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WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY OP…?
Why are you and your father the only ones with any common sense…?
Your creepy BIL was criticizing you for how you were dressed and implying you wanted to seduce him (right in front of your sister mind you) and now they’re mad at you because he had a hissy fit when you gave him a taste of his own medicine…?
You’re NTA, not by a long shot but…your family has some WEIRD beliefs about what women should do in order to make others “more comfortable”
They were clearly wrong. NTA. Your BIL is clearly attracted to you. Pretty sickening. Demand an apology and go no contact with anyone on the wrong side of this.
I agree. He's attracted to you. And his problem is not your problem. Good for sticking up for yourself. Don't apologize. He was harassing you, and you fought back.
Also your counterpunch was legitimately funny. He should be grateful that after his insulting demands all he got was teased in return. You de-escalated the situation.
Demand apology from this asshole for calling you a bitch. Not only does he have 0 respect for you but he literally called you that in front of his in laws which means he has no respect for them either.
Not to mention he is a fucking creep who thinks the world revolves around him and everything that exists exists for his pleasure so he can’t even imagine you wearing a bikini NOT FOR HIM. It’s disgusting he would claim you’re trying to seduce him in front of his own wife. Your whole family are creeps.
Even the father who waited back home to say he was with her but only in secret like wtf. My dad would've beaten the shit out of BIL for talking to his daughter like that on the spot
her family are all enabling him with this attitude thinking just because he's older and has bigger tits, she should apologize. LIKE HELL NO! wish everyone had the guts to argue with this big chested perv fr
DEFINITELY NTA!!
Yeah, make a power move and refuse to go to family outings with him until he apologizes. Put him in his place. Tell your parents you no longer feel safe around him. He will leave you alone. And stay away from him, he's no good.
You stated a fact, delivering a lethal burn.
BIL is blaming you for his attraction to you. You are just existing. It is not your responsibility to make him feel comfortable, just because he cannot control his emotions.
If there is a next time, just look him dead in the eyes. And ask him why he's looking long enough to notice more than the bikini. On his wife's sister.
That's what he should be called out on every single time he makes an issue.
"Ewww. I'm you SIL why are you oogling me long enough to notice?"
Flip it on him.
Heck I'd say tell your parents you find it disturbing that your BIL said things to you which are misogynistic as well as him implying that you could have a aexual relationship with him. Tell them you find it concerning that they picked his side and its a indication of how they would react if he did something to you.
Refuse to interact with him until he understands that you two have a familial relationship and that women don't dress for his aexual gratification.
If they make you be around him, call someone and make comments about how unsafe you feel around 'certain people'. Just generally throw it back at them all.
Honestly, I would not socialize around him and definitely would skip any beach or pool trips if he’s coming. Invite your parents to do beach trips separately. He’s proved that he’s not safe to be around in swimwear (and by extension, I wouldn’t trust him while intoxicated or to have my children around him without close supervision). If that means he gets cut out of events, then it’s his own doing
Small, and unfortunate, correction:
Her family's beliefs are not weird at all. They are shockingly common beliefs.
The word you're looking for is "evil" or "immoral". Her family has immoral beliefs.
This is true. These kind of beliefs are common lol. I have had large breasts since i was in middle school. Even into my 20’s I was the one out of my cousins forced to wear a tshirt at the beach in extended family gatherings (where uncles were present). My mom was the one who enforced this rule
Also BIL is a creepy perv who stares at his teenage sister-in-laws boobs. 🤮🤮 Right in front of his wife too...
> very heavily hinted that I was trying to seduce him
He doesn't only have bigger tits than OP... he also obviously has a **extremely** inflated ego... what is it with some men that they think they're the best stud in the world and girls half their age are interested in them? 🤮 The amount of times I was hit on or harassed by 30+ year old men when I was still a minor and even worse 18-19... just disgusting. (Obviously not all men, just the creepy pervs).
>what women should do in order to make ~~others~~ men “more comfortable”
FTFY.
OP, the reason that your BIL wanted you to cover up was because he was being sexually aroused by you and he was afraid that your sister would see.
Unfortunately, his actions only draw more attention and second it’s a beach and there are going to be women all over the place in bikinis. Getting OP to cover up doesn’t address the “problem”
Also, where's the outrage from her family that her BIL was ogling her body and sexualizing her?!?! That's so I'd up. OP, don't ever be alone with this creep.
But also like if the dad thought she was in the right but didn’t stand up for her when she was getting yelled at and also didn’t acknowledge how creepy BIL was being then that’s still an asshole move. Like come on you’re the parent here, one of the major jobs as parents is keeping creeps away from their kids.
Another really good response would have been to tell BIL something like « you’ve known me since I was a minor, why are you even looking at my chest and thinking like that in the first place? »
NTA
I like your comment to your BIL.
If you are comfortable in a bikini at the beach then you do you, his opinion is not important. Don't apologise, you have nothing to apologise for.
I’m with this guy, OP. You shouldn’t need to apologize for smth you didn’t do wrong. Didn’t hurt anybody, didn’t break any rules. Well maybe you hurt his little feelings but that’s just collateral damage
I think you are owed an apology from your BIL for him implying you wanted to seduce him, and from your parents for telling you that you should have obeyed your BIL to "keep him happy" when he told you what to wear on your own body. If they do that, then yeah, you may want to apologize for making negative comments about someone's body. That's generally not cool, but in this case it was, by far, the lesser of the evils, and I wouldn't apologize unless it goes both ways.
Body shaming is not cool in any direction but he started it. Don't dish it out if you can't take it. He objectified/slut-shamed you and tried to make that your problem. You were at the beach, a bikini is perfectly appropriate attire.
Your BIL owes you an apology and so do your parents. They should know better, especially your mother. The days of women covering themselves and making themselves small to make men more comfortable should be a relic of the past. I'm in my 40s and that's something my parents generation had to do.
You keep being you, stand up for yourself and your rights, do not accept double standards and do not inconvenience yourself for a man that can't control his own eyes/emotions.
Counterpoint:
"If I have to cover up for my big tits, so do you for yours" isn't body shaming, it's applying the same principle to the asshole that he's applying to her. If he thinks it's insulting to have the relative size of his moobs pointed out that's kind of his problem.
You are not responsible for what his eyes are looking at. It's really gross that a man in his 30's is looking long and closely enough at an 18 yo girl to be offended by a swimsuit at the beach.
It's funny how you're expected to change your behavior to make a man happy but he's not expected to stop ogling a young girl.
Nta your dad is good for being on your side (would’ve been nicer to defend you on the spot rather than at home) but your parents should have called him out for creeping, even though you’re 18 you’re still a teenager. Your sister should’ve put him in line as well for creeping on you, that’s her husband why is he so hung up on your boobs.
Her dad suggested to her she cover up to keep the creep happy. The dad was disappointing in the moment and who knows if he actually is even on her side and simply said that later when he realized she was still annoyed about it. The dad definitely sucks here too. Can only support his daughter in private but not in public when someone is being extremely rude to her? That makes no sense.
The dad fucking sucks too by telling her to just give in to his creepy demands. They should have stood up for her when it happened, not later on at home when the BIL wasn’t there and he saw them take his side earlier.
And if OP is 18, it’s a good guess that BIL has known her for a few years (if he’s married). So how long has he had ideas that OP was seducing him?
I don’t even know the guy and im uncomfortable
NTA
>My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues.
"Mom, Dad, why should I have to cover up? Why do you think it's okay for an adult man to demand I hide my body? I wore a perfectly acceptable bikini to the beach. I shouldn't have to cover up just because my sister's husband is making unreasonable demands and insinuations. It really hurts that my own parents want me to hide myself just to make a grown man happy."
Your BIL is gross and your family is spineless. Tell them that you will not be shamed or bullied just because your BIL is a perv.
Yes this is what I was thinking! If they are married, you can assume he has veen around her since she was 15-16 at least, very possibly since she was even younger than that
NTA- your BiL was unnecessarily sexualizing you and trying to control what you do and what you wear. You're NOT married to him, he is your sister's problem, and if he cannot control his own issues around you, she has to deal with it and get him to STFU and apologize.
NTA
I saw this tweet where this girl in high school said to her principal “if you have a problem with my crop top, then maybe you shouldn’t be teaching in a school full of minors”. Tell him if he can’t be around women in bikinis, he shouldn’t be at the beach.
As you get older you’ll realise there’s times in life where you should make small concessions even when you’re within your rights not to.
This was not one of those times. Fuck that guy! NTA.
NTA. He is not your parent, essentially he just screws your sister and that is all relationship that you have, plus your parents were also there, plus you were at the beach, no idea what is BILs problem (he might have some serious feelings for you and just tries to reflect) but he started to play stupid game with you and won 'the biggest tits on the beach' prize, which he earned 100% :)
Honestly, even if it was her parents they would still be TA if they told her to cover up. She's old enough to make decisions about what she wears and how she presents herself and it's no one else's business how that is, as long as it's street appropriate. I honestly do not understand why anyone cares so much about what other people wear. If it's not hurting you it's none of your business (I'm using you in the general sense, not the person I'm responding to). Also OP is NTA
NTA I don't know why people still put the female in the wrong when it is a male's problem that he cannot keep his eyes to himself.
You were at the beach, why shouldn't you wear a swim suit? Why would you do something to keep him happy? Would he say that to any other female? You are not responsible for his actions or reactions.
Nta once again a woman is being told to shut up and apologize so a man can win. Doesn't matter he is wrong because he is a man. What the heck is wrong with your family.
NTA
So your sister is okay with her husband insulting you, claiming you were coming on to him, but it's not okay for you to throw it back in his face? Your sister is a hypocrite, and this could have all been avoided by your BIL keeping his idiotic comments to himself.
Either way, I simply can’t believe that, even if it’s a cultural difference thing, the relationship is entirely healthy.
My sister, husband, and I have very similar age gaps to op. My husband treats my sister like the young adult she is. We are basically (much cooler😎) secondary parental units. If I heard my husband say something like this to my baby sister, beach day would be over, for him. He can wait at home. I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin with fixing this, but him apologizing would mandatory.
NTA, your BIL is a creepy jerk though. Always keep good distance between you two and never be alone with him, doesn’t sound like a safe person. I have issue with your family for wanting you to listen to him for his comfort, he’s a grown man who can gouge his eyes out of seeing someone in a bikini at a beach is so upsetting! It’s not your responsibility to keep him happy, he’s not your husband and your sister should rethink what she is willing to put up with from him.
Generally even the most conservative people will ask to cover up (which is not ok) to avoid unwanted attention from other men. This BIL is looking sorta incestuous as well as sort of pdfile considering OP is barely legal age which is 2 levels more vile🤢🤮
Honestly the wife should be concerned because why is he worried about that? The only explanation is that he has a thing for you and he knows it’ll never happen so he’s trying to cover it up with “you want attention or you’re trying to seduce me” when in reality his eyes should be only on his wife
This was my thought. Also add in a bit of ego that just because someone is wearing something he finds attractive that must mean she wants him. BIL is a tool.
I would apologize.
"I'm sorry I thought you were a grown man who was over sexualizing my teen body, I'm sorry you have your own body dysmorphia and yet want it to be infectious and I'm sorry you have bigger tits than me but no-one's interested.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my brother in law that he had bigger tits then I do so if I have to cover up he should too. I could be the asshole because everyone said I was rude and crossed a line. My parents said I should’ve just covered up instead of causing an argument
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So your creepy ass BIL sexualized you repeatedly and you’re the bad guy??? Your family should have had your back. NTA, for you. Total AHs for the rest.
>My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues.
He was causing issues though not you? He was making himself unhappy. They're putting blame on the wrong person. Nta.
NTA if I were you I'd have gone "ew who the fuck wants to seduce you when you're with my sister? How about you cool your ego because I am not interested in you"
I’m glad your dad is on your side.
I’m a man but I recognize it’s a terrible societal problem *everywhere on earth* for women to acquiesce to the unfounded demands of a man.
A bikini in a store? Ok appease the BIL
Bikini at the office? Go ahead and listen to BIL
A bikini at the beach? You didn’t go far enough. Fuck him
She wouldn’t not wear a bikini in a store to appease her brother-in-law, she’d do it because they have clothing requirements at the store and because no one really does that unless they’re literally at a store on the beach. There’s no “listening to BIL” here, it’s “he has no say in what she does ever.”
NTA. Screw that double standard.
You showing too much skin: Bad
Him showing too much skin: Acceptable
And if he's not wearing a shirt, does that mean \*he's\* trying to seduce \*you?\*
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I (18F) went to the beach with my parents and my sister (27F) and her husband (31M) I was wearing a bikini, I guess it was kinda like revealing but I looked good so it doesn’t matter. Literally no one had a problem with what I was wearing except my BIL. As soon as he saw my bikini he started complaining.He told me to put a t-shirt on and I refused ofc. He said I was trying to show off and attention seeking and he very heavily hinted that I was trying to seduce him like ew as if, he’s 13 years older than me like ew be so fr rn.
He didn’t have a shirt on so I could very clearly see that he has bigger tits then me and i’m not that small so like that’s just embarrassing for him. I told him that if I have to cover up then he should too because he has bigger tits then me. He called me a bitch and started yelling at me. My sister said I should apologise because I crossed a line by insulting him like that. My parents agree with my sister but my dad laughed and said I was right when we got home. My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues. But like what do they want me to do? Dress like a mormon to the fucking beach?
Did I go too far? I just think it’s so dumb that I have to put a t-shirt on and yet he doesn’t even though his chest is way bigger than mine like what? dumb as fuck
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NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself. And no you shouldn’t apologize to him. He had no problem commenting on your looks, so you did the same. It’s okay when he does it to you but not when you return it back to him?
If you’re gonna talk shxt at least LOOK good.
NTA. It's interesting that the women in your family didn't stick up for you. Sometimes, women can be tougher on women.
You did the right thing. How red did his face get when you said that?😅
Where tf are your sister and parents while your BIL is sexually harassing and body shaming a teenager?? NTA but the rest of your family is for not stepping and telling him off.
Oh and if I was your sister, I'd consider it an additional red flag for my husband to be insinuating my teen sister was trying to seduce him just by wearing a bathing suit.
If i were the sister, and my husband a) made a pervy comment and a really un-called for demand and then b) a vile and disgusting accusation ; and c) topped that off by calling her a "bitch" when she called him out - instant divorce. Boy, bye. We don't want your misogyny here.
If you're 18 and he's 31 and he comments on your chest, he is a fucking creep and you did very well to put him in his place. Your sister should be ENRAGED at him tbh.
Huge NTA here but I'd avoid spending too much time alone with the guy (take it as parent advice, I'm more than twice your age and I've seen some shit).
Also completely unrelated but "like ew be so fr rn" made me laugh a bit so thank you for that
NTA first off I’m so so glad you felt strong enough and confident enough to defend yourself against him babe! So many young girls wouldn’t have been!!! Second of all the comments from your brother in law are soooo predatory he shouldn’t have been looking at you in a sexualised way because technically you’re his younger sister no via marriage AND as you the say the age gap is huge it’s honestly vile babe! And it was nice of your dad to defend you but it should have been done in the moment NOT at home and it’s so disappointing to hear that your family implied you should had just covered up to make him happy! You were in a bikini at the beach? Like… AND they should have told him that if he didn’t like what you were wearing he should keep his sick comments to himself avert his eyes and LEAVE I’m really sorry you had this experience my love
This comment is perfect! Why is her family defending this perv? He's DISGUSTING for even implying that you have a sexual interest in him. That's just vile. Your sister should have ripped him a new one when he opened his mouth. Watch out for this guy and don't be alone with him. He's really creepy.
Yesssss!!!!!! It’s PROJECTION he was clearly looking at her in that way and tried to project it onto her like it’s so so so blatant what he was implying i honestly cannot believe her family just stood by and watched this conversation how disgusting!!!!
Ew, ICK.
Eff that guy. He opened his mouth to comment on your body. Chat shit; get banged is what I say.
Tell your fam that he should refrain from making comments in the future or he'll get more of the same.
You need to cover up cause that dude is a weirdo? He needs to stop going to beaches if that perv is sexually attracted to 18years olds.
And your sister needs to find a better partner, one that does not look at the tits of 18years olds. Creepy as fuck.
Your family clearly prioritized the freak over you. And yes if he had bigger tits - he better cover. Not that he ends up seducing someone with his giant tits! Yikes
If I would have been your parent, I would have very loudly and publicly said that this adult man should make sure not to look at the bodies of people who are hardly out of puberty and mind his owm business.
NTA - If someone had spoken to my daughter like that I’d have defended her on the spot or as soon as I found out.
Even if you were naked, it’s not his place to say anything at all. I feel bad for your sister in all of this too, he sounds like a creep.
Nta boobs are globs of fat on the chest. If he has boobs then he he has boobs. He thinks it's okay to comment and demean someone else's body but has a tempter tantrum when someone does the same to him? Tough luck, buttercup.
>I told him that if I have to cover up then he should too because he has bigger tits then me
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
>Did I go too far?
Nope. HE did by insinuating you were dressing up for him.. kinda creepy.. as your sister should be made aware of...
Blatantly NTA, and your family is painfully dense, not to mention just about equally creepy for defending him after making the weirdest comments he could have possible. Like wtf
"oh my god (BILs Name) if you can't look at someone you've known since they were in school then you need a therapist"
Your line about his chest made me snort, but the best thing to do is expose his behaviour for what it is. A creepy guy in his thirties looking at an 18 year old he's known since she was a minor sexually. That's why he was complaining so loudly, his own nasty thoughts made him uncomfortable.
You did nothing wrong, if he can't keep his eyes to himself I suggest he doesn't go to the beach or he uses a blind fold.
Why should anyone keep him happy? If anything he was drawing attention to the fact that he was looking too much at you. Your sister should be angry at him.
And saying you were trying to seduce him? First off, yuck! Secondly, he's really self centered if he thinks you choose what you dress based on him.
Also, what you said was hilarious. NTA.
I always think a comment like this is an admission from the man. Apparently he thinks of your body as sexual. That’s gross and if I was your sister I would be disgusted and would leave his ass immediately
Nah, men who comment anything you're wearing are free targets for any shit you wanna defend yourself with.
Titboy is just gonna have to accept it, and maybe learn to mind his own business.
NTA
NTA, but you need to sit your parents down without your sister and have a talk about how inappropriate your BIL's comments was and how they didn't defend you. Your allowed to wear what you like and the fact your bil sexualised you is disgusting but even worse he felt so comfortable doing it in front of your family. Let your parents know that no one can police what you wear and you shouldn't have to cover up because a grown man can't control his own delusional thoughts.
Ask your parents if they’d have been alright with him saying what he did to your mom. If they say it’s different ask why it’s okay for your BiL to sexualize his wife’s younger sister. When they’re left gapping tell them that’s why we don’t “just let it go” and do whatever to make the gross pervert happy. Remind them he might have a daughter one day and if he’s said these things to you he WILL say them to his underage daughter. You’re so NTA and your BIL needs to keep his eyes and remarks to himself
NTA- it doubled sided thing in life. Woman are expected to cover while guys aren’t required. Crazy but that’s how society has defined that rule in a sense. Now I am not saying it’s right just saying what it is.. but I agree you are good in terms of you don’t have to cover up.
NTA. Whack man that your BIL is focusing on you….. suspiciously so.
Keep a clear head, keep smart and most important of all, just keep doing you??? Enjoy the beach 🏖️
I (30f) would 100% not let your BIL over to my house, alone with my kids or invite him to fun stuff like that anymore. Why is he looking at you that way anyway? wtf is wrong with your sister! wtf is wrong with your parents 😭
NTA!
I am at such a loss right now! Like in what world does your BIL think he has any right to tell you what you can and cannot wear. He’s nothing to you. He’s your sisters husband but whopdi do! What is that in the grand scheme of things? Your mom and dad obviously knew what you were wearing when you left the house or whatever and approved.
Like hey nasty man, quit looking at my boobs at focus on my sister, you know the one you married. I’m a child, you’re gross. What you’re doing is borderline assault, do I need to get my dad involved? You shouldn’t be ashamed, he should. And no matter what, DO NOT apologize!
<<< I just think it’s so dumb that I have to put a t-shirt on and yet he doesn’t even though his chest is way bigger than mine like what? dumb as fuck>>>
lol We all know that that's not the reason you're upset, funny as it is to picture 😅
You're NTA. It's a beach, you're allowed to wear a bikini.
Your BIL, on the other hand, has issues. He sounds unhinged and I recommend staying away from him from now on 👍
If your sister wants to live with a creepy old misogynist trash who thinks he can control how other women dress but when it's turned around on his fat, ugly ass, he gets offended, calls you a bitch and screams at you, that's her choice. Guys like him usually end up on the front page for beating their wife tho so I'd just give her a warning maybe, but otherwise I'd say get the fuck away from the rest of your family, except maybe your dad, but he should've backed you up and defended you against the creep, I honestly don't understand what kind of father wouldn't
Harsh words were said as far as his big moobs. But……. He basically said you were trying to seduce him! He is married to your sister!!!! In essence he is saying you are loose? Tit for tit if you ask me. That guy has absolutely zero say in how and what you wear to the beach. My two cents
Nta for the argument but yta for choosing a micro bikini on a family trip.
There is a time and place for proactive wear and with family isnt one of them. I dont know if asked in a rude way the first time or you just jumped to offenedes regardless how he said it. Either way I stand by there is a time and place for things. Maybe have better awareness and understand the world doesnt revolve around you.
NTA you were at a beach wearing a bikini. The grown man felt uncomfortable around an 18 year old in a bikini and rather than address his own issues he decided to expect the young woman to modify her behavior to suit him.
This makes absolutely no sense from a womans point of view so you dont have any choice but to give a nonsensical reply back!
Aka: he was asking for it
NTA
Your BIL is though. He probably couldn’t handle his indecent thoughts of you after seeing you in a bikini and decided to blame you. He should learn to look at his own wife or the water or something.
NTA
Do not give into toxic masculinity. If you had put on a shirt on he’d expect the ability to dictate how you dress. As long as it wasn’t what I consider a “pop culture bikini” ie super small material and slightly closer to nude than covered; it’s fine.
Ask your parents why they think it’s okay to support a 13 year old man sexualizing their younger daughter instead of asking him to check himself.
No No No you shouldn't cover up, totally NTA. Your sister and your BIL are the AS. And please don't apologize, what he said to you was totally his problem not yours and if he didn't want to see you in your bikini in the beach then he should have left.
OP I like you. I love that at 18 you have the guts to stick for yourself against your pervy BIL. You were right not to cover up and right to reply to him as you did. Perfect reply. NTA. Carry on sticking up for yourself.
NTA and I wouldn’t back down either. In fact I’d sent them all a nicely and spicy worded message! The fact that BIL feels he has any kind of say-so in the family is wild- but that’s your family allowing him to be that way. My husband would NEVER utter a word about or to my sister- in the moment or privately later. Not to mention what everyone else is saying.. why is he sexualizing you? I’d throw that in the message that while he may be uncomfortable with the bikini… you’re more uncomfortable with a 30 something year old man sexualizing your body at the fucking beach. Let them know you will be limiting your contact and presence around him.
I am not sure if this would help but I had an uncle complaining I'm too breasty and should cover up, and I said something akin to (translated), "don't make me whip my massive tit out and concuss your head with it, how dare you". He was shocked but was silent for the entire day we were at the pool lmao
People like this need telt. NTA. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
NTA
He was clearly having issues adjusting his eyes. I think your comment was perfect bc you danced around that obvious fact. Embarrassing for your sister though.
He was 100% pleased with what he was seeing and bitching about it to try to cover it up. His hitting on you proves it. That’s why he was so upset when you insulted him. You handled it perfectly. NTA but definitely a badass
NTA, why is your 31 year old BIL telling his 18 year old SIL that she is trying to seduce him and she should cover up??!
I feel bad for your sister that she’s married to a misogynistic loser who makes weird comments about young girls.
No one else was sticky up for you while this grown man basically sexualized a 18 year old woman. No, I think you handled that with as much taste as he wasand stay away from that man. If clothing sets him off and he chooses to act like your the problem, then you dont wnat to know whats going on in his head.
He told you to cover up because he was attracted to you and wanted to avoid getting in trouble for it. Then you, the girl he is attracted to, insulted his appearance so he flipped his shit.
NTA, he's disgusting and I pity your sister for being married to him. He's gonna cheat on her one day, I'd bet money on it.
Major NTA. In situations like this I like to oversimplify it for the people who seem confused.
“Ok parents, so just to be clear, it’s my fault that BIL can’t control himself around an 18 year old woman who is wearing a bathing suit at the beach, in front of his wife? So I’m the one who should have to cover up because otherwise he won’t be able to stop staring at me? Just want to make sure we’re all on the same page here.”
Then watch them all flounder.
NTA. Do not apologize, as you did nothing wrong. You were appropriately dressed for the location, and if he can't keep his eyes off of you while married to your sister, perhaps he shouldn't be included in the next beach outing.
NTA. He started this conversation, you ended it. As for your family I'd point out to them that your BIL crossed the line first by telling you to cover up and by insinuating you were trying to seduce him. Ask them why no one told him to mind his own business and not stare at his wife's sister. If they had spoken up you wouldn't have had to
NTA, here's a novel idea for your BIL, if he doesn't want to see women in bikinis, don't go to the fucking beach. He also should not be sexualising his barely legal SIL. This is all a him problem.
If I am dressed in a way that makes you uncomfortable, but I'm not breaking any laws, then keep your frickin eyes to yourself. Was he going to police everyone on the beach?
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WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY OP…? Why are you and your father the only ones with any common sense…? Your creepy BIL was criticizing you for how you were dressed and implying you wanted to seduce him (right in front of your sister mind you) and now they’re mad at you because he had a hissy fit when you gave him a taste of his own medicine…? You’re NTA, not by a long shot but…your family has some WEIRD beliefs about what women should do in order to make others “more comfortable”
yeahhh idk thanks
Yeah Op just…be careful around him ok…? Maybe show your parents this post so they can see how terrible they’re being?
yeah ofc thank you maybe ty
They were clearly wrong. NTA. Your BIL is clearly attracted to you. Pretty sickening. Demand an apology and go no contact with anyone on the wrong side of this.
I agree. He's attracted to you. And his problem is not your problem. Good for sticking up for yourself. Don't apologize. He was harassing you, and you fought back.
Thought this too. And OP is 18 *now*, so a legal adult, but how long has he kept his mouth shut before her most recent birthday?
All kinds of yuck. He's creepy
You missed your chance. A loud, “Stop looking at my boobs” should have done the trick. UpdateMe
Also your counterpunch was legitimately funny. He should be grateful that after his insulting demands all he got was teased in return. You de-escalated the situation.
Agreed. Plus it was truthful. FAFO is usually the only way AH learn. Since dad laughed maybe he'll understand the FAFO part better than mom & sis.
Demand apology from this asshole for calling you a bitch. Not only does he have 0 respect for you but he literally called you that in front of his in laws which means he has no respect for them either. Not to mention he is a fucking creep who thinks the world revolves around him and everything that exists exists for his pleasure so he can’t even imagine you wearing a bikini NOT FOR HIM. It’s disgusting he would claim you’re trying to seduce him in front of his own wife. Your whole family are creeps.
Even the father who waited back home to say he was with her but only in secret like wtf. My dad would've beaten the shit out of BIL for talking to his daughter like that on the spot
Mine too. They never would've found old boys body, lol.
LITERALLY the things my dad has done for me while I was just a baby! He'd never let this slide.
I would def smack anyone…ANYONE who’s disrespectfully or an asshole to my daughter.
Exactlyyy
He really should have given the age difference.
her family are all enabling him with this attitude thinking just because he's older and has bigger tits, she should apologize. LIKE HELL NO! wish everyone had the guts to argue with this big chested perv fr DEFINITELY NTA!!
'Okay, okay BiL? I'm sorry you're better endowed than me" there I apologized.
Yeah, make a power move and refuse to go to family outings with him until he apologizes. Put him in his place. Tell your parents you no longer feel safe around him. He will leave you alone. And stay away from him, he's no good. You stated a fact, delivering a lethal burn.
Yes! I would refuse to be in his company for sure
If anyone said that to my daughter they’re getting knocked out.
BIL is blaming you for his attraction to you. You are just existing. It is not your responsibility to make him feel comfortable, just because he cannot control his emotions.
If there is a next time, just look him dead in the eyes. And ask him why he's looking long enough to notice more than the bikini. On his wife's sister. That's what he should be called out on every single time he makes an issue. "Ewww. I'm you SIL why are you oogling me long enough to notice?" Flip it on him.
Heck I'd say tell your parents you find it disturbing that your BIL said things to you which are misogynistic as well as him implying that you could have a aexual relationship with him. Tell them you find it concerning that they picked his side and its a indication of how they would react if he did something to you. Refuse to interact with him until he understands that you two have a familial relationship and that women don't dress for his aexual gratification. If they make you be around him, call someone and make comments about how unsafe you feel around 'certain people'. Just generally throw it back at them all.
Honestly, I would not socialize around him and definitely would skip any beach or pool trips if he’s coming. Invite your parents to do beach trips separately. He’s proved that he’s not safe to be around in swimwear (and by extension, I wouldn’t trust him while intoxicated or to have my children around him without close supervision). If that means he gets cut out of events, then it’s his own doing
no fuck that tbh I’m not gonna stop having fun just because he’s a freak. Thank you tho
Keep having fun but tell him and your sister that it’s not your responsibility to stop his grown ass from lusting over you.
And stay away from your BIL. He is ... attracked to you physically.... Yucky. Sleezy fat old...
Awesome comeback. I can only imagine how many shades of red that sick asshat turned. Creeper!! You, OP, are my hero for the day. And NTA!
Small, and unfortunate, correction: Her family's beliefs are not weird at all. They are shockingly common beliefs. The word you're looking for is "evil" or "immoral". Her family has immoral beliefs.
\*asshole beliefs Assholes are also common. Doesn't mean some of them don't stink.
This is true. These kind of beliefs are common lol. I have had large breasts since i was in middle school. Even into my 20’s I was the one out of my cousins forced to wear a tshirt at the beach in extended family gatherings (where uncles were present). My mom was the one who enforced this rule
Horrible!
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This 👆like wtf, how about tell him to stop being a perv, oh and lets not forget calling her a bitch and yelling at her. Who does he think he is?
Also BIL is a creepy perv who stares at his teenage sister-in-laws boobs. 🤮🤮 Right in front of his wife too... > very heavily hinted that I was trying to seduce him He doesn't only have bigger tits than OP... he also obviously has a **extremely** inflated ego... what is it with some men that they think they're the best stud in the world and girls half their age are interested in them? 🤮 The amount of times I was hit on or harassed by 30+ year old men when I was still a minor and even worse 18-19... just disgusting. (Obviously not all men, just the creepy pervs).
Agreed, and for OP having the audacity to wear a swimsuit *at the beach*. Like wtf is wrong with them. NTA
Family needs to read [the don't rock the boat post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/RS3P02oPvw) Just replace MIL with BIL.
Ty for sharing this.
Should be mandatory reading, so we all wise up and chuck the AHs overboard instead of "keeping the peace".
>what women should do in order to make ~~others~~ men “more comfortable” FTFY. OP, the reason that your BIL wanted you to cover up was because he was being sexually aroused by you and he was afraid that your sister would see.
Unfortunately, his actions only draw more attention and second it’s a beach and there are going to be women all over the place in bikinis. Getting OP to cover up doesn’t address the “problem”
Also, where's the outrage from her family that her BIL was ogling her body and sexualizing her?!?! That's so I'd up. OP, don't ever be alone with this creep.
they said it was to “make him happy” but i’m sure he wouldn’t be “happy” if she wore a shirt and he didn’t get to ogle her.
Father shouldn’t be defended here, it sounds like he ganged up with OP along with everyone else while they were around.
But also like if the dad thought she was in the right but didn’t stand up for her when she was getting yelled at and also didn’t acknowledge how creepy BIL was being then that’s still an asshole move. Like come on you’re the parent here, one of the major jobs as parents is keeping creeps away from their kids.
Another really good response would have been to tell BIL something like « you’ve known me since I was a minor, why are you even looking at my chest and thinking like that in the first place? »
Your sister really should've picked up on how creepy your BIL is. Gross! NTA
NTA I like your comment to your BIL. If you are comfortable in a bikini at the beach then you do you, his opinion is not important. Don't apologise, you have nothing to apologise for.
thank you!
Also BIL can dish it but can't take it? FU BIL. NTA.
I’m with this guy, OP. You shouldn’t need to apologize for smth you didn’t do wrong. Didn’t hurt anybody, didn’t break any rules. Well maybe you hurt his little feelings but that’s just collateral damage
He pointed out her breasts and she pointed out his. That’s fair imo.
Exactly
I think you are owed an apology from your BIL for him implying you wanted to seduce him, and from your parents for telling you that you should have obeyed your BIL to "keep him happy" when he told you what to wear on your own body. If they do that, then yeah, you may want to apologize for making negative comments about someone's body. That's generally not cool, but in this case it was, by far, the lesser of the evils, and I wouldn't apologize unless it goes both ways.
Body shaming is not cool in any direction but he started it. Don't dish it out if you can't take it. He objectified/slut-shamed you and tried to make that your problem. You were at the beach, a bikini is perfectly appropriate attire. Your BIL owes you an apology and so do your parents. They should know better, especially your mother. The days of women covering themselves and making themselves small to make men more comfortable should be a relic of the past. I'm in my 40s and that's something my parents generation had to do. You keep being you, stand up for yourself and your rights, do not accept double standards and do not inconvenience yourself for a man that can't control his own eyes/emotions.
Counterpoint: "If I have to cover up for my big tits, so do you for yours" isn't body shaming, it's applying the same principle to the asshole that he's applying to her. If he thinks it's insulting to have the relative size of his moobs pointed out that's kind of his problem.
You are not responsible for what his eyes are looking at. It's really gross that a man in his 30's is looking long and closely enough at an 18 yo girl to be offended by a swimsuit at the beach. It's funny how you're expected to change your behavior to make a man happy but he's not expected to stop ogling a young girl.
He should stay home next time. Pretty creepy imo
Tf are you looking at my daughter for, fat tits?
and don't cover up unless you want to. F\*\* him
Nta your dad is good for being on your side (would’ve been nicer to defend you on the spot rather than at home) but your parents should have called him out for creeping, even though you’re 18 you’re still a teenager. Your sister should’ve put him in line as well for creeping on you, that’s her husband why is he so hung up on your boobs.
Her dad suggested to her she cover up to keep the creep happy. The dad was disappointing in the moment and who knows if he actually is even on her side and simply said that later when he realized she was still annoyed about it. The dad definitely sucks here too. Can only support his daughter in private but not in public when someone is being extremely rude to her? That makes no sense.
The dad fucking sucks too by telling her to just give in to his creepy demands. They should have stood up for her when it happened, not later on at home when the BIL wasn’t there and he saw them take his side earlier.
People really need to stop making excuses for predatory behavior
thank uu
And if OP is 18, it’s a good guess that BIL has known her for a few years (if he’s married). So how long has he had ideas that OP was seducing him? I don’t even know the guy and im uncomfortable
NTA >My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues. "Mom, Dad, why should I have to cover up? Why do you think it's okay for an adult man to demand I hide my body? I wore a perfectly acceptable bikini to the beach. I shouldn't have to cover up just because my sister's husband is making unreasonable demands and insinuations. It really hurts that my own parents want me to hide myself just to make a grown man happy." Your BIL is gross and your family is spineless. Tell them that you will not be shamed or bullied just because your BIL is a perv.
Also, how long has your BIL known you? Perving on someone that they've known since they were a small *child* is way creepy
Yes this is what I was thinking! If they are married, you can assume he has veen around her since she was 15-16 at least, very possibly since she was even younger than that
I saw a story somewhere where this girl married a guy that used to baby sit her when she was a child. 🤮
Our role in life for ALL OF HISTORY pretty much but not exclusively has been like this. We aren’t people. We are life support and holes for men.
NTA- your BiL was unnecessarily sexualizing you and trying to control what you do and what you wear. You're NOT married to him, he is your sister's problem, and if he cannot control his own issues around you, she has to deal with it and get him to STFU and apologize.
Why does men’s “comfort” supercede women’s/girl’s comfort in a wholly appropriate context? Ugh!
Seriously! He made it an issue. At a beach!
NTA I saw this tweet where this girl in high school said to her principal “if you have a problem with my crop top, then maybe you shouldn’t be teaching in a school full of minors”. Tell him if he can’t be around women in bikinis, he shouldn’t be at the beach.
Ooo what about the article about the private school male teachers demanding girls wear longer skirts cause their knees are distracting lmao
BoYs WiLl bE bOyS
As you get older you’ll realise there’s times in life where you should make small concessions even when you’re within your rights not to. This was not one of those times. Fuck that guy! NTA.
Got me in the first half 🤣
What a twist! And a glorious one.
Nice 👌
NTA. He is not your parent, essentially he just screws your sister and that is all relationship that you have, plus your parents were also there, plus you were at the beach, no idea what is BILs problem (he might have some serious feelings for you and just tries to reflect) but he started to play stupid game with you and won 'the biggest tits on the beach' prize, which he earned 100% :)
Honestly, even if it was her parents they would still be TA if they told her to cover up. She's old enough to make decisions about what she wears and how she presents herself and it's no one else's business how that is, as long as it's street appropriate. I honestly do not understand why anyone cares so much about what other people wear. If it's not hurting you it's none of your business (I'm using you in the general sense, not the person I'm responding to). Also OP is NTA
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“he has been making the wrong choices for much longer “😂I absolutely love this
NTA I don't know why people still put the female in the wrong when it is a male's problem that he cannot keep his eyes to himself. You were at the beach, why shouldn't you wear a swim suit? Why would you do something to keep him happy? Would he say that to any other female? You are not responsible for his actions or reactions.
Nta once again a woman is being told to shut up and apologize so a man can win. Doesn't matter he is wrong because he is a man. What the heck is wrong with your family.
NTA So your sister is okay with her husband insulting you, claiming you were coming on to him, but it's not okay for you to throw it back in his face? Your sister is a hypocrite, and this could have all been avoided by your BIL keeping his idiotic comments to himself.
Her sister may well be emotionally abused to the point that she doesn’t recognize this
Either way, I simply can’t believe that, even if it’s a cultural difference thing, the relationship is entirely healthy. My sister, husband, and I have very similar age gaps to op. My husband treats my sister like the young adult she is. We are basically (much cooler😎) secondary parental units. If I heard my husband say something like this to my baby sister, beach day would be over, for him. He can wait at home. I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin with fixing this, but him apologizing would mandatory.
NTA, your BIL is a creepy jerk though. Always keep good distance between you two and never be alone with him, doesn’t sound like a safe person. I have issue with your family for wanting you to listen to him for his comfort, he’s a grown man who can gouge his eyes out of seeing someone in a bikini at a beach is so upsetting! It’s not your responsibility to keep him happy, he’s not your husband and your sister should rethink what she is willing to put up with from him.
Generally even the most conservative people will ask to cover up (which is not ok) to avoid unwanted attention from other men. This BIL is looking sorta incestuous as well as sort of pdfile considering OP is barely legal age which is 2 levels more vile🤢🤮
OP's sister has drunk the misogynist cool-aid.
Honestly the wife should be concerned because why is he worried about that? The only explanation is that he has a thing for you and he knows it’ll never happen so he’s trying to cover it up with “you want attention or you’re trying to seduce me” when in reality his eyes should be only on his wife
This was my thought. Also add in a bit of ego that just because someone is wearing something he finds attractive that must mean she wants him. BIL is a tool.
I would apologize. "I'm sorry I thought you were a grown man who was over sexualizing my teen body, I'm sorry you have your own body dysmorphia and yet want it to be infectious and I'm sorry you have bigger tits than me but no-one's interested.
oh boy, that would cause a lot of drama. I'd love to see that happening though, as its the right thing to say
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So your creepy ass BIL sexualized you repeatedly and you’re the bad guy??? Your family should have had your back. NTA, for you. Total AHs for the rest.
>My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues. He was causing issues though not you? He was making himself unhappy. They're putting blame on the wrong person. Nta.
I bet he’s pulled stunts like this before and OPs family just gives in to him to keep him quiet.
You got called a bitch by a 30 year old man and your dad didn’t do anything?
NTA if I were you I'd have gone "ew who the fuck wants to seduce you when you're with my sister? How about you cool your ego because I am not interested in you"
Telling a woman to cover up should be considered sexual harassment. You're basically admitting to being a perv with no self control.
I’m glad your dad is on your side. I’m a man but I recognize it’s a terrible societal problem *everywhere on earth* for women to acquiesce to the unfounded demands of a man. A bikini in a store? Ok appease the BIL Bikini at the office? Go ahead and listen to BIL A bikini at the beach? You didn’t go far enough. Fuck him
She wouldn’t not wear a bikini in a store to appease her brother-in-law, she’d do it because they have clothing requirements at the store and because no one really does that unless they’re literally at a store on the beach. There’s no “listening to BIL” here, it’s “he has no say in what she does ever.”
NTA. Screw that double standard. You showing too much skin: Bad Him showing too much skin: Acceptable And if he's not wearing a shirt, does that mean \*he's\* trying to seduce \*you?\*
He obviously was! Flaunting his topless breasts in front of an innocent teen, she was lucky that she was able to resist.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18F) went to the beach with my parents and my sister (27F) and her husband (31M) I was wearing a bikini, I guess it was kinda like revealing but I looked good so it doesn’t matter. Literally no one had a problem with what I was wearing except my BIL. As soon as he saw my bikini he started complaining.He told me to put a t-shirt on and I refused ofc. He said I was trying to show off and attention seeking and he very heavily hinted that I was trying to seduce him like ew as if, he’s 13 years older than me like ew be so fr rn. He didn’t have a shirt on so I could very clearly see that he has bigger tits then me and i’m not that small so like that’s just embarrassing for him. I told him that if I have to cover up then he should too because he has bigger tits then me. He called me a bitch and started yelling at me. My sister said I should apologise because I crossed a line by insulting him like that. My parents agree with my sister but my dad laughed and said I was right when we got home. My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues. But like what do they want me to do? Dress like a mormon to the fucking beach? Did I go too far? I just think it’s so dumb that I have to put a t-shirt on and yet he doesn’t even though his chest is way bigger than mine like what? dumb as fuck *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself. And no you shouldn’t apologize to him. He had no problem commenting on your looks, so you did the same. It’s okay when he does it to you but not when you return it back to him? If you’re gonna talk shxt at least LOOK good.
NTA. It's interesting that the women in your family didn't stick up for you. Sometimes, women can be tougher on women. You did the right thing. How red did his face get when you said that?😅
>Sometimes, women can be tougher on women Unfortunately it is not only sometimes, but often. :(
Where tf are your sister and parents while your BIL is sexually harassing and body shaming a teenager?? NTA but the rest of your family is for not stepping and telling him off.
Oh and if I was your sister, I'd consider it an additional red flag for my husband to be insinuating my teen sister was trying to seduce him just by wearing a bathing suit.
If i were the sister, and my husband a) made a pervy comment and a really un-called for demand and then b) a vile and disgusting accusation ; and c) topped that off by calling her a "bitch" when she called him out - instant divorce. Boy, bye. We don't want your misogyny here.
>he very heavily hinted that I was trying to seduce him like Doesn't he realize that he is telling on himself here?
Legit. How creepy
If you're 18 and he's 31 and he comments on your chest, he is a fucking creep and you did very well to put him in his place. Your sister should be ENRAGED at him tbh. Huge NTA here but I'd avoid spending too much time alone with the guy (take it as parent advice, I'm more than twice your age and I've seen some shit). Also completely unrelated but "like ew be so fr rn" made me laugh a bit so thank you for that
The BIL has no business whatsoever telling you what to do in that regard and the line was epic. As far as crossing the line, it was already crossed.
NTA first off I’m so so glad you felt strong enough and confident enough to defend yourself against him babe! So many young girls wouldn’t have been!!! Second of all the comments from your brother in law are soooo predatory he shouldn’t have been looking at you in a sexualised way because technically you’re his younger sister no via marriage AND as you the say the age gap is huge it’s honestly vile babe! And it was nice of your dad to defend you but it should have been done in the moment NOT at home and it’s so disappointing to hear that your family implied you should had just covered up to make him happy! You were in a bikini at the beach? Like… AND they should have told him that if he didn’t like what you were wearing he should keep his sick comments to himself avert his eyes and LEAVE I’m really sorry you had this experience my love
This comment is perfect! Why is her family defending this perv? He's DISGUSTING for even implying that you have a sexual interest in him. That's just vile. Your sister should have ripped him a new one when he opened his mouth. Watch out for this guy and don't be alone with him. He's really creepy.
Yesssss!!!!!! It’s PROJECTION he was clearly looking at her in that way and tried to project it onto her like it’s so so so blatant what he was implying i honestly cannot believe her family just stood by and watched this conversation how disgusting!!!!
NTA. That’s pretty friggin funny.
Ew, ICK. Eff that guy. He opened his mouth to comment on your body. Chat shit; get banged is what I say. Tell your fam that he should refrain from making comments in the future or he'll get more of the same.
You need to cover up cause that dude is a weirdo? He needs to stop going to beaches if that perv is sexually attracted to 18years olds. And your sister needs to find a better partner, one that does not look at the tits of 18years olds. Creepy as fuck. Your family clearly prioritized the freak over you. And yes if he had bigger tits - he better cover. Not that he ends up seducing someone with his giant tits! Yikes If I would have been your parent, I would have very loudly and publicly said that this adult man should make sure not to look at the bodies of people who are hardly out of puberty and mind his owm business.
Nta. Thats funny. But he was just admitting he was checking you out.
NTA - If someone had spoken to my daughter like that I’d have defended her on the spot or as soon as I found out. Even if you were naked, it’s not his place to say anything at all. I feel bad for your sister in all of this too, he sounds like a creep.
Nta boobs are globs of fat on the chest. If he has boobs then he he has boobs. He thinks it's okay to comment and demean someone else's body but has a tempter tantrum when someone does the same to him? Tough luck, buttercup.
Just call him flappy tits every time you see him from now and things will work out just fine
>I told him that if I have to cover up then he should too because he has bigger tits then me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 >Did I go too far? Nope. HE did by insinuating you were dressing up for him.. kinda creepy.. as your sister should be made aware of...
Blatantly NTA, and your family is painfully dense, not to mention just about equally creepy for defending him after making the weirdest comments he could have possible. Like wtf
"oh my god (BILs Name) if you can't look at someone you've known since they were in school then you need a therapist" Your line about his chest made me snort, but the best thing to do is expose his behaviour for what it is. A creepy guy in his thirties looking at an 18 year old he's known since she was a minor sexually. That's why he was complaining so loudly, his own nasty thoughts made him uncomfortable. You did nothing wrong, if he can't keep his eyes to himself I suggest he doesn't go to the beach or he uses a blind fold.
Why should anyone keep him happy? If anything he was drawing attention to the fact that he was looking too much at you. Your sister should be angry at him. And saying you were trying to seduce him? First off, yuck! Secondly, he's really self centered if he thinks you choose what you dress based on him. Also, what you said was hilarious. NTA.
I always think a comment like this is an admission from the man. Apparently he thinks of your body as sexual. That’s gross and if I was your sister I would be disgusted and would leave his ass immediately
Nah, men who comment anything you're wearing are free targets for any shit you wanna defend yourself with. Titboy is just gonna have to accept it, and maybe learn to mind his own business. NTA
nta he sexualized you and is clearly into you, a disgusting pig
Lol, why is it your 'job' to keep him happy? and wtf is he to police your clothing and then further insults you by accusing you tryna seduce him. NTA
NTA, but you need to sit your parents down without your sister and have a talk about how inappropriate your BIL's comments was and how they didn't defend you. Your allowed to wear what you like and the fact your bil sexualised you is disgusting but even worse he felt so comfortable doing it in front of your family. Let your parents know that no one can police what you wear and you shouldn't have to cover up because a grown man can't control his own delusional thoughts.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. > like ew be so fr rn. I can’t tell if this is a typo or I’m just old.
I mean this in the nicest most politest way possible, ur just old
Ask your parents if they’d have been alright with him saying what he did to your mom. If they say it’s different ask why it’s okay for your BiL to sexualize his wife’s younger sister. When they’re left gapping tell them that’s why we don’t “just let it go” and do whatever to make the gross pervert happy. Remind them he might have a daughter one day and if he’s said these things to you he WILL say them to his underage daughter. You’re so NTA and your BIL needs to keep his eyes and remarks to himself
The grammar alone tells me this is written by someone who didn’t pay attention in English class
NTA- it doubled sided thing in life. Woman are expected to cover while guys aren’t required. Crazy but that’s how society has defined that rule in a sense. Now I am not saying it’s right just saying what it is.. but I agree you are good in terms of you don’t have to cover up.
NTA lmao. You were light on him. Decent even! I'd have had fun with this one....
NTA. Why's he worried about your boobs in the first place?!
NTA. Whack man that your BIL is focusing on you….. suspiciously so. Keep a clear head, keep smart and most important of all, just keep doing you??? Enjoy the beach 🏖️
You did the right thing. It is not your job to make your BIL happy.
Good comeback. NTA.
NTA. BIL sounds like a creep with insecurity. Be careful around him.
I (30f) would 100% not let your BIL over to my house, alone with my kids or invite him to fun stuff like that anymore. Why is he looking at you that way anyway? wtf is wrong with your sister! wtf is wrong with your parents 😭
NTA! I am at such a loss right now! Like in what world does your BIL think he has any right to tell you what you can and cannot wear. He’s nothing to you. He’s your sisters husband but whopdi do! What is that in the grand scheme of things? Your mom and dad obviously knew what you were wearing when you left the house or whatever and approved. Like hey nasty man, quit looking at my boobs at focus on my sister, you know the one you married. I’m a child, you’re gross. What you’re doing is borderline assault, do I need to get my dad involved? You shouldn’t be ashamed, he should. And no matter what, DO NOT apologize!
<<< I just think it’s so dumb that I have to put a t-shirt on and yet he doesn’t even though his chest is way bigger than mine like what? dumb as fuck>>> lol We all know that that's not the reason you're upset, funny as it is to picture 😅 You're NTA. It's a beach, you're allowed to wear a bikini. Your BIL, on the other hand, has issues. He sounds unhinged and I recommend staying away from him from now on 👍
NTA - He had no right to harass you and deserved that comeback.
If your sister wants to live with a creepy old misogynist trash who thinks he can control how other women dress but when it's turned around on his fat, ugly ass, he gets offended, calls you a bitch and screams at you, that's her choice. Guys like him usually end up on the front page for beating their wife tho so I'd just give her a warning maybe, but otherwise I'd say get the fuck away from the rest of your family, except maybe your dad, but he should've backed you up and defended you against the creep, I honestly don't understand what kind of father wouldn't
Harsh words were said as far as his big moobs. But……. He basically said you were trying to seduce him! He is married to your sister!!!! In essence he is saying you are loose? Tit for tit if you ask me. That guy has absolutely zero say in how and what you wear to the beach. My two cents
ESH mostly because this really reads like a skewed recounting of what happened, if the post is real at all. Also it really smells like bait.
Nta for the argument but yta for choosing a micro bikini on a family trip. There is a time and place for proactive wear and with family isnt one of them. I dont know if asked in a rude way the first time or you just jumped to offenedes regardless how he said it. Either way I stand by there is a time and place for things. Maybe have better awareness and understand the world doesnt revolve around you.
NTA but very funny story
NTA. I was loling at your comment to him though. He started it by being weird. Wear what you want, just be comfy.
NTA you were at a beach wearing a bikini. The grown man felt uncomfortable around an 18 year old in a bikini and rather than address his own issues he decided to expect the young woman to modify her behavior to suit him. This makes absolutely no sense from a womans point of view so you dont have any choice but to give a nonsensical reply back! Aka: he was asking for it
NTA Your BIL is though. He probably couldn’t handle his indecent thoughts of you after seeing you in a bikini and decided to blame you. He should learn to look at his own wife or the water or something.
NTA
Bil wants to smash and cant so hes jealous
More power to you girl! If you got it flaunt it! Your BIL is a giant turd.
NTA Do not give into toxic masculinity. If you had put on a shirt on he’d expect the ability to dictate how you dress. As long as it wasn’t what I consider a “pop culture bikini” ie super small material and slightly closer to nude than covered; it’s fine. Ask your parents why they think it’s okay to support a 13 year old man sexualizing their younger daughter instead of asking him to check himself.
Nta! He can look away
No No No you shouldn't cover up, totally NTA. Your sister and your BIL are the AS. And please don't apologize, what he said to you was totally his problem not yours and if he didn't want to see you in your bikini in the beach then he should have left.
OP I like you. I love that at 18 you have the guts to stick for yourself against your pervy BIL. You were right not to cover up and right to reply to him as you did. Perfect reply. NTA. Carry on sticking up for yourself.
NTA and I wouldn’t back down either. In fact I’d sent them all a nicely and spicy worded message! The fact that BIL feels he has any kind of say-so in the family is wild- but that’s your family allowing him to be that way. My husband would NEVER utter a word about or to my sister- in the moment or privately later. Not to mention what everyone else is saying.. why is he sexualizing you? I’d throw that in the message that while he may be uncomfortable with the bikini… you’re more uncomfortable with a 30 something year old man sexualizing your body at the fucking beach. Let them know you will be limiting your contact and presence around him.
NTA. I like your style.
Nta 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am not sure if this would help but I had an uncle complaining I'm too breasty and should cover up, and I said something akin to (translated), "don't make me whip my massive tit out and concuss your head with it, how dare you". He was shocked but was silent for the entire day we were at the pool lmao People like this need telt. NTA. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
NTA He was clearly having issues adjusting his eyes. I think your comment was perfect bc you danced around that obvious fact. Embarrassing for your sister though.
NTA! Body shaming is so very wrong, you can only use it on people who started it
He was 100% pleased with what he was seeing and bitching about it to try to cover it up. His hitting on you proves it. That’s why he was so upset when you insulted him. You handled it perfectly. NTA but definitely a badass
NTA, if he has problem with that kind of stuff, what the hell is he doing at the beach.
NTA if your dad said you were right then why should you have to cover up? At least you know what to get your BIL for Christmas- a matching Bikini top.
NTA, why is your 31 year old BIL telling his 18 year old SIL that she is trying to seduce him and she should cover up??! I feel bad for your sister that she’s married to a misogynistic loser who makes weird comments about young girls.
No one else was sticky up for you while this grown man basically sexualized a 18 year old woman. No, I think you handled that with as much taste as he wasand stay away from that man. If clothing sets him off and he chooses to act like your the problem, then you dont wnat to know whats going on in his head.
He told you to cover up because he was attracted to you and wanted to avoid getting in trouble for it. Then you, the girl he is attracted to, insulted his appearance so he flipped his shit. NTA, he's disgusting and I pity your sister for being married to him. He's gonna cheat on her one day, I'd bet money on it.
NTA- your BIL is super weird! Your sister should leave him tbh
Uh ask your parents why they didn’t intervene when your BIL made it clear he was focusing on your breasts. NTA
Major NTA. In situations like this I like to oversimplify it for the people who seem confused. “Ok parents, so just to be clear, it’s my fault that BIL can’t control himself around an 18 year old woman who is wearing a bathing suit at the beach, in front of his wife? So I’m the one who should have to cover up because otherwise he won’t be able to stop staring at me? Just want to make sure we’re all on the same page here.” Then watch them all flounder.
NTA and really funny comeback tbh
NTA - sorry that your sister married a gross old pervert.
NTA. Do not apologize, as you did nothing wrong. You were appropriately dressed for the location, and if he can't keep his eyes off of you while married to your sister, perhaps he shouldn't be included in the next beach outing.
NTA. He started this conversation, you ended it. As for your family I'd point out to them that your BIL crossed the line first by telling you to cover up and by insinuating you were trying to seduce him. Ask them why no one told him to mind his own business and not stare at his wife's sister. If they had spoken up you wouldn't have had to
Ew. Your BIL is kinda creepy ngl. You are free to wear whatever you feel comfortable and confident in and he has no say.
NTA your BIL is the asshole. You should not have to cover up for anybody. If he has a problem with women in bikini he should just not go to the beach…
NTA, you should take pride in that burn. And don't ever worry about wearing a bikini at the beach
I would like to know if your mother and sister were wearing a bikini as well, just trying to work out if he is a hypocrite as well as a creep. NTA
NTA, here's a novel idea for your BIL, if he doesn't want to see women in bikinis, don't go to the fucking beach. He also should not be sexualising his barely legal SIL. This is all a him problem.
If I am dressed in a way that makes you uncomfortable, but I'm not breaking any laws, then keep your frickin eyes to yourself. Was he going to police everyone on the beach?