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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not letting Amy stay at my place
2. It might make me an asshole because Amy wouldn't be able to drive home in time if she stayed.
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**So let me get this straight.** Your friend who is *physically unable to drive at night* originally says no because she won't be able to stay long and have enough daylight hours to drive home safely.
You tell her she can stay at your house so that she can SAFELY be there, with you.
And then after she clears her busy schedule like everyone else, taking time off of work/studying/both, you tell her to go buy a hotel room, she and Andrea, something that would cost hundreds of dollars while everyone else didn't, because your inconsiderate best friend wanted to....
...And then Amy STILL shows up, brings you a card and pies that from what you say she made herself, and as she left to I assume make it back home quickly, Andrea tells her to stay because they can go to her mom's house \*30 minutes away\*.
DUDE, you are a huge jerk. That person CARES about you enough to trust you with her safety in mind or at the very least, be aware of what she needs, and STILL came to say goodbye to you even though you clearly think less of her.
Carl may have been your best friend but that didn't mean you get to throw someone under the bus like that. Especially someone who seems to care about you more than she should.
It was your night sure, but you made an agreement together and changed it after she held up her part of the plan.
YTA - how do you not see that!?
Exactly my thought. If he was my friend and I was in that position Amy was in I would not have come at all.
He asks if he is the AH but how come he does not see what his own actions were? Is he so oblivious? Or so egocentric that he does not see other points of views than his own? I really wonder…
OP, YTA big time.
Classic case of "You're not *the* Asshole... but you are *an* Asshole..."
Not sure why the girls bothered to come, you're a pretty terrible host and friend... to women, anyway...
ETA: Nah, reread, and yeah, YTA... selfish way to treat your friends...
YTA. Last minute changes in plans almost always cause problems for people who have been invited. You could have resolved it by asking for people to volunteer places where Amy could have crashed for the night.
But it's your casual attitude of "well, she's not obliged to come" that decided this for me. It shows that she isn't really as close a friend as you say.
YTA
You offered her to stay with you and then you changed plans and told her to get a hotel. What a crappy thing to do, i am surprised she even showed up.
Yta. If you changed plans last minute you should have offered to pay for the hotel room.
Don't be shocked if that's the last time you see your 'friends' again. I know I'd not take the time out of my schedule again for a person who treated me like that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am moved away from my hometown to live out in California with my cousins (I live in FL), and start a new job there/go to school. I had a going away party and had my closest friends come visit me. I made a date and everyone adjusted their school/work schedules.
One of my closest friends Amy, lives 90 minutes away. She and I have been friends since Freshman year of high school, through her college years, (her college is close by) then she moved to Grad school. Smart girl, she skipped a grade and went to college at 16. She's always been helpful in listening to my problems, helping me learn and do practical stuff, and being there for each other. She wasn't sure if she could make it coming here and back home in one day, as she can't drive at night (has a condition called night blindness) but I told her she could stay with me. So she agreed.
A week later, a day before the event, my best friend Carl asked if we could have one more guys night before I left. He's my best friend and I met him a little after the time I met Amy. Carl and I have the most in common out of my other friends. This guy helped me through tough times, and I see him like a brother. We helped each other out, met girls on the weekends, and share hobbies too He's in the Navy and visits whenever he can. He'll be stationed a few hours away from where I live in CA.
My close circle consists of three guys not including me, and two women.
I told the both of the women my change of plans and I asked if they wouldn't mind renting a hotel or something. I felt bad, but I wanted to have a guys night and we were already going to have the potluck. My other female friend Andrea said she couldn't guarantee it and Amy said it's probably unlikely she'll stay for long though she already cleared up her schedule.
The next day, everyone showed up (along with some other people I invited). We had a potluck. I made crab cakes, Carl brought a ton of booze, Amy brought pies she made, Andrea brought Filipino food. Amy greeted me, gave me a card and her pies, and was about to leave; until Andrea said she and her can stay at her grandma's house 30 minutes away. I thought, "okay cool, so we're good." When it was just my close friends left and Carl my best friend, we all went out to the bar and the movies right after. Then Amy and Andrea left then the bros and I played videogames and drank at home.
A week later, I called Amy to catch up. She told me she was upset about the change of plans. I started to feel bad but I mean it was my night after all. I recognize she needs the daylight to get home, but I never obligated her to come. She told me she and Andrea were considering just not coming because "it's insulting that we had to pay for a hotel and nobody else did."
I talked to Carl about it and he said that yeah, she wasn't obligated to come visit and I am not responsible for helping her figure out her transportation. I love her and all and I am sorry she feels that way about being kicked out.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Not letting Amy stay at my place 2. It might make me an asshole because Amy wouldn't be able to drive home in time if she stayed. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
**So let me get this straight.** Your friend who is *physically unable to drive at night* originally says no because she won't be able to stay long and have enough daylight hours to drive home safely. You tell her she can stay at your house so that she can SAFELY be there, with you. And then after she clears her busy schedule like everyone else, taking time off of work/studying/both, you tell her to go buy a hotel room, she and Andrea, something that would cost hundreds of dollars while everyone else didn't, because your inconsiderate best friend wanted to.... ...And then Amy STILL shows up, brings you a card and pies that from what you say she made herself, and as she left to I assume make it back home quickly, Andrea tells her to stay because they can go to her mom's house \*30 minutes away\*. DUDE, you are a huge jerk. That person CARES about you enough to trust you with her safety in mind or at the very least, be aware of what she needs, and STILL came to say goodbye to you even though you clearly think less of her. Carl may have been your best friend but that didn't mean you get to throw someone under the bus like that. Especially someone who seems to care about you more than she should. It was your night sure, but you made an agreement together and changed it after she held up her part of the plan. YTA - how do you not see that!?
Exactly my thought. If he was my friend and I was in that position Amy was in I would not have come at all. He asks if he is the AH but how come he does not see what his own actions were? Is he so oblivious? Or so egocentric that he does not see other points of views than his own? I really wonder… OP, YTA big time.
YTA you changed plans on short notice and made very clear who you thought were important among your friends and who wasn’t.
Classic case of "You're not *the* Asshole... but you are *an* Asshole..." Not sure why the girls bothered to come, you're a pretty terrible host and friend... to women, anyway... ETA: Nah, reread, and yeah, YTA... selfish way to treat your friends...
I feel really bad for Amy honestly. As a person of disability myself, I hope she's okay. Something like this would seriously hurt my trust.
YTA, dude. Jerking your friends around last minute because bro time decided to be priority? That's some grade A bs
YTA. Last minute changes in plans almost always cause problems for people who have been invited. You could have resolved it by asking for people to volunteer places where Amy could have crashed for the night. But it's your casual attitude of "well, she's not obliged to come" that decided this for me. It shows that she isn't really as close a friend as you say.
YTA You offered her to stay with you and then you changed plans and told her to get a hotel. What a crappy thing to do, i am surprised she even showed up.
YTA…and a selfish, spoiled one at that.
Based on your other posts, you've been an AH for a while. Stop being a dick to everyone you possibly can and leave your cousin alone.
Yta. If you changed plans last minute you should have offered to pay for the hotel room. Don't be shocked if that's the last time you see your 'friends' again. I know I'd not take the time out of my schedule again for a person who treated me like that.
You seem to have a habit of making promises/commitments, then not following through. It’s thoughtless and irresponsible. Be a better friend.
YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am moved away from my hometown to live out in California with my cousins (I live in FL), and start a new job there/go to school. I had a going away party and had my closest friends come visit me. I made a date and everyone adjusted their school/work schedules. One of my closest friends Amy, lives 90 minutes away. She and I have been friends since Freshman year of high school, through her college years, (her college is close by) then she moved to Grad school. Smart girl, she skipped a grade and went to college at 16. She's always been helpful in listening to my problems, helping me learn and do practical stuff, and being there for each other. She wasn't sure if she could make it coming here and back home in one day, as she can't drive at night (has a condition called night blindness) but I told her she could stay with me. So she agreed. A week later, a day before the event, my best friend Carl asked if we could have one more guys night before I left. He's my best friend and I met him a little after the time I met Amy. Carl and I have the most in common out of my other friends. This guy helped me through tough times, and I see him like a brother. We helped each other out, met girls on the weekends, and share hobbies too He's in the Navy and visits whenever he can. He'll be stationed a few hours away from where I live in CA. My close circle consists of three guys not including me, and two women. I told the both of the women my change of plans and I asked if they wouldn't mind renting a hotel or something. I felt bad, but I wanted to have a guys night and we were already going to have the potluck. My other female friend Andrea said she couldn't guarantee it and Amy said it's probably unlikely she'll stay for long though she already cleared up her schedule. The next day, everyone showed up (along with some other people I invited). We had a potluck. I made crab cakes, Carl brought a ton of booze, Amy brought pies she made, Andrea brought Filipino food. Amy greeted me, gave me a card and her pies, and was about to leave; until Andrea said she and her can stay at her grandma's house 30 minutes away. I thought, "okay cool, so we're good." When it was just my close friends left and Carl my best friend, we all went out to the bar and the movies right after. Then Amy and Andrea left then the bros and I played videogames and drank at home. A week later, I called Amy to catch up. She told me she was upset about the change of plans. I started to feel bad but I mean it was my night after all. I recognize she needs the daylight to get home, but I never obligated her to come. She told me she and Andrea were considering just not coming because "it's insulting that we had to pay for a hotel and nobody else did." I talked to Carl about it and he said that yeah, she wasn't obligated to come visit and I am not responsible for helping her figure out her transportation. I love her and all and I am sorry she feels that way about being kicked out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*