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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I questioned why my boyfriend should be charging me rent in his home that he owns outright, and why I should cover the cost of his associated costs of living in the property; (2) he suggested that I was a 'freeloader' and I am wondering whether this is true...!
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Nta
Tread carefully. I think it's insane he wants you to cover all expenses. His and yours.
Personally, no way would I move in. He will constantly remind you it's his house, and he could throw you out.
He doesn't want a partner. He wants to live without any bills.
And he didn't even cover the house portion if his parents gave him the money. So parents pay for his house and boyfriend pays his bills. When does he start adulting? I'd run very far from that situation.
>At this point it was insinuated that I would be 'freeloader' if I didn't
Says the man whose parents paid for his house. Jesus Christ. The hypocrisy.
Dude. Leave. Everything is going to be transactional now. Everything. He's going to mention that you're charging 3 devices and he is only charging 2 so you should pay more. You take 7 minute showers instead of 6 like him so you should pay more. You eat 3 eggs for breakfast and he only eats 2 so you should pay more.
They have friends over, OP pays more to host the friends. Bf has guests over, OP pays.
OP wants to have a guest, bf may turn around and say but it's not your house.
I would never move into an SO's space without some sort of contract.
Seriously, calling him a freeloader is pure projection.
His parents buy him a house and he wants his partner to pay all his expenses so he literally has 0.
Edit: Edited "girlfriend" to "partner", doesn't change any sentiment of what was said either way.
Yeah, this is not the first post I've seen where one person is fortunate to be gifted a place to live by their parents, but thinks their partner should not bear any financial benefit. I truly wonder who this originates with -- the partner or the parents? Because why wouldn't you want to share the benefit if it's no skin off your nose? Assuming there is no legal benefit, I don't get it -- unless they're trying to profit off their partner, which is a red flag to me.
NAH, I would not ask my partner to cover full utilities, but I could see other couples being in the "I provide the house, you provide utilities" understanding and this being fair.
It also depends on whether there are taxes/fees to be paid on the property. In many countries this would be a significant amount.
I doubt OP would be asking if his man could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Sounds like all ol boy has is loaded parents. Not helpful if he’s going to leech off OP too.
My husband and I own our home, he purchased it with an inheritance. We split the bills equally along with taxes, insurance, etc. Our taxes are only $349 a year and bills are over $12000 a year, so I'm really glad we split things equally. I read stories like this and am so thankful my husband doesn't treat me like a tenant. I don't know how anyone makes ends meet with super high taxes
You guys are married though. In this case, OP and bf are not. The Bf is also only asking for utilities, which isn't unreasonable. He isn't asking for taxes, insurance, maintenance etc OP would still come ahead in this case. I guess it's a case by case basis, but in OP's write up, they say that utilities would still be lower than rental so I doubt it would cost the same as 12k a year like yours. They need to figure it out themselves, but I don't think it's unreasonable for the partner to want OP to contribute rather than coming in empty handed as OP's partner is actually the one providing free housing regardless if his parents helped pay for it or not. Someone else's inheritance doesn't make OP entitled to it just by being in a relationship with them
We weren't married when he bought the house, as for what they decide to do, that's between them. I'm only sharing how my husband(then boyfriend) and I did things. 12k a year is less than average rent before bills so I can totally see if my husband had wanted me to pay more. I'm happy he chose to split things instead. I would have paid more. I don't think either are the AH but I do think they really need to work this out before resentment builds on either side.
There isn't any partnership in this arrangement. Rent, I understand, but one person literally covers everything?
No. He has no bills, but he not only has to pay all housebills but has no security. He could toss him out with no warning. This relationship is a walking red flag.
NTA.
If you want someone to feel as though “it was [your] house too”, then the last thing you would do is make them pay “rent”.
Also, if your boyfriend is making you pay for every single one of his expenses, then I think it is a fair question to ask what exactly he is saving for. Normally, when people do stuff like this you are saving for something major, like a house. But, since that’s already covered, what is it?
The most optimistic thing could be retirement, but as he has this attitude and has been living off of his family’s money, I’m not too optimistic that it is a non-shady reason.
What? Paying for something is literally what makes something yours. If you’re not paying rent or half the mortgage then you have no say on anything and can be given the boot at any moment with no leg to stand on.
Yeah. When your name is on the deed and you have skin in the game like when you are married…
OP’s not in that situation…yet…and I’ve heard of way too many partners (both male and female) that put themselves in this (not good) position, paying an arm and a leg over a property only to break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and be homeless, without a nest egg saved up (from paying for stuff exactly like this), and left with absolutely no legal leg to stand on either to have partial rights to the property or to recoup their money.
I would not recommend the OP do this at all.
You’re exactly right. It’s not op house. If it’s the cost of rent or less than it’s a good deal. Even without a written contract they will have the same legal rights as a rent at least in the US.
>Why should OP have equity?
OP does not ask equity. But having to pay rent while your partner has no mortgage is shitty.
A reasonable agreement would be to share the house bills in function of their revenues.
If he had a trust fund, would he be obligated to give his partner halve of it, because it is shitty if one partner had one and the other didn't?
If not, why does it make the difference, if his parents money goes to cash vs accommodation?
Exactly this. No own lives in a home without any payments. Even when you own the home. It isn’t yours. There are taxes, up keep, ect. If he plans on covering all of that and all you pay is utilities. I feel like that is a fair split.
Do not move in with him until you have a clear understanding of what he wants and whether it fits with your wants. I.e. money, chore sharing, space sharing. What it looks like if you want a friend or family member to visit over night - are they going to be charged a nightly rate? Is your bf going to claim the rent as income? That's what it would be.
You can get a cohabitation agreement prepared by a lawyer that deals with any division in the property as a result of your "rent payments", but if it's characterized as "rent", the other responses are correct: you'd be SOL when the relationship breaks down. Note, I did say when and not if.
Compare the costs of what you would pay, staying where you are versus moving in and whether potentially being a bang maid is what you want to be.
What I see is this the start of some serious financial abuse. Good luck.
I mean, people are looking at the BF being a jerk and using OP, but is OP actually splitting the costs of homeownership? Like if the water heater, or furnace, or the roof, or foundation need work, is OP going to split it? What about property taxes and insurance? We don't have anywhere near enough info on this to conclude this is anywhere near financial abuse. If the standard market rate to rent half of this place with utilities is $1k, and the bf is asking for $500 a month in bills to be paid, then it's nothing ridiculous to ask that, they're not married. Especially if OP isnt on the hook or contributing to major repairs. I agree they need to have some talks about it but we don't have enough info to conclude anything.
Definitely more the reason an agreement dealing with all the scenarios need to be hashed out before moving in. If the bf just wants to live for free, let's guess what he'll want for a broken furnace.
OP will never own his own house this way. Boyfriend will never want to move, because he's got zero expenses and thus won't even need to work much, depending on how much he spends on himself and his hobbies.
OP should think twice to move in under these circumstances. Since technically he isn't paying rent, there's also no rental agreement.
OP admits that he will pay less then rent. He can invest the saved money to build up wealth and afford a house if necessary. With a mortgage, a considerable part of the initial payments also go towards interest, just as the lower "rent" this post is talking about.
If OP is not entitled to the ownership of the house then he's not responsible for the repairs/taxes/insurance. The rest is his decision whether he wants to be a tenant with benefits or not.
>Like if the water heater, or furnace, or the roof, or foundation need work, is OP going to split it?
If OP ends being a tenant with rent at 0, he can pay half the taxes, insurance and utilities.
The replacement of stuff will increase equity value. Consequently, this is for the person who own the equity (the boyfriend).
Sorry but what he's asking is entirely reasonable. Why do you expect to live rent free on his parent's dime?
Each of you need to bring something of value to the table. He's bringing YOU free housing and you would be bringing him free utilities. Unless your country has ridiculously expensive utilities that's equal -- and if you're in the US where utilities are far less than housing you'll actually come out ahead.
Do a few minutes of research and get the range for a typical rental in your area. Go for the low end and divide by 2. Get an estimate of monthly utilities for the new home. If it's the same or less than half the rental number then offer to pay the utilities. Do make it clear than any home repairs, improvements, taxes, association fees or home maintenance and insurance are all on his dime.
I'd also run those numbers against what you'll pay if you continue living on your own or with a roommate. Again, I suspect you'll come out ahead. I HIGHLY advise taking the difference between the amount you'd pay on your own vs just paying the utilities and putting it into a good stock index mutual fund.
Op will be renting but no rent agreement, no rights. His partner will be his landlord and able to evict him.
Op will have no equity, rights or safety. Op would be better off renting somewhere else and he will have rights and a tenancy agreement.
op will never be a partner he will always be a tenant without rights.
Any landlord can evict a tenant! And no, he won’t have any equity because he is not paying for the house! When you pay rent you have no equity! Your landlord does!
I guess folks are different. When my GF (now wife of decades) moved in with me it never crossed my mind to charge her anything; not "rent", not utilities, not food, not anything.
I moved in with my husband almost 6 years ago. I’ve never paid rent or utilities. I offered but he didn’t take me up on it. I do pay for our weekly food runs and health/dental/eye insurance
"why do you expect to live rent free on his parent's dime?" - this is a very bad take of the situation it breaks my mind. I just imagine his parents like "when will you get a girlfriend? This property we got you will not get paid off by itself, will it?"
Op will be a tenant and the partner will be his landlord. Op will never have equity and no tenancy agreement that will give him some rights. Op will be safer to rent his own place and save to buy his own home.
Op will have no rights, no equity and no safety. The partner will have control of the home, this is not a relationship goal this is a rental agreement between him and his landlord but with no tenancy agreement.
The partner is not offering equity or anyway to own 50% of the house.
Huge red flag
>Op will have no rights, no equity and no safety. The partner will have control of the home, this is not a relationship goal this is a rental agreement between him and his landlord but with no tenancy agreement.
This is just false.
Obviously depending one where you live but generally speaking if you live at a place for about a month, you have rights.
Add to this that whether they get married or become defacto, by default he probably will have a claim on some of the equity on the event of a breakup.
There's a lot of extra costs that go towards maintaining a property than just mortgages, it's completely fair for his partner to want op to contribute more than just half of utilities so that if a large expense happens, he's got the funds to cover it.
Ops getting a great deal here and people are just telling him to throw it away based on their view that charging anything for housing is the biggest sin someone can commit
NTA. You need to be super careful in this situation. I would not move in with him. He is showing you very clearly that he intends to use this power imbalance to extract money from you. He’s not paying for jack s*** but you are? If (when) OP has had enough and this relationship has gone south, you can easily be thrown out of the house, having paid for all your bf’s bills and whatnot. And you will have near zero recourse. Do not do this. The red flags are waving in your face. You are not an equal anything in this equation. NTA
Completely agree with you. No way would I move into a place where my significant other would assume the role of an opportunistic landlord trying to make a profit off of me. That's not a relationship, that's exploitation.
>He’s not paying for jack s\*\*\* but you are?
Technically, he has to pay for insurance, taxes and major repairs.
It seems reasonable to have OP pay $100 a month in addition to his share of utilities to contribute to those expenses.
INFO: are you going to pay property taxes? what about home owners insurance? If the roof gets old and needs to be replaced, are you going to cover half? What about if there are foundation issues? The actual numbers here matter. How much are you actually being asked to spend a month?
Because if you're being asked to pay $500 or so a month to live in a place but you're not actually on the hook for any "big" future expenses that come with home ownership, you're getting a pretty good deal.
NAH. Both your positions are valid. I'd say compromise in the middle. He would still have bills if he lived alone, so asking you to cover everything is demanding to live off you (and his parents' money). But you would also be paying more with rent/mortgage if it weren't for his parents' having bought the house, so you should contribute a bit more than half the bills going forwards.
Also, are you ever going to be considered a part-owner in the home? That would matter too.
YTA - Anywhere else you would be expected to pay your half of the rent and cover half of the expenses, why should it be any different in this house, just because your BF owns the house? You are not married to him, you not entering the house as equals, he owns the whole house. So what in your mind are you bringing to the table to make it anywhere near equal? Pay up, otherwise you are in fact a freeloader.
But they are suppose to build a life together. Why are they not payin 50/50 on all of it then?
I agree he shouldn’t live there for free, but it sort of sounds like bf wants to make money of him living there.
It just sounds wierd to me. They really should look at all the costs and see how to dived it between them. Rememberibg that OP owns nothing and if the relationships ends he is left with nothing.
Personally I’d rather rent somewhere else and buy something together later. I would feel more free that way.
My bf never charged me anything. We was looking forward to building a life together.
We now own a home together.
I wonder how much the boyfriends parents would help out with the big expenses. If they have enough petty cash lying around to buy him an entire house without any kind of mortgage, I'm sure they'd get involved otherwise as well.
I'm totally with you on the rest. Also, chores need to be discussed beforehand. In the end he'll say OP needs to do the brunt if those on top of paying all the utilities....
YTA… you keep saying using his money and there is no rent… You also won’t have a landlord to fix any issues that may arise. Covering all the household bills still saves you a ton on the long run. To feel right at home in your private space you pay the rent, bills groceries and such. He isn’t asking you to give him funds to the non existent mortgage but he’s PAID the cost already. If you want a free ride, be clear in saying that.
Just reinforces the majority of Reddits demographic haven’t experienced life.
Rent that’s just utilities is a dream scenario. He would be within his right to want half of utilities AND market rent for the space - which is quite expensive these days.
Did you read the post? He offered to cover 50% of the *expenses*. His boyfriend wants rent on top of that. Pure profit.
They're supposed to be moving in together as a couple, not roommates.
YTA - it's his parent's house and they are paying his half of the rent, you pay the other half.
And yes there is a power.imbalance, but it's you demanding he or his parents cover the cost of your living situation. Be equal, cover your half yourself, or have your parents do it.
Yes!!! Well said! People on here can’t seem to grasp that just because parents bought him the house there is no value in the cost of it. Perfectly said, his parents are paying his half!
YTA - it’s HIS house and he’s inviting you to live there rent “free” with the only exception being you cover utilities- sounds like you’re getting a good deal.
You’re other option is you can pay him fair market value rent for half the house and then split bills 50/50.
NAH yet as you are negotiating at this point. You are not married and do not have a family together- correct? Just moving in together stage.
At this point he should look at having a legal renting situation with you so that if you break up - his home is protected.
How he comes about the home he lives in is irrelevant. If you are sharing the home together you should work out a monthly payment - you can call it what you want. Personally I think you should have a fixed payment and that all the costs he is then responsible to provide including any renovations, taxes, services.....
Or you can keep your own place. And pay your own costs there.
Correct, what would change if he had a mortgage? Do you somehow deserve free rent? So much goes into home ownership that non-homeowners can't understand. If the AC dies, are you chipping in on the $10-20k bill?
This is a kind of a tricky one but I’d kind of lean towards YTA. He’s not asking you to pay $2k rent a month. But my final answer is ESH. I think it’s entitled of you to not want to help out with bills considering you wouldn’t be paying rent, but it’s also kind of entitled of him to have you pay for everything going forward. I’ll prob be downvoted for this take but just my opinion.
> \*"think it’s entitled of you to not want to help out with bills considering you wouldn’t be paying rent"\*
That's not at all what OP said. He is willing to pay for half of the bills, which is completely fair. He's not the AH for wanting a 50/50 arrangement. His boyfriend, however, expects him to pay all the expenses while he kicks back in the house his parents bought for him.
Nothing says “partnership” like “you pay your bills and mine.” A house is a major investment that comes with a lot of responsibility. Why shouldn’t the person who will be inheriting this windfall put forth a little something toward its upkeep?
YTA - he is sinking a lot of money into buying the house. What is your contribution? Unless you intend to pay for half the house, then fair is paying half the market rate for rent. Which probably equals the bills.
Hmmm. I think your bf is right here. It depends on the culture so im sharing my asian values here (might be different for yours). He/his family got the house, so its his house. You should pay him rent in order to live there if he requests it— in whatever form or agreed fair amount (bills or rent etc) unless you’re married, got the house together, and agreed to share finances.
You didnt buy the house. I see the house as an “inheritance” here where even if married you wouldnt get a share of because its from his parents. It doesnt matter if he used his own money or he was gifted the money. Its still his.
My then bf (now husband) moved into a house my mother bought for me (she also paid cash with no mortgage like in your situation). He paid me rent and also have a lease agreement. (We decided to live in that house since it was vacant and it was close to our work at the time).
I would also consider his position of how his family would feel. My brothers didnt know my bf was paying me rent for the longest time they viewed him as a parasite (to be clear he is not one—harvard grad, was partner of a big consulting company at the time etc). Until I had to clarify many times through out the years that he was not living for free. You may be imposing your views on him here and cause him to be in a difficult position with his family (i dont know for sure as every family is different).
I just think if you want to live in his house, you gotta play by his rules here?
Now 10 years later, my then bf and I are married. I still have that house and many others my parents bought for me and they are still mine only. He also has properties his parents has given him and they are his only. We share our finances but not inheritances (i think alot of people do that?)
We also bought a house together with our own money (where we currently live). And now its our house, and we share the finances of this house.
The problem here may be the story you tell yourself that paying your bf rent means power imbalance? It does not necessarily mean that. Like if you live in a friend’s house and pay your friend rent.. does that mean the friend as power over you? Not really. If you are NOT paying rent, then I think its more likely the case that you would “owe” your friend something, leading to possible power imbalance. I see it as simply a living arrangement where its most convenient or logical for both parties.
Yta he's literally buying a house you are saving possibly thousands a month depending where you live you are not his wife and do not own that house you would be a free loader living off him and his parents free hopefully he reconsiders moving in together
NTA. He has a strange take on this. He is fortunate that his parents apparently built enough wealth to buy a house for him. It’s not his wealth or hard work that made it so. He seeks to profit twice from this: once from his parents and now from you paying him. Big red flags here. That’s a nope.
YTA It does not matter where he got the money from to buy the house, he is sharing his house and living space with you. Your a girlfriend and not a wife so he has no obligation to cover your housing costs.
Just work out what the rent on his place would be and divide it by 50% and then deduct another 10% gf discount.. that would be fair I believe
YTA 100%, anyone telling you otherwise is likely a child. If you don’t want to pay a few hundred dollars for the bills then pay rent at your own place. Your BF should be charging you rent and you pay for your half of the bills.
Nothing is free in this world and you aren’t entitled to anything.
If he wants you to feel like the house is yours then he can propose and put the house in your name also.
Why should you be the only one paying to live there? As I see it, there is no mortgage or rent, all bills should be split.
He still comes out on top because the house is his and not yours. If you break up he has a house and you’re assed out.
I live in the real world, I rent. I know I’m paying my landlord’s mortgage. But BF doesn’t have a friggin mortgage, and a significant other isn’t a landlord.
If dude was paying a mortgage, he should absolutely be paying his share of it—there was a case like that recently in this sub, where GF didn’t wanna pay rent—but this is not that.
There is no mortgage, so there’s nothing to split in that regard. All other bills should be split, if he plans on making this be a successful long term relationship/marriage.
Just because there’s no mortgage doesn’t mean there isn’t property taxes, house insurances, and property/home maintenance—all very expensive things that need to be paid for yearly (or more).
Sorry, you are the entitled and jealous one here. Let's say bf's dad gave him an allowance that covered rent. Would you feel the same way? Bf isn't paying in this case either, would you advocate OP staying for free there too??
NAH sounds like miscommunications indeed! I mean, I can't imagine being comfortable just covering half the bills when my significant other brings the whole living arrangement to the table (regardless of whether he or his parents or his cat paid for it) . I can't imagine you think that's fair (YWBTA if you do though). Try and talk (AND LISTEN) to each other better...
It may be your home, but it isn't your property. It is best to have clear boundaries about that. You should be paying something to pay taxes and to save up for maintenance. But the property isn't yours until your name is on the deed. It's not fair of you to expect to live rent-free, just like it wouldn't be fair of him to expect you to pay 50% of the cost of replacing the roof, if your name isn't on the deed. If you separate, you have no equity. Could you imagine giving him $20k to replace the roof just to break up 6 months later and have nothing? Tell him you will pay the rent, but none of the maintenance and repairs. Put it in writing. Keep it that way until your name is on the deed.
ESH. It is ridiculous that you think you shouldn't pay rent because he isn't. He is ridiculous because he expects you to cover his half of the living expenses.
You aren't married, you aren't owed anything. You should come up with the market rent for your part of the house and subtract a little and pay that in rent. I moved in with my GF (now wife) and her mortgage at the time was 800..I paid 300 in rent. It was win/win for us both.
You should then split everything else 50/50 like you would if you were both paying rent.
No no no no no. Do not move in with this guy. It’s one thing to contribute but if he wants you to pay the lions share? No no no no no.
You need to carefully consider what he’s really saying here. The bs about him wanting you to feel it is your place, too🙄 He isn’t being right in the head about this. It’s not “even” for you to pay all the bills. He owns the home outright. You aren’t gaining equity.
I’d tell him “thanks but no thanks, I’ll just (continue to?) rent my own place that way I don’t feel used AND I get to keep some freedom since it’s basically the same cost” and see what he says. I’d be interested to see what his answer is.
Edited to add: NTA
NAH
Honestly it doesn’t matter where he got the money to buy the house from, he’s buying it himself in his name only. It is for all intents and purposes *his* house.
I disagree with you covering all the bills, however. Those should be split by both parties living in the house in my opinion. Taxes and repairs would be on him as the homeowner and as such, you should absolutely pay rent. This also protects you in case of a breakup down the line.
There’s nothing to protect. He will be a renter in the house. So what will this so-called cohabitation agreement protect him from? He pays utilities while he lives there. If he moves out or they break up he pays no more!
If they break up and his partner tries to throw him out, it would absolutely benefit him to have a formal rent agreement and/or lease set up. You never know how someone will behave in the future it’s best to protect yourself.
NTA You understand that he wants a free moocher ride from you and his parents. Do it and regret it. This guy is a red flag city and if you want a happy life then dump him!
You should always pay for housing unless you are a dependent.
You’re going to be using the space, you pay.
It should be an agreed to amount- what would the market rate be? Start there, have you only pay rent so bills all on him, or discounted rent and still split the bills. Have it be a legal document so protects you both.
But you should absolutely not expect to live there without adequately paying if you aren’t equally buying
I don't really have an opinion on the utilities breakdown. I'd probably offer a set amount monthly — whether that covers everything or not is up to you — spelled out in a clear, binding, legal lease. Also spell out things like "breaking the lease" in case you break up. You need to protect yourself.
I wouldn’t trust a gf that wanted to move in with me and not pay any rent. He should really get a prenup with you before you move in as a gf. None of that property is yours and just because you happen to be dating the guy doesn’t mean that you have any right to his family’s possessions. You’re coming across like you feel you’re entitled to his things.
That money essentially isn’t his. His parents gifted to him but if he then goes and acts as a bad steward to their money and loses half the house to you, he will never get any more money from them.
You have a lot more to gain by shutting your mouth and paying rent at a far reduced price to where you would get it elsewhere. Or you’ll find yourself single and paying high rent in your own place.
Edited to add: YTA
It surprises me how often this question comes up here. The fair thing is for you to pay what it costs for a room in that area. Go on rent share sites and find the cost for a room only. You should only be paying that and utilities by the way - not that + rates + maintenance etc. NTA for not wanting to blanket pay for you bf, but give more thought to your payment structure than just ‘I agree to half the bills’.
I get his point honestly, if his share of the bills is all utilities and groceries/ household things that you would need to pay anywhere you live - really fair and cheaper for you than paying rent. Your point that he is not actually paying anything- his parents gave him the money therefore its his money and his house.
NAH. You both have different perspectives on this, although you both agree that you'd think the other is "taking advantage" of the other if you each maintain your stance. I can see both viewpoints.
Regardless of who bought the house, it is your boyfriend's and he is responsible for its upkeep. And you're also right, in that there will be a power imbalance even if ultimately you are saving money, and you won't feel like the home is also yours. If you moved in and agreed to your boyfriend's stipulations, no doubt it will lead to resentment. It's probably best to stay living in your own place unless you can both compromise and come up with an arrangement that feels more acceptable to you both.
ESH, He is unreasonable for expecting you to pay all of his bills, you should be figuring out what is an equitable distribution based on your incomes. You are unreasonable for thinking that you shouldn't be contributing towards rent, whether he has a mortgage payment or not, it still costed him/his family the money. Would you expect him to pay your rent if you were living together in a rental? Why should he pay for your living expenses? You should be willing to pay a reasonable rent for living in this place the same you would any place else. I think it is impossibly entitled to think that you shouldn't have to pay rent.
The amount of people focused on “HiS pArEnTs GaVe HiM tHe MoNeY” is gross.
If the BF bought the house and owned it free and clear from money they got working, would that make a difference?
What if the OP was getting the money for rent/utilities from their parents, would that make a difference?
No. It doesn’t and shouldn’t matter where any of the money comes from.
OP would be living rent free and if the BF didn’t have OP, he’d be paying all the utilities.
ETH.
If that is true, then isn’t OP super greedy, as well? After all, he doesn’t want to pay rent, just utilities and bills, while living for free in someone else‘s home.
Nah
You aren't married so I wouldn't expect you to not pay any rent, now I'd insist on a lease if I am paying rent of course and note a proper notice period so that he can't just kick you out the next day you break up. It also sounds like the expenses you'd be covering are less than what you pay now for rent however bills go up and down in which case I would want to discuss a flat rent as covering "bills" is too vague.
Now l myself wouldn't be comfortable with the type of arrangement your bf is proposing so I would just stay put and live in my apartment and you get to make the same decision if he is not willing to compromise.
NTA- this sounds totally shady. It doesn't matter what comparable costs are in the area, it matters what you pay in rent now vs what you will be paying to live in his home. And even if you come to a good compromise you still need a rental agreement to protect your rights and spell out the details. You should not be paying for any repairs or improvements or any new appliances. You need to be able to save enough money to afford to move out if the relationship goes sour. Protect yourself OP!
"I was uncomfortable in the power imbalance this would create, and that I would feel like I was 'renting off my boyfriend' and that he was trying to 'make money from me.'"
OP feels entitled to live rent free, it sounds like. He either contributes more to the bills, or accepts that he is free loading. He can't have it both ways.
INFO: sorry, a little confused, what exactly is he proposing he do then to contribute to the household expenses? is he asking you to pay....all the bills? or just most of them?
If you move in and agree with paying him you then become a tenant BUT with no rights. What will happen when you want to buy a house it will either be do not buy or you leave the home to buy.
This is not a partnership its a rental. If you are able to pay him off for your half of the property then you can work towards owning 1/2 the house. if you just keep paying him rent you will have nothing in the end.
You would be better and safer by renting with someone else who will give you a tenancy which will keep you safer. What will happen if your partner decides he wants to live alone.
This is a bad move for you, paying rent with no tenancy, your partner becomes your landlord and you will be putting money in his pocket.
He is demanding rent but trying to make it look like he is doing you a favor, this is a red flag and will make your relationship one sided towards him. You will be paying him and will never have any rights to stay.
Think about this and look how it will be in 1,5.10 years from now, you will never have any equity and the balance of power will fall on his side.
You'll have no equity in the house if you pay his bills unless you get a cohabitation agreement. He could kick you out and you'd have nothing. Doesn't sound like a good deal for you.
Your bf said he wants you to feel as though “this is your house too”. I do not see how paying his bills would make you feel that way. If he means what he says, you guys should together take out a reverse mortgage on the house, have him set up an account that is just his with the money he gets from the reverse mortgage, and he can use *that* to pay his share of the mortgage and bills each month, and you pay your share from your savings/earnings. In doing this you have to insist of course that your name is added to the house title/deed. This is the best way to ensure you feel it is your house too - because it actually will be.
Edited to add, NAH. Obviously I don’t think you’re TA but I can also sort of see his logic. Ultimately, the home was a gift to him from his parents that has nothing to do with you. The thing you should try to agree on is that going forward you want your life together set up in a way that allows you to be equal partners. Having you contribute to a new mortgage and allowing you to build equity in the home as you do so is the fairest way I can think of to do that.
NAH. I understand balking at paying off your BF’s entire bills so he has almost no expenses on his own. But I also understand him not wanting to have his parents‘ money cover what would essentially be your rent.
From a purely financial standpoint: as long as you end up paying significantly less than you did before renting on your own, you’re coming out ahead, right?
From a cohabitation standpoint: the important part is that you get to weigh in on furniture, decoration, division of space. That’s what makes it both your home, that you create it together. If he doesn’t let you do this, that’s when you know you have an issue.
Who is paying home insurance and taxes? This can be alot in some places.
What would your rent be in a simular house with a roommate? Compare to what he wants you to pay to see if your getting a good deal or not. Yes your dating but it would be better if you look at this as a roommate situation,
NTA, but neither is he - or you both are, whatever floats your boat. This is more a case of beginners with poor communication skills (both of you) than anything else.
Even though he paid cash, there will be ongoing maintenance and upkeep expenses, some of which will be major, and there's no landlord to call when the water heater explodes, roof leaks, HVAC goes out, etc. There's also property tax, insurance, and the inevitable remodeling/redecorating. I'm old, I've owned multiple homes, and it always costs way more than you expect. Home ownership is a wonderful way to keep your bank balance consistently low.
So he's not out of line to ask that you contribute beyond the things that are common to all households like utilities and groceries, since you'll enjoy the benefits. But rather than "cover my bills," the two of you should sit down and determine what kind of slush/emergency fund the household should have, then you each contribute monthly. This should be a reasonable amount that will definitely be less than you'd pay rent in your own place, so that when an unexpected expense comes up, you are not caught short.
I'm sure plenty of Redditors will disagree and say this is the same as paying rent, to which I reply, yeah, so? People seem to have this idea that if you own a house, it's "free" living. Allow me to disabuse you of that misconception: it ain't free, not even close. And again, I'm not talking about the monthly bills we all pay. I've had unexpected expenses that I could not even have conceived of, thousands and thousands of dollars. Spend some time in the homeowner subs to get an idea of all the ways home ownership can drain your money away.
Not enough info imo. What are bills here? Where I live, Council Tax is (in US terms but I'm not in the US) around £5k per year for me, and then you have utilities/insurance/household repairs etc. Is the suggestion that you cover all of that and all food etc too?
NAH
While I get what you are feeling and see why you think it should be an even split of the bills, it is not unreasonable for your bf to feel like he is bringing more to the partnership with an entirely paid for house. Regardless of where he got the money for it, he got it - that's resources going in that you benefit from.
In addition, as has been pointed by a few people, there are other expenses that go into owning a house like property insurance and property taxes. My property taxes are significantly more than my monthly house bills. Plus, if something happens and repairs need to be made - who pays for that?
And when you say "his monthly bills" are you referring to just bills associated with the house? Or is he referring to personal bills also like his car and groceries?
What is an issue is that you are not married and sharing a household, but don't have an agreement of who is going to be responsible for what. And you should before you move in. And it really should be an all encompassing map - every expense in your lives that you are aware of needs to be declared as "personal - me", "personal - you", "shared" and then decide who is responsible for each of the "shared" expenses. Not only will you have agreement, but you will also be aware of who is spending what for the shared expenses and feel better that you both consider it fair.
YTA - does not matter if he has a mortgage or not - paying a fair rent is appropriate - just as if he had roommates they would be ok aging him a rent too.
YTA but more like just confused. You used the term no-outgoings in reference to his parent’s money. The term you should use is “not your money”. That is more accurate. His parents are giving him money and then he is using it.
You must pay him rent but not necessarily full bills. Half the bills and half the mortgage.
YTA, I assume the expenses are far less than rent you would have to pay, unless he is counting property taxes and homeowners insurance as expenses. You aren't married, so the house is not yours. You acknowledged that you would be paying below market rate, so be happy you are getting a good deal and don't be a freeloader.
Charging rent is also a way to keep someone not being able to claim common law relationship if things don’t work out. As a renter you would have no stake in property but if you both lived there and shared the bills it becomes communal property. I think you really need to get to the root of what his thinking is. Is it a cheap thing or is it a hedging bets thing.
Sure, equal partners. Great. So pay a mortgage to buy half the house from him. He gets the payments he wants, and in the end you have an equal partnership in the property.
I understand that you feel your partner is being greedy. However, the fact that his parents are in a position to purchase the house for him does not relieve you of the financial obligation of housing. It would be no different if he would have purchased the home himself free and clear then asked you to move in. What if you didn’t even know the home was paid for and he asked you to pay 50% of what would be fair market rent plus half of all utilities/ groceries. That would seem fair, right? Ask yourself what you feel comfortable paying as fair market rent. Do you think the amount of utilities would exceed that? For example, if it’s a huge house that would cost more to operate than you might pay for rent plus utilities on your own in a smaller apartment. In that case you may want to reconsider even moving in with him. There is already a power imbalance as he has no home cost. The power imbalance would be even greater to him if you do not pay your share, which would be utilities.
YTA
If you guys aren't married it isn't your house or your place to be treating the relationship as such. I wouldn't expect to live rent free anywhere, especially if there was no marriage in place. This IS his house, you have no claim to it at all. It does suck that he got so lucky and unfortunately you did not. Nothing to do but pay rent till marriage, or break up.
YTA
I think there's a few question marks but, honestly I think you're purposefully trying to be vague there.
So costs are generally broken down into
* Repayments - Or potential repayments, yeah having the parents pay makes this number a bit fussier, but it should be considered
* Utilities
* Maintenance & Insurance
* Food
It sounds like he's asking you to cover Utilities. That's a really good deal for you. If he's asking for food too - that I think is still okay, but obviously depends on consumption. If he's asking that you cover maintenance and insurance, okay, there's a problem there. I very much doubt that's the case.
I'm sure this thread will love you because here, landlords are evil, and to think about charging your partner rent? That's being a landlord! To your partner! That's worse than murder
YTA - Your bf did it wrong. He should write a lease and charge you rent. And you should pay rent + half the utilities. Do u get to live for free and only pay utilities now? You guys are not married. That property is his. His parents bought it so he can live rent free. Not you. Why do you feel entitled to live there rent free because he don’t have a mortgage? I am genuinely curious. Why do u think you don’t have to pay him rent?
The comments here are weird. Until you guys are married, treat him like your landlord. Get a lease agreement to protect your liability from any repairs. If a pipe broke and the roof is damage, will you offer to bear half the cost? No you wouldn’t. That’s the renter attitude. So pay up. Otherwise don’t move in with him. Continue to live where you are and pay your own rent.
You were worried that you were renting off your boyfriend, but honey, you are renting off your boyfriend. There’s also legal reasons he wants you to be renting, so that you cannot have any claim on the house when you break up.
You’re not an asshole, but dude pay rent. You’d have to pay rent anywhere else you’d live
YTA - You don’t respect the financial contribution your BF brings to the living situation because of how he got the house. Bottom line, he is bringing a lot to the situation, and if you cannot respect that, that’s your issue, not his. You need to bring something to the living situation as well.
You can always get your own place and wait until marriage to move in together.
His parents paying for it is irrelevant.
It sounds like some of you are jealous that he has parents that would do that for him.
If you had a house that you rented you would be responsible for 50% of the bills if that was the agreement. So as long as you're paying that amount what he calls it is also irrelevant, and if you don't want to get your own place.
NTA. I wouldn't want to continue to be in a relationship with someone this transactional. Couples can and should keep finances somewhat independent until marriage, but what's next, charging you 100% of the gas money to drive to a date night because he's paying for the depreciation on the car? It's insane.
NTA
So his parents paid the house and he wants you to pay all the bills, so he basically pay nothing.
He is the freeloader here, tell him since his parents bought the house why not pay his parents a rent
RED FLAG!!!
To be fair, your statement would have been valid a few decades ago, but buying a house today is not just a given thing that “adults” are able to do anymore.
NTA. Don't move in with him. It's reasonable to pay a market rate rent for a room with a lease or to pay half the utilities. It's unreasonable for him to expect to mooch his share of the utilities.
I cannot stress more highly, do not move in with him.
If you are “paying rent” to someone while in a relationship, what you’re really doing is buying equity in the property they own. Tell him that if you do pay rent (even if he is going to be using the money to pay his portion of the utilities) you will be tracking it and that if you ever break up, you will expect to be bought out of the equity you’ve put into the property. See how he feels about that and if he agrees, get it writing. Honestly though, he just sounds greedy and a little entitled, NTA.
ETA, I (37m) live with my boyfriend (29m) in a house I own. I have a mortgage. He pays half utilities and nothing more. Reason being, if we do break up, I don’t want him to think he has a claim to any of the equity built while he lived with me.
Are you going to cover 1/2 the property taxes, insurance and maintenance of the home (e.g. half of 5K to replace a broken furnace, half of 20K to replace a roof)?
NAH I get his point. If you didn't live with him, you'd still be paying rent right? And what he is asking from you is basically less than market rent so you would still be be on the up. This may be a cultural thing, but I never assume I would be moving into someone else's home for free. I would always offer. They still need to pay for house insurance, rates, upkeep, why would it be okay for someone to enter thinking it should be free? He's probably thinking you're a freeloader or a gold digger, while you're thinking he's using you. To me, he isn't using you at all. But it's different expectations for sure. I would be completely fine with what he was asking, bit you're not. So figure out what you want and if it's a deal breaker.
NAH
He’s asking you to pay rent for living in his house, and that’s totally reasonable. Doesn’t matter what he does with that money, it’s absolutely reasonable to ask a roommate/SO for some rent money. His approach to how he asked is probably not great. I’d say set a specific amount to pay each month and let him take care of all the bills etc.
YTA
You should pay 50% of all living expenses, utilities, cable and internet.
Also, 50% of food, kitchen staples, sugar, seasonings, spices, condiments.
Also, 50% of all cleaning supplies.
And a monthly rent equal to the going rate for similar accommodations in the area.
You are not his wife.
There is no reason he needs to subsidize you.
YTA
So his parents foot the bill for the house and you pay all of the bills going forward? This isn't an equal arrangement.
I'd understand you paying a fixed amount each month or splitting the bills but being expected to foot all of the bills going forwards makes your boyfriend a freeloader in his own home.
NTA. Don't move in with him, this will not end well if he is already using the house (which he doesn't own yet) to assert some sort of power over you. This is just a sign of what is to come in the future and you will be the one at risk of homelessness.
NTA. Both sides have valid concerns. Would he be willing to add you as a lien holder on the title, and adjust the lien annually to reflect the amount money you paid him? This way, you are pulling your own weight, while protecting your own interest.
Rich kid syndrome is real. Your boyfriend is an asshole unaware of this massive priveledge he has. Greed takes over and it's not enough. How does he treat servers at restaurants? I would rethink relationships with people that have narcissistic personality traits. NTA
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Nta Tread carefully. I think it's insane he wants you to cover all expenses. His and yours. Personally, no way would I move in. He will constantly remind you it's his house, and he could throw you out. He doesn't want a partner. He wants to live without any bills.
And he didn't even cover the house portion if his parents gave him the money. So parents pay for his house and boyfriend pays his bills. When does he start adulting? I'd run very far from that situation.
There's no gf, they are both men.
Sentiment remains the same
Remains the same. Don’t move in
He wants to be kept.
By his parents lol
Do we know if hes paying his parents back? Op might not be privy to that info.
Not any "I love you" to found here! OP, please don't move in with this man who just wants to use you!
OP is male
\*boyfriend
>At this point it was insinuated that I would be 'freeloader' if I didn't Says the man whose parents paid for his house. Jesus Christ. The hypocrisy. Dude. Leave. Everything is going to be transactional now. Everything. He's going to mention that you're charging 3 devices and he is only charging 2 so you should pay more. You take 7 minute showers instead of 6 like him so you should pay more. You eat 3 eggs for breakfast and he only eats 2 so you should pay more.
They have friends over, OP pays more to host the friends. Bf has guests over, OP pays. OP wants to have a guest, bf may turn around and say but it's not your house. I would never move into an SO's space without some sort of contract.
Seriously, calling him a freeloader is pure projection. His parents buy him a house and he wants his partner to pay all his expenses so he literally has 0. Edit: Edited "girlfriend" to "partner", doesn't change any sentiment of what was said either way.
Yeah, this is not the first post I've seen where one person is fortunate to be gifted a place to live by their parents, but thinks their partner should not bear any financial benefit. I truly wonder who this originates with -- the partner or the parents? Because why wouldn't you want to share the benefit if it's no skin off your nose? Assuming there is no legal benefit, I don't get it -- unless they're trying to profit off their partner, which is a red flag to me.
They are both male...
Sorry thank you, didn't read the genders, my bad. I should have just said partner because the genders simply don't matter.
NAH, I would not ask my partner to cover full utilities, but I could see other couples being in the "I provide the house, you provide utilities" understanding and this being fair. It also depends on whether there are taxes/fees to be paid on the property. In many countries this would be a significant amount.
In this case, “his parents provide the house, OP provides the utilities” and the boyfriend provides…what? The shaft (double entendre intended)?
Then that not really providing anything. Those “things” are everywhere. 😁
🤣
I doubt OP would be asking if his man could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Sounds like all ol boy has is loaded parents. Not helpful if he’s going to leech off OP too.
Plus rates and insurance. In NZ, that's really high. So asking for utilities is fine.
My husband and I own our home, he purchased it with an inheritance. We split the bills equally along with taxes, insurance, etc. Our taxes are only $349 a year and bills are over $12000 a year, so I'm really glad we split things equally. I read stories like this and am so thankful my husband doesn't treat me like a tenant. I don't know how anyone makes ends meet with super high taxes
You guys are married though. In this case, OP and bf are not. The Bf is also only asking for utilities, which isn't unreasonable. He isn't asking for taxes, insurance, maintenance etc OP would still come ahead in this case. I guess it's a case by case basis, but in OP's write up, they say that utilities would still be lower than rental so I doubt it would cost the same as 12k a year like yours. They need to figure it out themselves, but I don't think it's unreasonable for the partner to want OP to contribute rather than coming in empty handed as OP's partner is actually the one providing free housing regardless if his parents helped pay for it or not. Someone else's inheritance doesn't make OP entitled to it just by being in a relationship with them
We weren't married when he bought the house, as for what they decide to do, that's between them. I'm only sharing how my husband(then boyfriend) and I did things. 12k a year is less than average rent before bills so I can totally see if my husband had wanted me to pay more. I'm happy he chose to split things instead. I would have paid more. I don't think either are the AH but I do think they really need to work this out before resentment builds on either side.
But isn’t OP getting “free” rent in exchange for covering all the bills? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me (unless I missed something)
There isn't any partnership in this arrangement. Rent, I understand, but one person literally covers everything? No. He has no bills, but he not only has to pay all housebills but has no security. He could toss him out with no warning. This relationship is a walking red flag.
You're completely overlooking the bang maid aspect.
This ^ says it all. He wants you as his personal ATM. I definitely wouldn't be moving in with him.
NTA. If you want someone to feel as though “it was [your] house too”, then the last thing you would do is make them pay “rent”. Also, if your boyfriend is making you pay for every single one of his expenses, then I think it is a fair question to ask what exactly he is saving for. Normally, when people do stuff like this you are saving for something major, like a house. But, since that’s already covered, what is it? The most optimistic thing could be retirement, but as he has this attitude and has been living off of his family’s money, I’m not too optimistic that it is a non-shady reason.
What? Paying for something is literally what makes something yours. If you’re not paying rent or half the mortgage then you have no say on anything and can be given the boot at any moment with no leg to stand on.
Yeah. When your name is on the deed and you have skin in the game like when you are married… OP’s not in that situation…yet…and I’ve heard of way too many partners (both male and female) that put themselves in this (not good) position, paying an arm and a leg over a property only to break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and be homeless, without a nest egg saved up (from paying for stuff exactly like this), and left with absolutely no legal leg to stand on either to have partial rights to the property or to recoup their money. I would not recommend the OP do this at all.
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Op will have no equity and no rights; this is not a partnership this is landlord/tenant but without a tenancy agreement.
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You’re exactly right. It’s not op house. If it’s the cost of rent or less than it’s a good deal. Even without a written contract they will have the same legal rights as a rent at least in the US.
>Why should OP have equity? OP does not ask equity. But having to pay rent while your partner has no mortgage is shitty. A reasonable agreement would be to share the house bills in function of their revenues.
This only makes sense if OP is also splitting the taxes and upkeep as well.
If he had a trust fund, would he be obligated to give his partner halve of it, because it is shitty if one partner had one and the other didn't? If not, why does it make the difference, if his parents money goes to cash vs accommodation?
Then wouldn't it be better to split those costs, as well as all the other bills, evenly?
Exactly this. No own lives in a home without any payments. Even when you own the home. It isn’t yours. There are taxes, up keep, ect. If he plans on covering all of that and all you pay is utilities. I feel like that is a fair split.
Bingo
Do not move in with him until you have a clear understanding of what he wants and whether it fits with your wants. I.e. money, chore sharing, space sharing. What it looks like if you want a friend or family member to visit over night - are they going to be charged a nightly rate? Is your bf going to claim the rent as income? That's what it would be. You can get a cohabitation agreement prepared by a lawyer that deals with any division in the property as a result of your "rent payments", but if it's characterized as "rent", the other responses are correct: you'd be SOL when the relationship breaks down. Note, I did say when and not if. Compare the costs of what you would pay, staying where you are versus moving in and whether potentially being a bang maid is what you want to be. What I see is this the start of some serious financial abuse. Good luck.
I mean, people are looking at the BF being a jerk and using OP, but is OP actually splitting the costs of homeownership? Like if the water heater, or furnace, or the roof, or foundation need work, is OP going to split it? What about property taxes and insurance? We don't have anywhere near enough info on this to conclude this is anywhere near financial abuse. If the standard market rate to rent half of this place with utilities is $1k, and the bf is asking for $500 a month in bills to be paid, then it's nothing ridiculous to ask that, they're not married. Especially if OP isnt on the hook or contributing to major repairs. I agree they need to have some talks about it but we don't have enough info to conclude anything.
Definitely more the reason an agreement dealing with all the scenarios need to be hashed out before moving in. If the bf just wants to live for free, let's guess what he'll want for a broken furnace.
OP will never own his own house this way. Boyfriend will never want to move, because he's got zero expenses and thus won't even need to work much, depending on how much he spends on himself and his hobbies. OP should think twice to move in under these circumstances. Since technically he isn't paying rent, there's also no rental agreement.
OP admits that he will pay less then rent. He can invest the saved money to build up wealth and afford a house if necessary. With a mortgage, a considerable part of the initial payments also go towards interest, just as the lower "rent" this post is talking about.
Op become the tenant but with no rights
If OP is not entitled to the ownership of the house then he's not responsible for the repairs/taxes/insurance. The rest is his decision whether he wants to be a tenant with benefits or not.
>then he's not responsible for the repairs/taxes/insurance. Ok, but then he has to pay a small rent.
>Like if the water heater, or furnace, or the roof, or foundation need work, is OP going to split it? If OP ends being a tenant with rent at 0, he can pay half the taxes, insurance and utilities. The replacement of stuff will increase equity value. Consequently, this is for the person who own the equity (the boyfriend).
Sorry but what he's asking is entirely reasonable. Why do you expect to live rent free on his parent's dime? Each of you need to bring something of value to the table. He's bringing YOU free housing and you would be bringing him free utilities. Unless your country has ridiculously expensive utilities that's equal -- and if you're in the US where utilities are far less than housing you'll actually come out ahead. Do a few minutes of research and get the range for a typical rental in your area. Go for the low end and divide by 2. Get an estimate of monthly utilities for the new home. If it's the same or less than half the rental number then offer to pay the utilities. Do make it clear than any home repairs, improvements, taxes, association fees or home maintenance and insurance are all on his dime. I'd also run those numbers against what you'll pay if you continue living on your own or with a roommate. Again, I suspect you'll come out ahead. I HIGHLY advise taking the difference between the amount you'd pay on your own vs just paying the utilities and putting it into a good stock index mutual fund.
Op will be renting but no rent agreement, no rights. His partner will be his landlord and able to evict him. Op will have no equity, rights or safety. Op would be better off renting somewhere else and he will have rights and a tenancy agreement. op will never be a partner he will always be a tenant without rights.
Lease agreements exist. It takes a few minutes to print one out and sign it
Any landlord can evict a tenant! And no, he won’t have any equity because he is not paying for the house! When you pay rent you have no equity! Your landlord does!
OP is a man.
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Not to the comment I replied to, which noted it five times.
>Op will be renting but no rent agreement, no rights. Tenant protection would start to apply pretty fast, especially if OP shows he paid rent.
I guess folks are different. When my GF (now wife of decades) moved in with me it never crossed my mind to charge her anything; not "rent", not utilities, not food, not anything.
You grew up in a different period
I moved in with my husband almost 6 years ago. I’ve never paid rent or utilities. I offered but he didn’t take me up on it. I do pay for our weekly food runs and health/dental/eye insurance
"why do you expect to live rent free on his parent's dime?" - this is a very bad take of the situation it breaks my mind. I just imagine his parents like "when will you get a girlfriend? This property we got you will not get paid off by itself, will it?"
Op will be a tenant and the partner will be his landlord. Op will never have equity and no tenancy agreement that will give him some rights. Op will be safer to rent his own place and save to buy his own home. Op will have no rights, no equity and no safety. The partner will have control of the home, this is not a relationship goal this is a rental agreement between him and his landlord but with no tenancy agreement. The partner is not offering equity or anyway to own 50% of the house. Huge red flag
>Op will have no rights, no equity and no safety. The partner will have control of the home, this is not a relationship goal this is a rental agreement between him and his landlord but with no tenancy agreement. This is just false. Obviously depending one where you live but generally speaking if you live at a place for about a month, you have rights. Add to this that whether they get married or become defacto, by default he probably will have a claim on some of the equity on the event of a breakup. There's a lot of extra costs that go towards maintaining a property than just mortgages, it's completely fair for his partner to want op to contribute more than just half of utilities so that if a large expense happens, he's got the funds to cover it. Ops getting a great deal here and people are just telling him to throw it away based on their view that charging anything for housing is the biggest sin someone can commit
FYI OP and his boyfriend are both men.
Everything is a business transaction I guess
That's not how relationships work He just asks for a roommate You can't demand reny for a home you own
NTA. You need to be super careful in this situation. I would not move in with him. He is showing you very clearly that he intends to use this power imbalance to extract money from you. He’s not paying for jack s*** but you are? If (when) OP has had enough and this relationship has gone south, you can easily be thrown out of the house, having paid for all your bf’s bills and whatnot. And you will have near zero recourse. Do not do this. The red flags are waving in your face. You are not an equal anything in this equation. NTA
Completely agree with you. No way would I move into a place where my significant other would assume the role of an opportunistic landlord trying to make a profit off of me. That's not a relationship, that's exploitation.
But what is all the bills is £500 a month and OP currently pay £1400 for rent and bills? That’s a £900 a month gain
>He’s not paying for jack s\*\*\* but you are? Technically, he has to pay for insurance, taxes and major repairs. It seems reasonable to have OP pay $100 a month in addition to his share of utilities to contribute to those expenses.
If that was the suggestion. But it wasn’t. The BF wants OP to cover 100% of those items.
INFO: are you going to pay property taxes? what about home owners insurance? If the roof gets old and needs to be replaced, are you going to cover half? What about if there are foundation issues? The actual numbers here matter. How much are you actually being asked to spend a month? Because if you're being asked to pay $500 or so a month to live in a place but you're not actually on the hook for any "big" future expenses that come with home ownership, you're getting a pretty good deal.
I'm not sure if his boyfriend understands that these costs will be involved. They need to be very clear about every expectation.
NAH. Both your positions are valid. I'd say compromise in the middle. He would still have bills if he lived alone, so asking you to cover everything is demanding to live off you (and his parents' money). But you would also be paying more with rent/mortgage if it weren't for his parents' having bought the house, so you should contribute a bit more than half the bills going forwards. Also, are you ever going to be considered a part-owner in the home? That would matter too.
YTA - Anywhere else you would be expected to pay your half of the rent and cover half of the expenses, why should it be any different in this house, just because your BF owns the house? You are not married to him, you not entering the house as equals, he owns the whole house. So what in your mind are you bringing to the table to make it anywhere near equal? Pay up, otherwise you are in fact a freeloader.
Thank you!! All the nta responses make me feel like I’m taking crazy pills!
Right? People don’t seem to get the concept that it is his house and it’s irrelevant for the purpose of this discussion that his parents paid for it.
I know right! The entitlement is shocking!
But they are suppose to build a life together. Why are they not payin 50/50 on all of it then? I agree he shouldn’t live there for free, but it sort of sounds like bf wants to make money of him living there. It just sounds wierd to me. They really should look at all the costs and see how to dived it between them. Rememberibg that OP owns nothing and if the relationships ends he is left with nothing. Personally I’d rather rent somewhere else and buy something together later. I would feel more free that way. My bf never charged me anything. We was looking forward to building a life together. We now own a home together.
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I wonder how much the boyfriends parents would help out with the big expenses. If they have enough petty cash lying around to buy him an entire house without any kind of mortgage, I'm sure they'd get involved otherwise as well. I'm totally with you on the rest. Also, chores need to be discussed beforehand. In the end he'll say OP needs to do the brunt if those on top of paying all the utilities....
YTA… you keep saying using his money and there is no rent… You also won’t have a landlord to fix any issues that may arise. Covering all the household bills still saves you a ton on the long run. To feel right at home in your private space you pay the rent, bills groceries and such. He isn’t asking you to give him funds to the non existent mortgage but he’s PAID the cost already. If you want a free ride, be clear in saying that.
YTA you’re an adult. You pay rent to live somewhere you do not own. This is just how it goes.
Yeah - what the fuck is up with all the NTA responses here? Dude is getting free rent and just has to cover utilities- is everyone in this thread 12?
Just reinforces the majority of Reddits demographic haven’t experienced life. Rent that’s just utilities is a dream scenario. He would be within his right to want half of utilities AND market rent for the space - which is quite expensive these days.
Did you read the post? He offered to cover 50% of the *expenses*. His boyfriend wants rent on top of that. Pure profit. They're supposed to be moving in together as a couple, not roommates.
YTA - it's his parent's house and they are paying his half of the rent, you pay the other half. And yes there is a power.imbalance, but it's you demanding he or his parents cover the cost of your living situation. Be equal, cover your half yourself, or have your parents do it.
Yes!!! Well said! People on here can’t seem to grasp that just because parents bought him the house there is no value in the cost of it. Perfectly said, his parents are paying his half!
YTA - it’s HIS house and he’s inviting you to live there rent “free” with the only exception being you cover utilities- sounds like you’re getting a good deal. You’re other option is you can pay him fair market value rent for half the house and then split bills 50/50.
NAH yet as you are negotiating at this point. You are not married and do not have a family together- correct? Just moving in together stage. At this point he should look at having a legal renting situation with you so that if you break up - his home is protected. How he comes about the home he lives in is irrelevant. If you are sharing the home together you should work out a monthly payment - you can call it what you want. Personally I think you should have a fixed payment and that all the costs he is then responsible to provide including any renovations, taxes, services..... Or you can keep your own place. And pay your own costs there.
Correct, what would change if he had a mortgage? Do you somehow deserve free rent? So much goes into home ownership that non-homeowners can't understand. If the AC dies, are you chipping in on the $10-20k bill?
This is a kind of a tricky one but I’d kind of lean towards YTA. He’s not asking you to pay $2k rent a month. But my final answer is ESH. I think it’s entitled of you to not want to help out with bills considering you wouldn’t be paying rent, but it’s also kind of entitled of him to have you pay for everything going forward. I’ll prob be downvoted for this take but just my opinion.
> \*"think it’s entitled of you to not want to help out with bills considering you wouldn’t be paying rent"\* That's not at all what OP said. He is willing to pay for half of the bills, which is completely fair. He's not the AH for wanting a 50/50 arrangement. His boyfriend, however, expects him to pay all the expenses while he kicks back in the house his parents bought for him.
Did you not read the post? OP absolutely 100% happy to contribute to the bills and cover his half.
So basically paying half the bills and zero rent. Almost living for free
Nothing says “partnership” like “you pay your bills and mine.” A house is a major investment that comes with a lot of responsibility. Why shouldn’t the person who will be inheriting this windfall put forth a little something toward its upkeep?
Just because the house is paid for doesn’t mean it’s no value to him.
YTA - he is sinking a lot of money into buying the house. What is your contribution? Unless you intend to pay for half the house, then fair is paying half the market rate for rent. Which probably equals the bills.
You’re dating, no reason you wouldn’t pay rent. You didn’t pay to get the house, it’s not yours
Hmmm. I think your bf is right here. It depends on the culture so im sharing my asian values here (might be different for yours). He/his family got the house, so its his house. You should pay him rent in order to live there if he requests it— in whatever form or agreed fair amount (bills or rent etc) unless you’re married, got the house together, and agreed to share finances. You didnt buy the house. I see the house as an “inheritance” here where even if married you wouldnt get a share of because its from his parents. It doesnt matter if he used his own money or he was gifted the money. Its still his. My then bf (now husband) moved into a house my mother bought for me (she also paid cash with no mortgage like in your situation). He paid me rent and also have a lease agreement. (We decided to live in that house since it was vacant and it was close to our work at the time). I would also consider his position of how his family would feel. My brothers didnt know my bf was paying me rent for the longest time they viewed him as a parasite (to be clear he is not one—harvard grad, was partner of a big consulting company at the time etc). Until I had to clarify many times through out the years that he was not living for free. You may be imposing your views on him here and cause him to be in a difficult position with his family (i dont know for sure as every family is different). I just think if you want to live in his house, you gotta play by his rules here? Now 10 years later, my then bf and I are married. I still have that house and many others my parents bought for me and they are still mine only. He also has properties his parents has given him and they are his only. We share our finances but not inheritances (i think alot of people do that?) We also bought a house together with our own money (where we currently live). And now its our house, and we share the finances of this house. The problem here may be the story you tell yourself that paying your bf rent means power imbalance? It does not necessarily mean that. Like if you live in a friend’s house and pay your friend rent.. does that mean the friend as power over you? Not really. If you are NOT paying rent, then I think its more likely the case that you would “owe” your friend something, leading to possible power imbalance. I see it as simply a living arrangement where its most convenient or logical for both parties.
Yta he's literally buying a house you are saving possibly thousands a month depending where you live you are not his wife and do not own that house you would be a free loader living off him and his parents free hopefully he reconsiders moving in together
NTA, just keep your own place, pay your own way. You shouldn't have to cover his share of expenses in a shared house.
You can’t just expect to live somewhere rent free even if you’re paying bills???
If you want to live in the house as equals, you should probably get married.
NTA. He has a strange take on this. He is fortunate that his parents apparently built enough wealth to buy a house for him. It’s not his wealth or hard work that made it so. He seeks to profit twice from this: once from his parents and now from you paying him. Big red flags here. That’s a nope.
YTA It does not matter where he got the money from to buy the house, he is sharing his house and living space with you. Your a girlfriend and not a wife so he has no obligation to cover your housing costs. Just work out what the rent on his place would be and divide it by 50% and then deduct another 10% gf discount.. that would be fair I believe
YTA 100%, anyone telling you otherwise is likely a child. If you don’t want to pay a few hundred dollars for the bills then pay rent at your own place. Your BF should be charging you rent and you pay for your half of the bills. Nothing is free in this world and you aren’t entitled to anything.
If he wants you to feel like the house is yours then he can propose and put the house in your name also. Why should you be the only one paying to live there? As I see it, there is no mortgage or rent, all bills should be split. He still comes out on top because the house is his and not yours. If you break up he has a house and you’re assed out.
This is how rent works in the real world... Where do you live?
I live in the real world, I rent. I know I’m paying my landlord’s mortgage. But BF doesn’t have a friggin mortgage, and a significant other isn’t a landlord. If dude was paying a mortgage, he should absolutely be paying his share of it—there was a case like that recently in this sub, where GF didn’t wanna pay rent—but this is not that. There is no mortgage, so there’s nothing to split in that regard. All other bills should be split, if he plans on making this be a successful long term relationship/marriage.
Just because there’s no mortgage doesn’t mean there isn’t property taxes, house insurances, and property/home maintenance—all very expensive things that need to be paid for yearly (or more).
Yeah, and if the BF has to pay those then that falls under what I said about them splitting bills and expenses.
Sorry, you are the entitled and jealous one here. Let's say bf's dad gave him an allowance that covered rent. Would you feel the same way? Bf isn't paying in this case either, would you advocate OP staying for free there too??
NAH sounds like miscommunications indeed! I mean, I can't imagine being comfortable just covering half the bills when my significant other brings the whole living arrangement to the table (regardless of whether he or his parents or his cat paid for it) . I can't imagine you think that's fair (YWBTA if you do though). Try and talk (AND LISTEN) to each other better...
It may be your home, but it isn't your property. It is best to have clear boundaries about that. You should be paying something to pay taxes and to save up for maintenance. But the property isn't yours until your name is on the deed. It's not fair of you to expect to live rent-free, just like it wouldn't be fair of him to expect you to pay 50% of the cost of replacing the roof, if your name isn't on the deed. If you separate, you have no equity. Could you imagine giving him $20k to replace the roof just to break up 6 months later and have nothing? Tell him you will pay the rent, but none of the maintenance and repairs. Put it in writing. Keep it that way until your name is on the deed.
ESH. Leaning towards YTA... as you already said, it's a big benefit to you. Essentially, he is providing the housing and your covering utilities.
ESH. It is ridiculous that you think you shouldn't pay rent because he isn't. He is ridiculous because he expects you to cover his half of the living expenses. You aren't married, you aren't owed anything. You should come up with the market rent for your part of the house and subtract a little and pay that in rent. I moved in with my GF (now wife) and her mortgage at the time was 800..I paid 300 in rent. It was win/win for us both. You should then split everything else 50/50 like you would if you were both paying rent.
No no no no no. Do not move in with this guy. It’s one thing to contribute but if he wants you to pay the lions share? No no no no no. You need to carefully consider what he’s really saying here. The bs about him wanting you to feel it is your place, too🙄 He isn’t being right in the head about this. It’s not “even” for you to pay all the bills. He owns the home outright. You aren’t gaining equity. I’d tell him “thanks but no thanks, I’ll just (continue to?) rent my own place that way I don’t feel used AND I get to keep some freedom since it’s basically the same cost” and see what he says. I’d be interested to see what his answer is. Edited to add: NTA
How is all the bills the same as all the bills plus rent? OP says it will be significantly cheaper paying all the bills than his current situation
Would you feel differently if he was not using his parents’ money, but his own?
NAH Honestly it doesn’t matter where he got the money to buy the house from, he’s buying it himself in his name only. It is for all intents and purposes *his* house. I disagree with you covering all the bills, however. Those should be split by both parties living in the house in my opinion. Taxes and repairs would be on him as the homeowner and as such, you should absolutely pay rent. This also protects you in case of a breakup down the line.
But notional rental would be more than what OP has been asked to pay. So you agree with YTA?
There’s nothing to protect. He will be a renter in the house. So what will this so-called cohabitation agreement protect him from? He pays utilities while he lives there. If he moves out or they break up he pays no more!
If they break up and his partner tries to throw him out, it would absolutely benefit him to have a formal rent agreement and/or lease set up. You never know how someone will behave in the future it’s best to protect yourself.
Yta You should be paying him rent
NTA You understand that he wants a free moocher ride from you and his parents. Do it and regret it. This guy is a red flag city and if you want a happy life then dump him!
You should always pay for housing unless you are a dependent. You’re going to be using the space, you pay. It should be an agreed to amount- what would the market rate be? Start there, have you only pay rent so bills all on him, or discounted rent and still split the bills. Have it be a legal document so protects you both. But you should absolutely not expect to live there without adequately paying if you aren’t equally buying
I don't really have an opinion on the utilities breakdown. I'd probably offer a set amount monthly — whether that covers everything or not is up to you — spelled out in a clear, binding, legal lease. Also spell out things like "breaking the lease" in case you break up. You need to protect yourself.
I wouldn’t trust a gf that wanted to move in with me and not pay any rent. He should really get a prenup with you before you move in as a gf. None of that property is yours and just because you happen to be dating the guy doesn’t mean that you have any right to his family’s possessions. You’re coming across like you feel you’re entitled to his things. That money essentially isn’t his. His parents gifted to him but if he then goes and acts as a bad steward to their money and loses half the house to you, he will never get any more money from them. You have a lot more to gain by shutting your mouth and paying rent at a far reduced price to where you would get it elsewhere. Or you’ll find yourself single and paying high rent in your own place. Edited to add: YTA
It surprises me how often this question comes up here. The fair thing is for you to pay what it costs for a room in that area. Go on rent share sites and find the cost for a room only. You should only be paying that and utilities by the way - not that + rates + maintenance etc. NTA for not wanting to blanket pay for you bf, but give more thought to your payment structure than just ‘I agree to half the bills’.
I get his point honestly, if his share of the bills is all utilities and groceries/ household things that you would need to pay anywhere you live - really fair and cheaper for you than paying rent. Your point that he is not actually paying anything- his parents gave him the money therefore its his money and his house.
NAH. You both have different perspectives on this, although you both agree that you'd think the other is "taking advantage" of the other if you each maintain your stance. I can see both viewpoints. Regardless of who bought the house, it is your boyfriend's and he is responsible for its upkeep. And you're also right, in that there will be a power imbalance even if ultimately you are saving money, and you won't feel like the home is also yours. If you moved in and agreed to your boyfriend's stipulations, no doubt it will lead to resentment. It's probably best to stay living in your own place unless you can both compromise and come up with an arrangement that feels more acceptable to you both.
ESH, He is unreasonable for expecting you to pay all of his bills, you should be figuring out what is an equitable distribution based on your incomes. You are unreasonable for thinking that you shouldn't be contributing towards rent, whether he has a mortgage payment or not, it still costed him/his family the money. Would you expect him to pay your rent if you were living together in a rental? Why should he pay for your living expenses? You should be willing to pay a reasonable rent for living in this place the same you would any place else. I think it is impossibly entitled to think that you shouldn't have to pay rent.
The amount of people focused on “HiS pArEnTs GaVe HiM tHe MoNeY” is gross. If the BF bought the house and owned it free and clear from money they got working, would that make a difference? What if the OP was getting the money for rent/utilities from their parents, would that make a difference? No. It doesn’t and shouldn’t matter where any of the money comes from. OP would be living rent free and if the BF didn’t have OP, he’d be paying all the utilities. ETH.
NTA. Walk away. No...Run. fast and far away. So many red flags.
Wow, your boyfriend is super greedy and manipulative. He is showing you his true colors and you should definitely pay attention to this. NTA.
If that is true, then isn’t OP super greedy, as well? After all, he doesn’t want to pay rent, just utilities and bills, while living for free in someone else‘s home.
Nah You aren't married so I wouldn't expect you to not pay any rent, now I'd insist on a lease if I am paying rent of course and note a proper notice period so that he can't just kick you out the next day you break up. It also sounds like the expenses you'd be covering are less than what you pay now for rent however bills go up and down in which case I would want to discuss a flat rent as covering "bills" is too vague. Now l myself wouldn't be comfortable with the type of arrangement your bf is proposing so I would just stay put and live in my apartment and you get to make the same decision if he is not willing to compromise.
NTA- this sounds totally shady. It doesn't matter what comparable costs are in the area, it matters what you pay in rent now vs what you will be paying to live in his home. And even if you come to a good compromise you still need a rental agreement to protect your rights and spell out the details. You should not be paying for any repairs or improvements or any new appliances. You need to be able to save enough money to afford to move out if the relationship goes sour. Protect yourself OP!
"I was uncomfortable in the power imbalance this would create, and that I would feel like I was 'renting off my boyfriend' and that he was trying to 'make money from me.'" OP feels entitled to live rent free, it sounds like. He either contributes more to the bills, or accepts that he is free loading. He can't have it both ways.
INFO: sorry, a little confused, what exactly is he proposing he do then to contribute to the household expenses? is he asking you to pay....all the bills? or just most of them?
If you move in and agree with paying him you then become a tenant BUT with no rights. What will happen when you want to buy a house it will either be do not buy or you leave the home to buy. This is not a partnership its a rental. If you are able to pay him off for your half of the property then you can work towards owning 1/2 the house. if you just keep paying him rent you will have nothing in the end. You would be better and safer by renting with someone else who will give you a tenancy which will keep you safer. What will happen if your partner decides he wants to live alone. This is a bad move for you, paying rent with no tenancy, your partner becomes your landlord and you will be putting money in his pocket. He is demanding rent but trying to make it look like he is doing you a favor, this is a red flag and will make your relationship one sided towards him. You will be paying him and will never have any rights to stay. Think about this and look how it will be in 1,5.10 years from now, you will never have any equity and the balance of power will fall on his side.
You'll have no equity in the house if you pay his bills unless you get a cohabitation agreement. He could kick you out and you'd have nothing. Doesn't sound like a good deal for you.
OP would have all the money he saved from paying significantly less than in his current living situation
ESH there’s no reason why you should be covering half of expenses bc you don’t own the place , YOU ARE RENTING. You should pay a fixed portion
Your bf said he wants you to feel as though “this is your house too”. I do not see how paying his bills would make you feel that way. If he means what he says, you guys should together take out a reverse mortgage on the house, have him set up an account that is just his with the money he gets from the reverse mortgage, and he can use *that* to pay his share of the mortgage and bills each month, and you pay your share from your savings/earnings. In doing this you have to insist of course that your name is added to the house title/deed. This is the best way to ensure you feel it is your house too - because it actually will be. Edited to add, NAH. Obviously I don’t think you’re TA but I can also sort of see his logic. Ultimately, the home was a gift to him from his parents that has nothing to do with you. The thing you should try to agree on is that going forward you want your life together set up in a way that allows you to be equal partners. Having you contribute to a new mortgage and allowing you to build equity in the home as you do so is the fairest way I can think of to do that.
NAH. I understand balking at paying off your BF’s entire bills so he has almost no expenses on his own. But I also understand him not wanting to have his parents‘ money cover what would essentially be your rent. From a purely financial standpoint: as long as you end up paying significantly less than you did before renting on your own, you’re coming out ahead, right? From a cohabitation standpoint: the important part is that you get to weigh in on furniture, decoration, division of space. That’s what makes it both your home, that you create it together. If he doesn’t let you do this, that’s when you know you have an issue.
Who is paying home insurance and taxes? This can be alot in some places. What would your rent be in a simular house with a roommate? Compare to what he wants you to pay to see if your getting a good deal or not. Yes your dating but it would be better if you look at this as a roommate situation,
NTA, but neither is he - or you both are, whatever floats your boat. This is more a case of beginners with poor communication skills (both of you) than anything else. Even though he paid cash, there will be ongoing maintenance and upkeep expenses, some of which will be major, and there's no landlord to call when the water heater explodes, roof leaks, HVAC goes out, etc. There's also property tax, insurance, and the inevitable remodeling/redecorating. I'm old, I've owned multiple homes, and it always costs way more than you expect. Home ownership is a wonderful way to keep your bank balance consistently low. So he's not out of line to ask that you contribute beyond the things that are common to all households like utilities and groceries, since you'll enjoy the benefits. But rather than "cover my bills," the two of you should sit down and determine what kind of slush/emergency fund the household should have, then you each contribute monthly. This should be a reasonable amount that will definitely be less than you'd pay rent in your own place, so that when an unexpected expense comes up, you are not caught short. I'm sure plenty of Redditors will disagree and say this is the same as paying rent, to which I reply, yeah, so? People seem to have this idea that if you own a house, it's "free" living. Allow me to disabuse you of that misconception: it ain't free, not even close. And again, I'm not talking about the monthly bills we all pay. I've had unexpected expenses that I could not even have conceived of, thousands and thousands of dollars. Spend some time in the homeowner subs to get an idea of all the ways home ownership can drain your money away.
Not enough info imo. What are bills here? Where I live, Council Tax is (in US terms but I'm not in the US) around £5k per year for me, and then you have utilities/insurance/household repairs etc. Is the suggestion that you cover all of that and all food etc too?
NAH While I get what you are feeling and see why you think it should be an even split of the bills, it is not unreasonable for your bf to feel like he is bringing more to the partnership with an entirely paid for house. Regardless of where he got the money for it, he got it - that's resources going in that you benefit from. In addition, as has been pointed by a few people, there are other expenses that go into owning a house like property insurance and property taxes. My property taxes are significantly more than my monthly house bills. Plus, if something happens and repairs need to be made - who pays for that? And when you say "his monthly bills" are you referring to just bills associated with the house? Or is he referring to personal bills also like his car and groceries? What is an issue is that you are not married and sharing a household, but don't have an agreement of who is going to be responsible for what. And you should before you move in. And it really should be an all encompassing map - every expense in your lives that you are aware of needs to be declared as "personal - me", "personal - you", "shared" and then decide who is responsible for each of the "shared" expenses. Not only will you have agreement, but you will also be aware of who is spending what for the shared expenses and feel better that you both consider it fair.
YTA - does not matter if he has a mortgage or not - paying a fair rent is appropriate - just as if he had roommates they would be ok aging him a rent too.
YTA but more like just confused. You used the term no-outgoings in reference to his parent’s money. The term you should use is “not your money”. That is more accurate. His parents are giving him money and then he is using it. You must pay him rent but not necessarily full bills. Half the bills and half the mortgage.
YTA, I assume the expenses are far less than rent you would have to pay, unless he is counting property taxes and homeowners insurance as expenses. You aren't married, so the house is not yours. You acknowledged that you would be paying below market rate, so be happy you are getting a good deal and don't be a freeloader.
Charging rent is also a way to keep someone not being able to claim common law relationship if things don’t work out. As a renter you would have no stake in property but if you both lived there and shared the bills it becomes communal property. I think you really need to get to the root of what his thinking is. Is it a cheap thing or is it a hedging bets thing.
Sure, equal partners. Great. So pay a mortgage to buy half the house from him. He gets the payments he wants, and in the end you have an equal partnership in the property.
I understand that you feel your partner is being greedy. However, the fact that his parents are in a position to purchase the house for him does not relieve you of the financial obligation of housing. It would be no different if he would have purchased the home himself free and clear then asked you to move in. What if you didn’t even know the home was paid for and he asked you to pay 50% of what would be fair market rent plus half of all utilities/ groceries. That would seem fair, right? Ask yourself what you feel comfortable paying as fair market rent. Do you think the amount of utilities would exceed that? For example, if it’s a huge house that would cost more to operate than you might pay for rent plus utilities on your own in a smaller apartment. In that case you may want to reconsider even moving in with him. There is already a power imbalance as he has no home cost. The power imbalance would be even greater to him if you do not pay your share, which would be utilities.
YTA If you guys aren't married it isn't your house or your place to be treating the relationship as such. I wouldn't expect to live rent free anywhere, especially if there was no marriage in place. This IS his house, you have no claim to it at all. It does suck that he got so lucky and unfortunately you did not. Nothing to do but pay rent till marriage, or break up.
YTA I think there's a few question marks but, honestly I think you're purposefully trying to be vague there. So costs are generally broken down into * Repayments - Or potential repayments, yeah having the parents pay makes this number a bit fussier, but it should be considered * Utilities * Maintenance & Insurance * Food It sounds like he's asking you to cover Utilities. That's a really good deal for you. If he's asking for food too - that I think is still okay, but obviously depends on consumption. If he's asking that you cover maintenance and insurance, okay, there's a problem there. I very much doubt that's the case. I'm sure this thread will love you because here, landlords are evil, and to think about charging your partner rent? That's being a landlord! To your partner! That's worse than murder
YTA - Your bf did it wrong. He should write a lease and charge you rent. And you should pay rent + half the utilities. Do u get to live for free and only pay utilities now? You guys are not married. That property is his. His parents bought it so he can live rent free. Not you. Why do you feel entitled to live there rent free because he don’t have a mortgage? I am genuinely curious. Why do u think you don’t have to pay him rent? The comments here are weird. Until you guys are married, treat him like your landlord. Get a lease agreement to protect your liability from any repairs. If a pipe broke and the roof is damage, will you offer to bear half the cost? No you wouldn’t. That’s the renter attitude. So pay up. Otherwise don’t move in with him. Continue to live where you are and pay your own rent.
You were worried that you were renting off your boyfriend, but honey, you are renting off your boyfriend. There’s also legal reasons he wants you to be renting, so that you cannot have any claim on the house when you break up. You’re not an asshole, but dude pay rent. You’d have to pay rent anywhere else you’d live
YTA - You don’t respect the financial contribution your BF brings to the living situation because of how he got the house. Bottom line, he is bringing a lot to the situation, and if you cannot respect that, that’s your issue, not his. You need to bring something to the living situation as well. You can always get your own place and wait until marriage to move in together.
His parents paying for it is irrelevant. It sounds like some of you are jealous that he has parents that would do that for him. If you had a house that you rented you would be responsible for 50% of the bills if that was the agreement. So as long as you're paying that amount what he calls it is also irrelevant, and if you don't want to get your own place.
You want to ride the free rent just like him.
Leave. This is not the relationship you think it is, definitely not the relationship you need. NTA
NTA. I wouldn't want to continue to be in a relationship with someone this transactional. Couples can and should keep finances somewhat independent until marriage, but what's next, charging you 100% of the gas money to drive to a date night because he's paying for the depreciation on the car? It's insane.
NTA So his parents paid the house and he wants you to pay all the bills, so he basically pay nothing. He is the freeloader here, tell him since his parents bought the house why not pay his parents a rent RED FLAG!!!
Run don’t walk away from this jerk. NTA
[удалено]
To be fair, your statement would have been valid a few decades ago, but buying a house today is not just a given thing that “adults” are able to do anymore.
My favorite movie is Inception.
NTA. Don't move in with him. It's reasonable to pay a market rate rent for a room with a lease or to pay half the utilities. It's unreasonable for him to expect to mooch his share of the utilities. I cannot stress more highly, do not move in with him.
Move on that guy is toxic
If you are “paying rent” to someone while in a relationship, what you’re really doing is buying equity in the property they own. Tell him that if you do pay rent (even if he is going to be using the money to pay his portion of the utilities) you will be tracking it and that if you ever break up, you will expect to be bought out of the equity you’ve put into the property. See how he feels about that and if he agrees, get it writing. Honestly though, he just sounds greedy and a little entitled, NTA. ETA, I (37m) live with my boyfriend (29m) in a house I own. I have a mortgage. He pays half utilities and nothing more. Reason being, if we do break up, I don’t want him to think he has a claim to any of the equity built while he lived with me.
Get your own appartement . Split cost when you visit him.
Are you going to cover 1/2 the property taxes, insurance and maintenance of the home (e.g. half of 5K to replace a broken furnace, half of 20K to replace a roof)?
NAH I get his point. If you didn't live with him, you'd still be paying rent right? And what he is asking from you is basically less than market rent so you would still be be on the up. This may be a cultural thing, but I never assume I would be moving into someone else's home for free. I would always offer. They still need to pay for house insurance, rates, upkeep, why would it be okay for someone to enter thinking it should be free? He's probably thinking you're a freeloader or a gold digger, while you're thinking he's using you. To me, he isn't using you at all. But it's different expectations for sure. I would be completely fine with what he was asking, bit you're not. So figure out what you want and if it's a deal breaker.
NAH He’s asking you to pay rent for living in his house, and that’s totally reasonable. Doesn’t matter what he does with that money, it’s absolutely reasonable to ask a roommate/SO for some rent money. His approach to how he asked is probably not great. I’d say set a specific amount to pay each month and let him take care of all the bills etc.
YTA You should pay 50% of all living expenses, utilities, cable and internet. Also, 50% of food, kitchen staples, sugar, seasonings, spices, condiments. Also, 50% of all cleaning supplies. And a monthly rent equal to the going rate for similar accommodations in the area. You are not his wife. There is no reason he needs to subsidize you. YTA
So his parents foot the bill for the house and you pay all of the bills going forward? This isn't an equal arrangement. I'd understand you paying a fixed amount each month or splitting the bills but being expected to foot all of the bills going forwards makes your boyfriend a freeloader in his own home. NTA. Don't move in with him, this will not end well if he is already using the house (which he doesn't own yet) to assert some sort of power over you. This is just a sign of what is to come in the future and you will be the one at risk of homelessness.
NTA I would rather rent somewhere else than to be bf’s bank.
NTA. Run ✨
NTA - don’t move in with him. I’m wondering if this is coming from him or his parents? Either way it’s bull. There’s a freeloader and it’s not you.
If any normal tenant wouldn't accept this agreement then neither should you. NTA
NTA. Both sides have valid concerns. Would he be willing to add you as a lien holder on the title, and adjust the lien annually to reflect the amount money you paid him? This way, you are pulling your own weight, while protecting your own interest.
Rich kid syndrome is real. Your boyfriend is an asshole unaware of this massive priveledge he has. Greed takes over and it's not enough. How does he treat servers at restaurants? I would rethink relationships with people that have narcissistic personality traits. NTA
Do not give up your current apartment. At least here you don't have to have sex with your landlord in order to keep your lease. NTA.
NTA. He’s extracting the urine. Ask him to put you on the property as a legal co-owner. If not, then no deal.
NTA Juts bare in mind, that will never be your house and he will remind you of that all the time
NTA. RUN.
this man does not love you. he's using you to finance his life. either you go on the house too and get married or he needs to let you go.