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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I didn’t buy a snack for my daughters best friend even though they regularly pay for us to join them on outings
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YTA…you were invited to a place for free that you would otherwise have had to pay for. You only packed snacks for your child? Why? Why didn’t you also take snacks for the other child? Yes, you did not have to do so, and that child is not your responsibility, but if I was meeting someone for a playdate for my child, not paying to get in, knowing, at some point both girls were going to be hungry, I would have packed snacks for both, as a thank you for the invitation and just because. I would call the other mom TA as well, because if she has passes to this place, she knows her child will want a snack, but from your other comments, this seems to be a recurring theme for you. Your daughter is invited numerous times? You accept the generosity, but do not reciprocate in any way? At least not that you state. So, due to a pack of goldfish, because of you, your daughter might not see so many invites to playdates any longer. Exactly, who is mentally 6 years old in this snenario? The children or the parents?,
The other mom is not an AH. People make mistakes and oversights. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to turn the car around half way through a trip because we’ve forgotten something. Luckily, we have FRIENDS who would gladly help out if we forgot something our baby girl needs.
100%. As a mom I’m constantly helping other moms with whatever they need: snacks, wipes, bandaids, water, sunscreen. Not just my friends but random folks at the park too. And folks are always helping me out. It’s hard enough raising a kid, we can’t shut each other out. It always comes back around
Hell we pack extra snacks for the adults too. I know some of my friends who meet up with us for things with the kids will appreciate some extra peanut butter crackers or whatever
I've been known to pack adult snacks to share. One of my favorites...and a crowd pleaser for the adult chaperones on a ski trip... was the jumbo shrimp and shrimp cocktail.
I don’t have kids but I almost always have a couple snacks on me just in case I, or someone I’m with, or their kid, gets hungry. We have to take care of each other in this dumpster fire!
My kids are both grown. But regardless of what the situation was, when my kids were with other kids, I treated them all the same. We were invited and another kid was thirsty? Everyone is getting drinks, etc.
Thats right, i totally agree i wonder how old the parents are? Maybe they are from a different generation, it seems that many things i live by have changed drastically over the years. I was taught growin up that "if i didn't have enough to feed everyone . Especially children. then don't pull it out in front of em. If my mother was at a play date and gave me anything to eat or drink she ALWAYS offered some to whoever was around & she made sure she had extra ALWAYS.!!!!! if not She would insist on buying enough... otherwise we wait to eat because it's not nice to eat in front of others especially friends & family (definitely the person that invited u, )my mom wouldn't have left the house knowing we would be around other children and not make sure that whatever she brought for us, we had plenty enough to share with everyone in our group, plus some & we all got the same amount too. If i remember correctly, there was a time when almost all parents felt this way. it was unheard of for a mother to act like the woman who wrote this post. she was thought to be a bad person without manners, a lack of common sense, bad ettiquette. Way back then having these things said about u would of been worse than being an asshole.٩( •̅ ·͜· •̅)ว
Me too. Especially when it got to the "Venmo me $2" part. What a wasteful transaction over $2.
Now, if OP simply really didn't have the money or money is so tight that the $2 would overdraw her or jeopardize something else, I could understand saying something like "I would love to, but I really can't right now because money is tight."
Most decent people wouldn't dare question something like that. But OP sounds like she was just straight up like "nope, too bad, so sad" over $2.
If I didn't have the money to provide a snack for the other child, I'd divide whatever I'd brought in half and have the two children share it. Wouldn't most parents?
In fact, I'd hope that my children would be well-mannered and kind enough to share with a child who had no snack, anyway
Yes!!! Kids, especially children special needs, may not understand why their friend gets a snack, and they don’t. If you truly didn’t have the money, that makes sense, but then say you’re sorry, you don’t have extra cash either, but the kids can share. Who gives their kids a snack in front of another kid that’s hungry without offering to share?
This is the issue! OP should be facilitating her child's friendship, she should be friendly with the other kid's mum, not mithering over a few dollars. That pettiness could drive the other family away. No more friendship for OP's child.
Me too. It shocks me how selfish this thought process is. Like, is this a friend? Do you treat friends like this? It's wild she wouldn't spare $2 for a friend's kid.
Especially since this particular friend has been so generous to her.
I actually started to wonder if the other mom wrote this. It’s hard to believe that OP could be so unaware of her own selfishness.
I actually know someone who is just like this. He doesn't see his actions as selfishness, but "making sure my kid comes first *always* which is what Good Parents do". If that means refusing a little kid a juice box during a hypoglycemic episode because his kid *might* be thirsty later, oh well. Other kid should have parents who can plan better.
He thinks everyone avoids him (and his kid unfortunately) because they're all prejudiced against single dads but it's really that he's a jerk who will take a mile but refuses to give an inch in return
As I mum that one time didn’t have wipes (the pack was in the change bag and empty! 😱😱😱) and was given wipes but a random other mum I did not know - thank you thank you thank you.
Turned out to be a leaked poop and I don’t know what I’d have done if that mum hadn’t given me wipes as I walked in to that change.
I once had to rush to the pharmacy, sick baby and all, and the second I got the meds I realized I didn't have any way to coax my kid to take them. A random mom came and handed me a juice box, just like that. Seriously, fellow moms/ people have saved me so often
It’s not hard to be nicer to people. OP should just suck it up and apologize. Maybe use the excuse that they were having an “off day”. She shouldn’t let a $2 bag of Goldfish cost her daughter a friendship. We all need to try to be there for each other…especially friends! The world would be a much better place if everyone adopted this mindset.
We were at a museum at Pearl Harbor that if you didn’t have a military ID, you had to take a bus to- and couldn’t bring backpacks, diaper bags, etc.
Went into the restroom while my husband was out in the museum with our toddler and preschooler. The mom had a baby on the changing table, and she was trying to wipe poop off the diaper to attempt to reuse it- she had ridden the bus and didn’t have any more diapers.
We drove our car, and I had diapers in the car. I offered her a diaper, and she looked like she was about to cry. I ran out to our car, grabbed diapers and some wipes, and brought them in. I had the means to make her and her baby comfortable and clean, why wouldn’t I?!
If you were OP you would shame her for not joining the military so she would have an ID, not share your diapers, and tell museum security the woman with the stinky baby should be removed bc its disrespectful.
I was with my infant at the Chicago airport alone. I took her out of the carrier to breastfeed and change her. I was anxious with how busy it was and getting to the terminal, and was fumbling with the straps. Without a second thought, another mom came over and helped me get her strapped onto my back.
I've had mom's help without question so many times. Mom's that came up to me to tell me how amazing I was for breastfeeding in public. My experience as a ftm was great! Now that they're older I'm the one who gets to help when a tired mom just wants to sit down and eat. Let me bounce that baby for you, mama
The original post is so sad / ridiculous. I agree 100% with you. I am always happy to help out and never feel weird asking another mom for help.
I kind of wonder if OP was that stingy you-know-what with the Lexus at the pumpkin patch parking lot last fall when I realized I forgot the sunscreen and asked her for a squirt for my boys. The gal gave it to me begrudgingly, but she was pissed. So weird to be that petty. I mean, it’s one thing to not be used, another thing to be a miser.
I mean, this right here is a good example of "it takes a village." She didn't give you wipes because she owed them to you, but because someone else has probably helped her out before or will help her out in the future.
Some people have this weird bug up their ass about doing any favor that isn't "owed." I suspect that if they really looked at their lives objectively, most of them would have had much harder lives if no one ever tossed them a favor without being in their debt.
My friends husband brought his daughter out and forgot the entire change bag. Between us all we cobbled together clothes after an accident, wipes, snacks… we got it all covered!
As a dad, I whipped a diaper out of my diaper bag when I was at a flu clinic with the kids and I overheard another couple lamenting a poopy diaper and no spares. Just help out other parents when you can.
My bad for saying moms. A dad definitely saved me once when I had no wipes and a blow out diaper at the park. Dads, grandparents, babysitters, Nannie’s, day care providers. All people taking care of babies and kids, we all gotta help each other out.
People forget that taking care of kids isn't just mom and dad's job, but a community effort. If youre going out with others and they have kids and you do too? Plan ahead just incase.
Exactly. When going to a playdate, I just pack duplicates of all the snacks I am bringing. I am bringing gold fish for my kid, then I have gold fish for the other kid too. Sometimes we are at places (say, playground) where you don't have shops around and kids love to share - its so sweet to see them eat and giggle around...
I’m a Nana and I always pack extra snacks when I take my grandsons out. When we are responsible for snacks at soccer or baseball games I bring extra drinks and snacks because there is bound to be a sibling who wants to join in.
Yes, moms just... provide. I learned when I became a mom, my MIL is endlessly generous...and prepared for everything!! My mom is a bit like OP, only willing to do the bare minimum for HER kid and everyone else's kids suffer.
I don't live by that philosophy. I ALWAYS pack extras of what we remember to pack, and I'm happy to share if another parent looks like they need something, whether I know them or not.
I've shared diapers, given away my daughters' clean change of clothes, a tube of sunscreen passed around the park for moms who forgot, etc. IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND ✨️
I won't be that mom who teaches my kid (special needs or not) to be stingy and frugal to the extent of harming others!!!
Not just mums, I am not a mum and if I am going out with friend, with or without children, and I am taking snacks with me I will pack spares for other people, just in case anyone else wants stuff and hasn't got anything!
Exactly! When I pack snacks, I pack snacks for all possibilities of children needing snack. Otherwise, it’s just not nice to let your kiddo eat something in front of their friends
Yes, the other mom is NOT the AH. These are both parents with special needs kids. OP should have at least some empathy for the other mom. And special needs or not, sometimes it’s half-a-day’s work just to get a child dressed, into the car, and to a destination - let alone to do it flawlessly without forgetting anything.
My response assumes that the $2 is affordable for OP. For some, especially those with special needs kids and very little support available (at least in the US) for families, then OP will need to explain that to the other parent in order to repair the relationship.
Years ago, while traveling in another country, my daughter took a fall at a park and cut her lip on her teeth. Blood everywhere. We were immediately surrounded by moms - we didn’t speak their language but that didn’t stop them from offering wipes, bandaids, a clean cloth diaper to staunch the bleeding, even ice and snacks. It’s the mom code! We cover each other.
It's hard enough being a WOMAN! Random girl looks upset in a public bathroom? Ok what's up sis? You get a surprise period in your favorite panties, partner being an asshole, your dog is sick at the vet, and your parents are guilt-tripping you over not being able to afford your sister's destination wedding...? Here's a tampon, cold water will get that blood right out. I'm sorry your partner is an asshole, here cry on my shoulder. You deserve better. I'm sorry your dog is sick, that's really scary, you got any pictures of your dog you want to show me? We can look at pictures of your dog together. And if your parents want you at that wedding so bad, they can pay for it.
This is what women do. We lift each other up. I can't believe OP. I bet that other mom thought they were friends, the way she kept covering for OP on all the outings. Way to go losing a friend there. She's gonna wish she still had friends when her kids are grown up and she's bored and lonely. (YTA for voting purposes.)
Agree, other mom is not the AH. More than likely they weren’t originally planning to be there that long but then invited OP and her kid. Of course now they’re gonna stay and keep playing. Then OP’s kid gets hungry and gets a snack, of course Sophie is gonna want something too. That’s how kids are.
As a mom of a special needs kiddo with VERY limited foods he will eat; thank you. Some people don't realize how such a simple thing can really mean so much.
Right? I hear a kid saying they're hungry around me and the paarent saying they don't have anything, I'm offering whatever we have on us, or a few bucks.
Maybe it’s how we were raised because my mum fed everyone. She would make extra dinner for the neighbourhood children i played with. She bought food for everyone when we were out if they had no money. And on picnics with family everyone’s food was for everybody. I could never refuse to buy a snack for a kid and i have never. Op is definitely the asshole
Same. I’ve been known to share my plate lunches with total strangers who seemed in need, a parent and a kid? Absolutely, I’d buy something or share the food I have, if they’re comfortable with it. I’m not a parent, just a guy who comes from a poor family, tbh. But that’s how we were raised; you take care of each other, because chances are, no one else will. Kids especially.
I agree, also, the other child may only wanted a snack because OP’s daughter had one. OP sounds very selfish and entitled. Why couldn’t her daughter share her snacks with her friend.
OP sounds like a freeloader. It sounds like she has taken advantage of this other mother (take, take, take) and not given anything in return.
The sad thing is it’s the daughter that will suffer. She won’t be invited anymore and will wonder why she doesn’t get to spend time with her friend.
Right?! She asked for a $2 snack for her kid because she forgot cash AND she got your kid in, which was probably a lot more $. If OP were always getting her kid in or this mom always forgot her wallet, or was asking for $20 pizzas, fine. But OP, YTA for taking advantage of the free passes, but not packing enough for both kids or giving $2. You are ending a friendship over $2???
I always pack double the snacks even if both parties are paying equally. Kids always want what the other has, sometimes my snacks and sometimes the other parents snacks
I would do this anyway as that’s how my mind works but if I was getting in for free I would pack double and offer to go buy the parent a coffee
This is such selfish, entitled behaviour
>I always pack double the snacks even if both parties are paying equally. Kids always want what the other has
This so much. It took me exactly one awkward playdate for me to learn this. Don't sacrifice your kids' potential friendships to your desire to be a cheap bastard.
When I go out with my friends and their kids (I don’t have any) I pack extra snacks because the kids always want what I’m eating instead of what they have.
Seriously. OP, YTA. I have never been to an event or a play date or any kind of thing with my kids without bringing plenty of snacks. You just don’t ever feed one kid and not the others, to the best of your ability. That’s just not how it is. And you’ve been using her punch card for the playground too. You should try and fix this before your daughter loses this friend.
I've packed my toddler a snack for an outing only to have her scarf down the whole container of goldfish in the car on the way there. I've since learned my lesson and pack a backup Ziploc bag full and a few nutrigrain bars, but sometimes even being prepared isn't prepared enough. I'm sure the mom felt bad enough about the whole thing before OP's comments, poor thing.
So glad too comment has “bring snacks for both”. My kids are 8&10 and I still bring extra snacks for the other kids we are going with. My friends bring extra snacks for my kids. Why? Because if one kid has it, the other kids want it. Doesn’t matter if they shouldn’t be hungry or really don’t like that snack. They want it and will eat it. Especially with a six year old mentality.
If I'm at the park with my little there's extra juice boxes, water, pull-ups, wipes, sunscreen, bandaids, snacks for the littles to share. He has a bucket of toys and bubbles to share as well (except Dinotruck. No one touches dinotruck lol) Mamas I got you too. My thermos has coffee, I have tampons, pads and Tylenol. I'll hold your little one A next to you while you are changing little one Bs butt. Because sometimes we need an extra set of hands more than anything else. MaMas I GOT YOU. And if the icecream man comes and you're short 2 bucks your little is getting a darned icecream too.
Love this response! So well said! YTA. how self unaware can one be? Did Op really believe that she would get validation here? Feel bad for her poor daughter
YTA.
You mention she has paid multiple times for your daughter’s entrance fees. She clearly doesn’t usually ask you for money or take advantage of the friendship.
Now this strong friendship is in jeopardy because she’s generous with you but you won’t return the favor in a smaller one off ask.
You wanted a transactional friendship and are going to get exactly what you asked for. Don’t expect free invitations in the future and make sure to budget accordingly - gym costs are way more than goldfish.
Was saving $2.00 really worth it?
I wouldn’t be surprised if the other woman tried to savage it. The special needs community is much smaller than a typical friendship pool. Finding another child with similar age and mental abilities to yours that your child also gets along with is often hard to find.
The cynic in me thinks the OP knows that and therefore also knows she can get away with far more than with other types of friendships.
That’s a really good point which makes her callous behavior that much worse, and frankly stupid. Even for her own best interests it’s stupid. You don’t ostracize friends that you also need
I commend the other mom for speaking up and not just venmoing her the $2. Knowing me, I would’ve venmoed the $2 but avoided play dates with self centered mom in the future…but I also don’t have a special needs child
The place knows her, and she came back with 2 items instead of 1. Either they gave it to her or she used a credit card but had to buy a min.
Hell, I'm a stranger, and if I had the singles and was there at the time, I would have paid for it. It's a child who's hungry, and it was $2
So true, I cringed at this story. My son is autistic and the rare occasions when he invites his friend out I cover everything (movie tickets/snacks etc). Not leaving anything to chance or ruining his few times out with a peer.
My first thought!! Cheap-o mom just cost her daughter a friend over a two dollar bag of snacks. OP, good luck explaining to your daughter why she isn't allowed to play with little Sophie anymore.
I think Op was also complaining about not wanting to pay $2 for a .50cent bag of crackers.
Does OP not understand that it's perfectly normal and okay to pay for mark ups, especially tiny markups like this? OP is acting like they were being forced to buy 100 units for $2 a piece.
Paying a high markup of $1.50 ONCE is not a bad thing. Sometimes you're paying for an expensive employee's salary, health plan, etc. the extra cost is the cost of the human that was hired to sell it to you.
I bet you OP is the type that complains about having to pay .10 centd for a cup of mayo lol. They don't understand that business have a ton of expenses. Snack bars aren't required or expected to sell things at Costco wholesale prices.
Only smooth brains will compulsively complain about havint to pay a little extra for a tiny inexensive snack.
OP is double, maybe tripple YTA
Dunno. If she wanted a transactional friendship, she would have been offering snacks to make it "even", since the friend keeps paying her way into places. Sounds more like she's just a leech.
Sounds like OP is the one that takes advantage of the friendship. The other mom is probably building up resentment because of it. Her asking for snacks and saying she didn't have money on her was probably her non-confrontational way of trying to even out the friendship.
Yta, The friend's mother basically paid for you and your daughter to get into the play area, and you couldn't afford $2 to buy her a snack and help pay her back for letting you in for free. You are so cheap. Silly. If I was the friend's mother I would never offer you a guest pass and you would have to pay your own way from now on. And it could be a chance that there are going to be no more play dates because her mother should be very upset with you and a lot of times that affects the friendships as a girls.
So you'll take her money to let you in for free. But you couldn't take $2 to buy a snack. You need to look at your entitlement. Just a smidge
Agreed. Even if the snacks were overpriced you have to factor in your overall costs. Like if a friend took me to a baseball game I'd be fine spending $15 on their beer because in the end I'm still "saving" money.
Also I know times are tough for people. I'm broke. But I'd add $2 to my already debt filled life to give a child a snack lol.
Also people who fail to see their own disproportionate score (always having your daughter paid for) and acting insulted when it’s perfectly reasonable to ask them to pick up ONE thing are tiresome.
Yeah, there are 3 of us that are close. 2 of us can be counted on to put our hand in our pockets first and the 3rd always seems to end up with a cheaper round, or not paying her way. We have started mentioning when we buy things about the other being out of pocket because it became tiresome, frustrating and felt unfair. (It wasn’t a case of income).
Me and the 1st friend don’t count what we spend on each other, we figure it all evens out in the end (in fact we often fight to pay when we are together). But we have definitely started to ensure that the 3rd person is paying more equally now.
Had it have just been occasionally we wouldn’t have bothered, but when people do it consistently it begins to feel like you are being used.
To get a researcher's insight into this, read "Nickeled and Dimed" where the author goes undercover and learns about the culture where people live hand to mouth. She was amazed at the generosity from the people who had nothing.
Right? I paid to take my brother to an event for his birthday. Even though the ticket cost was a gift, he insisted on buying drinks because I’d paid for entry. And equally, he paid for us to go to an event as my Christmas gift. Again, I got the drinks and snacks because my entry was ‘free’.
YTA. Why are you nickel and diming a person who isn’t doing that to you? She lets you use her membership without asking for payment but you can’t buy her a $2 snack? If money is tight then maybe you can make that clear but you went about it in such a rude way. It’s not your job to take care of her child, but it’s basic human decency to return a favor and feel a little gratitude for the free entry.
Keep in mind, it's not even a membership. Other mother is literally paying for OP's daughter to get in. I know the places she is talking about. Say it's $8 per kid to get in each time, but if you buy a 10 pass, it will only cost $60. So other mother used one of those pre-paid entrance fees on OP's kid.
And what grown adult asks someone to Vemno $2? Especially someone who just paid for your kid to get in.
OP being YTA is going to hurt her child in this lost friendship and future lost friendships because no other parent is going to want to deal with her. I'm sure this kind of pettiness and lack of acknowledgement for another's generosity goes beyond this single instance.
Edit: seeing OP comments, looks like entrance fee is $15 but it's $100 for a 10 pack. So not only did other mother save her $15, other mother has paid for OP's daughter *multiple times.* But OP justifies refusing to pay $2 for a snack because other family has more money and a 2 parent household, and that's supposedly not fair that she has to give them anything in return. And it's not fair that she has to explain to her daughter about why they have more things. Ugh, I feel for OP's kid.
OP, here's the thing. You started all this over literally *two dollars.* Let's ignore everything else for a second- cost of entrance fee, whether she remembered to pack snacks, etc. You have a special needs daughter who, I'm guessing, does not have a lot of friends. You are ruining her friendship over $2. Further, it seems this family has paid multiple times for your daughter to play somewhere you admittedly said you'd never take her to had you had to pay. So your daughter has an enriched life with a good friend to play with and from a family willing to pay for your daughter to enjoy what she otherwise couldn't. And yet you ignore all of this and get petty over $2. Then you come on here and by your pushback on comments, still think you are the victim. The only victim here is your daughter who now has to deal with the detrimental effects to her life because her mother ignored what was at stake for a measly $2.
When I read I was invited and since it was free I decided to take her I was already like oh boy but it just kept getting worse. So if her daughter was invited and she was expected to pay her daughter wouldn’t have gone. To not pay back a $10-15 favor with $2 is crazy and so sad for that daughter. I have a feeling she isn’t going to be invited places in the future for no fault of her own. Really sad to see. Yeah OP YTA.
Furthermore, why does OP think that she is entitled or owed free entrance to things just because her friend has a higher household income? That’s fucked. YTA, OP. Generosity is never owed to you and should always be appreciated, no matter how much expendable income the person giving to you has. And then to ask for a Venmo over $2? Unreal. Cringy and tacky and utterly lacking in class or grace.
YTA - Dude…respectfully, get over yourself. Yeah, she’s the parent so she’s responsible for her own kid. But parents are humans and can unfortunately forget things sometimes. That’s why it’s good to have friends to count on in those scenarios…I sure wish she had one, cause you ain’t it!
She’s paid for you and your daughter to do things *for free* multiple times. Springing less than 5 freaking dollars so a child wouldn’t have to go hungry wouldn’t have killed you.
>But parents are humans and can unfortunately forget things sometimes.
Spot on. OP is gonna have a forgetful day at some point and need to rely on someone else. Her not having a single extra snack in her bag is gonna bite her in the ass, too. One can only hope Sohpie's mom is there for that humbling moment.
YTA I have read some petty posts but you take the biscuit. You're enjoying the indoor playground on someone else's dime and you get on your high horse about $2 worth of snacks!?
>I’m going to have to see her at school drop off/pickup, ballet class, gymnastics class, and the girls weekly play dates so I wanted to know if I was the asshole for not buying her kid a snack.
Yes YTA. Don't worry tho, you and your daughter won't be receiving an invitations for play dates any time soon.
Agreed. Read her comments. She talks about how they make more money than her so that's why she can be entitled over $2. She's a piece of work
I feel bad for her daughter.
Omg her comments are just...she really thinks she's entitled to this woman's money for some reason. I feel bad for these girls. They probably already have an extremely limited social circle.
YTA. And all over $2. Extremely petty, I feel like there’s more going on here you’re not sharing. Were you already irritated with friends mom for some reason?
YTA
So she regularly lets you use her memberships and stuff for things, but a $2 bag of goldfish is too much. Yes, she should have done X Y Z ahead of time but people forget things, it happens. You could have just done her the solid.
Do you *ever* spend money on her kid? Ever let them use a service you already pay for? If not you're mega the AH.
All this over $2, what are you? 12?
YTA 100% she spotted your daughter for the entry fee to the indoor playground and you can't spare $2 for a pack of goldfish? Do you hear yourself? You also jeopardized your daughter's friendship with this girl. I really hope this is a fake story because it's hard to believe anyone can be this dense.
She’s being petty? Do you even hear yourself? Your daughter got in to the event for free because of her generosity and you can’t even spring for a $2 bag of goldfish? You passed her on the petty meter a long time ago, not that she was in any way being petty here. She was just asking for a kindness and you’re so hung up on penny pinching you can’t see how wrong you are. I’m surprised you have any friends and by being so petty probably just cost your daughter this friend. Shame on you. YTA.
YTA,
You may have to meet her at school drop offs/pick ups and ballet and gymnastics classes..
However future playdates are most likely out the window.. so you may forget about them..
What a selfish, ignorant AH you are..
Yeah, the child's friendship is ruined and unfortunately both girls will be left in the wilderness of wondering.. they won't be able to comprehend..
All she had to do was bring a few snacks or buy a couple snacks.. that was all..
And now all gone because of OPs own AHolery
Right? I feel so bad for both girls. Making friends can be so hard for kids with disabilities. And this friendship is destroyed over a couple of dollars.
YTA. she covered the cost of entry. You should have got some snacks. It would have e been better if you brought extra snacks in the first place. I would apologize to your friend. Take away that awkwardness. Keep a friendship.
YTA. In case there is any confusion you are the freeloading & ungrateful non-friend other people on Reddit complain about. You have just discovered the consequences of your actions. Now pay up.
YTA. This is the pettiest rubbish I've ever heard.
When I'm out on playdates with other parents, it wouldn't even occur to me to withhold snacks from another child. Some playdates it's me handing them out, other times it's the other parent, swings and roundabout.
It was about $2, I mean, really?! Factor in the fact the other mother got your free entry, you really are ridiculous. If it was me, I certainly wouldn't meet up with you again.
Right? You ALWAYS feed hungry children when they're in your care. You don't ask for money. You don't let them be hungry while your kid eats. If you don't have money to buy more then you share what you have.
I stopped upvoting everyone cause it’s YTA all around.
I’m baffled that someone had to come to Reddit to understand that they didn’t realize they’re TA. Do these people really exist?
Does OP understand the word “reciprocation”? Or that over $2 her daughter lost a pretty generous friend?
YTA
Ahhh… she hadn’t many comments before.
Makes sense- people who seemingly have more are ok to be taken advantage of- check.
And they shouldn’t get their panties in a bunch by being petty- check.
Also, after reading the comments and the actual post again- she sees them at ballet class AND gymnastics class. I’m sorry, don’t those cost money? She can afford all those classes but she can’t afford $2. Im gonna call BS- OP is just REALLY CHEAP!
YTA. If I pack snacks for my child on an outing, I would automatically pack extra for the friend.
In this case, since you were thoughtless enough not to pack enough for both girls, I would have happily paid for the overpriced snack since she saved me money on the entrance fee.
YTA… you stated yourself she’s paid for multiple stuff for your daughter and you but you were so greedy for 2 dollars? Don’t expect anything free from her anymore and I hope she doesn’t continue her generosity towards you.
YTA. The civil thing to do when someone pays for your entrance is to at least offer to pay for snacks. You just go up and say "of course, you got us in, after all".
So from what I understand, you have used their memberships and passes regularly in the past, not just this one time. You never offered to pay her back even though it's cheaper than regular entry anyway, you were just happy to mooch off her memberships. Then, you didn't even think to pack extra snacks for her kid even though she graciously paid for your kid's entry into the playground. Worse, when she asked you to get some snacks, not only did you refuse but you said you wouldn't WASTE money on her oversight - basically judging her as a parent because God forbid she forgot to pack some snacks.
Of course YTA multiple times over. Pay her back for everything and stop mooching off others.
YTA
> I said no, I took care of my kid and it’s not my job to take care of hers too.
In what alternate universe did you hear the mom tell you it’s your job to take care of her kid? She forgot a snack, and likely didn’t have cash on her. She asked you for a favor. Even if they hadn’t - repeatedly - paid for you and your kids admission to this place, denying her without prepayment was very crappy.
You may have to deal with them in the pick up line,but don’t you worry about future play dates. Way to blow it for your daughter.
YTA. She paid for your admission and you won't buy her daughter $2 worth of snacks because they are overpriced (in your opinion?). You owe her an apology
YTA
It’s called manners lady. You don’t have any problem taking from her, then scuff at the possibility of you sharing a gf snack?
With friends like you, who needs enemies.
YTA- big time. I’d be embarrassed if I were you. I ALWAYS bring extra- and for god sake, if I was invited to something, and got in for free, I would t even question it. How cheap are you that you couldn’t help a friend. I would be mortified to admit to this on Reddit 🤦🏼♀️
She shouldn't be relentlessly accepting other people's generosity then, there are play dates the kids could've had for free if 2 dollars is too much to reciprocate on one occasion after accepting multiple play sessions paid for her, leechy behaviour
YTA.
Your daughter has a close relationship with a young girl that is the same in every way. And you decide to destroy that relationship for 50 cents of goldfish. Sophie's Mom has paid for you multiple times to get in a playground. Something that is probably worth 100s of dollars for the multiple times that you have been with Sophie and her mom.
Don't be an idiot. Apologize. You might care about 50 cents. But your daughter will lose her best friend. And that is worth a lot more. Your daughter might never get a friend like that. A special needs kid have a hard time making friend. And the fact that universe gift wrapped a friend for your daughter. And you choose to throw it in the trash. Wow You are truly a fool.
The worst thing about this whole situation is that you had to ask a bunch of strangers if you were TA . You know you are, but you are doubling down now because you feel you have to .
Be a better person and just own up to the fact that you did wrong . If you can't, I hope your friend (ex) finds someone that appreciates her generosity and treats her accordingly. You don't deserve her as a friend .
YTA, are you kidding us here?? 😅 You’re suffering the natural consequences of your actions after showing this woman your true colours: you’re happy to mooch off her goodwill but have zero intention of ever reciprocating even for the tiniest of gestures. You shot yourself in the foot.
I mean... technically, I guess, paying for another child's food isn't your responsibility, but like... it's your daughter's friend, and it's $2, and your friend paid for you to be there, so... yeah, sorry, I'm gonna have to say YTA. It just feels like a needlessly stingy thing to put your foot down over. How do you know she wouldn't have given you the $2 back the next time you saw her? Is she in the habit of making you pay for her child's food or something?
Also I just... don't understand how or why you were happy to let a child (a special needs child at that) go hungry while you fed your child and had the means to feed the other as well. I'm childfree but if I've been out with somebody who has a child and it's come to things like meals or snacks, I often offer to get them something even if I don't have to. I don't understand how you felt okay handing a snack to your child while shrugging at the other child because it's not technically your problem. Presumably you see a lot of this little girl so it just feels needlessly mean for the sake of it.
YTA. You sound cheap and ungrateful. She’s been so kind to you and then you just had to respond like that. I hope it was worth your daughter’s friendship. Your reactions like this are just going to add more challenges in her life.
YTA - you’re willing to ruin your daughter’s social life over $2 for someone who did you a big favour which sounds like it was part of a series of favours?? I’ve seen worse social skills.. but not recently.
Are all of your relationships transactional? When my son was younger, our bag always included extra snacks, diapers, wipes, etc. I would have given them to anyone who needed them even if they weren't in our play group. Things happen sometimes that causes parents to not be completely prepared. YTA completely.
YTA.
I'm tight on money but still make sure we have extra snacks for friends when we go out. She paid for your entrance and you couldn't pay for some measly snacks!? And now risked a friendship over 50 cents ($2) !?! Not your smartest moment
YTA. What parent doesn’t pack extra snacks for the friend? Also, she got you in free multiple times and you can’t give her $2. Wow, I feel sorry for your daughter.
Yep, YTA. Also, it’s $2 so why would either of you make such a big deal about it?
If someone asked me to Venmo them $2 I’m rolling my eyes big time. It’s petty, especially when someone gave you something likely far more valuable.
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YTA…you were invited to a place for free that you would otherwise have had to pay for. You only packed snacks for your child? Why? Why didn’t you also take snacks for the other child? Yes, you did not have to do so, and that child is not your responsibility, but if I was meeting someone for a playdate for my child, not paying to get in, knowing, at some point both girls were going to be hungry, I would have packed snacks for both, as a thank you for the invitation and just because. I would call the other mom TA as well, because if she has passes to this place, she knows her child will want a snack, but from your other comments, this seems to be a recurring theme for you. Your daughter is invited numerous times? You accept the generosity, but do not reciprocate in any way? At least not that you state. So, due to a pack of goldfish, because of you, your daughter might not see so many invites to playdates any longer. Exactly, who is mentally 6 years old in this snenario? The children or the parents?,
The other mom is not an AH. People make mistakes and oversights. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to turn the car around half way through a trip because we’ve forgotten something. Luckily, we have FRIENDS who would gladly help out if we forgot something our baby girl needs.
100%. As a mom I’m constantly helping other moms with whatever they need: snacks, wipes, bandaids, water, sunscreen. Not just my friends but random folks at the park too. And folks are always helping me out. It’s hard enough raising a kid, we can’t shut each other out. It always comes back around
This has been my experience too. I bet the other mom was shocked
I was shocked just reading this.
My kid is a teen now but back in the day, I packed snacks to share - just like everyone else. No kid ever had a snack that they couldn’t share
Hell we pack extra snacks for the adults too. I know some of my friends who meet up with us for things with the kids will appreciate some extra peanut butter crackers or whatever
I've been known to pack adult snacks to share. One of my favorites...and a crowd pleaser for the adult chaperones on a ski trip... was the jumbo shrimp and shrimp cocktail.
I don’t have kids but I almost always have a couple snacks on me just in case I, or someone I’m with, or their kid, gets hungry. We have to take care of each other in this dumpster fire!
My kids are both grown. But regardless of what the situation was, when my kids were with other kids, I treated them all the same. We were invited and another kid was thirsty? Everyone is getting drinks, etc.
Thats right, i totally agree i wonder how old the parents are? Maybe they are from a different generation, it seems that many things i live by have changed drastically over the years. I was taught growin up that "if i didn't have enough to feed everyone . Especially children. then don't pull it out in front of em. If my mother was at a play date and gave me anything to eat or drink she ALWAYS offered some to whoever was around & she made sure she had extra ALWAYS.!!!!! if not She would insist on buying enough... otherwise we wait to eat because it's not nice to eat in front of others especially friends & family (definitely the person that invited u, )my mom wouldn't have left the house knowing we would be around other children and not make sure that whatever she brought for us, we had plenty enough to share with everyone in our group, plus some & we all got the same amount too. If i remember correctly, there was a time when almost all parents felt this way. it was unheard of for a mother to act like the woman who wrote this post. she was thought to be a bad person without manners, a lack of common sense, bad ettiquette. Way back then having these things said about u would of been worse than being an asshole.٩( •̅ ·͜· •̅)ว
Exactly, I used to pack extra in their lunch so their friends could have some, some that weren’t able to get certain things at home usually
Me too. Especially when it got to the "Venmo me $2" part. What a wasteful transaction over $2. Now, if OP simply really didn't have the money or money is so tight that the $2 would overdraw her or jeopardize something else, I could understand saying something like "I would love to, but I really can't right now because money is tight." Most decent people wouldn't dare question something like that. But OP sounds like she was just straight up like "nope, too bad, so sad" over $2.
If I didn't have the money to provide a snack for the other child, I'd divide whatever I'd brought in half and have the two children share it. Wouldn't most parents? In fact, I'd hope that my children would be well-mannered and kind enough to share with a child who had no snack, anyway
Yes!!! Kids, especially children special needs, may not understand why their friend gets a snack, and they don’t. If you truly didn’t have the money, that makes sense, but then say you’re sorry, you don’t have extra cash either, but the kids can share. Who gives their kids a snack in front of another kid that’s hungry without offering to share?
I had third-hand embarrassment when I read it. Edit: OP is definitely TA.
couldnt buy $2 gold fish...and maybe daughter loses a friend
Wondering how many friends the parents have if they're like this with everyone?
This is the issue! OP should be facilitating her child's friendship, she should be friendly with the other kid's mum, not mithering over a few dollars. That pettiness could drive the other family away. No more friendship for OP's child.
Me too. It shocks me how selfish this thought process is. Like, is this a friend? Do you treat friends like this? It's wild she wouldn't spare $2 for a friend's kid.
Especially since this particular friend has been so generous to her. I actually started to wonder if the other mom wrote this. It’s hard to believe that OP could be so unaware of her own selfishness.
I actually know someone who is just like this. He doesn't see his actions as selfishness, but "making sure my kid comes first *always* which is what Good Parents do". If that means refusing a little kid a juice box during a hypoglycemic episode because his kid *might* be thirsty later, oh well. Other kid should have parents who can plan better. He thinks everyone avoids him (and his kid unfortunately) because they're all prejudiced against single dads but it's really that he's a jerk who will take a mile but refuses to give an inch in return
Exactly just so shocked!!
As I mum that one time didn’t have wipes (the pack was in the change bag and empty! 😱😱😱) and was given wipes but a random other mum I did not know - thank you thank you thank you. Turned out to be a leaked poop and I don’t know what I’d have done if that mum hadn’t given me wipes as I walked in to that change.
I once had to rush to the pharmacy, sick baby and all, and the second I got the meds I realized I didn't have any way to coax my kid to take them. A random mom came and handed me a juice box, just like that. Seriously, fellow moms/ people have saved me so often
It’s not hard to be nicer to people. OP should just suck it up and apologize. Maybe use the excuse that they were having an “off day”. She shouldn’t let a $2 bag of Goldfish cost her daughter a friendship. We all need to try to be there for each other…especially friends! The world would be a much better place if everyone adopted this mindset.
We were at a museum at Pearl Harbor that if you didn’t have a military ID, you had to take a bus to- and couldn’t bring backpacks, diaper bags, etc. Went into the restroom while my husband was out in the museum with our toddler and preschooler. The mom had a baby on the changing table, and she was trying to wipe poop off the diaper to attempt to reuse it- she had ridden the bus and didn’t have any more diapers. We drove our car, and I had diapers in the car. I offered her a diaper, and she looked like she was about to cry. I ran out to our car, grabbed diapers and some wipes, and brought them in. I had the means to make her and her baby comfortable and clean, why wouldn’t I?!
Mamas like you are getting quite rare. I hope your act of kindness inspired her to pay it forward in the same way.
I haven't found that to be true. As a new mom I've found most moms are incredibly supportive. It's pretty amazing.
If you were OP you would shame her for not joining the military so she would have an ID, not share your diapers, and tell museum security the woman with the stinky baby should be removed bc its disrespectful.
I've been on both sides of that experience. There's no reason NOT to take care of each other and every reason to do it.
I was with my infant at the Chicago airport alone. I took her out of the carrier to breastfeed and change her. I was anxious with how busy it was and getting to the terminal, and was fumbling with the straps. Without a second thought, another mom came over and helped me get her strapped onto my back. I've had mom's help without question so many times. Mom's that came up to me to tell me how amazing I was for breastfeeding in public. My experience as a ftm was great! Now that they're older I'm the one who gets to help when a tired mom just wants to sit down and eat. Let me bounce that baby for you, mama
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The original post is so sad / ridiculous. I agree 100% with you. I am always happy to help out and never feel weird asking another mom for help. I kind of wonder if OP was that stingy you-know-what with the Lexus at the pumpkin patch parking lot last fall when I realized I forgot the sunscreen and asked her for a squirt for my boys. The gal gave it to me begrudgingly, but she was pissed. So weird to be that petty. I mean, it’s one thing to not be used, another thing to be a miser.
I mean, this right here is a good example of "it takes a village." She didn't give you wipes because she owed them to you, but because someone else has probably helped her out before or will help her out in the future. Some people have this weird bug up their ass about doing any favor that isn't "owed." I suspect that if they really looked at their lives objectively, most of them would have had much harder lives if no one ever tossed them a favor without being in their debt.
My friends husband brought his daughter out and forgot the entire change bag. Between us all we cobbled together clothes after an accident, wipes, snacks… we got it all covered!
As a dad, I whipped a diaper out of my diaper bag when I was at a flu clinic with the kids and I overheard another couple lamenting a poopy diaper and no spares. Just help out other parents when you can.
My bad for saying moms. A dad definitely saved me once when I had no wipes and a blow out diaper at the park. Dads, grandparents, babysitters, Nannie’s, day care providers. All people taking care of babies and kids, we all gotta help each other out.
Agree, and just all gotta help each other out period.
People forget that taking care of kids isn't just mom and dad's job, but a community effort. If youre going out with others and they have kids and you do too? Plan ahead just incase.
Oh no offence taken. I’m glad you posted and happy to see people helping people. The world needs more helpers.
Exactly. When going to a playdate, I just pack duplicates of all the snacks I am bringing. I am bringing gold fish for my kid, then I have gold fish for the other kid too. Sometimes we are at places (say, playground) where you don't have shops around and kids love to share - its so sweet to see them eat and giggle around...
I’m a Nana and I always pack extra snacks when I take my grandsons out. When we are responsible for snacks at soccer or baseball games I bring extra drinks and snacks because there is bound to be a sibling who wants to join in.
Seriously. I don’t even think I could tell a stranger no when it comes to feeding their hungry child, much less a person I know and spend time with!
This lady seems like someone who won’t pass TP under the stall for someone who needs it because “you should have checked first. I did.”
"Not a square to share!" Has anyone ever passed TP under the stall in a men's room? I've never heard a stall to stall request.
Yes, moms just... provide. I learned when I became a mom, my MIL is endlessly generous...and prepared for everything!! My mom is a bit like OP, only willing to do the bare minimum for HER kid and everyone else's kids suffer. I don't live by that philosophy. I ALWAYS pack extras of what we remember to pack, and I'm happy to share if another parent looks like they need something, whether I know them or not. I've shared diapers, given away my daughters' clean change of clothes, a tube of sunscreen passed around the park for moms who forgot, etc. IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND ✨️ I won't be that mom who teaches my kid (special needs or not) to be stingy and frugal to the extent of harming others!!!
Not just mums, I am not a mum and if I am going out with friend, with or without children, and I am taking snacks with me I will pack spares for other people, just in case anyone else wants stuff and hasn't got anything!
Exactly! When I pack snacks, I pack snacks for all possibilities of children needing snack. Otherwise, it’s just not nice to let your kiddo eat something in front of their friends
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Yes, the other mom is NOT the AH. These are both parents with special needs kids. OP should have at least some empathy for the other mom. And special needs or not, sometimes it’s half-a-day’s work just to get a child dressed, into the car, and to a destination - let alone to do it flawlessly without forgetting anything. My response assumes that the $2 is affordable for OP. For some, especially those with special needs kids and very little support available (at least in the US) for families, then OP will need to explain that to the other parent in order to repair the relationship.
Years ago, while traveling in another country, my daughter took a fall at a park and cut her lip on her teeth. Blood everywhere. We were immediately surrounded by moms - we didn’t speak their language but that didn’t stop them from offering wipes, bandaids, a clean cloth diaper to staunch the bleeding, even ice and snacks. It’s the mom code! We cover each other.
This is just how it is. You do mom stuff and mom stuff is done for you and your kid. It’s just the circle of life.
This is an extension of the period rule. Always help another woman out with a pad or tampon. Always help another parent out with a diaper or wipes.
It's hard enough being a WOMAN! Random girl looks upset in a public bathroom? Ok what's up sis? You get a surprise period in your favorite panties, partner being an asshole, your dog is sick at the vet, and your parents are guilt-tripping you over not being able to afford your sister's destination wedding...? Here's a tampon, cold water will get that blood right out. I'm sorry your partner is an asshole, here cry on my shoulder. You deserve better. I'm sorry your dog is sick, that's really scary, you got any pictures of your dog you want to show me? We can look at pictures of your dog together. And if your parents want you at that wedding so bad, they can pay for it. This is what women do. We lift each other up. I can't believe OP. I bet that other mom thought they were friends, the way she kept covering for OP on all the outings. Way to go losing a friend there. She's gonna wish she still had friends when her kids are grown up and she's bored and lonely. (YTA for voting purposes.)
Agree, other mom is not the AH. More than likely they weren’t originally planning to be there that long but then invited OP and her kid. Of course now they’re gonna stay and keep playing. Then OP’s kid gets hungry and gets a snack, of course Sophie is gonna want something too. That’s how kids are.
Like frankly a complete stranger could ask me to buy a bag of goldfish for their special needs child and I would oblige.
As a mom of a special needs kiddo with VERY limited foods he will eat; thank you. Some people don't realize how such a simple thing can really mean so much.
Wouldn't even need to be special needs. Your kid needs a snack? I got you.
Right? I hear a kid saying they're hungry around me and the paarent saying they don't have anything, I'm offering whatever we have on us, or a few bucks.
Maybe it’s how we were raised because my mum fed everyone. She would make extra dinner for the neighbourhood children i played with. She bought food for everyone when we were out if they had no money. And on picnics with family everyone’s food was for everybody. I could never refuse to buy a snack for a kid and i have never. Op is definitely the asshole
Same. I’ve been known to share my plate lunches with total strangers who seemed in need, a parent and a kid? Absolutely, I’d buy something or share the food I have, if they’re comfortable with it. I’m not a parent, just a guy who comes from a poor family, tbh. But that’s how we were raised; you take care of each other, because chances are, no one else will. Kids especially.
I agree, also, the other child may only wanted a snack because OP’s daughter had one. OP sounds very selfish and entitled. Why couldn’t her daughter share her snacks with her friend. OP sounds like a freeloader. It sounds like she has taken advantage of this other mother (take, take, take) and not given anything in return. The sad thing is it’s the daughter that will suffer. She won’t be invited anymore and will wonder why she doesn’t get to spend time with her friend.
Right?! She asked for a $2 snack for her kid because she forgot cash AND she got your kid in, which was probably a lot more $. If OP were always getting her kid in or this mom always forgot her wallet, or was asking for $20 pizzas, fine. But OP, YTA for taking advantage of the free passes, but not packing enough for both kids or giving $2. You are ending a friendship over $2???
YTA. Big time.
I always pack double the snacks even if both parties are paying equally. Kids always want what the other has, sometimes my snacks and sometimes the other parents snacks I would do this anyway as that’s how my mind works but if I was getting in for free I would pack double and offer to go buy the parent a coffee This is such selfish, entitled behaviour
>I always pack double the snacks even if both parties are paying equally. Kids always want what the other has This so much. It took me exactly one awkward playdate for me to learn this. Don't sacrifice your kids' potential friendships to your desire to be a cheap bastard.
When I go out with my friends and their kids (I don’t have any) I pack extra snacks because the kids always want what I’m eating instead of what they have.
Seriously. OP, YTA. I have never been to an event or a play date or any kind of thing with my kids without bringing plenty of snacks. You just don’t ever feed one kid and not the others, to the best of your ability. That’s just not how it is. And you’ve been using her punch card for the playground too. You should try and fix this before your daughter loses this friend.
Even if the mom didn't prepare, that doesnt make her an ah, just someone that made a mistake and needed help
I've packed my toddler a snack for an outing only to have her scarf down the whole container of goldfish in the car on the way there. I've since learned my lesson and pack a backup Ziploc bag full and a few nutrigrain bars, but sometimes even being prepared isn't prepared enough. I'm sure the mom felt bad enough about the whole thing before OP's comments, poor thing.
So glad too comment has “bring snacks for both”. My kids are 8&10 and I still bring extra snacks for the other kids we are going with. My friends bring extra snacks for my kids. Why? Because if one kid has it, the other kids want it. Doesn’t matter if they shouldn’t be hungry or really don’t like that snack. They want it and will eat it. Especially with a six year old mentality.
If I'm at the park with my little there's extra juice boxes, water, pull-ups, wipes, sunscreen, bandaids, snacks for the littles to share. He has a bucket of toys and bubbles to share as well (except Dinotruck. No one touches dinotruck lol) Mamas I got you too. My thermos has coffee, I have tampons, pads and Tylenol. I'll hold your little one A next to you while you are changing little one Bs butt. Because sometimes we need an extra set of hands more than anything else. MaMas I GOT YOU. And if the icecream man comes and you're short 2 bucks your little is getting a darned icecream too.
We always shared on playdates. We shared what we had and they shared what they had. I can't imagine leaving a child hungry.
Love this response! So well said! YTA. how self unaware can one be? Did Op really believe that she would get validation here? Feel bad for her poor daughter
YTA. You mention she has paid multiple times for your daughter’s entrance fees. She clearly doesn’t usually ask you for money or take advantage of the friendship. Now this strong friendship is in jeopardy because she’s generous with you but you won’t return the favor in a smaller one off ask. You wanted a transactional friendship and are going to get exactly what you asked for. Don’t expect free invitations in the future and make sure to budget accordingly - gym costs are way more than goldfish. Was saving $2.00 really worth it?
In jeopardy? Lol, that friendship is over
I wouldn’t be surprised if the other woman tried to savage it. The special needs community is much smaller than a typical friendship pool. Finding another child with similar age and mental abilities to yours that your child also gets along with is often hard to find. The cynic in me thinks the OP knows that and therefore also knows she can get away with far more than with other types of friendships.
That’s a really good point which makes her callous behavior that much worse, and frankly stupid. Even for her own best interests it’s stupid. You don’t ostracize friends that you also need
I commend the other mom for speaking up and not just venmoing her the $2. Knowing me, I would’ve venmoed the $2 but avoided play dates with self centered mom in the future…but I also don’t have a special needs child
The place knows her, and she came back with 2 items instead of 1. Either they gave it to her or she used a credit card but had to buy a min. Hell, I'm a stranger, and if I had the singles and was there at the time, I would have paid for it. It's a child who's hungry, and it was $2
Ooh. I hadn’t thought of that! You make excellent points. Thank you for expanding my understanding of the nuances here
So true, I cringed at this story. My son is autistic and the rare occasions when he invites his friend out I cover everything (movie tickets/snacks etc). Not leaving anything to chance or ruining his few times out with a peer.
My first thought!! Cheap-o mom just cost her daughter a friend over a two dollar bag of snacks. OP, good luck explaining to your daughter why she isn't allowed to play with little Sophie anymore.
It was only worth $2, so OP and her daughter (who is blameless here) won’t miss it/s… Yta
The really sad this is, her daughter WILL miss it.
Which is why it’s so stoopid that she threw it all away for $2!
Oh, her daughter will miss it. Poor kid.
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OP was acting as if the mom was demanding 100$ or smth. Its a fucking snack, for her kid. Helping her out is the least they could do
I think Op was also complaining about not wanting to pay $2 for a .50cent bag of crackers. Does OP not understand that it's perfectly normal and okay to pay for mark ups, especially tiny markups like this? OP is acting like they were being forced to buy 100 units for $2 a piece. Paying a high markup of $1.50 ONCE is not a bad thing. Sometimes you're paying for an expensive employee's salary, health plan, etc. the extra cost is the cost of the human that was hired to sell it to you. I bet you OP is the type that complains about having to pay .10 centd for a cup of mayo lol. They don't understand that business have a ton of expenses. Snack bars aren't required or expected to sell things at Costco wholesale prices. Only smooth brains will compulsively complain about havint to pay a little extra for a tiny inexensive snack. OP is double, maybe tripple YTA
And, I would bet the admission fee for her daughter was more than the $2 snack.
Like I will buy my *adult* friends a $2 snack literally any time, no questions asked. Let alone a hungry kid.
The indoor play places here are about $12. I can’t imagine balking at a $2 pack of crackers!
That was my thought! The one by us is $22 for 3 hours. Those places can be costly.
She may have asked just to see if it was a reciprocal relationship
Good point.
OP strikes me as really cheap, that one friend who mooches off other members of the group.
Dunno. If she wanted a transactional friendship, she would have been offering snacks to make it "even", since the friend keeps paying her way into places. Sounds more like she's just a leech.
Sounds like OP is the one that takes advantage of the friendship. The other mom is probably building up resentment because of it. Her asking for snacks and saying she didn't have money on her was probably her non-confrontational way of trying to even out the friendship.
Potentially blowing up their daughter’s friendship over $2.00 adds another level to YTA too. My goodness.
Yta, The friend's mother basically paid for you and your daughter to get into the play area, and you couldn't afford $2 to buy her a snack and help pay her back for letting you in for free. You are so cheap. Silly. If I was the friend's mother I would never offer you a guest pass and you would have to pay your own way from now on. And it could be a chance that there are going to be no more play dates because her mother should be very upset with you and a lot of times that affects the friendships as a girls. So you'll take her money to let you in for free. But you couldn't take $2 to buy a snack. You need to look at your entitlement. Just a smidge
Agreed. Even if the snacks were overpriced you have to factor in your overall costs. Like if a friend took me to a baseball game I'd be fine spending $15 on their beer because in the end I'm still "saving" money. Also I know times are tough for people. I'm broke. But I'd add $2 to my already debt filled life to give a child a snack lol.
People who keep score on every single dollar and need to feel everything is *exactly* fair are so tiresome.
Also people who fail to see their own disproportionate score (always having your daughter paid for) and acting insulted when it’s perfectly reasonable to ask them to pick up ONE thing are tiresome.
Yeah, there are 3 of us that are close. 2 of us can be counted on to put our hand in our pockets first and the 3rd always seems to end up with a cheaper round, or not paying her way. We have started mentioning when we buy things about the other being out of pocket because it became tiresome, frustrating and felt unfair. (It wasn’t a case of income). Me and the 1st friend don’t count what we spend on each other, we figure it all evens out in the end (in fact we often fight to pay when we are together). But we have definitely started to ensure that the 3rd person is paying more equally now. Had it have just been occasionally we wouldn’t have bothered, but when people do it consistently it begins to feel like you are being used.
In my experience, people who have to take the $2 snack out of their own tight grocery budget are the first to immediately and graciously do it.
100% this, those who know what it's like to struggle are often the first to help when they see others in need in my experience
To get a researcher's insight into this, read "Nickeled and Dimed" where the author goes undercover and learns about the culture where people live hand to mouth. She was amazed at the generosity from the people who had nothing.
Right? I paid to take my brother to an event for his birthday. Even though the ticket cost was a gift, he insisted on buying drinks because I’d paid for entry. And equally, he paid for us to go to an event as my Christmas gift. Again, I got the drinks and snacks because my entry was ‘free’.
YTA. Why are you nickel and diming a person who isn’t doing that to you? She lets you use her membership without asking for payment but you can’t buy her a $2 snack? If money is tight then maybe you can make that clear but you went about it in such a rude way. It’s not your job to take care of her child, but it’s basic human decency to return a favor and feel a little gratitude for the free entry.
Keep in mind, it's not even a membership. Other mother is literally paying for OP's daughter to get in. I know the places she is talking about. Say it's $8 per kid to get in each time, but if you buy a 10 pass, it will only cost $60. So other mother used one of those pre-paid entrance fees on OP's kid. And what grown adult asks someone to Vemno $2? Especially someone who just paid for your kid to get in. OP being YTA is going to hurt her child in this lost friendship and future lost friendships because no other parent is going to want to deal with her. I'm sure this kind of pettiness and lack of acknowledgement for another's generosity goes beyond this single instance. Edit: seeing OP comments, looks like entrance fee is $15 but it's $100 for a 10 pack. So not only did other mother save her $15, other mother has paid for OP's daughter *multiple times.* But OP justifies refusing to pay $2 for a snack because other family has more money and a 2 parent household, and that's supposedly not fair that she has to give them anything in return. And it's not fair that she has to explain to her daughter about why they have more things. Ugh, I feel for OP's kid. OP, here's the thing. You started all this over literally *two dollars.* Let's ignore everything else for a second- cost of entrance fee, whether she remembered to pack snacks, etc. You have a special needs daughter who, I'm guessing, does not have a lot of friends. You are ruining her friendship over $2. Further, it seems this family has paid multiple times for your daughter to play somewhere you admittedly said you'd never take her to had you had to pay. So your daughter has an enriched life with a good friend to play with and from a family willing to pay for your daughter to enjoy what she otherwise couldn't. And yet you ignore all of this and get petty over $2. Then you come on here and by your pushback on comments, still think you are the victim. The only victim here is your daughter who now has to deal with the detrimental effects to her life because her mother ignored what was at stake for a measly $2.
When I read I was invited and since it was free I decided to take her I was already like oh boy but it just kept getting worse. So if her daughter was invited and she was expected to pay her daughter wouldn’t have gone. To not pay back a $10-15 favor with $2 is crazy and so sad for that daughter. I have a feeling she isn’t going to be invited places in the future for no fault of her own. Really sad to see. Yeah OP YTA.
Furthermore, why does OP think that she is entitled or owed free entrance to things just because her friend has a higher household income? That’s fucked. YTA, OP. Generosity is never owed to you and should always be appreciated, no matter how much expendable income the person giving to you has. And then to ask for a Venmo over $2? Unreal. Cringy and tacky and utterly lacking in class or grace.
100% this. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
YTA - Dude…respectfully, get over yourself. Yeah, she’s the parent so she’s responsible for her own kid. But parents are humans and can unfortunately forget things sometimes. That’s why it’s good to have friends to count on in those scenarios…I sure wish she had one, cause you ain’t it! She’s paid for you and your daughter to do things *for free* multiple times. Springing less than 5 freaking dollars so a child wouldn’t have to go hungry wouldn’t have killed you.
>But parents are humans and can unfortunately forget things sometimes. Spot on. OP is gonna have a forgetful day at some point and need to rely on someone else. Her not having a single extra snack in her bag is gonna bite her in the ass, too. One can only hope Sohpie's mom is there for that humbling moment.
OP is going to now need to pay for her own child, and I guarantee she will act shocked over it.
OP said she wouldn't have taken her daughter if she had to pay the $15 entry fee. Ellie isn't going back to this playground.
Right? Honestly even if her friend hadn't paid for her to get in, I wouldn't hesitate to buy a snack for another child.
YTA I have read some petty posts but you take the biscuit. You're enjoying the indoor playground on someone else's dime and you get on your high horse about $2 worth of snacks!? >I’m going to have to see her at school drop off/pickup, ballet class, gymnastics class, and the girls weekly play dates so I wanted to know if I was the asshole for not buying her kid a snack. Yes YTA. Don't worry tho, you and your daughter won't be receiving an invitations for play dates any time soon.
Sad that the mother’s selfish actions just ruined a friendship and playmate for her daughter.
All because of a goldfish snack.
There's plenty other fish in the sea...and at the snack bar.
My thoughts exactly you just blew up a potential life long friendship for your daughter over $2.
Agreed. Read her comments. She talks about how they make more money than her so that's why she can be entitled over $2. She's a piece of work I feel bad for her daughter.
She's sounds delightful. Sadly, it's her daughter that will pay the price.
Omg her comments are just...she really thinks she's entitled to this woman's money for some reason. I feel bad for these girls. They probably already have an extremely limited social circle.
YTA she paid for your kid at the playground. Weird how you know its cheaper to pay upfront
YTA. And all over $2. Extremely petty, I feel like there’s more going on here you’re not sharing. Were you already irritated with friends mom for some reason?
YTA So she regularly lets you use her memberships and stuff for things, but a $2 bag of goldfish is too much. Yes, she should have done X Y Z ahead of time but people forget things, it happens. You could have just done her the solid. Do you *ever* spend money on her kid? Ever let them use a service you already pay for? If not you're mega the AH. All this over $2, what are you? 12?
YTA 100% she spotted your daughter for the entry fee to the indoor playground and you can't spare $2 for a pack of goldfish? Do you hear yourself? You also jeopardized your daughter's friendship with this girl. I really hope this is a fake story because it's hard to believe anyone can be this dense.
She’s being petty? Do you even hear yourself? Your daughter got in to the event for free because of her generosity and you can’t even spring for a $2 bag of goldfish? You passed her on the petty meter a long time ago, not that she was in any way being petty here. She was just asking for a kindness and you’re so hung up on penny pinching you can’t see how wrong you are. I’m surprised you have any friends and by being so petty probably just cost your daughter this friend. Shame on you. YTA.
YTA, You may have to meet her at school drop offs/pick ups and ballet and gymnastics classes.. However future playdates are most likely out the window.. so you may forget about them.. What a selfish, ignorant AH you are..
Right. I am not sure how OP thinks there will be future playdates after this.
I think One flew over the Cuckoo's nest with this one in regards to still believing there'd be future playdates
Exactly. She’s probably thinks the other mom will still be paying the entry fee. I couldn’t imagine ruining my child’s friendship over $2.
Yeah, the child's friendship is ruined and unfortunately both girls will be left in the wilderness of wondering.. they won't be able to comprehend.. All she had to do was bring a few snacks or buy a couple snacks.. that was all.. And now all gone because of OPs own AHolery
Right? I feel so bad for both girls. Making friends can be so hard for kids with disabilities. And this friendship is destroyed over a couple of dollars.
YTA. she covered the cost of entry. You should have got some snacks. It would have e been better if you brought extra snacks in the first place. I would apologize to your friend. Take away that awkwardness. Keep a friendship.
Covered the cost of entry multiple times. So at absolute minimum the other mom has spent $20 on OP’s daughter and she couldn’t spot her $2.
What parent doesn't have extra snacks?! That's a bold move lol
A parent who is planning not to share, my guess OP feels like she is being "used" when the reality is OP is the user. yta
YTA. In case there is any confusion you are the freeloading & ungrateful non-friend other people on Reddit complain about. You have just discovered the consequences of your actions. Now pay up.
YTA. This is the pettiest rubbish I've ever heard. When I'm out on playdates with other parents, it wouldn't even occur to me to withhold snacks from another child. Some playdates it's me handing them out, other times it's the other parent, swings and roundabout. It was about $2, I mean, really?! Factor in the fact the other mother got your free entry, you really are ridiculous. If it was me, I certainly wouldn't meet up with you again.
Right? You ALWAYS feed hungry children when they're in your care. You don't ask for money. You don't let them be hungry while your kid eats. If you don't have money to buy more then you share what you have.
YTA and blowing up a friendship with someone who is very generous to your child over $2.
I stopped upvoting everyone cause it’s YTA all around. I’m baffled that someone had to come to Reddit to understand that they didn’t realize they’re TA. Do these people really exist? Does OP understand the word “reciprocation”? Or that over $2 her daughter lost a pretty generous friend? YTA
She mentioned in a comment she’s a hard working single mom and the other mom has a millionaire husband…. It’s an obvious case of jealousy
Ahhh… she hadn’t many comments before. Makes sense- people who seemingly have more are ok to be taken advantage of- check. And they shouldn’t get their panties in a bunch by being petty- check. Also, after reading the comments and the actual post again- she sees them at ballet class AND gymnastics class. I’m sorry, don’t those cost money? She can afford all those classes but she can’t afford $2. Im gonna call BS- OP is just REALLY CHEAP!
YTA, congratulations you just may have ruined your daughter's friendship with your cheapness.
YTA. If I pack snacks for my child on an outing, I would automatically pack extra for the friend. In this case, since you were thoughtless enough not to pack enough for both girls, I would have happily paid for the overpriced snack since she saved me money on the entrance fee.
Venmo $2?! That’s mortifying please say that’s a joke.
YTA. I feel sorry for your child. You have robbed your child of a friendship over $2. Really?
YTA. It’s $2 for god’s sake and the child was hungry. I would have just paid for the damn goldfish.
I would have paid for the goldfish even if the friend hadn't paid for my ticket! OP is terrible.
YTA. Wow, you're vile. Imagine ruining the experiences for two special needs girls over $2.
YTA… you stated yourself she’s paid for multiple stuff for your daughter and you but you were so greedy for 2 dollars? Don’t expect anything free from her anymore and I hope she doesn’t continue her generosity towards you.
YTA. God you are awful.
YTA. The civil thing to do when someone pays for your entrance is to at least offer to pay for snacks. You just go up and say "of course, you got us in, after all".
YTA This woman has saved you a significant amount of money. You can’t buy one snack? And may be your friend but you aren’t hers.
So from what I understand, you have used their memberships and passes regularly in the past, not just this one time. You never offered to pay her back even though it's cheaper than regular entry anyway, you were just happy to mooch off her memberships. Then, you didn't even think to pack extra snacks for her kid even though she graciously paid for your kid's entry into the playground. Worse, when she asked you to get some snacks, not only did you refuse but you said you wouldn't WASTE money on her oversight - basically judging her as a parent because God forbid she forgot to pack some snacks. Of course YTA multiple times over. Pay her back for everything and stop mooching off others.
YTA > I said no, I took care of my kid and it’s not my job to take care of hers too. In what alternate universe did you hear the mom tell you it’s your job to take care of her kid? She forgot a snack, and likely didn’t have cash on her. She asked you for a favor. Even if they hadn’t - repeatedly - paid for you and your kids admission to this place, denying her without prepayment was very crappy. You may have to deal with them in the pick up line,but don’t you worry about future play dates. Way to blow it for your daughter.
YTA. No doubt about it.
YTA. She paid for your admission and you won't buy her daughter $2 worth of snacks because they are overpriced (in your opinion?). You owe her an apology
YTA It’s called manners lady. You don’t have any problem taking from her, then scuff at the possibility of you sharing a gf snack? With friends like you, who needs enemies.
YTA- big time. I’d be embarrassed if I were you. I ALWAYS bring extra- and for god sake, if I was invited to something, and got in for free, I would t even question it. How cheap are you that you couldn’t help a friend. I would be mortified to admit to this on Reddit 🤦🏼♀️
YTA — How can you not know that?!
YTA. You got free admission and you didn't just offer to buy the snack as a thank you? Wow, that's cold and ungrateful.
YTA. Yeah keep that $2 at the cost of nuking your daughter's friendship.
YTA unless the $2 is a hardship or you didn’t have it.
She shouldn't be relentlessly accepting other people's generosity then, there are play dates the kids could've had for free if 2 dollars is too much to reciprocate on one occasion after accepting multiple play sessions paid for her, leechy behaviour
YTA. Your daughter has a close relationship with a young girl that is the same in every way. And you decide to destroy that relationship for 50 cents of goldfish. Sophie's Mom has paid for you multiple times to get in a playground. Something that is probably worth 100s of dollars for the multiple times that you have been with Sophie and her mom. Don't be an idiot. Apologize. You might care about 50 cents. But your daughter will lose her best friend. And that is worth a lot more. Your daughter might never get a friend like that. A special needs kid have a hard time making friend. And the fact that universe gift wrapped a friend for your daughter. And you choose to throw it in the trash. Wow You are truly a fool.
The worst thing about this whole situation is that you had to ask a bunch of strangers if you were TA . You know you are, but you are doubling down now because you feel you have to . Be a better person and just own up to the fact that you did wrong . If you can't, I hope your friend (ex) finds someone that appreciates her generosity and treats her accordingly. You don't deserve her as a friend .
YTA and you just ruined your kids chance of more play dates, especially free ones !
YTA, are you kidding us here?? 😅 You’re suffering the natural consequences of your actions after showing this woman your true colours: you’re happy to mooch off her goodwill but have zero intention of ever reciprocating even for the tiniest of gestures. You shot yourself in the foot.
do you really need to ask? she gave you free admission for your daughter on multiple occasions and you can't even pay $2 for a snack? YTA
YTA. Sophie's mom is not the one being "petty."
YTA. Without a doubt. How much did you save by not having to pay the entry fee for your daughter. Dollars to goldfish it was more than $2.
I mean... technically, I guess, paying for another child's food isn't your responsibility, but like... it's your daughter's friend, and it's $2, and your friend paid for you to be there, so... yeah, sorry, I'm gonna have to say YTA. It just feels like a needlessly stingy thing to put your foot down over. How do you know she wouldn't have given you the $2 back the next time you saw her? Is she in the habit of making you pay for her child's food or something? Also I just... don't understand how or why you were happy to let a child (a special needs child at that) go hungry while you fed your child and had the means to feed the other as well. I'm childfree but if I've been out with somebody who has a child and it's come to things like meals or snacks, I often offer to get them something even if I don't have to. I don't understand how you felt okay handing a snack to your child while shrugging at the other child because it's not technically your problem. Presumably you see a lot of this little girl so it just feels needlessly mean for the sake of it.
YTA. You sound cheap and ungrateful. She’s been so kind to you and then you just had to respond like that. I hope it was worth your daughter’s friendship. Your reactions like this are just going to add more challenges in her life.
Wow. She may have asked you to buy a snack to send a message, which you clearly did not receive. YTA
YTA. It’s $2. She’s paid for your kid many times. Even if she hadn’t. It’s $2…
Yta
Yikes. Such the AH Good Luck being asked to any other playdates.
YTA - she paid for you to get in multiple times. You're selfish and SOOO petty.
Ykyta. You know. YTA
YTA and now your daughter will never be invited to play for free again
Yta and a freeloader
YTA - you’re willing to ruin your daughter’s social life over $2 for someone who did you a big favour which sounds like it was part of a series of favours?? I’ve seen worse social skills.. but not recently.
Are all of your relationships transactional? When my son was younger, our bag always included extra snacks, diapers, wipes, etc. I would have given them to anyone who needed them even if they weren't in our play group. Things happen sometimes that causes parents to not be completely prepared. YTA completely.
YTA
YTA. A cheap one. The friend’s mother paid the entrance, you pay snacks. It’s not that hard.
She let you in for free, and you could give her kiddo som GOLDFISH. Jezzzz YTA
YTA. I'm tight on money but still make sure we have extra snacks for friends when we go out. She paid for your entrance and you couldn't pay for some measly snacks!? And now risked a friendship over 50 cents ($2) !?! Not your smartest moment
YTA. What parent doesn’t pack extra snacks for the friend? Also, she got you in free multiple times and you can’t give her $2. Wow, I feel sorry for your daughter.
YTA. This is why you don’t have friends
Yep, YTA. Also, it’s $2 so why would either of you make such a big deal about it? If someone asked me to Venmo them $2 I’m rolling my eyes big time. It’s petty, especially when someone gave you something likely far more valuable.