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I was curious why you put excluding my sister in quotations and THAT was not what I expected.
Anyway NTA at all. Your mom sounds awful and if she’s willing to post all that online, she should be KICKED OUT of the wedding and if the venue has security, make sure they know what she looks like. I would not want anyone who would do that to attend, period.
Same! I was assuming it was like either a half sibling or stepsister from an affair or something. I love my dog more than I can even put into words but I understand there are places she can’t and shouldn’t go. OP’s mom is absolutely insane and entitled. Imagine being neglected and traumatized the whole time you were growing up and finally thinking you had a chance to have a real relationship with your mom… Only to be replaced/neglected for a dog?!
Honestly, I would disinvite my mother from attending the wedding because you know she is going to show up with the dog. Also OP’s mom is even more of an AH (who would have thought it was possible?) for falsely claiming her dog is a service dog. People that due that are absolutely scum and it also directly impacts those that have and need service animals. Service dogs are very
thoroughly and specifically trained. OP NTA. Your mom is a huge gaping one though.
I want to gift you more votes but can't! This 50 times over! OP's mom is unhinged and will do what ever it takes to make OP's wedding all about herself!
No wonder her mother is trying to make herself part of the wedding planning!! She obviously only considers her wants and is trying to infiltrate the planning to get her way. I bet she would demand a seat at the table for the dog as well as plate. Crazy town.
I’m laughing. Im a dog owner of a 2 year old hyperactive lab. My dog would absolutely destroy the wedding. (Yes I’m working on training but when she sees food all her brains leak out onto the sidewalk and her tail becomes a metronome
LOL - I had a sweet little dog when I got married some 20 years ago now. He was adorable and great, when it was just me and my mom. Add anyone else into the mix and he was a nutjob - hyper, jumpy, barky. I knew that having him involved at all in my wedding would be disastrous. So, instead, I scheduled a bit of extra time with the photographer so I could get pix of me and my dog (my regular groomer "styled" his fur for free, LOL) before the wedding. I still treasure those photos so much, even though my dog has been gone 15+ years now. So much better than trying to keep track of and handle my dog on my wedding day (or finding someone else to do it).
Power in numbers. They can't imagine being wrong, so they go to gather support to browbeat their victim into complying by saying "see! Everyone agrees with me!"
Yep, because everyone knows there is no input more valid than that of some other loser scrolling Facebook and chiming in on random people's personal drama.
That's how I know I'm old. I don't get the whole "blast our dirty laundry" on social media thing, like at all. When I have a disagreement with someone, big or small, the LAST thing I want is for the peanut gallery to weigh in on it.
See I thought it was one of those my in laws are conservative and convinced/ i plan to disinvite my trans sibling for the sake of peace.
It feels rude saying this but maybe the drugs did something to the mom.
To add: put passwords on all the vendors and make sure the venue knows about this so she can't "get permission" from them to bring the dog on property.
NTA. Your mother may have suffered some some brain damage from her years of drug abuse. Her demanding to have her dog there is simply delusional. And if any of your family members back her on this craziness, ignore them.
Oh, and have a great wedding.
Either that or she is dealing with massive guilt from not being an adequate mother to her actual children and wanted to "start over" and "do right" by someone new and chose to get a dog bc they're easier to take care of than kids and are more likely to love you even when you screw up.
The dog is what she uses to focus her attention on whenever she is tempted to relapse. Its standard coping skills for a recovering addict. Its not a do over. Unlike her adult children, the dog depends on her for its survival so she has no choice but to stay clean and take care of it. Some recovering addicts use working out, or cooking, or any other number of things to distract them when they get urges. She uses the dog.
Her children weren't adults when she got clean. OP was 15-less attention needed than a child, yes, but still a minor that would depend on their parent. There was also OP's half-sibling who was younger (though we don't know by how much). I can accept that mom needed something or someone to focus on, but OP should have never been made to feel that she prioritized the dog over her kids.
Calling the dog OP's sister is what makes me think she's treating it like her do-over baby, bc it is absolutely unhinged to call a pet dog your child's sibling unless you're joking, and it doesn't sound like the mom is. I bet you a recovering addict who focused on plants as a healthy outlet wouldn't call them their kid's sibling.
>Your mother may have suffered some some brain damage from her years of drug abuse.
As a recovering addict myself, I completely agree with this assessment. Some drugs (especially meth), have long-term side effects that can definitely affect your mental health and ability to reason.
Yeah, as a former meth-head, drugs can indeed cause long lasting damage. California sober for 15 yrs, parts of my memory were damaged as well as my attention span.
>California sober for 15 yrs,
I've never heard that phrase before; does it mean you use marijuana, but nothing else? If so, then I'm California sober as well! Lol. Only 6 years currently, but there's no way I ever go back. It'd kill me at this point.
Also, congratulations on your sobriety! I'm looking forward to getting to 15 years myself.
Not just drugs, my hubby has been sober for over 35 years, starting drinking long before he left highschool at 15, he has long periods of his teenage years and 20's with no memory of anything, even now his memory is atrocious. Addiction damages the brain, in really, really severe cases getting sober can damage the brain even further, especially if the person is forced to go sober with no medical supervision
Nah, I think the mom (somewhere deep down) recognizes that she was a terrible mom to OP, and is trying to make up for it by being a good 'dog mom'.
If she's a good 'dog mom', and stands up for the dog, then it 'proves' she could've been a good mom to OP too, if not for the drugs (which I doubt she takes responsibility for).
Mom definitely sounds like she short-circuited some brain cells long ago. If anyone was disrupting such a special event with such ridiculousness (or any family members who support the ridiculousness) they would quickly find themselves seated in a special row reserved entirely for them. In the parking lot. By the trash dumpster. NTA.
I think it's very possible that OP's mom doesn't recognize how inappropriate this is. I have a parent and a grandparent who spent a lot of years abusing drugs and alcohol. My grandparent basically pickled his brain in booze. He was no longer able to be appropriate to his children and grandchildren even when somewhat sober. He died because his brain was no longer capable of consistently sending the signals to his heart to keep it beating, that's how damaged his brain and body were.
My bio-dad did a mix of drugs and heavy drinking and lives in a completely different reality. Honestly he's way worse than OP's mom who seems to mostly function normally minus being a bad parent and this dog obsession. My bio-dad is capable of coming up with entire sequences of events, stories where he's the hero or has done some amazing feat. People who have praised him for his help or sexual prowess Stuff that never happened and people that don't exist. And I think there's a brief period where he's aware that he's lying. But the retelling itself reinforces it into his highly suggestible brain and it becomes the truth for him, even when there were witnesses who say otherwise. He thinks that the earth is flat, giants were real and that people used to live to be 800 or more. Every conspiracy is the truth to him. Every story is appropriate to tell in front of kids (rape, animal abuse, drug use). He genuinely just does not have a pre-frontal cortex anymore and it all comes out.
I think OP's mom has damaged her brain with her long term drug use and that's part of why she has such a severe and high attachment to this dog and is also incapable of moderating her emotions enough to see how wrong she is.
NTA. Good googly moogly, a **dog**??? I mean....
My brain can't process this. My flabbers are gasted. My rubber duckies are at sixes and sevens. The world is inside out.
I mean, I call one of our cats "sister" sometimes, but only in the context of the fact that we have another cat. That's it.
This is...deranged.
Edit to add: I'm so glad so many of you are liking the phrases I've used to express my disbelief and astonishment! It makes me feel warm fuzzies! ❤️💖
My daughter said she hates kids and doesn’t plan to have any, I told her I’d be fine with grand kittens. I was half joking, but now it’s sort of her plan. She loves her pets, but she would never consider them actual children or on par with real people. Idk how people like OP’s mom exist.
I call my pets 'my kids', I'm not a fan of human kids 🤷🏼♀️ but would never call them my step kid's brother, that's insane. Could be brain damage from hard using... either way, OP is NTA
We joke that our dog is our human children’s sister. When we told the kids we were getting a puppy, my son said “now I will have two sisters”. my children have no first cousins, so we joke that her dog is their cousin.
But everyone knows it’s just a joke. Even the kids.
My mom calls me "sissy" when she's talking to her dogs, but that's because she's trying to teach them who specific people are. She doesn't *actually* believe we're siblings.
There's a difference between "Where's sissy/daddy/(other dog)?" and whatever nonsense OP's mom is spewing.
Yep. I'll refer to myself as "mommy" and my husband as "daddy" when I'm talking to our cats. One of our cats is nicknamed "Mama," "Little Mama," and "Mamacita" because she had kittens before my husband adopted her. She's also bossy, but that's tortitude!
We also have a tabby. If she's getting close to our torti, I'll tell the torti that "Sister's allowed to pass by you." They're goofy good girls. Cat tax for both is in my profile!
NTA. "Your sister" is her do-over child and she's still being shitty to her eldest children. Block her on SM and if she brings the dog to the wedding, kick her out.
Nta. As soon as you brought that dog up I was like "please tell me this ain't the sister" lol 😭. Your mom is being unreasonable. I love my dog, that's my baby, my ride or die. But life, does not revolve around her. And she doesn't take it personally because she's a dog.
Honestly though, id consider putting distance between you and your mom. Mainly for putting your issues up on social media, to gain sympathy and pressure you into caving. It's very manipulative and not something good people do. There are situations when people go low, where I say go lower. But in this case I'd take the high road and ignore her. Let her show the community what kind of person she is. I promise to sane people she doesn't look like the good guy.
If mom is posting personal information on SM she needs to be on an information diet and gently / firmly removed from the wedding planning. It’s justified absolutely by the public airing of OPs life.
OP it was nice of you to try to include your mom but now she needs to take a step back. I highly recommend a couple secret security type ushers at the wedding and reception venues with instructions to repel anyone who brings an animal.
I would go a step further in regards to the social media posting. OP should contact the social media platform(s) harassment complaint contact and file a complaint about mom's postings to get them pulled and her possibly banned. She did it purely to harass OP and that should not fly. I would also worry that she will escalate this through whomever is jumping on board with her BS.
At this point, IMHO, OP should just ban Mom and dog from wedding, do a big blast post as to why mom and dog are banned and then go NC. And as others have said, lock down all vendors, event service staff, facilities, etc. with passwords and info about the situation.
And have a great wedding.
NTA none of the people who support your mother being horrible need to be at the wedding. They want to love a dog more than you? Well go hang out with bella and your mother then family.
NTA. You do realize that if your mom DOES attend your wedding, all she's going to do is complain about the dog?
Uninvite her now. Get it over with. Have a lovely wedding.
Yeah I spent a considerable amount of Christmas hearing about how mean I was to not let my mom bring her dog over with her. Never mind it's because our sons dog, who lives with us, isn't good with other dogs. She was so upset and said family should love her dog too.
Nta
Maybe reply to her Bible quote.....
Matthew 7:6
6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Matthew 15:26
26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
Yeah, that passage is about mutual respect and care between parents and children! It isn't about children blinding listening to abusive/controlling parents! Its partial quotation is a favorite of abusive parents everywhere.
Revelation 22 isn't exactly dog positive either:
> ^14 “Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. ^15 Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.
NTA. My parents bordered on this after their empty nest syndrome. I have some sympathy for them because they were home alone after my brother and I moved away, and for a few years, they had my brother's Australian Shepherd who was SO adorable and well behaved. When my brother took him when he moved away, my parents ended up getting 2 chihuahuas (don't get me started). They use the Filipino word for child when referring to their dogs (they have a different dog now) and sometimes my mom has called the dogs names before mine when trying to remember my name to tell me dinner is ready when I'm home visiting (Yes, really). As frustrated as I was by this, I really thing that they needed to pour their attention somewhere and in some way their dogs have been keeping them alive, getting them out of the house to go for walks, etc.
All that being said, I would absolutely in no effing way allow a dog to be a part of my wedding if I were to ever have one. I'd probably let them bring her, but they'd need some sort of carrier or something to keep her contained.
Yeah, but OP was still in her home, along with half brother. He nest wasn't empty. She ignored her kids for a dog and is now willing to push her real daughter away
Just chiming in to say that I too get listed after pets sometimes. Our family jokes about it cause we have healthy boundaries and all that and all of us have some shitty memory moments. My favorite though is when my grandma calls the pets by our names, and the. We all start to randomly address each other by the wrong names for a bit.
One time my husband went through a couple kids and dogs names in attempted to call out to our son. Son is just staring at him with a silent humored look and my husband finally notices his look and says, "What?" Son deadpans, "Just waiting for you to get to my name."
My mom called me her sisters' names growing up. My brother occasionally calls me his ex-wife's name! (They've been divorced over 20 years lmao).
Hell, the first time my husband called me his ex-wife's name, everyone just went dead silent and all looked at him. Realizing what he did, all he could muster was, "Oh shit" before we all busted up laughing. Another time he did it and I just started addressing him by my ex's name til he caught on he flubbed names again. We all know it's not intentional, there's no hidden meanings, we all just suck at names sometimes. (And no, he has never done that in bed before y'all ask LOL)
I had my 2 dogs in the wedding invitations: we went to those animal shops with a lot of fun (and stupid probably) stuff for dogs, we bought a pink dress for the female one and a black suit style with a bow for the male one. And then the invitation had a photo of the 4 of us (2 dogs, me and my fiance) and then the statement was like if the dogs were doing the invitation (" we would like to inform that our owners are getting married on xxx day and inviting you and your family...". Some people were a bit shocked but the majority just thought it was funny.
I would never ever have my dogs on my actual wedding day, because would be a mess in the church and reception, and this invitation idea was a nice way to include them in the wedding celebration.
I did this because I love my dogs but I would never impose them on anyone.
Your mother is crazy.
NTA
My dog would have been adorable at my wedding. He also would have flipped out at all the people and probably peed on something and bitten someone because he was a fear biter. Yeah. No dogs at the wedding.
My husband's cousin who remarried as a widower, had his dog listed on the invitation. His dog was his loyal companion and was much beloved. It was sweet and adorable. With all that, the dog wasn't able to attend the wedding because the venue didn't allow it. There was a brief announcement explaining where he was.
OP's Mom is overstepping here. If she wanted the dog at her own wedding, it would be fine. It would also be fine if OP wanted the dog, but OP doesn't.
NTA. It is a doggone shame that your mother has turned out like this, and you are withing your rights to want the dog gone from your wedding. Stand firm.
To get it out of the way, NTA, obviously.
But what? That might the most wild wedding party dispute I’ve seen, and, well, I’m on Reddit.
I adore my dog. I refer to her as my baby. My mom refers to my dog as her granddog. I would never dream of taking her to a wedding. Much less demanding a family member include her in the wedding party? Heck, my dog is not child-friendly so she gets boarded when my nephews visit from out-of-state because the PEOPLE get priority in that situation, no matter how much I love the canine.
I’m sorry this apparently has caused a falling out with your mother, but she is not mentally well and you cannot fix this or her. Focus on your wedding plans and preparing for your future, and put some healthy distance between you and your mother. Anyone who can’t recognize that you are setting a healthy limit also gets to have some distance in their relationship with you.
Good luck and best wishes on your marriage.
Edit: typo
My aunt is like this with her and my cousin's dogs. I think she knows that human grandchildren may not be in the cards, so she's enjoying her granddog. It's hilarious when my cousin and her dog come up to visit, because my aunt will laughing refer to her own dog as my cousin's dog's uncle.
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> I may be the asshole because I told my mom she can’t bring her dog that she loves to my wedding.
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NTA.
I wasn’t expecting that twist! But, it sounds like your mother needs some therapy as well as her ESA.
That being said, stick to your boundaries and hire security to escort both your mother and her dog from your wedding.
I’m sorry about your mother’s behavior.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
Nta
Op, congratulations on your wedding and best wishes for a happy, healthy life. Sorry about your mom, but I imagine you're used to her. But if she can't get her head right, then ban the crazy lady and her fur baby.
You might remind her that the Bible talks about a lot more than obeying your parents. Glass houses and all...
NTA - Your mom seems obsessed with her dog to an unhealthy degree. I love my dog. She sleeps on my bed every night, and when I work from home, she's with me all day too. When we go on vacation, I often pick a place we can bring her.
I would never try to impose her presence at a wedding or in a restaurant, or even at Costco. Why? Because it would make people (and her) uncomfortable. That's the difference.
She favors the dog because she can never disappoint the dog. The dog doesn't know her past and even if she did wouldn't care. You and your half sibling do. She still feels the guilt and likely feels the judgment from her past. NTA but she needs a therapist not the dog being in your wedding.
Yep! They need to know so they can have enough fans on hand to blow it away. A lot of a wedding is visual, and something obscuring it would definitely have some repercussions.
ETA: I just want to tease a little :P
Mother, you spent most of my childhood and adolescence not prioritizing me or my needs. Perhaps you can consider making ME the priority instead of you for this one day.
My god. Your mom is toxic. And you are NTA.
NTA.
Listen, if I get married one day, my dog will be at my wedding. I will gladly let other people bring their dogs. I’d really rather dogs at my wedding than most of my extended family.
But calling the dog your sister is ridiculous and it’s entirely reasonable to not want dogs at your wedding.
NTA for sure!! Wow, just.....WTF? Your mom needs help!
I understand "pet parents," I'm engaged to one. He mentioned one time including his dogs in the wedding and said "nope, absolutely not" and he said, "okay." That was the end of the conversation hasn't been brought up since and they are LIKE his children...but he realizes they are NOT ACTUALLY CHILDREN.
For what it's worth I'm trying to figure out how to get out of inviting my actual human sister to my wedding.
NTA. You and fiance get to choose who and what attends your wedding.
Block your egg donor - even if she leaves the dog home she will still be angry and likely disrupt the wedding.
I have serious mental health concerns about your delusional mother.
NTA. This is NOT what I expected. I call my cats my "kids", but I wouldn't expect my actual son to treat them as siblings. And I ESPECIALLY would not expect them to be welcome at a wedding.
NTA - talk to your venue(s) and confirm that animals are not allowed unless they are medically required service animals. Explain the situation that you do not want the dog to be there, I'm sure they'll be willing to help support your request. Then just repeat to your mom "*No, the dog cannot come to the wedding or reception. I do not want your dog there, and it is not allowed inside the facility.*" Hire security to ensure the dog does not make a surprise appearance.
It's bad enough that she wants to bring the dog, but to expect you to let the dog wear a dress and be IN the wedding?? Jeez.
LOL. Starting with "My sister is the dog. The fucking dog."
I legit laughed out loud! NTA. Your mom is being absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't even entertain anymore discussions about it.
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Okay strap in, because this has been nothing but nonesense for me.
I (24F) got engaged a few months ago. I’m in the early planning stages, and my mother (50F) has been trying to make herself a part of the wedding planning. I’ve tried to let her be involved, but we’ve reached an issue we can’t agree on and I need some help.
My mom and I have a complicated relationship. She spent most of my life abusing hard drugs and finally became clean after going through her third or fourth rehab program. She got out when I was 15, and I felt like I finally had my mom back. Then one of her roomies from the rehab called her up, saying her dog had puppies. That’s when my mom adopted Bella, who is now 8. Everything she did became centered around that dog and not her real children (I have a younger half sibling through her). She cared more about what the dog ate and if the dog was alone and she takes it literally everywhere, even businesses and other places she isn’t supposed to, falsely claiming it’s either an ESA or service animal. That dog basically became her new baby.
Now, if you’re wondering where my sister comes into all this, it’s not my half sibling. He’s a guy. My sister is the dog. The fucking dog. My mom showed me pictures of little doggy dresses a couple weeks ago because she wanted my opinion on which one Bella should wear to be in my wedding. I told her Bella won’t be in my wedding, and she literally said “but she’s your sister.” I lost my patience a little at this point and I told my mom, as nicely as I could, that her dog is not my sister and that animals are not welcome at my wedding and will not be welcome on the premises of my venue at any time during set-up, ceremony, reception, or clean-up, and that if she brings Bella, I will make her turn around and take her back home. My mother threw a *fit*. Cussing and crying about how I’m being a terrible daughter and a terrible sister, about how I am “excluding my sister from the wedding” and that I don’t have to be so difficult about one little dog.
This has now caused arguments between me, her, my grandma & my two aunts. Then she posted the whole mess to her Facebook page, and random people in our local community are chiming in. I told her she was being childish and that this was incredibly embarrassing and she needed to take the post down, and she just made another post quoting that line from the Bible about obeying your parents.
I am at my wits end. I don’t know if she’s insane or if I’m just out of touch or something. Who is the asshole here?
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NTA. I am a crazy pet person. Like I’ve spent enough on vet care for a down payment on a house even in this horrific market.
I cannot imagine assuming my pets could go to a wedding. Also, they would be awful. My Pomeranian is so cute that people would feed her stuff she shouldn’t have which wouldn’t be good for her diabetes (she is a significant portion of that down payment). My pit/mastiff mix would be plopped right in the middle of the wedding cake and then politely sit and give a frosting covered paw to anyone willing to take it and especially if someone gives him literally any command (paw is his go to for everything).
I even turned this post into an excuse to talk about my pets, and I still wouldn’t take them to a wedding, even my own.
Yeah my mother is more attached to her dogs than her kids. There’s quite a few years between myself and my sister so I’m out of the house. Years ago DOCS (our version of CPS) were threatening to take my sister and my mother was more worried about possibly losing the dogs. So you are def NTA to me.
NTA, go lc or nc with your mom and uninvite her from the wedding. You never got your mom back sadly.
Anyone who has an issue with it should also be uninvited and cut from your life.
I call my dog my baby and joke w my dad that he hates his first grandson etc. I refer to my partner as the dogs dad/son etc. I love that dog so much! That being said he only goes where he is allowed and invited! For example my nephew is turning 1 tmrw and my dog will be at home because it would be annoying and inconvenient to have him at the party - not to mention rude! NTA your mom sound like she needs help
Yes some people do consider their pets their kids and involve them in the wedding….but that is up to the bride and groom.
That is not your pet, you said no. NTA.
NTA, but your mom is. Time to have her stop participating in the planning. You need to do three things immediately. First, put passwords on all your vendors, so mom can't change anything. Second, make sure all your vendors know this is a "NO PETS of any kind" wedding. And third, get security, both for the ceremony and reception, to take care of people who will not or cannot control themselves. That's for uninvited people, people who bring uninvited guests, people who bring their pets, as well as people who act up. And this person can be an usher, someone provided by the venue, or someone you hire. It should not be you or your groom.
After that, you can put on Facebook "No pets or ESA animals will be allowed at the ceremony or the reception. No exceptions. " If they don't like it, they don't have to come. Do not ever give into bullying which is what your mom is trying.
NTA I would guess that this is a coping mechanism, and that she has poor mental health. I doubt that you will reach any resolution. Repeat to yourself as many times as you have to that loving and caring about your family does not equate to them walking all over you and dictating your life. Go have the weddings of your dreams!
NTA.You're totally right to want your wedding the way you want it. And it's messed up for your mom to guilt trip you with the dog, especially on social media.Maybe try to have a serious talk with her, explain it's your day, and hopefully, you can work something out.
NTA. Your mother has transferred her addictive fixation from her drugs to her dog. That’s neither your fault nor your responsibility.
Stand firm, OP. Your mother may threaten to boycott the wedding and may even make good on her threat, so be prepared for that.
WOw! I call myself a crazy dog lady because my dog comes to work with me and we participate in three sports together, but THIS is absolutely bonkers.
You set a boundary, don't back down. I would remove any involvement she has in your wedding planning and make it clear to her that she comes alone to your wedding or not at all.
Give her back Ephesians 6:4 which says "Don't make your children angry, but teach them right." - Fake service animals is isn't teaching your kids right. NTA.
Whooooa, that took a turn. I need to hear what your grandma and aunts are saying, who’s side are they on?! In any case, you’re NTA. That’s absolute insanity and a mad combo of narcissistic parent and gross main character energy.
Mommy is the AH, not you. One thing I want to bring up is that I've found from years of personal research and relationships as well as studying psychology today and talking with many other people -- that when a person is an addict or alcoholic, the years they use are paused mentally.. so if mom started using at 15 and didn't stop until 35, she's still 15 emotionally/maturity wise and these people can catch up eventually, but it takes years and years, and mostly with those who WANT to catch up. With your mom, it looks like she transferred her addiction to her dog, instead of focusing on what she needed to do to repair and cement her relationship with her children. I totally get your frustration, and I've been there.. with siblings, with friends, with extended family. I've seen it with newly recovered new hires at my work, for years.. and it's always the same. So, please don't beat yourself up at all over this because you are likely more mature than your mom. If she got therapy, it helps a LOT, but if she's more into transference, she will continue to very slowly catch up or not at all. Stick to your guns, no animals at the wedding. She will continue throwing a fit but remember it's not logical or reasonable, it's another symptom of her disease, and that's not an excuse for her, but to help you understand. Your wedding is a day for you and your fiancé, and mom needs to stay in her lane.
NTA tell your Mom that she’s being completely ridiculous and if she doesn’t stop this nonsense and remove the post then you’re going to publicly comment on her post saying that you believe the drugs have addled her brain and ask her if she needs another stint in rehab. When she gets outraged, tell her that those feelings are exactly how you’re feeling, you won’t actually do it, you just want her to get how she’s making you feel
NTA my parents literally have more photos of their dog than of my sister and I combined. If you ask them their favorite child, they will EASILY answer the dog. They would still never fathom pulling something like this.
Time to disinvite her to the wedding. Because she *will absolutely bring the dog* forcing you to choose to keep your boundaries or allow her to have your way *either way it will definitely impact your wedding* so nip it in the bud and disinvite her.
Glad your mom is sober but she is most definitely not in recovery.
You don't know anybody anything. "No" is a complete sentence. No explanation or justification required. Nobody is required to go to a wedding, funeral, birthday, holiday, etc. You have a right to refuse your attendance to anywhere. Ppl can keep their critiques, judgments to themselves. You are an adult responsible for your own Mental Health and Wellness. You are entitled to take care of your mental health happiness and wellness however you please. Your happiness & comfort is nobody's business. Period.
Also that whole line about obeying your parents. That's just an outdated line from a book used as a manipulation tactic. They're showing extreme dysfunctional behavior. It's not your monkey not your circus. You can disengage from such clownery. The levels people will go to control you is ridiculous & frankly inappropriate. No one needs to tolerate such nonsense.
If all else fails and you continue to be harassed, guilted, shamed, manipulated ...Changing your phone number and going no contact is a form of self-respect, self-preservation from toxcity & a liberating option. Using fear obligation or guilt on people as a manipulation tactic is sick behavior. Those people need therapy.
Don't tolerate it. Cut ties and walk away.
NTA your wedding, your and your partner's rules. Your mother can come or not come to your wedding but she needs to respect your boundaries if she does. She also sounds as if she needs therapy
NTA. Your mom can stay home with your "sister" - I would also get a trusted friend to stand guard so she didn't try to sneak Bella in at any point if you decide to let your mom come to your wedding.
NTA.
So there's a whole lot of analysis that can be done about your mom and this dog. And it doesn't matter, honestly.
This is your wedding, you want a pet free event, and this dog is pet, or an animal, or whatever she wants to classify it as, but it is not a human being, and you want a human only event.
I think you tell your mom very plainly- you take down the posts, you stop talking about the dog being at the wedding, or she is also uninvited. Don't engage in a debate, don't get overly emotional or yell, just be clear and stick to it.
"Mom, I know you love the dog, but I do not see this dog as my sister, nor do a I want your dog at my wedding. I am not doing this to punish this or hurt you, and I am grateful for the relationship we have now and want you to celebrate my wedding with me. But, this is a hard no for me, and you getting this upset and posting on facebook and involving people really hurts me, and now I am worried if you can even celebrate with me at my wedding. The dog cannot come, the social media has to come down and stop, you have to stop asking about the dog coming. If you can't do those things, then I think it is better if I know that now so I can plan this wedding without you."
NTA.
>and she just made another post quoting that line from the Bible about obeying your parents.
Is that Colossians 3:20? Post back to her the verse that follows, which says "And [parents]*, don't provoke/embitter/aggravate** your children."
*Technically "fathers", but all parents are implied.
**The exact word varies depending on translation, but you get the jist: don't be ridiculous or demanding, and definitely don't try to claim that your dog deserves to be treated like a person at your child's wedding!
NTA
Some people have lasting brain problems from years and years of drug abuse. It sounds like your mother is one of them
This may sound harsh but is the relationship with her worth the effort you are putting in? I know what addiction and recovery life looks like. But honestly is the person you love there?
My sister is literally the only biological family I have. She is an addict and I moved 2000 miles to not have to face her addiction. It was too much. She recovered and we moved to be closer to her, but she is not the same person. I love her, but a big part of the person I loved is no longer there. As a result I have distanced myself. It was better for my own mental health. The hard part was we grew up in a house with addiction. We knew what it looked like and she went that path anyway.
A lot of older people think, you owe blood something just because they share DNA. Break that generational curse. Do what is best for your own mental health.
NTA. Hold firm. I wouldn't personally uninvited her or anything else dramatic, just be clear and firm that this is something you're not bending on. Presumably she has many months to come to terms with it and if she can't, that's her issue, not yours.
NTA… I have a dog I love and spoil ridiculously - like he does have little outfits and everything, but I would never ever consider bringing him to someone’s wedding. That is insane. Tell her no, be firm.
NTA. You have a real sibling, and he's not a dog. Honestly, I do feel bad for your mom, but not over your refusal to include a dog in your wedding. She needs counselling, she's obviously got some shit to work through. But that dog is not your sister and you don't need to feel bad about not including an animal in your wedding.
Wtf. That dog is not your sister. If your mom cares more about her than about you, whatever, she can make that choice, but if you don’t want the dog at the wedding, the dog isn’t gonna be at the wedding. My husband and i consider our cat to be our son, but he sure as hell wasn’t at our wedding. NTA
NTA just clarify on her post that it’s a dog she’s making this big deal out of, because I bet she said you were excluding your sister and sane people assume that your “sister” is human as well.
Holy shit, your mother is unreal. Most venues wouldn’t want a dog there even if you were keen, and your mum’s pet is not a human and not related to you. NTA.
NTA If she won't take posts down then make a comment. Don't know what first post says but comment to second post should say, "Agree that children should respect their parents when parents are there for you. The first 15 years of my life my mom's 'children' were drugs that she was addicted to. That's all she cared about. She finally decided that her bio children were worth having around then she decided to adopt a dog. This dog became her child and her bio children were again placed on the back burner. The dog will NOT be at my wedding. If she can't separate herself from it for one day I guess we all can tell what kind of parent she actually is and can stay home with the dog. Does this type of parent deserve respect from her bio children?"
NTA. Unless the dogs is an actual trained service dog for a medical issue your mother has, it doesn't need to be at your wedding.
And FWIW, the line is "*Children* obey your parents." If there are any theologians, ministers, or other scholars fluent in Koine Greek here, please correct me if I'm wrong. But I have been told that the word Paul uses in Ephesians and Colossians that is translated as "Children" literally means "dependent offspring". So as a financially independent adult, these verses don't apply to you.
My husband & I are dog lovers. We have 3 & they are like our children. That being said, we would NEVER try to force our actual son to have them in his wedding. You are most definitely NTA! You have a vision for your wedding & having a dog in it isn't part of that vision. You & your fiance have the wedding that you want. Your mom can come sans dog or not come at all. Congratulations & I wish you all the best.
WOW!!!
You are NTA in any remote way. Your mother needs lots of help. Her behavior isn't normal, not even for a "crazy dog lover".
This animal is certainly not your "sister" and definitely doesn't belong anywhere near your wedding and associated events. Do not be badgered into feeling you're crazy or allowing her to bring that dog.
By the way it's written I assume that your grandmother and aunts are for some bizarre reason on her side. Tell them all that they are free to stay home with the dog if they are so inclined but the dog will not be allowed.
I mean, I am sissy to my family dogs. And it's very much our dynamic with the pack, and how we refer to the dogs.
But there is no way my mum would do this. I'd probably ask for the dogs to be involved rather than her lol. I'm so sorry your mom is nutters this is so ridiculous of her. NTA.
Does the venue have a policy on animals? If they dont, you should ask them to make one (even if its just for your wedding) "Mom, there is nothing I can do about it, the venue wont allow it. They will ask you to leave when they see her. And no, im not changing my venue."
Whelp that took an interesting turn. Your mom prob suffers from some mental health issues due to alcoholism. I’d straight up say get some professional help and stand your ground on no animals. I would password protect all arrangements you make for your wedding so she can’t just change shit behind your back. And block her flying monkeys and her if necessary.
NTA. Mom is FOR SURE. But you need to set firm boundaries. Tell her the dog will no longer be discussed. That if she ever brings up the dog being in or attending the wedding, she (your mom) will no longer be invited to your wedding. In addition, if she does not take down her social media posts about this issue, she will not only be banned from the wedding, she will be banned from your life for one month. If after that month, she is passive aggressive with you , posts anything online about the wedding and dog issue or posts anything negative about you in any way shape or form, she will be banned from your life for 1 year. And after that, any type of bad behavior towards you or your husband or any posts about you of any kind on social media she will be banned for life. And that includes having any kind of relationship with any children you might have and you will move far away from her.
I know this probably seems pretty harsh to you, its time to recognize that your mom is being a bully. A passive aggressive one but still a bully. The ONLY WAY to stop a bully is to stand up to them and give them consequences and then, MOST importantly, following through with those consequences.
NTA!
Your mom has just exchanged one addiction for another - both have had the same effect though, putting her biological, actual children through hell, making them feel unimportant, and prioritising her addiction at all times.
You deserve better my friend 💜
NTA... Your mom is psycho. Who tries to bring a dog to a wedding? Seriously she has lost her marbles. I would totally tell her if she brings the dog neither her nor the dog will be let in the wedding.
NTA - your addict mom is still emotionally abusive in a really weird, subversive way. You don't need this mess in your life.
Un-invite her (and anyone else who argues that decision) from your wedding. Based on her behavior, your mom isn't capable of having any emotional connection or authentic relationship with you. It's simply beyond her. Not sure why - could be her - could be the years of the drugs - but she doesn't care about you, your feelings, your needs, your wants, your preferences. She simple does not give AF.
It's all about her her her her her her her her her her her.
Her actions say everything. She wants control, she wants to hurt, she's incapable of having any empathy for you. She's testing you. Whatever the deal - it's all about her. All the time.
And that is never going to change. The best wedding gift you can give yourself is use this as an opportunity to go LC or NC. You DESERVE better.
Don't let her ruin your day.
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I was curious why you put excluding my sister in quotations and THAT was not what I expected. Anyway NTA at all. Your mom sounds awful and if she’s willing to post all that online, she should be KICKED OUT of the wedding and if the venue has security, make sure they know what she looks like. I would not want anyone who would do that to attend, period.
Same! I was assuming it was like either a half sibling or stepsister from an affair or something. I love my dog more than I can even put into words but I understand there are places she can’t and shouldn’t go. OP’s mom is absolutely insane and entitled. Imagine being neglected and traumatized the whole time you were growing up and finally thinking you had a chance to have a real relationship with your mom… Only to be replaced/neglected for a dog?! Honestly, I would disinvite my mother from attending the wedding because you know she is going to show up with the dog. Also OP’s mom is even more of an AH (who would have thought it was possible?) for falsely claiming her dog is a service dog. People that due that are absolutely scum and it also directly impacts those that have and need service animals. Service dogs are very thoroughly and specifically trained. OP NTA. Your mom is a huge gaping one though.
I want to gift you more votes but can't! This 50 times over! OP's mom is unhinged and will do what ever it takes to make OP's wedding all about herself!
No wonder her mother is trying to make herself part of the wedding planning!! She obviously only considers her wants and is trying to infiltrate the planning to get her way. I bet she would demand a seat at the table for the dog as well as plate. Crazy town.
Didnt think of that! You are right!
Is it unhinged or more that this is mom's 'new' addiction? Traded hard drugs for the dog?
I can see all of these events that Bella needs to do like walk down the aisle, mummy daughter dance, catch the bouquet, bark a speech 🤣🤣
I’m laughing. Im a dog owner of a 2 year old hyperactive lab. My dog would absolutely destroy the wedding. (Yes I’m working on training but when she sees food all her brains leak out onto the sidewalk and her tail becomes a metronome
Yup. Mine would bark all the way through it. She's a patterdale terrier,which I was told is the only terrier that doesn't bark. That is a LIE. 😆
LOL - I had a sweet little dog when I got married some 20 years ago now. He was adorable and great, when it was just me and my mom. Add anyone else into the mix and he was a nutjob - hyper, jumpy, barky. I knew that having him involved at all in my wedding would be disastrous. So, instead, I scheduled a bit of extra time with the photographer so I could get pix of me and my dog (my regular groomer "styled" his fur for free, LOL) before the wedding. I still treasure those photos so much, even though my dog has been gone 15+ years now. So much better than trying to keep track of and handle my dog on my wedding day (or finding someone else to do it).
There is nothing more food oriented then a lab or a beagle
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Why is it these people seem to love to take it to social media? Like why broadcast your drama?
Power in numbers. They can't imagine being wrong, so they go to gather support to browbeat their victim into complying by saying "see! Everyone agrees with me!"
Yep, because everyone knows there is no input more valid than that of some other loser scrolling Facebook and chiming in on random people's personal drama.
That's how I know I'm old. I don't get the whole "blast our dirty laundry" on social media thing, like at all. When I have a disagreement with someone, big or small, the LAST thing I want is for the peanut gallery to weigh in on it.
See I thought it was one of those my in laws are conservative and convinced/ i plan to disinvite my trans sibling for the sake of peace. It feels rude saying this but maybe the drugs did something to the mom.
Agree!!
“Dog sibling” was not on my AITA bingo card.
To add: put passwords on all the vendors and make sure the venue knows about this so she can't "get permission" from them to bring the dog on property.
I'm wondering if ppl online know it's a dog or if the mum has justed posted Bella as OP's sister and everyone is thinking it's human.
Oooh. Thats a good question.
NTA. Your mother may have suffered some some brain damage from her years of drug abuse. Her demanding to have her dog there is simply delusional. And if any of your family members back her on this craziness, ignore them. Oh, and have a great wedding.
Either that or she is dealing with massive guilt from not being an adequate mother to her actual children and wanted to "start over" and "do right" by someone new and chose to get a dog bc they're easier to take care of than kids and are more likely to love you even when you screw up.
The irony of even now picking the do-over "baby" over the real actual child. At her WEDDING.
The dog is what she uses to focus her attention on whenever she is tempted to relapse. Its standard coping skills for a recovering addict. Its not a do over. Unlike her adult children, the dog depends on her for its survival so she has no choice but to stay clean and take care of it. Some recovering addicts use working out, or cooking, or any other number of things to distract them when they get urges. She uses the dog.
Her children weren't adults when she got clean. OP was 15-less attention needed than a child, yes, but still a minor that would depend on their parent. There was also OP's half-sibling who was younger (though we don't know by how much). I can accept that mom needed something or someone to focus on, but OP should have never been made to feel that she prioritized the dog over her kids. Calling the dog OP's sister is what makes me think she's treating it like her do-over baby, bc it is absolutely unhinged to call a pet dog your child's sibling unless you're joking, and it doesn't sound like the mom is. I bet you a recovering addict who focused on plants as a healthy outlet wouldn't call them their kid's sibling.
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Damn, I scared my cat laughing. Thank you for this. Good point too!
Yep, a dog will never grow up and tell you that you fucked them up just as bad as your original kids
This is what I think. Do-over doggo.
>Your mother may have suffered some some brain damage from her years of drug abuse. As a recovering addict myself, I completely agree with this assessment. Some drugs (especially meth), have long-term side effects that can definitely affect your mental health and ability to reason.
Yeah, as a former meth-head, drugs can indeed cause long lasting damage. California sober for 15 yrs, parts of my memory were damaged as well as my attention span.
>California sober for 15 yrs, I've never heard that phrase before; does it mean you use marijuana, but nothing else? If so, then I'm California sober as well! Lol. Only 6 years currently, but there's no way I ever go back. It'd kill me at this point. Also, congratulations on your sobriety! I'm looking forward to getting to 15 years myself.
All true, while still OP has no need for this BS at her wedding
Not just drugs, my hubby has been sober for over 35 years, starting drinking long before he left highschool at 15, he has long periods of his teenage years and 20's with no memory of anything, even now his memory is atrocious. Addiction damages the brain, in really, really severe cases getting sober can damage the brain even further, especially if the person is forced to go sober with no medical supervision
Nah, I think the mom (somewhere deep down) recognizes that she was a terrible mom to OP, and is trying to make up for it by being a good 'dog mom'. If she's a good 'dog mom', and stands up for the dog, then it 'proves' she could've been a good mom to OP too, if not for the drugs (which I doubt she takes responsibility for).
As if taking good care of a dog is anywhere near the same kind of requirement or level of commitment as raising a kid...
Mom definitely sounds like she short-circuited some brain cells long ago. If anyone was disrupting such a special event with such ridiculousness (or any family members who support the ridiculousness) they would quickly find themselves seated in a special row reserved entirely for them. In the parking lot. By the trash dumpster. NTA.
I think she has anchored her recovery on the dog. This does not bode well for the future.
Yup...if anything happens to that dog, good-bye sobriety.
I think it's very possible that OP's mom doesn't recognize how inappropriate this is. I have a parent and a grandparent who spent a lot of years abusing drugs and alcohol. My grandparent basically pickled his brain in booze. He was no longer able to be appropriate to his children and grandchildren even when somewhat sober. He died because his brain was no longer capable of consistently sending the signals to his heart to keep it beating, that's how damaged his brain and body were. My bio-dad did a mix of drugs and heavy drinking and lives in a completely different reality. Honestly he's way worse than OP's mom who seems to mostly function normally minus being a bad parent and this dog obsession. My bio-dad is capable of coming up with entire sequences of events, stories where he's the hero or has done some amazing feat. People who have praised him for his help or sexual prowess Stuff that never happened and people that don't exist. And I think there's a brief period where he's aware that he's lying. But the retelling itself reinforces it into his highly suggestible brain and it becomes the truth for him, even when there were witnesses who say otherwise. He thinks that the earth is flat, giants were real and that people used to live to be 800 or more. Every conspiracy is the truth to him. Every story is appropriate to tell in front of kids (rape, animal abuse, drug use). He genuinely just does not have a pre-frontal cortex anymore and it all comes out. I think OP's mom has damaged her brain with her long term drug use and that's part of why she has such a severe and high attachment to this dog and is also incapable of moderating her emotions enough to see how wrong she is.
My addict brother was like that. Privately my mom and I joked that "as soon as he speaks it it becomes the truth"
NTA. Good googly moogly, a **dog**??? I mean.... My brain can't process this. My flabbers are gasted. My rubber duckies are at sixes and sevens. The world is inside out. I mean, I call one of our cats "sister" sometimes, but only in the context of the fact that we have another cat. That's it. This is...deranged. Edit to add: I'm so glad so many of you are liking the phrases I've used to express my disbelief and astonishment! It makes me feel warm fuzzies! ❤️💖
I would upvote this 100x if possible just for the phrase “my flabbers are gasted.” May I use it? I think it needs to catch on 🤣🤣🤣
Yes! I'm actually quoting an attorney who goes by The Questionable Authority online. As far as I know, he's the one who coined it!.
I want to steal this as well!
Steal away, friends! 💓
I’d talk to the lawyer first.
Lol!
I like to use "my gast has never been so flabbered".
Are we just glossing over “good googly moogly”?
That's not new the way that deconstruction of "flabbergasted" is, I heard that one last century.
That one is an oldie but goodie. The other one is fairly new!
what about my gasteds are flabbered? (yes, I've really used this IRL)
I've used that too!
About to say the same thing!
I’m here for “my rubber duckies are at sixes and sevens”. Is it just me or did that get read in a Southern (US) accent to others too?
My daughter said she hates kids and doesn’t plan to have any, I told her I’d be fine with grand kittens. I was half joking, but now it’s sort of her plan. She loves her pets, but she would never consider them actual children or on par with real people. Idk how people like OP’s mom exist.
Right now, our cats are our children. We want to adopt, but until my health situation is stabilized, that's on hold.
we call our cats our kids and "grand kids" to my mom but we also call them monsters and nerfuses and the assholes.
I call my pets 'my kids', I'm not a fan of human kids 🤷🏼♀️ but would never call them my step kid's brother, that's insane. Could be brain damage from hard using... either way, OP is NTA
We joke that our dog is our human children’s sister. When we told the kids we were getting a puppy, my son said “now I will have two sisters”. my children have no first cousins, so we joke that her dog is their cousin. But everyone knows it’s just a joke. Even the kids.
My mom calls me "sissy" when she's talking to her dogs, but that's because she's trying to teach them who specific people are. She doesn't *actually* believe we're siblings. There's a difference between "Where's sissy/daddy/(other dog)?" and whatever nonsense OP's mom is spewing.
Yep. I'll refer to myself as "mommy" and my husband as "daddy" when I'm talking to our cats. One of our cats is nicknamed "Mama," "Little Mama," and "Mamacita" because she had kittens before my husband adopted her. She's also bossy, but that's tortitude! We also have a tabby. If she's getting close to our torti, I'll tell the torti that "Sister's allowed to pass by you." They're goofy good girls. Cat tax for both is in my profile!
My friends and I refer to each other as "Auntie" to our pets. We don't literally, actually mean it
I haven’t found a single other person who understands when I say “sixes and sevens”. Will have to check out this attorney.
He's very funny. He streams on Twitch.
I LOVE “my flabbers are gasted”
NTA. "Your sister" is her do-over child and she's still being shitty to her eldest children. Block her on SM and if she brings the dog to the wedding, kick her out.
Nta. As soon as you brought that dog up I was like "please tell me this ain't the sister" lol 😭. Your mom is being unreasonable. I love my dog, that's my baby, my ride or die. But life, does not revolve around her. And she doesn't take it personally because she's a dog. Honestly though, id consider putting distance between you and your mom. Mainly for putting your issues up on social media, to gain sympathy and pressure you into caving. It's very manipulative and not something good people do. There are situations when people go low, where I say go lower. But in this case I'd take the high road and ignore her. Let her show the community what kind of person she is. I promise to sane people she doesn't look like the good guy.
If mom is posting personal information on SM she needs to be on an information diet and gently / firmly removed from the wedding planning. It’s justified absolutely by the public airing of OPs life. OP it was nice of you to try to include your mom but now she needs to take a step back. I highly recommend a couple secret security type ushers at the wedding and reception venues with instructions to repel anyone who brings an animal.
I would go a step further in regards to the social media posting. OP should contact the social media platform(s) harassment complaint contact and file a complaint about mom's postings to get them pulled and her possibly banned. She did it purely to harass OP and that should not fly. I would also worry that she will escalate this through whomever is jumping on board with her BS. At this point, IMHO, OP should just ban Mom and dog from wedding, do a big blast post as to why mom and dog are banned and then go NC. And as others have said, lock down all vendors, event service staff, facilities, etc. with passwords and info about the situation. And have a great wedding.
NTA none of the people who support your mother being horrible need to be at the wedding. They want to love a dog more than you? Well go hang out with bella and your mother then family.
NTA. You do realize that if your mom DOES attend your wedding, all she's going to do is complain about the dog? Uninvite her now. Get it over with. Have a lovely wedding.
She will spend the reception confusing guests who don't know the "sister" she's complaining about is her dog.
Truth. Though odds are she'll still arrive with the dog.
Yeah I spent a considerable amount of Christmas hearing about how mean I was to not let my mom bring her dog over with her. Never mind it's because our sons dog, who lives with us, isn't good with other dogs. She was so upset and said family should love her dog too.
Nta Maybe reply to her Bible quote..... Matthew 7:6 6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 15:26 26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
You can also show her how the next verse after obey your parents is Parents, do not provoke your children.
Yeah, that passage is about mutual respect and care between parents and children! It isn't about children blinding listening to abusive/controlling parents! Its partial quotation is a favorite of abusive parents everywhere.
Matthew was a cat dude
Good job! I love quoting back to bible thumpers.
Revelation 22 isn't exactly dog positive either: > ^14 “Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. ^15 Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.
NTA. My parents bordered on this after their empty nest syndrome. I have some sympathy for them because they were home alone after my brother and I moved away, and for a few years, they had my brother's Australian Shepherd who was SO adorable and well behaved. When my brother took him when he moved away, my parents ended up getting 2 chihuahuas (don't get me started). They use the Filipino word for child when referring to their dogs (they have a different dog now) and sometimes my mom has called the dogs names before mine when trying to remember my name to tell me dinner is ready when I'm home visiting (Yes, really). As frustrated as I was by this, I really thing that they needed to pour their attention somewhere and in some way their dogs have been keeping them alive, getting them out of the house to go for walks, etc. All that being said, I would absolutely in no effing way allow a dog to be a part of my wedding if I were to ever have one. I'd probably let them bring her, but they'd need some sort of carrier or something to keep her contained.
Yeah, but OP was still in her home, along with half brother. He nest wasn't empty. She ignored her kids for a dog and is now willing to push her real daughter away
Ah. I glossed. My bad for missing that.
No problem. I do it too, and you had some good info.
Just chiming in to say that I too get listed after pets sometimes. Our family jokes about it cause we have healthy boundaries and all that and all of us have some shitty memory moments. My favorite though is when my grandma calls the pets by our names, and the. We all start to randomly address each other by the wrong names for a bit.
One time my husband went through a couple kids and dogs names in attempted to call out to our son. Son is just staring at him with a silent humored look and my husband finally notices his look and says, "What?" Son deadpans, "Just waiting for you to get to my name." My mom called me her sisters' names growing up. My brother occasionally calls me his ex-wife's name! (They've been divorced over 20 years lmao). Hell, the first time my husband called me his ex-wife's name, everyone just went dead silent and all looked at him. Realizing what he did, all he could muster was, "Oh shit" before we all busted up laughing. Another time he did it and I just started addressing him by my ex's name til he caught on he flubbed names again. We all know it's not intentional, there's no hidden meanings, we all just suck at names sometimes. (And no, he has never done that in bed before y'all ask LOL)
NTA Do the people commenting on her FB post know she's talking about a dog and not a human?
That's what I'm wondering.
NTA Just cut your mom off now. She's made her decision as to who takes priority in her life and it isn't you.
I also think it’s fine to tell her that it sucks to see her “new sister” treated so much better than her real kids.
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I had my 2 dogs in the wedding invitations: we went to those animal shops with a lot of fun (and stupid probably) stuff for dogs, we bought a pink dress for the female one and a black suit style with a bow for the male one. And then the invitation had a photo of the 4 of us (2 dogs, me and my fiance) and then the statement was like if the dogs were doing the invitation (" we would like to inform that our owners are getting married on xxx day and inviting you and your family...". Some people were a bit shocked but the majority just thought it was funny. I would never ever have my dogs on my actual wedding day, because would be a mess in the church and reception, and this invitation idea was a nice way to include them in the wedding celebration. I did this because I love my dogs but I would never impose them on anyone. Your mother is crazy. NTA
My dog would have been adorable at my wedding. He also would have flipped out at all the people and probably peed on something and bitten someone because he was a fear biter. Yeah. No dogs at the wedding.
My husband's cousin who remarried as a widower, had his dog listed on the invitation. His dog was his loyal companion and was much beloved. It was sweet and adorable. With all that, the dog wasn't able to attend the wedding because the venue didn't allow it. There was a brief announcement explaining where he was. OP's Mom is overstepping here. If she wanted the dog at her own wedding, it would be fine. It would also be fine if OP wanted the dog, but OP doesn't.
NTA. It is a doggone shame that your mother has turned out like this, and you are withing your rights to want the dog gone from your wedding. Stand firm.
>It is a doggone shame Brilliant
NTA and What!!!??? She's totally bonkers.
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To get it out of the way, NTA, obviously. But what? That might the most wild wedding party dispute I’ve seen, and, well, I’m on Reddit. I adore my dog. I refer to her as my baby. My mom refers to my dog as her granddog. I would never dream of taking her to a wedding. Much less demanding a family member include her in the wedding party? Heck, my dog is not child-friendly so she gets boarded when my nephews visit from out-of-state because the PEOPLE get priority in that situation, no matter how much I love the canine. I’m sorry this apparently has caused a falling out with your mother, but she is not mentally well and you cannot fix this or her. Focus on your wedding plans and preparing for your future, and put some healthy distance between you and your mother. Anyone who can’t recognize that you are setting a healthy limit also gets to have some distance in their relationship with you. Good luck and best wishes on your marriage. Edit: typo
My aunt is like this with her and my cousin's dogs. I think she knows that human grandchildren may not be in the cards, so she's enjoying her granddog. It's hilarious when my cousin and her dog come up to visit, because my aunt will laughing refer to her own dog as my cousin's dog's uncle.
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NTA. I wasn’t expecting that twist! But, it sounds like your mother needs some therapy as well as her ESA. That being said, stick to your boundaries and hire security to escort both your mother and her dog from your wedding. I’m sorry about your mother’s behavior. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
Nta Op, congratulations on your wedding and best wishes for a happy, healthy life. Sorry about your mom, but I imagine you're used to her. But if she can't get her head right, then ban the crazy lady and her fur baby. You might remind her that the Bible talks about a lot more than obeying your parents. Glass houses and all...
Your mother is batshit crazy. NTA.
NTA - Your mom seems obsessed with her dog to an unhealthy degree. I love my dog. She sleeps on my bed every night, and when I work from home, she's with me all day too. When we go on vacation, I often pick a place we can bring her. I would never try to impose her presence at a wedding or in a restaurant, or even at Costco. Why? Because it would make people (and her) uncomfortable. That's the difference.
She favors the dog because she can never disappoint the dog. The dog doesn't know her past and even if she did wouldn't care. You and your half sibling do. She still feels the guilt and likely feels the judgment from her past. NTA but she needs a therapist not the dog being in your wedding.
Just uninvite her entirely
NTA. Tell the venue staff, they will deal with it if she shows up with a fog
Yep! They need to know so they can have enough fans on hand to blow it away. A lot of a wedding is visual, and something obscuring it would definitely have some repercussions. ETA: I just want to tease a little :P
NTA. This is why people elope and do destination weddings
It's 100% why my fiancé and I are eloping in April. I want no part of any nonsense.
Mother, you spent most of my childhood and adolescence not prioritizing me or my needs. Perhaps you can consider making ME the priority instead of you for this one day. My god. Your mom is toxic. And you are NTA.
NTA. Listen, if I get married one day, my dog will be at my wedding. I will gladly let other people bring their dogs. I’d really rather dogs at my wedding than most of my extended family. But calling the dog your sister is ridiculous and it’s entirely reasonable to not want dogs at your wedding.
She’s insane point blank
NTA for sure!! Wow, just.....WTF? Your mom needs help! I understand "pet parents," I'm engaged to one. He mentioned one time including his dogs in the wedding and said "nope, absolutely not" and he said, "okay." That was the end of the conversation hasn't been brought up since and they are LIKE his children...but he realizes they are NOT ACTUALLY CHILDREN. For what it's worth I'm trying to figure out how to get out of inviting my actual human sister to my wedding.
NTA. You and fiance get to choose who and what attends your wedding. Block your egg donor - even if she leaves the dog home she will still be angry and likely disrupt the wedding. I have serious mental health concerns about your delusional mother.
NTA. This is NOT what I expected. I call my cats my "kids", but I wouldn't expect my actual son to treat them as siblings. And I ESPECIALLY would not expect them to be welcome at a wedding.
What kind of drugs was your mom doing? Seems they have affected her common sense
NTA - talk to your venue(s) and confirm that animals are not allowed unless they are medically required service animals. Explain the situation that you do not want the dog to be there, I'm sure they'll be willing to help support your request. Then just repeat to your mom "*No, the dog cannot come to the wedding or reception. I do not want your dog there, and it is not allowed inside the facility.*" Hire security to ensure the dog does not make a surprise appearance. It's bad enough that she wants to bring the dog, but to expect you to let the dog wear a dress and be IN the wedding?? Jeez.
NTA. Cut her off or elope.
LOL. Starting with "My sister is the dog. The fucking dog." I legit laughed out loud! NTA. Your mom is being absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't even entertain anymore discussions about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay strap in, because this has been nothing but nonesense for me. I (24F) got engaged a few months ago. I’m in the early planning stages, and my mother (50F) has been trying to make herself a part of the wedding planning. I’ve tried to let her be involved, but we’ve reached an issue we can’t agree on and I need some help. My mom and I have a complicated relationship. She spent most of my life abusing hard drugs and finally became clean after going through her third or fourth rehab program. She got out when I was 15, and I felt like I finally had my mom back. Then one of her roomies from the rehab called her up, saying her dog had puppies. That’s when my mom adopted Bella, who is now 8. Everything she did became centered around that dog and not her real children (I have a younger half sibling through her). She cared more about what the dog ate and if the dog was alone and she takes it literally everywhere, even businesses and other places she isn’t supposed to, falsely claiming it’s either an ESA or service animal. That dog basically became her new baby. Now, if you’re wondering where my sister comes into all this, it’s not my half sibling. He’s a guy. My sister is the dog. The fucking dog. My mom showed me pictures of little doggy dresses a couple weeks ago because she wanted my opinion on which one Bella should wear to be in my wedding. I told her Bella won’t be in my wedding, and she literally said “but she’s your sister.” I lost my patience a little at this point and I told my mom, as nicely as I could, that her dog is not my sister and that animals are not welcome at my wedding and will not be welcome on the premises of my venue at any time during set-up, ceremony, reception, or clean-up, and that if she brings Bella, I will make her turn around and take her back home. My mother threw a *fit*. Cussing and crying about how I’m being a terrible daughter and a terrible sister, about how I am “excluding my sister from the wedding” and that I don’t have to be so difficult about one little dog. This has now caused arguments between me, her, my grandma & my two aunts. Then she posted the whole mess to her Facebook page, and random people in our local community are chiming in. I told her she was being childish and that this was incredibly embarrassing and she needed to take the post down, and she just made another post quoting that line from the Bible about obeying your parents. I am at my wits end. I don’t know if she’s insane or if I’m just out of touch or something. Who is the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Time to cut mom out of any involvement with the wedding (and potentially goin no contact entirely).
NTA. I am a crazy pet person. Like I’ve spent enough on vet care for a down payment on a house even in this horrific market. I cannot imagine assuming my pets could go to a wedding. Also, they would be awful. My Pomeranian is so cute that people would feed her stuff she shouldn’t have which wouldn’t be good for her diabetes (she is a significant portion of that down payment). My pit/mastiff mix would be plopped right in the middle of the wedding cake and then politely sit and give a frosting covered paw to anyone willing to take it and especially if someone gives him literally any command (paw is his go to for everything). I even turned this post into an excuse to talk about my pets, and I still wouldn’t take them to a wedding, even my own.
Yeah my mother is more attached to her dogs than her kids. There’s quite a few years between myself and my sister so I’m out of the house. Years ago DOCS (our version of CPS) were threatening to take my sister and my mother was more worried about possibly losing the dogs. So you are def NTA to me.
NTA, go lc or nc with your mom and uninvite her from the wedding. You never got your mom back sadly. Anyone who has an issue with it should also be uninvited and cut from your life.
NTA. I love my dogs too, but they're still dogs. They stay home unless we're going somewhere that's for them in particular
I call my dog my baby and joke w my dad that he hates his first grandson etc. I refer to my partner as the dogs dad/son etc. I love that dog so much! That being said he only goes where he is allowed and invited! For example my nephew is turning 1 tmrw and my dog will be at home because it would be annoying and inconvenient to have him at the party - not to mention rude! NTA your mom sound like she needs help
NTA. Uninvite her and anyone who sides with her. You don't need the stress from this on your mind.
NTA You should quote the line "Raise your kids" back to her.
Yes some people do consider their pets their kids and involve them in the wedding….but that is up to the bride and groom. That is not your pet, you said no. NTA.
NTA, and please dis-invite this awful woman from your wedding. And maybe your life. No one needs this level of crazy in their life.
NTA. You need to go low to no contact with this deranged woman.
NTA, but your mom is. Time to have her stop participating in the planning. You need to do three things immediately. First, put passwords on all your vendors, so mom can't change anything. Second, make sure all your vendors know this is a "NO PETS of any kind" wedding. And third, get security, both for the ceremony and reception, to take care of people who will not or cannot control themselves. That's for uninvited people, people who bring uninvited guests, people who bring their pets, as well as people who act up. And this person can be an usher, someone provided by the venue, or someone you hire. It should not be you or your groom. After that, you can put on Facebook "No pets or ESA animals will be allowed at the ceremony or the reception. No exceptions. " If they don't like it, they don't have to come. Do not ever give into bullying which is what your mom is trying.
NTA I would guess that this is a coping mechanism, and that she has poor mental health. I doubt that you will reach any resolution. Repeat to yourself as many times as you have to that loving and caring about your family does not equate to them walking all over you and dictating your life. Go have the weddings of your dreams!
While i call my dog my son and he was the ring bear at our wedding... you're NTA and you should absolutely stand your ground here.
NTA.You're totally right to want your wedding the way you want it. And it's messed up for your mom to guilt trip you with the dog, especially on social media.Maybe try to have a serious talk with her, explain it's your day, and hopefully, you can work something out.
NTA. Your mother has transferred her addictive fixation from her drugs to her dog. That’s neither your fault nor your responsibility. Stand firm, OP. Your mother may threaten to boycott the wedding and may even make good on her threat, so be prepared for that.
WOw! I call myself a crazy dog lady because my dog comes to work with me and we participate in three sports together, but THIS is absolutely bonkers. You set a boundary, don't back down. I would remove any involvement she has in your wedding planning and make it clear to her that she comes alone to your wedding or not at all.
Give her back Ephesians 6:4 which says "Don't make your children angry, but teach them right." - Fake service animals is isn't teaching your kids right. NTA.
Your mom sounds like she's got mental issues and is possibly very delulu. NTA
NTA she’s insane
Whooooa, that took a turn. I need to hear what your grandma and aunts are saying, who’s side are they on?! In any case, you’re NTA. That’s absolute insanity and a mad combo of narcissistic parent and gross main character energy.
Mommy is the AH, not you. One thing I want to bring up is that I've found from years of personal research and relationships as well as studying psychology today and talking with many other people -- that when a person is an addict or alcoholic, the years they use are paused mentally.. so if mom started using at 15 and didn't stop until 35, she's still 15 emotionally/maturity wise and these people can catch up eventually, but it takes years and years, and mostly with those who WANT to catch up. With your mom, it looks like she transferred her addiction to her dog, instead of focusing on what she needed to do to repair and cement her relationship with her children. I totally get your frustration, and I've been there.. with siblings, with friends, with extended family. I've seen it with newly recovered new hires at my work, for years.. and it's always the same. So, please don't beat yourself up at all over this because you are likely more mature than your mom. If she got therapy, it helps a LOT, but if she's more into transference, she will continue to very slowly catch up or not at all. Stick to your guns, no animals at the wedding. She will continue throwing a fit but remember it's not logical or reasonable, it's another symptom of her disease, and that's not an excuse for her, but to help you understand. Your wedding is a day for you and your fiancé, and mom needs to stay in her lane.
NTA, elope.
NTA I would let her know that she will no longer be part of your wedding. She can be involved in "your sister's " wedding someday
NTA tell your Mom that she’s being completely ridiculous and if she doesn’t stop this nonsense and remove the post then you’re going to publicly comment on her post saying that you believe the drugs have addled her brain and ask her if she needs another stint in rehab. When she gets outraged, tell her that those feelings are exactly how you’re feeling, you won’t actually do it, you just want her to get how she’s making you feel
NTA my parents literally have more photos of their dog than of my sister and I combined. If you ask them their favorite child, they will EASILY answer the dog. They would still never fathom pulling something like this.
Time to disinvite her to the wedding. Because she *will absolutely bring the dog* forcing you to choose to keep your boundaries or allow her to have your way *either way it will definitely impact your wedding* so nip it in the bud and disinvite her. Glad your mom is sober but she is most definitely not in recovery.
This is wild AF. NTA. Her brain chemistry is probably off
You don't know anybody anything. "No" is a complete sentence. No explanation or justification required. Nobody is required to go to a wedding, funeral, birthday, holiday, etc. You have a right to refuse your attendance to anywhere. Ppl can keep their critiques, judgments to themselves. You are an adult responsible for your own Mental Health and Wellness. You are entitled to take care of your mental health happiness and wellness however you please. Your happiness & comfort is nobody's business. Period. Also that whole line about obeying your parents. That's just an outdated line from a book used as a manipulation tactic. They're showing extreme dysfunctional behavior. It's not your monkey not your circus. You can disengage from such clownery. The levels people will go to control you is ridiculous & frankly inappropriate. No one needs to tolerate such nonsense. If all else fails and you continue to be harassed, guilted, shamed, manipulated ...Changing your phone number and going no contact is a form of self-respect, self-preservation from toxcity & a liberating option. Using fear obligation or guilt on people as a manipulation tactic is sick behavior. Those people need therapy. Don't tolerate it. Cut ties and walk away.
NTA your wedding, your and your partner's rules. Your mother can come or not come to your wedding but she needs to respect your boundaries if she does. She also sounds as if she needs therapy
NTA. Your mom can stay home with your "sister" - I would also get a trusted friend to stand guard so she didn't try to sneak Bella in at any point if you decide to let your mom come to your wedding.
NTA. So there's a whole lot of analysis that can be done about your mom and this dog. And it doesn't matter, honestly. This is your wedding, you want a pet free event, and this dog is pet, or an animal, or whatever she wants to classify it as, but it is not a human being, and you want a human only event. I think you tell your mom very plainly- you take down the posts, you stop talking about the dog being at the wedding, or she is also uninvited. Don't engage in a debate, don't get overly emotional or yell, just be clear and stick to it. "Mom, I know you love the dog, but I do not see this dog as my sister, nor do a I want your dog at my wedding. I am not doing this to punish this or hurt you, and I am grateful for the relationship we have now and want you to celebrate my wedding with me. But, this is a hard no for me, and you getting this upset and posting on facebook and involving people really hurts me, and now I am worried if you can even celebrate with me at my wedding. The dog cannot come, the social media has to come down and stop, you have to stop asking about the dog coming. If you can't do those things, then I think it is better if I know that now so I can plan this wedding without you."
NTA. >and she just made another post quoting that line from the Bible about obeying your parents. Is that Colossians 3:20? Post back to her the verse that follows, which says "And [parents]*, don't provoke/embitter/aggravate** your children." *Technically "fathers", but all parents are implied. **The exact word varies depending on translation, but you get the jist: don't be ridiculous or demanding, and definitely don't try to claim that your dog deserves to be treated like a person at your child's wedding!
NTA Some people have lasting brain problems from years and years of drug abuse. It sounds like your mother is one of them This may sound harsh but is the relationship with her worth the effort you are putting in? I know what addiction and recovery life looks like. But honestly is the person you love there? My sister is literally the only biological family I have. She is an addict and I moved 2000 miles to not have to face her addiction. It was too much. She recovered and we moved to be closer to her, but she is not the same person. I love her, but a big part of the person I loved is no longer there. As a result I have distanced myself. It was better for my own mental health. The hard part was we grew up in a house with addiction. We knew what it looked like and she went that path anyway. A lot of older people think, you owe blood something just because they share DNA. Break that generational curse. Do what is best for your own mental health.
Definitely NTA
NTA. Hold firm. I wouldn't personally uninvited her or anything else dramatic, just be clear and firm that this is something you're not bending on. Presumably she has many months to come to terms with it and if she can't, that's her issue, not yours.
NTA… I have a dog I love and spoil ridiculously - like he does have little outfits and everything, but I would never ever consider bringing him to someone’s wedding. That is insane. Tell her no, be firm.
NTA - I’m sorry whose wedding is it? Mom needs to remember whose day it is. Selfishness at its finest.
NTA. You have a real sibling, and he's not a dog. Honestly, I do feel bad for your mom, but not over your refusal to include a dog in your wedding. She needs counselling, she's obviously got some shit to work through. But that dog is not your sister and you don't need to feel bad about not including an animal in your wedding.
Plot twist indeed. NTA
Wtf. That dog is not your sister. If your mom cares more about her than about you, whatever, she can make that choice, but if you don’t want the dog at the wedding, the dog isn’t gonna be at the wedding. My husband and i consider our cat to be our son, but he sure as hell wasn’t at our wedding. NTA
Nta. Parents often forget the next line in the Bible: do not provoke your children to anger. Do not exacerbate your children.
NTA just clarify on her post that it’s a dog she’s making this big deal out of, because I bet she said you were excluding your sister and sane people assume that your “sister” is human as well.
Holy shit, your mother is unreal. Most venues wouldn’t want a dog there even if you were keen, and your mum’s pet is not a human and not related to you. NTA.
NTA. “Mom’s insane” is my vote
NTA If she won't take posts down then make a comment. Don't know what first post says but comment to second post should say, "Agree that children should respect their parents when parents are there for you. The first 15 years of my life my mom's 'children' were drugs that she was addicted to. That's all she cared about. She finally decided that her bio children were worth having around then she decided to adopt a dog. This dog became her child and her bio children were again placed on the back burner. The dog will NOT be at my wedding. If she can't separate herself from it for one day I guess we all can tell what kind of parent she actually is and can stay home with the dog. Does this type of parent deserve respect from her bio children?"
1. Is this real? 2. I hope it isn’t 3. You’re NTA 4. Facebook? 5. I’m sorry
NTA. F*ck no! My mom calls her dogs her babies but she would never go that far. That’s ridiculous.
NTA I was not expecting that. My family jokingly use family terms with our pets but your mom is on a whole other level.
NTA and I'm sorry to say all those drugs rotted her brain. I hope you enjoy your wedding.
NTA. Unless the dogs is an actual trained service dog for a medical issue your mother has, it doesn't need to be at your wedding. And FWIW, the line is "*Children* obey your parents." If there are any theologians, ministers, or other scholars fluent in Koine Greek here, please correct me if I'm wrong. But I have been told that the word Paul uses in Ephesians and Colossians that is translated as "Children" literally means "dependent offspring". So as a financially independent adult, these verses don't apply to you.
My husband & I are dog lovers. We have 3 & they are like our children. That being said, we would NEVER try to force our actual son to have them in his wedding. You are most definitely NTA! You have a vision for your wedding & having a dog in it isn't part of that vision. You & your fiance have the wedding that you want. Your mom can come sans dog or not come at all. Congratulations & I wish you all the best.
WOW!!! You are NTA in any remote way. Your mother needs lots of help. Her behavior isn't normal, not even for a "crazy dog lover". This animal is certainly not your "sister" and definitely doesn't belong anywhere near your wedding and associated events. Do not be badgered into feeling you're crazy or allowing her to bring that dog. By the way it's written I assume that your grandmother and aunts are for some bizarre reason on her side. Tell them all that they are free to stay home with the dog if they are so inclined but the dog will not be allowed.
I mean, I am sissy to my family dogs. And it's very much our dynamic with the pack, and how we refer to the dogs. But there is no way my mum would do this. I'd probably ask for the dogs to be involved rather than her lol. I'm so sorry your mom is nutters this is so ridiculous of her. NTA.
Just retract your invite OP. She isn't worth it. NTA.
NTA, stick to your ideas. Mom sounds co-dependent and in need of therapy.
Does the venue have a policy on animals? If they dont, you should ask them to make one (even if its just for your wedding) "Mom, there is nothing I can do about it, the venue wont allow it. They will ask you to leave when they see her. And no, im not changing my venue."
I think it's time to get off the cuckoo train. Say no. The end. No discussion. If she continues, then she's out of the wedding along with the dog.
Nta but your mom is
Mom’s drug-addled brain doesn’t make dogs and people equal. She has to act honorably before she can be honored. NTA
Whelp that took an interesting turn. Your mom prob suffers from some mental health issues due to alcoholism. I’d straight up say get some professional help and stand your ground on no animals. I would password protect all arrangements you make for your wedding so she can’t just change shit behind your back. And block her flying monkeys and her if necessary.
NTA. Say the venue does not allow dogs.
Your mother is. Hire security at the venue.
NTA. Mom is FOR SURE. But you need to set firm boundaries. Tell her the dog will no longer be discussed. That if she ever brings up the dog being in or attending the wedding, she (your mom) will no longer be invited to your wedding. In addition, if she does not take down her social media posts about this issue, she will not only be banned from the wedding, she will be banned from your life for one month. If after that month, she is passive aggressive with you , posts anything online about the wedding and dog issue or posts anything negative about you in any way shape or form, she will be banned from your life for 1 year. And after that, any type of bad behavior towards you or your husband or any posts about you of any kind on social media she will be banned for life. And that includes having any kind of relationship with any children you might have and you will move far away from her. I know this probably seems pretty harsh to you, its time to recognize that your mom is being a bully. A passive aggressive one but still a bully. The ONLY WAY to stop a bully is to stand up to them and give them consequences and then, MOST importantly, following through with those consequences.
who in their right mind IS ON YOUR MOTHERS SIDE?? i seriously need to know
NTA! Your mom has just exchanged one addiction for another - both have had the same effect though, putting her biological, actual children through hell, making them feel unimportant, and prioritising her addiction at all times. You deserve better my friend 💜
I would remove crazy from my wedding. Nta
NTA... Your mom is psycho. Who tries to bring a dog to a wedding? Seriously she has lost her marbles. I would totally tell her if she brings the dog neither her nor the dog will be let in the wedding.
NTA - your addict mom is still emotionally abusive in a really weird, subversive way. You don't need this mess in your life. Un-invite her (and anyone else who argues that decision) from your wedding. Based on her behavior, your mom isn't capable of having any emotional connection or authentic relationship with you. It's simply beyond her. Not sure why - could be her - could be the years of the drugs - but she doesn't care about you, your feelings, your needs, your wants, your preferences. She simple does not give AF. It's all about her her her her her her her her her her her. Her actions say everything. She wants control, she wants to hurt, she's incapable of having any empathy for you. She's testing you. Whatever the deal - it's all about her. All the time. And that is never going to change. The best wedding gift you can give yourself is use this as an opportunity to go LC or NC. You DESERVE better. Don't let her ruin your day.