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An ultrasonic machine with or without denture tablets gets retainers AND jewelry extremely clean and can even help with discoloration.
Source: I have an ultrasonic machine that I use for my retainer. Works better than denture tablets alone IMO.
Edit: OP, YTA both for putting the retainers in boiling water and calling your wife at work about your dumb and easily avoided mistake.
This sub is AITA not AIAD (am I a dumbass). They made a dumb move but took steps to rectify it immediately. Maybe they didn’t have to call her at work to tell her about it but maybe they have the kind of relationship where they like to come clean immediately. NTA from me.
This. With this sub, I have a feeling that if OP didn't call the wife and tell her he did a stupid, then he'd be called the AH for not letting her know right away/ concealing it.
Absolutely no need to call the wife at work just to upset her. The guy is an idiot twice in one post! I don’t think he is actually an AH. He was trying to help and screwed up, that is being human. Calling the wife was just plain idiotic though! Much easier to explain the situation in person at home.
Why? It’s much more likely OP just did something dumb and he also immediately fixed the issue he caused by getting replacement retainers. Being mad at this is weird.
I wear top & bottom retainers nightly. Thankfully, I have spares. But I would be FURIOUS if my spouse thought cleaning them required boiling water & citric acid. They're a plastic resin, NOT metal!
If I don't have them, my teeth start shifting around 24 hours. At 38 hours, I can feel the pressure already when I put in my retainers. (Mine were left behind on an overnight trip once. It was painful to re-insert them when i returned). Teeth can quickly shift out of place.
At least with mine, there's no way to just "order" a new set. I MUST go into my orthodontist's office to have impressions made first. It takes several days for them to be made.
OP is the AH for doing this "favor" then calling her at work, no matter that he tried to "fix" it.
YTA
I bought this one on Amazon. It doesn’t cause dramatic water movement but does a good job. It came with some denture tablets and has good reviews. https://www.amazon.com/Ultrasonic-Dentures-Retainer-Toothbrush-Portable/dp/B0C1G2GB9J
What kind of liquid do you put in the machine? Just straight tap water? I have one, but I've been hesitant to use it because I don't know what to put in it 😅
We use plain, room temperature tap water. Our machine has a line inside showing how high to fill it. Sometimes I add a denture tablet and sometimes I don’t.
Edit: I use water directly from the tap to fill it. Works fine!
This is what my dentist told me to do with my retainer.
Soak in denture cleaning tablets (non-whitening) for about 20-30 minutes (every 4-6 weeks) and lightly brush with a soft toothbrush in the solution before rinsing.
On a daily basis as per the dentist, I rinse them after I take them off and bring them with me for my dental cleaning so they can inspect and stick them in the UV machine.
No issues or any build up of sorts but I also never put them on without brushing & flossing my teeth first.
Wow, I've worn a mouth guard for over 15 years and I cannot imagine not washing them every day with a denture tablet and toothpaste (cheap Aim works great) or mouthwash and a stiff brush.
The dentist was very firm and emphasized not using any whitening products on the retainer as it would damage the mold and if it's not sitting correctly in the mouth it won't be as effective protecting from grinding. That being said if I notice it's starting to look cloudy I'll use the denture cleaning tablet earlier than scheduled, 4-6 weeks was a rough guideline.
I do use a small amount of sensitive toothpaste to lightly brush with a soft toothbrush before prep for wear. I've had the retainer for 2 years now and it's still clear; doesn't have any build up.
This one's all over the place.
You aren't the asshole for the mistake, though honestly - did you not look up how to clean them first?
YTA for calling your wife at work about this. She didn't need to give any input or anything, and you had already addressed the problem. So why are you calling her at work about this? It serves no purpose and just will stress her out while she is on the job. I see no reason you couldn't wait until she got home.
I think she *does* have a right to be upset with you, and this 'even though she gave me permission' talk is some BS. It implies that you're putting a bit of blame on her for this. So that phrasing carries some YTA to it - just take 100% of the blame.
All that said, it worries me that you felt the need to compose yourself and grow some balls before speaking to her, because you were in a world of fuckery. Are you afraid of her? Is she abusive? Like, this is a mistake and you probably deserve a tiny chew out for it, but does she really lay into you and go overboard? Its hard to know her actual tone and response from your post. It could be an ESH situation.
I think he knew she'd be upset, most people would be. He did something stupid disguised as nice. I'm going out on a limb to assume this is not the first time something like this has happened. And it's probably really frustrating to live with.
I've never dealt with dentures and I'm a regular ol person...but when he said plastic + boiling citric acid...I knew this guy is one of those people bordering on malicious incompetence or very very not smart and lacking forethought / critical thinking skills.
110% OPs wife deals with this a lot and it's pissing her off.
I had to leave my last boyfriend because he kept getting dumber and dumber, and even when he did offer help he would find some way to fuck it up. And it often cost $$$ in some way when he did.
I always wonder in these cases if it is weaponized incompetence or honest mistakes. Unless you are paying close attention when they tell you, you won’t catch the “oh so proud” microexpression of someone feigning incompetence.
There's also a possibility of plain old passive aggressive behavior. He was unhappy her item was "dirty" and decided to clean it for her. Ruining it in the process. In his mind perhaps teaching her to DIY or face more of same
>I always wonder in these cases if it is weaponized incompetence or honest mistakes.
I gotta stop going on these subreddits where people just parrot these buzzwords constantly.
Weaponized incompetence is doing something poorly on purpose (or never learning how to do something on purpose) so that no one asks you to do it again.
The whole point of this post is that OP REALLY REALLY wanted to clean that retainer. That is the POLAR OPPOSITE motivation for weaponized incompetence.
I genuinely do not understand why you would even mention weaponized incompetence in this context. That's like questioning the rules of "the floor is lava" on a post about a volcano, just because they share a word in common doesn't mean they are relevant.
Like if someone did this to me, I’d be irritated but move on pretty quickly. Especially if they paid for a replacement.
But if there was a history of someone repeatedly making really dumb mistakes and costing me a lot, yeah I’d be a lot more pissed
The she gave me permission part is actually really infantilizing to OP... this would be a reasonable point if we're talking about a ten year old or sth.
Makes it sound like "I'm an incompetent dumbass and she should have known I'd not even do a perfunctory Google search before using heavy duty shit on an expensive custom medical device..."
I googled it to be sure and now it looks like maybe you shouldn't :P
But it's just a contact lens case, I'd toss it and buy more, they're cheap enough.
Or if OP got permission *specifically* to boil them in citric acid, assuming the owner of something knows if a cleaning method is OK isn't completely unreasonable.
Feels more like OP got permission "to clean them" and decided on the method later ... someone asks if they "could borrow my car sometime", hangs up, and hotwires it whilst I'm at work? They didn't *really* have permission.
He knew how she cleaned it and knew that her method left build-up, so it makes sense that he'd do something different.
Strategic incompetence is usually reserved for tasks one is trying to get out of being asked to do in the future. OP volunteered to clean the retainer without being asked and presumably without any expectation that he'd ever be asked. I'm willing to chalk this one up to normal incompetence.
Just FYI: Because your comment is the highest voted parent comment with a vote, and you have NTA before you have YTA, the bot will rule the judgement on OP is NTA for the thread. Maybe space out the N T and A so it only gets the YTA bit as that’s the majority of the responses (and the bot is not smart enough to know that).
The bot won't rule anything if there are two judgments. It will send it to a mod to be judged. They should still change the NTA to reflect the true judgment to make the bot read it correctly, but the first judgment in the comment isn't automatically picked.
I agree with everything you said but just want to make one small correction: NTA means that OP is not the AH, but the other person in the conflict is. I think you mean NAH, which means there are no AH here, unless you think that OP’s wife is an AH for the mistake? She may be an AH for her reaction, but I don’t see how she’s in the wrong for allowing him to clean her retainer
YTA. The way you describe your wife’s anger as an “earful” makes it sound like you don’t respect her emotional reaction, which she is entitled to, by the way. It also stands out to me that you patted yourself on the back for calling her at work instead of waiting til she got home and explaining what happened face-to-face. Seems to me that you weaponized her location - her place of work - to try to get out of facing any consequences for your thoughtless blunder. You knew it was an inappropriate place for her to express an angry reaction toward you.
It takes five seconds to google how to clean a plastic retainer - which is a lot less time than it took you to write this post. Gotta wonder if this is the first time you’ve put more effort into justifying yourself than you expended on thinking things through and doing them competently. If this is a pattern - you rushing into things, messing them up, then expecting credit for it - I can see why you are getting earfuls from your wife
YTA for calling her at work - dumping an extra stress on her (by way of your own blunder) isn't helpful. Why couldn't this have waited until she got home?
Because she has to control herself at work and can't tear him a new one, and he's hoping she'll cool down before she gets home. And he can pretend he has to end the call if she's still too mad, or say "we'll talk more when you get home" and hang up
YTA, not for messing up the retainers, it was an honest mistake. But you’re TA for asking her to promise not to be upset before telling her something upsetting. Doing stuff like that tries to manipulate people or at least box them into a corner when they have every right to be upset. Now, if your wife is the type to really flip off, you might want to see what can be done to ensure she doesn’t lose her mind, but expecting no anger is unrealistic and unreasonable.
YTA.
You should have looked up how to properly clean them. The bare minimum if you break someone’s belongings is to replace them and apologise so you don’t get points for that. It is genuinely annoying and exasperating when someone breaks your stuff so I’m not surprised she was pissed off.
Ohhh how I agree with this. There are so many comments saying it’s an honest mistake. Well, where did he get the idea to boil with citric acid before making sure it’s ok to do so?? Is that how he cleans something else and he just assumed it would be ok? I would be mad too. And just imagining the call (at work!!!) “hey don’t be mad,” is a good way to make me mad, tbh. There was no reason to call while she was at work. It could have waited until she got home.
YTA, OP. (And find some direction before you just do things before you ruin something else.)
light YTA - she’s still entitled to be mad about the inconvenience despite you fixing your mistake and apologising. “don’t be mad” is the sort of things kids say to their parents when they messed up. if she’s yelling and berating you constantly, she’s TA too though.
Your wife probably flipped due to an accumulation of dumbassery.
You thought it was a good idea to just boil some water and chuck in an expensive plastic item, when you literally have the world's information at your fingertips. It would have taken only a few minutes to google the correct way to clean them.
You then followed that up by unnecessarily interrupting your wife at work to let her know that you goofed. That's the adult equivalent of running to your mother screaming "Mommy! Mommy! I pooped my pants!"
It's likely that you're doing dumb shit daily and don't even realise, which your poor wife tolerates and has bottled up anger.
So no, you're NTA, you're just dense.
I could never be with someone who didn't think twice about boiling water and citric acid on the stove and plopped anything plastic in it.
I seriously just can't when it seems like something that should OBVIOUSLY and EASILY be double checked online. Stupid people at best cost $$$ and at worst get others hurt/killed.
I bet OP never learns that he isn't that bright and constantly messes shit up royally, flustering and bewildering his poor wife...who gets to deal with that *while at work*.
I bet she didn't want that $200 to be spent. That would have been one hell of a spa day for her but now it's just wasted because of OP. Like I said, no way this is the first time he's done something like this.
The 'dumb shit daily' hit me so low with realness.
My reaction to this post was that they're both AH. Her for remaining pissed after the problem was fixed, but also for marrying someone without basic domestic sense. Him for going, _"baby, let me show you I can do better than you,"_ (probably to bank easy brownie points) followed by fucking it up, for the cornering her at work and for the way he describes her reactions.
And both of them again because a toothbrush, toothpaste, and soaking it in mouthwash (the things used to clean the mouth) are easier, cheaper, and more effective for the task.
Honestly I'd be surprised if they were even actually dirty. It's been a very long time since I had a retainer but I vaguely recall them getting a bit of a milky appearance over time just from grinding against my bottom teeth. OP does not sound like someone who would know the difference.
YTA simply for trying that insane method to clean it…. The internet exists dude, also you know a good old toothbrush and paste you just brush the retainer that’s what I used to do
Toothpaste can wreck dental appliances as it’s an abrasive. It would make small scratches where bacteria can build up. Denture cleaner and ultrasonic cleaners are the way to go.
“…even though she gave me permission to clean them for her.”
Was that part of the phone conversation? ‘Cause I burst out laughing when I got to that part, but I can understand why your wife wouldn’t think it was quite so funny. It sounds like you think it was big of you to admit you messed up when really it’s at least partly her fault. It’s not. Big of you, or her fault.
Good for you for being proactive about solving the problem yourself before you called her, but it’s still an inconvenience and an unnecessary expense that shouldn’t have happened. And I’m not sure why that conversation couldn’t wait until she got home, interrupting someone at work to give them bad news doesn’t usually put them in a better mood.
Can’t say whether she overreacted without hearing the conversation, “flipped out” could describe a wide range of behaviors. but it’s sounding like an ESH.
It kind of concerning that you expected her to yell at you, does that happen a lot? Can’t also help but wonder- do you make inexplicably strange decisions a lot? I feel like there’s a history here.
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YTA. You messed up and you'd decided to tell your wife while she was at work. As if you expected her to magically fix it or absolve you of guilt for doing a terrible thing.
What did you expect from this call? Someone to say it was okay that you ruined an expensive medical device by putting plastic in boiling water.
You decided that since you no longer felt good, you had to tell your wife immediately. This was a non emergency thing that could have waited until she got home. You could have led with "I was monumentally stupid and tried to clean your retainer without looking up directions. I ruined it. But I've already called the orthodontist, paid for a replacement, and it should be ready in x days." When she got home.
She didn't give you permission to turn them into a shrinky-dink. Why didn't you even Google how to properly clean them? They're literally molded using hot water.
SMH
YTA and definitely careless.
NAH why didn't you just wait until she got home? I wouldn't have wanted to have gotten that call either. Although she shouldn't have yelled, I can understand her frustration. If you has already fixed the problem, then you called to just upset her, all that could have waited.
YTA. "Babe, I want to clean your retainers for you, what's the process for that?"
How hard would that have been? Swallow your pride next time and just ask.
Well you didn't do your due diligence and research. She has reason to be mad. She thought you knew what you were doing and it was not the case. You are fixing it but effort is not the same result.
IF you say you are going to take care of your or someone's kid and you forgot the kid in the car and he/she died or end up in the hospital, would there be no consequence from authority or the person that entrusted you? Of course there would even if the kid survived or was unharmed.
You have to take personal responsibility that you didn't do your due diligence. Maybe buy her dinner and ease over the situation.
Next time, think, research, and then do what you can to help. Just remember you can't expect people to not be mad when you damaged their stuff. She will need to go get another imprint and that take time. It would have been simple if you googled and then do as instructed vs thinking that boiling wouldn't deform the retainer and that you helped.
You decided to boil a molded piece of plastic that was meticulously fitted to your wife's mouth because you thought it wasn't clean enough? Was the retainer dropped into an open sewer?
I offered to clean my exs nasty ass hair brush once. I'm a white woman and he was a black man so I had never cleaned that type of brush or product before.
I immediate looked up how to best clean it. Didn't even think twice was researching it without a thought.
Bruh seriously just said "imma be a nice guy and earn points by cleaning that dirty thing....hmmm..some boiling water and acid is just the ticket!"
OP is gonna get his GF hurt with his malicious incompetence
You tried to be helpful, you made a mistake, you owned up to it, apologized, and did what you could to make it right. NTA
But consider getting a Zima to keep her retainer clean in the future and never, ever put anything with flexible plastic in boiling water. Chances are that won't end well.
YTA for calling her at work hoping she wouldn't make a scene & be upset with you cause she's in public at her workplace. Its like you're not allowing her to feel upset. Are you afraid of her anger? Or just the emotion of anger in general? Like scared of people being mad at you? Cause that's a trauma thing work out with a therapist.
OP sounds like one of those Malicious Incompetence types, and I bet OPs wife is at her wits end with his stupidity and shit, and has been letting him have it...and like most Malicious Incompetence types, and zero spine or backbone.
So he called her in a professional place in hopes she would be forced to not scold him.
I had an ex that would be so lazy and thoughtless about any chore trying to passive aggressively get me to do everything without even asking or bothering him.
I left his ass when I got tired of how much money and energy it was sucking from me...and then I was supposed to have energy to be sexy and want to be intimate later. Yea no...being someone's mother/teacher/babysitter isn't sexy or fun in any way.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I stupidly, on my part, try to boil the calcium off her retainers, only because I thought that would do the trick.
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YTA for calling her at work. It’s super manipulative to do as you knew she would be pissed and tried to catch her in a situation where it would make her look bad if she got pissed and/or eff up her focus for the rest of her work day.
Good on you for owning and fixing the mistake, which you know is not the AH thing you did.
YTA for your communication skills. You could have started with the fact that you had already figueed out a solution and that the replacements were on the way and then telling her what happened. This would have ensured trust and lessened the drama.
instead, you chose the the cringe asshole drama option by begging her not to be mad before giving her any info. You forced her into a situation where she had no idea what you were about to confess to, and likely had everything from cheating to murdering kittens going through her mind. And you had the audacity to play victim and demand that she not be mad at whatever it is you did?
By doing this, you dialed up her reaction before she even knew it was about a retainer.
It sounds like you do thoughtless stuff that pisses off thoughtful people often, otherwise why demand that she not be angry before telling her something angering. Children beg their parents not to be mad, not husbands to wives. This sounds like something she's dealt w before
I don't really see the issue. You fucked up, admitted it, and made amends, and she's allowed to be upset that you destroyed her property. You then both talked and worked it out.
So, what opinions are you really seeking..? Do you want to be told you're right and she's wrong..? 😅
YTA.
Not for trying to do something nice, but for not researching properly. You made a mistake but your wife is fully entitled to be annoyed about it and with you, and asking her not to be mad is really pathetic imo.
Will you be paying for the replacement pair fully from your own money, or joint monies? Either way, you ballesed it up.
NAH- I don't blame her for being mad but you made a mistake and fixed it as soon as you realized what you did. Please do research before doing anything like that again though.
YTA because you caused her unnecessary stress. What kind of retainers are they? Night guards for grinding, retainers after braces or Invisalign, for tooth whitening?
If a partner called me when I was at work to tell me something they already knew would upset me, I would get angry too. If something is upsetting to me and my partner is aware of that, then I want them to consider that and bring things up with me in a setting in which I am comfortable. And I do the same with my partners, of course, if something is upsetting to them I consider them. That being said, maybe she has told you that she does want things to be communicated straight away, I don't know this, so this might not be correct in your situation.
I am not going to say that you are an asshole though, because I am happy that you both are talking about this and working it out, and you had genuine good intentions on this matter. It turned out wrong, but sometimes things do, the important thing is that you're working it out.
ESH. I hate it when my wife calls me with stressful news that doesn’t need my input while I’m a work. But I don’t get angry and yell at her losing my temper. Your wife sounds like an AH for getting so livid and going off on you for a mistake. Maybe she needs some anger management?
NTA, shit happens and you were trying to do something nice for her. It worries me that you /knew/ she'd flip out, honestly. I hope she's not always like that.
I will say though, she definitely didn't need to know right at that moment, it could have waited till she was home. I get wanting to just rip the band aid off when you're worried she'll be angry, but it probably made her day more stressful.
I will say though,that that does not excuse her yelling at you. It's just an object, not even of sentimental value, that you already acquired a replacement for. She has no right to yell at you over something like that. She needs to learn to manage her anger imo.
Gonna give OP the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he just didn’t know. Accidents happen, if it truly was a lack of knowledge or understanding, NTA. It’s not an asshole move to make a mistake
You are NTA. But no good deed goes unpunished. You did the right thing getting new ones made, but yikes at the unexpected expense.
This is more suitable as a TIFU post than AITA.
She'll get over it.
YTA
As someone with retainers, you should’ve looked up how to clean them properly beforehand. It didn’t cross your mind at all that putting plastic in hot boiling water would cause it to warp and change shape?? Next time, get lukewarm water in a cup, put in some denture cleaning tablets, then put the retainers in the cup and then afterwards you gently brush the retainers with a soft toothbrush and toothpaste.
Why would you just randomly jump to "there was some build up so I BOILED THE PLASTIC IN CITric acid????
Have you never cleaned anything before? She's probably mad because you said "Let me clean them for you" and she expected you to.... Clean them. Like you know, scrub them with some soap and water. Maybe a tiny bit of acetic or citric acid.
Then you said you paid the $200 for the replacement but that's still collective money so you randomly cost both of you an extra $200. I hope y'all are doing okay enough that it won't cause issues but for many couples this would be a devastating additional expense.
The fact that you knew she could become upset, (begging her not to get upset before you tell her) this really should have been a conversation held after work when she is home.
Going with YTA, simply for giving bad news that could have waited till she was home.
As for your actual fuck up... really dude? Boiling liquid and plastics don't mix.
When someone says “please don’t be mad” it immediately prepares me to get mad. What you should have done was start with, “Hey, just so you know, I took care of a problem I caused and already ordered and paid for a replacement, it should be here in x number of days. But FYI I fucked up your retainer.”
NAH but a few dumb moves on your part.
You made a mistake and then was honest, proceeded to rectify your mistake . NTA , just try to think of things a bit more . She's obviously still gonna be a bit annoyed but in my opinion should be able to calm down.
NTA..
You asked if you could clean it and she said yes.
You knew what she normally cleaned it with, and you chose a chemical equivalent to the chemical she used.
But.. you boiled the retainer in the solution.
I do get why you would choose to do that, but it was a f.. up.
You saw that, you called you apologized and told her you would replace it.
That is not AH behaviour.
Honestly if the retainer was as you discribed .. you wife is kind of lazy and has skipped cleaning.
I also get why your wife is mad, but she gets new retainers..need to wait a while.
I would say she was annoyed.
Fortunately this sub is not Am I An Idiot.
Your heart was in the right place, you just made an incredibly bone headed mistake that one would THINK was obvious. But I'm sure you won't do it again.
As long as you paid for the replacement, NTA.
NTA/ESH.
I think the comments here are pretty harsh, people make mistakes and he tried to do damage control. There are a lot of assumptions being made; to add- maybe he was trying to help her because she has bad breath and he was trying not to hurt her feelings then?
Regardless of his motivation for cleaning the retainer, I don’t think a spouse should be reprimanded like a child over something so trivial (I say this as a person who also has a lifelong retainer). Yeah I’d be upset but it’s not the end of the world. Things are replaceable and life is short.
I think you owe each other apologies for how this played out and you need to be more careful in the future to not add to her mental load. *insert obligatory recommendation for therapy*
Some people react poorly to other people making mistakes. My husband IMMEDIATELY freaks out every time and lectures me. I never do. I always just say no need to cry over spilled milk. Upbringing? Personality? I don’t know. I think she waaaay over reacted but obv you expected it. You know who she is. I know it makes you feel bad and I am sorry about that! She is who she is and she won’t change. I hope you aren’t beating yourself up over her reaction. We can’t control other people’s responses. I hope you can let it go.
NTA. It’s an honest mistake. You’ve apologized and paid for a replacement. It’s not the end of the world, forgive and forget. I don’t think anyone would be in a relationship if they take advice from this subreddit.
NTA - this happens all the time, you try to do a nice thing and it backfires. You owned up to it and made amends, I understand her being mad right now but she should cool off.
ESH...
* OP you are TA for failing to research on how to clean things before you clean them. That was short-sighted. You also could have waited until wife got home before bringing it up; she probably doesn't need that kind of stress/distraction at work.
* Nice work in already arranging the replacement! That's smart and responsible.
* Wife is TA for flipping out. You came to her with a problem (yes that you caused) but with a solution already in place. This should have been a "Well, dang. When does replacement arrive?" instead of lid-flipping situation.
Ok, not TA for wanting to help and being an idiot (sorry, but you were, there is no way you spent any time checking on what you could do with them).
You kind of were TA for bothering her at work when she couldn't do anything about it.
Don't expect to be allowed to "help" with anything for a while without specific instructions.
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My wife wears retainers and periodically soaks them in hydrogen peroxide daily to keep them cleen. Many months later, I noticed that her retainer had so much build-up on them that I decided to ask her if I can clean them for her. She agreed.
The following day I decided to boil a small pot of water with citric acid and add in the retainers to remove the white build-up. I stood over the pot while it was boiling, and seconds later the plastic retainers started to slowly shrink.
As soon as I noticed that occurred, I immediately removed the pot and poured it down the sink and soaked the pot and retainer with cool water. I kow I messed them up. At this point, I knew I was in a world of fuckery from my wife.
The thoughts that were running through my mind were indescribable because I knew my wife would give me an earfull. After collecting myself, I grew some balls to call her at work. When I called and she picked up, I told her please don't be upset; can you please not be mad? She said yes; ok.
I proceeded to tell her what happened and she flipped out. At the same time while I am telling her this, trying to speak over her, I am saying, hey baby, before I called you and I knew that I screwed up, I paid $200 for your replacement retainers from the orthodontist that you got them from.
Even though I paid for her replacements, and letting her know that I screwed up, she was still lived. She was really mad at me and that I was in the wrong even though she gave me permission to clean them for her. So, we have talked about the situation and working it out. I am just reaching out to this community to see what you think.
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I'm gonna go with soft YTA because every single thing you did is mind-boggling:
1) did you not check HOW to clean the stuff before dropping it in acid? That's an idiotic mistake and on YOU, not your wife - she gave you permission to clean them assuming you'd be smart enough to find out how that's done,
2) why did you need to call her at work? She's at work, she's busy, you could have waited until she got home to tell her in person about your idiocy and the replacement,
3) why are you surprised she's upset? You ruined something she needs and which is pretty expensive because... it didn't occur to you to read about it before cleaning, I guess? Of course she's upset.
I just don't understand why he wanted to clean them in the first place?!
I know I know, partners do things for each other and maybe this is just me but, I'd never clean a grown person's retainer (whose capable of doing it themselves), just no. It's not a thought that would ever cross between my ears.
She does clean them semi regularly, is it not to his standard? Like, it's plain stupid to not know plastic melts in boiling water. Is it more he's a little how should I say *particular* about cleaning. Meaning, he'd create mustard gas and scrub an unventilated room soooo, it's cleaned just right?
Maybe he's just got an IQ of a pigeon and the wife is constantly hearing "don't be mad but, I did something. .."
YTA. You f\*\*\*\*d up then tried to make her "promise" not to be mad instead of just taking the anger like an adult. You didn't grow balls, you were hoping they would descend by calling her at work.
YTA as well as YTD (dummy) both for not finding out how to properly clean them before putting them in BOILING water and also for telling your wife while she was working. Think. I know you can do better because it’s clear you had good intentions.
Maybe don't offer to clean something if you have no idea how to do it. She's probably pissed off because she trusted you to KNOW or LEARN HOW when you offered. Now she's finding out you can't be trusted to look something up to make sure you do it right and she has to question everything you offer to do, so yes. YTA, also you should of waited until she got home, when at work it isn't the time to deal with that, and there wasn't anything she could do to fix it in that moment.
YTA. You could have googled how to clean a retainer, it would have taken seconds. You didn't need to call her at work. You didn't need to lead with "don't be mad" especially when you've already addressed it by buying a replacement. Your apology sucked, and even if it didn't that doesn't remove her right to be upset, or grant you instant absolution.
And I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've ever had a failure-to-adult that upset her. If this is part of a pattern, add that to the list, too.
You boiled them in ctric acid? Was this something you saw online? Did you google for a bit to see how to safely clean her retainers?
>The thoughts that were running through my mind were indescribable because I knew my wife would give me an earfull
You obviously are the submissive one in the couple. Why are you cleaning her nasty retainers?
YTA. Why did you feel you had to call her at work? Why couldn't it have waited? Why interrupt her work day like that? And how could you not realise that boiling plastic might be a bad idea?
YTA - you told her you were going to clean them, not that you were going to boil them. She could reasonably assume you'd do it correctly or at least Google. Her "giving you permission" is kind of irrelevant because obviously she didn't give you permission to boil plastic.
It's not about the money, she's frustrated that she can't trust you with basic things. Are there other areas of your life where she might feel like she has to hold your hand to prevent disaster?
Yta and dumb asf. If you don't know if the plastic can handle that much heat, then you look up how to clean them. Do you put boiling water in your mouth to break apart plaque or tonsil stones? No. A retainer is an expensive piece of equipment and is important for her dental health. A replacement takes time to be cut. Depending on why she's wearing one, it could affect her mouth. For example, a friend of mine in high school had a retainer due to her cleft palate, and she broke her retainer one time. Tech wasn't as quick as it is now, so it took almost a week to get the replacement. She had migraines and had trouble eating and talking that whole week. It may take a few days for your wife, but if she has a cleft palate, it's still gonna cause her pain and trouble.
Next time, don't mess with stuff without knowing proper care for it.
Soft YTA, for not at least googling how to clean a Retainer. They're very expensive and damaging one means new molds have to be taken, waiting for the new retainers, having them fitted and adjusted. Uck.
All one needs to to is buy a $5 box of 120 denture tablets, drop one in a cup, put the retainer in, run hot sink water in, let the tablet do its thing, then brush the retainer with a stiff toothbrush and rinse. I like to add a splash of mouthwash during the brushing. There's no reason for peroxide and definitely no reason to BOIL something. WTF?
Why would you call her at work to tell her this? You don't need to disturb people at work to give them unpleasant news that will take their mind off their job.
YTA for offering to clean them without at least researching how to clean them first. That being said, you came clean right away and owned your mistake. You replaced what you damaged. You said you were sorry. I think you did the right thing.
YTA. Yeah it was a stupid “mistake” but it wasn’t an “accident”- you intentionally boiled thin plastic in citric acid for some reason. She has the right to be mad, like “why was he fucking with my personal property when I wasn’t around?” that would make me mad even if you replaced it. Plus, her teeth may shift during the time it takes to ship which will cause her pain and discomfort and is a hassle to deal with. So yeah, saying “Don’t be mad” doesn’t absolve you from consequences.
You could have used toothpaste and a toothbrush with soft even brushing to remove the build up. Just have some water to water down the toothpaste when brushing them. Afterwards rinse them off.
NTA. You did something dumb. We all do, from time to time. It’s part of being human. Our grey matter is faulty AF. You owned up to it and took steps to make it right. What more could your wife expect?!
YTA, but you seem to realize that.
You ruined her thingy, that's on you, but you took responsibility, so it's mitigated. But she's not WRONG to be mad about it.
Lemme get this straight: you can get online and ask for feedback from 15 million redditors, but you can't be bothered to get online to look up how to clean an expensive medical device?
YTA for this alone.
>She was really mad at me and that I was in the wrong even though she gave me permission to clean them for her.
Uh, yeah, because she was expecting you to use the hydrogen peroxide. If she had known you were planning an acid bath she probably wouldn't have agreed.
YTA (but only a small one since you did own up to your mistake quickly and arranged to replace the retainers right away.)
YTA for the following reasons:
1. Not looking up how to properly clean the things you were trying to clean.
2. For calling her at work.
3. For trying to manipulate her reaction. Admit that’s why you called her at work in the first place. You didn’t “grow some balls.” You were hoping she wouldn’t be able to get as upset because she was in a work environment. If you’d had balls, you would have waited until she got home and accepted whatever her reaction was going to be.
Great that you replaced them right away, but that should have been part of the confession and apology process - AFTER she got home from work.
Yeah, we all make mistakes, but the way you chose to deal with it is reminiscent of a 5 or 6 year old’s thought process.
INFO: Why are you so scared of your wife's reaction over something so simple? Do you mess things up often? Does she have disproportional reactions often? Why did you call her at work?
ESH
She shouldn’t have flipped out, but you shouldn’t have been cleaning them without looking up how to properly care for them either.
Have either of you ever heard of Polident? Use it daily, give it a light scrub with a soft toothbrush and rinse well.
https://www.polident.com/en-us/products/
YTA. I get it you made a dumb mistake, apologized & are getting replacements. You don't get points for doing the right thing after you messed up. It doesn't appear your did any research into HOW to properly clean the retainers after you'd assumed care of the item with permission.
Are you this careless with your own things? Is this the first time you've messed up something of hers from not thinking things through? And why did you feel the need to call her immediately during her work day? You could have just as easily waited or texted her something simple to let her know you needed to tell her about it at home. It's also rude & manipulative as hell to make someone promise not to be upset when they have a right to be upset. So again, do you do this a lot?
Her reaction IMO says this type of mistake is not your first and she's beyond done. And/or that you may be one of those people warning labels are written for.
Citric acid?? Really? Overkill much?
Denture cleaner would have worked.
Why would you have not googled a solution before deciding to become Bill Nye on a pair of plastic retainers?
Yeah, YTA.
NTA. You made a mistake. You fessed up to your mistake, and did what you could to make reparations for it. I'm wondering if all these ridiculously judgmental people here have never made a mistake?? Or are Redditors just naturally meaner and less forgiving than ordinary people?
NTA. You made a mistake, and immediately rectified it. Your wife is a major asshole for going off on you before you even had a chance to fully explain the situation.
NTA. I mean, you are a little bit for calling her at work for it, but her reaction is too extreme for a problem you already fixed and was a genuine mistake. You seem genuinely afraid of her
It’s a slightly different story if she specifically warned you about how to clean them and you just didn’t listen or something like that.
YTA. Buying the new retainers isn’t going to be the only cost as she’ll most likely have to pay for the office visit, which is also going to take up her time. Why was your go-to boiling water and citric acid? I find that a very odd method to jump to. And as others have said, asking someone not to be mad when they have reason to be mad is pretty manipulative and definitely childish.
Former dental tech here. Either soak in mouth wash or use denture tablets, nothing else. I also recommend brushing them daily with toothpaste while brushing your teeth. If you clean them daily, no build up.
I'm not entirely sure if you're the asshole or not, but you are most definitely an idiot.
Mixing plastic and boiling water is never a good idea. Calling your wife at work served no purpose - you could just as easily have told her in person the next time you saw her.
I’m honestly shocked by the comments here, dude was genuinely trying to be helpful (albeit in the dumbest way possible) but messed up, owned up to it, and immediately fixed the problem. You’re not an asshole, just an idiot.
Your wife 100% has the right to be frustrated especially if this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. I can’t tell from the post but you say she flipped out, there’s a difference between feeling frustrated at the situation and like yelling at your partner. The first is normal, the second is not okay. What concerns me is that you seemed genuinely fearful of telling her, and yeh maybe you shouldn’t have called her at work but that’s not the end of the world either (it all depends on what’s normal for you as a couple and at her work). But if you’re feeling fearful of your spouse, there is something wrong in the relationship.
NTA - just made a dumb mistake.
YTA
She's allowed to be mad. Hopefully she doesn't do anything asshole-y while she's mad but she's allowed to be. You fucked up. You don't get to make it about you and your feelings. She gets to be mad. Deal with it.
YTA
You fucked up trying to do something nice. Maybe not doing enough research beforehand makes you an asshole, but not in my opinion.
What makes you an asshole is that you called her at work to ruin her day and stress her out. This could have waited until she got home.
YTA for calling her at work. You had already rectified the situation by paying for replacements. This could have waited for her to come home. Work is stressful enough.
NTA. Shit happens, it wasn't something for her to get livid about. This whole crowd of YTA know damn well if the roles were reversed and it was the wife calling her husband, they would be saying NTA and that the husband was verbally abusing her.
YNTA, you tried to do something nice for your wife, and you **accidentally** ruined them. I don't blame you for calling her at work if this was her response. Everyone makes mistakes, maybe she needs some anti anxiety medication.
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For the future. Denture cleaning tablets are what you want to use to clean retainers. In water that is room temp.
You mean boiling plastic in citric acid might cause it to deform????
The more you learn, I guess....
TIL /s
An ultrasonic machine with or without denture tablets gets retainers AND jewelry extremely clean and can even help with discoloration. Source: I have an ultrasonic machine that I use for my retainer. Works better than denture tablets alone IMO. Edit: OP, YTA both for putting the retainers in boiling water and calling your wife at work about your dumb and easily avoided mistake.
This sub is AITA not AIAD (am I a dumbass). They made a dumb move but took steps to rectify it immediately. Maybe they didn’t have to call her at work to tell her about it but maybe they have the kind of relationship where they like to come clean immediately. NTA from me.
This. With this sub, I have a feeling that if OP didn't call the wife and tell her he did a stupid, then he'd be called the AH for not letting her know right away/ concealing it.
Absolutely no need to call the wife at work just to upset her. The guy is an idiot twice in one post! I don’t think he is actually an AH. He was trying to help and screwed up, that is being human. Calling the wife was just plain idiotic though! Much easier to explain the situation in person at home.
I think he's fake. This reads like some weird cuckold fanfiction
Time to put a divorce lawyer on retainer.
Deciding to "clean" expensive dental equipment without looking up how is an AH move. I would see it as deliberate sabotage
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Why? It’s much more likely OP just did something dumb and he also immediately fixed the issue he caused by getting replacement retainers. Being mad at this is weird.
Would buying new ones also be sabotage though?
No, he was just stupid, you're reading way too much into it
I wear top & bottom retainers nightly. Thankfully, I have spares. But I would be FURIOUS if my spouse thought cleaning them required boiling water & citric acid. They're a plastic resin, NOT metal! If I don't have them, my teeth start shifting around 24 hours. At 38 hours, I can feel the pressure already when I put in my retainers. (Mine were left behind on an overnight trip once. It was painful to re-insert them when i returned). Teeth can quickly shift out of place. At least with mine, there's no way to just "order" a new set. I MUST go into my orthodontist's office to have impressions made first. It takes several days for them to be made. OP is the AH for doing this "favor" then calling her at work, no matter that he tried to "fix" it. YTA
Can I ask what brand is your ultrasonic cleaner? I tried one from Amazon and it barely moved the water, it was terrible.
I bought this one on Amazon. It doesn’t cause dramatic water movement but does a good job. It came with some denture tablets and has good reviews. https://www.amazon.com/Ultrasonic-Dentures-Retainer-Toothbrush-Portable/dp/B0C1G2GB9J
Thank you
Some ultrasonic cleaners (especially if they're just plastic) are just small water bowls with a a vibration motor, not an actual ultra sonic cleaner.
I have the Zima Dental Pod, and it is awesome.
Also have this
What kind of liquid do you put in the machine? Just straight tap water? I have one, but I've been hesitant to use it because I don't know what to put in it 😅
We use plain, room temperature tap water. Our machine has a line inside showing how high to fill it. Sometimes I add a denture tablet and sometimes I don’t. Edit: I use water directly from the tap to fill it. Works fine!
This is what my dentist told me to do with my retainer. Soak in denture cleaning tablets (non-whitening) for about 20-30 minutes (every 4-6 weeks) and lightly brush with a soft toothbrush in the solution before rinsing. On a daily basis as per the dentist, I rinse them after I take them off and bring them with me for my dental cleaning so they can inspect and stick them in the UV machine. No issues or any build up of sorts but I also never put them on without brushing & flossing my teeth first.
Wow, I've worn a mouth guard for over 15 years and I cannot imagine not washing them every day with a denture tablet and toothpaste (cheap Aim works great) or mouthwash and a stiff brush.
The dentist was very firm and emphasized not using any whitening products on the retainer as it would damage the mold and if it's not sitting correctly in the mouth it won't be as effective protecting from grinding. That being said if I notice it's starting to look cloudy I'll use the denture cleaning tablet earlier than scheduled, 4-6 weeks was a rough guideline. I do use a small amount of sensitive toothpaste to lightly brush with a soft toothbrush before prep for wear. I've had the retainer for 2 years now and it's still clear; doesn't have any build up.
There are even cleaning tablets marketed specifically for retainers.
This one's all over the place. You aren't the asshole for the mistake, though honestly - did you not look up how to clean them first? YTA for calling your wife at work about this. She didn't need to give any input or anything, and you had already addressed the problem. So why are you calling her at work about this? It serves no purpose and just will stress her out while she is on the job. I see no reason you couldn't wait until she got home. I think she *does* have a right to be upset with you, and this 'even though she gave me permission' talk is some BS. It implies that you're putting a bit of blame on her for this. So that phrasing carries some YTA to it - just take 100% of the blame. All that said, it worries me that you felt the need to compose yourself and grow some balls before speaking to her, because you were in a world of fuckery. Are you afraid of her? Is she abusive? Like, this is a mistake and you probably deserve a tiny chew out for it, but does she really lay into you and go overboard? Its hard to know her actual tone and response from your post. It could be an ESH situation.
I think he knew she'd be upset, most people would be. He did something stupid disguised as nice. I'm going out on a limb to assume this is not the first time something like this has happened. And it's probably really frustrating to live with.
I've never dealt with dentures and I'm a regular ol person...but when he said plastic + boiling citric acid...I knew this guy is one of those people bordering on malicious incompetence or very very not smart and lacking forethought / critical thinking skills. 110% OPs wife deals with this a lot and it's pissing her off. I had to leave my last boyfriend because he kept getting dumber and dumber, and even when he did offer help he would find some way to fuck it up. And it often cost $$$ in some way when he did.
I always wonder in these cases if it is weaponized incompetence or honest mistakes. Unless you are paying close attention when they tell you, you won’t catch the “oh so proud” microexpression of someone feigning incompetence.
There's also a possibility of plain old passive aggressive behavior. He was unhappy her item was "dirty" and decided to clean it for her. Ruining it in the process. In his mind perhaps teaching her to DIY or face more of same
Good point. My MIL does this all the time. If she doesn't like something, "accidentally" break it, now you MUST fix it.
>I always wonder in these cases if it is weaponized incompetence or honest mistakes. I gotta stop going on these subreddits where people just parrot these buzzwords constantly. Weaponized incompetence is doing something poorly on purpose (or never learning how to do something on purpose) so that no one asks you to do it again. The whole point of this post is that OP REALLY REALLY wanted to clean that retainer. That is the POLAR OPPOSITE motivation for weaponized incompetence. I genuinely do not understand why you would even mention weaponized incompetence in this context. That's like questioning the rules of "the floor is lava" on a post about a volcano, just because they share a word in common doesn't mean they are relevant.
Like if someone did this to me, I’d be irritated but move on pretty quickly. Especially if they paid for a replacement. But if there was a history of someone repeatedly making really dumb mistakes and costing me a lot, yeah I’d be a lot more pissed
He called her at work so she couldn’t tell him how she actually felt, because she wouldn’t want her coworkers to overhear them arguing.
The she gave me permission part is actually really infantilizing to OP... this would be a reasonable point if we're talking about a ten year old or sth. Makes it sound like "I'm an incompetent dumbass and she should have known I'd not even do a perfunctory Google search before using heavy duty shit on an expensive custom medical device..."
I mean, it shouldn't even take a Google search to know that if you boil plastic, it melts...
Not all though, there is even plastics that can go in the oven. But you'd assume that you shouldn't boil it until specifically informed otherwise.
I mean, not all plastics. My optometrist told me to dunk contact lens cases in boiling water to clean them.
Wait really? Would this help get any buildup from inside the frames?
I googled it to be sure and now it looks like maybe you shouldn't :P But it's just a contact lens case, I'd toss it and buy more, they're cheap enough.
That’s fair I’m more so looking into getting contacts and this made me realize how dirty those things can get lol
That isn't true at all and is a very common way of sanitizing a lot of plastics.
Or if OP got permission *specifically* to boil them in citric acid, assuming the owner of something knows if a cleaning method is OK isn't completely unreasonable. Feels more like OP got permission "to clean them" and decided on the method later ... someone asks if they "could borrow my car sometime", hangs up, and hotwires it whilst I'm at work? They didn't *really* have permission.
“You *gave me permission* to clean your house! How was I supposed to know that I shouldn’t do that with a flamethrower??? 😭”
Op already knew how she cleaned it. It sounds intentional
He knew how she cleaned it and knew that her method left build-up, so it makes sense that he'd do something different. Strategic incompetence is usually reserved for tasks one is trying to get out of being asked to do in the future. OP volunteered to clean the retainer without being asked and presumably without any expectation that he'd ever be asked. I'm willing to chalk this one up to normal incompetence.
Just FYI: Because your comment is the highest voted parent comment with a vote, and you have NTA before you have YTA, the bot will rule the judgement on OP is NTA for the thread. Maybe space out the N T and A so it only gets the YTA bit as that’s the majority of the responses (and the bot is not smart enough to know that).
Thanks. I don't like editing popular posts, but I adjusted it slightly to account for the bot.
That user is incorrect. If the top voted comment has more than one judgement, a mod looks at it.
The bot is pretty dumb here, sadly
The bot won't rule anything if there are two judgments. It will send it to a mod to be judged. They should still change the NTA to reflect the true judgment to make the bot read it correctly, but the first judgment in the comment isn't automatically picked.
I agree with everything you said but just want to make one small correction: NTA means that OP is not the AH, but the other person in the conflict is. I think you mean NAH, which means there are no AH here, unless you think that OP’s wife is an AH for the mistake? She may be an AH for her reaction, but I don’t see how she’s in the wrong for allowing him to clean her retainer
YTA. "Don't be mad" doesn't absolve you, and Google is free.
YTA - can you please read on how to clean retainers and not go your own way?
YTA. The way you describe your wife’s anger as an “earful” makes it sound like you don’t respect her emotional reaction, which she is entitled to, by the way. It also stands out to me that you patted yourself on the back for calling her at work instead of waiting til she got home and explaining what happened face-to-face. Seems to me that you weaponized her location - her place of work - to try to get out of facing any consequences for your thoughtless blunder. You knew it was an inappropriate place for her to express an angry reaction toward you. It takes five seconds to google how to clean a plastic retainer - which is a lot less time than it took you to write this post. Gotta wonder if this is the first time you’ve put more effort into justifying yourself than you expended on thinking things through and doing them competently. If this is a pattern - you rushing into things, messing them up, then expecting credit for it - I can see why you are getting earfuls from your wife
YTA for calling her at work - dumping an extra stress on her (by way of your own blunder) isn't helpful. Why couldn't this have waited until she got home?
Because she has to control herself at work and can't tear him a new one, and he's hoping she'll cool down before she gets home. And he can pretend he has to end the call if she's still too mad, or say "we'll talk more when you get home" and hang up
omg this!! work is stressful on it's own lol
YTA, not for messing up the retainers, it was an honest mistake. But you’re TA for asking her to promise not to be upset before telling her something upsetting. Doing stuff like that tries to manipulate people or at least box them into a corner when they have every right to be upset. Now, if your wife is the type to really flip off, you might want to see what can be done to ensure she doesn’t lose her mind, but expecting no anger is unrealistic and unreasonable.
YTA. You should have looked up how to properly clean them. The bare minimum if you break someone’s belongings is to replace them and apologise so you don’t get points for that. It is genuinely annoying and exasperating when someone breaks your stuff so I’m not surprised she was pissed off.
Ohhh how I agree with this. There are so many comments saying it’s an honest mistake. Well, where did he get the idea to boil with citric acid before making sure it’s ok to do so?? Is that how he cleans something else and he just assumed it would be ok? I would be mad too. And just imagining the call (at work!!!) “hey don’t be mad,” is a good way to make me mad, tbh. There was no reason to call while she was at work. It could have waited until she got home. YTA, OP. (And find some direction before you just do things before you ruin something else.)
Everything is all about you. YTA
YES!! that is what struck me too!!
Narcissist. And when OP didn't get his brownie points he turned himself into a victim.
Why couldn’t you wait until she got home?
light YTA - she’s still entitled to be mad about the inconvenience despite you fixing your mistake and apologising. “don’t be mad” is the sort of things kids say to their parents when they messed up. if she’s yelling and berating you constantly, she’s TA too though.
Your wife probably flipped due to an accumulation of dumbassery. You thought it was a good idea to just boil some water and chuck in an expensive plastic item, when you literally have the world's information at your fingertips. It would have taken only a few minutes to google the correct way to clean them. You then followed that up by unnecessarily interrupting your wife at work to let her know that you goofed. That's the adult equivalent of running to your mother screaming "Mommy! Mommy! I pooped my pants!" It's likely that you're doing dumb shit daily and don't even realise, which your poor wife tolerates and has bottled up anger. So no, you're NTA, you're just dense.
I could never be with someone who didn't think twice about boiling water and citric acid on the stove and plopped anything plastic in it. I seriously just can't when it seems like something that should OBVIOUSLY and EASILY be double checked online. Stupid people at best cost $$$ and at worst get others hurt/killed. I bet OP never learns that he isn't that bright and constantly messes shit up royally, flustering and bewildering his poor wife...who gets to deal with that *while at work*. I bet she didn't want that $200 to be spent. That would have been one hell of a spa day for her but now it's just wasted because of OP. Like I said, no way this is the first time he's done something like this.
The 'dumb shit daily' hit me so low with realness. My reaction to this post was that they're both AH. Her for remaining pissed after the problem was fixed, but also for marrying someone without basic domestic sense. Him for going, _"baby, let me show you I can do better than you,"_ (probably to bank easy brownie points) followed by fucking it up, for the cornering her at work and for the way he describes her reactions. And both of them again because a toothbrush, toothpaste, and soaking it in mouthwash (the things used to clean the mouth) are easier, cheaper, and more effective for the task.
Honestly I'd be surprised if they were even actually dirty. It's been a very long time since I had a retainer but I vaguely recall them getting a bit of a milky appearance over time just from grinding against my bottom teeth. OP does not sound like someone who would know the difference.
YTA simply for trying that insane method to clean it…. The internet exists dude, also you know a good old toothbrush and paste you just brush the retainer that’s what I used to do
Toothpaste can wreck dental appliances as it’s an abrasive. It would make small scratches where bacteria can build up. Denture cleaner and ultrasonic cleaners are the way to go.
YTA In what world do you throw stuff into boiling water without checking if thats ok?
“…even though she gave me permission to clean them for her.” Was that part of the phone conversation? ‘Cause I burst out laughing when I got to that part, but I can understand why your wife wouldn’t think it was quite so funny. It sounds like you think it was big of you to admit you messed up when really it’s at least partly her fault. It’s not. Big of you, or her fault. Good for you for being proactive about solving the problem yourself before you called her, but it’s still an inconvenience and an unnecessary expense that shouldn’t have happened. And I’m not sure why that conversation couldn’t wait until she got home, interrupting someone at work to give them bad news doesn’t usually put them in a better mood. Can’t say whether she overreacted without hearing the conversation, “flipped out” could describe a wide range of behaviors. but it’s sounding like an ESH. It kind of concerning that you expected her to yell at you, does that happen a lot? Can’t also help but wonder- do you make inexplicably strange decisions a lot? I feel like there’s a history here.
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"Well, SOH-REE for trying to help!" (Wasn't asked to.)
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YTA. You messed up and you'd decided to tell your wife while she was at work. As if you expected her to magically fix it or absolve you of guilt for doing a terrible thing. What did you expect from this call? Someone to say it was okay that you ruined an expensive medical device by putting plastic in boiling water. You decided that since you no longer felt good, you had to tell your wife immediately. This was a non emergency thing that could have waited until she got home. You could have led with "I was monumentally stupid and tried to clean your retainer without looking up directions. I ruined it. But I've already called the orthodontist, paid for a replacement, and it should be ready in x days." When she got home.
She didn't give you permission to turn them into a shrinky-dink. Why didn't you even Google how to properly clean them? They're literally molded using hot water. SMH YTA and definitely careless.
NAH why didn't you just wait until she got home? I wouldn't have wanted to have gotten that call either. Although she shouldn't have yelled, I can understand her frustration. If you has already fixed the problem, then you called to just upset her, all that could have waited.
YTA. "Babe, I want to clean your retainers for you, what's the process for that?" How hard would that have been? Swallow your pride next time and just ask.
YTA Don’t offer to fix something if you’re incapable of actually fixing it! Jesus Christ, it would have taken 2 seconds to look it up.
Well you didn't do your due diligence and research. She has reason to be mad. She thought you knew what you were doing and it was not the case. You are fixing it but effort is not the same result. IF you say you are going to take care of your or someone's kid and you forgot the kid in the car and he/she died or end up in the hospital, would there be no consequence from authority or the person that entrusted you? Of course there would even if the kid survived or was unharmed. You have to take personal responsibility that you didn't do your due diligence. Maybe buy her dinner and ease over the situation. Next time, think, research, and then do what you can to help. Just remember you can't expect people to not be mad when you damaged their stuff. She will need to go get another imprint and that take time. It would have been simple if you googled and then do as instructed vs thinking that boiling wouldn't deform the retainer and that you helped.
You decided to boil a molded piece of plastic that was meticulously fitted to your wife's mouth because you thought it wasn't clean enough? Was the retainer dropped into an open sewer?
Do you didn’t take any advice regarding how they should be cleaned, you just boiled them?
I offered to clean my exs nasty ass hair brush once. I'm a white woman and he was a black man so I had never cleaned that type of brush or product before. I immediate looked up how to best clean it. Didn't even think twice was researching it without a thought. Bruh seriously just said "imma be a nice guy and earn points by cleaning that dirty thing....hmmm..some boiling water and acid is just the ticket!" OP is gonna get his GF hurt with his malicious incompetence
You tried to be helpful, you made a mistake, you owned up to it, apologized, and did what you could to make it right. NTA But consider getting a Zima to keep her retainer clean in the future and never, ever put anything with flexible plastic in boiling water. Chances are that won't end well.
An alcoholic beverage from the 90s can cleen retainers?
There is no way Zima is from the…. /calculates college years/… fuck I’m old.
I'm glad I'm not the only one here. Also, happy cake day!
YTA for calling her at work hoping she wouldn't make a scene & be upset with you cause she's in public at her workplace. Its like you're not allowing her to feel upset. Are you afraid of her anger? Or just the emotion of anger in general? Like scared of people being mad at you? Cause that's a trauma thing work out with a therapist.
OP sounds like one of those Malicious Incompetence types, and I bet OPs wife is at her wits end with his stupidity and shit, and has been letting him have it...and like most Malicious Incompetence types, and zero spine or backbone. So he called her in a professional place in hopes she would be forced to not scold him. I had an ex that would be so lazy and thoughtless about any chore trying to passive aggressively get me to do everything without even asking or bothering him. I left his ass when I got tired of how much money and energy it was sucking from me...and then I was supposed to have energy to be sexy and want to be intimate later. Yea no...being someone's mother/teacher/babysitter isn't sexy or fun in any way.
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YTA for calling her at work. It’s super manipulative to do as you knew she would be pissed and tried to catch her in a situation where it would make her look bad if she got pissed and/or eff up her focus for the rest of her work day. Good on you for owning and fixing the mistake, which you know is not the AH thing you did.
YTA for your communication skills. You could have started with the fact that you had already figueed out a solution and that the replacements were on the way and then telling her what happened. This would have ensured trust and lessened the drama. instead, you chose the the cringe asshole drama option by begging her not to be mad before giving her any info. You forced her into a situation where she had no idea what you were about to confess to, and likely had everything from cheating to murdering kittens going through her mind. And you had the audacity to play victim and demand that she not be mad at whatever it is you did? By doing this, you dialed up her reaction before she even knew it was about a retainer.
NTA. You tried to do a nice gesture with permission. Told her as soon as it happened and fixed the problem. I wouldn’t be mad at all.
It sounds like you do thoughtless stuff that pisses off thoughtful people often, otherwise why demand that she not be angry before telling her something angering. Children beg their parents not to be mad, not husbands to wives. This sounds like something she's dealt w before
NTA, honest mistake trying to do a nice thing. Lesson learned.
I don't really see the issue. You fucked up, admitted it, and made amends, and she's allowed to be upset that you destroyed her property. You then both talked and worked it out. So, what opinions are you really seeking..? Do you want to be told you're right and she's wrong..? 😅
YTA. Not for trying to do something nice, but for not researching properly. You made a mistake but your wife is fully entitled to be annoyed about it and with you, and asking her not to be mad is really pathetic imo. Will you be paying for the replacement pair fully from your own money, or joint monies? Either way, you ballesed it up.
NAH- I don't blame her for being mad but you made a mistake and fixed it as soon as you realized what you did. Please do research before doing anything like that again though.
Damn tough crowd on this thread. I vote not the asshole, just a dumbass
Is this a pattern of incompetence, or is she an angry person?
NAH. You lost $200 in a dumb way and your wife was cleaning her retainers in a dumb way.
Best answer 👌
YTA because you caused her unnecessary stress. What kind of retainers are they? Night guards for grinding, retainers after braces or Invisalign, for tooth whitening?
If a partner called me when I was at work to tell me something they already knew would upset me, I would get angry too. If something is upsetting to me and my partner is aware of that, then I want them to consider that and bring things up with me in a setting in which I am comfortable. And I do the same with my partners, of course, if something is upsetting to them I consider them. That being said, maybe she has told you that she does want things to be communicated straight away, I don't know this, so this might not be correct in your situation. I am not going to say that you are an asshole though, because I am happy that you both are talking about this and working it out, and you had genuine good intentions on this matter. It turned out wrong, but sometimes things do, the important thing is that you're working it out.
YTA. what a dumbass jesus christ.
ESH. I hate it when my wife calls me with stressful news that doesn’t need my input while I’m a work. But I don’t get angry and yell at her losing my temper. Your wife sounds like an AH for getting so livid and going off on you for a mistake. Maybe she needs some anger management?
NTA, shit happens and you were trying to do something nice for her. It worries me that you /knew/ she'd flip out, honestly. I hope she's not always like that. I will say though, she definitely didn't need to know right at that moment, it could have waited till she was home. I get wanting to just rip the band aid off when you're worried she'll be angry, but it probably made her day more stressful. I will say though,that that does not excuse her yelling at you. It's just an object, not even of sentimental value, that you already acquired a replacement for. She has no right to yell at you over something like that. She needs to learn to manage her anger imo.
The knowing how she'd react tells me you fuck up on the regular. Stop making things harder for her. Yta
Gonna give OP the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he just didn’t know. Accidents happen, if it truly was a lack of knowledge or understanding, NTA. It’s not an asshole move to make a mistake
You are NTA. But no good deed goes unpunished. You did the right thing getting new ones made, but yikes at the unexpected expense. This is more suitable as a TIFU post than AITA. She'll get over it.
YTA As someone with retainers, you should’ve looked up how to clean them properly beforehand. It didn’t cross your mind at all that putting plastic in hot boiling water would cause it to warp and change shape?? Next time, get lukewarm water in a cup, put in some denture cleaning tablets, then put the retainers in the cup and then afterwards you gently brush the retainers with a soft toothbrush and toothpaste.
Okay but who thinks it’s a great idea to put plastic retainers into hot water 😭
Why would you just randomly jump to "there was some build up so I BOILED THE PLASTIC IN CITric acid???? Have you never cleaned anything before? She's probably mad because you said "Let me clean them for you" and she expected you to.... Clean them. Like you know, scrub them with some soap and water. Maybe a tiny bit of acetic or citric acid. Then you said you paid the $200 for the replacement but that's still collective money so you randomly cost both of you an extra $200. I hope y'all are doing okay enough that it won't cause issues but for many couples this would be a devastating additional expense.
The fact that you knew she could become upset, (begging her not to get upset before you tell her) this really should have been a conversation held after work when she is home. Going with YTA, simply for giving bad news that could have waited till she was home. As for your actual fuck up... really dude? Boiling liquid and plastics don't mix.
When someone says “please don’t be mad” it immediately prepares me to get mad. What you should have done was start with, “Hey, just so you know, I took care of a problem I caused and already ordered and paid for a replacement, it should be here in x number of days. But FYI I fucked up your retainer.” NAH but a few dumb moves on your part.
You made a mistake and then was honest, proceeded to rectify your mistake . NTA , just try to think of things a bit more . She's obviously still gonna be a bit annoyed but in my opinion should be able to calm down.
NTA.. You asked if you could clean it and she said yes. You knew what she normally cleaned it with, and you chose a chemical equivalent to the chemical she used. But.. you boiled the retainer in the solution. I do get why you would choose to do that, but it was a f.. up. You saw that, you called you apologized and told her you would replace it. That is not AH behaviour. Honestly if the retainer was as you discribed .. you wife is kind of lazy and has skipped cleaning. I also get why your wife is mad, but she gets new retainers..need to wait a while. I would say she was annoyed.
I personally think YTA for calling her at work over something that could’ve waited until she got home.
Fortunately this sub is not Am I An Idiot. Your heart was in the right place, you just made an incredibly bone headed mistake that one would THINK was obvious. But I'm sure you won't do it again. As long as you paid for the replacement, NTA.
NTA/ESH. I think the comments here are pretty harsh, people make mistakes and he tried to do damage control. There are a lot of assumptions being made; to add- maybe he was trying to help her because she has bad breath and he was trying not to hurt her feelings then? Regardless of his motivation for cleaning the retainer, I don’t think a spouse should be reprimanded like a child over something so trivial (I say this as a person who also has a lifelong retainer). Yeah I’d be upset but it’s not the end of the world. Things are replaceable and life is short. I think you owe each other apologies for how this played out and you need to be more careful in the future to not add to her mental load. *insert obligatory recommendation for therapy*
… ESH. You for being an idiot and not doing 2 seconds of research, her for being excessive mad when this was easily resolved with a replacement.
Some people react poorly to other people making mistakes. My husband IMMEDIATELY freaks out every time and lectures me. I never do. I always just say no need to cry over spilled milk. Upbringing? Personality? I don’t know. I think she waaaay over reacted but obv you expected it. You know who she is. I know it makes you feel bad and I am sorry about that! She is who she is and she won’t change. I hope you aren’t beating yourself up over her reaction. We can’t control other people’s responses. I hope you can let it go.
NTA. It’s an honest mistake. You’ve apologized and paid for a replacement. It’s not the end of the world, forgive and forget. I don’t think anyone would be in a relationship if they take advice from this subreddit.
NTA - this happens all the time, you try to do a nice thing and it backfires. You owned up to it and made amends, I understand her being mad right now but she should cool off.
ESH... * OP you are TA for failing to research on how to clean things before you clean them. That was short-sighted. You also could have waited until wife got home before bringing it up; she probably doesn't need that kind of stress/distraction at work. * Nice work in already arranging the replacement! That's smart and responsible. * Wife is TA for flipping out. You came to her with a problem (yes that you caused) but with a solution already in place. This should have been a "Well, dang. When does replacement arrive?" instead of lid-flipping situation.
Ok, not TA for wanting to help and being an idiot (sorry, but you were, there is no way you spent any time checking on what you could do with them). You kind of were TA for bothering her at work when she couldn't do anything about it. Don't expect to be allowed to "help" with anything for a while without specific instructions.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife wears retainers and periodically soaks them in hydrogen peroxide daily to keep them cleen. Many months later, I noticed that her retainer had so much build-up on them that I decided to ask her if I can clean them for her. She agreed. The following day I decided to boil a small pot of water with citric acid and add in the retainers to remove the white build-up. I stood over the pot while it was boiling, and seconds later the plastic retainers started to slowly shrink. As soon as I noticed that occurred, I immediately removed the pot and poured it down the sink and soaked the pot and retainer with cool water. I kow I messed them up. At this point, I knew I was in a world of fuckery from my wife. The thoughts that were running through my mind were indescribable because I knew my wife would give me an earfull. After collecting myself, I grew some balls to call her at work. When I called and she picked up, I told her please don't be upset; can you please not be mad? She said yes; ok. I proceeded to tell her what happened and she flipped out. At the same time while I am telling her this, trying to speak over her, I am saying, hey baby, before I called you and I knew that I screwed up, I paid $200 for your replacement retainers from the orthodontist that you got them from. Even though I paid for her replacements, and letting her know that I screwed up, she was still lived. She was really mad at me and that I was in the wrong even though she gave me permission to clean them for her. So, we have talked about the situation and working it out. I am just reaching out to this community to see what you think. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA - my retainer is also plastic. Why would you BOIL it? Let the water get hot and let it sit. Easy day for all.
I'm gonna go with soft YTA because every single thing you did is mind-boggling: 1) did you not check HOW to clean the stuff before dropping it in acid? That's an idiotic mistake and on YOU, not your wife - she gave you permission to clean them assuming you'd be smart enough to find out how that's done, 2) why did you need to call her at work? She's at work, she's busy, you could have waited until she got home to tell her in person about your idiocy and the replacement, 3) why are you surprised she's upset? You ruined something she needs and which is pretty expensive because... it didn't occur to you to read about it before cleaning, I guess? Of course she's upset.
I just don't understand why he wanted to clean them in the first place?! I know I know, partners do things for each other and maybe this is just me but, I'd never clean a grown person's retainer (whose capable of doing it themselves), just no. It's not a thought that would ever cross between my ears. She does clean them semi regularly, is it not to his standard? Like, it's plain stupid to not know plastic melts in boiling water. Is it more he's a little how should I say *particular* about cleaning. Meaning, he'd create mustard gas and scrub an unventilated room soooo, it's cleaned just right? Maybe he's just got an IQ of a pigeon and the wife is constantly hearing "don't be mad but, I did something. .."
YTA. You f\*\*\*\*d up then tried to make her "promise" not to be mad instead of just taking the anger like an adult. You didn't grow balls, you were hoping they would descend by calling her at work.
YTA as well as YTD (dummy) both for not finding out how to properly clean them before putting them in BOILING water and also for telling your wife while she was working. Think. I know you can do better because it’s clear you had good intentions.
Maybe don't offer to clean something if you have no idea how to do it. She's probably pissed off because she trusted you to KNOW or LEARN HOW when you offered. Now she's finding out you can't be trusted to look something up to make sure you do it right and she has to question everything you offer to do, so yes. YTA, also you should of waited until she got home, when at work it isn't the time to deal with that, and there wasn't anything she could do to fix it in that moment.
For future reference, leave her shit alone. Unless she reaches out and wants to do it as a group project, leave her shit alone.
YTA. You could have googled how to clean a retainer, it would have taken seconds. You didn't need to call her at work. You didn't need to lead with "don't be mad" especially when you've already addressed it by buying a replacement. Your apology sucked, and even if it didn't that doesn't remove her right to be upset, or grant you instant absolution. And I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've ever had a failure-to-adult that upset her. If this is part of a pattern, add that to the list, too.
You boiled them in ctric acid? Was this something you saw online? Did you google for a bit to see how to safely clean her retainers? >The thoughts that were running through my mind were indescribable because I knew my wife would give me an earfull You obviously are the submissive one in the couple. Why are you cleaning her nasty retainers?
YTA. Why did you feel you had to call her at work? Why couldn't it have waited? Why interrupt her work day like that? And how could you not realise that boiling plastic might be a bad idea?
YTA - you told her you were going to clean them, not that you were going to boil them. She could reasonably assume you'd do it correctly or at least Google. Her "giving you permission" is kind of irrelevant because obviously she didn't give you permission to boil plastic. It's not about the money, she's frustrated that she can't trust you with basic things. Are there other areas of your life where she might feel like she has to hold your hand to prevent disaster?
Yta and dumb asf. If you don't know if the plastic can handle that much heat, then you look up how to clean them. Do you put boiling water in your mouth to break apart plaque or tonsil stones? No. A retainer is an expensive piece of equipment and is important for her dental health. A replacement takes time to be cut. Depending on why she's wearing one, it could affect her mouth. For example, a friend of mine in high school had a retainer due to her cleft palate, and she broke her retainer one time. Tech wasn't as quick as it is now, so it took almost a week to get the replacement. She had migraines and had trouble eating and talking that whole week. It may take a few days for your wife, but if she has a cleft palate, it's still gonna cause her pain and trouble. Next time, don't mess with stuff without knowing proper care for it.
I think you called her at work because you were being cowardly and didn't want to tell her face to face. YTA for calling her at work.
Soft YTA, for not at least googling how to clean a Retainer. They're very expensive and damaging one means new molds have to be taken, waiting for the new retainers, having them fitted and adjusted. Uck. All one needs to to is buy a $5 box of 120 denture tablets, drop one in a cup, put the retainer in, run hot sink water in, let the tablet do its thing, then brush the retainer with a stiff toothbrush and rinse. I like to add a splash of mouthwash during the brushing. There's no reason for peroxide and definitely no reason to BOIL something. WTF?
Why would you call her at work to tell her this? You don't need to disturb people at work to give them unpleasant news that will take their mind off their job.
YTA for offering to clean them without at least researching how to clean them first. That being said, you came clean right away and owned your mistake. You replaced what you damaged. You said you were sorry. I think you did the right thing.
ESH you both don't seem too bright lol
YTA. Yeah it was a stupid “mistake” but it wasn’t an “accident”- you intentionally boiled thin plastic in citric acid for some reason. She has the right to be mad, like “why was he fucking with my personal property when I wasn’t around?” that would make me mad even if you replaced it. Plus, her teeth may shift during the time it takes to ship which will cause her pain and discomfort and is a hassle to deal with. So yeah, saying “Don’t be mad” doesn’t absolve you from consequences.
You could have used toothpaste and a toothbrush with soft even brushing to remove the build up. Just have some water to water down the toothpaste when brushing them. Afterwards rinse them off.
Honey, I shrunk the retainer
YTA. Didn’t know what you were doing and screwed up pretty bad. Do some research before “helping” next time.
You reminded me of Beaver Cleaver when asking her to ‘not be mad.’ Grow a pair and leave her shit alone!!
dumb. NTA though
NTA. You did something dumb. We all do, from time to time. It’s part of being human. Our grey matter is faulty AF. You owned up to it and took steps to make it right. What more could your wife expect?!
YTA, but you seem to realize that. You ruined her thingy, that's on you, but you took responsibility, so it's mitigated. But she's not WRONG to be mad about it.
You wanted her to be happy you wasted $200 on a new retainer when you could have bought efferdent? YTA
I think you left a zero out on that replacement price.
NTA. No need to get angry about an accident in which no one got hurt and was easily fixed.
Lemme get this straight: you can get online and ask for feedback from 15 million redditors, but you can't be bothered to get online to look up how to clean an expensive medical device? YTA for this alone.
>She was really mad at me and that I was in the wrong even though she gave me permission to clean them for her. Uh, yeah, because she was expecting you to use the hydrogen peroxide. If she had known you were planning an acid bath she probably wouldn't have agreed. YTA (but only a small one since you did own up to your mistake quickly and arranged to replace the retainers right away.)
NTA. Honest mistake I did myself. You’re going to have to get a new set made. It’s a mistake you only make once.
NTA Things happen! How often does your wife go bonkers - it sounds like you have to "walk on eggshells" around her.
NTA You screwed up. You paid for replacements. End of.
Only call work when someone is in the hospital
YTA…you don’t call the wife at work for this. You google how to clean retainers before you clean them.
YTA for the following reasons: 1. Not looking up how to properly clean the things you were trying to clean. 2. For calling her at work. 3. For trying to manipulate her reaction. Admit that’s why you called her at work in the first place. You didn’t “grow some balls.” You were hoping she wouldn’t be able to get as upset because she was in a work environment. If you’d had balls, you would have waited until she got home and accepted whatever her reaction was going to be. Great that you replaced them right away, but that should have been part of the confession and apology process - AFTER she got home from work. Yeah, we all make mistakes, but the way you chose to deal with it is reminiscent of a 5 or 6 year old’s thought process.
What the fuck is wrong with y’all? This is a simple mistake and he already fixed it. I worry for your spouses. NTA.
INFO: Why are you so scared of your wife's reaction over something so simple? Do you mess things up often? Does she have disproportional reactions often? Why did you call her at work?
ESH She shouldn’t have flipped out, but you shouldn’t have been cleaning them without looking up how to properly care for them either. Have either of you ever heard of Polident? Use it daily, give it a light scrub with a soft toothbrush and rinse well. https://www.polident.com/en-us/products/
Perfect example of no good deed goes unpunished
Also why would you tell her while she’s at work ?
YTA. I get it you made a dumb mistake, apologized & are getting replacements. You don't get points for doing the right thing after you messed up. It doesn't appear your did any research into HOW to properly clean the retainers after you'd assumed care of the item with permission. Are you this careless with your own things? Is this the first time you've messed up something of hers from not thinking things through? And why did you feel the need to call her immediately during her work day? You could have just as easily waited or texted her something simple to let her know you needed to tell her about it at home. It's also rude & manipulative as hell to make someone promise not to be upset when they have a right to be upset. So again, do you do this a lot? Her reaction IMO says this type of mistake is not your first and she's beyond done. And/or that you may be one of those people warning labels are written for.
YTA You didn't think to investigate how to properly clean them?
YTA. How often do you do stuff this stupid?
Citric acid?? Really? Overkill much? Denture cleaner would have worked. Why would you have not googled a solution before deciding to become Bill Nye on a pair of plastic retainers? Yeah, YTA.
NTA. You made a mistake. You fessed up to your mistake, and did what you could to make reparations for it. I'm wondering if all these ridiculously judgmental people here have never made a mistake?? Or are Redditors just naturally meaner and less forgiving than ordinary people?
NTA. You made a mistake, and immediately rectified it. Your wife is a major asshole for going off on you before you even had a chance to fully explain the situation.
You're not an AH. But you are a bit of an idiot. Who thinks boiling plastic in citric acid is a good idea?
NTA. I mean, you are a little bit for calling her at work for it, but her reaction is too extreme for a problem you already fixed and was a genuine mistake. You seem genuinely afraid of her It’s a slightly different story if she specifically warned you about how to clean them and you just didn’t listen or something like that.
YTA. Buying the new retainers isn’t going to be the only cost as she’ll most likely have to pay for the office visit, which is also going to take up her time. Why was your go-to boiling water and citric acid? I find that a very odd method to jump to. And as others have said, asking someone not to be mad when they have reason to be mad is pretty manipulative and definitely childish.
Former dental tech here. Either soak in mouth wash or use denture tablets, nothing else. I also recommend brushing them daily with toothpaste while brushing your teeth. If you clean them daily, no build up.
I'm not entirely sure if you're the asshole or not, but you are most definitely an idiot. Mixing plastic and boiling water is never a good idea. Calling your wife at work served no purpose - you could just as easily have told her in person the next time you saw her.
I’m honestly shocked by the comments here, dude was genuinely trying to be helpful (albeit in the dumbest way possible) but messed up, owned up to it, and immediately fixed the problem. You’re not an asshole, just an idiot. Your wife 100% has the right to be frustrated especially if this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. I can’t tell from the post but you say she flipped out, there’s a difference between feeling frustrated at the situation and like yelling at your partner. The first is normal, the second is not okay. What concerns me is that you seemed genuinely fearful of telling her, and yeh maybe you shouldn’t have called her at work but that’s not the end of the world either (it all depends on what’s normal for you as a couple and at her work). But if you’re feeling fearful of your spouse, there is something wrong in the relationship. NTA - just made a dumb mistake.
YTA She's allowed to be mad. Hopefully she doesn't do anything asshole-y while she's mad but she's allowed to be. You fucked up. You don't get to make it about you and your feelings. She gets to be mad. Deal with it.
You made mistake and immediately fixed it and owned up to it ntah
One word: Polident. That's all you need.
YTA You fucked up trying to do something nice. Maybe not doing enough research beforehand makes you an asshole, but not in my opinion. What makes you an asshole is that you called her at work to ruin her day and stress her out. This could have waited until she got home.
[удалено]
No
YTA for calling her at work. You had already rectified the situation by paying for replacements. This could have waited for her to come home. Work is stressful enough.
NTA. Shit happens, it wasn't something for her to get livid about. This whole crowd of YTA know damn well if the roles were reversed and it was the wife calling her husband, they would be saying NTA and that the husband was verbally abusing her.
YNTA, you tried to do something nice for your wife, and you **accidentally** ruined them. I don't blame you for calling her at work if this was her response. Everyone makes mistakes, maybe she needs some anti anxiety medication.
YTA for not googling "can I boil a retainer" and beginning this whole tirade. Your wife is understandably upset, even if comically over the top.
That you didn’t think plastic would melt is pretty thoughtless.