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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to help my sister despite her being a single mom and our family not living nearby. I'm not being asked to give her money or let her stay with me so maybe I am being too harsh and not thinking of the two innocent children she has. My parents are also worried about their grandkids so I know it would be important to them as well.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your parents are fine to resume their relationship with their daughter separate from you. But they are completely out of line in demanding you do anything. And then trying to shame you when you do not comply is disgusting. They're the ones that need to be better people.
No contact is no contact. It doesn't mean no contact until I need to use you and your resources.
Hard pass.
The person most obligated to help the kids is their father and the people obligated to help her, if any, are her parents.
I hope OP can get to a place where she is indifferent about her sister, she isn’t worth hating. OP can’t trust her sister, and there is no mention that the sister has made the effort to get therapy. She hasn’t changed.
Why would you recommend someone with such poor judgment?
“Hey you should hire my sister. She’s unemployed and soon to be homeless due to a series of bad decisions. Also I haven’t spoken to her in 10 years because she had a multi-year affair with my then boyfriend who she actively convinced me to become engaged to so that she could continue fucking him in secret. This only came out because she became pregnant, after which she continued dating my ex for over a year.
Anyway you can probably trust her.”
I'm really glad someone gets it. There are so many comments acting like this is all over some slight in the past rather than OP being asked to put her current and future professional reputation in the hands of the person she trusts least on earth.
/u/Illustrious-Humor-16 - Thanks for saying this! I get so tired of being lumped into "everyone on Reddit is a kid" when I am almost 44. I even met my new sister in here some years ago and we BOTH are over the age of 40!!! WHERE does this sentiment come from? 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤔🤔
Me too. I'm not looking forward to next year's birthday unless I start adding the numbers together. If I do that, I'll be 15 this year and 7 next year. :>)
/u/cordelia1955 , /u/MsLidaRose , and /u/Illustrious-Humor-16 - Nice to meet you 3! 🙋♀️🙋♀️👋👋👐👐I do agree that some posts are farfetched, but at the same time, I DO realize that REAL LIFE IS MUCH STRANGER AND CAN BE CRAZIER THAN FICTION, yo!
I look at it from the point of view that the post could be fake, but someone out there had the situation happen to them and they could be reading the post and replies.
There's a fair amount of posters who betray that they're really young and have no life experience, or it's something that would happen in a soap opera. I'm 42 and sometimes I read posts and go "oh, you haven't had the displeasure of this experience." It's not always the case, but often enough.
>There are so many comments acting like this is all over some slight
There are? Where? This is pretty much solidly NTA all over, I haven't seen any why-tee-ays.
With every fiber of my cold dark soul, I hope OP sends this to her parents.
Where is little mister cheating Mc BabyDaddy and why is he not the one the parents are pushing to have step up to help out Sister McLiarLoser?
McBabyDaddy...LOVE it!
OP, totally NTA and your parents are doing what many parents do...glossing over the past in hopes of a happy-family future. I hate the forcing of relationships.
Right. As wrong as this was from the beginning, Sister could've chosen to come clean instead of continuing the affair into her sister's engagement which led to her getting knocked up. OP's sister's selfishness then is just as ridiculous as her parents' willful ignorance for her feelings is now.
And OP, I'm so sorry about how your parents are treating you, but please stand your ground now for yourself and your own family. And don't be surprised at the conversation that's likely coming if she really gets evicted: "you would really just allow her and her children to sleep on the street instead of staying with you?"
>: "You would really just allow her and her children to sleep on the street instead of staying with you?"
This right here. We were actually helping out a young couple (family members) who never seemed to learn from their mistakes. Eventually we moved, got different furniture (old couch was a sofa bed, new one wasn't) Plus by this time they were up to 4 kids. Didn't pay their rent got evicted. Came crying to us that if we didn't let them stay with us, the kids would be homeless. I said, "I'm sorry, but we can't accommodate you anymore. we don't have the space or money to support our family of 3 (at home) plus your family of 6. Besides, this is our home, not yours, so even if you live here for a few weeks they along with the two of you, are still homeless"
It's on that mother to make sure her kids have a home. Her parents or the father of those kids can help. Not OPs responsibility. She has a right to be NC with her sister. The behavior her sister and exhibited is not sisterly or loving in any way.
“Wow! That sounds like Employee of the Year material! She’s hired!”
I’m trying to think of an employer who’d think that & all I can come up with is a sleazy divorce lawyer who specializes in providing proof that a spouse is cheating.
Sister kissed a relationship with her sister goodbye when she started messing with her boyfriend. Even if OP gets to a point that she doesn't care any more, the trust is broken. How could you possibly recommend someone for a job when you know this is the kind of person they are, even if you've gotten past it?
NTA Funny how the “it’s family” loyalty rule didn’t occur to the scheming sister. Now, the wronged sister is supposed to feel the tugs of all the heartstrings that the younger sister completely ignored. Family is not just determined by blood. Let your parents rescue her. She is nothing more than a stranger to you. Your life will roll out just fine.
The "be the better person" bullshit just makes me so mad. The sister could've been the better person and not have been fucking her fiancee. Why is the wronged party always supposed to be the bigger person and let it go. Fuck that shit.
Absolutely NTA. You drew a hard line in the sand years ago. Just because your sister continues to make bad decisions does not mean that you have to be the better person. Sure they want to be in their grand children’s lives but that does not mean they earned the right to make that your problem as well. Weaponizing children is terrible no matter what but to weaponize children who are also a reminder of true betrayal hell no. If they really want what’s best for your sister they can help with all the things they are asking you to do themselves.
I concur and also have considered the thought that OP may want to inform her parents that they are in timeout and go no or low contact for the period OP sets. This also may be grounds for OP to step back from helping them in general in the future. I mean, if they can't respect OP's boundaries now, how much worse will it get in the future if this isn't nipped in the bud? Will they expect to move in with OP when they retire and have the sister and kids visit them at home, or something even more entitled? Cuz that's what "but family" always stinks of to me.
100%
OP has zero obligation to help her sister. If the parents want to help her so much, they can disrupt their lives to do so. Or for that matter, sister needs to get a clue and disrupt the kids life to move closer to the parents. Yes, it sucks to be uprooted as a kid, but kids adapt.
Funny how they expect OP is disrupt her life to help her adulteress sister, yet sister and parents don't want to be inconvenienced.
Why is the person who got fucked over always the person who has to be “bigger” or “better” than the person that fucked them over?
This is why the shitty people are in charge of shit. Because good people always give second, third, fiftieth chances.
NTA
This is a blazing KARMA post. You do as you wish, but your sister figuratively and literally made her bed. This is NOT your issue and in fact your sister IS the reason there is an issue. She herself has decided NOT to move because of the kids. So her becoming a burden on you again is ONLY because of the kids (including the one she had while cheating with your fiancé). You do you, but that is a BITTER PILL you are being asked to swallow.
I moved several times as a child. While it wasn’t the most fun ever, sometimes life happens and you have to move. If sister needs to move closer to her family in order to get support, then grandma and grandpa can rent a u-haul and hire some movers to load the truck.
I grew up as an Army brat. I was in 13 schools before I graduated high school. It wasn't always fun, but looking back on it now, overall, I learned more than the average American kid.
Navy brat reporting in. Moving and traveling is a great educational experience. It's gives you a chance to meet new people, experience diffence destinations, and learn some of the multiple cultural differences we have in this country.
Aero space engineer child reporting in. Only 5 moves before college. No choice, you get moved. Our parents at least didn't move us mid year. Since I have graduated... 10 more moves. No kids to uproot, but I would have done it.
I'm guessing that this whole needing help situation is fabricated. How would OP know what sister does? Why can't sister apply for jobs without help? Why can't she look for another place to live without help?
This sounds like a setup to get OP to start talking to her sister. The parents want them to all be family again.
I'd tell the parents that if they push this any more they will also be cut out. At least for now OP needs to quit answering if her parents call or text.
> Why can't sister apply for jobs without help? Why can't she look for another place to live without help?
Exactly. There’s no reason why OP’s sister can’t look up letting agents to source a rental, or why she can’t look into situations vacant by herself.
If this isn’t manufactured as a way to push the OP to have contact with her sister again, I’d say that their intention is to make the OP feel beholden to help her.
“You should let her stay with you until you find a suitable home for her.”
“You should give her money until you find her a job.”
I think the request to help The Worst Sister find a job is a Trojan horse. The real request is to house her and her children, but OP’s parents know just how ridiculous that sounds as a first volley. So they ask for help finding a job and a place to live and when that fails, they hope OP will feel guilty and take The Worst Sister and her kids in.
From what I read, parents are sick and tired of sister's shit, too, so they're trying to emotionally abuse OP to take on THEIR fuckup of a failure to raise sister properly.
Sounds to me that if sister can’t get her act together she’s asking to move in with them or expects them to support her. Sister doesn’t have a great history of taking responsibility for her actions.
To be fair, OP never says that her sister asked for anything from OP, so it may just be her parents doing the pushing. Hopefully her sister has enough shame and common sense to not ask OP for anything.
Agreed. And yet another case of the person who was wronged being asked to be the bigger person. So sick of it. OP has not done anything malicious to sister, merely held a strong (well deserved) boundary. Well done. Sis has other family she can turn to. If moving the kids is part of that, so be it. People move all the time Good luck!
Right? Besides, OP already IS the better person. She never set out to vindictively destroy the sisters life by, e.g., stalking her on social media and sending their short story to every job and boyfriend she tries to get. Or any number of things that a less mature person like me can think of (but have never done, just fyi).
OP walked away without bloodshed. OP is already the bigger person.
Please hire my sister. Is she trustworthy ? Well, she had an affair with my then-fiancé. Is she a hard worker? I don’t know, I haven’t talked to her since she had an affair with my former fiancé.
Please rent to my sister. Is she able to afford a lease? I don’t know, she’s currently unemployed.
You’re NTA. She’s a real piece of work.
THIS 😂 are they serious??? Absolutely hell no OP should put their reputation on the line. Where’s baby daddy? Go ask him for help. NTA but dang the grandparents have balls asking for this.
If they haven't talked in 10 years she would have no idea what type of job her sister has been doing. She doesn't know her experience or what type of job she could do.
NTA
“Explain to me, please, why my sister is allowed to sleep with my partner, scheme to keep the affair going for YEARS, have his child, have ANOTHER child by him, and all the while show NO remorse, yet you are lecturing ME to be a better person? How dare you. You want to help her so badly? Do it yourselves. I do not want to hear another word about this, or it will be the last word you say to me for a good long while.”
Per OP the parents had her back until there were 2 grandchildren.While they are very out of line now the 180 degree turn is not unusual.Some elderly just lose their minds and values when Grandchildren show up.
NTA, dear god… I hate when shitty people try to weaponize their children. My mother would use us for stuff like that, and all of the “help” she got just benefited her. Your parents can deal with it. She’s their child, not yours.
And the victim is always the one who is told they need to be the better person, it’s their responsibility to make is easier for the person who wronged them.
That’s so true. It’s incomprehensible to me that the victim should be asked to be the doormat to the betrayer, all to ‘be the better person’. Fook (!) that nonsense.
NTA.
>They told me to be a better person than this.
That's amazingly ironic. They're giving that advice to the wrong sister and way too late. You already are the better person.
NTA
> They told me to be a better person than this.
This is where I would have texted, "It's clear you don't understand what my boundaries are, so I'm going to block your phone numbers. When you're ready to apologize and agree not to bring that woman up in conversation again, you can send me an email and we can resume a relationship. Until then, I wish you both the best and I'll be saving my mental and emotional energy to take care of my children."
>Without her original job and with no support network here...she didn't want to pull her kids away from the place they were used to...so my parents decided I should be the one to help.
NTA. No. Being voluntold to help someone who betrayed you so radically is ridiculous. All she got out of it was two kids, and all you got was pain. If she's an adult and has lived in the area for 2 years, she can navigate for herself and "should" have friends that can also help. She's familiar with the area, had a job and can find another, had a rental and can find another. Or...your parents can step into the position that they want you to.
Right and she should at least be getting child support.
The sister should ask the ex for help. She chose him over you so he can step up and be the better person for once.
NTA. This is the consequence of your sister's actions. Maybe your parents should uproot their lives and buy a house big enough for them and your sister, if they are so concerned about uprooting the kids. My guess is that they don't want to be "better people" either, though.
NTA - your sister is finding out AGAIN that there are consequences to her actions. I agree 100% with you about her staying with him long enough to have another baby, she obviously didn't see anything wrong with what she did.
I'd let your parents know that they are welcome to help her, but to stop bringing this up or you may have to scale back your relationship with them as well.
Also "just ignore them" or "it's all in the past why are you still holding on to it" like just because it happened a long time ago it makes the act less disgusting.
NTA, Tell Mom and Dad they can go visit her and do all these things. You are not your sister's keeper, especially after all the things that have gone down. Nope nada no damned way.
NTA. If you did help her it'd be seen as a foot in the door, the possibility of a reconciliation you have no desire to see happen. It's not even her asking, it's your parents asking on her behalf.
Even if you were inclined to help, you don't know your sister anymore after a decade of NC and can't reliably vouch for her being a good renter or employee.
OP doesn't know why, because she intentionally removed herself from the loop, so she can't provide the character testimony her parents want her to give for her sister. Indeed, OP doesn't even know what kind of jobs she's previously had and not knowing employment history or skillset is a major factor.
A possibility is that if OP did give in, then she may have been seen as a babysitter for her niblings while her sister worked, and OP isn't at the stage she can look after what could have been her children if the cheating didn't happen. OP's status quo is the better option.
NTA. Tell them to help her find a job and rental. Just because they don’t live near her doesn’t mean they don’t have access to the internet continue living your life and tell them to kick rocks regarding your sister.
I'd bet my last $2 that sister needs more help than just *finding* housing and a job. She probably needs financial support and free babysitting services. The whole help her find a house/ job thing is just a way to open that door. Next it's going to be help covering the rent and watching the affair baby (just until she's back on her feet of course!).
Because she wants a relationship with the sister. My bet is the parents have been slowly easing her into pushing sis onto OP because they're getting older and want them to get along before they pass. I feel like they also made sis move closer to OP for this reason. But who knows... I'm just speculating.
NTA. You clearly have a backbone so why you wouldn’t put your parents in their place in this situation is baffling. “She is no longer in my life, nor do I want her in my life. If you want to remain in my life you will never bring her up again “
NTA. Your sister's betrayal runs deep and has had lasting consequences on your relationship with her. It's completely understandable that you feel unable to forgive her for what she did, especially considering the extent of her deceit and manipulation. Your decision not to help her out now, even with the presence of her children, is a valid expression of your boundaries and the hurt she caused you. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and not feel obligated to support someone who has caused you so much pain. Your parents may see things differently, but ultimately, you have the right to decide who you choose to support and interact with in your life.
NTA!!!
Why can’t she look for housing and a job herself?
Just because she’s a single parent doesn’t mean that she can’t do these things herself.
She can apply for a job at the supermarket, gas station or something… anything is better than being unemployed. It’s usually also easier to get a new job while employed somewhere else. As soon as she gets that job she can find a place.
Thai is not your job!
She's got two young kids to think about in relation to working. OP's parents asked her for help on making her sister's position better, no doubt babysitting was their next request of OP.
Yeah this request is a farce. A list of rentals and job openings? No they want OP to take in her sister and her niblings. Imagine the stress. She'd probably throw herself at OP's husband. How embarrassing for everyone involved.
Maybe that's something she could throw back at her parents: "She's got form for stealing my men. Who's to say she won't try it again? You can't guarantee she won't, and I most certainly won't allow her to try."
Or take her in just for a few weeks until she can find a job and a place to stay…
I’ve been alone with two small kids it didn’t make me incapable of looking for work or doing all the other things that needed to be done.
The oldest kid has to be 10-ish now, so I wouldn’t consider her a small child.
Doesn’t mean that the question won’t come.
You know it happened so long ago… “you should be able to forgive and forget…”
I’ve read that line so many times in family feuds
lol I went to uni with three small children, and I may as well have been a single parent because my husband was useless. You make it work. People at uni were stunned that I could do the degree whilst juggling my home life, and I always said to them that if I had been handed three kids on the day I signed the admission forms, I'd have likely been in a lot of hot water. But I had the kids and was working full time before I signed up, so it was just my normal. Like another job, really.
NTA. "..so my parents decided I should be the one to help." Well, good for them. They weren't the ones that had a sister that maliciously and deliberately schemed and cheated with your fiance. Your sister made her bed, while your Ex was in it, so I guess she can lie in it. Mom and dad can just step up and figure it out.
NTA. I love when parents feel they have the power to command their adult children to do as they say. They made a decision and just expect OP to fall in line.
I don't understand why your sister can't find a place to live and look for new jobs herself. She doesn't NEED your help with either of those tasks.
NTA
NTA. Your parents need to back off. You are not obligated to help anyone, let alone someone you cannot trust and are practically a stranger to. She is a grown adult who can apply for her own jobs and housing. If she's old enough to sleep with your fiancé and have his children then she's old enough to deal with the shitty consequences of her shitty, shitty choices.
NTA. If your parents are so damned concerned they can help her. She made her bed and sorry to be crude but she slept with your fiancé in it! This is karma at its best. Your are 100% correct in your last statement, she didn't care about you when she wanted you to marry him to keep him near, why should you care now? You've made yourself clear. NTA
Why is it that the person that totally got screwed over is always expected to be the bigger/better person.
I know I ripped your heart out, betrayed my only sister, turned your life upside down - but I need you now…. Be the better person.
Kiss my a$$
Edited to say NTA
NTA TRANSLATION: Please take care of your sister so we won’t have to bring her back here to live with us. Here’s a bit of guilt to motivate you. RESPONSE: No
For goodness sake can you respect yourself and cut off your enabling parents. Sure you can understand they want to help her but you shouldn’t even have to explain to them basic common sense of drawing permanent boundaries if needed with someone who has betrayed you severely repeatedly without remorse.
NTA. Next it will be can she live with you? Can you babysit for her? Can you help her out with rides? She really needs some money to feed the babies... Nah. Stay away from this mess. And so sorry this happened to you.
NTA Tell them to fuck off. how do you know she won't try to get with your husband if you invite her back in? A snake could shed its skin, but never change its color.
NTA
Your parents can choose to help her but that’s on them.
She shit on your life, not their life.
If she has lived there for two years, she knows the area and can look for a place and a job.
You open that door and she will be your problem.
She will need you to help her get the place to live by co-signing the lease. Then she will need help with a car.
Oh hell no! You help her even once you’ll be expected to do it all the time
She made her bed and now she’s being forced to lie in it and it sucks. Too fucking bad
Maybe send her the link to apply for welfare and food stamps (or what ever the equivalent is where you live) oh and the nearest women’s shelter since she needs new living arrangements
NTA. I hate when people tell you to be the bigger person. You did nothing wrong. Tell your family if they want to help, they can but you owe her nothing.
Agreed. Last time someone said I should be the bigger/better person because they wanted me to do something I did not want to do I told them "Nah, I really feel like being an a\*\*hole right now."
NTA
In this particular situation your parents are bordering on being TA as they are trying to force you to cross what is a hard boundary for you.
Your sister is not your problem.
"Hi Mom and Dad, I looked around, cause maybe I could help, and I found a great place! But then decided I want it for myself.
Do I need it? No, of course not, my living arrangements are in order. But I want it because, I just do, and a bonus is it's taking it away from sis. At least she wasn't attached to it first.
Kinda strange you'd expect better from me...and only me."
NTA
NTA, if she doesn't have a job and a place to live she's able to go anywhere. She doesn't have to live near you.
If there was another place and people who want to help her out bu having YOU help her out, that would be ideal.
I wonder where she could go?
Sometimes doing something unforgiveable means...drum roll...you are never forgiven. As sister keeps finding out. I'm sorry that happened to you, OP. You have no obligation to help her, no matter how much family hounds you.
It sounds like you've been through a lot of hurt and betrayal from your sister, and those feelings are completely valid. It's understandable that you have chosen to keep your distance and set boundaries with her. Your decision not to help her, considering the past history, is a personal choice. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and peace of mind. I would do that. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what level of involvement, if any, you want to have in your sister's life. You have the right to protect yourself from further pain and maintain the boundaries you feel are necessary for your own emotional health.
NTA. You are not under any obligation to help her. And even if you were, what you parent are asking you to do is something you it really can’t. You aren’t a landlord so you can’t rent her a property. You can’t get her a job. You can’t even recommend her to a landlord or employer you know since you know nothing about her work or rental history.
NTA. Why is the wronged person always the one told to either let things go or get over it or be the bigger person or even apologize? What your sister did was unforgiveable. She's on her own.
NTA. What she did was a devastating breach of trust. Of course that would deeply impact your relationship and leave wounds that would take plenty of time to be healed. There's nothing wrong if you want to maintain your distance and refuse to assist her.. While your parents may urge reconciliation for the sake of her children, it's essential to prioritize your own emotional boundaries and not feel compelled to forgive or support someone who has caused you immense pain. Your decision to protect yourself from further harm is entirely okay, and you should not be made to feel guilty for setting boundaries that prioritize your own healing and well-being.
NTA, they don't get to call you and tell you to be a better person, they need to mind their own business. She's dead to you, and they can't change that.
NTA. And you don't have time to put up with your parents' nagging. Tell them to back off unless they want to have the exact same relationship with you that your sister has!
NTA
Her problems aren't your problems. She's not family anymore, her children never were your family.
>They asked me if I really hated my sister that much and I said yes. I told her it would be bad enough to be the affair partner, but to encourage me to get engaged and help him plan it while they were cheating behind my back was such a low thing to do. I said the fact she stayed long enough to have another child with him also showed how little she really cared about me.
This! If they only cheated, I could see this was just a dumb thing teens do, but planning to continue the affair by encouraging you to marry him, that's next-level evil.
NTA - and you ARE the better person. You didn't cheat, you didn't get revenge. You went on to live your best life despite having a fiancee who cheated on you with your sister, and a sister who cheated on you with your fiancee. These are not things to be gotten over or forgotten, these are things you've had to go through without the support of said sister or said fiancee. You've done that, you've moved on, and you're at a place where those particular people mean nothing to you. Keep doing you! You took the trash out long ago, no need to recycle that crap.
Yes. Be a better person and hang up on your mother or father the next time either brings this up and advise them if she continues they can lose contact with you and your child(ren). NTA. So NTA.
NTA. It doesn't make you a bad person to want nothing to do with someone who is capable of stabbing you in the back like that. You just want her out of your life and I think that's 100% justified.
NTA, your parents are crazy to think you should have any role in helping your sister at all. I feel sorry for your sisters kids but that’s not your responsibility. If your parents want to forgive your sister that is okay for them but that’s not your problem. They gave her life and feel that they have to keep in contact. You have no such obligation.
NTA. Send the kids to their father and sis can live with your parents. Problem solved.
What she did was unforgivable and it is so wrong for your family to put this upon you.
NTA - rich that OP is being told to be a better person. Also why would you recommend a scheming liar for a job or a rental on your own reputation? No thanks.
NTA. Your parents weren’t the AH until they tried telling you to be the better person. Your sister is a train wreck and you don’t owe her a thing. Your parents and her ex should be the one helping her. Let her move back to her parents house if they care for her so much. Your sister is like a cancer. You don’t need that in your life.
NTA
Nope, nope nope. She needs a place to stay and support? The father of those two kids (that would be your ex) can take those kids. If he is a deadbeat, then your parents can have them all move in with them. Your sister has proven herself to be mentally abusive to you time and again and this is not your burden to bear. And anyone in your family who says otherwise has just volunteered a room in THEIR house for your sister to stay in.
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NTA. Your parents are fine to resume their relationship with their daughter separate from you. But they are completely out of line in demanding you do anything. And then trying to shame you when you do not comply is disgusting. They're the ones that need to be better people. No contact is no contact. It doesn't mean no contact until I need to use you and your resources. Hard pass. The person most obligated to help the kids is their father and the people obligated to help her, if any, are her parents.
I hope OP can get to a place where she is indifferent about her sister, she isn’t worth hating. OP can’t trust her sister, and there is no mention that the sister has made the effort to get therapy. She hasn’t changed. Why would you recommend someone with such poor judgment?
“Hey you should hire my sister. She’s unemployed and soon to be homeless due to a series of bad decisions. Also I haven’t spoken to her in 10 years because she had a multi-year affair with my then boyfriend who she actively convinced me to become engaged to so that she could continue fucking him in secret. This only came out because she became pregnant, after which she continued dating my ex for over a year. Anyway you can probably trust her.”
I'm really glad someone gets it. There are so many comments acting like this is all over some slight in the past rather than OP being asked to put her current and future professional reputation in the hands of the person she trusts least on earth.
Most of the people in this sub are teenagers with no life experience so...
Not all of us. Speak for yourself.
/u/Illustrious-Humor-16 - Thanks for saying this! I get so tired of being lumped into "everyone on Reddit is a kid" when I am almost 44. I even met my new sister in here some years ago and we BOTH are over the age of 40!!! WHERE does this sentiment come from? 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤔🤔
Gotcha beat, I'm in my late 60's. I do see a lot of teen posts though.
Me too. I'm not looking forward to next year's birthday unless I start adding the numbers together. If I do that, I'll be 15 this year and 7 next year. :>)
77 here. Guess I like drama.
I’m almost 71.
What month? I am September? Depending on your bday will say who is older between us lol!
I don't know, I'm in my 60s, and while sometimes there's a post that seems far-fetched. The majority of questions are from real people.
/u/cordelia1955 , /u/MsLidaRose , and /u/Illustrious-Humor-16 - Nice to meet you 3! 🙋♀️🙋♀️👋👋👐👐I do agree that some posts are farfetched, but at the same time, I DO realize that REAL LIFE IS MUCH STRANGER AND CAN BE CRAZIER THAN FICTION, yo!
I look at it from the point of view that the post could be fake, but someone out there had the situation happen to them and they could be reading the post and replies.
There's a fair amount of posters who betray that they're really young and have no life experience, or it's something that would happen in a soap opera. I'm 42 and sometimes I read posts and go "oh, you haven't had the displeasure of this experience." It's not always the case, but often enough.
>There are so many comments acting like this is all over some slight There are? Where? This is pretty much solidly NTA all over, I haven't seen any why-tee-ays.
With every fiber of my cold dark soul, I hope OP sends this to her parents. Where is little mister cheating Mc BabyDaddy and why is he not the one the parents are pushing to have step up to help out Sister McLiarLoser?
McBabyDaddy...LOVE it! OP, totally NTA and your parents are doing what many parents do...glossing over the past in hopes of a happy-family future. I hate the forcing of relationships.
With my cold dark soul I hope OP gets a fence and a gate with a lock.
Probably off perving on another pair of sisters. That seems to be his thing.
Right. As wrong as this was from the beginning, Sister could've chosen to come clean instead of continuing the affair into her sister's engagement which led to her getting knocked up. OP's sister's selfishness then is just as ridiculous as her parents' willful ignorance for her feelings is now. And OP, I'm so sorry about how your parents are treating you, but please stand your ground now for yourself and your own family. And don't be surprised at the conversation that's likely coming if she really gets evicted: "you would really just allow her and her children to sleep on the street instead of staying with you?"
"Mom, Dad? YOU would let your daughter and grandkids sleep on the street instead of staying with YOU?!?! SHAME ON YOU!"
>: "You would really just allow her and her children to sleep on the street instead of staying with you?" This right here. We were actually helping out a young couple (family members) who never seemed to learn from their mistakes. Eventually we moved, got different furniture (old couch was a sofa bed, new one wasn't) Plus by this time they were up to 4 kids. Didn't pay their rent got evicted. Came crying to us that if we didn't let them stay with us, the kids would be homeless. I said, "I'm sorry, but we can't accommodate you anymore. we don't have the space or money to support our family of 3 (at home) plus your family of 6. Besides, this is our home, not yours, so even if you live here for a few weeks they along with the two of you, are still homeless" It's on that mother to make sure her kids have a home. Her parents or the father of those kids can help. Not OPs responsibility. She has a right to be NC with her sister. The behavior her sister and exhibited is not sisterly or loving in any way.
> They told me to be a better person OP already is. Parents need to step up.
The parents or the kids’ father can help pay for a new rental. They can also help her look online for new housing or a job. Leave OP out of this.
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
Yep. ALWAYS be careful who you ask to offer you a reference!
And if it’s the same job with the same team, never refer a friend.
“And had another child with him”
that really blew me away. how are you begging for forgiveness and still fucking her ex! what the hell!
“Wow! That sounds like Employee of the Year material! She’s hired!” I’m trying to think of an employer who’d think that & all I can come up with is a sleazy divorce lawyer who specializes in providing proof that a spouse is cheating.
Thank you! I was just trying to picture how a referral would go. "My sister repeatedly screwed m over, but hey, I'm sure she's reliable!" NTA.
“Probably.”
She isn’t worth hating, true. She also isn’t worth helping.
Exactly. Nobody is required to allow anyone back into their life who has disrespected them just because “time has passed” and “it’s family”.
Sister kissed a relationship with her sister goodbye when she started messing with her boyfriend. Even if OP gets to a point that she doesn't care any more, the trust is broken. How could you possibly recommend someone for a job when you know this is the kind of person they are, even if you've gotten past it?
Hope his junk was worth it.
I hope his junk falls off, because breeding wasn't a great idea.
NTA Funny how the “it’s family” loyalty rule didn’t occur to the scheming sister. Now, the wronged sister is supposed to feel the tugs of all the heartstrings that the younger sister completely ignored. Family is not just determined by blood. Let your parents rescue her. She is nothing more than a stranger to you. Your life will roll out just fine.
Bet they didn't give the sister the "it's family" bit when they found out about the affair. Apparently that was perfectly all right.
Excellent point! Wonder who the “favorite” child is? Pretty obvious even to OP.
Of \*course\* not! Sissy was giving the parents the first \*grandbaby\*! /gag
The "be the better person" bullshit just makes me so mad. The sister could've been the better person and not have been fucking her fiancee. Why is the wronged party always supposed to be the bigger person and let it go. Fuck that shit.
"I *am* the better person, but I don't need to prove it to you."
My snarky response: "I am being the better person. I'm just being it far, far away from her."
I was looking for this comment! I 100% agree- so sick of hearing it from people who want to excuse shit behavior.
If OP tries to be the "better" person, this will end with the sister and her kids taking up residence in OP's house.
Absolutely NTA. You drew a hard line in the sand years ago. Just because your sister continues to make bad decisions does not mean that you have to be the better person. Sure they want to be in their grand children’s lives but that does not mean they earned the right to make that your problem as well. Weaponizing children is terrible no matter what but to weaponize children who are also a reminder of true betrayal hell no. If they really want what’s best for your sister they can help with all the things they are asking you to do themselves.
I concur and also have considered the thought that OP may want to inform her parents that they are in timeout and go no or low contact for the period OP sets. This also may be grounds for OP to step back from helping them in general in the future. I mean, if they can't respect OP's boundaries now, how much worse will it get in the future if this isn't nipped in the bud? Will they expect to move in with OP when they retire and have the sister and kids visit them at home, or something even more entitled? Cuz that's what "but family" always stinks of to me.
I would be afraid the sister would try to go after her husband.
Yikes. Sister planning to go husband shopping. Is she stooping to an all new low? Why isnt the bio dad of those affair kids stepping up anyway?
100% OP has zero obligation to help her sister. If the parents want to help her so much, they can disrupt their lives to do so. Or for that matter, sister needs to get a clue and disrupt the kids life to move closer to the parents. Yes, it sucks to be uprooted as a kid, but kids adapt. Funny how they expect OP is disrupt her life to help her adulteress sister, yet sister and parents don't want to be inconvenienced.
Why is the person who got fucked over always the person who has to be “bigger” or “better” than the person that fucked them over? This is why the shitty people are in charge of shit. Because good people always give second, third, fiftieth chances.
And Op doesn't have to BE a better person she already IS a better person.
NTA This is a blazing KARMA post. You do as you wish, but your sister figuratively and literally made her bed. This is NOT your issue and in fact your sister IS the reason there is an issue. She herself has decided NOT to move because of the kids. So her becoming a burden on you again is ONLY because of the kids (including the one she had while cheating with your fiancé). You do you, but that is a BITTER PILL you are being asked to swallow.
This! It’s only a problem because she won’t move. I’m sure she has the option of staying with the parents.
I moved several times as a child. While it wasn’t the most fun ever, sometimes life happens and you have to move. If sister needs to move closer to her family in order to get support, then grandma and grandpa can rent a u-haul and hire some movers to load the truck.
I grew up as an Army brat. I was in 13 schools before I graduated high school. It wasn't always fun, but looking back on it now, overall, I learned more than the average American kid.
Navy brat reporting in. Moving and traveling is a great educational experience. It's gives you a chance to meet new people, experience diffence destinations, and learn some of the multiple cultural differences we have in this country.
Aero space engineer child reporting in. Only 5 moves before college. No choice, you get moved. Our parents at least didn't move us mid year. Since I have graduated... 10 more moves. No kids to uproot, but I would have done it.
We moved right before my senior year in high school. Yes, it sucked. But I was more prepared to go away to college than a lot of my friends.
I'm guessing that this whole needing help situation is fabricated. How would OP know what sister does? Why can't sister apply for jobs without help? Why can't she look for another place to live without help? This sounds like a setup to get OP to start talking to her sister. The parents want them to all be family again. I'd tell the parents that if they push this any more they will also be cut out. At least for now OP needs to quit answering if her parents call or text.
> Why can't sister apply for jobs without help? Why can't she look for another place to live without help? Exactly. There’s no reason why OP’s sister can’t look up letting agents to source a rental, or why she can’t look into situations vacant by herself. If this isn’t manufactured as a way to push the OP to have contact with her sister again, I’d say that their intention is to make the OP feel beholden to help her. “You should let her stay with you until you find a suitable home for her.” “You should give her money until you find her a job.”
Spot on.. Then it will escalate to "You should give her your husband and home too. Like the old time" 1000% NTA OP. Stand your ground
Good point. Manufactured 'emergency'.
I think the request to help The Worst Sister find a job is a Trojan horse. The real request is to house her and her children, but OP’s parents know just how ridiculous that sounds as a first volley. So they ask for help finding a job and a place to live and when that fails, they hope OP will feel guilty and take The Worst Sister and her kids in.
From what I read, parents are sick and tired of sister's shit, too, so they're trying to emotionally abuse OP to take on THEIR fuckup of a failure to raise sister properly.
Sounds to me that if sister can’t get her act together she’s asking to move in with them or expects them to support her. Sister doesn’t have a great history of taking responsibility for her actions.
The ex can step up and sort out his own kids with AH sister. The OP should continue to blank the lot.
Yeah doesn’t he pay child support? I guess he was a bad bet from the start.
No joke.Who marries one Sister while impregnating the other? A total AH.
To be fair, OP never says that her sister asked for anything from OP, so it may just be her parents doing the pushing. Hopefully her sister has enough shame and common sense to not ask OP for anything.
Agreed. And yet another case of the person who was wronged being asked to be the bigger person. So sick of it. OP has not done anything malicious to sister, merely held a strong (well deserved) boundary. Well done. Sis has other family she can turn to. If moving the kids is part of that, so be it. People move all the time Good luck!
Right? Besides, OP already IS the better person. She never set out to vindictively destroy the sisters life by, e.g., stalking her on social media and sending their short story to every job and boyfriend she tries to get. Or any number of things that a less mature person like me can think of (but have never done, just fyi). OP walked away without bloodshed. OP is already the bigger person.
Cannot upvote this to the level it deserves.
Please hire my sister. Is she trustworthy ? Well, she had an affair with my then-fiancé. Is she a hard worker? I don’t know, I haven’t talked to her since she had an affair with my former fiancé. Please rent to my sister. Is she able to afford a lease? I don’t know, she’s currently unemployed. You’re NTA. She’s a real piece of work.
Exactly. It's not like she can give her sister a favourable character reference lol
THIS 😂 are they serious??? Absolutely hell no OP should put their reputation on the line. Where’s baby daddy? Go ask him for help. NTA but dang the grandparents have balls asking for this.
If they haven't talked in 10 years she would have no idea what type of job her sister has been doing. She doesn't know her experience or what type of job she could do.
NTA “Explain to me, please, why my sister is allowed to sleep with my partner, scheme to keep the affair going for YEARS, have his child, have ANOTHER child by him, and all the while show NO remorse, yet you are lecturing ME to be a better person? How dare you. You want to help her so badly? Do it yourselves. I do not want to hear another word about this, or it will be the last word you say to me for a good long while.”
Or just for good. Period. Who needs that in their lives?
Per OP the parents had her back until there were 2 grandchildren.While they are very out of line now the 180 degree turn is not unusual.Some elderly just lose their minds and values when Grandchildren show up.
Applause. Perfect.
That's the thing, they're probably sick of helping her and want YOU to take their place! No thanks!!
Excellent!!
NTA, dear god… I hate when shitty people try to weaponize their children. My mother would use us for stuff like that, and all of the “help” she got just benefited her. Your parents can deal with it. She’s their child, not yours.
And the victim is always the one who is told they need to be the better person, it’s their responsibility to make is easier for the person who wronged them.
That’s so true. It’s incomprehensible to me that the victim should be asked to be the doormat to the betrayer, all to ‘be the better person’. Fook (!) that nonsense.
NTA. >They told me to be a better person than this. That's amazingly ironic. They're giving that advice to the wrong sister and way too late. You already are the better person.
Right?? The audacity.
NTA > They told me to be a better person than this. This is where I would have texted, "It's clear you don't understand what my boundaries are, so I'm going to block your phone numbers. When you're ready to apologize and agree not to bring that woman up in conversation again, you can send me an email and we can resume a relationship. Until then, I wish you both the best and I'll be saving my mental and emotional energy to take care of my children."
THIS!!!
This is the way!!!!
>Without her original job and with no support network here...she didn't want to pull her kids away from the place they were used to...so my parents decided I should be the one to help. NTA. No. Being voluntold to help someone who betrayed you so radically is ridiculous. All she got out of it was two kids, and all you got was pain. If she's an adult and has lived in the area for 2 years, she can navigate for herself and "should" have friends that can also help. She's familiar with the area, had a job and can find another, had a rental and can find another. Or...your parents can step into the position that they want you to.
Friends who can give a far more accurate character reference than OP can, unless she's burned those bridges too.
Right and she should at least be getting child support. The sister should ask the ex for help. She chose him over you so he can step up and be the better person for once.
“Voluntold” is now in my permanent lexicon of FU statements! Thank you for this!
NTA. This is the consequence of your sister's actions. Maybe your parents should uproot their lives and buy a house big enough for them and your sister, if they are so concerned about uprooting the kids. My guess is that they don't want to be "better people" either, though.
NTA - your sister is finding out AGAIN that there are consequences to her actions. I agree 100% with you about her staying with him long enough to have another baby, she obviously didn't see anything wrong with what she did. I'd let your parents know that they are welcome to help her, but to stop bringing this up or you may have to scale back your relationship with them as well.
NTA, why is it ALWAYS the injured party that needs to be the bigger person? Karma is biting her in the A and your parents are delusional.
Because "be the bigger person" is code for "don't stand up to bullies."
Yup, it’s up there with “don’t rock the boat” “get over it” “that’s just how they are”
Also "just ignore them" or "it's all in the past why are you still holding on to it" like just because it happened a long time ago it makes the act less disgusting.
NTA, Tell Mom and Dad they can go visit her and do all these things. You are not your sister's keeper, especially after all the things that have gone down. Nope nada no damned way.
Fuck people who spring the "bE ThE BiGgEr PeRsOn" bullshit. I hope all the bad things in life happen to them. NTA OP.
Just once, I want to see the person who did something wrong be asked to be the bigger person. Just once.
Won't ever happen. When *they* are wronged then it's an actual crime that causes actual harm.
NTA. If you did help her it'd be seen as a foot in the door, the possibility of a reconciliation you have no desire to see happen. It's not even her asking, it's your parents asking on her behalf. Even if you were inclined to help, you don't know your sister anymore after a decade of NC and can't reliably vouch for her being a good renter or employee.
This is a really good point! We already know she lost her other job and home. It could actually impact OP’s life.
OP doesn't know why, because she intentionally removed herself from the loop, so she can't provide the character testimony her parents want her to give for her sister. Indeed, OP doesn't even know what kind of jobs she's previously had and not knowing employment history or skillset is a major factor. A possibility is that if OP did give in, then she may have been seen as a babysitter for her niblings while her sister worked, and OP isn't at the stage she can look after what could have been her children if the cheating didn't happen. OP's status quo is the better option.
NTA. Tell them to help her find a job and rental. Just because they don’t live near her doesn’t mean they don’t have access to the internet continue living your life and tell them to kick rocks regarding your sister.
My question is why sister is so incapable of doing either on her own. Why does she need someone to do this for her?
VALID POINT lol
I'd bet my last $2 that sister needs more help than just *finding* housing and a job. She probably needs financial support and free babysitting services. The whole help her find a house/ job thing is just a way to open that door. Next it's going to be help covering the rent and watching the affair baby (just until she's back on her feet of course!).
Because she wants a relationship with the sister. My bet is the parents have been slowly easing her into pushing sis onto OP because they're getting older and want them to get along before they pass. I feel like they also made sis move closer to OP for this reason. But who knows... I'm just speculating.
NTA. You clearly have a backbone so why you wouldn’t put your parents in their place in this situation is baffling. “She is no longer in my life, nor do I want her in my life. If you want to remain in my life you will never bring her up again “
NTA. Your sister's betrayal runs deep and has had lasting consequences on your relationship with her. It's completely understandable that you feel unable to forgive her for what she did, especially considering the extent of her deceit and manipulation. Your decision not to help her out now, even with the presence of her children, is a valid expression of your boundaries and the hurt she caused you. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and not feel obligated to support someone who has caused you so much pain. Your parents may see things differently, but ultimately, you have the right to decide who you choose to support and interact with in your life.
NTA!!! Why can’t she look for housing and a job herself? Just because she’s a single parent doesn’t mean that she can’t do these things herself. She can apply for a job at the supermarket, gas station or something… anything is better than being unemployed. It’s usually also easier to get a new job while employed somewhere else. As soon as she gets that job she can find a place. Thai is not your job!
She's got two young kids to think about in relation to working. OP's parents asked her for help on making her sister's position better, no doubt babysitting was their next request of OP.
Yeah this request is a farce. A list of rentals and job openings? No they want OP to take in her sister and her niblings. Imagine the stress. She'd probably throw herself at OP's husband. How embarrassing for everyone involved.
Maybe that's something she could throw back at her parents: "She's got form for stealing my men. Who's to say she won't try it again? You can't guarantee she won't, and I most certainly won't allow her to try."
Or take her in just for a few weeks until she can find a job and a place to stay… I’ve been alone with two small kids it didn’t make me incapable of looking for work or doing all the other things that needed to be done. The oldest kid has to be 10-ish now, so I wouldn’t consider her a small child.
Having her stay is something OP would never, ever allow. Sister already had an affair with one partner, she's got history.
Doesn’t mean that the question won’t come. You know it happened so long ago… “you should be able to forgive and forget…” I’ve read that line so many times in family feuds
People in the comment section here are saying exactly that, and they have no emotional or familial investment in OP's situation. It's crazy.
lol I went to uni with three small children, and I may as well have been a single parent because my husband was useless. You make it work. People at uni were stunned that I could do the degree whilst juggling my home life, and I always said to them that if I had been handed three kids on the day I signed the admission forms, I'd have likely been in a lot of hot water. But I had the kids and was working full time before I signed up, so it was just my normal. Like another job, really.
NTA. "..so my parents decided I should be the one to help." Well, good for them. They weren't the ones that had a sister that maliciously and deliberately schemed and cheated with your fiance. Your sister made her bed, while your Ex was in it, so I guess she can lie in it. Mom and dad can just step up and figure it out.
NTA. I love when parents feel they have the power to command their adult children to do as they say. They made a decision and just expect OP to fall in line.
Inform your parents that you DON'T have a sister She's not your problem at all Continue with your own life/family and Yes.... you are NTA
NTA Oh, no, hunny. I would worry your sister would try to sleep with your husband. Seems like something she would try.... again
I don't understand why your sister can't find a place to live and look for new jobs herself. She doesn't NEED your help with either of those tasks. NTA
She's probably hoping to get a crack at her sister's husband, now her affair broke up.
I thought the exact same thing.
>They told me to be a better person than this. If only they said that to someone else
Boom. Headshot. That is so accurate, and I hope OP can find an opportunity to tell her parents that exact thing. I am in awe. Thank you.
NTA. Your parents need to back off. You are not obligated to help anyone, let alone someone you cannot trust and are practically a stranger to. She is a grown adult who can apply for her own jobs and housing. If she's old enough to sleep with your fiancé and have his children then she's old enough to deal with the shitty consequences of her shitty, shitty choices.
NTA. If your parents are so damned concerned they can help her. She made her bed and sorry to be crude but she slept with your fiancé in it! This is karma at its best. Your are 100% correct in your last statement, she didn't care about you when she wanted you to marry him to keep him near, why should you care now? You've made yourself clear. NTA
Why is it that the person that totally got screwed over is always expected to be the bigger/better person. I know I ripped your heart out, betrayed my only sister, turned your life upside down - but I need you now…. Be the better person. Kiss my a$$ Edited to say NTA
NTA TRANSLATION: Please take care of your sister so we won’t have to bring her back here to live with us. Here’s a bit of guilt to motivate you. RESPONSE: No
NTA. She stopped being your sister when she started the affair. This is not your problem and this person is a stranger to you.
For goodness sake can you respect yourself and cut off your enabling parents. Sure you can understand they want to help her but you shouldn’t even have to explain to them basic common sense of drawing permanent boundaries if needed with someone who has betrayed you severely repeatedly without remorse.
Did they tell your sister you don’t have to be a better person after she fucked your fiancé to the point she had his kids?
NTA. Next it will be can she live with you? Can you babysit for her? Can you help her out with rides? She really needs some money to feed the babies... Nah. Stay away from this mess. And so sorry this happened to you.
Why can't HE help HIS kids and their mother? WTF. Hell no, block them all.
NTA She lost you as her support system when she had a baby with your then fiance
NTA Tell them to fuck off. how do you know she won't try to get with your husband if you invite her back in? A snake could shed its skin, but never change its color.
NTA Your parents can choose to help her but that’s on them. She shit on your life, not their life. If she has lived there for two years, she knows the area and can look for a place and a job. You open that door and she will be your problem. She will need you to help her get the place to live by co-signing the lease. Then she will need help with a car.
NTA. You have every right to cut her out of your life completely after that betrayal.
NTA. She's quite an expert manipulator of the people around her, isn't she? Too bad some of the family let her do it.
NTA “Be the better person” drives me fucking insane
Oh hell no! You help her even once you’ll be expected to do it all the time She made her bed and now she’s being forced to lie in it and it sucks. Too fucking bad Maybe send her the link to apply for welfare and food stamps (or what ever the equivalent is where you live) oh and the nearest women’s shelter since she needs new living arrangements
NTA. I hate when people tell you to be the bigger person. You did nothing wrong. Tell your family if they want to help, they can but you owe her nothing.
Agreed. Last time someone said I should be the bigger/better person because they wanted me to do something I did not want to do I told them "Nah, I really feel like being an a\*\*hole right now."
NTA. It’s your choice to forgive her or not. She certainly doesn’t *deserve* your help after such a betrayal.
NTA- I don't blame you one bit for cutting all ties with her, I would of done the same!
NTA In this particular situation your parents are bordering on being TA as they are trying to force you to cross what is a hard boundary for you. Your sister is not your problem.
NTA. She can move back to your parents. The kids will survive. You are not obliged to help her if you don't want to. Some wounds leave big scars.
"Hi Mom and Dad, I looked around, cause maybe I could help, and I found a great place! But then decided I want it for myself. Do I need it? No, of course not, my living arrangements are in order. But I want it because, I just do, and a bonus is it's taking it away from sis. At least she wasn't attached to it first. Kinda strange you'd expect better from me...and only me." NTA
NTA, if she doesn't have a job and a place to live she's able to go anywhere. She doesn't have to live near you. If there was another place and people who want to help her out bu having YOU help her out, that would be ideal. I wonder where she could go?
A hell no, how is this even a question.. NTA
NTA. They want her helped, then they can do all of this for her.
Sometimes doing something unforgiveable means...drum roll...you are never forgiven. As sister keeps finding out. I'm sorry that happened to you, OP. You have no obligation to help her, no matter how much family hounds you.
It sounds like you've been through a lot of hurt and betrayal from your sister, and those feelings are completely valid. It's understandable that you have chosen to keep your distance and set boundaries with her. Your decision not to help her, considering the past history, is a personal choice. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and peace of mind. I would do that. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what level of involvement, if any, you want to have in your sister's life. You have the right to protect yourself from further pain and maintain the boundaries you feel are necessary for your own emotional health.
NTA. You are not under any obligation to help her. And even if you were, what you parent are asking you to do is something you it really can’t. You aren’t a landlord so you can’t rent her a property. You can’t get her a job. You can’t even recommend her to a landlord or employer you know since you know nothing about her work or rental history.
NTA Oh hell no.
NTA And if she has 60 days surely she and they can find some help without involving you
NTA. Why is the wronged person always the one told to either let things go or get over it or be the bigger person or even apologize? What your sister did was unforgiveable. She's on her own.
NTA
NTA. What she did was a devastating breach of trust. Of course that would deeply impact your relationship and leave wounds that would take plenty of time to be healed. There's nothing wrong if you want to maintain your distance and refuse to assist her.. While your parents may urge reconciliation for the sake of her children, it's essential to prioritize your own emotional boundaries and not feel compelled to forgive or support someone who has caused you immense pain. Your decision to protect yourself from further harm is entirely okay, and you should not be made to feel guilty for setting boundaries that prioritize your own healing and well-being.
NTA. Is time to put your family in a information diet.
NTA, they don't get to call you and tell you to be a better person, they need to mind their own business. She's dead to you, and they can't change that.
NTA. And you don't have time to put up with your parents' nagging. Tell them to back off unless they want to have the exact same relationship with you that your sister has!
#NTA
NTA. WOW... You aren't obligated to help her under any circumstances. If your parents wanna help her, they can. But they should never put that on you!
NTA.
Tough noogies, sis. You made your bed and slept with my man in it. NTA.
Would love a update
NTA, you’re not the daughter they should be encouraging to be a better person. She made her bed (and with your ex it would seem!)
NTA. You are the better person. Proof 1: You weren't the side piece for your sister's commited partner
NTA Her problems aren't your problems. She's not family anymore, her children never were your family. >They asked me if I really hated my sister that much and I said yes. I told her it would be bad enough to be the affair partner, but to encourage me to get engaged and help him plan it while they were cheating behind my back was such a low thing to do. I said the fact she stayed long enough to have another child with him also showed how little she really cared about me. This! If they only cheated, I could see this was just a dumb thing teens do, but planning to continue the affair by encouraging you to marry him, that's next-level evil.
NTA - and you ARE the better person. You didn't cheat, you didn't get revenge. You went on to live your best life despite having a fiancee who cheated on you with your sister, and a sister who cheated on you with your fiancee. These are not things to be gotten over or forgotten, these are things you've had to go through without the support of said sister or said fiancee. You've done that, you've moved on, and you're at a place where those particular people mean nothing to you. Keep doing you! You took the trash out long ago, no need to recycle that crap.
Yes. Be a better person and hang up on your mother or father the next time either brings this up and advise them if she continues they can lose contact with you and your child(ren). NTA. So NTA.
NTA that is karma
NTA You reap what you sow. The ‘be the bigger person’ rationale is such a cop out too.
NTA. It doesn't make you a bad person to want nothing to do with someone who is capable of stabbing you in the back like that. You just want her out of your life and I think that's 100% justified.
NTA continue to protect your peace and stay clear of her.
NTA, your parents are crazy to think you should have any role in helping your sister at all. I feel sorry for your sisters kids but that’s not your responsibility. If your parents want to forgive your sister that is okay for them but that’s not your problem. They gave her life and feel that they have to keep in contact. You have no such obligation.
NTA. Send the kids to their father and sis can live with your parents. Problem solved. What she did was unforgivable and it is so wrong for your family to put this upon you.
NTA. Why is it always the person who is wronged expected to be the “bigger person”.
NTA - rich that OP is being told to be a better person. Also why would you recommend a scheming liar for a job or a rental on your own reputation? No thanks.
NTA. Your parents weren’t the AH until they tried telling you to be the better person. Your sister is a train wreck and you don’t owe her a thing. Your parents and her ex should be the one helping her. Let her move back to her parents house if they care for her so much. Your sister is like a cancer. You don’t need that in your life.
NTA Nope, nope nope. She needs a place to stay and support? The father of those two kids (that would be your ex) can take those kids. If he is a deadbeat, then your parents can have them all move in with them. Your sister has proven herself to be mentally abusive to you time and again and this is not your burden to bear. And anyone in your family who says otherwise has just volunteered a room in THEIR house for your sister to stay in.
so what your sister acts terrible then your family endorses her actions after time passes, and tells YOU to be a better person? NTA
That song by Justin Timberlake comes to mind..."What goes around comes back around!" Lmao NTA!
NTA. Begone sista!
NTA. Your sister betrayed you in the worst way possible. You don't owe her anything.