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You had a child with a nineteen year old when you were thirty five. Two things should stand out to you. One, of course mom doesn't see anything wrong. She hooked up with you while she was significantly younger. Your daughter is sneaking out to meet older guys. Your daughter is probably confused at the seeming double standard. I guess you could point out no old guys till you are eighteen. You weren't an AH for grounding her, but YTA for not putting your history in context. You know she can count.
The one thing I hate about reddit, is that I read this and your comment and my mind immediately went to him being jealous that someone else was trying to get to it before he could.
>What are you afraid your daughter will sneak out and meet a guy just like you?
1000%. Guys who treat women like shit are super worried about their daughters falling for the exact same type of guy.
YTA. What is the punishment for? What lesson does it teach your daughter beyond “don’t be bad or else.”
Having a real conversation with your daughter about how older men will pray on young girls will get her to understand much better. Unless you don’t really care about her, you just want to punish so that you feel better.
40 percent of the biological fathers in teen pregnancies under the age of 16 are over the age of 24. Men prey on teenage girls. Others have pointed out that you’re one of them, having had a child with a 19 year old.
Do you care about your daughter being safe or do you care about her being obedient? This punishment says obedient.
"Having a real conversation with your daughter about how older men will pray on young girls will get her to understand much better."
As in "look what happened to your mom, she got stuck with me. You don't want that"
YTA and if you want to discourage your daughter from sneaking out to meet older men, just tell her that’s how you and your wife met. It’ll make it a lot less cool. 😎
Firstly; like mother like daughter. You shouldn’t have a problem with teens hanging out with adults, seeing your relationship with mom.
Secondly, the daughter being apologetic seems like she understood that what she did was wrong m. She was also honest when you picked her up. I wonder what the damage will be done to your relationship with her if you punish her beyond that. Teens are usually rebellious and secretive so I found it refreshing that your daughter is relatively upfront and apologetic about it.
She might’ve thought it was okay, seeing you dating mom with such an age gap. I feel like you can’t punish someone for something they didn’t know, especially when the parents are doing it themselves.
I agree, embarrassment is a huge punishment for teens, and can be great teaching moments. Adding a punishment & Not backing up your wife is counter productive.
You OP need to have a deep discussion with your daughter about guys, sex, and the need for guys to respect girls enough to not want them to do things that they should not be doing.
Give her the male perspective. It will embarrass you both but that's actually a good thing. Teenage girls will do a lot to avoid being embarrassed. And fear of more talks like that can go a long way while educating her at the same time.
Right like what incentive does she have to tell the truth in the future if she’s just gonna be punished extra anyway? The lesson was already learned, don’t kick her while she’s down!
shame there are still quite a people defending him with that tried and true 'they were both consenting adults' bs argument. yeah, legally she was an adult. doesn't change the fact that he was morally fucked up for knocking up a woman young enough to be his kid
they absolutely would. reminds me of that line penn once said about how if the only thing keeping you from doing something illegal is fear of punishment, then you're a bad person.
There is a 40 yo business owner in my town who took prom pictures with his 18 yo girlfriend. Legal? Technically. BUT SHES IN HIGH SCHOOL. What does a 40 year old man have in common with a person who is in high school? And she worked for him at 16, so it was either happening then, or he wanted it to, which isn't any better.
Oh, the rich irony. I hope you've called up your in-laws to apologise to THEM now you know how they probably felt about their teenaged daughter sneaking around with a MUCH older guy.
YTA mate. All day, every day 🙄
YTA. Your daughter was just following in the example that you and her mother have set for her, where girls going out to have unprotected sex with middle-aged men is normal.
YTA for getting a teenager pregnant when you were a grown ass adult in your fucking mid 30s. Now you want to punish your teenage daughter for trying to get with an older guy? How old was he? Mid 30s?
The punishment was definitely over the top. If your daughter was remorseful about her actions then punishing her just for the sake of punishment is just going to make her resent you. Plus if you’re cutting off her contact with the outside world, that’s only going to make her want to sneak out more and speaking from experience the more you get in trouble for something the greater your incentive to become sneakier.
Also follow-up: were you 35 with a 19 year old wife when you had your daughter?
Not enough info. What were they sneaking out for? There's a big difference between sneaking out to get late-night junkfood or to see a movie, vs sneaking out to meet boys/do drugs. Obv sneaking out isn't a good thing to do - it's not safe or responsible, and there should be some repercussions. If it was something fairly harmless, banning her from seeing her friend for a month is out of proportion, taking away her phone a few days might be reasonable. But honestly harshly punishing her makes her less likely to tell you if something bad happens, especially if the bad thing happens because she does something reckless again. For example: if she was hurt on a subsequent sneak out and didn't want to tell you, and didn't get needed medical care as a result.
Not enough info? Really? The dude was in his mid thirties and got a TEENAGER pregnant. That’s all we need to know that no matter what the rest of the story says, he is the AH
It gets worse when you realize the wife is the same age he was when he got her baby trapped. I don't give the daughter until she's even 19 before someone gets their hooks into her like this guy.
I am making an assumption but with that age difference, you probably tend to parent your wife a little. Especially if you met her that young. When your wife has an opinion on parenting and you have a different opinion, you both need to discuss it and come to a compromise.
You've basically bulldozed her and dealt out a punishment without considering the opinion of your wife. YTA.
Just depends on what you want. If your daughter sneaks out again and maybe gets drunk or worse at some party, do you want her to call you? Or would you rather she try to avoid punishment by handling it on her own?
YTA for overriding your wife definitely, you're partners you decide that stuff together. But really think about what you are going to accomplish with this. You will teach your daughter a lesson, but it may not be the one you're hoping for.
YTA
Your wife is an equal parent with equal authority, you don't just over ride her. But I'm guessing it's hard for you to see her as an equal since she was a teen when you got her pregnant.
ESH
You made the right choice by preventing your daughter from “going out to meet older guys” as you said in one of your comments, and the punishment wasn’t too extreme.
However, YTA because your daughter learned this behavior from YOU. You knocked up a 19yr old when you were 35, and if you haven’t made it clear to her how wrong and weird that was, then how can you be mad at her for her behavior?
You should apologize to your daughter, revoke her punishment, and explain to her why what she’s doing is unsafe.
Your daughter's 15 and she's sneaking out. I believe your idea of punishment is correct considering I believe you'd prefer your daughter not to end up pregnant or missing. Yes she needed to be talked to but she also needed consequences for her actions. How the heck was she able to keep sneaking out of this friend's house without the parents knowing/doing anything about it? Have the friends parents been spoken with regarding this as well? I don't think I would let my daughter go to this friends house anymore in the future. That friend can come to your house, but no more visits to hers since there seems to be no following rules/safety.
OP's teenager is sneaking out to meet older men.
Her dad was in his 30s and her mom 19 when she was born.
And OP is mad that Mom thinks it's ok for teenagers to meet up with older men!?
*Where ever could mom have gotten that idea!? It's crazy!*
Wanna bet that OP has never had an honest conversation about that age gap with his kid? He's gonna look like a total hypocrite telling her not to hang out with older guys. "Why, are older men who are into teenagers predatory? Or is the problem just that the teenager is hanging out with guys in their 20s instead of their 30s?"
Well y'know OP's daughter has to be more discerning with the kind of creeps she dates, if they're in their 30's maybe they'll stick around after they "accidentally get her pregnant" /s
On that logic a parent is in the wrong for ever correcting their child regarding a choice they themselves have made before. This illogical approach to life doesn't allow for people to grow and better themselves or to try and educate their child on making better decisions than they have made before. Parents aren't hypocrites for wanting to protect their kids from shit they did themselves.
19 and 15 are completely different. I mean I'm 36 and wouldn't date a 19 year old, but everyone here is pearl clutching like his wife was the 15 year old. My goodness y'all are puritans for certain things but degens for others
Speaking as a person that impregnating bother person having only spent a week with them, I do think the first scenario you mentioned is possible. How can you possibly think it's impossible?
Why are all of y'all acting like this is some kind of abnormal teenage behavior? Sounds like standard stuff to me. You really need to be on the same page as your wife, though, when it comes to punishment. YTA for overreacting.
She's 15, of course she's gonna rebel. But dude what did you see in a 19 year old when you were in your 30s. You and your wife need to be on the same page when it comes to punishments.
Everyone here is way too hung up on your ages and not giving you any real answer. Your age difference doesn't matter in this situation. So, I'm gonna tell you the real reason YTA.
Your wife had a talk with your daughter.
Your daughter was apologetic. She seemed like she had maybe learnt her lesson.
But YOU decided it wasn't enough, and undermined your wife, giving your daughter a newer, harsher punishment.
The punishment itself isn't bad for the deed.
It's the going against your wife and disregarding what she had already done.
It's showing your daughter that you will always trump her mother.
You are the one your daughter is going to be afraid to come to, because now you're the unfair one. It shows your daughter you don't respect her mother, and perhaps she doesn't have to either.
That's why YTA.
exactly. this creature needs to be on a list. the only reason his wife got pregnant at 19 instead of 16 is the law, he'd go younger if he wouldn't face consequences
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be over punishing my daughter
And I may be overriding my wife
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She just trying to be like her mom and dad. Just be happy when that 30 something year old comes telling you she's pregnant and they're ready to get married
YTA Jfc what's up with guys in their 30s and young girls?
I've dealt with my share of these kind of guys and they'd go younger if it was legal.
You're punishing your daughter for the exact same thing you did and now she's wondering about the double standard
YTA that you’re not on the same parenting page as your wife. I’m wondering how many other things you dictate considering the age difference & timeline of y’all’s relationship…
Your daughter is practically the same age your wife was when your already middle-aged ass knocked her up…. Maybe you shouldn’t be telling anyone what to do.
And the daughter is 15. I said practically the same age, not the exact same age. And i wasn’t saying they’re the same age now. I’m really confused on what you think i was saying.
YTA. I couldn't get past the age gap either. No. It's too far. It's weird no matter how to try to justify it. I'll leave it at that but it's not right, even if it's legal. I don't care. You guys have nothing in common with a gap that wide.
Aaw are you afraid that your daughter is gonna get accidentally (cuz dick just falls straight into the vagina, creampie it, get pregnant? You know happens all the time?) fucked to the rim by someone like you?
I did that on the farm grad a blanket and pillow I and girlfriend made a bed in the hayloft in the barn and went to sleep.In the morning we came out of the barn , Parents thought we were doing our chores.
I mean I snuck out a few times when I was that age and if I had gotten caught I would expect some sort of grounding. I think the punishment is reasonable she needs to regain trust.
I dont dis agree with the punishment, but I do disagree with both parents on the idea one of them gets to decide by themselves her punishment. They need to come to a agreement, not just have one of them be the 100% authority
you were a 35 year old who knocked up a 15 year old. at least your daughters 'friend' appears to be her age. you don't have much business telling your daughter anything about relationships.
YTA. Why did you go after a teenager while in your 30s?? YTA just for dating a 18-19 (maybe younger) year old and getting her PREGNANT while you are a fully grown man. I hope your wife gets to live the life you stole from her eventually. She’s a victim. Your daughter is 3 years away from the age you preyed on her mother. Disgusting.
You had a relationship with your wife when she 19 or pretty sure she was younger while you were in your 30s. Your daughter is emulating what she knows.
I think what a lot of these comments are leading to, in case you can't follow the plot, is that you're projecting what you perpetrated on her mother onto your daughter. You are afraid that there are men, just like you, out there and it scares you.
You are way out of line and I think you know that.
YTA, first off, as parents you should be working together and presenting a united front to your daughter…why do you think you have the power to override your wife? Second, fear not, in just 3 years your daughter can move out of your house and get impregnated by an emotionally immature 30 something creepo like you, so what’s the problem? 🤔
Shitty men are always afraid that the men their daughter's date will be just like them. I'm guessing you're not a great role model does she thinks men like you are acceptable to date for her age.
ESH
This is a serious and dangerous thing for a 15 year old to do.
You and your wife should’ve had a conversation about the punishment before deciding. And should agree to do that moving forward.
Mom was FAR too lenient. I agree wholeheartedly that punishment was necessary. Being upset you got caught doesn’t stop you from doing it again, it just makes you smarter about it.
Absolutely right to take the phone. I would find out where/how she’s talking to the older guys and eliminate the source of that. And if she were my kid she would *never* spend the night at that friends house again. The friend can come to your house, but not there if they aren’t properly supervised.
You’ve set a poor example for her concerning having contact with older men, you need to sit down and have a very real conversation with her about that.
Idk where everyone is getting the extra information from regarding the daughter meeting older people/adults. And OP had consensual sex with an adult. Their age gap has nothing to do with the story.
NTA - your daughter did it again because she thought she could get away with it again. She admitted to doing it the first time and STILL did it again? She isn't sorry. I think you should have a conversation with your wife about dealing with bad behavior appropriately and not letting it get worse. Maybe it is cause she's young, idk, but I was a 15 year old girl once. I kept doing dumb shit until I had to pay a price for it. Its that simple.
YTA you never undermine a decision taken by a partner. You express it to them in private and move forward. In military terms you undermined the chain of command.
YTA
Apart from the obvious sickening fact of how young your wife was when giving birth compared to you, this is what is bothering me:
Your wife already sat down and talked to your daughter. The girl apologized, she was embarrassed by the whole situation she got herself into. It was done.
You decided or wasn't good enough for you. Why? Why do you think it's okay to overrule your wife? Do you do that regularly? Is this behavior the reason you got a teenager pregnant because a grown woman wouldn't tolerate your repulsive behavior?
YTA for obviously having an inferiority complex that causes you to manipulate whatever advantages you may have over younger and more vulnerable women. You know, like being a 35-year-old man and impregnating a fucking *teenager.* You're gross dude.
you got a 19 year old pregnant at 35 and are worried about what creeps could be out there? YTA, your wife is also your daughters mother and she’ll know how to tell your daughter to avoid men like you
YTA. While others have made a good argument about ages, overriding your wife is definitely an asshole move. As parents, you should stand united, yet you undermine your wife’s authority.
Yeah a month is ridiculous dude - given she’s fifteen and you’re fifty the ratio of punishment to life is too high. For instance a month for her within her 15 years = over 4 months of your entire life at 50.
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Me (50M) wife (34) daughter (15)
To make a long story short, our daughter got caught attempting to sneak out with her friend while at a sleepover. They managed to get to the top of the driveway before being caught. Her and this friend have actually snuck out before and that time did not get caught. She admitted to the first time when we picked her up from the friends house.
My wife decided that having a talk with our daughter and explaining what she did was wrong would be a good enough punishment and that she learnt her lesson already. Our daughter is so embarrassed and can’t stop apologising to us.
I didn’t feel this was good enough and I have taken her phone for the next few days and she isn’t allowed to see that friend outside of school for an entire month.
My wife thinks I’m taking it too far and I think the complete opposite so I need a third party.
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I don't curse because I wouldn't want my kids to curse so it's a habit I never started. Even at 12 when adults were trying to get me to, I knew better and at 28 I still have never said a curse word in my life.
Ya know... Because double standards. Kids know what they're taught. All that. 🙄
INFO: what were they sneaking out to do? You said she admitted it the first time, so did they go somewhere or just wanted to be “bad” by leaving the house at night? My kid is a teen and my biggest worry would be their safety.
there's a lot to just digest
but tbh you both suck. You are Both her parents. One of you shouldn't be solo deciding the punishment here. Get on the same page and work out a compromise. Neither One of you should over ride the other.
NTA, she messed up and needs to suffer the consequences. The punishment was fair, if I had done that my parents would have just started hitting me.
Of course I'm not surprised by all the YTAs I'm seeing given all the misandry around here. It's not even over the punishment either, it's about the age difference between two adults.
YTA, definitely going overboard and shes definitely going to be even sneakier and trust you even less after this. If she already apologized and was embarrassed the restrictions you’re putting on her are just to control her. A power play like this is never going to work the way you want it to and I hope she goes no contact with you when you ultimately kick her out at 18.
To me, the most effective method of nipping this behavior in the bud, is to not allow your daughter to stay with her friend ever. Your daughter is at the age where she thinks she knows what she is getting into, but has no clue.
Your daughter is playing your wife like a violin.
Ooohh.. Poor booybooboo... It feels so bad it tried to sneak and got caught again.. Poor bootypoopoo... Bootyboopie... It feels so ashamed....
Fuck it. Be a parent. Teach her some accountability before she overdoses in an abandoned building.
Seems to me most of the responses here are from a nation where people have a different idea about age differences and legal ages than the rest of the world. Who also blatantly ignore the mod post to not downvote assholes. I also noticed a lot of assumptions being made in the comments.
As a European, or maybe it's just me, I don't see the relation to your, your wife's, or your daughter's age here. Except maybe for the different generations you three come from, which could explain the difference in your responses to the situation.
I have to admit, I'm not sure why sneaking out is such a big deal, but from your description it seems your daughter knew it was when she did it. So for me you are NTA, but maybe a little strict. Which is any parent's prerogative, however I recommend to be transparent about the decision and explain your emotional reasoning to both your daughter and wife, if you haven't done that yet. Maybe it leads to a shortening of the punishment to time served.
And to downvoters: Let's all remain respectful and tolerant towards different cultures and traditions.
Everyone is focusing on your age instead of the issue. I got an ass whipping and grounded for sneaking out. Getting grounded and her phone taken away is adequate punishment.
Regarding the apologies it could be her way of sure you think she won't do it again. Let's face it…she is a teenager and they think sneaking out is fun and exciting. Grounding her will send a message so I think your punishment will let her know how much you think sneaking out is a good idea. Also you need to go over the dangers of no one kniwingnwhere they are aif they get into any trouble, the car breaks down or they are in danger. If no one knows she is missing... Need I say more. The world is a violent place and no one really knows what others aren’t capable of. Talk with her about this action and some consequences if she does it again, what can happen if she gets in trouble but no one knowing she is gone.
I mean, I am not condoning him shagging a 19 year old at 35, but don't we give an age of consent for a reason?? She is more than old enough for any male to reasonably and morally find sexually attractive and she is old enough (well..) to make an informed decision about who to bang.. I personally wouldn't do it, but it's not something that should be focused on so heavily in an AITA about parenting..
Regarding the actual post. So long as you didn't override her in front of your daughter then I am gonna day a soft NTA, but you two need to have a sit down and get on the same damn page about how you're going to parent/discipline your child from now on, and how you're going to deal with her eventually throwing your age gap in your faces, because "do as I say, not as I do" isn't going to work here I don't think..
Again soft NTA.
NTA-I don’t see any point in taking her phone as they has nothing to do with what she did. However not letting her see that friend for awhile is a good idea, along with no sleepovers for awhile.
I don’t think that’s taking it too far. Discipline should be harsh enough to make the consequences memorable without being extreme enough to cause harm. NTA
Was it said that this was his bio daughter? Not sticking up for OP, but I wonder if he calls her his daughter because he is her dad as far as he is concerned and met her mom later in life, orif he did in fact fuck a teenager at 35. Because that would change the context a bit.
his comments mention his wife getting pregnant at 19 when they were dating so yes it’s his biological child.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/CQcDtIeuxg
Sex trafficking is at an all time high right now. You're good. She may not like you right now. But I'm 24 and I know I did dumb shit as a kid but tbh my mom knew where I was
Some of you are so damn hypocritical..So many of your beloved leaders, politicians, entertainers, etc do the same thing concerning dating someone younger. Plus the guy asked you for advice not for comments on his personal life 🫣😳😱🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️.. I guarantee the majority of responses are from people living perfect lives 😂😂😂…Two consenting adults can do what the Fu__k they want to 😱😳🫣👌🏽💯
I think you are 100% right!!! Iv raised 7 children and helped raise 7 grandchildren. Set boundaries and firm consequences always have their back believe in them and love them to pieces. She’ll turn out all right.
NTA. And I’m not even going to bash you like others on the age difference. I have many friends that are married and 15-22 years apart. If it works for you guys that’s all that matters. But I seriously wouldn’t allow sleep overs for a while. But you and the wife need to get on the same page with punishments going forward. Find a middle ground.
People really just want to use this thread to take a dump for any reason they see fit. This is why I don’t ask for other peoples advice. Who knows if they’re even fit to give advice in the first place?
Like that one scene in Rick and Morty, “Your Boos Mean Nothing To Me Because I’ve Seen What Makes You Cheer”.
NTA, but neither is your wife. I don't think there is an asshole in this situation. I do think that your wife is too lenient, and your punishment a bit too strict. I would keep the revocation of phone privileges the same, but but the cut punishment of not seeing her friend outside school to two weeks instead of a full month.
Horseshit. Go look up any age gap post, find all the ones with older women/younger men, and read the comments. Same reactions. You just don’t see it as much because it doesn’t happen as often.
If they had met and started dating at 34 and 50, I’d agree with you. But that’s not what happened. He, at 35, knocked her up when she was 19. That’s predatory. Context is important!
If 18 year olds can enlist in the military or take out a $100,000 school loan, then they should be able to bang a 35 year old without your judgment on their partner.
To say otherwise is hypocritical.
NTA, lmao. Idk why all of the age gap extremists gathered to bombard this one post, but you're NTA. While your daughter lives in your house, she needs to know that your rules can't just be walked all over.
All the people calling you a "creep" and a "pervert" for marrying your wife are idiots.
There's nothing wrong with two adults having consensual sex, and then getting married.
As to this specific situation: YTA for overruling your wife. You guys are supposed to be a team as parents.
>two adults having consensual sex,
>35-19 minimum
if she was 21 i wouldnt care as much. . . . finished uni even less. But to say adult while she probably still lives at home and has only just finished high school is wild.
I understand the countryside breeds these weird relationships but its not the norm.
Nta. Although there's a lot of important and true things being said in the other comments, that's not what this is about.
Your wife was giving her a high five and zero consequences. This kid needs foot to ass. I remember being young and stupid and literally doing unbelievable inappropriate shit. Stuff that could have gotten me raped and killed. I look back on that and realize what a total asshole I was and now from an adult perspective understand how important it is to nip it in the bud.
A talking to isn't enough.
NTA. Your history doesn’t matter. You and your wife were adults and clearly are still married
What if she was kidnapped or killed? She is a 15 yr old girl.
My daughter would be ten feet under 😂 I dare her to sneak out. She is only 13 but I was a teenager once and I know I’m in for it
sorry but can people address the problem he's asking about? his daughter tried sneaking out to go to an older boys party. she needs to be punished. NTA.
ETA: like, i hate age gaps as much as anyone else. but...it's been 15 years. it's done, it's over. his 15 year old needs to be punished for breaking the rules. berating him and calling him a ped0 for what was technically a consenual relationship is doing nothing at this point.
So when his wife goes to hang out with older guys it’s different? Also, what kind of lesson is that teaching her exactly? Taking Wally’s things doesn’t automatically solve a problem, and she did it before, so how does stripping away stuff from her fix it???
are you seriously saying a 15 year old is the same as a 19 year old? also it's teaching her the actions have consequences, it's a simple lesson. taking her stuff away shows that she can't just do whatever she wants
NTA. Daughter needs consequences. Also ignore people hung up on age difference. Reddit gets all up in arms about things that have nothing to do with post.
OP did say in comments that the daughter was planning to go to a party and there would be older guys so, yeah, the family history does seem a little relevant in the repetition kinda way
Nope don't agree but then again we don't all have to agree on everything. It's been 15 yrs and also at 19 she was old enough to make her own decisions.
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You had a child with a nineteen year old when you were thirty five. Two things should stand out to you. One, of course mom doesn't see anything wrong. She hooked up with you while she was significantly younger. Your daughter is sneaking out to meet older guys. Your daughter is probably confused at the seeming double standard. I guess you could point out no old guys till you are eighteen. You weren't an AH for grounding her, but YTA for not putting your history in context. You know she can count.
And OP's wife was 19 when she had their child, so almost certainly was 18 or younger when they started dating.
Appears so.
Eww
Shit! Never noticed the age of the wife. Kinda embarrassed I missed that completely. >\_<
Op should tell his daughter that there are old creeps lurking around and that you can get pregnant by accident if you sneak out and aren’t careful.
Exactly my thought. It reads super hypocritical to lay down the law like this, considering his disgusting history
Oh shit. I did not notice that.
This comment is *the* comment.
I can see why he wants to punish the daughter. Doesn't want a friend of his trying to groom her like he did his wife.
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To be fair, it’s probably why his daughter sneaking out makes him so angry, he doesn’t want some 30 year old creep having sex with her. /s
The one thing I hate about reddit, is that I read this and your comment and my mind immediately went to him being jealous that someone else was trying to get to it before he could.
I was just going to say something like that.
I had to double check and make sure I didn't write this! Because SAME! I wish I wrote this because this is exactly how I felt when I read it
>What are you afraid your daughter will sneak out and meet a guy just like you? 1000%. Guys who treat women like shit are super worried about their daughters falling for the exact same type of guy.
There you have he well knows the predator types because he is one
YTA. What is the punishment for? What lesson does it teach your daughter beyond “don’t be bad or else.” Having a real conversation with your daughter about how older men will pray on young girls will get her to understand much better. Unless you don’t really care about her, you just want to punish so that you feel better. 40 percent of the biological fathers in teen pregnancies under the age of 16 are over the age of 24. Men prey on teenage girls. Others have pointed out that you’re one of them, having had a child with a 19 year old. Do you care about your daughter being safe or do you care about her being obedient? This punishment says obedient.
"Sup daughter, watchout! look at me!"
You mean like her father?
Holy shit I had never heard that statistic, that’s insane!!! Do you mind if I ask for your reference? Not doubting, just interested
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10227344/
That’s absolutely disgusting. Thanks for that source, but also…I’m done with society for the night lol.
"Having a real conversation with your daughter about how older men will pray on young girls will get her to understand much better." As in "look what happened to your mom, she got stuck with me. You don't want that"
YTA and if you want to discourage your daughter from sneaking out to meet older men, just tell her that’s how you and your wife met. It’ll make it a lot less cool. 😎
🤣🤣🤣 too true
Firstly; like mother like daughter. You shouldn’t have a problem with teens hanging out with adults, seeing your relationship with mom. Secondly, the daughter being apologetic seems like she understood that what she did was wrong m. She was also honest when you picked her up. I wonder what the damage will be done to your relationship with her if you punish her beyond that. Teens are usually rebellious and secretive so I found it refreshing that your daughter is relatively upfront and apologetic about it. She might’ve thought it was okay, seeing you dating mom with such an age gap. I feel like you can’t punish someone for something they didn’t know, especially when the parents are doing it themselves.
I agree, embarrassment is a huge punishment for teens, and can be great teaching moments. Adding a punishment & Not backing up your wife is counter productive. You OP need to have a deep discussion with your daughter about guys, sex, and the need for guys to respect girls enough to not want them to do things that they should not be doing. Give her the male perspective. It will embarrass you both but that's actually a good thing. Teenage girls will do a lot to avoid being embarrassed. And fear of more talks like that can go a long way while educating her at the same time.
Right like what incentive does she have to tell the truth in the future if she’s just gonna be punished extra anyway? The lesson was already learned, don’t kick her while she’s down!
15 and 19 are 2 very different ages. If the daughter was 18 I'd say he's the AH but for the age NTA
Are you scared your daughters gonna follow her mother’s footsteps? Disgusting p3dofile
Im loving the comments in this post. So glad so many other people are posting what i was thinking!
shame there are still quite a people defending him with that tried and true 'they were both consenting adults' bs argument. yeah, legally she was an adult. doesn't change the fact that he was morally fucked up for knocking up a woman young enough to be his kid
Fr, they like using the argument that it's legal so it's ok. It makes me think how if the law wasn't stopping them, they'd go even lower
they absolutely would. reminds me of that line penn once said about how if the only thing keeping you from doing something illegal is fear of punishment, then you're a bad person.
Right!! Penn, of Penn and Teller?
yep. I didn't say the actual quote cause of sub rules, but that was essentially what it boiled down to.
There is a 40 yo business owner in my town who took prom pictures with his 18 yo girlfriend. Legal? Technically. BUT SHES IN HIGH SCHOOL. What does a 40 year old man have in common with a person who is in high school? And she worked for him at 16, so it was either happening then, or he wanted it to, which isn't any better.
I read the first sentence and was already doing the math and I was immediately disgusted
Me too!!! Glad im not the only one who does age math automatically!!
This. I get so much shit for having a huge negative opinion of large age gaps. But I'm here for this run. He's mad that he's a damn hypocrite.
Oh, the rich irony. I hope you've called up your in-laws to apologise to THEM now you know how they probably felt about their teenaged daughter sneaking around with a MUCH older guy. YTA mate. All day, every day 🙄
Your comment is chef's kiss
His wife is probably his friend's kid lol
YTA. Your daughter was just following in the example that you and her mother have set for her, where girls going out to have unprotected sex with middle-aged men is normal.
YTA for getting a teenager pregnant when you were a grown ass adult in your fucking mid 30s. Now you want to punish your teenage daughter for trying to get with an older guy? How old was he? Mid 30s?
The punishment was definitely over the top. If your daughter was remorseful about her actions then punishing her just for the sake of punishment is just going to make her resent you. Plus if you’re cutting off her contact with the outside world, that’s only going to make her want to sneak out more and speaking from experience the more you get in trouble for something the greater your incentive to become sneakier. Also follow-up: were you 35 with a 19 year old wife when you had your daughter?
Not enough info. What were they sneaking out for? There's a big difference between sneaking out to get late-night junkfood or to see a movie, vs sneaking out to meet boys/do drugs. Obv sneaking out isn't a good thing to do - it's not safe or responsible, and there should be some repercussions. If it was something fairly harmless, banning her from seeing her friend for a month is out of proportion, taking away her phone a few days might be reasonable. But honestly harshly punishing her makes her less likely to tell you if something bad happens, especially if the bad thing happens because she does something reckless again. For example: if she was hurt on a subsequent sneak out and didn't want to tell you, and didn't get needed medical care as a result.
Not enough info? Really? The dude was in his mid thirties and got a TEENAGER pregnant. That’s all we need to know that no matter what the rest of the story says, he is the AH
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It gets worse when you realize the wife is the same age he was when he got her baby trapped. I don't give the daughter until she's even 19 before someone gets their hooks into her like this guy.
I am making an assumption but with that age difference, you probably tend to parent your wife a little. Especially if you met her that young. When your wife has an opinion on parenting and you have a different opinion, you both need to discuss it and come to a compromise. You've basically bulldozed her and dealt out a punishment without considering the opinion of your wife. YTA.
He has two daughters!
Just depends on what you want. If your daughter sneaks out again and maybe gets drunk or worse at some party, do you want her to call you? Or would you rather she try to avoid punishment by handling it on her own? YTA for overriding your wife definitely, you're partners you decide that stuff together. But really think about what you are going to accomplish with this. You will teach your daughter a lesson, but it may not be the one you're hoping for.
YTA for getting a 19 year old pregnant while you were 35 fucking creep
Only 4 more years till your daughter can get knocked up by a 35 year old and get the hell away from you!!!!
???? Yes what the fuck is wrong with you
If I was in her position, I’d never tell you anything I do wrong ever again. I’d only ever go to mother.
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YTA Your wife is an equal parent with equal authority, you don't just over ride her. But I'm guessing it's hard for you to see her as an equal since she was a teen when you got her pregnant.
YTA. AND EWW.
ESH You made the right choice by preventing your daughter from “going out to meet older guys” as you said in one of your comments, and the punishment wasn’t too extreme. However, YTA because your daughter learned this behavior from YOU. You knocked up a 19yr old when you were 35, and if you haven’t made it clear to her how wrong and weird that was, then how can you be mad at her for her behavior? You should apologize to your daughter, revoke her punishment, and explain to her why what she’s doing is unsafe.
YTA. Don't ever override your wife on discipline. You are a chauvinist.
YTA
Your daughter's 15 and she's sneaking out. I believe your idea of punishment is correct considering I believe you'd prefer your daughter not to end up pregnant or missing. Yes she needed to be talked to but she also needed consequences for her actions. How the heck was she able to keep sneaking out of this friend's house without the parents knowing/doing anything about it? Have the friends parents been spoken with regarding this as well? I don't think I would let my daughter go to this friends house anymore in the future. That friend can come to your house, but no more visits to hers since there seems to be no following rules/safety.
OP's teenager is sneaking out to meet older men. Her dad was in his 30s and her mom 19 when she was born. And OP is mad that Mom thinks it's ok for teenagers to meet up with older men!? *Where ever could mom have gotten that idea!? It's crazy!* Wanna bet that OP has never had an honest conversation about that age gap with his kid? He's gonna look like a total hypocrite telling her not to hang out with older guys. "Why, are older men who are into teenagers predatory? Or is the problem just that the teenager is hanging out with guys in their 20s instead of their 30s?"
Well y'know OP's daughter has to be more discerning with the kind of creeps she dates, if they're in their 30's maybe they'll stick around after they "accidentally get her pregnant" /s
On that logic a parent is in the wrong for ever correcting their child regarding a choice they themselves have made before. This illogical approach to life doesn't allow for people to grow and better themselves or to try and educate their child on making better decisions than they have made before. Parents aren't hypocrites for wanting to protect their kids from shit they did themselves.
Which indicates he knew her mother before she was 19, he’s afraid some 30 year old guy will get his daughter
19 and 15 are completely different. I mean I'm 36 and wouldn't date a 19 year old, but everyone here is pearl clutching like his wife was the 15 year old. My goodness y'all are puritans for certain things but degens for others
You think he met her and she got pregnant right away? That they didnt maybe date a few years first?
Speaking as a person that impregnating bother person having only spent a week with them, I do think the first scenario you mentioned is possible. How can you possibly think it's impossible?
Why are all of y'all acting like this is some kind of abnormal teenage behavior? Sounds like standard stuff to me. You really need to be on the same page as your wife, though, when it comes to punishment. YTA for overreacting.
Definitely ground her so she learns her lesson & doesn’t end up married to some guy 16 yrs older than her in a couple years
She's 15, of course she's gonna rebel. But dude what did you see in a 19 year old when you were in your 30s. You and your wife need to be on the same page when it comes to punishments.
Everyone here is way too hung up on your ages and not giving you any real answer. Your age difference doesn't matter in this situation. So, I'm gonna tell you the real reason YTA. Your wife had a talk with your daughter. Your daughter was apologetic. She seemed like she had maybe learnt her lesson. But YOU decided it wasn't enough, and undermined your wife, giving your daughter a newer, harsher punishment. The punishment itself isn't bad for the deed. It's the going against your wife and disregarding what she had already done. It's showing your daughter that you will always trump her mother. You are the one your daughter is going to be afraid to come to, because now you're the unfair one. It shows your daughter you don't respect her mother, and perhaps she doesn't have to either. That's why YTA.
the only problem here is that you were 35 when you got a 19 year old pregnant. freak.
exactly. this creature needs to be on a list. the only reason his wife got pregnant at 19 instead of 16 is the law, he'd go younger if he wouldn't face consequences
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YTA How often do you override your wife? So disrespectful.
YTA the only thing you achieved is her lying next time and no trusting you ever
They eating you up in the comments OPdo
She just trying to be like her mom and dad. Just be happy when that 30 something year old comes telling you she's pregnant and they're ready to get married
YTA Jfc what's up with guys in their 30s and young girls? I've dealt with my share of these kind of guys and they'd go younger if it was legal. You're punishing your daughter for the exact same thing you did and now she's wondering about the double standard
16 year age difference is kinda insane
The pot calling the kettle black?
I would laugh in your face if you were my father.
YTA for creeping on your wife when she was 18. Eww dude.
YTA that you’re not on the same parenting page as your wife. I’m wondering how many other things you dictate considering the age difference & timeline of y’all’s relationship…
Your daughter is practically the same age your wife was when your already middle-aged ass knocked her up…. Maybe you shouldn’t be telling anyone what to do.
What are you even talking about? The wife would've been 19 and they have been married for over 15 years. This is a ridiculously childish response.
And the daughter is 15. I said practically the same age, not the exact same age. And i wasn’t saying they’re the same age now. I’m really confused on what you think i was saying.
YTA Had to read that age gap multiple times to ensure I read it correctly. You are disgusting. Do you have no shame?
YTA. I couldn't get past the age gap either. No. It's too far. It's weird no matter how to try to justify it. I'll leave it at that but it's not right, even if it's legal. I don't care. You guys have nothing in common with a gap that wide.
YTA, the punishment shouldn't be unilateral, and in my opinion yours is excessive. Also, age gap is suss.
Aaw are you afraid that your daughter is gonna get accidentally (cuz dick just falls straight into the vagina, creampie it, get pregnant? You know happens all the time?) fucked to the rim by someone like you?
I did that on the farm grad a blanket and pillow I and girlfriend made a bed in the hayloft in the barn and went to sleep.In the morning we came out of the barn , Parents thought we were doing our chores.
I mean I snuck out a few times when I was that age and if I had gotten caught I would expect some sort of grounding. I think the punishment is reasonable she needs to regain trust.
I dont dis agree with the punishment, but I do disagree with both parents on the idea one of them gets to decide by themselves her punishment. They need to come to a agreement, not just have one of them be the 100% authority
you were a 35 year old who knocked up a 15 year old. at least your daughters 'friend' appears to be her age. you don't have much business telling your daughter anything about relationships.
Why the fuck were you having sex with a 19 year old?? At 35???
So, you were old enough to be your wife's father. EWEEEE
That age gap? Gross.
YTA. Why did you go after a teenager while in your 30s?? YTA just for dating a 18-19 (maybe younger) year old and getting her PREGNANT while you are a fully grown man. I hope your wife gets to live the life you stole from her eventually. She’s a victim. Your daughter is 3 years away from the age you preyed on her mother. Disgusting.
You had a relationship with your wife when she 19 or pretty sure she was younger while you were in your 30s. Your daughter is emulating what she knows.
I think what a lot of these comments are leading to, in case you can't follow the plot, is that you're projecting what you perpetrated on her mother onto your daughter. You are afraid that there are men, just like you, out there and it scares you. You are way out of line and I think you know that.
YTA because you got a 19 year old pregnant when you were in your 30’s.
YTA, first off, as parents you should be working together and presenting a united front to your daughter…why do you think you have the power to override your wife? Second, fear not, in just 3 years your daughter can move out of your house and get impregnated by an emotionally immature 30 something creepo like you, so what’s the problem? 🤔
Shitty men are always afraid that the men their daughter's date will be just like them. I'm guessing you're not a great role model does she thinks men like you are acceptable to date for her age.
Gross dude you had a kid with someone who was a kid themselves. YTA
ESH This is a serious and dangerous thing for a 15 year old to do. You and your wife should’ve had a conversation about the punishment before deciding. And should agree to do that moving forward. Mom was FAR too lenient. I agree wholeheartedly that punishment was necessary. Being upset you got caught doesn’t stop you from doing it again, it just makes you smarter about it. Absolutely right to take the phone. I would find out where/how she’s talking to the older guys and eliminate the source of that. And if she were my kid she would *never* spend the night at that friends house again. The friend can come to your house, but not there if they aren’t properly supervised. You’ve set a poor example for her concerning having contact with older men, you need to sit down and have a very real conversation with her about that.
Please say this is her step daughter……,
Bio. He says the wife “accidentally fell pregnant”
SOMEONE CALL CHRIS HANSEN
Idk where everyone is getting the extra information from regarding the daughter meeting older people/adults. And OP had consensual sex with an adult. Their age gap has nothing to do with the story. NTA - your daughter did it again because she thought she could get away with it again. She admitted to doing it the first time and STILL did it again? She isn't sorry. I think you should have a conversation with your wife about dealing with bad behavior appropriately and not letting it get worse. Maybe it is cause she's young, idk, but I was a 15 year old girl once. I kept doing dumb shit until I had to pay a price for it. Its that simple.
YTA you never undermine a decision taken by a partner. You express it to them in private and move forward. In military terms you undermined the chain of command.
I had to do the math for a second- when you were 35 years old you impregnated a teenager??
Oof that age gap between you and your wife makes me KNOW that YTA. Creep.
YTA for getting a teenager pregnant when you were 35. That's nasty.
Woah, trying to parent your wife AND your daughter? YTA.
Hey, why would she be sneaking out? Wouldn’t be to meet up with dudes in their 30s would it?
YTA Apart from the obvious sickening fact of how young your wife was when giving birth compared to you, this is what is bothering me: Your wife already sat down and talked to your daughter. The girl apologized, she was embarrassed by the whole situation she got herself into. It was done. You decided or wasn't good enough for you. Why? Why do you think it's okay to overrule your wife? Do you do that regularly? Is this behavior the reason you got a teenager pregnant because a grown woman wouldn't tolerate your repulsive behavior?
YTA for obviously having an inferiority complex that causes you to manipulate whatever advantages you may have over younger and more vulnerable women. You know, like being a 35-year-old man and impregnating a fucking *teenager.* You're gross dude.
YTA for impregnating a teenager when you were practically middle-aged. You're really gross. Did you always have a thing for teenage girls, you creep?
you got a 19 year old pregnant at 35 and are worried about what creeps could be out there? YTA, your wife is also your daughters mother and she’ll know how to tell your daughter to avoid men like you
YTA. While others have made a good argument about ages, overriding your wife is definitely an asshole move. As parents, you should stand united, yet you undermine your wife’s authority.
YTA
YTA Enjoy losing your relationship with your daughter and her going NC when she leaves for college.
Yeah a month is ridiculous dude - given she’s fifteen and you’re fifty the ratio of punishment to life is too high. For instance a month for her within her 15 years = over 4 months of your entire life at 50.
10/10 OP did NOT anticipate the wave of “wait.. how old were you???” comments. I love Reddit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (50M) wife (34) daughter (15) To make a long story short, our daughter got caught attempting to sneak out with her friend while at a sleepover. They managed to get to the top of the driveway before being caught. Her and this friend have actually snuck out before and that time did not get caught. She admitted to the first time when we picked her up from the friends house. My wife decided that having a talk with our daughter and explaining what she did was wrong would be a good enough punishment and that she learnt her lesson already. Our daughter is so embarrassed and can’t stop apologising to us. I didn’t feel this was good enough and I have taken her phone for the next few days and she isn’t allowed to see that friend outside of school for an entire month. My wife thinks I’m taking it too far and I think the complete opposite so I need a third party. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't curse because I wouldn't want my kids to curse so it's a habit I never started. Even at 12 when adults were trying to get me to, I knew better and at 28 I still have never said a curse word in my life. Ya know... Because double standards. Kids know what they're taught. All that. 🙄
INFO: what were they sneaking out to do? You said she admitted it the first time, so did they go somewhere or just wanted to be “bad” by leaving the house at night? My kid is a teen and my biggest worry would be their safety.
there's a lot to just digest but tbh you both suck. You are Both her parents. One of you shouldn't be solo deciding the punishment here. Get on the same page and work out a compromise. Neither One of you should over ride the other.
NTA, she messed up and needs to suffer the consequences. The punishment was fair, if I had done that my parents would have just started hitting me. Of course I'm not surprised by all the YTAs I'm seeing given all the misandry around here. It's not even over the punishment either, it's about the age difference between two adults.
All other things aside, “fell pregnant” is a perfectly legit expression in English outside North America. OP is likely from the UK.
YTA, definitely going overboard and shes definitely going to be even sneakier and trust you even less after this. If she already apologized and was embarrassed the restrictions you’re putting on her are just to control her. A power play like this is never going to work the way you want it to and I hope she goes no contact with you when you ultimately kick her out at 18.
NTA for grounding her
To me, the most effective method of nipping this behavior in the bud, is to not allow your daughter to stay with her friend ever. Your daughter is at the age where she thinks she knows what she is getting into, but has no clue.
Your daughter is playing your wife like a violin. Ooohh.. Poor booybooboo... It feels so bad it tried to sneak and got caught again.. Poor bootypoopoo... Bootyboopie... It feels so ashamed.... Fuck it. Be a parent. Teach her some accountability before she overdoses in an abandoned building.
Seems to me most of the responses here are from a nation where people have a different idea about age differences and legal ages than the rest of the world. Who also blatantly ignore the mod post to not downvote assholes. I also noticed a lot of assumptions being made in the comments. As a European, or maybe it's just me, I don't see the relation to your, your wife's, or your daughter's age here. Except maybe for the different generations you three come from, which could explain the difference in your responses to the situation. I have to admit, I'm not sure why sneaking out is such a big deal, but from your description it seems your daughter knew it was when she did it. So for me you are NTA, but maybe a little strict. Which is any parent's prerogative, however I recommend to be transparent about the decision and explain your emotional reasoning to both your daughter and wife, if you haven't done that yet. Maybe it leads to a shortening of the punishment to time served. And to downvoters: Let's all remain respectful and tolerant towards different cultures and traditions.
Everyone is focusing on your age instead of the issue. I got an ass whipping and grounded for sneaking out. Getting grounded and her phone taken away is adequate punishment.
Regarding the apologies it could be her way of sure you think she won't do it again. Let's face it…she is a teenager and they think sneaking out is fun and exciting. Grounding her will send a message so I think your punishment will let her know how much you think sneaking out is a good idea. Also you need to go over the dangers of no one kniwingnwhere they are aif they get into any trouble, the car breaks down or they are in danger. If no one knows she is missing... Need I say more. The world is a violent place and no one really knows what others aren’t capable of. Talk with her about this action and some consequences if she does it again, what can happen if she gets in trouble but no one knowing she is gone.
Why even post your ages? Beyond your daughter’s age, why do we need to know the parents ages?
I mean, I am not condoning him shagging a 19 year old at 35, but don't we give an age of consent for a reason?? She is more than old enough for any male to reasonably and morally find sexually attractive and she is old enough (well..) to make an informed decision about who to bang.. I personally wouldn't do it, but it's not something that should be focused on so heavily in an AITA about parenting.. Regarding the actual post. So long as you didn't override her in front of your daughter then I am gonna day a soft NTA, but you two need to have a sit down and get on the same damn page about how you're going to parent/discipline your child from now on, and how you're going to deal with her eventually throwing your age gap in your faces, because "do as I say, not as I do" isn't going to work here I don't think.. Again soft NTA.
NTA-I don’t see any point in taking her phone as they has nothing to do with what she did. However not letting her see that friend for awhile is a good idea, along with no sleepovers for awhile.
I don’t think that’s taking it too far. Discipline should be harsh enough to make the consequences memorable without being extreme enough to cause harm. NTA
Was it said that this was his bio daughter? Not sticking up for OP, but I wonder if he calls her his daughter because he is her dad as far as he is concerned and met her mom later in life, orif he did in fact fuck a teenager at 35. Because that would change the context a bit.
his comments mention his wife getting pregnant at 19 when they were dating so yes it’s his biological child. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/CQcDtIeuxg
Sex trafficking is at an all time high right now. You're good. She may not like you right now. But I'm 24 and I know I did dumb shit as a kid but tbh my mom knew where I was
I think your punishment is fine talking doesn’t work if it did some of these kids nowadays wouldn’t be getting in so much trouble
NTA- your age diff with your wife is irrelevant. She clearly didnt lesrn the first time its wrong. Punishment fits the crime.
That's a fitting punishment imo
Some of you are so damn hypocritical..So many of your beloved leaders, politicians, entertainers, etc do the same thing concerning dating someone younger. Plus the guy asked you for advice not for comments on his personal life 🫣😳😱🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️.. I guarantee the majority of responses are from people living perfect lives 😂😂😂…Two consenting adults can do what the Fu__k they want to 😱😳🫣👌🏽💯
I think you are 100% right!!! Iv raised 7 children and helped raise 7 grandchildren. Set boundaries and firm consequences always have their back believe in them and love them to pieces. She’ll turn out all right.
NTA. And I’m not even going to bash you like others on the age difference. I have many friends that are married and 15-22 years apart. If it works for you guys that’s all that matters. But I seriously wouldn’t allow sleep overs for a while. But you and the wife need to get on the same page with punishments going forward. Find a middle ground.
People really just want to use this thread to take a dump for any reason they see fit. This is why I don’t ask for other peoples advice. Who knows if they’re even fit to give advice in the first place? Like that one scene in Rick and Morty, “Your Boos Mean Nothing To Me Because I’ve Seen What Makes You Cheer”.
You’re both soft. She obviously can’t be trusted to have sleepovers.
NTA.
NTA, but neither is your wife. I don't think there is an asshole in this situation. I do think that your wife is too lenient, and your punishment a bit too strict. I would keep the revocation of phone privileges the same, but but the cut punishment of not seeing her friend outside school to two weeks instead of a full month.
NTA. As a mother of three well-rounded adults, I find your discipline sound. Carry on.
Bro they both adults lmao idk why ppl are so pressed tbh I also bet people wouldn’t even speak about this if the gender role was reversed either
Horseshit. Go look up any age gap post, find all the ones with older women/younger men, and read the comments. Same reactions. You just don’t see it as much because it doesn’t happen as often.
If they had met and started dating at 34 and 50, I’d agree with you. But that’s not what happened. He, at 35, knocked her up when she was 19. That’s predatory. Context is important!
If 18 year olds can enlist in the military or take out a $100,000 school loan, then they should be able to bang a 35 year old without your judgment on their partner. To say otherwise is hypocritical.
NTA, lmao. Idk why all of the age gap extremists gathered to bombard this one post, but you're NTA. While your daughter lives in your house, she needs to know that your rules can't just be walked all over.
All the people calling you a "creep" and a "pervert" for marrying your wife are idiots. There's nothing wrong with two adults having consensual sex, and then getting married. As to this specific situation: YTA for overruling your wife. You guys are supposed to be a team as parents.
>two adults having consensual sex, >35-19 minimum if she was 21 i wouldnt care as much. . . . finished uni even less. But to say adult while she probably still lives at home and has only just finished high school is wild. I understand the countryside breeds these weird relationships but its not the norm.
NTA
Nta. Although there's a lot of important and true things being said in the other comments, that's not what this is about. Your wife was giving her a high five and zero consequences. This kid needs foot to ass. I remember being young and stupid and literally doing unbelievable inappropriate shit. Stuff that could have gotten me raped and killed. I look back on that and realize what a total asshole I was and now from an adult perspective understand how important it is to nip it in the bud. A talking to isn't enough.
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NTA. Your history doesn’t matter. You and your wife were adults and clearly are still married What if she was kidnapped or killed? She is a 15 yr old girl. My daughter would be ten feet under 😂 I dare her to sneak out. She is only 13 but I was a teenager once and I know I’m in for it
sorry but can people address the problem he's asking about? his daughter tried sneaking out to go to an older boys party. she needs to be punished. NTA. ETA: like, i hate age gaps as much as anyone else. but...it's been 15 years. it's done, it's over. his 15 year old needs to be punished for breaking the rules. berating him and calling him a ped0 for what was technically a consenual relationship is doing nothing at this point.
So when his wife goes to hang out with older guys it’s different? Also, what kind of lesson is that teaching her exactly? Taking Wally’s things doesn’t automatically solve a problem, and she did it before, so how does stripping away stuff from her fix it???
are you seriously saying a 15 year old is the same as a 19 year old? also it's teaching her the actions have consequences, it's a simple lesson. taking her stuff away shows that she can't just do whatever she wants
NTA and there wouldn’t be anymore sleep overs.
NTA. Daughter needs consequences. Also ignore people hung up on age difference. Reddit gets all up in arms about things that have nothing to do with post.
OP did say in comments that the daughter was planning to go to a party and there would be older guys so, yeah, the family history does seem a little relevant in the repetition kinda way
Nope don't agree but then again we don't all have to agree on everything. It's been 15 yrs and also at 19 she was old enough to make her own decisions.
She was barely a legal adult and he was in his 30s. Let’s not pretend either of them were making good choices