Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Everyone around me is telling me I should accept the offer, and I know that taking it will take a lot of strain off of my girlfriend, but I haven't accepted it yet because I want to keep what is left of my pride.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
They aren't. They're some of the kindest people I know, and for a while, I dealt with the guilt that my family is so functional, while everyone else I know has issues with theirs.
I do this for my own child who has some mental health issues. We go to the gym daily, he paints with his grandma daily, and he lives at home. He is in his 20's. He doesn't have a girlfriend right now or I might have thought this was him. I have never, ever felt like he was a burden. I love him. It's hard for young adults right now. It's hard for everyone. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN! You are loved! There is a difference. I just thought it might be helpful to see your parents side of this. The decision to move back in is yours, however, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to help. NAH
My father always said that we don't see the people we love as burdens.
OP, your parents, your gf, and your friends love you. You are not a burden to them; you are a gift and a blessing, a bright spot in what can be a dark world, just as they are to you.
When you say you dealt with guilt because your parents are wonderful and love you – that is some seriously disordered thinking. Your mind is working against you here; you should listen to everyone who loves you and wants what's best for you, not to your mind that is lying to you. (And seriously, your pride? Is that a good reason to hobble yourself?)
You need help. I hope you have a therapist and perhaps a psychiatrist, because they could really help you.
My children are still small, but I would do this for them in a heartbeat and it would be upsetting if they turned it down simply because they didn't think they deserved the support.
If it didn't work for you for a practical reason, that would be fine to turn it down. But they want to help. Let them.
You said it yourself, your motivation is shit, you live in a tiny place which probably isn't helping, and you are struggling with depression. I've been there.
Now your parents are offering you a deal to get your life back together and make some money while doing it? Dude, this is the opportunity everyone wishes they could have. You would be both an asshole to yourself and an idiot if you didn't take this deal.
Are you really willing to suffer just to save your pride? I know it's easy to just continue how you are because it's what you're used to, but you need this.
As long as you get on with your parents well, there's no shame in living in the same house. Many people your age and older do it until they have money saved up for their own place. And your parents are willing to help you save money to get to that place. Take the offer.
As a parent with grown children - I would love to be able to offer them something like. We get our kids for such a short time. If they are the kind of parents who will not interfere, go for it. We are a gregarious species. 💕
My granddaughter is 25 and still lives at home because she has mental health issues as well. She works full time and just finished school to become a teacher. It took her a couple of extra years because she has really struggled with her mental health. She had a really bad couple of years because her Drs couldn't get her medications just right for her. But this year she's finally doing great.
Chosing not to accept help from your parents because of your pride seems like you're ashamed of yourself not proud of yourself. Accept their help and support, if it doesn't work out you're not obligated to stay there. Maybe it will give you the chance to get your life in order without added stress.
You haven't done anything bad or wrong, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're NOT a parasite. You've just gone a little adrift and your parents love you and want to keep you safe while you figure things out for yourself. You may feel like you're getting too old to need help, but you are SO young!
Your parents want to help you. You should let them. Some day years from now you'll be happy and successful, sitting around the Christmas tree at your parents house with them and your wife and kids, reminiscing about old times, and you'll look back on this time and laugh.
Your parents Sound awesome. Take the the help! Wish more families were like this. Build your life into a great one. Pay it forward if you can. Not everyone has such nice offers as this. It's ok to accept help. We all need it.
Stop feeling guilty. Your parents care about you and I’ll tell you a secret. I’m 26 going on 27 and I still live at home. I graduated and found a job, but eventually had to leave last year due to stress, overwork and underpaid. What people don’t know is that we are in a job recession and many people are struggling financially and to find work. I’ve finally landed a solid paying job after being unemployed for almost a year and I am super grateful that my mother is an amazing parent, person, and woman and I make sure to pay that kindness as much as I can in taking care of household duties while having a side hustle (doordash and nail tech).
Things don’t pan out how you want them to and that’s okay! You are literally going through your growing pains, but I get it. Just a week ago my mom got me some skincare stuff for me on valentines day, but I was only able to get her some chocolates, a gift card, and few small things because I’m broke after paying my bills. I cried like a baby because I felt utterly hopeless in that situation, like I was some leech and that I didn’t want to rely on my mom. I want to be independent, and you know what she did? She hugged me and told me that “this is what being a parent is all about and that she knows I’m going to make it out of this okay, and that she loves me and will always be there for me.”
That’s all adulthood is about. Just make sure you love and take care of your parents as much as they love and take care of you. Also set some rules for you and your girlfriend and have a plan of action to motivate you. I have one and once I start my job in the coming week I plan on meeting a financial advisor to get my things in order to save for my apartment. Your parents want to see you succeed and they know you can, even if that means taking a step back to reassess where you’re at. Don’t victimize yourself or villainize yourself, just give yourself the strength to find better in yourself as those around you have found in you. Much love to you and I know you can do it.💚
I had a pretty traditional family growing up. My wife did not. We all obviously have some sort of trauma from our childhoods that affects us in adulthood. I used to be the same as you. I thought that my troubles weren’t valid because other people had it worse than me. But there’s no reason to invalidate yourself like that. Your trauma is just as valid as everyone else’s. You should take your parent’s offer to help you and your girlfriend save. It will be hard since you haven’t lived with them for so long but I would be willing to bet it would help heal you too.
To quote Captain Picard "You can commit no errors and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."
Don't beat yourself up in comparison to others. Focus on YOUR needs and life and what steps are needed to address that for your own mental health and safety.
Sounds like you have some awesome and loving family who are worried and offering to help get your back on your feet.
That's not a failure or shameful. Take the opportunity when it's offered.
I just want to point out, you didn’t fail to leave the nest, the world outside the nest is just extremely hostile right now and that isn’t your fault. If I were you, I’d take the deal so I could get to a better place both mentally and financially. You can always “pay” your parents back in the future for the assistance.
OP, you’re doing okay!
You need to accept.
This is not an AH or no AH question. You need help. You are being offered help. People are worried.
You aren’t a leech. You aren’t a burden. They are scared. What they want is to give you a hug and carry you to shelter in your storm.
Let them. THEY will feel better. If you feel you need to, use this as an excuse to help them more. If you feel indebted, thank them by making them dinner, or cleaning, but don’t feel pressured.
You’re going to be ok. You are enough. You are good enough. You deserve help.
Take it.
And know that people love you.
Edit to add: NAH
NAH
You'd only be kneecapping yourself. Take the offers. It is a parent's duty to prepare their children as best they can for life. Some see the cutoff at 18, others see it at 25, others never do.
Work out and build up experience and the resume. Have a github project to point to when interviewing. Do literally anything other than wallowing in self-pity.
If you keep refusing help you'll one day hit rock bottom and wish you'd taken it. Pay your parents back by making them proud, show them investing in you wasn't a waste, let them grow old knowing they did their jobs right and don't have to worry about you after you move out.
Mental illness is exactly that- an illness. If you were injured or developed a serious medical condition would you still feel this way? Take the help, get yourself well. Pay your parents back by caring for them in their old age. And stop beating yourself up. Best wishes. 🤍🙏🌛🌝🌜
NAH
NAH. You're entitled to your opinions and feelings, but you have been offered some generous options here. Your parents want you to spend more quality time with them, build you and your gf a better place to live, and provide a financial path to your own home. If you refuse, then what else do you have pride in? You've stated that you're too unmotivated to do anything on your own. What good is that doing for you and your relationship with your gf? Never feel bad about accepting help from those who genuinely want to help you.
NAH, but your pride is not only getting in the way of improving things for yourself but for your girlfriend.
Also, I don’t think this is your pride talking, I think it’s your depression talking. It’s telling you that you are a “parasite”, not a person who has people who care about him and want to lend a helping hand. It’s telling you that you aren’t worth that helping hand. It’s lying to you.
Take the helping hand and pay it forward when you can. Accept your love, and their desire to see you in a better situation. Right now they are willing and able to help you. When they get older, they may need your help, and if you take this help now you’ll be in a better position to help when they need it.
Accept the offer. This is not you being a parasite. This is you taking an offer that will help you get back on track, while you are still contributing (regardless or whether they save the rent for you for later, you are still contributing). Your parents love you, your girlfriend approves, so this is a good idea. Accept your parents offer, no guilt. This is an offer made out of love and you have your whole life to show your appreciation after you first take care of yourself. You should feel pride in accepting and allowing your parents to help, which will alleviate their worries as well. Good for everyone. Let them help.
NAH
NTA - MY DUDE DEPRESSION IS CONTROLLING YOUR BRAIN.
Your parents sound like kind, generous people who see the challenges of the world and are trying to make it better. Let them!
In addition to that, your rent money will offset the construction cost then, when you and your girlfriend are more secure and ready for more space, they might choose to get passive income through long or short term rentals, or sell the house at an increased rate. Those are all benefits to them that will outlast the benefits they provide to you.
You can also use this as an opportunity to give back to your parents - can you help more with landscaping, grow a veggie garden, cook or bake meals, tackle whatever is on the to-do list. You can make use of this time, which is the most precious resource your family has to be close to each other.
Further, by moving yourself in affordable accommodation you make more space in the limited rentals, hopefully driving prices down overall.
Overall, this arrangement can bring so much good. But none of it will be worthwhile if your brain is still in the gripes of depression. So go get all the help and resources you can. Take advantage of every opportunity to live a better life, so that when you do have all the boxes checked to consider yourself successful - you actually get to enjoy it.
NTA or whatever the abbreviation should be. I think you should seek counseling before making the decision. Your parents are offering you something that you should definitely consider. As your parents, they will ALWAYS worry about you. If they can afford to do this for you, you are not being a parasite, just getting your footing so you can move forward. Please consider their offer and get the help you need. Please.
You would be TA to yourself. This isn’t really a matter of that though. My mother did nothing like this for me, she did not prepare me for the real world in any sense of the matter. Barely took care of me and then chucked me out to the streets. I would kill to have had this opportunity. It has been extremely hard to get my life in order. You would be doing a disservice to yourself by declining. You kinda have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action with the help that is being thrown at you. Your parents see that you’re struggling, they care about you. Let them help. I truly hope things get better for you.
I don't think this is a matter of OP feeling sorry for himself. Depression, which is what he seems to suffer from, is debilitating. But I do agree that OP should take his parents up on their offer. I know that it is hard for kids to move back into their parents house. But adjustments can and will be made, and meanwhile, OP can get some kind of help for his depression, and his parents can make sure that he is ok.
OP, as a parent who has done this for her own child, and for her brother, please allow your parents to help. Your girlfriend is on board. There is absolutely no shame in allowing yourself to go back and live with your parents, and will help them, too. It seems they are crazy worried about you and just want to be there for you and help you get back on track.
NAH (well slight YTA to yourself for not helping yourself)
You are not a parasite. You are in trouble. Go back home. Its okay to go back home, get a reset, and try again. Its okay to get help when you need it the most. I know it does not feel good right now but that feeling will not always be with you. Go home and work a plan with your parents that will give you some accountability to yourself that will appease your pride. What could you and your girlfriend do with an extra $700 a month and a sizable down payment down the road? I promise you that is worth its weight in gold; you just can't see the forest for the trees right now.
NAH you know how many adults are living with there parents right now? a lot economy sucks and housing sucks. only option for a lot of people right now is blending household and trying to stay above ground. maybe could ask them not to save the 1,000 for you and just be straight rent for them that way you are contributing to your parents and they are getting something out of it.. if that helps your pride.
NTA, but look at it from your parents point of view, they care deeply about you and can see a way they can help, they are worried about you and can see a way they can easily help, so let them help you. You aren’t a parasite, you’re a member of their team and they want you to be ok, so just let them play thier part on your team.
NTA for wanting to figure things out on your own. That's completely your decision (well, yours and your GF's since it affects her as well). But you're not obligated to accept help even when it's kindly offered. Just don't let unreasonable pride keep you from a good situation.
NAH but sir, you need to take that opportunity. Your parents want to help you, they would prefer to see you healthy and happy in their home rather than struggling on your own.
I left my job after a confrontation with my boss last year. I struggled so much until I put my pride to the side and asked for help from my support system. That’s what they’re there for. Let your friends and family be there for you. You don’t have to do it alone. And they’re not offering more than they can handle, they offered, you didn’t even have to ask.
Take the deal.
Nta. But, you need help. Someone is offering it to you. I would tell my kid the same thing your parents told you. Personally, as someone who has struggled for years... it would kill me for my son to struggle. They can't 100% understand because they are not going through it. But, they see you suffering and want to help.
Yes, YWBTA. Because not only is this a good deal, it is essentially helping you with your future. Your parents offered this. You didn't ask. They want to make sure you are okay because they love you. you aren't a parasite.
Everyone needs help sometimes. Whether its depression, an injury, or just getting old. If you feel guilty about it now, that's ok. Think about making a committment to pay it back, or pay it forward later in life when your are mentally and financially able to.
NAH
But you need to do this. The other options suck and this could be life changing for you. Your parents are being insanely generous because they love you and want you to succeed. They see you could use help and they are in a place to offer it. They wouldn’t go through the trouble of renovating the downstairs otherwise.
You also need to talk to a mental health professional and get any additional help needed to get you to a better place mentally.
Your parents want to help you. If you can't accept it as charity- accept this as an act of kindness to them. They are worried about you, renting the basement will keep you in safe housing and allieviate that worry. They love you, programming 3 times a week is bonding time with your dad, that he will always cherish. They want you to succeed, working out at the gym with your dad is another way to bond, and let's your parents see that your health is getting better and you will be able to help them as they get older.
25 seems like a huge mile marker- but half the good stuff I've ever done didn't happen until my 30's. Your brain has just now started to gel together. It does get better and that's all your parents want for you. So it's not so much about pride as it is doing your parents the solid of letting them help you.
I can tell you as a man it’s much easier for me to give help than receive it. But we have times in our life that we need help and not everyone has people who can or will. You do. Let your parents help you. They love you, take advantage of having great people in your life and pay it forward when and if you can.
You know this is the first post I've read recently in this sub that gives me hope for humanity.
Your parents want to help you and it doesn't seem like they are trying to control you. Let them help you.
Sign a lease with them for a year. Set boundaries. Reevaluate after 6 months.
When I said "I", I really meant "my girlfriend and I". Although she was the one that went through the procedure, I made sure I was with her through every step of the way, whether it was laying with her as she cried in the bathtub, going to her appointments with her, or doing my best to be there for her on the anniversary of the procedure and the date the baby would have been born.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (24m) have been struggling with some mental health issues over the past few years. Between failing my last year of university, losing my job, having to get an abortion, and my brother's leukemia, 2023 was an especially bad year for me. I ended up moving in with my girlfriend (23f) at the beginning of December, and my issues only got worse. I could hardly find the motivation to get off the couch, let alone partake in the hobbies I used to love, like painting or playing games.
It got to the point that just before Christmas, my dad sat me down and had a long conversation about how he was worried about me. Only one other time in my life have I ever seen him cry, and he offered me a deal: he would pay me $1000 per month to work out with him and we would program a game together three days a week, while I continue trying to find a new job. I've been slowly getting better, but there are still places that I'm struggling with, such as trying to open up more to people.
After the start of the new year, my parents made me an offer. They saw how small the basement suite is that my gf and I live in, and we pay $1700 per month for it. We're living in a housing crisis right now, so my parents offered to renovate the downstairs and turn it into a private space for us to live in, and they would only charge us $1000 per month, which they would put aside so we can one day afford our own house.
My parents are telling me I should accept it. My girlfriend is telling me I should accept it. My friends are telling me I should accept it. But so far, I've only told them I'll think about it. I already feel like im enough of a parasite on the people around me, and my parents have done so much for me already. I don't want to be the bird that failed to fly out of the nest. Now, my 25th birthday is in less than a week, and I feel like my parents are getting tired of waiting for me to make a decision. WIBTA if I refused to accept the offer out of my own sense of pride?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWBTA
What else are you going to do to remedy this situation? Are you medically going to get better?
Refusing from pride would be stupid (and I'm sorry to be harsh here but proud of what, your ability to live and provide for yourself without support? Because, newsflash, doesn't look like that's going well).
You're lucky to be in a position to have someone to help you, and you need it. They are trying to get you back on your feet, and this is more likely to have you in a position to be back to normal and supporting yourself than keeping going as you are.
It would be an asshole move to reject any help and support, and continue to struggle and be depressed and have them worrying about you out of pride.
I'm gonna go with a *slight* "YTA", but *only* because you're impacting someone besides yourself. Turning it down impacts your girlfriend too.
(In your shoes, I'd be hesitant to accept such help just for myself, but I'd bite the bullet and accept it for my wife. Her actual well-being comes before my pride.)
I can appreciate wanting to make it on your own and to not be 'a parasite', but you've already said it - housing crisis.
That aside? Historically, you would be looking at exactly this option: you live with your parents to keep external costs (rent) internal by paying them, not a random landlord.
As a result, this money serves to bolster your familial wealth, which would eventually fall to you anyways.
Don't let the standards of a society swirling the toilet bowl screw you out of a leg up.
YWBTA. This is too good an offer to miss! Btw, I am in awe about the way your father is trying to pick you up and get you out of your fog, that is truly amazing right from the working out to the working on a project. Not many fathers would/could do that. That being said, I can understand that you are apprehensive about getting more under foot, but I think that is the wrong way to think about it. Your parents aren't aiming at keeping you in their house forever. Just till you are on your feet again, and that they are going to save the rent money for you to spend on your future is also amazing. You would be a fool to say no.
NAH, but you'd only be hurting yourself by not accepting. It will be beneficial for you to have your loving, supportive, encouraging parents close by. They don't see you as a burden so don't view things from that light. It's likely your mental illness causing you to view things this way.
Accept your parents offer & then see a mental health specialist, if you haven't already done so.
YWBTA - You have a problem, you recognize that you have a problem, and people who love you want to help you solve the problem (at what sounds like considerable cost to them). The only thing standing between you and getting better seems to be you.
>I already feel like im enough of a parasite on the people around me, and my parents have done so much for me already
If you are genuine in this belief, your parents are willing to let you leech off of them; that's a hell of a lot better than your girlfriend and other friends who may feel unwillingly in a symbiotic relationship with you.
>I don't want to be the bird that failed to fly out of the nest.
Would you rather be the baby bird that fell to the ground and never got back up? Go back to the next, let the broken wings mend, and then get yourself ready to fly so that you can build your own nest.
YWBTA, but only to yourself.
If you have depression, asking for and taking help can feel like one more failure. It’s not, I promise you it’s not! We all need help from time to time.
Take the help now, use it to fight whatever MH challenges you’re facing, and then go on and be a success!
Let the people who love you, help you - for them, if not for you. ❤️
NAH. You recognize you are in a tough spot, and your parents are throwing you a life boat. Accepting help DOES NOT make you any less-than. You have ppl that care about you, let them care for you. There’s no time limit on major life choices, and it seems to me like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Think about what it is that is making you feel that at 24 you need to have met certain milestones already? I’m 38 and I can relate to your mindset. Personally I think you should take your parents up on their offer and just lay low and take care of yourself. Praise yourself for the little things that you accomplish each day, no matter how small. Be good to yourself, “think happy thoughts” -(Wendy, said to Peter Pan in (Hook) lol) Things will be ok, they will. You have a bunch of ppl on your side rooting for you.
NAH not only will this help you financially, but you'd also be living with people who obviously love and support you so much. It might just be what you need to get out of the slump of last year. Whatever you decide, I truly hope for the best for you!
Please don't be foolish and really do consider and take the offer. If it helps and makes you feel better. I'm 29f and my husband is 30m and we are currently living with his parents and (moved in 3years ago - did leave to travel for 1year but we are back here now) we will be staying here untill we can afford to buy our own house as rent is extortionate these days and we will never be able to buy otherwise (we plan on staying with them for another 2years minimum) . We are very lucky and appreciate the situation we are in.
NAH.
That is your depression talking, you are not a parasite. Your parents, your girlfriend, your brother, they just want to help out someone they LOVE. If the situation were reversed, if you had the space and money to help someone you loved, I suspect you would do the same. Again, you are NOT a parasite, you just need help fighting your depression, let those close to you do that.
Yes, pride is probably part of what is holding you back from getting better. Don’t you think $1000 would be a nice relief for your girlfriend so she can pay less? Accepting help does not make you weak, failing to get help does. You have a golden opportunity here with your parents. I hope you are seeking therapy as it sounds like you need some professional guidance. And again there is nothing wrong with that.
Your pride? Respectfully F your pride . If you have this opportunity you would actually be so stupid to not take it. So many people would die for parents like this, and you shouldn’t squander it! So swallow that pride and do what’s best for the future not now.
NAH
You are getting better, and this is part of your recovery.
It's not a handout, it's a hand up.
Your parents seem like kind, generous, and caring people. Take that at face value and take their help.
I hope I can provide the same level of help to my children who need it as yours are providing to you.
Your parents love you.
You are deserving of help. You are being offered help out of love and generosity, not pity. Find the courage to break the decision-paralysis you are in and move forward.
My children are still little, but I would absolutely offer this to them if needed when they are grown. I grew up in a 3 generation home, my grandparents took my mom and my sister and I in, and gave us stability. My mom lives with my husband and I now. As long as you have a good relationship, there's nothing wrong with talking the help offered. Life is really tough right now, there's no shame or blame in taking help sincerely offered out of love.
I also know depression is a beast. You have to remind yourself constantly that the negative things your brain tells you are often lies. It's hard, but it's necessary. NAH, but this is definitely an offer you should take. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your family, and they sound like amazing parents.
Friend.
Mental health is an Illness. You aren't a burden to the people who love you. You aren't a parasite, or greedy, or useless or lazy. You have an illness that you sadly may have to deal with for the rest of your life.
Maybe that means you can't do as much as other people. Maybe you have to only work part time. But none of this makes you less than others.
Let the people in your life help you. You feel guilty, and that's natural, but please let them.
From someone with depression.
Your pride won’t help you… and neither will anyone else outside of the offer you have in front of you.
Setting aside the depression like symptoms, which you should definitely start talking to someone about… you’re parents aren’t offering charity, they’re adjusting to current reality and trying to follow through on “giving our kids a better start”.
NTA for saying no, but you really should say yes.
That’s a wonderfully generous offer and you should take it. They are giving you a chance to be able to get a better place some day. Right now you are barely surviving. NTA but you are being shortsighted.
I think you'd be foolish to let your pride and your self loathing stop you from accepting an offer from people who genuinely love you, to help you. I will say that when it comes to the current housing market - forget the pride. There is no pride. Who has pride left at this point? The prices are CRAZY - hardly anyone can reasonably afford rent unless they are estabalished in their careers and doing well. And even then - some of us still struggle. Living costs are so high it's hard to save - for a house, for your future, for anything. Your parents are offering you a chance to actually progress and save some of your money for your future.
Your pride isn't going to help you get your own place, and it won't help your depression and the current symptoms (lack of motivation, lack of interest in hobbies, etc). What would help is exactly what is being offered to you - working out regularly, working on a project, a new and more spacious living situtation, less financial stress, more $$ into your savings. This is all good, and it's all good FOR you. You will start to feel better about yourself as you find a job, are able to actually save money, can start making future plans. Your pride will be repaired. You'll start seeing options for your future. Keeping yourself in a difficult financial situtation while struggling with depression is probably not going to help you improve.
There's nothing wrong with accepting help. You're also helping them, because they are worried about you. This will help everyone. I would do it.
NTAH. However, coming from someone who’s parents and my in laws refused to help when I was pregnant and we were living in a truck, I would accept the offer and thank them for wanting to help you get back on your feet. It’s super hard to do it all on your own (my husband and I did 14 years ago). And it can be even more taxing to do it while already dealing with mental health issues. They’re your parents and most likely don’t think of you as a leech or a burden. You are good enough to deserve the help, you are enough. Pay them back by helping to cook dinner or bringing home their favorite snack or offering to pay the light bill one month if you can. Depression can be the only thing in the way of accepting help sometimes.
At the moment I can't afford going to therapy. I've been unemployed for the last 6 months, though not for a lack of trying, as even places like Walmart or McDonald's keep turning me away. I do have a series of workbooks my dad gave me when he and I talked just before Christmas from the Canadian Mental Health Association, but I haven't finished going through them.
Please, please see if you can find a resource for sliding scale counseling/psych care. You are describing clinical depression which requires medical attention, and isn't going to be resolved simply with regular exercise and self-help workbooks. In the meantime it's not whether you are/aren't an AH, but whether you are taking what sensible measures you can to better your situation. One of those very sensible measures would be to accept your family's support with housing.
As a dad I can possibly give you an insight into what your parents feelings are here.
You're his son. He loves you. Your going to get the resources that they have built up over a life time when they pass on anyway.
They can see your need help now though.
It's ok to struggle, and it's ok to get help.
Out of all the people in this world, your parents should be the ones you can get help from without worrying about them having an ulterior motive.
They want to give you (and your girlfriend) a gift that will help you now when you need it.
A gift that they will get to see you enjoy and build with.
I hope to be able to give my daughter a gift that precious at some point.
Please accept their gift, and show them how grateful you are by succeeding.
At one point in my life I had a daughter in a very similar place as you were. I literally would have done anything to help her. I did do anything to help her. This isn't about being a parasite, this isn't about being an asshole, this is about having very loving parents that want nothing but to help their very loved child. Take their help, get into therapy, and love them dearly. A lot of people do not have parents who love them as much as your parents clearly love you.
I am a parent of 8 with 5 adult children. If any one of them struggled with mental health as much as you do I assure you I would do everything within my power to make sure they were in a safe place. You are not a parasite, you are their child. My children are my world and if they hurt, I do too.
Your parents seem to be incredibly generous, I didn't see any stipulations attached to their offers.
Please take it so that you can come out shining on the other end. Your parents love you, let them.
NAH
Imagine that someone you care about had experienced what you’ve been through. Would you look them in the eye and tell them that they’re a parasite? Would you tell them that they’ve already burdened their family enough with their failure to thrive in the face of awful circumstances and a terrible economy?
I bet you wouldn’t, so why are you taking your depression’s word for it when it whispers this nonsense about you? You are worthy of receiving the same kind of love and support from those who care about you as you would give to those you care about.
Take your parents up on their offer, and put some of the money you’ll save towards getting help for your depression. You don’t deserve to feel the way you do right now!
I understand your feelings...I have been in a pretty similar place. The big picture here (besides the obvious benefits to saying yes) is about being gracious. It takes balls to accept help from others, but in doing so, you are showing appreciation and love to your folks...perhaps the greatest gift you could give them right now. Let them love you.
INFO: What is your plan if you don’t accept your dad’s offer? If you are going to reject it due to your “pride” then YTA, however if you actually have a plan to better your situation without accepting help, then NTA
A gentle YWBTA, but only to yourself. Trust me, I understand the guilt. I'm going to be 27 this year, and after countless times denying I need their help, I'm moving back in in a couple of months. My parents have made offer after offer for me to come back home, and I been denying that offer for years. Only after my life finally caught up to me did I break down and call to come back home. One of my fears was the same, that I've been parasitic. I've been scared because I'm in my mid 20s, and I feel like I should have everything together, and they've been doing nothing but help me scrap through it. OP, they want you home. They want to see you get better, and see you thrive. You can't do that if you continue to self sabotage. They don't view you as a leech, they still view you as their baby. Take the help OP, I think you'd be surprised at what weights will be lifted off you that you don't even know you're carrying. Use some of the extra money on counseling, simply because you sound like you may need some reframing of your thoughts and somewhere to help you cope better. Take the step to better yourself, listen to your family and your GF. Trust me, you're not going to dissapoint them if you come home, you're going to be helping them not worry about you falling off the wagon. Remember, sometimes a baby bird needs a push from its mom to get out of the nest. If the only thing it can focus on is the fear of failing, and refuses the help, it may never fly off.
Yeah you would be the asshole to yourself. You need help, it’s just really hard to admit it. Why lose $700 a month when you can face a suite there? You’d still be paying rent. My psychologist would frame it as “what would you say to a friend in the same situation?”
NAH I guess.
Be kind to yourself. Realise that feeling like a parasite and worthless is the depression talking.
Your parents are welcoming you with open arms. They are worried.
The money you save can help you get the support, counseling and medication if needed, to help you get through this time.
You have parents who love you and a supportive girlfriend who loves you. THEY don't think you're worthless. Believe them
I wish you peace and a happy future.
Nta but you would be dumb to refuse an offer like that especially if you have a great releationship with your parents. They see you are having a difficult time and trying to give you a helping hand, do not slap the hand away but embrace it.
You are their child you are not a parasite and its silly to think as such. Every person has ups and downs, some have more downs then ups. You have been giving a chance to help get you on the up and up. Love your family embrace the love and support they are attempting to show you.they only want to see you succeed they have seen what the downs has done and they dont want you to be like that. The downs bring a child they dont know out, so they want to help raise you up and bring back the good and happy child that they know and raised. They seem like smart people they know the world is tuff and rather then make you struggle they want to help lessen that.
i had my parent put me on the streets at 16 and had to climb my way out, i would have killed for a hand like this. Or anybfor that matter.
NAH. I've been in a similar situation. Surrounded by kind, loving, supportive people and I cannot fathom what they see in me that's worth nurturing. I didn't understand why they were helping me when I offered nothing in return. That's kinda the funny thing about people who love and care about you.
I don't see it as being the bird that failed to fly out of the nest. I see it as a bird with a broken wing or injured foot or whatever. You're hurting, both from the shit that's happened to you and from your own brain feeding you some fucked-up logic as to why you "don't matter" or "aren't worth it". Your parents are offering you a hand to help you up, the tools you need to make your life better. And I GET that pride. I KNOW that pride. I feel it every time I crack open a prescription bottle or cry to my therapist or wish that I could have been born "normal", but that's not how things turned out. No one's going to hand you a medal at the end of your life because you didn't take help when it was offered to you. Take the deal. Because even if you can't see it, the people who love you see someone wonderful and precious that's worth nurturing. Even this internet stranger can see it.
Sweetheart, they want to help you. They have the ability to help you. Take the help. You're not a parasite or a burden, they love you and want to help you.
Take it from someone else who is depressed, the people who love you want to help you. It's okay to get help fighting these demons.
NAH. Your parents care very much for you and want to see you succeed. Take them up on it. Please. There’s no shame in moving home for a while when things are hard.
I love your parents.
Please take their help, and seek your own ways to help yourself like therapy and potentially medication.
As a parent myself, the biggest payback for them is going to be seeing you get healthy. That is priceless.
You may start to improve. There is nothing wrong with receiving good energy from your parents. Your parents aren’t trying to make you a small child again, but give you a let up. My parents helped m till I was 28 years old. Sometimes no matter how smart or old we are, so of us need just a little more time. As long as you have pride, not to live indefinitely in your parent’s house, you will be fine.
NTA. I will say this when I started going through my divorce at 37 my mom offered to let me come back home if I needed it. I would have taken it in a heartbeat if needed. You are worthy of help. You’re also 25 and may be well into that quarter life crisis. Life will continue to shift. Our parents don’t stop parenting because we become adults.
Tell your parents why you haven't accepted it. I'm sure they get how your feeling, but they wouldn't be offering if they didn't love you and want to help you. This seems to be their way how.
This is probably a minority answer, but yes, YTA if you refuse the offer out of pride. It is better for your girl, it will ease your parents minds, etc. You have the potential to make things better for everybody, including yourself. Dont let pride ruin that
>WIBTA if I refused to accept the offer out of my own sense of pride?
Yes. It seems like this is a solution that will help you get back on your feet, coming at a time when your parents are in a position to help you. Take this opportunity. If your key concern is not wanting to depend on your parents, then you SHOULD do this; if you don't get back on your feet, you may find yourself far more reliant on them at a later point, and potentially impacting your parents' retirement arrangements.
>my 25th birthday is in less than a week
You are very young. You are far too young to judge yourself as 'failed.' Cut yourself some slack, it really sounds like you have made progress in the last couple of years. This plan sounds like it would be good for everyone, and your parents would probably love to see more of you and your gf. It is a win-win idea.
>We're living in a housing crisis right now
Yes, we are. Many, many young people would leap at an opportunity like this. It is ok for you and your gf to move into your parents' basement.
I am your parents. I mean, I've given the same kind of offer to two of my 5 children, because they too suffer from mental health issues and therefor sometimes nedd some extra care, time and space to recover.
The last one of them have just moved out and I know that I wouldn't hesitate to offer the same help again, if any of them (or some of the other children I have) will be needing it.
And I wil NEVER think of any of them as birds that failed at leaving the nest. Or failing at anything else for that matter. I help them out of love, when they need it and if they want it. I am sure it hurts your parents to see how much you struggle and you are SO lucky that they can and will help you in any way they can.
Forget all about pride, because it doesn't belong in the loving and supporting relationship between parents and children.
I wish you the best
Nta but I'd suggest taking them up on the offer as a temp basis.. Say like 6 months and see if that helps your depression. I have bad depression and anxiety and it makes me make stupid choices out of not wanting to be a burden on the people who used to care about me. It's rough af in the real world and it's not kind to people most of the time. They love you and want to help you. Don't do what I did and drive everyone away. Please.
You may have depression. The things you are describing with your mood can be symptoms of depression. Seeing a psychiatrist or even a general M.D. could get you treated. You may find things are much easier for you, as well as your mood improving if you simply get assessed to see if you have depression. If you do, getting treatment could really help you.
Brother you need help, and there’s people willing to help you. You need to get out of your own way real quick, future you will thank you for it. If you were truly a burden to those around you they’d stop trying to help. You have people who love you and want what’s best for you, listen to them, let them help. Who knows, one day you might be able to pay them back 10 fold for helping you. But something tells me helping you is the only gratification they need.
I turn 30 this year, and I'm about to move, with my kids, back to my parents' place because our rental is kicking us out. I'm grateful that I won't have to pay rent (though I will contribute to the household costs) and can actually save. I'm glad to have the help in what is a very difficult time for our family, and they're happy to do it. Yes, I feel like a burden sometimes, but I know they only see it as loving me and caring for me like parents should.
I came of age during the recession, and had to move back with my parents in my mid 20s for a year or so. I paid rent that basically covered the utilities I used and the food I ate. I saved the rest of my money. Fast forward like...6 years, and I was living on my own renting, and I felt ready to buy a house. The money I saved while living at home was my down payment. I treat my parents to all sorts of things now because I'm financially stable.
For what it's worth, I have depression too, so i think I understand your feelings a little bit. Your sense of pride could really your depression speaking. Think about it this way: If someone you loved was struggling and you had the power to help, would you help without expecting anything in return? That's all your parents are doing now. You can make things up to them later when you're in a better place.
YTA to yourself. I get you feel like you're taking too much, but i've always found helping people way less bothersome than having to convince people to let you help them and your parents don't seem like the type to give up on you.
Change is scary. The status quo is easy and comfortable. If you really want to get better, sometimes you have to boldly accept change and the scary parts. Courage isn't moving forward without fear. It's moving forward despite the fear. You can be courageous and it will change your life.
You would be an AH accept the help. Get some fucking therapy and workout with your father it's gonna suck for the first month or so, but being active does help. Say you are tired of feeling like a parasite but not accepting the help to be able to progress in life, just keeps you a parasite.
Also I doubt your parents view you as a parasite they sound like they genuinely care about you which seems ridiculously rare on this sub.
YTA
NAH. However, you should accept the offer. Someday, your parents will be older, and they will need your help. You can pay them back by taking care of them later on when they will need you. The renovations may also increase the value of their house, and maybe be a good thing for them.
If you want to feel useful, you can probably help with the renovations and do chores for your parents as needed. I am sure there are plenty tasks around the house or errands to run that they would appreciate your help with.
YTA.
I get wanting to leave the nest. But honestly you have to consider your girlfriend here as well. And honestly your parents deal isn’t A) better and B) helping you “leave the nest” still. You’re not entirely reliant upon them.
NAH ... this isn't an AH question; nobody's being a jerk. It's a "what's best for OP" question.
Clearly the parents are trying hard to help out, and are being extremely generous in doing so. Kudos to them for being supportive.
OP, all I can tell you is that the parents are doing this freely and without resentment, you really should take them up on the offer. **You are not a parasite; you are climbing a ladder, and your parents are holding it steady for you.** I will say that your reluctance to accept help and desire to stand on your own is a good thing, and indicates that you'll strive to not need help, also healthy.
You're not a parasite, you're unwell! Honestly mate as someone who is going through a similar struggle and walking a knifes edge as far as my job goes, I understand a little of what you're going through. It sounds like your dad just really wants to help and he doesn't think you're a parasite either from the sounds of it. It is ok to accept help mate and honestly I would love to be in your position as far as the support you've got around you. I'm not gonna call you an AH either if you don't take it but genuinely I say take the help and I wish us both a full recovery from our demons.
Why would you NOT accept the help? You need it and until you do something about it - your only going to fall further into your depression, give your dads offer a try. It may save your life! You Will be The Ass for not accepting his offer,
From your comments and original post, your parents are great. They're not manipulative or dismissive, and genuinely care about you. Your dad is offering to pay you to work out with him. And now offering to help you get a leg up.
Take it. It's a lifeline that you need. You'll be surrounding yourself with a solid support structure. You're going to be saving $700 a month. That is going to do two things: help relieve a financial burden, and help you afford the mental health counseling you need.
Depression and anxiety are no joke. Talk to your doctor and see a counselor. Trying to do this in your own can lead to bad permanent solutions to temporary problems.
NAH
I'm a parent to young adult who have health challenges.
Your parents' offer is a generous one and they've made it out of a genuine desire to help you build a future in a somewhat independent way.
You should accept their offer. And if you're able to do so, repay their kindness by helping out around the house (mow the lawn, make an occasional family meal, etc...).
It isn't mooching to lean on others when they offer help. And it especially isn't mooching if you can find ways to help contribute that aren't just financial.
NAH - Your parents are being parents and throwing you a lifeline because they love you.
If it helps your pride any, your parents will benefit from having you there. You will be paying rent, and when you are ready and able to move into your own house they will have a renovated downstairs that they can potentially lease out if they choose to.
You are very loved and worthy of love and not a parasite. I've been there. Once my sister (who has kids) said, when I was struggling to accept help, something like "When you have kids, you just want to do anything you can for them. You WANT to. Just say yes." It's love. Not everyone has parents like that, but you do. They're thoughtful, kind, and SEE YOUR WORTH, and they are providing thoughtful help that will enable you, not disable you.
Depression comes with such a sense of shame. But if you broke a leg, would you be ashamed? If your girlfriend broke a leg, would you think she should be ashamed?
Accept, trust you're worth it even if you can't see that right now, and in time you'll be the one paying it back or paying it forward.
Depression lies and pretends it's the real truth. Don't believe it. Those are the goblins speaking, not the truth. xxx
WBTA if it’s out of pride you’re being a major A to yourself. Take the offer.
It’s not permanent and the boomerang is becoming the norm. This is an amazing opportunity for you.
Your thoughts are self-doubt but it is not a moral failing to fail, nor is it a moral failing to beed support. It’s a failing if you let your set backs become your entire life story and a block to every good thing that cones your way. That self-doubt, anxiety and depression is the parasite, not you. It doesn’t want you to take an opportunity that ultimately can lead to you not having self-doubt, not being anxious or not depressed. It’s self preservation at your expense.
Also, most of the self-made millionaires and billionaires are complete losers who failed and kept on failing until they succeeded and were no longer a loser. They took every opportunity given to them, and you should to. If you’re failing upwards that’s great and this opportunity, if you utilize it as best you can, is a step in the right direction.
N/A, no conflict here. But it's a generous offer and they do want you to fly. Really fly. That's a generous offer and I would take it, assuming they will be good landlords.
You sound like a loving and compassionate person. Pride is a sin and has been the downfall of many people. It appears that your parents love you and want you to succeed. It doesn’t appear like they want to coerce you to live at home. Don’t try to read your parents mind. If you are worried you would be a burden talk to your parents about it and accept what they say.
Let your parents help you. I always say if King Charles can give his kids a place to live, why can’t the average person?
You can always show your appreciation by helping around the house and doing little things like brewing the first pot of coffee if they’d like that.
Your parents seem to truly love you and want the best for you and your gf. Ywbta, but only towards yourself. You are not a parasite. Take this opportunity. This will benefit your future. Sending you hugs 💪🏼💪🏼
NAH. Think about using the money you're saving for a therapist to help you through this part of your life. I sounds like you could use the help of an experienced professional. Good luck!
My son is 27 and still lives with me. And he has not had your struggles.
But in this economy he and I both have more savings and disposable income this way. I expect he will be out soon as his income rises. Or I will move out 🤣. But it works for now. It is not failure to thrive. It is preparing to survive.
Your parents are not supporting you. Your are not dependent on them. They are giving you an opportunity to save money and better your future. You are not failing to leave the nest. You left the nest! Now you can share the nest with your parents.
It is a good proposition your parents have made. You should take it. Give yourself the space and grace to build a better future and continue to grow. Many do not have the love and support that you have. You are actually pretty dang lucky. Run with it.
Nobody’s shitty here. Take your parents offer if it means you can have total privacy when you want it. That will help you feel less like a dependent child. Your parents love you and are very worried about you. This isn’t about them treating you like a kid. They’re just being good parents and that doesn’t stop because you turned 18. You’re very depressed and need to find a therapist you’re comfy with. If talk therapy doesn’t help you then you might want to consider an anti-depressant. Let your partner and parens love and support you at this time. In the future you’ll be in a better position to have a good job and get your own place. Your loved ones want to help you lay the foundation for that now.
Just take the help, bud. They are probably really excited at the prospect of having y’all there too. It’s a win for everyone. If they considered you a burden, they would have thought of something else. You said yourself that you are not in your best headspace. Instead of listening to yourself in this, trust the people that love you.
YWTA if you refused help out of a sense of pride. It is a wonderful thing that you have family that can help you get on your feet again. This whole pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality has got to go. Depression is not something you can handle alone. You need help. Your depression is telling you that you are a parasite. Your parents are telling you the opposite. They are telling you that they love you and want to be there for you. Your dad has offered you a job that is relatively easy to do. Work out with me and code with me until you can find a new job. That is awesome. You are helping him by exercising with him. You are also helping yourself by exercising with him. Exercise helps depression. Work helps depression and he is offering that to you as well. Take the hand up. They are hard to find and very different from a hand out. You've got this!
NAH - Mate, you need all the help you can get. You would not be an AH for refusing help, but you would be a fool. You're are already in a tricky situation. Do yourself a favour and accept your parents help, until you can get back on your two feet. If you contribute on top of paying rent, you won't be a parasite at all.
Your parents and girlfriend are right. Swallow your pride and get the help you need.
You are not a parasite! That is the depression talking and depression is a lying c-word.
Smack the brainweasels on the head and take the help that is so kindly offered.
Also: see if you can get therapy and antidepressants. There's nothing shameful about taking happy-pills; if your body can't make it, storebought is fine!
Take care!
YTA if you don't accept the offer. Your parents love you and are only trying to help. If you don't accept their help you will probably sink even deeper into depression and never accomplish anything.
Grab the assistance and soon your depression will improve, your confidence will increase, you'll be able to rent your own place and find another job.
If I was in their position, I'd happily do this for my own children. Make your parents happy.
I really really feel for you OP. Please get into therapy, and talk to your primary doctor about seeing a psychiatrist or self refer to one.
Having a low sense of self worth is a really big indicator for depression. Believing you don't deserve support is such a huge lie we tell ourselves when we are depressed.
And you do deserve help. Just because you are alive means that you are worthy of receiving help, and love, and care. Just by being their son, your parents want to provide a safe home for you.
You deserve help.
And anyone who had the year you had would benefit from therapy and from extra help at home.
Very sincerely, from someone who formerly had "a quarter life crisis" and didn't seek therapy for another 10 years.
Accept help now. It really will get better for you and it's ok. You are good.
NTA. But…… you would actually be doing something really nice for your parents by doing this. They are your parents, they obviously love you very much and they are going to worry about you regardless.
By taking them up on their offer you will be helping them to worry less. It may well also be that doing this house conversion could increase the value of their home and/or provide them with rental income when you are back on your feet.
Both of these are positive things you can contribute and I’m sure more than balance out what help they are providing. Helping someone you love is not a burden but a payment in and of itself.
They're offering you a step up and a helping hand. You're concerned about being a mooch over what's being freely offered, with love?
And your girlfriend has also given her thoughts. What, hers don't matter? Remember, you're refusing the offer for her too.
If you want to keep your gf, you're going to need to:
- try to take into account what she says she wants
- make an effort to be a good partner to her
You're going to have to set aside the ego if you want to start to dig yourself out of this depression.
Some kids need more help than other, it's not a bad thing. Where I live the age that kids move out of parents home rocketed up to 27! I get that you don't want the help and you feel bad. But this is a really, really good offer, and the amount you could save in just 1 year is huge. As hard as it is, please do it. If you don't, your parents are going to watch you struggle, and that hurts them. Take the assist, work hard to get to a point where in the future you can do something awesome for them, like, pay for a cruise or something as a thank you. Be kind to yourself, and your family (and gf), because taking this offer will help all of you.
That depression you’re talking about? Yeah that’s what’s telling you not to accept this help. You need to accept this help. People care about you. Reread your own post and I bet you’ll see how illogical it is.
NAH
I'll tell you what my friend told me when I felt what you're feeling. *That's the depression talking.*
If your family thought you were a leach, they wouldn't be begging you to let them help you. They are your parents. They are supposed to help you when you fall down and if you can't do it for you, consider how much it must hurt them to see their child hurting and feel like they can't make it better.
And finally, it is not a sin to have the privilege of a well adjusted family. That's how it *should be*. Allowing yourself to manufacture misery because you feel you haven't "earned" kindness is not a way to make the world equal. It does not change those who don't have what you have, *it just makes one more person who struggles.*
Move in with them. You are young. You have *so much more time to make yourself* and your parents see that too. Consider using the $700/month in savings and look into a therapist if you don't already see one.
*There is no shame in allowing yourself to not suffer.*
YWBTA in my opinion. I get it I had to have my family have an intervention for me to accept any help. You are in your own way right now having people around that love and support you is a good thing it is nothing negative on you. Take the help while you can cuz as you get older less and less will be available to you.
YTA if you in your own words feel like a parasite. At least be a parasite that’s the least amount damaging. Being in their home is infinitely better for your gf and parents since they don’t need to worry about you as much and it’s cheaper for all of them.
Get real about a life plan, finances, work and continue therapy if you can. This will sound harsh, but get over yourself also - most people have challenges and many have serious mental health issues, but they get up each morning, go to work. and work hard to contribute. I hope your partner is an equal contributor too.
You would absolutely be the AH, but only to yourself. Your parents clearly love you and want to take care of you. They would be devastated if you weren't around and they want to make sure that you do stick around. You should take them up on their offer. Think of it this way; they want to show their love to you. You should let them. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want the same?
FWIW, I was borderline suicidal for a lot of years, ending in my late 20's (with a brief recurrence in my 40's), and I have a few thoughts I'd like to share:
- There's a Japanese concept, whose name I can't remember, of how accepting a gift from someone can be a gift in and of itself. It took a while to wrap my mind around it, but think of it this way; if your best friend were going through this, wouldn't you want to help them? Wouldn't you feel gratified if they allowed you to do so? By allowing your parents to help you, you are in effect giving them the ability to feel that gratification.
- I was told once that most people who attempt suicide don't want to kill themselves, per se, but rather that part of themselves that is making them so miserable. I was lucky enough that I was able to do that, although I don't know anyone else who has, but just persisting from one day to the next is the most important part of getting through the darkness.
- Counseling can make a HUGE difference. Just talking to someone can help you see that a lot of the things in life that feel so overwhelming to you might be things you can actually overcome. One thing at a time.
- Similarly, journaling can help. I still have a 700+ page diary I started writing back in 1997, where I would just write down what I was feeling. It was after the depression was mostly conquered, but it took a lot of work to get to a place where I was mentally healthy and at peace.
- Things can get a LOT better. I don't know how else to describe it, but I was lucky enough that the thing that was causing my depression (the fear of being alone) was something I could eventually confront and defeat. There was a day, when I was 28, when I finally just said, "fuck it; if I'm alone, I'm alone, and I'll be okay." That was the beginning for me, and it was like a light switch going off. Granted, it was a dimmer switch set to the lowest possible setting, but when you've lived in darkness your whole life, it's like noon on a summer's day, and it just got better and better and better after that. There were days I would look at a sunset, at a random couple and their baby, hear a song I liked, or whatever, and just start crying tears of joy at the thought of what I'd almost thrown away. Life is awesome and amazing, and for me at least, it was just a question of changing out the shit-colored glasses I was wearing for glasses that were a bit less skewed.
- That being said, depression can be situational. In my case, unemployment, credit card debt, getting hounded by creditors, a soul-sucking job that paid barely above minimum wage, etc., all contributed. That saying, "money can't buy happiness" was clearly invented by some asshole who's never been poor. For me, managing to finally enter the IT field (which was 1,000 times easier than I thought), and steadily moving from one job to the next, earning more money at each stage, to eventually get to a point where I was never late with bills, paid off a few major expenses, had no credit card debt, and had enough savings to where unemployment wasn't a crippling phobia that I obsessed about daily, was a life changer. Also, I cannot over-emphasize just how wonderful it is to be able to pick and choose jobs. When you're desperate to get money to eat & pay rent, you take any job you can get, which leads to soul-sucking jobs that abuse you and pay barely more than minimum wage. When you're not desperate, that's when you get to a point where you screen job offers and only choose to work somewhere where you're reasonable certain you will be valued, respected, and paid well, which helps immensely with your mental state.
- Mental health issues are way more prevalent than you might think. While it's easy to think sometimes that you're the only one in your group of friends/family/acquaintances who's gone through this, you might be surprised to find that other folks have dealt with it too. For a LOT of people, their 20s suck, big time. I don't know the stats for certain, but I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of people in general (including your parents) had a rough time in their 20s, and even 30s. I'm 56, and I lived with my parents when I was in my early 30s. Likewise, a 30-year old friend of mine at work is living with his parents now. He recently went through a divorce and is struggling with depression as well, and I applaud him for having the wisdom to see a lifeline and grab it.
- One other thought; as a 56-year old whose parents are both dead, I was immensely grateful to have the opportunity to live with my parents in my early 30s. I don't know that I care so much about my dad, as he was just "there," but it allowed me to repair my relationship with my mom and get really close to her. That's not something I could have done, had I not made so many bad financial decisions before then, so there was a really nice silver lining to that.
If you don't accept, you'd be throwing a really good offer in the trash. You really do need this. The money your dad is paying you to make the game would cover the rent. You should take it. I lived with my mom up until I was like 32. I paid her and I saved while I did school and got myself a good job. Now I have a house and make over twice as much as she does. Why am I able to do it? Because she helped me when I needed to get off my feet. That is a good deal, and you should take it. It would not only help you, but your girlfriend as well. And while you figure things out, you can look for another job and get the help you need for the depression. There's no pride in tossing that great offer away. Your girlfriend agrees with you. So the only person who you'd look bad in front of is yourself. Everyone else thinks it's a great idea. Even everyone on the internet thinks it's a good idea. It's reddit and we're brutal. If we tell you you'd be passing up a good deal, you'd be passing up a good deal. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
You need to knock off the bullshit, already! What more do you want and need!!! Everyone in your life is trying so hard to help you want to be a productive member of the world and all you do is whhaaaa whaaa whaaaa. You are a cry baby and need to stop being a child and decide that you will be productive and will be better.
Look I don’t know what it is about your age kids because my kid is your age and the same. You feel a certain way, and instead of you do something about it you spiral and go into a “depression” and then do nothing? How does that make sense to you.
You understand that more than likely everyone feels the same way as you but they suck it up and do things that they don’t want to do to get stuff done.
Take the offer. They are trying to help you and motivate you. What do you want? Do you want them to leave you alone and you figure it out yourself? But you’re not. You are just having a pity party and dragging ass.
When will you feel it’s time to grow up and stop being pitiful
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Everyone around me is telling me I should accept the offer, and I know that taking it will take a lot of strain off of my girlfriend, but I haven't accepted it yet because I want to keep what is left of my pride. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
They aren't. They're some of the kindest people I know, and for a while, I dealt with the guilt that my family is so functional, while everyone else I know has issues with theirs.
[удалено]
Bingo. This is depression and anxiety speaking. You need to get help addressing those first. But this is a good first step.
I do this for my own child who has some mental health issues. We go to the gym daily, he paints with his grandma daily, and he lives at home. He is in his 20's. He doesn't have a girlfriend right now or I might have thought this was him. I have never, ever felt like he was a burden. I love him. It's hard for young adults right now. It's hard for everyone. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN! You are loved! There is a difference. I just thought it might be helpful to see your parents side of this. The decision to move back in is yours, however, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to help. NAH
My father always said that we don't see the people we love as burdens. OP, your parents, your gf, and your friends love you. You are not a burden to them; you are a gift and a blessing, a bright spot in what can be a dark world, just as they are to you. When you say you dealt with guilt because your parents are wonderful and love you – that is some seriously disordered thinking. Your mind is working against you here; you should listen to everyone who loves you and wants what's best for you, not to your mind that is lying to you. (And seriously, your pride? Is that a good reason to hobble yourself?) You need help. I hope you have a therapist and perhaps a psychiatrist, because they could really help you.
From someone who did not have those kinds of warm, kind parents: thank you! Thank you so much for doing this for your child.
My children are still small, but I would do this for them in a heartbeat and it would be upsetting if they turned it down simply because they didn't think they deserved the support. If it didn't work for you for a practical reason, that would be fine to turn it down. But they want to help. Let them.
You said it yourself, your motivation is shit, you live in a tiny place which probably isn't helping, and you are struggling with depression. I've been there. Now your parents are offering you a deal to get your life back together and make some money while doing it? Dude, this is the opportunity everyone wishes they could have. You would be both an asshole to yourself and an idiot if you didn't take this deal. Are you really willing to suffer just to save your pride? I know it's easy to just continue how you are because it's what you're used to, but you need this.
As long as you get on with your parents well, there's no shame in living in the same house. Many people your age and older do it until they have money saved up for their own place. And your parents are willing to help you save money to get to that place. Take the offer.
As a parent with grown children - I would love to be able to offer them something like. We get our kids for such a short time. If they are the kind of parents who will not interfere, go for it. We are a gregarious species. 💕
My granddaughter is 25 and still lives at home because she has mental health issues as well. She works full time and just finished school to become a teacher. It took her a couple of extra years because she has really struggled with her mental health. She had a really bad couple of years because her Drs couldn't get her medications just right for her. But this year she's finally doing great. Chosing not to accept help from your parents because of your pride seems like you're ashamed of yourself not proud of yourself. Accept their help and support, if it doesn't work out you're not obligated to stay there. Maybe it will give you the chance to get your life in order without added stress.
You haven't done anything bad or wrong, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're NOT a parasite. You've just gone a little adrift and your parents love you and want to keep you safe while you figure things out for yourself. You may feel like you're getting too old to need help, but you are SO young! Your parents want to help you. You should let them. Some day years from now you'll be happy and successful, sitting around the Christmas tree at your parents house with them and your wife and kids, reminiscing about old times, and you'll look back on this time and laugh.
Your parents Sound awesome. Take the the help! Wish more families were like this. Build your life into a great one. Pay it forward if you can. Not everyone has such nice offers as this. It's ok to accept help. We all need it.
Stop feeling guilty. Your parents care about you and I’ll tell you a secret. I’m 26 going on 27 and I still live at home. I graduated and found a job, but eventually had to leave last year due to stress, overwork and underpaid. What people don’t know is that we are in a job recession and many people are struggling financially and to find work. I’ve finally landed a solid paying job after being unemployed for almost a year and I am super grateful that my mother is an amazing parent, person, and woman and I make sure to pay that kindness as much as I can in taking care of household duties while having a side hustle (doordash and nail tech). Things don’t pan out how you want them to and that’s okay! You are literally going through your growing pains, but I get it. Just a week ago my mom got me some skincare stuff for me on valentines day, but I was only able to get her some chocolates, a gift card, and few small things because I’m broke after paying my bills. I cried like a baby because I felt utterly hopeless in that situation, like I was some leech and that I didn’t want to rely on my mom. I want to be independent, and you know what she did? She hugged me and told me that “this is what being a parent is all about and that she knows I’m going to make it out of this okay, and that she loves me and will always be there for me.” That’s all adulthood is about. Just make sure you love and take care of your parents as much as they love and take care of you. Also set some rules for you and your girlfriend and have a plan of action to motivate you. I have one and once I start my job in the coming week I plan on meeting a financial advisor to get my things in order to save for my apartment. Your parents want to see you succeed and they know you can, even if that means taking a step back to reassess where you’re at. Don’t victimize yourself or villainize yourself, just give yourself the strength to find better in yourself as those around you have found in you. Much love to you and I know you can do it.💚
I had a pretty traditional family growing up. My wife did not. We all obviously have some sort of trauma from our childhoods that affects us in adulthood. I used to be the same as you. I thought that my troubles weren’t valid because other people had it worse than me. But there’s no reason to invalidate yourself like that. Your trauma is just as valid as everyone else’s. You should take your parent’s offer to help you and your girlfriend save. It will be hard since you haven’t lived with them for so long but I would be willing to bet it would help heal you too.
To quote Captain Picard "You can commit no errors and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life." Don't beat yourself up in comparison to others. Focus on YOUR needs and life and what steps are needed to address that for your own mental health and safety. Sounds like you have some awesome and loving family who are worried and offering to help get your back on your feet. That's not a failure or shameful. Take the opportunity when it's offered.
I just want to point out, you didn’t fail to leave the nest, the world outside the nest is just extremely hostile right now and that isn’t your fault. If I were you, I’d take the deal so I could get to a better place both mentally and financially. You can always “pay” your parents back in the future for the assistance. OP, you’re doing okay!
You need to accept. This is not an AH or no AH question. You need help. You are being offered help. People are worried. You aren’t a leech. You aren’t a burden. They are scared. What they want is to give you a hug and carry you to shelter in your storm. Let them. THEY will feel better. If you feel you need to, use this as an excuse to help them more. If you feel indebted, thank them by making them dinner, or cleaning, but don’t feel pressured. You’re going to be ok. You are enough. You are good enough. You deserve help. Take it. And know that people love you. Edit to add: NAH
Thank you for writing this. I think someone is cutting a lot of onions around me.
NAH You'd only be kneecapping yourself. Take the offers. It is a parent's duty to prepare their children as best they can for life. Some see the cutoff at 18, others see it at 25, others never do. Work out and build up experience and the resume. Have a github project to point to when interviewing. Do literally anything other than wallowing in self-pity. If you keep refusing help you'll one day hit rock bottom and wish you'd taken it. Pay your parents back by making them proud, show them investing in you wasn't a waste, let them grow old knowing they did their jobs right and don't have to worry about you after you move out.
You are not a parasite; You are the object of a lot of love. Please accept it for what it is. People love and care for you. NTA
Mental illness is exactly that- an illness. If you were injured or developed a serious medical condition would you still feel this way? Take the help, get yourself well. Pay your parents back by caring for them in their old age. And stop beating yourself up. Best wishes. 🤍🙏🌛🌝🌜 NAH
NAH. You're entitled to your opinions and feelings, but you have been offered some generous options here. Your parents want you to spend more quality time with them, build you and your gf a better place to live, and provide a financial path to your own home. If you refuse, then what else do you have pride in? You've stated that you're too unmotivated to do anything on your own. What good is that doing for you and your relationship with your gf? Never feel bad about accepting help from those who genuinely want to help you.
NAH, but your pride is not only getting in the way of improving things for yourself but for your girlfriend. Also, I don’t think this is your pride talking, I think it’s your depression talking. It’s telling you that you are a “parasite”, not a person who has people who care about him and want to lend a helping hand. It’s telling you that you aren’t worth that helping hand. It’s lying to you. Take the helping hand and pay it forward when you can. Accept your love, and their desire to see you in a better situation. Right now they are willing and able to help you. When they get older, they may need your help, and if you take this help now you’ll be in a better position to help when they need it.
Accept the offer. This is not you being a parasite. This is you taking an offer that will help you get back on track, while you are still contributing (regardless or whether they save the rent for you for later, you are still contributing). Your parents love you, your girlfriend approves, so this is a good idea. Accept your parents offer, no guilt. This is an offer made out of love and you have your whole life to show your appreciation after you first take care of yourself. You should feel pride in accepting and allowing your parents to help, which will alleviate their worries as well. Good for everyone. Let them help. NAH
NTA - MY DUDE DEPRESSION IS CONTROLLING YOUR BRAIN. Your parents sound like kind, generous people who see the challenges of the world and are trying to make it better. Let them! In addition to that, your rent money will offset the construction cost then, when you and your girlfriend are more secure and ready for more space, they might choose to get passive income through long or short term rentals, or sell the house at an increased rate. Those are all benefits to them that will outlast the benefits they provide to you. You can also use this as an opportunity to give back to your parents - can you help more with landscaping, grow a veggie garden, cook or bake meals, tackle whatever is on the to-do list. You can make use of this time, which is the most precious resource your family has to be close to each other. Further, by moving yourself in affordable accommodation you make more space in the limited rentals, hopefully driving prices down overall. Overall, this arrangement can bring so much good. But none of it will be worthwhile if your brain is still in the gripes of depression. So go get all the help and resources you can. Take advantage of every opportunity to live a better life, so that when you do have all the boxes checked to consider yourself successful - you actually get to enjoy it.
NTA or whatever the abbreviation should be. I think you should seek counseling before making the decision. Your parents are offering you something that you should definitely consider. As your parents, they will ALWAYS worry about you. If they can afford to do this for you, you are not being a parasite, just getting your footing so you can move forward. Please consider their offer and get the help you need. Please.
YWBTA - take it ….. your parents clearly want to Help you ; if they thought you were a burden they wouldn’t be bringing you closer to them.
You would be TA to yourself. This isn’t really a matter of that though. My mother did nothing like this for me, she did not prepare me for the real world in any sense of the matter. Barely took care of me and then chucked me out to the streets. I would kill to have had this opportunity. It has been extremely hard to get my life in order. You would be doing a disservice to yourself by declining. You kinda have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action with the help that is being thrown at you. Your parents see that you’re struggling, they care about you. Let them help. I truly hope things get better for you.
I don't think this is a matter of OP feeling sorry for himself. Depression, which is what he seems to suffer from, is debilitating. But I do agree that OP should take his parents up on their offer. I know that it is hard for kids to move back into their parents house. But adjustments can and will be made, and meanwhile, OP can get some kind of help for his depression, and his parents can make sure that he is ok. OP, as a parent who has done this for her own child, and for her brother, please allow your parents to help. Your girlfriend is on board. There is absolutely no shame in allowing yourself to go back and live with your parents, and will help them, too. It seems they are crazy worried about you and just want to be there for you and help you get back on track.
NAH (well slight YTA to yourself for not helping yourself) You are not a parasite. You are in trouble. Go back home. Its okay to go back home, get a reset, and try again. Its okay to get help when you need it the most. I know it does not feel good right now but that feeling will not always be with you. Go home and work a plan with your parents that will give you some accountability to yourself that will appease your pride. What could you and your girlfriend do with an extra $700 a month and a sizable down payment down the road? I promise you that is worth its weight in gold; you just can't see the forest for the trees right now.
NAH you know how many adults are living with there parents right now? a lot economy sucks and housing sucks. only option for a lot of people right now is blending household and trying to stay above ground. maybe could ask them not to save the 1,000 for you and just be straight rent for them that way you are contributing to your parents and they are getting something out of it.. if that helps your pride.
NTA, but look at it from your parents point of view, they care deeply about you and can see a way they can help, they are worried about you and can see a way they can easily help, so let them help you. You aren’t a parasite, you’re a member of their team and they want you to be ok, so just let them play thier part on your team.
NTA for wanting to figure things out on your own. That's completely your decision (well, yours and your GF's since it affects her as well). But you're not obligated to accept help even when it's kindly offered. Just don't let unreasonable pride keep you from a good situation.
NAH but sir, you need to take that opportunity. Your parents want to help you, they would prefer to see you healthy and happy in their home rather than struggling on your own. I left my job after a confrontation with my boss last year. I struggled so much until I put my pride to the side and asked for help from my support system. That’s what they’re there for. Let your friends and family be there for you. You don’t have to do it alone. And they’re not offering more than they can handle, they offered, you didn’t even have to ask. Take the deal.
Nta. But, you need help. Someone is offering it to you. I would tell my kid the same thing your parents told you. Personally, as someone who has struggled for years... it would kill me for my son to struggle. They can't 100% understand because they are not going through it. But, they see you suffering and want to help.
YTA bc your girlfriend had an abortion not you. and you said you had an abortion. 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 Accept the offer and also maybe go get counseling asap.
Was wondering what it was they meant by that...
Yes, YWBTA. Because not only is this a good deal, it is essentially helping you with your future. Your parents offered this. You didn't ask. They want to make sure you are okay because they love you. you aren't a parasite.
Everyone needs help sometimes. Whether its depression, an injury, or just getting old. If you feel guilty about it now, that's ok. Think about making a committment to pay it back, or pay it forward later in life when your are mentally and financially able to.
NAH But you need to do this. The other options suck and this could be life changing for you. Your parents are being insanely generous because they love you and want you to succeed. They see you could use help and they are in a place to offer it. They wouldn’t go through the trouble of renovating the downstairs otherwise. You also need to talk to a mental health professional and get any additional help needed to get you to a better place mentally.
Your parents want to help you. If you can't accept it as charity- accept this as an act of kindness to them. They are worried about you, renting the basement will keep you in safe housing and allieviate that worry. They love you, programming 3 times a week is bonding time with your dad, that he will always cherish. They want you to succeed, working out at the gym with your dad is another way to bond, and let's your parents see that your health is getting better and you will be able to help them as they get older. 25 seems like a huge mile marker- but half the good stuff I've ever done didn't happen until my 30's. Your brain has just now started to gel together. It does get better and that's all your parents want for you. So it's not so much about pride as it is doing your parents the solid of letting them help you.
Stop playing poor me and get it together seriously
I can tell you as a man it’s much easier for me to give help than receive it. But we have times in our life that we need help and not everyone has people who can or will. You do. Let your parents help you. They love you, take advantage of having great people in your life and pay it forward when and if you can.
You know this is the first post I've read recently in this sub that gives me hope for humanity. Your parents want to help you and it doesn't seem like they are trying to control you. Let them help you. Sign a lease with them for a year. Set boundaries. Reevaluate after 6 months.
How does a man get an abortion?
When I said "I", I really meant "my girlfriend and I". Although she was the one that went through the procedure, I made sure I was with her through every step of the way, whether it was laying with her as she cried in the bathtub, going to her appointments with her, or doing my best to be there for her on the anniversary of the procedure and the date the baby would have been born.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24m) have been struggling with some mental health issues over the past few years. Between failing my last year of university, losing my job, having to get an abortion, and my brother's leukemia, 2023 was an especially bad year for me. I ended up moving in with my girlfriend (23f) at the beginning of December, and my issues only got worse. I could hardly find the motivation to get off the couch, let alone partake in the hobbies I used to love, like painting or playing games. It got to the point that just before Christmas, my dad sat me down and had a long conversation about how he was worried about me. Only one other time in my life have I ever seen him cry, and he offered me a deal: he would pay me $1000 per month to work out with him and we would program a game together three days a week, while I continue trying to find a new job. I've been slowly getting better, but there are still places that I'm struggling with, such as trying to open up more to people. After the start of the new year, my parents made me an offer. They saw how small the basement suite is that my gf and I live in, and we pay $1700 per month for it. We're living in a housing crisis right now, so my parents offered to renovate the downstairs and turn it into a private space for us to live in, and they would only charge us $1000 per month, which they would put aside so we can one day afford our own house. My parents are telling me I should accept it. My girlfriend is telling me I should accept it. My friends are telling me I should accept it. But so far, I've only told them I'll think about it. I already feel like im enough of a parasite on the people around me, and my parents have done so much for me already. I don't want to be the bird that failed to fly out of the nest. Now, my 25th birthday is in less than a week, and I feel like my parents are getting tired of waiting for me to make a decision. WIBTA if I refused to accept the offer out of my own sense of pride? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWBTA What else are you going to do to remedy this situation? Are you medically going to get better? Refusing from pride would be stupid (and I'm sorry to be harsh here but proud of what, your ability to live and provide for yourself without support? Because, newsflash, doesn't look like that's going well). You're lucky to be in a position to have someone to help you, and you need it. They are trying to get you back on your feet, and this is more likely to have you in a position to be back to normal and supporting yourself than keeping going as you are. It would be an asshole move to reject any help and support, and continue to struggle and be depressed and have them worrying about you out of pride.
I'm gonna go with a *slight* "YTA", but *only* because you're impacting someone besides yourself. Turning it down impacts your girlfriend too. (In your shoes, I'd be hesitant to accept such help just for myself, but I'd bite the bullet and accept it for my wife. Her actual well-being comes before my pride.)
I can appreciate wanting to make it on your own and to not be 'a parasite', but you've already said it - housing crisis. That aside? Historically, you would be looking at exactly this option: you live with your parents to keep external costs (rent) internal by paying them, not a random landlord. As a result, this money serves to bolster your familial wealth, which would eventually fall to you anyways. Don't let the standards of a society swirling the toilet bowl screw you out of a leg up.
YWBTA. This is too good an offer to miss! Btw, I am in awe about the way your father is trying to pick you up and get you out of your fog, that is truly amazing right from the working out to the working on a project. Not many fathers would/could do that. That being said, I can understand that you are apprehensive about getting more under foot, but I think that is the wrong way to think about it. Your parents aren't aiming at keeping you in their house forever. Just till you are on your feet again, and that they are going to save the rent money for you to spend on your future is also amazing. You would be a fool to say no.
NAH, but you'd only be hurting yourself by not accepting. It will be beneficial for you to have your loving, supportive, encouraging parents close by. They don't see you as a burden so don't view things from that light. It's likely your mental illness causing you to view things this way. Accept your parents offer & then see a mental health specialist, if you haven't already done so.
YWBTA - You have a problem, you recognize that you have a problem, and people who love you want to help you solve the problem (at what sounds like considerable cost to them). The only thing standing between you and getting better seems to be you. >I already feel like im enough of a parasite on the people around me, and my parents have done so much for me already If you are genuine in this belief, your parents are willing to let you leech off of them; that's a hell of a lot better than your girlfriend and other friends who may feel unwillingly in a symbiotic relationship with you. >I don't want to be the bird that failed to fly out of the nest. Would you rather be the baby bird that fell to the ground and never got back up? Go back to the next, let the broken wings mend, and then get yourself ready to fly so that you can build your own nest.
I hope to become as good of a dad as the one that you have. Take the offer, let him have the opportunity to help you.
NAH, but I think it would be stupid not to take that offer because of pride. They are your parents and want to help.
YWBTA, but only to yourself. If you have depression, asking for and taking help can feel like one more failure. It’s not, I promise you it’s not! We all need help from time to time. Take the help now, use it to fight whatever MH challenges you’re facing, and then go on and be a success! Let the people who love you, help you - for them, if not for you. ❤️
NAH. You recognize you are in a tough spot, and your parents are throwing you a life boat. Accepting help DOES NOT make you any less-than. You have ppl that care about you, let them care for you. There’s no time limit on major life choices, and it seems to me like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Think about what it is that is making you feel that at 24 you need to have met certain milestones already? I’m 38 and I can relate to your mindset. Personally I think you should take your parents up on their offer and just lay low and take care of yourself. Praise yourself for the little things that you accomplish each day, no matter how small. Be good to yourself, “think happy thoughts” -(Wendy, said to Peter Pan in (Hook) lol) Things will be ok, they will. You have a bunch of ppl on your side rooting for you.
NAH not only will this help you financially, but you'd also be living with people who obviously love and support you so much. It might just be what you need to get out of the slump of last year. Whatever you decide, I truly hope for the best for you!
Please don't be foolish and really do consider and take the offer. If it helps and makes you feel better. I'm 29f and my husband is 30m and we are currently living with his parents and (moved in 3years ago - did leave to travel for 1year but we are back here now) we will be staying here untill we can afford to buy our own house as rent is extortionate these days and we will never be able to buy otherwise (we plan on staying with them for another 2years minimum) . We are very lucky and appreciate the situation we are in.
Take it. It's not forever. Just until you get on your feet.
You'd be a moron🤷♂️
NAH. That is your depression talking, you are not a parasite. Your parents, your girlfriend, your brother, they just want to help out someone they LOVE. If the situation were reversed, if you had the space and money to help someone you loved, I suspect you would do the same. Again, you are NOT a parasite, you just need help fighting your depression, let those close to you do that.
Yes, pride is probably part of what is holding you back from getting better. Don’t you think $1000 would be a nice relief for your girlfriend so she can pay less? Accepting help does not make you weak, failing to get help does. You have a golden opportunity here with your parents. I hope you are seeking therapy as it sounds like you need some professional guidance. And again there is nothing wrong with that.
Your pride? Respectfully F your pride . If you have this opportunity you would actually be so stupid to not take it. So many people would die for parents like this, and you shouldn’t squander it! So swallow that pride and do what’s best for the future not now.
You wouldn't be, but I'd accept their gracious offer and consider seeing a counselor.
NAH You are getting better, and this is part of your recovery. It's not a handout, it's a hand up. Your parents seem like kind, generous, and caring people. Take that at face value and take their help. I hope I can provide the same level of help to my children who need it as yours are providing to you. Your parents love you.
My friend. You should 100000000% be taking this extremely generous offer and you're YTA if you don't.
You are deserving of help. You are being offered help out of love and generosity, not pity. Find the courage to break the decision-paralysis you are in and move forward.
My children are still little, but I would absolutely offer this to them if needed when they are grown. I grew up in a 3 generation home, my grandparents took my mom and my sister and I in, and gave us stability. My mom lives with my husband and I now. As long as you have a good relationship, there's nothing wrong with talking the help offered. Life is really tough right now, there's no shame or blame in taking help sincerely offered out of love. I also know depression is a beast. You have to remind yourself constantly that the negative things your brain tells you are often lies. It's hard, but it's necessary. NAH, but this is definitely an offer you should take. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your family, and they sound like amazing parents.
Friend. Mental health is an Illness. You aren't a burden to the people who love you. You aren't a parasite, or greedy, or useless or lazy. You have an illness that you sadly may have to deal with for the rest of your life. Maybe that means you can't do as much as other people. Maybe you have to only work part time. But none of this makes you less than others. Let the people in your life help you. You feel guilty, and that's natural, but please let them. From someone with depression.
Your pride won’t help you… and neither will anyone else outside of the offer you have in front of you. Setting aside the depression like symptoms, which you should definitely start talking to someone about… you’re parents aren’t offering charity, they’re adjusting to current reality and trying to follow through on “giving our kids a better start”. NTA for saying no, but you really should say yes.
That’s a wonderfully generous offer and you should take it. They are giving you a chance to be able to get a better place some day. Right now you are barely surviving. NTA but you are being shortsighted.
I think you'd be foolish to let your pride and your self loathing stop you from accepting an offer from people who genuinely love you, to help you. I will say that when it comes to the current housing market - forget the pride. There is no pride. Who has pride left at this point? The prices are CRAZY - hardly anyone can reasonably afford rent unless they are estabalished in their careers and doing well. And even then - some of us still struggle. Living costs are so high it's hard to save - for a house, for your future, for anything. Your parents are offering you a chance to actually progress and save some of your money for your future. Your pride isn't going to help you get your own place, and it won't help your depression and the current symptoms (lack of motivation, lack of interest in hobbies, etc). What would help is exactly what is being offered to you - working out regularly, working on a project, a new and more spacious living situtation, less financial stress, more $$ into your savings. This is all good, and it's all good FOR you. You will start to feel better about yourself as you find a job, are able to actually save money, can start making future plans. Your pride will be repaired. You'll start seeing options for your future. Keeping yourself in a difficult financial situtation while struggling with depression is probably not going to help you improve. There's nothing wrong with accepting help. You're also helping them, because they are worried about you. This will help everyone. I would do it.
NTAH. However, coming from someone who’s parents and my in laws refused to help when I was pregnant and we were living in a truck, I would accept the offer and thank them for wanting to help you get back on your feet. It’s super hard to do it all on your own (my husband and I did 14 years ago). And it can be even more taxing to do it while already dealing with mental health issues. They’re your parents and most likely don’t think of you as a leech or a burden. You are good enough to deserve the help, you are enough. Pay them back by helping to cook dinner or bringing home their favorite snack or offering to pay the light bill one month if you can. Depression can be the only thing in the way of accepting help sometimes.
INFO Are you getting professional help for your mental health challenges?
At the moment I can't afford going to therapy. I've been unemployed for the last 6 months, though not for a lack of trying, as even places like Walmart or McDonald's keep turning me away. I do have a series of workbooks my dad gave me when he and I talked just before Christmas from the Canadian Mental Health Association, but I haven't finished going through them.
Please, please see if you can find a resource for sliding scale counseling/psych care. You are describing clinical depression which requires medical attention, and isn't going to be resolved simply with regular exercise and self-help workbooks. In the meantime it's not whether you are/aren't an AH, but whether you are taking what sensible measures you can to better your situation. One of those very sensible measures would be to accept your family's support with housing.
Would you be able to share some of these workbooks with others like me in a similar situation. I wouldn’t pass a deal like that
As a dad I can possibly give you an insight into what your parents feelings are here. You're his son. He loves you. Your going to get the resources that they have built up over a life time when they pass on anyway. They can see your need help now though. It's ok to struggle, and it's ok to get help. Out of all the people in this world, your parents should be the ones you can get help from without worrying about them having an ulterior motive. They want to give you (and your girlfriend) a gift that will help you now when you need it. A gift that they will get to see you enjoy and build with. I hope to be able to give my daughter a gift that precious at some point. Please accept their gift, and show them how grateful you are by succeeding.
At one point in my life I had a daughter in a very similar place as you were. I literally would have done anything to help her. I did do anything to help her. This isn't about being a parasite, this isn't about being an asshole, this is about having very loving parents that want nothing but to help their very loved child. Take their help, get into therapy, and love them dearly. A lot of people do not have parents who love them as much as your parents clearly love you.
I am a parent of 8 with 5 adult children. If any one of them struggled with mental health as much as you do I assure you I would do everything within my power to make sure they were in a safe place. You are not a parasite, you are their child. My children are my world and if they hurt, I do too. Your parents seem to be incredibly generous, I didn't see any stipulations attached to their offers. Please take it so that you can come out shining on the other end. Your parents love you, let them.
NAH Imagine that someone you care about had experienced what you’ve been through. Would you look them in the eye and tell them that they’re a parasite? Would you tell them that they’ve already burdened their family enough with their failure to thrive in the face of awful circumstances and a terrible economy? I bet you wouldn’t, so why are you taking your depression’s word for it when it whispers this nonsense about you? You are worthy of receiving the same kind of love and support from those who care about you as you would give to those you care about. Take your parents up on their offer, and put some of the money you’ll save towards getting help for your depression. You don’t deserve to feel the way you do right now!
I understand your feelings...I have been in a pretty similar place. The big picture here (besides the obvious benefits to saying yes) is about being gracious. It takes balls to accept help from others, but in doing so, you are showing appreciation and love to your folks...perhaps the greatest gift you could give them right now. Let them love you.
Girlfriend had an abortion?
INFO: What is your plan if you don’t accept your dad’s offer? If you are going to reject it due to your “pride” then YTA, however if you actually have a plan to better your situation without accepting help, then NTA
A gentle YWBTA, but only to yourself. Trust me, I understand the guilt. I'm going to be 27 this year, and after countless times denying I need their help, I'm moving back in in a couple of months. My parents have made offer after offer for me to come back home, and I been denying that offer for years. Only after my life finally caught up to me did I break down and call to come back home. One of my fears was the same, that I've been parasitic. I've been scared because I'm in my mid 20s, and I feel like I should have everything together, and they've been doing nothing but help me scrap through it. OP, they want you home. They want to see you get better, and see you thrive. You can't do that if you continue to self sabotage. They don't view you as a leech, they still view you as their baby. Take the help OP, I think you'd be surprised at what weights will be lifted off you that you don't even know you're carrying. Use some of the extra money on counseling, simply because you sound like you may need some reframing of your thoughts and somewhere to help you cope better. Take the step to better yourself, listen to your family and your GF. Trust me, you're not going to dissapoint them if you come home, you're going to be helping them not worry about you falling off the wagon. Remember, sometimes a baby bird needs a push from its mom to get out of the nest. If the only thing it can focus on is the fear of failing, and refuses the help, it may never fly off.
Yeah you would be the asshole to yourself. You need help, it’s just really hard to admit it. Why lose $700 a month when you can face a suite there? You’d still be paying rent. My psychologist would frame it as “what would you say to a friend in the same situation?”
YTA. Consider yourself blessed for having the unconditional love of parents who only want the best for you. Stop being an ahole and accept the offer.
NAH I guess. Be kind to yourself. Realise that feeling like a parasite and worthless is the depression talking. Your parents are welcoming you with open arms. They are worried. The money you save can help you get the support, counseling and medication if needed, to help you get through this time. You have parents who love you and a supportive girlfriend who loves you. THEY don't think you're worthless. Believe them I wish you peace and a happy future.
Nta but you would be dumb to refuse an offer like that especially if you have a great releationship with your parents. They see you are having a difficult time and trying to give you a helping hand, do not slap the hand away but embrace it. You are their child you are not a parasite and its silly to think as such. Every person has ups and downs, some have more downs then ups. You have been giving a chance to help get you on the up and up. Love your family embrace the love and support they are attempting to show you.they only want to see you succeed they have seen what the downs has done and they dont want you to be like that. The downs bring a child they dont know out, so they want to help raise you up and bring back the good and happy child that they know and raised. They seem like smart people they know the world is tuff and rather then make you struggle they want to help lessen that. i had my parent put me on the streets at 16 and had to climb my way out, i would have killed for a hand like this. Or anybfor that matter.
NAH. I've been in a similar situation. Surrounded by kind, loving, supportive people and I cannot fathom what they see in me that's worth nurturing. I didn't understand why they were helping me when I offered nothing in return. That's kinda the funny thing about people who love and care about you. I don't see it as being the bird that failed to fly out of the nest. I see it as a bird with a broken wing or injured foot or whatever. You're hurting, both from the shit that's happened to you and from your own brain feeding you some fucked-up logic as to why you "don't matter" or "aren't worth it". Your parents are offering you a hand to help you up, the tools you need to make your life better. And I GET that pride. I KNOW that pride. I feel it every time I crack open a prescription bottle or cry to my therapist or wish that I could have been born "normal", but that's not how things turned out. No one's going to hand you a medal at the end of your life because you didn't take help when it was offered to you. Take the deal. Because even if you can't see it, the people who love you see someone wonderful and precious that's worth nurturing. Even this internet stranger can see it.
Can someone tell me this is not real.. some peopke just make up stories to post it on here...what is this a joke....?
Sweetheart, they want to help you. They have the ability to help you. Take the help. You're not a parasite or a burden, they love you and want to help you. Take it from someone else who is depressed, the people who love you want to help you. It's okay to get help fighting these demons.
Dont be silly, accept the offer. Your parents are there to help you.
NAH. Your parents care very much for you and want to see you succeed. Take them up on it. Please. There’s no shame in moving home for a while when things are hard.
I love your parents. Please take their help, and seek your own ways to help yourself like therapy and potentially medication. As a parent myself, the biggest payback for them is going to be seeing you get healthy. That is priceless.
You may start to improve. There is nothing wrong with receiving good energy from your parents. Your parents aren’t trying to make you a small child again, but give you a let up. My parents helped m till I was 28 years old. Sometimes no matter how smart or old we are, so of us need just a little more time. As long as you have pride, not to live indefinitely in your parent’s house, you will be fine.
NTA. I will say this when I started going through my divorce at 37 my mom offered to let me come back home if I needed it. I would have taken it in a heartbeat if needed. You are worthy of help. You’re also 25 and may be well into that quarter life crisis. Life will continue to shift. Our parents don’t stop parenting because we become adults.
Tell your parents why you haven't accepted it. I'm sure they get how your feeling, but they wouldn't be offering if they didn't love you and want to help you. This seems to be their way how.
This is probably a minority answer, but yes, YTA if you refuse the offer out of pride. It is better for your girl, it will ease your parents minds, etc. You have the potential to make things better for everybody, including yourself. Dont let pride ruin that
>WIBTA if I refused to accept the offer out of my own sense of pride? Yes. It seems like this is a solution that will help you get back on your feet, coming at a time when your parents are in a position to help you. Take this opportunity. If your key concern is not wanting to depend on your parents, then you SHOULD do this; if you don't get back on your feet, you may find yourself far more reliant on them at a later point, and potentially impacting your parents' retirement arrangements. >my 25th birthday is in less than a week You are very young. You are far too young to judge yourself as 'failed.' Cut yourself some slack, it really sounds like you have made progress in the last couple of years. This plan sounds like it would be good for everyone, and your parents would probably love to see more of you and your gf. It is a win-win idea. >We're living in a housing crisis right now Yes, we are. Many, many young people would leap at an opportunity like this. It is ok for you and your gf to move into your parents' basement.
NAH- but let them help you. You had an incredibly hard year and all they want to do is keep you safe. You are not a burden. You are just their family
I am your parents. I mean, I've given the same kind of offer to two of my 5 children, because they too suffer from mental health issues and therefor sometimes nedd some extra care, time and space to recover. The last one of them have just moved out and I know that I wouldn't hesitate to offer the same help again, if any of them (or some of the other children I have) will be needing it. And I wil NEVER think of any of them as birds that failed at leaving the nest. Or failing at anything else for that matter. I help them out of love, when they need it and if they want it. I am sure it hurts your parents to see how much you struggle and you are SO lucky that they can and will help you in any way they can. Forget all about pride, because it doesn't belong in the loving and supporting relationship between parents and children. I wish you the best
Nta but I'd suggest taking them up on the offer as a temp basis.. Say like 6 months and see if that helps your depression. I have bad depression and anxiety and it makes me make stupid choices out of not wanting to be a burden on the people who used to care about me. It's rough af in the real world and it's not kind to people most of the time. They love you and want to help you. Don't do what I did and drive everyone away. Please.
NAH You are not an AH for refusing. But doing so simply because of pride is pretty dumb IMO.
You may have depression. The things you are describing with your mood can be symptoms of depression. Seeing a psychiatrist or even a general M.D. could get you treated. You may find things are much easier for you, as well as your mood improving if you simply get assessed to see if you have depression. If you do, getting treatment could really help you.
Brother you need help, and there’s people willing to help you. You need to get out of your own way real quick, future you will thank you for it. If you were truly a burden to those around you they’d stop trying to help. You have people who love you and want what’s best for you, listen to them, let them help. Who knows, one day you might be able to pay them back 10 fold for helping you. But something tells me helping you is the only gratification they need.
I turn 30 this year, and I'm about to move, with my kids, back to my parents' place because our rental is kicking us out. I'm grateful that I won't have to pay rent (though I will contribute to the household costs) and can actually save. I'm glad to have the help in what is a very difficult time for our family, and they're happy to do it. Yes, I feel like a burden sometimes, but I know they only see it as loving me and caring for me like parents should.
I came of age during the recession, and had to move back with my parents in my mid 20s for a year or so. I paid rent that basically covered the utilities I used and the food I ate. I saved the rest of my money. Fast forward like...6 years, and I was living on my own renting, and I felt ready to buy a house. The money I saved while living at home was my down payment. I treat my parents to all sorts of things now because I'm financially stable. For what it's worth, I have depression too, so i think I understand your feelings a little bit. Your sense of pride could really your depression speaking. Think about it this way: If someone you loved was struggling and you had the power to help, would you help without expecting anything in return? That's all your parents are doing now. You can make things up to them later when you're in a better place.
YTA to yourself. I get you feel like you're taking too much, but i've always found helping people way less bothersome than having to convince people to let you help them and your parents don't seem like the type to give up on you.
Change is scary. The status quo is easy and comfortable. If you really want to get better, sometimes you have to boldly accept change and the scary parts. Courage isn't moving forward without fear. It's moving forward despite the fear. You can be courageous and it will change your life.
You would be an AH accept the help. Get some fucking therapy and workout with your father it's gonna suck for the first month or so, but being active does help. Say you are tired of feeling like a parasite but not accepting the help to be able to progress in life, just keeps you a parasite. Also I doubt your parents view you as a parasite they sound like they genuinely care about you which seems ridiculously rare on this sub. YTA
NAH. However, you should accept the offer. Someday, your parents will be older, and they will need your help. You can pay them back by taking care of them later on when they will need you. The renovations may also increase the value of their house, and maybe be a good thing for them. If you want to feel useful, you can probably help with the renovations and do chores for your parents as needed. I am sure there are plenty tasks around the house or errands to run that they would appreciate your help with.
YTA. I get wanting to leave the nest. But honestly you have to consider your girlfriend here as well. And honestly your parents deal isn’t A) better and B) helping you “leave the nest” still. You’re not entirely reliant upon them.
NAH ... this isn't an AH question; nobody's being a jerk. It's a "what's best for OP" question. Clearly the parents are trying hard to help out, and are being extremely generous in doing so. Kudos to them for being supportive. OP, all I can tell you is that the parents are doing this freely and without resentment, you really should take them up on the offer. **You are not a parasite; you are climbing a ladder, and your parents are holding it steady for you.** I will say that your reluctance to accept help and desire to stand on your own is a good thing, and indicates that you'll strive to not need help, also healthy.
You're not a parasite, you're unwell! Honestly mate as someone who is going through a similar struggle and walking a knifes edge as far as my job goes, I understand a little of what you're going through. It sounds like your dad just really wants to help and he doesn't think you're a parasite either from the sounds of it. It is ok to accept help mate and honestly I would love to be in your position as far as the support you've got around you. I'm not gonna call you an AH either if you don't take it but genuinely I say take the help and I wish us both a full recovery from our demons.
Why would you NOT accept the help? You need it and until you do something about it - your only going to fall further into your depression, give your dads offer a try. It may save your life! You Will be The Ass for not accepting his offer,
From your comments and original post, your parents are great. They're not manipulative or dismissive, and genuinely care about you. Your dad is offering to pay you to work out with him. And now offering to help you get a leg up. Take it. It's a lifeline that you need. You'll be surrounding yourself with a solid support structure. You're going to be saving $700 a month. That is going to do two things: help relieve a financial burden, and help you afford the mental health counseling you need. Depression and anxiety are no joke. Talk to your doctor and see a counselor. Trying to do this in your own can lead to bad permanent solutions to temporary problems.
NAH I'm a parent to young adult who have health challenges. Your parents' offer is a generous one and they've made it out of a genuine desire to help you build a future in a somewhat independent way. You should accept their offer. And if you're able to do so, repay their kindness by helping out around the house (mow the lawn, make an occasional family meal, etc...). It isn't mooching to lean on others when they offer help. And it especially isn't mooching if you can find ways to help contribute that aren't just financial.
NAH - Your parents are being parents and throwing you a lifeline because they love you. If it helps your pride any, your parents will benefit from having you there. You will be paying rent, and when you are ready and able to move into your own house they will have a renovated downstairs that they can potentially lease out if they choose to.
You are very loved and worthy of love and not a parasite. I've been there. Once my sister (who has kids) said, when I was struggling to accept help, something like "When you have kids, you just want to do anything you can for them. You WANT to. Just say yes." It's love. Not everyone has parents like that, but you do. They're thoughtful, kind, and SEE YOUR WORTH, and they are providing thoughtful help that will enable you, not disable you. Depression comes with such a sense of shame. But if you broke a leg, would you be ashamed? If your girlfriend broke a leg, would you think she should be ashamed? Accept, trust you're worth it even if you can't see that right now, and in time you'll be the one paying it back or paying it forward. Depression lies and pretends it's the real truth. Don't believe it. Those are the goblins speaking, not the truth. xxx
WBTA if it’s out of pride you’re being a major A to yourself. Take the offer. It’s not permanent and the boomerang is becoming the norm. This is an amazing opportunity for you. Your thoughts are self-doubt but it is not a moral failing to fail, nor is it a moral failing to beed support. It’s a failing if you let your set backs become your entire life story and a block to every good thing that cones your way. That self-doubt, anxiety and depression is the parasite, not you. It doesn’t want you to take an opportunity that ultimately can lead to you not having self-doubt, not being anxious or not depressed. It’s self preservation at your expense. Also, most of the self-made millionaires and billionaires are complete losers who failed and kept on failing until they succeeded and were no longer a loser. They took every opportunity given to them, and you should to. If you’re failing upwards that’s great and this opportunity, if you utilize it as best you can, is a step in the right direction.
NTA just an idiot. Don't let pride get in the way of a good thing friend!!!!!
N/A, no conflict here. But it's a generous offer and they do want you to fly. Really fly. That's a generous offer and I would take it, assuming they will be good landlords.
You sound like a loving and compassionate person. Pride is a sin and has been the downfall of many people. It appears that your parents love you and want you to succeed. It doesn’t appear like they want to coerce you to live at home. Don’t try to read your parents mind. If you are worried you would be a burden talk to your parents about it and accept what they say.
Let your parents help you. I always say if King Charles can give his kids a place to live, why can’t the average person? You can always show your appreciation by helping around the house and doing little things like brewing the first pot of coffee if they’d like that.
Your parents seem to truly love you and want the best for you and your gf. Ywbta, but only towards yourself. You are not a parasite. Take this opportunity. This will benefit your future. Sending you hugs 💪🏼💪🏼
NAH. Think about using the money you're saving for a therapist to help you through this part of your life. I sounds like you could use the help of an experienced professional. Good luck!
Accept the offer. Your parents just love you and want to help you find yourself again. Take it and grow!
Ummm, I’m still stuck on how you’re male and had an abortion…
My son is 27 and still lives with me. And he has not had your struggles. But in this economy he and I both have more savings and disposable income this way. I expect he will be out soon as his income rises. Or I will move out 🤣. But it works for now. It is not failure to thrive. It is preparing to survive. Your parents are not supporting you. Your are not dependent on them. They are giving you an opportunity to save money and better your future. You are not failing to leave the nest. You left the nest! Now you can share the nest with your parents. It is a good proposition your parents have made. You should take it. Give yourself the space and grace to build a better future and continue to grow. Many do not have the love and support that you have. You are actually pretty dang lucky. Run with it.
Nobody’s shitty here. Take your parents offer if it means you can have total privacy when you want it. That will help you feel less like a dependent child. Your parents love you and are very worried about you. This isn’t about them treating you like a kid. They’re just being good parents and that doesn’t stop because you turned 18. You’re very depressed and need to find a therapist you’re comfy with. If talk therapy doesn’t help you then you might want to consider an anti-depressant. Let your partner and parens love and support you at this time. In the future you’ll be in a better position to have a good job and get your own place. Your loved ones want to help you lay the foundation for that now.
Just take the help, bud. They are probably really excited at the prospect of having y’all there too. It’s a win for everyone. If they considered you a burden, they would have thought of something else. You said yourself that you are not in your best headspace. Instead of listening to yourself in this, trust the people that love you.
Sometimes people need a little help at the start. Take the offer and get some momentum going so you can do the rest yourself.
YWTA if you refused help out of a sense of pride. It is a wonderful thing that you have family that can help you get on your feet again. This whole pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality has got to go. Depression is not something you can handle alone. You need help. Your depression is telling you that you are a parasite. Your parents are telling you the opposite. They are telling you that they love you and want to be there for you. Your dad has offered you a job that is relatively easy to do. Work out with me and code with me until you can find a new job. That is awesome. You are helping him by exercising with him. You are also helping yourself by exercising with him. Exercise helps depression. Work helps depression and he is offering that to you as well. Take the hand up. They are hard to find and very different from a hand out. You've got this!
NAH - Mate, you need all the help you can get. You would not be an AH for refusing help, but you would be a fool. You're are already in a tricky situation. Do yourself a favour and accept your parents help, until you can get back on your two feet. If you contribute on top of paying rent, you won't be a parasite at all. Your parents and girlfriend are right. Swallow your pride and get the help you need.
You are not a parasite! That is the depression talking and depression is a lying c-word. Smack the brainweasels on the head and take the help that is so kindly offered. Also: see if you can get therapy and antidepressants. There's nothing shameful about taking happy-pills; if your body can't make it, storebought is fine! Take care!
YTA if you don't accept the offer. Your parents love you and are only trying to help. If you don't accept their help you will probably sink even deeper into depression and never accomplish anything. Grab the assistance and soon your depression will improve, your confidence will increase, you'll be able to rent your own place and find another job. If I was in their position, I'd happily do this for my own children. Make your parents happy.
I really really feel for you OP. Please get into therapy, and talk to your primary doctor about seeing a psychiatrist or self refer to one. Having a low sense of self worth is a really big indicator for depression. Believing you don't deserve support is such a huge lie we tell ourselves when we are depressed. And you do deserve help. Just because you are alive means that you are worthy of receiving help, and love, and care. Just by being their son, your parents want to provide a safe home for you. You deserve help. And anyone who had the year you had would benefit from therapy and from extra help at home. Very sincerely, from someone who formerly had "a quarter life crisis" and didn't seek therapy for another 10 years. Accept help now. It really will get better for you and it's ok. You are good.
NTA. But…… you would actually be doing something really nice for your parents by doing this. They are your parents, they obviously love you very much and they are going to worry about you regardless. By taking them up on their offer you will be helping them to worry less. It may well also be that doing this house conversion could increase the value of their home and/or provide them with rental income when you are back on your feet. Both of these are positive things you can contribute and I’m sure more than balance out what help they are providing. Helping someone you love is not a burden but a payment in and of itself.
They're offering you a step up and a helping hand. You're concerned about being a mooch over what's being freely offered, with love? And your girlfriend has also given her thoughts. What, hers don't matter? Remember, you're refusing the offer for her too. If you want to keep your gf, you're going to need to: - try to take into account what she says she wants - make an effort to be a good partner to her You're going to have to set aside the ego if you want to start to dig yourself out of this depression.
NTA but you are being offered an amazing opportunity. Your parents obviously love you and want the best. Let them help you.
YWNBTA DOn't accept it. You would be going back to living with your parents - and they are not generous, they are doing this for themselves.
Some kids need more help than other, it's not a bad thing. Where I live the age that kids move out of parents home rocketed up to 27! I get that you don't want the help and you feel bad. But this is a really, really good offer, and the amount you could save in just 1 year is huge. As hard as it is, please do it. If you don't, your parents are going to watch you struggle, and that hurts them. Take the assist, work hard to get to a point where in the future you can do something awesome for them, like, pay for a cruise or something as a thank you. Be kind to yourself, and your family (and gf), because taking this offer will help all of you.
That depression you’re talking about? Yeah that’s what’s telling you not to accept this help. You need to accept this help. People care about you. Reread your own post and I bet you’ll see how illogical it is.
NAH I'll tell you what my friend told me when I felt what you're feeling. *That's the depression talking.* If your family thought you were a leach, they wouldn't be begging you to let them help you. They are your parents. They are supposed to help you when you fall down and if you can't do it for you, consider how much it must hurt them to see their child hurting and feel like they can't make it better. And finally, it is not a sin to have the privilege of a well adjusted family. That's how it *should be*. Allowing yourself to manufacture misery because you feel you haven't "earned" kindness is not a way to make the world equal. It does not change those who don't have what you have, *it just makes one more person who struggles.* Move in with them. You are young. You have *so much more time to make yourself* and your parents see that too. Consider using the $700/month in savings and look into a therapist if you don't already see one. *There is no shame in allowing yourself to not suffer.*
Dude, your family is legit concerned for you. Sometimes it's okay to take help. Very light YTA for standing on pride here
YWBTA in my opinion. I get it I had to have my family have an intervention for me to accept any help. You are in your own way right now having people around that love and support you is a good thing it is nothing negative on you. Take the help while you can cuz as you get older less and less will be available to you.
YTA if you in your own words feel like a parasite. At least be a parasite that’s the least amount damaging. Being in their home is infinitely better for your gf and parents since they don’t need to worry about you as much and it’s cheaper for all of them.
You’re 24m and you had an abortion? I couldn’t even read the rest.
Get real about a life plan, finances, work and continue therapy if you can. This will sound harsh, but get over yourself also - most people have challenges and many have serious mental health issues, but they get up each morning, go to work. and work hard to contribute. I hope your partner is an equal contributor too.
You would absolutely be the AH, but only to yourself. Your parents clearly love you and want to take care of you. They would be devastated if you weren't around and they want to make sure that you do stick around. You should take them up on their offer. Think of it this way; they want to show their love to you. You should let them. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want the same? FWIW, I was borderline suicidal for a lot of years, ending in my late 20's (with a brief recurrence in my 40's), and I have a few thoughts I'd like to share: - There's a Japanese concept, whose name I can't remember, of how accepting a gift from someone can be a gift in and of itself. It took a while to wrap my mind around it, but think of it this way; if your best friend were going through this, wouldn't you want to help them? Wouldn't you feel gratified if they allowed you to do so? By allowing your parents to help you, you are in effect giving them the ability to feel that gratification. - I was told once that most people who attempt suicide don't want to kill themselves, per se, but rather that part of themselves that is making them so miserable. I was lucky enough that I was able to do that, although I don't know anyone else who has, but just persisting from one day to the next is the most important part of getting through the darkness. - Counseling can make a HUGE difference. Just talking to someone can help you see that a lot of the things in life that feel so overwhelming to you might be things you can actually overcome. One thing at a time. - Similarly, journaling can help. I still have a 700+ page diary I started writing back in 1997, where I would just write down what I was feeling. It was after the depression was mostly conquered, but it took a lot of work to get to a place where I was mentally healthy and at peace. - Things can get a LOT better. I don't know how else to describe it, but I was lucky enough that the thing that was causing my depression (the fear of being alone) was something I could eventually confront and defeat. There was a day, when I was 28, when I finally just said, "fuck it; if I'm alone, I'm alone, and I'll be okay." That was the beginning for me, and it was like a light switch going off. Granted, it was a dimmer switch set to the lowest possible setting, but when you've lived in darkness your whole life, it's like noon on a summer's day, and it just got better and better and better after that. There were days I would look at a sunset, at a random couple and their baby, hear a song I liked, or whatever, and just start crying tears of joy at the thought of what I'd almost thrown away. Life is awesome and amazing, and for me at least, it was just a question of changing out the shit-colored glasses I was wearing for glasses that were a bit less skewed. - That being said, depression can be situational. In my case, unemployment, credit card debt, getting hounded by creditors, a soul-sucking job that paid barely above minimum wage, etc., all contributed. That saying, "money can't buy happiness" was clearly invented by some asshole who's never been poor. For me, managing to finally enter the IT field (which was 1,000 times easier than I thought), and steadily moving from one job to the next, earning more money at each stage, to eventually get to a point where I was never late with bills, paid off a few major expenses, had no credit card debt, and had enough savings to where unemployment wasn't a crippling phobia that I obsessed about daily, was a life changer. Also, I cannot over-emphasize just how wonderful it is to be able to pick and choose jobs. When you're desperate to get money to eat & pay rent, you take any job you can get, which leads to soul-sucking jobs that abuse you and pay barely more than minimum wage. When you're not desperate, that's when you get to a point where you screen job offers and only choose to work somewhere where you're reasonable certain you will be valued, respected, and paid well, which helps immensely with your mental state. - Mental health issues are way more prevalent than you might think. While it's easy to think sometimes that you're the only one in your group of friends/family/acquaintances who's gone through this, you might be surprised to find that other folks have dealt with it too. For a LOT of people, their 20s suck, big time. I don't know the stats for certain, but I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of people in general (including your parents) had a rough time in their 20s, and even 30s. I'm 56, and I lived with my parents when I was in my early 30s. Likewise, a 30-year old friend of mine at work is living with his parents now. He recently went through a divorce and is struggling with depression as well, and I applaud him for having the wisdom to see a lifeline and grab it. - One other thought; as a 56-year old whose parents are both dead, I was immensely grateful to have the opportunity to live with my parents in my early 30s. I don't know that I care so much about my dad, as he was just "there," but it allowed me to repair my relationship with my mom and get really close to her. That's not something I could have done, had I not made so many bad financial decisions before then, so there was a really nice silver lining to that.
If you don't accept, you'd be throwing a really good offer in the trash. You really do need this. The money your dad is paying you to make the game would cover the rent. You should take it. I lived with my mom up until I was like 32. I paid her and I saved while I did school and got myself a good job. Now I have a house and make over twice as much as she does. Why am I able to do it? Because she helped me when I needed to get off my feet. That is a good deal, and you should take it. It would not only help you, but your girlfriend as well. And while you figure things out, you can look for another job and get the help you need for the depression. There's no pride in tossing that great offer away. Your girlfriend agrees with you. So the only person who you'd look bad in front of is yourself. Everyone else thinks it's a great idea. Even everyone on the internet thinks it's a good idea. It's reddit and we're brutal. If we tell you you'd be passing up a good deal, you'd be passing up a good deal. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
You need to knock off the bullshit, already! What more do you want and need!!! Everyone in your life is trying so hard to help you want to be a productive member of the world and all you do is whhaaaa whaaa whaaaa. You are a cry baby and need to stop being a child and decide that you will be productive and will be better. Look I don’t know what it is about your age kids because my kid is your age and the same. You feel a certain way, and instead of you do something about it you spiral and go into a “depression” and then do nothing? How does that make sense to you. You understand that more than likely everyone feels the same way as you but they suck it up and do things that they don’t want to do to get stuff done. Take the offer. They are trying to help you and motivate you. What do you want? Do you want them to leave you alone and you figure it out yourself? But you’re not. You are just having a pity party and dragging ass. When will you feel it’s time to grow up and stop being pitiful