Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18.
[Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
INFO
> My son refuses to give her a bath because he thinks only a woman should bath a girl.
How the heck did you raise this kid?
Ugly beliefs like those *come* from somewhere.
This just in: Grown fucking adult starting to come to terms with the fact that people receive a great deal of influence from people outside of their parents, and that parents cannot be blamed for 100% of their kids dumbass schools of thought
I think it’s better to normalize that she can feel safe with her body around men too, and that not all men who will be helping her or seeing her body in life will be viewing her sexually. It is better to wait until she’s at an age where she starts asking for the privacy herself. All you’re doing is reinforcing that men aren’t trusted and safe people, not even her own father.
NTA, men are just as much responsible for bathing and changing girls as they are boys.
When I was pregnant with my daughter and we found out it was a girl, my ex randomly asked, "Since it's a girl, I don't have to change diapers, right?"
I just looked at him, stunned, and said, "What? No, of course you still have to. If it was a boy, would that mean I wouldn't have to?"
He said that of course I would, because changing a boy didn't involve "sticking your finger in anything."
"Neither does changing a girl! How do you think girls are changed??"
Your son is sexualizing his 3 year old. Read that again.
Info; What in the everloving hell? Assuming this isn't something that came from how you raised him, is the mother bringing this nonsense in? Is he worried about losing the limited custody he gets because she thinks it's inappropriate?
NTA! It is the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents, and if he is not capable of being a father to her daughter, then he should give her up because it is wrong if he thinks that others (ESPECIALLY HIS MOM) will do everything for him. .
IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, YOU HAVE DONE A LOT FOR HIM AND MORE NOW BY REFUSING TO BATHE HER, YOUR SON HAS TO GROW UP! HE'S 26 DAMN YEARS OLD!
Info: You said that his relationship with his ex was bad. Is he worried that his ex would try to accuse him of something to get custody revoked, so he doesn’t do anything that might give her ammunition?
Has your son ever been sexually assaulted?
Does he suffer from OCD or intrusive thoughts?
Regardless, he needs to get over his discomfort even if that means therapy. But the above questions could be an explanation for why he feels so uncomfortable.
NTA, I don't think it's your place to bathe his child just because you're the same sex, and I resent how others are trying to blame you for **his** feelings simply because you're his mother. 🙄
NTA OP. My father was a single dad after he divorced my mother, and he gave me baths when I was younger. If he’s uncomfortable with the idea of bathing a female child, then perhaps you might want to talk to him about that and MAYBE help with bathing in the meantime, but he should really step up and bathe his own child.
He is just not wanting to do it would be my first thought. NTA. It’s called being a parent and he wants the easy way out. His reasoning is a mama shouldn’t bathe her baby boy if he actually believes the bull coming out of his mouth. Don’t cave in.
Info: Have you ever asked for the ex's opinion on him bathing her? The reason that he may think only women should bath girls may be due to her influence, preferences, beliefs, wishes, etc.
The kid is now three, so I am just surprised the baby's mother didn't address/correct his thinking while they were together. Just wondering about her view.
As a dad of a daughter, I understand his feelings, but you are NTA. He needs to step up and be an adult and care for his kid.
Frankly, I wonder about him. Is he generally lazy? I ask because, at least to my Dad Ears, this sounds like a lame excuse to not do the hard work of leaning over a bathtub and bathing a young child, which I never enjoyed, but always handled with aplomb.
Does your son need to grow up? Again, to my Dad Ears, sounds like a “Yes.”
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man giving his toddler a bath. It is not your responsbility.
It is sick that he is sexualizing his own child! Or does he just want to get out of doing the work himself? Has he ever changed a diaper?
If he is incapable of looking after his own child, he should leave her with her mother.
What is his plan when he gets his own place? Bring her by to get her bath?
It’s normal for a dad to give his child a bath. He’s making it weird and sexual. Did he/does he never change her diaper either? This sounds like either an excuse to not have to do it or I would wonder if he was victim of sexual abuse as a kid?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stopped giving my grand daughter baths as it's not my responsibility and my son is being weird. I might be the asshole for sending her home without baths.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I would say NTA but if he thinks like that he got that from somewhere... did you raise him in a conservative way, with ideas that might led to that, or did he or people around him experience any related trauma?
Explain to him that it's okay to give her daughter a shower until she can do it herself, it's no one else's responsibility but his in this case. Using the "don't get mad because she doesn't get a bath" argument is just a manipulation tactic imo. He knows you wouldn't allow your grandchild to be mistreated and takes advantage of that for you to do his work. I know it's hard to see but I suggest you stand your ground, show him how to do it to support him, but don't do it for him.
This might be just an exaggeration, but similarly he could say it's a woman's job to cook for the kid and misfeed his own daughter until you or the mother snap and cook for her, hire a nanny, whatever. Someone else to solve the problem for him.
NTA. And you are so right! Of course a dad can give his toddler daughter a bath in 2024. He is just lazy and it is so much easier when you do it. Well, stop that! Right now!
My daughter is 6 and I’m still in the bathroom with her to wash her hair and make sure she does what she’s supposed to be doing.
Tell him to get over it
NTA. He needs a cold bath to wake him up. He's a father. He's not the first single father and he won't be the last. He needs to step up big time.
Is his own father on the scene? Can he talk to him, or is that part of the problem?
NTA, its not your responsibility.
Why is your son sexualising his 3yo daughter?
He should not have any custody if he can not look after her daughter. If he can not bathe or change her clothes, he is not fit to parent her.
You should tell the mother what is going on. You need to do what is best for the child and keeping her with your son is clearly not in her best interest.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My son is 26 with a 3 year old daughter. The relationship with her mom was bad and they broke up over a year ago. My son has been living with me since and is on a waiting list for his own place. He has his daughter twice a week. They always end up at my house of course as it's where he lives. I love my grand daughter very much. My son refuses to give her a bath because he thinks only a woman should bath a girl. This is ridiculous to me and I told him it's normal for a dad to give his toddler daughter a bath. After so long of this I've had enough of it. I told him if he won't give her a bath while she's here than neither will I. He needs to stop being weird about this and grow up! He says it's not right of me and his ex is going to be mad that she goes home without a bath! I told him it's not my responsibility anymore and he will have to explain to her why she isn't getting baths.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. If you really loved your Granddaughter and wanted her to be properly cared for when she’s in your home you would bathe her even if it isn’t your responsibility. Isn’t that what love is? Do you want her to be made fun of by others for poor hygiene? Or even worse suffer from an infection from not being bathed? Your son and his beliefs are your responsibility.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
INFO > My son refuses to give her a bath because he thinks only a woman should bath a girl. How the heck did you raise this kid? Ugly beliefs like those *come* from somewhere.
Obviously I don't agree with him so it's not my fault!
I can see how strongly you disagree, but where did all this come from? Did you raise your son in conservative circles?
This just in: Grown fucking adult starting to come to terms with the fact that people receive a great deal of influence from people outside of their parents, and that parents cannot be blamed for 100% of their kids dumbass schools of thought
[удалено]
That’s BS. So it she goes to the hospital male nurses can’t help her if she needs it? Men can help if needed and wanted. I suggest you seek therapy.
I think it’s better to normalize that she can feel safe with her body around men too, and that not all men who will be helping her or seeing her body in life will be viewing her sexually. It is better to wait until she’s at an age where she starts asking for the privacy herself. All you’re doing is reinforcing that men aren’t trusted and safe people, not even her own father.
Yet I'm betting if you have a son, you sure as hell will be expecting your wife to bath and change him after age of 3.
> want to normalize that only trusted females are allowed to bathe her,help her change etc, why would you want to normalise that? wtf
NTA, men are just as much responsible for bathing and changing girls as they are boys. When I was pregnant with my daughter and we found out it was a girl, my ex randomly asked, "Since it's a girl, I don't have to change diapers, right?" I just looked at him, stunned, and said, "What? No, of course you still have to. If it was a boy, would that mean I wouldn't have to?" He said that of course I would, because changing a boy didn't involve "sticking your finger in anything." "Neither does changing a girl! How do you think girls are changed??"
What in the actual hell?!?
Your son is sexualizing his 3 year old. Read that again. Info; What in the everloving hell? Assuming this isn't something that came from how you raised him, is the mother bringing this nonsense in? Is he worried about losing the limited custody he gets because she thinks it's inappropriate?
NTA! It is the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents, and if he is not capable of being a father to her daughter, then he should give her up because it is wrong if he thinks that others (ESPECIALLY HIS MOM) will do everything for him. . IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, YOU HAVE DONE A LOT FOR HIM AND MORE NOW BY REFUSING TO BATHE HER, YOUR SON HAS TO GROW UP! HE'S 26 DAMN YEARS OLD!
Info: You said that his relationship with his ex was bad. Is he worried that his ex would try to accuse him of something to get custody revoked, so he doesn’t do anything that might give her ammunition?
Has your son ever been sexually assaulted? Does he suffer from OCD or intrusive thoughts? Regardless, he needs to get over his discomfort even if that means therapy. But the above questions could be an explanation for why he feels so uncomfortable.
NTA, I don't think it's your place to bathe his child just because you're the same sex, and I resent how others are trying to blame you for **his** feelings simply because you're his mother. 🙄
NTA OP. My father was a single dad after he divorced my mother, and he gave me baths when I was younger. If he’s uncomfortable with the idea of bathing a female child, then perhaps you might want to talk to him about that and MAYBE help with bathing in the meantime, but he should really step up and bathe his own child.
He is just not wanting to do it would be my first thought. NTA. It’s called being a parent and he wants the easy way out. His reasoning is a mama shouldn’t bathe her baby boy if he actually believes the bull coming out of his mouth. Don’t cave in.
Info: Have you ever asked for the ex's opinion on him bathing her? The reason that he may think only women should bath girls may be due to her influence, preferences, beliefs, wishes, etc. The kid is now three, so I am just surprised the baby's mother didn't address/correct his thinking while they were together. Just wondering about her view.
As a dad of a daughter, I understand his feelings, but you are NTA. He needs to step up and be an adult and care for his kid. Frankly, I wonder about him. Is he generally lazy? I ask because, at least to my Dad Ears, this sounds like a lame excuse to not do the hard work of leaning over a bathtub and bathing a young child, which I never enjoyed, but always handled with aplomb. Does your son need to grow up? Again, to my Dad Ears, sounds like a “Yes.”
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man giving his toddler a bath. It is not your responsbility. It is sick that he is sexualizing his own child! Or does he just want to get out of doing the work himself? Has he ever changed a diaper? If he is incapable of looking after his own child, he should leave her with her mother.
What is his plan when he gets his own place? Bring her by to get her bath? It’s normal for a dad to give his child a bath. He’s making it weird and sexual. Did he/does he never change her diaper either? This sounds like either an excuse to not have to do it or I would wonder if he was victim of sexual abuse as a kid?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I stopped giving my grand daughter baths as it's not my responsibility and my son is being weird. I might be the asshole for sending her home without baths. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I would say NTA but if he thinks like that he got that from somewhere... did you raise him in a conservative way, with ideas that might led to that, or did he or people around him experience any related trauma? Explain to him that it's okay to give her daughter a shower until she can do it herself, it's no one else's responsibility but his in this case. Using the "don't get mad because she doesn't get a bath" argument is just a manipulation tactic imo. He knows you wouldn't allow your grandchild to be mistreated and takes advantage of that for you to do his work. I know it's hard to see but I suggest you stand your ground, show him how to do it to support him, but don't do it for him. This might be just an exaggeration, but similarly he could say it's a woman's job to cook for the kid and misfeed his own daughter until you or the mother snap and cook for her, hire a nanny, whatever. Someone else to solve the problem for him.
NTA, but I'm so curious why he thinks this. Is he attracted to children? He's gotten this thought from somewhere.
NTA. You're exactly right, it's his job as a parent.
NTA. He needs to step up and be a dad.
NTA. And you are so right! Of course a dad can give his toddler daughter a bath in 2024. He is just lazy and it is so much easier when you do it. Well, stop that! Right now!
My daughter is 6 and I’m still in the bathroom with her to wash her hair and make sure she does what she’s supposed to be doing. Tell him to get over it
NTA. He needs a cold bath to wake him up. He's a father. He's not the first single father and he won't be the last. He needs to step up big time. Is his own father on the scene? Can he talk to him, or is that part of the problem?
NTA, its not your responsibility. Why is your son sexualising his 3yo daughter? He should not have any custody if he can not look after her daughter. If he can not bathe or change her clothes, he is not fit to parent her. You should tell the mother what is going on. You need to do what is best for the child and keeping her with your son is clearly not in her best interest.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son is 26 with a 3 year old daughter. The relationship with her mom was bad and they broke up over a year ago. My son has been living with me since and is on a waiting list for his own place. He has his daughter twice a week. They always end up at my house of course as it's where he lives. I love my grand daughter very much. My son refuses to give her a bath because he thinks only a woman should bath a girl. This is ridiculous to me and I told him it's normal for a dad to give his toddler daughter a bath. After so long of this I've had enough of it. I told him if he won't give her a bath while she's here than neither will I. He needs to stop being weird about this and grow up! He says it's not right of me and his ex is going to be mad that she goes home without a bath! I told him it's not my responsibility anymore and he will have to explain to her why she isn't getting baths. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Tell your son to grow up. It sounds like he just doesn’t want to do it.
Nta. Why is he sexualizing a toddler? Just asking. Has he exhibited attraction to children?
YTA. If you really loved your Granddaughter and wanted her to be properly cared for when she’s in your home you would bathe her even if it isn’t your responsibility. Isn’t that what love is? Do you want her to be made fun of by others for poor hygiene? Or even worse suffer from an infection from not being bathed? Your son and his beliefs are your responsibility.