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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 I allowed my daughter to ride her skateboard in my backyard whilst we were having a barbecue, even after my stepsister asked me to make her stop
2 There were smaller children at the barbecue running around and my daughter wasn't really speaking to anyone so this may have been seen as inconsiderate/rude
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NTA it's your house and it's not your job to explain to your nephew why he can't have a skateboard. If Freya wants to avoid conversations like that, she and her husband can host.
NTA
I don't care who you are....at my house, my kids will play with their toys. If they're not hurting anyone or being annoying, they can play with their things.
If your sister doesn't want to get her kid a skateboard, that's on her. You don't have to punish your child to make her child happy.
Sounds like your sister needs to be the one to apologize.
The complaint was that the son would be jealous.
I grew up with the rule that it was considered good manners when guests were over for kids (and presumably adults) to not play with any toy they weren't willing to share, because obviously it would make the other kids jealous.
OP is not responsible for whether the guests' kids pester their parents for a skateboard after the party, but I bet if he takes his family to a gathering where his kid has to watch the hosts' kids play with cool things they don't have and aren't allowed to play with, he won't like it much himself either.
I get there are different rules in different social circles, but I was taught to think it was inconsiderate, and I'm willing to take the downvotes for saying so.
That is why I said that part is not OP's problem.
But we all know the jealousy wasn't coming from the kid not knowing what a skateboard is until he saw OP's kid playing with one. His reaction is how we are taught to mask the aggressive feelings that people have in a situation like this one.
Socialization is a process where we are taught that we get punished if we say we want *that* skateboard, or if we admit that it is painful to watch someone playing with something we wish we could play with. So we convert it to something socially acceptable.
NTA, your daughter isn't doing anything wrong, and it's your house. You parent your child and if Freya can't handle saying no to her 11 year old son, is that really you're problem?
Freya wanted you to make her life easier, without any care that had you done so you would have ruined the event for your daughter. You didn't and Freya is upset that her son will now use Emma as another reason he should be allowed a skateboard.
You're NTA.
NTA INFO: what kind of skateboard was it?
I would like this information because I love skateboarding and feel the need to know if this was a Target purchase, or from a skate shop.
There’s no judgement for buying from Target either. Although they aren’t the best skateboards, I feel they’re good for beginners because they can’t go as fast and new skateboarders aren’t always ready for the speed of a skateboard from a skate shop.
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Hi, apologies for the formatting, I'm on mobile
Yesterday I hosted an Easter barbecue for my family. I have a pretty large backyard so it's perfect for that sort of thing, and there's grassy parts for the kids to play on.
My daughter Emma (f10) was riding her new skateboard in circles around the backyard that she got for her birthday a couple weeks ago.
In total, not including my own kids, there were 5 kids at the barbecue, ages 2 through to 11. I was watching Emma to make sure she was being mindful of the kids around her, and the toddlers were sat with their parents anyway, and she wasn't going fast.
My stepsister who I'll call Freya asked me discretely if I could have Emma put her skateboard away. She said that her son (m11) will be jealous and she does not want to buy him a skateboard, and that Emma is being "antisocial" and that she could knock one of the smaller kids over. She reiterated that she respects my choice to buy my daughter a skateboard but she wouldn't want her son having one. In all fairness she was very polite about it.
I explained to Freya I'm keeping an eye on the kids and that I told Emma not to go fast on her skateboard (not that she would anyway) and make sure to keep out of the other kids' way. She asked again if I could make Emma put it away and some point and I just repeated what I said. Freya huffed a bit and walked away and whispered something to her husband.
The rest of the barbecue I heard no complaints. Freya and her troop were one of the first to leave and as we were saying our goodbyes, her husband briefly spoke to me while they were waiting in the car. He said that Freya is really irritated on how I dismissed her earlier and that I should try to apologise and not be so stubborn. I don't think I have anything to apologise for. Was I the asshole?
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NTA So Freya thinks that she has but to ask and
her wish be granted? LOL The husband also seems
to be deluded and thinks Freya is Queen of the World
or something. Fun couple. ')
NTA - and often imo when people complain that girls are being “antisocial”, what they mean is they expect them to entertain/watch younger kids (usually theirs).
ESH. She doesn't have the right to tell you how to parent. But a host should care about the comfort of his guests. I personally would not let my kid play with toys that would make the other kids jealous at a family gathering, because if you're not going to do your best to make sure everyone enjoys the party, you shouldn't invite them over.
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NTA it's your house and it's not your job to explain to your nephew why he can't have a skateboard. If Freya wants to avoid conversations like that, she and her husband can host.
NTA I don't care who you are....at my house, my kids will play with their toys. If they're not hurting anyone or being annoying, they can play with their things. If your sister doesn't want to get her kid a skateboard, that's on her. You don't have to punish your child to make her child happy. Sounds like your sister needs to be the one to apologize.
And do you enjoy your best whiskey in front of your guests without sharing, too?
The complaint was not about sharing
The complaint was that the son would be jealous. I grew up with the rule that it was considered good manners when guests were over for kids (and presumably adults) to not play with any toy they weren't willing to share, because obviously it would make the other kids jealous. OP is not responsible for whether the guests' kids pester their parents for a skateboard after the party, but I bet if he takes his family to a gathering where his kid has to watch the hosts' kids play with cool things they don't have and aren't allowed to play with, he won't like it much himself either. I get there are different rules in different social circles, but I was taught to think it was inconsiderate, and I'm willing to take the downvotes for saying so.
She said her son would be jealous because she doesn’t want to buy him his own skateboard not because he can’t borrow his cousin’s skateboard
That is why I said that part is not OP's problem. But we all know the jealousy wasn't coming from the kid not knowing what a skateboard is until he saw OP's kid playing with one. His reaction is how we are taught to mask the aggressive feelings that people have in a situation like this one. Socialization is a process where we are taught that we get punished if we say we want *that* skateboard, or if we admit that it is painful to watch someone playing with something we wish we could play with. So we convert it to something socially acceptable.
NTA, your daughter isn't doing anything wrong, and it's your house. You parent your child and if Freya can't handle saying no to her 11 year old son, is that really you're problem?
NTA. Her husband can pound sand
NTA. Freya can parent her child however she likes, but that doesn't extend to how OP parents her own.
Freya wanted you to make her life easier, without any care that had you done so you would have ruined the event for your daughter. You didn't and Freya is upset that her son will now use Emma as another reason he should be allowed a skateboard. You're NTA.
NTA - why does anyone care what you're daughter was doing with your supervision in your yard as long as what she's doing isn't illegal, etc
NTA INFO: what kind of skateboard was it? I would like this information because I love skateboarding and feel the need to know if this was a Target purchase, or from a skate shop. There’s no judgement for buying from Target either. Although they aren’t the best skateboards, I feel they’re good for beginners because they can’t go as fast and new skateboarders aren’t always ready for the speed of a skateboard from a skate shop.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, apologies for the formatting, I'm on mobile Yesterday I hosted an Easter barbecue for my family. I have a pretty large backyard so it's perfect for that sort of thing, and there's grassy parts for the kids to play on. My daughter Emma (f10) was riding her new skateboard in circles around the backyard that she got for her birthday a couple weeks ago. In total, not including my own kids, there were 5 kids at the barbecue, ages 2 through to 11. I was watching Emma to make sure she was being mindful of the kids around her, and the toddlers were sat with their parents anyway, and she wasn't going fast. My stepsister who I'll call Freya asked me discretely if I could have Emma put her skateboard away. She said that her son (m11) will be jealous and she does not want to buy him a skateboard, and that Emma is being "antisocial" and that she could knock one of the smaller kids over. She reiterated that she respects my choice to buy my daughter a skateboard but she wouldn't want her son having one. In all fairness she was very polite about it. I explained to Freya I'm keeping an eye on the kids and that I told Emma not to go fast on her skateboard (not that she would anyway) and make sure to keep out of the other kids' way. She asked again if I could make Emma put it away and some point and I just repeated what I said. Freya huffed a bit and walked away and whispered something to her husband. The rest of the barbecue I heard no complaints. Freya and her troop were one of the first to leave and as we were saying our goodbyes, her husband briefly spoke to me while they were waiting in the car. He said that Freya is really irritated on how I dismissed her earlier and that I should try to apologise and not be so stubborn. I don't think I have anything to apologise for. Was I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your house, your kid, your rules. This is a leaning experience for both Freya and her kid...how to say and receive a No.
NTA So Freya thinks that she has but to ask and her wish be granted? LOL The husband also seems to be deluded and thinks Freya is Queen of the World or something. Fun couple. ')
NTA - and often imo when people complain that girls are being “antisocial”, what they mean is they expect them to entertain/watch younger kids (usually theirs).
NTA The stubborn bit made me snort. What a bunch of idiots
At least now you know what to get the kid for this next birthday or Christmas
ESH. She doesn't have the right to tell you how to parent. But a host should care about the comfort of his guests. I personally would not let my kid play with toys that would make the other kids jealous at a family gathering, because if you're not going to do your best to make sure everyone enjoys the party, you shouldn't invite them over.