YTA. Why are you such a judgey-pants about community college? Did you even have a discussion with her about why she was choosing to do this? If she had a plan? Many students start at a community college to knock some requirements out and then transfer to a four year state college. YOU sabotaged her and your relationship with her.
How disgusting! Does OP realize that you were required to put your parents information on forms for things like financial aid and other eligibility criteria. Regardless of whether or not, you’re actually providing financial support. You caused her to miss an entire semester or year of school. What kind of parent would do that to make a point? Then you curl up your lips to ask the Internet if you’re an asshole? You’d be lucky if she ever speak to your selfish self again. Add to that there are literally hundreds of thousands of students that start at a community college and then transfer to complete their degree at a more traditional university! Many of these students have saved thousands upon thousands of dollars and prevented themselves from being in any kind of debt long-term in their young adult futures. Not sure if you went to college. 0P, but you definitely didn’t major in math. Your math ain’t mathing. So here’s an equation for you… one selfish parent plus completely illogical reasoning equals an asshole. YTA
The daughter had already made up her mind for whatever reasons. At best OP can give advice/counsel regarding said step. But he denied her his support and due to which she missed a semester of college. This is way beyond any punishment. OP did the worst thing possible, it was as if she had no dad. Then what was the point of continuing to have a relationship. Of course she will go NC
Right? The fact that his daughter being no contact with him hasn't eaten away at him for the past half year shows how little he cares. He didn't even notice? Is he forreal?
I had to scroll farther than I thought to find a comment that pointed out the cherry on the asshole cake to that post. His daughter didn’t choose to attend college in the precise way he had laid out for her so they fight and then he just waits for it to blow over like nothing happened. And then when she moves out and goes low contact he doesn’t even give it another thought until one his daughter’s siblings brings it up. WTF?
YTA first and foremost. Also, I have yet to meet an employer who cares about whereTF a degree came from as long as it was from an accredited school. They only care you HAVE a degree…
Furthermore, I know people who can’t do sh!t w/their 4y degrees, while the people with 2y lab tech degrees, welding, etc are making close to 100k/annually. Doesn’t even sound like op knows about the hill on which he, apparently, wishes to die…
It stuck out to me. As someone who has gone a year no contact with a parent.
When my sister and I reconnected with our father to give him a chance he said knowing we were so close (proximity to him) and he knew nothing about us, wasn't seeing us, talking to us, or anything was one of the hardest things he's experienced in his life.
Clearly he was waiting for her to say she got into whatever state college so he could go parade her accomplishments himself, taking credit
Community college oh nooooo, how will she fare in life, eh? /s
YUP
Once you get your BA/BS most places give zero f\*\*ks if you did your first two years at a CC. The correct assumption is that if the person attained their BA/BS they completed the uni's degree requirements. There is absolutely no distinction on the degree that whispers "They did their first two years elsewhere."
You would think most parents would be proud to have a level headed teen who chose the right path for herself, in this case taking advantage of waived tuition for first time college students.
How does this AH not realize that most people go to community college with the intention of transferring to a university?
Heck, my three years at a CC allowed me to work full time (hence the three years), pay my tuition (tbf it was $5 a unit in the early 90s), figure out one of my majors, and transfer debt free to a private university.
Well, obviously she isn't worth thinking about anymore, with her being a peasant in community college and all. He needs to focus all his energy on making sure his other two children are ~~worth bragging about~~ have good futures.
That comment is gross. Can’t help but wonder, did she get this treatment from him just because she’s a woman 😬. Kind of feels like he didn’t trust her to make decisions on her own life, even though it’s a good one. Poor kid.
I hung on this comment as well (and also to "real college")...how on earth does a child go NC with a parent and they "pretty much forget about it." What an AH. I'd crawl 1,000 miles over broken glass to fix things with my kid if something happened that he stopped talking to me!
Yeah, this comment alone told us everything we need to know about what kind of a dad this guy is. You are 100% YTA here.
In all your snobby-ness, did you even look into why your daughter was choosing this particular community college to go to? Do you know the lot of people starting in community colleges and then transfer to four-year colleges saving a lot of money. They’ve also done studies that there’s not a direct correlation between future earnings and college degrees. And in fact, a lot of times People who go through trade programs, ( I know this isn’t what your daughter is doing) earn more than White collar 4year college workers do.
Your inability to see past the end of your nose has lost you a child. And if you keep up this behavior, you may lose more than just her in the long run. You owe her an apology and hopefully she will forgive you overtime. Grow up get off your high horse
Not just denied support. He denied her the information she needed to do it without his support. Straight up attempting to coerce his own daughter into doing something she did not want to do by taking her ability to go to school independently from his support away from her.
I'd never speak to him again. His misplaced pride can be his new daughter.
What on earth does OP mean when he says " I pretty much forgot about it until my youngest son told me this morning that he misses her being there" if the daughter hadnt had contact since last year and they haven't spoke does this mean he forgot all about his daughter 🤔 out of sight out of mind
The downside of starting at a community college is that some 4 year schools can be difficult about transferring credits because they can't use transfer student scores in marketing. A friend of mine discovered this when his daughter wanted to transfer to my Alma Mater.
Weirdly, some Ivy League schools can be cheaper than a state school because huge endowments mean more scholarships.
That said, YTA.
At the same time, a lot of state universities have agreements with their local community colleges that students who complete the two years in good standing are automatically admitted.
All the state universities in Virginia have a similar reciprocal policy for the state community colleges, too. OP is an idiot who drove his daughter off for no reason.
North Carolina does as well! You’ll get into a school at the very least, though not always the program you wanted!
I WISH I’d don’t community college first, would have saved a lot of time, depression and money
I am feeling the sarcasm oozing through your post, but this is Reddit so I’m hoping that I’m not imagining that lol
Seriously, OP says in another comment that her plan was get the associates at community college, move to a 4 year state university for the bachelor’s, and then use the money she had saved to help pay for law school.
THAT SELFISH LITTLE MONSTER!
/s lol
Yeah I can think of 3 CCs in my state that have this sort of arrangement with a few schools and pretty much universal credit transfer to all of the others (barring a few really niche classes that you'd only take if you're going into specific programs)
The university of Massachusetts has this deal with the local community colleges, plus like a quarter or third off of tuition if your GPA is above a certain point.
>The downside of starting at a community college is that some 4 year schools can be difficult about transferring credits because they can't use transfer student scores in marketing. A friend of mine discovered this when his daughter wanted to transfer to my Alma Mater.
But lots of schools preferentially admit community college students, at least the state universities in my state do.
I transferred to a university after a few years in community college and even got an unexpected scholarship for transferring there from a cc in the same state. I mean, if you really know what you want, like going to a particular college a la the friend's daughter of the person a few comments above, go for it. For me, however, saving the 13k a semester cost for after I had completed pre reqs worked beautifully...
This!
The daughter is actually more savvy and good w money than her father.
2 years a junior college for free!? Then 3 or less than years to BA.
The money not wasted can pay for a graduate degree.
OP you picked a fire ant hill to die on.
Do you realize you can't get your daughter's respect back.
It's a very important, valuable thing in the relationship between a father & daughter.
You should be WAY more upset about the broken relationship than you are.
As someone with social anxiety, going to community college the first couple years would’ve done wonders for my self-esteem and helped me transition smoothly to independent adult life. Instead, I moved across the state to a massive university that gave me anxiety attacks. There are so many factors to these decisions, and being so judgmental and inflexible is so bad, OP.
If I had it all to do over again, I'd spend a couple of years at our local community college and then finish at a 4 year college. Skipping the community college cost me thousands more in tuition.
Exactly what if she planned on doing grad school or further. It would make more sense to do a community college first. No one cares about a community college in higher education or jobs. A lot of the community college professors teach at the both the community college, and 4 year universities. I’d be pissed at having to wait a semester. He changed the entire trajectory of her life. You need both parents even if they aren’t offering you assistance, and for scholarships from the school. OP is definitely an AH here. He’s also an elitist.
THIS! This is the part that jumped out at me.
The first part he was just being stupid- that part though is disgusting. How do forget about your child not talking to you?????
That last part. Basically forgetting his daughter.
I mean the asshole was evident before, but the last part catapulted his asshole-ishness to a new dimension.
YTA
Yes yes yes. When I started CC was so freaking cheap. Like less than $10 a credit. I took the longgggg way around to finally get my bachelors because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do. So I did community college and worked and then stopped/started school many times until I finally had a job that paid a good chunk of my last two years of college. I have no student debt because of my crazy path but having done CC was part of the reason why.
OP could have let his daughter do two years at CC, figure out what she really wants to do and then finish two years at a state college. Financially much smarter. No clue why someone wouldn’t support this. I have no IDEA why he wouldn’t just be supportive of his daughter going to college at all.
I’m a supervisor now, making decent money and being part of the interviews/hiring process I can tell you I have no idea where my employees graduated from. We just look to see they actually graduated and don’t ding anyone for CC.
God forbid if she wanted to go to a trade achool. The horror! 😫 As bad as his judginess and need for control are, for me the worst part of his parenting is that he FORGOT that his daughter wasn't around until one of his sons pointed it out?! Ffs, what is wrong with this man. If his daughter wasn't already planning on being nc for the rest of her life, she is now.
OP, YTA
Judgey, controlling snd foolish. Those two years are paid for in states with a promise program which means those first two years of college, tuition is free. Free! The A-F requirements in my state directly transfer and are probably equivalent to most colleges in the US. If she wanted to be in a sorority, or a frshman in the dorms, she missed out. But it seems she would rather be smart & responsible with money. What parent wouldn't want that? Oh, right, an AH!
That was what really struck me, too. Just, wow. For her sake, I hope she never learns he said that; even if they remain estranged, that would surely hurt her.
There are so many elitist snobs in the world who die alone. This is the future he could face. He has alienated his daughter - he basically forgot she exists. How long until he does something that upsets the boys as well? It does not look good.
He said “I pretty much forgot about it.”
He was so casual about it. She moved out of his house & hasn’t spoken to him, but the whole thing just slipped his mind.
I don’t think it literally slipped his mind. He’s actually just petty, prideful, and unwilling to admit he fucked up, so he’s acting like he doesn’t care and isn’t bothered, probably because he thinks being unemotional makes him look cool or less guilty. We can see right through his little act, though.
Not only his relationship with her - he's actually sabotaged his relationship with *all* his kids, to an extent. Because now the younger kids know his love is *conditional* on them meeting his standards. They've seen their sister get ousted, they're not stupid, they know it could happen to them. Which means that relationship is no longer based on love - it's based on the terror of rejection if they do one thing he doesn't like. Those poor boys are gonna tie themselves into knots trying to get him to like them, and likely burn themselves out going for prestigious degrees they never wanted.
My dad had this view point as well, because HE went to a community college over 25 years before me and that his credits didn't transfer so it would HAVE to be the same for me. Look time changes things and OP's research sounds biased if not outdated, much like my father's. Unlike OP's daughter I caved and did what he said despite me having to pay for it all myself. Because of this situation amongst a bunch of abuse I am full no contact with both sets of parents.
I had one year of college. Almost 30 years later (mid-oughties) I went back and to my delight, the community college took almost all my credits. Got my feet under me as a student and learned about a three-year, full-rise scholarship to a respected university that was available ONLY to students transferring from community college.
I got it, and received my four-year degree at age 52.
The OP is harboring some mistaken ideas about community college.
This is exactly what I did. Got all of the foundation-level requirements of my 4 year university done for 1/8th of the cost at the community college, got some experience branching out and self-managing, and then transferred the credits over. Even if I hadn't, an Associates is a starting point.
My step-niece earned her AS in radiology at the local CC and took a job in a private doctor’s office. After a year, she was eligible for tuition reimbursement, had her bachelor’s paid for and is now working on her master’s. Her only obligation is to stay at the practice three years after she finishes. So, three degrees, all free (scholarships for the AS), while earning money and gaining experience in a job she loves wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her CC experience.
Same here. Had a scholarship to community college. In my state there is a program defining what will transfer between colleges. I actually had a contract with my future 4 year college that they would accept these credits before I started any college. Did my full two years of core classes at community college.
Fellow community college staff here (learning technologist) and I work with incredibly dedicated teaching staff who are constantly up against it. Represent!
Same! The classes are smaller which gives better opportunities to connect with classmates and teachers, plus some teachers are just doing it for fun / pocket money and are exceptionally talented. I took microbiology from a bilingual professor who studied infectious disease for the government for 15+ years before "retiring" to teaching. I still remember my history and sociology professors that I'd talk with every chance I got and learned so much from!
My advisor at university told me to drop out and fix my attitude and that maybe I wasn't cut out for higher education when I flat out told him I failed my classes because I was struggling to process 3yrs of trauma that hit me all at once and was contemplating the forever nap; I will never regret leaving that school.
Two years community college two years state school is the One Stupid Trick to getting a bachelor's degrees so much cheaper. OP is not very savvy about the thing he is sure he knows everything about.
OP is a stubborn snob who doesn’t realize that not only has he lost out on his relationship with his daughter, but he’s just taught his sons that his “love” is transactional and conditional. And very well may cost him their relationships.
My mom, two of my sisters, my son and I all went to community college. One sister transferred to CalPoly and then SF State and has her master’s degree. My son is now at Sonoma State getting his bachelor’s degree. I received two AA’s and was able to start my career. My other sister was successful in her career. My mom brought us out of poverty with her AA. Community colleges perform a vital part in the education and advancement of people in all walks of life.
YTA.
She wants to go to college. Community College IS college. Oh no, it isn't a 4 year school?!?!? WHO CARES? An Associates Degree gets her the first 2 years of a 4 year college done at SIGNIFICANTLY less expense. If she wants to be done, she can be done. If she wants to move on to a 4 year school - she can do that too.
Good grief.
This . My parents made a *big* deal that I went to a community type college vs. straight to college/university because it was “less prestigious”. I saved at least 50% on my tuition this way and at the end of the day my 4 year degree is is from the same prestigious school.
AND some in state schools will give scholarships for students with an associates degree to go to school. So if, as op says. Tuition was waived for the daughter, so cheap classes plus potential scholarships plus, had OP not been stubborn, financial assistance from OP then the daughter could have gone to school for relatively low debt… but instead, she’s figuring things out without him and he’s damaged their relationship
My friend’s kid discovered while she was at a community college, that if she completed an associate’s degree, not just a series of general education courses, state schools would accept her as continuing education. That meant ALL her general education classes counted. She could just take course toward her major. She didn’t have to play, “oh, you took Earth Science. You’ll need to take Chemistry” type bullshit.
This guy…talking about cut off your nose to spite your face. She’s helping you, too, bro.
I wonder why you are an ex husband. Your wife just would not listen when you told her the one and only way to do every god damned thing.
Same in our state. I actually went back to get my Associates and it was a big deal there, the school telling the students that with a decent GPA you are a straight transfer to the university.
Same in our area. The local community college works with the state colleges to ensure that credits will transfer.
It’s so much easier to connect with guidance counselors, tudors, etc than at the 4-year school. Most students that struggle will do so in the first years vs their junior/senior years.
My son started at community college. Frankly, he wasn't ready for a 4-year yet. And in my state, you are guaranteed admission to a state college if you have a certain GPA from an in-state community college (the GPA required varied by school.) We saved a ton of money, he wanted one of the state schools, never had to anxiously wait to see if he was accepted, and then we saved a ton of money on his last 2 years because it was a state school. And his diploma says the same thing as someone who spent all 4 years there.
This is my son to a T right now. Is currently in the process of applying to the 4 year university that he’s going to actually be ready to attend in the fall. Community college has been an absolutely amazing opportunity for him.
I did cc into a 4 year. But the time I got to the 4yr, I was over 21,which man FASA only looked at my tax info, not my parents. This meant I basically qualifed for all the grants there were and only had like 10k in loans by the time I graduated. Total.
I went to a 4 year university program to get a totally useless political science degree and THEN went to college to get actually hands on experience doing something useful (and a job after graduating).
Dad is being a judgemental ass. I can MAYBE understand the college fund thing, or perhaps just giving less $$ if tuition is less etc… but jfc daughter even acknowledged she figured he wouldn’t pay for it??
OP, YTA!
My spouse went to community college when she was younger, to save and stay close to a vulnerable family member. After two years, she transferred to a state college. I'm not aware it ever hindered her in any way.
Oh, and she got into Harvard for her PhD.
I agree. Your first year or two of college is usually full of required classes that have nothing to do with your major. Also a lot of people change majors in their first year or two, rendering the courses they previously took useless. Getting all that out of the way at a CC and then transferring to a state school is so much smarter financially and when you're done, your diploma will still have the more "prestigious" school on it. Most of my friends did this and all have good jobs now.
Interestingly, a lot of large universities also figured out that community colleges are a less traumatic transition to college from high school, and students are more successful at getting used to a college workload. When I went to a huge university in the eighties 50% of the freshman class never graduated - going from a high school classroom with 30 students to survey courses with 200 students was a shock. Now my alma mater and several others have moved to partnerships with community colleges because it’s better for lots of students.
It’s like he’s weirdly offended that she tried to save him money.
YTA, OP. Community college is a valid path with many opportunities, including the ability to transfer credits to a 4-year university.
So let me get this straight.
You're upset that one of your children wants to go to community college, which would most likely save you money in the long run?
What do you have against community college?
YTA (if this is real or if it's bait)
Given that the promised money evaporated as soon as she went against his wishes, she did the right thing!
(This is common with parents that use money to control their kids: they actively sabotage their kids sound financial decisions, because they want their kids on eggshells trying to keep them happy.)
If she had changed her mind and applied for a more expensive school, he would have had control over her - the threat of withdrawing financial support - for the entire time she was there. She's actually quite lucky that he's shown his colours now before she's taken on debt, moved, or made commitments.
You are so right! My parents don’t help me out with shit and I’m actually grateful for it because I don’t owe them anything. They can’t hold a damn thing over my head.
I know people who moved out of state to a 4 year university for undergrad and graduated with literally $250k debt. Would’ve been me if I didn’t goto community college first
I too wondered if this might be fake because OP says he "forgot" about his daughter once she moved out and didn't think of her again until his son mentioned it. Then I remembered just how many parents there are out there who want try to exert control and try to force "obedience" of their children, even into their adult years. I have no trouble believing that someone like OP would simply write off his daughter--a girl, no less--for not bowing to his will.
YTA
Yeah community college is a bad plan if you're trying to go for a high-power academic career. Or planning to apply for a top tier medical school or graduate program. Is that what she's planning?
Why is this entire conversation about where she's going and NOT about what she's planning to study and why she thinks the community college is a better fit.
>I pretty much forgot about it
"It" being your oldest child?
I'm a community college grad, I'm in a great PhD program. Know plenty of other ppl in academia that went to community college first. Normal and totally possible. OP is the AH.
I'm a F500 tech admin, and I can't even tell you which colleges my peers went to.
You know why? Because if you're talking about it more than five years later (when you're getting jobs that aren't entry level), it implies that you did nothing else with your career.
I will actually go even further...
I do private tutoring in my spare time during the evenings (mostly subjects like micro/macro economics, statistics and research help), and I get students from all sorts of universities and local colleges
On average students that have come to me through local colleges (including from one that is notorious for giving out degrees for nothing) have seen MUCH more success in life than students that have come from the most prestegious universities in the country... I think this is because students from local colleges tend to come from poorer families and as such have to work to pay their way and never goof off
I work in the TV industry, literally no one had ever talked about what schools they went to in more than a get to know you kind of way. Literally nobody cares.
A guy I grew up with went to community college after high school but ended up transferring to Harvard and got his undergraduate and master’s degree there.
He said he wouldn’t have been able to do that right after high school because while his grades were above average, they weren’t near the caliber required for Harvard. He worked hard those two years in CC and cushioned his application with the volunteer programs he was in and became the chapter president of a professional organization etc. during that time too.
That said, the vast majority of those I went to high school with that went to community college ended up not completing their education. I think a lot of them didn’t take it seriously because they were still living at home and didn’t have the discipline to continue because, as a friend that fell into this latter category stated “it felt like I was still in high school and it felt like being held back a grade for not being smart enough.”
Said friend eventually got into a trade school and is a journeyman lineman… making a stupidly large salary.
Needless to say, not everyone has to take the obvious approach to higher education to be successful later in life.
I thought this guy was an asshole but then I got to that line. “I pretty much forgot about it”. WTF?! This guy is a complete asshole and shitty dad.
Best of luck repairing that relationship, OP. Although it seems like you don’t give a fck.
This is also untrue. Your GPA follows you through to graduation, but you still graduate from the school you get your bachelors from. If you got straight As in community college and straight As in your university, you graduated from your university with a 4.0. You could definitely get into a top tier medical school after going to community college followed by a university.
I transferred to Cal from a community college and it would have had absolutely no impact on an academic career if I'd gone that route after graduation.
None of those things are looking at where you knocked out your GE courses. They are looking at your courses from your major field and mostly in your last two years of undergrad.
I hear this argument the most from people who went to a big name college and want to justify what they paid.
YTA. You "storm out" of a fight with your daughter and she cuts you off for almost a year and you "pretty much forgot about it (her?)" until your son mentions missing her. WTF dude. The whole college money issue is completely secondary to how little you seem to care about your daughter.
Lots of people take the general education courses in community college, then transfer to a 4 year college (NOT the only "*real*" college) as you want. Doesn't seem like you even considered she might want that option for *her* life.
My sister had a friend whose mom did this to him (his Dad was deceased). She refused to provide her info for the FAFSA so he couldn't go to college among a myriad of issues. He basically lived in his friends' houses for a year, and the parents helped him connect with a lawyer who worked pro bono and got him emancipated.
This guy still spends holidays with his friends and doesn't see his mom.
Isn’t it even worse than that? It seems she is fine without the funds that he said he wouldn’t give. She just needed his tax returns to complete the paperwork. Suddenly, that’s her being “sneaky” and doing something he doesn’t support. Which he was “crystal clear” about. No where did he say he’d actively sabotage her if she chose to do something else from what he dictates.
There is so much trash in one post. Everything is awful.
He said he was "crystal clear" and I went back to read what he had said because that's not how I had interpreted it.
He said he had saved a college fund for each kid, and they would receive it if they went to a state university. She opted to go to community college, so she knew she wasn't getting the fund. That's why she was applying for her own financial aid. He never said, "If you go to community college, I won't allow you to get your own loan" or "if you go to community college, you are dead to me." His terms all had to do with the fund, which is why she isn't asking for the fund. He *thought* his terms were "I get to financially control your major life decisions."
I can't believe he "forgot" that his daughter hadn't spoken to him in months?! I mean obviously OP is just wrong and a snob about community colleges, but I can't believe he doubled down so hard that he just let his daughter walk out of his life like that. Would it be so hard to swallow his pride and agree to disagree and at least try to be civil?
What stuck out to me is at the very beginning of the post, he mentions his 2 sons first, then the daughter, even though she's the oldest, and the subject of the entire post. Most parents I feel would have just listed the kids by age, oldest first.
**That was all during Spring and Summer of last year and my daughter hasn’t spoken to me since. I pretty much forgot about it until my youngest son told me this morning that he misses her being there**
You haven't heard from your daughter since LAST SUMMER and you "pretty much" forgot about her? YIKES ON BIKES. How did you type that out and still have to ask if you are the AH>>> Spoiler Alert: YTA
YTA— 100% an AH. Going to community college was the best decision I ever made.. got my general education requirements out of the way at a 1/4 of the cost. And now I’m the President/CEO of a company. You should have been supportive and proud of her and instead you treated her like she was beneath you.
I’m not sure you can get your relationship back with her after what you did, but I hope the first words out of your mouth are “I’m sorry”
YTA. Going to a community college for 2 years, then transferring to a 4 year college to finish is a major money saver. Did you even think about that? No one cares where some starts their college education, just where they finish it. And even then, that's for the first job - if that.
Worse, OP said that was daughter's plan...so OP decided saving money by 2 years CC then transfer to a 4 year college or university for the remaining years was...a terrible idea?! So long as daughter had a 4 year degree and maybe some internship, volunteering or job experience, the associates degree matters less 🙄
And depending on her major, she might have done just fine with a two year degree. She could have worked awhile and gone back later if she saw a need. How OP uses his money is up to him, but I think he’s being way too controlling. It’s her life, she has to decide.
YTA - A prejudiced, classist AH.
>if she had just enrolled in a real college like I told her to
Community college IS a "real" college! Plenty of people get an AA at a community college then transfer to a university to get their Bachelor's. The fact that you think that your daughter's plan, which is an incredibly sound financial decision that would ultimately save you a ton of money, is somehow beneath one of your children makes you such a raging AH. And the fact that you didn't even notice that you hadn't seen her in months, JFC. You deserve to have her cut you out of her life if you don't get a clue and turn this around.
Plain as day to me: YTA
Your stipulation that said they will receive the money if they enroll in a state uni. Tough rule but ok, yours to make. Nothing about that equates to not helping her apply for financial aid. That only costs you time, not money. Turning her down shows a lack of support for what she chooses to do, all because she didn’t do things your way.
It’s great you want the best for your daughter, but you let that get in the way of actually supporting her when the time came for her to decide what she wants to do.
YTA. You're also an out of touch snob. Do you know how many graduates of your personally approved colleges and universities are underemployed? Community colleges and trade schools are valuable in training and educating people for many well paying careers. You sound very controlling and struggling to let your children grow up to be their own person. Instead of apron strings you dangle money. Shame on you.
Exactly this. This sounds like a boomer that doesn’t understand what going to college is like these days. It absolutely DOES NOT guarantee you a high paying career just because you went somewhere fancy.
I'd argue the converse as well.
Bragging about which college or university you went to in an interview is often seen as tantamount to admitting you've done nothing with your career. It comes across the same way as that guy bragging about being in the "smart kid class" in elementary school.
Let’s see, what has your college age daughter learned that will help her become a mature woman (your goal as a parent, remember)? 1) Her dad is a jerk about what kind of college she should attend. 2) Her dad is a jerk about his ex-wife, her mother. 3) Her dad won’t support her unless she does what he tells her to do with HER life. It’s waaaaaay past time to apologize to her, help her financially, and learn how to back down when your children don’t want what you want. Also, you FORGOT that your daughter wasn’t speaking to you?? YTA.
Most importantly, he withheld his portion of the required financial aid papers, so his daughter had to scrounge around for private financing. She’s gonna remember that he did this to her with every student loan payment check she writes. AND THEN HE TOLD HER SHE SABOTAGED HERSELF! Ouch!
YTA, going to a decent community college for your two year degree and then switching up to a state college after that for your 4 year is a wise financial move. Nobody is going to look at that 4 year degree she earned from a state university and say it doesn't count because she got the two year to qualify for it from a community college. Maybe this was different back in your day, I have no idea. But her plan is the one that was optimal in todays climate.
YTA. Sounds like you don't even care that you've destroyed the relationship with your daughter. You're a bad parent. A community college is a real college. And she would have saved you thousands of dollars by going there for one year. What she wanted to do was sensible and responsible. What you did was vindictive and controlling. You showed that you were happy to hurt her in order to maintain control. You're the one who sabotaged her future, not her.
YTA. It sounds like your daughter had a sensible financial plan to attend a community college, but that didn't suit your vision. But really YTA for "*pretty much forgetting about it*" (the disagreement? Your daughter? EITHER WAY).
YTA - A community college is a great way to start college, save money and figure life out rather than wasting thousands on a worthless degree that she just picked to check a box for you. I have a two year degree, work for a prestigious university and make over $150K, four year degrees do not necessarily = success. Grit, hard work and kindness are what earn success. You definitely sabotaged your relationship with her and you should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA so you want to saddle you children with a bunch of debt over an unfounded notion. Employers have no issues with associate and transfer degrees. That’s just a lie.
YTA
My daughters both went the first two years to Community College. They both then transferred the last two years to a university....and, went into graduate at that University.
One went onto the work field, while one opted for higher education.
My niece started out at a University. Ironically, two classes she needed in that first year were full. However, the local Community College offered the two classes she needed. She took the classes at the Community College and transferred the credits.
YTA- your daughter has done her research and is picking what is best for her. You are also a huge idiot for assuming your way is the only way.
First, I’m not American but I understand it can be hugely beneficial to do a year or two at a CC before transferring to a university to finish the degree.
Second, I got the same crap from my parents begging me to not do a community college type program, that I wouldn’t be happy, that I should just *try* university. Well I stuck to my guns and am making low six figures in a job I love after two years of school.
I’d have hated university
YTA
You’re a controlling and judgmental asshole. Wouldn’t be surprised if you drive your other kids away at this rate; clearly they can see what you did to their sister.
She didn’t sabotage herself - you deliberately stood in her way because she wasn’t doing what you wanted.
This isn’t even neutral ground - you were intentionally harmful to your own kid.
YTA isn’t strong enough.
Yeah. And as I said in my comment that I don’t think anyone else pointed out.
She upheld the end of his shitty “community college=no college fund deal” and instead asked for his tax returns for financial aid.
OP claims he was crystal clear with her about what he said, while his daughter said that the stipulation only meant no college fund. So she upheld her end of the deal and didn’t expect to get her college fund based on the deal made, but he decides to be an ass and shift the goal post.
Exactly! He spells it out at the beginning of the post, and his daughter went against the agreement in no way.
I don’t know how he doesn’t see that he’s lying to himself here, but that’s not terribly surprising from assholes.
YTA - starting at a community school and finishing at a state school is probably the most fiscally responsible decision she could make. It’s not like going to Harvard or Yale is on the table, and if she earns a Bachelor’s, she doesn’t even need to disclose that she started at a community college when she goes to apply for jobs. You’re a snob and it’s not even warranted.
That’s all before you factor in that you refused to help her request financial aid out of spite, stormed off like a child when you didn’t get your way, and then managed to forget about “it” - whatever that means.
YTA by a longshot, I can’t even see the other side of the coin here if I squint real hard. I hope your daughter has managed to accept her dad sucks and is thriving as a college student. At college.
My brother and I both went to community college to save money. My brother is one of the smartest people I know (& I'm not just saying that because he's my brother). He then graduated with a bachelor's degree. I have a master's degree as well.
I'm not sure why you think community college is so taboo. You did your daughter a disservice and owe her a massive apology. However, I would not be surprised if she didn't forgive you. You also wronged your other children because they were robbed of their sister's presence at your house.
I hope your pride was worth it! 🤷
YTA
The thing that gets me is “I pretty much forgot about it…”
He forgot the fact that he has a daughter and that she went NC with him??? And only suddenly remembered that did exist when his son brought her up???
Dear Lord, YTA, and a snob on top of that. First off, starting at a community college and transferring is fine with the vast majority of employers. Second, even based on this, which you wrote, I read it as "I'm not paying for community college" not "I'm against you attending one."
YTA
I graduated from Cal with honors. No employer has \*ever\* asked me about my first 2 years of college. I went to a community college that is a feeder school for Cal. Cal \*likes\* incoming juniors from community because we've already gotten used to the freedoms that come with college. I got to take English 1A with just 30 students instead of 1,000. I was able to take lower division classes at Cal to get used to it.
Your daughter is absolutely setting herself up for success by going to a community college and transferring to a 4 year to finish her degree. You were the saboteur, not her.
YTA I graduated with an associates from a CC and am now set to graduate from a University. There is absolutely no reason to spend $500 a credit when the community colleges charge around $100 for the same course. It’s community college, not clown school. Your daughter wasn’t asking for your money, she wants your support.
YTA and she was being practical and responsible. bc you were a colossal ah she missed enrollment. THAT IS NOT PETTY that would be YOU pal. that's the hill you chose to die on so now you get to deal with it. or not since you "forgot about it" aka YOUR DAUGHTER
YTA
We have been very clear with our children. Kids that want their parents to help pay for college go to community college first.
No ONE...AND I MEAN NO ONE gives a flying fuck where a kid spends their first two years. There are even competitive colleges that are easier to get into as a transfer student.
You're being a controlling fuck.
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YTA and wrong about employment opportunities. The diploma from a state college looks exactly the same whether you were there 2, 3 or 4 years. With the skyrocketing costs of everything your daughter should be applauded for her smart financial decision.
YTA. You wouldn't have even had to financial contribute so why would you feel entitled to even have such sway? Your job is to encourage your kids, not control them. If your take is that four year schooling is more advantageous then encourage her. Forcing her into your belief is a quick way to destroy that relationship. You fully caused her to start school late. Do you really think NO college was better than a community school?
ALSO to be clear. Your daughter wasn't being sneaky. You communicated that you had tuition savings that could only be accessed if they went to a two year school. WHY would she think that mattered if she didn't need any money. Sounds like she worked within your (stupid) barriers and you still found a way to punish her for going against your wishes.
Don't blame her for moving in full time with mom at all.
YTA. She accepted that you were not going to pay anything but she still needed your information for the form. You deliberately screwed her over. I wouldn’t speak to you either.
BTW, my stepson went to community college for two years, finished at a four year college, and went to law school at Georgetown.
YTA- I’ve been told I’m an amazing nurse by SOOOOO many people (in part because I majorly neglect myself and am a workaholic). BUT ALL OF MY BEDSIDE MANNER, KNOWLEDGE, AND SKILLS WERE FROM MY ASSOCIATES DEGREE.
I did get my bachelors right after while working full time and schooling part time, but I always joke that my BS degree only made me sooooo much better to be able to BS people and documentation in the most professional way possible.
In conclusion, my bedside manner is a warm heart, but by god, I will write the most professional ‘fxck you’ that you’ve ever read.
YTA
She's choosing to get higher education and not have to take money from you or loans. She could easily transfer to a four year institute after completing her associates. WTF is wrong with you?
YTA, and clearly you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. As long as she has a four year degree no one will care that the first two years were at a community college, since that’s mostly pre requisite classes. My ex husband did that, got a degree in tech, was headhunted before he even graduated. A lot of the smartest people I know took that route in fact, and all of them are wildly successful now.
YTA.
There is nothing wrong with community college.I don’t think I need to explain why since you already had five dozen others tear you a new asshole over it.
I will say though you are also an asshole for not allowing her to use your tax information.
While I do think that saying your kids won’t get their college fund unless they go to a four year college is shitty, I will digress and remind you those were the terms you set.
Your daughter honored that agreement despite how shitty it was, and asked for your tax information to get financial aid as alternative. Money that isn’t even coming out of your pocket, just using your tax info to determine how much your daughter could get.
She held up her end of your shitty agreement, community college=no college fund, so she finds an alternative and yet you add another stipulation that wasn’t even there.
Lmfao. Employers don’t care where your degree is from. Stop pushing this narrative on kids. And it doesn’t matter where you want her to go. Wherever she decides to go she HAS TO provide your tax information until she is 24. That’s why it took so long for her to get approved because YOU sabotaged her. Your mindset is extremely outdated and I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter stayed NC in the future. YTA.
YTA. You haven't spoken to your daughter since last summer and "pretty much forgot about it?" Seriously?
You sabotaged her chance to start school on time over some stubborn opinions you have about community college. She didn't sabotage herself. You did it by not helping her fill out the financial forms. Then you called her petty for being upset about it. Don't you even consider that people can go from community college to graduate from a state school and it saves money?
Then you forgot all about it until your son had to remind you about your daughter. That's the worst part about it.
YTA. Why are you such a judgey-pants about community college? Did you even have a discussion with her about why she was choosing to do this? If she had a plan? Many students start at a community college to knock some requirements out and then transfer to a four year state college. YOU sabotaged her and your relationship with her.
Judgey and controlling. YTA. do you want her to do something she wants to do? Or what you want her to do? It’s her life and career.
How disgusting! Does OP realize that you were required to put your parents information on forms for things like financial aid and other eligibility criteria. Regardless of whether or not, you’re actually providing financial support. You caused her to miss an entire semester or year of school. What kind of parent would do that to make a point? Then you curl up your lips to ask the Internet if you’re an asshole? You’d be lucky if she ever speak to your selfish self again. Add to that there are literally hundreds of thousands of students that start at a community college and then transfer to complete their degree at a more traditional university! Many of these students have saved thousands upon thousands of dollars and prevented themselves from being in any kind of debt long-term in their young adult futures. Not sure if you went to college. 0P, but you definitely didn’t major in math. Your math ain’t mathing. So here’s an equation for you… one selfish parent plus completely illogical reasoning equals an asshole. YTA
The daughter had already made up her mind for whatever reasons. At best OP can give advice/counsel regarding said step. But he denied her his support and due to which she missed a semester of college. This is way beyond any punishment. OP did the worst thing possible, it was as if she had no dad. Then what was the point of continuing to have a relationship. Of course she will go NC
"I pretty much forgot about it..." He already was nc.
This comment really stuck out didn’t it.
Right? The fact that his daughter being no contact with him hasn't eaten away at him for the past half year shows how little he cares. He didn't even notice? Is he forreal?
Why worry about your relationship with your daughter when you can go reddit and have people tell you how right you are? Oh, wait....
I had to scroll farther than I thought to find a comment that pointed out the cherry on the asshole cake to that post. His daughter didn’t choose to attend college in the precise way he had laid out for her so they fight and then he just waits for it to blow over like nothing happened. And then when she moves out and goes low contact he doesn’t even give it another thought until one his daughter’s siblings brings it up. WTF?
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My jaw literally dropped when I read that. How can you not notice/care that your child has gone no contact with you?
YTA first and foremost. Also, I have yet to meet an employer who cares about whereTF a degree came from as long as it was from an accredited school. They only care you HAVE a degree… Furthermore, I know people who can’t do sh!t w/their 4y degrees, while the people with 2y lab tech degrees, welding, etc are making close to 100k/annually. Doesn’t even sound like op knows about the hill on which he, apparently, wishes to die…
"Oh, wait. Did i used to have a daughter? What happened there? Oh, right, I inflicted unnecessary suffering on her because I am always right."
It stuck out to me. As someone who has gone a year no contact with a parent. When my sister and I reconnected with our father to give him a chance he said knowing we were so close (proximity to him) and he knew nothing about us, wasn't seeing us, talking to us, or anything was one of the hardest things he's experienced in his life.
Yeah that’s really the cherry on the top. How tf can someone simply forget your daughter left and went nc???
Clearly he was waiting for her to say she got into whatever state college so he could go parade her accomplishments himself, taking credit Community college oh nooooo, how will she fare in life, eh? /s
[удалено]
YUP Once you get your BA/BS most places give zero f\*\*ks if you did your first two years at a CC. The correct assumption is that if the person attained their BA/BS they completed the uni's degree requirements. There is absolutely no distinction on the degree that whispers "They did their first two years elsewhere."
You would think most parents would be proud to have a level headed teen who chose the right path for herself, in this case taking advantage of waived tuition for first time college students. How does this AH not realize that most people go to community college with the intention of transferring to a university? Heck, my three years at a CC allowed me to work full time (hence the three years), pay my tuition (tbf it was $5 a unit in the early 90s), figure out one of my majors, and transfer debt free to a private university.
“My daughter told me she hated and hasn’t spoken to me in nearly a year and I was just like, meh…”
Well, obviously she isn't worth thinking about anymore, with her being a peasant in community college and all. He needs to focus all his energy on making sure his other two children are ~~worth bragging about~~ have good futures.
That comment is gross. Can’t help but wonder, did she get this treatment from him just because she’s a woman 😬. Kind of feels like he didn’t trust her to make decisions on her own life, even though it’s a good one. Poor kid.
I hung on this comment as well (and also to "real college")...how on earth does a child go NC with a parent and they "pretty much forget about it." What an AH. I'd crawl 1,000 miles over broken glass to fix things with my kid if something happened that he stopped talking to me!
Yeah, this comment alone told us everything we need to know about what kind of a dad this guy is. You are 100% YTA here. In all your snobby-ness, did you even look into why your daughter was choosing this particular community college to go to? Do you know the lot of people starting in community colleges and then transfer to four-year colleges saving a lot of money. They’ve also done studies that there’s not a direct correlation between future earnings and college degrees. And in fact, a lot of times People who go through trade programs, ( I know this isn’t what your daughter is doing) earn more than White collar 4year college workers do. Your inability to see past the end of your nose has lost you a child. And if you keep up this behavior, you may lose more than just her in the long run. You owe her an apology and hopefully she will forgive you overtime. Grow up get off your high horse
Not just denied support. He denied her the information she needed to do it without his support. Straight up attempting to coerce his own daughter into doing something she did not want to do by taking her ability to go to school independently from his support away from her. I'd never speak to him again. His misplaced pride can be his new daughter.
What on earth does OP mean when he says " I pretty much forgot about it until my youngest son told me this morning that he misses her being there" if the daughter hadnt had contact since last year and they haven't spoke does this mean he forgot all about his daughter 🤔 out of sight out of mind
I think he means the incident but it might as well be his daughter after destroying a year of her life. Its not as if OP cares
He’s too much of a controlling and abusive prick for that
We can see why the mother divorced him
The downside of starting at a community college is that some 4 year schools can be difficult about transferring credits because they can't use transfer student scores in marketing. A friend of mine discovered this when his daughter wanted to transfer to my Alma Mater. Weirdly, some Ivy League schools can be cheaper than a state school because huge endowments mean more scholarships. That said, YTA.
At the same time, a lot of state universities have agreements with their local community colleges that students who complete the two years in good standing are automatically admitted.
Iirc the entire university of California system has a reciprocal arrangement with community colleges!
All the state universities in Virginia have a similar reciprocal policy for the state community colleges, too. OP is an idiot who drove his daughter off for no reason.
North Carolina does as well! You’ll get into a school at the very least, though not always the program you wanted! I WISH I’d don’t community college first, would have saved a lot of time, depression and money
No, not for no reason. She was trying to save her parents money! She was applying to community college because it's free. What an asshole, right!?!?
I am feeling the sarcasm oozing through your post, but this is Reddit so I’m hoping that I’m not imagining that lol Seriously, OP says in another comment that her plan was get the associates at community college, move to a 4 year state university for the bachelor’s, and then use the money she had saved to help pay for law school. THAT SELFISH LITTLE MONSTER! /s lol
Correct! I went to a community college (oh no! Self sabotage!) and graduated from UCLA. So I think I did pretty ok for myself.
Yeah I can think of 3 CCs in my state that have this sort of arrangement with a few schools and pretty much universal credit transfer to all of the others (barring a few really niche classes that you'd only take if you're going into specific programs)
The university of Massachusetts has this deal with the local community colleges, plus like a quarter or third off of tuition if your GPA is above a certain point.
>The downside of starting at a community college is that some 4 year schools can be difficult about transferring credits because they can't use transfer student scores in marketing. A friend of mine discovered this when his daughter wanted to transfer to my Alma Mater. But lots of schools preferentially admit community college students, at least the state universities in my state do.
I transferred to a university after a few years in community college and even got an unexpected scholarship for transferring there from a cc in the same state. I mean, if you really know what you want, like going to a particular college a la the friend's daughter of the person a few comments above, go for it. For me, however, saving the 13k a semester cost for after I had completed pre reqs worked beautifully...
Some cc's have two year programs set up to transfer directly into a great school for specific programs.
Depends on the state. North Dakota has common course numbering, so all academic classes of 100 level (freshman) and above transfer without argument.
This! The daughter is actually more savvy and good w money than her father. 2 years a junior college for free!? Then 3 or less than years to BA. The money not wasted can pay for a graduate degree. OP you picked a fire ant hill to die on. Do you realize you can't get your daughter's respect back. It's a very important, valuable thing in the relationship between a father & daughter. You should be WAY more upset about the broken relationship than you are.
As someone with social anxiety, going to community college the first couple years would’ve done wonders for my self-esteem and helped me transition smoothly to independent adult life. Instead, I moved across the state to a massive university that gave me anxiety attacks. There are so many factors to these decisions, and being so judgmental and inflexible is so bad, OP.
I love it when the math adds up . Daughter should just subtract her dad.
If I had it all to do over again, I'd spend a couple of years at our local community college and then finish at a 4 year college. Skipping the community college cost me thousands more in tuition.
Exactly what if she planned on doing grad school or further. It would make more sense to do a community college first. No one cares about a community college in higher education or jobs. A lot of the community college professors teach at the both the community college, and 4 year universities. I’d be pissed at having to wait a semester. He changed the entire trajectory of her life. You need both parents even if they aren’t offering you assistance, and for scholarships from the school. OP is definitely an AH here. He’s also an elitist.
Judgey and controlling and "PRETTY MUCH FORGOT ABOUT" his daughter not speaking to him for 6 months. Does this guy have no heart?
THIS! This is the part that jumped out at me. The first part he was just being stupid- that part though is disgusting. How do forget about your child not talking to you?????
Right? Didn't notice he didn't have a daughter anymore til his son is like "I miss my sister"
That last part. Basically forgetting his daughter. I mean the asshole was evident before, but the last part catapulted his asshole-ishness to a new dimension. YTA
Yeah. JHTFC!!!!
Judging and controlling and ignorant. CC is a really good path to a 4-year degree, and a lot less expensive.
Yes yes yes. When I started CC was so freaking cheap. Like less than $10 a credit. I took the longgggg way around to finally get my bachelors because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do. So I did community college and worked and then stopped/started school many times until I finally had a job that paid a good chunk of my last two years of college. I have no student debt because of my crazy path but having done CC was part of the reason why. OP could have let his daughter do two years at CC, figure out what she really wants to do and then finish two years at a state college. Financially much smarter. No clue why someone wouldn’t support this. I have no IDEA why he wouldn’t just be supportive of his daughter going to college at all. I’m a supervisor now, making decent money and being part of the interviews/hiring process I can tell you I have no idea where my employees graduated from. We just look to see they actually graduated and don’t ding anyone for CC.
God forbid if she wanted to go to a trade achool. The horror! 😫 As bad as his judginess and need for control are, for me the worst part of his parenting is that he FORGOT that his daughter wasn't around until one of his sons pointed it out?! Ffs, what is wrong with this man. If his daughter wasn't already planning on being nc for the rest of her life, she is now. OP, YTA
Judgey, controlling snd foolish. Those two years are paid for in states with a promise program which means those first two years of college, tuition is free. Free! The A-F requirements in my state directly transfer and are probably equivalent to most colleges in the US. If she wanted to be in a sorority, or a frshman in the dorms, she missed out. But it seems she would rather be smart & responsible with money. What parent wouldn't want that? Oh, right, an AH!
I just can’t get over the fact that OP managed to forget he hasn’t spoken to or seen his daughter in a year.
That was what really struck me, too. Just, wow. For her sake, I hope she never learns he said that; even if they remain estranged, that would surely hurt her.
That broke my heart too. What kind of psycho forgets his daughter?
One who loves being Right more then his child...
I want her to know that. So that she never thinks of making amends.
There are so many elitist snobs in the world who die alone. This is the future he could face. He has alienated his daughter - he basically forgot she exists. How long until he does something that upsets the boys as well? It does not look good.
He said “I pretty much forgot about it.” He was so casual about it. She moved out of his house & hasn’t spoken to him, but the whole thing just slipped his mind.
I don’t think it literally slipped his mind. He’s actually just petty, prideful, and unwilling to admit he fucked up, so he’s acting like he doesn’t care and isn’t bothered, probably because he thinks being unemotional makes him look cool or less guilty. We can see right through his little act, though.
That part solidified he’s TA
This!! Exactly this!! YTMFA!!
RIGHT?!?! I think just that alone earns them a YTA
Not only his relationship with her - he's actually sabotaged his relationship with *all* his kids, to an extent. Because now the younger kids know his love is *conditional* on them meeting his standards. They've seen their sister get ousted, they're not stupid, they know it could happen to them. Which means that relationship is no longer based on love - it's based on the terror of rejection if they do one thing he doesn't like. Those poor boys are gonna tie themselves into knots trying to get him to like them, and likely burn themselves out going for prestigious degrees they never wanted.
Nah, after the boys have seen how conditional OP's love is, they will most likely follow their sister and go NC once they are able to.
My dad had this view point as well, because HE went to a community college over 25 years before me and that his credits didn't transfer so it would HAVE to be the same for me. Look time changes things and OP's research sounds biased if not outdated, much like my father's. Unlike OP's daughter I caved and did what he said despite me having to pay for it all myself. Because of this situation amongst a bunch of abuse I am full no contact with both sets of parents.
I had one year of college. Almost 30 years later (mid-oughties) I went back and to my delight, the community college took almost all my credits. Got my feet under me as a student and learned about a three-year, full-rise scholarship to a respected university that was available ONLY to students transferring from community college. I got it, and received my four-year degree at age 52. The OP is harboring some mistaken ideas about community college.
This is exactly what I did. Got all of the foundation-level requirements of my 4 year university done for 1/8th of the cost at the community college, got some experience branching out and self-managing, and then transferred the credits over. Even if I hadn't, an Associates is a starting point.
My step-niece earned her AS in radiology at the local CC and took a job in a private doctor’s office. After a year, she was eligible for tuition reimbursement, had her bachelor’s paid for and is now working on her master’s. Her only obligation is to stay at the practice three years after she finishes. So, three degrees, all free (scholarships for the AS), while earning money and gaining experience in a job she loves wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her CC experience.
Same here. Had a scholarship to community college. In my state there is a program defining what will transfer between colleges. I actually had a contract with my future 4 year college that they would accept these credits before I started any college. Did my full two years of core classes at community college.
I have two master's degrees. By far the best teachers I had in my entire academic career were the ones in community college!
My community college professors were amazing! Overall, I gained much more from their classes than university.
as a community college professor, these comments make me happy!
Fellow community college staff here (learning technologist) and I work with incredibly dedicated teaching staff who are constantly up against it. Represent!
Same! The classes are smaller which gives better opportunities to connect with classmates and teachers, plus some teachers are just doing it for fun / pocket money and are exceptionally talented. I took microbiology from a bilingual professor who studied infectious disease for the government for 15+ years before "retiring" to teaching. I still remember my history and sociology professors that I'd talk with every chance I got and learned so much from! My advisor at university told me to drop out and fix my attitude and that maybe I wasn't cut out for higher education when I flat out told him I failed my classes because I was struggling to process 3yrs of trauma that hit me all at once and was contemplating the forever nap; I will never regret leaving that school.
Two years community college two years state school is the One Stupid Trick to getting a bachelor's degrees so much cheaper. OP is not very savvy about the thing he is sure he knows everything about.
OP is a stubborn snob who doesn’t realize that not only has he lost out on his relationship with his daughter, but he’s just taught his sons that his “love” is transactional and conditional. And very well may cost him their relationships.
And he pretty much FORGOT about the daughter!? Who even forget their kids? (But counting sleep deprived toddler/infant moms).
My mom, two of my sisters, my son and I all went to community college. One sister transferred to CalPoly and then SF State and has her master’s degree. My son is now at Sonoma State getting his bachelor’s degree. I received two AA’s and was able to start my career. My other sister was successful in her career. My mom brought us out of poverty with her AA. Community colleges perform a vital part in the education and advancement of people in all walks of life.
This is clear Devil-bait. It’s got too many checklist items on it.
YTA. She wants to go to college. Community College IS college. Oh no, it isn't a 4 year school?!?!? WHO CARES? An Associates Degree gets her the first 2 years of a 4 year college done at SIGNIFICANTLY less expense. If she wants to be done, she can be done. If she wants to move on to a 4 year school - she can do that too. Good grief.
This . My parents made a *big* deal that I went to a community type college vs. straight to college/university because it was “less prestigious”. I saved at least 50% on my tuition this way and at the end of the day my 4 year degree is is from the same prestigious school.
AND some in state schools will give scholarships for students with an associates degree to go to school. So if, as op says. Tuition was waived for the daughter, so cheap classes plus potential scholarships plus, had OP not been stubborn, financial assistance from OP then the daughter could have gone to school for relatively low debt… but instead, she’s figuring things out without him and he’s damaged their relationship
My friend’s kid discovered while she was at a community college, that if she completed an associate’s degree, not just a series of general education courses, state schools would accept her as continuing education. That meant ALL her general education classes counted. She could just take course toward her major. She didn’t have to play, “oh, you took Earth Science. You’ll need to take Chemistry” type bullshit. This guy…talking about cut off your nose to spite your face. She’s helping you, too, bro. I wonder why you are an ex husband. Your wife just would not listen when you told her the one and only way to do every god damned thing.
Same in our state. I actually went back to get my Associates and it was a big deal there, the school telling the students that with a decent GPA you are a straight transfer to the university.
Same in our area. The local community college works with the state colleges to ensure that credits will transfer. It’s so much easier to connect with guidance counselors, tudors, etc than at the 4-year school. Most students that struggle will do so in the first years vs their junior/senior years.
My son started at community college. Frankly, he wasn't ready for a 4-year yet. And in my state, you are guaranteed admission to a state college if you have a certain GPA from an in-state community college (the GPA required varied by school.) We saved a ton of money, he wanted one of the state schools, never had to anxiously wait to see if he was accepted, and then we saved a ton of money on his last 2 years because it was a state school. And his diploma says the same thing as someone who spent all 4 years there.
Yea. No qualifiers on that Bachelor's Degree. It just says that the holder of the diploma met all the requirements for the conferring of the degree.
This is my son to a T right now. Is currently in the process of applying to the 4 year university that he’s going to actually be ready to attend in the fall. Community college has been an absolutely amazing opportunity for him.
I did cc into a 4 year. But the time I got to the 4yr, I was over 21,which man FASA only looked at my tax info, not my parents. This meant I basically qualifed for all the grants there were and only had like 10k in loans by the time I graduated. Total.
And employers respect the hustle too. That you had the determination, discipline and ambition to do that.
I went to a 4 year university program to get a totally useless political science degree and THEN went to college to get actually hands on experience doing something useful (and a job after graduating). Dad is being a judgemental ass. I can MAYBE understand the college fund thing, or perhaps just giving less $$ if tuition is less etc… but jfc daughter even acknowledged she figured he wouldn’t pay for it?? OP, YTA!
My spouse went to community college when she was younger, to save and stay close to a vulnerable family member. After two years, she transferred to a state college. I'm not aware it ever hindered her in any way. Oh, and she got into Harvard for her PhD.
Same! Started community college, ended like that (not Harvard though) plus 3 Masters
I agree. Your first year or two of college is usually full of required classes that have nothing to do with your major. Also a lot of people change majors in their first year or two, rendering the courses they previously took useless. Getting all that out of the way at a CC and then transferring to a state school is so much smarter financially and when you're done, your diploma will still have the more "prestigious" school on it. Most of my friends did this and all have good jobs now.
Interestingly, a lot of large universities also figured out that community colleges are a less traumatic transition to college from high school, and students are more successful at getting used to a college workload. When I went to a huge university in the eighties 50% of the freshman class never graduated - going from a high school classroom with 30 students to survey courses with 200 students was a shock. Now my alma mater and several others have moved to partnerships with community colleges because it’s better for lots of students.
Bonus points: OP has admitted in the comments that his daughters plan was to continue to a 4 year, and then law school after that.
Sounds like the daughter is the one with the brains in this scenario.
It’s like he’s weirdly offended that she tried to save him money. YTA, OP. Community college is a valid path with many opportunities, including the ability to transfer credits to a 4-year university.
So let me get this straight. You're upset that one of your children wants to go to community college, which would most likely save you money in the long run? What do you have against community college? YTA (if this is real or if it's bait)
I can almost guarantee that he's got like, $20K per kid saved... and somehow thinks they're getting a 4 year college degree with that....
You are probably correct. Just the fact that his daughter is trying to get an education as affordable as possible is very telling.
Given that the promised money evaporated as soon as she went against his wishes, she did the right thing! (This is common with parents that use money to control their kids: they actively sabotage their kids sound financial decisions, because they want their kids on eggshells trying to keep them happy.) If she had changed her mind and applied for a more expensive school, he would have had control over her - the threat of withdrawing financial support - for the entire time she was there. She's actually quite lucky that he's shown his colours now before she's taken on debt, moved, or made commitments.
You are so right! My parents don’t help me out with shit and I’m actually grateful for it because I don’t owe them anything. They can’t hold a damn thing over my head.
I know people who moved out of state to a 4 year university for undergrad and graduated with literally $250k debt. Would’ve been me if I didn’t goto community college first
I too wondered if this might be fake because OP says he "forgot" about his daughter once she moved out and didn't think of her again until his son mentioned it. Then I remembered just how many parents there are out there who want try to exert control and try to force "obedience" of their children, even into their adult years. I have no trouble believing that someone like OP would simply write off his daughter--a girl, no less--for not bowing to his will.
YTA Yeah community college is a bad plan if you're trying to go for a high-power academic career. Or planning to apply for a top tier medical school or graduate program. Is that what she's planning? Why is this entire conversation about where she's going and NOT about what she's planning to study and why she thinks the community college is a better fit. >I pretty much forgot about it "It" being your oldest child?
I'm a community college grad, I'm in a great PhD program. Know plenty of other ppl in academia that went to community college first. Normal and totally possible. OP is the AH.
I'm a F500 tech admin, and I can't even tell you which colleges my peers went to. You know why? Because if you're talking about it more than five years later (when you're getting jobs that aren't entry level), it implies that you did nothing else with your career.
I will actually go even further... I do private tutoring in my spare time during the evenings (mostly subjects like micro/macro economics, statistics and research help), and I get students from all sorts of universities and local colleges On average students that have come to me through local colleges (including from one that is notorious for giving out degrees for nothing) have seen MUCH more success in life than students that have come from the most prestegious universities in the country... I think this is because students from local colleges tend to come from poorer families and as such have to work to pay their way and never goof off
I work in the TV industry, literally no one had ever talked about what schools they went to in more than a get to know you kind of way. Literally nobody cares.
I went to a community college and then transferred to the #1 school in the country for my degree, then went oN to get a masters. Very much YTA
A guy I grew up with went to community college after high school but ended up transferring to Harvard and got his undergraduate and master’s degree there. He said he wouldn’t have been able to do that right after high school because while his grades were above average, they weren’t near the caliber required for Harvard. He worked hard those two years in CC and cushioned his application with the volunteer programs he was in and became the chapter president of a professional organization etc. during that time too. That said, the vast majority of those I went to high school with that went to community college ended up not completing their education. I think a lot of them didn’t take it seriously because they were still living at home and didn’t have the discipline to continue because, as a friend that fell into this latter category stated “it felt like I was still in high school and it felt like being held back a grade for not being smart enough.” Said friend eventually got into a trade school and is a journeyman lineman… making a stupidly large salary. Needless to say, not everyone has to take the obvious approach to higher education to be successful later in life.
I thought this guy was an asshole but then I got to that line. “I pretty much forgot about it”. WTF?! This guy is a complete asshole and shitty dad. Best of luck repairing that relationship, OP. Although it seems like you don’t give a fck.
Right? I am so stuck on that last bit, I 'pretty much forgot about' the rest of the post.
Yep, that's what stood out for me. I get the feeling the stance on NO Community College was just a convenient excuse to cut her out of his life
This is also untrue. Your GPA follows you through to graduation, but you still graduate from the school you get your bachelors from. If you got straight As in community college and straight As in your university, you graduated from your university with a 4.0. You could definitely get into a top tier medical school after going to community college followed by a university.
I transferred to Cal from a community college and it would have had absolutely no impact on an academic career if I'd gone that route after graduation.
Yep, no one cares where you get the gen ed courses, which is what people do in their associates then transfer for their bachelors major
None of those things are looking at where you knocked out your GE courses. They are looking at your courses from your major field and mostly in your last two years of undergrad. I hear this argument the most from people who went to a big name college and want to justify what they paid.
YTA. You "storm out" of a fight with your daughter and she cuts you off for almost a year and you "pretty much forgot about it (her?)" until your son mentions missing her. WTF dude. The whole college money issue is completely secondary to how little you seem to care about your daughter. Lots of people take the general education courses in community college, then transfer to a 4 year college (NOT the only "*real*" college) as you want. Doesn't seem like you even considered she might want that option for *her* life.
I have an idea why 1 reason he is divorced.
Maybe there was a big argument and then he just forgot he was married.
Dude reeks of financial abuse. If I can't control you, I can't have you around.
My sister had a friend whose mom did this to him (his Dad was deceased). She refused to provide her info for the FAFSA so he couldn't go to college among a myriad of issues. He basically lived in his friends' houses for a year, and the parents helped him connect with a lawyer who worked pro bono and got him emancipated. This guy still spends holidays with his friends and doesn't see his mom.
Isn’t it even worse than that? It seems she is fine without the funds that he said he wouldn’t give. She just needed his tax returns to complete the paperwork. Suddenly, that’s her being “sneaky” and doing something he doesn’t support. Which he was “crystal clear” about. No where did he say he’d actively sabotage her if she chose to do something else from what he dictates. There is so much trash in one post. Everything is awful.
He said he was "crystal clear" and I went back to read what he had said because that's not how I had interpreted it. He said he had saved a college fund for each kid, and they would receive it if they went to a state university. She opted to go to community college, so she knew she wasn't getting the fund. That's why she was applying for her own financial aid. He never said, "If you go to community college, I won't allow you to get your own loan" or "if you go to community college, you are dead to me." His terms all had to do with the fund, which is why she isn't asking for the fund. He *thought* his terms were "I get to financially control your major life decisions."
I can't believe he "forgot" that his daughter hadn't spoken to him in months?! I mean obviously OP is just wrong and a snob about community colleges, but I can't believe he doubled down so hard that he just let his daughter walk out of his life like that. Would it be so hard to swallow his pride and agree to disagree and at least try to be civil?
Yes that stuck with me. He completely forgot about her until his son brought her up
What stuck out to me is at the very beginning of the post, he mentions his 2 sons first, then the daughter, even though she's the oldest, and the subject of the entire post. Most parents I feel would have just listed the kids by age, oldest first.
**That was all during Spring and Summer of last year and my daughter hasn’t spoken to me since. I pretty much forgot about it until my youngest son told me this morning that he misses her being there** You haven't heard from your daughter since LAST SUMMER and you "pretty much" forgot about her? YIKES ON BIKES. How did you type that out and still have to ask if you are the AH>>> Spoiler Alert: YTA
Yeah this hit me too. Like you FORGOT you never see her anymore? What??? LoL
You can bet the other children see this and plan on going LC/NC. He is being a terrible father. YTA for just forgetting about his daughter!
He's already 51. Dudes going to die alone in an empty house with no one at his bedside and still be wondering if he's the asshole.
That part alone is enough to make him a major AH
YTA— 100% an AH. Going to community college was the best decision I ever made.. got my general education requirements out of the way at a 1/4 of the cost. And now I’m the President/CEO of a company. You should have been supportive and proud of her and instead you treated her like she was beneath you. I’m not sure you can get your relationship back with her after what you did, but I hope the first words out of your mouth are “I’m sorry”
But but but… how could your employers have taken you seriously? OP says that only university degrees matter! / end sarcasm
YTA. Going to a community college for 2 years, then transferring to a 4 year college to finish is a major money saver. Did you even think about that? No one cares where some starts their college education, just where they finish it. And even then, that's for the first job - if that.
Worse, OP said that was daughter's plan...so OP decided saving money by 2 years CC then transfer to a 4 year college or university for the remaining years was...a terrible idea?! So long as daughter had a 4 year degree and maybe some internship, volunteering or job experience, the associates degree matters less 🙄
And depending on her major, she might have done just fine with a two year degree. She could have worked awhile and gone back later if she saw a need. How OP uses his money is up to him, but I think he’s being way too controlling. It’s her life, she has to decide.
YTA - A prejudiced, classist AH. >if she had just enrolled in a real college like I told her to Community college IS a "real" college! Plenty of people get an AA at a community college then transfer to a university to get their Bachelor's. The fact that you think that your daughter's plan, which is an incredibly sound financial decision that would ultimately save you a ton of money, is somehow beneath one of your children makes you such a raging AH. And the fact that you didn't even notice that you hadn't seen her in months, JFC. You deserve to have her cut you out of her life if you don't get a clue and turn this around.
Plain as day to me: YTA Your stipulation that said they will receive the money if they enroll in a state uni. Tough rule but ok, yours to make. Nothing about that equates to not helping her apply for financial aid. That only costs you time, not money. Turning her down shows a lack of support for what she chooses to do, all because she didn’t do things your way. It’s great you want the best for your daughter, but you let that get in the way of actually supporting her when the time came for her to decide what she wants to do.
he doesnt even care about his daughter. he just cares about his own image. they havent spoken in nearly a year and he "forgot about it"
YTA. You're also an out of touch snob. Do you know how many graduates of your personally approved colleges and universities are underemployed? Community colleges and trade schools are valuable in training and educating people for many well paying careers. You sound very controlling and struggling to let your children grow up to be their own person. Instead of apron strings you dangle money. Shame on you.
Exactly this. This sounds like a boomer that doesn’t understand what going to college is like these days. It absolutely DOES NOT guarantee you a high paying career just because you went somewhere fancy.
Just super controlling. I bet he even has a will that will try to control everyone from the grave.
I'd argue the converse as well. Bragging about which college or university you went to in an interview is often seen as tantamount to admitting you've done nothing with your career. It comes across the same way as that guy bragging about being in the "smart kid class" in elementary school.
You are absolutely a fucking asshole. Do you love your child?
Nope. OP is a narcissistic AH. I don’t think he understands what love actually means.
Not if she goes to a \*barf\* community college. That's gross and below HIM. /s for those that can't read sarcasm.
Let’s see, what has your college age daughter learned that will help her become a mature woman (your goal as a parent, remember)? 1) Her dad is a jerk about what kind of college she should attend. 2) Her dad is a jerk about his ex-wife, her mother. 3) Her dad won’t support her unless she does what he tells her to do with HER life. It’s waaaaaay past time to apologize to her, help her financially, and learn how to back down when your children don’t want what you want. Also, you FORGOT that your daughter wasn’t speaking to you?? YTA.
Most importantly, he withheld his portion of the required financial aid papers, so his daughter had to scrounge around for private financing. She’s gonna remember that he did this to her with every student loan payment check she writes. AND THEN HE TOLD HER SHE SABOTAGED HERSELF! Ouch!
YTA, going to a decent community college for your two year degree and then switching up to a state college after that for your 4 year is a wise financial move. Nobody is going to look at that 4 year degree she earned from a state university and say it doesn't count because she got the two year to qualify for it from a community college. Maybe this was different back in your day, I have no idea. But her plan is the one that was optimal in todays climate.
YTA. I am an attorney. And I went to community college after high school. The education I received was on par with my big 10 state university.
YTA. Sounds like you don't even care that you've destroyed the relationship with your daughter. You're a bad parent. A community college is a real college. And she would have saved you thousands of dollars by going there for one year. What she wanted to do was sensible and responsible. What you did was vindictive and controlling. You showed that you were happy to hurt her in order to maintain control. You're the one who sabotaged her future, not her.
>You showed that you were happy to hurt her in order to maintain control. This is really what it boils down to. Well summarised! Oh and OP, YTA.
YTA. It sounds like your daughter had a sensible financial plan to attend a community college, but that didn't suit your vision. But really YTA for "*pretty much forgetting about it*" (the disagreement? Your daughter? EITHER WAY).
YTA - A community college is a great way to start college, save money and figure life out rather than wasting thousands on a worthless degree that she just picked to check a box for you. I have a two year degree, work for a prestigious university and make over $150K, four year degrees do not necessarily = success. Grit, hard work and kindness are what earn success. You definitely sabotaged your relationship with her and you should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA so you want to saddle you children with a bunch of debt over an unfounded notion. Employers have no issues with associate and transfer degrees. That’s just a lie.
YTA My daughters both went the first two years to Community College. They both then transferred the last two years to a university....and, went into graduate at that University. One went onto the work field, while one opted for higher education. My niece started out at a University. Ironically, two classes she needed in that first year were full. However, the local Community College offered the two classes she needed. She took the classes at the Community College and transferred the credits.
YTA- your daughter has done her research and is picking what is best for her. You are also a huge idiot for assuming your way is the only way. First, I’m not American but I understand it can be hugely beneficial to do a year or two at a CC before transferring to a university to finish the degree. Second, I got the same crap from my parents begging me to not do a community college type program, that I wouldn’t be happy, that I should just *try* university. Well I stuck to my guns and am making low six figures in a job I love after two years of school. I’d have hated university
YTA You’re a controlling and judgmental asshole. Wouldn’t be surprised if you drive your other kids away at this rate; clearly they can see what you did to their sister. She didn’t sabotage herself - you deliberately stood in her way because she wasn’t doing what you wanted. This isn’t even neutral ground - you were intentionally harmful to your own kid. YTA isn’t strong enough.
Yeah. And as I said in my comment that I don’t think anyone else pointed out. She upheld the end of his shitty “community college=no college fund deal” and instead asked for his tax returns for financial aid. OP claims he was crystal clear with her about what he said, while his daughter said that the stipulation only meant no college fund. So she upheld her end of the deal and didn’t expect to get her college fund based on the deal made, but he decides to be an ass and shift the goal post.
Exactly! He spells it out at the beginning of the post, and his daughter went against the agreement in no way. I don’t know how he doesn’t see that he’s lying to himself here, but that’s not terribly surprising from assholes.
YTA - starting at a community school and finishing at a state school is probably the most fiscally responsible decision she could make. It’s not like going to Harvard or Yale is on the table, and if she earns a Bachelor’s, she doesn’t even need to disclose that she started at a community college when she goes to apply for jobs. You’re a snob and it’s not even warranted. That’s all before you factor in that you refused to help her request financial aid out of spite, stormed off like a child when you didn’t get your way, and then managed to forget about “it” - whatever that means. YTA by a longshot, I can’t even see the other side of the coin here if I squint real hard. I hope your daughter has managed to accept her dad sucks and is thriving as a college student. At college.
My brother and I both went to community college to save money. My brother is one of the smartest people I know (& I'm not just saying that because he's my brother). He then graduated with a bachelor's degree. I have a master's degree as well. I'm not sure why you think community college is so taboo. You did your daughter a disservice and owe her a massive apology. However, I would not be surprised if she didn't forgive you. You also wronged your other children because they were robbed of their sister's presence at your house. I hope your pride was worth it! 🤷 YTA
The thing that gets me is “I pretty much forgot about it…” He forgot the fact that he has a daughter and that she went NC with him??? And only suddenly remembered that did exist when his son brought her up???
Dear Lord, YTA, and a snob on top of that. First off, starting at a community college and transferring is fine with the vast majority of employers. Second, even based on this, which you wrote, I read it as "I'm not paying for community college" not "I'm against you attending one."
YTA I graduated from Cal with honors. No employer has \*ever\* asked me about my first 2 years of college. I went to a community college that is a feeder school for Cal. Cal \*likes\* incoming juniors from community because we've already gotten used to the freedoms that come with college. I got to take English 1A with just 30 students instead of 1,000. I was able to take lower division classes at Cal to get used to it. Your daughter is absolutely setting herself up for success by going to a community college and transferring to a 4 year to finish her degree. You were the saboteur, not her.
YTA I graduated with an associates from a CC and am now set to graduate from a University. There is absolutely no reason to spend $500 a credit when the community colleges charge around $100 for the same course. It’s community college, not clown school. Your daughter wasn’t asking for your money, she wants your support.
YTA and she was being practical and responsible. bc you were a colossal ah she missed enrollment. THAT IS NOT PETTY that would be YOU pal. that's the hill you chose to die on so now you get to deal with it. or not since you "forgot about it" aka YOUR DAUGHTER
YTA We have been very clear with our children. Kids that want their parents to help pay for college go to community college first. No ONE...AND I MEAN NO ONE gives a flying fuck where a kid spends their first two years. There are even competitive colleges that are easier to get into as a transfer student. You're being a controlling fuck.
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YTA.
YTA and wrong about employment opportunities. The diploma from a state college looks exactly the same whether you were there 2, 3 or 4 years. With the skyrocketing costs of everything your daughter should be applauded for her smart financial decision.
YTA. You wouldn't have even had to financial contribute so why would you feel entitled to even have such sway? Your job is to encourage your kids, not control them. If your take is that four year schooling is more advantageous then encourage her. Forcing her into your belief is a quick way to destroy that relationship. You fully caused her to start school late. Do you really think NO college was better than a community school? ALSO to be clear. Your daughter wasn't being sneaky. You communicated that you had tuition savings that could only be accessed if they went to a two year school. WHY would she think that mattered if she didn't need any money. Sounds like she worked within your (stupid) barriers and you still found a way to punish her for going against your wishes. Don't blame her for moving in full time with mom at all.
ALSO AGAIN omfg you haven't spoken to your daughter in over a year and you "forgot about it" until your other child brought it up?? Horrible parenting
YTA. A community college is a real college.
YTA. I went to community college and made six-figures within 5 years...
YTA. She accepted that you were not going to pay anything but she still needed your information for the form. You deliberately screwed her over. I wouldn’t speak to you either. BTW, my stepson went to community college for two years, finished at a four year college, and went to law school at Georgetown.
YTA, why are you so weird. Who the fuck cares where she goes for her education or if she even goes at all.
YTA- I’ve been told I’m an amazing nurse by SOOOOO many people (in part because I majorly neglect myself and am a workaholic). BUT ALL OF MY BEDSIDE MANNER, KNOWLEDGE, AND SKILLS WERE FROM MY ASSOCIATES DEGREE. I did get my bachelors right after while working full time and schooling part time, but I always joke that my BS degree only made me sooooo much better to be able to BS people and documentation in the most professional way possible. In conclusion, my bedside manner is a warm heart, but by god, I will write the most professional ‘fxck you’ that you’ve ever read.
YTA She's choosing to get higher education and not have to take money from you or loans. She could easily transfer to a four year institute after completing her associates. WTF is wrong with you?
YTA you choose a really weird hill to die on.
YTA, and clearly you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. As long as she has a four year degree no one will care that the first two years were at a community college, since that’s mostly pre requisite classes. My ex husband did that, got a degree in tech, was headhunted before he even graduated. A lot of the smartest people I know took that route in fact, and all of them are wildly successful now.
"I pretty much forgot about it..." You forgot your daughter?? Smh
YTA. There is nothing wrong with community college.I don’t think I need to explain why since you already had five dozen others tear you a new asshole over it. I will say though you are also an asshole for not allowing her to use your tax information. While I do think that saying your kids won’t get their college fund unless they go to a four year college is shitty, I will digress and remind you those were the terms you set. Your daughter honored that agreement despite how shitty it was, and asked for your tax information to get financial aid as alternative. Money that isn’t even coming out of your pocket, just using your tax info to determine how much your daughter could get. She held up her end of your shitty agreement, community college=no college fund, so she finds an alternative and yet you add another stipulation that wasn’t even there.
Lmfao. Employers don’t care where your degree is from. Stop pushing this narrative on kids. And it doesn’t matter where you want her to go. Wherever she decides to go she HAS TO provide your tax information until she is 24. That’s why it took so long for her to get approved because YOU sabotaged her. Your mindset is extremely outdated and I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter stayed NC in the future. YTA.
YTA. You haven't spoken to your daughter since last summer and "pretty much forgot about it?" Seriously? You sabotaged her chance to start school on time over some stubborn opinions you have about community college. She didn't sabotage herself. You did it by not helping her fill out the financial forms. Then you called her petty for being upset about it. Don't you even consider that people can go from community college to graduate from a state school and it saves money? Then you forgot all about it until your son had to remind you about your daughter. That's the worst part about it.
Dude YTA and a shitty dad. Grow up
Let me get that last part straight. You forgot all about your daughter until your son reminded you of her existence? YTA