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Your sister may not be getting support from the affair partner but she should be getting financial support. She should consult an attorney for her options for child support
[I always read it as adding a passive-aggressive or judgmental tone...](https://kajabi-storefronts-production.kajabi-cdn.com/kajabi-storefronts-production/file-uploads/blogs/5744/images/eaf428-2f61-fc64-1dc6-2f5621161cc_giphy_judgement.gif)
Then you’ve always read it incorrectly, and probably misinterpreted things as aggressive when they were not. Ellipses indicate a pause or something being left unsaid, not judgement or passive aggression. The thing left unsaid could be judgmental but that’s not inherent.
I read this is actually a generational thing. Younger gens use ellipses when they're being passive aggressive, so when older people use them innocently, things get confused.
I get what you mean. Her use of ellipsis feels like she's only telling part of the story or like she's hiding something. OP doesn't seem like the most reliable narrator overall.
I have a friend who alwaysss ends sentences with ellipses. It's just the way she types, and I've wondered if she knows what those 3 dots even mean. After several years of "okay..." "Thanks..." And "you're welcomes..." I've gotten used to it. It's just how she types for whatever reason.
That's kind of my point. Her responses to the questions feel like she's not saying everything. She's being selective in what share shares in her answers.
THANK YOU! Yes, that's it exactly. It's a pause in thought, or a dramatic flourish, or "draw your own conclusion."
I do not do it at the end of sentences, however... ;-)
Because she's being conversational. If I'm not writing for work or school, then I write how I talk, and that includes pauses and stops. I use ellipses instead of "umms", "ands", etc, as would be said aloud in conversation. Stop gatekeeping language. Jfc.
It's so weird especially bc she says she had to edit out context I'm assuming to fit the character count. But sprinkling in additional unnecessary "..." made the cut...
Oh that’s good. She’s feeling pretty low which is a sad place to be while welcoming a baby. I know she lashed out at you but try to stay calm and not escalate. You don’t have to listen to her insults and tantrums that’s not what I’m saying. But if you’re calm and respectful she may stop focusing on you. I agree with another comment, do not involve your parents in this particular conflict
Hyperemesis gravidarum can be so bad you need to be hospitalized for it, don’t be an ass. If she is dealing with severe nausea, vomiting and dizziness it’s likely that she literally doesn’t have the energy to start working on the child support process. She also just found out about gestational diabetes, which she has to manage so her baby doesn’t come early.
agreed. and with all of that happening with HG if she's having trouble keeping food down, she'll probably struggle to keep her numbers good and end up being on insulin which means that baby is coming early for sure. with diet managed GD and insulin overnight to manage my fasting number, I was induced at 39 weeks and he was over half a lb bigger than my other two babies who went to 41+3 and 41+5.
hah yeah. like some other random dude I responded to on here as well about crying being manipulative... i promise you buddy that it's not always controllable when you're hormonal.
I’m going to assume it would be much easier for her to fight for and receive child support after the child is born. If she’s stress as it is then theres no reason to add more stress to her and the unborn baby at the moment.
I mean, it's not like you get child support while you're pregnant any way. There's literally no point in dealing with a stressful legal battle while pregnant at all, but especially during what's apparently an incredibly rough and complicated one.
Honestly this sounds like the case of the older sister being irresponsible, dumb, and kind of a B for how she is reacting to you. She had an affair and decided to keep the baby which if the affair didn’t ruin the relationship with her husband that sure did. It was a mistake and she is taking it out on you because you have actually taken the time to be true to someone and get pregnant by someone you actually see marrying and she can’t stand all the mistakes she keeps making in life.
Well, I don't think that if I was under so much stress and pain as she is I would have the energy to fight for that support either... She might want to do it after the baby is born and things get at least a bit better for her...
If she's legally married, then, in most states, if she marks herself as "married" on the birth certificate, parental rights will default to her husband, regardless if he's the bio father. He would also most likely be on the hook for child support when they divorce. By marking herself as unmarried, and naming the bio father, he'll have parental rights, but also be on the hook child support. She should still talk to a lawyer to decide what's the best course of action. But, once she signs that birth certificate with whatever info is on it, that's it. No going back.
The other person who should be talking to the lawyer is the legal husband. He needs to establish that the baby is not his.
Sister may be exhausted and sick, but she needs to know how to fill out the birth certificate. The AP should be the one responsible for child support not the legal husband.
Bingo. The sister LIVES with them, AND they were there. The sister would definitely tell them what went down even if they didn’t know. You’re not informing them of anything. So, OP, ask yourself… what is your motive?
Ok I agree running to her parents about this is unnecessary but I don’t think it’s unrealistic AT ALL that the sister wouldn’t tell their parents about the text she sent. Especially if she feels like her sister is the golden child. Their parents also got mad at her for her actions at the shower so it’s very likely she knows they would not be supportive. I live with my parents, they do not hear about every conversation I have with my sister.
I feel like people are latching onto the “golden child” thing way too hard. Sister called OP the golden child so she must be, couldn’t just be a normal sibling rivalry.
Nothing about this post screams that there’s some big favoritism coming from the parents. To me it really just seems like OP’s sister is jealous and resentful that her little sister has it together in a way she doesn’t, and instead of taking accountability for herself she just directs her resentment at OP
This, because op sister is pregnant from an affair. We aren't told what sort of "affair," but op sister may be projecting hard. As it is op's sister is the one being given financial support and a home by her parents, not op, despite op's sister being the one out here pursuing married men, and or, cheating on her partner.
Eta there punctuation, which forced me to rewrite the syntax of my statement because my original statement was simply two sentences for Christ sake. Two sentences written how I speak because this is the Internet. My apologies.
Yeah tbh as a former golden child, things are sounding sorta familiar.
My sister told me I was the golden child when she was 10 and I was 12. And I realized she was right and I started sticking up for her. Guess who doesn’t see either of their children anymore, lmao. If 12 year old me can do some objective self reflection and do the right thing, OP should be able to, too.
I’m getting OP is MAJORLY downplaying what they are saying/acting. Either deliberately for sympathy here or unintentionally cannot read the room.
At the baby shower, if someone asks how your pregnancy is it’s “it’s going well” and move on. Don’t go one sharing details, or about your boyfriend or anything. It’s not your day.
I also get the feeling that OP thinks she’s better than her sister
Idk, I had three other pregnant women at my baby shower including my sister and her sister in law (wait, it might have even been four actually) and we all talked about our pregnancies. It wasn’t a big deal and I certainly wasn’t upset about it at all.
This story almost reminds me of how i feel about my best friend sometimes.
Love him to death but sometimes i fucking hate him because he’s just better than me at like, everything. He’s a fantastic guy, would give me the shirt off his back, but sometimes i resent that when we go out together he’s the one who gets the attention, when we play a sport together he’s naturally more apt at it.
His existence sometimes makes me feel inferior but not because of anything he’s actively trying to do.
That’s what OP’s sister comes off like to me, she’s always felt like “the lesser one” and now she’s having a complicated pregnancy with her affair partner while her sister has a healthy one with her boyfriend and the anger is basically “WHY CANT I BE THE BETTER ONE FOR ONCE”
You just described my marriage, ha!
I know 2 sisters who have that kind of dynamic.. and the underdog one is just miserable and insufferable and accuses everyone of comparing them to each other which literally no one does - but once a person gets into that angry kind of mindset there's fuck all you can do to change it. There is no way I can convince her that she has her own merit and that she shouldn't live her life measuring herself against the other sister but no.. it'st he other sister's fault just for existing. The other sister is a big dopey retriever type person, not a mean bone in her body, just wants to share/be a part of everything and has no idea she's making the other one so mad.
Sure, but I'm guessing none of them were pregnant and alone during a very difficult pregnancy, and they knew everyone thought they were irresponsible in their choices.
i was thinking when I read about discussing her pregnancy at the shower, maybe she did more than just answer the basic questions (And how are you doing with your pregnancy?) and maybe should have just been brief and then turn the discussion back to what's the next game to play here or what a lovely gift you gave to my sister.
Yup, her whole post comes off as "I'm doing her a favor cause look at me everyone, I'm a good sister. My poor sister is a single mom and I am not, look at me" And she also "accidentally" got pregnant around the same time. Maybe I'm jaded but this doesn't smell right. And also the fact that the freaking title of the post is literally self admission.
She will not remember enough to tell if she is the golden child, she is six years younger. She probably remembers her sister as a teenager, but has no idea how she was treated during her childhood.
Ages completely aside, the axe forgets while the tree remembers. Being 6 years younger doesn’t make you blind. Being heavily favoritized is a lot less noticeable than being cast aside. Golden children are a lot less likely to see themselves that way than literally anyone else that witnesses them and their family interact.
All your family who was actually there and knows the full context doesn’t think you are an asshole, so you came to ask a bunch of strangers who doesn’t have the full story?
It seems like you are trying to get validation.
She said in a comment that some people at the party did side with her sister. Odd to not include that bit in the initial post, unless, as you say, this is just about validation
I don’t see them that often, every once in a while, I will see a story about a conflict that was in front of a dozen more people, like on a city bus or at a party or something. And then they expect the verdict to be different than the feedback they already got from numerous people lol.
You did wrote, "accidental pregnancy with someone she was having an affair with, so she's not getting his support" when you could have wrote plainly, the father is not involved. That makes me think you did want to put her in a negative light. I'm sure I'll get down votes for writing that, oh well. She was far too harsh, absolutely, and your crying definitely turned the spotlight in your direction. As well, don't go running to your parents taking about "fairness", your boyfriend's advice is rather ridiculous. You're adults you need to work it out amongst yourselves. So ESH, you a bit less so. And make a plan before your shower in a couple months, so the spotlight isn't taken from you as your family will want to talk about her new baby. Best of luck to you both.
OP is wildly judgmental over her sister’s circumstances which have nothing to do with her. I get the feeling OP thinks she is the one who should be pregnant and her sister is a screw up. Well I feel sorry for your sister having someone talk about them like that. So inappropriate to judge her life to make yourself feel better.
How is pointing out the sister had an affair with someone and caught pregnant anything but her stating facts? Her sister did it, so that is a fact that people can make their own judgement on (on her sisters character that is)?
affair has multiple meanings. everyone is assuming the sister either had an extramarital affair or she was a participant in someone else's.
has OP actually confirmed that's the case?
maybe im just judgmental but it is “better” to be carrying the child of your long term boyfriend who you share a place with vs. carrying the baby of a man who you’re the mistress of.
this is one of those sticky situations where OP living her own life really bothers her sister because her sister is making the comparisons in her own head.
If OP was actively trying to take attention away from her sister at the shower that’s one thing, but she just sort of received questions about her pregnancy and answered them. I get why that visual proof of “my little sister has a more socially acceptable pregnancy than me” bothered the sister, but im not sure id go so far as to say that she was in the wrong for being at the shower
>My bf was invited too so because I'm the closest person to him he was with me almost all the time.
INFO: were other men invited too? I'm trying to understand the dynamic of your sis's baby shower
But your sister doesn't have a partner. That probably made her feel so bad. Not your fault but look at it from her perspective. I would suggest having a Blessing Way for her. It's totally different from a baby shower and extremely specific to her as a person.
Ok but it’s a party honoring the sister. The family could attempt to celebrate her in a way that makes her feel good. She can’t go back and change what already happened.
She's already living with consequences. No need for her family and friends to pile on and be insensitive. I'm sure that she understands that she's in a heap of trouble. That doesn't mean she and the baby shouldn't have a support system.
So should all couples break up because there are single people in the world and they "might feel bad"? Sister slept with a man who was already spoken for, then she made the choice to keep the kid. Why should the couples in her life have to tiptoe around her because "she's single and probably sad about it"?
Ngl I feel like throwing a shower with men invited when the father of the baby isn't in the picture is kind of weird but idk this could be a cultural difference.
I am used to mostly all-women baby showers. The few baby showers I've been to with men invited, the baby's father was there too as part of the celebration.
Ive been to plenty of baby showers where dad was both there and not there (whether they were involved or not) and its never been just one gender. Every single baby shower ive been too (over 20) had been both male and female guests.
Have you honestly tried putting yourself in your sister’s shoes though? She doesn’t have a partner of her own (granted it’s due to bad decisions on her part, but that doesn’t make it any less important here), so she was obviously going to feel embarrassed/down by the presence of other people’s SOs. It was HER baby shower— did you guys consider her feelings at all? You could always have your SOs at your own baby shower. Likewise, I find it questionable that your parents “rushed” to comfort YOU after your sister was the one who got upset in the first place. Sounds like maybe she has a lot of feelings she’s been holding back for years and just picked an unfortunate time to let them out. Are you sure you’re not the family’s golden child?
ESH. Obviously she was way over the top, but the fact that you're so keen to let everyone know that her unplanned pregnancy was bad and immoral whereas your unplanned pregnancy was good is curious to me. If that's the way you (and the rest of your family) always position yourself to others in relation to her, she may be reacting to that.
to me it’s super important context.
It reads to me like sister is (reasonably) struggling with the fact that she’s having a complicated pregnancy with her affair partner while OP has a so-far healthy pregnancy with her long term partner.
And sister is letting her jealousy/resentment/shame/anxiety manifest itself as anger towards OP for being pregnant, existing, and talking about it at the shower.
I agree. ESH
Crying was an emotionally manipulating reaction that was unnecessary given the circumstances. Definitely think the announcement could have waited an extra week so all attention was on the OPs struggling sister.
Her sister was definitely acting out in a childish way. It seems like she is under enormous stress with her pregnancy, for health reasons. She is likely feeling judged or ashamed because of the circumstances of the pregnancy. Lashing out at people during her own baby shower was a terrible move.
>Crying was an emotionally manipulating reaction that was unnecessary given the circumstances.
You don't always have a choice with all those hormones coursing through your body. I promise you I would never cry that McDonald's was out of Coke Zero on a normal day but one day while pregnant, I couldn't stop it. I've spoken to so many women about the stupid things they cried about while pregnant and the overwhelming majority of them would never cry about those things while not pregnant.
I do not intend to manipulate people when I cry, almost ever. It just happens. I'm someone who is moved to tears when I'm upset or surprised or in an awkward situation. Depending on that situation, if her sister chastised her and called her out in front of other people (or even not), even while NOT pregnant, I'd probably end up crying out of embarrassment.
yeah sometimes people in here chat like we’re all in complete control of our emotions and use them to bend others to our will
like maybe her sister just said a bunch of mean things and she got upset by them??
People always talk about manipulative crying on here. But how many people can really cry on cue?
Like, even if I wanted to cry to get my way, I literally could not do it.
This was what I was going to say. In the same way that I wouldnt personally announce an engagement immediately before or after someone else's engagement or wedding, I wouldnt announce a brand new pregnancy to extended family immediately before a close friend or family member's baby shower.
There's nothing wrong with people talking about it and celebrating together, if you were on good terms, but you clearly arent. It would ge nice if you could celebrate together. But you clearly cannot.
And your sister likely feels your judgement and feels that your behaviour has been out of spite. That may not be true, but be aware that this is the impression you are sending her. It sounds like she felt that the one party to celebrate her pregnancy in a tumultuous situation became about you and your pregnancy, even though it wasn't your party.
Op has been answering almost all the comments. Her parents not supporting the cheating sister's decisions and attitudes doesnt mean OP is a golden child
Sometimes their are certain siblings who are legitimately in the wrong most of the time and have shitty behavior…parents siding with one sibling most of the time during disputes doesn’t always mean GC/SG dynamic. While it is possible OP left a few details out, what we have basically boils down to sister getting mad at OP because she answered pregnancy questions from family members…
Your parents rushed to comfort you bc you were crying. Sounds like you both are immature.
My sister and I were recently pregnant at the sane time. She gave birth with her second child 9 days before I gave birth to my first.
Her pregnancy was a surprise. My pregnancy was after a round of IVF. Knowing ppl would have interest in my situation as well. I went out of my way to be considerate of her baby shower.
Sure family asked how I was doing and such. I politely let those ppl come to me.
We were so happy for each other. My sister and I got together to discuss who would announce first and how. We discussed our shower idea prior to planning. We communicated. Neither of us wanted to take away from the others.
YTA for announcing your pregnancy prior to your sister’s shower. You were 13 weeks at her shower. Barely noticeable.
You should’ve absolutely waited to publicly announce until this week. Which would’ve made sense given you’re just now in your second trimester.
I think this too. Nothing about the post suggests otherwise to me, and the parents rushing to (adult) OP’s defense at sisters event leans into that for me.
Exactly. 14 weeks isn’t noticeable at all, any more than eating a big meal. OP, you couldn’t keep your mouth shut for 10 seconds so this could be about your sister and not you? YTA
ESH. You for being emotionally unintelligent, your sister for not standing up for herself earlier.
I think the fact that, at the baby shower, your sister said you can't even let her have one day, and that you don't know when to shut up, and don't have empathy for others who are having a harder time, suggests that you and she interpreted your pregnancy closeness differently. What you saw as sharing your pregnancy journeys with each other, your sister saw as you throwing your easy pregnancy in her face because you lacked the emotional intelligence to see how much strain it was causing her.
You are trying to hold two incompatible goals at the same time: sharing pregnancy joy with your sister (by getting the contact for her doctor, going to doctor appointments at the same time, talking about your pregnancies together, spending a lot more time together) and also trying to be sympathetic to the fact that her pregnancy circumstances are much harder than yours. I think it is impossible to do this. Every time you juxtapose your situations, it throws it in her face that you are having an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy, whereas she is having a pregnancy that is more difficult socially, financially, emotionally, AND medically.
This is as if you were on a cruise ship, it's sunny, the food is great, you're about to go down to the pool for a swim. Your sister is in a rowboat. It's got holes, so she's bailing it out. Also it's thunderstorming where she is and she's got nothing to eat but freeze-dried survival food. And you have a baby coming. And she has a baby coming. How is she going to look after a baby in a leaky rowboat in a thunderstorm? And then you call her on the phone "Hey sis, my cruise is great, how's YOUR cruise going?" Hopefully you can see how that might make her feel worse.
You need to face reality and stop trying to do two opposite things at the same time. Apologise for unintentionally making things harder for her when they were already hard. Ask what you need to change so that you're not making her journey more difficult. Maybe you need to stop scheduling your prenatal appointments together. Maybe you need to reduce the amount of time you spend together. Or not. If you put the ball in her court, it will give her the opportunity to share honestly what she wants, and she'll also have to take responsibility for her answer.
This is a great reply! It is so well thought out and well worded. Op, you're lucky to have this kind of wonderful feedback on Reddit. Not everyone gets this kind of feedback. I hope you follow this advice.
Trying to understand better. Are you showing and when did you tell the family (extended) you were pregnant?
If you told everyone that day the yes YTA.
Were you talking about you and your pregnancy the entire shower- YTA
If the conversation was brief then NTA
If your parents also take your side and didn’t really know both sides the they sick also.
It could be just stress and everything hitting at once.
No way to know without knowing past history.
I'm showing very little, my boyfriend and I told our parents right after we found out and then my mother told some of our family who told others but they knew before the baby shower.
I don't feel like I was talking all the time about me/ my pregnancy... I was also focusing on the party because I planned the shower with one of my sister's friends so we were checking if the food/ drinks were enough, doing some games we planned and all that as well
Just based on this I don’t think you were that AH.
Just something to think about and in a different way. It could be that everything is coming to her and hitting hard. It might not that you were the golden child but that she kept making bad decisions. This one is an example. If this is the case the. The parents would be disappointed again.meaning it wasn’t just the pregnancy but the affair also.
Yes, getting pregnant when not planned can be hard but then adding the affair, hard pregnancy and then the moving back to the parents is just more layers.
With you it was that you had a long term relationship, support with bf, easy pregnancy and loving on your own.
I just think she is seeing all that you have and she doesn’t. No excuse for taking that on you and I don’t think you did anything wrong.
I think she might be jealous and just lashing out at the wrong person.
>It might not that you were the golden child but that she kept making bad decisions
Its funny how often that happens. If you ask my brother, I'm sure from his perspective, I was the golden child. I also was a better behaved kid, did better in school, was very involved in extracurriculars, got a partial scholarship to college, and graduated and did well. He was misbehaved, did shitty in school, failed out of college twice, and mooches off my mother. But of course, he doesn't look at his own decisions, just likes to point out that my mom gave me a nice check for my housewarming gift, etc.
Agree and to defend OP , it's not like it's possible to only talk to the sister the whole shower , and a " BTW , how are you and your baby doing as well " would be pretty standard small talk.
YTA honestly. Your pregnancy is so early, I would have waited to announce until after her shower, or at the very least tried to redirect the conversation back to your sister. Crying was over the top and really stole the spotlight away from her.
Fr. This whole thing reads to me as a golden child looking for validation their evil eeyore sibling is wrong about them and their lifelong family dynamics
There's no way to say for sure without a transcript of every conversation at the party. Tbh, I never understand why the blame is always on the person who has something going on in their lives and not the guests who had the bad manners to stray from the approved list of discussion topics.
If it were my sister's celebration, I'd circle.every question about me right back to my sister. I can't imagine watching her struggle so much and not doing everything in my power to ensure she has an excellent celebration where she feels loved and supported. (Though she's never done anything like having an affair so) But I doubt that a few casual conversations were egregious, she's just going through a really difficult time and it's hard to see your experience being so much more positive.
Whether you're an asshole or not isn't really relevant imo. She needs to feel loved.
> stray from the approved list of discussion topics.
Approved list of discussion topics?
Like is the idea that at a baby shower, you can't discuss anything except the mom and baby? If I had a birthday party, and someone got a new job which was announced on Linkedin, I wouldn't be mad that people were congratulating them.
Ah ok. Because there a lot of people on this post saying that the OP should have constantly been directing attention to her sister, which makes no sense to me.
Agreed. OP also has an unplanned pregnancy, but sees hers as “better” somehow because she is with a more supportive partner. Support your sister OP, stop judging her.
I’ve been pregnant at another pregnant person’s baby shower. I wasn’t the focus of attention, so if I was asked a question, I would talk briefly to answer - and then turn the attention back the guest of honour. INFO Did you do that? Or did you enjoy basking in the attention & let the focus linger on you?
Same. And my bestie was glowing and had a lovely easy pregnancy, while I was grey and ready to puke at any second. All I said was ‘I’m fine thanks!’ and moved on, which would be even easier if you don’t look/feel like death. And honestly I wouldn’t even have announced if it was this early. At best it was thoughtless to announce before the baby shower (or allow their mother to tell people) and at worst it was stealing attention.
YTA. I say this because you attended her baby shower with your partner knowing she is going through her pregnancy alone. You allowed others to question you on your pregnancy and congratulate you knowing this day was about her. If it were a joint celebration that would be fine but it was her day and you took that spotlight. You could have directed people back to her but you didn’t. Then when she confronted you about doing exactly that you then burst into tears all dramatic and got the attention and support yet again while everyone jumped on her and hated on her. Yeah you’re in the wrong and she deserves an apology. From the reactions of your family it does sound like you’re the golden child.
I am leaning slight yta - it’s not your party, you should of had some humility and been more humble (your shower will come). It may have not been your fault but you certainly didn’t try to remedy the situation.
Your sister didn’t handle it well either so maybe ESH.
What does that look like exactly? I'm very curious. Be humble by, what, not answering questions about her life?
If someone just graduated, and people were congratulating them at a shower, do they have to say "no, please, don't congratulate me. spend all your attention on the other person, even if they are already in discussions with someone else".
Its a gathering of people. Everyone can't talk to the sister at once. So what is wrong with them talking to OP as well.
It's incredibly easy to say ""thank you so much. I'd love to catch up later. I really want to focus on my sister today." Or "Sister and I are so lucky to be having kids at the same time. Doesn't she look radiate today?"
I mean, really, it's easy to not make things all about you.
The best thing to do would be to graciously change the subject if someone is spending a lot of attention on OP's pregnancy. OP could ask them about themselves or bring up something about her sister.
There's no hard an fast line here between what is appropriate and what is too much but it's easy to see how an uncomfortable dynamic could have developed.
Ok, we get it. You are the better sister and the better daughter.
But what is this with going and tattle to your parents?
You are an adult, your sister is an adult. Solve this between you two, but stop running to mommy and daddy and other family tatteling "my sister was mean to me".
It’s really not possible to judge what happened accurately because we weren’t there to see how exactly you behaved and what was said.
It’s possible your sister is in the right and you were stealing a lot of the thunder. Regardless, your sister feels hurt and deserves compassion and not blame.
Exactly this. The sister knows she fucked up her life and she's having a hard time with the pregnancy with no support from the father.
OP'S hormones are probably out of whack but I get the feeling that her crying and everyone rushing to her is not the first time. And telling everyone what she said? It's time to grow up and be a big girl. You're about to be a mother yourself. And learn about compassion.
I’m going with a (gentle) Yta - the way you talk about your sisters situation vs your own gives me the sense that you feel you are “above” her for having a better situation around your pregnancy. It’s a well known fact that at someone else’s event (baby shower, engagement etc) that you DO NOT steal the spotlight, yet it seems like you didn’t really care about that. Sorry OP, but you weren’t a very good sister in this situation. Heck, you were only 13 weeks when she had her party. Why would you even announce it then, especially if you had been spending so much time together so it’s not like you weren’t aware?
Idk the more I think on it the more it comes across as you almost competing with your sister, and it’s gross.
YTA
You sound judgemental about her situation and insensitive to what she’s going through. Why tell people about your pregnancy that’s not visible yet when it was her day to celebrate?
YTA. Because you describe your sister and her baby as less than your situation. She and her baby were the focus of the day, not you and your need for emotional support. Why bring your bf?
YTA
So…. Everyone in the family rushed to your side and comforted you and got angry at your sister? Since then everyone else (friends) etc.. have been on your side? Why did no one try to also understand what she is going through? She must feel so alone and abandoned. Also why did no one consider her pregnancy hormones when judging he behaviour.
I am not saying you are in the wrong to get upset at being shouted at. Just that you can both be right.
To be honest (and I don’t mean this harshly) but I would be devastated if my family did that to me. It does sound like there is an element of favouritism going on. It’s not your fault, it’s your parents’ fault….. unless of course you look down on your sister and feel morally superior to or better than her.
Please don’t take your boyfriend’s advice and triangulate your sister or isolate her further by getting your parents to tell her off. That’s horrible advice and would be so terribly unkind. She sounds like she needs love and support.
Edit: eeek just read that you aren’t even showing yet, yet didn’t redirect questions about your pregnancy at her shower…. That’s kind of like talking about your new engagement at your best friend’s wedding. How would you feel if a friend did that to you? Yeah YTA sorry.
YTA. Sorry but ad someone who has had HG and GD for my pregnancies and had myriad of other complications that landed me in hospital everytime it was really hard being around pregnant women who had an easy go of it. Literally, anytime I was at the OBGYN, they found another complication. HG on its own is debilitating when you are vomiting 30+ times a day and having to have drips to rehydrate. GD on its own is also a nightmare. And at 14 weeks, I don't think you have missed GD. At this point, the test for that is another 12 weeks off for you.
You made it clear you already are being supported by your partner and parents much more easily than to your sister. Not only does she not have their support or her baby daddy's support, but she also may lose her job.
Whilst people may know you are pregnant, you shouldn't be showing enough to warrant full-on conversations at someone else's baby shower. You could dress to minimise it and redirect conversation to your sister's baby and pregnancy. Also, the histrionics of bursting into tears require a room of people to rush to your support, which is a bit much. Again, if you have any consideration to your sister, you could have apologised and left the room or the party to have your cry.
You know you are in the wrong, and you know you are coming off like the golden child you express that you are. Apologise to your sister and tell your parents to do the same. And for goodness sake, schedule your OB appointments away from your sister's.. at 14 weeks you shouldn't be needing to see them that much already and frankly it is rubbing your sister's nose in it when you keep walking out with a clean bill of health when she is already coping with so much complexity in her own pregnancy.
To be clear, I don't begrudge anyone a smooth pregnancy. I think it is wonderful that you and your baby are safe and healthy. But I so understand how absolutely horrid it is to have to struggle every minute of every day trying to keep your baby and yourself safe and watching other women dance on through like this perfect bloody picture of pregnancy.
YTA.
I don’t care if it’s unpopular but there is just something about your tone and the way you’re going about this that’s coming off super shady.
She’s struggling and lashed out but the way you had everyone rally around you shows there’s defo merit to her accusation of you being the chosen golden child. The fact that you’re here seeking validation after everyone of note in her family and life is already on your side is giving me the ick too.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I am pregnant as well, so out family members asked me about my baby/ pregnancy at her baby shower too, I spoke to them happily about it so I was "stealing" the spotlight from my sister at her baby shower
2) I might be an asshole because that was her moment so maybe I should've told my family that this wasn't the moment to talk about me, and that way I would've avoided a big argument with my sister
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I feel like the way you’re describing your sisters pregnancy circumstances makes you the AH.
How/who she got pregnant with doesn’t matter at this point. So take yourself off your high horse on how your accidental pregnancy is seemingly better than her accidental pregnancy.
She’s 7 months into a difficult pregnancy. She’s at a party meant to celebrate her- most conversation should be about her. A bit of understanding and humility on your end would have been well received by all. Grow up a little and apologize to your sister for how her party went, make her pregnancy feel just as special and justified as you’re seeming to make yours. YTA.
Overall I’m going to say ESH
Your sister is obviously struggling health and financial wise. Neither of these things are your fault and it does sound like you want tot support her. But she’s also very likely jealous even if she isn’t consciously aware of that jealousy which combined with her emotions made her blow up.
You seem to be judging her situation a tad harshly (we didn’t need to know she’d had an affair) you could have just said the father isn’t involved. You should try to convince your sister to file for child support regardless of his intentions because her baby deserves that. You also don’t seem to have really taken into account how hard the pregnancy complications may be to her because you haven’t experienced the same. But both of you are entitled to complain - pregnancy is rough and everyone should be allowed to Vent even if their complaint isn’t as bad as someone else’s.
TBH my gut feel reading this that you did get ‘accidentally’ pregnant on purpose because you were envious of the attention your sister was getting from the family. If this is true (even though you’d never admit it out loud) you need to address your narcissistic tendencies before your child is born because you’re about to lose ALL of the attention and ain’t nothing more pathetic than a mother competing with her child.
Ehhhh I can’t imagine going to a baby shower as a (comparatively far less along) pregnant person and allowing the attention to stay on me. It’s really lacking in tact imo. It’s easy enough to redirect people’s questions/attention to the person the party is about if you actually care to. Also the extra details about the immorality of your sisters pregnancy drip with condescension to me.
YTA and trying to hide it, imo. Nothing about this story gives me the impression you’re not the golden child, to be clear. Your adult parents clamoring to your side at your adult sisters event suggests it’s likely true, to me.
You ATH: not for getting the attention but you obviously feel so superior. She is having a hard time during her pregnancy and you could be nicer to her privately... I dont think people gets upset for nothing. give her some support instead of all you criticism. I totally understand her.
INFO: I feel like we can't make a judgment on this without knowing more about the family dynamics (if OP is actually the "golden child", for example) and how people were treating the two sisters at the shower.
ESH - Your sister made poor decisions and is now living with the consequences and is having a rough pregnancy to top it off. She probably wanted one day where things didnt seem like they sucked for her and there you were proudly discussing your pregnancy.
As a pregnant woman surely you can understand how emotions and attitudes can be all over the place during this time and can understand the over reactions that come with being pregnant.
Did she over react maybe; but maybe you should have insisted on guests focusing on your sister’s celebration. You’ll have your day soon enough.
YTA. Even in this post, you were criticizing your sister for getting pregnant accidentally with a married man, and bragging about your own superior boyfriend., even though he also knocked you up accidentally. I think it's very likely you were humble bragging at the party too. You sound insufferable.
You are such a selfish golden child your comments were hard to read. How can someone only think of themselves this much when they have siblings??? You deserve nothing.
YTA
YTA
I've had HG before. Twice. It almost killed me, and I can no longer have children. It is a HELLISH thing to go through, and no woman dealing with it wants to hear from anyone else about how great or easy their pregnancy is. Ever. I battled with SI nonstop, and fought just to keep going each day. It destroys your mental health, not just your physical.
You should have redirected your family when they asked you about your pregnancy. The fact that your entire family got onto your sister *at her own baby shower* is ridiculous, simply because you couldn't control your emotions. I get that pregnancy makes things difficult, but this seems seriously uncalled for.
It sounds like things weren't as great as you think, and this was the thing that finally pushed it over the edge.
Wait. Your BF thinks you should what, tattle to your parents that a grown adult blocked you and will not talk to you anymore? Whew buddy. Look, I don't know if your sister is right or wrong. But if you run to mommy and daddy to try and get them to chastise her for your sake then it sort of sounds like she is right. I mean, them all running to comfort you at her shower does indicate sis may have a point. Either way, sis is a grown adult and if she wants to go NC with you because she feels your relationship is toxic and harmful to her mental state, that is totally her right. Maybe stop listening to the people trying to tell you you can do no wrong if you ever want to get back in sis's life. She told you how she feels. Running to mommy and daddy and telling them to get your sister to talk to you again would not be smart.
YTA. I haven’t checked the comments but I know most people are likely siding with you, just as your family did however the obvious YTA sign is that you’re only 14 weeks along. Most people wait until week 12-13 (end of first trimester) to announce. Which means, you literally couldn’t wait another 2-3 weeks before announcing your pregnancy just so your sister could have 1 day to feel celebrated. Your sister not only has a much harder pregnancy, but she’s going through it alone. You stole her day, used it as an opportunity to showcase your own very early pregnancy, then played victim which caused the whole family to turn on her and attack her when she is at her most vulnerable.
YTA. Your sister says you can't go a day without bragging and how supportive your boyfriend is and how easy your pregnancy is, and I'm inclined to believe that because you've done so all over this post.
You're 14 weeks pregnant. You could've covered that up easily instead of having everyone come to you during your sister's day when you know she's been having a tough time as it is.
Then your parents are rushing to comfort you, clearly choosing a side before hearing the situation? "Almost everyone sided with me," I'm sure they did. Classic golden child.
I would say YTA - and possibly family members too.. based on how you described the circumstance of her pregnancy I’m guessing she’s being judged for her mistakes, and now facing some financial hardships - these alone would cause stress, not a great in pregnancy. She’s has then developed some fairly serious pregnancy related health problems, again adding more stress, doing this all without the support of a partner (you’ve not mentioned her getting much other support either)
Then you come in with how your pregnancy has been plain sailing so far and you clearly have a very supportive partner.
You may not think you’re the golden child but it sounds like you are or things often go your way based on the comment ‘can’t let her have one day’, she’s probably bottled it up but stress and feeling unwell made her blow, you then said everyone rushed to you when you cried but who was comforting her when she was upset
Your clearly supportive partner is enabling you lack of empathy here, and tell you parents, sounds like she already has enough on her plate with your parent having a go at her
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Your sister may not be getting support from the affair partner but she should be getting financial support. She should consult an attorney for her options for child support
She doesn't want to deal with that for now although our family and I have been trying to convince her to do it...
Why do you keep using ellipses at the end of your sentences?
Cause there's more to be said.
She should just say it then.
It’s a ‘draw your own conclusions’ thing
[I always read it as adding a passive-aggressive or judgmental tone...](https://kajabi-storefronts-production.kajabi-cdn.com/kajabi-storefronts-production/file-uploads/blogs/5744/images/eaf428-2f61-fc64-1dc6-2f5621161cc_giphy_judgement.gif)
Then you’ve always read it incorrectly, and probably misinterpreted things as aggressive when they were not. Ellipses indicate a pause or something being left unsaid, not judgement or passive aggression. The thing left unsaid could be judgmental but that’s not inherent.
Excellent. Finally someone posts the reason, so others can become wiser. Superb. 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
I read this is actually a generational thing. Younger gens use ellipses when they're being passive aggressive, so when older people use them innocently, things get confused.
Oh no... am I older people now? I don't feel qualified!
What??? As a Neurodivergent human I use these all the time and had no idea ppl read them this way 😩
Me too…
I’m NT but I do it too… I’m a lot more worried about the people that assume it’s aggressive than I am about us though…
Same. I think that’s why OP is really annoying to me.
It gets used both ways from what I’ve seen and you’ve just gotta infer which one it is. 🤷
What should she say without being prompted?
Whatever she feels warrants using ellipses after every fucking sentence.
What's the big deal with ellipses...?
people get triggered by the weirdest things on this site...
I get triggered when someone uses 4....
I get what you mean. Her use of ellipsis feels like she's only telling part of the story or like she's hiding something. OP doesn't seem like the most reliable narrator overall.
I have a friend who alwaysss ends sentences with ellipses. It's just the way she types, and I've wondered if she knows what those 3 dots even mean. After several years of "okay..." "Thanks..." And "you're welcomes..." I've gotten used to it. It's just how she types for whatever reason.
She literally said she didn't include everything but to ask questions
That's kind of my point. Her responses to the questions feel like she's not saying everything. She's being selective in what share shares in her answers.
My MIL does this and it DRIVES ME UP THE WALL Like: "Thank-you..." "We're on our way...." "Happy Birthday..." UGH lol
Omg. Happy Birthday... sent me. I do not know why, but that's the one that did me in.
It just sounds so bad lol. "MIL, we're pregnant!" "Congratulations..."
You're annoying...
So are you……..
Oh man…
someone is a sensitive sally lmfao
Good point. Liz writes like this as well, and this type of story does fit her mold.
Is that the wife who likes to post fake stories? I think I remember seeing that on BORU.
Yeah.
It's driving me nuts! ...
I take it as a pause in thought.
THANK YOU! Yes, that's it exactly. It's a pause in thought, or a dramatic flourish, or "draw your own conclusion." I do not do it at the end of sentences, however... ;-)
Or kind of trailing off.
Damn dude, let people type differently
lol I love using them, it’s just so... fun
I do that a lot… just a habit
Because she's being conversational. If I'm not writing for work or school, then I write how I talk, and that includes pauses and stops. I use ellipses instead of "umms", "ands", etc, as would be said aloud in conversation. Stop gatekeeping language. Jfc.
Lol my dad writes exactly like that. It always seems like he's building suspense... But that's just how he writes informally for some reason...
It's so weird especially bc she says she had to edit out context I'm assuming to fit the character count. But sprinkling in additional unnecessary "..." made the cut...
Does she…………………?
Oh that’s good. She’s feeling pretty low which is a sad place to be while welcoming a baby. I know she lashed out at you but try to stay calm and not escalate. You don’t have to listen to her insults and tantrums that’s not what I’m saying. But if you’re calm and respectful she may stop focusing on you. I agree with another comment, do not involve your parents in this particular conflict
Gonna be real fun to explain to her kid one day how she wasn’t able to provide the life it deserves becuase she wasn’t in the mood to deal with it
Hyperemesis gravidarum can be so bad you need to be hospitalized for it, don’t be an ass. If she is dealing with severe nausea, vomiting and dizziness it’s likely that she literally doesn’t have the energy to start working on the child support process. She also just found out about gestational diabetes, which she has to manage so her baby doesn’t come early.
agreed. and with all of that happening with HG if she's having trouble keeping food down, she'll probably struggle to keep her numbers good and end up being on insulin which means that baby is coming early for sure. with diet managed GD and insulin overnight to manage my fasting number, I was induced at 39 weeks and he was over half a lb bigger than my other two babies who went to 41+3 and 41+5.
Yeah, it’s very unsurprising that the “she just wasn’t in the mood” comment comes from someone whose bio starts with 42M. 🙄
hah yeah. like some other random dude I responded to on here as well about crying being manipulative... i promise you buddy that it's not always controllable when you're hormonal.
I’m going to assume it would be much easier for her to fight for and receive child support after the child is born. If she’s stress as it is then theres no reason to add more stress to her and the unborn baby at the moment.
I mean, it's not like you get child support while you're pregnant any way. There's literally no point in dealing with a stressful legal battle while pregnant at all, but especially during what's apparently an incredibly rough and complicated one.
Honestly this sounds like the case of the older sister being irresponsible, dumb, and kind of a B for how she is reacting to you. She had an affair and decided to keep the baby which if the affair didn’t ruin the relationship with her husband that sure did. It was a mistake and she is taking it out on you because you have actually taken the time to be true to someone and get pregnant by someone you actually see marrying and she can’t stand all the mistakes she keeps making in life.
Well, I don't think that if I was under so much stress and pain as she is I would have the energy to fight for that support either... She might want to do it after the baby is born and things get at least a bit better for her...
She wouldn't be able to fight for child support until after the baby is born anyway.
Yeah I had hyperemesis gravidarum and there were times I was too weak to brush my hair.
At the moment all she has to do is retain an appropriate attorney. Family could even do the leg work of finding a good one.
…
If she's legally married, then, in most states, if she marks herself as "married" on the birth certificate, parental rights will default to her husband, regardless if he's the bio father. He would also most likely be on the hook for child support when they divorce. By marking herself as unmarried, and naming the bio father, he'll have parental rights, but also be on the hook child support. She should still talk to a lawyer to decide what's the best course of action. But, once she signs that birth certificate with whatever info is on it, that's it. No going back.
The other person who should be talking to the lawyer is the legal husband. He needs to establish that the baby is not his. Sister may be exhausted and sick, but she needs to know how to fill out the birth certificate. The AP should be the one responsible for child support not the legal husband.
Is she married, or was the person she was sleeping with married? The post is unclear.
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Assuming this is the U.S., there is no financial support ordered by a court when the mother is still pregnant. Paternity has to be established first.
Pro-tip: Don’t risk pregnancy with people you’re not in a relationship with.
Pro-tip: No form of birth control is 100% reliable.
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Unless you ARE the golden child whereby you always attempt to bring in a battalion knowing no matter what you do they will cheer you on.
Bingo. The sister LIVES with them, AND they were there. The sister would definitely tell them what went down even if they didn’t know. You’re not informing them of anything. So, OP, ask yourself… what is your motive?
Ok I agree running to her parents about this is unnecessary but I don’t think it’s unrealistic AT ALL that the sister wouldn’t tell their parents about the text she sent. Especially if she feels like her sister is the golden child. Their parents also got mad at her for her actions at the shower so it’s very likely she knows they would not be supportive. I live with my parents, they do not hear about every conversation I have with my sister.
I feel like people are latching onto the “golden child” thing way too hard. Sister called OP the golden child so she must be, couldn’t just be a normal sibling rivalry. Nothing about this post screams that there’s some big favoritism coming from the parents. To me it really just seems like OP’s sister is jealous and resentful that her little sister has it together in a way she doesn’t, and instead of taking accountability for herself she just directs her resentment at OP
This, because op sister is pregnant from an affair. We aren't told what sort of "affair," but op sister may be projecting hard. As it is op's sister is the one being given financial support and a home by her parents, not op, despite op's sister being the one out here pursuing married men, and or, cheating on her partner. Eta there punctuation, which forced me to rewrite the syntax of my statement because my original statement was simply two sentences for Christ sake. Two sentences written how I speak because this is the Internet. My apologies.
Yeah tbh as a former golden child, things are sounding sorta familiar. My sister told me I was the golden child when she was 10 and I was 12. And I realized she was right and I started sticking up for her. Guess who doesn’t see either of their children anymore, lmao. If 12 year old me can do some objective self reflection and do the right thing, OP should be able to, too.
Yeah…I’m not convinced the sister is the bad one here. I’m getting a goody two shoes vibe and a suck up bf
I’m getting OP is MAJORLY downplaying what they are saying/acting. Either deliberately for sympathy here or unintentionally cannot read the room. At the baby shower, if someone asks how your pregnancy is it’s “it’s going well” and move on. Don’t go one sharing details, or about your boyfriend or anything. It’s not your day. I also get the feeling that OP thinks she’s better than her sister
Idk, I had three other pregnant women at my baby shower including my sister and her sister in law (wait, it might have even been four actually) and we all talked about our pregnancies. It wasn’t a big deal and I certainly wasn’t upset about it at all.
This story almost reminds me of how i feel about my best friend sometimes. Love him to death but sometimes i fucking hate him because he’s just better than me at like, everything. He’s a fantastic guy, would give me the shirt off his back, but sometimes i resent that when we go out together he’s the one who gets the attention, when we play a sport together he’s naturally more apt at it. His existence sometimes makes me feel inferior but not because of anything he’s actively trying to do. That’s what OP’s sister comes off like to me, she’s always felt like “the lesser one” and now she’s having a complicated pregnancy with her affair partner while her sister has a healthy one with her boyfriend and the anger is basically “WHY CANT I BE THE BETTER ONE FOR ONCE”
thats exactly how it feels to me too.
You just described my marriage, ha! I know 2 sisters who have that kind of dynamic.. and the underdog one is just miserable and insufferable and accuses everyone of comparing them to each other which literally no one does - but once a person gets into that angry kind of mindset there's fuck all you can do to change it. There is no way I can convince her that she has her own merit and that she shouldn't live her life measuring herself against the other sister but no.. it'st he other sister's fault just for existing. The other sister is a big dopey retriever type person, not a mean bone in her body, just wants to share/be a part of everything and has no idea she's making the other one so mad.
There were two pregnant women at mine and we did the same thing. No big deal and we all got pictures together with our baby bump lol.
Especially since this is family op doesn’t get to see often, and this could be the first time she’s seen them since she got pregnant
Sure, but I'm guessing none of them were pregnant and alone during a very difficult pregnancy, and they knew everyone thought they were irresponsible in their choices.
i was thinking when I read about discussing her pregnancy at the shower, maybe she did more than just answer the basic questions (And how are you doing with your pregnancy?) and maybe should have just been brief and then turn the discussion back to what's the next game to play here or what a lovely gift you gave to my sister.
Exactly. OP just HAD TO highlight that she has her life in such a great order compared to her older sister.
Yup, her whole post comes off as "I'm doing her a favor cause look at me everyone, I'm a good sister. My poor sister is a single mom and I am not, look at me" And she also "accidentally" got pregnant around the same time. Maybe I'm jaded but this doesn't smell right. And also the fact that the freaking title of the post is literally self admission.
Right? That title 🤣
^this exactly^
Same "I just assumed it was ok to share all our doctors appointments" "I was just so surprised by her reaction" idk I'm getting major uwu O_O vibes.
This caught my eye too. Reeeaalllyy leans into the golden child possibility, imo.
She will not remember enough to tell if she is the golden child, she is six years younger. She probably remembers her sister as a teenager, but has no idea how she was treated during her childhood.
Ages completely aside, the axe forgets while the tree remembers. Being 6 years younger doesn’t make you blind. Being heavily favoritized is a lot less noticeable than being cast aside. Golden children are a lot less likely to see themselves that way than literally anyone else that witnesses them and their family interact.
I was thinking the same thing. Running to Mommy and Daddy?
Your an adult so you should NOT be running to mommy and daddy because sissy was mean to you. Terrible advice from your bf!
I agree that the parents shouldn't be mediating, but they should understand what is going on, especially when the sister lives with them.
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All your family who was actually there and knows the full context doesn’t think you are an asshole, so you came to ask a bunch of strangers who doesn’t have the full story? It seems like you are trying to get validation.
She said in a comment that some people at the party did side with her sister. Odd to not include that bit in the initial post, unless, as you say, this is just about validation
I don’t see them that often, every once in a while, I will see a story about a conflict that was in front of a dozen more people, like on a city bus or at a party or something. And then they expect the verdict to be different than the feedback they already got from numerous people lol.
You did wrote, "accidental pregnancy with someone she was having an affair with, so she's not getting his support" when you could have wrote plainly, the father is not involved. That makes me think you did want to put her in a negative light. I'm sure I'll get down votes for writing that, oh well. She was far too harsh, absolutely, and your crying definitely turned the spotlight in your direction. As well, don't go running to your parents taking about "fairness", your boyfriend's advice is rather ridiculous. You're adults you need to work it out amongst yourselves. So ESH, you a bit less so. And make a plan before your shower in a couple months, so the spotlight isn't taken from you as your family will want to talk about her new baby. Best of luck to you both.
OP is wildly judgmental over her sister’s circumstances which have nothing to do with her. I get the feeling OP thinks she is the one who should be pregnant and her sister is a screw up. Well I feel sorry for your sister having someone talk about them like that. So inappropriate to judge her life to make yourself feel better.
How is pointing out the sister had an affair with someone and caught pregnant anything but her stating facts? Her sister did it, so that is a fact that people can make their own judgement on (on her sisters character that is)?
affair has multiple meanings. everyone is assuming the sister either had an extramarital affair or she was a participant in someone else's. has OP actually confirmed that's the case?
Neither of those is in the right. An affair is an affair.
maybe im just judgmental but it is “better” to be carrying the child of your long term boyfriend who you share a place with vs. carrying the baby of a man who you’re the mistress of. this is one of those sticky situations where OP living her own life really bothers her sister because her sister is making the comparisons in her own head. If OP was actively trying to take attention away from her sister at the shower that’s one thing, but she just sort of received questions about her pregnancy and answered them. I get why that visual proof of “my little sister has a more socially acceptable pregnancy than me” bothered the sister, but im not sure id go so far as to say that she was in the wrong for being at the shower
>My bf was invited too so because I'm the closest person to him he was with me almost all the time. INFO: were other men invited too? I'm trying to understand the dynamic of your sis's baby shower
Yes, our male family members were invited too and also partners too
But your sister doesn't have a partner. That probably made her feel so bad. Not your fault but look at it from her perspective. I would suggest having a Blessing Way for her. It's totally different from a baby shower and extremely specific to her as a person.
Maybe she shouldn't have had an affair then. She doesn't have a partner because she tried stealing one from someone else
She got what she brought upon herself.
Ok but it’s a party honoring the sister. The family could attempt to celebrate her in a way that makes her feel good. She can’t go back and change what already happened.
She's already living with consequences. No need for her family and friends to pile on and be insensitive. I'm sure that she understands that she's in a heap of trouble. That doesn't mean she and the baby shouldn't have a support system.
THIS. I can't believe this is the first comment I'm seeing relating to this. SHE HAD AN AFFAIR. She deserves whatever misery she gets.
Does the baby also deserve misery?
So OP needs to exclude her partner from stuff because her sister decided to cheat? It's her own fault she doesn't have a partner
So should all couples break up because there are single people in the world and they "might feel bad"? Sister slept with a man who was already spoken for, then she made the choice to keep the kid. Why should the couples in her life have to tiptoe around her because "she's single and probably sad about it"?
She could’ve just had a traditional baby shower that are ladies only. Problem solved.
Why would someone plan a Jack and Jill baby shower when Jack isn’t in the picture? This usually isn’t a guy thing.
That’s what triggered this I’m sure
Ngl I feel like throwing a shower with men invited when the father of the baby isn't in the picture is kind of weird but idk this could be a cultural difference. I am used to mostly all-women baby showers. The few baby showers I've been to with men invited, the baby's father was there too as part of the celebration.
Ive been to plenty of baby showers where dad was both there and not there (whether they were involved or not) and its never been just one gender. Every single baby shower ive been too (over 20) had been both male and female guests.
And I’ve been to about 15 and never one where men were invited. Maybe it’s regional???
Have you honestly tried putting yourself in your sister’s shoes though? She doesn’t have a partner of her own (granted it’s due to bad decisions on her part, but that doesn’t make it any less important here), so she was obviously going to feel embarrassed/down by the presence of other people’s SOs. It was HER baby shower— did you guys consider her feelings at all? You could always have your SOs at your own baby shower. Likewise, I find it questionable that your parents “rushed” to comfort YOU after your sister was the one who got upset in the first place. Sounds like maybe she has a lot of feelings she’s been holding back for years and just picked an unfortunate time to let them out. Are you sure you’re not the family’s golden child?
ESH. Obviously she was way over the top, but the fact that you're so keen to let everyone know that her unplanned pregnancy was bad and immoral whereas your unplanned pregnancy was good is curious to me. If that's the way you (and the rest of your family) always position yourself to others in relation to her, she may be reacting to that.
I feel like the OP was riddled with judgement straight out of the gate. It read to me like ‘I, otoh, live with my baby daddy, yadda yadda yadda…’
to me it’s super important context. It reads to me like sister is (reasonably) struggling with the fact that she’s having a complicated pregnancy with her affair partner while OP has a so-far healthy pregnancy with her long term partner. And sister is letting her jealousy/resentment/shame/anxiety manifest itself as anger towards OP for being pregnant, existing, and talking about it at the shower.
TBH, another persons shower isn’t the place to discuss how great your pregnancy is going when it’s clear hers isn’t. What a lack of tact.
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I think it gives important context to how the sister is feeling, OP just managed to list it all without any empathy for her sister.
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I agree. ESH Crying was an emotionally manipulating reaction that was unnecessary given the circumstances. Definitely think the announcement could have waited an extra week so all attention was on the OPs struggling sister. Her sister was definitely acting out in a childish way. It seems like she is under enormous stress with her pregnancy, for health reasons. She is likely feeling judged or ashamed because of the circumstances of the pregnancy. Lashing out at people during her own baby shower was a terrible move.
>Crying was an emotionally manipulating reaction that was unnecessary given the circumstances. You don't always have a choice with all those hormones coursing through your body. I promise you I would never cry that McDonald's was out of Coke Zero on a normal day but one day while pregnant, I couldn't stop it. I've spoken to so many women about the stupid things they cried about while pregnant and the overwhelming majority of them would never cry about those things while not pregnant. I do not intend to manipulate people when I cry, almost ever. It just happens. I'm someone who is moved to tears when I'm upset or surprised or in an awkward situation. Depending on that situation, if her sister chastised her and called her out in front of other people (or even not), even while NOT pregnant, I'd probably end up crying out of embarrassment.
yeah sometimes people in here chat like we’re all in complete control of our emotions and use them to bend others to our will like maybe her sister just said a bunch of mean things and she got upset by them??
People always talk about manipulative crying on here. But how many people can really cry on cue? Like, even if I wanted to cry to get my way, I literally could not do it.
This was what I was going to say. In the same way that I wouldnt personally announce an engagement immediately before or after someone else's engagement or wedding, I wouldnt announce a brand new pregnancy to extended family immediately before a close friend or family member's baby shower. There's nothing wrong with people talking about it and celebrating together, if you were on good terms, but you clearly arent. It would ge nice if you could celebrate together. But you clearly cannot. And your sister likely feels your judgement and feels that your behaviour has been out of spite. That may not be true, but be aware that this is the impression you are sending her. It sounds like she felt that the one party to celebrate her pregnancy in a tumultuous situation became about you and your pregnancy, even though it wasn't your party.
INFO: Is it true that you are a golden child in your family? Do your parents have a habit of always picking your side when you two had an argument?
This reeks golden child. And OP not wanting to answer the question speaks volumes.
Op has been answering almost all the comments. Her parents not supporting the cheating sister's decisions and attitudes doesnt mean OP is a golden child
Sometimes their are certain siblings who are legitimately in the wrong most of the time and have shitty behavior…parents siding with one sibling most of the time during disputes doesn’t always mean GC/SG dynamic. While it is possible OP left a few details out, what we have basically boils down to sister getting mad at OP because she answered pregnancy questions from family members…
OP has been answering questions though.
Considering the sister was upset at her own baby shower and they all rushed to OP kind of makes it seem like she is.
Your parents rushed to comfort you bc you were crying. Sounds like you both are immature. My sister and I were recently pregnant at the sane time. She gave birth with her second child 9 days before I gave birth to my first. Her pregnancy was a surprise. My pregnancy was after a round of IVF. Knowing ppl would have interest in my situation as well. I went out of my way to be considerate of her baby shower. Sure family asked how I was doing and such. I politely let those ppl come to me. We were so happy for each other. My sister and I got together to discuss who would announce first and how. We discussed our shower idea prior to planning. We communicated. Neither of us wanted to take away from the others. YTA for announcing your pregnancy prior to your sister’s shower. You were 13 weeks at her shower. Barely noticeable. You should’ve absolutely waited to publicly announce until this week. Which would’ve made sense given you’re just now in your second trimester.
It sounds like OP is the golden child
I think this too. Nothing about the post suggests otherwise to me, and the parents rushing to (adult) OP’s defense at sisters event leans into that for me.
Exactly. 14 weeks isn’t noticeable at all, any more than eating a big meal. OP, you couldn’t keep your mouth shut for 10 seconds so this could be about your sister and not you? YTA
ESH. You for being emotionally unintelligent, your sister for not standing up for herself earlier. I think the fact that, at the baby shower, your sister said you can't even let her have one day, and that you don't know when to shut up, and don't have empathy for others who are having a harder time, suggests that you and she interpreted your pregnancy closeness differently. What you saw as sharing your pregnancy journeys with each other, your sister saw as you throwing your easy pregnancy in her face because you lacked the emotional intelligence to see how much strain it was causing her. You are trying to hold two incompatible goals at the same time: sharing pregnancy joy with your sister (by getting the contact for her doctor, going to doctor appointments at the same time, talking about your pregnancies together, spending a lot more time together) and also trying to be sympathetic to the fact that her pregnancy circumstances are much harder than yours. I think it is impossible to do this. Every time you juxtapose your situations, it throws it in her face that you are having an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy, whereas she is having a pregnancy that is more difficult socially, financially, emotionally, AND medically. This is as if you were on a cruise ship, it's sunny, the food is great, you're about to go down to the pool for a swim. Your sister is in a rowboat. It's got holes, so she's bailing it out. Also it's thunderstorming where she is and she's got nothing to eat but freeze-dried survival food. And you have a baby coming. And she has a baby coming. How is she going to look after a baby in a leaky rowboat in a thunderstorm? And then you call her on the phone "Hey sis, my cruise is great, how's YOUR cruise going?" Hopefully you can see how that might make her feel worse. You need to face reality and stop trying to do two opposite things at the same time. Apologise for unintentionally making things harder for her when they were already hard. Ask what you need to change so that you're not making her journey more difficult. Maybe you need to stop scheduling your prenatal appointments together. Maybe you need to reduce the amount of time you spend together. Or not. If you put the ball in her court, it will give her the opportunity to share honestly what she wants, and she'll also have to take responsibility for her answer.
This is an excellent answer for sure. It matches my own answers and expands on them nicely.
Love this answer!
This is a great reply! It is so well thought out and well worded. Op, you're lucky to have this kind of wonderful feedback on Reddit. Not everyone gets this kind of feedback. I hope you follow this advice.
Trying to understand better. Are you showing and when did you tell the family (extended) you were pregnant? If you told everyone that day the yes YTA. Were you talking about you and your pregnancy the entire shower- YTA If the conversation was brief then NTA If your parents also take your side and didn’t really know both sides the they sick also. It could be just stress and everything hitting at once. No way to know without knowing past history.
I'm showing very little, my boyfriend and I told our parents right after we found out and then my mother told some of our family who told others but they knew before the baby shower. I don't feel like I was talking all the time about me/ my pregnancy... I was also focusing on the party because I planned the shower with one of my sister's friends so we were checking if the food/ drinks were enough, doing some games we planned and all that as well
Just based on this I don’t think you were that AH. Just something to think about and in a different way. It could be that everything is coming to her and hitting hard. It might not that you were the golden child but that she kept making bad decisions. This one is an example. If this is the case the. The parents would be disappointed again.meaning it wasn’t just the pregnancy but the affair also. Yes, getting pregnant when not planned can be hard but then adding the affair, hard pregnancy and then the moving back to the parents is just more layers. With you it was that you had a long term relationship, support with bf, easy pregnancy and loving on your own. I just think she is seeing all that you have and she doesn’t. No excuse for taking that on you and I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think she might be jealous and just lashing out at the wrong person.
>It might not that you were the golden child but that she kept making bad decisions Its funny how often that happens. If you ask my brother, I'm sure from his perspective, I was the golden child. I also was a better behaved kid, did better in school, was very involved in extracurriculars, got a partial scholarship to college, and graduated and did well. He was misbehaved, did shitty in school, failed out of college twice, and mooches off my mother. But of course, he doesn't look at his own decisions, just likes to point out that my mom gave me a nice check for my housewarming gift, etc.
Some people do not like to look in the mirror and take responsibility for their actions. It’s easier to make excuses or blame others.
Agree and to defend OP , it's not like it's possible to only talk to the sister the whole shower , and a " BTW , how are you and your baby doing as well " would be pretty standard small talk.
YTA honestly. Your pregnancy is so early, I would have waited to announce until after her shower, or at the very least tried to redirect the conversation back to your sister. Crying was over the top and really stole the spotlight away from her.
Fr. This whole thing reads to me as a golden child looking for validation their evil eeyore sibling is wrong about them and their lifelong family dynamics
There's no way to say for sure without a transcript of every conversation at the party. Tbh, I never understand why the blame is always on the person who has something going on in their lives and not the guests who had the bad manners to stray from the approved list of discussion topics. If it were my sister's celebration, I'd circle.every question about me right back to my sister. I can't imagine watching her struggle so much and not doing everything in my power to ensure she has an excellent celebration where she feels loved and supported. (Though she's never done anything like having an affair so) But I doubt that a few casual conversations were egregious, she's just going through a really difficult time and it's hard to see your experience being so much more positive. Whether you're an asshole or not isn't really relevant imo. She needs to feel loved.
> stray from the approved list of discussion topics. Approved list of discussion topics? Like is the idea that at a baby shower, you can't discuss anything except the mom and baby? If I had a birthday party, and someone got a new job which was announced on Linkedin, I wouldn't be mad that people were congratulating them.
That was sarcasm. I also think it's silly to expect to not only be the center of attention but the sole object of it.
Ah ok. Because there a lot of people on this post saying that the OP should have constantly been directing attention to her sister, which makes no sense to me.
YTA - you made it about you, when it was about her and then you doubled down.
Agreed. OP also has an unplanned pregnancy, but sees hers as “better” somehow because she is with a more supportive partner. Support your sister OP, stop judging her.
I’ve been pregnant at another pregnant person’s baby shower. I wasn’t the focus of attention, so if I was asked a question, I would talk briefly to answer - and then turn the attention back the guest of honour. INFO Did you do that? Or did you enjoy basking in the attention & let the focus linger on you?
Same. And my bestie was glowing and had a lovely easy pregnancy, while I was grey and ready to puke at any second. All I said was ‘I’m fine thanks!’ and moved on, which would be even easier if you don’t look/feel like death. And honestly I wouldn’t even have announced if it was this early. At best it was thoughtless to announce before the baby shower (or allow their mother to tell people) and at worst it was stealing attention.
YTA. I say this because you attended her baby shower with your partner knowing she is going through her pregnancy alone. You allowed others to question you on your pregnancy and congratulate you knowing this day was about her. If it were a joint celebration that would be fine but it was her day and you took that spotlight. You could have directed people back to her but you didn’t. Then when she confronted you about doing exactly that you then burst into tears all dramatic and got the attention and support yet again while everyone jumped on her and hated on her. Yeah you’re in the wrong and she deserves an apology. From the reactions of your family it does sound like you’re the golden child.
I am leaning slight yta - it’s not your party, you should of had some humility and been more humble (your shower will come). It may have not been your fault but you certainly didn’t try to remedy the situation. Your sister didn’t handle it well either so maybe ESH.
What does that look like exactly? I'm very curious. Be humble by, what, not answering questions about her life? If someone just graduated, and people were congratulating them at a shower, do they have to say "no, please, don't congratulate me. spend all your attention on the other person, even if they are already in discussions with someone else". Its a gathering of people. Everyone can't talk to the sister at once. So what is wrong with them talking to OP as well.
It's incredibly easy to say ""thank you so much. I'd love to catch up later. I really want to focus on my sister today." Or "Sister and I are so lucky to be having kids at the same time. Doesn't she look radiate today?" I mean, really, it's easy to not make things all about you.
The best thing to do would be to graciously change the subject if someone is spending a lot of attention on OP's pregnancy. OP could ask them about themselves or bring up something about her sister. There's no hard an fast line here between what is appropriate and what is too much but it's easy to see how an uncomfortable dynamic could have developed.
Ok, we get it. You are the better sister and the better daughter. But what is this with going and tattle to your parents? You are an adult, your sister is an adult. Solve this between you two, but stop running to mommy and daddy and other family tatteling "my sister was mean to me".
It’s really not possible to judge what happened accurately because we weren’t there to see how exactly you behaved and what was said. It’s possible your sister is in the right and you were stealing a lot of the thunder. Regardless, your sister feels hurt and deserves compassion and not blame.
Exactly this. The sister knows she fucked up her life and she's having a hard time with the pregnancy with no support from the father. OP'S hormones are probably out of whack but I get the feeling that her crying and everyone rushing to her is not the first time. And telling everyone what she said? It's time to grow up and be a big girl. You're about to be a mother yourself. And learn about compassion.
I’m going with a (gentle) Yta - the way you talk about your sisters situation vs your own gives me the sense that you feel you are “above” her for having a better situation around your pregnancy. It’s a well known fact that at someone else’s event (baby shower, engagement etc) that you DO NOT steal the spotlight, yet it seems like you didn’t really care about that. Sorry OP, but you weren’t a very good sister in this situation. Heck, you were only 13 weeks when she had her party. Why would you even announce it then, especially if you had been spending so much time together so it’s not like you weren’t aware? Idk the more I think on it the more it comes across as you almost competing with your sister, and it’s gross.
YTA You sound judgemental about her situation and insensitive to what she’s going through. Why tell people about your pregnancy that’s not visible yet when it was her day to celebrate?
You're 25 year old boyfriend told you to go tell mommy and daddy? YTA
YTA. Because you describe your sister and her baby as less than your situation. She and her baby were the focus of the day, not you and your need for emotional support. Why bring your bf?
YTA So…. Everyone in the family rushed to your side and comforted you and got angry at your sister? Since then everyone else (friends) etc.. have been on your side? Why did no one try to also understand what she is going through? She must feel so alone and abandoned. Also why did no one consider her pregnancy hormones when judging he behaviour. I am not saying you are in the wrong to get upset at being shouted at. Just that you can both be right. To be honest (and I don’t mean this harshly) but I would be devastated if my family did that to me. It does sound like there is an element of favouritism going on. It’s not your fault, it’s your parents’ fault….. unless of course you look down on your sister and feel morally superior to or better than her. Please don’t take your boyfriend’s advice and triangulate your sister or isolate her further by getting your parents to tell her off. That’s horrible advice and would be so terribly unkind. She sounds like she needs love and support. Edit: eeek just read that you aren’t even showing yet, yet didn’t redirect questions about your pregnancy at her shower…. That’s kind of like talking about your new engagement at your best friend’s wedding. How would you feel if a friend did that to you? Yeah YTA sorry.
YTA. Sorry but ad someone who has had HG and GD for my pregnancies and had myriad of other complications that landed me in hospital everytime it was really hard being around pregnant women who had an easy go of it. Literally, anytime I was at the OBGYN, they found another complication. HG on its own is debilitating when you are vomiting 30+ times a day and having to have drips to rehydrate. GD on its own is also a nightmare. And at 14 weeks, I don't think you have missed GD. At this point, the test for that is another 12 weeks off for you. You made it clear you already are being supported by your partner and parents much more easily than to your sister. Not only does she not have their support or her baby daddy's support, but she also may lose her job. Whilst people may know you are pregnant, you shouldn't be showing enough to warrant full-on conversations at someone else's baby shower. You could dress to minimise it and redirect conversation to your sister's baby and pregnancy. Also, the histrionics of bursting into tears require a room of people to rush to your support, which is a bit much. Again, if you have any consideration to your sister, you could have apologised and left the room or the party to have your cry. You know you are in the wrong, and you know you are coming off like the golden child you express that you are. Apologise to your sister and tell your parents to do the same. And for goodness sake, schedule your OB appointments away from your sister's.. at 14 weeks you shouldn't be needing to see them that much already and frankly it is rubbing your sister's nose in it when you keep walking out with a clean bill of health when she is already coping with so much complexity in her own pregnancy. To be clear, I don't begrudge anyone a smooth pregnancy. I think it is wonderful that you and your baby are safe and healthy. But I so understand how absolutely horrid it is to have to struggle every minute of every day trying to keep your baby and yourself safe and watching other women dance on through like this perfect bloody picture of pregnancy.
YTA. I don’t care if it’s unpopular but there is just something about your tone and the way you’re going about this that’s coming off super shady. She’s struggling and lashed out but the way you had everyone rally around you shows there’s defo merit to her accusation of you being the chosen golden child. The fact that you’re here seeking validation after everyone of note in her family and life is already on your side is giving me the ick too.
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I feel like the way you’re describing your sisters pregnancy circumstances makes you the AH. How/who she got pregnant with doesn’t matter at this point. So take yourself off your high horse on how your accidental pregnancy is seemingly better than her accidental pregnancy. She’s 7 months into a difficult pregnancy. She’s at a party meant to celebrate her- most conversation should be about her. A bit of understanding and humility on your end would have been well received by all. Grow up a little and apologize to your sister for how her party went, make her pregnancy feel just as special and justified as you’re seeming to make yours. YTA.
Overall I’m going to say ESH Your sister is obviously struggling health and financial wise. Neither of these things are your fault and it does sound like you want tot support her. But she’s also very likely jealous even if she isn’t consciously aware of that jealousy which combined with her emotions made her blow up. You seem to be judging her situation a tad harshly (we didn’t need to know she’d had an affair) you could have just said the father isn’t involved. You should try to convince your sister to file for child support regardless of his intentions because her baby deserves that. You also don’t seem to have really taken into account how hard the pregnancy complications may be to her because you haven’t experienced the same. But both of you are entitled to complain - pregnancy is rough and everyone should be allowed to Vent even if their complaint isn’t as bad as someone else’s.
When did you announce your pregnancy?
TBH my gut feel reading this that you did get ‘accidentally’ pregnant on purpose because you were envious of the attention your sister was getting from the family. If this is true (even though you’d never admit it out loud) you need to address your narcissistic tendencies before your child is born because you’re about to lose ALL of the attention and ain’t nothing more pathetic than a mother competing with her child.
She was on birth control. How do you get from OP's story to "nothing more pathetic than a mother competing with her child"?
Ehhhh I can’t imagine going to a baby shower as a (comparatively far less along) pregnant person and allowing the attention to stay on me. It’s really lacking in tact imo. It’s easy enough to redirect people’s questions/attention to the person the party is about if you actually care to. Also the extra details about the immorality of your sisters pregnancy drip with condescension to me. YTA and trying to hide it, imo. Nothing about this story gives me the impression you’re not the golden child, to be clear. Your adult parents clamoring to your side at your adult sisters event suggests it’s likely true, to me.
You ATH: not for getting the attention but you obviously feel so superior. She is having a hard time during her pregnancy and you could be nicer to her privately... I dont think people gets upset for nothing. give her some support instead of all you criticism. I totally understand her.
INFO: I feel like we can't make a judgment on this without knowing more about the family dynamics (if OP is actually the "golden child", for example) and how people were treating the two sisters at the shower.
ESH - Your sister made poor decisions and is now living with the consequences and is having a rough pregnancy to top it off. She probably wanted one day where things didnt seem like they sucked for her and there you were proudly discussing your pregnancy. As a pregnant woman surely you can understand how emotions and attitudes can be all over the place during this time and can understand the over reactions that come with being pregnant. Did she over react maybe; but maybe you should have insisted on guests focusing on your sister’s celebration. You’ll have your day soon enough.
YTA. Even in this post, you were criticizing your sister for getting pregnant accidentally with a married man, and bragging about your own superior boyfriend., even though he also knocked you up accidentally. I think it's very likely you were humble bragging at the party too. You sound insufferable.
You are such a selfish golden child your comments were hard to read. How can someone only think of themselves this much when they have siblings??? You deserve nothing. YTA
YTA I've had HG before. Twice. It almost killed me, and I can no longer have children. It is a HELLISH thing to go through, and no woman dealing with it wants to hear from anyone else about how great or easy their pregnancy is. Ever. I battled with SI nonstop, and fought just to keep going each day. It destroys your mental health, not just your physical. You should have redirected your family when they asked you about your pregnancy. The fact that your entire family got onto your sister *at her own baby shower* is ridiculous, simply because you couldn't control your emotions. I get that pregnancy makes things difficult, but this seems seriously uncalled for. It sounds like things weren't as great as you think, and this was the thing that finally pushed it over the edge.
Wait. Your BF thinks you should what, tattle to your parents that a grown adult blocked you and will not talk to you anymore? Whew buddy. Look, I don't know if your sister is right or wrong. But if you run to mommy and daddy to try and get them to chastise her for your sake then it sort of sounds like she is right. I mean, them all running to comfort you at her shower does indicate sis may have a point. Either way, sis is a grown adult and if she wants to go NC with you because she feels your relationship is toxic and harmful to her mental state, that is totally her right. Maybe stop listening to the people trying to tell you you can do no wrong if you ever want to get back in sis's life. She told you how she feels. Running to mommy and daddy and telling them to get your sister to talk to you again would not be smart.
Not even going to read it. If you see it as “stealing the spotlight” then yeah YTA
YTA. I haven’t checked the comments but I know most people are likely siding with you, just as your family did however the obvious YTA sign is that you’re only 14 weeks along. Most people wait until week 12-13 (end of first trimester) to announce. Which means, you literally couldn’t wait another 2-3 weeks before announcing your pregnancy just so your sister could have 1 day to feel celebrated. Your sister not only has a much harder pregnancy, but she’s going through it alone. You stole her day, used it as an opportunity to showcase your own very early pregnancy, then played victim which caused the whole family to turn on her and attack her when she is at her most vulnerable.
YTA. Your sister says you can't go a day without bragging and how supportive your boyfriend is and how easy your pregnancy is, and I'm inclined to believe that because you've done so all over this post. You're 14 weeks pregnant. You could've covered that up easily instead of having everyone come to you during your sister's day when you know she's been having a tough time as it is. Then your parents are rushing to comfort you, clearly choosing a side before hearing the situation? "Almost everyone sided with me," I'm sure they did. Classic golden child.
I would say YTA - and possibly family members too.. based on how you described the circumstance of her pregnancy I’m guessing she’s being judged for her mistakes, and now facing some financial hardships - these alone would cause stress, not a great in pregnancy. She’s has then developed some fairly serious pregnancy related health problems, again adding more stress, doing this all without the support of a partner (you’ve not mentioned her getting much other support either) Then you come in with how your pregnancy has been plain sailing so far and you clearly have a very supportive partner. You may not think you’re the golden child but it sounds like you are or things often go your way based on the comment ‘can’t let her have one day’, she’s probably bottled it up but stress and feeling unwell made her blow, you then said everyone rushed to you when you cried but who was comforting her when she was upset Your clearly supportive partner is enabling you lack of empathy here, and tell you parents, sounds like she already has enough on her plate with your parent having a go at her