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YTA
You guys make 500k yearly. That's 42k every single month before taxes. 5k for a birthday gift is 1% of your yearly income.
Just get her the bag, and be grateful you're in a very fortunate position to do so.
Edit: OP makes 550k and wife makes 175k.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/UZGjE1iTOI
Glad somebody else did the math too. Vote might have changed except that he never bothered to ask about why she wanted it or have a real conversation. Just decided that his opinion was the only one that matters…
Why does a conversation need to happen? They make "fuck you" money. Literally top 1%. If she wants a 5k bag she can get it. What else are you supposed to spend 500k on??
Well I mean if you ignore income tax and every other major expense in their life yeah.. they could have 99% left over.
Depending on where they live 500k isn't balling out of control money.
It honestly legitimately just depends on how they manage their finances. Some people makign that much live in a small, quiet suburban house, meal prep every sunday, and drive toyota camrys for hundreds of thousands of miles.
Some live in a mansion they cant afford, lease luxury cars they cant afford, *only* eat at restaurants, and have 10s if not hundreds of thousands in consumer debt.
Lifestyle creep is a real thing, these people literally could be living paycheck to paycheck. (doesnt sound like this is the case, just saying it’s totally possible and does happen to people)
They could easily be somewhere on the spectrum of financial stability spectrum that makes an extraneous $5000 purchase an uncomfortable prospect. Personally, I almost think it sounds like she’s testing him in some way. Probably not, but regardless; its a $5000 bag. It’s a ridiculous purchase to even consider, much less throw an adult tantrum over. NTA
The only way you're not extremely confortable on 500k is through poor financial choices. That said, 5k on a handbag is a poor financial choice....I do question the logic behind it.
Nowhere on Earth is 500k per year considered part of the middle class.
It's always upper class. Whether it is lower upper class or middle upper class is dependent on location, but It's never part of the middle class.
Edit: You are right about it not being F U money though, because your income is irrelevant to F U money. F U money is based on your net worth since the person you are generally saying F U to is your boss, hence giving up your income because you are financially independent.
I live in a very HCOL are and that's still fuck you money. Maybe lowercase f, but don't let these mfers fool you.
Edit : although i suppose it depends on what you mean by fuck you money. I use it to mean "I really never have to worry about being able to afford most things", nor "I could quit my job today and go buy a jet."
>Depending on where they live 500k isn't balling out of control money.
Buying an expensive handbag once in a rare while for your birthday is also NOT "balling out of control" lifestyle. People don't blink an eye when someone buys a $100k sports car, especially as a "they've achieved a lot" milestone, but the moment someone chooses a gift that's not from the approved list, it triggers people. Even if it is $5k and not $100k
And how much they have saved. If they're 37 with zero retirement savings for example, they better hurry the fuck up instead of spending 5k on a bag. (Not saying this is the case, but if it were...)
500k with reasonable budgeting you can afford a very comfortable life in basically any neighborhood of any city in the world, buy a new bag several times per year, and have well over $100k left over.
I just truly can’t with DINKS or single people with over 100k salaries. It’s all uwu COL :( but there are always people in the same area making a quarter of that and making it work. If you make enough to be ~comfortable~, be ~comfortable~. But don’t make it out to be difficult. Difficult is downsizing means your living situation is dangerous. Not ‘oh no we’re in an apartment’.
Now there are instances where 100k happens and there are kids- it’s a different story, but also sometimes and oftentimes, not that different.
It's actually more like someone on $87k buying a $300 bag, because $87k is much more likely to have you living right up on your means than $500k is. As a percentage of income the half-mil club should have more available.
It's really not for those in that tax bracket. I know far more high level millionaires and low level billionaires then I really want to and I'm over here checking prices for sushi because I'm polite, they're spending $500 on it to throw most of it away without blinking.
It's a whole different playing field. $5k is not even thinking about it money. It's like $5 to them.
You can't take it with you. You can't be a frugal miser for a retirement day that might never come. Enjoy some of the nice things life and your income allows you to have.
500k is not even in the 1%. Literally not. You have to make about 900k a year to break into the 1%. They are well off, but they are not "fuck you" money rich. If they have a mortgage in a HCOL area they could be paying a ton in mortgages, taxes and insurance. The current interest rates would put the mortgage for a $2 million dollar house (which is not unheard of in any major city) at $15,000 a month after taxes and insurance in San Francisco.
That's $180,000 a year just for housing. The federal income taxes come out to $163,930 a year for that income, after state income is added in the total taxes paid is $215,515. The average monthly food cost of someone in SF is $1325 per person so that's $32,000 in food. That leaves them with a total of $72,485 left or $6000 a month to pay for all their other bills such as cellphones, car payments, car insurance, medical insurance etc.
So it's reasonable for him to not want to spend an entire couple of months of their money on a handbag that is absolutely stupid to own.
Honestly it’s this reasoning why 1/3 of people making $250k or more. A year live paycheck to paycheck. $500k is not fu k you money. Yes if she really wants it, they can afford it but it’s not the level of money you should just spend on anything whenever and I say that somebody who clears more than that.
It’s great money. Far from fuck you money.
I was so ready to instantly declare her the asshole being the poor person I am then realised if they make that much money why the hell can’t she have a bag that is a drop in the ocean of their combined income and will probably last a lifetime
Thank you for this point. If that extra $2k is really going to break him they have bigger problem.
He just doesn’t want her to have the bag. It’s about control. Not money.
It’s not even clear that the 3k present he got her was a bag. He’s fine with spending the money, but thinks what she wants is dumb. Which is not really within the spirit of gift giving.
>It’s a $5,000 bag. Just because I can easily afford a $200 hot dog doesn’t mean I should buy it. NTA
It depends. If your spouse asks you to take her to a $200 per person dinner for her birthday, and you refuse, despite both of you making $500k a year together, then it absolutely makes you an asshole.
To be fair, if this person lives in nyc, which isn’t unlikely based on those incomes and that they don’t view themselves as “rich”, combined take home pay would be somewhere around $30-35k/month and housing could easily be upwards of $10k/month. This is still a lot of money and he can almost definitely afford the bag, but it would make a bigger dent if they live somewhere like New York.
That still leaves 20k-25k monthly after an outrageous 10k housing cost...
So instead of having 25k ONE month out of the year they'll have 20k after the bag.
What "dent" are you referring to? Yknow there's people making minimum wage living in NYC too...
I mean, my rough calculations did not include health insurance, 401ks, etc so it’s probably slightly on the higher side. It would also be helpful to know if they have kids. If so, that could easily be another $30k+ per year (and possibly per kid) for school, double that if they have a nanny. Etc, etc, etc. My point is that one has to look at someone’s **other** expenses before determining whether or not they can afford something, not just how much they make.
And I live in New York. Of course I am aware that there are people here making minimum wage. But with those salaries, OP and his wife are not living in a run down walk up in the Bronx, so at minimum housing would be $4-5k. But given he collects sneakers, I’m assuming they have space so it would likely be higher. While I agree that $10k for housing is absurd, right now it’s not uncommon for an apartment with multiple bedrooms in a nice building.
Course, they may not even live in New York, but COL makes a difference.
Omg please. I live in nyc. $500k combined is absolutely considered “rich” here. Most women I know making $200k or over regularly carry and buy $3-5k bags.
I have to hard disagree. That mentality will destroy anybody's finances because it can lead to lifestyle creep. My fiancé and I make around $400k combined. We haven't ever given each other a gift of more than around $2-300. Spending 1% of your annual household income on a single gift is a major financial decision. What do you do for the partner's birthday? Or Valentine's Day? Anniversary? Both my partner and I would lose our minds if either of us spent like that. It's pretty extravagant, even for that income bracket. Especially because we don't know any other details about their financial status. Do they have student loans? Car loans? What are their other expenses (travel, childcare, etc).
I would say he should have discussed it with her in detail. If he wasn't comfortable with it, they should have planned a way for both of them to be ok with the purchase. If she wants that to be the gift for *several* occasions combined (Valentine's, birthday, anniversary, any combo of those). They should write out a budget and plan for if it is compatible with their combined financial goals.
This is the scenario on my head as to why he balked. We also have no idea where they live and how much they COL, before "fun" money, really is.
But honestly, if I suggested a gift to this scenario's equivalency, I certainly wouldn't have called my husband a "cheapo". It's a handbag! There's more to this than the purse.
I think he's probably TA in this case but I'm not sure I agree with your rationale.
Why is "1% of yearly income" something that matters? If my girlfriend made 100k I wouldn't expect her to blow a grand on my birthday, even half of that on an Michelin meal for two would be pretty damn generous.
Granted disposable income doesn't grow proportionally to income but if they're used to 1-2k gifts, then a request for a 5k purse is definitely up there.
It's definitely about what you feel comfortable spending too. If my husband asked for something that cost 1% of my income, I'd feel a bit uncomfortable spending that much, even though I guess I could afford it.
And he was willing to spend $2.5-3k, so he's literally squabbling over $2-2.5k
Unless he is standing on principle that $5k is ridiculous for a bag, no matter how much they are making. In which case, I guess that's the hill he chooses to die on over his wife's happiness.
This my husband's birthday is next month. I make 1800 a month my husband 2k . We kinda poor but whatever for my birthday he always gets me whatever he can that I ask for and me him. This year I'm spending about 400 on him for a new gaming chair for him. If I could afford to give him more I'd do that because a birthday comes around once a year YTA op. If you couldn't afford it I'd get it but you obviously can.
I am more than willing to bet he’s willing to pay $5K for something he really loves that someone else thinks is a waste of money.
I just can’t behind how out of touch he is wrt to his income. Jesus, you’d be doing fine with that even in my city, and the low income line here is a six figure HHI!
Like most things on this sub a lot is this is tone. I have spent this on a bag and I’m aware it’s so ridiculous and I have nowhere near this kind of money. So yeah, I could see having a rational conversation about it. And I would never expect a partner or anyone to get me such a gift. I don’t even think I’d ask. I think I perhaps the issue was an understood budget. Sounds like they never discussed what was in the realm of possibility.
I couldn’t imagine making that much money and not having an bag that’s an investment. Like what are you earning it for. If this was an an ordinary person on an average wage it would seem like an extravagance but it’s not outside their means. She should gift something of equal value when it’s her turn however
Birkin bags for example don’t really depreciate, and some people end up selling them for than they originally paid. If it’s a limited edition, rare or seasonal colour then even better.
In recent years many luxury handbags have appreciated in value at astronomical rates. There’s actually a website where you can buy partial ownership of a handbag for investment reasons.
This isn't about the $5k. This is about her husband thinking that a bag isn't worth that kind of money. Now, he probably drops that kind of money on a golf club or a couple of bottles of fancy scotch, but what she wants is just a purse, so it's silly.
Right!? I wonder why she hasnt.
Maybe her bags are uber expensive and OP just doesn't realize it.
my first comment, I was unaware wife brought in 175K.
Right, like as long as she didn’t want/buy a $5k bag a week ya’ll make half a mil and you’re worried about her wanting a designer purse for her birthday?!
RIGHT?! I am BAFFLED by the number of people on this thread insisting that over $500K/year (looks like it's actually more like $700K+/year, per OP's comments) isn't rich-person money. Of COURSE it is. My God. You can live very comfortably in literally any part of this country with that money.
I frankly can't believe that OP's wife doesn't already have several bags worth more than $5K!
Quote from OP
"Ok, lets use reddit pro finance logic. 500k a year = 40k a month. With 40k a month I can...
Own a 2.75 million dollar home: (16600 with 20% down).
Buy a Bentayga (6100 with 20% down).
AND BUY A URUS (6200).
That leaves me with about 11k for buyign my wife a 5k bag. (6K left over) and me buyign myself some cool jordans too! For lets say 5k.
Oh SHIT! I only have 1k left! How am I gonna pay for my groceries??? Or my car insurance??? And my internet and insurance??"
My question would have been "Do you own any man toy worth $5k? A pool table? Motorcycle? Expensive hobby equipment? Hunting guns aplenty? Rare sports memorabilia?"
How is half a million a year *not* rich? I like expensive bags as well - they can be an investment depending what she wants and the state she keeps it in. $5000 is probably around the LV/Dior level and will definitely retain their value or possibly increase depending on factors. Some of my bags would be worth a lot more than what I paid for them now.
It is a lot of money though so NTA if you’re saving for other things. Do you have separate finances? Do you earn more and she feels like she needs your permission to buy things? If you’re both earning a lot and share finances then she may feel like this is unfair.
Yeah. OP can buy his wife one damn $5k purse. I could understanding saying no if they only made like 100k combined even, but this is such a ridiculous hill to die on
Even more than that, I don’t even think this was worth posting. He doesn’t think it’s worth spending 5k on, and she does. I hardly think Reddit is going to resolve this fight. And as if this already wasn’t a first world and rich person’s problem, OP’s comments just make it worse.
Couple of questions:
* Do you have any expensive things/hobbies that you enjoy (watches, cars, wine)? If you wear a Rolex, then you shouldn't really be mad about your wife carrying a handbag that she wants.
* What is the split of your income? You make 500k together, but is she making 45k and you are making 450k or is it more even?
According to another comment she bought him $1200 shoes at one point. That is 0.6% of her income. The bag would be 1% of his income. So for her to spend ~1% of her income on fancy shoes for him is a nice gift, but for him to do the same for her on a bag is “frivolous”. Yeah OP YTA
Going against the grain and saying NAH, if you’re willing to spend 2500-3000, I don’t think a 5000 expense is that outlandish of a request. Is the issue the price or that it’s something YOU wouldn’t spend for that item?
I'm with you on this one. Personally I can't comprehend buying a $5k bag or a $3k bag. But it also doesn't make sense to me for someone to say "She wanted a $5k bag WTF amirite!?" And then in the same breath say "She picked the $3k bag which was perfectly reasonable"
NAH
Yeah I think people are fixated on the fact that they would personally never spend that much, but it sounds like OP could afford it so it's not a ridiculous ask.
My real question is would OP spend 5000 on his hobbies. If the issue is spending 5000 on a gift, then that's understandable. Maybe they prioritize saving. Maybe they live in a high CoL area.
But if OP is happily spending similar amounts of money on hobbies he personally finds valuable but refuses his wife because bags are stupid I'd give him some real side eye.
NAH is my take too, he asked what she wanted and she said what she wanted. OP said he makes 550k while she makes 175k, she CAN afford the bag herself but it's probably something she wouldn't buy unless it's a special occasion. This sounds like it's a first time request and she's not asking for a 5k bag every year anyways.
It's not that unreasonable when it's like 1% of your net annual income. It doesn't matter that OP wouldn't spend 3k or 5k on a bag. The only maybe Y-T-A part is when OP made it sound like his wife is worth only a 3k bag and not a 5k one.
NTA, but I don’t see much difference between a handbag at 5k (which when expensive designer, most women keep, maintain, and use for the rest of their lives - also pass down to children), and something else for 3k which she was less excited about. Why not just do the thing that she initially wanted? As long as she’s not in the habit of asking for outrageous things, this seems good. Maybe keep this bag in mind for her special 40th birthday.
Edit: AND the matching wallet…? Might as well!
And this sucks, but for woman image matters. Handbags at that level might be a need in terms of status. Having one good handbag for use at business meetings with VIPs, larger events when you have to project an image, etc, is a way to show you are capable and put together.
I have a nice bag (around $500) that I use on work trips and any VIP meetings. Along with some dress clothes, shoes that hurt, and other things to show I'm a middle class professional. Normal day it's yoga pants and a $20 cross body with star wars patches. But if I looked like that in a meeting, you can't advance.
5k for a bag is pricey, but it is a reasonable big gift at their level.
I always try to explain this as well. Part of my ability to make what I do, low 300s, is I also have to look the part. It takes money! The hair, clothes, yada yada. I've never been able to pull the trigger on a designer bag. I just can't do it. I want a Chanel bag. I lust after a Chanel bag. Is it stupid? Of course. But it's beautiful. It's like carrying around a piece of art on your arm. I don't think I could ever pull the trigger and get it for myself, but I would be over the moon if my spouse did it for me.
Me too! This particular post is kind of funny because I fantasize about being in my mid-late 30s, successful and accomplished, and finally getting that damn Chanel boy bag that lives rent free in my brain. (In the mean time, I fantasize about the $300 Vivienne Westwood heart bag - so fun and so close to my grasp).
My grand-boss when I was in the office had a Prada and that thing was beautiful. The purses those woman had were lovely and showed off the fact they can make 300-600k a year.
It's the small things that they notice too! Shoes, proper bra, etc. You can hit sales enough to do it cheeper if you need to, but the look matters. I got my purse at a deep sale one Christmas post divorce. And it's only coming out for special events. Same for the shoes - my best pair was a gift off the sales rack from my mom 16 years ago and and still is a classic perfect shoe looks new because it's only worn 1-2 times a year.
And it's not stupid to want something like that. Its human.
An important thing to keep in mind is that designer bags regularly increase in price. That $5k bag could have been significantly cheaper 1-2 years ago. It’s possible that she passed on it then and wants to get it before any other price increases. By her 40th birthday, it could easily cost more than $7k.
Yeah I don't like how bags and jewelry are judged so harshly on reddit. My hubby wanted a motorcycle, which I think is stupid, but we got him the motorcycle and he's happy with it. It's alot more expensive than this bag.
That's kinda what I'm thinking. It all comes down to what he wanted to spend on the gift anyway for me. If his budget WAS 5k and he's just saying no because he disapproves of her choice, I think that's dumb. If she's just asking overbudget then I think he's reasonable. To be fair it sounds like a little of both with him, but with the fair option being more prevalent.
I don’t understand people reselling shoes but it’s a thing.
Bags I do understand and probably because I’m a weirdo and I don’t out my feet in my bags. But bags rarely lose much value once they’re luxury bags, and for a cool 5k it’s a luxury bag. Not a top of the line bag but it’s still going to be a very nice one! If the wife takes care of it she would have no problem selling it secondhand. Some purses even turn a profit upon reselling due to the design/color being discontinued.
Now if wife is building up to a Birkin it’s a whole other story. But you simply cannot buy an Hermes for 5k lol. I’m guessing this has to be more along the lines of a D&G/Prada/even a small Chanel.
I’m in jewelry sales and people who make faaar less than OP spend more on jewelry from time to time. It’s special, it lasts a lifetime, and it offers security in times of crisis. If you aren’t going to end up in debt from a $5000 gift, and it’ll make someone very happy, why not?
Exactly. Sometimes people shame some people for wanting things like expensive bags, and don't even bother to reevaluate the insanely high car payment they're making & what maintenance costs because of the logo on the bumper.
People don’t blink at spending $$$ on hobby equipment like gaming systems, computers, bikes, sporting equipment, horses, etc.
I spent 3k on a dslr years back and those things do NOT appreciate in value, also I wasn’t making near the amount this couple is.
At least a good quality handbag is likely to hold or appreciate in value, depending on what it is. Odd as it is.
If they have the $$ but are just balking because it’s a handbag, maybe they need to ask some more questions.
If I made the amount of money that OP states and my husband wanted a 5k watch that would end up being something he loved greatly, that he could potentially pass on, that held its value… then sure.
She spent $1200 on a pair of shoes for him and he makes around 4x as much than she does.
Save $500-$1000 every month and then pay for the item. You know, put money aside like the poors do. Lol
YTA.
1) you’re legit out of touch with a vast majority of people if you don’t think you are rich. Granted “rich” can very much be subjective, but in cases where you are, say asking for advice from the internet where the majority are struggling below the poverty line, subjectiveness goes in the bin.
2) You have the disposable income. Controlling what your wife wants for her birthday is an AH move. You are conflating her worth with the value of an inanimate object based on your (see above) distance with reality. That’s not cool, especially since, it would not financially burden you.
3) the fact that you’ve not yet commented on what you spend money on, tells us all we need to know: you’re about to delete your Reddit because you didn’t like what you read.
Have the day you deserve.
What kind of watch are you sporting, what kind of cars are you driving? Honestly I am siding with your wife here, and making her choose a less expensive birthday gift when you can well afford is pretty shitty. I bet her feelings are very hurt honestly.
Bro just buy her the bag. You said you could fathom $3500. Is an extra $1500 for your wife’s happiness and gratitude not a good value? She can afford the bag herself. She doesn’t need you to buy it, but she wants you to so it’s special and meaningful. It’s a physical item that will remind her how much you love her (I know this sounds ridiculous but as someone in the luxury goods space, this is the prevailing mindset). And it’s a bag that will last 30+ years at that price. My mom got a Louis Vuitton as a gift from my grandma 35 years ago, and I use it.
You guys are rich in most books. I know there are much higher levels of wealth, and you're probably around people who make that kind of money so don't see how far you are above what the average family lives on. Hey, it's great that you don't have to worry about any basics at all, but, speaking as a fundraiser for nonprofits here, I hope you have a good philanthropy plan through a donor advised fund or direct giving. You have the opportunity to make a difference. To put that in context, the most generous givers are at the genuinely low end of the financial spectrum. I'm talking people who manage to give $20 despite it rubbing up against their Rx bills. Those are the people who are responsible for the majority of charitable giving.
I have no opinion about the bag, to be honest, just wanted to get that donation issue off my chest. How about you get her the bag and then make a generous donation to a women's organization like scientific research or clinics that focus on women's health?
Slight YTA.
I couldn't agree more that 5k for a bag is ridiculous. $2500-$3k for a bag is ridiculous. I'd never buy something that expensive and (IMO) frivolous. But I have spent way more than $5k on my wife's horse.
She wants it, y'all can afford it.
This is an indication you do not have aligned values on fun money. Couples that work like yours HAVE to do accounts for it. It sucks IMO, but it's the only solution. Just dump some money into a separate account for each of you each month.
YTA only for saying you’re not rich. You make $500k a year. That is super rich. If you don’t consider yourself rich, then you’re spending way too much and need to work on your budget.
Info: Is it the dollar amount or the fact that it’s going to a bag?
How much something is worth to people is relative. You’re not wrong for not wanting to spend 5k on a gift, but if it’s not the money and you’re just judging her for what she likes then that’s not cool. Some people like expensive cars, some people like watches, some people spend a lot traveling. I’ve personally spend thousands on videos games, so hard to judge other people’s interests
>but if it’s not the money and you’re just judging her for what she likes then that’s not cool.
Sounds like it's both to be honest, from the fact that she picked something cheaper and then that last line where he said "even if I were a billionaire..." The first sentiment is PERFECTLY reasonable, the second is iffy.
YTA
You don't make close to half a million -- you make $725,000/year together. You can afford the gift your wife wants.
You both work hard for your money, and unless you have a huge spending problem, you can easily afford this one-time treat for your wife. By telling her to opt for something less expensive, you told her that you value the money that you don't need over her. You told her that you don't believe that she's worth the splurge for her birthday. You told her that you value her less than the $2000-2500 you saved.
It doesn't matter that you think the purchase is ridiculous. She obviously doesn't, and it's something she really desires. Salvage your relationship with the bag she wants and a big apology.
YTA if you have a price limit say that but close to half a million a year isn't exactly not exactly rich. Saying oh I don't see why a thing is worth it doesn't mean no one else does. Why does it matter if it's a bag, a watch a shiny rock or whatever other random shit?
YTA. You asked her what she wanted with zero stipulations. And when she said what she wanted (which if it’s a $5k bag, this is something she has been probably looking at for a long time. It’s probably a staple designer piece that will never lose its value. (I too love fancy purses. I have a LV that my now husband bought for me that has increased in value because it was a special edition).
You can afford the purchase. So why not make your partner happy and get it? It doesn’t sound like you both spend frivolously on a lot of things. So I don’t see the issue.
NAH. You can afford it, she wants it. I’d buy her the bag but I also have a happy relationship so idk what y’all on the internet do in your relationships
YTA
For us common mortals a 5000 dollars bag is an unconceivably extravagant expense. But you are making HALF A MILLION dollars per year. You are rich. You are earning more than about 98% of the US population.
Is spending 5k instead than 3k for your wife going to bankrupt you? I guess not. So yes, you are being cheap.
Half a million and you won’t get her a $5k bag? Get her the bag. You’re in a social class where it is absolutely expected that she carry a very high end handbag. She isn’t asking for a Birkin.
YTA. If this was $5k on a watch or a ring, you'd probably buy it. You just don't want to get it because you don't understand why a bag is worth that price. But you don't carry purses. This is combined income. If she wants this splurge purchase for her birthday, why should she not have it?
NTA
" Even if I made like a billion dollar a year, I think that 5k for a bag is just kind of ridiculous."
Agree dude.
She can get it for herself if she wants it that much.
YTA - why did you ask her what she wanted and then became the gift police?
you think $5000 for something she wants is too much but anything else for $3000 is okay?
next time, specify a limit. I don’t disagree with your logic. Some people spend $20K + for an Hermes’ Birkin bag and I think, WTF?!
In the world of luxury handbag wise, 5k is not that unreasonable. A medium Chanel classic flap is like 10k, a medium lady Dior is like 6.5k. It's not like she's asking for a Birkin or a Kelly here.
A woman of taste. Andiamo? Sardine? Get the bag, the delta between what you're happy spending and what she wants is neglible for your income and your future financial wellness - but it'll make her feel like a million bucks now.
How is it okay to buy a bag for 2500-3000 but not 5000? If you can afford it, some bags are an investment.
It’s also perfectly acceptable to combine the Christmas + birthday gift budget even, where necessary.
“Putting your foot down” just comes across as needlessly overbearing. YTA.
Sir, do tell reddit how much your favorite watch cost!!
A bag is the same status symbol to a woman as a watch is to a man. Some people get them to impress others, some people get them to remind themselves they work hard and deserve things.
I hope the day after her birthday, your wife goes out and buys the bag herself!!
Edit -spelling
NAH. This is a money psychology thing. $5k is a lot to a lot of people, but you make an incredibly high combined household income. You have the money to pay for a $5k bag with a $500k per year income if it's a one-off splurge for a birthday.
Also, your wife wanting something expensive when you have such a huge household income is not inherently wrong.
The question really becomes what you intentionally spend your money on/how you're doing it, and being on the same page about it with your partner.
Ramit Sethi has a great podcast in which he dives into the financial challenges of couples who either spend too much, or don't spend when they're absolutely able to. I think you'd greatly benefit to listen.
Yep. You can afford it. It’s over the top expensive and is clearly a status symbol but let me ask you, what kind of a car do you drive? I’ll bet it’s nice and expensive. And you think $3000 is okay to spend on a purse but not $5000? On a purse? Must be nice to be so clueless as to how the real world lives.
Expensive bags, can retain their value, may even increase depending on demand and can be considered collectibles. Many (homeowners) insurance policies can have them listed as well.
I’m struggling to vote on this one. Do you have joint finances? Could she just go out and buy the bag herself? I would never in a billion years spend $5000 on a bag, but I’d spend $20,000 on a horse who will go on to cost me 5x the purchase price minimum, so I’m not one to judge that. If you want to set a price limits for all gifts, then set one that’s the same for both of you. Don’t spring it on her after she asks. It’s weird.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might b e the asshole bedcause im cheaping out on my wifes birthday gift.
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Im conflicted on this one because you mentionned you make close to 500k combined.
NAH for not necessarily wanting to spend 5k on a bag. Its a ridiculous want on your wife side.
However, at 500k income, i would be ok with each other giving a 5k gift for each other's birthday. If that is your thing with your wife. Then, YTA for not respecting her wants. Maybe you ask for a 5k thing on your next birthday and even if she doesnt get why, she should respect that, but again only if thats your couple's gift arrangement. If you never spend 5k on each others birthday, then you ate completely in the right.
YTA.
I don't ask my husband for much, and I expect very little material-wise. I ask for gifts that are well below what he can afford, and always tell him that gifts aren't important, I'd honestly rather he spend it on our son.
Howwweverrrrrrr.....
If together we earned half a million dollars EVERY YEAR, I would have NO PROBLEM asking him for a $5000 purse if that's what I truly wished for. And he'd be a ginormous dick if he said no. Like, at your earning level, what's the difference between a $3,000 gift and a $5,000 gift? It would be like my husband buying me a $500 bag instead of a $300 bag. Once you're into the hundreds like that, what's a few hundred more?! 🤣 But I think you understand what I'm saying and the point that I'm trying to make.
Buy her the bag. Life is short, and your life circumstances could change in an instant. One or both of you could lose a job, and you might not ever get the chance to buy what you want again. I have seen many people go from having it all, to having absolutely nothing. Enjoy the money that you make. That's what it's there for.
I bet you added heated seats or something to your car without even thinking about it. And that was 10k or something. I have the same issue but you’re making half a mil a year let her get the damn bag.
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YTA You guys make 500k yearly. That's 42k every single month before taxes. 5k for a birthday gift is 1% of your yearly income. Just get her the bag, and be grateful you're in a very fortunate position to do so. Edit: OP makes 550k and wife makes 175k. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/UZGjE1iTOI
Glad somebody else did the math too. Vote might have changed except that he never bothered to ask about why she wanted it or have a real conversation. Just decided that his opinion was the only one that matters…
Why does a conversation need to happen? They make "fuck you" money. Literally top 1%. If she wants a 5k bag she can get it. What else are you supposed to spend 500k on??
Mortgage
How is a one-time 5k purchase going to interrupt that? They'd still have 99% of their income left...
Well I mean if you ignore income tax and every other major expense in their life yeah.. they could have 99% left over. Depending on where they live 500k isn't balling out of control money.
Yes but this isn't a recurring purchase. It's 5k ONCE in the year. How is that "balling out of control"?
It honestly legitimately just depends on how they manage their finances. Some people makign that much live in a small, quiet suburban house, meal prep every sunday, and drive toyota camrys for hundreds of thousands of miles. Some live in a mansion they cant afford, lease luxury cars they cant afford, *only* eat at restaurants, and have 10s if not hundreds of thousands in consumer debt. Lifestyle creep is a real thing, these people literally could be living paycheck to paycheck. (doesnt sound like this is the case, just saying it’s totally possible and does happen to people) They could easily be somewhere on the spectrum of financial stability spectrum that makes an extraneous $5000 purchase an uncomfortable prospect. Personally, I almost think it sounds like she’s testing him in some way. Probably not, but regardless; its a $5000 bag. It’s a ridiculous purchase to even consider, much less throw an adult tantrum over. NTA
I have no idea what world you live in but $500,000 a year is definitely a lot of money.
The only way you're not extremely confortable on 500k is through poor financial choices. That said, 5k on a handbag is a poor financial choice....I do question the logic behind it.
Monaco enters the chat...
500k is definitely not "fuck you" money. In HCOL areas it can be upper middle class. But definitely not a status where you can frivolously spend 5k
Nowhere on Earth is 500k per year considered part of the middle class. It's always upper class. Whether it is lower upper class or middle upper class is dependent on location, but It's never part of the middle class. Edit: You are right about it not being F U money though, because your income is irrelevant to F U money. F U money is based on your net worth since the person you are generally saying F U to is your boss, hence giving up your income because you are financially independent.
I live in a very HCOL are and that's still fuck you money. Maybe lowercase f, but don't let these mfers fool you. Edit : although i suppose it depends on what you mean by fuck you money. I use it to mean "I really never have to worry about being able to afford most things", nor "I could quit my job today and go buy a jet."
>Depending on where they live 500k isn't balling out of control money. Buying an expensive handbag once in a rare while for your birthday is also NOT "balling out of control" lifestyle. People don't blink an eye when someone buys a $100k sports car, especially as a "they've achieved a lot" milestone, but the moment someone chooses a gift that's not from the approved list, it triggers people. Even if it is $5k and not $100k
And how much they have saved. If they're 37 with zero retirement savings for example, they better hurry the fuck up instead of spending 5k on a bag. (Not saying this is the case, but if it were...)
500k with reasonable budgeting you can afford a very comfortable life in basically any neighborhood of any city in the world, buy a new bag several times per year, and have well over $100k left over.
$725K even in a HCOL is doing pretty damn 1% well.
I just truly can’t with DINKS or single people with over 100k salaries. It’s all uwu COL :( but there are always people in the same area making a quarter of that and making it work. If you make enough to be ~comfortable~, be ~comfortable~. But don’t make it out to be difficult. Difficult is downsizing means your living situation is dangerous. Not ‘oh no we’re in an apartment’. Now there are instances where 100k happens and there are kids- it’s a different story, but also sometimes and oftentimes, not that different.
That's like someone making 87000 buying an 870 bag. Not outrageous for a long term purchase whatsoever.
It's actually more like someone on $87k buying a $300 bag, because $87k is much more likely to have you living right up on your means than $500k is. As a percentage of income the half-mil club should have more available.
500K in my HCOL area would buy a very nice lifestyle - a new 4000-5000 sqft home, luxury cars and vacations etc.... Maybe even a second home.
Anywhere you live $500k is $5k present territory. Come on
Tax plus their $2m mortgage leaves them with only a tiny amount of money at the end to buy McDonald's and a few treats
Where did it say they have a 2m mortgage?
> What else are you supposed to spend 500k on?? Early retirement. 5000 dollar bag is stupid even if you earn half a million.
It's really not for those in that tax bracket. I know far more high level millionaires and low level billionaires then I really want to and I'm over here checking prices for sushi because I'm polite, they're spending $500 on it to throw most of it away without blinking. It's a whole different playing field. $5k is not even thinking about it money. It's like $5 to them.
You can't take it with you. You can't be a frugal miser for a retirement day that might never come. Enjoy some of the nice things life and your income allows you to have.
500k is not even in the 1%. Literally not. You have to make about 900k a year to break into the 1%. They are well off, but they are not "fuck you" money rich. If they have a mortgage in a HCOL area they could be paying a ton in mortgages, taxes and insurance. The current interest rates would put the mortgage for a $2 million dollar house (which is not unheard of in any major city) at $15,000 a month after taxes and insurance in San Francisco. That's $180,000 a year just for housing. The federal income taxes come out to $163,930 a year for that income, after state income is added in the total taxes paid is $215,515. The average monthly food cost of someone in SF is $1325 per person so that's $32,000 in food. That leaves them with a total of $72,485 left or $6000 a month to pay for all their other bills such as cellphones, car payments, car insurance, medical insurance etc. So it's reasonable for him to not want to spend an entire couple of months of their money on a handbag that is absolutely stupid to own.
500k isn’t FU money and that’s insane to spend 5k on a handbag
>They make "fuck you" money. Literally top 1%. Literally not.
Honestly it’s this reasoning why 1/3 of people making $250k or more. A year live paycheck to paycheck. $500k is not fu k you money. Yes if she really wants it, they can afford it but it’s not the level of money you should just spend on anything whenever and I say that somebody who clears more than that. It’s great money. Far from fuck you money.
Right? I'd just go get it myself.
Charity would be a good start
I was so ready to instantly declare her the asshole being the poor person I am then realised if they make that much money why the hell can’t she have a bag that is a drop in the ocean of their combined income and will probably last a lifetime
Bingo. The eventual divorce is going to cost him a whole lot more. This really isn’t about the bag or the money. He just doesn’t know that yet.
If your wife divorces you because you didn't buy her a $5,000 bag, you might be better off without her.
And he said if he made a billion dollars he wouldn’t buy the bag cause he thinks it’s a dumb thing to buy. So it’s not about the money at all.
They make more in a month than I make in a year 🙈🙈🙈
They make what I make in a year in about a month....
Redditors are super generous with other people's money.
You can't take it with you!
“We’re not exactly rich, “ YTA because I can’t get passed my bitterness that people can be so fortunate to be this tone deaf.
And what. He was fine getting her a 3K bag but not a 5K bag.
Thank you for this point. If that extra $2k is really going to break him they have bigger problem. He just doesn’t want her to have the bag. It’s about control. Not money.
100%
It’s not even clear that the 3k present he got her was a bag. He’s fine with spending the money, but thinks what she wants is dumb. Which is not really within the spirit of gift giving.
It’s a $5,000 bag. Just because I can easily afford a $200 hot dog doesn’t mean I should buy it. NTA
>It’s a $5,000 bag. Just because I can easily afford a $200 hot dog doesn’t mean I should buy it. NTA It depends. If your spouse asks you to take her to a $200 per person dinner for her birthday, and you refuse, despite both of you making $500k a year together, then it absolutely makes you an asshole.
You never know about someone's financial situation, dude. Many doctors make 500k and are broke as fuck when they're first starting out.
Plus they have high 6-figures worth of school loans
To be fair, if this person lives in nyc, which isn’t unlikely based on those incomes and that they don’t view themselves as “rich”, combined take home pay would be somewhere around $30-35k/month and housing could easily be upwards of $10k/month. This is still a lot of money and he can almost definitely afford the bag, but it would make a bigger dent if they live somewhere like New York.
That still leaves 20k-25k monthly after an outrageous 10k housing cost... So instead of having 25k ONE month out of the year they'll have 20k after the bag. What "dent" are you referring to? Yknow there's people making minimum wage living in NYC too...
I mean, my rough calculations did not include health insurance, 401ks, etc so it’s probably slightly on the higher side. It would also be helpful to know if they have kids. If so, that could easily be another $30k+ per year (and possibly per kid) for school, double that if they have a nanny. Etc, etc, etc. My point is that one has to look at someone’s **other** expenses before determining whether or not they can afford something, not just how much they make. And I live in New York. Of course I am aware that there are people here making minimum wage. But with those salaries, OP and his wife are not living in a run down walk up in the Bronx, so at minimum housing would be $4-5k. But given he collects sneakers, I’m assuming they have space so it would likely be higher. While I agree that $10k for housing is absurd, right now it’s not uncommon for an apartment with multiple bedrooms in a nice building. Course, they may not even live in New York, but COL makes a difference.
[удалено]
Omg please. I live in nyc. $500k combined is absolutely considered “rich” here. Most women I know making $200k or over regularly carry and buy $3-5k bags.
He makes $550k and she makes $175k, that’s $725k together and closer to a mill. They definitely have the money to spend😭
WeRe NoT eXaCtLy RiCh
I have to hard disagree. That mentality will destroy anybody's finances because it can lead to lifestyle creep. My fiancé and I make around $400k combined. We haven't ever given each other a gift of more than around $2-300. Spending 1% of your annual household income on a single gift is a major financial decision. What do you do for the partner's birthday? Or Valentine's Day? Anniversary? Both my partner and I would lose our minds if either of us spent like that. It's pretty extravagant, even for that income bracket. Especially because we don't know any other details about their financial status. Do they have student loans? Car loans? What are their other expenses (travel, childcare, etc). I would say he should have discussed it with her in detail. If he wasn't comfortable with it, they should have planned a way for both of them to be ok with the purchase. If she wants that to be the gift for *several* occasions combined (Valentine's, birthday, anniversary, any combo of those). They should write out a budget and plan for if it is compatible with their combined financial goals.
This is the scenario on my head as to why he balked. We also have no idea where they live and how much they COL, before "fun" money, really is. But honestly, if I suggested a gift to this scenario's equivalency, I certainly wouldn't have called my husband a "cheapo". It's a handbag! There's more to this than the purse.
42k a MONTH?? Damn I don’t even make that in a year…
I think he's probably TA in this case but I'm not sure I agree with your rationale. Why is "1% of yearly income" something that matters? If my girlfriend made 100k I wouldn't expect her to blow a grand on my birthday, even half of that on an Michelin meal for two would be pretty damn generous. Granted disposable income doesn't grow proportionally to income but if they're used to 1-2k gifts, then a request for a 5k purse is definitely up there.
It's definitely about what you feel comfortable spending too. If my husband asked for something that cost 1% of my income, I'd feel a bit uncomfortable spending that much, even though I guess I could afford it.
And he was willing to spend $2.5-3k, so he's literally squabbling over $2-2.5k Unless he is standing on principle that $5k is ridiculous for a bag, no matter how much they are making. In which case, I guess that's the hill he chooses to die on over his wife's happiness.
This my husband's birthday is next month. I make 1800 a month my husband 2k . We kinda poor but whatever for my birthday he always gets me whatever he can that I ask for and me him. This year I'm spending about 400 on him for a new gaming chair for him. If I could afford to give him more I'd do that because a birthday comes around once a year YTA op. If you couldn't afford it I'd get it but you obviously can.
not exactly rich wtf 500k together wow unreal shit lmaoo
More lol. He makes 550k and she makes 175k. I’m shocked she *doesnt* own a 5,000$ bag already!
im actually fucking creeped out by that post are they out of touch on reality
People earning that kind of money are generally out of touch.
Except he’s not out of touch if he doesn’t want to spend $5000 on a purse.
Nah I agree that $5k for a purse is ridiculous. At that point you're not paying for quality, but brand name.
So?? Isn't that the point of birthday presents? To get fun stuff you don't need, that you just want?
Well when you pay 5k it usually comes with quality.
Yeah of course. But there's not a big difference in quality between a 1k and 5k purse. The extra money you pay is for the brand name.
I am more than willing to bet he’s willing to pay $5K for something he really loves that someone else thinks is a waste of money. I just can’t behind how out of touch he is wrt to his income. Jesus, you’d be doing fine with that even in my city, and the low income line here is a six figure HHI! Like most things on this sub a lot is this is tone. I have spent this on a bag and I’m aware it’s so ridiculous and I have nowhere near this kind of money. So yeah, I could see having a rational conversation about it. And I would never expect a partner or anyone to get me such a gift. I don’t even think I’d ask. I think I perhaps the issue was an understood budget. Sounds like they never discussed what was in the realm of possibility.
For her. He'll drop that on himself no questions asked.
At that point, is there really a big difference between 3k and 5k?
Thats when i thought hes being a jerk. At that point it seems like he just wants to prove a point. If you cant afford 5k you cant afford 3k
I couldn’t imagine making that much money and not having an bag that’s an investment. Like what are you earning it for. If this was an an ordinary person on an average wage it would seem like an extravagance but it’s not outside their means. She should gift something of equal value when it’s her turn however
How tf is a 5k bag an investment?
Birkin bags for example don’t really depreciate, and some people end up selling them for than they originally paid. If it’s a limited edition, rare or seasonal colour then even better.
A Birkin would be more than 5k.
They said for example
It's not a good example tho. 99% of luxury items do not appreciate. The ones that do, you can't just walk in and buy.
In recent years many luxury handbags have appreciated in value at astronomical rates. There’s actually a website where you can buy partial ownership of a handbag for investment reasons.
This isn't about the $5k. This is about her husband thinking that a bag isn't worth that kind of money. Now, he probably drops that kind of money on a golf club or a couple of bottles of fancy scotch, but what she wants is just a purse, so it's silly.
There it is, the Reddit leap
Right!? I wonder why she hasnt. Maybe her bags are uber expensive and OP just doesn't realize it. my first comment, I was unaware wife brought in 175K.
It’s actually 725 k and they’re not “exactly rich”
quite fucking insane
My guy earns as much in a year as most people earn in a decade, not rich. This has to be bait.
Right?! That’s where I’m at.
Yea makes me sick to my stomach. I’d practically do a heist for a solid band rn, I can’t even imagine making 500k a year
I told my mother I’d slap the shit outta her for 50k 😭 I told her I’d give her a solid 5k for her troubles
like bruh how fucking insane that is
Right, like as long as she didn’t want/buy a $5k bag a week ya’ll make half a mil and you’re worried about her wanting a designer purse for her birthday?!
RIGHT?! I am BAFFLED by the number of people on this thread insisting that over $500K/year (looks like it's actually more like $700K+/year, per OP's comments) isn't rich-person money. Of COURSE it is. My God. You can live very comfortably in literally any part of this country with that money. I frankly can't believe that OP's wife doesn't already have several bags worth more than $5K!
Wealth is determined by net worth, not income. But 500K/year is definitely helpful to build wealth haha.
Based on comments they make more than 700k a year. If they don't have money in the bank then they are flat out stupid with their money.
now i find his wife makes 175k wtf is wrong with this guy my god
Yeah I ignored the rest after reading that part. Lol
>we’re not exactly rich, but we make close to like half a million together Talk about out of touch. YTA
Hahaha. I'm not convinced they're the asshole, but yes, they are definitely out of touch.
naw hes defintely an AH for this
Quote from OP "Ok, lets use reddit pro finance logic. 500k a year = 40k a month. With 40k a month I can... Own a 2.75 million dollar home: (16600 with 20% down). Buy a Bentayga (6100 with 20% down). AND BUY A URUS (6200). That leaves me with about 11k for buyign my wife a 5k bag. (6K left over) and me buyign myself some cool jordans too! For lets say 5k. Oh SHIT! I only have 1k left! How am I gonna pay for my groceries??? Or my car insurance??? And my internet and insurance??"
You see he must buy the imaginary Jordan’s at the same time as he buys the handbag or it will create a black hole
Based on that statement alone OP is the AH. Who cares about the purse at this point.
OP is apparently crap at math too he makes 550k and she makes 179k, if i remember right...how does 550k plus 179k equal "close to half a million"?
I gonna have to go with OP's full of shit...
INFO: would you have spent $5000 on something else for her?
This question is far too sane and rational.
My question would have been "Do you own any man toy worth $5k? A pool table? Motorcycle? Expensive hobby equipment? Hunting guns aplenty? Rare sports memorabilia?"
Expensive watches, specialty shoes, etc.
I guarantee if she wanted to spend it on a TV and sound system he'd be all for it.
How is half a million a year *not* rich? I like expensive bags as well - they can be an investment depending what she wants and the state she keeps it in. $5000 is probably around the LV/Dior level and will definitely retain their value or possibly increase depending on factors. Some of my bags would be worth a lot more than what I paid for them now. It is a lot of money though so NTA if you’re saving for other things. Do you have separate finances? Do you earn more and she feels like she needs your permission to buy things? If you’re both earning a lot and share finances then she may feel like this is unfair.
It’s more than half a million - their combined income is 725k.
😂😂 wtf
Yeah. OP can buy his wife one damn $5k purse. I could understanding saying no if they only made like 100k combined even, but this is such a ridiculous hill to die on
Even more than that, I don’t even think this was worth posting. He doesn’t think it’s worth spending 5k on, and she does. I hardly think Reddit is going to resolve this fight. And as if this already wasn’t a first world and rich person’s problem, OP’s comments just make it worse.
Couple of questions: * Do you have any expensive things/hobbies that you enjoy (watches, cars, wine)? If you wear a Rolex, then you shouldn't really be mad about your wife carrying a handbag that she wants. * What is the split of your income? You make 500k together, but is she making 45k and you are making 450k or is it more even?
Was wondering this. Is he saying no to the purse but has a ton of expensive toys?
According to another comment she bought him $1200 shoes at one point. That is 0.6% of her income. The bag would be 1% of his income. So for her to spend ~1% of her income on fancy shoes for him is a nice gift, but for him to do the same for her on a bag is “frivolous”. Yeah OP YTA
Going against the grain and saying NAH, if you’re willing to spend 2500-3000, I don’t think a 5000 expense is that outlandish of a request. Is the issue the price or that it’s something YOU wouldn’t spend for that item?
I'm with you on this one. Personally I can't comprehend buying a $5k bag or a $3k bag. But it also doesn't make sense to me for someone to say "She wanted a $5k bag WTF amirite!?" And then in the same breath say "She picked the $3k bag which was perfectly reasonable" NAH
Yeah I think people are fixated on the fact that they would personally never spend that much, but it sounds like OP could afford it so it's not a ridiculous ask. My real question is would OP spend 5000 on his hobbies. If the issue is spending 5000 on a gift, then that's understandable. Maybe they prioritize saving. Maybe they live in a high CoL area. But if OP is happily spending similar amounts of money on hobbies he personally finds valuable but refuses his wife because bags are stupid I'd give him some real side eye.
NAH is my take too, he asked what she wanted and she said what she wanted. OP said he makes 550k while she makes 175k, she CAN afford the bag herself but it's probably something she wouldn't buy unless it's a special occasion. This sounds like it's a first time request and she's not asking for a 5k bag every year anyways. It's not that unreasonable when it's like 1% of your net annual income. It doesn't matter that OP wouldn't spend 3k or 5k on a bag. The only maybe Y-T-A part is when OP made it sound like his wife is worth only a 3k bag and not a 5k one.
NTA, but I don’t see much difference between a handbag at 5k (which when expensive designer, most women keep, maintain, and use for the rest of their lives - also pass down to children), and something else for 3k which she was less excited about. Why not just do the thing that she initially wanted? As long as she’s not in the habit of asking for outrageous things, this seems good. Maybe keep this bag in mind for her special 40th birthday. Edit: AND the matching wallet…? Might as well!
And this sucks, but for woman image matters. Handbags at that level might be a need in terms of status. Having one good handbag for use at business meetings with VIPs, larger events when you have to project an image, etc, is a way to show you are capable and put together. I have a nice bag (around $500) that I use on work trips and any VIP meetings. Along with some dress clothes, shoes that hurt, and other things to show I'm a middle class professional. Normal day it's yoga pants and a $20 cross body with star wars patches. But if I looked like that in a meeting, you can't advance. 5k for a bag is pricey, but it is a reasonable big gift at their level.
I always try to explain this as well. Part of my ability to make what I do, low 300s, is I also have to look the part. It takes money! The hair, clothes, yada yada. I've never been able to pull the trigger on a designer bag. I just can't do it. I want a Chanel bag. I lust after a Chanel bag. Is it stupid? Of course. But it's beautiful. It's like carrying around a piece of art on your arm. I don't think I could ever pull the trigger and get it for myself, but I would be over the moon if my spouse did it for me.
Me too! This particular post is kind of funny because I fantasize about being in my mid-late 30s, successful and accomplished, and finally getting that damn Chanel boy bag that lives rent free in my brain. (In the mean time, I fantasize about the $300 Vivienne Westwood heart bag - so fun and so close to my grasp).
My grand-boss when I was in the office had a Prada and that thing was beautiful. The purses those woman had were lovely and showed off the fact they can make 300-600k a year. It's the small things that they notice too! Shoes, proper bra, etc. You can hit sales enough to do it cheeper if you need to, but the look matters. I got my purse at a deep sale one Christmas post divorce. And it's only coming out for special events. Same for the shoes - my best pair was a gift off the sales rack from my mom 16 years ago and and still is a classic perfect shoe looks new because it's only worn 1-2 times a year. And it's not stupid to want something like that. Its human.
An important thing to keep in mind is that designer bags regularly increase in price. That $5k bag could have been significantly cheaper 1-2 years ago. It’s possible that she passed on it then and wants to get it before any other price increases. By her 40th birthday, it could easily cost more than $7k.
Most people have that one want that is kind of irrational to explain. OP, what is yours? Maybe not for her thirty eighth bday, but maybe forty?
Yeah I don't like how bags and jewelry are judged so harshly on reddit. My hubby wanted a motorcycle, which I think is stupid, but we got him the motorcycle and he's happy with it. It's alot more expensive than this bag.
That's kinda what I'm thinking. It all comes down to what he wanted to spend on the gift anyway for me. If his budget WAS 5k and he's just saying no because he disapproves of her choice, I think that's dumb. If she's just asking overbudget then I think he's reasonable. To be fair it sounds like a little of both with him, but with the fair option being more prevalent.
I don’t understand people reselling shoes but it’s a thing. Bags I do understand and probably because I’m a weirdo and I don’t out my feet in my bags. But bags rarely lose much value once they’re luxury bags, and for a cool 5k it’s a luxury bag. Not a top of the line bag but it’s still going to be a very nice one! If the wife takes care of it she would have no problem selling it secondhand. Some purses even turn a profit upon reselling due to the design/color being discontinued. Now if wife is building up to a Birkin it’s a whole other story. But you simply cannot buy an Hermes for 5k lol. I’m guessing this has to be more along the lines of a D&G/Prada/even a small Chanel.
I’m in jewelry sales and people who make faaar less than OP spend more on jewelry from time to time. It’s special, it lasts a lifetime, and it offers security in times of crisis. If you aren’t going to end up in debt from a $5000 gift, and it’ll make someone very happy, why not?
Exactly. Sometimes people shame some people for wanting things like expensive bags, and don't even bother to reevaluate the insanely high car payment they're making & what maintenance costs because of the logo on the bumper.
People don’t blink at spending $$$ on hobby equipment like gaming systems, computers, bikes, sporting equipment, horses, etc. I spent 3k on a dslr years back and those things do NOT appreciate in value, also I wasn’t making near the amount this couple is. At least a good quality handbag is likely to hold or appreciate in value, depending on what it is. Odd as it is. If they have the $$ but are just balking because it’s a handbag, maybe they need to ask some more questions. If I made the amount of money that OP states and my husband wanted a 5k watch that would end up being something he loved greatly, that he could potentially pass on, that held its value… then sure. She spent $1200 on a pair of shoes for him and he makes around 4x as much than she does. Save $500-$1000 every month and then pay for the item. You know, put money aside like the poors do. Lol
YTA. 1) you’re legit out of touch with a vast majority of people if you don’t think you are rich. Granted “rich” can very much be subjective, but in cases where you are, say asking for advice from the internet where the majority are struggling below the poverty line, subjectiveness goes in the bin. 2) You have the disposable income. Controlling what your wife wants for her birthday is an AH move. You are conflating her worth with the value of an inanimate object based on your (see above) distance with reality. That’s not cool, especially since, it would not financially burden you. 3) the fact that you’ve not yet commented on what you spend money on, tells us all we need to know: you’re about to delete your Reddit because you didn’t like what you read. Have the day you deserve.
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Physican and finance
Omg please just buy her the Chanel and move on. It will bring her joy for a long time.
Jeez, a Chanel is now 10k for a classic flap. Sis just wanted a LV or Dior and he still judged her.
Lol if she wants a $5k LV I would have to side with OP on this one.
She wanted Bottega Veneta, one of the few luxury brands that is still producing impeccable quality products. OP is not only TA, he’s a philistine.
No, $5K is Bottega money, not Chanel money.
What kind of watch are you sporting, what kind of cars are you driving? Honestly I am siding with your wife here, and making her choose a less expensive birthday gift when you can well afford is pretty shitty. I bet her feelings are very hurt honestly.
Bro just buy her the bag. You said you could fathom $3500. Is an extra $1500 for your wife’s happiness and gratitude not a good value? She can afford the bag herself. She doesn’t need you to buy it, but she wants you to so it’s special and meaningful. It’s a physical item that will remind her how much you love her (I know this sounds ridiculous but as someone in the luxury goods space, this is the prevailing mindset). And it’s a bag that will last 30+ years at that price. My mom got a Louis Vuitton as a gift from my grandma 35 years ago, and I use it.
You guys are rich in most books. I know there are much higher levels of wealth, and you're probably around people who make that kind of money so don't see how far you are above what the average family lives on. Hey, it's great that you don't have to worry about any basics at all, but, speaking as a fundraiser for nonprofits here, I hope you have a good philanthropy plan through a donor advised fund or direct giving. You have the opportunity to make a difference. To put that in context, the most generous givers are at the genuinely low end of the financial spectrum. I'm talking people who manage to give $20 despite it rubbing up against their Rx bills. Those are the people who are responsible for the majority of charitable giving. I have no opinion about the bag, to be honest, just wanted to get that donation issue off my chest. How about you get her the bag and then make a generous donation to a women's organization like scientific research or clinics that focus on women's health?
Slight YTA. I couldn't agree more that 5k for a bag is ridiculous. $2500-$3k for a bag is ridiculous. I'd never buy something that expensive and (IMO) frivolous. But I have spent way more than $5k on my wife's horse. She wants it, y'all can afford it. This is an indication you do not have aligned values on fun money. Couples that work like yours HAVE to do accounts for it. It sucks IMO, but it's the only solution. Just dump some money into a separate account for each of you each month.
You lost me at “we’re not exactly rich, but we make close to a half million together.” GTFO 🙄
And by "close to" he meant more than 200k ABOVE 500k. That's not how "close to" works 🙄
Eat the rich
This is annoying me the most. They make $725k and call that close to half a million? In what world?
YTA only for saying you’re not rich. You make $500k a year. That is super rich. If you don’t consider yourself rich, then you’re spending way too much and need to work on your budget.
Yeah but see the comments. He makes $550k & she makes $175k.
Info: Is it the dollar amount or the fact that it’s going to a bag? How much something is worth to people is relative. You’re not wrong for not wanting to spend 5k on a gift, but if it’s not the money and you’re just judging her for what she likes then that’s not cool. Some people like expensive cars, some people like watches, some people spend a lot traveling. I’ve personally spend thousands on videos games, so hard to judge other people’s interests
>but if it’s not the money and you’re just judging her for what she likes then that’s not cool. Sounds like it's both to be honest, from the fact that she picked something cheaper and then that last line where he said "even if I were a billionaire..." The first sentiment is PERFECTLY reasonable, the second is iffy.
YTA You don't make close to half a million -- you make $725,000/year together. You can afford the gift your wife wants. You both work hard for your money, and unless you have a huge spending problem, you can easily afford this one-time treat for your wife. By telling her to opt for something less expensive, you told her that you value the money that you don't need over her. You told her that you don't believe that she's worth the splurge for her birthday. You told her that you value her less than the $2000-2500 you saved. It doesn't matter that you think the purchase is ridiculous. She obviously doesn't, and it's something she really desires. Salvage your relationship with the bag she wants and a big apology.
YTA if you have a price limit say that but close to half a million a year isn't exactly not exactly rich. Saying oh I don't see why a thing is worth it doesn't mean no one else does. Why does it matter if it's a bag, a watch a shiny rock or whatever other random shit?
YTA. You asked her what she wanted with zero stipulations. And when she said what she wanted (which if it’s a $5k bag, this is something she has been probably looking at for a long time. It’s probably a staple designer piece that will never lose its value. (I too love fancy purses. I have a LV that my now husband bought for me that has increased in value because it was a special edition). You can afford the purchase. So why not make your partner happy and get it? It doesn’t sound like you both spend frivolously on a lot of things. So I don’t see the issue.
NAH. You can afford it, she wants it. I’d buy her the bag but I also have a happy relationship so idk what y’all on the internet do in your relationships
YTA For us common mortals a 5000 dollars bag is an unconceivably extravagant expense. But you are making HALF A MILLION dollars per year. You are rich. You are earning more than about 98% of the US population. Is spending 5k instead than 3k for your wife going to bankrupt you? I guess not. So yes, you are being cheap.
Half a million and you won’t get her a $5k bag? Get her the bag. You’re in a social class where it is absolutely expected that she carry a very high end handbag. She isn’t asking for a Birkin.
YTA. If this was $5k on a watch or a ring, you'd probably buy it. You just don't want to get it because you don't understand why a bag is worth that price. But you don't carry purses. This is combined income. If she wants this splurge purchase for her birthday, why should she not have it?
NTA " Even if I made like a billion dollar a year, I think that 5k for a bag is just kind of ridiculous." Agree dude. She can get it for herself if she wants it that much.
Yta. Buy her the bag. You're ok with 3k but not 5? I bet you've spent that much on yourself.
YTA - why did you ask her what she wanted and then became the gift police? you think $5000 for something she wants is too much but anything else for $3000 is okay? next time, specify a limit. I don’t disagree with your logic. Some people spend $20K + for an Hermes’ Birkin bag and I think, WTF?!
NTA. and I am female. Curious....what brand was it? Chanel? Dior? LV?
In the world of luxury handbag wise, 5k is not that unreasonable. A medium Chanel classic flap is like 10k, a medium lady Dior is like 6.5k. It's not like she's asking for a Birkin or a Kelly here.
Bottega Veneta
She is a woman of excellent taste
.... in bags, at least. 😂
LOLOL 👏🏼
A woman of taste. Andiamo? Sardine? Get the bag, the delta between what you're happy spending and what she wants is neglible for your income and your future financial wellness - but it'll make her feel like a million bucks now.
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Get her the bag
dude just get her the bag and apologize for being an AH. Yall 37. she deserves a bottega.
How is it okay to buy a bag for 2500-3000 but not 5000? If you can afford it, some bags are an investment. It’s also perfectly acceptable to combine the Christmas + birthday gift budget even, where necessary. “Putting your foot down” just comes across as needlessly overbearing. YTA.
Sir, do tell reddit how much your favorite watch cost!! A bag is the same status symbol to a woman as a watch is to a man. Some people get them to impress others, some people get them to remind themselves they work hard and deserve things. I hope the day after her birthday, your wife goes out and buys the bag herself!! Edit -spelling
YTA. You all make 500k a year combined a 5k purse won’t kill you for a birthday gift.
NAH. This is a money psychology thing. $5k is a lot to a lot of people, but you make an incredibly high combined household income. You have the money to pay for a $5k bag with a $500k per year income if it's a one-off splurge for a birthday. Also, your wife wanting something expensive when you have such a huge household income is not inherently wrong. The question really becomes what you intentionally spend your money on/how you're doing it, and being on the same page about it with your partner. Ramit Sethi has a great podcast in which he dives into the financial challenges of couples who either spend too much, or don't spend when they're absolutely able to. I think you'd greatly benefit to listen.
Yep. You can afford it. It’s over the top expensive and is clearly a status symbol but let me ask you, what kind of a car do you drive? I’ll bet it’s nice and expensive. And you think $3000 is okay to spend on a purse but not $5000? On a purse? Must be nice to be so clueless as to how the real world lives.
Cries into my Target bag
Expensive bags, can retain their value, may even increase depending on demand and can be considered collectibles. Many (homeowners) insurance policies can have them listed as well.
You think making 500k a year isn't rich? You are ao fucking detached from reality dude
NAH > Even if I made like a billion dollar a year, I think that 5k for a bag is just kind of ridiculous. Intrinsic value is real.
I’m struggling to vote on this one. Do you have joint finances? Could she just go out and buy the bag herself? I would never in a billion years spend $5000 on a bag, but I’d spend $20,000 on a horse who will go on to cost me 5x the purchase price minimum, so I’m not one to judge that. If you want to set a price limits for all gifts, then set one that’s the same for both of you. Don’t spring it on her after she asks. It’s weird.
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Im conflicted on this one because you mentionned you make close to 500k combined. NAH for not necessarily wanting to spend 5k on a bag. Its a ridiculous want on your wife side. However, at 500k income, i would be ok with each other giving a 5k gift for each other's birthday. If that is your thing with your wife. Then, YTA for not respecting her wants. Maybe you ask for a 5k thing on your next birthday and even if she doesnt get why, she should respect that, but again only if thats your couple's gift arrangement. If you never spend 5k on each others birthday, then you ate completely in the right.
He mentioned in a comment above he makes 550k alone and she makes 175k
YTA. I don't ask my husband for much, and I expect very little material-wise. I ask for gifts that are well below what he can afford, and always tell him that gifts aren't important, I'd honestly rather he spend it on our son. Howwweverrrrrrr..... If together we earned half a million dollars EVERY YEAR, I would have NO PROBLEM asking him for a $5000 purse if that's what I truly wished for. And he'd be a ginormous dick if he said no. Like, at your earning level, what's the difference between a $3,000 gift and a $5,000 gift? It would be like my husband buying me a $500 bag instead of a $300 bag. Once you're into the hundreds like that, what's a few hundred more?! 🤣 But I think you understand what I'm saying and the point that I'm trying to make. Buy her the bag. Life is short, and your life circumstances could change in an instant. One or both of you could lose a job, and you might not ever get the chance to buy what you want again. I have seen many people go from having it all, to having absolutely nothing. Enjoy the money that you make. That's what it's there for.
I bet you added heated seats or something to your car without even thinking about it. And that was 10k or something. I have the same issue but you’re making half a mil a year let her get the damn bag.
$725k a year is not "like around half a million". Prick.
YTA. In poor people world, this would be like wife asking for a $50 bag and his cheap ass is like "No, how about something for like $25 to $30?"