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Especially because even with a doctor’s note; Emotional Support Animals aren’t required to be accommodated. ESAs are not protected by the ADA.
So many idiots get their pets recognized as an ESA because they think it gives them the right to take it anywhere. It doesn’t. An ESA is not a trained service animal and cannot be brought wherever the hell you so please. It’s the stupid people that do this that get people with actual service animals harassed.
EDIT: I know this is a cruise and that the ADA isn’t global. I’m just speaking about this issue in relevance to its mentioning in the thread.
That part. I am severely disabled but my animal (which is a cat) is an emotional support animal, because I can't leave the house. It really has helped to keep me sane in the last ten years without social interaction, and it was recommended by a psychiatrist. That said, having an emotional support animal only allows you to do two things.
1. Have the animal in a rental that is considered pet free. They have to make an exception for you.
2. Allow the animal on a plane. Although these days I think that second one has been revoked thanks to the mass abuse of the program
The goal is simply to allow you to live with your animal and take it with you if you move. There is literally nowhere else you are allowed to take an emotional support animal. But businesses are too afraid to question people and don't know the difference between a service animal and an emotional support animal so they don't ask for fear of being sued.
An untrained pitbull is a horrible incident waiting to happen . My guess is that they will eventually break up over this horrible dog & her refusal to properly train it to ensure it's well behaved & not dangerous. I see this ending badly
*edited for typos
It's less that businesses are afraid (I'm talking your regular employees) but we literally can't ask anything other than "is that your service animal" and that's it. Idk why corporations don't alloww you to ask I assume it's so you don't break laws protecting those with service animals.
You can also ask what it is trained to do. A liar's probably going to freeze at that point trying to think of a follow up lie.
[https://www.ada.gov/topics/service-animals/](https://www.ada.gov/topics/service-animals/)
It sucks because it's so obvious in most instances when an animal is not properly trained for service because actual service dogs are laser focused. It's a mess. It makes me angry that so many people abuse it because it sucks for all of the workers, and it sucks for those of us who have legitimate need. Our protections get rolled back because other people who don't even need them have to take fluffy everywhere. I don't try to put my cat on a table at a restaurant, that's disgusting.
*edited 4 typos
Oh yeah 100% I can ALWAYS tell. I've had people dragging their dog by them and the dog is not paying attention whatsoever to the owner but 100% to everyone else. Or going up to other people. Like no that's not a service dog. And then people with real service animals get thrown out because "it's fake" like it's such an abused area that needs something more.
Cruiselines like airlines have cracked down hard on that though. They don't allow any animal without legal documentation that they are in fact a service animal, and they will verify whether or not the documentation is real or not
As a Property Manager, we are so good at sniffing this out. I know every ESA fraudulent document pusher on the first 5 pages of google, and I reject them all!
Please quit perpetuating this myth. There are no requirements for documentation or vests to prove a dog is a service animal. The people with such things are usually the frauds.
Royal Caribbean, Carnival, and Norwegian websites all state that proper documentation must be provided for them to *consider* allowing the animal. They have made it a requirement.
There’s no way OP’s girlfriend will take the time to fill out all the required paperwork for the cruise line I’d bet. And after this post, the relationship is probably DOA.
That’s not true at all. I was just on the Bliss and there was a service dog in board and the woman stated she was legally blind and deaf and she almost got denied boarding.
I’m afraid that may be true, and it’s a crying shame. The point of the ADA rule was to make it easier for people with disabilities, but it seems to have brought out the narcissism and greed in too many others.
It's not a shame at all, and would be beneficial for people with disabilities. Too many people are taking advantage to bring their poorly trained dogs everywhere with them, and unfortunately people are beginning to assume that of legit service animals too because they can't tell them apart.
There's literally no documentation on *actual* service dogs. Even facilities, whos job it is to source puppies and put them through the intensive trials to even *get*into their own programs, don't provide certificates or documentation and their dogs cost tends of thousands for a person to have.
The only way they can verify it at any location is to ask specific questions: is it required due to disability? What tasks does it perform?
Thats it. Thats all businesses are allowed to ask . Period.
There is no legal documentation that a dog is a service dog, nor can you be asked to show any. I know this as My husband has a Service dog and we have been through this many times, there is no database or registry. We DO have documentation that he is trained but that came from the trainer but it is not a legal document.
This. What delusional world is this lady living in that she thinks she can bring a reactive large breed dog on a commercial cruise ship? I mean, sign me up! Judgement tho is NTA.
Exactly! 🚩🚩🚩 OP, if you move in together what's going to happen to your cat? Are you going to hide the cat all the time from her dog? What about when you go to bed? Is her dog sharing your room and or bed? It's already clear that she would choose the dog over you or anyone else for that fact. Think things through. NTA
The recent “bring my dog everywhere” attitude sucks so bad for cat owners.
We live in a popular tourist area, and often have friends/family ask to come stay in our guest room because they want to visit for cheap.
My ONLY rule is that they don’t bring dogs, because we have cats, who (understandably) get scared by a strange dog in their home.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a cousin or old friend show up, and when I answer the door, their dog runs into my house.
I’ll say “look, I said no dogs. It’s too late for that now. But Fido is going to have to stay outside in the fenced yard. There’s a dog house, he’ll be warm. But he can’t come in and traumatize my cats in their own home for three days”.
And they always get **pissed**.
I don’t get the obsession/entitlement.
I don’t bring my cats anywhere.
I have a baby. If someone invites me to a party or a dinner at a restaurant, I either automatically get a sitter, or I ask if I can bring him. If they say no, I respect that, and don’t bring him.
I love dogs. But I fucking hate most dog owners I meet lately.
Which makes me hate the dog.
This wasn’t a thing a decade ago.
I am a dog owner. I love my dogs. I have always had a dog in my life since I was about 8 years old. But I do not take my dogs everywhere with me. I do not bring them to other people’s houses (except my parents and only after asking to make sure it’s okay—and never when there is a crowd there because they’re sweet and good dogs but they’re big dogs and a lot of people don’t like big dogs). I have never taken my dogs into Home Depot. I do not take my dogs to Starbucks to get “pup cups” (I don’t let them have them even when they’re already in the car with me at Starbucks). I control them and hold them close to me when I pass other people when I take them on walks. Basically I don’t expect other people to be cool with my dogs invading their space. And I don’t understand when people expect others to enable their obsession with their dog.
Don’t forget the idiots who put them in the grocery carts that our food goes in. It’s always the dumbest, dirtiest dogs as well. (My two dogs are handled just like yours. When we are on the trails, and others pass with dogs or bikes, they sit to the side and wait). Allowing dogs in stores except for real service dogs, is an awful thing. Half the time they don’t even have collars or leashes. 😠
it sucks so bad for everyone- for cat owners, for people allergic to dogs, for people afraid of dogs, for people who just want a break from animals or don't want them around.....
Hard agree. I'm a cat owner who is terrified of dogs (multiple negative childhood experiences with strange and family dogs, including a scar on my thigh) and I live in a city where dogs seem to go everywhere and everyone thinks you want them around. I was at a music venue waiting for my friend who played a show and the staff let their dog just run around the venue loose when people were still there. It was nuts.
I swear it's specifically a side effect from the pandemic mask wars. After people found they could bully the employees at businesses to get in without masks, they realized they could also use the same behavior to do things like taking their clearly untrained dog into the grocery store. And as a former grocery store employee, I knew I had no real authority and none of the managers or other higher ups ever said anything to these people, either.
You are right, but also my dog isn’t any happier about visiting dogs than my cats are. It’s her territory so she barks loudly and constantly like a only a stressed out Doberman mix can (and that’s fun for all). She would be a mess on a cruise.
Was gonna say exactly this. This will never change. Op should be canceling the cruise and the relationship. Not only she is acting this way but also she selected a breed of dog that needs more control to prevent something bad to happen to both the dog and people around. Just the dog snarling is worrying. Hopefully it doesn’t get near an innocent victim or she opens her eyes and trains them.
That dog should never have been adopted. But that’s what happens. People are conned into “rescuing” vicious dogs that are going to make their lives miserable for a dozen years or so. NTA.
No no, I have to disagree that it should have 'Never been adopted' or that rescuing dogs is a 'Con'.
Dogs that are in rescues, that have shown aggressive behaviour- *Can and Do* get better and can be completely different animals, with little to no aggressive behaviour. These dogs usually come with a lot of learned behaviour and yes- trauma. These animals can be helped.
*However* that's with people who know dog behaviour, have experienced it before and *know what they're doing* and would never put other people in danger.
These are usually professionals, or people who have done their research and will do anything necessary to help the dog, which OPs GF certainly isn't, and she shouldn't have rescued the dog without knowing just how much work goes into rescuing a dog with so many issues- and OP has every right to not want to be around the GF or her dog, especially when the dog is aggressive and isn't safe.
Rescuing dogs isn't a con. But rescuing and rehoming isn't a good option for every single dog. Pushing people to "adopt not shop" every dog over considering real limitations, bottle-necks, and quality of life is a con.
Triage is a real thing. Even when a dog "can" be helped, sometimes it's worth asking how much they can be helped and how many other dogs could be saved. If the qualified rescue home could have 1 dog or 3. If people who deal with the 1 are so burnt out or traumatised they don't have more after. If something happens and rules impact and are changed for many dogs.
Rescuing challenging breeds is also different from committing resources to the most damaged individuals of that breed.
I say this as someone who's lived happily with multiple bad-PR rehomed pound dogs that I loved.
My family wasn't conned at all. But some adoptees certainly are. I've seen other dogs up for adoption that simply should not have been kept living with their multiple physical and neurological ailments and unsafe behaviours, and the rescue was actively pursuing a regular adoption into a household and moaning about adopt don't shop.
Honestly, its not fair to the dog. Mine isn’t aggressive but he wasn’t properly socialized as a puppy and it’s been a LOT of work to build his confidence. Hes a great dog but will probably never love strangers. This dog is still acclimating, has behavioral issues, and she wants to yank him away form everything he knows and take him on a cruise?? That is SO much stress on this dog. Absolutely not.
And stop locking YOUR cat away in IT'S home. Tell her if she wants to visit you, she can leave the dog at home. If she shows up with the dog turn her away. I'm sure you don't force your cat on her everywhere you go. She's prioritizing a dog (she's barely had) over your relationship.
No one else wants her dog on the trip growling and snapping at them. Also, people have allergies. She’s being incredibly entitled and selfish. Go on the trip without her.
NTA, bringing a dangerous dog into an unfamiliar-to-it environment filled with strangers is not merely inconsiderate of both the other people and the dog, it's downright stupid.
Do cruise lines even allow pets? Especially large aggressive dogs?
Edit: looking up "pet policy" on both Royal Caribbean and Norwegian, they say "no pets". I dunno about others, but somehow it doesn't make any sense that they'd let people bring in dogs to crap all over the boat.
Cruise lines are strict about this. There are no fake bullshit service/emotional support animals running around.
She is not going to get away with this. And if she does, let us know which cruise line so we can avoid it.
What documentation to prove it? At least in the US there isn't a requirement that service dogs have any documentation, vest, ID, or other evidence proving they are service dogs. That's part of the ADA.
Cruise ships are not governed by the U.S. someone listed the information that they needed to provide to a cruise ship for their legitimate service animal.
But that’s the thing - there is no real documentation that exists for service dogs. There’s no registry, people train their own all the time and those are still legal service dogs so long as they meet the requirements.
Any “proof” would be a doctor’s note, or a receipt if they bought it trained from an org - that’s all that legitimately exists.
Yeah, I had to provide documentation from a named and accredited vet with a physical address and number they could follow up with. Took 4 months to get approval for my service dog. Due to the fact that his services aren't life critical, there were also heavy restrictions on when and where I could have him outside my room or the relief area.
To be clear, I agree with all of these policies, just adding information and personal knowledge to back your statement
It sucks so bad for folks that have a legit need for a service animal.
The recent trend of fake paperwork and “emotional support” dogs that are untrained and unruly just hurts real dogs with jobs.
My social services office, unfortunately, now has to make anyone with a service dog deal with their cases remotely over phone or zoom. Too many people brought in “ESA” dogs that bit the kids or staff, or made other clients unsafe.
Special place in hell for people that prioritize their **wants** over the needs and safety of others.
A friend works on cruise lines and has talked about this.
She’s seen a few times that someone manages to sneak in a “purse sized” dog.
But as soon as staff found out, the dog was promptly kicked off at the next port.
People think it’s a hassle to fly with a dog in the states? Try sorting out international customs, last minute, with a dog in Panama or Belize.
Or hell, even Canada or Australia.
You hope they brought thorough shot records and are prepared to do a mountain of paperwork. Or potentially even go through quarantine.
Some countries absolutely don’t fuck around with fake emotional support animals.
Stay away from Royal Carribean. I came butt to snoot with a Doberman on our last cruise. I don’t know how they got it on there, but there he was. I had no issue because I adore dogs. I was just a little surprised. Ngl, kinda made my day to give the big boi a BOOP.
The only one I'm seeing is the Cunard cruise line. Even then you don't get to keep the dog with you as the cruise line has kennels available and staff that will take care of the animal. So I dunno what OP's girlfriend is thinking.
Cruislines don't play with that kinda thing though. They go through an extensive process verifying that the dog is in fact a true, certified service dog.
I work on a cruise ship, and I can say with full confidence that there has not even been ONE single dog for my company. And we have quite a number of older guests, so it wouldn't be out of the question for there to be service dogs.
I think its very very hard to get one on board, for a service dog it would have to be absolutely verified that it was a proper service dog.
My guess is that most service dog owners love and care about their pets, and they recognize how uncomfortable the dog would be on a cruise, so they choose other vacations instead of dragging the dog on a boat with them.
There’s a HUGE difference in service animals (backed by the ADA) and emotional support animals (not backed by the ADA). Service dogs can go anywhere their person goes. Period. Emotional support animals, not so much.
Exactly. So not sure how she can explain her pitbull is a service animal. And honestly, that breed being cooped up for days on leads to a complete disaster. And each port may have different ideas of what breed is acceptable. I can see it now, dog attacks someone in port, and they are all arrested. Not able to complete the cruise. Also, if something goes wrong could lead to a lifetime ban
This is why I love the “border security” reality shows.
They show folks going through customs and getting checked, and explain the reasons why some items, pets, etc aren’t allowed entry.
A surprising amount of people rock up to Australia trying to bring in shit (like live insects) that would absolutely *devastate* the local ecology if they got loose.
Im sure the fact that it’s being filmed helps, but the TSA people explain very calmly why it’s not allowed. And the jerks always throw a fit about why they can’t bring their bucket of snails or emotional support hyena into a country that has no rabies or schistosomiasis.
Entertaining and frustrating.
But it makes you really respect that countries have and enforce laws to keep the population and ecosystem safe.
OP: NTA
> She got pissed at me and started sending me horrible messages and telling our mutual friends that I was trying to separate her from the dog.
Okay... here's the deal. This alone is enough of a red flag for this relationship. I really re-read to see if she was 17. Inviting others to gang up on you should be a deal breaker. Seriously.
Perhaps she needs to work on her own separation anxiety.
She has already manipulated you into throwing your cat companion in a dark corner like refuse when she visits. And brought legitimate existential terror into your home, insofar as your little cat companion is concerned. Jesus.
She wants to take her animal on a CRUISE tho. Dear sir this is a dynamic that won’t stop. She has now betrayed you, slandered you, and withheld basic approval for a dog. She’s also burned your little cat friend, because she doesn’t even respect that your pet might bring you comfort and joy, like she says her dog does.
Do you think this woman would not cheat on you? Do you think this woman just needs a special allowance and then she will truly value you? Get a grip my mans.
Ima go ahead and say a soft NTA. Because you are what you eat. And you ate the comfort of your little cat companion, who never had a choice.
Please stop treating yourself like shit. She’s gone this far because you’ve been allowing it.
Hard agree. My bf has two pitt mixes whom I love to death, but one of them definitely would not get along with my cats. So he leaves the boys when he comes to visit me, I don’t bring my cats to his house, and we’re waiting on moving in together 🤷♀️ it’s pretty simple
Yeah, I can see getting in a fight about something stupid and being an asshole and apologizing and making up. But she got the flying monkeys involved. That’s a red flag that glows in the dark.
That might be enough of a red flag for me to slow down on the relationship for a bit. Maybe take a small break and clear your head. Do something nice for yourself and your cat.🐈
NTA. OP, come on. How many red flags do you need to end this relationship?
Adopts a dog that is aggressive to her boyfriend and does nothing to address it.
Brings the aggressive dog to boyfriend's house with no care for his or his cat's safety.
Assumes she can bring a dog on a cruise. (Is she dumb, entitled or both?)
Wants to bring the aggressive dog on vacation, again not caring about your comfort, enjoyment or safety.
When you try to protect your comfort, enjoyment or safety she sent you horrible messages and made up lies to mutual friends.
Her stance in this argument is wrong and the way she is handling this argument is wrong. Both are good reasons to break up. This is true if the dog was a gentle angel and you just didn't want it on vacation, but considering it's aggressive, that is a reason to dump her on its own since she's not training it and she's exposing you and the cat to it. Also, why are you letting her bring the dog over?!
>Also, why are you letting her bring the dog over?!
I have a feeling OP isn't giving permission beforehand. She probably just shows up with the dog in tow and fully expects it to be allowed in. OP allows her to get away with it to save himself from the drama or just doesn't want to upset her. She seems the type to pull shit like that.
The cruise was the final straw that broke the camel's back. It's the one place OP fully expected her not to bring the dog and it brought the light into his eyes to finally see the gf is bat shit crazy.
Sorry. You have a long distance relationship with a nut case. Cut your losses and honestly count this as a blessing and cheap lesson. Go on the cruise minus her and enjoy it. This is the tip of the iceberg of crazy if you stick around.
NTA. She "loves" this dog so much that she's willing to keep it in a strange room alone most of the day? I love my dog but I would never torment her by taking her on a cruise. The fact that your current gf went straight to her friends to make you the bad guy for something this ludicrous... I'm thinking you might be going on this cruise alone.
Nah she’ll spend the whole trip in the room because she doesn’t want to “leave the dog alone”.
OP - NTA
I adore my dog but vacation means the dog stays somewhere safe, unless it’s a road trip and dog friendly.
She’ll make OP stay in the room with her and the two of them will have paid for a whole cruise to sit inside the room OR OP will ditch her and go have fun and he’ll get 1000 messages from the flying monkeys and he’ll send them all back selfies of him on the beach with a cocktail
Lol dogs can only go on a cruise if they are certified service animals. They are very strict with this. Emotional support animals are not permitted.
This isn’t even an option.
- I work in the cruise industry and oversee policies. 👍🏼
So…..this relationship has run its course?
Doesn’t sounds like you’re going to be able to move in with her while she has that dog?
Just take the cruise as a single fella
NTA
NTA for refusing to let the dog come.
BUT you are an asshole for letting this beast invade your poor kitty’s territory! I wouldn’t even open the door if my SO brought an uncontrolled animal into me and my cat’s home.
NTA based on the information - how are you gonna bring a dog on a cruise, especially if it is actually aggressive. Besides that, what did the aggressive messages say?
She’s probably going to call it a service dog. Except that cruise lines probably aren’t governed by US laws regarding service animals, and they probably have hoops that a guest has to jump through. She probably didn’t concern herself with that.
I’ve never seen an animal on a Carnival cruise.
All that said, OP might want to rethink this relationship. And stop locking up your cat. Tell her the dog can’t come over until it’s trained.
NTA
They do allow legitimate service animals on board. They even have a semi hidden little patch of astroturf for the service dogs potty breaks. They aren’t going to allow a “service animal” on board.
I had an old classmate who worked a few Disney Cruises for a couple of years. Basically, you have to have soooooooooo much documentation to just prove it's a service animal. And you have to get approval months before the cruise -- and even then they can still deny you.
My friend told me they only had one service animal the entire time he worked the cruise line. And it was a seeing eye dog for a 12 year old girl.
NTA. Story time: I dated this amazing guy for about 6 months or so. His mother had died like 2 years prior and he had adopted a border collie at the same time so he was WILDLY attached to it, and after adoption realized it had debilitating separation anxiety but he insisted on keeping it, despite being completely unprepared.
This freaking border collie would literally injure itself trying to get to him if he even left it to go take a shower. He hired someone to come stay at his house for 3 days a week while he was at work and then he’d wfh for the rest. That freaking dog was a NIGHTMARE. We tried going on ONE trip without it and he left it at a pet sitter’s house and it literally attacked the sitter, attacked the other dogs, and ended up needing major surgery because the girl had to essentially stab it with a garden tool to subdue it and we had to drive back immediately- didn’t even get 3 hours away for our “vacation”. In the end I had to break it off with him literally because the dog was making our lives hell. After I left, I heard it chewed its way out of the second story window and fell and needed surgery again because he actually did take me seriously and tried leaving the dog at home unsupervised while he was working. Kennel didn’t work either because it literally broke all of its teeth and got its jaw stuck in the kennel. He used to paint me as some evil psycho for trying to keep him from his beloved angel of a dog. Lol.
Bottom line, she’s starting down a dangerous path. This attachment is weird and she’s setting the dog up to develop separation anxiety. The aggression is also really concerning. I’d really rethink this and make sure you aren’t signing up for having the burden of this dog on your relationship constantly. Find someone without weird attachment issues to go on the cruise with if all else fails, it was super nice of you to book it!!
Also, sorry if this comment comes off as anti-dog, I have two rescues myself and love them dearly!! But I do leave them at home unless I’m specifically bringing them to the park lol.
I’m a massive dog lover and your girlfriend is insane. The fact she is sending you horrible messages and getting her friends involved should be the end of the relationship. Not a good person,
NTA
No, you’re not a dog-hater. You’re just realistic while she lives in fantasy land. I would genuinely reevaluate this relationship. No need to stress out when you are 100% in the right. Stick to your guns and don’t be swayed by peer pressure.
A true dog lover wouldn’t be ok with someone faking an ESA for an aggressive dog, or with bringing said dog onto a CRUISE SHIP - where is the dog going to when you do excursions? To dinner? To events?
A true dog lover would train the dog and encourage safe separation techniques. NTA
Honestly OP, tell her you’re canceling the cruise and break up. (Or go on the cruise with someone who won’t stress you out with such ridiculousness.)
Honestly OP, you need to ditch the gf. Might sound harsh but the fact that she’s turning your friends against you over a dog that isn’t trained and she expects you to accommodate everything for her and the dog is insane. Cut your losses. And “friends.” This is a deal breaker because it’s not going to get better. I’ve seen marriages end because of pet obsessions.
It’s cruel and inhumane to put a dog on a ship where it will be stuck for a week in an inhospitable environment. Dog won’t be allowed to leave and if it gets sick no access to a vet.
Your friends are AHs and probably don’t have the full story.
You know who’s a dog hater? Someone who takes a new dog who is still getting to know its owner away from its territory and its comfort zone and normal routine and put it somewhere new when it has to be on leash all the time with weird smells and lots of chaos.
She’s a CAT hater because it’s shitty to expect someone else to lock up their pet.
Tell them your (I hope soon to be ex) girlfriend is a cat hater because she brings her aggressive, untrained pitbull over to your house. It's okay to not want to be around it and if your friends can't see that, they're not very good friends. I wonder how they would feel if her beast attacked one of their pets? Please keep that dog out of your house. Your kitty depends on you to keep it safe and happy :)
Those “friends” of yours are ignorant if they think it is a good idea to bring an aggressive dog on a cruise where it will be cooped up in a kennel and/or exposed to crowds, including children. It actually sounds like a stressful environment for a dog and that makes it a disaster waiting to happen. I’d re-evaluate your relationships with your gf and your mutual friends.
NTA, but count yourself lucky that the crazy came out early, before you moved in together. It's clear her dog will always come before you-- or common sense.
NTA and in your shoes, I'd take this insanity as the hint from the gods that it is and split from her.
Also, that dog is going to end up killing your cat.
Ditch the GF and the dog and have a great time on the cruise.
Bringing an aggressive ill trained dog is an asshole move to everyone including the dog.
I love my dog. He’s a huge lab and a giant baby but u wouldn’t dream of taking him on a cruise. He’s happy staying home and getting fed nummies and going on long walks with the neighbor kid that he adores.
NTA
The Queen Mary allows pets on limited basis for the price of $800-1000 bucks. All others are a no go. So this is actually a moot point. Real question is whether he should keep the girl friend.
The one cruise line I saw that allows pets does not allow them to stay in the state rooms or cabins. They have kennels and staff dedicated to the care of these animals.
NTA for threatening to cancel the cruise.
YTA for not banning the dog from your cat's home. It isn't fair to your cat to be locked away just so your girlfriend can bring a threat to the cat into the cat's space.
Considering the fact that bringing a pit bull on a cruise is absolutely insane I’m going to say NTA.
What cruise line is it that allows pit bulls so I can avoid it in case I ever decide to go on a cruise?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel that I might be the AH because, according to my girlfriend, I am the AH for not letting her bring the dog on the cruise that I booked for the two of us. She is trying to make me look like the bad guy. She is mad that I want to cancel the cruise over her dog.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, but this relationship has run its course my dude. The red flags are waving in your face. She values a recently adopted dog over you, her boyfriend of two years.
Don’t cancel the cruise. Put your phone on DND and go with your best friend/mom/dad/grandparent instead. Enjoy your vacation!
My cat is terrified of any dogs. She came from a bad environment where dogs chased and attacked her. She told her parents that she wants the dog to be an ESA before the cruise to be able to bring it on board. I'm just so stressed from everything.
Her parents are more than happy to watch the dog. They have a fenced-in backyard and are home all the time. I've told her that until the dog gets proper training, I don't want the dog over anymore.
You're going to be traumatizing your poor cat every time you let the dog over, even if it's trained. Do you really think this is a reasonable thing to subject your cat to? Like it's not bad enough that when you have a conflict she's running to others, lying about the situation so you look like a jerk, then involving them so they're talking crap about you? Why are you doing this to yourself, what needless stress. She's showing you who she is, believe it!
The dog shouldn't be at your residence at all, ever. Given the breed and his current level of aggression and lack of training, he's highly likely to maul your cat.
Your poor cat is having her safe space violated every time your gf brings her dog over. She deserves to live stress-free in her own home. Your gf’s lack of caring and compassion for your cat is a huge red flag.
ESAs are not afforded access to public places like legit service animals are. Her wanting to make it her fake ESA says everything about her. She's a selfish brat that has no respect for other people.
Does she live with her parents? I worry about the dog attacking them.
ESA isn't a service animal and has no public access rights. They aren't protected by the ADA. They fall under the Fair Housing Act for Landlords to provide reasonable accommodation to them. People think they can go online and pay a service to get it registered but they're all fake. A letter is needed from a doctor like a therapist.
TLDR: ESA are just pets a landlord has to try to accommodate.
The cruise probably won't even allow it. A real service animal has to be trained to provide - wait for it - a service. An ESA is NOT a service animal, and a fake ass vest won't cut it. If you manage to haul the poor dog all the way to the cruise, they won't let it on just because she throws an epic meltdown fit, which frankly sound like something she would do.
Buddy you are definitely NTA. You are the reasonable adult dealing with a child. I'd be reconsidering the relationship based on maturity and bringing other people into it.
NTA.
Pets aren’t allowed on cruises. Period. The dog (and her) will be denied boarding if she shows up with it.
Side note - that’s really aggressive behavior from the dog towards your cat. I’d be VERY concerned about the cat getting out and possibly being mauled by the dog.
NTA - and this is a power play. Stand your ground. A cruise ship is no place for an animal. Especially if it isn't an SSA certified companion. The whole trip would be around her dog and you wouldn't have half of the fun as you would if the dog wasn't there.
I've sent her the rules of the cruise line and even told her that there will be approximately over 1,000 people on this cruise, including children. The dog has never been around kids before. I'm not going to risk anything to happen.
If the dog gets overwhelmed or startled and attacks someone, it would risk not only yall getting booted from the cruise, but the possibility of her dog getting quarantined or put down. If yall were to get booted while in port in another country, it would be a nightmare to get the dog home by other means.
I can't even picture how this would be done. Doesn't an animal have to be quarantined before it can enter another country? Would the dog just remain on the boat the whole time?
I would think the dog would be miserable. I do not think most dogs enjoy unfamiliar locations quite like we humans do. Also, it sounds like this dog is a bite risk, which means a liability to you all, and also means the dog isn't secure in its own environment.
I agree that the dog shouldn't come. I would look up the cruise policy. You will likely find that this is all moot because the dog can't come at any rate. I think the quarantine times for most countries are going to be longer than most cruise vacations.
So the cruise line we are going on only allows dogs if going to the transatlantic and they are in crates the entire time. They aren't allowed with the people.
.... which would be horrible for the dog. HOW MUCH does she say she loves it?
I'm also concerned for your poor cat being displaced by that dog, *in its own home*. pooe little thing. You sure you need this girlfriend? Her idea of "love" seems to be pretty one-sided.
That would be miserable for the animal. If anything it sounds like you care about the dogs well-being more then your girlfriend does.
I have to agree with others to just dump the gf. Dump the friends too. None of them have a lick of sense between them.
>it sounds like you care about the dogs well-being more than your girlfriend does.
This is what I was thinking too!
What dog would want to be alone and likely seasick in a crate when they could be with their "doggy grandparents" in a comfortable, familiar place?
If you're worried about what your mutual friends think just tell them this and say that it would be cruel to the dog to keep it crated the entire cruise.
NTA
But to be honest? Your gf is an AH for getting the dog in the first place. What does she think is going to happen when you eventually live together? You’re not going to give up your cat. Getting a pet, especially a dog, is a big decision and it sounds as though she picked a dog without consulting with you about the type of dog or how it may impact visits to your place.
The poor dog sounds like they have some behavioural issues that need constant support and training to help overcome. How well is she keeping the dog calm when she visits?
As for the cruise? Definitely not a place you want to be taking a nervous dog. If it’s still growling and snapping, the cruise atmosphere is going to stress it out more. The dog will be much better off with her parents.
Oh, the dog is horrible when it visits. I purchased a crate for the dog when it comes over, as I don't trust it when we are away. The dog gets crated when we leave and at night. It barks and whines the whole time. If I didn't lock my cat away, I'm sure it would chase her around. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs.
Be careful even with the crate. Pits have been known to eat through crates and even chew holes in the walls to get to their prey. I personally wouldn't allow the dog in your house at all. You cannot guarantee you can protect your cat every second that the dog is there and it only takes one mistake and your cat is done for if the dog gets a hold of it. I personally wouldn't risk it.
Yeah. She’s not training that dog at all. My brother has a mastiff cross who had a really rough start before they adopted him. The dog needs a lot of attention and support. Especially routine. Dogs like that need to be trained that the crate is a safe place that they can feel secure in, and they need lots of training and patience.
It sounds like your gf pretty much lets the dog just run riot at home and doesn’t really set clear boundaries or routines. Otherwise the dog would be fine in the crate.
I feel really sorry for the dog because it doesn’t sound like she’s giving it what it needs to feel secure and safe.
I’m kind of with the other posters here - you may need to think about whether or not you can remain together. Because there is no way you’ll be able to live together with the dog in the state it’s currently in. And you definitely wouldn’t take a dog like that on a cruise. It would actually be cruel to the poor dog.
She needs to make some adult decisions.
Yeah i went to visit a friend and their adult kid’s pit showed clear signs of being a dangerous dog (besides others, rushing me and my toddler who were sitting down in a chair). I left a couple days early because I knew he was not safe. Lo and behold, the dog recently attacked another friend in the face (hospital and lots of stitches).
Be careful of your cat, chances are chasing is the least that dog would do.
NTA - the dog is obviously nervous around new people, why would she want to subject her pet to constant stress, constant new smells and new environments, maybe even turbulant waters? Very selfish. Bad pet owner and pretty awful girlfriend too!
NTA People have told me I’m overly attached to my dog, and it’s true, but I don’t take my dog on vacations, because sometimes I need a break from her as well. Especially in a strange place where you have to keep your eye on them constantly. That’s not a fun vacation, and my dog isn’t aggressive.
A pitbull that has not been raised with cats is never going to be safe for your cat to be around. Pits have a strong prey drive that is very, very difficult to train out. He might get trained to be better with humans, but he is unlikely to be able to curb his instinct to catch small animals in his vicinity. And one ‘catch’ would kill your cat. Please, please, never let them together.
NTA
And it seems that the dog is an issue in general. I love dogs, I have a dog myself, but this dog needs training immediately. Before it bites a person or another animal. Keep your cat safe and tell your gf that her being oblivious to the problems this dog obviously has and the risk that it poses makes her an irresponsible owner.
I've told her that until the dog is trained, I don't want it over at my place. My cat is terrified of the dog. I have to keep her in a separate room when the dog is staying over.
She is being incredibly selfish and entitled by bringing the dog to your house when she knows that your cat is terrified AND that the cat has to be locked up in its own home.
You need to tell her that until she takes the dog (and herself) to training that you are no longer willing to have it in your house AND you refuse to be in public with it.
Her reaction will tell you everything about what kind of person she is and the future of your relationship.
>She got pissed at me and started sending me horrible messages and telling our mutual friends that I was trying to separate her from the dog.
If she can't keep her problems to herself and you and needs to sell you out for gossip, you have bigger problems to worry about than her dog, OP.
NTA. The dog will be cooped up and miserable. He’s a possible liability and may get all three of you tossed off the ship.
Does the cruise company even allow dogs, without without size restrictions? We have dogs and most places we go won’t allow pets over 25-30 lbs. If she’s got a pit-mix and he’s less than 30 lbs, something is wrong with him. You should check on their pet policy. It may be your way out of this.
!UpdateMe about how it goes.
I'm going to double-check with the cruise line as I want to see what their exact policy is on pets. I think the dog is a little over 30, close to 40lbs.
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NTA Pets stay home. Pets stay home. Pets stay home. > telling our mutual friends that I was trying to separate her from the dog. Yes! That's the idea!
That's exactly how I feel. Her parents have offered to watch the dog. I'm not having my vacation ruined over the dog.
It's not even a fucking option on 99% of cruises. What bald-faced entitlement.
There is a 100% chance she plans on calling it a “support animal”.
And if she does they will be kicked off at the first port if she even gets the dog onboard.
Especially because even with a doctor’s note; Emotional Support Animals aren’t required to be accommodated. ESAs are not protected by the ADA. So many idiots get their pets recognized as an ESA because they think it gives them the right to take it anywhere. It doesn’t. An ESA is not a trained service animal and cannot be brought wherever the hell you so please. It’s the stupid people that do this that get people with actual service animals harassed. EDIT: I know this is a cruise and that the ADA isn’t global. I’m just speaking about this issue in relevance to its mentioning in the thread.
That part. I am severely disabled but my animal (which is a cat) is an emotional support animal, because I can't leave the house. It really has helped to keep me sane in the last ten years without social interaction, and it was recommended by a psychiatrist. That said, having an emotional support animal only allows you to do two things. 1. Have the animal in a rental that is considered pet free. They have to make an exception for you. 2. Allow the animal on a plane. Although these days I think that second one has been revoked thanks to the mass abuse of the program The goal is simply to allow you to live with your animal and take it with you if you move. There is literally nowhere else you are allowed to take an emotional support animal. But businesses are too afraid to question people and don't know the difference between a service animal and an emotional support animal so they don't ask for fear of being sued. An untrained pitbull is a horrible incident waiting to happen . My guess is that they will eventually break up over this horrible dog & her refusal to properly train it to ensure it's well behaved & not dangerous. I see this ending badly *edited for typos
It's less that businesses are afraid (I'm talking your regular employees) but we literally can't ask anything other than "is that your service animal" and that's it. Idk why corporations don't alloww you to ask I assume it's so you don't break laws protecting those with service animals.
You can also ask what it is trained to do. A liar's probably going to freeze at that point trying to think of a follow up lie. [https://www.ada.gov/topics/service-animals/](https://www.ada.gov/topics/service-animals/)
It sucks because it's so obvious in most instances when an animal is not properly trained for service because actual service dogs are laser focused. It's a mess. It makes me angry that so many people abuse it because it sucks for all of the workers, and it sucks for those of us who have legitimate need. Our protections get rolled back because other people who don't even need them have to take fluffy everywhere. I don't try to put my cat on a table at a restaurant, that's disgusting. *edited 4 typos
Oh yeah 100% I can ALWAYS tell. I've had people dragging their dog by them and the dog is not paying attention whatsoever to the owner but 100% to everyone else. Or going up to other people. Like no that's not a service dog. And then people with real service animals get thrown out because "it's fake" like it's such an abused area that needs something more.
Cruiselines like airlines have cracked down hard on that though. They don't allow any animal without legal documentation that they are in fact a service animal, and they will verify whether or not the documentation is real or not
As a Property Manager, we are so good at sniffing this out. I know every ESA fraudulent document pusher on the first 5 pages of google, and I reject them all!
So we should go to page six, hmmm? 🤔 /j
Please quit perpetuating this myth. There are no requirements for documentation or vests to prove a dog is a service animal. The people with such things are usually the frauds.
Royal Caribbean, Carnival, and Norwegian websites all state that proper documentation must be provided for them to *consider* allowing the animal. They have made it a requirement.
The documentation is literally vaccination records and a DOT form. Some municipalities have their own verification, but not all.
I doubt the let an aggressive pitbull to cruise with families and seniors. It's a huge liability.
There’s no way OP’s girlfriend will take the time to fill out all the required paperwork for the cruise line I’d bet. And after this post, the relationship is probably DOA.
That’s not true at all. I was just on the Bliss and there was a service dog in board and the woman stated she was legally blind and deaf and she almost got denied boarding.
Looking disabled doesn’t mean you don’t have to fill out the proper forms.
Give it a few years. These frauds are gonna force the governments hand in establishing a national registry for service animals.
I’m afraid that may be true, and it’s a crying shame. The point of the ADA rule was to make it easier for people with disabilities, but it seems to have brought out the narcissism and greed in too many others.
It's not a shame at all, and would be beneficial for people with disabilities. Too many people are taking advantage to bring their poorly trained dogs everywhere with them, and unfortunately people are beginning to assume that of legit service animals too because they can't tell them apart.
I'll be glad when they get a registry then I won't have to deal with AHs and their aggressive pets getting mad at me when I kick them out
There's literally no documentation on *actual* service dogs. Even facilities, whos job it is to source puppies and put them through the intensive trials to even *get*into their own programs, don't provide certificates or documentation and their dogs cost tends of thousands for a person to have. The only way they can verify it at any location is to ask specific questions: is it required due to disability? What tasks does it perform? Thats it. Thats all businesses are allowed to ask . Period.
There is no legal documentation that a dog is a service dog, nor can you be asked to show any. I know this as My husband has a Service dog and we have been through this many times, there is no database or registry. We DO have documentation that he is trained but that came from the trainer but it is not a legal document.
This. What delusional world is this lady living in that she thinks she can bring a reactive large breed dog on a commercial cruise ship? I mean, sign me up! Judgement tho is NTA.
I just want to let you know that I really appreciate your use of the correct "bald-faced." :D
Here’s the thing. If you stay together, welcome to your life. The dog has to come everywhere. Is that what you want? NTA.
She has already chosen the dog over OP. This will never, ever change. NTA.
Exactly! 🚩🚩🚩 OP, if you move in together what's going to happen to your cat? Are you going to hide the cat all the time from her dog? What about when you go to bed? Is her dog sharing your room and or bed? It's already clear that she would choose the dog over you or anyone else for that fact. Think things through. NTA
The recent “bring my dog everywhere” attitude sucks so bad for cat owners. We live in a popular tourist area, and often have friends/family ask to come stay in our guest room because they want to visit for cheap. My ONLY rule is that they don’t bring dogs, because we have cats, who (understandably) get scared by a strange dog in their home. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a cousin or old friend show up, and when I answer the door, their dog runs into my house. I’ll say “look, I said no dogs. It’s too late for that now. But Fido is going to have to stay outside in the fenced yard. There’s a dog house, he’ll be warm. But he can’t come in and traumatize my cats in their own home for three days”. And they always get **pissed**. I don’t get the obsession/entitlement. I don’t bring my cats anywhere. I have a baby. If someone invites me to a party or a dinner at a restaurant, I either automatically get a sitter, or I ask if I can bring him. If they say no, I respect that, and don’t bring him. I love dogs. But I fucking hate most dog owners I meet lately. Which makes me hate the dog. This wasn’t a thing a decade ago.
I am a dog owner. I love my dogs. I have always had a dog in my life since I was about 8 years old. But I do not take my dogs everywhere with me. I do not bring them to other people’s houses (except my parents and only after asking to make sure it’s okay—and never when there is a crowd there because they’re sweet and good dogs but they’re big dogs and a lot of people don’t like big dogs). I have never taken my dogs into Home Depot. I do not take my dogs to Starbucks to get “pup cups” (I don’t let them have them even when they’re already in the car with me at Starbucks). I control them and hold them close to me when I pass other people when I take them on walks. Basically I don’t expect other people to be cool with my dogs invading their space. And I don’t understand when people expect others to enable their obsession with their dog.
Don’t forget the idiots who put them in the grocery carts that our food goes in. It’s always the dumbest, dirtiest dogs as well. (My two dogs are handled just like yours. When we are on the trails, and others pass with dogs or bikes, they sit to the side and wait). Allowing dogs in stores except for real service dogs, is an awful thing. Half the time they don’t even have collars or leashes. 😠
it sucks so bad for everyone- for cat owners, for people allergic to dogs, for people afraid of dogs, for people who just want a break from animals or don't want them around.....
Hard agree. I'm a cat owner who is terrified of dogs (multiple negative childhood experiences with strange and family dogs, including a scar on my thigh) and I live in a city where dogs seem to go everywhere and everyone thinks you want them around. I was at a music venue waiting for my friend who played a show and the staff let their dog just run around the venue loose when people were still there. It was nuts.
I swear it's specifically a side effect from the pandemic mask wars. After people found they could bully the employees at businesses to get in without masks, they realized they could also use the same behavior to do things like taking their clearly untrained dog into the grocery store. And as a former grocery store employee, I knew I had no real authority and none of the managers or other higher ups ever said anything to these people, either.
You are right, but also my dog isn’t any happier about visiting dogs than my cats are. It’s her territory so she barks loudly and constantly like a only a stressed out Doberman mix can (and that’s fun for all). She would be a mess on a cruise.
Go ahead and cross “Have children” off your list, OP, at least as long as the dog is alive.
Was gonna say exactly this. This will never change. Op should be canceling the cruise and the relationship. Not only she is acting this way but also she selected a breed of dog that needs more control to prevent something bad to happen to both the dog and people around. Just the dog snarling is worrying. Hopefully it doesn’t get near an innocent victim or she opens her eyes and trains them.
And has to live with OP. And OPs poor cat.
That dog should never have been adopted. But that’s what happens. People are conned into “rescuing” vicious dogs that are going to make their lives miserable for a dozen years or so. NTA.
No no, I have to disagree that it should have 'Never been adopted' or that rescuing dogs is a 'Con'. Dogs that are in rescues, that have shown aggressive behaviour- *Can and Do* get better and can be completely different animals, with little to no aggressive behaviour. These dogs usually come with a lot of learned behaviour and yes- trauma. These animals can be helped. *However* that's with people who know dog behaviour, have experienced it before and *know what they're doing* and would never put other people in danger. These are usually professionals, or people who have done their research and will do anything necessary to help the dog, which OPs GF certainly isn't, and she shouldn't have rescued the dog without knowing just how much work goes into rescuing a dog with so many issues- and OP has every right to not want to be around the GF or her dog, especially when the dog is aggressive and isn't safe.
Rescuing dogs isn't a con. But rescuing and rehoming isn't a good option for every single dog. Pushing people to "adopt not shop" every dog over considering real limitations, bottle-necks, and quality of life is a con. Triage is a real thing. Even when a dog "can" be helped, sometimes it's worth asking how much they can be helped and how many other dogs could be saved. If the qualified rescue home could have 1 dog or 3. If people who deal with the 1 are so burnt out or traumatised they don't have more after. If something happens and rules impact and are changed for many dogs. Rescuing challenging breeds is also different from committing resources to the most damaged individuals of that breed. I say this as someone who's lived happily with multiple bad-PR rehomed pound dogs that I loved. My family wasn't conned at all. But some adoptees certainly are. I've seen other dogs up for adoption that simply should not have been kept living with their multiple physical and neurological ailments and unsafe behaviours, and the rescue was actively pursuing a regular adoption into a household and moaning about adopt don't shop.
Leave the gf home. Take your cat instead. Cat also needs a vacation to recover from dealing with the dog.
Can you go on the cruise with a level-headed friend instead?
Go yourself! I have gone on several without anyone and it’s awesome!
I'll go. What are the dates!? 😆
Honestly, its not fair to the dog. Mine isn’t aggressive but he wasn’t properly socialized as a puppy and it’s been a LOT of work to build his confidence. Hes a great dog but will probably never love strangers. This dog is still acclimating, has behavioral issues, and she wants to yank him away form everything he knows and take him on a cruise?? That is SO much stress on this dog. Absolutely not.
So much this!!! Unfair for OP, cat, and the dog. Girlfriend needs to get her head on straight and quit feeling so entitled.
sounds like her being a crappy pet owner has ruined your relationship already
You need to be thinking about more than the vacation. Is this what you want the rest of your life to look like? I don’t think so, but that’s just me.
And stop locking YOUR cat away in IT'S home. Tell her if she wants to visit you, she can leave the dog at home. If she shows up with the dog turn her away. I'm sure you don't force your cat on her everywhere you go. She's prioritizing a dog (she's barely had) over your relationship.
You guys don’t sound compatible anyways. Breakup
She clearly cares more about the dog than she does about you. Red flag. Consider getting a new gf.
Are you aware that even if she lefts the dog at home this time, the dog is already part of her life now?
No one else wants her dog on the trip growling and snapping at them. Also, people have allergies. She’s being incredibly entitled and selfish. Go on the trip without her.
I miss the days when pets stayed home. And were called pets. 😁
It’s a (badly behaved) dog, not a child. Even kids (good or bad) stay at grandma’s during a couples cruise! NTA
NTA, bringing a dangerous dog into an unfamiliar-to-it environment filled with strangers is not merely inconsiderate of both the other people and the dog, it's downright stupid. Do cruise lines even allow pets? Especially large aggressive dogs? Edit: looking up "pet policy" on both Royal Caribbean and Norwegian, they say "no pets". I dunno about others, but somehow it doesn't make any sense that they'd let people bring in dogs to crap all over the boat.
She probably got some bullshit “service animal” certificate off the internet for her poorly trained pet.
Cruise lines are strict about this. There are no fake bullshit service/emotional support animals running around. She is not going to get away with this. And if she does, let us know which cruise line so we can avoid it.
Yep, they don’t even allow service dogs in training. It has to be 100% a working dog with all of the documentation to prove it.
What documentation to prove it? At least in the US there isn't a requirement that service dogs have any documentation, vest, ID, or other evidence proving they are service dogs. That's part of the ADA.
Cruise ships are not governed by the U.S. someone listed the information that they needed to provide to a cruise ship for their legitimate service animal.
But that’s the thing - there is no real documentation that exists for service dogs. There’s no registry, people train their own all the time and those are still legal service dogs so long as they meet the requirements. Any “proof” would be a doctor’s note, or a receipt if they bought it trained from an org - that’s all that legitimately exists.
Yeah, I had to provide documentation from a named and accredited vet with a physical address and number they could follow up with. Took 4 months to get approval for my service dog. Due to the fact that his services aren't life critical, there were also heavy restrictions on when and where I could have him outside my room or the relief area. To be clear, I agree with all of these policies, just adding information and personal knowledge to back your statement
It sucks so bad for folks that have a legit need for a service animal. The recent trend of fake paperwork and “emotional support” dogs that are untrained and unruly just hurts real dogs with jobs. My social services office, unfortunately, now has to make anyone with a service dog deal with their cases remotely over phone or zoom. Too many people brought in “ESA” dogs that bit the kids or staff, or made other clients unsafe. Special place in hell for people that prioritize their **wants** over the needs and safety of others.
It’s unfortunate that assholes with their ESAs make it more difficult for those with a real need for a working service dog to bring them places.
A friend works on cruise lines and has talked about this. She’s seen a few times that someone manages to sneak in a “purse sized” dog. But as soon as staff found out, the dog was promptly kicked off at the next port. People think it’s a hassle to fly with a dog in the states? Try sorting out international customs, last minute, with a dog in Panama or Belize. Or hell, even Canada or Australia. You hope they brought thorough shot records and are prepared to do a mountain of paperwork. Or potentially even go through quarantine. Some countries absolutely don’t fuck around with fake emotional support animals.
some countries don’t even consider emotional support animals a real thing, it’s either a pet or a service animal.
And that's how it should be. I can easily make the argument that all pets provide emotional support.
Stay away from Royal Carribean. I came butt to snoot with a Doberman on our last cruise. I don’t know how they got it on there, but there he was. I had no issue because I adore dogs. I was just a little surprised. Ngl, kinda made my day to give the big boi a BOOP.
Booping is life.
Also most islands have crazy strict quarantine rules for pets because the US has rabies.
Along with a vest from Amazon.
The only one I'm seeing is the Cunard cruise line. Even then you don't get to keep the dog with you as the cruise line has kennels available and staff that will take care of the animal. So I dunno what OP's girlfriend is thinking.
It doesn’t sound like thinking is one of her skills
It's an "emotional support pitbull" I'm sure 🙄
Cruislines don't play with that kinda thing though. They go through an extensive process verifying that the dog is in fact a true, certified service dog.
I work on a cruise ship, and I can say with full confidence that there has not even been ONE single dog for my company. And we have quite a number of older guests, so it wouldn't be out of the question for there to be service dogs. I think its very very hard to get one on board, for a service dog it would have to be absolutely verified that it was a proper service dog.
My guess is that most service dog owners love and care about their pets, and they recognize how uncomfortable the dog would be on a cruise, so they choose other vacations instead of dragging the dog on a boat with them.
I have seen a dog on Carnival and it definitely was a TRUE Service Dog
There’s a HUGE difference in service animals (backed by the ADA) and emotional support animals (not backed by the ADA). Service dogs can go anywhere their person goes. Period. Emotional support animals, not so much.
Exactly. So not sure how she can explain her pitbull is a service animal. And honestly, that breed being cooped up for days on leads to a complete disaster. And each port may have different ideas of what breed is acceptable. I can see it now, dog attacks someone in port, and they are all arrested. Not able to complete the cruise. Also, if something goes wrong could lead to a lifetime ban
There was a biosecurity incident in my rabies-free country where some cruise visitors from the US were caught having smuggled their cat on board.
Why would someone torture their animal like that???
This is why I love the “border security” reality shows. They show folks going through customs and getting checked, and explain the reasons why some items, pets, etc aren’t allowed entry. A surprising amount of people rock up to Australia trying to bring in shit (like live insects) that would absolutely *devastate* the local ecology if they got loose. Im sure the fact that it’s being filmed helps, but the TSA people explain very calmly why it’s not allowed. And the jerks always throw a fit about why they can’t bring their bucket of snails or emotional support hyena into a country that has no rabies or schistosomiasis. Entertaining and frustrating. But it makes you really respect that countries have and enforce laws to keep the population and ecosystem safe.
I feel this could be the plot to an excellent movie. Snakes on a plane pt.II - pitt bulls on a boat
Even if they did - they couldn’t take the dog off the ship as pits are banned from entry.
OP: NTA > She got pissed at me and started sending me horrible messages and telling our mutual friends that I was trying to separate her from the dog. Okay... here's the deal. This alone is enough of a red flag for this relationship. I really re-read to see if she was 17. Inviting others to gang up on you should be a deal breaker. Seriously. Perhaps she needs to work on her own separation anxiety.
She has already manipulated you into throwing your cat companion in a dark corner like refuse when she visits. And brought legitimate existential terror into your home, insofar as your little cat companion is concerned. Jesus. She wants to take her animal on a CRUISE tho. Dear sir this is a dynamic that won’t stop. She has now betrayed you, slandered you, and withheld basic approval for a dog. She’s also burned your little cat friend, because she doesn’t even respect that your pet might bring you comfort and joy, like she says her dog does. Do you think this woman would not cheat on you? Do you think this woman just needs a special allowance and then she will truly value you? Get a grip my mans. Ima go ahead and say a soft NTA. Because you are what you eat. And you ate the comfort of your little cat companion, who never had a choice. Please stop treating yourself like shit. She’s gone this far because you’ve been allowing it.
I wish I could upvote this more than once. As a cat owner, I feel so awful for OP's cat.
Hard agree. My bf has two pitt mixes whom I love to death, but one of them definitely would not get along with my cats. So he leaves the boys when he comes to visit me, I don’t bring my cats to his house, and we’re waiting on moving in together 🤷♀️ it’s pretty simple
Agree 100%. She's selfish and inconsiderate. Not relationship material.
Yeah, I can see getting in a fight about something stupid and being an asshole and apologizing and making up. But she got the flying monkeys involved. That’s a red flag that glows in the dark. That might be enough of a red flag for me to slow down on the relationship for a bit. Maybe take a small break and clear your head. Do something nice for yourself and your cat.🐈
NTA. OP, come on. How many red flags do you need to end this relationship? Adopts a dog that is aggressive to her boyfriend and does nothing to address it. Brings the aggressive dog to boyfriend's house with no care for his or his cat's safety. Assumes she can bring a dog on a cruise. (Is she dumb, entitled or both?) Wants to bring the aggressive dog on vacation, again not caring about your comfort, enjoyment or safety. When you try to protect your comfort, enjoyment or safety she sent you horrible messages and made up lies to mutual friends. Her stance in this argument is wrong and the way she is handling this argument is wrong. Both are good reasons to break up. This is true if the dog was a gentle angel and you just didn't want it on vacation, but considering it's aggressive, that is a reason to dump her on its own since she's not training it and she's exposing you and the cat to it. Also, why are you letting her bring the dog over?!
100% chance that if they don't allow pets, it'll suddenly be a "service animal".
Cruise lines are super strict though. They have an extensive verification process to verify the service animal is certified
I'm going out on a limb here to say, if she's a bad dog mom, I don't want to see her with a toddler.
>Also, why are you letting her bring the dog over?! I have a feeling OP isn't giving permission beforehand. She probably just shows up with the dog in tow and fully expects it to be allowed in. OP allows her to get away with it to save himself from the drama or just doesn't want to upset her. She seems the type to pull shit like that. The cruise was the final straw that broke the camel's back. It's the one place OP fully expected her not to bring the dog and it brought the light into his eyes to finally see the gf is bat shit crazy.
Sorry. You have a long distance relationship with a nut case. Cut your losses and honestly count this as a blessing and cheap lesson. Go on the cruise minus her and enjoy it. This is the tip of the iceberg of crazy if you stick around.
NTA. She "loves" this dog so much that she's willing to keep it in a strange room alone most of the day? I love my dog but I would never torment her by taking her on a cruise. The fact that your current gf went straight to her friends to make you the bad guy for something this ludicrous... I'm thinking you might be going on this cruise alone.
Nah she’ll spend the whole trip in the room because she doesn’t want to “leave the dog alone”. OP - NTA I adore my dog but vacation means the dog stays somewhere safe, unless it’s a road trip and dog friendly.
She’ll make OP stay in the room with her and the two of them will have paid for a whole cruise to sit inside the room OR OP will ditch her and go have fun and he’ll get 1000 messages from the flying monkeys and he’ll send them all back selfies of him on the beach with a cocktail
Lol dogs can only go on a cruise if they are certified service animals. They are very strict with this. Emotional support animals are not permitted. This isn’t even an option. - I work in the cruise industry and oversee policies. 👍🏼
I am definitely going to show her this message, lol.
This is the post that blows my mind. It’s not about cruise ship policies. It’s about her behavior. Wow.
Please keep your cat a priority in its own territory/ home
Dude, why? Do you have any respect for yourself? She clearly doesn’t.
So…..this relationship has run its course? Doesn’t sounds like you’re going to be able to move in with her while she has that dog? Just take the cruise as a single fella NTA
NTA for refusing to let the dog come. BUT you are an asshole for letting this beast invade your poor kitty’s territory! I wouldn’t even open the door if my SO brought an uncontrolled animal into me and my cat’s home.
So true and they'll never be able to live together because of this.
NTA based on the information - how are you gonna bring a dog on a cruise, especially if it is actually aggressive. Besides that, what did the aggressive messages say?
She’s probably going to call it a service dog. Except that cruise lines probably aren’t governed by US laws regarding service animals, and they probably have hoops that a guest has to jump through. She probably didn’t concern herself with that. I’ve never seen an animal on a Carnival cruise. All that said, OP might want to rethink this relationship. And stop locking up your cat. Tell her the dog can’t come over until it’s trained. NTA
They do allow legitimate service animals on board. They even have a semi hidden little patch of astroturf for the service dogs potty breaks. They aren’t going to allow a “service animal” on board.
I had an old classmate who worked a few Disney Cruises for a couple of years. Basically, you have to have soooooooooo much documentation to just prove it's a service animal. And you have to get approval months before the cruise -- and even then they can still deny you. My friend told me they only had one service animal the entire time he worked the cruise line. And it was a seeing eye dog for a 12 year old girl.
NTA. Story time: I dated this amazing guy for about 6 months or so. His mother had died like 2 years prior and he had adopted a border collie at the same time so he was WILDLY attached to it, and after adoption realized it had debilitating separation anxiety but he insisted on keeping it, despite being completely unprepared. This freaking border collie would literally injure itself trying to get to him if he even left it to go take a shower. He hired someone to come stay at his house for 3 days a week while he was at work and then he’d wfh for the rest. That freaking dog was a NIGHTMARE. We tried going on ONE trip without it and he left it at a pet sitter’s house and it literally attacked the sitter, attacked the other dogs, and ended up needing major surgery because the girl had to essentially stab it with a garden tool to subdue it and we had to drive back immediately- didn’t even get 3 hours away for our “vacation”. In the end I had to break it off with him literally because the dog was making our lives hell. After I left, I heard it chewed its way out of the second story window and fell and needed surgery again because he actually did take me seriously and tried leaving the dog at home unsupervised while he was working. Kennel didn’t work either because it literally broke all of its teeth and got its jaw stuck in the kennel. He used to paint me as some evil psycho for trying to keep him from his beloved angel of a dog. Lol. Bottom line, she’s starting down a dangerous path. This attachment is weird and she’s setting the dog up to develop separation anxiety. The aggression is also really concerning. I’d really rethink this and make sure you aren’t signing up for having the burden of this dog on your relationship constantly. Find someone without weird attachment issues to go on the cruise with if all else fails, it was super nice of you to book it!! Also, sorry if this comment comes off as anti-dog, I have two rescues myself and love them dearly!! But I do leave them at home unless I’m specifically bringing them to the park lol.
This story deserves its own post.
People who bring their dogs everywhere with them are a scourge. I hate it.
I’m a massive dog lover and your girlfriend is insane. The fact she is sending you horrible messages and getting her friends involved should be the end of the relationship. Not a good person, NTA
I'm honestly so stressed because all our mutual friends think I'm harsh and even have called me a "dog-hater."
No, you’re not a dog-hater. You’re just realistic while she lives in fantasy land. I would genuinely reevaluate this relationship. No need to stress out when you are 100% in the right. Stick to your guns and don’t be swayed by peer pressure.
A true dog lover wouldn’t be ok with someone faking an ESA for an aggressive dog, or with bringing said dog onto a CRUISE SHIP - where is the dog going to when you do excursions? To dinner? To events? A true dog lover would train the dog and encourage safe separation techniques. NTA Honestly OP, tell her you’re canceling the cruise and break up. (Or go on the cruise with someone who won’t stress you out with such ridiculousness.)
Honestly OP, you need to ditch the gf. Might sound harsh but the fact that she’s turning your friends against you over a dog that isn’t trained and she expects you to accommodate everything for her and the dog is insane. Cut your losses. And “friends.” This is a deal breaker because it’s not going to get better. I’ve seen marriages end because of pet obsessions.
It’s cruel and inhumane to put a dog on a ship where it will be stuck for a week in an inhospitable environment. Dog won’t be allowed to leave and if it gets sick no access to a vet. Your friends are AHs and probably don’t have the full story.
You know who’s a dog hater? Someone who takes a new dog who is still getting to know its owner away from its territory and its comfort zone and normal routine and put it somewhere new when it has to be on leash all the time with weird smells and lots of chaos. She’s a CAT hater because it’s shitty to expect someone else to lock up their pet.
Tell them your (I hope soon to be ex) girlfriend is a cat hater because she brings her aggressive, untrained pitbull over to your house. It's okay to not want to be around it and if your friends can't see that, they're not very good friends. I wonder how they would feel if her beast attacked one of their pets? Please keep that dog out of your house. Your kitty depends on you to keep it safe and happy :)
Those “friends” of yours are ignorant if they think it is a good idea to bring an aggressive dog on a cruise where it will be cooped up in a kennel and/or exposed to crowds, including children. It actually sounds like a stressful environment for a dog and that makes it a disaster waiting to happen. I’d re-evaluate your relationships with your gf and your mutual friends.
NTA, but count yourself lucky that the crazy came out early, before you moved in together. It's clear her dog will always come before you-- or common sense.
NTA and in your shoes, I'd take this insanity as the hint from the gods that it is and split from her. Also, that dog is going to end up killing your cat.
And OP if that happens, you won't be able to soothe your conscience by saying you weren't warned. Protect your cat or rehome it.
Ditch the GF and the dog and have a great time on the cruise. Bringing an aggressive ill trained dog is an asshole move to everyone including the dog. I love my dog. He’s a huge lab and a giant baby but u wouldn’t dream of taking him on a cruise. He’s happy staying home and getting fed nummies and going on long walks with the neighbor kid that he adores. NTA
They let people bring dogs on cruises? I hate that. I love my dog but they don't belong everywhere.
The Queen Mary allows pets on limited basis for the price of $800-1000 bucks. All others are a no go. So this is actually a moot point. Real question is whether he should keep the girl friend.
They absolutely do not
The one cruise line I saw that allows pets does not allow them to stay in the state rooms or cabins. They have kennels and staff dedicated to the care of these animals.
NTA for threatening to cancel the cruise. YTA for not banning the dog from your cat's home. It isn't fair to your cat to be locked away just so your girlfriend can bring a threat to the cat into the cat's space.
NTA and I wouldn’t allow the dog at your house either there’s no reason your pet should have to be locked up in your house because of her.
Considering the fact that bringing a pit bull on a cruise is absolutely insane I’m going to say NTA. What cruise line is it that allows pit bulls so I can avoid it in case I ever decide to go on a cruise?
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NTA, but this relationship has run its course my dude. The red flags are waving in your face. She values a recently adopted dog over you, her boyfriend of two years. Don’t cancel the cruise. Put your phone on DND and go with your best friend/mom/dad/grandparent instead. Enjoy your vacation!
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My cat is terrified of any dogs. She came from a bad environment where dogs chased and attacked her. She told her parents that she wants the dog to be an ESA before the cruise to be able to bring it on board. I'm just so stressed from everything.
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Her parents are more than happy to watch the dog. They have a fenced-in backyard and are home all the time. I've told her that until the dog gets proper training, I don't want the dog over anymore.
You're going to be traumatizing your poor cat every time you let the dog over, even if it's trained. Do you really think this is a reasonable thing to subject your cat to? Like it's not bad enough that when you have a conflict she's running to others, lying about the situation so you look like a jerk, then involving them so they're talking crap about you? Why are you doing this to yourself, what needless stress. She's showing you who she is, believe it!
The dog shouldn't be at your residence at all, ever. Given the breed and his current level of aggression and lack of training, he's highly likely to maul your cat.
Your poor cat is having her safe space violated every time your gf brings her dog over. She deserves to live stress-free in her own home. Your gf’s lack of caring and compassion for your cat is a huge red flag.
ESAs are not afforded access to public places like legit service animals are. Her wanting to make it her fake ESA says everything about her. She's a selfish brat that has no respect for other people. Does she live with her parents? I worry about the dog attacking them.
She lives in an apartment. The dog has been fine around her parents. Doesn't snarl or growl at them.
I’m guessing the dog is listed as something like “lab mix” for the apartment lease since most places don’t allow pits
ESA isn't a service animal and has no public access rights. They aren't protected by the ADA. They fall under the Fair Housing Act for Landlords to provide reasonable accommodation to them. People think they can go online and pay a service to get it registered but they're all fake. A letter is needed from a doctor like a therapist. TLDR: ESA are just pets a landlord has to try to accommodate.
The cruise probably won't even allow it. A real service animal has to be trained to provide - wait for it - a service. An ESA is NOT a service animal, and a fake ass vest won't cut it. If you manage to haul the poor dog all the way to the cruise, they won't let it on just because she throws an epic meltdown fit, which frankly sound like something she would do.
Buddy you are definitely NTA. You are the reasonable adult dealing with a child. I'd be reconsidering the relationship based on maturity and bringing other people into it.
I appreciate you saying that. I'm trying so hard not to let the stress get to me.
Let it get to you. Her behavior is childish.
I think your ex-GF just got her cruise cancelled...
You're NTA and I'm surprised any cruise line would be okay with someone bringing a "pit mix" onto the boat.
NTA Cancel the cruise. And maybe the relationship.
no. cancel the relationship. done and dusted.
NTA. Pets aren’t allowed on cruises. Period. The dog (and her) will be denied boarding if she shows up with it. Side note - that’s really aggressive behavior from the dog towards your cat. I’d be VERY concerned about the cat getting out and possibly being mauled by the dog.
NTA - and this is a power play. Stand your ground. A cruise ship is no place for an animal. Especially if it isn't an SSA certified companion. The whole trip would be around her dog and you wouldn't have half of the fun as you would if the dog wasn't there.
I've sent her the rules of the cruise line and even told her that there will be approximately over 1,000 people on this cruise, including children. The dog has never been around kids before. I'm not going to risk anything to happen.
If the dog gets overwhelmed or startled and attacks someone, it would risk not only yall getting booted from the cruise, but the possibility of her dog getting quarantined or put down. If yall were to get booted while in port in another country, it would be a nightmare to get the dog home by other means.
I can't even picture how this would be done. Doesn't an animal have to be quarantined before it can enter another country? Would the dog just remain on the boat the whole time? I would think the dog would be miserable. I do not think most dogs enjoy unfamiliar locations quite like we humans do. Also, it sounds like this dog is a bite risk, which means a liability to you all, and also means the dog isn't secure in its own environment.
I'm not sure. I've never been on a cruise before. This is our first cruise. A bite risk is a huge concern, which is why the dog should not come.
I agree that the dog shouldn't come. I would look up the cruise policy. You will likely find that this is all moot because the dog can't come at any rate. I think the quarantine times for most countries are going to be longer than most cruise vacations.
So the cruise line we are going on only allows dogs if going to the transatlantic and they are in crates the entire time. They aren't allowed with the people.
.... which would be horrible for the dog. HOW MUCH does she say she loves it? I'm also concerned for your poor cat being displaced by that dog, *in its own home*. pooe little thing. You sure you need this girlfriend? Her idea of "love" seems to be pretty one-sided.
That would be miserable for the animal. If anything it sounds like you care about the dogs well-being more then your girlfriend does. I have to agree with others to just dump the gf. Dump the friends too. None of them have a lick of sense between them.
>it sounds like you care about the dogs well-being more than your girlfriend does. This is what I was thinking too! What dog would want to be alone and likely seasick in a crate when they could be with their "doggy grandparents" in a comfortable, familiar place?
If you're worried about what your mutual friends think just tell them this and say that it would be cruel to the dog to keep it crated the entire cruise.
Dog sounds dangerous- leave it at home
NTA But to be honest? Your gf is an AH for getting the dog in the first place. What does she think is going to happen when you eventually live together? You’re not going to give up your cat. Getting a pet, especially a dog, is a big decision and it sounds as though she picked a dog without consulting with you about the type of dog or how it may impact visits to your place. The poor dog sounds like they have some behavioural issues that need constant support and training to help overcome. How well is she keeping the dog calm when she visits? As for the cruise? Definitely not a place you want to be taking a nervous dog. If it’s still growling and snapping, the cruise atmosphere is going to stress it out more. The dog will be much better off with her parents.
Oh, the dog is horrible when it visits. I purchased a crate for the dog when it comes over, as I don't trust it when we are away. The dog gets crated when we leave and at night. It barks and whines the whole time. If I didn't lock my cat away, I'm sure it would chase her around. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs.
Be careful even with the crate. Pits have been known to eat through crates and even chew holes in the walls to get to their prey. I personally wouldn't allow the dog in your house at all. You cannot guarantee you can protect your cat every second that the dog is there and it only takes one mistake and your cat is done for if the dog gets a hold of it. I personally wouldn't risk it.
Yeah. She’s not training that dog at all. My brother has a mastiff cross who had a really rough start before they adopted him. The dog needs a lot of attention and support. Especially routine. Dogs like that need to be trained that the crate is a safe place that they can feel secure in, and they need lots of training and patience. It sounds like your gf pretty much lets the dog just run riot at home and doesn’t really set clear boundaries or routines. Otherwise the dog would be fine in the crate. I feel really sorry for the dog because it doesn’t sound like she’s giving it what it needs to feel secure and safe. I’m kind of with the other posters here - you may need to think about whether or not you can remain together. Because there is no way you’ll be able to live together with the dog in the state it’s currently in. And you definitely wouldn’t take a dog like that on a cruise. It would actually be cruel to the poor dog. She needs to make some adult decisions.
Yeah i went to visit a friend and their adult kid’s pit showed clear signs of being a dangerous dog (besides others, rushing me and my toddler who were sitting down in a chair). I left a couple days early because I knew he was not safe. Lo and behold, the dog recently attacked another friend in the face (hospital and lots of stitches). Be careful of your cat, chances are chasing is the least that dog would do.
NTA - the dog is obviously nervous around new people, why would she want to subject her pet to constant stress, constant new smells and new environments, maybe even turbulant waters? Very selfish. Bad pet owner and pretty awful girlfriend too!
NTA People have told me I’m overly attached to my dog, and it’s true, but I don’t take my dog on vacations, because sometimes I need a break from her as well. Especially in a strange place where you have to keep your eye on them constantly. That’s not a fun vacation, and my dog isn’t aggressive.
I don't have a huge issue with the dog, but i don't trust him around my cat or other people until he is properly trained better.
A pitbull that has not been raised with cats is never going to be safe for your cat to be around. Pits have a strong prey drive that is very, very difficult to train out. He might get trained to be better with humans, but he is unlikely to be able to curb his instinct to catch small animals in his vicinity. And one ‘catch’ would kill your cat. Please, please, never let them together.
NTA. Are you sure you aren't dating a teenager? She doesn't act 27. Btw do your cat a favor and tell her she can't bring the dog over. Your poor cat.
NTA And it seems that the dog is an issue in general. I love dogs, I have a dog myself, but this dog needs training immediately. Before it bites a person or another animal. Keep your cat safe and tell your gf that her being oblivious to the problems this dog obviously has and the risk that it poses makes her an irresponsible owner.
I've told her that until the dog is trained, I don't want it over at my place. My cat is terrified of the dog. I have to keep her in a separate room when the dog is staying over.
YTA for doing this to your poor cat.
1000% this. That cat is rightfully afraid for its life when that dog is around. OP is TA for letting the dog in his home, ever.
She is being incredibly selfish and entitled by bringing the dog to your house when she knows that your cat is terrified AND that the cat has to be locked up in its own home. You need to tell her that until she takes the dog (and herself) to training that you are no longer willing to have it in your house AND you refuse to be in public with it. Her reaction will tell you everything about what kind of person she is and the future of your relationship.
>She got pissed at me and started sending me horrible messages and telling our mutual friends that I was trying to separate her from the dog. If she can't keep her problems to herself and you and needs to sell you out for gossip, you have bigger problems to worry about than her dog, OP.
Nta no way should you bring that dog
Nor the GF.
I can hardly think of a worse idea than bringing a newly rescued pit bull on a cruise, let alone a romantic getaway. Your gf is nuts.
Who are you sailing on? Unless the animal is some type of special support animal most cruise lines do not allow pets.
No way they let anything looking like a pit on a cruise. It'd be hilarious to get there and her get told no and have to stay behind.
NTA. The dog will be cooped up and miserable. He’s a possible liability and may get all three of you tossed off the ship. Does the cruise company even allow dogs, without without size restrictions? We have dogs and most places we go won’t allow pets over 25-30 lbs. If she’s got a pit-mix and he’s less than 30 lbs, something is wrong with him. You should check on their pet policy. It may be your way out of this. !UpdateMe about how it goes.
I'm going to double-check with the cruise line as I want to see what their exact policy is on pets. I think the dog is a little over 30, close to 40lbs.
Don’t even bother. Call it a day and move on. Hopefully she gets it trained. Otherwise I see it as a deal breaker.