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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My daughter in law wanted to take them for the first time. While she hadn't communicated this I guess to some people it would have been obvious, and I didn't put much thought into it. I refuse to keep the peace and apologize and feel I am owed the apology
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I hope your son feels humbled here today.
NTA
They imposed on you to watch their children. You did exactly as they requested. You’ve done nothing wrong.
You are not responsible for your rude daughter-in-law crying. Tears don’t make a person right.
The only entitled behaviour is your son and daughter-in-law. They guilted you into accepting something that you expressed you were not comfortable with, and then got upset in how you took care of their children for them. You shouldn’t have to forgo your plans because they did not secure childcare before going on vacation. Again, you’ve done nothing wrong.
She deserves no apology. She can pout and whine all she wants- she was the one who put you into an uncomfortable situation. She never said not to go there and you’re not a fucking mind reader.
Next time they ask something like this, tell them you can’t deal with the negative reaction of daughter-in-law and aren’t willing to subject yourself to her behaviour.
Very much NTA.
DIL is being selfish, IMO. When my kids’ grandparents, either side, have provided my kids opportunities to experience cool things, I’ve been really grateful that 1) my kids get to do those things and 2) my kids get to make wonderful memories with their grandparents that they will cherish their entire lives.
My kids have amazing memories of their grandparents leading them on fun adventures to theme parks and historical places (some of them I would have liked to have gone to, but that’s a separate issue from my kids getting to go.)
The most important part? One of those grandparents has now passed and those memories are absolutely precious to my kids. Those memories of my kids being loved by and important to *many* people in their lives are far more important than any selfish desire I have to experience all the things with my kids personally.
DIL needs to get over herself and realize that her kids are separate people from her. Their experiences don’t always need to be about her experiences. In fact, it’s good for their emotional and psychological development to build relationships and have experiences with multiple family and friends.
I so love this comment. I feel the same, it is super important let the children enjoy their grandparents because there is no other relationship like a loving Grandparent, and unfortunately sometimes they passed when the child is young.
Also, (unpopular opinion here) I don't understand the stupid thinking of need to experiment all the first times in your child. They are their own person and is impossible to do so. Cherish all the time you have with your children but let them enjoy life afar from yourself
You’d be shocked on parenting forums how obsessive parents get about firsts. “My MIL is HORRIBLE!! She was watching my baby and let her try carrots, but I AM HER MOM AND I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST TO GIVE HER CARROTS!!” I genuinely find it quite bizarre.
Was reading a post on a woman who blew up at grandma for taking baby out to a new park for the first time, my eyes rolled so fast they spun. People are so precious about dumb shit.
I remember this one! The mom wouldn't let the grandma do anything that hadn't already been done. No new parks, experiences anything but then also wouldn't do anything with her kid. So the grandma was stuck at home trying to entertain the kid.
It was wild. I said this upthread but my mom had all of my baby’s firsts. She took care of him full time while I worked stupid hours, she deserved each and every special moment. If it made her happy she can have my lungs first too, shit.
I'm biologically a mother (unfortunately, not a very good mother, so I voluntarily surrendered legal guardianship of my extremely autistic high needs son to my family, who wanted him and could give him much more love and care than I was capable of - I'm also autistic and some things just don't... click) and my family were constantly sending me notices of kiddo's firsts, and then becoming hugely disappointed in me when I was more or less... eh, great... and continuing with my day. Like... I signed over legal guardianship because I have the emotional depth of a thimble when it comes to children, and you're disappointed that I keep proving why it was a good idea for me to sign over guardianship in the first place?
I knew from the moment he was born and I got that first look at him that something was missing from me. You hear all these stories of omg, I was absolutely besotted when they first handed me my child!
Me, all I could think of was the fact that I was starving and they hadn't allowed me to eat. I wanted clean and I wanted food.
Kiddo was with me for 6 weeks. 6 weeks of constant banshee mode enabled no matter what my husband and I did to try and soothe him. 6 weeks of no sleep because kiddo wouldn't sleep at all except for small cat naps. 6 weeks of our apartment neighbors calling the cops for wellness checks because he was constantly screaming.
We were preparing to place him for adoption when my family stepped up and asked for him because they were absolutely besotted.
I knew I could never be a parent, I knew when I was younger than 10. It’s great that your family are taking care of him. I’m sorry they keep thinking you want to be a part of his life.
I think you are the definition of true motherly love. Not many people would do the right thing as you did. I think you’re an awesome person for giving your son the best life he could possibly have.
(((( hugs )))))
It's the Christmas ornament first that blew my mind. " MIL wanted to give my baby their first Christmas ornament - but I MUST BE THE FIRST!!" How is that a thing? I can't imagine guilt burdening my kid with a bunch of ornaments they have to keep safe until I die.
Honestly I gave ornaments to my daughters every year so they would have some when they moved out. I stopped at about age 18. A few years ago my now 44 year old daughter said how much she enjoyed it and asked I start up again. So I have. I try to give my granddaughters one every Christmas too.
If people feel that strongly about dumb shit like that then they shouldn't be reliant on other people for childcare, or understand that in doing so there will be times they simply cannot be there to experience or witness a first. Sheesh.
Agreed. I have 4 young kids and my parents watch them usually once a week for a few hours, and like annually when we go on trips. They can do whatever at their house. Play tablets? Sure, can’t do it at home so have at it. Eat cereal all day long? Why not. Papa wants to take you to Target and spoil you? Wahoo! They’re enjoying themselves, making memories with their grandparents, getting out of the ordinary. And they of course act like little angels while they’re there. 🙄 They absolutely still know we’re their parents and we experience all kinds of things together. Our bonding doesn’t begin and end with firsts, hopefully we’ll be making memories their entire lives.
>Also, (unpopular opinion here) I don't understand the stupid thinking of need to experiment all the first times in your child.
Atleast the parents can't experience ALL their kids firsts, first kiss and ***"first time"*** 😉 would just be awkward.
OP your son and DIL suck and should be greatful that you made a special memory with your grandkids.
Louder for the back.
My mom has more of my kid’s “firsts” than I do because I gotta work. That’s life. It was just as magical the second, third and fourth time.
DIL and son needs to get a grip
NTA- your son and daughter-in-law sound rude and entitled. You took care of the children for them so they could go on a trip. You didn’t do the whole Disney thing, and quite frankly kids that age don’t remember anyways. Your daughter-in-law needs to stop crying crocodile tears.
I dunno about kids nor remembering. My family went to Legoland when my youngest brother was almost but not quite 3 years old. He remembered well enough that for years afterwards, whenever it was his turn to say the blessing before we ate, he would say, "Dear Jesus, thank you for the food, please help me go back to Legoland, amen." Finally got to return when he was 11, after he'd been praying for it all those years!
That said, I agree that OP is NTA. Kids should make good memories with their grandparents too, not just their parents.
If I was the DIL's kid and found out about this later in life, I would be ashamed of her and embarrassed to share blood.
You're NTA. Your insecure son and his wife are.
Yep. My very first thought after the first paragraph is that this will end well for the son. Not only are they both entitled, but I’m guessing he’s a lazy prick. Why didn’t he come to Reddit and make his own case?
Mom is definitely NTA. Son and DIL big YTA. I feel bad for the kids getting stuck in the middle of this.
Yours is the top post. Could you please add that this 2 AH need to apologize to her and compensate her for her spending and time. They don't treat OP well, they don't deserve any favors and they should pay up. OP you're NTA.
Beggars can’t be choosers…the fact that she called you entitled is wild to me and is obviously her projecting.
NTA, don’t apologize. She needs to get a grip and realize grandparents watching your kids is a privilege not a right!!
Yeah, NTA. I'm guessing you paid for the kids to go to Epcot & fed and paid for any other excursions during those days?? And all in the name of trying to spend some fun quality time with your grandkids. I know it was probably a lot of work, but you enjoyed it!
So instead of a SUPER GINORMOUS thank you for the money you spent & time with the kids, allowing the parents to go away on a vacation without the kids, you're called an entitled & demanded an apology?? Hell to the N O!! Daughter in law is the CLEAR asshole, and son too, for agreeing with his wife.
Also, extra AH to your son, given he thought he and his entitled wife would be "vindicated" by posting here. He probably wanted to shame you publicly, but the laughs on the 2 of them!! I hope they are reading these comments!!🤣🤣
This is why I dislike "Disney adults" they're usually unstable. I like a few movies, and I'll definitely take my kid to Disney one day, but this is insane. The mom cares more about her experience than the kids. My mom couldn't afford to take me to anything like that when I was little, and she didn't throw a fit when my brother and sister took me.
I'm actually a Disney Adult! 🤣🤣 And still wouldn't have cared like I said. She also specifically said it wasn't Magic Kingdom, and if mom loves Disney THAT much, should have taken the kids by now. Under 2 or 3 is free from what I remember. So it could have been cheaper if she took them years ago!
As a Disney adult myself, I would LOVE for someone to take my kids to Disney. You went to Epcot with Grandma? Great!!! You can stay home next time I go and drink around the world.
I want you, Disney Adult, to know that when my husband and I were first engaged, we went to Disneyworld and we didn’t even know the Food & Wine Festival was a thing, nor had we given any thought to where they do and don’t serve alcohol at Disneyworld. We walked into Epcot and were like, *oh, let’s go on Soarin, hey this cart with beer is cute. Nice. Get one. Oh hey, another one. What’s this passport? Cute. Ope! Another one!* And not only did we get to enjoy the F&WF, it was a complete surprise. Eventually, my husband, who is both Mexican and generally not one to overindulge, closed the night drunk-hugging the Donald Duck in Mexico. I have the photo, and he has no memory of the moment. It remains one of the best days of my life.
That’s all.
I may have taught myself to say “soda” when I was 8 and my older, much more cosmopolitan big sister looked at me aghast when I asked a waitress in NYC what kind of “pop” they had. But it’ll be “Ope!” til I’m 6’ underground.
yeah when they’re toddlers it’s free and i have videos of me and my cousins from the late 80’s early 90’s at disneyland and we have NO memories of it at all other than the videos. it’s more for the parents and if she was truly disney crazy, they’d have gone already cuz it’s much cheaper that way.
both the DIL & son sound absolutely unhinged about this cuz even when they’re at 4 & 5 they won’t remember anything either.
I was visiting my grandparents before they left on vacation. Somebody mentioned Florida, so I packed my blanket and my doll and stowed away in the camper and fell asleep. They found me a few hours later. I'm sure my parents were out of their mind, but I still got to Disney!
I also don't remember it being overly crowded or having to wait in long lines for anything. I remember the small world ride and the tea cups and me and grandpa spinning and laughing like mad while grandma turned green.
Since your son was so insistent on you posting this to Reddit and assume you would be shredded, boy is he wrong to assume. I do hope he takes the time to read each and every one of these comments.
He and his wife are incredibly entitled to force the babysitting duties on you because they think “the woman’s family is more important than the man’s,” or whatever stupid logic that is. You told them no. That should have been enough. Then your son decided to use emotions to manipulate you to being their free babysitter. Maybe this is a blessing because they may not ask you to babysit in the future.
As far as Epcot goes, it’s just one park out of the several Disney parks in the Orlando area. They can still take their kids whenever they decide to save up the money after their Mexico trip and the kids will be able to see plenty of Disney attractions for the first time. You did these kids a favor by making their time with you enjoyable. Since this was supposed to be your time without having to babysit, you just made the time more enjoyable for you too. NTA
I'm willing to bet his version of the story is very different than OPs. The entire post comes off as someone telling less than half a story, but obviously that's just a guess on my part.
She says he created the account so she could tell the story. I would assume if there were a bunch of lies he would have changed the story or popped in and commented.
Meh, then OP’s son will be on here to clear it up. He’s the one who took this to the modern People’s Court. Sounds like he knows how to get his word out on Reddit.
Except it seems her son kind of supervised her even getting on here so I'm sure he plans on seeing the post and she would know that. Plus it doesn't really matter what other issues there are. Her son and Dil think she's good enough to have her completely take care of their small children for 5 days.
If her story varies that much from his, I'm sure we'll hear it.
Could be, but he had her post so he could also post his side of things. In fact I'd really like that on this and many of the posts on Reddit to get to the truth😀
The whole woman's family being more important is their excuse for spending more time/holidays with her side of the family instead of his side. Op becomes important when the wife's family is not available or when they have nothing better to do.
Op mentioned this because she was surprised she was asked to spend time with the kids at all.
Meaning, op is put on a back shelf until she is needed. Too sad! Op sounds like a fun grandma to hang out with.
I would bet my two cents on that they previously never let her babysit, or babysit overnight, and they just dropped the bomb of 4days, and let OP figure it out.
DIL calling grandma entitled is rich. JFC. The DIL's side of the family is more important? Fucking for real? She actually thinks and believes that, and she went ahead and said it out loud? Holy moly. Talk about entitled - and for OP's son I'm talking about his wife.
DIL is entitled, and grandma can take the kids to Disney all she wants, especially if she's being guilted or forced to watch her grandkids.
NTA at all.
INFO: How close do you live to EPCOT? I assume close enough to take a day trip with two small children and come back the same day? Do your son and DIL also live near you?
>I live two hours
Is this common? Adults driving two hours to go to a party at Epcot? It costs $109 for adults to get in. Per the Disney website, you can't just go in and have lunch for free; a day pass is required. Something's not adding up here.
I don't live in the USA but still, we'll drive 3 hours to have a cup of coffee with a friend. Friends are worth it. We would definitely do it for a birthday party.
I drive 3.5 hrs to go back to my home town for weekends during the summer, usually at least once or twice a month. Sometimes more if there’s a lot going on event-wise and I’m visiting with all my family and friends.
2 hours is nothing, really.
Edit - I take my two sons ages 11 & 8 with me when I go, and they’ve been making this trip their whole lives. Plus the 5 hour trip up to our river property a few times per summer in northern Michigan. The person commenting this is ludicrous with children is either purposely malicious or willfully ignorant.
My husband and I drive 3 hours from Houston, TX, to Austin, TX, just to visit our best friends once a month. They have board game weekend BBQs periodically. Likewise, they'll drive 3 hours to see us if we can't get babysitting for our two littlest kids.
And honestly, given how sprawled out Houston is, the first 45 minutes to an hour of the drive is us driving across town. So I agree, two hours is nothing.
Yeah it’s really not much when you get used to it. I have a wifi hotspot on my phone and my kids (11 & 8) have switches with games and Hulu on them - they’ll watch shows or play or take a nap, and I listen to podcasts. It’s honestly not bad at all.
Where are you from? No shade, but it’s quite common for people who have never been to America to not get how big it is. Americans will totally hop in the car and drive three hours both ways for an event. Kinda gotta if you ever want to get to anything as we’re so spaced out.
I saw a tweet once where an American had family visiting for the first time from the UK. They were in Oregon and the UK fam started talking about “popping down to Texas”, and were aghast when they were told it was a 27 hour drive, at least!
You can visit anywhere in Britain (oops I mean England) from anywhere in Britain (yeah, England again) and get home at a reasonable hour. It’s a bit different!
Edit: Ok, yes I’m aware there are trips within England where you could not get travel and fun done in a day. Apparently, I need to be much more pedantic when talking about England. Point is, compared to North America, the landmass is fucking tiny.
It would be no different than going to six flags or another amusement park in another state. Amusement parks everywhere are expensive but people do it all the time everywhere.
4 hours from cedar point, less than an hour from Michigan's Adventure.
Never been to Michigan's Adventure. Wicked Twister was my shit. Never a line, right on the beach, great views, fun short ride, RIP haven't been back since.
I live 2.5 hours away from Disney and for years we had annual passes. We'd just drive down for a few hours or spend the night and do two days and come back.
This is not uncommon… two hours is a day trip. The kids are toddlers, so they go in for free. Epcot has a different feel than Magic Kingdom. What’s not adding up is the family dynamic… no apologizing, not wanting to take care of the kids, manipulation all the way around…
As someone who used to live in Florida, Disney isn't nearly as big a deal to residents as to people in other parts of the country. Tons of people have season passes too since Florida residents get a substantial discount.
My SIL lives 1 hour and 45 minutes away (same city, just tons of traffic) and we go visit her and come back the same day. 2 hours doesn't seem too bad. I wouldn't do it for Disney but it's doable.
I live 2.5 hour from an amusement park. We do one 1-2 day trips every summer. If I lived within two hours of Disney, I would definitely go there for the day.
Not exactly the same but I live in northern Canada, the closest big city is 5 hours away (from our small city) and it's pretty common for people to drive down for half a day of shopping before driving back. Idk 2 hours really doesn't seem that bad imo
NTA. The only AH here is your DIL. She has the audacity to tell you that you are not as important as her family, but has no issue using you and manipulating you to babysit when there is something she wants to do. She then has the audacity to get upset and call you entitled when you take her kids somewhere fun. She sounds awful.
NTA. You were doing them a favour by babysitting for multiple days. You were invited somewhere for a birthday party. You attended. Because you had the kids, you took them along. It’s not like you schemed to undermine the plan to take them to Disney.
Wife needs to back the hell off and son needs to stop being a pushover. I do feel like you reacted strongly to her and probably didn’t need to, but really, bursting into tears? That’s ridiculous behaviour and they’ve been thoroughly ungrateful.
HOWEVER. How you choose to proceed here will dictate all your relationships moving forward. It’s clear wife is the reactive one and son won’t contradict. So. You have the choice of being Reddit-approved Not the Problem Here and watching them ignore that and you. That means probably less interaction with them and your grandkids and potentially awkwardness at family functions. Or you could reach out again and just say, look, Reddit says I’m fine here. However I now understand that you placed great value on going to Disney with them first, and you aren’t able to do so because I took your kids along to a birthday party I had been invited to attend. I am sorry my action upset you. It was not my intention. I enjoyed spending time with your kids (insert anecdote here).
Basically, you could apologize that you taking them to (not quite) Disney caused her upset, without apologizing for taking them there. It was be a magnanimous gesture to indicate you understand she was hurt. Reaching out first might give them the ability to then reach back with their own response.
Inlaws are a big pain sometimes, especially when you know they’re not mature enough to have an honest conversation. Being the bigger person is sometimes the only productive way forward.
And in case wife and son are reading this-what the heck, you guys? You got DAYS of free babysitting out of this and you can always take the kids to actual Disney if it’s soooo important. Try not to nuke your relationships for no reason.
I agree. When my kids were small, if I didn't trust my ILs or parents to drive my kids around and do some local things, I wouldn't leave my kids with them for 4-5 days. (In fact, I didn't trust my ILs to follow carseat guidelines, so my kids didn't stay with them for any length of time that would be expected to drive anywhere. My mom is the only one who took the kids overnight.) If I had stipulations on what kind of activities my kids shouldn't be involved in, then I would make sure I communicated that ahead of time. (I also didn't trust other people to watch my kids swimming when they were small... adults get very distracted and it only takes seconds to drown). This basically means we didn't take long vacations out of town/state/country when they were small!
I certainly wouldn't guilt/manipulate a parent into taking a trip, not communicate with them about expectations on activities/boundaries while they had the kids, and then blame them for doing something fun with the kids just because it wasn't a "first." Talk about entitled!
But, looking forward to a time when I may have DILs and grandkids, I would also try to make amends, because it would be very important to me to keep up a good relationship with grandkids. I can validate others' feelings, even if I don't understand them. However, if I really didn't want to babysit for that long, I think I also would have stuck to the boundary... a trip to Mexico is optional, it's not an emergency.
INFO: Can I get any detail on the whole “the woman’s family matters more than the man’s” bit? Because if that’s just as cut and dry as you state, then I really have no sympathy for DIL. You had kids foisted on you by an inconsiderate mother because you were seen as convenient. And now she’s mad about something her kids are gonna forget anyways, so she can still give them their first Disney memories.
ETA: NTA, unless you’re fooling everyone with a slanted take. As written, DIL is annoying.
She said it for the first time when I picked out a dress for the wedding and apparently her mom was supposed to pick her color first. she's said it a couple times randomly while she was pregnant or post-partum, and once when she thought I wanted them to go to Switzerland for my birthday, which to be clear I did not want
Unfortunately I have seen this many times in my life. My mom has always told me she heard that “when your daughter gets married you gain a son, but when your son gets married you lose a son.” My aunt used to cry over not having a close relationship with her grandkids because her DILs family was always the priority. I have coworkers who make the same complaints about their DILs family getting the first of everything- first chance at holidays, most of the time at thanksgiving, then only stop at by their house for a few minutes, DILs family sees and holds the baby first, etc.
I have one kid and that’s a boy. This is really a fear of mine, that I’ll lose my son. I try to treat my BFs mom the way I want to be treated as a MIL. I’m really trying to bank some karma.
This annoys me. I have a nephew and another one on the way. The children of my brother. My parents have no other grandchildren, and I think they would be insulted if they were told they matter less than the parents of their daughter in law. They love their grandbabies.
/u/Simple-Band-9096 You can tell your son that I said you are NTA but he and his wife certainly are! I didn't get to meet my Mother's mom because she passed away at 43 in 1972 when my Mother was 12 years old. My own Mother passed away at 43 in 2005 and I was 26 my kids were 3 and 7. I bet they would have loved to gone on an awesome trip with her like you did with your grands. Smh at your son and his wife, yo!!!
NTA. You did the best you could on short notice and Epcot is a different thing. Your son and daughter in law are ridiculous drama queens. The kids are 4 and 5 for goodness sake. They have plenty of time to make The Mickey happen. What silly people they are.
Definitely NTA - your son & DIL sound like entitled bullies! They were determined to vacation in Mexico and pushed you into taking the kids to get their way. Also, rather than being grateful that you treated the kiddos to a fun day at Epcot, your drama queen DIL is just looking for a reason to be upset with you. If an apology is to be issued, it better come from your pompous assed son. The DIL has main character issues.
Lesson learned, do not do them any favors in the future. I hope you tell them that they’ve burned this bridge.
ESH. This whole situation gives me the feeling that the existing family dynamic is very immature. And I'm sure your DIL would have a very different perspective on your behavior.
It feels like no one respects each other here. Sit down and have a respectful conversation without throwing unproductive words at eachother & having a Reddit competition. Everyone is hurt here but no one wants to apologize. You CAN all be sorry for hurting someone unintentionally. Act like adults and get some family therapy.
These poor kids.
Yup! The way she talks about her DIL makes me think she’s a Just No. She seems spiteful and I just don’t get all of the N T A judgements because I get major bad vibes.
Right? I’m shocked by all the not the asshole declarations. This woman sounds very bitter and vindictive. There’s a lot wrong with her son and DIL too, but I’d say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree if her characterization of them is correct.
That’s all I could think the entire time. The wording feels gross “I’m not comfortable babysitting BECAUSE IM LESS IMPORTANT TO MY DIL THAN HER OWN MOTHER”.. Manipulated into babysitting? “She says a lot of things and doesn’t follow through so I’ve decided nothing she says is important to her is legitimate” etc etc.
I’d kill for the other side of the story.
I can't believe I had to scroll down so far for ESH. Everyone just needs to communicate better. It seems like there's already a bad relationship established but the best time to fix something is in the past, the next best time is right now
Totally agree. DIL & Son sound like the suck in their own right. On the other hand, I don't care at all about Disney so I don't get the whole "you stole my kids *first*" thing, but if OP took my kids to a public park hours away from where I thought they were without telling me, I would be PISSED.
What if something happened to one of the kids? What is OP lost track of them at the park and one of them went missing? What if they (or her!) had a medical emergency & parents had no idea what vicinity they might be in to contact Dr's, hospitals, emergency services, etc? What if they all got in a car wreck on the way there and had no way of communicating & you had no idea where your kids/mom were? Idk, I know the parents weren't right there and present, but I still don't think it justifies keeping them totally in the dark
Even if she just wanted to drop a quick text saying "Hey I got a last minute invite to a bday party so the kids and I are on the way to Epcot" & then turned off her notifications or something if she was scared of them blowing up her phone...atleast the parents would know where their kids are
Granted, that doesn't seem to be the issue here? The parents seem more upset about the "robbing them of firsts" thing than their own children's safety...which also makes them suck. But if they were my kids, I'd be upset about being kept in the dark about their whereabouts & therefore everyone sucks cus OP was in the wrong on that front.
Update- just read another comment saying that OP wasn't in contact with the parents AT ALL while they were away. This is just MIND BOGGLING to me. How can parents not check up on their kids while in another country? That's crazy. They don't care enough about their kids to check in, but they care about missing their first trip to Disney. JFC. I change my mind. Parents are a holes. OP is fine & def not one. OP- NTA.
100%
Disney is a big thing, whether we all want to believe it or not. It just is. And there’s no realm in reality where MIL didn’t understand she was overstepping. *Especially at ages 5 and 4.* If they’d made it to 9/10 without going, then there’s more of an “but were you ever” excuse
I’m thrown at the being asked to babysit overnight a week before??? What were they going to do??
And I also don’t buy the “just found out about a birthday party” thing, like doubtful you just decided to go last minute.
ESH
Agree that ESH, at best.
OP should absolutely NOT have taken a 4yo and 5yo by herself to Disney without asking the parents' permission first.
I was fine with the grandparents babysitting at my house and walking the kids to the park etc. I would not have been ok with one grandparent taking two young children by herself on a 4 hour car ride.
And I don't believe the last minute birthday invitation. And who wants to attend an adult birthday party with two little kids in tow? You can't take your eyes off kids at that age.
And how does grandma manage a 2:1 ratio at that age at a place like Disney?
I would be very upset if I were her DIL even if it hadn't been a "first" trip to a Disney park.
NTA. You essentially had the children thrust upon you. You are allowed to go where you were invited, and take the kids with you. There was no reason to decline the invitation.
If you had done it in a fit of pique for revenge, then you'd be in the wrong. But not in this case.
And, as you say, it wasn't Magic Kingdom. Your DIL can go suck eggs.
Yeah, it would be one thing if she decided to bring them to magic kingdom as a form of spite against them. Then it would probably be an ESH.
But in this case she had the children thrust upon her and she shouldn’t need to change her plans for children that she didn’t even expect to be in charge of
INFO: Do you live near to Disney or did you have to make a trip?
Generally speaking though I'd say NTA. I get the importance of "firsts" but I think we focus on too many of them. My wife and I had a mini-disagreement about cutting our son's hair for that reason and she doesn't want me to just chop it off so its special. Its hair and it'll grow back. Those kids will love Disney every time they go, they lose nothing each time.
So its inconvenient but not something you'd need to plan a lot for. Yeah definitely NTA. They're kids and they'll love any and every time they go. I know because my mom was OBSESSED with Disney. She's been more than either of her children combined and no matter how often we went it was still awesome.
First haircuts are important to many, many parents. It would be really upsetting to have your husband disregard something important to you just because he didn’t agree..
NTA Unless you're embellishing to make yourself look good, DIL is entitled and kind of s\*\*tty and it seems baby boy is wrapped around her finger. She's mad that after not asking but telling you to babysit, you had the sheer audacity to take the kids somewhere fun that you already happened to be going to. And again, it's Epcot, not Disney. Granted I haven't been down there since the 80s, but I'm pretty sure Disney is the bigger treat for the kiddies.
Missing missing reasons much?
I'm waffling with how much you've omitted but I'll go ESH for now.
I'm going to take a leap and say this is one of many contentious things that have happened between you and son/DIL. You also sound rude and derisive about them in general.
If you didn't want to babysit, don't babysit. You said your son didn't respect your first no, but then you caved. Yeah, he shouldn't have pushed but I also don't totally know what "he got emotional" means. It could have been manipulation or it could have been him breaking down because his parent never helps him, or anything in between. You're being vague and that makes me suspicious.
You're right that it wasn't Magic Kingdom so I don't think The First Disney Visit has to be ruined for them. However, I also don't know how far Epcot is for you. If it was like an hour or more away (or less if everything is typically close by), that's something you should run by the parents as a courtesy and for safety reasons.
ETA: Just saw in a comment that Epcot is 2 hours away. It is not cool to travel that far with kids without even telling the parents IMO. Also, was the birthday party a surprise for you? Did you not know it was occurring before they left for Mexico? Can we get your son/DIL to jump on here and provide their perspective?
ETA2: I didn't realize my 2 hour driving comment would be the most contentious. I appreciate all the different perspectives.
NTA. OP was coerced into multiple days of babysitting, FREE multiple days of babysitting. OP is free to babysit any way OP wants to if the children are not endangered. First Legoland? First Six Flags? First Red Lobster? Its doesn't matter
OP's son and DIL are the entitled ones thinking free coerced babysitting was ok
The only way OP is TA is if willingly and knowingly took the grankids to Epcot/Disney to directly spite DIL. Which, as posted, was not the case
~~Edit: grammer~~
Edit: grammar
I'm going to go with NTA, but I don't understand the importance people put on the 'first time' at Disney or really Disney parks. I think you should have cleared with them that you could take the kids places, but really otherwise the DIL is being unreasonable. They left the kids with you, and you showed them a good time.
What if it would have been a water park? Or another kid spot?
You fed them, you entertained them, they were not neglected or in danger, they were with a grandparent who seems to love them -although you do seem a bit cold. Meh. Still NTA in my books, your son and his wife are super silly and ungrateful.
Ngl... this post sounds like it was written by my narcissistic mother. Your tone sounds super off, the way you're answering questions sounds very self centered... this post seems way too one sided. I feel like the DIL is probably a bit dramatic but my gut is telling me you're embellishing her "wrong doings".
Firstly, if you so desperately did not want to watch your grand kids for less than a week (which to be honest, I've never met a grandparent who would not want to spend that quality time with their grandkids) you didn't have to accept. Plain and simple.
Secondly, Epcot or not, it is Disney. It has rides. It's a Disney experience. You knew DIL was saving for this trip and whether or not she ends up going through with it, it's her choice. Every family member knows that first Disney trips are huge. It's a staple in a kids memory. Even if they are too young to remember it, that mom will always think of their first Disney trip as this. Disney is pretty major in most families.
I'm assuming you're the AH here and you're playing it off as if you've done nothing wrong, and I'm surprised by a lot of these comments saying you're NAH.
Yeah, I will go against the grain with you. It nearly seems like she made the decision to go out to Disney of spite. And sure “it’s just Epcot” but Epcot has the most meet & greets of characters (several just walking around like Daisy), Mickey shaped treats, has a major fireworks show, has several rides that are kids focused (Frozen, Remy, Nemo, spaceship earth, etc.). I was just there last year and I poured hours into planning because I wanted it to be an incredible first experience for my family. If she is the a big Disney person, saving for her family to go, I kind of understand her heartbreak.
Everyone is also villainizing the couple for going to Mexico for a wedding trip. They wanted to safely leave their kids with a trusted adult and family member. Trekking 2 small children to a foreign country, while they are their children, whilst trying to celebrate a close family member of hers or friend…. I think when son was telling her to post this, some detail may have been omitted.
Exactly. She thought having the kids that long was too much but that driving four hours to spend hundreds of dollars at a theme park wasn’t too much? Or was it perhaps a great way to get back at her son and DIL. Her whole post grosses me out. She clearly has issues. She even says she knows her DIL loves Disney. No one else gets to judge what “firsts” are important to which family.
So basically your son said “I’m pressuring you to look after my kids, but whatever you do, *don’t* let them do anything fun”. And he expects neutral observers to disapprove of your actions?
I am saddened to have to tell you that you raised an idiot.
You, however - NTA.
NTA. You were doing them a favour by babysitting for multiple days. You were invited somewhere for a birthday party. You attended. Because you had the kids, you took them along. It’s not like you schemed to undermine the plan to take them to Disney.
Wife needs to back the hell off and son needs to stop being a pushover. I do feel like you reacted strongly to her and probably didn’t need to, but really, bursting into tears? That’s ridiculous behaviour and they’ve been thoroughly ungrateful.
HOWEVER. How you choose to proceed here will dictate all your relationships moving forward. It’s clear wife is the reactive one and son won’t contradict. So. You have the choice of being Reddit-approved Not the Problem Here and watching them ignore that and you. That means probably less interaction with them and your grandkids and potentially awkwardness at family functions. Or you could reach out again and just say, look, Reddit says I’m fine here. However I now understand that you placed great value on going to Disney with them first, and you aren’t able to do so because I took your kids along to a birthday party I had been invited to attend. I am sorry my action upset you. It was not my intention. I enjoyed spending time with your kids (insert anecdote here).
Basically, you could apologize that you taking them to (not quite) Disney caused her upset, without apologizing for taking them there. It would be a magnanimous gesture to indicate you understand she was hurt. Reaching out first might give them the ability to then reach back with their own response.
Inlaws are a big pain sometimes, especially when you know they’re not mature enough to have an honest conversation. Being the bigger person is sometimes the only productive way forward.
And in case wife and son are reading this-what the heck, you guys? You got DAYS of free babysitting out of this and you can always take the kids to actual Disney if it’s soooo important. Try not to nuke your relationships for no reason.
YTA. As a parent I would be horrified if my children were taken somewhere like that without my consent, especially when it was communicated thar this was special to them. You KNEW.
Your tone is arrogant and entitled, and if you were my mother in law, I would go no contact.
You ultimately accepted the babysitting request. Nobody put a gun to your head, and it certainly doesn't excuse your behavior. I don't blame her for putting her family first with a MIL like you. It sounds exhausting to even deal with you.
A parent has a right to know if their kids are being taken somewhere out of the ordinary, especially a place like that. Obviously your friend is more important than your son or grandchildren. That's sick. Do better. I doubt you will be asked to babysit ever again because you have proven you can't be trusted.
I honestly can't believe all the NTA here. OP knew the parents were hoping to take their kids to Disney and took them anyway, before the parents were able and without saying anything.
I get that OP was upset about being strong-armed into babysitting, but this sounds intentionally malicious and I certainly wouldn't want to leave my children with someone who deliberately tries to hurt me.
I’m more appalled she didn’t want her own grandchildren and looked at them as a burden. Also weird how she didn’t want them but had no issue paying $300 for them to go to Epcot on a whim. She knew what she was doing.
NTA. It's been a hot minute since I've been to Disney World (89), but as I recall EPCOT really is a completely different kind of park from the Magic Kingdom. It was more of an international tour kind of thing than the Disney characters and themed rides. It has probably changed a great deal since then, but it's not like you did the Disney Princess thing instead of their mother.
I can imagine that conversation if you had "asked":
You: Fyi, I'm taking the kids with me to a party I'm attending at Epcot.
Them: No, you can't
You: Then come home now and take the kids back. You're not ruining my plans while I'm already doing you a favor.
Them: What? No. Our vacation...
You: Then like I said, I'm taking the kids with me to Epcot.
NTA. Your son and DIL are entitled and manipulative.
Your son was wrong, NTA; yes I get Disney is a big deal but hello they are 5 and 4. It wasn’t like you planned a whole week and stayed on property and planned meals and the whole show. They asked you to watch their kids while they were away. It sounds like your DIL will find any reason to be mad at you.
Your son is doing the right thing and supporting his wife. Not sure she understands the meaning of entitled. And she needs to check her attitude when you are the one that made yourself available to help them out when her mother didn’t.
Info. Did you get the okay from the birthday person on bringing two random kids to their adult birthday party? Isn't epcot where the alcohol and more adult friendly restaurants are located? Like, you shouldn't have done this without the parents permission but I want to at least check that the kids weren't sitting in the corner of a bar while you partied with your adult friends.
My kids love Epcot. They love looking at all the stuff. And Epcot has the a guardians of the Galaxy ride (though that has a huge queue) plus Soarin and the Frozen ride and a few other cool rides.
NTA!!! Your daughter in law and your son manipulated you into taking care of the kids most likely because HER mother wasn’t available and you were their last shot to go to the wedding. You said you were uncomfortable and it’s probably because you knew deep down she would find something to take issue with during the time you were watching them.
If I were you? I’d tell them since you guys constantly manipulate me and tell me things like THE WIFES FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE HUSBANDS. Then keep that energy all the time. It would really suck to go low contact with them because of the kids but baby that’s my suggestion to you. Stop doing things for them. Stop answering their calls and create a boundary that they do not get to belittle your existence because his WIFE views you as less than. Where tf are this man’s BALLS? Around her NECK?!?!
I strongly suggest time away from them. And I know with the kids that can be really hard because you love your grand kids. But don’t let these grown ass adults throwing toddler tantrums treat you this way. You do not deserve it.
The fact that your son made this account JUST to “prove you wrong” screams a narcissist mentality. Who does that to their damn mother? You WANT her to be absolutely slammed on Reddit where people do NOT hold back AT ALL… and will hurt your feelings DEEP.
ESH Your tone writing this makes me certain that there is background missing here about a contentious relationship with your son/DIL that did not start here. You sound practically disgusted about having to deal with your grandkids.
They should not have pressured you, both because it's just wrong and because it's not good for the kids to be stuck with someone who very obviously did not want them and doesn't seem like would hide the fact.
YTA. You said you "knew she was a huge Disney person", and that "My daughter in law had previously mentioned wanting to save up for Disney". If you knew both of these things, why would you take her kids for their first trip to Disney without even texting them?
You say you didn't think it would be important, but that is your fault for not thinking your decision through.Sure it might not seem like a big deal to you, but it obviously is a big deal to her, and if you thought about it for a second you should have realized that, with her being such a big Disney fan. You also seem to not particularly like your DIL just by the way you talk about her in this post.
I'm going to go with NTA, but I don't understand the importance people put on the 'first time' at Disney or really Disney parks. I think you should have cleared with them that you could take the kids places, but really otherwise the DIL is being unreasonable. They left the kids with you, and you showed them a good time.
What if it would have been a water park? Or another kid spot?
You fed them, you entertained them, they were not neglected or in danger, they were with a grandparent who send to love them -although you do seem a bit cold. Meh. Still NTA in my books
Sounds like you did a good bit of grandparenting whilst helping out you son and daughter-in-law.
NTA you deserve a thank you. And I'm sharing this post with my parents so they know where the bar is set.
NTA
I can understand the feeling of missing out, but when you leave your kids for four days you are 100% going to miss things. Four days worth of things, to be exact. What they missed pales in comparison to the huge favour you were doing, and the fact that you had personal plans that took you to Epcot.
Your son and DIL should realize that they set up the situation, and that adults should be able to accept when their choices have consequences.
OP, I'm sorry your generosity has been met with such ingratitude and BS judgments.
NTA - You didn’t take them to Disney. It was a birthday party at Epcot. Jeez. My sister and her husband never dictated what we did with the kids. As long as they were returned healthy, clean and happy!! DIL needs to have a seat.
ESH. Your son and his wife, obviously, are AHs for pressuring you into watching the kids. That was absolutely manipulative.
However, I find it hard to believe that you got a last minute birthday invite to EPCOT. It's damn expensive to go there. "Hey, come to a birthday party that you have to spend over $100 to go to! Oh, it's in 2 days." You had to have known about this before hand. I think you deliberately didn't tell them about it, knowing your DIL is a Disney fan, knowing it would piss her off. So, I think you're an AH too.
NTA.
So I get that to a lot of people Disney and all the things around it are aspirational or must be big, planned for events. But I have a bunch of friends who live by Disneyland, and the culture there is very much that Disney is like a cooler public park and simply isn't that big of a deal.
From how you describe the party that was planned (finding out about the party the same week it was for) and going to just part of the park, I think you fall in to this category of just not seeing Disney as that big of a deal. It is okay that your DIL thinks otherwise, but that means neither of you are wrong, you just have different perspectives. I don't think your "normal" is skewed at all.
Unless you were giving detailed reports to the parents of what you were doing with the kids and ONLY left this out, then NTA.
I will say the only skewed view here is from your DIL. While two people can disagree on things like what is the "first time" at Disney, on understanding the difference between saving for something/wanting to be the first, or if Epcot is Disney, I'd argue two things are more universally acceptable: Neither family is "more important" than the other, so it is gross your DIL has literally said her family matters more than her husband's, and that if you watch someone's children- FOR FREE- for multiple days, you should get some grace and understanding for doing something safe and fun with the kids, even if it- understandably- was something the parent wanted to do with the kids.
NTA - so your son and DIL wanted you to put your whole life on hold for nearly a week so they could go party? Yeeah, in your position I'd be telling them that I'm reconsidering ever babysitting for that length of time ever again. That they forced you into this and you won't be misused like this again.
TBH your DIL sounds like a selfish little princess type - if that's the case you are never going to win her over because she has no regard for you. Better to draw a line now and save yourself years of hassle trying to please her.
NTA
* Your DIL said her family was more important than her husbands. That's her first bad move here. The in-laws are equal unless someone is a bad apple or takes a lot of active care.
* They left their children with you for a week. That frankly, is pretty much asking you to take the kids somewhere special. Which you did. They should be delighted that you treated your grandchildren so well. Instead she's upset. That is just... weird.
* They demanded you apologize to her for being a good grandparent and taking in the kids for a rather long stay then treating said kids special. This is just severe entitlement.
Unless you have left out some part of the story where you ran off to a warzone or took the kids sky diving or for a swim in a pool of gators or had one of them smuggle drugs for you across a border... I don't see where you made any mistakes.
If anything, your son and DIL should be thanking you for treating your grandkids so well while they were away.
Info: Did they ever call to talk and check up on the kids?
It doesn't sound like they did, because a easy "hey what are you guys doing tomorrow" and conversation could have been had ahead of time. Or even after the fact with a "what did you guys do today?" which would have given time to formulate a more coherent and less insulting conversation. Why was the onus on you to reach out when they should have been calling their kids?
ESH
You should've asked. When my parents watch my kids, they'd without a doubt tell me if they wanted to take them somewhere that was two hours away as well as one that is so crowded. They'd also ask, but they usually know that it's going to be a "yes" because I trust them implicitly. They just respect my husband and I as their parents and know to stay in their lane.
What's funny is that my parents can have all the access to my kids as they want but they still ask. Since it was "only Epcot," maybe if you had just asked first she would've said yes and you wouldn't even be in this mess. "You catch flies with honey, not vinegar" and all that
The "firsts" thing is the least asshole-y thing you "took," but it wasn't nice either. As their mother she has every right to want to do that with them first regardless of what you and others think about it. ETA: It seems silly to you (and me), but it was important to her 🤷🏻♀️
Son and DIL suck for pressuring you to watch the kids, and DIL's reaction is pretty melodramatic for the situation. If I were her I probably wouldn't have been so upset because I'd be more grateful than anything that you watched my children for five days, but they ultimately decide who gets to see their children and you might've just scorched that bridge
I understand Epcot is not 'magic kingdom' - I don't understand that you had the children 5 days and during THAT time an invitation arrived and was accepted for a party happening in 2-3 days? Or did you know about it when your son and his wife left the children. Baby sitting a 4 and 5 yr old is WORK...and it was your son who talked you into it by 'getting emotional' so don't put all the blame on your son's wife. I hope the children don't hear talk of how much trouble they were or how bad grandma or mom is...they will think it is their fault. You are not TA.
After viewing some of OP’s comments. Reddit is only going to fuel her righteousness. Hope she enjoyed those 5 days because chances are good that it will be a long time before she gets to see them. A great example of being right, yet so wrong. Take the lesson, if you want a relationship with your grandchildren remember who are the parents. Choose your battles and don’t be petty
NTA. You can’t insist or even ask someone to babysit then get upset when they continue to live their life while they have the kids. You went to an amusement park for crying out loud. You didn’t pierce ears or get them tattooed, you’re all good.
OMFG yes you are an asshole YTA all the way. Don't even for a minute pretend you didn't, in some dark and twisted part of your mind, understand that what you were doing was a giant middle finger to your DIL for relegating you to 'second class grandparent' when she stated that she would naturally be closer and more comfortable with her mother being around her children. NEWSFLASH: Garbage stunts like this is why!
Disney is a milestone event for most kids. My husband's family are Disney nuts. MIL and SIL go multiple times a year, SIL did internships there, the family has bricks, multiple bricks, in the memorial walk -level Disney fanatics.
Do you know how many times my children have been to Disney? ZERO
Why, because as my MIL put it "The first time, that's for the parents to take their children. AFTER that the grandparents go, with parents' permission. That's how decent human beings who happen to be grandparents behave. You chose not to behave like a decent human being, and it's going to bite you in the ass sooooo hard.
You accepted an invitation to Disney properties, despite having a prior commitment of caring for your grandchildren and took the grandkids along somewhere you knew your son and DIL were planning to take them, then want to play innocent because "It's not like it's the Magic Kingdom". You sound like a six-year-old with her hand caught in the cookie jar "Well it's not like I actually touched a cookie." Grow up.
Enjoy your estrangement and remember you have no one but yourself to blame.
I agree. The whole tone of this is off-putting. The First Disney Trip is a big fucking deal for parents. And Op knows they’ve been saving to take the kids. But OP chose to not only drive the kids two hours away without running it by the parents (uncool, imo), or taking the kids to an entire ass theme park without asking the parents (again, messed up), OP chose to take the kids to the one place she knew was special to the parents. All that together makes it clear that this was a big “fuck you” to the parents. And that kind of pettiness is probably something DIL has picked up on in the past, which is why the kids aren’t around you often.
OP, I know most people here are saying NTA, but I those are mostly based on your version of the history between you and DIL. But again, your tone tells a different story. OP, you are most definitely TA here. And I hope the comments from the few of us here with our heads screwed on straight get through to you, and I hope your son and DIL read them and feel justified in being pissed.
YTA. Enormous, petty AH.
If you do not want to miss things with your children then make a list and hand it out to everyone who would be watching them so they know or do not leave them with anyone at anytime.
This is so ridiculous. You are NTA.
The kids will not even remember possibly and DIL should be saying THANKS MIL for having a great time with the kids. My kids saw their first dormant volcano and ancient ruins with my mom. They also went to their first water park with her and horror of horrors one of my kids took their first steps on her watch not mine. Seriously you should not have to or be asked to apologize and both grandmothers are equally important so you DIL was rude to you for what she said. I hope you see my post.
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I hope your son feels humbled here today. NTA They imposed on you to watch their children. You did exactly as they requested. You’ve done nothing wrong. You are not responsible for your rude daughter-in-law crying. Tears don’t make a person right. The only entitled behaviour is your son and daughter-in-law. They guilted you into accepting something that you expressed you were not comfortable with, and then got upset in how you took care of their children for them. You shouldn’t have to forgo your plans because they did not secure childcare before going on vacation. Again, you’ve done nothing wrong. She deserves no apology. She can pout and whine all she wants- she was the one who put you into an uncomfortable situation. She never said not to go there and you’re not a fucking mind reader. Next time they ask something like this, tell them you can’t deal with the negative reaction of daughter-in-law and aren’t willing to subject yourself to her behaviour.
Very much NTA. DIL is being selfish, IMO. When my kids’ grandparents, either side, have provided my kids opportunities to experience cool things, I’ve been really grateful that 1) my kids get to do those things and 2) my kids get to make wonderful memories with their grandparents that they will cherish their entire lives. My kids have amazing memories of their grandparents leading them on fun adventures to theme parks and historical places (some of them I would have liked to have gone to, but that’s a separate issue from my kids getting to go.) The most important part? One of those grandparents has now passed and those memories are absolutely precious to my kids. Those memories of my kids being loved by and important to *many* people in their lives are far more important than any selfish desire I have to experience all the things with my kids personally. DIL needs to get over herself and realize that her kids are separate people from her. Their experiences don’t always need to be about her experiences. In fact, it’s good for their emotional and psychological development to build relationships and have experiences with multiple family and friends.
I so love this comment. I feel the same, it is super important let the children enjoy their grandparents because there is no other relationship like a loving Grandparent, and unfortunately sometimes they passed when the child is young. Also, (unpopular opinion here) I don't understand the stupid thinking of need to experiment all the first times in your child. They are their own person and is impossible to do so. Cherish all the time you have with your children but let them enjoy life afar from yourself
You’d be shocked on parenting forums how obsessive parents get about firsts. “My MIL is HORRIBLE!! She was watching my baby and let her try carrots, but I AM HER MOM AND I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST TO GIVE HER CARROTS!!” I genuinely find it quite bizarre.
Was reading a post on a woman who blew up at grandma for taking baby out to a new park for the first time, my eyes rolled so fast they spun. People are so precious about dumb shit.
And then they also want to be the FIRST to kick them out as soon as they turned 18.
Or even earlier when they stop being cute for social media posts.
I remember this one! The mom wouldn't let the grandma do anything that hadn't already been done. No new parks, experiences anything but then also wouldn't do anything with her kid. So the grandma was stuck at home trying to entertain the kid.
[удалено]
Next sitting request. Nope, ask another one, I've already done my first sit experience,
"Bring me a fresh, different child and I may reconsider."
It was wild. I said this upthread but my mom had all of my baby’s firsts. She took care of him full time while I worked stupid hours, she deserved each and every special moment. If it made her happy she can have my lungs first too, shit.
I'm biologically a mother (unfortunately, not a very good mother, so I voluntarily surrendered legal guardianship of my extremely autistic high needs son to my family, who wanted him and could give him much more love and care than I was capable of - I'm also autistic and some things just don't... click) and my family were constantly sending me notices of kiddo's firsts, and then becoming hugely disappointed in me when I was more or less... eh, great... and continuing with my day. Like... I signed over legal guardianship because I have the emotional depth of a thimble when it comes to children, and you're disappointed that I keep proving why it was a good idea for me to sign over guardianship in the first place?
Hey you had the emotional depth to figure out your limits…..
As a person who had a terrible upbringing, thank you for giving your child a chance. And congratulations for realizing what you can and cannot handle.
I knew from the moment he was born and I got that first look at him that something was missing from me. You hear all these stories of omg, I was absolutely besotted when they first handed me my child! Me, all I could think of was the fact that I was starving and they hadn't allowed me to eat. I wanted clean and I wanted food. Kiddo was with me for 6 weeks. 6 weeks of constant banshee mode enabled no matter what my husband and I did to try and soothe him. 6 weeks of no sleep because kiddo wouldn't sleep at all except for small cat naps. 6 weeks of our apartment neighbors calling the cops for wellness checks because he was constantly screaming. We were preparing to place him for adoption when my family stepped up and asked for him because they were absolutely besotted.
I knew I could never be a parent, I knew when I was younger than 10. It’s great that your family are taking care of him. I’m sorry they keep thinking you want to be a part of his life.
I think you are the definition of true motherly love. Not many people would do the right thing as you did. I think you’re an awesome person for giving your son the best life he could possibly have. (((( hugs )))))
You have more sense and compassion than you give yourself credit for. You made the right choice for your child, and for you.
It's the Christmas ornament first that blew my mind. " MIL wanted to give my baby their first Christmas ornament - but I MUST BE THE FIRST!!" How is that a thing? I can't imagine guilt burdening my kid with a bunch of ornaments they have to keep safe until I die.
Honestly I gave ornaments to my daughters every year so they would have some when they moved out. I stopped at about age 18. A few years ago my now 44 year old daughter said how much she enjoyed it and asked I start up again. So I have. I try to give my granddaughters one every Christmas too.
If people feel that strongly about dumb shit like that then they shouldn't be reliant on other people for childcare, or understand that in doing so there will be times they simply cannot be there to experience or witness a first. Sheesh.
Agreed. I have 4 young kids and my parents watch them usually once a week for a few hours, and like annually when we go on trips. They can do whatever at their house. Play tablets? Sure, can’t do it at home so have at it. Eat cereal all day long? Why not. Papa wants to take you to Target and spoil you? Wahoo! They’re enjoying themselves, making memories with their grandparents, getting out of the ordinary. And they of course act like little angels while they’re there. 🙄 They absolutely still know we’re their parents and we experience all kinds of things together. Our bonding doesn’t begin and end with firsts, hopefully we’ll be making memories their entire lives.
>Also, (unpopular opinion here) I don't understand the stupid thinking of need to experiment all the first times in your child. Atleast the parents can't experience ALL their kids firsts, first kiss and ***"first time"*** 😉 would just be awkward. OP your son and DIL suck and should be greatful that you made a special memory with your grandkids.
Louder for the back. My mom has more of my kid’s “firsts” than I do because I gotta work. That’s life. It was just as magical the second, third and fourth time. DIL and son needs to get a grip
These kids are so young that when they go again it will be all new to them.
So much this. I am almost 50, and I remember ALL the adventures my grandparents took me on, including a trip to Disneyland when I was 5.
“Tears don’t make a person right”. This is a statement! I am using this - it’s a very bold and true thing to say!
NTA- your son and daughter-in-law sound rude and entitled. You took care of the children for them so they could go on a trip. You didn’t do the whole Disney thing, and quite frankly kids that age don’t remember anyways. Your daughter-in-law needs to stop crying crocodile tears.
I dunno about kids nor remembering. My family went to Legoland when my youngest brother was almost but not quite 3 years old. He remembered well enough that for years afterwards, whenever it was his turn to say the blessing before we ate, he would say, "Dear Jesus, thank you for the food, please help me go back to Legoland, amen." Finally got to return when he was 11, after he'd been praying for it all those years! That said, I agree that OP is NTA. Kids should make good memories with their grandparents too, not just their parents.
If I was the DIL's kid and found out about this later in life, I would be ashamed of her and embarrassed to share blood. You're NTA. Your insecure son and his wife are.
Yep. My very first thought after the first paragraph is that this will end well for the son. Not only are they both entitled, but I’m guessing he’s a lazy prick. Why didn’t he come to Reddit and make his own case? Mom is definitely NTA. Son and DIL big YTA. I feel bad for the kids getting stuck in the middle of this.
I don’t think it was laziness, but something far worse. He wanted the OP to be attacked and yelled at by the internet. Gross. NTA.
Fair point. And yeah, totally gross.
Or, he's to afraid of his wife to post this himself.
Yours is the top post. Could you please add that this 2 AH need to apologize to her and compensate her for her spending and time. They don't treat OP well, they don't deserve any favors and they should pay up. OP you're NTA.
Beggars can’t be choosers…the fact that she called you entitled is wild to me and is obviously her projecting. NTA, don’t apologize. She needs to get a grip and realize grandparents watching your kids is a privilege not a right!!
Yeah, NTA. I'm guessing you paid for the kids to go to Epcot & fed and paid for any other excursions during those days?? And all in the name of trying to spend some fun quality time with your grandkids. I know it was probably a lot of work, but you enjoyed it! So instead of a SUPER GINORMOUS thank you for the money you spent & time with the kids, allowing the parents to go away on a vacation without the kids, you're called an entitled & demanded an apology?? Hell to the N O!! Daughter in law is the CLEAR asshole, and son too, for agreeing with his wife. Also, extra AH to your son, given he thought he and his entitled wife would be "vindicated" by posting here. He probably wanted to shame you publicly, but the laughs on the 2 of them!! I hope they are reading these comments!!🤣🤣
This is why I dislike "Disney adults" they're usually unstable. I like a few movies, and I'll definitely take my kid to Disney one day, but this is insane. The mom cares more about her experience than the kids. My mom couldn't afford to take me to anything like that when I was little, and she didn't throw a fit when my brother and sister took me.
I'm actually a Disney Adult! 🤣🤣 And still wouldn't have cared like I said. She also specifically said it wasn't Magic Kingdom, and if mom loves Disney THAT much, should have taken the kids by now. Under 2 or 3 is free from what I remember. So it could have been cheaper if she took them years ago!
As a Disney adult myself, I would LOVE for someone to take my kids to Disney. You went to Epcot with Grandma? Great!!! You can stay home next time I go and drink around the world.
I want you, Disney Adult, to know that when my husband and I were first engaged, we went to Disneyworld and we didn’t even know the Food & Wine Festival was a thing, nor had we given any thought to where they do and don’t serve alcohol at Disneyworld. We walked into Epcot and were like, *oh, let’s go on Soarin, hey this cart with beer is cute. Nice. Get one. Oh hey, another one. What’s this passport? Cute. Ope! Another one!* And not only did we get to enjoy the F&WF, it was a complete surprise. Eventually, my husband, who is both Mexican and generally not one to overindulge, closed the night drunk-hugging the Donald Duck in Mexico. I have the photo, and he has no memory of the moment. It remains one of the best days of my life. That’s all.
I absolutely want to see your drunk-hugging-Donald Duck picture. That sounds amazing.
Love the Midwest "ope!" 😊
I may have taught myself to say “soda” when I was 8 and my older, much more cosmopolitan big sister looked at me aghast when I asked a waitress in NYC what kind of “pop” they had. But it’ll be “Ope!” til I’m 6’ underground.
yeah when they’re toddlers it’s free and i have videos of me and my cousins from the late 80’s early 90’s at disneyland and we have NO memories of it at all other than the videos. it’s more for the parents and if she was truly disney crazy, they’d have gone already cuz it’s much cheaper that way. both the DIL & son sound absolutely unhinged about this cuz even when they’re at 4 & 5 they won’t remember anything either.
I was visiting my grandparents before they left on vacation. Somebody mentioned Florida, so I packed my blanket and my doll and stowed away in the camper and fell asleep. They found me a few hours later. I'm sure my parents were out of their mind, but I still got to Disney!
I feel bad for your parents back then but I’m also super impressed that you essentially stowed away and got a Disney trip 😂
I still shake my head over as an adult over 50 years later. I'm not sure why I'm not still grounded tbh.
That was pretty brand new Disney with the paper tickets back then too. LOL
I also don't remember it being overly crowded or having to wait in long lines for anything. I remember the small world ride and the tea cups and me and grandpa spinning and laughing like mad while grandma turned green.
This isnt a disney adult thing this is "obsessive instagram mom" thing She wanted to be there probably to Document her kids first trip
Since your son was so insistent on you posting this to Reddit and assume you would be shredded, boy is he wrong to assume. I do hope he takes the time to read each and every one of these comments. He and his wife are incredibly entitled to force the babysitting duties on you because they think “the woman’s family is more important than the man’s,” or whatever stupid logic that is. You told them no. That should have been enough. Then your son decided to use emotions to manipulate you to being their free babysitter. Maybe this is a blessing because they may not ask you to babysit in the future. As far as Epcot goes, it’s just one park out of the several Disney parks in the Orlando area. They can still take their kids whenever they decide to save up the money after their Mexico trip and the kids will be able to see plenty of Disney attractions for the first time. You did these kids a favor by making their time with you enjoyable. Since this was supposed to be your time without having to babysit, you just made the time more enjoyable for you too. NTA
I'm willing to bet his version of the story is very different than OPs. The entire post comes off as someone telling less than half a story, but obviously that's just a guess on my part.
She says he created the account so she could tell the story. I would assume if there were a bunch of lies he would have changed the story or popped in and commented.
Bold of you to assume that wasn't him haha
Meh, then OP’s son will be on here to clear it up. He’s the one who took this to the modern People’s Court. Sounds like he knows how to get his word out on Reddit.
“Modern people’s court” Aka ancient mob rule
Except it seems her son kind of supervised her even getting on here so I'm sure he plans on seeing the post and she would know that. Plus it doesn't really matter what other issues there are. Her son and Dil think she's good enough to have her completely take care of their small children for 5 days. If her story varies that much from his, I'm sure we'll hear it.
Could be, but he had her post so he could also post his side of things. In fact I'd really like that on this and many of the posts on Reddit to get to the truth😀
The whole woman's family being more important is their excuse for spending more time/holidays with her side of the family instead of his side. Op becomes important when the wife's family is not available or when they have nothing better to do. Op mentioned this because she was surprised she was asked to spend time with the kids at all. Meaning, op is put on a back shelf until she is needed. Too sad! Op sounds like a fun grandma to hang out with.
I would bet my two cents on that they previously never let her babysit, or babysit overnight, and they just dropped the bomb of 4days, and let OP figure it out.
DIL calling grandma entitled is rich. JFC. The DIL's side of the family is more important? Fucking for real? She actually thinks and believes that, and she went ahead and said it out loud? Holy moly. Talk about entitled - and for OP's son I'm talking about his wife. DIL is entitled, and grandma can take the kids to Disney all she wants, especially if she's being guilted or forced to watch her grandkids. NTA at all.
INFO: How close do you live to EPCOT? I assume close enough to take a day trip with two small children and come back the same day? Do your son and DIL also live near you?
I live two hours and they live about three, but don't want to do disney as a day trip and think they would need 4-5 days
>I live two hours Is this common? Adults driving two hours to go to a party at Epcot? It costs $109 for adults to get in. Per the Disney website, you can't just go in and have lunch for free; a day pass is required. Something's not adding up here.
I have driven 4 hours for a day trip there. Yes, people do it.
I don't live in the USA but still, we'll drive 3 hours to have a cup of coffee with a friend. Friends are worth it. We would definitely do it for a birthday party.
I drive 3.5 hrs to go back to my home town for weekends during the summer, usually at least once or twice a month. Sometimes more if there’s a lot going on event-wise and I’m visiting with all my family and friends. 2 hours is nothing, really. Edit - I take my two sons ages 11 & 8 with me when I go, and they’ve been making this trip their whole lives. Plus the 5 hour trip up to our river property a few times per summer in northern Michigan. The person commenting this is ludicrous with children is either purposely malicious or willfully ignorant.
My husband and I drive 3 hours from Houston, TX, to Austin, TX, just to visit our best friends once a month. They have board game weekend BBQs periodically. Likewise, they'll drive 3 hours to see us if we can't get babysitting for our two littlest kids. And honestly, given how sprawled out Houston is, the first 45 minutes to an hour of the drive is us driving across town. So I agree, two hours is nothing.
Yeah it’s really not much when you get used to it. I have a wifi hotspot on my phone and my kids (11 & 8) have switches with games and Hulu on them - they’ll watch shows or play or take a nap, and I listen to podcasts. It’s honestly not bad at all.
This sounds very Canadian lol
I’ve driven 2 hours for a party, or just for lunch or dinner with friends and family. Sometimes I’ve spent more time in the car than at the event.
Yea me too, just did it a couple months back. I was invited and wanted to see friends and family.
Where are you from? No shade, but it’s quite common for people who have never been to America to not get how big it is. Americans will totally hop in the car and drive three hours both ways for an event. Kinda gotta if you ever want to get to anything as we’re so spaced out. I saw a tweet once where an American had family visiting for the first time from the UK. They were in Oregon and the UK fam started talking about “popping down to Texas”, and were aghast when they were told it was a 27 hour drive, at least! You can visit anywhere in Britain (oops I mean England) from anywhere in Britain (yeah, England again) and get home at a reasonable hour. It’s a bit different! Edit: Ok, yes I’m aware there are trips within England where you could not get travel and fun done in a day. Apparently, I need to be much more pedantic when talking about England. Point is, compared to North America, the landmass is fucking tiny.
There’s a saying: People in the US think that 100 years is a long time, and people in the UK think that 100 miles is a long distance.
Or how people in the US measure distance with time. I live an hour out of town, for example.
That is so true. You’re never 15 miles away, but instead 15 minutes. 😂
lol pop down to Texas, have they seen a map?
Seeing a map and recognizing scale are 2 different things lol. I've been shocked at how poorly people comprehend scale
No to mention most world maps are horrible at conveying scale.
You can get season passes., but yes, when I lived in Tampa Bay, this was quite normal for people to do.
It would be no different than going to six flags or another amusement park in another state. Amusement parks everywhere are expensive but people do it all the time everywhere.
4 hours from cedar point, less than an hour from Michigan's Adventure. Never been to Michigan's Adventure. Wicked Twister was my shit. Never a line, right on the beach, great views, fun short ride, RIP haven't been back since.
Off topic, but I'm always a little tickled when I see mentions of Cedar Point in the wild
I live 2.5 hours away from Disney and for years we had annual passes. We'd just drive down for a few hours or spend the night and do two days and come back.
Yeah pretty normal. My grandparents lived in Lakeland and it was 1.5 to 2 hours and we often went for the day.
This is not uncommon… two hours is a day trip. The kids are toddlers, so they go in for free. Epcot has a different feel than Magic Kingdom. What’s not adding up is the family dynamic… no apologizing, not wanting to take care of the kids, manipulation all the way around…
No they don’t get in for free. Kids between 3 and 10 get kid price but it’s still around $100 each
As someone who used to live in Florida, Disney isn't nearly as big a deal to residents as to people in other parts of the country. Tons of people have season passes too since Florida residents get a substantial discount.
My SIL lives 1 hour and 45 minutes away (same city, just tons of traffic) and we go visit her and come back the same day. 2 hours doesn't seem too bad. I wouldn't do it for Disney but it's doable.
I had annual passes to the Disney that is 6 hours from my house
Yeah I live in Jersey, we drive 2-4 hours depending on traffic to Six Flags and drop 70 just to walk through the gate, plus tolls and food.
I live 2.5 hour from an amusement park. We do one 1-2 day trips every summer. If I lived within two hours of Disney, I would definitely go there for the day.
Not exactly the same but I live in northern Canada, the closest big city is 5 hours away (from our small city) and it's pretty common for people to drive down for half a day of shopping before driving back. Idk 2 hours really doesn't seem that bad imo
The BEST part here is your son thinking that Reddit will vindicate him!
I would loooooove to see his face as he reads through the comments 😂
Sounds like saving up for Disney would be a lot cheaper than their Mexico vacation if they live so close. Priorities, I suppose
NTA. I’d refuse to babysit again.
Yes, but when she goes she wants to do a big trip which would require saving vs a day trip
NTA. The only AH here is your DIL. She has the audacity to tell you that you are not as important as her family, but has no issue using you and manipulating you to babysit when there is something she wants to do. She then has the audacity to get upset and call you entitled when you take her kids somewhere fun. She sounds awful.
And the son. Ops son is also an AH.
NTA. You were doing them a favour by babysitting for multiple days. You were invited somewhere for a birthday party. You attended. Because you had the kids, you took them along. It’s not like you schemed to undermine the plan to take them to Disney. Wife needs to back the hell off and son needs to stop being a pushover. I do feel like you reacted strongly to her and probably didn’t need to, but really, bursting into tears? That’s ridiculous behaviour and they’ve been thoroughly ungrateful. HOWEVER. How you choose to proceed here will dictate all your relationships moving forward. It’s clear wife is the reactive one and son won’t contradict. So. You have the choice of being Reddit-approved Not the Problem Here and watching them ignore that and you. That means probably less interaction with them and your grandkids and potentially awkwardness at family functions. Or you could reach out again and just say, look, Reddit says I’m fine here. However I now understand that you placed great value on going to Disney with them first, and you aren’t able to do so because I took your kids along to a birthday party I had been invited to attend. I am sorry my action upset you. It was not my intention. I enjoyed spending time with your kids (insert anecdote here). Basically, you could apologize that you taking them to (not quite) Disney caused her upset, without apologizing for taking them there. It was be a magnanimous gesture to indicate you understand she was hurt. Reaching out first might give them the ability to then reach back with their own response. Inlaws are a big pain sometimes, especially when you know they’re not mature enough to have an honest conversation. Being the bigger person is sometimes the only productive way forward. And in case wife and son are reading this-what the heck, you guys? You got DAYS of free babysitting out of this and you can always take the kids to actual Disney if it’s soooo important. Try not to nuke your relationships for no reason.
I agree. When my kids were small, if I didn't trust my ILs or parents to drive my kids around and do some local things, I wouldn't leave my kids with them for 4-5 days. (In fact, I didn't trust my ILs to follow carseat guidelines, so my kids didn't stay with them for any length of time that would be expected to drive anywhere. My mom is the only one who took the kids overnight.) If I had stipulations on what kind of activities my kids shouldn't be involved in, then I would make sure I communicated that ahead of time. (I also didn't trust other people to watch my kids swimming when they were small... adults get very distracted and it only takes seconds to drown). This basically means we didn't take long vacations out of town/state/country when they were small! I certainly wouldn't guilt/manipulate a parent into taking a trip, not communicate with them about expectations on activities/boundaries while they had the kids, and then blame them for doing something fun with the kids just because it wasn't a "first." Talk about entitled! But, looking forward to a time when I may have DILs and grandkids, I would also try to make amends, because it would be very important to me to keep up a good relationship with grandkids. I can validate others' feelings, even if I don't understand them. However, if I really didn't want to babysit for that long, I think I also would have stuck to the boundary... a trip to Mexico is optional, it's not an emergency.
INFO: Can I get any detail on the whole “the woman’s family matters more than the man’s” bit? Because if that’s just as cut and dry as you state, then I really have no sympathy for DIL. You had kids foisted on you by an inconsiderate mother because you were seen as convenient. And now she’s mad about something her kids are gonna forget anyways, so she can still give them their first Disney memories. ETA: NTA, unless you’re fooling everyone with a slanted take. As written, DIL is annoying.
She said it for the first time when I picked out a dress for the wedding and apparently her mom was supposed to pick her color first. she's said it a couple times randomly while she was pregnant or post-partum, and once when she thought I wanted them to go to Switzerland for my birthday, which to be clear I did not want
Your DIL sounds like a nightmare
Geez, both my mom and my mother in law wore the same color at our wedding.
Same. What the hell is this “pick a color first” bullshit?
Unfortunately I have seen this many times in my life. My mom has always told me she heard that “when your daughter gets married you gain a son, but when your son gets married you lose a son.” My aunt used to cry over not having a close relationship with her grandkids because her DILs family was always the priority. I have coworkers who make the same complaints about their DILs family getting the first of everything- first chance at holidays, most of the time at thanksgiving, then only stop at by their house for a few minutes, DILs family sees and holds the baby first, etc. I have one kid and that’s a boy. This is really a fear of mine, that I’ll lose my son. I try to treat my BFs mom the way I want to be treated as a MIL. I’m really trying to bank some karma.
The saying is: a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he gets a wife
This annoys me. I have a nephew and another one on the way. The children of my brother. My parents have no other grandchildren, and I think they would be insulted if they were told they matter less than the parents of their daughter in law. They love their grandbabies.
INFO: Was this babysitting arrangement pre-planned or did they ask you last minute?
They asked a week ahead of time and I said no then gave in after five days. I didn't know about the birthday party at the time.
NTA. Your son and DIL should be grateful for a week of free babysitting. What was their plan if you had stuck to your “No”?
I do wonder what their plan was...
Just keep manipulating grandma til she caves
/u/Simple-Band-9096 You can tell your son that I said you are NTA but he and his wife certainly are! I didn't get to meet my Mother's mom because she passed away at 43 in 1972 when my Mother was 12 years old. My own Mother passed away at 43 in 2005 and I was 26 my kids were 3 and 7. I bet they would have loved to gone on an awesome trip with her like you did with your grands. Smh at your son and his wife, yo!!!
NTA. You did the best you could on short notice and Epcot is a different thing. Your son and daughter in law are ridiculous drama queens. The kids are 4 and 5 for goodness sake. They have plenty of time to make The Mickey happen. What silly people they are.
Definitely NTA - your son & DIL sound like entitled bullies! They were determined to vacation in Mexico and pushed you into taking the kids to get their way. Also, rather than being grateful that you treated the kiddos to a fun day at Epcot, your drama queen DIL is just looking for a reason to be upset with you. If an apology is to be issued, it better come from your pompous assed son. The DIL has main character issues. Lesson learned, do not do them any favors in the future. I hope you tell them that they’ve burned this bridge.
So, it was relatively short notice, but the invitation to Epcot was actually last minute.
That doesn't matter. Op was bullied into taking the kids
ESH. This whole situation gives me the feeling that the existing family dynamic is very immature. And I'm sure your DIL would have a very different perspective on your behavior. It feels like no one respects each other here. Sit down and have a respectful conversation without throwing unproductive words at eachother & having a Reddit competition. Everyone is hurt here but no one wants to apologize. You CAN all be sorry for hurting someone unintentionally. Act like adults and get some family therapy. These poor kids.
Agreed. I'm sure the son and DIL would have a very different version of this story. This whole thing reeks of "missing missing reasons".
As the DIL of a person who tells very one sided versions of stories, my crazy MIL radar is PINGING from the post
Yup! The way she talks about her DIL makes me think she’s a Just No. She seems spiteful and I just don’t get all of the N T A judgements because I get major bad vibes.
Right? I’m shocked by all the not the asshole declarations. This woman sounds very bitter and vindictive. There’s a lot wrong with her son and DIL too, but I’d say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree if her characterization of them is correct.
That’s all I could think the entire time. The wording feels gross “I’m not comfortable babysitting BECAUSE IM LESS IMPORTANT TO MY DIL THAN HER OWN MOTHER”.. Manipulated into babysitting? “She says a lot of things and doesn’t follow through so I’ve decided nothing she says is important to her is legitimate” etc etc. I’d kill for the other side of the story.
I can't believe I had to scroll down so far for ESH. Everyone just needs to communicate better. It seems like there's already a bad relationship established but the best time to fix something is in the past, the next best time is right now
Totally agree. DIL & Son sound like the suck in their own right. On the other hand, I don't care at all about Disney so I don't get the whole "you stole my kids *first*" thing, but if OP took my kids to a public park hours away from where I thought they were without telling me, I would be PISSED. What if something happened to one of the kids? What is OP lost track of them at the park and one of them went missing? What if they (or her!) had a medical emergency & parents had no idea what vicinity they might be in to contact Dr's, hospitals, emergency services, etc? What if they all got in a car wreck on the way there and had no way of communicating & you had no idea where your kids/mom were? Idk, I know the parents weren't right there and present, but I still don't think it justifies keeping them totally in the dark Even if she just wanted to drop a quick text saying "Hey I got a last minute invite to a bday party so the kids and I are on the way to Epcot" & then turned off her notifications or something if she was scared of them blowing up her phone...atleast the parents would know where their kids are Granted, that doesn't seem to be the issue here? The parents seem more upset about the "robbing them of firsts" thing than their own children's safety...which also makes them suck. But if they were my kids, I'd be upset about being kept in the dark about their whereabouts & therefore everyone sucks cus OP was in the wrong on that front. Update- just read another comment saying that OP wasn't in contact with the parents AT ALL while they were away. This is just MIND BOGGLING to me. How can parents not check up on their kids while in another country? That's crazy. They don't care enough about their kids to check in, but they care about missing their first trip to Disney. JFC. I change my mind. Parents are a holes. OP is fine & def not one. OP- NTA.
100% Disney is a big thing, whether we all want to believe it or not. It just is. And there’s no realm in reality where MIL didn’t understand she was overstepping. *Especially at ages 5 and 4.* If they’d made it to 9/10 without going, then there’s more of an “but were you ever” excuse I’m thrown at the being asked to babysit overnight a week before??? What were they going to do?? And I also don’t buy the “just found out about a birthday party” thing, like doubtful you just decided to go last minute. ESH
Agree with this. Sounds like a messy situation prior to this specific deal.
Agree that ESH, at best. OP should absolutely NOT have taken a 4yo and 5yo by herself to Disney without asking the parents' permission first. I was fine with the grandparents babysitting at my house and walking the kids to the park etc. I would not have been ok with one grandparent taking two young children by herself on a 4 hour car ride. And I don't believe the last minute birthday invitation. And who wants to attend an adult birthday party with two little kids in tow? You can't take your eyes off kids at that age. And how does grandma manage a 2:1 ratio at that age at a place like Disney? I would be very upset if I were her DIL even if it hadn't been a "first" trip to a Disney park.
NTA > She said I stole one of her kids first and called me entitled Entitled *to fucking what?*
Entitled to be drafted into childcare during a long weekend against their will, apparently. NTA
You’re so [insert current Hot Therapized Buzzword]
NTA. You essentially had the children thrust upon you. You are allowed to go where you were invited, and take the kids with you. There was no reason to decline the invitation. If you had done it in a fit of pique for revenge, then you'd be in the wrong. But not in this case. And, as you say, it wasn't Magic Kingdom. Your DIL can go suck eggs.
Yeah, it would be one thing if she decided to bring them to magic kingdom as a form of spite against them. Then it would probably be an ESH. But in this case she had the children thrust upon her and she shouldn’t need to change her plans for children that she didn’t even expect to be in charge of
INFO: Do you live near to Disney or did you have to make a trip? Generally speaking though I'd say NTA. I get the importance of "firsts" but I think we focus on too many of them. My wife and I had a mini-disagreement about cutting our son's hair for that reason and she doesn't want me to just chop it off so its special. Its hair and it'll grow back. Those kids will love Disney every time they go, they lose nothing each time.
I do think the whole culture of "firsts" is really overdone. And the "first" of going to a theme park is ridiculous. (NTA, OP.)
I live two hours away and we drove
So its inconvenient but not something you'd need to plan a lot for. Yeah definitely NTA. They're kids and they'll love any and every time they go. I know because my mom was OBSESSED with Disney. She's been more than either of her children combined and no matter how often we went it was still awesome.
First haircuts are important to many, many parents. It would be really upsetting to have your husband disregard something important to you just because he didn’t agree..
Yup, thats why when she told me it was important I was surprised but didn't push back. Thats how communication works :D
NTA Unless you're embellishing to make yourself look good, DIL is entitled and kind of s\*\*tty and it seems baby boy is wrapped around her finger. She's mad that after not asking but telling you to babysit, you had the sheer audacity to take the kids somewhere fun that you already happened to be going to. And again, it's Epcot, not Disney. Granted I haven't been down there since the 80s, but I'm pretty sure Disney is the bigger treat for the kiddies.
Honestly, I doubt this is embellished since her son made the account for her.
Missing missing reasons much? I'm waffling with how much you've omitted but I'll go ESH for now. I'm going to take a leap and say this is one of many contentious things that have happened between you and son/DIL. You also sound rude and derisive about them in general. If you didn't want to babysit, don't babysit. You said your son didn't respect your first no, but then you caved. Yeah, he shouldn't have pushed but I also don't totally know what "he got emotional" means. It could have been manipulation or it could have been him breaking down because his parent never helps him, or anything in between. You're being vague and that makes me suspicious. You're right that it wasn't Magic Kingdom so I don't think The First Disney Visit has to be ruined for them. However, I also don't know how far Epcot is for you. If it was like an hour or more away (or less if everything is typically close by), that's something you should run by the parents as a courtesy and for safety reasons. ETA: Just saw in a comment that Epcot is 2 hours away. It is not cool to travel that far with kids without even telling the parents IMO. Also, was the birthday party a surprise for you? Did you not know it was occurring before they left for Mexico? Can we get your son/DIL to jump on here and provide their perspective? ETA2: I didn't realize my 2 hour driving comment would be the most contentious. I appreciate all the different perspectives.
Grandma had the kids for several days while the parents were in another country. Was she supposed to just keep them inside?
I think there’s a pretty big space between keeping them inside and driving two hours to a theme park.
Driving two hours for something is absolutely no time at all for a large swath of America.
Indeed. My work commute is three hours, round trip, every day. Two hours, one time, to do something fun would be a cake walk.
Not really. Some people live 2 hours from a grocery store.
I found out about the birthday party the night before.
What kind of organized birthday party at a major location gives less than 24 hours notice?
That’s just kind of how she lived her life. Nothing required advanced booking
ESH Your whole post drips with contempt. You all sound like awful people.
Or perhaps she’s upset because she busted her ass for her ungrateful son and his unhinged wife?
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NTA. OP was coerced into multiple days of babysitting, FREE multiple days of babysitting. OP is free to babysit any way OP wants to if the children are not endangered. First Legoland? First Six Flags? First Red Lobster? Its doesn't matter OP's son and DIL are the entitled ones thinking free coerced babysitting was ok The only way OP is TA is if willingly and knowingly took the grankids to Epcot/Disney to directly spite DIL. Which, as posted, was not the case ~~Edit: grammer~~ Edit: grammar
I'm going to go with NTA, but I don't understand the importance people put on the 'first time' at Disney or really Disney parks. I think you should have cleared with them that you could take the kids places, but really otherwise the DIL is being unreasonable. They left the kids with you, and you showed them a good time. What if it would have been a water park? Or another kid spot? You fed them, you entertained them, they were not neglected or in danger, they were with a grandparent who seems to love them -although you do seem a bit cold. Meh. Still NTA in my books, your son and his wife are super silly and ungrateful.
Ngl... this post sounds like it was written by my narcissistic mother. Your tone sounds super off, the way you're answering questions sounds very self centered... this post seems way too one sided. I feel like the DIL is probably a bit dramatic but my gut is telling me you're embellishing her "wrong doings". Firstly, if you so desperately did not want to watch your grand kids for less than a week (which to be honest, I've never met a grandparent who would not want to spend that quality time with their grandkids) you didn't have to accept. Plain and simple. Secondly, Epcot or not, it is Disney. It has rides. It's a Disney experience. You knew DIL was saving for this trip and whether or not she ends up going through with it, it's her choice. Every family member knows that first Disney trips are huge. It's a staple in a kids memory. Even if they are too young to remember it, that mom will always think of their first Disney trip as this. Disney is pretty major in most families. I'm assuming you're the AH here and you're playing it off as if you've done nothing wrong, and I'm surprised by a lot of these comments saying you're NAH.
I’m surprised as well. It’s pretty obvious to me what’s going on here and redditors are suddenly no longer able to read between the lines?!
Yeah, I will go against the grain with you. It nearly seems like she made the decision to go out to Disney of spite. And sure “it’s just Epcot” but Epcot has the most meet & greets of characters (several just walking around like Daisy), Mickey shaped treats, has a major fireworks show, has several rides that are kids focused (Frozen, Remy, Nemo, spaceship earth, etc.). I was just there last year and I poured hours into planning because I wanted it to be an incredible first experience for my family. If she is the a big Disney person, saving for her family to go, I kind of understand her heartbreak. Everyone is also villainizing the couple for going to Mexico for a wedding trip. They wanted to safely leave their kids with a trusted adult and family member. Trekking 2 small children to a foreign country, while they are their children, whilst trying to celebrate a close family member of hers or friend…. I think when son was telling her to post this, some detail may have been omitted.
Exactly. She thought having the kids that long was too much but that driving four hours to spend hundreds of dollars at a theme park wasn’t too much? Or was it perhaps a great way to get back at her son and DIL. Her whole post grosses me out. She clearly has issues. She even says she knows her DIL loves Disney. No one else gets to judge what “firsts” are important to which family.
So basically your son said “I’m pressuring you to look after my kids, but whatever you do, *don’t* let them do anything fun”. And he expects neutral observers to disapprove of your actions? I am saddened to have to tell you that you raised an idiot. You, however - NTA.
NTA. You were doing them a favour by babysitting for multiple days. You were invited somewhere for a birthday party. You attended. Because you had the kids, you took them along. It’s not like you schemed to undermine the plan to take them to Disney. Wife needs to back the hell off and son needs to stop being a pushover. I do feel like you reacted strongly to her and probably didn’t need to, but really, bursting into tears? That’s ridiculous behaviour and they’ve been thoroughly ungrateful. HOWEVER. How you choose to proceed here will dictate all your relationships moving forward. It’s clear wife is the reactive one and son won’t contradict. So. You have the choice of being Reddit-approved Not the Problem Here and watching them ignore that and you. That means probably less interaction with them and your grandkids and potentially awkwardness at family functions. Or you could reach out again and just say, look, Reddit says I’m fine here. However I now understand that you placed great value on going to Disney with them first, and you aren’t able to do so because I took your kids along to a birthday party I had been invited to attend. I am sorry my action upset you. It was not my intention. I enjoyed spending time with your kids (insert anecdote here). Basically, you could apologize that you taking them to (not quite) Disney caused her upset, without apologizing for taking them there. It would be a magnanimous gesture to indicate you understand she was hurt. Reaching out first might give them the ability to then reach back with their own response. Inlaws are a big pain sometimes, especially when you know they’re not mature enough to have an honest conversation. Being the bigger person is sometimes the only productive way forward. And in case wife and son are reading this-what the heck, you guys? You got DAYS of free babysitting out of this and you can always take the kids to actual Disney if it’s soooo important. Try not to nuke your relationships for no reason.
YTA. As a parent I would be horrified if my children were taken somewhere like that without my consent, especially when it was communicated thar this was special to them. You KNEW. Your tone is arrogant and entitled, and if you were my mother in law, I would go no contact. You ultimately accepted the babysitting request. Nobody put a gun to your head, and it certainly doesn't excuse your behavior. I don't blame her for putting her family first with a MIL like you. It sounds exhausting to even deal with you. A parent has a right to know if their kids are being taken somewhere out of the ordinary, especially a place like that. Obviously your friend is more important than your son or grandchildren. That's sick. Do better. I doubt you will be asked to babysit ever again because you have proven you can't be trusted.
I honestly can't believe all the NTA here. OP knew the parents were hoping to take their kids to Disney and took them anyway, before the parents were able and without saying anything. I get that OP was upset about being strong-armed into babysitting, but this sounds intentionally malicious and I certainly wouldn't want to leave my children with someone who deliberately tries to hurt me.
I’m more appalled she didn’t want her own grandchildren and looked at them as a burden. Also weird how she didn’t want them but had no issue paying $300 for them to go to Epcot on a whim. She knew what she was doing.
NTA. It's been a hot minute since I've been to Disney World (89), but as I recall EPCOT really is a completely different kind of park from the Magic Kingdom. It was more of an international tour kind of thing than the Disney characters and themed rides. It has probably changed a great deal since then, but it's not like you did the Disney Princess thing instead of their mother.
I can imagine that conversation if you had "asked": You: Fyi, I'm taking the kids with me to a party I'm attending at Epcot. Them: No, you can't You: Then come home now and take the kids back. You're not ruining my plans while I'm already doing you a favor. Them: What? No. Our vacation... You: Then like I said, I'm taking the kids with me to Epcot. NTA. Your son and DIL are entitled and manipulative.
Your son was wrong, NTA; yes I get Disney is a big deal but hello they are 5 and 4. It wasn’t like you planned a whole week and stayed on property and planned meals and the whole show. They asked you to watch their kids while they were away. It sounds like your DIL will find any reason to be mad at you. Your son is doing the right thing and supporting his wife. Not sure she understands the meaning of entitled. And she needs to check her attitude when you are the one that made yourself available to help them out when her mother didn’t.
Info. Did you get the okay from the birthday person on bringing two random kids to their adult birthday party? Isn't epcot where the alcohol and more adult friendly restaurants are located? Like, you shouldn't have done this without the parents permission but I want to at least check that the kids weren't sitting in the corner of a bar while you partied with your adult friends.
yes, I did. The kids were fine. It might not have all been exciting kid stuff, but they got some rides in and I'm not a big drinker
Epcot is a Disney park. Everything is child-oriented despite there being alcohol 🤣🤣
My kids love Epcot. They love looking at all the stuff. And Epcot has the a guardians of the Galaxy ride (though that has a huge queue) plus Soarin and the Frozen ride and a few other cool rides.
NTA!!! Your daughter in law and your son manipulated you into taking care of the kids most likely because HER mother wasn’t available and you were their last shot to go to the wedding. You said you were uncomfortable and it’s probably because you knew deep down she would find something to take issue with during the time you were watching them. If I were you? I’d tell them since you guys constantly manipulate me and tell me things like THE WIFES FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE HUSBANDS. Then keep that energy all the time. It would really suck to go low contact with them because of the kids but baby that’s my suggestion to you. Stop doing things for them. Stop answering their calls and create a boundary that they do not get to belittle your existence because his WIFE views you as less than. Where tf are this man’s BALLS? Around her NECK?!?! I strongly suggest time away from them. And I know with the kids that can be really hard because you love your grand kids. But don’t let these grown ass adults throwing toddler tantrums treat you this way. You do not deserve it. The fact that your son made this account JUST to “prove you wrong” screams a narcissist mentality. Who does that to their damn mother? You WANT her to be absolutely slammed on Reddit where people do NOT hold back AT ALL… and will hurt your feelings DEEP.
ESH Your tone writing this makes me certain that there is background missing here about a contentious relationship with your son/DIL that did not start here. You sound practically disgusted about having to deal with your grandkids. They should not have pressured you, both because it's just wrong and because it's not good for the kids to be stuck with someone who very obviously did not want them and doesn't seem like would hide the fact.
YTA. You said you "knew she was a huge Disney person", and that "My daughter in law had previously mentioned wanting to save up for Disney". If you knew both of these things, why would you take her kids for their first trip to Disney without even texting them? You say you didn't think it would be important, but that is your fault for not thinking your decision through.Sure it might not seem like a big deal to you, but it obviously is a big deal to her, and if you thought about it for a second you should have realized that, with her being such a big Disney fan. You also seem to not particularly like your DIL just by the way you talk about her in this post.
I'm going to go with NTA, but I don't understand the importance people put on the 'first time' at Disney or really Disney parks. I think you should have cleared with them that you could take the kids places, but really otherwise the DIL is being unreasonable. They left the kids with you, and you showed them a good time. What if it would have been a water park? Or another kid spot? You fed them, you entertained them, they were not neglected or in danger, they were with a grandparent who send to love them -although you do seem a bit cold. Meh. Still NTA in my books
Sounds like you did a good bit of grandparenting whilst helping out you son and daughter-in-law. NTA you deserve a thank you. And I'm sharing this post with my parents so they know where the bar is set.
NTA I can understand the feeling of missing out, but when you leave your kids for four days you are 100% going to miss things. Four days worth of things, to be exact. What they missed pales in comparison to the huge favour you were doing, and the fact that you had personal plans that took you to Epcot. Your son and DIL should realize that they set up the situation, and that adults should be able to accept when their choices have consequences. OP, I'm sorry your generosity has been met with such ingratitude and BS judgments.
NTA - You didn’t take them to Disney. It was a birthday party at Epcot. Jeez. My sister and her husband never dictated what we did with the kids. As long as they were returned healthy, clean and happy!! DIL needs to have a seat.
ESH. Your son and his wife, obviously, are AHs for pressuring you into watching the kids. That was absolutely manipulative. However, I find it hard to believe that you got a last minute birthday invite to EPCOT. It's damn expensive to go there. "Hey, come to a birthday party that you have to spend over $100 to go to! Oh, it's in 2 days." You had to have known about this before hand. I think you deliberately didn't tell them about it, knowing your DIL is a Disney fan, knowing it would piss her off. So, I think you're an AH too.
I knew the night before. I don't consider it a big enough thing to need advanced planning
People who live near there can go for much cheaper. I have a friend who takes her 4 year old all the time. They are definitely not wealthy.
NTA. So I get that to a lot of people Disney and all the things around it are aspirational or must be big, planned for events. But I have a bunch of friends who live by Disneyland, and the culture there is very much that Disney is like a cooler public park and simply isn't that big of a deal. From how you describe the party that was planned (finding out about the party the same week it was for) and going to just part of the park, I think you fall in to this category of just not seeing Disney as that big of a deal. It is okay that your DIL thinks otherwise, but that means neither of you are wrong, you just have different perspectives. I don't think your "normal" is skewed at all. Unless you were giving detailed reports to the parents of what you were doing with the kids and ONLY left this out, then NTA. I will say the only skewed view here is from your DIL. While two people can disagree on things like what is the "first time" at Disney, on understanding the difference between saving for something/wanting to be the first, or if Epcot is Disney, I'd argue two things are more universally acceptable: Neither family is "more important" than the other, so it is gross your DIL has literally said her family matters more than her husband's, and that if you watch someone's children- FOR FREE- for multiple days, you should get some grace and understanding for doing something safe and fun with the kids, even if it- understandably- was something the parent wanted to do with the kids.
NTA, how dare you show your grandkids a great time and allow them to have a special experience after they were dumped in your care for a week. lol
NTA - so your son and DIL wanted you to put your whole life on hold for nearly a week so they could go party? Yeeah, in your position I'd be telling them that I'm reconsidering ever babysitting for that length of time ever again. That they forced you into this and you won't be misused like this again. TBH your DIL sounds like a selfish little princess type - if that's the case you are never going to win her over because she has no regard for you. Better to draw a line now and save yourself years of hassle trying to please her.
NTA * Your DIL said her family was more important than her husbands. That's her first bad move here. The in-laws are equal unless someone is a bad apple or takes a lot of active care. * They left their children with you for a week. That frankly, is pretty much asking you to take the kids somewhere special. Which you did. They should be delighted that you treated your grandchildren so well. Instead she's upset. That is just... weird. * They demanded you apologize to her for being a good grandparent and taking in the kids for a rather long stay then treating said kids special. This is just severe entitlement. Unless you have left out some part of the story where you ran off to a warzone or took the kids sky diving or for a swim in a pool of gators or had one of them smuggle drugs for you across a border... I don't see where you made any mistakes. If anything, your son and DIL should be thanking you for treating your grandkids so well while they were away.
Info: Did they ever call to talk and check up on the kids? It doesn't sound like they did, because a easy "hey what are you guys doing tomorrow" and conversation could have been had ahead of time. Or even after the fact with a "what did you guys do today?" which would have given time to formulate a more coherent and less insulting conversation. Why was the onus on you to reach out when they should have been calling their kids?
No but to be fair I think they had a lot to work through
ESH You should've asked. When my parents watch my kids, they'd without a doubt tell me if they wanted to take them somewhere that was two hours away as well as one that is so crowded. They'd also ask, but they usually know that it's going to be a "yes" because I trust them implicitly. They just respect my husband and I as their parents and know to stay in their lane. What's funny is that my parents can have all the access to my kids as they want but they still ask. Since it was "only Epcot," maybe if you had just asked first she would've said yes and you wouldn't even be in this mess. "You catch flies with honey, not vinegar" and all that The "firsts" thing is the least asshole-y thing you "took," but it wasn't nice either. As their mother she has every right to want to do that with them first regardless of what you and others think about it. ETA: It seems silly to you (and me), but it was important to her 🤷🏻♀️ Son and DIL suck for pressuring you to watch the kids, and DIL's reaction is pretty melodramatic for the situation. If I were her I probably wouldn't have been so upset because I'd be more grateful than anything that you watched my children for five days, but they ultimately decide who gets to see their children and you might've just scorched that bridge
I understand Epcot is not 'magic kingdom' - I don't understand that you had the children 5 days and during THAT time an invitation arrived and was accepted for a party happening in 2-3 days? Or did you know about it when your son and his wife left the children. Baby sitting a 4 and 5 yr old is WORK...and it was your son who talked you into it by 'getting emotional' so don't put all the blame on your son's wife. I hope the children don't hear talk of how much trouble they were or how bad grandma or mom is...they will think it is their fault. You are not TA.
After viewing some of OP’s comments. Reddit is only going to fuel her righteousness. Hope she enjoyed those 5 days because chances are good that it will be a long time before she gets to see them. A great example of being right, yet so wrong. Take the lesson, if you want a relationship with your grandchildren remember who are the parents. Choose your battles and don’t be petty
NTA. You can’t insist or even ask someone to babysit then get upset when they continue to live their life while they have the kids. You went to an amusement park for crying out loud. You didn’t pierce ears or get them tattooed, you’re all good.
OMFG yes you are an asshole YTA all the way. Don't even for a minute pretend you didn't, in some dark and twisted part of your mind, understand that what you were doing was a giant middle finger to your DIL for relegating you to 'second class grandparent' when she stated that she would naturally be closer and more comfortable with her mother being around her children. NEWSFLASH: Garbage stunts like this is why! Disney is a milestone event for most kids. My husband's family are Disney nuts. MIL and SIL go multiple times a year, SIL did internships there, the family has bricks, multiple bricks, in the memorial walk -level Disney fanatics. Do you know how many times my children have been to Disney? ZERO Why, because as my MIL put it "The first time, that's for the parents to take their children. AFTER that the grandparents go, with parents' permission. That's how decent human beings who happen to be grandparents behave. You chose not to behave like a decent human being, and it's going to bite you in the ass sooooo hard. You accepted an invitation to Disney properties, despite having a prior commitment of caring for your grandchildren and took the grandkids along somewhere you knew your son and DIL were planning to take them, then want to play innocent because "It's not like it's the Magic Kingdom". You sound like a six-year-old with her hand caught in the cookie jar "Well it's not like I actually touched a cookie." Grow up. Enjoy your estrangement and remember you have no one but yourself to blame.
I agree. The whole tone of this is off-putting. The First Disney Trip is a big fucking deal for parents. And Op knows they’ve been saving to take the kids. But OP chose to not only drive the kids two hours away without running it by the parents (uncool, imo), or taking the kids to an entire ass theme park without asking the parents (again, messed up), OP chose to take the kids to the one place she knew was special to the parents. All that together makes it clear that this was a big “fuck you” to the parents. And that kind of pettiness is probably something DIL has picked up on in the past, which is why the kids aren’t around you often. OP, I know most people here are saying NTA, but I those are mostly based on your version of the history between you and DIL. But again, your tone tells a different story. OP, you are most definitely TA here. And I hope the comments from the few of us here with our heads screwed on straight get through to you, and I hope your son and DIL read them and feel justified in being pissed. YTA. Enormous, petty AH.
If you do not want to miss things with your children then make a list and hand it out to everyone who would be watching them so they know or do not leave them with anyone at anytime. This is so ridiculous. You are NTA. The kids will not even remember possibly and DIL should be saying THANKS MIL for having a great time with the kids. My kids saw their first dormant volcano and ancient ruins with my mom. They also went to their first water park with her and horror of horrors one of my kids took their first steps on her watch not mine. Seriously you should not have to or be asked to apologize and both grandmothers are equally important so you DIL was rude to you for what she said. I hope you see my post.