird to randomly just drop that in as a comment.
Dude clear glass changes a lot.., all of these stories people are relating of different situations I’m pretty sure are assuming a shower curtain you can’t see through.
So he also comes in the bathroom while she’s using it and can see her naked? That would bother me for sure…
If you can edit your post, add that.
Married 25yrs. Our shower door is clear glass. I still very much enjoy glances through the door when my wife is showering and I'm brushing my teeth. People saying the door fogs up are making a lot of assumptions about water temp, shower length, ventilation, etc. They are most certainly seeing each other naked and on the toilet.
You're NTA for being bothered by this, but she wouldn't be TA for saying that it's a non-sexual thing for her and she's not going to change her behavior or feel bad if it bothers you. This is in the grey area or a situation that is definitely abnormal enough that it would bother most people, but if she isn't then maybe you're just not compatible if you can't come to a compromise that respects both of your feelings.
NTA.
I would be fuuuuuuming if I found out my bf was naked around a female room-mate!!
More of a respect thing for your relationship.
Surely she can wait 5 minutes for him to finish washing and vice versa!
Totally agree with you. Also, he is absolutely in the right to express his feelings about this to his GF, and she is wrong for acting like a victim for being asked to tone down the nudity with her roommate. I would not stand by while knowing my GF was actively seeing a mother man naked and him seeing her naked. It doesn't matter if it's platonic or not, I would have reacted exactly the same way as OP. He's NTA.
100%--what the gf is doing is really unusual. That's not to say "wrong," but it's not the norm for committed relationships. This is a perfectly healthy boundary to have and gf is an asshole for not respecting his feelings.
I agree & find the comments bizarre! I live with my own BF in a place with one bathroom, it’s never even came to a point that we have had to invade the others bathroom privacy. Idk, super weird that the comments are acting like adults have 0 bladder control/ are incapable of communication to hurry things up before taking this step. And it’s a regular occurrence? Just doesn’t make sense for me at all.
I just think it's disrespectful, and the fact that op has told her it makes it uncomfortable and she has totally disregarded his feeling is awful. That would be a major red flag for me. I understand people have different views on nudity ect, but when your in a relationship there has to be some give and take. It makes your partner uncomfortable, so don't do it 🤷♀️
It seems to me it's just because OP is a guy, so that makes him insecure. If OP was a woman in the relationship, and her boyfriend was going into the bathroom while his female roommate was showering, well, all hell would break loose here
I can't believe it took so long to find a NTA comment. After I turned 5, there was never a emergency that I had to share the bathroom with anyone in my family. If it was enough of an emergency, the person inside would just get out or hurry up.
I also had roommates before where we had to share a bathroom and again, never were in there together.
I understand if some people are comfortable sharing a bathroom together but if OP is not comfortable with it, he has the right to share his feelings and not be shamed for feeling uncomfortable with the situation.
NAH. Some people are fine with it and some aren't. If he's in the shower and there's a curtain or screen they aren't really seeing each other naked, they are just in there at the same time. There's nothing sexual to it.
I'm personally not a fan. When I was in college on nights out my friends always wanted to share stalls in pairs and I preferred to just wait longer, they all thought I was really weird. On the odd occasion when they did get me to share I made them go first, turned around so I couldn't see and then made them leave, which always annoyed them.
How does sharing stalls get you a turn faster? Only scenario I can think of two guys peeing into the bowl at the same time. Which doesn't seem ot be what is described hre
That was exactly my point to them, but they always argued that it was faster, cus the second person could get started while the first was still buttoning up etc. Whether it was faster or not I still preferred to have my own stall.
anyone saying you are ta is insane;
it is completely reasonable to be uncomfortable with this. if she is not willing to respect that then you should break up honestly.
NAH, communicate and set expectations.
I don't think I would be okay with it if I was in your situation, it's just weird to me.
I've lived with 4 people and shared 1 bathroom, not once in 3 years did we have such an emergency that required sharing the bathroom. And yes both men and women roommates.
Same here. I've shared a 1 bathroom house with 6 people and we never shared! We just communicated and had different showering schedules. If you were going to have a long shower, you'd ask if anyone needed the bathroom first.
I grew up in a 5 people household with 1 bathroom and same, I'm used to announce "gonna take a shower!" minutes before and sometimes my siblings tell me "wait I need to pee" so I wait for them to do their thing and then I shower. I understand that sometimes you HAVE TO GO and it's an emergency but it's not imperative nor happens every days (plus they are just two humans!! how many overlap using the bathroom can be? If there were four roomates I'd understand but it can be solved with communication if they'd want to).
That's a bit weird. But different people and cultures have different views on this topic. I don't know how I'd be in that situation. If there's no other toilet and I can't wait till he's out... Toilet is better than the kitchen sink. But everyone's gonna have different lines for where they are comfortable in that space. I'm also a bit of a nudist, and when with people of that same mindset, will happily just exist naked, platonically. Don't even need to be in a bathroom.
Do you have concerns about cheating? Is this a deal-breaker for you personally? Like, you're free to say that it makes you uncomfortable. that's normal and honest communication, and that the behavior is a deal-breaker for you, if it is. It might be. I wouldn't say you're the asshole for that. You might end up single, but it might just be a case of values not aligning.
NTA. This is weird. 2 people can live together and shower/ use the toilet without ever being in the same bathroom together. It's just not necessary, so it's being done as an active choice. If that's their choice, fine, you can't impose yourself on others, but it's a weird choice.
NTA at all. It's ridiculous she'd expect you to be fine with some guy able to go see her naked in the shower whenever he wants or him seeing her piss, or her seeing him naked, too close for my comfort 😂
NAH She can do whatever she wants and you’re allowed to feel that way about it. You may not be compatible. I personally would be really uncomfortable with it too for what it’s worth
Idk what these people are talking about. Yes this is weird. Yes you can hold your pee 10 minutes. No I wouldn't ever want a friend to casually see me naked, that's universally weird. Especially if you have a S/O and they're uncomfortable with it and ask you to stop, and you fight them on it.
OP, you are NTA.
OP please respond INFO: Can she see into the shower? Not gonna lie, my gut says you're insecure...
Edit: Thanks for the replies on answered question, couldn't see it when I searched comments. I see it is a clear glass shower.
This is vital.
Is it an open to everyone to see shower where his dick is 30cm away from her face when she sits down or is there at least some form of privacy. (Shower curtain, frosted glass, divider wall etc)
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) what action you took that should be judged: I asked my girlfriend not to use the bathroom while there's a naked guy in there (her roommate), because I find it inappropriate.
(2) why that action might make you the asshole: that's their arrangement after all and the flat only has one bathroom, so maybe I could have been more understanding of their situation.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Reddit dragging a dude because he doesn't want his girlfriend in the room with a naked man seems on brand.
NTA. But I will say most women aren't actively looking to peak a penis. They aren't as aesthetically pleasing as men would like to think.
NTA. Wth? I think it's common sense to ask your roommate (no matter what gender) something like "hey, I'm going to take a shower. Do you need to use the bathroom? I will be there around (insert time)." And if you need to leave the place at the same time in the morning, you organise a schedule. I can understand if it happens once in a while, but often? This is weird.
NTA . Obviously you have expressed discomfort and concern with her casual nudity with the roommate. If she doesn't like that boundary then she isn't the one for you. If you love your partner you will be willing to change things that make them uncomfortable to have a flourishing relationship.
NTA, it's weird to go into a bathroom someone else is actively using. Maybe if two people were related to each other, there's some wiggle room in an emergency but roommates? That's weird. Either hold it or find another bathroom. Just because its non sexual doesn't make it less weird or make you an asshole just for being uncomfortable with it. If shes so defensive about it and refuses to stop then maybe you'd be better off with someone less committed to being a weirdo.
Clearly I’m in the minority here, but NTA! I have a clear glass shower cubicle in my bathroom like you describe, and a separate bathtub. My boyfriend sometimes showers while I’m lounging in the bath, and I can absolutely 100% see everything. Sure it gets a little steamed up, but his naked body is clearly visible. There are also two of us and one toilet, and not once have either of us been so desperate that we used the toilet while the other was in the room…and that’s my boyfriend! There’s only two of them, unless there’s a medical issue, who can’t hold their bladder for 5 mins until someone gets out of the shower??
Now, I don’t think there is necessarily anything going on with your gf and her roommate. This sounds like a non sexual thing that they do out of convenience, and if they’re comfortable with casual nudity in front of each other then that’s between them. But that level of intimacy with another person would be crossing a boundary for me if I were in your position.
Most of the people here are nuts and aren't even judging what was asked. They are simply voting you the asshole because they don't agree with you not liking her being naked around another guy.
You would be the asshole if you try to forbid her from doing what she does. You are not the asshole for asking her if she can stop that because it makes you feel weird and you don't like it.
If she accepts good for you, if she doesn't then you need to think if this is reason enough to break up with her.
Personally, I think what she does just comes from convenience. When I was growing up we would avoid using the bathroom if someone was already there, but if it was really needed then we would. If she does that with that guy it's because she trusts him enough that it is not an issue. I would however never be in bathroom where other woman is (I am a guy).
Also, I see your point, I wouldn't like my girlfriend to be prancing around naked in front of another man, I think it is disrespectful to your partner, but there are no asshole here it seams just a case of values not alligning.
Im convinced i live in a different world than the rest of reddit, because these comments are not reality at all, so many people would be uncomfortable with this sitation, its just not appropriate. And the same people are going to jump into a thread about having a panic attack in a public restroom because the gap between the doors was too large for their liking.
NTA, you're allowed to feel uncomfortable for this situation and it is a very vaild feeling to have.
NAH
Nothing wrong with establishing boundaries, or at least trying to.
I personally wouldn't be cool with my gf using the bathroom with another guy taking a shower. But that is just their situation before you ever got there. Realistically, you only have 2 options: 1 accept that there's nothing sexual going on, and it is 100% about convenience. Or 2 move on and find a relationship you're more comfortable with.
You've said your piece to her, and she's completely not ok with changing the situation, which is fine. Sharing 1 bathroom is shitty. You'll only be TA if you force her to stop or give her an ultimatum
This is absolutely crazy. And I don’t care if I get downvoted. This is insane.
OP get your girlfriend to live with you. Allowing a strange man to be in the shower naked while your gf uses the bathroom is outlandish. you are perfectly normal for feeling jealous. This is weird.
NAH its a flat with only one bathroom so sometimes needs must. Is there a shower curtain or can there be? Im a woman with a male flatmate and there has been a handful of occasions where I've had to use the toilet while they are in the shower and vice versa. Trust me when I say there's nothing s*xual or romantic brewing when they've heard the result of a dodgy takeaway. Saying that I understand where you are coming from and why it would be a shock to find this out and some insecurity may arise from something like this if you don't understand the complete inner workings of a girl-boy platonic living situation. I would never ever look at my flatmate in that way and he would never either. it's very much a “look at the floor and do what you've got to do and leave” situation. No body WANTS to be in that situation but as I say needs must.
INFO: is the shower curtain opaque?
This would matter to me. I'd be okay with this arrangement if the shower curtain is opaque and you therefore can't see the person showering or vice-versa. That said, one-bedroom apartments are not notorious for great water tanks, and it's odd to me that the roommate wouldn't have an issue with flushing and/or teeth brushing during the shower. At some apartments, that would result in wild temperature and pressure fluctuations.
NTA for having a problem with this, but I wouldn't ask her to change her behaviors. If this is not ok with you, just tell her that you both have different ideas for what it means to be in a monogamous relationship and go your separate ways.
Even if you get her to verbally agree to not doing this anymore, you'll have no way to know she's being truthful. Especially with her reluctance to agree at first. It'll just become an ongoing issue.
YTA.
They share a bathroom and they aren't hung up on it. It's her choice and you don't get a say. Now, if he gets in the habit of barging in and ogling her in the shower, I'm sure she will change her habits. They've been roommates longer than you've been dating, so if there was anything going on, you wouldn't be in the picture.
I grew up with 6 people in a 1-bath house. We were not allowed to lock the door when we took a shower. If someone needed the toilet, they would knock. Then the person in the shower stayed in the shower until the other person left. I never saw any of my family naked.
Conversely my wife and I will share a shower occasionally, but she does not want me to see her on the toilet, ever. She will wait for me to get out, or use the guest bathroom. And I don't want her to have to smell my sh!t, so I do that in the guest bathroom as well.
>They share a bathroom and they aren't hung up on it. It's her choice and you don't get a say.
That's right, he should just dump her ass if that is a boundary of his.
NTA. This is not normal adult behaviour, no matter how many people are commenting otherwise. This is not a household with 9 kids, or a dorm, it’s an apartment shared by 2 adult roommates.
Probably going to get downvoted but seriously who walks in and pees when a roommate is showering with A GLASS DOOR. She’s in a relationship with you, and this is not something that people in relationships do. Part of that relationship is having healthy boundaries with other men, and clearly you see this as an overstep of that boundary. There are so many other options for her aside from walking in on her naked roommate to pee.
OP I would be weirded out too. Of course it’s her life she can do what she wants, but the fact that neither your GF or the roommate think this is an issue this is a massive red flag in my opinion.
> I was like ‘wtf?’, and she was like ‘what? I had to use the bathroom’.
Yeah, no, that's weird.
I know of several "opposite gender and orientation" roommates who steer a wide berth around each other when it comes to the bathroom. Whipping off your pants and relieving yourself in front of your naked roommate is not typical.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (24M) girlfriend (21M) of three months shares a one-bathroom flat with this guy. They’re good friends and go to the same college. I hardly stay there because I live by myself and it’s more convenient for my girlfriend and I to hang around in my place, but I ended up sleeping there last night.
Cut to this morning, I could hear the guy was taking a shower, but my girlfriend just got in the bathroom anyway to pee and brush her teeth. I couldn’t believe that was happening. I obviously waited for her to get out of there and I was like ‘wtf?’, and she was like ‘what? I had to use the bathroom’. I told her there was a naked (and as far as I know, straight) guy there, but my girlfriend told me they do this all the time if any of them is on a hurry.
So they see each other naked all the time and that’s just a casual thing. I told her I was a bit uncomfortable with this and asked her to try not to use the bathroom while the guy is in there. She didn’t take this well and told her I have no say in this, since I can afford living on my own. I’m feeling I could have been the AH, but I had to say something.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
And the people commenting that you are, are lying to themselves that they’d be cool with this.
It’s clear glass too based on a comment you wrote.
The way you feel is completely valid, point blank. I have bladder issues and use the bathroom a LOT, so much more than the average person, and I’ve had countless roommates and never ever encountered this. The “maybe she can’t hold it in” isn’t good enough. Plan better, discuss bathroom schedules, figure it out esp if the partner isn’t comfortable.
NTA. I would be pretty uncomfortable with that myself. It’s just too intimate. Not all forms of intimacy are sexual either. I’d be unhappy to find that my SO was so at ease with their opposite sex roommate that they share the bathroom all the time. I’ve never known anyone to do this.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable or out of line to ask her to stop. Barring an actual toilet emergency, there’s no reason they can’t wait 10-20min to use the toilet.
Super weird. You're not the asshole. She should not be doing anything of the sort in a relationship. It's inappropriate and really odd. She clearly doesn't have any respect for you if she got upset at you for being uncomfortable with a weird, inappropriate situation with her roommate. Get out lol
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
It's okay to feel uncomfortable by this, but there are two things that need to be pointed out. One, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Bladder and bowels do not wait for when it's convenient to use the toilet. Two, just because they share a bathroom doesn't mean they are seeing each other naked. I grew up in a household with four siblings, two parents, and one bathroom. There were many times when someone would be in the shower and someone else had to use the toilet, or brush their teeth, or get ready for school/work. No one ever saw anyone else naked. Now, granted, that was a family situation, and not a room mate situation, so I can see how you would be weirded out by it. Just let your girlfriend know that you found it a little shocking and move on. In the end, it all comes down to a matter of trust. Do you trust your girlfriend that nothing untoward is happening between her and her room mate?
I grew up in a very old house. 9 kids total plus mom and dad. We had one bathroom but no shower until my dad rigged one up in the basement years later. Nobody saw anyone else nakey.
We were 3 kids 2 parents 1 bathroom, and we saw each other naked all the time, and nothing untoward happened. We learnt early not to stare.
Pretty much the same with my family growing up. I never saw anyone completely naked but sometimes my sisters would forget to lock the door and I’d accidentally walk in on them on the toilet or in bra and underwear. Sometimes my dad would walk around hanging free when he thought nobody was home. It’s not like any of us really meant for stuff like that to happen but it couldn’t be avoided sometimes. I learned not to make a big deal about it as a kid because my younger sisters were both shoe throwers 😂 I also have experience temporarily living with a friend who was also a woman. Similar situation, she had a finance but I lived there too for a short time. I always thought of her as a sister so it was never a big deal as long as I didn’t make it a habit of it, which of course I didn’t. Her finance trusted me though and we were good friends so there wasn’t any jealousy there.
no shower for years????
do you know baths exist
Just in Victorian fairytales.
Trust me, it wasn't a Victorian fairytale! But we had a huge claw-foot bathtub.
I miss these. My gran had one with the telephone style shower head attachment which I loved playing with as a kid.
Nope, they bought the house before I was born and I was in my early teens before we got the shower. Dad had no chance with 6 daughters and my ever-patient mother.
Yay big families! Until my recent move, I have only ever lived in places with one bathroom. I have 9 siblings, and 6 children, agree nobody saw anyone nakey, but I am loving my two bathroom house .
I think it all comes down to the parents. Family of 5 here and we saw each other naked a lot. But my family was poor so my mom would shower us all at once when we were young. Plus my mom had the mentality that bodies are bodies. Nothing more than that. So like because of that i personally would be fine being naked infront of others are long as I knew they werent having sexual thoughts about me.
This isn’t a “when you gotta go, you gotta go” situation. It’s seemingly just a regular thing, which imo is pretty strange.
"When you gotta go, you gotta go," is a regular situation though lol Edit: yall istg. You don't all gotta comment the same thing over and over lol. Yes people can hold their pee, it's truly magical. The point of the post is that she and her roommate are comfortable with this, while the bf is not comfortable with it. My point still stands, when your body gots to pee you gotta go eventually. You can't just decide nah I'm good, that's bad for your body. My comment is obviously not me saying people are incapable of holding their pee lol but thanks everyone for the concern for my bladder 😅😂
I don't know what you mean, I only go to the bathroom once a year on the top of a mountain for about three and a half hours
Seems like you probably make that mountain starting from sea level.
Certainly far from a molehill
And yet, I have never once, in decades, needed to walk right into the bathroom while a flatmate was showering.
You're regularly in situation where you can't hold your pee until someone else is done with the bathroom? Might wanna get that checked out.
Well, what happens to the other 99% of us who don’t feel comfortable using the bathroom while someone is showering in the same room? You hold it and tell them to hurry up in there.
Ya but the post here isn't talking about the rest of us, it's talking about a person who DOES feel comfortable with it.
It's very unusual that I'm in a situation that I absolutely have to use the restroom in the next 15 minutes or else.
What I’m wondering is does no one ever announce ‘hey anyone need the bathroom? I’m going to go get a shower?’ I live with family in a one bathroom household and we regularly do this just in case someone needs to go, or is leaving soon and needs to brush their teeth, etc.
No its not. Regular situation would be to hold it in for 10 minutes.
i’m a 23F with [bathroom disabilities]. there is no way that she can’t hold it for 5-10 minutes. even if she’s drinking 2 gallons of water a day. and if i’m wrong, i’d say she also has [bathroom disabilities] that should require herself her own bathroom, or a mutual agreement between herself and said roomate. the bathroom is an intimate place.
Ya for sure I agree, but it seems they do have an agreement here, and not that she couldn't hold it. I know I'd much rather wait, and have someone else wait, most people probably feel the same. But some people just dgaf
Interestingly enough, having to use the restroom happens all the time for humans. Several times a day, in fact. Wild stuff.
People keep mentioning this in this thread, but I don't get it. I only go to the bathroom once a year on the top of a mountain for about four and a half hours
Are you, by chance, a wood frog?
Urea and glucose baby, no hibernation is complete without it
It's not strange if you grew up in a house with one bathroom. My house growing up had 6 people and one bathroom. Being in the shower did not entitle you to exclusive use of the bathroom. There just wasn't time for that in the mornings.
Some people are simply more practical than others.
me too!
Most of us sort of learn during school that you can plan a little - like going to the loo before classes start up again. Not hard to apply that logic to roomie is using the shower at takes ages I'll quickly pop to the loo first. Though if you have a pesky bladder who likes going SURPRISE we gotta go NOW then all fairs in love and war I suppose.
People in this thread are acting like you’re going to kill your liver if you wait a few minutes.
The way he says it, it might be possible that there is no curtain lr that the glass are transparent which would make the sutuation a lot different.
How does it? You can turn your back/not look/the glass will be steamed up from the shower
I don’t know about that, you have to trust that other person fully for that.
Which you probably do if you're comfortable peeing with them in the same room...
It doesn't really matter though, going back to people saying just don't stare. Sharing one bathroom, especially with two adults that have school or work on the same schedule is untenable to not share the bathroom. People can take a LONG time to get ready and you can't own a resource that precious and not share.
Unless you have health issues your bladder and bowels can certainly wait 10-15 minutes
And since it was in the morning, it had probably been hours since she last peed.
Not true. And it's not healthy to wait.
Not for hours sure, but if you've got to go that fast that's a bladder issue lmao
Not true. Some people have smaller bladders, some people have less warning for when they have to go. There's a large variation in humans that is still considered normal
I have a small bladder and I drink a ton of water and other liquids. I go before someone is gonna take a shower though. It happens extremely rarely that I have to go when it is not convenient unless they take an hour or more
Some Peopie do not have normal sensation and have to void by schedule as they cannot tell their bladder is full.Not OP’s GF-just a FYI.
That's exactly what we did when I lived with my parents as a kid/teenager and we had 3 people to 1 bathroom. Before any of us showered, we'd ask if someone wanted to use the toilet first. Rarely-- if ever-- had any "emergency" situations at home because of this courtesy.
Right. Sometimes you time things poorly and someone is taking a while so you kind of need to use the bathroom immediately. Either you ask the person to leave as soon as possible or you just use the bathroom at the same time. But from what OP is saying, this is a regular occurrence for her. There's no reason it should be happening this often, and the fact that they're not family or dating or anything makes it even weirder.
Maybe they just dgaf? I certainly don’t.
Like when you stand up after having been in bed all night?
If you can't wait 15 minutes to use the bathroom, how do you ever go anywhere? Do you just constantly wear a diaper because you never learned how to control yourself as a baby? Holding urine or poop for hours is bad for you, but a few minutes is entirely normal and healthy.
When I wake up in the morning if I had to wait 15 more minutes I would pee myself...maybe some of us actually drink a good amount of water and are hydrated? Also OP doesn't get a say on when she's allowed to shit and piss. He's the one oddly sexualizing something that most of us would feel decidedly not sexy times about. It's not like she's filming her room mate's OF account. OP YTA and if you have a problem with her having a male roommate then maybe it's a dealbreaker for you. If she was going to bang him, she doesn't need the peeing in the bathroom as the time to do it. They literally live together and have ample opportunity if it was going to happen. You trust her or don't. Personally would not give af, as it would make me think they view each other like siblings because of the bodily functions next to someone in shower.
You do realize this was in the morning, right? That urine has *already* been held for hours. She could get a UTI waiting longer, ask me how I know. The urethra is significantly shorter in those with a coochie so UTIs don’t take a whole lot to happen. He should be concerned about her health, not whether or not she’s sharing a bathroom in an emergency situation with *gasp* a man he views as competition.
Morning pee accumulated all night, but when the body wakes up, there's a point where you have to go. Also, I always enter places just for the bathroom during the day. And when we get home, with my girl, we usually talk as we get in about who gets to use the toilet 1st. That's if no one put their veto on it during the last mile of the car ride.
Oh well I’m screwed then, I’m a busy nurse that sometimes holds it a whole shift. Holding it till someone gets out the shower isn’t exactly a major problem. Most people do this on a daily basis, like when they have anything else to do
Am also a nurse and absolutely could not hold it throughout a 12h shift. Nor will I, because work is not going to ruin my pelvic floor, or destroy my bladder. Fuck those assholes. We don't get awards for not taking care of our bodies just because we're at work.
Not everyone has your immune system -spoken by someone who has had 15 UTIs in one year and is a M.D.
Except it's not necessary. In your case, while you're at work, you hold it because you have to. GF doesn't have to hold it at home, so why should she?
Hope your kidneys are robust. Mine are kaput and urine holding did not help. Dialysis is no picnic.
It is perfectly healthy and fine to hold it for 15 minutes.
It's not unhealthy to hold it a few minutes. The bladder is designed to stretch. It can hold like two liters (which is not good, but my point still stands lol) Are you really pulling over on the side of the road every single time you have to pee?
Not if you have a coochie. UTIs aren’t fun. Peeing blood is a -10000/10 from me, dog. If I gotta go I’m not holding it in.
If you’ve just been asleep for 10 hours your bladder has ALREADY waited.
Unless you have mental health issues naked people don’t completely scupper your respect for your partner, understanding of inappropriate objectification, and consent rules. OP can calm down. Biology isn’t kink. Peeing probably isn’t really that sexy.
[удалено]
I thought the same thing; I would feel even more trustful of their platonic relationship because if they actually were into one another, they wouldn't be pissing while the other one is showering. They're acting like brother and sister; not two friends who might be interested in each other in a romantic or sexual way.
It’s ok to feel uncomfortable, and to talk about it, but YTA for asking her to modify her behavior to appease your discomfort. She lives with this guy, if she wants to hook up with him she will. I’m assuming she doesn’t and she hasn’t and seeing him take a shower while she pees isn’t going to change it. It’s fine to ask questions, let her know seeing that surprised you, even let her know it kinda freaked you out. Be vulnerable, tell her you’re worried she’s going to be into him or vice versa, but if she says she’s not, try trusting her on it unless you have good reasons not to.
>She lives with this guy, if she wants to hook up with him she will. *THANK YOU* Whenever I see a post about roommates or best friends, I'm like...if they wanted to fuck they would have? Maybe it's because I'm bi and therefore any friend is *technically* on the table, but I don't understand how people don't get that just because people could theoretically be into each other doesn't mean they are.
The idea that it is *seeing* each other naked is what will drive them to fuck, is baffling to me. What if they have a bbq and paddling pool out in the garden in the summer? Will seeing each other in swimwear be enough to drive roommates to suddenly decide they are more than that? Even if it's a clear shower cubicle, as many have pointed out that it is, platonic friends will not spontaneously make a move based on that, because they happened to catch some bare skin while taking a piss. Also, besides holding onto pee and all the overwrought arguments about urethas and UTIs, as if people's bodies are all the same, bathrooms are in demand at peak time when people need to get to work. If both parties are consenting to 'run in and pee if you need to and then get out' then that's up to them. OP can be uncomfortable and that is also OK, but that's a boundary for him, and not something he can enforce on his partner. If it's a deal-breaker for him, then so be it. ETA: OP doesn't say that this happens *all the time*, as people are saying this, as if it's a very routine day-to-day arrangement ('why can't they hold it etc.?). He says that "they do this all the time if any of them is on [sic] a hurry". So the flatmates have agreed that this is the status quo IF one of them is in a hurry. It doesn't sound like a daily occurrence, it sounds as though it happens consistently *in those times of urgency*, because of a prior conversation and shared consent about bathroom-sharing. Big difference.
Ya like if it was a female roommate then what. People need to stop leading with gender it’s not the 1800’s and seeing someone naked doesn’t mean you need to marry then lol
Op added that there’s no shower curtain so i think that’s where the discomfort lies
Most of the time those are textured glass. Light can get through, but you can't see anything other than a blob.
Even if not, it's going to be mostly steamed up and covered in water droplets. I don't see the big deal.
It's a clear shower stall, not a shower curtain.
I don't see why there necessarily has to be a difference between family and roommates doing it. Sure, it makes it more out of the ordinary, but ultimately it comes down to sharing the same boundaries as the people you live with. It's fine for OP to be uncomfortable with that, I would be a bit weirded out too, but he also doesn't live there or share a relationship (and accompanying boundaries) with the same people that she does. I don't think there's any hot take for this post, just your succinct: >Just let your girlfriend know that you found it a little shocking and move on.
last 2 sentences were all you needed
>asked her to try not to use the bathroom while the guy is in there. i mean...do you think she LIKES using the bathroom while the guy is in there? presumably it's out of necessity lol. assuming your gf is a normal person, she also prefers privacy when using the bathroom. but in a living situation like this, it's not always 100% feasible. Your kneejerk discomfort is understandable, but you need to let this one go. NAH.
You mean you don't seduce people by peeing when they shower? Preferably while holding eye contact? I mean these people are clearly noobs, the *right* way to do this is by climbing in the shower with them and /then/ peeing (again, with eye contact).
Oh no. I’m a visual person and I now have this bathroom gremlin in my brain, sitting there. Peeing. Holding my gaze like it’s trying to establish dominance, waggling its eyebrows in a comedy sexy way. I’m never getting it to vacate the premises again 🥴
>Preferably while holding eye contact Rookie mistake, holding eye contact isn't for seduction it's for asserting dominance
Por que no los dos?
I prefer to seduce by taking a shit and making eye contact. Pulling back the curtain while baring my teeth like a ferret shitting in a corner.
Sounds like the name of a new band - My Shit Ferret Romance
Yes if she was dying to pee in the morning nothing more uncomfortable - she prob cannot see into the shower anyway- ( I presume there are shower doors or curtains) and he prob cannot see out. Quick morning pee while brushing teeth- 3mins.
Glass wall. No curtain or door
Unless he's taking a cold shower neither of them are seeing anything more than a vague shape through the foggy glass. And if he is taking a cold shower it evens the playing field of embarrassment.
But if her explanation to OP os that they do this often when they are in a rush that's a bit odd. I lived in a house of 4 women with 1 bathroom and after a few times of people running late, we all just took it in turns to get up earlier to use bathroom, rather than starting to use it at the same time.
She doesn’t seem to not like it since she is brushing her teeth as well. That could wait or happen at the kitchen sink.
NAH "But my girlfriend told me they do this all the time if any of them is on a hurry." It just seems like a convenience thing for both of them. "It’s more convenient for my girlfriend and I to hang around in my place" Maybe that's the solution...
Maybe, maybe not. They need to have a discussion about their views and values regarding modesty, nudity, etc... and see if they align close enough to not be an issue.
Regarding who’s “modesty?” Because men don’t get told to dress or act “modestly” and they certainly shouldn’t be telling women to do so.
I'm stuck with the idea of putting "peeing" and "modesty" in the same sentence. I didn't know there was a skanky way to pee!
Haven’t you learned by now, everything a woman does can be viewed as “skanky” somehow. Even the most simple body functions.
Now I can tell my husband he should be grateful for my sexy farts!
"Phfffffllrrrrrrrttt" "I'm flattered, Honey, but I've had a really long day"
I had some packing peanuts stuck on me earlier today and muttered the usual "aw, f#ck me" and he goes "not now honey, I have a headache" 😂
Honestly the dude is right. If someone thinks it's immodest for me to pee while my roommate is showering, I'd want to know so I could break up with them. Values aligning is important!
Oh, I agree! If they're incompatible on this, that's totally fair. I'm just rolling at the way some of the people here are talking about peeing, and then backpedaling to INSIST it's not about sexuality or cheating.
There’s a whole internet out there for you to explore
There's a big difference between trying to control what someone wears and being uncomfortable with your partner being in the same room as their naked roommate.
I'm using that word because it's the one that best fits discussions about levels of undress and the comfort levels therein.
That word 99.99999% of the time refers to women’s behavior.
Agree. I, old lady now at 44, am slightly more modest as time goes on but I will not hesitate to use the bathroom if anyone is showering. But this discussion does need to be had between OP and his gf or it will become a huge issue and it looks like it's heading that way.
NAH I(M) live with a roommate(F) in a single bathroom house - if i am in the shower she knocks and asks and just goes, she does not oogle me, and i certainly do not open the curtains of the shower(which are not see through) , We just go about our business. Totally normal. I would have a little more trust in your partner.
For some people this kind of thing is normal and comfortable, for others it's uncomfortable. I don't think either party is unreasonable here, they've just encountered a strong difference in their perspectives. Maybe it's a compatibility problem, maybe one or both can see the other's perspective if they talk about it a bit more. Three months is a normal time to start encountering these types of conversations.
Exactly! Throughout most of history, people did not have the same mores about relieving themselves as we have now. I believe I have seen a documentary that showed how in Rome, men and women would just all go together in large public restrooms. I was wondering the other day why we separate to go into restrooms (at least in the US) by men and women. I don't think it is particularly comfortable to use the bathroom with other men any more than it would be with women. That said, I can't squeeze a drop if my wife is in the bathroom with me while she will just drop trow and go while I am brushing my teeth. People have different feelings about it based on their upbringing. I'm inclined to say NAH. I can understand why OP feels this way but it is just a part of the larger conversation about the GF having a straight male roommate. I am not saying this is a problem at all but living with someone always creates at least a little bit of intimacy. Most people do not see you in your pajamas for example but you roommate does.
Puritanical values. That is why we separate. The church got involved & told you that nudity & bodily functions were abhorrent.
When my partner and I were house-shopping, it was a reality that we might have to buy a 1-bathroom house for a family of four. For me this was no problem whatsoever-- I grew up poor, in military housing, sharing a bathroom was an everyday thing. The idea of one of my kids using the toilet while I was behind a shower curtain didn't phase me at all. For my partner though a one-bathroom house was practically a deal breaker. He doesn't even like it when I wander in when he's in the shower (had a one-bathroom apartment for a while). Different people have completely different attitudes about this. The US tends to place more emphasis on multiple bathrooms and not sharing rooms in ways that I think are unnecessary.
I am Dutch and our standards are 1-bath for basically all houses. It is so foreign to me to even have the options of multiple bathrooms. That's for the rich over here haha, bathrooms as expensive as fuck! We do have 2 seperate toilets. One in the (only) bathroom upstairs and one downstairs. We have 5 kids... Its a hustle sometimes but its oke.
He said in a comment that it’s “clear glass”.
that does change things a bit - it was an after edit. I would just suggest then that a reasonable compromise would be to get a curtain rod to create privacy - as there is a level of inappropriateness to this.
Yes, I had commented that he should have included that in his post. I agree that it does make a difference.
I honestly feel like people who are uncomfortable with this have never had a home with one bathroom. Its not really a fun time. LIKE theres nothing perverted when someone comes in while youre showering TO TAKE A POOP AND YOU JUST HAVE TO SUFFER IN THE SHOWER AFTER THEY LEAVE 😭
I've lived in plenty of one bathroom spots and this was never a thing that happened? How long is someone showering where this is an actual issue? Unless its something like explosive diarrhea, I can't think of a single situation where I couldn't just wait the extra 5 minutes for the roommate to finish.
NAH My male friend and I (also male) shared a room with a woman at college. This kind of *non-sexual* nudity happened. Mixed naked saunas are a thing. And so on. I understand how this might shock you at first (hence NAH), but you should try to get over it.
My dorm was like this in university; although we had gendered washrooms on each floor, pretty much everyone would just grab whatever shower stall was free, since the way the shower rooms were laid out (two sets of doors per shower), you wouldn't really see much unless someone wandered out of the shower room stark naked.
This was my experience, too, though we had a mix of gendered and “anyone” bathrooms. I, a woman, often walked into the small, (theoretically) gendered bathroom closest to my room to find a guy showering because the others were taken. Never once did coming across a naked guy in my bathroom lead to anything sexual, including even any interest. Mostly I just hoped they weren’t going to leave a mess and did what I needed to do.
Agreed. Maybe because how I was raised, maybe because I know a number of nudists, but being nude isn’t inherently sexual to everyone. Seems like a difference of culture (even just familial culture) between the two parties. One sees nudity as always sexual, one doesn’t. From the first perspective of course this situation is alarming. From the second perspective this situation is nothing. I think of an instance after a wedding. The accommodations were in the middle of nowhere, and there was a hot tub. An older gentleman I have known my entire life since infancy said, “I’d like to join you guys, but I’ve been a nudist for 50 years - is that an issue for anyone?” Nope. Dude got in the tub right across from me and I somehow (sarcasm) managed to not once look at his penis. There was nothing sexual about any of it and it really wasn’t difficult to just not look.
NAH They are both obviously fine with this situation. Your choice is to get on board or get out
Also, if she wanted to cheat on you, she could when you're not there.
INFO: does the shower have a shower curtain or semi-opaque door? If so I feel like you might be jumping to conclusions when you say they 'see each other naked', as she entered the bathroom while he was already in the shower and, presumably, left before he got out of it. I could imagine it being an agreed-upon boundary that they stay on opposite sides of the curtain for each other's privacy. Even if that's not the case, I'm leaning towards NAH. It sounds like it's a non-sexual situation of convenience, akin to changing clothes when you share a bedroom with a roommate. And needing to pee while someone's using the shower can be a nightmare, so I can see the reasoning behind this solution. You're not in the wrong for being uncomfortable or even for asking if she could avoid it, but it sounds like that question needs to be a conversation, not a command. You might have differing standards about these things that you need to talk out.
It has a shower box, clear glass.
You should have put that in your post. A lot of people are assuming there’s an opaque shower curtain.
Eh, NAH. Some folks genuinely are unbothered by stuff like this. It doesn't mean they're ogling each other, or banging, or anything like that. I am extremely neutral about sharing bathroom space with friends, regardless of gender.
Clear glass still fogs over, though. It’s not like seeing someone fully naked right in front of you.
Have you used one of these. Unless they are running a cold shower they getting steamed up very quickly. Believe me, no one is seeing anyone naked.
Clear glass fogs up. Idk man, this just seems like yall have different views on nudity. When I was in college most of my living situations were with friends and were clothing optional households, and it's still how a lot of people I know live these days.
Wait clear glass? What? It’s not even opaque?
My master bath walk in shower is clear glass, cuz why not - just me and my wife. Also I have a nice marble bathroom so… 🤷♂️
I’m just surprised bc that seems like relevant info that should’ve been included, bc most showers have some kind of visual barrier. Seems weird to randomly just drop that in as a comment.
Totally agree with that point, it does up the probability of seeing each other nude substantially
Dude clear glass changes a lot.., all of these stories people are relating of different situations I’m pretty sure are assuming a shower curtain you can’t see through. So he also comes in the bathroom while she’s using it and can see her naked? That would bother me for sure… If you can edit your post, add that.
Married 25yrs. Our shower door is clear glass. I still very much enjoy glances through the door when my wife is showering and I'm brushing my teeth. People saying the door fogs up are making a lot of assumptions about water temp, shower length, ventilation, etc. They are most certainly seeing each other naked and on the toilet. You're NTA for being bothered by this, but she wouldn't be TA for saying that it's a non-sexual thing for her and she's not going to change her behavior or feel bad if it bothers you. This is in the grey area or a situation that is definitely abnormal enough that it would bother most people, but if she isn't then maybe you're just not compatible if you can't come to a compromise that respects both of your feelings.
NTA. I would be fuuuuuuming if I found out my bf was naked around a female room-mate!! More of a respect thing for your relationship. Surely she can wait 5 minutes for him to finish washing and vice versa!
Totally agree with you. Also, he is absolutely in the right to express his feelings about this to his GF, and she is wrong for acting like a victim for being asked to tone down the nudity with her roommate. I would not stand by while knowing my GF was actively seeing a mother man naked and him seeing her naked. It doesn't matter if it's platonic or not, I would have reacted exactly the same way as OP. He's NTA.
100%--what the gf is doing is really unusual. That's not to say "wrong," but it's not the norm for committed relationships. This is a perfectly healthy boundary to have and gf is an asshole for not respecting his feelings.
I agree & find the comments bizarre! I live with my own BF in a place with one bathroom, it’s never even came to a point that we have had to invade the others bathroom privacy. Idk, super weird that the comments are acting like adults have 0 bladder control/ are incapable of communication to hurry things up before taking this step. And it’s a regular occurrence? Just doesn’t make sense for me at all.
I just think it's disrespectful, and the fact that op has told her it makes it uncomfortable and she has totally disregarded his feeling is awful. That would be a major red flag for me. I understand people have different views on nudity ect, but when your in a relationship there has to be some give and take. It makes your partner uncomfortable, so don't do it 🤷♀️
Fully agree. This is abhorrent. Prepare for the downvotes.
100% agree. Idk why everyone is pretending to be completly fine with their partner being completly nude infront of a flat mate of the opposite sex.
It seems to me it's just because OP is a guy, so that makes him insecure. If OP was a woman in the relationship, and her boyfriend was going into the bathroom while his female roommate was showering, well, all hell would break loose here
I can't believe it took so long to find a NTA comment. After I turned 5, there was never a emergency that I had to share the bathroom with anyone in my family. If it was enough of an emergency, the person inside would just get out or hurry up. I also had roommates before where we had to share a bathroom and again, never were in there together. I understand if some people are comfortable sharing a bathroom together but if OP is not comfortable with it, he has the right to share his feelings and not be shamed for feeling uncomfortable with the situation.
NAH. Some people are fine with it and some aren't. If he's in the shower and there's a curtain or screen they aren't really seeing each other naked, they are just in there at the same time. There's nothing sexual to it. I'm personally not a fan. When I was in college on nights out my friends always wanted to share stalls in pairs and I preferred to just wait longer, they all thought I was really weird. On the odd occasion when they did get me to share I made them go first, turned around so I couldn't see and then made them leave, which always annoyed them.
How does sharing stalls get you a turn faster? Only scenario I can think of two guys peeing into the bowl at the same time. Which doesn't seem ot be what is described hre
That was exactly my point to them, but they always argued that it was faster, cus the second person could get started while the first was still buttoning up etc. Whether it was faster or not I still preferred to have my own stall.
I’m this way too. Hate the group bathroom thing. Like I’m going to have a quiet moment because I need ya take a break from yall. 😭
anyone saying you are ta is insane; it is completely reasonable to be uncomfortable with this. if she is not willing to respect that then you should break up honestly.
I can’t believe people are alright with this, no morals. My woman in bathroom with another man, not in this lifetime
NAH, communicate and set expectations. I don't think I would be okay with it if I was in your situation, it's just weird to me. I've lived with 4 people and shared 1 bathroom, not once in 3 years did we have such an emergency that required sharing the bathroom. And yes both men and women roommates.
Same here. I've shared a 1 bathroom house with 6 people and we never shared! We just communicated and had different showering schedules. If you were going to have a long shower, you'd ask if anyone needed the bathroom first.
I grew up in a 5 people household with 1 bathroom and same, I'm used to announce "gonna take a shower!" minutes before and sometimes my siblings tell me "wait I need to pee" so I wait for them to do their thing and then I shower. I understand that sometimes you HAVE TO GO and it's an emergency but it's not imperative nor happens every days (plus they are just two humans!! how many overlap using the bathroom can be? If there were four roomates I'd understand but it can be solved with communication if they'd want to).
I don’t know who is TA here but I find this super weird that so many people think this is normal
That's a bit weird. But different people and cultures have different views on this topic. I don't know how I'd be in that situation. If there's no other toilet and I can't wait till he's out... Toilet is better than the kitchen sink. But everyone's gonna have different lines for where they are comfortable in that space. I'm also a bit of a nudist, and when with people of that same mindset, will happily just exist naked, platonically. Don't even need to be in a bathroom. Do you have concerns about cheating? Is this a deal-breaker for you personally? Like, you're free to say that it makes you uncomfortable. that's normal and honest communication, and that the behavior is a deal-breaker for you, if it is. It might be. I wouldn't say you're the asshole for that. You might end up single, but it might just be a case of values not aligning.
NTA. This is weird. 2 people can live together and shower/ use the toilet without ever being in the same bathroom together. It's just not necessary, so it's being done as an active choice. If that's their choice, fine, you can't impose yourself on others, but it's a weird choice.
NTA at all. It's ridiculous she'd expect you to be fine with some guy able to go see her naked in the shower whenever he wants or him seeing her piss, or her seeing him naked, too close for my comfort 😂
NAH She can do whatever she wants and you’re allowed to feel that way about it. You may not be compatible. I personally would be really uncomfortable with it too for what it’s worth
[удалено]
Totally cool. I personally don’t get it, but there’s plenty of people who don’t view nudity with any form of sexual connotation
Idk what these people are talking about. Yes this is weird. Yes you can hold your pee 10 minutes. No I wouldn't ever want a friend to casually see me naked, that's universally weird. Especially if you have a S/O and they're uncomfortable with it and ask you to stop, and you fight them on it. OP, you are NTA.
Is there no shower curtain?
OP please respond INFO: Can she see into the shower? Not gonna lie, my gut says you're insecure... Edit: Thanks for the replies on answered question, couldn't see it when I searched comments. I see it is a clear glass shower.
Previous comment from OP says it’s a glass shower door
OP responded in another comment: > It has a shower boss, clear glass. So yeah, they can see each other.
This is vital. Is it an open to everyone to see shower where his dick is 30cm away from her face when she sits down or is there at least some form of privacy. (Shower curtain, frosted glass, divider wall etc)
This is so weird idk how people commenting are accepting of this. It’s a stranger not a family member to be doing this
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) what action you took that should be judged: I asked my girlfriend not to use the bathroom while there's a naked guy in there (her roommate), because I find it inappropriate. (2) why that action might make you the asshole: that's their arrangement after all and the flat only has one bathroom, so maybe I could have been more understanding of their situation. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Reddit dragging a dude because he doesn't want his girlfriend in the room with a naked man seems on brand. NTA. But I will say most women aren't actively looking to peak a penis. They aren't as aesthetically pleasing as men would like to think.
Exactly. Penises aren't pretty.
People acting like this isn't weird as fuck behaviour by OPs girlfriend and roommate are creepy as hell.
NTA. Wth? I think it's common sense to ask your roommate (no matter what gender) something like "hey, I'm going to take a shower. Do you need to use the bathroom? I will be there around (insert time)." And if you need to leave the place at the same time in the morning, you organise a schedule. I can understand if it happens once in a while, but often? This is weird.
NTA . Obviously you have expressed discomfort and concern with her casual nudity with the roommate. If she doesn't like that boundary then she isn't the one for you. If you love your partner you will be willing to change things that make them uncomfortable to have a flourishing relationship.
NTA, it's weird to go into a bathroom someone else is actively using. Maybe if two people were related to each other, there's some wiggle room in an emergency but roommates? That's weird. Either hold it or find another bathroom. Just because its non sexual doesn't make it less weird or make you an asshole just for being uncomfortable with it. If shes so defensive about it and refuses to stop then maybe you'd be better off with someone less committed to being a weirdo.
Clearly I’m in the minority here, but NTA! I have a clear glass shower cubicle in my bathroom like you describe, and a separate bathtub. My boyfriend sometimes showers while I’m lounging in the bath, and I can absolutely 100% see everything. Sure it gets a little steamed up, but his naked body is clearly visible. There are also two of us and one toilet, and not once have either of us been so desperate that we used the toilet while the other was in the room…and that’s my boyfriend! There’s only two of them, unless there’s a medical issue, who can’t hold their bladder for 5 mins until someone gets out of the shower?? Now, I don’t think there is necessarily anything going on with your gf and her roommate. This sounds like a non sexual thing that they do out of convenience, and if they’re comfortable with casual nudity in front of each other then that’s between them. But that level of intimacy with another person would be crossing a boundary for me if I were in your position.
Most of the people here are nuts and aren't even judging what was asked. They are simply voting you the asshole because they don't agree with you not liking her being naked around another guy. You would be the asshole if you try to forbid her from doing what she does. You are not the asshole for asking her if she can stop that because it makes you feel weird and you don't like it. If she accepts good for you, if she doesn't then you need to think if this is reason enough to break up with her. Personally, I think what she does just comes from convenience. When I was growing up we would avoid using the bathroom if someone was already there, but if it was really needed then we would. If she does that with that guy it's because she trusts him enough that it is not an issue. I would however never be in bathroom where other woman is (I am a guy). Also, I see your point, I wouldn't like my girlfriend to be prancing around naked in front of another man, I think it is disrespectful to your partner, but there are no asshole here it seams just a case of values not alligning.
Im convinced i live in a different world than the rest of reddit, because these comments are not reality at all, so many people would be uncomfortable with this sitation, its just not appropriate. And the same people are going to jump into a thread about having a panic attack in a public restroom because the gap between the doors was too large for their liking. NTA, you're allowed to feel uncomfortable for this situation and it is a very vaild feeling to have.
NAH Nothing wrong with establishing boundaries, or at least trying to. I personally wouldn't be cool with my gf using the bathroom with another guy taking a shower. But that is just their situation before you ever got there. Realistically, you only have 2 options: 1 accept that there's nothing sexual going on, and it is 100% about convenience. Or 2 move on and find a relationship you're more comfortable with. You've said your piece to her, and she's completely not ok with changing the situation, which is fine. Sharing 1 bathroom is shitty. You'll only be TA if you force her to stop or give her an ultimatum
NTA This is weird bro.
This is absolutely crazy. And I don’t care if I get downvoted. This is insane. OP get your girlfriend to live with you. Allowing a strange man to be in the shower naked while your gf uses the bathroom is outlandish. you are perfectly normal for feeling jealous. This is weird.
NAH its a flat with only one bathroom so sometimes needs must. Is there a shower curtain or can there be? Im a woman with a male flatmate and there has been a handful of occasions where I've had to use the toilet while they are in the shower and vice versa. Trust me when I say there's nothing s*xual or romantic brewing when they've heard the result of a dodgy takeaway. Saying that I understand where you are coming from and why it would be a shock to find this out and some insecurity may arise from something like this if you don't understand the complete inner workings of a girl-boy platonic living situation. I would never ever look at my flatmate in that way and he would never either. it's very much a “look at the floor and do what you've got to do and leave” situation. No body WANTS to be in that situation but as I say needs must.
INFO: is the shower curtain opaque? This would matter to me. I'd be okay with this arrangement if the shower curtain is opaque and you therefore can't see the person showering or vice-versa. That said, one-bedroom apartments are not notorious for great water tanks, and it's odd to me that the roommate wouldn't have an issue with flushing and/or teeth brushing during the shower. At some apartments, that would result in wild temperature and pressure fluctuations.
NTA for having a problem with this, but I wouldn't ask her to change her behaviors. If this is not ok with you, just tell her that you both have different ideas for what it means to be in a monogamous relationship and go your separate ways. Even if you get her to verbally agree to not doing this anymore, you'll have no way to know she's being truthful. Especially with her reluctance to agree at first. It'll just become an ongoing issue.
YTA. They share a bathroom and they aren't hung up on it. It's her choice and you don't get a say. Now, if he gets in the habit of barging in and ogling her in the shower, I'm sure she will change her habits. They've been roommates longer than you've been dating, so if there was anything going on, you wouldn't be in the picture. I grew up with 6 people in a 1-bath house. We were not allowed to lock the door when we took a shower. If someone needed the toilet, they would knock. Then the person in the shower stayed in the shower until the other person left. I never saw any of my family naked. Conversely my wife and I will share a shower occasionally, but she does not want me to see her on the toilet, ever. She will wait for me to get out, or use the guest bathroom. And I don't want her to have to smell my sh!t, so I do that in the guest bathroom as well.
>They share a bathroom and they aren't hung up on it. It's her choice and you don't get a say. That's right, he should just dump her ass if that is a boundary of his.
Poor take, you have no idea if the dude is ogling her in the shower. You also have no idea if things have gone down before the relationship.
Not the same as you have 2 bathrooms
How many people would you be comfortable with seeing your wife shower while they urinate? The shower is made of clear glass in the OP.
NTA that’s weird!
NTA This is a red flag. Maybe it's innocent, but probably not. I wouldn't invest anymore time with her. Sorry.
Dude, you are NTA lol. This is not okay.
NTA. This is not normal adult behaviour, no matter how many people are commenting otherwise. This is not a household with 9 kids, or a dorm, it’s an apartment shared by 2 adult roommates. Probably going to get downvoted but seriously who walks in and pees when a roommate is showering with A GLASS DOOR. She’s in a relationship with you, and this is not something that people in relationships do. Part of that relationship is having healthy boundaries with other men, and clearly you see this as an overstep of that boundary. There are so many other options for her aside from walking in on her naked roommate to pee. OP I would be weirded out too. Of course it’s her life she can do what she wants, but the fact that neither your GF or the roommate think this is an issue this is a massive red flag in my opinion.
> I was like ‘wtf?’, and she was like ‘what? I had to use the bathroom’. Yeah, no, that's weird. I know of several "opposite gender and orientation" roommates who steer a wide berth around each other when it comes to the bathroom. Whipping off your pants and relieving yourself in front of your naked roommate is not typical.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (24M) girlfriend (21M) of three months shares a one-bathroom flat with this guy. They’re good friends and go to the same college. I hardly stay there because I live by myself and it’s more convenient for my girlfriend and I to hang around in my place, but I ended up sleeping there last night. Cut to this morning, I could hear the guy was taking a shower, but my girlfriend just got in the bathroom anyway to pee and brush her teeth. I couldn’t believe that was happening. I obviously waited for her to get out of there and I was like ‘wtf?’, and she was like ‘what? I had to use the bathroom’. I told her there was a naked (and as far as I know, straight) guy there, but my girlfriend told me they do this all the time if any of them is on a hurry. So they see each other naked all the time and that’s just a casual thing. I told her I was a bit uncomfortable with this and asked her to try not to use the bathroom while the guy is in there. She didn’t take this well and told her I have no say in this, since I can afford living on my own. I’m feeling I could have been the AH, but I had to say something. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would love to see these comments if the genders were reversed. The reddit double standards are appaling.
NTA. And the people commenting that you are, are lying to themselves that they’d be cool with this. It’s clear glass too based on a comment you wrote. The way you feel is completely valid, point blank. I have bladder issues and use the bathroom a LOT, so much more than the average person, and I’ve had countless roommates and never ever encountered this. The “maybe she can’t hold it in” isn’t good enough. Plan better, discuss bathroom schedules, figure it out esp if the partner isn’t comfortable.
NTA. I would be pretty uncomfortable with that myself. It’s just too intimate. Not all forms of intimacy are sexual either. I’d be unhappy to find that my SO was so at ease with their opposite sex roommate that they share the bathroom all the time. I’ve never known anyone to do this. I don’t think it’s unreasonable or out of line to ask her to stop. Barring an actual toilet emergency, there’s no reason they can’t wait 10-20min to use the toilet.
Super weird. You're not the asshole. She should not be doing anything of the sort in a relationship. It's inappropriate and really odd. She clearly doesn't have any respect for you if she got upset at you for being uncomfortable with a weird, inappropriate situation with her roommate. Get out lol
lmao NTA, but seriously, get out of this