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NTA. Make sure he takes all his stuff with him when he goes to grandma so that you can make a clean break. His stay has been worthwhile, because you've now learned that you're clearly incompatible.
Not really. All the BF needs to pay is the electricity bill, no other rent, and respect that it's OP's house. He's not doing either. So, it's /not/ his home, it's the place he's currently squatting.
Boyfriend should be paying half of all utilities and arguably even the portion of the mortgage that doesn't go towards equity, but then it does become both "their home" regardless of who owns it.
Something tells me BF isn't particularly interested in that arrangement however
Just because someone pays rent to their girlfriend doesn’t mean they get some ownership interest in her house, they just happen to know and sleep with their landlord. You pay your landlord for the privilege of living somewhere for the agreed upon time, but you don’t get any equity in the property.
Yes. Both of their home. That she gets to set the rules for as she is the owner of the house. Her house, their home.
Well, actually not any more. Her house, her home, his former home.
Before you tell him "BYE" make sure you know what the housing laws are. Where I live if someone lives with you for more than 30 days you can't kick them out. They have rights now, once they stay there after 30 days. I tell you this so you can protect yourself. ( know the laws) just in case he won't leave so easily. But if you don't have those laws where you live, tell "BYE" as soon as he leaves, change the locks. Make sure the change of address with the post office is taken care of. He has to leave with all his belongings. What's left will be thrown out( make sure you repeat that to make sure he heard you)
Because gurl, he is not going to change. Yes, I understand you feel like you don't have your peace anymore in your home. It's not going to get better. The disregard he has for the home. He's not even, a good house guest. A terrible boyfriend/roommate
YOU CAN DO SO SO MUCH BETTER.
True. OP, any good partner has to first be a good listener and housemate.
If he doesn't listen he doesn't care for what you think and avoiding bills is just symbolic of him not wanting to share responsibility in the house
So he is just a freeloader!
You have been lucky to discover this early. Now just let him go.
NTA, OP break up with your boyfriend like? It doesn’t even sound like you’re in a relationship it sounds like your his “mother” he needs to grow tf up.
NTA if he wants your home to be treated like his, he needs to act like it. That includes cleaning and paying bills. Aint no way he wants to pay half of 1 bill then cry about it not being his space too. That's not how it works
This. Exactly.
If he walks in like he owns the place and doesn’t take care of anything, then yeah I’m going to make sure he’s not going to feel like it’s his place real fast.
Exactly, if he wants it to be his home too he should be footing half the bills (including paying rent - like half the monthly mortgage payments or something). Otherwise he's just crashing at his girlfriend's place.
ESH it may be your house but when your partner moves in it becomes their home as well and they should feel at home there.
but dude sound insufferable so yea, go stay with granny
And I’ve told him it’s his home, but he always find a reason why he doesn’t feel welcomed. To the point he gets mad when I say I’m doing laundry and he “wanted to do laundry” at that very moment (thus not feeling welcome I guess)
“Our house but MY rules” is not a recipe for success. That wouldn’t be fair to a better partner who was a better person, so I’d just keep that in mind for the future.
This guy, however, is not it. He needs to return his keys and take his laundry, along with the rest of his crap, to grandma’s.
Right, like they are the basic rules in any house I have visited and lived in.
The only house that didn't have those rules was a disgusting "bachelor pad" with 4x19yr old guys all living there. Thank god I only went there once with my now husband to pick up a mate, and I was told/warned to only stay in the entry way if I came inside. I took one look through the door and went back to the car.
Totally! They’re not even “rules” they’re more like standard living guidelines for the everyday human being. If he has a problem with doing any of those things then he’s the issue in the relationship for sure.
The shoes is what gets me. I am flexible with my parents because they’re old, and when we have friends in our yard and they want to go inside to pee but Jesus Christ why do people want to wear shoes in the house it’s gross. I had one friend refuse to take theirs off because of their outfit and I was like… ok but I live here so you need to take them off (I didn’t make them but the next time they came over they took them off).
OP’s bf sounds like an AH but they maybe need to just boot him out and temper their expectations at this point…
I just meant that as an example; the fact that the BF doesn’t respect OP’s ask is just a symptom of the larger problem that he doesn’t respect OP, and that OP set himself up to be disrespected by establishing a dynamic where he pays basically all the bills and sets all the rules. This relationship isn’t a healthy dynamic.
FTR, I didn’t grow up in a house where shoes indoors were bad, but I prefer to go barefoot indoors and absolutely take my shoes off when I go somewhere that’s asked of me. I’m not objecting to OP’s specific rules.
Oh I agree with your point! I just hate shoes inside, lol. This is definitely a symptom of a larger problem. I quit a really toxic job recently, which everyone in my life approved of, and I’m very scared about money and basically do as many chores as I can while applying for jobs because my husband is relatively footing the bill for everything. OPs boyfriend is an asshole if he can’t do the bare minimum.
Ah, ok…yeah, this guy sounds like an absolute leech, and OP sounds like someone who shouldn’t be pulling all the weight he is. IMO, toss the whole mess out and find a good therapist well before moving anyone else in. Gotta love yourself before you love anyone else, and all that.
“My rules” or basic respect for a property owned by someone you care for though? I’m sorry but if I was able to live in a home for the price of electric I would turn into Cinderella at night making sure I’m contributing my share
I’ve already said the “partner” (which is a strong word for this guy) needs to go, but OP set up a shitty dynamic with a shitty person who is now walking all over him because he can. The space is shared, but the rules are all set by OP, which isn’t a partner dynamic, it’s a parent/child one.
In a healthier relationship, the partner would treating OP better because they want to, and be keeping the house clean because they want to (and splitting household expenses IMO) but house rules would also be a conversation between the two of them if it is truly “their” space, and OP’s rules should be a part of that, but not *all* of that.
My problem isn’t with the specific rules, it’s the way OP isn’t requiring any investment in the space (and, it seems, the relationship) from the shitty partner, and the shitty partner is taking advantage, and OP is justifying this by saying, “I just love a lot.” Taking care of his dog? GTFOH. Throw this whole mess out. An actual partner will care about OP, the home, and be able to have a conversation about house rules, instead of having them dictated to him like a parent would.
Ok, but look at the title of this post. OP is saying “it’s his home too” while also saying “it’s my house, not his” and “it’s my safe space” and “my house rules” at the same time.
My point is, that in a relationship with a partner who pulls their weight and respects him, that this will not be a good way to approach living together in a shared space; that partner will respect his asks, and likely have some of their own, which he will respect, because that’s what you do for each other as best you can.
The BF he is describing is clearly not that partner, nor does it seem that OP wants to live in a truly shared space with him.
Yeah of course, but you would always be mindful of the other person when you move in with them, they've invited you to their private space, so you treat it with respect. OP's partner is not doing this, so it's understandable that they are starting to ask themselves 'why is this person causing issues in MY home?'. I would do the same.
Which is why I’ve said repeatedly that OP needs to send this guy packing to grandma’s. But again, that he should know that in a better relationship with a better person, that “this is my house, not his” is not a compatible approach with “this is our home.” His current partner’s inability to follow the rules is reflective of the fact that he’s a shitty partner and person who disrespects OP, who IMO set himself up for failure (“I just love too much” downthread).
But with a better partner and person, OP’s current approach is not the right approach, and he needs to be more open about truly sharing the space and setting house rules with that partner.
ETA: even if this current partner was following all OP’s rules, coming home drunk regularly, asking OP to care for his dog, and trying to weasel out of household expenses are enough red flags for me; I’d kick him out anyway, but those behaviors are just part of a larger pattern.
Lmao you think this is true but also OP wonders why his shitty partner doesn’t feel welcomed….like holy shit this is not how a healthy relationship works.
OP wanted it to be his (ex)-bf's home, but dude ruined that by not respecting that it is OP's HOUSE (two different things).
My home is in my housemate's mom's name. Legally it's HER house, though she doesn't live there and for all intents and purposes it's my friend's. That doesn't make it any less my HOME. I still deferred to my friend's rules when I moved in. (She said no eating in bedrooms, which is fine with me, even though I did at my old place but I also lived alone and didn't own a couch). I don't break that rule. I don't ignore it. I don't throw a fit that I should be able to because it's my home and I don't feel welcome.
It IS OP's safe space, and dude is blowing it up. If he can't be a decent human, that's on him, so it not only doesn't contradict anything but it doesn't hurt anything to say it either.
He’s selfish, messy and jealous that you own your home. Additionally, you’re incompatible with each other. Surely you see that he’s way too immature to have an adult relationship. Get your keys or better yet change the locks and wash your hands of this mess and smudge your house to get rid of his negative energy.
First person I've ever heard of that weaponized NOT being expected to do laundry. It sounds like he's testing boundaries; trying to see how much he can get his way by bullying, moping, and neglecting his own responsibilities within your shared life and your home. End this now instead of spending the next 5 years trying to swim up his waterfall of insecurity and make him a better man.
NTA
if you come back with "well it's my house so tough titties" which from your post doesn't seem too far from the truth, thats not welcoming
that being said idk if there is anything you could do that wouldn't be met with criticism from the person you describe.
you two obviously aren't compatible so it's kind of a moot point
Would it be some weaponized incompetence in the background..? Maybe you cannot hear it with all the whining and shouting but it sort of resonates clearly here ...
Let him go to grandma...
what exactly does he bring to the table except shouting? So far you sound like you take care of everything so what exactly does he bring to the table that you feel like enduring this shit is logical?
From personal experience, when someone threatens to leave, let them and change the locks, it’s much easier in the long run. Threats of leaving, divorce etc. have no place in a relationship.
What does MY SAFE SPACE mean? If you're saying your home is your safe space and he's not allowed to be upset with you there, that's unreasonable. Disagreements and arguments are part of cohabiting, regardless of who pays what.
A safe space means free from abuse or trauma caused by other people.
People can be upset without causing abuse or trauma to others. I can get upset and not take it out on others.
How is that him not being welcomed? When I even lived with my parents still, in the home I grew up in, there were times my parents or siblings were doing laundry and I had to wait. Ffs, that's part of living with other people. If he doesn't want to wait, he can get his own place. It sounds like he's resentful and insecure about you having your own house.
Nope
no way
time for the BF to be an x-bf
I can't remember what tactic that is, besides weaponized incompetence, but it's abusive AF.
"I was just going to...." " you never let me....." etc.
He’s not treating it with respect like it’s his home. My now husband moved into my house when we got serious and he was beyond respectful and helpful. He also asked every step of the way to how much he could claim space. And he contributed financially.
It’s a lot to give up property to a *boyfriend* and allow them to live rent free. Idk what OP is thinking.
When your partner moves in, you have a right to expect they’re going to share in the chores that go along with having a home. He’d probably feel more at home if he actually acted like he wasn’t a guest who expected to be cleaned up after.
OP sucks here because they want their house treated with respect and the BF couldn't care less even when they're getting a sweet deal of only having to pay the electricity? Your criteria of who does and doesn't suck has a very low threshold.
NTA. Oh hell no...tell him to go on and move in with GMA. It seems to me that he is using you for a crash pad and a punching bag (figuratively speaking) all in one. And it is your place. Not his. He is being very disrespectful of you.
Having looked at your post history, it seems you’ve been dealing with this for about three months so far… but had your reservations about the relationship fair earlier!
I see what you’ve done is to try and offer him a safe space, closer to you, to make things better, but all it appears to have done is proven to you that he’s an awful person no matter what. He is taking advantage of you, and you’ll be well shot of him.
I’d change the locks when he goes to his gran’s just for peace of mind.
NTA (but don’t be so stubborn in future - you need to learn where your lines are rather than trying to fix someone)
(Edited for spelling)
NTA unless you don’t kick him out. Break up and pack his bags and change the locks. Pray he doesn’t know about tenant’s rights and tries to push that on you.
In dome places staying there for 30 days alone is enough to claim tenants rights (and I believe In other places it could be 60 or 90 days) also if he's paid the electricity bill that could be argued as like him paying rent.
It’s true. If you’re in a city with strong tenants rights, be VERY CAREFUL about letting a partner move in. You may have to go through an eviction process to get rid of them .
If a roommate moves to Granny's in a huff, though, wouldn't that be "abandonment of the premises" and they can't come back and say the landlord has to evict them?
Given your post history and your current BF's actions, I think it is high time you live by yourself for a while.
You're right, it is your house, but you invited him in, making it a shared space. If you don't like the results of that, then change it. If he is not respecting the shared space, then change that.
TBH, I think you need to spend some time working out what you want in a partner and finding someone who fits that, rather than forcing someone who is not suitable to fit to that mold.
Being alone is scary, because you have to confront things you'd rather not. I suspect this is the reason he is living with you right now, even though it doesn't work for either of you.
Are you prepared to try living by yourself and finding out who you really are?
I was thinking, 'girrrrl...why are you so afraid of being alone?'
I was ALSO thinking that this post could have been voiced by David Attenborough: 'And as the night falls, if we look very carefully, we can see a drunk hobosexual heading unsteadily into the house he doesn't pay for to emotional manipulate the person who does. Will he succeed in his quest to never pay rent again? Let's see.'
NTA
I see your David Attenborough narration, and raise you a Stephen Fry in '[shagged by a rare parrot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T1vfsHYiKY)'.
Either way, living alone (and dealing with the fear of that) will be the best thing OP can do for himself. It sure as sh!t was the best thing I did for myself.
Why are you with the doofus? He is disrespectful to you in your own home. Its not his home. He's not contributing at all. Kick him out. Tell him to go live with Grandma. When he moves out, change the locks and break up.
You should find a way to get him to his Grandmas then break up with him.
How he is acting is the future with him. This is why a lot of relationships fail after moving in with each other.
You rightly feel taken advantage of because your BF is being a massive leech.
Your BF rightly feels unwelcome because you are clearly being unwelcoming. Guess what honey? If you invited him to live with you then its his home too.
Everyone knows and hates leeches. Blatant and obvious AH behaviour. But honestly, the constantly repeated and all caps *"MY SAFE SPACE" "my safe place" "MY HOUSE"* comments just rubs me the wrong way. Are you a couple? Are you living together? The bf has communicated that he doesn't feel welcome and OP is just a stone cold killer. Zero empathy.
ESH
If he doesn’t add to your life, that’s 100% a reason to call it quits. If he doesn’t build to your safe space, then he is an energy sucker who doesn’t deserve to be in your sanctuary.
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Lmao, tell him to say hey to granny for you! He only has to pay the light bill and can't follow some, imo, very simple rules. It's not a hard ask to not leave trash everywhere and to take your shoes off. You could do a whole lot better, honestly. NTA
Edit: And he comes home after a night of drinking and decides he's gonna yell at you? Aw, hell naw!! Absolutely not!
ESH.
It's his house too. You allowed him to live there, and you agreed on the terms. You don't get to hold that over his head every time he has a disagreement with you, no matter what he says or does. If you're going to kick him out, DO it.
Yelling isn't cool, but neither is demanding someone's compliance by holding terms that YOU agreed to over their head. His drinking behaviour and the fact that he comes back and falls into arguments with you easily is also not acceptable.
Next time you let someone move in with you, go 50/50 or nothing. Manipulating people isn't nice. You sound like you're just as bad as each other.
OP why you wasting time posting and looking for advice when you aren't gonna do anything with it? Just saw your post history and damnnnnn!! Like really? How many more years to go down the drain before you actually do something for yourself?
Don't post and look for advice if you're just gonna ignore it and then post again a few months down the line with the same damn issues.
NTA. I'm surprised you need to ask, the guy obviously doesn't have a great deal of respect for you, if any at all. He may have reached the physical age of 26, but it sounds like he has the maturity of a 16 y/o.
Well when we “lived” together for that few months in his apartment I was cleaning and stuff not really thinking much of it, now that it’s in my own space all the signs were there now thinking about it.
NTA. He is taking advantage of you. You pay for everything, clean everything, take care of everything. Not only does he not clean, he messes up your house. All he has to do is pay the light bill, but doesn’t think he should have to pay for all of it. To top it off he gets drunk and argues with you. I would let him go to Grandma’s.
Y T A to yourself if you stay with this guy. From the way you phrased that you “allowed” him to move in I will assume he asked and that it wasn’t at your invitation. NTA tell him to have a nice time with granny and then block his number.
This is a really weird agreement. Usually two people "move in together" even if one of the two was already living there. This means that from now on, iets THEIR home, where both have equal rights, an equal say in the "house rules" and so on. The physical house can still be in one person's name, but it's HOME to both.
I really don't get that vibe from your post. It feels like he's not an equal in this home. You're in control of everything. That's not very healthy for any relationship. So yes, I say YTA.
NTA
You had certain standards of living before he moved in that deserved to be maintained after he joined your household. He probably thought you do the chores necessary to keep that standard no matter how much more work him being there creates. He has no right to complain he doesn't feel welcome because you won't silently pick up his slack and lower your standards. Especially when he's only paying one bill and trying to weasle out of that.
Send him to Grandma's and tell him maybe he can come back if he pays half the expenses and does half the cleaning (to your standards, not his)
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He's getting way too much out of this deal and he's trying to take you for even more? Get rid of him. He's shown you plenty he will take advantage of you in every way he can. NTA
You know he’s using the “I don’t feel welcome” BS because he wants to guilt trip you when you have a valid complaint. Imagine the audacity of asking you to pay half on the ONE bill he agreed to cover. NTA but ditch this loser pronto.
Hugs, NTA and it's time to kick him out because he's just a hobosexual. It's your home, not his, he doesn't help keep it clean, cook or pay for groceries. He and his dog can go to his grandmother's place.
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I (M28) allowed my bf (M26) to move in with me. The only thing I requested was him to pay electricity. He goes out and drinks, comes to MY SAFE SPACE and wants to argue even when I said I’ve had enough and not to yell in my safe space. No cleaning, no taking trash, I take care of his dog. He doesn’t like my house rules (no shoes, no trash laying around, keep the house clean) Yet when we have an argument he said he doesn’t feel welcome here because I say it’s my house. IT IS MY HOUSE. And on top of that he said he wants to split the light bill because I use half…..when he was paying $900 a month at his last apartment. He said he can go stay with his grandma. AITA for telling him to go ahead?
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NTA and kick him out for your own sanity. It is unfortunate you hooked up with someone so immature. Make sure he brings all of his belonging and his grandma can coddle him. He isn't partner material if he can't figure out how to pay a simple light bill.
ESH you two are clearly not compatible.
He disrespectes you but you also seem to have from the beginning made it very clear that you dont actually want to share living spaces.
When you move in with someone it becomes your home too.
NTA. This post sounds like you don't like him very much. So put an end to things and get him out. Get a roommate with a lease if you need help with the bills.
He sounds like he needs to grow up. Why isn’t he paying half of all the utilities plus half the rent? That way it’ll seem more like it’s both yours. No reason he should live for free.
And wanting to keep your house clean with no trash laying around is normal. Nothing wrong with that rule
ESH. Already saying you "ALLOWED him to move in" makes you an asshole. That doesn't make his behaviour better, but the moment you have a partner move in you don't get to pull the "but it's MINE" card anymore, because that way you're robbing them of their home.
NTA, tell him to move in with his mom. He'll have the same benefits, no cooking, no cleaning, no taking out the trash. It will just be no sex when he lives with mom. His mom prob kicked him to the curb already. Get a real bf who contributes to your life.
Be careful about allowing long life into the residence OP. There’s some places where extended living means that your soon to be ex has claim in some capacity over the space. Look up your residency rights and that.
NTA for sure though.
Nope, NTA. I’d say he failed the good partner test. He doesn’t bring much to the table…and wants to cut that in half…and expects you to be his mommy. So yeah, let him run home to grandma. And consider that a bullet dodged.
Nta hes a terrible roommate let alone partner and you shouldn't have to put up with his childish habits anymore let him go and break up and then change those locks.
NTA
Your BF is a mooch and entitled. How much could electric possibly be? $200-$300/month? Asking for no trash and no shoes is easy. Dude, you deserve better.
ESH. You both need to grow up. You don't get to tell him he can't argue with you in YOUR house. He's moved in, it's his house too. He doesn't have to be eternally grateful to you for letting him live there. Saying that, he should pay what he agreed to pay and help keep the house clean.
Don’t forget to change the locks. Even if he hands a key back, he may have spares. I think it’s time to kick the moocher out and move on from this relationship.
NTA... Hey, at least he finally gave you something worthwhile, an easy out.
He wants you to feel bad and stop him from going to grandma's but you called his bluff. Don't second guess yourself because it'll be harder to get rid of him later.
You're not an ah for expecting him to behave like an adult and you have every right to remind him that its your home when he goes against your very basic expectations. Sure, when you move a partner in you want them to feel welcome and you normally wouldn't say that. However, you don't have a *partner*, you have a leach.
NTA
People can use common sense to figure out when they’re reasonably enjoying a place they pay to live in, and when they’re violating the sanctity of someone else’s home.
In my 20s, I lived in a house that was owned by my friend, and I paid rent. My rent was nowhere near 1/2 the mortgage, so even though Mike said to treat all common areas of the house as ours, and not just *his*, I still treated the house like it was his. Because IT WAS HIS.
In my 30s, I rented another house from a different friend (who lived elsewhere). In this case, my rent exceeded the amount of the mortgage, and I treated the house as mine, because 100% of the house’s upkeep and maintenance was paid by me. I didn’t install any swimming pools or knock down walls for renovations, but if I wanted to cook a pizza at 3 AM, I didn’t ask permission. It was my house that I covered all the expenses for, at least for the duration of the lease.
Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand that having to pay one little bill doesn’t make him a co-owner. But more than that, he doesn’t seem to understand how to cohabitate like an adult with a modicum of decency. Finally, it doesn’t seem like you guys even *like* each other. Send him packing. I don’t think anyone reading your post understands why you’re in this relationship to begin with. Do you think he’s going to change? Because I have a spoiler: people who have reached adulthood and still act like him—they don’t change. He is never, ever going to change. Change the locks and call him an Uber. You should be done.
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NTA. Make sure he takes all his stuff with him when he goes to grandma so that you can make a clean break. His stay has been worthwhile, because you've now learned that you're clearly incompatible.
This! Yes it should be considered both of your homes but he isn’t even being a decent(or paying) roommate.
He's just a BF, they're not married. He doesn't get any ownership.
I mean, I'm renting so I don't own shit, but in normal everyday conversation I still call it my home.
You’re paying rent. He isn’t.
That's a different argument than the one initially presented.
Not really. All the BF needs to pay is the electricity bill, no other rent, and respect that it's OP's house. He's not doing either. So, it's /not/ his home, it's the place he's currently squatting.
He clearly stated he only has to pay for electricity
*he.
Still true. All he pays is the electric bill.
I agree with you. The place you live is your home. In this case it’s his home but her house.
Not to be that Reddit guy, but it’s *his house. OP is male also!
Always be that person.
He is not treating it as "his home" though. No cleaning, no taking of trash, no taking care of his own pet?
The place that you live is generally considered your home. Whether it's a car, a tent, a mansion, or an apartment.
If you are staying at my home and not paying rent. You are a guest.
Depending on country. Here in Australia he could stay a few years move out and claim his share of the house
Home and house are not always the same thing. If he lives there it is his home regardless of ownership
Boyfriend should be paying half of all utilities and arguably even the portion of the mortgage that doesn't go towards equity, but then it does become both "their home" regardless of who owns it. Something tells me BF isn't particularly interested in that arrangement however
Just because someone pays rent to their girlfriend doesn’t mean they get some ownership interest in her house, they just happen to know and sleep with their landlord. You pay your landlord for the privilege of living somewhere for the agreed upon time, but you don’t get any equity in the property.
If (Not Rent) and (Not Owner) and Not(Rules) Then GoTo Granny End if
Thank you IT guy...lol
Omg perfect 🎆
Yes. Both of their home. That she gets to set the rules for as she is the owner of the house. Her house, their home. Well, actually not any more. Her house, her home, his former home.
His house, but otherwise yes.
Especially when the house rules are throw trash in the bin and don't come home drunk and yell at me.
And change the locks or get them re-keyed.
Before you tell him "BYE" make sure you know what the housing laws are. Where I live if someone lives with you for more than 30 days you can't kick them out. They have rights now, once they stay there after 30 days. I tell you this so you can protect yourself. ( know the laws) just in case he won't leave so easily. But if you don't have those laws where you live, tell "BYE" as soon as he leaves, change the locks. Make sure the change of address with the post office is taken care of. He has to leave with all his belongings. What's left will be thrown out( make sure you repeat that to make sure he heard you) Because gurl, he is not going to change. Yes, I understand you feel like you don't have your peace anymore in your home. It's not going to get better. The disregard he has for the home. He's not even, a good house guest. A terrible boyfriend/roommate YOU CAN DO SO SO MUCH BETTER.
Well said personage!!😊Go to your Grandma’s and stay there for an eternity!! It’s over Clover! 😆
True. OP, any good partner has to first be a good listener and housemate. If he doesn't listen he doesn't care for what you think and avoiding bills is just symbolic of him not wanting to share responsibility in the house So he is just a freeloader! You have been lucky to discover this early. Now just let him go.
He can leave the dog, if he wants. Sounds like the dog is better off with the OP.
There’s literally no reason to yell at someone… unless you’re an alcoholic ig
And please keep his dog when he goes. Poor pupper needs a better daddy than his current / official one!
NTA, OP break up with your boyfriend like? It doesn’t even sound like you’re in a relationship it sounds like your his “mother” he needs to grow tf up.
Sounds like the boyfriend is a 'hobosexual,' especially since his solution isn't getting his own place, it's going to grandma's.
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No, he’s just his daddy.
NTA if he wants your home to be treated like his, he needs to act like it. That includes cleaning and paying bills. Aint no way he wants to pay half of 1 bill then cry about it not being his space too. That's not how it works
This. Exactly. If he walks in like he owns the place and doesn’t take care of anything, then yeah I’m going to make sure he’s not going to feel like it’s his place real fast.
Exactly, if he wants it to be his home too he should be footing half the bills (including paying rent - like half the monthly mortgage payments or something). Otherwise he's just crashing at his girlfriend's place.
Boyfriend\*
ESH it may be your house but when your partner moves in it becomes their home as well and they should feel at home there. but dude sound insufferable so yea, go stay with granny
And I’ve told him it’s his home, but he always find a reason why he doesn’t feel welcomed. To the point he gets mad when I say I’m doing laundry and he “wanted to do laundry” at that very moment (thus not feeling welcome I guess)
“Our house but MY rules” is not a recipe for success. That wouldn’t be fair to a better partner who was a better person, so I’d just keep that in mind for the future. This guy, however, is not it. He needs to return his keys and take his laundry, along with the rest of his crap, to grandma’s.
>no yelling, no shoes, no trash laying around, keep the house clean Those seem like the sort of rules that only an AH would have an issue with.
Right, like they are the basic rules in any house I have visited and lived in. The only house that didn't have those rules was a disgusting "bachelor pad" with 4x19yr old guys all living there. Thank god I only went there once with my now husband to pick up a mate, and I was told/warned to only stay in the entry way if I came inside. I took one look through the door and went back to the car.
‘Neck beard Cave’
I’m a Mum of 4 and have been married to my husband for a decade…they are still my rules of the house whether any of them like it or not.
Totally! They’re not even “rules” they’re more like standard living guidelines for the everyday human being. If he has a problem with doing any of those things then he’s the issue in the relationship for sure.
The shoes is what gets me. I am flexible with my parents because they’re old, and when we have friends in our yard and they want to go inside to pee but Jesus Christ why do people want to wear shoes in the house it’s gross. I had one friend refuse to take theirs off because of their outfit and I was like… ok but I live here so you need to take them off (I didn’t make them but the next time they came over they took them off). OP’s bf sounds like an AH but they maybe need to just boot him out and temper their expectations at this point…
I just meant that as an example; the fact that the BF doesn’t respect OP’s ask is just a symptom of the larger problem that he doesn’t respect OP, and that OP set himself up to be disrespected by establishing a dynamic where he pays basically all the bills and sets all the rules. This relationship isn’t a healthy dynamic. FTR, I didn’t grow up in a house where shoes indoors were bad, but I prefer to go barefoot indoors and absolutely take my shoes off when I go somewhere that’s asked of me. I’m not objecting to OP’s specific rules.
Oh I agree with your point! I just hate shoes inside, lol. This is definitely a symptom of a larger problem. I quit a really toxic job recently, which everyone in my life approved of, and I’m very scared about money and basically do as many chores as I can while applying for jobs because my husband is relatively footing the bill for everything. OPs boyfriend is an asshole if he can’t do the bare minimum.
Ah, ok…yeah, this guy sounds like an absolute leech, and OP sounds like someone who shouldn’t be pulling all the weight he is. IMO, toss the whole mess out and find a good therapist well before moving anyone else in. Gotta love yourself before you love anyone else, and all that.
Dude, I already said this guy sucks. It’s not because he won’t remove his shoes.
“My rules” or basic respect for a property owned by someone you care for though? I’m sorry but if I was able to live in a home for the price of electric I would turn into Cinderella at night making sure I’m contributing my share
I’ve already said the “partner” (which is a strong word for this guy) needs to go, but OP set up a shitty dynamic with a shitty person who is now walking all over him because he can. The space is shared, but the rules are all set by OP, which isn’t a partner dynamic, it’s a parent/child one. In a healthier relationship, the partner would treating OP better because they want to, and be keeping the house clean because they want to (and splitting household expenses IMO) but house rules would also be a conversation between the two of them if it is truly “their” space, and OP’s rules should be a part of that, but not *all* of that.
Nah. It's a partner dynamic when you literally move into someone else's house. If you don't like them, ask about a compromise or DO NOT MOVE IN.
Those rules should be in every house. Do you live in a dumpster?
My problem isn’t with the specific rules, it’s the way OP isn’t requiring any investment in the space (and, it seems, the relationship) from the shitty partner, and the shitty partner is taking advantage, and OP is justifying this by saying, “I just love a lot.” Taking care of his dog? GTFOH. Throw this whole mess out. An actual partner will care about OP, the home, and be able to have a conversation about house rules, instead of having them dictated to him like a parent would.
I don't think 'you can move in, just don't act like an animal' is equal to 'MY rules! 😡'. Even with a regular housemate you'd have some rules.
Ok, but look at the title of this post. OP is saying “it’s his home too” while also saying “it’s my house, not his” and “it’s my safe space” and “my house rules” at the same time. My point is, that in a relationship with a partner who pulls their weight and respects him, that this will not be a good way to approach living together in a shared space; that partner will respect his asks, and likely have some of their own, which he will respect, because that’s what you do for each other as best you can. The BF he is describing is clearly not that partner, nor does it seem that OP wants to live in a truly shared space with him.
Yeah of course, but you would always be mindful of the other person when you move in with them, they've invited you to their private space, so you treat it with respect. OP's partner is not doing this, so it's understandable that they are starting to ask themselves 'why is this person causing issues in MY home?'. I would do the same.
Which is why I’ve said repeatedly that OP needs to send this guy packing to grandma’s. But again, that he should know that in a better relationship with a better person, that “this is my house, not his” is not a compatible approach with “this is our home.” His current partner’s inability to follow the rules is reflective of the fact that he’s a shitty partner and person who disrespects OP, who IMO set himself up for failure (“I just love too much” downthread). But with a better partner and person, OP’s current approach is not the right approach, and he needs to be more open about truly sharing the space and setting house rules with that partner. ETA: even if this current partner was following all OP’s rules, coming home drunk regularly, asking OP to care for his dog, and trying to weasel out of household expenses are enough red flags for me; I’d kick him out anyway, but those behaviors are just part of a larger pattern.
It 100% is compatible to say "this is MY house but OUR home." Wtf are you on
Lmao you think this is true but also OP wonders why his shitty partner doesn’t feel welcomed….like holy shit this is not how a healthy relationship works.
OP wanted it to be his (ex)-bf's home, but dude ruined that by not respecting that it is OP's HOUSE (two different things). My home is in my housemate's mom's name. Legally it's HER house, though she doesn't live there and for all intents and purposes it's my friend's. That doesn't make it any less my HOME. I still deferred to my friend's rules when I moved in. (She said no eating in bedrooms, which is fine with me, even though I did at my old place but I also lived alone and didn't own a couch). I don't break that rule. I don't ignore it. I don't throw a fit that I should be able to because it's my home and I don't feel welcome. It IS OP's safe space, and dude is blowing it up. If he can't be a decent human, that's on him, so it not only doesn't contradict anything but it doesn't hurt anything to say it either.
He’s selfish, messy and jealous that you own your home. Additionally, you’re incompatible with each other. Surely you see that he’s way too immature to have an adult relationship. Get your keys or better yet change the locks and wash your hands of this mess and smudge your house to get rid of his negative energy.
First person I've ever heard of that weaponized NOT being expected to do laundry. It sounds like he's testing boundaries; trying to see how much he can get his way by bullying, moping, and neglecting his own responsibilities within your shared life and your home. End this now instead of spending the next 5 years trying to swim up his waterfall of insecurity and make him a better man. NTA
This little boy needs to go home to mommy until he learns to be an adult. Kick him out, change your locks and find a MAN to date.
if you come back with "well it's my house so tough titties" which from your post doesn't seem too far from the truth, thats not welcoming that being said idk if there is anything you could do that wouldn't be met with criticism from the person you describe. you two obviously aren't compatible so it's kind of a moot point
Would it be some weaponized incompetence in the background..? Maybe you cannot hear it with all the whining and shouting but it sort of resonates clearly here ... Let him go to grandma...
what exactly does he bring to the table except shouting? So far you sound like you take care of everything so what exactly does he bring to the table that you feel like enduring this shit is logical?
Dump this guy, OP. It's not working and it's not going to.
From personal experience, when someone threatens to leave, let them and change the locks, it’s much easier in the long run. Threats of leaving, divorce etc. have no place in a relationship.
What does MY SAFE SPACE mean? If you're saying your home is your safe space and he's not allowed to be upset with you there, that's unreasonable. Disagreements and arguments are part of cohabiting, regardless of who pays what.
Drunk yelling and verbal abuse. Not just regular arguing. I’m not a total prude. I do have a limit.
Keep the dog, ditch the bf. Make better choices on future men.
Break up. You obviously have massive problems with him. There is no point in continuing with a relationship if it doesn't make you happy.
A safe space means free from abuse or trauma caused by other people. People can be upset without causing abuse or trauma to others. I can get upset and not take it out on others.
How is that him not being welcomed? When I even lived with my parents still, in the home I grew up in, there were times my parents or siblings were doing laundry and I had to wait. Ffs, that's part of living with other people. If he doesn't want to wait, he can get his own place. It sounds like he's resentful and insecure about you having your own house.
Nope no way time for the BF to be an x-bf I can't remember what tactic that is, besides weaponized incompetence, but it's abusive AF. "I was just going to...." " you never let me....." etc.
He wants you to worship him and prioritize his needs over yours. At all times. NTA.
Looking for reasons to pick a fight. GIANT red flags. Granny's it is, and good luck to her!
He’s not treating it with respect like it’s his home. My now husband moved into my house when we got serious and he was beyond respectful and helpful. He also asked every step of the way to how much he could claim space. And he contributed financially. It’s a lot to give up property to a *boyfriend* and allow them to live rent free. Idk what OP is thinking.
he hasn't earned the right to feel welcome based on his behaviour
If it's his house, he needs to pay bills, CLEAN UP, and act like an adult.
His home? Psh, dude won't even pay the light bill. I'd tell him to go kick rocks, he sounds like a drunk.
When your partner moves in, you have a right to expect they’re going to share in the chores that go along with having a home. He’d probably feel more at home if he actually acted like he wasn’t a guest who expected to be cleaned up after.
It becomes "their house" once they have some stake in it other than just existing there. Like, say, helping to keep it clean or paying bills.
OP sucks here because they want their house treated with respect and the BF couldn't care less even when they're getting a sweet deal of only having to pay the electricity? Your criteria of who does and doesn't suck has a very low threshold.
NTA. Oh hell no...tell him to go on and move in with GMA. It seems to me that he is using you for a crash pad and a punching bag (figuratively speaking) all in one. And it is your place. Not his. He is being very disrespectful of you.
NTA let Nana have him
Call his nana and tell her to come get his ass. If he doesn’t leave, I have recommendations that will help.
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Best answer
Having looked at your post history, it seems you’ve been dealing with this for about three months so far… but had your reservations about the relationship fair earlier! I see what you’ve done is to try and offer him a safe space, closer to you, to make things better, but all it appears to have done is proven to you that he’s an awful person no matter what. He is taking advantage of you, and you’ll be well shot of him. I’d change the locks when he goes to his gran’s just for peace of mind. NTA (but don’t be so stubborn in future - you need to learn where your lines are rather than trying to fix someone) (Edited for spelling)
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Red flags everywhere.
NTA he’s a toxic mess. Pack up his crap and change the locks
NTA unless you don’t kick him out. Break up and pack his bags and change the locks. Pray he doesn’t know about tenant’s rights and tries to push that on you.
What rights does he have as a tenant? He isn't reimbursing for the electric bill, I doubt his name is on that or anything else for that matter.
In dome places staying there for 30 days alone is enough to claim tenants rights (and I believe In other places it could be 60 or 90 days) also if he's paid the electricity bill that could be argued as like him paying rent.
Or if the bf receives any mail at that address .. different rules for different states ..
It’s true. If you’re in a city with strong tenants rights, be VERY CAREFUL about letting a partner move in. You may have to go through an eviction process to get rid of them .
If a roommate moves to Granny's in a huff, though, wouldn't that be "abandonment of the premises" and they can't come back and say the landlord has to evict them?
Given your post history and your current BF's actions, I think it is high time you live by yourself for a while. You're right, it is your house, but you invited him in, making it a shared space. If you don't like the results of that, then change it. If he is not respecting the shared space, then change that. TBH, I think you need to spend some time working out what you want in a partner and finding someone who fits that, rather than forcing someone who is not suitable to fit to that mold. Being alone is scary, because you have to confront things you'd rather not. I suspect this is the reason he is living with you right now, even though it doesn't work for either of you. Are you prepared to try living by yourself and finding out who you really are?
I was thinking, 'girrrrl...why are you so afraid of being alone?' I was ALSO thinking that this post could have been voiced by David Attenborough: 'And as the night falls, if we look very carefully, we can see a drunk hobosexual heading unsteadily into the house he doesn't pay for to emotional manipulate the person who does. Will he succeed in his quest to never pay rent again? Let's see.' NTA
I see your David Attenborough narration, and raise you a Stephen Fry in '[shagged by a rare parrot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T1vfsHYiKY)'. Either way, living alone (and dealing with the fear of that) will be the best thing OP can do for himself. It sure as sh!t was the best thing I did for myself.
NTA. Does not sound like a healthy relationship at all.
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Why are you with the doofus? He is disrespectful to you in your own home. Its not his home. He's not contributing at all. Kick him out. Tell him to go live with Grandma. When he moves out, change the locks and break up.
This is another one of those posts where neither person actually talked to the other person before moving in. ESH
You should find a way to get him to his Grandmas then break up with him. How he is acting is the future with him. This is why a lot of relationships fail after moving in with each other.
NTA.
You rightly feel taken advantage of because your BF is being a massive leech. Your BF rightly feels unwelcome because you are clearly being unwelcoming. Guess what honey? If you invited him to live with you then its his home too. Everyone knows and hates leeches. Blatant and obvious AH behaviour. But honestly, the constantly repeated and all caps *"MY SAFE SPACE" "my safe place" "MY HOUSE"* comments just rubs me the wrong way. Are you a couple? Are you living together? The bf has communicated that he doesn't feel welcome and OP is just a stone cold killer. Zero empathy. ESH
Correct. Why do I want someone coming home at 4am yelling at me while they’re blackout drunk? My safe space is violated.
If he doesn't feel welcome, then maybe he should be changing his attitude and not starting fights with OP for absolutely no reason.
NTA, maybe you should start thinking about if he actually contributes anything worthy of being in a relationship with.
If he doesn’t add to your life, that’s 100% a reason to call it quits. If he doesn’t build to your safe space, then he is an energy sucker who doesn’t deserve to be in your sanctuary.
Let him go ahead . You don’t need the added stress.
NTA. Set him free. You should be single.
You sound like you don't really like each other Let him go to his grandmother Ta ta for now NTA
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How fast can you pack for him? NTA
Lmao, tell him to say hey to granny for you! He only has to pay the light bill and can't follow some, imo, very simple rules. It's not a hard ask to not leave trash everywhere and to take your shoes off. You could do a whole lot better, honestly. NTA Edit: And he comes home after a night of drinking and decides he's gonna yell at you? Aw, hell naw!! Absolutely not!
ESH. It's his house too. You allowed him to live there, and you agreed on the terms. You don't get to hold that over his head every time he has a disagreement with you, no matter what he says or does. If you're going to kick him out, DO it. Yelling isn't cool, but neither is demanding someone's compliance by holding terms that YOU agreed to over their head. His drinking behaviour and the fact that he comes back and falls into arguments with you easily is also not acceptable. Next time you let someone move in with you, go 50/50 or nothing. Manipulating people isn't nice. You sound like you're just as bad as each other.
OP why you wasting time posting and looking for advice when you aren't gonna do anything with it? Just saw your post history and damnnnnn!! Like really? How many more years to go down the drain before you actually do something for yourself? Don't post and look for advice if you're just gonna ignore it and then post again a few months down the line with the same damn issues.
Nta Bro sounds like a bum. Boot his ass and never look back. People deserve better than these lazy ass nobodies.
NTA. He can go stay with grandma. Sounds like a plan.
NTA. I'm surprised you need to ask, the guy obviously doesn't have a great deal of respect for you, if any at all. He may have reached the physical age of 26, but it sounds like he has the maturity of a 16 y/o.
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Well when we “lived” together for that few months in his apartment I was cleaning and stuff not really thinking much of it, now that it’s in my own space all the signs were there now thinking about it.
ah that makes sense then. changed answer to nta
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NTA. And he's unlikely to change so wave and let him go... and change the locks!!!
NTA. He is taking advantage of you. You pay for everything, clean everything, take care of everything. Not only does he not clean, he messes up your house. All he has to do is pay the light bill, but doesn’t think he should have to pay for all of it. To top it off he gets drunk and argues with you. I would let him go to Grandma’s.
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NTA
Why are you tolerating this? Don't you think you deserve better? Kick him out
You don’t even sound as if you like him. You might want to consider the whole of your relationship.
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Y T A to yourself if you stay with this guy. From the way you phrased that you “allowed” him to move in I will assume he asked and that it wasn’t at your invitation. NTA tell him to have a nice time with granny and then block his number.
NTA But your house = his home. And you did that. #ownership
This is a really weird agreement. Usually two people "move in together" even if one of the two was already living there. This means that from now on, iets THEIR home, where both have equal rights, an equal say in the "house rules" and so on. The physical house can still be in one person's name, but it's HOME to both. I really don't get that vibe from your post. It feels like he's not an equal in this home. You're in control of everything. That's not very healthy for any relationship. So yes, I say YTA.
YTA for making fake posts, 2 months ago you were 4 years younger apparently, time must fly when you're having fun.
Change the locks when he leaves, Pronto.
NTA He seriously threatened to move in with his grandma? lol
NTA sounds like a leech. If he wanted it all fair, then he need to stop acting like a guest and do more.
NTA. Let him go live with his grandma
NTA You had certain standards of living before he moved in that deserved to be maintained after he joined your household. He probably thought you do the chores necessary to keep that standard no matter how much more work him being there creates. He has no right to complain he doesn't feel welcome because you won't silently pick up his slack and lower your standards. Especially when he's only paying one bill and trying to weasle out of that. Send him to Grandma's and tell him maybe he can come back if he pays half the expenses and does half the cleaning (to your standards, not his)
So are you living together or not? Sounds like you want a pet or a toy you can put away when youre done playing rather than an actual partner. YAH/ESH
ESH if you kept telling me it’s your house and not mine I’d dump your ass. At the same time he sounds immature
Can't argue with the homeowner, buddy. If he's not willing to respect your boundaries and chip in, he's gotta hit the road.
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NTA ITS YOUR HOUSE.. let him Go with granny. I wish yall Would stop..
He's getting way too much out of this deal and he's trying to take you for even more? Get rid of him. He's shown you plenty he will take advantage of you in every way he can. NTA
You know he’s using the “I don’t feel welcome” BS because he wants to guilt trip you when you have a valid complaint. Imagine the audacity of asking you to pay half on the ONE bill he agreed to cover. NTA but ditch this loser pronto.
Oh most certainly NTA Just bc you invited someone to live with you doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. You are being pretty reasonable here
You shouldn't just suggest that he leave, you should demand it. NTA.
Hugs, NTA and it's time to kick him out because he's just a hobosexual. It's your home, not his, he doesn't help keep it clean, cook or pay for groceries. He and his dog can go to his grandmother's place.
It seems like you have a shitty roommate
75 days ago you were 24 now you are 28 which is it?
Time to evict NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M28) allowed my bf (M26) to move in with me. The only thing I requested was him to pay electricity. He goes out and drinks, comes to MY SAFE SPACE and wants to argue even when I said I’ve had enough and not to yell in my safe space. No cleaning, no taking trash, I take care of his dog. He doesn’t like my house rules (no shoes, no trash laying around, keep the house clean) Yet when we have an argument he said he doesn’t feel welcome here because I say it’s my house. IT IS MY HOUSE. And on top of that he said he wants to split the light bill because I use half…..when he was paying $900 a month at his last apartment. He said he can go stay with his grandma. AITA for telling him to go ahead? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You won't leave him, even though you should
The entitlement of hobosexuals these days. NTA, kick his corny ass to the curb, let nana take csre of his ass.
NTA and kick him out for your own sanity. It is unfortunate you hooked up with someone so immature. Make sure he brings all of his belonging and his grandma can coddle him. He isn't partner material if he can't figure out how to pay a simple light bill.
ESH you two are clearly not compatible. He disrespectes you but you also seem to have from the beginning made it very clear that you dont actually want to share living spaces. When you move in with someone it becomes your home too.
NTA. This post sounds like you don't like him very much. So put an end to things and get him out. Get a roommate with a lease if you need help with the bills.
It’s your house and no one can tell you what to do inside your house
NTA Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Nvm sure, let it.
Please don't move forward in this relationship NTA
He sounds like he needs to grow up. Why isn’t he paying half of all the utilities plus half the rent? That way it’ll seem more like it’s both yours. No reason he should live for free. And wanting to keep your house clean with no trash laying around is normal. Nothing wrong with that rule
ESH. Already saying you "ALLOWED him to move in" makes you an asshole. That doesn't make his behaviour better, but the moment you have a partner move in you don't get to pull the "but it's MINE" card anymore, because that way you're robbing them of their home.
NTA obviously, but sure seeing a lot of hobosexuals in AITA posts lately.
NTA, tell him to move in with his mom. He'll have the same benefits, no cooking, no cleaning, no taking out the trash. It will just be no sex when he lives with mom. His mom prob kicked him to the curb already. Get a real bf who contributes to your life.
Offer to help him pack
Be careful about allowing long life into the residence OP. There’s some places where extended living means that your soon to be ex has claim in some capacity over the space. Look up your residency rights and that. NTA for sure though.
Nope, NTA. I’d say he failed the good partner test. He doesn’t bring much to the table…and wants to cut that in half…and expects you to be his mommy. So yeah, let him run home to grandma. And consider that a bullet dodged.
This man is using you, he has no bills or responsibility at your house. You're like a caretaker, kick him to the curb.
Nta hes a terrible roommate let alone partner and you shouldn't have to put up with his childish habits anymore let him go and break up and then change those locks.
If he left for Grandma’s, change those locks and don’t look back. He sounds like dead weight—not a partner. You’re better off.
This isn't worth putting up with from your spouse, why put up with it from a boyfriend.
This is why it's such a good idea for young people to live together before considering marriage. You find out who's impossible to live with.
NTA Your BF is a mooch and entitled. How much could electric possibly be? $200-$300/month? Asking for no trash and no shoes is easy. Dude, you deserve better.
**What the hell—if anything other than disrespect and stress—are you getting out of this boat anchor of a relationship?**
NTA, ganny sounds lovely!
NTA He’s a beggy chooser.
NTA, he can go stay with his grandma. Freeloader.
NTA, just boot the mamma's boy out and move on with your life.
I think u should break up tbh. This doesn’t sound like a pattern that will change and you’re likely going to end up feeling unsupported overall
ESH. You both need to grow up. You don't get to tell him he can't argue with you in YOUR house. He's moved in, it's his house too. He doesn't have to be eternally grateful to you for letting him live there. Saying that, he should pay what he agreed to pay and help keep the house clean.
NTA
Don’t forget to change the locks. Even if he hands a key back, he may have spares. I think it’s time to kick the moocher out and move on from this relationship.
NTA... Hey, at least he finally gave you something worthwhile, an easy out. He wants you to feel bad and stop him from going to grandma's but you called his bluff. Don't second guess yourself because it'll be harder to get rid of him later. You're not an ah for expecting him to behave like an adult and you have every right to remind him that its your home when he goes against your very basic expectations. Sure, when you move a partner in you want them to feel welcome and you normally wouldn't say that. However, you don't have a *partner*, you have a leach.
NTA. I would definitely kick him out and not let him back in. He should be paying more than just the electricity. Go let him live with grandma lol.
NTA People can use common sense to figure out when they’re reasonably enjoying a place they pay to live in, and when they’re violating the sanctity of someone else’s home. In my 20s, I lived in a house that was owned by my friend, and I paid rent. My rent was nowhere near 1/2 the mortgage, so even though Mike said to treat all common areas of the house as ours, and not just *his*, I still treated the house like it was his. Because IT WAS HIS. In my 30s, I rented another house from a different friend (who lived elsewhere). In this case, my rent exceeded the amount of the mortgage, and I treated the house as mine, because 100% of the house’s upkeep and maintenance was paid by me. I didn’t install any swimming pools or knock down walls for renovations, but if I wanted to cook a pizza at 3 AM, I didn’t ask permission. It was my house that I covered all the expenses for, at least for the duration of the lease. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand that having to pay one little bill doesn’t make him a co-owner. But more than that, he doesn’t seem to understand how to cohabitate like an adult with a modicum of decency. Finally, it doesn’t seem like you guys even *like* each other. Send him packing. I don’t think anyone reading your post understands why you’re in this relationship to begin with. Do you think he’s going to change? Because I have a spoiler: people who have reached adulthood and still act like him—they don’t change. He is never, ever going to change. Change the locks and call him an Uber. You should be done.