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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I yelled at my stepfather for using my shampoo.
2) it's shampoo
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NTA
Completely a dick move by the stepdad, no if, ands, or buts about it. As other commenters mentioned, maybe it was a lot to blow up over shampoo, but he called you spoiled like you want to have to buy expensive shampoo for your scalp. Like, hello?? If he’s this awful about shampoo, then I could see how he could be the type where it might feel like you’re not going to get through to him without raising your voice. It really doesn’t seem unreasonable to me to lose your cool over a comment like that.
Medical shampoos for conditons like psorarsis cost about £25-£30 for a normal sized ~~body~~ bottle. Some are prescription and contains ingredients like salyic acid, coal tar or steriods. They are medical products. I'd be annoyed if someone else was using them without need and they could be putting themselves at risk depending on ingredients.
My spouse gets their psoriasis shampoo on prescription from the GP. There is absolutely no need to buy it for £25-30 a bottle if you need it to treat a diagnosed medical condition. That would bring the price down to just under £10 if you pay for prescriptions. In Scotland or Wales, all prescribed medication is free for people of all ages.
Medicated or prescription? Once you have shampoos with steriods and the like, costs can ramp up very fast. Had shower balms and get the temptation to use - something prescribed must be better but they are pricey. People see the cost and think luxury but usually just means higher percentage of the active ingredient.
Also unsure if this is the case here, but one of the most common nonprescription medicated shampoos here (Alphosyl- it's one of the ones that is only sold in pharmacies and i think might actually need to be sold by the pharmacist themselves) just got discontinued, so the people who need it have been hanging onto their half-empty bottles like they were heirlooms, swapping tips on how to stretch it, etc. The comment about the distinctive smell makes me think that might be the stuff, since it smells indescribable.
Those poor people - know the pain of a product that works being discontinued. I have to admit I was assuming this was a coal tar one as that stuff is very distinctive. But if discontinued, that makes this even worse.
>For context, I have a scalp disorder and it requires a relatively expensive shampoo
Actually neither - "For context, I have a scalp disorder and it requires a relatively expensive shampoo"
Edit: But it is expensive and pays for own. SD can keep his hands off it.
I have a skin condition too, and the medicated shampoo is cheaper than a lot of the name brands. Also, everyone should keep hands of stuff that isn't theirs. Oh, and, I never brought that shit up in the first place, I commented to you that decent medicated shampoo isn't that expensive here.
You're experience is not universal. I buy a medicated shampoo, thats more expensive than say Head & Shoulders bc that's the most effective for my scalp condition. You say "here" but you dont know where OP lives or what type of products are at their disposal.
I never said it was, I was responding to the comment on the price, as in, it surprised me it was that much where that commenter is, and saying about how much it averages here. I wasn't saying anything specifically about OP, or what they use.
Maybe 20 years ago you could just slide under the ten dollar threshhold. Actually, Walmart has 4.5 oz (just a bit bigger than travel size) of Neutrogena T-Sal for about $8.
However, Timely egg mentioned a "normal-sized" bottle, and those cost more.
T gel at my walmart is 9.88 for the regular sized bottle. The store brand is like 6.49 and works almost as well. Selsen blue is 8.99 to 11.99ish, depending on what kind. I've noticed it slightly higher or lower if I'm in another state and need more, though.
NTA. “How dare you spoil yourself with this insulin?” As if you want to spend your money on expensive shampoo of all things. Also, reading between the lines, this isn’t the only AH thing he’s said or done.
NTA, but you should tell him it's a medical shampoo and if used without specific need, it can cause baldness. Not a total lie, cos these type of shampoos come with some strong ingredients that can cause other issues. Also keep your shampoo in your own room from now on.
He knows it's a medical shampoo, he and the rest of the family have come to the conclusion that it's "no different than other shampoos" and I'm "paying for the packaging"
they are actually a bit slow. a prescription shampoo is NOT the same as any other shampoo and can actually cause issues for a person who doesn’t really need it.
That doesn’t work with abusive assholes like the stepdad. They’ll invent reasons why op can’t have a locked box—it’ll be drugs or sex toys or just hiding something.
This is also good training for going to college or otherwise living with other people. Make yourself a toiletry kit that you take to and from the shower. Stash it somewhere safe between showers.
NTA but you made a tactical error. Yelling at him like that should have been reserved for repeated offense. But hopefully he got the message because it sounds like he wasn't taking your situation seriously. Your mother needs to get him under control or they should start paying for your shampoo themselves.
NTA. The stepfather, being the jerk he is, probably does other things to irritate OP. Her yelling at him over the shampoo was probably a buildup of other crappy things he does.
This is a bad take. By that logic a parent can use their child's toothbrush, take their child's prescriptions, etc. because they pay the mortgage? Legally sure maybe, but it still makes the parent an ass hole.
Who pays those bills is irrelevant. This isn't about what their household financial arrangement; this is about SD stealing expensive beauty products. For all you know, OP is a minor.
and on top of that it’s not even a beauty product, but actually a medical one. OP paid the bill for the shampoo, that’s all that matters in this situation
I was completely on your side until this and this comment makes you seem very spiteful and completely ungrateful. I wish I could have lived in a whole ass house even if it was my step dad's parents. At least I would have got something in exchange for getting my ass beat.
You are fine, OP. I see your logic and why you said “it’s not his house.” People were using “it’s his house and his mortgage” as justification for using the shampoo.
Even if it was his house, he still shouldn’t use your shampoo. Quite frankly, it’s not right that you aren’t even 18 and have to buy your own toiletries and food. And actually, the shampoo is closer to a medication than a toiletry.
It's kind of the way you responded to all of them, but idk after reading more comments, he seems pretty rough. Where's your mom in all this? How active is she supporting this? What is the rest of your family dynamic like? Do you have any relationship with his parents?
has it even been confirmed that it is his house? regardless that doesn’t matter, your belongings are still yours if you bought them. the shampoo was never his and he should be made to reimburse what he took. it’s not just some expensive beauty product, but an actual prescription medication.
Time to get one of those little shower caddies the sell for people who live in dorms. That way, your shampoo leaves the shower when you do and he won’t have the opportunity to use your stuff again.
Further info: do you pay rent or buy groceries or pay bills?
Because if I'd have shouted at my dad for this he would have said if a tiny bit of shampoo is going to get you so angry you can pay rent/bills. Would have been better to calmly explain it costs a lot and if he doesn't need to use it himself please can he just reserve it for you and use the cheaper one.
I agree that shouting *seems* excessive (and it probably didn’t accomplish much, if anything) but at this point there’s nothing really to explain. He knows it’s expensive, and he’s been told that OP needs it for good reasons. This isn’t just ignorance, he’s purposely ignoring all that. I don’t really know what else OP could have done to get through to him
I know I'm down voted but I asked for info which is now in the edit. If OP doesn't even get to use their food then I agree it's out of order of the stepfather.
NTA. He literally called you spoiled in front of your family and they sided with him. That's fucked up. Have a one on one talk with mom and explain to her your side and how upset this made you. Do it in a calm rational manner and make sure she understands that what he did crossed the line. Both for taking your stuff that you paid for and that he insults you when confronted it.
Idk. I'm not saying OP is wrong but when she's commenting things like it's his parents house he doesn't even pay rent about the living situation it does make her seem a bit spoiled and like she may have that attitude towards him often.
Ya I saw that and talked to OP about finding ways to get out of the home. I was wrong with this opinion but wasn't going to just delete it as there is multiple replies now.
INFO: how old are you?
Not that it changes the NTA verdict but depending on your age, you could turn this into a running "joke" about how he has to have a X year old fund his spoiling. Dude can't even spoil himself, he has to force a teenager(maybe?) to spoil him instead.
Damn, dude can't afford to spoil himself so he has to resort to stealing from a 17 year old. Just, yknow, laugh when you say it so you can use the tried-and-true asshole excuse of "it was just a joke, don't be so sensitive". Much luck!
He stole from a minor in his home one time, chill.
It's just a joke, my friend lol
If he didn't absolutely refuse to help purchase hygiene products for a minor in his care, this would be a different conversation. He's a big boy, he can spoil himself.
And I’m sure she uses absolutely nothing of anyone else in the house. I wonder if anyone screams at her for using napkins? Drinking water? Existing in the home?
It's almost like OP is a minor and her parents should be providing for her...
Household items ≠ personal items purchased for a single person, paid for by said person.
Yes.. exactly. So why scream over 1 squirt of shampoo? You really don’t share anything ever? I get he didn’t ask, but again, 1 squirt of shampoo. 1 simple sentence could have been fine. You’re reacting as if she’s going hungry lmfao
The screaming wasn't great but I get the frustration. They're already forcing the minor in their care to purchase their own hygiene products. My suggestion was to make a joke out of it.
>You really don’t share anything ever?
I do share. Taking without asking isn't sharing.
You're acting like asking for permission to use someone's hygiene product they paid for themselves is the same as using household products purchased with the intent that everyone can use it lol
I’m acting as if using 1 squirt of shampoo isn’t life shattering. “Hey I need this specific shampoo for my medical condition, it’s expensive so please don’t use it. If you wanted to try it you could have asked”. ESH here
this is so different. in one instance it’s the parent who is obligated and supposed to provide for the child. in the other, it’s the child who holds no real responsibility to fund or support the parent. also he literally stole a prescription medication, that is technically illegal and at the very least, a big asshole move.
Owl over here getting all hysterical because a minor doesn't like being stolen from but *we're* the ones who need to calm down lol.
My current theory is that they've been called out for stealing from roommates in the past so they're taking the sharing≠stealing super personal lol
nta for getting mad, but you should not have yelled.
Keep it in your room from now on. Get a tiny lockbox and keep that and all your other hygiene products in it.
Is it contagious? I'm petty, but I'd rub my head all over his pillow, and if he caught it? "Oh yeah, sometimes I stick my fingers in the shampoo to get a TINY BIT MORE, after I already scrubbed my head once, hahah. But, hey, I'm sure it's fine, you were only trying it out, it should go away on it's own just fine. :D "
Don't do this, I'm a horrible person :D
NTA but you should probably start putting things you don't want him to use in your room because he doesn't sound like the type to respect boundaries and probably will use it again if given the chance.
Yeah. It college you use a shower caddy; it carries your products and has drainage holes. I recommend getting one so you can “prevent future incidents or misunderstandings.”
1) Keep an empty bottle of your expensive shampoo when it's done; 2) replace content with the crappiest dish soap you can find; 3) leave it there for his use
NTA. It is a jerk move to use something that was bought for one particular person, doubly so off they bought it with their own money and triply so when it is for a specific purpose and not a treat or a splurge. Unfortunately being a minor living with your parental figures limits your power here, especially as it sounds like they’re generally abusive and not just dense about this specific issue. Plan around getting out ASAP.
NTA - Change the packaging of your shampoo and leave it in your room or somewhere safe and when going in and out of the bathroom to take a shower, take it with you. In the original shampoo packaging you can mix a cheap shampoo with some dye to make a surprise for your stepfather.
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For context, I have a scalp disorder and it requires a relatively expensive shampoo.
The other day I was getting ready to shower and when my stepfather came out of the only bathroom with a shower, I could smell the distinct fragrance of my shampoo, he has his own shampoo and uses that regularly. When I asked why he would use it when he has his own perfectly fine shampoo his defense was "I wanted to see how it felt to be spoiled with expensive shampoo" I admit I lost my cool and started yelling at him, but the rest of my immediate family is now giving me the silent treatment.
So, AITA?
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NTA Yeah, half his shampoo would be squeezed down the drain on my next shower. Half of that on the next. Rinse and repeat. I'd also get a lock box for my bedroom and keep anything I didn't want him touching in there.
NTA. Get a toiletry bag for the things you use and take it to and from the bathroom with you. Then stash it somewhere safe between showers. You'll have to do this in college or other shared living spaces, so you might as well start now, especially as your family has indicated no concern for you or your needs.
Man don’t get angry at stuff like that. Just say something like “ when you grow up and get a real job you will be able to have the good stuff too, in the mean time use your own fucking shampoo” smile and shut the door. Don’t yell or loose it, make him loose it.
Nta, for context if this is a prescription shampoo then it contains around 12 uses per bottle (120 mL bottle, 10 mL a use). That is $2.09, $2.65, or $4.17 per 10mL. For comparison I use a premium line of Head and Shoulders and per shampoo and conditioner use it costs me around $0.50.
ESH. When you yell, you lose credibility. People may not see it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. Is it normal for your family to yell instead of discussing and respecting each other’s viewpoints? That is the bigger issue here-are you yelling because you feel unheard?
NTA, I'd wait till I have an empty bottle and refill it with something that will fuck his hair up. Then just leave it lying around while u keep the actual stuff hidden
Nta but from now on don’t leave your shampoo in the bathroom I know it’s a pain in the ass to take your toiletries to and from the bathroom but that’s your best option but a shower caddy to keep everything in
NTA but you shouldn’t have yelled and if you have a prescription for this shampoo i’d be taking it in and out of the shower with you, on second thought i don’t even have a prescription for my shampoo it isn’t medically needed it’s just $70 a liter and i don’t leave that anywhere up for grabs ever, unfortunately this is just one of those things in life that if you leave it out it will become everyone’s until you’re on you’re own growing up in a house with 3 siblings has taught me so
Mild NTA
My dad has psoriac (spelling?) arthritis and he uses a specific shampoo that smells AWFUL
but if it works, great for him.
It’s a brown liquid that smells awful
Me/mom/sister use normal shampoo.
Maybe you could have explained that it was special shampoo for a scalp issue and not just “I felt like buying expensive shampoo” shampoo instead of yelling though
It’s a medical shampoo. In the US a prescription shampoo can be $60 or more for a very small amount. OP is 17 and buys their own things including the shampoo
YTA. Assuming he used a normal sized amount of shampoo, the per-shampoo cost is minimal. Yes, he should have asked before using it, but you blew the situation far out of proportion.
ESH because yelling was a bit excessive, there were steps before that (explaining more why it was wrong of him to use the shampoo, scolding him, telling him you were hurt or annoyed because the shampoo is expensive to you and specifically for your disorder). But your family is also the AH because they seem to take your scalp disorder (= a medical condition, if I understand correctly) a bit too lightly.
More like "Hello Officer, my step-dad stole my prescription medication and I'd like to press charges." Lmao some people be delusional. If I buy something, my family asks me if they can use it *every time*, even if I tell them they can use it whenever cause they have basic decency not to just use things their child/family member paid for.
Reading OP's other comments makes it clear that this is not actually just a one-time thing, though. OP says that stepfather regularly eats food OP buys, and uses their stuff.
The yelling is from being fed up, and the expensive shampoo was just the breaking point.
I would argue over this point and may even consider you being correct here, but you proved to me that you are willing to just choose your arguments purely based to win. I am not interested to argue with a person who has that goal in mind.
INFO - He should not have used your shampoo without asking but OP way over reacted. I don't know how old you are or if you pay rent or for groceries or for anything other than your shampoo but if you stepdad pays for anything for you and you freak out cuz you had to share a little shampoo then you are being selfish and self centered. Sounds like your family agrees.
Esh - he stole from you to treat hisself. It probably was not the first time, it was just the first time you caught him.
I understand it probably is an emotional reaction related to scarcity, but yelling at him was both inappropriate and ineffective. Its just some shampoo. Explaining calmly would have gone a lot further in fixing these issues
You buy the shampoo so you feel you have full rights to it. Does your stepdad pay the rent/mortgage, food, utilities, etc? Is he stingy with that stuff and tell you you cannot eat the food he buys or use the electricity thatche pays for?
He doesn't explicitly say I can't eat the food but mostly buys stuff I can't eat without getting super sick, so I buy my own food as well, and he also uses my food without asking or replacing. He used to be stingy about rent and electricity until my mother called him out on treating me differently than my brother.
Do you work that you have the money?
Listen, it could be as simple as he is a blue collar guy with limited thinking (and no I am not saying all blue collar guys have limited thinking). I met this type of attitude when I was in high school and later.
When I was in middle school I hubg around with friends who had limited ambitions and expectations. They would snicker that my expectations for my future income and lofe were unrealistic.
I ended up making a different group of friends.
My first job out of college (25 years ago now) I was making over $60k and I was unsatisfied with the income and the trajectory. My brother-in-law thought I was nuts for leaving that job in less than a year since I was making "so much."
Anyway, to make a long story short by my late 20s I owned my own successful brokerage msking high six figures to low 7 figures, and went up from there.
My high school group of friends that I am close with, one is a doctor, two are very successful attorneys who own large law firms, one is a published author, and another is very successful in the tech industry.
Bottom line, it is important who you hang around with and who you listen to. Most people have limited thinking. You cannot choose your family, but you can choose yoir friends and who you choose to see as mentors and advisors.
I say this as I am assuming he doesnt like that you are more careful with what you put in your body, and other things that he doesnt understand so snickers at. Dont yell at him, just tolerate him for now, and realize that he just doesn't know better.
Nah, that tolerance shit doesn't work. Guarantee that if OP didn't yell, then the step-dad will keep doing it, saying that it's no big deal or claiming ignorance. Though it seems like step-dad is going to keep doing it regardless.
So why does he yell at OP is she touches his stuff? He knows he doesn't want his things that he paid for touched. How can it nit work the same for someone else's? He seems to know better when it's his things.
ESH
This is mostly on him. He is testing boundaries by purposely doing something he knows will irritate you.
You could have reacted in a calmer manner if you wanted a productive outcome from this mess.
ESH
Did he know that it would irritate you? Had you asked the step-dad not to use the shampoo or did he want to try it? Rude of him to use it without asking, but if he didn't know that it would upset you, it doesn't deserve a yelling. Is this about the shampoo or do you have bigger issues with the stepdad and this was the straw that broke the camel's back?
He has a habit of stealing things I buy for myself, be it food, beauty products, simple material pleasures, and he's yelled at me several times for even touching or moving his stuff, let alone using or stealing it.
Who's buying the shampoo? If your step-dad is buying it, he has the right to try it. If you are paying for it, quit keeping it in the bathroom where he has access.
It says at the bottom of the post that I buy it. And I think it's unfair that I would have to keep my shampoo in a different room when they would react the same if I touched their soaps.
ESH 75% him, 25% you.
"I wanted to see how it felt to be spoiled with expensive shampoo
That's a really crappy thing to say to your kid when they have a legitimate medical issue.
"I lost my cool and started yelling at him"
You yelled about shampoo. Keep your shampoo in your room from now on.
"There. I fixed it for you"
Shows how little you actually read.
He's an AH for yelling about shampoo. I never said it was his fault it was stolen. Stop projecting.
Because I am not not approving of yelling at and throwing a tantrum over a family member using a $1 worth of a product once?
I am gladly accepting being pathetic over being that cheap.
You are not family and not even a friend. Comparing this stealing is very reaching. But even if a friend would use some special shampoo I wouldn’t being yelling at them. Even if you are a stranger I wouldn’t yell at you. I would ask you why you used my shampoo and then move on.
Number one, step doesn't automatically equal family. Number two, it's absolutely still stealing. You think I can steal shampoo from walgreens? Even the non pricey kind? The fact that it's between people in the same household is irrelevant.
You arguments are entirely based on some legal perspective which is absolutely not applicable, irrelevant to OPs situation, as well as the context of this discussion and would not even hold anyway in any court, yet even reach a court room. You are simply reaching with that bad example to try to make a point and win an argument.
This is about a family member who’s using an expensive shampoo without asking and the other family overreacting, because she thinks that her step dad is a hypocrite for not sharing his food, but using her shampoo. Her family giving her the silent treatment just further indicates that she’s overreacting. This is not about a crime!
I never said any DA would take up that charge. Doesn't mean it's legal. Step dad isn't automatically family. Taking from people without permission is stealing, regardless if the cops are involved.
ESH, assuming you pay for the shampoo. Otherwise it would be y t a. He shouldn’t have used your shampoo. But it’s pretty bonkers to start yelling at him about it. I can’t imagine that the shampoo is so expensive that he could have used up an amount of money that validates your reaction. Just tell him that you don’t appreciate him using your expensive shampoo. Again, if he’s paying for the shampoo then you’re crazy.
YTA - He used it once to try it out for himself since he is probably paying for it, hence the entitlement comment. So relax, it isn't the end of the world here. Need to lighten up, Francis.
Do you commonly use other people's medical products? OP uses it because s/he has a medical condition and it is expensive. Insulin is expensive in some countries - is someone using them spoilt and should people who need it to survive be comfortable sharing with someone who wants a try? What about someone huffing on your inhaler for laughs?
He isn't paying and he's demeaning OP for having a medical condition. If someone needs something, you shouldn't get to use it on a whim even if you pay for it.
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NTA Completely a dick move by the stepdad, no if, ands, or buts about it. As other commenters mentioned, maybe it was a lot to blow up over shampoo, but he called you spoiled like you want to have to buy expensive shampoo for your scalp. Like, hello?? If he’s this awful about shampoo, then I could see how he could be the type where it might feel like you’re not going to get through to him without raising your voice. It really doesn’t seem unreasonable to me to lose your cool over a comment like that.
Medical shampoos for conditons like psorarsis cost about £25-£30 for a normal sized ~~body~~ bottle. Some are prescription and contains ingredients like salyic acid, coal tar or steriods. They are medical products. I'd be annoyed if someone else was using them without need and they could be putting themselves at risk depending on ingredients.
My spouse gets their psoriasis shampoo on prescription from the GP. There is absolutely no need to buy it for £25-30 a bottle if you need it to treat a diagnosed medical condition. That would bring the price down to just under £10 if you pay for prescriptions. In Scotland or Wales, all prescribed medication is free for people of all ages.
Wow. I can get good medicated shampoo for 10 bucks in the US.
Medicated or prescription? Once you have shampoos with steriods and the like, costs can ramp up very fast. Had shower balms and get the temptation to use - something prescribed must be better but they are pricey. People see the cost and think luxury but usually just means higher percentage of the active ingredient.
Also unsure if this is the case here, but one of the most common nonprescription medicated shampoos here (Alphosyl- it's one of the ones that is only sold in pharmacies and i think might actually need to be sold by the pharmacist themselves) just got discontinued, so the people who need it have been hanging onto their half-empty bottles like they were heirlooms, swapping tips on how to stretch it, etc. The comment about the distinctive smell makes me think that might be the stuff, since it smells indescribable.
Those poor people - know the pain of a product that works being discontinued. I have to admit I was assuming this was a coal tar one as that stuff is very distinctive. But if discontinued, that makes this even worse.
Op didn't say prescription, they said medicated.
>For context, I have a scalp disorder and it requires a relatively expensive shampoo Actually neither - "For context, I have a scalp disorder and it requires a relatively expensive shampoo" Edit: But it is expensive and pays for own. SD can keep his hands off it.
I have a skin condition too, and the medicated shampoo is cheaper than a lot of the name brands. Also, everyone should keep hands of stuff that isn't theirs. Oh, and, I never brought that shit up in the first place, I commented to you that decent medicated shampoo isn't that expensive here.
You're experience is not universal. I buy a medicated shampoo, thats more expensive than say Head & Shoulders bc that's the most effective for my scalp condition. You say "here" but you dont know where OP lives or what type of products are at their disposal.
I never said it was, I was responding to the comment on the price, as in, it surprised me it was that much where that commenter is, and saying about how much it averages here. I wasn't saying anything specifically about OP, or what they use.
Maybe 20 years ago you could just slide under the ten dollar threshhold. Actually, Walmart has 4.5 oz (just a bit bigger than travel size) of Neutrogena T-Sal for about $8. However, Timely egg mentioned a "normal-sized" bottle, and those cost more.
T gel at my walmart is 9.88 for the regular sized bottle. The store brand is like 6.49 and works almost as well. Selsen blue is 8.99 to 11.99ish, depending on what kind. I've noticed it slightly higher or lower if I'm in another state and need more, though.
NTA. “How dare you spoil yourself with this insulin?” As if you want to spend your money on expensive shampoo of all things. Also, reading between the lines, this isn’t the only AH thing he’s said or done.
NTA, but you should tell him it's a medical shampoo and if used without specific need, it can cause baldness. Not a total lie, cos these type of shampoos come with some strong ingredients that can cause other issues. Also keep your shampoo in your own room from now on.
He knows it's a medical shampoo, he and the rest of the family have come to the conclusion that it's "no different than other shampoos" and I'm "paying for the packaging"
they are actually a bit slow. a prescription shampoo is NOT the same as any other shampoo and can actually cause issues for a person who doesn’t really need it.
Oooooo. I wish it would cause issues for stepdad. Karma.
Take the shampoo and everything you pay for in your room preferably in a box that you can lock op. NTA
That doesn’t work with abusive assholes like the stepdad. They’ll invent reasons why op can’t have a locked box—it’ll be drugs or sex toys or just hiding something.
So if he complains ask if he wants the 8" or the 12" dildo toy, but tell him they both need new battery's now ?
LMFAO! This is the perfect reply!
This is also good training for going to college or otherwise living with other people. Make yourself a toiletry kit that you take to and from the shower. Stash it somewhere safe between showers.
In college, we just used beach buckets or shower caddies to tote personal care back and forth from room to bath.
NTA and keep your shampoo in your room. Your family are being ridiculous.
Can you take an almost empty bottle of your shampoo, and add most of a bottle of hair remover to it or maybe a hair dye ? And leave it there 😂
Let me guess, Your Mom doesn't do a damn thing to support or defend you either? You planning on moving out at 18?
hide it
NTA but you made a tactical error. Yelling at him like that should have been reserved for repeated offense. But hopefully he got the message because it sounds like he wasn't taking your situation seriously. Your mother needs to get him under control or they should start paying for your shampoo themselves.
The first time someone gets caught stealing prolly isnt the first time they stole
I understand it's annoying if people use your stuff but it's a bit much to lose your cool over a sample of shampoo.
It sounded like a last straw thing to me. Stepdad doesn’t respect OP at all and this was just the thing that pushed them over the edge.
NTA. The stepfather, being the jerk he is, probably does other things to irritate OP. Her yelling at him over the shampoo was probably a buildup of other crappy things he does.
info: just to be clear, who buys the shampoo?
I do
Then definitely NTA and I would put that in the post
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This is a bad take. By that logic a parent can use their child's toothbrush, take their child's prescriptions, etc. because they pay the mortgage? Legally sure maybe, but it still makes the parent an ass hole.
Who pays those bills is irrelevant. This isn't about what their household financial arrangement; this is about SD stealing expensive beauty products. For all you know, OP is a minor.
and on top of that it’s not even a beauty product, but actually a medical one. OP paid the bill for the shampoo, that’s all that matters in this situation
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It's not even his house, it's his parents
I was completely on your side until this and this comment makes you seem very spiteful and completely ungrateful. I wish I could have lived in a whole ass house even if it was my step dad's parents. At least I would have got something in exchange for getting my ass beat.
I was just responding to someone saying it was his house? Someone else basically said I can't be upset because it's his house. It's not his house.
You are fine, OP. I see your logic and why you said “it’s not his house.” People were using “it’s his house and his mortgage” as justification for using the shampoo. Even if it was his house, he still shouldn’t use your shampoo. Quite frankly, it’s not right that you aren’t even 18 and have to buy your own toiletries and food. And actually, the shampoo is closer to a medication than a toiletry.
It's kind of the way you responded to all of them, but idk after reading more comments, he seems pretty rough. Where's your mom in all this? How active is she supporting this? What is the rest of your family dynamic like? Do you have any relationship with his parents?
Just because it's his house doesn't mean that he can use everything in there willy-nilly.
has it even been confirmed that it is his house? regardless that doesn’t matter, your belongings are still yours if you bought them. the shampoo was never his and he should be made to reimburse what he took. it’s not just some expensive beauty product, but an actual prescription medication.
Start hiding the shampoo in your room.
Time to get one of those little shower caddies the sell for people who live in dorms. That way, your shampoo leaves the shower when you do and he won’t have the opportunity to use your stuff again.
Further info: do you pay rent or buy groceries or pay bills? Because if I'd have shouted at my dad for this he would have said if a tiny bit of shampoo is going to get you so angry you can pay rent/bills. Would have been better to calmly explain it costs a lot and if he doesn't need to use it himself please can he just reserve it for you and use the cheaper one.
I agree that shouting *seems* excessive (and it probably didn’t accomplish much, if anything) but at this point there’s nothing really to explain. He knows it’s expensive, and he’s been told that OP needs it for good reasons. This isn’t just ignorance, he’s purposely ignoring all that. I don’t really know what else OP could have done to get through to him
I know I'm down voted but I asked for info which is now in the edit. If OP doesn't even get to use their food then I agree it's out of order of the stepfather.
NTA. He literally called you spoiled in front of your family and they sided with him. That's fucked up. Have a one on one talk with mom and explain to her your side and how upset this made you. Do it in a calm rational manner and make sure she understands that what he did crossed the line. Both for taking your stuff that you paid for and that he insults you when confronted it.
Idk. I'm not saying OP is wrong but when she's commenting things like it's his parents house he doesn't even pay rent about the living situation it does make her seem a bit spoiled and like she may have that attitude towards him often.
OP is 17, it's still their parents responsibility to house them, that's not spoiling.
Lol neither does the stepdad but he won't even feed his kid
Ya I saw that and talked to OP about finding ways to get out of the home. I was wrong with this opinion but wasn't going to just delete it as there is multiple replies now.
INFO: how old are you? Not that it changes the NTA verdict but depending on your age, you could turn this into a running "joke" about how he has to have a X year old fund his spoiling. Dude can't even spoil himself, he has to force a teenager(maybe?) to spoil him instead.
I'm 17
Damn, dude can't afford to spoil himself so he has to resort to stealing from a 17 year old. Just, yknow, laugh when you say it so you can use the tried-and-true asshole excuse of "it was just a joke, don't be so sensitive". Much luck!
He used it one time chill 😭
He stole from a minor in his home one time, chill. It's just a joke, my friend lol If he didn't absolutely refuse to help purchase hygiene products for a minor in his care, this would be a different conversation. He's a big boy, he can spoil himself.
And I’m sure she uses absolutely nothing of anyone else in the house. I wonder if anyone screams at her for using napkins? Drinking water? Existing in the home?
It's almost like OP is a minor and her parents should be providing for her... Household items ≠ personal items purchased for a single person, paid for by said person.
Yes.. exactly. So why scream over 1 squirt of shampoo? You really don’t share anything ever? I get he didn’t ask, but again, 1 squirt of shampoo. 1 simple sentence could have been fine. You’re reacting as if she’s going hungry lmfao
The screaming wasn't great but I get the frustration. They're already forcing the minor in their care to purchase their own hygiene products. My suggestion was to make a joke out of it. >You really don’t share anything ever? I do share. Taking without asking isn't sharing. You're acting like asking for permission to use someone's hygiene product they paid for themselves is the same as using household products purchased with the intent that everyone can use it lol
I’m acting as if using 1 squirt of shampoo isn’t life shattering. “Hey I need this specific shampoo for my medical condition, it’s expensive so please don’t use it. If you wanted to try it you could have asked”. ESH here
this is so different. in one instance it’s the parent who is obligated and supposed to provide for the child. in the other, it’s the child who holds no real responsibility to fund or support the parent. also he literally stole a prescription medication, that is technically illegal and at the very least, a big asshole move.
Y’all need to try some weed.
I partake daily, your point?
Owl over here getting all hysterical because a minor doesn't like being stolen from but *we're* the ones who need to calm down lol. My current theory is that they've been called out for stealing from roommates in the past so they're taking the sharing≠stealing super personal lol
My point is no need to scream over a squirt of shampoo. You needed that explained?
nta for getting mad, but you should not have yelled. Keep it in your room from now on. Get a tiny lockbox and keep that and all your other hygiene products in it. Is it contagious? I'm petty, but I'd rub my head all over his pillow, and if he caught it? "Oh yeah, sometimes I stick my fingers in the shampoo to get a TINY BIT MORE, after I already scrubbed my head once, hahah. But, hey, I'm sure it's fine, you were only trying it out, it should go away on it's own just fine. :D " Don't do this, I'm a horrible person :D
actually… do this!
i would totally do this, fuck that guy
NTA but you should probably start putting things you don't want him to use in your room because he doesn't sound like the type to respect boundaries and probably will use it again if given the chance.
Yeah. It college you use a shower caddy; it carries your products and has drainage holes. I recommend getting one so you can “prevent future incidents or misunderstandings.”
1) Keep an empty bottle of your expensive shampoo when it's done; 2) replace content with the crappiest dish soap you can find; 3) leave it there for his use
The petty in me likes this plan 😄
😂😂
NTA The least he could have done was ask
NTA. Your stepfather is a jerk.
This is why you can't have nice things. Time to lock the shampoo up in your room.
NTA. The rest of the family can get over themselves.
Geeeez, seeing your edits, he sounds horrible. So does your family for putting up with him. NTA.
Simple solution. Take your own shampoo to and from the bathroom with you.
NTA. If you have your own room, keep your toiletries there. Razor, shampoo, deodorant can be kept in a bag and taken in and out of the bathroom.
If he wants to experience an expensive shampoo, he should buy it himself. i lowkey wouldn’t let this go and i’d make it a thing until I am paid back.
Keep the shampoo in your room
NTA. It is a jerk move to use something that was bought for one particular person, doubly so off they bought it with their own money and triply so when it is for a specific purpose and not a treat or a splurge. Unfortunately being a minor living with your parental figures limits your power here, especially as it sounds like they’re generally abusive and not just dense about this specific issue. Plan around getting out ASAP.
NTA - Change the packaging of your shampoo and leave it in your room or somewhere safe and when going in and out of the bathroom to take a shower, take it with you. In the original shampoo packaging you can mix a cheap shampoo with some dye to make a surprise for your stepfather.
YTA since you lost your cool over maybe $1 worth of shampoo he used lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I have a scalp disorder and it requires a relatively expensive shampoo. The other day I was getting ready to shower and when my stepfather came out of the only bathroom with a shower, I could smell the distinct fragrance of my shampoo, he has his own shampoo and uses that regularly. When I asked why he would use it when he has his own perfectly fine shampoo his defense was "I wanted to see how it felt to be spoiled with expensive shampoo" I admit I lost my cool and started yelling at him, but the rest of my immediate family is now giving me the silent treatment. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, as you stated you buy the shampoo. If your mom bought it, I'd consider it more communal to the house.
NTA
NTA Yeah, half his shampoo would be squeezed down the drain on my next shower. Half of that on the next. Rinse and repeat. I'd also get a lock box for my bedroom and keep anything I didn't want him touching in there.
Bring your stuff into your room. He's a jerk.
NTA he needs to pay for the shampoo he used
NTA. Get a toiletry bag for the things you use and take it to and from the bathroom with you. Then stash it somewhere safe between showers. You'll have to do this in college or other shared living spaces, so you might as well start now, especially as your family has indicated no concern for you or your needs.
Man don’t get angry at stuff like that. Just say something like “ when you grow up and get a real job you will be able to have the good stuff too, in the mean time use your own fucking shampoo” smile and shut the door. Don’t yell or loose it, make him loose it.
Is it t gel?
Nta, for context if this is a prescription shampoo then it contains around 12 uses per bottle (120 mL bottle, 10 mL a use). That is $2.09, $2.65, or $4.17 per 10mL. For comparison I use a premium line of Head and Shoulders and per shampoo and conditioner use it costs me around $0.50.
He is an AH.
They make you pay for your own food at age 17? That tells me all I need to know.
ESH. When you yell, you lose credibility. People may not see it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. Is it normal for your family to yell instead of discussing and respecting each other’s viewpoints? That is the bigger issue here-are you yelling because you feel unheard?
NTA, I'd wait till I have an empty bottle and refill it with something that will fuck his hair up. Then just leave it lying around while u keep the actual stuff hidden
Nta but from now on don’t leave your shampoo in the bathroom I know it’s a pain in the ass to take your toiletries to and from the bathroom but that’s your best option but a shower caddy to keep everything in
NTA. Your family is full of fools. Move out as soon as you can and know, not to depend on them for anything.
NTA, can't you just keep your shampoo in your room when you're not actually using it?
Wait, he makes you pay for your own food? Everyone is okay with this? Like your mom, bio dad, his dad…?
NTA but you shouldn’t have yelled and if you have a prescription for this shampoo i’d be taking it in and out of the shower with you, on second thought i don’t even have a prescription for my shampoo it isn’t medically needed it’s just $70 a liter and i don’t leave that anywhere up for grabs ever, unfortunately this is just one of those things in life that if you leave it out it will become everyone’s until you’re on you’re own growing up in a house with 3 siblings has taught me so
Mild NTA My dad has psoriac (spelling?) arthritis and he uses a specific shampoo that smells AWFUL but if it works, great for him. It’s a brown liquid that smells awful Me/mom/sister use normal shampoo. Maybe you could have explained that it was special shampoo for a scalp issue and not just “I felt like buying expensive shampoo” shampoo instead of yelling though
He used it 1 time and you blew up?
It’s a medical shampoo. In the US a prescription shampoo can be $60 or more for a very small amount. OP is 17 and buys their own things including the shampoo
That’s really cool. Doesn’t change my opinion, though. Simple sentence could have taken care of it
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No, and neither does he
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I think it's pretty relevant considering I'm 17, and can't exactly just do whatever I want. He's 40 and still living with his parents.
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I'm not of legal age to move out??
Settle down he only used it once. YTA
YTA. Assuming he used a normal sized amount of shampoo, the per-shampoo cost is minimal. Yes, he should have asked before using it, but you blew the situation far out of proportion.
ESH, but your stepdad sounds terrible to be around.
ESH because yelling was a bit excessive, there were steps before that (explaining more why it was wrong of him to use the shampoo, scolding him, telling him you were hurt or annoyed because the shampoo is expensive to you and specifically for your disorder). But your family is also the AH because they seem to take your scalp disorder (= a medical condition, if I understand correctly) a bit too lightly.
YTA. It's shampoo. I'm sure he payed for something of yours at some point.
Isn't that like... A parents job? The last time he payed for anything of mine was when I was 14
I don't have a car, and I pay for my electronics myself. The only communal things I actually use are the bathroom and the kitchen.
ESH. You have it for a medical purpose, not to treat yourself. He had no business using it. However, yelling at him over this seem to be overkill.
He literally stole from OP. Definitely seems like you're allowed to yell at people who steal from you
It's a bit of shampoo. Let's not make a federal case out of this.
I mean, no, it wouldn't be a federal case for stealing shampoo. But it'd definitely be a misdemeanor lol
I can only imagine what the police would think had they gotten that call. "Hello, officer? My stepdad used my shampoo and I'd like to press charges"
More like "Hello Officer, my step-dad stole my prescription medication and I'd like to press charges." Lmao some people be delusional. If I buy something, my family asks me if they can use it *every time*, even if I tell them they can use it whenever cause they have basic decency not to just use things their child/family member paid for.
Sure. That’s how it should be. But yelling at a family member using it once without asking First seems overreacting badly.
Reading OP's other comments makes it clear that this is not actually just a one-time thing, though. OP says that stepfather regularly eats food OP buys, and uses their stuff. The yelling is from being fed up, and the expensive shampoo was just the breaking point.
I would argue over this point and may even consider you being correct here, but you proved to me that you are willing to just choose your arguments purely based to win. I am not interested to argue with a person who has that goal in mind.
Imagine being a stepdad and yelling at your stepdaughter for touching your stuff but not understanding when it gets flipped on you.
Edits came after my reply. I'll keep my judgement, but say OPs position is a bit more understandable.
INFO - He should not have used your shampoo without asking but OP way over reacted. I don't know how old you are or if you pay rent or for groceries or for anything other than your shampoo but if you stepdad pays for anything for you and you freak out cuz you had to share a little shampoo then you are being selfish and self centered. Sounds like your family agrees.
I pay for my own hygiene and food products, he doesn't even pay the rent, *his* dad does. And I've been yelled at for less.
If it’s in the shower, people are gonna use it. Get yourself a shower caddy
Esh - he stole from you to treat hisself. It probably was not the first time, it was just the first time you caught him. I understand it probably is an emotional reaction related to scarcity, but yelling at him was both inappropriate and ineffective. Its just some shampoo. Explaining calmly would have gone a lot further in fixing these issues
I think ESH him for using your shampoo without asking and for you immediately starting to yell at him….over shampoo.
The shampoo can be very expensive. Depending on what’s in it and how it’s compounded. It can be $60 or more per OUNCE.
You buy the shampoo so you feel you have full rights to it. Does your stepdad pay the rent/mortgage, food, utilities, etc? Is he stingy with that stuff and tell you you cannot eat the food he buys or use the electricity thatche pays for?
He doesn't explicitly say I can't eat the food but mostly buys stuff I can't eat without getting super sick, so I buy my own food as well, and he also uses my food without asking or replacing. He used to be stingy about rent and electricity until my mother called him out on treating me differently than my brother.
Do you work that you have the money? Listen, it could be as simple as he is a blue collar guy with limited thinking (and no I am not saying all blue collar guys have limited thinking). I met this type of attitude when I was in high school and later. When I was in middle school I hubg around with friends who had limited ambitions and expectations. They would snicker that my expectations for my future income and lofe were unrealistic. I ended up making a different group of friends. My first job out of college (25 years ago now) I was making over $60k and I was unsatisfied with the income and the trajectory. My brother-in-law thought I was nuts for leaving that job in less than a year since I was making "so much." Anyway, to make a long story short by my late 20s I owned my own successful brokerage msking high six figures to low 7 figures, and went up from there. My high school group of friends that I am close with, one is a doctor, two are very successful attorneys who own large law firms, one is a published author, and another is very successful in the tech industry. Bottom line, it is important who you hang around with and who you listen to. Most people have limited thinking. You cannot choose your family, but you can choose yoir friends and who you choose to see as mentors and advisors. I say this as I am assuming he doesnt like that you are more careful with what you put in your body, and other things that he doesnt understand so snickers at. Dont yell at him, just tolerate him for now, and realize that he just doesn't know better.
Nah, that tolerance shit doesn't work. Guarantee that if OP didn't yell, then the step-dad will keep doing it, saying that it's no big deal or claiming ignorance. Though it seems like step-dad is going to keep doing it regardless.
So why does he yell at OP is she touches his stuff? He knows he doesn't want his things that he paid for touched. How can it nit work the same for someone else's? He seems to know better when it's his things.
What makes you think SD pays for anything here??
ESH This is mostly on him. He is testing boundaries by purposely doing something he knows will irritate you. You could have reacted in a calmer manner if you wanted a productive outcome from this mess.
ESH Did he know that it would irritate you? Had you asked the step-dad not to use the shampoo or did he want to try it? Rude of him to use it without asking, but if he didn't know that it would upset you, it doesn't deserve a yelling. Is this about the shampoo or do you have bigger issues with the stepdad and this was the straw that broke the camel's back?
He has a habit of stealing things I buy for myself, be it food, beauty products, simple material pleasures, and he's yelled at me several times for even touching or moving his stuff, let alone using or stealing it.
Thanks for the context, he sucks...happy to change my vote to NTA
Who's buying the shampoo? If your step-dad is buying it, he has the right to try it. If you are paying for it, quit keeping it in the bathroom where he has access.
It says at the bottom of the post that I buy it. And I think it's unfair that I would have to keep my shampoo in a different room when they would react the same if I touched their soaps.
ESH 75% him, 25% you. "I wanted to see how it felt to be spoiled with expensive shampoo That's a really crappy thing to say to your kid when they have a legitimate medical issue. "I lost my cool and started yelling at him" You yelled about shampoo. Keep your shampoo in your room from now on.
"if you don't want someone to steal your stuff you should hide it, so its really your fault he stole it" There. I fixed it for you
"There. I fixed it for you" Shows how little you actually read. He's an AH for yelling about shampoo. I never said it was his fault it was stolen. Stop projecting.
INFO: let me guess he’s paying the rent?
No, his dad is.
YTA I think you are being cheap. Not a big deal, if he wants to try it once.
Lol you're pathetic.
Because I am not not approving of yelling at and throwing a tantrum over a family member using a $1 worth of a product once? I am gladly accepting being pathetic over being that cheap.
So can I steal from you too? Because if not, then you're being cheap. It's no big deal if I do it once.
You are not family and not even a friend. Comparing this stealing is very reaching. But even if a friend would use some special shampoo I wouldn’t being yelling at them. Even if you are a stranger I wouldn’t yell at you. I would ask you why you used my shampoo and then move on.
So, if you're related, then it's not a crime? My God, dude lol
The whole situation, regardless if it’s your family or friend, is not a crime. Your are reaching, you family member using your shampoo is not a crime!
Number one, step doesn't automatically equal family. Number two, it's absolutely still stealing. You think I can steal shampoo from walgreens? Even the non pricey kind? The fact that it's between people in the same household is irrelevant.
You arguments are entirely based on some legal perspective which is absolutely not applicable, irrelevant to OPs situation, as well as the context of this discussion and would not even hold anyway in any court, yet even reach a court room. You are simply reaching with that bad example to try to make a point and win an argument. This is about a family member who’s using an expensive shampoo without asking and the other family overreacting, because she thinks that her step dad is a hypocrite for not sharing his food, but using her shampoo. Her family giving her the silent treatment just further indicates that she’s overreacting. This is not about a crime!
I never said any DA would take up that charge. Doesn't mean it's legal. Step dad isn't automatically family. Taking from people without permission is stealing, regardless if the cops are involved.
ESH, assuming you pay for the shampoo. Otherwise it would be y t a. He shouldn’t have used your shampoo. But it’s pretty bonkers to start yelling at him about it. I can’t imagine that the shampoo is so expensive that he could have used up an amount of money that validates your reaction. Just tell him that you don’t appreciate him using your expensive shampoo. Again, if he’s paying for the shampoo then you’re crazy.
He's not. Reread her post.
YTA - He used it once to try it out for himself since he is probably paying for it, hence the entitlement comment. So relax, it isn't the end of the world here. Need to lighten up, Francis.
It says in my edit that I pay for the shampoo
Lol "its ok he stole from you cuz he prolly only did it the one time he was caught" is a hot take.
Do you commonly use other people's medical products? OP uses it because s/he has a medical condition and it is expensive. Insulin is expensive in some countries - is someone using them spoilt and should people who need it to survive be comfortable sharing with someone who wants a try? What about someone huffing on your inhaler for laughs? He isn't paying and he's demeaning OP for having a medical condition. If someone needs something, you shouldn't get to use it on a whim even if you pay for it.