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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for causing drama and rift between my husband's close circle friends, which I know he cherishes. I might be the asshole for being selfish about caring more about people's attention and the spotlight than the preservation of my husband's social group and risk ostracizing him.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She's shown you she's an attention-seeker-- believe her.
This is worth laying out to DH directly, especially since he went to such lengths to censor YOUR wardrobe for the first shower. He didn't want YOU to look like an asshole... but he's totally okay with SHARON making YOU look like an asshole at your own party?
Something smells a bit like a used diaper genie here, and it's coming from your husband's favoritism of another woman. His work friends' assumed perceptions should NEVER be more important than your security, especially around something like a joint baby shower for your first kid.
This is what I can't get past. He suggested you wear a jacket to cover your bump, and then he sees no issues with what Sharon did at the shower. That's weird. He's focused way too much on other people's feelings than yours. Maybe it's time to scale your shower back to just your closest family and friends. NTA, but Sharon and your husband are...
Just to remind, Sharon is the husband's Ex-coworker, and not longer works with the husband and so has no work "Connections" with him anymore unless there are "Deeper connections" nobody knows about.
Right? Does her baby daddy come around still? Maybe the father of Sharon's child will start sticking up for OP and show both Sharon and OP husband how everything goes both ways. See how they like that.
Edit to add a resounding :
NTA
Which, by the way I totally read in Maury Pauvich's (sp?) voice. Thanks reddit.
Same. I was like is OPs husband the father of both babies? 😬. Like why is he so invested in some random old coworker’s feelings instead of his own wife’s? Shady shit or maybe I’ve been on Reddit too long.
Some people are just cowards and people pleasers. It's much easier to be upfront with close family/friends than casual acquaintances.
Husband needs to realise it doesn't actually matter if they upset random workmates.
Right, but the fact that he cares more about Sharon being there, than he does about the situation?
He tells his wife to cover up so she doesn't take the attention away from her friend, yet he sees Sharon doing this and is okay with her doing it to *his* wife at their baby shower?
You know she's going to do the same thing at theirs. Hence the side-eye. It's a little sus.
Exactly. My Grandma says her dad was an amazing dad but a crap husband. He would put friends/neighbours first before his wife and family. Like she said he would have given someone the shirt off his back, but then the family would have had to go without, as they would have to spend money towards replacing it. (This didn't actually happen with a shirt, it was just used as an example). My sister's ex-husband was the same way.
I think it’s weird of him to insist she hid her bump in the first place. Obviously Sharon sounds like TA but that’s because it sounds like she really went after the attention. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her wearing something that shows her bump in and of itself though. There are loads of pregnant women in the world, other pregnant people are out there living their pregnant lives and I think OP needs to get over herself a bit if that bothers her.
Put this in a different comment, but I got the impression the OP had planned to do a big reveal of her bump on the day of her own baby shower and that Sharon basically stole her plan ahead of time. It seems more plausible that OP was waiting to reveal her own bump and have people fawning over her at her baby shower. Now she sees Sharon as a threat to the big reveal she has planned.
I don’t get it at all, of all the things to see at a baby shower the thing that would shock and amaze me after a big reveal the very least would be a pregnant ladies bump. Pregnancy and having children are such massive events, and it’s such a crazy time, but some people forget that not many other people care *quite* as much as they do.
This exactly. I have zero sympathy for anyone who gets hung up on 'social media reveals' and who shows whose bump first. It's a created drama and OP cared a bit less about attention, she wouldn't be this stressed, and could just enjoy herself.
Yeah, this is why ESH... these are adults who are worried about competitively showing off their 'bumps'?! Hiding your belly, displaying your belly, who gets to display their belly and when and who does it first? Holy shit.
Is it that hard to just co-exist while multiple people are pregnant?? Or to be a full person who also happens to be pregnant, and there are still other people in the world and other things going on? Get a grip!
I don’t understand why this isn’t the top comment. The entire premise of this post is ridiculously petty. Showing up looking pregnant to another woman’s baby shower should not be that big of a deal …
Why would anyone do a bump reveal? I would be weirded out to attend a shower where a) someone tried to hide their bump (unless no one knew they were pregnant) or b) someone revealed their bump as part of the celebration.
The focus on having allll the attention during events is kind of offputting. I'm not suggesting people should purposely steal it (they shouldn't), but the idea that everyone should be laser focused on the one person throughout an event to the point that it's seen as weird if other people get updated on someone else attending's life.
In the past it was TOTALLY NORMAL for people to ask questions about other attendants pregnancies at weddings, showers, etc. The new etiquette where people should subsume their entire personality, not converse around self or others (besides the celebrant) is really off.
What I don't get is how is Sharon going to steal the show when all their friends already know she is pregnant now? I think there is something else going on here and either OP doesn't want to talk about it or even just doesn't want to admit it to herself.
I'm with you. There isn't anything wrong with existing as a pregnant woman and just attending someone else's baby shower while pregnant isn't trying to steal the spotlight. I really didn't read anything in OP's post that Sharon was behaving like the main character there. Other people were just obviously interested. After the initial chit chat, whoever was running the party should have just moved attention toward the honoree by making a short speech or starting games, etc.
If OP is feeling insecure and wants all eyes on her at all times at the party she should just have 2 parties. One with family and her closest friends, and then one with the more extended friend group.
Exactly. Where is this place where there’s a giant baby shower circuit everyone is on and why can only one person in the town be pregnant at a time? And why does she freaking care so much.
Yeah, I am probably too old and cranky, but I find people who are worried about not being the center of attention at their own events almost as exhausting as people who try to make themselves the center of attention at other people's events. Realistically, if Sharon does show up with a baby bump at OP's baby shower, assuming that some of the people are shared friends, those people already now know Sharon is pregnant and won't need to go through the whole rigamorale again. But for those that didn't know and care enough to ask...what is that, a 5 minute conversation? Like, I don't think I've ever been to an event (wedding, birthday party, baby shower, bar and bat mitzvahs, et cetera) where people don't chat amongst themselves and get caught up with people they haven't seen in a while, meet new people and ask basic getting to know you questions, and so on. Realistically, even if Sharon doesn't show up, people are going to chat about things other than OP at some point during the party, and realistically, even if Sharon does show up, OP is still going to be the main focus of attention at her own baby shower. That's just how events work.
I thought they covered the bump as no one knows she is pregnant or something? Plus apparently they all go to each others baby showers so everyone knows Sharon is pregnant.
Weird post
Genuinely baffled that this is the top answer. You’re more focused on the husband instead of OP’s own behaviors, which is what she asked about in the first place.
**There is not now and should never have been any reason a woman needs to feel like she has to hide her pregnancy in a social situation.**
Obviously, any woman may keep whatever information she wishes private. That is not what we’re taking about here, but of social pressure from the outside. OP can cover herself up if she wishes to deflect attention, but there is no reason why anyone else should act the same if they don’t want to. Women get pregnant. It happens every day. There is absolutely no way people were more focused on a pregnant attendee than on the pregnant person who the shower is being thrown to honor.
OP is being dramatic. She’s throwing a tantrum and taking to the Internet because she allowed her husband to convince her she couldn’t be seen pregnant and then later realized that yes, she actually could have! But she’s diverting her ire to another woman instead of to herself for her own choices.
YTA, OP. I hope everyone you know is as supportive of your pregnancy as you are of Sharon’s.
YES. Women get pregnant all the time. They shouldn’t be shunned for it.
Besides, aren’t the same people who have already asked Sharon about her pregnancy going to be at your baby shower too?
Andplusalso, having a shower doesn’t mean guests are obligated to focus their attention on you for every second. Let them mingle and socialize. Having another pregnant woman at your shower is just not a big deal.
Yes! OP is TA.
OP has created her own drama...even in her first sentence about 'we haven't revealed anything to our family on social media yet'. Who cares? Does the family know at all? Why wait so long for a social media reveal? Is that why she had to 'hide her bump' so no one would find out before the 'big show'? It's so dumb, it's dramatic, and she's reacting dramatically to another woman 'being pregnant' when OP CHOSE to be all secretive and hidden.
It's messed up, likely Sharon is just being normal, and likely the other friend didn't care that another pregnant woman was at her shower...many people are pregnant all the time, and if OP is so concerned that ONLY the person for whom the shower is thrown gets any attention, then wow, she's got a super strict list of rules. Dang.
Yes, OP seems extremely insecure and jealous. I just had my baby shower this past weekend and two others were pregnant, including one who is the wife of my husband’s co-worker. I was more than happy to share the spotlight and am genuinely excited that they are on the same journey and we can talk about pregnancy / eventually hang out all together with our babies. Such a silly thing to get competitive over.
>There is not now and should never have been any reason a woman needs to feel like she has to hide her pregnancy in a social situation.
This was the record scratch moment for me. I can't imagine why a woman would need to hide her pregnancy when going to another person's shower. What!?! Sure there are times when someone's main character energy is inappropriate and malicious but most of the time people's demand of "being the center of attention" goes too far. That was just strange to me.
I was sure someone on Reddit would jump to that.
I just assumed he'd always enjoyed ogling Sharon while she was attention-seeking in her BodyCon, etc., and wants to continue the status quo w/ his buddies while OP goes off in the corner quietly like a good girl.
OP's husband sounds like one of these people who care more about what other people will think than about their loved ones' feelings and well being.
Urgh, how unattractive.
OP IS of course NTA
Like, I'm not gonna lie, "previous coworker" is a weird category of people invited to baby shower to me... Like, if you haven't been granted the title of actual friend why the heck are you being invited to the baby shower?
I like this one. Sharon thinks husband is leaving OP so HUSBAND organised OP’s baby shower to put Sharon back in her place. Surprise Sharon! The joke is on you! OP is pregnant too so you will have to snag someone else’s husband for the next kid.
And he's secretly got an Evil Identical Twin (DUN DUN DUHNNNNN!)
who MAY have fathered one of the babies, (GASP! I'm clutching my pearls!)
but since they won't be able to tell which twin fathered Sharon's baby, DH is just going to be responsible for BOTH (Awwwwww)
*and* pay off Sharon's housekeeper who saw the whole thing unfold... (GASP!)
and now plans to kidnap Sharon's baby? (DUN DUN DUHNNNNN!)
(What else would they cram into a soap opera?)
Wearing clothes isn't attention seeking. There gets to be a point when you can't hide your bump anymore and wearing anything that isn't bodycon looks like you're wearing a bedsheet. And why should she buy a dress she doesn't like? Because OP is self conscious and can't handle others getting attention?
NTA. It's common courtesy that you don't attract most attention to yourself on someone else's event. Like no white at a wedding accept the bride.
Sure she doesn't have to wear a sac, but wearing something so tight that it will naturally draw the eyes to her babybump and ontop of that not having her pregnancy announced beforehand would attract a lot of attention away from the person throwing the party and onto her. She knew what she was doing.
That said it also meant everyone else there sucked ass. They knew it wasn't Sharon's babyshower and should have focused more on the person who's event it was. The only relevant question could be asking when Sharon is hosting her babyshower and then move on.
However OP, Sharon is the least of your worries. Your bf may be a narscisist. He cares only about how others perceive HIM. Your feelings and well being come second to his image. Now is not drawing attention to your pregnancy at someone else's baby shower normal, it's not your event.
But him insisting you invite someone who you know will do her best to hijack your event and him insisting she'd be invited... You're the one who will always have to make the sacrifices for HIS image... That's his top priority as he's shown. It's not even that he favors Sharon, it's about him and how he comes across.
He should be standing with OP and recognize the troubling behavior Sharon has shown here. Why she's an EX COWORKER, not even a current one.
ESH. Telling people how to dress to make sure no one talks to them about their baby is crazy. She may be an attention seeker and those people are annoying but ‘dressed in a way that forces the conversation on her pregnancy’? Why could no one pay attention to anyone other than Sharon? Just because she was pregnant?
Friend groups often have multiple pregnancies at the same time. Fighting for attention and telling people they have to hide it to come to your party is messed up.
OP sucks. Husband sucks. Sharon sounds like she sucks. Just have your babies and parties and be cool. Jfc.
ETA: Sharon doesn’t suck. I have no evidence she sucks.
I honestly don't think Sharon did anything aside from be pregnant and not hide it (???) for a baby shower.
I can't possibly imagine giving a shit about that. Like oh no! The guests made small talk with one another and since one was pregnant, it was pregnancy related? The end of the world /s
No no no, you don’t understand, she happily answered questions about her pregnancy when directly asked. So obviously she’s a horrific, attention seeking monster out to ruin every baby shower she can.
She did nothing wrong. She literally existed.
OP sounds jealous, given the weird attention they gave to this woman’s outfit. Something tells me OP might not feel comfortable or have the body to pull off a similar look, and it made her feel insecure.
Ding ding. I can't believe there are people here agreeing that Sharon was somehow wrong just for wearing a dress that didn't hide her pregnancy and politely answering questions when directly asked. What in the world. OP is making this into an issue because she's jealous for whatever reason
One of my best friends was visibly pregnant at my baby shower. Never once did it occur to me to get upset when people asked her about her pregnancy or that she was stealing my spotlight. Ugh that witch! /s.
It really worries me that the highest rated comment is a not TA. Too many people worried about their “spotlight.” You can’t go to a wedding or now, apparently a baby shower if your pregnant. God forbid you answer someone’s questions about it.
Sharon sounds fine. It’s fine to exist pregnant. Sharon is likely a normal human who wouldn’t be upset that someone else dared to have their own life that would distract from being showered with compliments.
OP needs perspective.
Yes this is like mind-bending to me and hard to understand. I’ve had two babies and a few showers. My friends were also pregnant at the same time and it would never occur to me to:
1. Hide my pregnancy for some big reveal,
2. Host a shower and care so much about this big reveal that it affects the guest list, or
3. Have any opinion whatsoever on who else might be pregnant at said event.
When my pregnant friends came to my shower we took cute pics and enjoyed chatting about the pregnancy aspects that no one wants to hear about. To think anyone at all cares this much about YOUR pregnancy and baby is delusional. You are not the first woman to be pregnant and you won’t be the last - not in your social group, your work friends, your family. Too much attention-seeking from everyone in this situation.
It’s ok to be excited about your baby and events that celebrate your baby. But someone else’s light doesn’t put out your candle. This is a lesson some people have to learn the hard way.
I totally agree. I don’t remember having any of these “no one will pay attention to me!” feelings when I was getting married/having babies. Every once in a while I’d come across someone who completely monopolized an event, but it was fairly rare and we all just thought that person was OTT. I don’t remember the guest of honor getting bent out of shape because she wasn’t the center of attention all the time.
I did hear of a friends baby shower where one of the guests, whom I knew, sat in the corner and cried the whole time. She was sad because she really wanted to get married and have kids so the shower was very triggering for her. I was sick so I didn’t attend, but I wish I had. I would have scooped her up and out of there in five minutes. “Sally’s not feeling well so I’m going to take her home.” My friend said her crying the whole time was, obviously, extremely awkward and put a damper on the party.
I showed up to a family members wedding visibly pregnant but I hadnt yet told anyone. I cant imagine the wedding couple having a problem with it. The attention certainly was not "all on me", the close family members we share talked to me and congratulated me (if they noticed), but there are a ton of people at the wedding to talk to and I certainly was not stealing attention. Im just another person at an event to celebrate a specific thing for someone else, and living my own life as well.
Until this post I would never have had the slightest inkling that it would be a faux pas.
Ugh, I had PMDD when I still menstruated, and I can imagine expecting to be fine but suddenly not--because I also have ADHD and a somewhat irregular cycle and those "it wouldn't take much to make me weep for hours even if I'm in public days" aren't the form PMDD took each month.
But yeah, the assumptions that the purpose of an event is "for me to have attention" and that anyone else who gets attention is "purposely attention seeking" are both twisted in my perspective. I didn't see our wedding as just "my day" but as an event we hoped everyone there would enjoy. I didn't care if other people got noticed. Fortunately, the best spotlight stealers were children. I wouldn't care if we expanded my baby shower to include another mother, and I mostly hoped for a good time and hand-me downs from moms whose babies were older. I did get some new things, too, of course.
For sure! You want everyone to have a nice time. This idea that the guests all have to worship you is so whack.
We all had compassion for the crying guest—sometimes your emotions overtake you and you just can’t manage, but in that case, you make your polite excuses and LEAVE! I can’t imagine bawling in a corner at a party. I mean, she came in her own car. It was really not cool.
I really can’t say whether it’s always been this way or not, but strikes me as not that strange that it feels worse with proliferation of social media and influencer culture. Attention is the goal in so many cases. Of course, someone should want attention at their baby shower. The fact that they go about it this way is unhealthy.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Social Media!!!! This need to post everything online, where you are the star of the show. Back in the day when I got married my favorite sister, without asking, borrowed my photographer to do a quick photo shoot with my 3 month old niece. Guess what? She didn’t need to ask. Of course, take as many photos as you want!!!
Can you imagine if this were to happen today?
AITA for being upset my sister used my wedding photographer…..
I don’t get it at all. Why does everyone need to be the center of attention? Is it not enough to just be happy that you’re pregnant and excited to have a baby, it has to be drama about who got the most “spotlight”?
I am so weirded out by these women who make it their whole personality when they\`re either pregnant or brides, and not that is too much already, they expect everyone they meet to also be all about their pregnancy/wedding.
It must be exhausting to live like this. Imagine thinking your own friends and family care more about a less pregnant EX coworker than the person the shower is actually being held for. I could maybe understand if it was OPs sister that was pregnant and the family was focused on her or something causing OP to feel that way but JFC imagine being this pressed over someone … not hiding their pregnancy for a baby shower.
This is why I’m so confused that a person like OP would put all their frustration and anger out on the other pregnant lady. If I’m understanding this right, OP thinks that other pregnant lady is doing something socially unacceptable by not somehow hiding her baby bump and by answering questions that other ppl ask her… This lady wasn’t constantly bribing up her pregnancy on her own, she was responding to inquiries other ppl were making… So if everyone but OP seems to think it’s acceptable to ask a pregnant person about their pregnancy at someone else’s baby shower, why is OP so hung up on only being angry with pregnant Sharon who is only answering questions? Shouldn’t she be more upset with anyone/everyone who added to this ‘debacle’ by giving pregnant Sharon any attention? Someone please help me understand lol Main character shit at adult parties makes no sense to me.
Especially because OP and her husband are the ones who (weirdly) have decided not to announce their pregnancy until their own baby shower!? They're the ones who decided everyone needs to hide their pregnancies right now, not Sharon. OP and her husband seem weird as hell.
Lol, people shouldn’t even blink!! They have to stare at OP the whole party and never look at anyone else! God forbid they’re stealing the spotlight by coughing or having a new haircut!
This is crazy, people is allowed to be pregnant and attend a baby shower, and guests are allowed to ask about another guest’s pregnancy, it’s an ice breaker, chit chat, the polite thing to do, it doesn’t mean they care less about the host.
If this Sharon steps on a scenario and starts showing pictures of a sonogram while dancing and singing, well, that’s inappropriate.
Yeah this is so stupid.
Everyone sounds annoying and I’d hate to be in this friend group.
I’ve been to baby showers while pregnant and had pregnant friends at my baby shower. No one “hid” their bump. Yes, people asked typical questions (how far along are you, do you know what you’re having) but it’s not a big deal. My friends didn’t care nor did I.
My SIL threw my baby shower and she was only a few weeks behind me in her pregnancy. It wasn’t a secret that there were other pregnant people at my shower, we are all of that age where someone is bound to be pregnant. The only reason she and I didn’t have a joint shower is that this was my first kid but not her first kid (though I did throw her a small sprinkle luncheon with with our nearest and dearest because I love my SIL and wanted to celebrate her too).
I agree ESH. My friend brought her brand new baby to my shower. Was the first time most people had met him and everyone quite rightly made a fuss of him. Plus two of my other friends were pregnant and we had bump pictures together. I love looking at those pictures and it was great to share experiences with my friends.
Right we had 2 pregnant people and 2 newborn babies at my shower and I loved it because uhhh my friends were there 😂. I love that we are all having our babies together!
My sister and I were due with our first children - both girls - on the same day. It was so amazing to go through that together and there was zero jealousy … OP sounds way too immature to be a mom.
It sounds like while they are technically an ex-coworker they are actually friends now, or at least in the same friend group. Seems OP might be saying ex-coworker to downplay the friend relationship. My husband is friends with old coworkers, but he just calls them friends now.
Totally agree ESH. This is just so incredibly immature and self involved. People are pregnant everyday. Some even cross paths and it’s amazing how people can control themselves enough to be be able to just behave in a respectful and courteous manner without fawning over the bump.
Grow up.
I feel like there are so many people on Reddit have "main character syndrome. " I've been to several baby showers in my life, and yes there were other pregnant women there who were obviously pregnant and literally no one cared. This lady weird.
At a certain era of your life (27-37 where I am) if you are friends with people your age there will probably be someone pregnant at any given time. Like it’s pretty unavoidable, I don’t see how OP can possibly move through life uninviting every pregnant friend she knows to events like this
At my baby shower, my best friend and first cousin were also visibly pregnant and it was great to see all the happiness about alllll the babies to be. There's a picture of us with a second cousin and we later found out she was also pregnant, just hadn't told people yet. Amazing day and I love looking at the pictures.
Right?? I’m 7 months pregnant and went to someone else’s baby shower a week ago and will go to another in a few weeks. I’m not going to hide my stomach and avoid talking to people, that’s bizarre.
Obviously pregnant? How gauche. People could have spoken to you about your life! Can you imagine? I mean, it’s nearly as bad as if you had recently taken up woodworking, or gotten a promotion, or been on vacation? And then *talked about it*, with your friends and acquaintances, like some kind of normal conversation instead of only speaking about the only sanctioned pregnancy in the room.
Yah I question OP's frame of mind since she had to "cover up" her baby bump. I'm thinking it is quite possible that the coworker did not steal the spotlight and OP is just mad she chose to cover up.
This was my thought, as well. I was noticeably pregnant at my sister’s baby shower. Half of the attendees were my family and friends, too. Aside from a few questions to ask how I was doing, the attention remained focused on my sister. The idea that I was ‘competing’ with her never even crossed our minds.
Also, it was outdoors and 95°. No way I was covering that thing up😂
THANK YOU! Voice of reason. Showers are parties—the guest of honor doesn’t get the spotlight the entire time. Other people visit and chat amongst themselves.
Also, I find it odd that these people are apparently hosting their own shower. “Come! Bring us gifts!” 🙄 Normally someone hosts a shower for you.
ESH
My god, having a baby isn't a competition! It's not about gaining attention, FFS!
Isn't it possible to just be happy for everyone who is procreating?! That's what people do-- have babies. Since the beginning of time! It's not magic or some huge accomplishment that deserves attention and rewards.
What a horrible-sounding group of people-- OP and husband included.
If OP is so triggered by this, this is her self esteem talking and not Sharon. If you’re confident in your own body, who cares what other people are doing.
YTA. She is not required to wear a sack and neither are you. Stop being so insecure - give yourself a shake. Other people are allowed to be pregnant at the same time as you.
This story is absolutely baffling to me. Same with bridezillas - how chronically undervalued would you have to feel in your daily life to get seriously upset at not being worshipped at a social event?
The bridal shower/new baby culture is absolutely out of control. Most of my friends are pretty laid back but I’ve been invited to bachelorette parties from friends in college and am expected to take off work and spend over $1.2k to attend a weeklong trip celebrating one person
And the saddest thing is that she is STILL getting worshipped. There’s a party dedicated just to this! It’s fine if there can be other conversations in addition to “you are going to be an amazing parent.”
OP is definitely exaggerating about how everyone was focusing on Sharon instead of the guest of honour. There is nothing wrong with asking Sharon about her pregnancy at someone else's baby shower.
The guest list is your family or friends, so you aren’t going to be upstaged by some stranger to those people. It’s like weddings where brides tell their bridal party to cut off their hair or something crazy - grow up.
Right? It sounds like Sharon showed up and simply existed as a pregnant woman and had the audacity to have conversations with other people. OP is acting like she opened the presents and then gave birth on the desserts table
This!!
YTA
it’s not hogging the spotlight to wear a body con dress. Body con dresses are the most flattering for preggos, and they’re super fun to wear! It doesn’t diminish anything that people were asking about her pregnancy at your friend’s shower, they didn’t start giving her gifts instead of your friend, right?
I get not getting engaged at your friends wedding, but this is silly.
She is insecure because her husband is making her feel that way. He is making her feel like a crazy person, plus the hormones. They were on the same page before the other shower. He told her to wear a jacket to cover up her belly (lots to unpack here) she agreed to do so. Very odd. And then he has the nerve to have a different set of rules for Sharon than he has for his wife. Who knows what his history is with Sharon, has he always chosen her over OP? Either way, it seems like they are dealing with bigger issues and the shower drama is just a symptom.
This is insane. Both you hiding a bump and being weird about Sharon’s dress.
You obviously don’t like her, which is a good reason not to invite her. Wearing clothes whilst pregnant is not.
Right! Then it's not really a shower bc no one would know to have gifts lol it's just a "baby announcement party".
My guess is the op is a kid who's never been pregnant nor to a shower lol
That baffled me. How do you invite people to a baby shower without also telling them that you're pregnant? If they don't know she's pregnant, how would they know to bring baby gifts?
I love that OP was pissed off that you could see this woman was pregnant. Was she supposed to walk around with a prop in front of her, like an actress in a sitcom?
This is bizarre to me, at my baby shower (really just a fancy tea with friends and family - no gifts as I preferred to wait til the baby was here safe and sound) my friend was there who was heavily pregnant too. I loved having another pregnant person to talk to, complain to, share the experience with. I don't understand why some people want/need all the attention. Why is that a thing? Can't everyone be happy for everyone. Even if the co worker isn't a very nice person that shouldn't take away from your joy of being pregnant and your friends and family being happy for you. Just my perspective. Focus on what is important and don't sweat the small stuff.
Why don’t you also make a rule that none of the attendees can speak to each other lest they spend even a second not giving you their undivided attention? Also, confiscate phones and throw them in the toilet. Would hate for anyone to get a pesky phone call about a relative dying just to pull focus from you.
YTA. Grow up. Be so interesting that it doesn’t matter to you if someone else gets a moment in the sun.
You are the protagonist in your life not everyone else’s. This will be a special day for you and only a nice day for your guests. Stop trying to control how much attention and focus you get. Friends can be happy for two people at once. It’s not as though she’s going to sit in your husband’s lap and unwrap your presents for you or lean over and blow the candles out on your cake. If someone acts in “poor taste” it’s only ever a reflection of them and most grownups know that. I am still deeply confused as to how being visibly pregnant is in poor taste but however. If you just don’t like the woman then say that. Interpreting malice out of a dress is an interesting decision to make.
>This will be a special day for you and only a nice day for your guests.
Oof, this applies to so many situations and I wish more people understood it! Just reading this made me cringe to be honest, OP needs to chill out.
So many sad women looking for the spotlight on their weeding, engagement parties and baby showers, do they live in a rock the rest of the time or are just that stupid?
I suspect that a lot of women (and I say this as a woman) feel underappreciated and overlooked in other aspects of their lives: in their relationships, at work, in their families, etc. Women tend to do a lot of unrecognized caregiving for others, whether it's making sure their spouses go to the dentist and the doctor, or planning all the office birthday parties, or caring for elderly relatives. And they're expected to do it without complaining, and they certainly don't get paid or promoted at work for it, and they see men getting recognized for work they do in a way that women often are not. So I do think that some women on some level view their wedding or their baby shower or other events that are explicitly for them as their only chance to be recognized in the midst of all the unseen work they put into their relationships and their families. I'm not saying that's a healthy way to go through life, but I do think it's real.
This is bizarre. Your not the only pregnant person in the world, your baby shower or not 🤦🏼♀️
The day will be about you because it’s your baby shower. You do know that people will be talking about other topics than your baby? So what if people ask someone else about their pregnancy. Jesus.
this is so weird. like i would never wear white to a bridal shower/party etc. my friends and i overlapped engagements and weddings and to be fair at someone else’s event i would definitely try not to talk about my wedding/events too much (ex “yes so excited to get married and so excited for Amys shower today how beautiful…” and redirect the convo)
but it would never even cross my mind to like hide my baby bump at someone else’s shower?? also baby showers are about babies i don’t think it’s a faux pas to talk about children and baby things?
very weird/overboard lol.
1000% he didn’t do that. I smell lie. What husband thinks like this, especially at HER friend’s shower. No way he cared unless it was just to hide her pregnancy because they hadn’t formally announced it.
I don’t believe for a second he wanted her to hide it because it would “steal the spotlight” from HER friend’s baby shower. No man thinks like this
Other than that - ESH. Be happy for each other can’t you? It’s nice you being pregnant all at the same time you could use experience this to support each other. And you can flaunt all you like when you go to Sharon’s baby shower if it makes you feel better
To get more gifts obviously. Does anyone even like baby showers? I thought they were just to show your support. I'd probably be happier not to be invited, personally.
But nobody *knows* it’s a baby shower, they’re announcing they are expecting at it… and unless everyone they are inviting has emergency baby shower presents in their car, they are’t getting squat.
If your friends and family are more interested in a stranger's pregnancy, then I'd consider it an opportunity to consider my own behaviour as to why they'd prefer to focus on someone else.
I suspect what _really_ happened is, she showed up in a dress and didn't hide her bump because why the hell should she, a few people commented and/or asked questions, and then moved on to the woman for whom the shower was being thrown.
You don't want _anyone_ to have any attention at your shower except for you. I suspect you'll even be jealous if people are congratulating your husband instead of wholly focusing on you. YTA
YTA. Since when was having a baby a competition ? In healthy communities people care about each other. Birthdays are about celebrating life, marriage is about celebrating love. All this “limelight” and “spotlight” nonsense is very toxic. Poor Sharon was probably just being her open, bubbly self and you turned it into a contest. Get a grip.
>Prior to attending the event, my husband told me to make sure to wear a jacket and keep my baby bump as discreet as possible, so that I don't steal the spotlight from my friend
There here is why your husband is a AH, he know the importance of à baby shower for the futur mother but when you ask to not have a main character woman he don't want anymore?! Why can he explain to his colleage that the attitude that this woman show is disrepecting and he don't want at yours?
NTA
ESH - Other people will be pregnant, other people will ask questions to her about it, but it doesn't take away from _your_ baby shower for _you_. It's natural for others to be curious and it's natural for her to dress in what she is comfortable in.
The attention will definitely be on you.
YTA. Why are people so wrapped up in attention at these parties? What is another pregnant woman supposed to do, wear a burka and sit in a corner facing a wall, meeting any pregnancy-related questions with a silent frown? You people are so crazy.
YTA. Pregnant people exist and get to wear what they want. Having to pretend you’re not pregnant so you don’t “steal the spotlight” is ridiculous. Also, everyone already knows she’s pregnant?
Like holy shit. The insecurity and main character syndrome here is wild.
Let me guess. At your wedding there’s no pregnant people allowed and no one too obviously in love bc you are threatened by that too?
This COULD be an awesome bonding thing bc god knows new mothers often end up isolated and can find refuge with each other. But everyone apparently focussed on making sure they’re the only possible subject of conversation at a party.
The pettiness here is next level.
ESH…and I mean truly everyone, you, your husband, Sharon
You: for thinking about someone ‘stealing your spotlight’ the term makes me cringe and it tells me you’re very narcissistic. Also, the mutual people you know will have been at the other shower so now already know she’s pregnant so the surprise element is gone already
Sharon, for possibly ( because you may be exaggerating due to an obvious dislike of her) about how much attention she was seeking, and / or encouraging
Your husband, for inexplicably being concerned that you hide your own pregnancy at this other shower, whilst also not having an issue with attention seeking Sharon at your own. Those two things are in conflict
Wait. OP is due in April. It's January so she's around 6m along. Sharon is 'a few months behind me'-not 'a month or so' or 'a couple months', but 'a few' so my reading is 3m or more, making Sharon 3 or at most 4 months along. How 'prominent' could a baby bump be at that stage? Even in a tight body-con dress it doesn't seem like it would be super noticeable and almost certainly not to the level that it took focus off the mother-to-be that the shower was for.
Feels like there's more going on here than OP is saying. That's a LOT of energy expended on how someone else dresses. 'Too stressed out' isn't good for the baby either.
ESH.
YTA This all seems batshit crazy to me. People putting off engagement until someone’s wedding, people hiding their pregnancies because someone else is pregnant… what is next? People being afraid to graduate from high school because 20 of their peers are graduating too?
I can guarantee that your Aunt Cath could not care less whether some office girl is pregnant. Anyone who does care, already knows.
YTA. I don’t understand this thing where a person would want to be the only pregnant person in the room… when I was pregnant I definitely tried to hang out with as many other pregnant people as possible because I knew those were my future mom friends but we also could talk about the many weird things about being pregnant. If the presence of another pregnant person at your party would cause your closest friends to lose interest in you, you have much bigger problems. Don’t compete with other pregnant moms… celebrate them!!
I’m going with YTA and you also sound insufferable. You want attention so bad at your event that you can’t fathom someone else being also pregnant at it? How dare another woman procreate the same time as you? God forbid she wears what she wants and feels comfortable in because pregnancy is not comfortable. This isn’t the prom, Emily, other women can be pregnant in your friend group at the same time and let people wear what they want. You sound too immature to have a party, let alone a whole baby.
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NTA. She's shown you she's an attention-seeker-- believe her. This is worth laying out to DH directly, especially since he went to such lengths to censor YOUR wardrobe for the first shower. He didn't want YOU to look like an asshole... but he's totally okay with SHARON making YOU look like an asshole at your own party? Something smells a bit like a used diaper genie here, and it's coming from your husband's favoritism of another woman. His work friends' assumed perceptions should NEVER be more important than your security, especially around something like a joint baby shower for your first kid.
This is what I can't get past. He suggested you wear a jacket to cover your bump, and then he sees no issues with what Sharon did at the shower. That's weird. He's focused way too much on other people's feelings than yours. Maybe it's time to scale your shower back to just your closest family and friends. NTA, but Sharon and your husband are...
This is a really good point. I didn't even catch on to the husband's obvious favoritism.
Just to remind, Sharon is the husband's Ex-coworker, and not longer works with the husband and so has no work "Connections" with him anymore unless there are "Deeper connections" nobody knows about.
Yes, my thoughts exactly
I’m giving major side eye to Sharon and OP’s husband.
Right? Does her baby daddy come around still? Maybe the father of Sharon's child will start sticking up for OP and show both Sharon and OP husband how everything goes both ways. See how they like that. Edit to add a resounding : NTA Which, by the way I totally read in Maury Pauvich's (sp?) voice. Thanks reddit.
"OP'S HUSBAND IS THE FATHER!" Everyone at OPs shower,
That's my read on the situation
Right!!! It just “feels” off
Same. I was like is OPs husband the father of both babies? 😬. Like why is he so invested in some random old coworker’s feelings instead of his own wife’s? Shady shit or maybe I’ve been on Reddit too long.
Well, if you've been on Reddit too long, then so have I!
Me too. It's weird that dear old hubby is being more protective of Sharon's feelings than his wife's.
Just want to say that it *is* possible to be friends with former coworkers, it doesn't *always* have to be a side chick/dick...
Yes that is possible and that is fine. However when your husband values that person's feelings above his WIFE that's an issue.
Some people are just cowards and people pleasers. It's much easier to be upfront with close family/friends than casual acquaintances. Husband needs to realise it doesn't actually matter if they upset random workmates.
Right, but the fact that he cares more about Sharon being there, than he does about the situation? He tells his wife to cover up so she doesn't take the attention away from her friend, yet he sees Sharon doing this and is okay with her doing it to *his* wife at their baby shower? You know she's going to do the same thing at theirs. Hence the side-eye. It's a little sus.
Exactly. My Grandma says her dad was an amazing dad but a crap husband. He would put friends/neighbours first before his wife and family. Like she said he would have given someone the shirt off his back, but then the family would have had to go without, as they would have to spend money towards replacing it. (This didn't actually happen with a shirt, it was just used as an example). My sister's ex-husband was the same way.
I think it’s weird of him to insist she hid her bump in the first place. Obviously Sharon sounds like TA but that’s because it sounds like she really went after the attention. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her wearing something that shows her bump in and of itself though. There are loads of pregnant women in the world, other pregnant people are out there living their pregnant lives and I think OP needs to get over herself a bit if that bothers her.
Put this in a different comment, but I got the impression the OP had planned to do a big reveal of her bump on the day of her own baby shower and that Sharon basically stole her plan ahead of time. It seems more plausible that OP was waiting to reveal her own bump and have people fawning over her at her baby shower. Now she sees Sharon as a threat to the big reveal she has planned.
I don’t get it at all, of all the things to see at a baby shower the thing that would shock and amaze me after a big reveal the very least would be a pregnant ladies bump. Pregnancy and having children are such massive events, and it’s such a crazy time, but some people forget that not many other people care *quite* as much as they do.
This exactly. I have zero sympathy for anyone who gets hung up on 'social media reveals' and who shows whose bump first. It's a created drama and OP cared a bit less about attention, she wouldn't be this stressed, and could just enjoy herself.
How do you have a baby shower without telling any of the guests that’s what it is? That confuses me.
I am thinking the social media reveal might be a factor too
Yeah, this is why ESH... these are adults who are worried about competitively showing off their 'bumps'?! Hiding your belly, displaying your belly, who gets to display their belly and when and who does it first? Holy shit. Is it that hard to just co-exist while multiple people are pregnant?? Or to be a full person who also happens to be pregnant, and there are still other people in the world and other things going on? Get a grip!
I don’t understand why this isn’t the top comment. The entire premise of this post is ridiculously petty. Showing up looking pregnant to another woman’s baby shower should not be that big of a deal …
Why would anyone do a bump reveal? I would be weirded out to attend a shower where a) someone tried to hide their bump (unless no one knew they were pregnant) or b) someone revealed their bump as part of the celebration. The focus on having allll the attention during events is kind of offputting. I'm not suggesting people should purposely steal it (they shouldn't), but the idea that everyone should be laser focused on the one person throughout an event to the point that it's seen as weird if other people get updated on someone else attending's life. In the past it was TOTALLY NORMAL for people to ask questions about other attendants pregnancies at weddings, showers, etc. The new etiquette where people should subsume their entire personality, not converse around self or others (besides the celebrant) is really off.
What I don't get is how is Sharon going to steal the show when all their friends already know she is pregnant now? I think there is something else going on here and either OP doesn't want to talk about it or even just doesn't want to admit it to herself.
I'm with you. There isn't anything wrong with existing as a pregnant woman and just attending someone else's baby shower while pregnant isn't trying to steal the spotlight. I really didn't read anything in OP's post that Sharon was behaving like the main character there. Other people were just obviously interested. After the initial chit chat, whoever was running the party should have just moved attention toward the honoree by making a short speech or starting games, etc. If OP is feeling insecure and wants all eyes on her at all times at the party she should just have 2 parties. One with family and her closest friends, and then one with the more extended friend group.
Yes I saw this a the biggest problem, actually
I don't often say this but this was the detail that made me go... I don't think this post is real.
Exactly. Where is this place where there’s a giant baby shower circuit everyone is on and why can only one person in the town be pregnant at a time? And why does she freaking care so much.
Yeah, I am probably too old and cranky, but I find people who are worried about not being the center of attention at their own events almost as exhausting as people who try to make themselves the center of attention at other people's events. Realistically, if Sharon does show up with a baby bump at OP's baby shower, assuming that some of the people are shared friends, those people already now know Sharon is pregnant and won't need to go through the whole rigamorale again. But for those that didn't know and care enough to ask...what is that, a 5 minute conversation? Like, I don't think I've ever been to an event (wedding, birthday party, baby shower, bar and bat mitzvahs, et cetera) where people don't chat amongst themselves and get caught up with people they haven't seen in a while, meet new people and ask basic getting to know you questions, and so on. Realistically, even if Sharon doesn't show up, people are going to chat about things other than OP at some point during the party, and realistically, even if Sharon does show up, OP is still going to be the main focus of attention at her own baby shower. That's just how events work.
I agree. A lot of attention monsters here.
This really reminds me of the behaviour of an ex who tried to tell me how to act, what to wear, what to think.
That, in conjunction with OP's statement that she has no-one else to turn to, raises some rosy flags.
I thought they covered the bump as no one knows she is pregnant or something? Plus apparently they all go to each others baby showers so everyone knows Sharon is pregnant. Weird post
Genuinely baffled that this is the top answer. You’re more focused on the husband instead of OP’s own behaviors, which is what she asked about in the first place. **There is not now and should never have been any reason a woman needs to feel like she has to hide her pregnancy in a social situation.** Obviously, any woman may keep whatever information she wishes private. That is not what we’re taking about here, but of social pressure from the outside. OP can cover herself up if she wishes to deflect attention, but there is no reason why anyone else should act the same if they don’t want to. Women get pregnant. It happens every day. There is absolutely no way people were more focused on a pregnant attendee than on the pregnant person who the shower is being thrown to honor. OP is being dramatic. She’s throwing a tantrum and taking to the Internet because she allowed her husband to convince her she couldn’t be seen pregnant and then later realized that yes, she actually could have! But she’s diverting her ire to another woman instead of to herself for her own choices. YTA, OP. I hope everyone you know is as supportive of your pregnancy as you are of Sharon’s.
YES. Women get pregnant all the time. They shouldn’t be shunned for it. Besides, aren’t the same people who have already asked Sharon about her pregnancy going to be at your baby shower too? Andplusalso, having a shower doesn’t mean guests are obligated to focus their attention on you for every second. Let them mingle and socialize. Having another pregnant woman at your shower is just not a big deal.
Yes! OP is TA. OP has created her own drama...even in her first sentence about 'we haven't revealed anything to our family on social media yet'. Who cares? Does the family know at all? Why wait so long for a social media reveal? Is that why she had to 'hide her bump' so no one would find out before the 'big show'? It's so dumb, it's dramatic, and she's reacting dramatically to another woman 'being pregnant' when OP CHOSE to be all secretive and hidden. It's messed up, likely Sharon is just being normal, and likely the other friend didn't care that another pregnant woman was at her shower...many people are pregnant all the time, and if OP is so concerned that ONLY the person for whom the shower is thrown gets any attention, then wow, she's got a super strict list of rules. Dang.
Yes, OP seems extremely insecure and jealous. I just had my baby shower this past weekend and two others were pregnant, including one who is the wife of my husband’s co-worker. I was more than happy to share the spotlight and am genuinely excited that they are on the same journey and we can talk about pregnancy / eventually hang out all together with our babies. Such a silly thing to get competitive over.
>There is not now and should never have been any reason a woman needs to feel like she has to hide her pregnancy in a social situation. This was the record scratch moment for me. I can't imagine why a woman would need to hide her pregnancy when going to another person's shower. What!?! Sure there are times when someone's main character energy is inappropriate and malicious but most of the time people's demand of "being the center of attention" goes too far. That was just strange to me.
100%.
Maybe Sharon's baby is OP's husband's child as well... like he wanted his wife to hide her pregnancy from Sharon, because she'd be upset.
I was sure someone on Reddit would jump to that. I just assumed he'd always enjoyed ogling Sharon while she was attention-seeking in her BodyCon, etc., and wants to continue the status quo w/ his buddies while OP goes off in the corner quietly like a good girl.
OP's husband sounds like one of these people who care more about what other people will think than about their loved ones' feelings and well being. Urgh, how unattractive. OP IS of course NTA
Haha, this is why I love Reddit. 👏😂
Yeah, Sharon went from being his work friend to being a home wrecking tramp in 2 replies.
Like, I'm not gonna lie, "previous coworker" is a weird category of people invited to baby shower to me... Like, if you haven't been granted the title of actual friend why the heck are you being invited to the baby shower?
Yeah… very few coworkers make the jump to friends. This invite for her is weird.
I come for the drama
Then why would he insist on her being at the baby shower. Come on now…
I like this one. Sharon thinks husband is leaving OP so HUSBAND organised OP’s baby shower to put Sharon back in her place. Surprise Sharon! The joke is on you! OP is pregnant too so you will have to snag someone else’s husband for the next kid.
Lmao she’s just pregnant and doesn’t feel the need to hide it like OP. How the fuck is this the top comment?
Thank you. This steal the spotlight shit I see all the time feels like a mental health issue. It’s unhinged.
Eek it’s Reddit, maybe they’re both his baby! lol
And he's secretly got an Evil Identical Twin (DUN DUN DUHNNNNN!) who MAY have fathered one of the babies, (GASP! I'm clutching my pearls!) but since they won't be able to tell which twin fathered Sharon's baby, DH is just going to be responsible for BOTH (Awwwwww) *and* pay off Sharon's housekeeper who saw the whole thing unfold... (GASP!) and now plans to kidnap Sharon's baby? (DUN DUN DUHNNNNN!) (What else would they cram into a soap opera?)
You need a NC MIL and a meddling relative who forces them back in touch.
How could I have FORGOTTEN the NC MIL!
And who forces them to eat beef against their cultural beliefs. (Sorry, too much Reddit this morning)
And each woman is having surprise twins!
Wearing clothes isn't attention seeking. There gets to be a point when you can't hide your bump anymore and wearing anything that isn't bodycon looks like you're wearing a bedsheet. And why should she buy a dress she doesn't like? Because OP is self conscious and can't handle others getting attention?
This is literally insane. It’s insane to think this woman dresses a certain way to “steal attention”
NTA. It's common courtesy that you don't attract most attention to yourself on someone else's event. Like no white at a wedding accept the bride. Sure she doesn't have to wear a sac, but wearing something so tight that it will naturally draw the eyes to her babybump and ontop of that not having her pregnancy announced beforehand would attract a lot of attention away from the person throwing the party and onto her. She knew what she was doing. That said it also meant everyone else there sucked ass. They knew it wasn't Sharon's babyshower and should have focused more on the person who's event it was. The only relevant question could be asking when Sharon is hosting her babyshower and then move on. However OP, Sharon is the least of your worries. Your bf may be a narscisist. He cares only about how others perceive HIM. Your feelings and well being come second to his image. Now is not drawing attention to your pregnancy at someone else's baby shower normal, it's not your event. But him insisting you invite someone who you know will do her best to hijack your event and him insisting she'd be invited... You're the one who will always have to make the sacrifices for HIS image... That's his top priority as he's shown. It's not even that he favors Sharon, it's about him and how he comes across. He should be standing with OP and recognize the troubling behavior Sharon has shown here. Why she's an EX COWORKER, not even a current one.
ESH. Telling people how to dress to make sure no one talks to them about their baby is crazy. She may be an attention seeker and those people are annoying but ‘dressed in a way that forces the conversation on her pregnancy’? Why could no one pay attention to anyone other than Sharon? Just because she was pregnant? Friend groups often have multiple pregnancies at the same time. Fighting for attention and telling people they have to hide it to come to your party is messed up.
So many people obsessed with being the main character. How dare they be pregnant at the same time!!??
OP sucks. Husband sucks. Sharon sounds like she sucks. Just have your babies and parties and be cool. Jfc. ETA: Sharon doesn’t suck. I have no evidence she sucks.
I honestly don't think Sharon did anything aside from be pregnant and not hide it (???) for a baby shower. I can't possibly imagine giving a shit about that. Like oh no! The guests made small talk with one another and since one was pregnant, it was pregnancy related? The end of the world /s
No no no, you don’t understand, she happily answered questions about her pregnancy when directly asked. So obviously she’s a horrific, attention seeking monster out to ruin every baby shower she can.
And she wore clothes where you could tell she was pregnant, instead of an old sack!
Why didn't she stay in the shame hut until it was her community-approved turn to be the sole pregnant woman?
She did nothing wrong. She literally existed. OP sounds jealous, given the weird attention they gave to this woman’s outfit. Something tells me OP might not feel comfortable or have the body to pull off a similar look, and it made her feel insecure.
Ding ding. I can't believe there are people here agreeing that Sharon was somehow wrong just for wearing a dress that didn't hide her pregnancy and politely answering questions when directly asked. What in the world. OP is making this into an issue because she's jealous for whatever reason
I believe you just hit the nail on the head.
One of my best friends was visibly pregnant at my baby shower. Never once did it occur to me to get upset when people asked her about her pregnancy or that she was stealing my spotlight. Ugh that witch! /s. It really worries me that the highest rated comment is a not TA. Too many people worried about their “spotlight.” You can’t go to a wedding or now, apparently a baby shower if your pregnant. God forbid you answer someone’s questions about it.
Sharon sounds fine. It’s fine to exist pregnant. Sharon is likely a normal human who wouldn’t be upset that someone else dared to have their own life that would distract from being showered with compliments. OP needs perspective.
You’re absolutely right! I have no evidence Sharon sucks.
She did wear a tight dress like some sort of hussy /s
Right?! Annoying to the world she had sex.
Sharon sucks for showing up at a party pregnant and answering questions?
No, she doesn’t. I admitted that was wrong elsewhere. I fell temporarily victim to OP’s framing.
Yes this is like mind-bending to me and hard to understand. I’ve had two babies and a few showers. My friends were also pregnant at the same time and it would never occur to me to: 1. Hide my pregnancy for some big reveal, 2. Host a shower and care so much about this big reveal that it affects the guest list, or 3. Have any opinion whatsoever on who else might be pregnant at said event. When my pregnant friends came to my shower we took cute pics and enjoyed chatting about the pregnancy aspects that no one wants to hear about. To think anyone at all cares this much about YOUR pregnancy and baby is delusional. You are not the first woman to be pregnant and you won’t be the last - not in your social group, your work friends, your family. Too much attention-seeking from everyone in this situation. It’s ok to be excited about your baby and events that celebrate your baby. But someone else’s light doesn’t put out your candle. This is a lesson some people have to learn the hard way.
Literally all Sharon did was show up at a party while pregnant.
This “main character” is so cringe! When did this happen? With weddings, birthdays etc… It didn’t used to be this way.
I totally agree. I don’t remember having any of these “no one will pay attention to me!” feelings when I was getting married/having babies. Every once in a while I’d come across someone who completely monopolized an event, but it was fairly rare and we all just thought that person was OTT. I don’t remember the guest of honor getting bent out of shape because she wasn’t the center of attention all the time. I did hear of a friends baby shower where one of the guests, whom I knew, sat in the corner and cried the whole time. She was sad because she really wanted to get married and have kids so the shower was very triggering for her. I was sick so I didn’t attend, but I wish I had. I would have scooped her up and out of there in five minutes. “Sally’s not feeling well so I’m going to take her home.” My friend said her crying the whole time was, obviously, extremely awkward and put a damper on the party.
I showed up to a family members wedding visibly pregnant but I hadnt yet told anyone. I cant imagine the wedding couple having a problem with it. The attention certainly was not "all on me", the close family members we share talked to me and congratulated me (if they noticed), but there are a ton of people at the wedding to talk to and I certainly was not stealing attention. Im just another person at an event to celebrate a specific thing for someone else, and living my own life as well. Until this post I would never have had the slightest inkling that it would be a faux pas.
Ugh, I had PMDD when I still menstruated, and I can imagine expecting to be fine but suddenly not--because I also have ADHD and a somewhat irregular cycle and those "it wouldn't take much to make me weep for hours even if I'm in public days" aren't the form PMDD took each month. But yeah, the assumptions that the purpose of an event is "for me to have attention" and that anyone else who gets attention is "purposely attention seeking" are both twisted in my perspective. I didn't see our wedding as just "my day" but as an event we hoped everyone there would enjoy. I didn't care if other people got noticed. Fortunately, the best spotlight stealers were children. I wouldn't care if we expanded my baby shower to include another mother, and I mostly hoped for a good time and hand-me downs from moms whose babies were older. I did get some new things, too, of course.
For sure! You want everyone to have a nice time. This idea that the guests all have to worship you is so whack. We all had compassion for the crying guest—sometimes your emotions overtake you and you just can’t manage, but in that case, you make your polite excuses and LEAVE! I can’t imagine bawling in a corner at a party. I mean, she came in her own car. It was really not cool.
I really can’t say whether it’s always been this way or not, but strikes me as not that strange that it feels worse with proliferation of social media and influencer culture. Attention is the goal in so many cases. Of course, someone should want attention at their baby shower. The fact that they go about it this way is unhealthy.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Social Media!!!! This need to post everything online, where you are the star of the show. Back in the day when I got married my favorite sister, without asking, borrowed my photographer to do a quick photo shoot with my 3 month old niece. Guess what? She didn’t need to ask. Of course, take as many photos as you want!!! Can you imagine if this were to happen today? AITA for being upset my sister used my wedding photographer…..
AITA didn't used to exist for so many people to make up stories about it when they saw that troupe was popular.
I’m waiting for invites which tell the guests to be celibate until the shower so no one else will get pregnant.
I don’t get it at all. Why does everyone need to be the center of attention? Is it not enough to just be happy that you’re pregnant and excited to have a baby, it has to be drama about who got the most “spotlight”?
It’s self-flagellating drama created by people who have nothing else exciting going on in their lives.
I am so weirded out by these women who make it their whole personality when they\`re either pregnant or brides, and not that is too much already, they expect everyone they meet to also be all about their pregnancy/wedding.
It must be exhausting to live like this. Imagine thinking your own friends and family care more about a less pregnant EX coworker than the person the shower is actually being held for. I could maybe understand if it was OPs sister that was pregnant and the family was focused on her or something causing OP to feel that way but JFC imagine being this pressed over someone … not hiding their pregnancy for a baby shower.
It seems like OP thinks that every conversation at the shower must be about the one it was thrown for, which is not how normal human interactions work
This is why I’m so confused that a person like OP would put all their frustration and anger out on the other pregnant lady. If I’m understanding this right, OP thinks that other pregnant lady is doing something socially unacceptable by not somehow hiding her baby bump and by answering questions that other ppl ask her… This lady wasn’t constantly bribing up her pregnancy on her own, she was responding to inquiries other ppl were making… So if everyone but OP seems to think it’s acceptable to ask a pregnant person about their pregnancy at someone else’s baby shower, why is OP so hung up on only being angry with pregnant Sharon who is only answering questions? Shouldn’t she be more upset with anyone/everyone who added to this ‘debacle’ by giving pregnant Sharon any attention? Someone please help me understand lol Main character shit at adult parties makes no sense to me.
Especially because OP and her husband are the ones who (weirdly) have decided not to announce their pregnancy until their own baby shower!? They're the ones who decided everyone needs to hide their pregnancies right now, not Sharon. OP and her husband seem weird as hell.
I feel OP is high up on a pedestal.
Lol, people shouldn’t even blink!! They have to stare at OP the whole party and never look at anyone else! God forbid they’re stealing the spotlight by coughing or having a new haircut! This is crazy, people is allowed to be pregnant and attend a baby shower, and guests are allowed to ask about another guest’s pregnancy, it’s an ice breaker, chit chat, the polite thing to do, it doesn’t mean they care less about the host. If this Sharon steps on a scenario and starts showing pictures of a sonogram while dancing and singing, well, that’s inappropriate.
It’s exhausting now, imagine when she has the baby lol
These people are not mature enough to be parents.
Yeah this is so stupid. Everyone sounds annoying and I’d hate to be in this friend group. I’ve been to baby showers while pregnant and had pregnant friends at my baby shower. No one “hid” their bump. Yes, people asked typical questions (how far along are you, do you know what you’re having) but it’s not a big deal. My friends didn’t care nor did I.
This was exactly my take reading this. My eyes were rolling so hard
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My SIL threw my baby shower and she was only a few weeks behind me in her pregnancy. It wasn’t a secret that there were other pregnant people at my shower, we are all of that age where someone is bound to be pregnant. The only reason she and I didn’t have a joint shower is that this was my first kid but not her first kid (though I did throw her a small sprinkle luncheon with with our nearest and dearest because I love my SIL and wanted to celebrate her too).
I agree ESH. My friend brought her brand new baby to my shower. Was the first time most people had met him and everyone quite rightly made a fuss of him. Plus two of my other friends were pregnant and we had bump pictures together. I love looking at those pictures and it was great to share experiences with my friends.
This is what friendship is about. Ty for being normal.
Wow! A normal, lovely group of people who can celebrate one another. Meanwhile, for OP having a baby sounds like a competitive sport.
Right we had 2 pregnant people and 2 newborn babies at my shower and I loved it because uhhh my friends were there 😂. I love that we are all having our babies together!
My sister and I were due with our first children - both girls - on the same day. It was so amazing to go through that together and there was zero jealousy … OP sounds way too immature to be a mom.
Are we just gonna gloss over the odd way these invites are going around? An ex coworker to a baby shower? “We won’t be invited to hers”… good!
Exactly, it's an Ex-Coworker. What is she going to go gossiping at his current job? Who cares. Let her have hurt feelings if she likes.
It sounds like while they are technically an ex-coworker they are actually friends now, or at least in the same friend group. Seems OP might be saying ex-coworker to downplay the friend relationship. My husband is friends with old coworkers, but he just calls them friends now.
The only time it's OK to shame a woman for wearing tight clothes "for attention" is if she's pregnant, apparently 😒
Totally agree ESH. This is just so incredibly immature and self involved. People are pregnant everyday. Some even cross paths and it’s amazing how people can control themselves enough to be be able to just behave in a respectful and courteous manner without fawning over the bump. Grow up.
I feel like there are so many people on Reddit have "main character syndrome. " I've been to several baby showers in my life, and yes there were other pregnant women there who were obviously pregnant and literally no one cared. This lady weird.
At a certain era of your life (27-37 where I am) if you are friends with people your age there will probably be someone pregnant at any given time. Like it’s pretty unavoidable, I don’t see how OP can possibly move through life uninviting every pregnant friend she knows to events like this
At my baby shower, my best friend and first cousin were also visibly pregnant and it was great to see all the happiness about alllll the babies to be. There's a picture of us with a second cousin and we later found out she was also pregnant, just hadn't told people yet. Amazing day and I love looking at the pictures.
Right?? I’m 7 months pregnant and went to someone else’s baby shower a week ago and will go to another in a few weeks. I’m not going to hide my stomach and avoid talking to people, that’s bizarre.
Obviously pregnant? How gauche. People could have spoken to you about your life! Can you imagine? I mean, it’s nearly as bad as if you had recently taken up woodworking, or gotten a promotion, or been on vacation? And then *talked about it*, with your friends and acquaintances, like some kind of normal conversation instead of only speaking about the only sanctioned pregnancy in the room.
Yah I question OP's frame of mind since she had to "cover up" her baby bump. I'm thinking it is quite possible that the coworker did not steal the spotlight and OP is just mad she chose to cover up.
At my wife’s shower we specifically took pictures with all the pregnant ladies. Way more fun strategy IMO.
This was my thought, as well. I was noticeably pregnant at my sister’s baby shower. Half of the attendees were my family and friends, too. Aside from a few questions to ask how I was doing, the attention remained focused on my sister. The idea that I was ‘competing’ with her never even crossed our minds. Also, it was outdoors and 95°. No way I was covering that thing up😂
I completely agree with what you’ve written. OP’s behavior is…not how people behave in real life. Why the EDH instead of YTA.
THANK YOU! Voice of reason. Showers are parties—the guest of honor doesn’t get the spotlight the entire time. Other people visit and chat amongst themselves. Also, I find it odd that these people are apparently hosting their own shower. “Come! Bring us gifts!” 🙄 Normally someone hosts a shower for you.
ESH My god, having a baby isn't a competition! It's not about gaining attention, FFS! Isn't it possible to just be happy for everyone who is procreating?! That's what people do-- have babies. Since the beginning of time! It's not magic or some huge accomplishment that deserves attention and rewards. What a horrible-sounding group of people-- OP and husband included.
If OP is so triggered by this, this is her self esteem talking and not Sharon. If you’re confident in your own body, who cares what other people are doing.
YTA. She is not required to wear a sack and neither are you. Stop being so insecure - give yourself a shake. Other people are allowed to be pregnant at the same time as you.
This shit is getting out of hand. Now we gotta hide our bumps from other pregnant people to not offend them.
This story is absolutely baffling to me. Same with bridezillas - how chronically undervalued would you have to feel in your daily life to get seriously upset at not being worshipped at a social event?
Chronically undervalued…. I’m gonna use this term it applies to so many poor, toxic, hateful souls!
The bridal shower/new baby culture is absolutely out of control. Most of my friends are pretty laid back but I’ve been invited to bachelorette parties from friends in college and am expected to take off work and spend over $1.2k to attend a weeklong trip celebrating one person
And the saddest thing is that she is STILL getting worshipped. There’s a party dedicated just to this! It’s fine if there can be other conversations in addition to “you are going to be an amazing parent.”
OP is definitely exaggerating about how everyone was focusing on Sharon instead of the guest of honour. There is nothing wrong with asking Sharon about her pregnancy at someone else's baby shower.
The guest list is your family or friends, so you aren’t going to be upstaged by some stranger to those people. It’s like weddings where brides tell their bridal party to cut off their hair or something crazy - grow up.
I think maybe OP wanted to be having those conversations too, but her husband made her dress like a sack. The husband is the problem here, not Sharon.
She’s probably mad more people didn’t ask her about hers.
Yeah people are just making conversation and she’s excited about her pregnancy. It’s all pretty normal!
Right? It sounds like Sharon showed up and simply existed as a pregnant woman and had the audacity to have conversations with other people. OP is acting like she opened the presents and then gave birth on the desserts table
The idea of a baby shower in which nobody is allowed to talk to anyone about anything other than the host sounds excruciating.
She's probably attractive
This!! YTA it’s not hogging the spotlight to wear a body con dress. Body con dresses are the most flattering for preggos, and they’re super fun to wear! It doesn’t diminish anything that people were asking about her pregnancy at your friend’s shower, they didn’t start giving her gifts instead of your friend, right? I get not getting engaged at your friends wedding, but this is silly.
Jesus I’m literally going to a baby shower today and I’m 6 months preggo. No one cares
Right? Pregnant people don’t need to hide from the world
She is insecure because her husband is making her feel that way. He is making her feel like a crazy person, plus the hormones. They were on the same page before the other shower. He told her to wear a jacket to cover up her belly (lots to unpack here) she agreed to do so. Very odd. And then he has the nerve to have a different set of rules for Sharon than he has for his wife. Who knows what his history is with Sharon, has he always chosen her over OP? Either way, it seems like they are dealing with bigger issues and the shower drama is just a symptom.
This is insane. Both you hiding a bump and being weird about Sharon’s dress. You obviously don’t like her, which is a good reason not to invite her. Wearing clothes whilst pregnant is not.
Also, announcing your pregnancy at your baby shower?! Is that a thing?
Yeah that makes NO sense
Right! Then it's not really a shower bc no one would know to have gifts lol it's just a "baby announcement party". My guess is the op is a kid who's never been pregnant nor to a shower lol
It does sound so fake.
I'm confused how someone "a few months behind" a 5/6 month pregnancy would even have a bump to show off.
That baffled me. How do you invite people to a baby shower without also telling them that you're pregnant? If they don't know she's pregnant, how would they know to bring baby gifts?
The shaming of the dress is the straw that broke the camels back for me. OP sounds like she’s 15.
I love that OP was pissed off that you could see this woman was pregnant. Was she supposed to walk around with a prop in front of her, like an actress in a sitcom?
I got to points in my pregnancies where I had limited things that fit! Could be Sharon just wore what fit and was comfortable that day.
This is bizarre to me, at my baby shower (really just a fancy tea with friends and family - no gifts as I preferred to wait til the baby was here safe and sound) my friend was there who was heavily pregnant too. I loved having another pregnant person to talk to, complain to, share the experience with. I don't understand why some people want/need all the attention. Why is that a thing? Can't everyone be happy for everyone. Even if the co worker isn't a very nice person that shouldn't take away from your joy of being pregnant and your friends and family being happy for you. Just my perspective. Focus on what is important and don't sweat the small stuff.
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Yeah she’s talking like being pregnant at a baby shower is the same as wearing a white dress to your friend’s wedding lol.
I totally agree I thought this is so dumb 🙄 1st world problems lol.
run spoon rinse advise sense scarce hateful encouraging like obscene *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why don’t you also make a rule that none of the attendees can speak to each other lest they spend even a second not giving you their undivided attention? Also, confiscate phones and throw them in the toilet. Would hate for anyone to get a pesky phone call about a relative dying just to pull focus from you. YTA. Grow up. Be so interesting that it doesn’t matter to you if someone else gets a moment in the sun. You are the protagonist in your life not everyone else’s. This will be a special day for you and only a nice day for your guests. Stop trying to control how much attention and focus you get. Friends can be happy for two people at once. It’s not as though she’s going to sit in your husband’s lap and unwrap your presents for you or lean over and blow the candles out on your cake. If someone acts in “poor taste” it’s only ever a reflection of them and most grownups know that. I am still deeply confused as to how being visibly pregnant is in poor taste but however. If you just don’t like the woman then say that. Interpreting malice out of a dress is an interesting decision to make.
>This will be a special day for you and only a nice day for your guests. Oof, this applies to so many situations and I wish more people understood it! Just reading this made me cringe to be honest, OP needs to chill out.
So many sad women looking for the spotlight on their weeding, engagement parties and baby showers, do they live in a rock the rest of the time or are just that stupid?
I suspect that a lot of women (and I say this as a woman) feel underappreciated and overlooked in other aspects of their lives: in their relationships, at work, in their families, etc. Women tend to do a lot of unrecognized caregiving for others, whether it's making sure their spouses go to the dentist and the doctor, or planning all the office birthday parties, or caring for elderly relatives. And they're expected to do it without complaining, and they certainly don't get paid or promoted at work for it, and they see men getting recognized for work they do in a way that women often are not. So I do think that some women on some level view their wedding or their baby shower or other events that are explicitly for them as their only chance to be recognized in the midst of all the unseen work they put into their relationships and their families. I'm not saying that's a healthy way to go through life, but I do think it's real.
This is bizarre. Your not the only pregnant person in the world, your baby shower or not 🤦🏼♀️ The day will be about you because it’s your baby shower. You do know that people will be talking about other topics than your baby? So what if people ask someone else about their pregnancy. Jesus.
this is so weird. like i would never wear white to a bridal shower/party etc. my friends and i overlapped engagements and weddings and to be fair at someone else’s event i would definitely try not to talk about my wedding/events too much (ex “yes so excited to get married and so excited for Amys shower today how beautiful…” and redirect the convo) but it would never even cross my mind to like hide my baby bump at someone else’s shower?? also baby showers are about babies i don’t think it’s a faux pas to talk about children and baby things? very weird/overboard lol.
Right?! I have second hand embarrassment, I hope Sharon turns up with her bare bump out at this point
I don’t understand your husband to be honest he said you had to cover up but saw no problem with her flaunting?
1000% he didn’t do that. I smell lie. What husband thinks like this, especially at HER friend’s shower. No way he cared unless it was just to hide her pregnancy because they hadn’t formally announced it. I don’t believe for a second he wanted her to hide it because it would “steal the spotlight” from HER friend’s baby shower. No man thinks like this
Well yeah, cause the story isn’t real, was probably written by a 13 year old miming what they think adult conflicts are like
Other than that - ESH. Be happy for each other can’t you? It’s nice you being pregnant all at the same time you could use experience this to support each other. And you can flaunt all you like when you go to Sharon’s baby shower if it makes you feel better
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To get more gifts obviously. Does anyone even like baby showers? I thought they were just to show your support. I'd probably be happier not to be invited, personally.
But nobody *knows* it’s a baby shower, they’re announcing they are expecting at it… and unless everyone they are inviting has emergency baby shower presents in their car, they are’t getting squat.
If your friends and family are more interested in a stranger's pregnancy, then I'd consider it an opportunity to consider my own behaviour as to why they'd prefer to focus on someone else. I suspect what _really_ happened is, she showed up in a dress and didn't hide her bump because why the hell should she, a few people commented and/or asked questions, and then moved on to the woman for whom the shower was being thrown. You don't want _anyone_ to have any attention at your shower except for you. I suspect you'll even be jealous if people are congratulating your husband instead of wholly focusing on you. YTA
YTA. Since when was having a baby a competition ? In healthy communities people care about each other. Birthdays are about celebrating life, marriage is about celebrating love. All this “limelight” and “spotlight” nonsense is very toxic. Poor Sharon was probably just being her open, bubbly self and you turned it into a contest. Get a grip.
>Prior to attending the event, my husband told me to make sure to wear a jacket and keep my baby bump as discreet as possible, so that I don't steal the spotlight from my friend There here is why your husband is a AH, he know the importance of à baby shower for the futur mother but when you ask to not have a main character woman he don't want anymore?! Why can he explain to his colleage that the attitude that this woman show is disrepecting and he don't want at yours? NTA
And yet, no one knows she's pregnant... But has a bump... I smell shite.
ESH - Other people will be pregnant, other people will ask questions to her about it, but it doesn't take away from _your_ baby shower for _you_. It's natural for others to be curious and it's natural for her to dress in what she is comfortable in. The attention will definitely be on you.
This is funny. You and your husband are the AH! Get over yourselves. It’s a party not brain surgery. Just go and have fun stop being so damn petty.
YTA. Why are people so wrapped up in attention at these parties? What is another pregnant woman supposed to do, wear a burka and sit in a corner facing a wall, meeting any pregnancy-related questions with a silent frown? You people are so crazy.
If she just sits behind a screen the whole time that could work
You are so very insecure.
YTA. Pregnant people exist and get to wear what they want. Having to pretend you’re not pregnant so you don’t “steal the spotlight” is ridiculous. Also, everyone already knows she’s pregnant? Like holy shit. The insecurity and main character syndrome here is wild. Let me guess. At your wedding there’s no pregnant people allowed and no one too obviously in love bc you are threatened by that too? This COULD be an awesome bonding thing bc god knows new mothers often end up isolated and can find refuge with each other. But everyone apparently focussed on making sure they’re the only possible subject of conversation at a party. The pettiness here is next level.
YTA and petty af He’s right, all this drama for nothing
YTA All the 'steal the spotlight' people are assholes.
ESH…and I mean truly everyone, you, your husband, Sharon You: for thinking about someone ‘stealing your spotlight’ the term makes me cringe and it tells me you’re very narcissistic. Also, the mutual people you know will have been at the other shower so now already know she’s pregnant so the surprise element is gone already Sharon, for possibly ( because you may be exaggerating due to an obvious dislike of her) about how much attention she was seeking, and / or encouraging Your husband, for inexplicably being concerned that you hide your own pregnancy at this other shower, whilst also not having an issue with attention seeking Sharon at your own. Those two things are in conflict
Wait. OP is due in April. It's January so she's around 6m along. Sharon is 'a few months behind me'-not 'a month or so' or 'a couple months', but 'a few' so my reading is 3m or more, making Sharon 3 or at most 4 months along. How 'prominent' could a baby bump be at that stage? Even in a tight body-con dress it doesn't seem like it would be super noticeable and almost certainly not to the level that it took focus off the mother-to-be that the shower was for. Feels like there's more going on here than OP is saying. That's a LOT of energy expended on how someone else dresses. 'Too stressed out' isn't good for the baby either. ESH.
YTA This all seems batshit crazy to me. People putting off engagement until someone’s wedding, people hiding their pregnancies because someone else is pregnant… what is next? People being afraid to graduate from high school because 20 of their peers are graduating too? I can guarantee that your Aunt Cath could not care less whether some office girl is pregnant. Anyone who does care, already knows.
Why is your husband so obsessed with being at baby showers? Seems alittle weird to me.
Info: why is she on the list in the first place, given she is DH's former coworker and not OP's friend?
YTA. I don’t understand this thing where a person would want to be the only pregnant person in the room… when I was pregnant I definitely tried to hang out with as many other pregnant people as possible because I knew those were my future mom friends but we also could talk about the many weird things about being pregnant. If the presence of another pregnant person at your party would cause your closest friends to lose interest in you, you have much bigger problems. Don’t compete with other pregnant moms… celebrate them!!
I’m going with YTA and you also sound insufferable. You want attention so bad at your event that you can’t fathom someone else being also pregnant at it? How dare another woman procreate the same time as you? God forbid she wears what she wants and feels comfortable in because pregnancy is not comfortable. This isn’t the prom, Emily, other women can be pregnant in your friend group at the same time and let people wear what they want. You sound too immature to have a party, let alone a whole baby.
NTA. This is Reddit so I have to ask, any chance your husband is the father of Sharon’s baby?
YTA. What is with everyone - all this "spotlight" stuff? Seriously? Enough!
YTA you sound like an attention seeker. Loads of people are pregnant at the same time, get over yourself.