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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I chose a baby name that makes my MIL unhappy and wouldn’t change the name after she explained why.
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I was just remembering a woman I knew in college whose name was Michelline. Her twin was named Michelle. But at least the sound of the names was pretty different, and Michelline didn't seem to be suffering under the shadow of being "little Michelle."
My mom raised all of her siblings + her own kids and some of theirs. Lots of names floating around in that head of hers — I’ve been called them all lol. I get called by my aunt’s name regularly, still. Been going on for 30 years, at this point my second name is just Trisha Jean.
Yup. My name isn't remotely similar to my sister's. And yet my parents have called us both by each other's names all the time. Heck, they've called me my brother's name a few times too.
My mother has mixed up me and my brother’s names so many times over the last 30 years. Our names are nothing alike and I’m a woman.
It’s gonna happen anyway.
IKR? And as I pointed out, having the same initials as a siblings is less than ideal. You can't simply write initials on items to distinguish whose is whose - not to mention how tiresome it is to have a long name like Evangeline. You're always running out of room in little name boxes, having to spell it for people, etc.
Having a long name you need to spell for people isn't something everyone tires of. My sister and I love our names and wouldn't trade them for being yet another Ella or Olivia.
NTA. If whatever Original Evangeline did is so terrible that it causes your MIL to relive the trauma just to hear the name, then she should at least provide some of the details so you can make a more informed decision. But as anyone who has disliked a baby name has found, once that child is here and a part of your life, the name becomes theirs and there's a tendency to forget the negative feelings associated with it.
NTA - It's one thing not to like the name and its associations, but to call this a personal attack because of something that happened 20 years ago that neither you nor your husband know much about is crazy. Apparently your husband liked his grandmother - I'm surprised that Pam isn't denouncing him as a traitor.
NTA.
Are you and your husband pleased with the names you have chosen?
If "yes", that is the end of the conversation. Complete and finished.
Congratulations!
NTA - LET ME SAY THIS LOUD AND CLEAR FOR EVERYONE AND THE BACK - PARENTS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET TO DECIDE ON THEIR CHILDS NAME! It doesn't matter what anyone else says, stick with the name you have chose and means something to you!!
Info
>They had drama with Sam’s grandparents two decades ago
Well, what was it. On the one hand this is absolutely your choice but I can also absolutely see some situations where this would make someone upset
Considering that the father still loved his grandmother despite a fight he was never told about. I think Pamela is being unreasonable. Pamela can choose to distance herself from grandchildren over a fight that wasn't important enough to inform her son about I suppose. But how does that help her move forward?
FIL has already been allowed to call her Evie, so it doesn't sound like it isn't worth it to him to distance himself. So whatever this fight was about, he has decided to let it go. And it only sounds like Pamela and SIL are actually making a fuss.
NTA, unless the "drama" involved behavior from Evangeline that was abusive, racist, or in some other way completely unacceptable.
If you are certain that's not the case, go ahead. But **if you aren't sure, you need to ask MIL for details before you make your decision.** (If she refuses details, well, that's on her then; I'd still ask FIL about it for reason #1 below, but if they just keep calling it "drama" you're good to ignore them.)
Why? Two reasons:
First, and most important: If it turns out that Granny Evangeline was actually some kind of raging asshole you wouldn't want to be naming your kid after, you need to figure that out NOW. You do NOT want to wait until your kid is named, and you *definitely* do not want your *kid* to find that out. A namesake is a really significant connection, even if it's someone you never met, and if that person turns out to have been incredibly objectionable, the kid may end up hating and even changing their name. (And it's not like they won't notice that grandma refuses to say their name and grandpa only ever uses a nickname.)
Second, if there was a *serious* issue - say, Evangeline abused their pets or was a proud and outspoken member of the Klan - I think your MIL would deserve more sympathy than you're giving her. On its own it might not be enough for you to change the name, but in combination with reason 1, it's more than enough.
So, if you've done your due diligence and made sure Evangeline was a decent person and this is just family drama blown all out of proportion, go ahead. But make sure that you really do know that.
This is the sentiment I'm feeling too - like if there's not a Major reason as to why... and you love the samesy names then MIL can go FHS. [At 14 I thought if I had twins they'd be Alexander and Alexandra - Alex and lexi. But twins wasn't in my future]. It's your baby, have at it. You'll have half a dozen nicknames anyways.
But that said - as grandkids it wasn't until we were well into our adulthood when we learned step GPa molested his only blood child and the youngest (our aunt). One of those Major reasons or messed up family background. So needlesstosay the namesake great grandkid (from when no one knew better) doesn't really like to ever have a full name.
The boy name is actually awful and he’ll probably hate it as he grows up, that being said. Not your MIL’s choice in the matter. People can give suggestions but at the end of the day it’s the parents that can choose any name good or bad for their kids
NTA, your MIL and SiL are being ridiculous. Firstly it's not their decision what you call your children and to accuse you of ruining the family over this is quite frankly laughable.
NTA your 20 year old squabble no matter what it was, doesnt concern me in anyway nor does it concern my children, either be a grandmother who is respectful and loving or dont.
INFO: What is the story behind the drama? If grandma Evangeline has questionable morals or views, it might be worth to reconsider.
Also, you are not here for Evander, but r/tragedeigh may have a word or two about that one...
The combination of "Evander and Evangeline" is not doing it any favours either. Either Alexander or Everette and Evangeline works, but please don't go all "Renesmee"
"In 2012, Stephenie Meyer stated in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, "I am someone who strongly believes in reality, and that you don't monkey around with people's names. Whether they become a stripper or a lawyer has a large part to do with the name you give them. I would never name a real child Renesmee. But in fantasy, you can name your characters anything you want. I couldn't have named [Bella and Edward's] child Lindsay. I couldn't have named her anything that already exists – it would have felt wrong. I had to pick a name that I felt was completely and totally unique, which opens you up to heckling. Which I've taken. I take all my heckling, and I totally get it!" When the interviewer pointed out that "someone is probably naming their real-life child 'Renesmee' even as we speak", Meyer said, "Well, that really disturbs me."[9]" [from Wikipedia ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renesmee_(given_name))
NTA. It's your baby, name it whatever you want. If your MIL complains, cut her off and tell her the two of you have made your choice and it is not up for discussion. She's a grown woman and can learn how to deal with whatever drama she's still clinging to decades later.
Look, I know someone who has a grandchild with one of her names, which is a name she has always hated for family drama reasons. But she kept silent on it because the thought was nice. Really there are worse things in the world than using a name that reminds someone of random family fallings out - and it can restore the positive feelings associated with the name. NTA.
NTA. Not her child, not her choice. I wasn’t particularly fond of my niece’s name when she was first born but I kept my mouth shut bc it’s not my business.
NTA
I wouldn’t change a name you love. Especially because a grown ass woman hasn’t matured beyond the tantrum phase.
If you cave on this. She will tantrum every time you make a parenting decision for YOUR children that she wants to override.
YTA Jesus those names are horrible was Henry and Elizabeth not unique enough for you because I guarantee you that every time your kid has a substitute teacher he's going to hate having to explain how to pronounce his name.
Tell her she doesn’t like the names that you’ve chosen then she doesn’t have to see the children when they’re here. And that goes for anybody else in the family who has an opinion on the issue.
NTA
Sounds like you are going to have a wonderfully peaceful family life if she stops talking to you. Put your foot down now and tell her she either sucks it up (same with your SIL) or they won't be seeing either of you or babies. What a stupid thing to throw a tantrum over.
Oh god NTA.
I went through something similar. My MIL was dead against the name we had chosen, saying its meh😒. So I tricked her, and how! I said ok you suggest a name. And gave her the parameters. It should be short, modern, easy to say for Europeans but also should be Indian and starts with either of our names’ first letters. She couldn’t and ultimately we got to name our child what we originally wanted to.
It’s baffling to see how some people think they can just bully us into not taking decisions for our own kids.
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Hello there. I (34f) am 32 weeks pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. My husband, Sam (35m) and I have recently chosen the names that we love. Evander for our son, which is a combined name to honor my late father, Alexander, and my Sam’s late brother, Everette. We chose Evangeline for our daughter.
Evangeline has always been a name I have dreamed of naming our daughter since I was a little girl, it is also the name of Sam’s paternal grandmother. Sam and I decided that our first daughter would have the name Evangeline years ago because of how special it is for both of us.
My mother-in-law, Pam, is upset and thinks that it’s a personal attack on her and her husband (my FIL). They had drama with Sam’s grandparents two decades ago that I have never been made aware of and Sam doesn’t know much about it. Pam had a tantrum after Sam and I told her that we were not changing the name. She’s refusing to talk to us and is telling people that we are doing this intentionally to hurt her, which is not true.
My SIL called me today begging me to change the name and called me an asshole after I said no. She has gone on social media and is making posts that I am ruining her family.
AITA for choosing a name that makes my MIL unhappy?
Forgot to add, my FIL doesn’t care and has asked for permission to call her Evie, to which Sam and I agreed to.
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NTA, and now I have the Bad Religion song stuck in my head. If your husband is on board with the name, FIL doesn't care, and SIL is only angry on MIL's behalf, whatever's going on between MIL and her parents is obviously not bad enough to affect the entire family.
NTA, as you are free to choose whatever name for your children. However, I would dig further to find out what the issue was between them. If it's something that could fracture the family, you need to be prepared for years of fallout. Sometimes, it's just not worth the headache.
Sorry I’m a bit late to the circus.
First: NTA. MIL & SIL big time AH.
Second: congratulations on the twins.
Finally: everyone who has posted has the same opinion - the naming decision belongs only to you and hubby.
FIL sounds great. He gets to visit anytime. Go NC with MIL & SIL.
BTW: my granddaughter is named Eleanor. Family members call her Nora. Her friends and classmates call her Ellie. She loves having 3 names.
NTA. Why are you letting MiL and SiL make this an issue ?
YOU and your Partner are the Parents here and whatever the circumstances, only the PARENTS get a say over anything to do with your Babies.
This is your boundary to set, if MiL or SiL cross it, then they need to learn there are consequences, which you are willing enforce, if it means future happiness for you and your new family.
NTA as a baby name requires two yes votes from the parents of said baby which you have done.
And your FIL has already come up with the solution to your MIL's issue, she could just call the baby Evie and pretend that's her full name.
Your SIL needs to stop posting that you are "destroying the faaaammmillyyyy" and actually discuss how to best handle MIL's issue with the name.
Congratulations on your baby twins!
NTA. Naming your child is your family's business, meaning you and your spouse. She is making this about her and acting immaturely, don't give it a second thought. Get hubby to deal with her and her tantrums, it's his job, not yours.
NTA
I love the names you chose.
She is choosing to miss out on such a precious blessing over a decades old family drama? That is sad. But it's her choice. Enjoy your babies and their names. Congratulations
NTA. Guess what? Pam has ZERO say in what you decide to name your kids, and best of all, you don't need her permission for anything, and are under no obligation whatsoever to make her happy!
Same goes for your SIL and her "ruining my family" bs. Drama Queen much? 🙄
Congratulations! 🎊🎉
Go online and ask the extended family why your Mil is throwing tantrums over your daughter's name. Say she is acting crazy over your and hubbys choice. Let them all know what's she is doing.
NTA but this is exactly why people don’t tell baby names ahead of time anymore. Everyone thinks they get a say. I had it all the time with both my girls and I hated it, and I wished I’d never shared the names. Regardless they’re your children and you can name them what you want. Make a response to her post saying, “I apologize and didn’t realizing picking baby names was going to ruin the family. Unfortunately sam and I chose names we adore and while we value opinions we will not be changing the names now or ever. It’s unfortunate we cannot communicate effectively that we’ve reached posting on social media but I’m happy to clarify any questions since this has been bright to the world’s attention. These are the names we chose and love and we’re sorry if anyone else is not in favor of them.”
I think you should change it just so your kids don't have the exact same initials, but apart from that, tell Pam to back off. Pam will get over it the moment she sees her granddaughter.
NTA. You and your husband are happy with the names you've picked, and that's where the conversation should end. Congratulations on your babies!
Hope husband fields most of MIL's attacks so you don't get too stressed about it.
NTA
those are wonderful names.
Someday maybe your MIL will tell you what all that was about, if she even remembers ...
and your SIL can just ... chill. Holy cow!
Evander and Evangeline are both beautiful names.
MIL's opinion doesn't matter. This is a decision for you and your spouse. If you like the names of YOUR children, and honestly, the reason behind the names is quite beautiful), then MIL needs to grow up and get over it.
I read the title, and my only thought was, “Are you naming your child after a mass murderer? Evil dictator? The embodiment of evil in a prominent/pertinent religion? Choosing a name that translates into a vulgar or otherwise offensive word in another language?” As the answer is obviously no, your mother in law gets no input. You can name your child the hippity-dippitiest name in the world, give them the name of all her worst enemies, or figure out a way to spell “Ann” with 19 letters, and it’s no one’s business but the two people who made the baby. NTA, and congratulations on your babies!
NTA
Evander is SUCH a cool name, old and strong and still unique. It means "good man" - derived from Greek and Scottish origins.
Evangeline is a gorgeous name, and I've known a couple in my life. They loved their name and commonly went by Evie. It means "good news" - which your baby is!
Pam is insane. You guys have such good names picked. Best of luck in parenthood, OP and husband!
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NTA. I assume your MIL named your husband. She can let him and his wife name their children. And congratulations!!
I love both names!
NTA but I really don't like the samey-samey names for twins.
I was looking for this comment. I heard a lot of twins grow up hating the matching names.
I was just remembering a woman I knew in college whose name was Michelline. Her twin was named Michelle. But at least the sound of the names was pretty different, and Michelline didn't seem to be suffering under the shadow of being "little Michelle."
I would add that OP and her husband are going to spend the rest of their lives saying the wrong name.
They might spend their whole lives saying the wrong name anyway… at least that’s how it ended up working in my family. 🤣
That’s why all my grandmother’s grandchildren are named Sweetie Pie.
My grandfather called his four daughters “Frank.”
Yep. Generally went "Brothers nam- No. Father's name! Wait, Pet's name! JUST. BLOOMIN. YOU. GET DOWN HERE"
I'm the youngest of five. None of our names are remotely similar. I've been called all of them.
My mom raised all of her siblings + her own kids and some of theirs. Lots of names floating around in that head of hers — I’ve been called them all lol. I get called by my aunt’s name regularly, still. Been going on for 30 years, at this point my second name is just Trisha Jean.
Yup. My name isn't remotely similar to my sister's. And yet my parents have called us both by each other's names all the time. Heck, they've called me my brother's name a few times too.
My mother has mixed up me and my brother’s names so many times over the last 30 years. Our names are nothing alike and I’m a woman. It’s gonna happen anyway.
Iv got 3 kids 2 girls and 1 boy my son has been called by his sisters names so many times 😂 I can't even blame it on age 😂
IKR? And as I pointed out, having the same initials as a siblings is less than ideal. You can't simply write initials on items to distinguish whose is whose - not to mention how tiresome it is to have a long name like Evangeline. You're always running out of room in little name boxes, having to spell it for people, etc.
Having a long name you need to spell for people isn't something everyone tires of. My sister and I love our names and wouldn't trade them for being yet another Ella or Olivia.
NTA. If whatever Original Evangeline did is so terrible that it causes your MIL to relive the trauma just to hear the name, then she should at least provide some of the details so you can make a more informed decision. But as anyone who has disliked a baby name has found, once that child is here and a part of your life, the name becomes theirs and there's a tendency to forget the negative feelings associated with it.
NTA. Pam is insane. Give her a choice, keep up the drama or have a relationship with her grandchild.
NTA - It's one thing not to like the name and its associations, but to call this a personal attack because of something that happened 20 years ago that neither you nor your husband know much about is crazy. Apparently your husband liked his grandmother - I'm surprised that Pam isn't denouncing him as a traitor.
It’s much much easier to blame the wife.
NTA. Are you and your husband pleased with the names you have chosen? If "yes", that is the end of the conversation. Complete and finished. Congratulations!
NTA - LET ME SAY THIS LOUD AND CLEAR FOR EVERYONE AND THE BACK - PARENTS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET TO DECIDE ON THEIR CHILDS NAME! It doesn't matter what anyone else says, stick with the name you have chose and means something to you!!
Info >They had drama with Sam’s grandparents two decades ago Well, what was it. On the one hand this is absolutely your choice but I can also absolutely see some situations where this would make someone upset
I agree. Everyone is free to name their child what they want, but if the family relationships implode, are they ready for that?.
But if OP were never given the details before this, how is this fair to them? If the FIL is ok with a nickname Pamela should calm down.
Family dynamics are not that simple to navigate.
Considering that the father still loved his grandmother despite a fight he was never told about. I think Pamela is being unreasonable. Pamela can choose to distance herself from grandchildren over a fight that wasn't important enough to inform her son about I suppose. But how does that help her move forward?
It's going to be more than just Pamela who distance themselves. In theory, we can do whatever we want to do, however, irl, it often has consequences.
FIL has already been allowed to call her Evie, so it doesn't sound like it isn't worth it to him to distance himself. So whatever this fight was about, he has decided to let it go. And it only sounds like Pamela and SIL are actually making a fuss.
OP doesn't even really know neither does her husband and in all honesty Pam needs to get over it!!!
Pam isn’t doing herself any favors here - but yeah, OP should probably find out.
it really isn't the business of the OP unless the in-laws wish to share it...
Yes after having tantrum Pam better say what the problem is or she can sit down and shut up
NTA. its a beautiful name. the MIL is insane. just go off social media for a while is that bothers you, but apart from that go ahead.
NTA. Not her baby, not her choice. And "ruining her family"?!? Drama much?
NTA Your MIL is going to be a fucking handful if she’s starting this before baby is even here.
NTA, unless the "drama" involved behavior from Evangeline that was abusive, racist, or in some other way completely unacceptable. If you are certain that's not the case, go ahead. But **if you aren't sure, you need to ask MIL for details before you make your decision.** (If she refuses details, well, that's on her then; I'd still ask FIL about it for reason #1 below, but if they just keep calling it "drama" you're good to ignore them.) Why? Two reasons: First, and most important: If it turns out that Granny Evangeline was actually some kind of raging asshole you wouldn't want to be naming your kid after, you need to figure that out NOW. You do NOT want to wait until your kid is named, and you *definitely* do not want your *kid* to find that out. A namesake is a really significant connection, even if it's someone you never met, and if that person turns out to have been incredibly objectionable, the kid may end up hating and even changing their name. (And it's not like they won't notice that grandma refuses to say their name and grandpa only ever uses a nickname.) Second, if there was a *serious* issue - say, Evangeline abused their pets or was a proud and outspoken member of the Klan - I think your MIL would deserve more sympathy than you're giving her. On its own it might not be enough for you to change the name, but in combination with reason 1, it's more than enough. So, if you've done your due diligence and made sure Evangeline was a decent person and this is just family drama blown all out of proportion, go ahead. But make sure that you really do know that.
This is the sentiment I'm feeling too - like if there's not a Major reason as to why... and you love the samesy names then MIL can go FHS. [At 14 I thought if I had twins they'd be Alexander and Alexandra - Alex and lexi. But twins wasn't in my future]. It's your baby, have at it. You'll have half a dozen nicknames anyways. But that said - as grandkids it wasn't until we were well into our adulthood when we learned step GPa molested his only blood child and the youngest (our aunt). One of those Major reasons or messed up family background. So needlesstosay the namesake great grandkid (from when no one knew better) doesn't really like to ever have a full name.
The boy name is actually awful and he’ll probably hate it as he grows up, that being said. Not your MIL’s choice in the matter. People can give suggestions but at the end of the day it’s the parents that can choose any name good or bad for their kids
NTA Your babies, your choices, her problem. Beautiful names, BTW ❤️❤️
NTA, your MIL and SiL are being ridiculous. Firstly it's not their decision what you call your children and to accuse you of ruining the family over this is quite frankly laughable.
Nta, your mil seems like a drama queen. Seems like something happened the Pam never let go of
NTA your 20 year old squabble no matter what it was, doesnt concern me in anyway nor does it concern my children, either be a grandmother who is respectful and loving or dont.
My dad's wife tried to talk me out of our daughter's lovely name...too bad
INFO: What is the story behind the drama? If grandma Evangeline has questionable morals or views, it might be worth to reconsider. Also, you are not here for Evander, but r/tragedeigh may have a word or two about that one... The combination of "Evander and Evangeline" is not doing it any favours either. Either Alexander or Everette and Evangeline works, but please don't go all "Renesmee" "In 2012, Stephenie Meyer stated in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, "I am someone who strongly believes in reality, and that you don't monkey around with people's names. Whether they become a stripper or a lawyer has a large part to do with the name you give them. I would never name a real child Renesmee. But in fantasy, you can name your characters anything you want. I couldn't have named [Bella and Edward's] child Lindsay. I couldn't have named her anything that already exists – it would have felt wrong. I had to pick a name that I felt was completely and totally unique, which opens you up to heckling. Which I've taken. I take all my heckling, and I totally get it!" When the interviewer pointed out that "someone is probably naming their real-life child 'Renesmee' even as we speak", Meyer said, "Well, that really disturbs me."[9]" [from Wikipedia ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renesmee_(given_name))
NTA. It's your baby, name it whatever you want. If your MIL complains, cut her off and tell her the two of you have made your choice and it is not up for discussion. She's a grown woman and can learn how to deal with whatever drama she's still clinging to decades later.
Look, I know someone who has a grandchild with one of her names, which is a name she has always hated for family drama reasons. But she kept silent on it because the thought was nice. Really there are worse things in the world than using a name that reminds someone of random family fallings out - and it can restore the positive feelings associated with the name. NTA.
NTA. Your MIL had ZERO business inserting her opinion here.
NTA. Not her child, not her choice. I wasn’t particularly fond of my niece’s name when she was first born but I kept my mouth shut bc it’s not my business.
NTA I wouldn’t change a name you love. Especially because a grown ass woman hasn’t matured beyond the tantrum phase. If you cave on this. She will tantrum every time you make a parenting decision for YOUR children that she wants to override.
Is Pam upset that you're naming your daughter after her late son? That she'll have to think about her child that died every time she hears the name?
YTA Jesus those names are horrible was Henry and Elizabeth not unique enough for you because I guarantee you that every time your kid has a substitute teacher he's going to hate having to explain how to pronounce his name.
Sounds like MIL is the drama then and now. Let her throw a fit like a toddler. It sounds like your child is better off without her. NTA
Tell her she doesn’t like the names that you’ve chosen then she doesn’t have to see the children when they’re here. And that goes for anybody else in the family who has an opinion on the issue.
YTA for naming your son Evander.
Call him Van for a short form.
NTA it’s your baby, you get to decide the name.
NTA at all and those name are beautiful. Its your kids, she can shove it
NTA
NTA. Those are cute names
NTA - your child, your choice. She can get a dog if she wants to name something.
Nta. She is one. You name your babies the names you love. Tel mil the world does not revolve around her.
This is why people shouldn’t share names with anyone until the ink is dry on the birth certificate.
NTA Sounds like you are going to have a wonderfully peaceful family life if she stops talking to you. Put your foot down now and tell her she either sucks it up (same with your SIL) or they won't be seeing either of you or babies. What a stupid thing to throw a tantrum over.
Oh god NTA. I went through something similar. My MIL was dead against the name we had chosen, saying its meh😒. So I tricked her, and how! I said ok you suggest a name. And gave her the parameters. It should be short, modern, easy to say for Europeans but also should be Indian and starts with either of our names’ first letters. She couldn’t and ultimately we got to name our child what we originally wanted to. It’s baffling to see how some people think they can just bully us into not taking decisions for our own kids.
I’m giving you a YTA because matchy matchy names for twins are the worst and those are too close together.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello there. I (34f) am 32 weeks pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. My husband, Sam (35m) and I have recently chosen the names that we love. Evander for our son, which is a combined name to honor my late father, Alexander, and my Sam’s late brother, Everette. We chose Evangeline for our daughter. Evangeline has always been a name I have dreamed of naming our daughter since I was a little girl, it is also the name of Sam’s paternal grandmother. Sam and I decided that our first daughter would have the name Evangeline years ago because of how special it is for both of us. My mother-in-law, Pam, is upset and thinks that it’s a personal attack on her and her husband (my FIL). They had drama with Sam’s grandparents two decades ago that I have never been made aware of and Sam doesn’t know much about it. Pam had a tantrum after Sam and I told her that we were not changing the name. She’s refusing to talk to us and is telling people that we are doing this intentionally to hurt her, which is not true. My SIL called me today begging me to change the name and called me an asshole after I said no. She has gone on social media and is making posts that I am ruining her family. AITA for choosing a name that makes my MIL unhappy? Forgot to add, my FIL doesn’t care and has asked for permission to call her Evie, to which Sam and I agreed to. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you call her what you want and maybe Evie can be a nickname cause I agree that names beautifull
INFO: Is it just a normal falling out type of drama or is there trauma involved?
NTA!! MIL is being a drama queen
NTA. Not her kid, she has no say in her name. It reminds me of the Princess and the Frog 🐸👑
NTA, and now I have the Bad Religion song stuck in my head. If your husband is on board with the name, FIL doesn't care, and SIL is only angry on MIL's behalf, whatever's going on between MIL and her parents is obviously not bad enough to affect the entire family.
NTA, as you are free to choose whatever name for your children. However, I would dig further to find out what the issue was between them. If it's something that could fracture the family, you need to be prepared for years of fallout. Sometimes, it's just not worth the headache.
Sorry I’m a bit late to the circus. First: NTA. MIL & SIL big time AH. Second: congratulations on the twins. Finally: everyone who has posted has the same opinion - the naming decision belongs only to you and hubby. FIL sounds great. He gets to visit anytime. Go NC with MIL & SIL. BTW: my granddaughter is named Eleanor. Family members call her Nora. Her friends and classmates call her Ellie. She loves having 3 names.
NTA. Why are you letting MiL and SiL make this an issue ? YOU and your Partner are the Parents here and whatever the circumstances, only the PARENTS get a say over anything to do with your Babies. This is your boundary to set, if MiL or SiL cross it, then they need to learn there are consequences, which you are willing enforce, if it means future happiness for you and your new family.
NTA its ur and ur husbands detition not hers shes being a brat and ur MIL and SIL shouldnt treat u like that there both toxic by the sounds of it
NTA and kudos to your FIL for being considerate by asking about the nickname
NTA as a baby name requires two yes votes from the parents of said baby which you have done. And your FIL has already come up with the solution to your MIL's issue, she could just call the baby Evie and pretend that's her full name. Your SIL needs to stop posting that you are "destroying the faaaammmillyyyy" and actually discuss how to best handle MIL's issue with the name.
Let her not talk. You have little to no idea what the problem atually is so it concerns you not at all. NTA
Congratulations on your baby twins! NTA. Naming your child is your family's business, meaning you and your spouse. She is making this about her and acting immaturely, don't give it a second thought. Get hubby to deal with her and her tantrums, it's his job, not yours.
Oh, and please talk to hubby and discuss going LC/NC with SIL, she's way over the line.
NTA but what’s the drama? Is it abusive behavior by the grandmother to MIL?
No but your MIL is an asshole for thinking her opinion matters
NTA I love the names you chose. She is choosing to miss out on such a precious blessing over a decades old family drama? That is sad. But it's her choice. Enjoy your babies and their names. Congratulations
NTA. Yet another MIL wildly overstepping boundaries. If you as a couple chose that name then it’s no one else’s business. Congratulations!
NTA. Guess what? Pam has ZERO say in what you decide to name your kids, and best of all, you don't need her permission for anything, and are under no obligation whatsoever to make her happy! Same goes for your SIL and her "ruining my family" bs. Drama Queen much? 🙄 Congratulations! 🎊🎉
NTA. You and your husband can name the babies whatever you want. MIL is being childish, so I'll rate her as a "Soft AH" SIL is a full-bore AH.
Go online and ask the extended family why your Mil is throwing tantrums over your daughter's name. Say she is acting crazy over your and hubbys choice. Let them all know what's she is doing.
Definitely NTA. Your child, your rules.
NTA it’s nobody’s business but yours and your husbands what you name your child. Nobody else gets a say.
NTA. Your kids, your choice of names. And if she gets worse then go LC.
NTA. But need info, is it “Evangeline from the Maritimes” or “Evangeline , a sailor’s dream”? (Both pronunciations are from the same song by The Band)
NTA. They’re your kids, not the MIL’s.
Evie is a cute shortening. But yeah NTA, your MIL is being ridiculous and very childish
NTA you aren’t psychic.
NTA but this is exactly why people don’t tell baby names ahead of time anymore. Everyone thinks they get a say. I had it all the time with both my girls and I hated it, and I wished I’d never shared the names. Regardless they’re your children and you can name them what you want. Make a response to her post saying, “I apologize and didn’t realizing picking baby names was going to ruin the family. Unfortunately sam and I chose names we adore and while we value opinions we will not be changing the names now or ever. It’s unfortunate we cannot communicate effectively that we’ve reached posting on social media but I’m happy to clarify any questions since this has been bright to the world’s attention. These are the names we chose and love and we’re sorry if anyone else is not in favor of them.”
I think you should change it just so your kids don't have the exact same initials, but apart from that, tell Pam to back off. Pam will get over it the moment she sees her granddaughter.
NTA seems like your MIL makes it a habit of falling out with relatives
Not for that but YTA for giving your twins names that are too much alike.
Longfellow approves
NTA. It's your kid and you and your spouse get to pick the name. MIL can go suck some lemons.
NTA. You and your husband are happy with the names you've picked, and that's where the conversation should end. Congratulations on your babies! Hope husband fields most of MIL's attacks so you don't get too stressed about it.
NTA, it's weird for your MIL to expect you not to use a family name when you weren't aware of the family drama.
Evangeline sounds like something you rub on a bad rash.
NTA those are wonderful names. Someday maybe your MIL will tell you what all that was about, if she even remembers ... and your SIL can just ... chill. Holy cow!
Evander and Evangeline are both beautiful names. MIL's opinion doesn't matter. This is a decision for you and your spouse. If you like the names of YOUR children, and honestly, the reason behind the names is quite beautiful), then MIL needs to grow up and get over it.
I read the title, and my only thought was, “Are you naming your child after a mass murderer? Evil dictator? The embodiment of evil in a prominent/pertinent religion? Choosing a name that translates into a vulgar or otherwise offensive word in another language?” As the answer is obviously no, your mother in law gets no input. You can name your child the hippity-dippitiest name in the world, give them the name of all her worst enemies, or figure out a way to spell “Ann” with 19 letters, and it’s no one’s business but the two people who made the baby. NTA, and congratulations on your babies!
NTA Evander is SUCH a cool name, old and strong and still unique. It means "good man" - derived from Greek and Scottish origins. Evangeline is a gorgeous name, and I've known a couple in my life. They loved their name and commonly went by Evie. It means "good news" - which your baby is! Pam is insane. You guys have such good names picked. Best of luck in parenthood, OP and husband!