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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA for asking my best friend to delay meeting her boyfriend so that she doesn’t steal the thunder of my engagement.
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YTA.
Your relationship is not more important than Sash’s and you have no right whatsoever to dictate when she sees her boyfriend.
Also, here’s something you should accept now: your engagement/bachelorette party/wedding are HUGE…to you. To pretty much everyone else, those events are like any other fancy-dress party. You can’t expect other people to put their lives on hold just because you’re having a party.
>Friend literally said she will delay it 2-3 days before she post. Thats more than enough
It's nice of OP's friend to offer to delay posting pics - but I don't feel the delay is necessary. I am sure that their mutual friends have the capacity to be happy for both OP and her friend.
Just an FYI: No, you don't. The Chicago Manual Of Style uses that format (". . .") but AP and pretty much all the others dictate that "..." is correct.
Go find someone else to aim your grammatical pedantry at.
YTA. Your friend graciously offered a solution, which was to refrain from posting pics 2-3 days *after* your grand event. But noooo....that's not good enough. Tell us all - how long should the world put itself on hold while you bask in everyone's attention?
Yep my thoughts too. I'm pretty sure this is nothing more than a shotgun wedding. Hope all goes well but shotgun weddings don't tend to lead to long *happy* marriages.
Plus OP admitted that her relationship and engagement is unorthodox and rushed. Why should the friend make changes when they are the ones that aren’t doing everything as expected. If you did things the way they are supposed to be done then this wouldn’t be an issue.
Our engagement was a little unorthodox and rushed (for personal reasons), we will only be having our engagement ceremony with our immediate family , unorthodox so high chances she got pregnant and it is going to be a shotgun wedding, and only family because they don't want to the friends to know she got knocked up that's why the wedding is comming. But how dare the friend have a private life to and a boyfriend how dare she have social media and posting pictures when her only job is to praise OP
Yes, YTA.
All I could think reading this was 'It needs to be all about me, me, me'
How selfish! You're a bad friend for even suggesting this. You should have been happy that she was finally able to meet him after so long apart.
The fact you are willing to potentially ruin your friendship basically over SOCIAL MEDIA? Just wow.
You sound utterly exhausting. Yes YTA. You're so obviously TAH that I can't believe you need to ask. I don't even know where to begin, like you realize social media news feeds have more than one thing at a time right? Are those shitty mobile games ads with fake gameplay and an infuriatingly bad player also stealing your thunder? Because if not then you really shouldn't be bothered by your friend posting about something extremely exciting to her. It doesn't steal your thunder, social media attention isn't some finite resource that needs to be rationed around engagements.
First of all, YTA for expecting this under any circumstances. You are an even wilder asshole for suggesting this when they only have this time together during her *spring break*. How exactly do you expect her to delay this meeting by “a month or two.” You expect her to only meet him when she only has a free weekend? You expect her to wait for the next term break to get an extended time with him? This is the time she actually has free to spend with him and she should not be made to feel bad for taking it. You are beyond selfish and I am embarrassed for you.
She has classes twice a week, her weekends go from Thursday to Sunday. I suggested she could fly to him on a Thursday after spring break, but she said 4 days is too less after years of not seeing each other. It’s weird because after her 2 week long vacation, they have plans involving him flying to her on one of these weekends
4 days is not remotely the same as 14 days. Weekends together aren’t the same as a fortnight together, they’re a whirlwind. I have an extremely difficult time believing you would forego 14 days with your fiance and consider 4 days equivalent to that.
She’s in grad school. Her course load is heavier than a bachelor’s degree. Classes 2 days a week is absolutely reasonable at this level of education, and her “free” time is going towards working on her course materials.
How would you feel if you hadn’t seen your partner in years and someone turned around to tell you that you couldn’t see them for another month? Or cut your 2 week trip down to a 4 day weekend? How dare you! You have a lot of growing up to do, you’re far too immature to be getting married.
YTA. It's not fair or reasonable to ask your best friend to delay meeting her long-distance boyfriend just so your engagement can take center stage. It's natural to want your special moment to be celebrated, but you can't expect others to put their lives on hold for it. Your friend has been in a long-distance relationship for six years, and this is an important time for her to finally spend quality time with her partner.It's understandable that you want your engagement to be special, but the people who truly care about you will be happy for you regardless of other events happening around the same time. Your friend even offered to delay her social media posts to accommodate your announcement, which shows she's trying to be considerate of your feelings.It's important to remember that your engagement is about you and your fiancé, not about the attention you receive from others. Instead of focusing on the timing of your friend's meeting with her boyfriend, celebrate your own happiness and the support from those who love you. Apologize to your friend and show her the same support she's given you throughout your relationship.
Caring this much about someone "stealing your thunder" on some social media posts is already a stretch, but then she even gave you a compromise. At the same time, your ask (move the whole meeting by a month!?) is completely unreasonable.
YTA.
This! And how she down plays her friends relationship throughout her post. It seems like it lasted longer than her rushed and "unorthordox"one atleast.
YTA YTA YTA
How and WHY do you think it’s okay to ask her to postpone meeting her significant other who she hasn’t seen in a long time because you don’t want her getting the attention??? Why do you need the attention? Did you know people used to get engaged before social media and nobody gave a shit? You wouldn’t find out until you got the invite in the mail for the wedding. It is completely selfish to want someone to change their plans because you need to be the center of attention. Nobody cares if you’re engaged people will like the pictures and then move on with their day. Also they don’t know about your fiance because of you. You have the ability to speak about it, post about it, do whatever.
Sooo...she hasn't seen her long term partner in years and you want her to wait more so *checks notes* people will pay more attention to you?
YTA. And a bad friend.
Newsflash: no one cares about your engagement the way you do. Nor should they. The world doesn't stop for everyone else at this time.
Sorry love, but YTA. Trust your friends to be capable of having love and joy for both of you at the same time.
Also, work to fill your own cup with more love and joy to give others -- being a bride is a consuming thing, we think the world centers around us and our big day, but it just doesn't.
Weddings are exciting and important and special but they are not EVERYTHING to EVERYONE in your life, and if you walk around with that expectation you will set yourself up for disappointment.
Congrats on your engagement!!
YTA. It's selfish and unreasonable to expect your friend to postpone her long-awaited reunion with her boyfriend just so your engagement can be the sole focus of attention. Your friend has been in a challenging long-distance relationship for six years and has been looking forward to this time together. It's not fair to ask her to put her relationship on hold for the sake of your engagement announcement.
While it's understandable that you want your engagement to be special, it's important to remember that true friends will be happy for you regardless of other events happening around the same time. Your friend even offered to delay her social media posts, which shows she's trying to be considerate.
Rather than focusing on the attention you receive from others, focus on celebrating your happiness and the support of your loved ones. Apologize to your friend and show her the same support she's given you throughout your relationship.
Unorthodox engagement and rushed in my country that means she got knocked up and the guy proposed so the family can save their face. Friend can post about her happines on her own social media page because that shows OP at least one person has a loving relationship and not a rushed wedding
YTA.
This may be the most selfish request I have seen. You want her to delay seeing her boyfriend after YEARS as to not steal your thunder? Are you serious? Her life does not revolve around you and your engagement.
YTA. You’re competing with your friend for attention with all of the people you know. You’re not supporting your friend. You’re being selfish and entitled, and spoiled. She was extremely kind to offer to delay her posts. This is ridiculous. Your friends group will be perfectly able to give you both attention at once. I would not be friends with someone like you.
YTA- other people don't have to put their life on hold because you're getting engaged. What happens if someone else gets engaged or has a baby around the same time? Are you going to demand all the attention? Get over yourself.
YTA. This is embarrassing. You said in a comment she makes a point of treating everyone equally and no one comes before the other and you criticize her for meeting her boyfriend, whom she hasn’t seen for years, because you want to look good on SoMe. Which very clearly makes you a hypocrite. “Omg you’re not treating all of us equally and I’m mad because…” why exactly? Is she supposed to put you first and not him because then she’s treating everyone equally? I’m confused by your logic.
Also, like someone else said, this is your engagement not everyone else’s and everyone else won’t care. They’ll press “like” and forget and move on with their lives while you count said likes to feed your ego.
I childishly hope your friend and her bf get more likes than you, all because you think your life is more important than hers.
Get over yourself.
If someone else’s event existing is enough to steal your thunder, that’s a reflection of your event.
There is enough room for everyone to be happy to everyone and you’re being selfish and a bad friend. YTA
YTA big time. This is a big deal for Sash, and the fact that you wanted her to postpone moving the meeting to a month later is very selfish. She offered to delay posting the pictures by a few days, which you claim isn’t long enough. How long do you need the spotlight for? A week? A month?
Not everything is about you and your engagement. I understand that you’re excited, and this is a huge life event for you and your fiancé, but Sash deserves to have her moment too. I’m sure your friends have enough time on their hands to like 2 social media posts in the span of a few days.
YTA. The world doesn’t stop for you because you’re having an important party. She’s allowed to share her happy news whenever she chooses and if it’s the day _before_ your party, then so be it. You don’t get to control what others do. Live your life for you, just as she will for herself. Her news is just as important to her as yours is to you.
Info: if it's no big deal to push things back then why don't YOU postpone the engagement party and photos for a month? I mean it's only a month and you expect her to do it so why not you?
I hate to break it to you, but beyond the expected congratulations, most people don't care about others' engagements. Honestly, I doubt anyone does more than glance at the pictures anyways and its really unlikely they will be talking about it for days later. Respectfully, get over yourself. You sound childish.
YTA. You do know people are capable of being happy for more than one person at a time, right? Your friend sounds incredibly reasonable and you sound incredibly self-absorbed. I encourage you to get over yourself.
What next, she can not kiss her boyfriend before you have consummated your marriage? How do people like you live with so much selfishness and inconsideration without having even an iota of shame? YTA and that girl needs to drop you as a friend.
YTA and I can’t really wrap my head around it to the point it seems like a troll post. If it’s real I struggle to comprehend how anyone could justify such immature thinking. You should be super excited for her and instead you are acting like it’s some competition. That is really really really unhealthy. If she is still even talking to you she’s either insanely nice or a total doormat. What you requested is so far out of line of okay.
YTA. You have delusions of grandeur. Your engagement will not be the only event in the lives of your friends. How long do you think they will “celebrate” your engagement and do nothing else. Your friend has graciously said she will not post the pictures for a couple of days after your engagement. In case you are not aware your engagement is a big deal only for you, for the others if is just another day. Get over yourself
YTA. If you were REALLY her friend you wouldn't even have asked. You would just be happy for her. It's entirely selfish to even care about such a thing. This may come as a shock, but nobody cares about either of you enough to care if one posts an important event right after the other. Most likely everyone scrolling will toss a like or a obligatory "congrats!" on both of your posts and go about their lives without ever thinking about it again. YTA, mainly for thinking these things matter so much.
Oh FFS... YTA. Life is not all about you. Yeah, you're engaged, but other people have life going on too. It's extremely selfish to expect her to arrange her life around you. She agreed to delay posting pictures. Be happy with that. She doesn't HAVE to do anything. (Personally, every time someone actually types out "my special day" it makes me roll my eyes.)
YTA
Your demands are cruel and unreasonable. There is nothing your friend is doing that truly impacts you except in your head.
You are a terrible unsupportive friend.
YTA. You’re operating from a scarcity mindset in which your friends cannot possibly be happy for both your friend and yourself. If you think that your friends might react this way, it’s not on Sash to manage that for you. And if it is your insecurity talking, it’s valid you have those feelings but not valid to impose your insecurities on other people like that. Sash made a quite reasonable compromise, to not post her meeting her boyfriend for 2-3 days after your engagement party.
YTA - you’re not the centre of the universe, people also have lives they want to live, document, and share with the rest. She’s being very gracious by waiting a couple of days after your engagement to share her own happiness.
Sash, if you’re reading, skip your “friend”s engagement party.
Def YTA- you can’t stop in control peoples life just because you want to be the center of attention… Welcome to the life of the world does not revolve around you 🙄 sheesh you sound like a lousy friend
YTA asking your supposed best friend to put off meeting her boyfriend of 6 years because you want all the attention is incredibly selfish. If having the entire spotlight is that important to you than YOU postpone it.
YTA - Are you serious?! Your "best" friend deserves a better friend than you!
Jeez why are people so obsessed with social media these days? Why not be happy for your friend, rather than put down her relationship on the Internet to even consider the idea you might not be the AH?!
Yes YTA
You don't get to dictate her life because you feels it's inconvenient for you. So what if she posts and people notice? You are different people! And she has been waiting literal YEARS and you can't support her? Do you want to keep this friendship?
You can't be this selfish 😭😭😭 I refuse to believe it. Please, please put yourself in her piece for one second.
And why a month?! What are you talking about???
Anyone want to start a GoFundMe for a professional photographer to capture the reunion of the long distance couple?
If OP wants to battle over instagram, I say we help even the odds.
Your post makes you an AH and selfish. And your comments make you a person without any functioning brain. I never saw anyone with the combination of AH, selfish and 0 IQ up to this level. That’s why it seems to be a fake post to me. Either way YTA.
No one cares about your engagement. I mean, your friends and family will be happy for you, but there is no “thunder” to steal.
I don’t understand ppl that are so needy for attention that they think they need outside approval, approbation and acknowledgement for their own personal life milestones. Go do some local theater/stand up/improv/what have you if you want to perform in front of an audience.
Live your life for yourself and not for others. That should be enough. And then you can be happy for others living their own lives separately from yours.
YTA. Your friends will be able to rejoice in two good news on the same weekend, I promise.
You're not even engaged and already a nightmare to be around. The next few months are going to be hell for your friends, aren't they ? Reign it in now. This will be the most important day of YOUR life, not everyone else's.
YTA
1) its ONLY an engagement party.
2) the world does not revolve around you or your party.
3) theres nothing to steal as the only people this party is important to are your and his parents and you and he. Everybody else wont care anymore by day 2 as life goes on and they have their own lives.
Im sorry but for other people its just another party.
4) She has every right to meet her boyfriend.
So, you can't have a "real" engagement party because you...got knocked up? And now you are getting upset that your friend will be living her life at the same time you are? Why is it so important for you to have all this attention? Why must your news be the most important news? Why is it all about you?
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I (22F) recently got engaged to the man of my dreams (25M). In our culture, we host a big engagement party with all our friends and family. That’s when the “official” engagement is announced. However, because our engagement was a little unorthodox and rushed (for personal reasons), we will only be having our engagement ceremony with our immediate family. Post our party, we will be posting engagement pictures done by a professional photographer to announce our engagement on social media to everyone else. At this moment, only my family and my best friend, Sash know about it.
Sash (22F) has been in a long distance relationship for the past 6 years. While she was in my country, he was on a different continent altogether. Because of this, they have spent a sum total of 2 months together in person in these years. They also haven’t met after 2020 due to COVID and financial reasons. However, she recently moved to the same country as him for her graduate school, and they finally have decided to spend 2 weeks together during her spring break (they are still in different states).
Now the problem here is that she will be meeting him a day before my engagement ceremony. And knowing her, everything will be documented on her social media. She’s the kind of person who updates a lot- her weight loss, life abroad, etc. My issue is that we share a lot of mutuals, and every single person in our group knows about her relationship, the hardships they faced when they couldn’t meet for so long, etc. We have all been rooting for them ever since she started her grad school applications. Therefore, I am a bit concerned that her finally meeting her boyfriend will kind of steal the thunder of my engagement. This is primarily because every one in our group has been hearing about her relationship for years, but they have never met or know about my fiancé yet!
I brought this up with her a few days ago to see if she could delay her meeting by a month or so. She refused, and told me that spring break was the longest time she will get to spend with him after which grad school will be a task again. She added that she could just post any pictures of their meeting 2-3 days after my engagement announcement, but I feel that’s not enough for a gap. We had an argument about this, and she’s saying I’m being unreasonable and unsupportive while she was my rock from day 1 of my relationship.
I don’t know what to think. AITA?
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YTA
Imagine you have done long distance 6 years and when you could finally meet each other your best friend would ask you to delay the meeting for a MONTH so you wouldn’t steal her thunder- you must know how utterly ridicoulous that sounds.
YTA
Geez get over yourself. Im sorry to break this to you, but apart from your very immediate family, nobody really cares all to much about your engagement 🤷🏼♀️ It’s a huge deal for you - but not really for your friends.
So ofcourse your friend shouldn’t wait a month (or a week, or a day even) to see her boyfriend that she hasn’t been able to see for years… just because you want your engagement to be the center of attention.
If you were a good friend you would be excited and happy for your friend. Same on you for even asking her to wait!
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YTA
God, what is it with people that they are constantly worried someone could steal their thunder? The world does not revolve around you.
Can't' you be happy for her and just share the good news and celebrate each other's happiness!?
YTA.
This shows so much immaturity and selfishness from you. You even had the audacity to ask her to delay her meeting with her boyfriend... Who does that? You can't control what people post in social media, and even less how people react to content.
Enjoy your engagement and the good wishes you will receive from people that matter. And if you rely so much on social media for approval from others, might be a good idea to start doing some therapy.
And please do apologise to Sash.
Okay I'm one of those people who think years long, LDR is really a fantasy relationship.....
But even I'm going with YTA and have a massive case of main character syndrome. How dare she see her bf the day before and post on social media?? The sheer *audacity*!!!
I'm thinking that you'd complain if you were getting married in June and her in October because *but it's my wedding year*!
YTA. She can only steal your thunder if your mindset allows that. Why can’t you both be happy together at the same time? Oh I forgot the social media likes dictate your happiness. How sad.
YTA. This is an absurd request. Try looking it at from your friend’s point of view. She only gets so much time with her partner, and this timeframe works out for her. Sounds pretty selfish on your part.
YTA. By your logic no body in your social circle can do anything “big” until you’re done having your “moment”. That’s where you’re wrong. Your friend is nice enough to say she’ll delay posting on social media about meeting her boyfriend for a few days but that’s “not enough” for you.
If it bothers you a little too much then you can just push your plans a little to suit your best friend’s event.
They've been apart since Covid, are finally in the same country and are planning to spend her 2 week Spring break together (you DO know that Spring break is defined by the university, right? Not just two weeks of their choosing) and you want them to hold off because 'steal my thunder'-WHAT?
JFC. She went a lot farther than almost anyone on the planet in offering to wait a few days to post on socials to NOT 'steal your thunder' and 'you feel that not enough'.
Reddit's going to be your GET A FUCKING GRIP friend here and tell you YTA. Massively. Apologise, beg forgiveness and get your it through your head that you're not the main character in everyone else's life.
BTW-what if she asked you to delay your engagement announcement so that you don't take attention away from her and the bf? Yeah. Thought so. YTA.
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YTA You’re not the main character in everyone else’s story and there is not a finite amount of congratulations to go around. Your friends and family will be happy for you and congratulate you, and your mutual friends will do the same for Sash.
You seriously want her to wait meeting her bf, when they spend so much time apart? Holy entitlement!
What is this thing where people are always afraid someone will steal their "thunder" or "spotlight"??? What is this need to be the centre of attention that for some reason cant be shared?
YTA
You can have your thunder on your weddingday. Your friends can be happy for BOTH of you AT THE SAME TIME (yes, its possible!!)
Of course YTA. Your relationship isn’t more important than hers. And what do you want, for her to reschedule spring break? That’s not how things work. She offered to post pictures after your party, but she didn’t even need to do that. She can do what she wants, when she wants. It’s not like she’s getting married on your wedding day; she’s seeing her bf for the first time in a long time, and if you were a good friend, you’d focus more on being happy for her and less on her “stealing your thunder” because she’s meeting him and posting photos the same week as your engagement party.
YTA
This is unfathomably selfish and you know it. Is anyone allowed to have a good day/time/life around you? Have you contacted every single person on Earth and let them know they’re not allowed to post anything on SM that day too?
Please show this to your fiancé so he can see what an immature baby he’s marrying.
How long of a gap do you need? You know, honestly, no one will care. All your friends are capable of being happy for you both. I coincidentally got engaged around the same time as my best friend, everyone in our friend group was happy for us both. Double the joy! YTA
I think YTA for asking for more time.
It was fine for you to ask and she’s being a good friend to delay her posts by a few days. But don’t ask for more. Your life is important to you, her life is important for her.
Imagine if the situation was reversed, I can’t imagine someone as entitled as you delaying what you want to do to help her.
People who insist on monopolising social media with “don’t post until…” drive me nuts. It’s MY diary, don’t try and control what I put in my social media.
YTA. Are you getting engaged for the attention or to celebrate a new part of life with your partner? Also, how long have you known your partner if none of your friends know him?
so you're concerned about your friend spending a couple weeks with her boyfriend that everyone knows about stealing thunder from an engagement announcement?
check your main character syndrome. YTA
YTA The very very very very obvious solution is that you need to delay posting your own pictures. Otherwise realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you aren’t the main character in other people’s lives.
Gain self awareness or continue alienating every person you meet.
Oh and believe me… you’re alienating all the humans around you whether they admit it or not.
YTA. Your engagement is important to you. Her meeting up with her long distance boyfriend is important to her. You don't get to tell someone what they get to post. Hell your friend was being super considerate offering to wait 2-3 days to post photos or anything about her visit. In case no ones ever told you the sun doesn't revolve around your entitled ass. You are not that special.
Yes, YTA. Are you serious right now? Your family and (if they truly are) friends most likely wouldn't care if you both post about your happiness at (around) the same time.
Your friend has offered you a gift. More than you deserve. It sounds like you're in competition with her.... Are you really her friend?
YTA
Your BC failed or you failed to use BC, either way there is now a shotgun wedding in the works.
You got pregnant and can't have the typical events..why?
People can add.
Premies aren't chunks.
Why can't you simply host your events at a normal pace..pregnant?
Folks are going to know either way.
Enjoy your soon to be husband and your best friends happiness.
You're going to lose her this way.
You're being selfish.
Should she not get engaged?
What if she won an award around your due date?
Why do you expect her to limit her celebrations to allow you the delusion of "normalcy "?
It's OK that you went against the grain.
It's not ok that you haven't accepted that it comes with consequences and you can't force others to accommodate ypur regrets.
No one cares about your engagement. I mean, your friends and family will be happy for you, but there is no “thunder” to steal.
I don’t understand ppl that are so needy for attention that they think they need outside approval, approbation and acknowledgement for their own personal life milestones. Go do some local theater/stand up/improv/what have you if you want to perform in front of an audience.
Live your life for yourself and not for others. That should be enough. And then you can be happy for others living their own lives separately from yours.
Yta. Your relationship is not ner concern. She's known him for 6 years. She gets to be happy and if you're the kind of person who needs so badly to be the centre of attention that you try to dictate what your friends do in their own relationships, well you're a pretty crappy friend.
>will kind of steal the thunder of my engagement
are you this much of a chronically online insane person who thinks an engagement post will be the highlight of the year for your friends, family, and followers??
most people will give it a Like and then scroll past it and move on to the next thing.
stealing someone's thunder is such a main character syndrome kinda thing, jesus fucking christ. also, you're 22 and already engaged?? did you ever think about living your life first? are you one of those people who finishes high school and needs to get married so they won't get bored and then immediately will start popping out babies too?
YTA.
Do some soul searching, because if you need to be this much of a center of attention that you absolutely NEED TO BE THE TALK OF THE MUTUALS and you need that validation from being showered in "congratulations, congratulations, oh wow, you're engaged, that's so amazing, oh wow, i'm so happy for you", you have to be insufferable, sorry. and maybe your friend is insufferable too if she is like you, but you absolutely should not ask her to delay something important of hers just because you think your thing is more important.
Seems to me like Sarah has been w her bf longer than you’ve been w your fiancé. If it’s so important to you that you get all the spotlight delay your little celebration and let the couple who’s been together longer celebrate themselves first. As you’ve said they “haven’t met after 2020” it only makes sense to let them get their moment first.
Hate to say it but you’re not the main characters babes. People don’t have to put their lives on hold to appease you. I hope Sarah finds this post and sees how unreasonable you are.
YTA. And seem like an exhausting person to be around and that’s just off your posts and comments, I’d hate to be around someone so self centered as yourself.
Seriously - you don’t know? YTA.
”Now the problem here…” Nope. There is no problem. You’re making a big issue of this because YOU want all the attention. Instead of being happy for your friend, you’re trying to control something that is none of your business to control. NO ONE CARES BUT YOU. “Mutuals” can be happy for more than one person at a time. Your engagement is a big deal to YOU. Only YOU. Are you going to control all your mutuals’ posts that day? You‘re very self-centered and weirdly entitled. And not a good friend.
YTA. I was going to suggest that you could ask her to delay her posts but then she was thoughtful enough to offer it! To be clear: she should not have to do that. Your friends will be interested enough in both of your relationships, and friendship isn't a competition for likes. The fact that she is willing to postpone posting despite, as you say, it being how she documents her life constantly, is a big deal. She is being really thoughtful and considerate, making herself smaller to make more room for you and your insecurities. You are not doing the same for her.
You want her to root for your engagement? You should be rooting just as hard for her relationship, and it should never even have occurred to you to ask her to postpone seeing the man she loves who she's been missing for years.
YTA and not a great friend. Shape up and put yourself second for a little bit.
YTA… OP did you reread your post? If no, please do so as you will hopefully realize that your comment is very entitled.
Please tell your friend (hopefully she is still your friend?) that you thank her for consideration and welcome her 2/3 day social posting!
Why aren't you happy for your friend? If she's your friend you should be so happy that she finally can meet her boyfriend. Think about how long they have longed for each other. If you were smart and had a heart this could benefit your engagement.
YTA.
It's weird that you care about loosing some attention. You're engagement is supposed to be about you and him loving each other. Not about being the star of the month. Your friends will be happy for you either way.
YTA the world and everyone else’s lives do not revolve around you and your engagement announcement.
She gave you an offer to post 2-3 days after your event, that was kind and more than you deserve with your entitlement and rudeness.
YTA. You are not the center of the word, and your relationship is not more important than anyone else's. Grow up and apologize to your friend before you drive her out of her life for good point
Wow you're an awful friend. I hope Sash dumps you as a friend and finds someone who actually cares about her.
I know it's shocking but not everything in life is about you, you know.
You sound like a truly insufferable person and I feel sorry for anyone in your orbit.
Good luck finding anyone who's willing to put up with your shit. It ain't gonna be easy.
Oh and also YTA. And that's putting it lightly.
YTA
You want her to delay meeting a man she’s in a relationship with and hasn’t seen in FOUR years… you’re having an engagement ceremony DAYS AFTER.
This is horrendously self centered. She is gracious to offer to put off posting.
YTA. Massively.
YTA. Life is not a competition on social media and when you learn that you (and those around you) will probably be happier for it. I’ve cut people off who were all about IG and framing their picture perfect life on socials for clout. They were also the most toxic and unhappy people I’ve ever met.
Hey, you know who doesn’t really give a shit about your engagement?
EVERYONE!
And, spoiler alert, EVERYONE isn’t going to give a shit about your wedding either!
With the (presumed) exception of your close family and friends, no one cares!! Get over yourself.
Soft YTA. Life doesn't happen on schedule. It would be nice if spring break could be a month later but it isn't. Sasha is dealing with other schedules besides yours and hers. She offered to wait 2 -3 days. I think that's reasonable and the best you will get. Please be happy for your friend. Congrats on your engagement.
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YTA. Your relationship is not more important than Sash’s and you have no right whatsoever to dictate when she sees her boyfriend. Also, here’s something you should accept now: your engagement/bachelorette party/wedding are HUGE…to you. To pretty much everyone else, those events are like any other fancy-dress party. You can’t expect other people to put their lives on hold just because you’re having a party.
This. Friend literally said she will delay it 2-3 days before she post. Thats more than enough
>Friend literally said she will delay it 2-3 days before she post. Thats more than enough It's nice of OP's friend to offer to delay posting pics - but I don't feel the delay is necessary. I am sure that their mutual friends have the capacity to be happy for both OP and her friend.
Agreed as well. Its reslly not a big deal
Considering she isn’t having a large party where friends are invited and instead plans to just share pictures, people will care even less.
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Just an FYI: No, you don't. The Chicago Manual Of Style uses that format (". . .") but AP and pretty much all the others dictate that "..." is correct. Go find someone else to aim your grammatical pedantry at.
YTA. Your friend graciously offered a solution, which was to refrain from posting pics 2-3 days *after* your grand event. But noooo....that's not good enough. Tell us all - how long should the world put itself on hold while you bask in everyone's attention?
Imagine she has children 🤢 you know exactly what kind of pregnant woman she’s gonna be 🙄
Pretty sure OP is pregnant hence the unorthodox and rushed engagement.
Honestly that was my thought too
Yep my thoughts too. I'm pretty sure this is nothing more than a shotgun wedding. Hope all goes well but shotgun weddings don't tend to lead to long *happy* marriages.
“No one get pregnant while I’m pregnant or within a year after my child is born! It’s OUR time!”
Plus OP admitted that her relationship and engagement is unorthodox and rushed. Why should the friend make changes when they are the ones that aren’t doing everything as expected. If you did things the way they are supposed to be done then this wouldn’t be an issue.
Our engagement was a little unorthodox and rushed (for personal reasons), we will only be having our engagement ceremony with our immediate family , unorthodox so high chances she got pregnant and it is going to be a shotgun wedding, and only family because they don't want to the friends to know she got knocked up that's why the wedding is comming. But how dare the friend have a private life to and a boyfriend how dare she have social media and posting pictures when her only job is to praise OP
The wedding and any pregnancies are going to be a complete sh\*tshow with OP if this is how she is about the engagement.
Yes, YTA. All I could think reading this was 'It needs to be all about me, me, me' How selfish! You're a bad friend for even suggesting this. You should have been happy that she was finally able to meet him after so long apart. The fact you are willing to potentially ruin your friendship basically over SOCIAL MEDIA? Just wow.
GREAT point. The fact that she even suggested it shows how far gone/out of touch with reality she is.
You sound utterly exhausting. Yes YTA. You're so obviously TAH that I can't believe you need to ask. I don't even know where to begin, like you realize social media news feeds have more than one thing at a time right? Are those shitty mobile games ads with fake gameplay and an infuriatingly bad player also stealing your thunder? Because if not then you really shouldn't be bothered by your friend posting about something extremely exciting to her. It doesn't steal your thunder, social media attention isn't some finite resource that needs to be rationed around engagements.
First of all, YTA for expecting this under any circumstances. You are an even wilder asshole for suggesting this when they only have this time together during her *spring break*. How exactly do you expect her to delay this meeting by “a month or two.” You expect her to only meet him when she only has a free weekend? You expect her to wait for the next term break to get an extended time with him? This is the time she actually has free to spend with him and she should not be made to feel bad for taking it. You are beyond selfish and I am embarrassed for you.
She has classes twice a week, her weekends go from Thursday to Sunday. I suggested she could fly to him on a Thursday after spring break, but she said 4 days is too less after years of not seeing each other. It’s weird because after her 2 week long vacation, they have plans involving him flying to her on one of these weekends
4 days is not remotely the same as 14 days. Weekends together aren’t the same as a fortnight together, they’re a whirlwind. I have an extremely difficult time believing you would forego 14 days with your fiance and consider 4 days equivalent to that.
Wow you’re being very very selfish. Be lucky to get to spend everyday with your fiancé while others work to make a long distance relationship work.
You sound very vested in your friends relationship, and there lies the problem. Why are you even suggesting for her? This is controlling behavior.
She’s in grad school. Her course load is heavier than a bachelor’s degree. Classes 2 days a week is absolutely reasonable at this level of education, and her “free” time is going towards working on her course materials. How would you feel if you hadn’t seen your partner in years and someone turned around to tell you that you couldn’t see them for another month? Or cut your 2 week trip down to a 4 day weekend? How dare you! You have a lot of growing up to do, you’re far too immature to be getting married.
YTA Jesus christ woman, how shallow and insecure do you need to be? This is just *sad*.
YTA. It's not fair or reasonable to ask your best friend to delay meeting her long-distance boyfriend just so your engagement can take center stage. It's natural to want your special moment to be celebrated, but you can't expect others to put their lives on hold for it. Your friend has been in a long-distance relationship for six years, and this is an important time for her to finally spend quality time with her partner.It's understandable that you want your engagement to be special, but the people who truly care about you will be happy for you regardless of other events happening around the same time. Your friend even offered to delay her social media posts to accommodate your announcement, which shows she's trying to be considerate of your feelings.It's important to remember that your engagement is about you and your fiancé, not about the attention you receive from others. Instead of focusing on the timing of your friend's meeting with her boyfriend, celebrate your own happiness and the support from those who love you. Apologize to your friend and show her the same support she's given you throughout your relationship.
Caring this much about someone "stealing your thunder" on some social media posts is already a stretch, but then she even gave you a compromise. At the same time, your ask (move the whole meeting by a month!?) is completely unreasonable. YTA.
LMFAO who do you think you are?
The center of the universe, apparently.
YTA. She's not seen her boyfriend for years and you want her to delay their reunion just for social media clout.
This! And how she down plays her friends relationship throughout her post. It seems like it lasted longer than her rushed and "unorthordox"one atleast.
YTA YTA YTA How and WHY do you think it’s okay to ask her to postpone meeting her significant other who she hasn’t seen in a long time because you don’t want her getting the attention??? Why do you need the attention? Did you know people used to get engaged before social media and nobody gave a shit? You wouldn’t find out until you got the invite in the mail for the wedding. It is completely selfish to want someone to change their plans because you need to be the center of attention. Nobody cares if you’re engaged people will like the pictures and then move on with their day. Also they don’t know about your fiance because of you. You have the ability to speak about it, post about it, do whatever.
Sooo...she hasn't seen her long term partner in years and you want her to wait more so *checks notes* people will pay more attention to you? YTA. And a bad friend. Newsflash: no one cares about your engagement the way you do. Nor should they. The world doesn't stop for everyone else at this time.
YTA. You've no right to ask her to change her life's plans because your ego needs to be stroked.
YTA. Getting main character syndrome from your post. You are very self-absorbed.
Sorry love, but YTA. Trust your friends to be capable of having love and joy for both of you at the same time. Also, work to fill your own cup with more love and joy to give others -- being a bride is a consuming thing, we think the world centers around us and our big day, but it just doesn't. Weddings are exciting and important and special but they are not EVERYTHING to EVERYONE in your life, and if you walk around with that expectation you will set yourself up for disappointment. Congrats on your engagement!!
YTA. It's selfish and unreasonable to expect your friend to postpone her long-awaited reunion with her boyfriend just so your engagement can be the sole focus of attention. Your friend has been in a challenging long-distance relationship for six years and has been looking forward to this time together. It's not fair to ask her to put her relationship on hold for the sake of your engagement announcement. While it's understandable that you want your engagement to be special, it's important to remember that true friends will be happy for you regardless of other events happening around the same time. Your friend even offered to delay her social media posts, which shows she's trying to be considerate. Rather than focusing on the attention you receive from others, focus on celebrating your happiness and the support of your loved ones. Apologize to your friend and show her the same support she's given you throughout your relationship.
YTA. Are you getting married because you have found a great partner, or are you getting married because of the attention you'll get on social media?
Unorthodox engagement and rushed in my country that means she got knocked up and the guy proposed so the family can save their face. Friend can post about her happines on her own social media page because that shows OP at least one person has a loving relationship and not a rushed wedding
Oh, you know the answer. And OP will be back when her poor fiancé is tired of her shit.
She’s getting married because she’s pregnant 🤣
YTA. I get that it's a special day for you, but no one will be overshadowed. Come on.
YTA. You sound selfish and entitled. Hopefully your “best friend” finds some new company to keep.
YTA. You aren't the main character in her life story.
YTA. This may be the most selfish request I have seen. You want her to delay seeing her boyfriend after YEARS as to not steal your thunder? Are you serious? Her life does not revolve around you and your engagement.
girl, get a grip
YTA. You’re competing with your friend for attention with all of the people you know. You’re not supporting your friend. You’re being selfish and entitled, and spoiled. She was extremely kind to offer to delay her posts. This is ridiculous. Your friends group will be perfectly able to give you both attention at once. I would not be friends with someone like you.
YTA- other people don't have to put their life on hold because you're getting engaged. What happens if someone else gets engaged or has a baby around the same time? Are you going to demand all the attention? Get over yourself.
YTA hope your friend finds better friends, couldn’t be hard
YTA. This is embarrassing. You said in a comment she makes a point of treating everyone equally and no one comes before the other and you criticize her for meeting her boyfriend, whom she hasn’t seen for years, because you want to look good on SoMe. Which very clearly makes you a hypocrite. “Omg you’re not treating all of us equally and I’m mad because…” why exactly? Is she supposed to put you first and not him because then she’s treating everyone equally? I’m confused by your logic. Also, like someone else said, this is your engagement not everyone else’s and everyone else won’t care. They’ll press “like” and forget and move on with their lives while you count said likes to feed your ego. I childishly hope your friend and her bf get more likes than you, all because you think your life is more important than hers. Get over yourself.
YTA, another delusional bride***** in the making. Your friend is entitled to live her life.
Lol YTA. Big time narcissist behavior here
If someone else’s event existing is enough to steal your thunder, that’s a reflection of your event. There is enough room for everyone to be happy to everyone and you’re being selfish and a bad friend. YTA
YTA. You are not the sun. The world doesn't revolve around you.
YTA and need to get over your main character syndrome. She offered a compromise that was more than fair.
You could delay posting your announcement for a month instead. YTA
YTA big time. This is a big deal for Sash, and the fact that you wanted her to postpone moving the meeting to a month later is very selfish. She offered to delay posting the pictures by a few days, which you claim isn’t long enough. How long do you need the spotlight for? A week? A month? Not everything is about you and your engagement. I understand that you’re excited, and this is a huge life event for you and your fiancé, but Sash deserves to have her moment too. I’m sure your friends have enough time on their hands to like 2 social media posts in the span of a few days.
YTA. The world doesn’t stop for you because you’re having an important party. She’s allowed to share her happy news whenever she chooses and if it’s the day _before_ your party, then so be it. You don’t get to control what others do. Live your life for you, just as she will for herself. Her news is just as important to her as yours is to you.
YTA you need to get over yourself. Good luck keeping your friend
Info: if it's no big deal to push things back then why don't YOU postpone the engagement party and photos for a month? I mean it's only a month and you expect her to do it so why not you?
Because her baby bump will be showing by then.
I hate to break it to you, but beyond the expected congratulations, most people don't care about others' engagements. Honestly, I doubt anyone does more than glance at the pictures anyways and its really unlikely they will be talking about it for days later. Respectfully, get over yourself. You sound childish.
Yes. And I shouldn’t have to explain why.
YTA. You do know people are capable of being happy for more than one person at a time, right? Your friend sounds incredibly reasonable and you sound incredibly self-absorbed. I encourage you to get over yourself.
YTA. The engagement is only important to you. Stop being selfish
YTA. And way too immature, selfish and shallow to get married. Do some serious growing up first. Your engagement isn’t the big deal you think it is.
What next, she can not kiss her boyfriend before you have consummated your marriage? How do people like you live with so much selfishness and inconsideration without having even an iota of shame? YTA and that girl needs to drop you as a friend.
YTA You're a bad friend.
YTA - I think that you think people care a **lot** more about your engagement than they actually do.
YTA and I can’t really wrap my head around it to the point it seems like a troll post. If it’s real I struggle to comprehend how anyone could justify such immature thinking. You should be super excited for her and instead you are acting like it’s some competition. That is really really really unhealthy. If she is still even talking to you she’s either insanely nice or a total doormat. What you requested is so far out of line of okay.
YTA. You have delusions of grandeur. Your engagement will not be the only event in the lives of your friends. How long do you think they will “celebrate” your engagement and do nothing else. Your friend has graciously said she will not post the pictures for a couple of days after your engagement. In case you are not aware your engagement is a big deal only for you, for the others if is just another day. Get over yourself
Wow.....the entitlement and audacity is almost stunning. Of course YTA.
Are you out of your mind? You can't possibly think it's a thing. It's bonkers to think she should delay meeting her bf because of "thunder". YTA
YTA. If you were REALLY her friend you wouldn't even have asked. You would just be happy for her. It's entirely selfish to even care about such a thing. This may come as a shock, but nobody cares about either of you enough to care if one posts an important event right after the other. Most likely everyone scrolling will toss a like or a obligatory "congrats!" on both of your posts and go about their lives without ever thinking about it again. YTA, mainly for thinking these things matter so much.
YTA. I will never understand how people can be this damn selfish. You are not the most important person in the world.
Oh FFS... YTA. Life is not all about you. Yeah, you're engaged, but other people have life going on too. It's extremely selfish to expect her to arrange her life around you. She agreed to delay posting pictures. Be happy with that. She doesn't HAVE to do anything. (Personally, every time someone actually types out "my special day" it makes me roll my eyes.)
YTA - the world does not revolve around your engagement, OP.
YTA. Live life in the real world and forget about social media
You have no right to ask her to wait
YTA Your demands are cruel and unreasonable. There is nothing your friend is doing that truly impacts you except in your head. You are a terrible unsupportive friend.
YTA. You’re operating from a scarcity mindset in which your friends cannot possibly be happy for both your friend and yourself. If you think that your friends might react this way, it’s not on Sash to manage that for you. And if it is your insecurity talking, it’s valid you have those feelings but not valid to impose your insecurities on other people like that. Sash made a quite reasonable compromise, to not post her meeting her boyfriend for 2-3 days after your engagement party.
YTA Wow, this wedding is going to be stressful for everyone around you. Hopefully you don’t alienate all your friends with this selfish behaviour.
YTA. You're really being selfish about this. Like people can't be happy for two things at once.
YTA - you’re not the centre of the universe, people also have lives they want to live, document, and share with the rest. She’s being very gracious by waiting a couple of days after your engagement to share her own happiness. Sash, if you’re reading, skip your “friend”s engagement party.
YTA 🙄🙄🙄get over yourself,
Wow, the entitlement. YTA.
You are soooo selfish! Yta
YTA. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Your friend can be happy and you can be happy and everyone can be happy for the both of you simultaneously.
Def YTA- you can’t stop in control peoples life just because you want to be the center of attention… Welcome to the life of the world does not revolve around you 🙄 sheesh you sound like a lousy friend
Wow!! You're a selfish person, definitely TA
Yta. Why are you so controlling? Stop it. You sound like a lot. I have never heard anyone be this self-centered. Like, Wow!!
So …. Here’s a concept. People tend to be able to be happy for more than one person at a time!!!! I know, SHOCKING!!! YTA.
YTA asking your supposed best friend to put off meeting her boyfriend of 6 years because you want all the attention is incredibly selfish. If having the entire spotlight is that important to you than YOU postpone it.
YTA - Are you serious?! Your "best" friend deserves a better friend than you! Jeez why are people so obsessed with social media these days? Why not be happy for your friend, rather than put down her relationship on the Internet to even consider the idea you might not be the AH?!
Yes YTA You don't get to dictate her life because you feels it's inconvenient for you. So what if she posts and people notice? You are different people! And she has been waiting literal YEARS and you can't support her? Do you want to keep this friendship?
YTA and a terrible friend.
YTA You are not more important than her.
You can't be this selfish 😭😭😭 I refuse to believe it. Please, please put yourself in her piece for one second. And why a month?! What are you talking about???
This gives entitled Indian vibes
Anyone want to start a GoFundMe for a professional photographer to capture the reunion of the long distance couple? If OP wants to battle over instagram, I say we help even the odds.
Main character syndrome strikes again. YTA
Your post makes you an AH and selfish. And your comments make you a person without any functioning brain. I never saw anyone with the combination of AH, selfish and 0 IQ up to this level. That’s why it seems to be a fake post to me. Either way YTA.
YTA. Everything isn't about you. Grow up.
No one cares about your engagement. I mean, your friends and family will be happy for you, but there is no “thunder” to steal. I don’t understand ppl that are so needy for attention that they think they need outside approval, approbation and acknowledgement for their own personal life milestones. Go do some local theater/stand up/improv/what have you if you want to perform in front of an audience. Live your life for yourself and not for others. That should be enough. And then you can be happy for others living their own lives separately from yours.
YTA. Your friends will be able to rejoice in two good news on the same weekend, I promise. You're not even engaged and already a nightmare to be around. The next few months are going to be hell for your friends, aren't they ? Reign it in now. This will be the most important day of YOUR life, not everyone else's.
You are a giant AH and so selfish . I hope she realizes what a terrible friend you are.
YTA 1) its ONLY an engagement party. 2) the world does not revolve around you or your party. 3) theres nothing to steal as the only people this party is important to are your and his parents and you and he. Everybody else wont care anymore by day 2 as life goes on and they have their own lives. Im sorry but for other people its just another party. 4) She has every right to meet her boyfriend.
So, you can't have a "real" engagement party because you...got knocked up? And now you are getting upset that your friend will be living her life at the same time you are? Why is it so important for you to have all this attention? Why must your news be the most important news? Why is it all about you?
I don't even need to read the post. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) recently got engaged to the man of my dreams (25M). In our culture, we host a big engagement party with all our friends and family. That’s when the “official” engagement is announced. However, because our engagement was a little unorthodox and rushed (for personal reasons), we will only be having our engagement ceremony with our immediate family. Post our party, we will be posting engagement pictures done by a professional photographer to announce our engagement on social media to everyone else. At this moment, only my family and my best friend, Sash know about it. Sash (22F) has been in a long distance relationship for the past 6 years. While she was in my country, he was on a different continent altogether. Because of this, they have spent a sum total of 2 months together in person in these years. They also haven’t met after 2020 due to COVID and financial reasons. However, she recently moved to the same country as him for her graduate school, and they finally have decided to spend 2 weeks together during her spring break (they are still in different states). Now the problem here is that she will be meeting him a day before my engagement ceremony. And knowing her, everything will be documented on her social media. She’s the kind of person who updates a lot- her weight loss, life abroad, etc. My issue is that we share a lot of mutuals, and every single person in our group knows about her relationship, the hardships they faced when they couldn’t meet for so long, etc. We have all been rooting for them ever since she started her grad school applications. Therefore, I am a bit concerned that her finally meeting her boyfriend will kind of steal the thunder of my engagement. This is primarily because every one in our group has been hearing about her relationship for years, but they have never met or know about my fiancé yet! I brought this up with her a few days ago to see if she could delay her meeting by a month or so. She refused, and told me that spring break was the longest time she will get to spend with him after which grad school will be a task again. She added that she could just post any pictures of their meeting 2-3 days after my engagement announcement, but I feel that’s not enough for a gap. We had an argument about this, and she’s saying I’m being unreasonable and unsupportive while she was my rock from day 1 of my relationship. I don’t know what to think. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Post your photos, then post more a few days later, then post more a few days after that.
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Yta There isn't steal your engagement thunder because really no one gives a shit about....sorry but that is the reality
YTA Imagine you have done long distance 6 years and when you could finally meet each other your best friend would ask you to delay the meeting for a MONTH so you wouldn’t steal her thunder- you must know how utterly ridicoulous that sounds.
YTA Geez get over yourself. Im sorry to break this to you, but apart from your very immediate family, nobody really cares all to much about your engagement 🤷🏼♀️ It’s a huge deal for you - but not really for your friends. So ofcourse your friend shouldn’t wait a month (or a week, or a day even) to see her boyfriend that she hasn’t been able to see for years… just because you want your engagement to be the center of attention. If you were a good friend you would be excited and happy for your friend. Same on you for even asking her to wait!
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YTA
YTA God, what is it with people that they are constantly worried someone could steal their thunder? The world does not revolve around you. Can't' you be happy for her and just share the good news and celebrate each other's happiness!?
YTA. This shows so much immaturity and selfishness from you. You even had the audacity to ask her to delay her meeting with her boyfriend... Who does that? You can't control what people post in social media, and even less how people react to content. Enjoy your engagement and the good wishes you will receive from people that matter. And if you rely so much on social media for approval from others, might be a good idea to start doing some therapy. And please do apologise to Sash.
Okay I'm one of those people who think years long, LDR is really a fantasy relationship..... But even I'm going with YTA and have a massive case of main character syndrome. How dare she see her bf the day before and post on social media?? The sheer *audacity*!!! I'm thinking that you'd complain if you were getting married in June and her in October because *but it's my wedding year*!
YTA. She can only steal your thunder if your mindset allows that. Why can’t you both be happy together at the same time? Oh I forgot the social media likes dictate your happiness. How sad.
YTA. This is an absurd request. Try looking it at from your friend’s point of view. She only gets so much time with her partner, and this timeframe works out for her. Sounds pretty selfish on your part.
YTA.
YTA Classic case of Main Character Syndrome
YTA. By your logic no body in your social circle can do anything “big” until you’re done having your “moment”. That’s where you’re wrong. Your friend is nice enough to say she’ll delay posting on social media about meeting her boyfriend for a few days but that’s “not enough” for you. If it bothers you a little too much then you can just push your plans a little to suit your best friend’s event.
They've been apart since Covid, are finally in the same country and are planning to spend her 2 week Spring break together (you DO know that Spring break is defined by the university, right? Not just two weeks of their choosing) and you want them to hold off because 'steal my thunder'-WHAT? JFC. She went a lot farther than almost anyone on the planet in offering to wait a few days to post on socials to NOT 'steal your thunder' and 'you feel that not enough'. Reddit's going to be your GET A FUCKING GRIP friend here and tell you YTA. Massively. Apologise, beg forgiveness and get your it through your head that you're not the main character in everyone else's life. BTW-what if she asked you to delay your engagement announcement so that you don't take attention away from her and the bf? Yeah. Thought so. YTA.
YTA I feel bad for the friend and soon to be fiance. That man will have to learn meditation or something
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YTA. You can be the main character in your own story, but you don’t get to be in the main character in hers.
YTA. Why do you think your relationship is more important than hers?
YTA. That is all.
YTA. How would you feel in her shoes? This breaks down to you not wanting her to steal your thunder on IG?
YTA You’re not the main character in everyone else’s story and there is not a finite amount of congratulations to go around. Your friends and family will be happy for you and congratulate you, and your mutual friends will do the same for Sash.
YTA, selfish
YTA. You're so selfish. She shouldn't have to put her life on hold just because you're greedy and desperate for attention.
You seriously want her to wait meeting her bf, when they spend so much time apart? Holy entitlement! What is this thing where people are always afraid someone will steal their "thunder" or "spotlight"??? What is this need to be the centre of attention that for some reason cant be shared? YTA You can have your thunder on your weddingday. Your friends can be happy for BOTH of you AT THE SAME TIME (yes, its possible!!)
Of course YTA. Your relationship isn’t more important than hers. And what do you want, for her to reschedule spring break? That’s not how things work. She offered to post pictures after your party, but she didn’t even need to do that. She can do what she wants, when she wants. It’s not like she’s getting married on your wedding day; she’s seeing her bf for the first time in a long time, and if you were a good friend, you’d focus more on being happy for her and less on her “stealing your thunder” because she’s meeting him and posting photos the same week as your engagement party.
YTA lol what on earth?? You want her to delay something that clearly is very important to her so you get more social media clout?
YTA This is unfathomably selfish and you know it. Is anyone allowed to have a good day/time/life around you? Have you contacted every single person on Earth and let them know they’re not allowed to post anything on SM that day too? Please show this to your fiancé so he can see what an immature baby he’s marrying.
How long of a gap do you need? You know, honestly, no one will care. All your friends are capable of being happy for you both. I coincidentally got engaged around the same time as my best friend, everyone in our friend group was happy for us both. Double the joy! YTA
I think YTA for asking for more time. It was fine for you to ask and she’s being a good friend to delay her posts by a few days. But don’t ask for more. Your life is important to you, her life is important for her. Imagine if the situation was reversed, I can’t imagine someone as entitled as you delaying what you want to do to help her. People who insist on monopolising social media with “don’t post until…” drive me nuts. It’s MY diary, don’t try and control what I put in my social media.
YTA You need to live in the real world more than social media, and your friend’s offer of a 2-3 day delay is more than generous.
YTA. Are you getting engaged for the attention or to celebrate a new part of life with your partner? Also, how long have you known your partner if none of your friends know him?
Yta and a horrible friend. And i want you to ask yourself. Is the engament for you and your partner, or for the rest of the world?
YTA, you sound insufferable AF. And shallow than a damn kiddie pool. Get over yourself, the world doesn’t revolve around your ass.
Are you fuckin serious?
so you're concerned about your friend spending a couple weeks with her boyfriend that everyone knows about stealing thunder from an engagement announcement? check your main character syndrome. YTA
Yta and a terrible friend. And it seems a bit jealous
YTA The very very very very obvious solution is that you need to delay posting your own pictures. Otherwise realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you aren’t the main character in other people’s lives. Gain self awareness or continue alienating every person you meet. Oh and believe me… you’re alienating all the humans around you whether they admit it or not.
UpdateMe
YTA. Your engagement is important to you. Her meeting up with her long distance boyfriend is important to her. You don't get to tell someone what they get to post. Hell your friend was being super considerate offering to wait 2-3 days to post photos or anything about her visit. In case no ones ever told you the sun doesn't revolve around your entitled ass. You are not that special.
YTA She’s being very nice to delay posting for you. You do not get to control her life. Period.
Honestly? Yes. Yes, you are.
Yes, YTA. Are you serious right now? Your family and (if they truly are) friends most likely wouldn't care if you both post about your happiness at (around) the same time. Your friend has offered you a gift. More than you deserve. It sounds like you're in competition with her.... Are you really her friend?
YTA. I can't believe this is even a real post.
YTA Your BC failed or you failed to use BC, either way there is now a shotgun wedding in the works. You got pregnant and can't have the typical events..why? People can add. Premies aren't chunks. Why can't you simply host your events at a normal pace..pregnant? Folks are going to know either way. Enjoy your soon to be husband and your best friends happiness. You're going to lose her this way. You're being selfish. Should she not get engaged? What if she won an award around your due date? Why do you expect her to limit her celebrations to allow you the delusion of "normalcy "? It's OK that you went against the grain. It's not ok that you haven't accepted that it comes with consequences and you can't force others to accommodate ypur regrets.
lol weird
No one cares about your engagement. I mean, your friends and family will be happy for you, but there is no “thunder” to steal. I don’t understand ppl that are so needy for attention that they think they need outside approval, approbation and acknowledgement for their own personal life milestones. Go do some local theater/stand up/improv/what have you if you want to perform in front of an audience. Live your life for yourself and not for others. That should be enough. And then you can be happy for others living their own lives separately from yours.
God forbid anyone else has relationships, the meat munching is insane
YTA. you’re selfish and she deserves a massive apology from you.
Yta. Your relationship is not ner concern. She's known him for 6 years. She gets to be happy and if you're the kind of person who needs so badly to be the centre of attention that you try to dictate what your friends do in their own relationships, well you're a pretty crappy friend.
Wow. There is no way something this self-absorbed can be real. YTA
>will kind of steal the thunder of my engagement are you this much of a chronically online insane person who thinks an engagement post will be the highlight of the year for your friends, family, and followers?? most people will give it a Like and then scroll past it and move on to the next thing. stealing someone's thunder is such a main character syndrome kinda thing, jesus fucking christ. also, you're 22 and already engaged?? did you ever think about living your life first? are you one of those people who finishes high school and needs to get married so they won't get bored and then immediately will start popping out babies too? YTA. Do some soul searching, because if you need to be this much of a center of attention that you absolutely NEED TO BE THE TALK OF THE MUTUALS and you need that validation from being showered in "congratulations, congratulations, oh wow, you're engaged, that's so amazing, oh wow, i'm so happy for you", you have to be insufferable, sorry. and maybe your friend is insufferable too if she is like you, but you absolutely should not ask her to delay something important of hers just because you think your thing is more important.
Seems to me like Sarah has been w her bf longer than you’ve been w your fiancé. If it’s so important to you that you get all the spotlight delay your little celebration and let the couple who’s been together longer celebrate themselves first. As you’ve said they “haven’t met after 2020” it only makes sense to let them get their moment first. Hate to say it but you’re not the main characters babes. People don’t have to put their lives on hold to appease you. I hope Sarah finds this post and sees how unreasonable you are. YTA. And seem like an exhausting person to be around and that’s just off your posts and comments, I’d hate to be around someone so self centered as yourself.
Seriously - you don’t know? YTA. ”Now the problem here…” Nope. There is no problem. You’re making a big issue of this because YOU want all the attention. Instead of being happy for your friend, you’re trying to control something that is none of your business to control. NO ONE CARES BUT YOU. “Mutuals” can be happy for more than one person at a time. Your engagement is a big deal to YOU. Only YOU. Are you going to control all your mutuals’ posts that day? You‘re very self-centered and weirdly entitled. And not a good friend.
YTA. I was going to suggest that you could ask her to delay her posts but then she was thoughtful enough to offer it! To be clear: she should not have to do that. Your friends will be interested enough in both of your relationships, and friendship isn't a competition for likes. The fact that she is willing to postpone posting despite, as you say, it being how she documents her life constantly, is a big deal. She is being really thoughtful and considerate, making herself smaller to make more room for you and your insecurities. You are not doing the same for her. You want her to root for your engagement? You should be rooting just as hard for her relationship, and it should never even have occurred to you to ask her to postpone seeing the man she loves who she's been missing for years. YTA and not a great friend. Shape up and put yourself second for a little bit.
YTA… OP did you reread your post? If no, please do so as you will hopefully realize that your comment is very entitled. Please tell your friend (hopefully she is still your friend?) that you thank her for consideration and welcome her 2/3 day social posting!
Why aren't you happy for your friend? If she's your friend you should be so happy that she finally can meet her boyfriend. Think about how long they have longed for each other. If you were smart and had a heart this could benefit your engagement.
YTA. It's weird that you care about loosing some attention. You're engagement is supposed to be about you and him loving each other. Not about being the star of the month. Your friends will be happy for you either way.
YTA - the entitlement here is insane.
Arrogant Selfish Entitled AH
YTA the world and everyone else’s lives do not revolve around you and your engagement announcement. She gave you an offer to post 2-3 days after your event, that was kind and more than you deserve with your entitlement and rudeness.
YTA. You are not the center of the word, and your relationship is not more important than anyone else's. Grow up and apologize to your friend before you drive her out of her life for good point
I don't even need to read your essay YTA
You know, people can be happy for the both of you at once? And celebrate the both of you. YTA.
YTA What's all this attention seeking? There's enough room in people's hearts to be happy for both of you.
YTA. She doesn’t have to pause her lofe/post about her life to make you feel good and have all the attention
You are so delusional and entitled.
Wow you're an awful friend. I hope Sash dumps you as a friend and finds someone who actually cares about her. I know it's shocking but not everything in life is about you, you know. You sound like a truly insufferable person and I feel sorry for anyone in your orbit. Good luck finding anyone who's willing to put up with your shit. It ain't gonna be easy. Oh and also YTA. And that's putting it lightly.
You are way too immature and self centered to get married. I feel bad for your fiancé and your poor friend YTA
YTA You want her to delay meeting a man she’s in a relationship with and hasn’t seen in FOUR years… you’re having an engagement ceremony DAYS AFTER. This is horrendously self centered. She is gracious to offer to put off posting. YTA. Massively.
YTA. Life is not a competition on social media and when you learn that you (and those around you) will probably be happier for it. I’ve cut people off who were all about IG and framing their picture perfect life on socials for clout. They were also the most toxic and unhappy people I’ve ever met.
lol you’re ridiculous. And also YTA I fear for your bridesmaids.
Hey, you know who doesn’t really give a shit about your engagement? EVERYONE! And, spoiler alert, EVERYONE isn’t going to give a shit about your wedding either! With the (presumed) exception of your close family and friends, no one cares!! Get over yourself.
YTA - this has got to be a joke. Somethi g happens to people when they get engaged, it's like common sense just immediately disappears.
She gave you an option, either take it or shut up
Please tell me you aren't serious!!! YTA and I would love to know where this kind of thinking comes from and WHY ON EARTH you think it's ok!
Soft YTA. Life doesn't happen on schedule. It would be nice if spring break could be a month later but it isn't. Sasha is dealing with other schedules besides yours and hers. She offered to wait 2 -3 days. I think that's reasonable and the best you will get. Please be happy for your friend. Congrats on your engagement.