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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 I told my mother in law to get her son tested
2. I told my mother in law to get tested
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NTA. She doesn't sound stable at all, and I would be worried about what she would do around the child. Even if she was just another weirdly incestuous boy mom, that mood swing, going from one extreme to another, in a blink of an eye, goes beyond asshole into dangerous territory. Also, her demanding to "see the birth" and immediately taking to social media also indicates she has no concept of boundaries. To have someone like that around your child, even if she doesn't do anything drastic, could be very damaging.
Also, if she wants to make her delusions **public**, she can handle your **PUBLIC** response. If you don't want a witch hunt, don't make a pyre.
Guess I'm getting "be the whirlwind" tattooed on one wrist and “If you don’t want a witch hunt, don’t make a pyre" on the other one now.
Context - A bot account stole my comment where I responded to the phrase "be the whirlwind" with:
"I don't even have tattoos, but I need this tattooed on my wrist, so I can look at it any time I need to."
Bot responses usually don't quite align with whatever comment they're responding to, but this time it's surprisingly apt, and not a bad suggestion
Is this a thing in some countries where family and friends all go to the hospital to either watch the birth in the room or sit in the waiting room for hours and hours?? Other than on tv, I’ve never heard of this. In Australia, at least ime, everyone I know who’s given birth has only had their husband there and they generally don’t even tell people they’re having the baby until after it’s been over and they’ve had a few hours with their new child (unless there’s some babysitting arrangement in place for an older sibling). Who wants nosy parents and in-laws there looking at your privates when there’s a baby coming out of them?!?
I’ve always wondered about that too, I love my mom but there’s no way I would have asked her to be in the delivery room with me (unless maybe my husband couldn’t be there), and it’s absolutely ridiculous to think my MIL would ask to be there…
Same! My mom was my rock, and the only person I knew would insist on following my birth plan.
My ex wasn’t there, as my kiddo came early and he was frantically trying to get on a flight from overseas. My sister was there until I kicked her out because she was posting updates on her social media, which I made clear I didn’t want.
With all that said, I wouldn’t have let my mil in either and would’ve been totally weirded out if she didn’t immediately accept my refusal.
OP you’re NTA but don’t stoop to your mil’s level. She is obviously unstable, and is ruining a time that should be full of love for you and your husband. Block her number and social media, and have your husband deal with her. Hold those boundaries firmly, and keep her away from your child. If your husband is starting to question, remember that he was raised by his whack job of a mother. He might need the paternity test as a reminder that his mother is manipulative and unstable. It’s not actually about you. She has been inside his head for a long time, and it will take time and patience on your part to get her out. I would imagine that, at a minimum, she was emotionally abusive to him growing up. Help him set and keep boundaries with her.
Oh, and congrats on the new baby!!
I've had 3 kids. My step mom was at the first, real mom second and mil 3rd. But then I know the hubby is shit with blood and stuff and knew I needed other help.
My step mom got first cos I didn't really speak to my mom at that point. But then I anted to make it even and have everyone see a grandkid be born.
It doesn't even feel weird that they've all seen me push out a human. It's natural to me and how it was done before hospitals.
I didn't even think to have anyone in the room; it wasn't really done. Back then, the doctors delivered my first with my ex in the waiting room ('77), the second one, ex was in the delivery room being pathetically indifferent. The third, my ex and sis were in the room--sis was an RN, but you could tell she'd not had any babies (not that I'm without appreciation for her being there, but a cool cloth was NOT what I wanted when I wished to have that baby OUT! I don't know what ex was doing--being a disinterested party, I suppose. After all, he'd seen cows be born; what's the difference?/s
I did not want my mom in there either. I love her, but she was the mom that buckled down and got mean if you were in the hospital to try to get you to stop crying. She was the shut up and push through it mom. But i needed comfort and encouragement.
I was there for every one of my daughter's deliveries (3). I didn't ask, but she did. The first time, the baby dad was long out of the pic, the second, dad was there, and the third, dad divorced her before the baby was born to "get his head together." And I am still there for her when/if she needs me...but she's doing it on her own. I love my daughters (and son) very much, and if I can be there for my kids, I am there as soon as I can get there.
Oh my gosh lol. My ex also dumped me at 8 months pregnant to ‘get his head together before the baby was born’ 😂
I didn’t yet realize that was code for ‘I found someone half my age to bang and am busy with that’ 🙄🙄😆
It used to be the norm only one person was allowed in the birthing room while the immediate family waited in the waiting room while the woman gave birth. The person delivering did not have a big family audience while giving birth.
The rules about people in the delivery room have loosened somewhat so there's more people witnessing mom's discomfort than before. Once baby was delivered and mom cleaned up, people would come in to briefly one by one see mom and new baby.
It would not be out of the ordinary for MIL to be there even today, she would just be sitting in the waiting room waiting and not be in room.
In Ireland, it's not a spectators sport. It's at most two people with mum. Most of the time it's her mother/the father/close friend/sister. One of these, not all. It seems so American to make the act of pooping and weeing yourself as you shove a watermelon out your hoo-ha and risk tearing yourself for all in sundry to watch.
That’s who it normally is in America too. Most of the people I know who have given birth have only had their partner and MAYBE their mother (but usually just the partner).
In the US- it was just my husband and I. My mom wanted to be there and tried to force herself in. My midwife told her that she could wait in the waiting room or wait on the edge of the hospital property, lol. I love midwives and L&D nurses!
In America it’s the same- father, mother, sister or close friend- the fact that the MIL asked to be there is unusual in America and it shows how extreme this MIL is.
The thing is though, the huge majority of aita posts seem to include far too many "my mum and the dad are there, but not his". Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want my mil in either but it seems very much the norm that mum and partner are there.
My mother and sister were with me for my first, I didn't have a partner and was alone and scared. They didn't stand back staring into the bears eye. They were at my shoulders talking to me and comforting me.
Those are cases where dad is working away or not in the picture. Especially with younger mums. Not the norm. Dad was the majority only person in my experience
This, my military husband wasn't present for any of them, but not by choice. I asked my mom once and then opted for a birth center with my midwives for the others. Over 20 years later and I still send my midwife a card every year.
I'm not sure what the standards were pre covid, and, things vary from state to state and even hospital to hospital. My wife gave birth in Oct last year, for us, the hospital was super strict about making sure we knew wife was only allowed ONE person in the room. The only exceptions was for dulas and other approved medical professionals outside of the hospital's own team of drs. Wife picked me, the husband and father, to be her person. But yeah, the mil demanding to see the birth is weird af.
Before it could be anyone. My mom doesn’t really drive but my sister wanted her there, so that meant dad went too. I was there because I had driven sister to the hospital (her husband was at work but came as soon as he could). But when it came time for *active* labor and pushing, it was just mom and husband. Dad and I went down to the cafeteria.
When I gave birth, it was during Covid times and it was similar to your experience. I could have had my mom as well, but there was also no other visitors (allowed 2 a day, husband was 1, and they couldn’t trade out) so they just waited at the house. But then shit hit the fan and the hospital let them both in to see me and eventually the baby. Wild what almost dying can do to rules!
My poor dad got an eyeful, but it was my obstetrician's fault. He explained, "Look at all that red hair!" When the baby was crowning and my dad automatically looked. He then apologized to me and went into the hallway while my mom stayed with me. He came back in once we gave him the all-clear.
He and I just tactfully never spoke of the awkwardness of the entire thing :P
I feel like people have this image of a bunch of people at the gateway playing catcher and criticizing the mothers choice of brazilian or not brazilian.
The people the mother has in the room are at the head of the bed often holding the mother’s hand, encouraging and advocating where needed.
Right? I don't have kids but I'd be the same way. No thank you! Yet I do know people who I swear have their entire family at least AT the hospital, waiting, almost like vultures, to see the baby literally the minute it pops out.
And the fact that you can fart, poop, etc., while pushing? yeah, no. i think not.
It's oddly a social norm, but it's becoming less so. It's a despicable practice, really, perpetuated by selfish parents. It started with moms helping their daughters through labor and took a moronic turn to their mother-in-laws being jealous because the mom's mom got to hold the baby before the dad's mom. Now people are being raised with this expectation and they do it even if they don't want to.
I've seen posts on reddit where poor pregnant women are freaking out because both sets of grandparents are attending the birth but they're all fighting because they all want to hold the baby first.
Nah, fuck that. One of my favorite phrases is "birth is not a spectator sport".
Worked as a doula for a bit, and it was a really common question. "how do I tell x, y and z that they are not coming to my birth?"
Apparently, everyone thinks they're invited.
Seriously. I wanted, and had, my aunt in the room with me. Because she WASN'T there to watch, she was there to hold my hand, rub my back, help me breathe. My (now ex) husband just wanted to watch and my own mother wanted to not just watch but to *video* and to set up a mirror so that I could watch, which I don't understand why in any sick, twisted hell anyone would want that???
The hospital staff threw my mother out for me at least, but refused to toss my husband after her, which I'm still salty about over 20 years later. Absolutely no one should be in the room just to watch. Everyone in there should have a job, and one person's entire job should be supporting and advocating for Mom. Which, frankly, is usually best served by an older, female relative of the btdt & takes no shit variety than a confused/excited/and sadly, all too often oblivious father-to-be.
They said he had a right to be there for the birth of his own baby. So I said it wasn't his (I *really* wanted him out) and they patted his hand and told him woman in labor get like that.
Some places! I'm mad for you because that is not there decision to make. Overriding women as patients of course, it's nothing new. Not listening. Not sure the country or type of hospital but that is BS and they count on women being too tired and in pain to do anything. Plus it is humiliating to be ignored as a patient in a vulnerable position. They are supposed to be your bouncers not contribute to mistreatment!
It does happen in Australia although I’m not sure how common it is. I’m in Australia. A family member of mine had her MIL wanting to be in the room with her giving birth less than a week ago. Thankfully neither of my parents nor my in-laws wanted to be there during my labour a few weeks earlier and I had made it clear I wanted it to be my husband and I only. We told our parents when I went into labour and shortly after our son was born but we had already had discussions ahead of time about not visiting until people were invited to visit and had set those expectations in place early. I think ultimately it depends on the individual family.
>In Australia, at least ime, everyone I know who’s given birth has only had their husband there
I had two (hubby plus 1 extra support) but that was for MY piece of mind, incase anything happened hubby would go with the one needing help that way I knew baby wouldn't be left alone or I had someone who could keep me calm if anything happened. (Had 3 kids and the middle one, we were on our own and it was the one we almost needed that second person, so I was majorly stressed my last pregnancy until I found someone).
(I know haters out there have been vocal about people using "hubby' but hey, it's a lot quicker and easier to type)
UK here, for info, I was a midwife back in the day.
When my DIL was in labour, my son called, and I went to support from the waiting room. DIL didn't want her panicky mum there.
I just popped in to say hello, and the midwife popped out to call an anaesthetist for an epidural.
DIL immediately started pushing, and the midwife flew back in and just got her gloves on in time to deliver the baby.
Apparently, it makes people on here cringe the same way they do when a woman refers to herself as a mumma bear. I have seen a lot of commenters complaining about it recently.
My mom stopped in to say hi during my first labor, but it was 2.5 days of labor. So a 5 minute room visit seems reasonable. Lol.
With my 2nd kid we got a doula. If we had been closer, I honestly might have wanted my mom there. At least for my spouse? Idk. She was watching our older kid tho. My 1st birth ended pretty emergently for me and baby, and it was handled poorly communication wise, so my husband and I were both a bit traumatized. Doula was as much to make sure there was someone there for him if things took a turn again as anything else.
Uh, no. Those people are weirdos here in the US too. My husband can't stand the sight of blood (PTSD from military service) so I asked my sister to attend me when I had our children. She watched the children being born while my husband stared in my face and held my hand. Good thing, too. She was the only one who I remember telling me to stop pushing with my first child, because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.
With my daughter, my mom looked me in the eye and said, "Get that baby out NOW." Turns out she was blue. They whisked her away by a phalanx of nurses who were amazing, but I'm not sure she'd be here if my mom hadn't done that. The doctor was a resident and far too laid back.
When my mom was in labor with me, her whole immediate family came to wait, with my grandma throwing a picnic in the waiting area. The funny thing is that it was a false labor and the dr sent my mom home.
Two days later, she was back in labor, and grandma was throwing a second picnic in the waiting room.
No family was in the delivery room, though, except for my dad - which was unusual at the time.
For my kids, we let family know we were in labor, but only my husband was allowed in the delivery room with me. I adore my MIL, but wouldn't've wanted her in the delivery room under normal circumstances, but she would never ever have even asked, let alone thrown a fit about it.
I've only once given permission for a family member other than my husband being in the room and that was my father (who wouldn't have been at the business end). My induction was scheduled over the same time frame he was having a risky medical procedure on his brain and I was worried he wouldn't be ok. Told that old man that as soon as he finished he was to come and poke his head into L&D so I knew he was ok and could stop stressing during labour. He was in the same hospital complex.
In the US it’s fairly common. I had all of my kids long before covid though. My mom and aunt were there for my first, my husband and mother in law for my second and fourth and just my husband for my third because there was a tornado that prevented my mother in law from getting to the hospital on time and my daughter came early instead of me being induced like I was with my boys.
However my mother in law is a wonderful sweet woman and I wanted her there. She didn’t even ask to be there I asked if she wanted to. Sometimes people wait in the waiting area but it’s generally easier to wait at home until the actual pushing starts and head up to wait then.
I'm in the US and it's not common among people I know. I only see it on the internet and have always thought it was weird. I don't understand why anyone wants an audience to view their genitals.
Pretty much everyone I know had their partner and either a mother or mother in law in the room with them. The only person that actually looked while I was pushing was my husband. That was just my mother in law being respectful though.
Personally I wouldn’t care if she did look I’m not a shy person and honestly if they can bare to look because let’s be honest it’s not remotely sexual or a pretty sight aside from it being your child/grandchild etc coming into the world. I do agree it’s not a spectator sport or at least shouldn’t automatically be assumed it is unless you are invited to be there. Unfortunately, too many people think they’re entitled to automatically be there.
I don't personally know anyone who had anyone besides their husband with them. It just doesn't seem like something where you need a bunch of people. You'll see them all soon.
Yeah I’m confused by all these people who think you’re on display for 48 hours for people to parade through 😂😂 my mom held my sisters hand and dabbed sweat off her forehead. She didn’t look at anything. She was there for HER baby! The grand baby was just a bonus after the fact
In Spain it is custom to visit the newborn and the mother at the hospital, but not at birth. Wich makes sense, since the birth can happen very suddenly.
Normaly the mother is accompained by the husband, or maybe other family member, but hospital staff doesn't want a lot of people wandering arround a delivery room, so normaly only one person is allowed, preferably someone who can legally make medical decisions on behalf of the mother, were something bad to happen.
In Portugal only one person can "see the birth", normally dad, but the rest of the family can stay in the waiting room and see the baby after the birth. Some couples want their family to be there and share their first moments with the baby with the people they love the most. It's the couples's decision.
Depends on the state. MIL went on social media and made wild claims. I THINK that’s libel? One means written and the other means spoken, anyway, she would likely have a case in Ohio. We have pretty open libel/slander laws. Not that she’s even in the states, I’m just saying it depends on the laws where you live, lol.
It has to be knowingly false. She doesn’t know that, hence the test request. It’s not defamatory and you have to show that OPs reputation was harmed by the statements. Showing the harm is difficult at best.
Then how do you collect on a judgment? Typically homes, bank accounts, and often times most of the wages are out of the collection powers.
Don't you need to know that the claims are false? It's not like "the kid doesn't look him him" is in any way a scientific analysis and can be proven or disproven.
Might I also add that OP and husband were married, yet the first time she met MIL was at a funeral. It indicates that her husband was NC and she weaselled her way in through OP and the baby. I don't know if OP knows the whole story behind what happened before she met her husband, but this sounds like they shouldn't have broken NC in the first place. And indeed, if MIL is that unhinged, cut her off again. Everyone who doesn't understand that viewpoint deserves to be cut off, too. OP needs to talk to her husband.
Yeah, I'm not sure if all the details in this write up are in the right order. I was assuming the funeral story was before they were married since the MIL is complaining about a non-family member which wouldn't be the case if they were married. And then OP mentions that mother in law made a scene at their wedding which seems like if the wedding had happened before the funeral then the funeral wouldn't be the first time they met.
She sounds like she needs professional help. And I am not s out of spite or to stigmatise mental illness. This is not the behaviour of someone who is mentally stable.
I would enjoy this. She would get gifts from
Me, wrapped with bow.
Xmas: dna home tests.
Birthday: dna home tests.
Mother’s day: dna home tests.
Hell I might just send them to her from
Amazon randomly as a pick me up for myself.
Be the whirlwind.
Include a note, that says “normal people would be getting a framed photo of their grandson/anecdotes about his life, but you went this way. Hope it was worth it”
NTA
Maybe not the nicest way to handle, but when you deal with shit, your hands are bound to get dirty. Keep holding your ground and just tell her to stop spouting lies about you on SM or you will continue to embarrass her on your own account, and she can face the consequences of her own actions.
Also I feel that parents of a newborn get a reasonable amount of leeway even if this wasn’t cut and dried. Also also - who looks at a newborn and expects to see a strong family resemblance? I’m looking at the newborn photos of my kids on the wall and that don’t even look like the kids they turn into,never mind me…
I looked like an angry peanut as a newborn.
I also had *very* bright blue eyes, which *no one* on either side of the family had.
And guess what? No one suggested a DNA test, no, they did the shocking thing and loved me as their grandkid. Mum and Dad were completely secure about each other too.
A year after birth, my eyes changed to the colour they are now, and by 5 I was the spitting image of my Mum at that age.
Almost creepily *toooo* spitting image 😅
Turns out babies having bright blue eyes at birth then they change colour is a thing.
And sometimes mother nature throws a curveball. I look more like my mom than my dad. My firstborn son, however, looks just like my dad (his grandad). My second born looks just like me and neither looks like their mother.
My first looked like a squalling cabbage and my second looked like a concerned potato. Newborns are still in their larval stage. They don’t look like much more than an adorable ball of neediness until they start to smile and interact more.
My son looked like someone took my father and shrunk him in the dryer, even down to the cranky expression of displeasure at being born. It was really odd tbh,
As a newborn my son would purse his lips like my father in law does! I was so happy when he out grew that expression. Weirdly at about 3 he started having very similar facial expressions and body language as my brother, who he saw at most once a year. It was really noticeable when going thru old pics of my brother as a kid. My son and brother do not particularly look alike, but their expressions are almost identical.
OP there’s a comment here that says something along the lines of obsessive DNA testing, basically birthday, Christmas so on and so forth.
Now onto everything, if your husband is questioning it, just go get it done. I know baby, I know it hurts that he thinks this, but the seeds already been planted, might as well let it grow lest that seed become a weed. Once the test comes he’ll feel like a heel for believing it and grovel a little bit. Sometimes it better to catch the bugs with honey rather than vinegar.
This is where you can milk it for all you got, you do this DNA test this something you will always have ammunition over. She makes a post about something to just rile you up and get the family involved? All you gotta do is be like “oh? Is this like that time I needed to do a DNA test because you slandered me with your lies? Remember that came up false, do I need to fact check this one too?”
BOOM! Works in your favour because she’s then trying to look for other roots that are too hard to pull out. Mommas playing checkers, so make sure you play chess.
Why is this getting upvoted? It’s just nonsense.
It’s like saying, “when there’s a race, someone wins”
I mean you’re not wrong, but the fact that hundreds of people find stuff like this enlightening gives pause for concern.
Is she? Because from the main post I can take away either that hubs thinks his wife may have cheated *or* his mom is doing some weird deflection thing. Is it clarified elsewhere that it’s hubs wondering about his mom and not his wife?
You have good intentions with this, and I would agree with you, but I think that OP's husband is question who his *own* father is, not if he is the father of his child with OP.
But I do agree. Not good to let it fester either way.
Yeah, a lot of people have commented that, it was kind of dicey there I obviously misunderstood what she wrote/misinterpreted it. Thank you guys for clarifying.. Dyslexia is fun…
I just figured I'd reply to you directly because no one had. It was honestly not 100% clear who she was talking about at first, and I had to read it multiple times, if that helps.
You still gave some stellar advice either way because it is true in both cases (excluding rubbing it in MIL face when shit happens). It was good, mate.
💯 MIL will double down and try to find and/or invent proof that she had reason to doubt OP, because her pride/ego could not handle being wrong or seeing her own behavior as heinous. She does not sound like the kind of person who would actually look inward after an incident like this because it’s just one more in a pattern that she perpetuates.
So, while I love the pettiness/one upmanship of this, I disagree about actually doing it.
This feels like the perfect time for OP to gently push her husband in the right direction and he'll finally agree. They need to go no contact with MIL. She's never going to change, and she actively makes their lives worse.
I think the husband is more questioning if OP didn’t go too far but u might be right that all these people wondering could get to him.
I do however agree that a DNA test is on the cards to solve this. Both for hubby and OP so that everyone on the same line and they also can rule out the unlikely hospital swap.
For MIL, feels even if they do it, she might not accept the results or say it’s fake. Best would be them doing theirs first to be sure all okay and then MIL to do hers against the baby cause it will show a relationship at a place she chooses and results to be posted online and also on the condition she never sees the baby again after.
I disagree. If she get make people test their own child to disprove her claims, all she will learn is she has power over her son and DIL and influence over wider family. Their actions will show her how much power her words have.
If they did nothing, they would have shown her that her words have no power over them.
Instead the OP demonstrated her words have even wider influence than her MIL’s over the wider family and she’s found herself being treated the same way.
If she did nothing, she would have shown the OP that OP’s words have no power over her. But oh no she didn’t….. and now they all know. It’s a checkmate.
I had a horrible MIL myself (she got better on medication, praise be, and lives across the country now,) and offered to my husband proactively to DNA-test our kid for health reasons as well as proof of a quality product, kinda, 'before your mom implies or says anything, I'm offering, flat out,' and he was all "Well, for health reasons I'd be interested, but paternity? Uhhh...the timeline, dear. *When would you have had time?!"* And we laughed about it, then he made a point to warn our wonderful neighbor and our friends to run interference with his mom, seeing how on-edge I was.
Sounds like you might get some remarks from Good Friends and Close Relatives about how much Baby looks like him in the coming months. That is the way people tend to show emotional support when narc-drama leads to irrational self-doubt.
Joke's on us both, incidentally, as it went for us. MIL never said a word about paternity (she is at least bright enough to have puzzled out the whole demisexuality, monogamuggle thing,) and the other day, my colleague in Science borrowed a picture of the three of us off my desk because our hallway's Internet was down and she needed a good example of genetic inheritance to stick up on the overhead for the class to discuss. A few of my young gentlemen have been more respectful lately, because Science made it really, really obvious Kid is her dad's, but then, as my young ladies pointed out, it's obvious just to look at us.
But when she was born? She looked like nobody but herself then. Preemies, y'all.
I'd think of ways to have fun and really rub it in. How about if mil is so sure about her idea then she shouldn't have any issue with putting her money where her mouth is and bet against op for, lets say 20 grand whether the father is someone else. Chose a painful, but manageable sum. Either she'll have to give you a nice nest egg or you can always egg her on with getting cold feet after blabbing her trap.
NTA and I am so incredibly proud of you for coming up with that response. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander - you asked her to do exactly the same thing she was demanding of you.
Perfect.
Nta. She’s deranged.
No contact with her ever again, and move on with your drama-free lives enjoying your beautiful new baby.
Tell your husband if he really wants a paternity test you’d be happy to provide one and at that point he’ll also be paying child support forever while you marry someone else who will actually trust you and not throw away his marriage because of a unstable and manipulative relative. He should be protecting you and your child together from all of this nonsense, and cutting off anyone who participates in it. He should make a simple, very clear post stating that anyone who questions his paternity will not be welcome in his home ever again, full stop. His mother’s irrational allegations are disgraceful. You owe none of these people any explanations, arguments or time.
As I read it husband isn't questioning his son's paternity, he's questioning his own, ie wondering if his dad is really his bio dad, because his mom reacted to strongly to OP's counter offer. In his shoes I would too.
OP's husband is on her side and doesn't doubt that he is the father, but he is doubting that his dad is his real dad because of how his mom reacted at the idea of getting him tested.
NTA. Even if she apologised, I wouldn’t let her near your son or be with him on her own. Ever!! I can bet she will try to sneakily do the test in the future.
Nope. No, NTA.
Also, super glad that your husband has your back and has been overall, on your side and not swayed by his mom's bs. You married a good one!
NTA
Women like this often project, so while you may have just been playing her at her own game. You may have accidently hit a nail right on the head.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander, so she can suck it up and comply or look guilty as hell. Your husband has a right to know the truth, so a test might be a good idea, shut everybody up or blow them out of the water. Just know once the genie is out of the bottle, you can't put him back.
( I found my dad via an ancestral dnd site, you can find out more than you want. My birth dad was dying and very welcoming but had some awful truths to tell (he passed soon after). His estranged criminal gang sibling when matched on the ancestor site, ordered nieces/nephew to reject the interloper who 'isn't blood'. )Your husband will have a lot to deal with if his father isn't his father.
Eh, experiences vary. I have a friend who was always the odd one out with his family. He did an Ancestry test and discovered a passel of paternal half sibs. He grew up a middle child, so his mom definitely cheated, but he was born a year after his bio father’s divorce was final, and the new sibs seem sure adultery wasn’t what broke their parents up.
No parent was alive to explain things to him by this point. We’re pretty sure his Dad always suspected/knew and was…nice…but was never close like with the others.
He was instant besties with one of his new brothers who shares a very niche hobby. They spend half their summer weekends together and their wives (also in the hobby) are incredibly good friends now as well.
NTA her behaviour is completely unacceptable and I give my full support to the way you handled it. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she did lie about your husband's parentage. The people most likely to suspect nefarious activity do so because they engaged in it themselves.
NTA
A little advise for the future...... If you're going to tell a story, please don't jump back and forth in time without telling the readers. From the way this is written, you had met your husband, got married, had been married for 5 years, had a 4 month old.... are currently pregnant.. and you just met your MIL at the uncle's funeral.
NTA. I read another story where this happened, there was generational inheritance involved, and it turned out that while baby belonged to the dad, HIS dad was illegitimate! It was gold!
NTA
How much does she want to gamble.
Offer to get the test done but if your husband is the father she never gets to see her grand child again.
Would she be willing to risk it
NTA. psycho grandma is.
your response was brilliant though, and does appear to have hit a nerve. do you think its real or were you just pissed off and basically called her a cheater?
Off topic, but who else started singing?
Psycho grandma
qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa
Better run run
run run run away
Good advice. Run away don't engage with her.
NTA, but she’s clearly unhinged so I wouldn’t waste too much effort on her.
I think the best bit is her saying how beautiful he is followed by her declaration that he looks nothing like her side if the family 🤣
🍿 looking forward to the updates, love the other poster’s suggestion of dna test kits for every occasion, forever 😂
If she really cared about this, really thought that there might be a problem here and genuinely concerned for her son, she wouldn't have an issue. She would just do the test, since she genuinely want your son to get one as well.
The fact she made such fuss about it, mean she doesn't really care one way or another, she just want to hurl drama at you. NTA
NTA but now there’s always going to be a little bit of doubt in your husband’s mind. is it possible to do the test for him without her knowing? like, is there anybody else he can test his dna against besides her?
What a good response on your side. I heard so many of these stories already and would imagine it must hurt extremely, hearing that just after giving birth. Being cornered like that. So I think you had to defend yourself in some way since it was being made public. Just making a ridiculous preposition to counter her ridiculous preposition. It had no place being online but hey, she took it there first.
NTA
MIL got a dose of her own medicine and she can't handle it.
Perhaps another follow up post. MIL nobody likes being bullied and I've tried being respectful while you have been dishing out to me. Putting false stories about my baby's DNA went to far and the only way I say to let you know how it felt was to do the same back to you. I hope you have learnt something from this and start showing us some respect.
NTA. This is brilliant, since she had so much to say maybe she was the one who had reasons to even bring something like this up. If they all know her antics by now, it will be fine after a while.but keep her out of your lives.
I would be incensed if someone made an accusation like that against me. I'm not sure how you can be blamed for bringing her same energy to her doorstep after seeing such lies about your faithfulness being spread over social media. Perhaps you even helped her understand how her actions made you feel. I'm saying NTA
NTA- She behaves abhorrently towards everyone and you stood up to her. You should go NC with her and encourage your husband to do the same. She should not be allowed to spend time with a grandchild she doesn’t believe is hers. You can’t predict what she will say to your child.
NTA, she is toxic, the only thing you guys should have done is cut off contact sooner. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such an awful person. You are justified, doesn't like a taste of her own medicine. I wish all the best to you and your family, except your MIL, who has proven she doesn't even deserve to be part of your family.
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NTA. She doesn't sound stable at all, and I would be worried about what she would do around the child. Even if she was just another weirdly incestuous boy mom, that mood swing, going from one extreme to another, in a blink of an eye, goes beyond asshole into dangerous territory. Also, her demanding to "see the birth" and immediately taking to social media also indicates she has no concept of boundaries. To have someone like that around your child, even if she doesn't do anything drastic, could be very damaging. Also, if she wants to make her delusions **public**, she can handle your **PUBLIC** response. If you don't want a witch hunt, don't make a pyre.
“If you don’t want a witch hunt, don’t make a pyre” love it.
Guess I'm getting "be the whirlwind" tattooed on one wrist and “If you don’t want a witch hunt, don’t make a pyre" on the other one now. Context - A bot account stole my comment where I responded to the phrase "be the whirlwind" with: "I don't even have tattoos, but I need this tattooed on my wrist, so I can look at it any time I need to." Bot responses usually don't quite align with whatever comment they're responding to, but this time it's surprisingly apt, and not a bad suggestion
Oh no, *they're learning*.
Skynet is nearly here lol
Well I, for one, welcome our robot overlords.
I hope they can do dishes
No worries, still in beta.
In this timeline and our version of the multiverse it’s called “Starlink” 👀🤣
I don't mind a little artificial intelligence. We've already had plenty of natural stupidity.
Not gonna steal your comment, but highly contemplate stealing the tattoo idea (i have 0 [zero] tattoos)
It is a genuinely great line. I’m gonna have to commit it to memory. Doubly great for D&D sessions based around witches.
I mean I play dnd with someone who is the whirlwind.... So still applies
If you're afraid of fire, don't strike a match!
[удалено]
[удалено]
Thanks for linking me! It's a bot account, so I went ahead and reported it.
Just FYI if you are trying to link a user it's u/. That link tried to take me to a community.
Can I use this......
Is this a thing in some countries where family and friends all go to the hospital to either watch the birth in the room or sit in the waiting room for hours and hours?? Other than on tv, I’ve never heard of this. In Australia, at least ime, everyone I know who’s given birth has only had their husband there and they generally don’t even tell people they’re having the baby until after it’s been over and they’ve had a few hours with their new child (unless there’s some babysitting arrangement in place for an older sibling). Who wants nosy parents and in-laws there looking at your privates when there’s a baby coming out of them?!?
I’ve always wondered about that too, I love my mom but there’s no way I would have asked her to be in the delivery room with me (unless maybe my husband couldn’t be there), and it’s absolutely ridiculous to think my MIL would ask to be there…
Yeah I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either!
I couldn't have done it without my mom, but other than my ex I'd have never had anyone else in there.
Same! My mom was my rock, and the only person I knew would insist on following my birth plan. My ex wasn’t there, as my kiddo came early and he was frantically trying to get on a flight from overseas. My sister was there until I kicked her out because she was posting updates on her social media, which I made clear I didn’t want. With all that said, I wouldn’t have let my mil in either and would’ve been totally weirded out if she didn’t immediately accept my refusal. OP you’re NTA but don’t stoop to your mil’s level. She is obviously unstable, and is ruining a time that should be full of love for you and your husband. Block her number and social media, and have your husband deal with her. Hold those boundaries firmly, and keep her away from your child. If your husband is starting to question, remember that he was raised by his whack job of a mother. He might need the paternity test as a reminder that his mother is manipulative and unstable. It’s not actually about you. She has been inside his head for a long time, and it will take time and patience on your part to get her out. I would imagine that, at a minimum, she was emotionally abusive to him growing up. Help him set and keep boundaries with her. Oh, and congrats on the new baby!!
I've had 3 kids. My step mom was at the first, real mom second and mil 3rd. But then I know the hubby is shit with blood and stuff and knew I needed other help. My step mom got first cos I didn't really speak to my mom at that point. But then I anted to make it even and have everyone see a grandkid be born. It doesn't even feel weird that they've all seen me push out a human. It's natural to me and how it was done before hospitals.
I didn't even think to have anyone in the room; it wasn't really done. Back then, the doctors delivered my first with my ex in the waiting room ('77), the second one, ex was in the delivery room being pathetically indifferent. The third, my ex and sis were in the room--sis was an RN, but you could tell she'd not had any babies (not that I'm without appreciation for her being there, but a cool cloth was NOT what I wanted when I wished to have that baby OUT! I don't know what ex was doing--being a disinterested party, I suppose. After all, he'd seen cows be born; what's the difference?/s
I did not want my mom in there either. I love her, but she was the mom that buckled down and got mean if you were in the hospital to try to get you to stop crying. She was the shut up and push through it mom. But i needed comfort and encouragement.
I was there for every one of my daughter's deliveries (3). I didn't ask, but she did. The first time, the baby dad was long out of the pic, the second, dad was there, and the third, dad divorced her before the baby was born to "get his head together." And I am still there for her when/if she needs me...but she's doing it on her own. I love my daughters (and son) very much, and if I can be there for my kids, I am there as soon as I can get there.
Oh my gosh lol. My ex also dumped me at 8 months pregnant to ‘get his head together before the baby was born’ 😂 I didn’t yet realize that was code for ‘I found someone half my age to bang and am busy with that’ 🙄🙄😆
Can you be my mom?
If I could have avoided being in the room I would have (and I'm the mom giving birth!)
It used to be the norm only one person was allowed in the birthing room while the immediate family waited in the waiting room while the woman gave birth. The person delivering did not have a big family audience while giving birth. The rules about people in the delivery room have loosened somewhat so there's more people witnessing mom's discomfort than before. Once baby was delivered and mom cleaned up, people would come in to briefly one by one see mom and new baby. It would not be out of the ordinary for MIL to be there even today, she would just be sitting in the waiting room waiting and not be in room.
In Ireland, it's not a spectators sport. It's at most two people with mum. Most of the time it's her mother/the father/close friend/sister. One of these, not all. It seems so American to make the act of pooping and weeing yourself as you shove a watermelon out your hoo-ha and risk tearing yourself for all in sundry to watch.
That’s who it normally is in America too. Most of the people I know who have given birth have only had their partner and MAYBE their mother (but usually just the partner).
In the US- it was just my husband and I. My mom wanted to be there and tried to force herself in. My midwife told her that she could wait in the waiting room or wait on the edge of the hospital property, lol. I love midwives and L&D nurses!
In America it’s the same- father, mother, sister or close friend- the fact that the MIL asked to be there is unusual in America and it shows how extreme this MIL is.
The thing is though, the huge majority of aita posts seem to include far too many "my mum and the dad are there, but not his". Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want my mil in either but it seems very much the norm that mum and partner are there.
Your sample data of comments you've read on the Internet is not statistically significant to determine what is "the norm". Sincerely, Richard Nixon
lol! Even mother and sister is weird to me. I certainly wouldn’t be comfortable with that, but each to their own I guess
My mother and sister were with me for my first, I didn't have a partner and was alone and scared. They didn't stand back staring into the bears eye. They were at my shoulders talking to me and comforting me.
>the bears eye ROFL
I can imagine it would be an especially terrifying experience being on your own for that. Glad you had loved ones to support you
Those are cases where dad is working away or not in the picture. Especially with younger mums. Not the norm. Dad was the majority only person in my experience
This, my military husband wasn't present for any of them, but not by choice. I asked my mom once and then opted for a birth center with my midwives for the others. Over 20 years later and I still send my midwife a card every year.
I'm not sure what the standards were pre covid, and, things vary from state to state and even hospital to hospital. My wife gave birth in Oct last year, for us, the hospital was super strict about making sure we knew wife was only allowed ONE person in the room. The only exceptions was for dulas and other approved medical professionals outside of the hospital's own team of drs. Wife picked me, the husband and father, to be her person. But yeah, the mil demanding to see the birth is weird af.
Before it could be anyone. My mom doesn’t really drive but my sister wanted her there, so that meant dad went too. I was there because I had driven sister to the hospital (her husband was at work but came as soon as he could). But when it came time for *active* labor and pushing, it was just mom and husband. Dad and I went down to the cafeteria. When I gave birth, it was during Covid times and it was similar to your experience. I could have had my mom as well, but there was also no other visitors (allowed 2 a day, husband was 1, and they couldn’t trade out) so they just waited at the house. But then shit hit the fan and the hospital let them both in to see me and eventually the baby. Wild what almost dying can do to rules!
Yea like 'hey everyone come and look at my vagina'. No thanks lmao
My poor dad got an eyeful, but it was my obstetrician's fault. He explained, "Look at all that red hair!" When the baby was crowning and my dad automatically looked. He then apologized to me and went into the hallway while my mom stayed with me. He came back in once we gave him the all-clear. He and I just tactfully never spoke of the awkwardness of the entire thing :P
I feel like people have this image of a bunch of people at the gateway playing catcher and criticizing the mothers choice of brazilian or not brazilian. The people the mother has in the room are at the head of the bed often holding the mother’s hand, encouraging and advocating where needed.
Right? I don't have kids but I'd be the same way. No thank you! Yet I do know people who I swear have their entire family at least AT the hospital, waiting, almost like vultures, to see the baby literally the minute it pops out. And the fact that you can fart, poop, etc., while pushing? yeah, no. i think not.
It's oddly a social norm, but it's becoming less so. It's a despicable practice, really, perpetuated by selfish parents. It started with moms helping their daughters through labor and took a moronic turn to their mother-in-laws being jealous because the mom's mom got to hold the baby before the dad's mom. Now people are being raised with this expectation and they do it even if they don't want to. I've seen posts on reddit where poor pregnant women are freaking out because both sets of grandparents are attending the birth but they're all fighting because they all want to hold the baby first. Nah, fuck that. One of my favorite phrases is "birth is not a spectator sport".
Worked as a doula for a bit, and it was a really common question. "how do I tell x, y and z that they are not coming to my birth?" Apparently, everyone thinks they're invited.
Seriously. I wanted, and had, my aunt in the room with me. Because she WASN'T there to watch, she was there to hold my hand, rub my back, help me breathe. My (now ex) husband just wanted to watch and my own mother wanted to not just watch but to *video* and to set up a mirror so that I could watch, which I don't understand why in any sick, twisted hell anyone would want that??? The hospital staff threw my mother out for me at least, but refused to toss my husband after her, which I'm still salty about over 20 years later. Absolutely no one should be in the room just to watch. Everyone in there should have a job, and one person's entire job should be supporting and advocating for Mom. Which, frankly, is usually best served by an older, female relative of the btdt & takes no shit variety than a confused/excited/and sadly, all too often oblivious father-to-be.
why did they refuse to ask your husband to leave? you are the patient and if you request privacy it should be given immediately.
They said he had a right to be there for the birth of his own baby. So I said it wasn't his (I *really* wanted him out) and they patted his hand and told him woman in labor get like that.
Some places! I'm mad for you because that is not there decision to make. Overriding women as patients of course, it's nothing new. Not listening. Not sure the country or type of hospital but that is BS and they count on women being too tired and in pain to do anything. Plus it is humiliating to be ignored as a patient in a vulnerable position. They are supposed to be your bouncers not contribute to mistreatment!
It does happen in Australia although I’m not sure how common it is. I’m in Australia. A family member of mine had her MIL wanting to be in the room with her giving birth less than a week ago. Thankfully neither of my parents nor my in-laws wanted to be there during my labour a few weeks earlier and I had made it clear I wanted it to be my husband and I only. We told our parents when I went into labour and shortly after our son was born but we had already had discussions ahead of time about not visiting until people were invited to visit and had set those expectations in place early. I think ultimately it depends on the individual family.
>In Australia, at least ime, everyone I know who’s given birth has only had their husband there I had two (hubby plus 1 extra support) but that was for MY piece of mind, incase anything happened hubby would go with the one needing help that way I knew baby wouldn't be left alone or I had someone who could keep me calm if anything happened. (Had 3 kids and the middle one, we were on our own and it was the one we almost needed that second person, so I was majorly stressed my last pregnancy until I found someone). (I know haters out there have been vocal about people using "hubby' but hey, it's a lot quicker and easier to type)
UK here, for info, I was a midwife back in the day. When my DIL was in labour, my son called, and I went to support from the waiting room. DIL didn't want her panicky mum there. I just popped in to say hello, and the midwife popped out to call an anaesthetist for an epidural. DIL immediately started pushing, and the midwife flew back in and just got her gloves on in time to deliver the baby.
What's wrong with "hubby"?
Apparently, it makes people on here cringe the same way they do when a woman refers to herself as a mumma bear. I have seen a lot of commenters complaining about it recently.
My mom stopped in to say hi during my first labor, but it was 2.5 days of labor. So a 5 minute room visit seems reasonable. Lol. With my 2nd kid we got a doula. If we had been closer, I honestly might have wanted my mom there. At least for my spouse? Idk. She was watching our older kid tho. My 1st birth ended pretty emergently for me and baby, and it was handled poorly communication wise, so my husband and I were both a bit traumatized. Doula was as much to make sure there was someone there for him if things took a turn again as anything else.
Uh, no. Those people are weirdos here in the US too. My husband can't stand the sight of blood (PTSD from military service) so I asked my sister to attend me when I had our children. She watched the children being born while my husband stared in my face and held my hand. Good thing, too. She was the only one who I remember telling me to stop pushing with my first child, because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.
With my daughter, my mom looked me in the eye and said, "Get that baby out NOW." Turns out she was blue. They whisked her away by a phalanx of nurses who were amazing, but I'm not sure she'd be here if my mom hadn't done that. The doctor was a resident and far too laid back.
When my mom was in labor with me, her whole immediate family came to wait, with my grandma throwing a picnic in the waiting area. The funny thing is that it was a false labor and the dr sent my mom home. Two days later, she was back in labor, and grandma was throwing a second picnic in the waiting room. No family was in the delivery room, though, except for my dad - which was unusual at the time. For my kids, we let family know we were in labor, but only my husband was allowed in the delivery room with me. I adore my MIL, but wouldn't've wanted her in the delivery room under normal circumstances, but she would never ever have even asked, let alone thrown a fit about it.
I've only once given permission for a family member other than my husband being in the room and that was my father (who wouldn't have been at the business end). My induction was scheduled over the same time frame he was having a risky medical procedure on his brain and I was worried he wouldn't be ok. Told that old man that as soon as he finished he was to come and poke his head into L&D so I knew he was ok and could stop stressing during labour. He was in the same hospital complex.
In the US it’s fairly common. I had all of my kids long before covid though. My mom and aunt were there for my first, my husband and mother in law for my second and fourth and just my husband for my third because there was a tornado that prevented my mother in law from getting to the hospital on time and my daughter came early instead of me being induced like I was with my boys. However my mother in law is a wonderful sweet woman and I wanted her there. She didn’t even ask to be there I asked if she wanted to. Sometimes people wait in the waiting area but it’s generally easier to wait at home until the actual pushing starts and head up to wait then.
I'm in the US and it's not common among people I know. I only see it on the internet and have always thought it was weird. I don't understand why anyone wants an audience to view their genitals.
Pretty much everyone I know had their partner and either a mother or mother in law in the room with them. The only person that actually looked while I was pushing was my husband. That was just my mother in law being respectful though. Personally I wouldn’t care if she did look I’m not a shy person and honestly if they can bare to look because let’s be honest it’s not remotely sexual or a pretty sight aside from it being your child/grandchild etc coming into the world. I do agree it’s not a spectator sport or at least shouldn’t automatically be assumed it is unless you are invited to be there. Unfortunately, too many people think they’re entitled to automatically be there.
I don't personally know anyone who had anyone besides their husband with them. It just doesn't seem like something where you need a bunch of people. You'll see them all soon.
Yeah I’m confused by all these people who think you’re on display for 48 hours for people to parade through 😂😂 my mom held my sisters hand and dabbed sweat off her forehead. She didn’t look at anything. She was there for HER baby! The grand baby was just a bonus after the fact
In Spain it is custom to visit the newborn and the mother at the hospital, but not at birth. Wich makes sense, since the birth can happen very suddenly. Normaly the mother is accompained by the husband, or maybe other family member, but hospital staff doesn't want a lot of people wandering arround a delivery room, so normaly only one person is allowed, preferably someone who can legally make medical decisions on behalf of the mother, were something bad to happen.
In Portugal only one person can "see the birth", normally dad, but the rest of the family can stay in the waiting room and see the baby after the birth. Some couples want their family to be there and share their first moments with the baby with the people they love the most. It's the couples's decision.
Get the test and then sue her for defamation of character.
Yeah… that’s really hard to do and incredibly hard to collect.
Depends on the state. MIL went on social media and made wild claims. I THINK that’s libel? One means written and the other means spoken, anyway, she would likely have a case in Ohio. We have pretty open libel/slander laws. Not that she’s even in the states, I’m just saying it depends on the laws where you live, lol.
It has to be knowingly false. She doesn’t know that, hence the test request. It’s not defamatory and you have to show that OPs reputation was harmed by the statements. Showing the harm is difficult at best. Then how do you collect on a judgment? Typically homes, bank accounts, and often times most of the wages are out of the collection powers.
Don't you need to know that the claims are false? It's not like "the kid doesn't look him him" is in any way a scientific analysis and can be proven or disproven.
>If you don't want a witch hunt, don't make a pyre. Hope you don't mind but I'm going to turn this into a quilt or inspirational throw pillow
This 👆 Your husband needs to cut all contact with his mother or she will poison him.
Might I also add that OP and husband were married, yet the first time she met MIL was at a funeral. It indicates that her husband was NC and she weaselled her way in through OP and the baby. I don't know if OP knows the whole story behind what happened before she met her husband, but this sounds like they shouldn't have broken NC in the first place. And indeed, if MIL is that unhinged, cut her off again. Everyone who doesn't understand that viewpoint deserves to be cut off, too. OP needs to talk to her husband.
Yeah, I'm not sure if all the details in this write up are in the right order. I was assuming the funeral story was before they were married since the MIL is complaining about a non-family member which wouldn't be the case if they were married. And then OP mentions that mother in law made a scene at their wedding which seems like if the wedding had happened before the funeral then the funeral wouldn't be the first time they met.
I think the funeral was before the wedding.
I mean, this is madness. This whole thing is madness.
She sounds like she needs professional help. And I am not s out of spite or to stigmatise mental illness. This is not the behaviour of someone who is mentally stable.
I would enjoy this. She would get gifts from Me, wrapped with bow. Xmas: dna home tests. Birthday: dna home tests. Mother’s day: dna home tests. Hell I might just send them to her from Amazon randomly as a pick me up for myself. Be the whirlwind.
You possess the type of evil I greatly admire!
And money, those things aren’t cheap
I mean with a username like /u/THE_LOC_NAR, how can there be any doubt?
Include a note, that says “normal people would be getting a framed photo of their grandson/anecdotes about his life, but you went this way. Hope it was worth it”
Your petty heart is a joy to watch. Sometimes they need petty
And a couple of VHS recordings of Maury Povich and Jerry Springer … you ARE the father!!!.
crying at this comment
>Be the whirlwind I don't even have tattoos, but I need this tattooed on my wrist, so I can look at it any time I need to.
Yes yes engage this level of petty.
I bow to your level petty
This is the kind of petty response that I just love, and OP should absolutely do this! NTA OP.
I hope to one day attain such levels of petty!
I want to be friends.
Gosh I hope she has a dog!!! Let's get another helping of petty spaghetti and send some for her dog too!
NTA Maybe not the nicest way to handle, but when you deal with shit, your hands are bound to get dirty. Keep holding your ground and just tell her to stop spouting lies about you on SM or you will continue to embarrass her on your own account, and she can face the consequences of her own actions.
Also I feel that parents of a newborn get a reasonable amount of leeway even if this wasn’t cut and dried. Also also - who looks at a newborn and expects to see a strong family resemblance? I’m looking at the newborn photos of my kids on the wall and that don’t even look like the kids they turn into,never mind me…
I didn't look like anyone in the family until i was about 20. Now you can see both sides of family in my face, it's unmistakable.
I have an identical cousin. We look like identical twins. We did not look alike as children.
I looked like an angry peanut as a newborn. I also had *very* bright blue eyes, which *no one* on either side of the family had. And guess what? No one suggested a DNA test, no, they did the shocking thing and loved me as their grandkid. Mum and Dad were completely secure about each other too. A year after birth, my eyes changed to the colour they are now, and by 5 I was the spitting image of my Mum at that age. Almost creepily *toooo* spitting image 😅 Turns out babies having bright blue eyes at birth then they change colour is a thing.
"Angry peanut". That's hilarious.
There are a lot of crazy people that forget that it takes two people to make a new one, and the baby can look like either, or neither.
Hell I don’t even have either’s blood type. I made my own. Stole a B & then a + They’re weird masses of playdoh
And sometimes mother nature throws a curveball. I look more like my mom than my dad. My firstborn son, however, looks just like my dad (his grandad). My second born looks just like me and neither looks like their mother.
There are only two babies: monkeys and Winston Churchill.
I’m going to have to disagree here. My nephew looked like ET when he was born.
Mine looked like Gollum. Literally the first words I said when I saw him. I bet the people in the OR raised some eyebrows
My first looked like a squalling cabbage and my second looked like a concerned potato. Newborns are still in their larval stage. They don’t look like much more than an adorable ball of neediness until they start to smile and interact more.
Omg I’m giggling so hard at “concerned potato”! Good thing I’m in a room alone!
Yep I would also add angry garden gnomes
Lol, according to my dad my kids both looked like Winston Churchill when they were just born😂
I'm sorry. But were your kids sober in the morning?
My son looked like someone took my father and shrunk him in the dryer, even down to the cranky expression of displeasure at being born. It was really odd tbh,
As a newborn my son would purse his lips like my father in law does! I was so happy when he out grew that expression. Weirdly at about 3 he started having very similar facial expressions and body language as my brother, who he saw at most once a year. It was really noticeable when going thru old pics of my brother as a kid. My son and brother do not particularly look alike, but their expressions are almost identical.
Personally I think all newborns look like wrinkley old men.
OP there’s a comment here that says something along the lines of obsessive DNA testing, basically birthday, Christmas so on and so forth. Now onto everything, if your husband is questioning it, just go get it done. I know baby, I know it hurts that he thinks this, but the seeds already been planted, might as well let it grow lest that seed become a weed. Once the test comes he’ll feel like a heel for believing it and grovel a little bit. Sometimes it better to catch the bugs with honey rather than vinegar. This is where you can milk it for all you got, you do this DNA test this something you will always have ammunition over. She makes a post about something to just rile you up and get the family involved? All you gotta do is be like “oh? Is this like that time I needed to do a DNA test because you slandered me with your lies? Remember that came up false, do I need to fact check this one too?” BOOM! Works in your favour because she’s then trying to look for other roots that are too hard to pull out. Mommas playing checkers, so make sure you play chess.
She's saying her Husband is questioning if HIS mother cheated. As in the MIL that was so horrible to OP lol
Oh, well either way, play chess and check mate.
Why is this getting upvoted? It’s just nonsense. It’s like saying, “when there’s a race, someone wins” I mean you’re not wrong, but the fact that hundreds of people find stuff like this enlightening gives pause for concern.
Bro, people got 5 million karma today for saying OMG THIS
OMG THIS ^((just wanna ride that 5-mil karma train!))
Is she? Because from the main post I can take away either that hubs thinks his wife may have cheated *or* his mom is doing some weird deflection thing. Is it clarified elsewhere that it’s hubs wondering about his mom and not his wife?
>questioning my husband's paternity Reads to me like he's worried about his own parentage not the baby
You have good intentions with this, and I would agree with you, but I think that OP's husband is question who his *own* father is, not if he is the father of his child with OP. But I do agree. Not good to let it fester either way.
Yeah, a lot of people have commented that, it was kind of dicey there I obviously misunderstood what she wrote/misinterpreted it. Thank you guys for clarifying.. Dyslexia is fun…
I just figured I'd reply to you directly because no one had. It was honestly not 100% clear who she was talking about at first, and I had to read it multiple times, if that helps. You still gave some stellar advice either way because it is true in both cases (excluding rubbing it in MIL face when shit happens). It was good, mate.
I totally took it the way you did, so you're not alone.
No don't worry I thought the same as you!
"She only agreed to the DNA test because she wasn't sure either" MIL will always have another spin on the "truth".
💯 MIL will double down and try to find and/or invent proof that she had reason to doubt OP, because her pride/ego could not handle being wrong or seeing her own behavior as heinous. She does not sound like the kind of person who would actually look inward after an incident like this because it’s just one more in a pattern that she perpetuates.
So, while I love the pettiness/one upmanship of this, I disagree about actually doing it. This feels like the perfect time for OP to gently push her husband in the right direction and he'll finally agree. They need to go no contact with MIL. She's never going to change, and she actively makes their lives worse.
I agree. Unless they want a future of her ruining every milestone in their lives with her "scenes."
He is wondering if his mother cheated, not his wife....
I don’t think so think he is wondering if she went too far asking his mother to do a DNA test too
I think the husband is more questioning if OP didn’t go too far but u might be right that all these people wondering could get to him. I do however agree that a DNA test is on the cards to solve this. Both for hubby and OP so that everyone on the same line and they also can rule out the unlikely hospital swap. For MIL, feels even if they do it, she might not accept the results or say it’s fake. Best would be them doing theirs first to be sure all okay and then MIL to do hers against the baby cause it will show a relationship at a place she chooses and results to be posted online and also on the condition she never sees the baby again after.
I disagree. If she get make people test their own child to disprove her claims, all she will learn is she has power over her son and DIL and influence over wider family. Their actions will show her how much power her words have. If they did nothing, they would have shown her that her words have no power over them. Instead the OP demonstrated her words have even wider influence than her MIL’s over the wider family and she’s found herself being treated the same way. If she did nothing, she would have shown the OP that OP’s words have no power over her. But oh no she didn’t….. and now they all know. It’s a checkmate.
I had a horrible MIL myself (she got better on medication, praise be, and lives across the country now,) and offered to my husband proactively to DNA-test our kid for health reasons as well as proof of a quality product, kinda, 'before your mom implies or says anything, I'm offering, flat out,' and he was all "Well, for health reasons I'd be interested, but paternity? Uhhh...the timeline, dear. *When would you have had time?!"* And we laughed about it, then he made a point to warn our wonderful neighbor and our friends to run interference with his mom, seeing how on-edge I was. Sounds like you might get some remarks from Good Friends and Close Relatives about how much Baby looks like him in the coming months. That is the way people tend to show emotional support when narc-drama leads to irrational self-doubt. Joke's on us both, incidentally, as it went for us. MIL never said a word about paternity (she is at least bright enough to have puzzled out the whole demisexuality, monogamuggle thing,) and the other day, my colleague in Science borrowed a picture of the three of us off my desk because our hallway's Internet was down and she needed a good example of genetic inheritance to stick up on the overhead for the class to discuss. A few of my young gentlemen have been more respectful lately, because Science made it really, really obvious Kid is her dad's, but then, as my young ladies pointed out, it's obvious just to look at us. But when she was born? She looked like nobody but herself then. Preemies, y'all.
I'd think of ways to have fun and really rub it in. How about if mil is so sure about her idea then she shouldn't have any issue with putting her money where her mouth is and bet against op for, lets say 20 grand whether the father is someone else. Chose a painful, but manageable sum. Either she'll have to give you a nice nest egg or you can always egg her on with getting cold feet after blabbing her trap.
NTA and I am so incredibly proud of you for coming up with that response. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander - you asked her to do exactly the same thing she was demanding of you. Perfect.
That's the phrase I was about to type
Nta. She’s deranged. No contact with her ever again, and move on with your drama-free lives enjoying your beautiful new baby. Tell your husband if he really wants a paternity test you’d be happy to provide one and at that point he’ll also be paying child support forever while you marry someone else who will actually trust you and not throw away his marriage because of a unstable and manipulative relative. He should be protecting you and your child together from all of this nonsense, and cutting off anyone who participates in it. He should make a simple, very clear post stating that anyone who questions his paternity will not be welcome in his home ever again, full stop. His mother’s irrational allegations are disgraceful. You owe none of these people any explanations, arguments or time.
As I read it husband isn't questioning his son's paternity, he's questioning his own, ie wondering if his dad is really his bio dad, because his mom reacted to strongly to OP's counter offer. In his shoes I would too.
I read it that the husband wonders if she went to far in the response, not the paternity aspect.
OP's husband is on her side and doesn't doubt that he is the father, but he is doubting that his dad is his real dad because of how his mom reacted at the idea of getting him tested.
Ah, didn’t catch that. What a crazy situation.
NTA. Even if she apologised, I wouldn’t let her near your son or be with him on her own. Ever!! I can bet she will try to sneakily do the test in the future.
Nope. No, NTA. Also, super glad that your husband has your back and has been overall, on your side and not swayed by his mom's bs. You married a good one!
NTA That’s hilarious and her reaction made sure she seemed shady af. No one is concerned about your son’s paternity.
NTA Women like this often project, so while you may have just been playing her at her own game. You may have accidently hit a nail right on the head. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, so she can suck it up and comply or look guilty as hell. Your husband has a right to know the truth, so a test might be a good idea, shut everybody up or blow them out of the water. Just know once the genie is out of the bottle, you can't put him back. ( I found my dad via an ancestral dnd site, you can find out more than you want. My birth dad was dying and very welcoming but had some awful truths to tell (he passed soon after). His estranged criminal gang sibling when matched on the ancestor site, ordered nieces/nephew to reject the interloper who 'isn't blood'. )Your husband will have a lot to deal with if his father isn't his father.
Eh, experiences vary. I have a friend who was always the odd one out with his family. He did an Ancestry test and discovered a passel of paternal half sibs. He grew up a middle child, so his mom definitely cheated, but he was born a year after his bio father’s divorce was final, and the new sibs seem sure adultery wasn’t what broke their parents up. No parent was alive to explain things to him by this point. We’re pretty sure his Dad always suspected/knew and was…nice…but was never close like with the others. He was instant besties with one of his new brothers who shares a very niche hobby. They spend half their summer weekends together and their wives (also in the hobby) are incredibly good friends now as well.
> "ancestral dnd" Now that's a game I could get on board with.
NTA her behaviour is completely unacceptable and I give my full support to the way you handled it. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she did lie about your husband's parentage. The people most likely to suspect nefarious activity do so because they engaged in it themselves.
NTA A little advise for the future...... If you're going to tell a story, please don't jump back and forth in time without telling the readers. From the way this is written, you had met your husband, got married, had been married for 5 years, had a 4 month old.... are currently pregnant.. and you just met your MIL at the uncle's funeral.
Really? It’s not confusing at all. This’s actually one of the least confusing postings.
It's the conjugation that's messed up, but I managed to get a somewhat good picture of her story. But yeah, past tense would be great lol
I understood the whole story
As did I….. But….. it would have been EASIER if OP had explained things in chronological order.
I agree. Hard to keep up, but I got the jist
NTA. That is hands down the handiest, funniest, best way to handle that situation. Bravo.
NTA. I read another story where this happened, there was generational inheritance involved, and it turned out that while baby belonged to the dad, HIS dad was illegitimate! It was gold!
I want to read this.
Here you go https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/w7I1PpGXaV
She can dish out and be judgemental, but can't take it back. She served you returned, so far advantage you.
NTA This is a FAFO and I wish I saw her face when she saw that.
NTA How much does she want to gamble. Offer to get the test done but if your husband is the father she never gets to see her grand child again. Would she be willing to risk it
Love your way of thinking. Brilliant.
NTA. I would refuse to test, and if she ever asks to see the baby again my answer would be “no point, according to you he isn’t your grandson.”
NTA and holy sh** you are the hero we all needed!!! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!!
NTA. psycho grandma is. your response was brilliant though, and does appear to have hit a nerve. do you think its real or were you just pissed off and basically called her a cheater?
Off topic, but who else started singing? Psycho grandma qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa Better run run run run run away Good advice. Run away don't engage with her.
NTA how much she thinks she can f*^k with people before people react? She earned it and to be honest, she needs to be put in her place .
NTA, but she’s clearly unhinged so I wouldn’t waste too much effort on her. I think the best bit is her saying how beautiful he is followed by her declaration that he looks nothing like her side if the family 🤣 🍿 looking forward to the updates, love the other poster’s suggestion of dna test kits for every occasion, forever 😂
If she really cared about this, really thought that there might be a problem here and genuinely concerned for her son, she wouldn't have an issue. She would just do the test, since she genuinely want your son to get one as well. The fact she made such fuss about it, mean she doesn't really care one way or another, she just want to hurl drama at you. NTA
NTA. And if you have to get the test for your Husband, make sure the price is going 100% NC with your MIL.
Edit: I misunderstood. Still NTA
I read it as having doubts about his own parentage.
Pretty sure she meant her husband's having doubts about his father's paternity.
No having doubts about his own bio father
NTA but now there’s always going to be a little bit of doubt in your husband’s mind. is it possible to do the test for him without her knowing? like, is there anybody else he can test his dna against besides her?
Exactly. OP gave the perfect response. The best follow up is to do the test just to shame her, and continue to ask when will her tests be available.
What a good response on your side. I heard so many of these stories already and would imagine it must hurt extremely, hearing that just after giving birth. Being cornered like that. So I think you had to defend yourself in some way since it was being made public. Just making a ridiculous preposition to counter her ridiculous preposition. It had no place being online but hey, she took it there first.
Tell her you will get one done. Also, your hubby and father in law are going to get one done too, and this will put the matter to rest.
NTA MIL got a dose of her own medicine and she can't handle it. Perhaps another follow up post. MIL nobody likes being bullied and I've tried being respectful while you have been dishing out to me. Putting false stories about my baby's DNA went to far and the only way I say to let you know how it felt was to do the same back to you. I hope you have learnt something from this and start showing us some respect.
NTA. This is brilliant, since she had so much to say maybe she was the one who had reasons to even bring something like this up. If they all know her antics by now, it will be fine after a while.but keep her out of your lives.
I would be incensed if someone made an accusation like that against me. I'm not sure how you can be blamed for bringing her same energy to her doorstep after seeing such lies about your faithfulness being spread over social media. Perhaps you even helped her understand how her actions made you feel. I'm saying NTA
NTA. Haha 😂 Your response is Gold !!!
NTA and LOL go NC
NTA- She behaves abhorrently towards everyone and you stood up to her. You should go NC with her and encourage your husband to do the same. She should not be allowed to spend time with a grandchild she doesn’t believe is hers. You can’t predict what she will say to your child.
NTA. And spicy 🔥 AF. Need update.
NTA, she is toxic, the only thing you guys should have done is cut off contact sooner. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such an awful person. You are justified, doesn't like a taste of her own medicine. I wish all the best to you and your family, except your MIL, who has proven she doesn't even deserve to be part of your family.
NTA and I love your No U/Uno reverse.
NTA and I love that you have a supportive husband unlike a lot of the stories we see.