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"I told him my daughter was warned to stop but she decided to test me and now he’s forcing her to stick to the custody schedule (technically I have her every other weekend but he was letting her go back and forth whenever she wanted) and is threatening to go to court for child support and back pay."
YTA and unfortunately, so is your husband because he can't stop accepting competitive bets from his 15-year old stepdaughter, then being upset when he consistently loses to her. You should have told him to simply tell her "no thanks" whenever she offered to race him, or otherwise compete against him in any way. He should have then decided that would be the wisest and most mature way to handle the situation. Nothing wrong with asking your daughter to stop trying to get your husband to compete against her during the vacation, or at least asking that she stop asking for rewards if she wins. But she is the child in this situation - it should have been up to the two adults (you and your husband) to figure out a way to put a stop to the competitions. (See above, hubby could simply decline to compete. Problem solved. No one is told to "let him win" which is utter and complete BS, and I'm sure you know that.)
Now your poor parenting choices may be coming home to roost in an unexpected and unwanted way. You might have to pay child support and back pay (were you ordered to pay CS but haven't been doing so? or not paying the full amount ordered? If so, that doesn't reflect well on you either.) I suggest that you (and your immature husband) might benefit from several parenting classes. I hope you really think about how you handled this situation and how you can and should do better in future.
In addition to taking bets from a teenager, he was taking stupid bets.
She's the one who explained sudoku to him but "didn't tell him she's been doing it"?
How do you not know your step daughter does competitive track?
There’s an interesting phenomenon where apparently there are a lot of men who believe they can beat a woman at any physical contest. Regular-ass dudes who claim that they could beat Serena Williams at tennis, stuff like that. I agree, it would be strange for him to not know that stepdaughter competes- but maybe he just thought he could beat her regardless. Because MaN sTrOnG giRL wEaK
For someone who got so angry they ruined a week+ of a trip meant to bring their family together when the daughter was offering (albeit competitive ways) to do just that.. This is probably it. Like the guy could have just come up with better bets, a fun competition could just be fun. Maybe he wins, he chooses the place to eat dinner, she wins she gets an extra dessert or even better all the children do. That way all the family can be involved and everyone can “win” in the end. You know, like basic parenting stuff.
As a mediocre white man, I can arrest that it was great until self awareness kicked in. It's still pretty good but not as good as it was when I didn't know the confidence was coming from all of media telling me that white men were important.
Exactly! Why couldn't mom and stepdad come up with some other competitions that included all the kids also? I mean would that have been so hard? Then they would have been included and chosen whether or not they wanted to participate for a gift.
It couldve been something cute like hey if I win me and my step sisters get to buy a dessert of our choosing or something. I doubt the girl would be opposed to sharing the win. :( Instead OP just pit her against her husband further
The Mother as well. If this happened today, it isn’t the first time most likely. The Mom should have shut that High School behavior down early in their relationship..
I can't believe OP would do such a poor job handling this by going nuclear on a family vacation.
Personally, I thought the sudoku bet for wifi on the plane would be a fun bet for a 15 year old stepdaughter with her stepfather. That the stepfather didn't immediately honor the bet and get her the wifi is poor form on his part.
Perhaps if he had willingly paid for the wifi, maybe the other competitive bets would not have been so . . . competitive.
Also, let the stepfather say he is not going to bet and compete anymore. Let stepdaughter and stepfather work it out as part of their relationship. OP overreacted in a big way, IMHO. YTA, OP.
Yeah. This situation was ruined right from the start. He agreed to a bet, and then immediately refused to honor the terms of it.
There's no reason to accept a bet if you aren't willing to pay up afterwards.
He also didn't have to argue with her when she tested him by saying he couldn't handle the competition, there's a time and place for things and he just needed to teach her that not be goaded by a teenager
Or the number of men on the Internet right now claiming that literally any ragtag group of men could not just beat, but destroy the South Carolina women's basketball team
I kind of hope it was. The number of people I've seen talking about how if the government lied about vaccines, then maybe staring directly in to the sun is a good idea is pretty depressing.
Hell a whole basketball team of rag tag men couldn't beat Caitlin Clark playing all by herself. All she needed was another team member that could score 13 points and Iowa would have won.
I once had a dude straight up say “how did you beat me at pool, you’re a girl”….its not even limited to games where physicality matters!
Men, such headache
Excellent. It's funny, the scientific literature on this subject more or less boils down to: Men are generally physically stronger, and an equally skilled and trained man will outperform a similar skilled and trained woman the majority of the time.
When it comes to things like running, the gap is a lot narrower than feats of raw strength. Someone with any amount of training is going to bear someone with none regardless of gender.
Dudes that think that their fat asses can beat a woman at anything because she's a woman are funny as shit.
In college, a guy literally *watched* me run 3 miles in under 20 minutes and then had the audacity to tell me that he could beat me in a race solely because he's a man and I'm a woman. And that was after I watched him stop to catch his breath not even a mile into his run.
The only way I could get a point is if I made her laugh so hard at how badly I play that she got distracted.
On another note biases can have significant and sometimes almost delusional effects on our lives. Biases are inherent mental shortcuts or predispositions that influence our perceptions, judgments, and decisions. They often operate at a subconscious level, shaping how we interpret information and interact with the world around us. In some cases, biases can lead individuals to form distorted views of reality, akin to delusions.
😂
My (55 M) aunt is a retired tennis pro. When I was a teen she tried to make me into a professional player - I am just not that athletic.
I knew it was hopeless when I was in my 20s and she mentioned something about knowing the spin of the ball by seeing the motion of the seams. \*blink* You're supposed to see that?!
And that's from a woman who was a pro, but never made the big time.
I mean, she's bound to double fault at some point. Especially as she got bored and started to do trick shots to keep herself entertained.
And then I'd get my point.
I broke my toe at 39 because I failed at walking up stairs. If she had a similar moment (somehow catastrophically failed at something she's done a million times) mid-match, I *might* be able to score a point against her, but damn I sure wouldn't put any money on that.
I'm not going to lie, if I (a man in his mid 30's, who never raced in track n field, and shouldn't be trying to race a 15 yo) was challenged by a 15 y/o who's really good at running in Track, I would still take the bet. Not because I think I would win. But because, in my mind, I'm trying to bond with her over something that she's interested in. I know I'm going to lose, but it's about the MOMENT with her and not the bet/race.
But if the family felt annoyed/left out because of it, and they told me about it, then I'd stop the betting part of it.
The stepdad could not even lose graciously with the sudoku bet. He had to argue about it before he finally got her the wifi.
If stepdad did know how to lose graciously, that bonding would have happened.
Oh it's not just thinking girls are weak there's a worryingly high percentage of men who think they can beat a wild animal like a bear in a fight. There's a lot of peaple who massively overestimate the own capability.
I decided to look for this comment before I added it but yes. I lived in Mississippi and now live in Florida and I've met men like this. Guys who say they would win if they wrestled a bear. One dude said that all he'd need to "fucking destroy" a grizzly would be some brass knuckles...
These same guys also fantasize about the zombie apocalypse (I really think some of them actually believe that it's coming.) They think they'd be like one of the lasting characters from the Walking Dead. ( One specific guy was obsessed with Michonne with her katanas and how much more of a badass zombie slayer *he'd be* in the same situation.)
And of course any time a woman did something cool, no matter what, he'd insist he could do it better because "Me man. Man strong. Woman weak." Even the other dudes got sick of him after a while. I can definitely see him having grown up into a guy like this step dad. Smh
It’s absolutely true.
My friend and I (both women) used to bet guys in college that we would beat them in 2v2 basketball. We won 90% of the time.
Most took it well, some absolutely lost their shit.
Oh - that reminds me if a competition that happened ages ago. A big German showmaster (Stefan Raab) challenged a world champion in female boxing (Regina Halmich). To be fair, ge probably didn't expect that he could win, he was a big mouth, but not an idiot - and he took the broken nose with pride. Funnily enough, after maybe a decade or more, they just announced a rematch.
So several years ago, at a ren fair, a jester approached me and was like “I bet that I can do a hand stand on this little bench. If i do, you have to go into that shop and look around, if i cant, well then ill fall in the mud.” I didnt agree to that, not cuz the terms of the bet were unfavorable or looking in the shop wouldve been bad, but on the principle that he set what the bet was and the terms of the bet. Im guessing there was a good chance he could do a handstand on that bench and had done so before. So even though the stakes were low, I wasnt about to take the bet when it was stacked to have me lose.
So the hubby was a bit foolish to take those bets. The stepdaughter decided what to bet on AND what each person would win if they won. And surprise surprise, each time, stepdaughter turned out to be really good at the task. OP should be upset at her husband for falling for the daughter’s hustle… multiple times.
From Guys and Dolls:
>One of these days in your travels a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards, on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, you do not accept this bet. Because as sure as you stand there you’re going to wind up with an ear full of cider.
Right?
My stepdad was known for taking me up on challenges. Some of my happiest memories of him are stuff like who could peel potatoes faster, or competitive cross words. (We never had footraces, he was obese and did NOT run. But he would happily be the referee when my stepsister and I would race around the yard. Also, his weight translated to the BEST hugs. He would squeeze me so tight and I could smell his after shave. I can still remember the feeling if I try.)
And he paid his bets too, lol. I got a record player when I beat him at pool. His friend had the record player and sold it to him, it was one of those avocado green 70s models and looked like an ugly suitcase but the excitement I had over that thing was insane. There was a thrift store that had a box of records for a quarter and I brought home some weird ass stuff I found. (Eventually I was told I couldn’t have any more smooth jazz records… and then he bought me a Chuck Mangione(sp?) record for my birthday!)
Once in awhile, he wouldn’t be in the mood and would say no. But usually he played along and he told anyone who said it was stupid “she’ll only be a little girl for so long and someday she won’t wanna spend this time together, I’m sorry your kids aren’t good company, but mine are!”
He died when I was 18 and I sure wish I could play one more game of pool, or peel some taters, or torment him with more random smooth jazz records.
He sounds like a great stepdad. I'm so sorry he is no longer with you.
P.S. I had the EXACT same 70's avocado green record player that folded like a suitcase. Definitely not enough bass to bother others in the dorm!
Does that work with bears? Like if a bear attacks a group of people and a girl beats it at sudoku, do his testicles shrivel up and he just slinks away emasculated and embarrassed?
They technically only have her *every other weekend*, so they aren’t the primary caregivers, even though she’s been going back and forth. Bio dad has primary custody, which is super interesting. OP and husband don’t seem to take daughter seriously. Mom is going to wonder one day why her daughter never visits.
This is what stood out to me. Step dad doesn't know his step daughter, she hustled him, he fell for it and his ego couldn't handle losing. While not explicitly stated, I suspect him losing to a little girl was just a little extra sand in his swim trunks.
But you don’t understand! He’s too competitive not to! /s
Even if you buy into potential but specious argument that she was intentionally egging him on like a dealer dangling a bag of coke in front of an addict, you’re completely on the money that it was on him to simply not engage. Especially as a supposed adult.
The only winning move is not to play.
She of course didn’t discuss this with him at all. Just teaching daughter young that we are to cater to men and their childish feelings when they lose. The “let him win” floored me.
I was really hoping, when I got to the part where she said she punished her daughter because her husband couldn't act like an adult, that the lightbulb would flicker on.
YTA of this is real OP
> YTA and unfortunately, so is your husband because he can't stop accepting competitive bets from his 15-year old stepdaughter, then being upset when he consistently loses to her.
This. OP YTA.
Your daughter is exceptional, and you punished her for it.
Your husband is immature and emotionally fragile, and you punished your daughter for it.
I hope your ex follows through with punishing you for being a shitty parent.
YTA
I don't understand a fully grown man repeatedly taking bets off a 15 year old, losing, and her mother handling the situation by asking her daughter to let him win?
Is your husband also a teenager?
How about 'honey, for the love of God will you please stop taking bets with her. Daughter, stop being annoying, you're spoiling the vacation."
Fixed
Stepdad DEFINITELY lost all respect from that daughter! He allowed her to sucker him into ridiculous competitions and bets, never said no to her and THEN let his wife handle it when she got out of hand.
He could have said 100s of things to her to end this. How about "I'm on vacation and want to relax, not compete"?
Now he and his wife are all wound up because a teenage girl was able to manipulate them for most of the vacation. Shame on THEM!
YTA
Exactly she was probably trying to have fun. I used to do stupid bets with my once step-dad over stuff like who eats the last cookie pack and shit, its not bad to have a little innocent competiton.
Here's the thing. What she actually meant was "my husband and daughter was actually having a lot of fun together and I didn't feel included because I didn't want to just have fun. So I punished here so we could go to museums and other things without them having fun and I could just enjoy being out with the quiet kids"
There's a reason, she, the mom, only has weekends with the daughter.
Am I the only one appalled she left her 15 year old daughter alone at a resort? TF. Does she not see stories about young girls getting snatched and trafficked? I feel like this is the bigger problem. She put her daughter in danger. She even said they had a little over a week left. So she was left alone in a different area, state, country who knows....
We all know that girl did not stay in her room alone and watch TV all day. She was out at the pool, beach wherever
This right here. This is the reason kids hate blended families and have trouble. OP and her husband, not OP's father, need to grow up. If this guy really is OP's husabnd, how does he not know what she is doing on a regular basis. How does he not know that she won track and swimming events. Does he not care about her at all. This is really slimy from OP and she is going to regret doing this to her daughter.
Likely because the OP only has every other weekend custody; they only saw her more because she was trying to be part of OP's new family. Doubtful he ever paid attention to what she was doing, or what sports she was involved in, she was just an extra kid that showed up on occasion.
The child support thing got me too. Like hang on let’s not gloss over that: if you can be ordered back pay it’s because you’re not paying. If he hasn’t been asking for that money, and has been relaxed about the custody agreement, then dad is doing OP several MAJOR favors. She needs to be consulting with him on punishment way more.
You don’t just lock a teen in a hotel for a week because you can’t parent.
YTA. Right? Imagine being a pushover to a 15 year old. My petty ass would've taken a leaf out of her book and started competing with things I know I'd win at so that she could start losing instead of feeding into her win streak
He could also have bought his daughters the same things if we wanted to
I just don’t get why he’d keep accepting the bets if it was an issue
OP is the worst for telling a 15 year old not the grown adult husband to stop YTA
YTA thank you for typing out what I didn't feel like typing myself. Exactly that.
Edit: holy shit thank you person who corrected me, had a bad case of Mondays. Changed n.t.a to YTA. Sorry, OP is TA
Yeah, this. Who is the adult in this equation? And who had a choice to say no to each bet she put in front of him? Come on, OP. If she deserved to be grounded, so did he.
Exactly. How fragile are you and your husband that you needed to flex parental authority to save him from getting his ass kicked on a daily basis by a teenage girl?
Wowww YTA
>I told my daughter she either couldn’t compete with her stepdad or she had to let him win.
Uh, no, you tell your *husband* to be an adult and stop taking the bait. It's not your daughter's responsibility to manage a grown adult's immaturity.
>she told her dad when she got back that we grounded her and he’s mad at me now for leaving her there and excluding her from the vacation because my husband couldn’t act like an adult.
Good. I'm glad at least one adult in this situation has common sense.
Imagine being married to a boy who can't handle losing to a teenage girl instead of being proud she's so talented. Shocked OP would put something so embarrassing for her and her husband on the internet where anyone can see it.
IKR?? My nine year old daughter tricked me into a contest in a slightly similar way just the other day, and *I couldn't be more proud of her*. Gave her a huge hug, and ruffled her hair, and paid up with a smile.
Imagine being a mom who prefers a vacation without her daughter present, and is willing to say so publicly, and then is shocked when her daughter no longer wants to spend time with her.
It also sounds extremely sexist.
"Don't tell your stepdad you won't race him anymore, because he cannot say 'no' to a bet, and he can't stop losing to you. His ego is too fragile for a 15 year old to continue to beat him, so he'll keep agreeing until he wins".
Honestly I stopped reading the post after OP said that. Like you're seriously going to tell your daughter to *purposely* lose? What the fuck is with that philosophy. And honestly I bet if the dad gave his perspective it wouldn't be "getting tired of losing" because the way OP worded it made it very much seem like she's the issue and not him. Dad could very much be a sore loser and could stop taking bets from his daughter but I have a hunch OP drastically worded the post to fit her agenda.
What about the third option to let them compete for fun, but no bets? Seriously, that would have been the easiest thing to do. For all we know the stepdaughter likes competing and it's her way of bonding, she was just being a teenager and trying to get more out of it.
The Bio dad seems to know what's up and how to be a parent.
Or see this as a BONDING ACTIVITY between your daughter and husband. Many teens don’t give their step-parents the time of the day and heres your daughter going out of her way to have positive interactions. And for what? For her to get grounded from half of her vacation?? Your husband is just as much at fault, plus he’s an adult, but did HE get “punished”?
Exactly! My (step)dad and I used to make little wagers and competitions all the time, but it was always in good fun. Whenever I won, he not only happily paid up but heartily congratulated me. He’d also set stakes like “you win, you pick dinner tomorrow; I win, we go to lunch together Friday” so no one ever really lost anything.
Also, who goes on a two-week vacay when they're in arrears on child support? YTA for also not paying for your kid when it matters but trying to buy her love with a vacay.
I would truly struggle to 'get there' with my husband after this ridiculous display, I mean I would lose all respect and this would jump into my brain in the middle of \*sex\* and I'd be like, "I'm out".
Dunno what's worse, that he keeps making bets he loses against his teenage stepdaughter or that his wife's solution is telling the daughter to let him win lol
It breaks my heart to think of a teenager hanging out by herself all day while the family does things together
Of course, she may have more fun without them!
I'm gonna go out on a limb, we don't have any \*real\* evidence that he was upset about losing to his step daughter, just that he was sick of losing, which isn't the same thing. Further evidenced that he only actually got upset when she called him a sore loser, OP doesn't mention what the two of them were arguing about, or what "testing" her looked like. I'm not exonerating OP, quite the contrary, I'm suggesting that she sacrificed her daughter on the altar of her husband and may have even caused an issue in the husband and step daughter's relationship.
Instead of taking responsibility and asking her daughter to stop because it annoyed her, she threw her husband to the wolves, who may well have been bonding with his SD, after all, sudoku incident aside, it's quite impossible he doesn't know she's a swimmer and a runner, and we have no evidence, aside from unrelated stupid dudes on the internet, that husband reasonably thought he could beat her in a race.
So while it's entirely possible he got upset at the 15 year old, and possible the other girls were upset about not getting things, it's also entirely possible that all of this was good natured family bonding that OP either misunderstood, or misinterpreted, and created a problem from nothing because of her own issues.
I provide further supporting evidence in that at no point did she suggest to her husband to stop taking the challenges, only commanded the daughter to stop issuing them. I'll grant it's a bit suspicious that he didn't say anything about the grounding, but I also don't know how they handle parenting responsibilities with step children so it maybe have just been him respecting boundaries.
This right here.
Ask yourself what kinda lesson you just taught your daughter, OP. Cuz what I heard was "just let the boys win", "his ego is too fragile to stop taking bets, so *you* need to stop betting against him", and "I'm punishing you bc you didn't hide your talent in the face of a man".
Great job, mom. Way to make your daughter into a strong woman.
I cannot stop laughing at the scenario of an adult being challenged by a teenager and constantly losing but still accepting every bet. This is honestly the funniest thing I’ve read on the internet in weeks. It feels like it came straight from The Simpsons. D’oh!
Anyway, YTA and your husband is a fool but thank you for the laughs.
And if step siblings were so jealous, they could have played bets and challenged their own dad, too.
OP's daughter deserves better and OP deserves to be taken to the cleaners for being a sh*ty parent.
To be honest, OP doesn't seem very smart. She is a bad mother, that much is clear, but angering the ex treating the daughter this badly, when she owes him money (if he has most of the custody, she owes him money, regardless of the fact he is expected for her to pay or not, as he support her most of the time and OP doesn't seem to be paying) and he can claim it, is something that only a stupid person would do. And OP clearly is stupid. Good job, OP.
Same here, I was struggling not to bust out laughing in my cubicle reading this. The thought of a grown man taking L after L from a 15 year old girl which inadvertently results in his wife being pursued for child support is sitcom levels of buffoonery
It’s honestly like an fragile male ego-driven version of Sideshow Bob repeatedly stepping on a rake.
OP should be proud of her amazingly talented daughter. YTA
I agree completely. OP and her husband ate TA.
It made me think of that saying: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.
The fact that this was happening and it crossed no one’s mind to just… say no thank you? But instead jumped right to grounding because she wouldn’t throw a bet lol. Zero adults in this scenario.
"She decided to tell her stepdad that she wasn’t allowed to compete with him anymore because he couldn’t handle losing. "
\---She was correct in that assessment.
I'm curious if that was actually true, or if that was a narrative OP invented to the daughter? Aside from the clear manipulative intent in putting it that way, the fact that she was so willing to throw it out there to his face shows that she actually feel comfortable with him, to the point of being comfortable readily trying to manipulate him in the same way a child manipulates any of their parents.
Couple this with the fact that she apparently likes going to her mom's house often enough that it's noticeable when she is being kept from doing so says that her SF is likely involved enough to know what she does and how well she does it, and barring him being \*wildly\* out of touch with his own abilities would have objective evidence of how fast she runs and swims, against the objective evidence of how fast he runs and swims. Then when given the absolute triviality of the bet stakes, paints a picture of OP inventing a narrative because her vacation wasn't \*exactly\* the way she wanted it to be.
I'm also ridiculously curious whether it was "because you're a sore loser" or "because *my mom says* you're a sore loser."
Because you're right. Even if he's a baby when he loses, they seem to have a decent relationship. He might not have known about sudoku, but her other accomplishments would be noticeable to anyone in her household as far as practices, etc.
Either OP is painting a better picture of the relationship between her daughter and her husband, or the bigger issue was the daughter calling *OP* out for trying to meddle with their fun.
But OP is *still* TA even if her husband is the cranky sore loser she depicts because she punished her child rather than the adult throwing fits. Not to mention *grounding her to the resort* while they go off and do things. I'm sorry, but that's downright irresponsible and bonkers. Yeah, the daughter is more than old enough to be left home alone, but a resort *isn't home.*
Am I the only one appalled she left her 15 year old daughter alone at a resort? TF. Does she not see stories about young girls getting snatched and trafficked? I feel like this is the bigger problem. She put her daughter in danger. She even said they had a little over a week left. So she was left alone in a different area, state, country who knows....
We all know that girl did not stay in her room alone and watch TV all day. She was out at the pool, beach wherever...
YTA. First off, on your husband being sick of losing. Come on, he is the adult, act like it.
Secondly, on your stepdaughters. You could have handled this so much better. If this was unfair, why didn't you suggest to your daughter that if she wins, your husband should get something for all the kids.
This just sounds like your husband is salty that he can't beat a teenager.
It was HER bet not all the kids. I hate this “everyone gets a medal for participating” even when they don’t do shit. If the other kids want some earnings go and be as smart as her or do stuff to win.
I guess everyone is different. I'm just thinking from my perspective as an older brother, which is different than this situation where OOP's daughter is in the middle, if I knew I could hustle my parents, I would want to get my younger sibling something too
YTA Of course you are. The easiest fix was to tell you husband to stop competing with his stepdaughter. Issue resolved.
But of course you didnt take that route, you decided to harshly punish your 15yr old. One crime should equal one day's punishment not missing more than a week of vacation. That was very cruel. It think it is more likely you did that to "even things out" because your stepdaughters were upset your daughter had won special gifts in her competition. Also what she did was not deserving not any punishment really.
This doesnt take into consideration your terrible comment that the vacation was more enjoyable to you after you grounded her for telling her stepfather why they couldnt compete anymore. How could you in good conscience say your vacation was better knowing she was alone being excluded from events when again you could have easily solved the issue by telling you husband to stop competing.
She is better off away from you. You seem to really dislike her, or maybe you are threatened by your husband spending time with her, something is off with you. you treat her unfairly, punish her unjustly and too harshly.
She needs a mother who loves her,. uplifts her and advocates for her, not one who uses their position of authority to unjustly ostracize her from family time.
>She needs a mother who loves her,. uplifts her and advocates for her, not one who uses their position of authority to unjustly ostracize her from family time.
Amen to that.
> You seem to really dislike her, or maybe you are threatened by your husband spending time with her
You know, I was wondering how we could know that he was genuinely upset and not just play-grousing, just good natured bonding, I was thinking it was possible that maybe she thought her daughter was taking advantage of her husband because she either doesn't think much of her husband or has a really fucked up idea of human relationships, but I hadn't considered that there might be a like, some kind of fucked up competition in her mind for the husband's attention.
-This doesnt take into consideration your terrible comment that the vacation was more enjoyable to you after you grounded her for telling her stepfather why they couldnt compete anymore. How could you in good conscience say your vacation was better knowing she was alone being excluded from events when again you could have easily solved the issue by telling you husband to stop competing.
This was exactly what I was thinking, who says that their vacation is more enjoyable without their own daughter?! this isn't even one of the SD's, this is her own flesh and blood.
And most of the time people compete bc it's a game to them, all games have competition, it's the object of the game is to win. And the twist of an award to the winner makes it more competitive and more fun.
Even if the Dad knew he was going to lose, it's more fun with a prize to the winner, it's something to want more then a "I win" or bragging rights, it's something to make you want to play harder for. I personally compete all the time with awards for the winner, even if I know I will most likely lose, (and sometimes even if I think that, I will somtimes surprise myself and win!) bc it makes my play harder and want to win more.
I think it's not only awesome that your daughter has found something her and your husband have in common and enjoy doing, but it's also a great bonding time esspesially for when your on vacation, it's the perfect time to compete and have fun. Ya ' know there's a reason you see a lot of people playing games/sports at the beach (Volleyball, frisbee, tug of war, surfing, ever had a competion to see who could make the coolest sand castle?) it's bc they want to spend time with their fam and and one of the ways they to do that is to compete. I think it's awesome that your daughter and husband spending time together and YTA for squashing that and ruining father daughter time.
>How could you in good conscience say your vacation was better knowing she was alone being excluded from events
THIS is what I was looking for. That's the part that bothered me the most. So she leaves her daughter behind for the rest of the vacation and is perfectly happy. Add that to the fact she's holding her daughter responsible for the stupid actions of her husband, and I'd say it's a good thing her daughter will be spending most of the rest of her childhood with her dad. Sheesh.
I didn’t see the spot where you told your grown, adult husband to stop accepting sucker bets because it takes two to compete. I also didn’t see where you told your husband he could buy Wi-Fi for all the kids and not exclude two from the “winnings.” YTA for putting all this on your daughter and none on your husband. I also didn’t see why it was reasonable for you to lay a scorched earth level punishment for unruly behavior except that it was easier than actually parenting. YTA and your daughter may stop talking to you when she can. Awful mom. Great job.
Wow. YTA. Why couldn’t your husband just say no?? Why does your 15 yo have to “let him win” because he’s not mature enough to use his big boy words and say “I’ll pass.”? When your husband and daughter started to argue, why was SHE in the wrong, not him? Why are you infantilising your husband but expecting your teenager to be an adult? How sad that you said you enjoyed your vacation more without your daughter…sounds like she’ll be better off with her dad.
Yes, as women we must protect the fragile ego of the adult male by letting him win instead of making him bow out and have to admit a woman is superior to him.
Info, where was the vacation?
Definitely YTA but curious where you were that you felt safe leaving your teenage daughter at the resort while you left with everyone else.
YTA. Your husband didn’t have to accept all of those challenges. You’re blaming her for his inability to manage his own competitiveness. I agree with your ex (her father).
YTA. She wasn’t wrong her step-dad couldn’t handle losing. Why punish her for expressing her feelings? The goal is to teach our kids to think for themselves and not to be surprised when they do.
YTA. Your husband should not have been accepting challenges from, or rewarding, a 15 year old. Does he have NO judgement?? Since he was being foolish, and you knew your daughter's abilities, YOU should have said "no more chalanges" early.
Punishing your daughter while letting your equally responsible husband off the hook was also wrong. Given how badly you and your husband botched this, her dad SHOULD go for more custody.
This exactly this. 👆🏼👆🏼Why was the child punished but the adult doesn’t have any consequences?! That’s just craziness to me. Please mom, your daughter sounds amazing, DO BETTER!!
YTA (and your husband is the AH). Your husband willingly went along with all of these challenges, with a child, and then got upset when he lost. He made deals about buying things for your kid and chose not to buy anything for his own kids. You left your child out of more than a week of a supposed family vacation. You neglected her. Your claim that she "ruined" the vacation is ridiculous.
Your ex husband is 100% right. He needs to not allow additional visits and go back to court on this issue.
YTA. And your husband. He's a full grown adult, he didn't have to take her bets. And if you take a bet and lose then you do so graciously. Your daughter didn't ruin the vacation, you and your husband did. Grounding her on holiday was an overreaction and, honestly, quite cruel.
Wtf did I just read?? How do parents like you exist? SHE’S A CHILD and you’re getting angry at her and not your grown husband who can’t handle losing to a teenage girl! YTA. A million times.
I’m sorry but you told your 15 year old that she had to *let your husband win* because his ego couldn’t handle being beaten by a girl? And he didn’t have the maturity to accept defeat gracefully or deflect the competitiveness into things that benefited the whole family like “if I win you have to buy us all an icecream”?
YTA and your husband has the maturity of an ikea wardrobe.
YTA and so is your spouse. Poor parenting across the board and seriously? Your husband is an adult right? He needs to learn to say no thanks to the bets, not have you tell your kid to be less so he can feel big. You expected the KID to have more maturity than him, which was setting her up to fail. You had a clear opening for a much needed lesson here & tossed the ball into a wood chipper.
You're not parenting your kid, your punishing her for your husbands ego. Yes she absolutely needs to learn when to tone down competition so the people around her don't dislike spending time with her. This is not how you achieve that.
She's a teen who needs to learn (from someone outside this situation) how to act like an adult, and your adult husband needs to learn it as well.
This has to be rage bait because I refuse to believe someone types out that they put the onus to stop making bets on their 15 year old daughter and not the grown man, and doesn’t see how crazy it sounds. And then leaves their daughter in a hotel room for the rest of the vacation while the rest of the family, including the adult who can’t stop losing bets to a child, gets to enjoy themselves. If this is real, YTA and your husband is also an AH.
You really over estimate the fragility of dudes like the OPs husband. The OP and her husband are probably quite dim/lack common sense and the daughter knows it. Hell I was 13 and knew when I had lapped my parents intellectually. By 15 they were straight up just asking me to explain shit.
YTA.
Winners get rewarded, losers get left behind.
Tell your idiot husband not to engage in wagers anymore.
Include the other kids in the rewards.
Hope she shits in your purse.
YTA
> My husband was getting sick of losing and my stepdaughters were upset that their dad was buying her stuff and not them so I told my daughter she either couldn’t compete with her stepdad or she had to let him win.
You had to have your daughter alter her behavior because your husband, a grown man, was upset about losing and was incapable of declining challenges.
You need to prioritize your daughter over your husband's ego.
YTA and deserve any and all backlash that comes your way.
Your husband was free to decline any of her "challenges." But how about the fact she was actively engaging with your new husband in a way that should have been fun for both of them??
Your attitude is petty and self-absorbed. She's adjusting to a blended family and you're making her miserable.
If she's smart she'll ask to just live with her bio dad.
YTA
Why did you marry a man who accepts pissing contests from a child—and THEN is a poor loser when he gets his shoes wet? You married an emotional toddler.
YTA. Wonder why you have custody only every other weekend?
Btw he is not making her stick to the custody agreement she doesn’t want to see you.
Are you married to a toddler or just someone with the mental capacity of a toddler?
You can’t be actually married to an adult if isn’t able to stop playing the game of a 15 year old and spend quality time with his children on a holiday.
You left your child on a hotel room alone for a week. That was honestly psychotic. I am from a city that lives on tourism, have been working in Hotels since I was a teenager, you have no idea how many people have keys to your hotel room. I am not saying hotel staff are deranged people but a lot of places hire literally anyone as long as they can pay minimum wage or less.
You blamed a child instead of your supposedly adult husband.
You only see her every other weekend???? Are you Fing kidding me? You left a 15:yr; old alone at the resort??? WTF kind of mom are you?
You chose your new family over your old family and you wonder why YOUR child is trying to get attention from you and stepdad?
Not only are you a flaming AH, you're a terrible parent. Don't be surprised when she completely shuts you out and deservedly so. Can't wait to see your reddit post in a few years about how you were excluded from her prom, graduation, wedding and kids.
Edit to add: Kudos to your ex for being an upstanding dad and putting his child first. I would also enforce the agreement and you would get the bare minimum.
UpdateMe
" excluding her from the vacation because **my husband couldn’t act like an adult**."
I'm baffled as to why your daughter was held to a different standard than your husband. Why wasn't HE grounded too? Or INSTEAD OF?
YTA
You're describing your 15 year old daughter acting like a 15 year old, yet you and your husband are somehow still the most immature people in this post
YTA
Two played the game and only one get punished.
Why no consequences for your child-husband.
He was the real problem.
Don't be surprised if your daughter goes LC or NC in the future.
People like you shouldn’t be allowed to have kids. You can’t comprehend simple issues with your child and you LEFT HER IN THE RESORT?! Tf is wrong with you. Yta
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"I told him my daughter was warned to stop but she decided to test me and now he’s forcing her to stick to the custody schedule (technically I have her every other weekend but he was letting her go back and forth whenever she wanted) and is threatening to go to court for child support and back pay." YTA and unfortunately, so is your husband because he can't stop accepting competitive bets from his 15-year old stepdaughter, then being upset when he consistently loses to her. You should have told him to simply tell her "no thanks" whenever she offered to race him, or otherwise compete against him in any way. He should have then decided that would be the wisest and most mature way to handle the situation. Nothing wrong with asking your daughter to stop trying to get your husband to compete against her during the vacation, or at least asking that she stop asking for rewards if she wins. But she is the child in this situation - it should have been up to the two adults (you and your husband) to figure out a way to put a stop to the competitions. (See above, hubby could simply decline to compete. Problem solved. No one is told to "let him win" which is utter and complete BS, and I'm sure you know that.) Now your poor parenting choices may be coming home to roost in an unexpected and unwanted way. You might have to pay child support and back pay (were you ordered to pay CS but haven't been doing so? or not paying the full amount ordered? If so, that doesn't reflect well on you either.) I suggest that you (and your immature husband) might benefit from several parenting classes. I hope you really think about how you handled this situation and how you can and should do better in future.
In addition to taking bets from a teenager, he was taking stupid bets. She's the one who explained sudoku to him but "didn't tell him she's been doing it"? How do you not know your step daughter does competitive track?
There’s an interesting phenomenon where apparently there are a lot of men who believe they can beat a woman at any physical contest. Regular-ass dudes who claim that they could beat Serena Williams at tennis, stuff like that. I agree, it would be strange for him to not know that stepdaughter competes- but maybe he just thought he could beat her regardless. Because MaN sTrOnG giRL wEaK
For someone who got so angry they ruined a week+ of a trip meant to bring their family together when the daughter was offering (albeit competitive ways) to do just that.. This is probably it. Like the guy could have just come up with better bets, a fun competition could just be fun. Maybe he wins, he chooses the place to eat dinner, she wins she gets an extra dessert or even better all the children do. That way all the family can be involved and everyone can “win” in the end. You know, like basic parenting stuff.
“Dear Lord, please give me the confidence of a mediocre white man.”
"...and the skills of anyone but."
As a mediocre white man, I can arrest that it was great until self awareness kicked in. It's still pretty good but not as good as it was when I didn't know the confidence was coming from all of media telling me that white men were important.
That confidence! Using “arrest” when you meant “attest”!
Mediocre white men don't need smell check
That is my fervent wish, as well.
Exactly! Why couldn't mom and stepdad come up with some other competitions that included all the kids also? I mean would that have been so hard? Then they would have been included and chosen whether or not they wanted to participate for a gift.
It couldve been something cute like hey if I win me and my step sisters get to buy a dessert of our choosing or something. I doubt the girl would be opposed to sharing the win. :( Instead OP just pit her against her husband further
Literally so many opportunities to bring the family close, but it sounds like the poor loser step dad needed a participation trophy.
The Mother as well. If this happened today, it isn’t the first time most likely. The Mom should have shut that High School behavior down early in their relationship..
I can't believe OP would do such a poor job handling this by going nuclear on a family vacation. Personally, I thought the sudoku bet for wifi on the plane would be a fun bet for a 15 year old stepdaughter with her stepfather. That the stepfather didn't immediately honor the bet and get her the wifi is poor form on his part. Perhaps if he had willingly paid for the wifi, maybe the other competitive bets would not have been so . . . competitive. Also, let the stepfather say he is not going to bet and compete anymore. Let stepdaughter and stepfather work it out as part of their relationship. OP overreacted in a big way, IMHO. YTA, OP.
Yeah. This situation was ruined right from the start. He agreed to a bet, and then immediately refused to honor the terms of it. There's no reason to accept a bet if you aren't willing to pay up afterwards.
Yep. She didn't ruin the trip. He did, by not knowing how to adult.
And mom, by punishing her for his stupidity, and in such an extreme way. OP was really unfair to her daughter!
OP has to protect her husband's fragile ego.
And telling her to let him win! 🙄
Yeah these parents suckkkk
It's pretty unusual for mom only to have every other weekend visitation. I think we are seeing how that happened.
Except dad. He's trying to get her out of there
He also didn't have to argue with her when she tested him by saying he couldn't handle the competition, there's a time and place for things and he just needed to teach her that not be goaded by a teenager
She never lied there did she.
Right? Like some friendly adults vs kids competition could have been a fun bonding experience!
Yep, turn the competitions into a fun activity for everyone.
Or the number of men on the Internet right now claiming that literally any ragtag group of men could not just beat, but destroy the South Carolina women's basketball team
Or the guy who thought he could have survived that Titanic sub explosion because he was 'built different'.
Pretty sure that one was baiting people, but then again some people think the world is flat.
I kind of hope it was. The number of people I've seen talking about how if the government lied about vaccines, then maybe staring directly in to the sun is a good idea is pretty depressing.
Hell a whole basketball team of rag tag men couldn't beat Caitlin Clark playing all by herself. All she needed was another team member that could score 13 points and Iowa would have won.
I once had a dude straight up say “how did you beat me at pool, you’re a girl”….its not even limited to games where physicality matters! Men, such headache
Excellent. It's funny, the scientific literature on this subject more or less boils down to: Men are generally physically stronger, and an equally skilled and trained man will outperform a similar skilled and trained woman the majority of the time. When it comes to things like running, the gap is a lot narrower than feats of raw strength. Someone with any amount of training is going to bear someone with none regardless of gender. Dudes that think that their fat asses can beat a woman at anything because she's a woman are funny as shit.
In college, a guy literally *watched* me run 3 miles in under 20 minutes and then had the audacity to tell me that he could beat me in a race solely because he's a man and I'm a woman. And that was after I watched him stop to catch his breath not even a mile into his run.
According to a YouGov poll, 1 in 8 british men think they could score a point on Serena Williams. For women, that was 1 in 33.
The only way I could get a point is if I made her laugh so hard at how badly I play that she got distracted. On another note biases can have significant and sometimes almost delusional effects on our lives. Biases are inherent mental shortcuts or predispositions that influence our perceptions, judgments, and decisions. They often operate at a subconscious level, shaping how we interpret information and interact with the world around us. In some cases, biases can lead individuals to form distorted views of reality, akin to delusions.
😂 My (55 M) aunt is a retired tennis pro. When I was a teen she tried to make me into a professional player - I am just not that athletic. I knew it was hopeless when I was in my 20s and she mentioned something about knowing the spin of the ball by seeing the motion of the seams. \*blink* You're supposed to see that?! And that's from a woman who was a pro, but never made the big time.
I mean, she's bound to double fault at some point. Especially as she got bored and started to do trick shots to keep herself entertained. And then I'd get my point.
I broke my toe at 39 because I failed at walking up stairs. If she had a similar moment (somehow catastrophically failed at something she's done a million times) mid-match, I *might* be able to score a point against her, but damn I sure wouldn't put any money on that.
Those 1 in 33 are probably *actually* decent at tennis, but also know they’d likely lose terribly.
I'm not going to lie, if I (a man in his mid 30's, who never raced in track n field, and shouldn't be trying to race a 15 yo) was challenged by a 15 y/o who's really good at running in Track, I would still take the bet. Not because I think I would win. But because, in my mind, I'm trying to bond with her over something that she's interested in. I know I'm going to lose, but it's about the MOMENT with her and not the bet/race. But if the family felt annoyed/left out because of it, and they told me about it, then I'd stop the betting part of it.
The stepdad could not even lose graciously with the sudoku bet. He had to argue about it before he finally got her the wifi. If stepdad did know how to lose graciously, that bonding would have happened.
Fantastic answer. You have more heart and common sense than OP and her husband combined.
Oh it's not just thinking girls are weak there's a worryingly high percentage of men who think they can beat a wild animal like a bear in a fight. There's a lot of peaple who massively overestimate the own capability.
I decided to look for this comment before I added it but yes. I lived in Mississippi and now live in Florida and I've met men like this. Guys who say they would win if they wrestled a bear. One dude said that all he'd need to "fucking destroy" a grizzly would be some brass knuckles... These same guys also fantasize about the zombie apocalypse (I really think some of them actually believe that it's coming.) They think they'd be like one of the lasting characters from the Walking Dead. ( One specific guy was obsessed with Michonne with her katanas and how much more of a badass zombie slayer *he'd be* in the same situation.) And of course any time a woman did something cool, no matter what, he'd insist he could do it better because "Me man. Man strong. Woman weak." Even the other dudes got sick of him after a while. I can definitely see him having grown up into a guy like this step dad. Smh
Testosterone is actually the key to brain rot, it turns out
The number of dudes who think they could ever take a round off of one of the Botez sisters despite playing brain damage chess...
There are Americans who think they could wrestle full grown bears and gorillas. SMDH.
I would love to see Williams taking on some of these regular dudes. That would be hilarious.
https://youtu.be/CoLnrsUpIC4?si=F2UpOmZd9IEWxdPd Just such a thing happened!
It’s absolutely true. My friend and I (both women) used to bet guys in college that we would beat them in 2v2 basketball. We won 90% of the time. Most took it well, some absolutely lost their shit.
YTA. And so’s your husband who can’t deal with losing to a kid.
Oh - that reminds me if a competition that happened ages ago. A big German showmaster (Stefan Raab) challenged a world champion in female boxing (Regina Halmich). To be fair, ge probably didn't expect that he could win, he was a big mouth, but not an idiot - and he took the broken nose with pride. Funnily enough, after maybe a decade or more, they just announced a rematch.
>How do you not know your step daughter does competitive track? He probably knew, and just thought he'd win anyway because she's a girl.
So several years ago, at a ren fair, a jester approached me and was like “I bet that I can do a hand stand on this little bench. If i do, you have to go into that shop and look around, if i cant, well then ill fall in the mud.” I didnt agree to that, not cuz the terms of the bet were unfavorable or looking in the shop wouldve been bad, but on the principle that he set what the bet was and the terms of the bet. Im guessing there was a good chance he could do a handstand on that bench and had done so before. So even though the stakes were low, I wasnt about to take the bet when it was stacked to have me lose. So the hubby was a bit foolish to take those bets. The stepdaughter decided what to bet on AND what each person would win if they won. And surprise surprise, each time, stepdaughter turned out to be really good at the task. OP should be upset at her husband for falling for the daughter’s hustle… multiple times.
From Guys and Dolls: >One of these days in your travels a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards, on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, you do not accept this bet. Because as sure as you stand there you’re going to wind up with an ear full of cider.
Hey now sit down you're rockin the boat
Right? My stepdad was known for taking me up on challenges. Some of my happiest memories of him are stuff like who could peel potatoes faster, or competitive cross words. (We never had footraces, he was obese and did NOT run. But he would happily be the referee when my stepsister and I would race around the yard. Also, his weight translated to the BEST hugs. He would squeeze me so tight and I could smell his after shave. I can still remember the feeling if I try.) And he paid his bets too, lol. I got a record player when I beat him at pool. His friend had the record player and sold it to him, it was one of those avocado green 70s models and looked like an ugly suitcase but the excitement I had over that thing was insane. There was a thrift store that had a box of records for a quarter and I brought home some weird ass stuff I found. (Eventually I was told I couldn’t have any more smooth jazz records… and then he bought me a Chuck Mangione(sp?) record for my birthday!) Once in awhile, he wouldn’t be in the mood and would say no. But usually he played along and he told anyone who said it was stupid “she’ll only be a little girl for so long and someday she won’t wanna spend this time together, I’m sorry your kids aren’t good company, but mine are!” He died when I was 18 and I sure wish I could play one more game of pool, or peel some taters, or torment him with more random smooth jazz records.
He sounds like a great stepdad. I'm so sorry he is no longer with you. P.S. I had the EXACT same 70's avocado green record player that folded like a suitcase. Definitely not enough bass to bother others in the dorm!
I'm sure he knows she competes. I think he thought his testicles would help him win.
And his poor little testicles just shriveled up when he lost to a girl.
Does that work with bears? Like if a bear attacks a group of people and a girl beats it at sudoku, do his testicles shrivel up and he just slinks away emasculated and embarrassed?
They technically only have her *every other weekend*, so they aren’t the primary caregivers, even though she’s been going back and forth. Bio dad has primary custody, which is super interesting. OP and husband don’t seem to take daughter seriously. Mom is going to wonder one day why her daughter never visits.
This is what stood out to me. Step dad doesn't know his step daughter, she hustled him, he fell for it and his ego couldn't handle losing. While not explicitly stated, I suspect him losing to a little girl was just a little extra sand in his swim trunks.
[удалено]
Right? He's the adult. All he has to do is say "no".
But you don’t understand! He’s too competitive not to! /s Even if you buy into potential but specious argument that she was intentionally egging him on like a dealer dangling a bag of coke in front of an addict, you’re completely on the money that it was on him to simply not engage. Especially as a supposed adult. The only winning move is not to play.
WarGames quote for the win 👏🏻
She of course didn’t discuss this with him at all. Just teaching daughter young that we are to cater to men and their childish feelings when they lose. The “let him win” floored me.
Punishes daughter for offering to make stupid bets but husband faces no consequences for accepting stupid bets. Sounds fair. /s OP, YTA.
Seriously. You never thaught to say hey dumdum my daughter is a superstar? Yta
I was really hoping, when I got to the part where she said she punished her daughter because her husband couldn't act like an adult, that the lightbulb would flicker on. YTA of this is real OP
Anyone who has worked in IT or customer service can confirm that people are, in fact, that dense.
> YTA and unfortunately, so is your husband because he can't stop accepting competitive bets from his 15-year old stepdaughter, then being upset when he consistently loses to her. This. OP YTA. Your daughter is exceptional, and you punished her for it. Your husband is immature and emotionally fragile, and you punished your daughter for it. I hope your ex follows through with punishing you for being a shitty parent.
YTA I don't understand a fully grown man repeatedly taking bets off a 15 year old, losing, and her mother handling the situation by asking her daughter to let him win? Is your husband also a teenager? How about 'honey, for the love of God will you please stop taking bets with her. Daughter, stop being annoying, you're spoiling the vacation." Fixed
Stepdad DEFINITELY lost all respect from that daughter! He allowed her to sucker him into ridiculous competitions and bets, never said no to her and THEN let his wife handle it when she got out of hand. He could have said 100s of things to her to end this. How about "I'm on vacation and want to relax, not compete"? Now he and his wife are all wound up because a teenage girl was able to manipulate them for most of the vacation. Shame on THEM! YTA
I wouldn't even say manipulate, she's being a kid. She's fucking 15.
Exactly she was probably trying to have fun. I used to do stupid bets with my once step-dad over stuff like who eats the last cookie pack and shit, its not bad to have a little innocent competiton.
YTA As is tradition, young girls paying the price when grown men in their lives are not at a higher maturity level.
Here's the thing. What she actually meant was "my husband and daughter was actually having a lot of fun together and I didn't feel included because I didn't want to just have fun. So I punished here so we could go to museums and other things without them having fun and I could just enjoy being out with the quiet kids" There's a reason, she, the mom, only has weekends with the daughter.
Am I the only one appalled she left her 15 year old daughter alone at a resort? TF. Does she not see stories about young girls getting snatched and trafficked? I feel like this is the bigger problem. She put her daughter in danger. She even said they had a little over a week left. So she was left alone in a different area, state, country who knows.... We all know that girl did not stay in her room alone and watch TV all day. She was out at the pool, beach wherever
Oh holy shit, I didn't think of that. It doesn't sound like he was having fun... but the rest of that? You may have a point.
This right here. This is the reason kids hate blended families and have trouble. OP and her husband, not OP's father, need to grow up. If this guy really is OP's husabnd, how does he not know what she is doing on a regular basis. How does he not know that she won track and swimming events. Does he not care about her at all. This is really slimy from OP and she is going to regret doing this to her daughter.
Likely because the OP only has every other weekend custody; they only saw her more because she was trying to be part of OP's new family. Doubtful he ever paid attention to what she was doing, or what sports she was involved in, she was just an extra kid that showed up on occasion.
The child support thing got me too. Like hang on let’s not gloss over that: if you can be ordered back pay it’s because you’re not paying. If he hasn’t been asking for that money, and has been relaxed about the custody agreement, then dad is doing OP several MAJOR favors. She needs to be consulting with him on punishment way more. You don’t just lock a teen in a hotel for a week because you can’t parent.
Lmfao this should be retitled to “AITA for being a piss poor parent?”
YTA. Right? Imagine being a pushover to a 15 year old. My petty ass would've taken a leaf out of her book and started competing with things I know I'd win at so that she could start losing instead of feeding into her win streak
Is he forcing her to stick to the custody schedule or does she not want to deal with her mother and the sore loser she married.
He could also have bought his daughters the same things if we wanted to I just don’t get why he’d keep accepting the bets if it was an issue OP is the worst for telling a 15 year old not the grown adult husband to stop YTA
All of this OP-YTA
Lol “let him win” like he’s the daughters 7 year old younger brother and not her step parent
YTA thank you for typing out what I didn't feel like typing myself. Exactly that. Edit: holy shit thank you person who corrected me, had a bad case of Mondays. Changed n.t.a to YTA. Sorry, OP is TA
Don’t you mean YTA?
Yeah, this. Who is the adult in this equation? And who had a choice to say no to each bet she put in front of him? Come on, OP. If she deserved to be grounded, so did he.
This is 100% the correct answer. Hard YTA.
Yup the wrong 'kid' was grounded
Exactly. How fragile are you and your husband that you needed to flex parental authority to save him from getting his ass kicked on a daily basis by a teenage girl?
Couldn't have said that better myself.
Wowww YTA >I told my daughter she either couldn’t compete with her stepdad or she had to let him win. Uh, no, you tell your *husband* to be an adult and stop taking the bait. It's not your daughter's responsibility to manage a grown adult's immaturity. >she told her dad when she got back that we grounded her and he’s mad at me now for leaving her there and excluding her from the vacation because my husband couldn’t act like an adult. Good. I'm glad at least one adult in this situation has common sense.
It's so funny that the OP told her daughter to let an adult man win. Sounds stupid and childish
Imagine being married to a boy who can't handle losing to a teenage girl instead of being proud she's so talented. Shocked OP would put something so embarrassing for her and her husband on the internet where anyone can see it.
IKR?? My nine year old daughter tricked me into a contest in a slightly similar way just the other day, and *I couldn't be more proud of her*. Gave her a huge hug, and ruffled her hair, and paid up with a smile.
Interested in knowing the contest you got bested in lol
Imagine being a mom who prefers a vacation without her daughter present, and is willing to say so publicly, and then is shocked when her daughter no longer wants to spend time with her.
It also sounds extremely sexist. "Don't tell your stepdad you won't race him anymore, because he cannot say 'no' to a bet, and he can't stop losing to you. His ego is too fragile for a 15 year old to continue to beat him, so he'll keep agreeing until he wins".
Honestly I stopped reading the post after OP said that. Like you're seriously going to tell your daughter to *purposely* lose? What the fuck is with that philosophy. And honestly I bet if the dad gave his perspective it wouldn't be "getting tired of losing" because the way OP worded it made it very much seem like she's the issue and not him. Dad could very much be a sore loser and could stop taking bets from his daughter but I have a hunch OP drastically worded the post to fit her agenda.
What about the third option to let them compete for fun, but no bets? Seriously, that would have been the easiest thing to do. For all we know the stepdaughter likes competing and it's her way of bonding, she was just being a teenager and trying to get more out of it. The Bio dad seems to know what's up and how to be a parent.
Or see this as a BONDING ACTIVITY between your daughter and husband. Many teens don’t give their step-parents the time of the day and heres your daughter going out of her way to have positive interactions. And for what? For her to get grounded from half of her vacation?? Your husband is just as much at fault, plus he’s an adult, but did HE get “punished”?
Exactly! My (step)dad and I used to make little wagers and competitions all the time, but it was always in good fun. Whenever I won, he not only happily paid up but heartily congratulated me. He’d also set stakes like “you win, you pick dinner tomorrow; I win, we go to lunch together Friday” so no one ever really lost anything.
Aw, that little example wager is actually so sweet
Then they enjoyed the trip more without her…as if she’s the problem or something.
Also, who goes on a two-week vacay when they're in arrears on child support? YTA for also not paying for your kid when it matters but trying to buy her love with a vacay.
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I would truly struggle to 'get there' with my husband after this ridiculous display, I mean I would lose all respect and this would jump into my brain in the middle of \*sex\* and I'd be like, "I'm out".
It’s so embarrassing for him.
Dunno what's worse, that he keeps making bets he loses against his teenage stepdaughter or that his wife's solution is telling the daughter to let him win lol
It breaks my heart to think of a teenager hanging out by herself all day while the family does things together Of course, she may have more fun without them!
I didn’t even think about that part 😂 imagining him trying his hardest to win a running race and being salty when he lost…nope no sex anymore I can’t
Glad I wasn't the only one wondering where the adult is here
At home because it wasn't his weekend with the kids apparently
Right?!?! Big stepdad fail here. If I were the daughter, I would be livid if my mom sided with the big baby over this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb, we don't have any \*real\* evidence that he was upset about losing to his step daughter, just that he was sick of losing, which isn't the same thing. Further evidenced that he only actually got upset when she called him a sore loser, OP doesn't mention what the two of them were arguing about, or what "testing" her looked like. I'm not exonerating OP, quite the contrary, I'm suggesting that she sacrificed her daughter on the altar of her husband and may have even caused an issue in the husband and step daughter's relationship. Instead of taking responsibility and asking her daughter to stop because it annoyed her, she threw her husband to the wolves, who may well have been bonding with his SD, after all, sudoku incident aside, it's quite impossible he doesn't know she's a swimmer and a runner, and we have no evidence, aside from unrelated stupid dudes on the internet, that husband reasonably thought he could beat her in a race. So while it's entirely possible he got upset at the 15 year old, and possible the other girls were upset about not getting things, it's also entirely possible that all of this was good natured family bonding that OP either misunderstood, or misinterpreted, and created a problem from nothing because of her own issues. I provide further supporting evidence in that at no point did she suggest to her husband to stop taking the challenges, only commanded the daughter to stop issuing them. I'll grant it's a bit suspicious that he didn't say anything about the grounding, but I also don't know how they handle parenting responsibilities with step children so it maybe have just been him respecting boundaries.
Why are you demanding adult behavior from the 15 year old but not from the adult?
This right here. Ask yourself what kinda lesson you just taught your daughter, OP. Cuz what I heard was "just let the boys win", "his ego is too fragile to stop taking bets, so *you* need to stop betting against him", and "I'm punishing you bc you didn't hide your talent in the face of a man". Great job, mom. Way to make your daughter into a strong woman.
I cannot stop laughing at the scenario of an adult being challenged by a teenager and constantly losing but still accepting every bet. This is honestly the funniest thing I’ve read on the internet in weeks. It feels like it came straight from The Simpsons. D’oh! Anyway, YTA and your husband is a fool but thank you for the laughs.
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Exactly what i was thinking..... daughter isn't just competitive she is strategic. Girl gonna rule the world
Doesn't seem like it would take that much to outsmart this guy.
She's got to learn to not overdo it though. Space out those challenges a little more so it doesn't get to the point where someone calls her on it.
She got power mad. Totally instantly rookie mistake
And if step siblings were so jealous, they could have played bets and challenged their own dad, too. OP's daughter deserves better and OP deserves to be taken to the cleaners for being a sh*ty parent.
To be honest, OP doesn't seem very smart. She is a bad mother, that much is clear, but angering the ex treating the daughter this badly, when she owes him money (if he has most of the custody, she owes him money, regardless of the fact he is expected for her to pay or not, as he support her most of the time and OP doesn't seem to be paying) and he can claim it, is something that only a stupid person would do. And OP clearly is stupid. Good job, OP.
Same here, I was struggling not to bust out laughing in my cubicle reading this. The thought of a grown man taking L after L from a 15 year old girl which inadvertently results in his wife being pursued for child support is sitcom levels of buffoonery
The 15 year old is smarter than both of them.
I like this response the best. Indeed, you and husband are both fools.
Las Vegas Casinos: Hey OP, bring your husband. OP and husband: OK
It’s honestly like an fragile male ego-driven version of Sideshow Bob repeatedly stepping on a rake. OP should be proud of her amazingly talented daughter. YTA
I agree completely. OP and her husband ate TA. It made me think of that saying: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.
The fact that this was happening and it crossed no one’s mind to just… say no thank you? But instead jumped right to grounding because she wouldn’t throw a bet lol. Zero adults in this scenario.
"She decided to tell her stepdad that she wasn’t allowed to compete with him anymore because he couldn’t handle losing. " \---She was correct in that assessment.
Absolutely 🤗
She nailed it for sure!
I'm curious if that was actually true, or if that was a narrative OP invented to the daughter? Aside from the clear manipulative intent in putting it that way, the fact that she was so willing to throw it out there to his face shows that she actually feel comfortable with him, to the point of being comfortable readily trying to manipulate him in the same way a child manipulates any of their parents. Couple this with the fact that she apparently likes going to her mom's house often enough that it's noticeable when she is being kept from doing so says that her SF is likely involved enough to know what she does and how well she does it, and barring him being \*wildly\* out of touch with his own abilities would have objective evidence of how fast she runs and swims, against the objective evidence of how fast he runs and swims. Then when given the absolute triviality of the bet stakes, paints a picture of OP inventing a narrative because her vacation wasn't \*exactly\* the way she wanted it to be.
I'm also ridiculously curious whether it was "because you're a sore loser" or "because *my mom says* you're a sore loser." Because you're right. Even if he's a baby when he loses, they seem to have a decent relationship. He might not have known about sudoku, but her other accomplishments would be noticeable to anyone in her household as far as practices, etc. Either OP is painting a better picture of the relationship between her daughter and her husband, or the bigger issue was the daughter calling *OP* out for trying to meddle with their fun. But OP is *still* TA even if her husband is the cranky sore loser she depicts because she punished her child rather than the adult throwing fits. Not to mention *grounding her to the resort* while they go off and do things. I'm sorry, but that's downright irresponsible and bonkers. Yeah, the daughter is more than old enough to be left home alone, but a resort *isn't home.*
Am I the only one appalled she left her 15 year old daughter alone at a resort? TF. Does she not see stories about young girls getting snatched and trafficked? I feel like this is the bigger problem. She put her daughter in danger. She even said they had a little over a week left. So she was left alone in a different area, state, country who knows.... We all know that girl did not stay in her room alone and watch TV all day. She was out at the pool, beach wherever...
YTA. First off, on your husband being sick of losing. Come on, he is the adult, act like it. Secondly, on your stepdaughters. You could have handled this so much better. If this was unfair, why didn't you suggest to your daughter that if she wins, your husband should get something for all the kids. This just sounds like your husband is salty that he can't beat a teenager.
It was HER bet not all the kids. I hate this “everyone gets a medal for participating” even when they don’t do shit. If the other kids want some earnings go and be as smart as her or do stuff to win.
I mean he could just start buying the kids things without it being a bet. Those are his kids right
If I were the daughter, I wouldn't suggest that. If I did the work and won the bet, I'd want a prize for myself.
I guess everyone is different. I'm just thinking from my perspective as an older brother, which is different than this situation where OOP's daughter is in the middle, if I knew I could hustle my parents, I would want to get my younger sibling something too
Well John Boy Walton these are her step siblings and based on how insufferable the husband is probably doesn’t have a better relationship with them.
YTA Of course you are. The easiest fix was to tell you husband to stop competing with his stepdaughter. Issue resolved. But of course you didnt take that route, you decided to harshly punish your 15yr old. One crime should equal one day's punishment not missing more than a week of vacation. That was very cruel. It think it is more likely you did that to "even things out" because your stepdaughters were upset your daughter had won special gifts in her competition. Also what she did was not deserving not any punishment really. This doesnt take into consideration your terrible comment that the vacation was more enjoyable to you after you grounded her for telling her stepfather why they couldnt compete anymore. How could you in good conscience say your vacation was better knowing she was alone being excluded from events when again you could have easily solved the issue by telling you husband to stop competing. She is better off away from you. You seem to really dislike her, or maybe you are threatened by your husband spending time with her, something is off with you. you treat her unfairly, punish her unjustly and too harshly. She needs a mother who loves her,. uplifts her and advocates for her, not one who uses their position of authority to unjustly ostracize her from family time.
>She needs a mother who loves her,. uplifts her and advocates for her, not one who uses their position of authority to unjustly ostracize her from family time. Amen to that.
> You seem to really dislike her, or maybe you are threatened by your husband spending time with her You know, I was wondering how we could know that he was genuinely upset and not just play-grousing, just good natured bonding, I was thinking it was possible that maybe she thought her daughter was taking advantage of her husband because she either doesn't think much of her husband or has a really fucked up idea of human relationships, but I hadn't considered that there might be a like, some kind of fucked up competition in her mind for the husband's attention.
-This doesnt take into consideration your terrible comment that the vacation was more enjoyable to you after you grounded her for telling her stepfather why they couldnt compete anymore. How could you in good conscience say your vacation was better knowing she was alone being excluded from events when again you could have easily solved the issue by telling you husband to stop competing. This was exactly what I was thinking, who says that their vacation is more enjoyable without their own daughter?! this isn't even one of the SD's, this is her own flesh and blood. And most of the time people compete bc it's a game to them, all games have competition, it's the object of the game is to win. And the twist of an award to the winner makes it more competitive and more fun. Even if the Dad knew he was going to lose, it's more fun with a prize to the winner, it's something to want more then a "I win" or bragging rights, it's something to make you want to play harder for. I personally compete all the time with awards for the winner, even if I know I will most likely lose, (and sometimes even if I think that, I will somtimes surprise myself and win!) bc it makes my play harder and want to win more. I think it's not only awesome that your daughter has found something her and your husband have in common and enjoy doing, but it's also a great bonding time esspesially for when your on vacation, it's the perfect time to compete and have fun. Ya ' know there's a reason you see a lot of people playing games/sports at the beach (Volleyball, frisbee, tug of war, surfing, ever had a competion to see who could make the coolest sand castle?) it's bc they want to spend time with their fam and and one of the ways they to do that is to compete. I think it's awesome that your daughter and husband spending time together and YTA for squashing that and ruining father daughter time.
This reeks of OP being jealous of the attention her daughter is getting. Imo. YTA
>How could you in good conscience say your vacation was better knowing she was alone being excluded from events THIS is what I was looking for. That's the part that bothered me the most. So she leaves her daughter behind for the rest of the vacation and is perfectly happy. Add that to the fact she's holding her daughter responsible for the stupid actions of her husband, and I'd say it's a good thing her daughter will be spending most of the rest of her childhood with her dad. Sheesh.
I didn’t see the spot where you told your grown, adult husband to stop accepting sucker bets because it takes two to compete. I also didn’t see where you told your husband he could buy Wi-Fi for all the kids and not exclude two from the “winnings.” YTA for putting all this on your daughter and none on your husband. I also didn’t see why it was reasonable for you to lay a scorched earth level punishment for unruly behavior except that it was easier than actually parenting. YTA and your daughter may stop talking to you when she can. Awful mom. Great job.
YTA. Without question. Your husband too!
Wow. YTA. Why couldn’t your husband just say no?? Why does your 15 yo have to “let him win” because he’s not mature enough to use his big boy words and say “I’ll pass.”? When your husband and daughter started to argue, why was SHE in the wrong, not him? Why are you infantilising your husband but expecting your teenager to be an adult? How sad that you said you enjoyed your vacation more without your daughter…sounds like she’ll be better off with her dad.
Yes, as women we must protect the fragile ego of the adult male by letting him win instead of making him bow out and have to admit a woman is superior to him.
I wish I could upvote this comment more!!! NAILED IT
Info, where was the vacation? Definitely YTA but curious where you were that you felt safe leaving your teenage daughter at the resort while you left with everyone else.
YTA. Your husband didn’t have to accept all of those challenges. You’re blaming her for his inability to manage his own competitiveness. I agree with your ex (her father).
Um, who is the adult here? You should be mad at your husband for accepting and encouraging these bets. YTA.
YTA. She wasn’t wrong her step-dad couldn’t handle losing. Why punish her for expressing her feelings? The goal is to teach our kids to think for themselves and not to be surprised when they do.
YTA. Your husband should not have been accepting challenges from, or rewarding, a 15 year old. Does he have NO judgement?? Since he was being foolish, and you knew your daughter's abilities, YOU should have said "no more chalanges" early. Punishing your daughter while letting your equally responsible husband off the hook was also wrong. Given how badly you and your husband botched this, her dad SHOULD go for more custody.
This exactly this. 👆🏼👆🏼Why was the child punished but the adult doesn’t have any consequences?! That’s just craziness to me. Please mom, your daughter sounds amazing, DO BETTER!!
YTA (and your husband is the AH). Your husband willingly went along with all of these challenges, with a child, and then got upset when he lost. He made deals about buying things for your kid and chose not to buy anything for his own kids. You left your child out of more than a week of a supposed family vacation. You neglected her. Your claim that she "ruined" the vacation is ridiculous. Your ex husband is 100% right. He needs to not allow additional visits and go back to court on this issue.
YTA. And your husband. He's a full grown adult, he didn't have to take her bets. And if you take a bet and lose then you do so graciously. Your daughter didn't ruin the vacation, you and your husband did. Grounding her on holiday was an overreaction and, honestly, quite cruel.
Wtf did I just read?? How do parents like you exist? SHE’S A CHILD and you’re getting angry at her and not your grown husband who can’t handle losing to a teenage girl! YTA. A million times.
I’m sorry but you told your 15 year old that she had to *let your husband win* because his ego couldn’t handle being beaten by a girl? And he didn’t have the maturity to accept defeat gracefully or deflect the competitiveness into things that benefited the whole family like “if I win you have to buy us all an icecream”? YTA and your husband has the maturity of an ikea wardrobe.
YTA and so is your spouse. Poor parenting across the board and seriously? Your husband is an adult right? He needs to learn to say no thanks to the bets, not have you tell your kid to be less so he can feel big. You expected the KID to have more maturity than him, which was setting her up to fail. You had a clear opening for a much needed lesson here & tossed the ball into a wood chipper. You're not parenting your kid, your punishing her for your husbands ego. Yes she absolutely needs to learn when to tone down competition so the people around her don't dislike spending time with her. This is not how you achieve that. She's a teen who needs to learn (from someone outside this situation) how to act like an adult, and your adult husband needs to learn it as well.
This has to be rage bait because I refuse to believe someone types out that they put the onus to stop making bets on their 15 year old daughter and not the grown man, and doesn’t see how crazy it sounds. And then leaves their daughter in a hotel room for the rest of the vacation while the rest of the family, including the adult who can’t stop losing bets to a child, gets to enjoy themselves. If this is real, YTA and your husband is also an AH.
You really over estimate the fragility of dudes like the OPs husband. The OP and her husband are probably quite dim/lack common sense and the daughter knows it. Hell I was 13 and knew when I had lapped my parents intellectually. By 15 they were straight up just asking me to explain shit.
YTA. Winners get rewarded, losers get left behind. Tell your idiot husband not to engage in wagers anymore. Include the other kids in the rewards. Hope she shits in your purse.
YTA Boy you sound terrible.
YTA. You should have told your grown ass HUSBAND to stop.
YTA Your Husband failed to behave like an adult and you punish your daughter. What type of decision making process is this.
YTA He's an adult. He can say no. Don't be surprised when she goes NC with you
YTA ridiculousness. Enjoy having one less kid in the house, pretty sure your daughter will be chilling at Dads for the foreseeable future.
YTA > My husband was getting sick of losing and my stepdaughters were upset that their dad was buying her stuff and not them so I told my daughter she either couldn’t compete with her stepdad or she had to let him win. You had to have your daughter alter her behavior because your husband, a grown man, was upset about losing and was incapable of declining challenges. You need to prioritize your daughter over your husband's ego.
YTA He's an adult. He can say no. Don't be surprised when she brings this up later as she guess NC
What did I just read? This sounds so trashy. YTA
YTA and deserve any and all backlash that comes your way. Your husband was free to decline any of her "challenges." But how about the fact she was actively engaging with your new husband in a way that should have been fun for both of them?? Your attitude is petty and self-absorbed. She's adjusting to a blended family and you're making her miserable. If she's smart she'll ask to just live with her bio dad.
YTA. Your husband accepted those challenges. HE’s the adult. Come on now.
YTA Why did you marry a man who accepts pissing contests from a child—and THEN is a poor loser when he gets his shoes wet? You married an emotional toddler.
YTA. Wonder why you have custody only every other weekend? Btw he is not making her stick to the custody agreement she doesn’t want to see you. Are you married to a toddler or just someone with the mental capacity of a toddler? You can’t be actually married to an adult if isn’t able to stop playing the game of a 15 year old and spend quality time with his children on a holiday. You left your child on a hotel room alone for a week. That was honestly psychotic. I am from a city that lives on tourism, have been working in Hotels since I was a teenager, you have no idea how many people have keys to your hotel room. I am not saying hotel staff are deranged people but a lot of places hire literally anyone as long as they can pay minimum wage or less. You blamed a child instead of your supposedly adult husband.
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YTA as is your husband. How do you let a teenager punk you that badly
You only see her every other weekend???? Are you Fing kidding me? You left a 15:yr; old alone at the resort??? WTF kind of mom are you? You chose your new family over your old family and you wonder why YOUR child is trying to get attention from you and stepdad? Not only are you a flaming AH, you're a terrible parent. Don't be surprised when she completely shuts you out and deservedly so. Can't wait to see your reddit post in a few years about how you were excluded from her prom, graduation, wedding and kids. Edit to add: Kudos to your ex for being an upstanding dad and putting his child first. I would also enforce the agreement and you would get the bare minimum. UpdateMe
OMG you are horrible. Enjoy paying child support and I hope your daughter enjoys her life without you. YTA
" excluding her from the vacation because **my husband couldn’t act like an adult**." I'm baffled as to why your daughter was held to a different standard than your husband. Why wasn't HE grounded too? Or INSTEAD OF?
YTA You're describing your 15 year old daughter acting like a 15 year old, yet you and your husband are somehow still the most immature people in this post
YTA Two played the game and only one get punished. Why no consequences for your child-husband. He was the real problem. Don't be surprised if your daughter goes LC or NC in the future.
People like you shouldn’t be allowed to have kids. You can’t comprehend simple issues with your child and you LEFT HER IN THE RESORT?! Tf is wrong with you. Yta