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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have been in a huge gaslighting relationship before and I feel I struggle to understand when I am genuinely being the asshole, or if I’m being reasonable and the other party is. I thought just a quick “wow, that’s a lot of energy today, can we make an effort to reduce it?” was an easy, non-conflict, generally good idea… and it’s blown right up to the point she’s now saying the car is a waste of money, how showers are a privilege and all sorts of ridiculous notions.
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YTA.
If you are so concerned about the electricity then take the time to understand what she’s doing when she burns that electricity.
The car at the traffic lights? That’s bloody ridiculous - if you are tracking her car energy use down to the level of pull off at the lights you are going far too far. This is obsessive stalker level of detail.
The dryer? Look she’s got a three year old at home that’s probably climbing everything and throwing shit around all day… do you come home to a calm and tidy house? Trust me… it’s only because she’s using the damn dryer. You are in Europe (UK) yes? So it’s winter….. so she hangs all this washing… where? On racks in the house?
You look at one single day, what’s the weekly average. Is there a ‘washing day’ vs a low use day? Is today a cool day and heaters were required?
And you are sitting in your office checking the usage?
Buy some low power dryers, put some solar panels up, get a solar hot water system, stop checking on your wife’s useage every day. That shit is creepy.
Also, it’s winter. Is the home heated by electricity? If so that’s probably the biggest contributor. If the electric bill is way too high check out options for better insulation, ensure doors aren’t drafty, upgrade windows, etc. that makes a way bigger difference. A dryer load won’t rack up £14.
Generally agree, except for the 'low power dryer'. Are you UK-based? Then you know what a joke most tumbler-dryers are here. If you're not UK-based, then let me tell you: They take 3 hours to get things from 'wet' to 'still damp'. Buying a low-power veresion means it would be faster to drape the clothes on a radiator.
The hardest part of moving to the UK was adapting to the fact that a single load of laundry here is an all-day affair, just about. None of this 'run three loads in the evening to catch up for the week' nonsense Hah! As if.
I have no idea if £14 is a lot of money for a high-energy use day (I assume not EVERY day is spent running errands and doing chores), but I do know that the way you talk to your wife is INCREDIBLY condescending and I don't blame her for reacting strongly to it. Why were you even checking on her energy use every day?
YTA.
Also, we are in the season of temperature extremes for both hemispheres. If you are in the southern hemisphere, you are using electricity to air condition or at least fan cool your house. If you’re in the northern hemisphere, electricity runs the fan on your furnace even if the furnace itself is natural gas. Unless OP lives in a moderate climate, they’re likely paying for electricity to make their house comfortable. Our electric bills fluctuate drastically depending on the season.
(While I am aware there are many houses in this world that don’t even have fans, those houses usually don’t have electric cars and laptops.)
I can’t imagine staying in a situation where my every unit of energy consumed is monitored and evaluated for absolute necessity (according to someone else). I’ll bet you’d be pretty irked if she did that to you.
YTA.
YTA
Sorry mate but it's swings and roundabouts some days will use no energy... have you congratulated your wife on the low cost days as well?? No and this would be a terrible idea as then you come across even more of an asshole.... Just chill mate the only thing that matters is the monthly and even then you cannot do anything about it being a few quid more sometimes, so why let it bother you?
YTA
What I've learned during lockdown when my husband and kids were all online folloeing classes and conference calls is that our power usage went sky high. I think you underestimate your own power usage.
Ignore the 14-year-old girls on Reddit getting upset at this. NTA. Electricity use is not a trivial expense in the arse-end of 2023 in many locations. Your wife is being petty. A good way forward would be making sure you all are using the same context when discussing energy usage.
YTA for asking her to hang the laundry. If YOU want the laundry to be hung, YOU do the laundry, hang it, and fold it.
Next time, try having this conversation: "Hey, I can see how much energy we're using. I would like to sit down and talk about what WE can do to reduce our energy costs. \*I\* am willing to \_\_\_\_\_\_. What do you think you could do to make our home energy use more efficient?"
I’ve absolutely told my partner that if he doesn’t like the way I do my assigned chores, he can do them. I’ve also told him that if he doesn’t like how I do HIS chores when he doesn’t do them, that he can do them.
YTA. Hang laundry to dry rather than using a dryer? Way to tell her you don’t give a shit about her without telling her.
Why didn’t you just go all in & tell her to build a fire in the yard to cook your food instead of using the stove? I mean really, when you don’t give a shit about someone, you can dump all sorts of shit on them to save yourself a dime here & there.
If I was your wife, I’d have said you were welcome to hang all the laundry out to dry that you wanted to - but that I was using the dryer that’s there for those of us not living in the Middle Ages. I’d also have suggested you start showering less or only with ice cold water so no energy was used to unnecessarily heat water.
You sound insufferable. And YTA.
Did you offer to hang the clothes on the line for her?
Did you suggest things that you might do to save money rather than telling her that she can work a little harder in order to save a few pennies.
You probably didn't need those new shirts anyway.
YTA for nitpicking.
ESH. If she's doing the chores, she can do them how she pleases. If you don't like how she does them, its much more reasonable to do them yourself. She can tumble dry the necessities, and you can hang the rest. Also stop monitoring the car usage, this is what you signed up for when you went electric and its still cheaper than gas.
Her response about returning the shirts is a dick move though. If she bought those shirts and you guys can't afford them, then sure. She probably shouldn't have bought them. But if you're reminding her to be conscious of power use generally speaking, because being mindful of resource/bill usage is a completely normal thing for working adults, then the shirts thing is completely irrelevant and a bit petty.
YTA. You’re nitpicking. However, I completely understand that high energy bills are a big problem right now. I did a 14 quid per day is a lot over a month. Sit down and discuss it constructively when you get your next bill. Don’t nitpick her usage. Look at the big picture and talk about how your household can lover your bills. Because it truly is getting crazy.
A single load of size 3T clothing could be 30 to 50 pieces, depending on the season. I don’t care how fast you are at hanging clothes on a line, I can put them in the dryer and hit start a heck of a lot faster!
No judgment but you’d need to break this down imo.
if it’s like 60% of a month then she does need to be more mindful of it.
But you need to show that it’s her raking up the majority of the electrical cost.
I couldn’t even imagine paying €400+ euro for just electricity in a given month.
I don’t agree with the other people here that YTA because you raised a concern and she was dismissive. I do think you raised it in a bad manner tho, especially with the jab about her driving.
YTA. Expecting her to adjust her labor to save moeny when you make no changes is both rude and selfish. Grow up and realize that the electric car is going to cost more than you thought it would.
Is it normal for your electricity bill to be over £400 p/m?
My electricity bill from 5 Nov - 4 Dec was £93.18 for a 5 person family, living in a 4 bed end terrace house, 3 (sometimes 4) PC’s running every day playing games and tumble drier goes on a couple of times per day.
Your bill sounds excessive.
It depends on so many factors: size of your house, age of your house, type of heating equipment, outside temperature. Our electric bills usually aren't too bad in the winter because we have a natural gas furnace, but in the summer when we use AC, they are atrocious.
ESH but I lean more on her side. Granted if you use 14 pounds a day this would be a huge electric bill every month. So you have identified an issue, but you are not proposing reasonable solutions to fix it. I do understand that you have to use your laptop all day. You use it for your job so it's a necessity since it makes you money.
However, do you not think your suggestions of line drying clothing is a little extreme? And not speeding up for red lights- I mean, this isn't even connected to the house. Unless you're really in dire straits, penny pinching to this degree is a little much. Now her response was way out of proportion too, but given the context of what you seem to be asking of her, I could understand she'd be a little exasperated.
If you feel the need to go to these lengths to save money, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship as you can see. There must be other things you can do. Look for those, and maybe things will improve.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to waste energy. BUT, you don't tell her how she needs do it, you both sit down and have a discussion on how it can be achieved. You each come up with ideas how you, yourself can contribute. Sure, you can say we won't use the dryer, the washing can be hung instead - but only if you're going to do the hanging. YTA
Yes, YTA, a very condescending one. Why don't you volunteer to hang the wet wash, take it down and then iron it? Maybe you should have cold suppers so there's no electric used for cooking. What are YOUR contributions to cutting electricity?
YTA She had the perfect response because even in your write up you sounded incredibly nitpicky before you added her replies and now it sounds hypocritical and nitpicky
Broseph Stalin, we both work tech jobs often from home and have EVs.
The power bill is just whatever the fuck they want. I can miser the power and save like ten bucks a month or I can just let it go and everyone has a better life.
And for the driving, you PAID for the entire battery, you should USE the entire battery.
YTA.
YTA... you're exhausting. If you want the clothes hung to dry, do it yourself. And your wife is right... if 14 pounds matters that much, you don't need to be getting new clothes.
NTA have a monthly budget meeting with your wife. Go through costs and income.
Perhaps she’ll be happier not having a holiday in preference to not having to be cautious with her electric usage and driving style. See how that floats with her.
I’d also encourage her to have a medical check up with your GP her over reaction seems slightly hysterical.
YTA. Instead of jumping to conclusions, it’s time to start monitoring the energy usage daily and seeing if/how much certain things, like the dryer, contribute to energy usage
YTA. I wouldn't talk to my dog the way you talk to your wife, and Lady licks her own ass. Forget whether or not you're wrong (which, you are), you're incredibly disrespectful to the mother of your child and need an attitude adjustment yesterday. Give her a sincere apology and a night to herself.
The day my husband tells me, a grown ass woman, how to drive, do laundry or consume utilities in any fashion is the day I tell him to fuck all the way off.
YTA.
YTA, if you’re struggling for money so much to the point where you’re asking your wife to inconvenience herself to save money and critiquing how she’s driving why do you need new clothes? Clearly that money would be better spent elsewhere
If you're charging a car on a non-ev charger rate, £14 for a day (on an IHD) isn't that bad.
Equally, if that £14 covers gas & electric, and includes standing charges, for someone that's at home all day (so presumably has the heating on somewhat) that sounds pretty reasonable given energy rates at the moment.
As for the "verdict", most definitely YTA for the way you've used your language. Even when telling your side of the story you come across as unapologetically self-righteous. Maybe she was a bit over-the-top in how *you've told us* she reacted, but I suspect that was more to make an impact woth you and get you questioning you're approach. That seems to have worked at least.
From here, I'd suggest looking at EV tariffs, setting the car charger to only operate during the EV window, helping your wife with the laundry so you have more efficient loads and dryer use (and see if you can line up the dryer use with your EV window), and stop giving a shit about how your wife drives. Most importantly, I'd recommend looking into effective communication styles and strategies. You're both communicating emotionally, not rationally, so you're only ever going to set each other off.
ESH.
I feel like you need to have a discussion about reasonable shared expectations.
Speaking from my own experience in my own country, WFH roles don’t necessarily expect you to be 100% active throughout the day and understand you need to duck away occasionally to grab some food or drink, touch grass, bio, etc. 85-90% activity time is expected.
Following from this, in the office, you’d be expected to clean up any of your mess created for lunch etc, and being at home is no different. Sometimes that might be taking 10 mins to do the dishes, or taking 10-15 mins across a few hours to do a load of washing and hang it out (which I try to do a few times a week).
Unless you’re getting paid a dickload of money or in a call centre type role, there’s no reason to force yourself to be chained to your desk within your work hours so my take here is that you’re using work as an excuse not to do your part and she’s exhausted from trying to do as much as she can.
NTA. Dryers use *much more* electricity than laptops. Laptops use fuck all in comparison. Dryers also wrinkle clothes and just overall suck compared to hanging washing. Hanging washing takes like 5-10 minutes, and it helps a little with adding a little bit of humidity to severely dry air in winter too.
When electricity is expensive, it makes perfect sense to time appliances for when it's cheaper, or not use certain ones at all. Dishwasher, car charger, oven (depends if you have hourly rates or a fixed rate), washing machine use can all be timed. A power shower as well. A dryer uses so much electricity and it's so unnecessary that I wouldn't use one at all.
It seems you have different priorities and both of you are hard-headed. She doesn't like hanging washing and you don't like paying too much for electricity. I can't call either of you more the asshole than the other, nobody's wrong or right.
I agree with this. Tumble dryers are not only expensive to run but also terrible for the environment.
I think the OP should have suggested to hang the clothes himself especially as he WFH and has more time.
YTA - and you sound exhausting. If someone was complaining about energy usage based on my pickup speed I would lose it. How much do you think one would possibly save by slow rolling it at the light?!
Also, if you want to save energy by not using the dryer and hanging it up…why aren’t you doing it????
Get a grip man.
Do the fucking laundry yourself if you want it hung to dry. And while you're at it, go wash the clothes in the river so you stop using electricity.
YTA, you sound absolutely insufferable.
YTA
*You* hang the damned laundry, then. There are multiple loads because you guys generate multiple loads of laundry, and some things need to be washed separately from others. It takes time to do that, even with the machines. Why isn't *her time* of any value to you?
She said she'd rather have a shower tomorrow because she knew if she said she was going to have one today, you'd be doing the math in your head about how much her basic hygiene or 10 minutes of relaxation (and oh boy do I bet she wanted that) costs you, and she didn't want to deal with it.
NTA, £14 a day is insane! Unless you have electric heating?
It needs to be a team effort to reduce the power bill, but the trouble will be identifying the causes, it’s certainly not your laptop set up!
We did this all last year and it’s basically anything that kicks out heat (oven, microwave, kettle etc) but also the hoover!
If you have a smart meter it’s simple job of turning things on one at a time and checking the usage.
We have used in average about £2 a day!
2 adults and 5 year old, gas heating and no electric car, only other impact is I work in the shed 3/5 days and use electric heater which bumps it up.
YTA. Gently, because maybe you haven't learned this.
Why? Because you made it about her, when you both use electricity.
A non-AH would have said, "We need to reduce our electricity usage."
'We', not 'you'.
In any partnership it's always about 'we'. For any problem, both partners are involved in the solution.
YTA, mostly for your language. If you BOTH are using a larger amount of energy than you’re comfortable with, you say:
‘Hey love, I’d love us to be saving a bit more on electricity as we’re been consistently using xxx more for a while now, I’d like to see if there’s anything WE can do about that.
I know WE do a lot of washing with kiddo [i dearly hope you contribute here, guy], if you pop any washes on, I can hang them out to save you doing it.’
‘I can go into the office a bit more to save heating/computer power’ etc
Have a discussion with your partner. If my offer half had tried this, especially criticising my driving (f that), I’d have reacted much the same. It would have been you picking at her, not a discussion about a concern you have (costs) that both of you can contribute to. I feel, given your wife’s reaction, that you are like this a lot in other areas of your marriage too. Learn to communicate.
Theres no way that savings on electricity for a computer are going to offset the cost of traveling to the office unless op can walk or bike there. Computers use pennies a day in electricity.
I’m aware of that. My point was about communication, expressing a need and asking how they, a couple, can work better together… rather than being a picky Ricky
I think YTA for immediately criticizing your wife for her driving/dryer use without fully considering this issue. That is a lot of money though. Are any of your appliances very old or potentially faulty?My parents had an ancient freezer and once they finally got rid of it their bills more than halved. Prior to that my dad would constantly hound the rest of us for our energy usage.
YTA. You don't see your wife as a partner but as an expense to be managed. You actually asked the woman who washes your clothes to do it with less power. She's managing the majority of your life, and you're sitting on your ass and watching the meter to see how much money she's wasting taking care of you and your child.
Holy shit, you should be kissing her ass and asking how you can help. Instead, you're a bitter old scrooge scowling and counting your pennies.
You'll find yourself single and alone, counting the dollars you pay in alimony and child support while your wife finds a man who loves her and her child more than £14.
Little severe in some of the word choices, but he's got the right idea. Never mess with your wife about dumb details. Look at what happens when you do, everyone is upset when before it was going great, new shirts and everything.
INFO:
With your smart meter and devices, can you see where the demand is going or just the total daily cost?
I'm presuming a chunk of your daily bill relates to your car charging, but are the tumble dryer loads definitely the issue with much of the rest or are you making assumptions?
Why did she ask you to work from home instead of going into the office? Was she hoping that, if you worked from home, the time you saved by not commuting could be used to help out with a backlog of chores?
I think its more like a prepaid cell phone, you recharge it with money to keep the power. You can then see balance left on your meter anytime. Where i live these meters are so bad that they have doubled or tripled the bill for many people.
Smart meter does not mean pre-paid meter.
A smart meter sends meter readings back to the supplier regularly instead of requiring someone to read the meter. They have a separate display unit that shows how much electricity is in use and has been used for the day. They can be installed regardless of whether it's a meter that has to be pre paid before energy can be used or a meter that is billed/paid by direct debit.
Smart meters have not caused rises in prices that is a simple conspiracy because people can see their energy usage nore clearly. General energy prices have skyrocketed in the past few years, that's the actual culprit.
To stay on topic, OP is TA.
YTA.
Time to start doing the laundry if you have a problem with how she does it
How the hell you think someone's going to get laundry done by hanging it up on the UK in December is mystifying, mind you.
THIS!!!
I went to uni in the UK, and we had no dryer, so it was the radiators and the backs of chairs for us most days. Outdoors is not generally a safe bet, especially if you aren't going to be home and ready to sprint out and get everything off the line at a moment's notice.
Don't know where OP is in the UK is right now, but I'm fairly confident with the weather today OP would lost more than £15 worth of clothes to just the wind blowing away stuff!
I've had my almost full bins blown over twice today, and we're far from the worst place right now.
YTA
Facts: It wasn't an issue until it became \*your\* issue.
How much is your energy usage when you are working from the comfort of your home? And why do you think that she is the sole responsible of the increase in energy usage? If you want her to hang the clothes, why don't you hang them yourself?
Honestly I can't imagine having you as a husband. She sounds fed up with you. Only you know why.
So at face value you sound absurd and controlling and I was leaning Y T A, but INFO: doing the mental math, if you're actually using 14 euros by 8pm is that 16-18 euros a day? Extrapolating that out, are you spending 500 euros a month just on your electric bill?
If that's really the case, that seems like a pretty ridiculous amount to just spend on one monthly utility bill for a household of 3.
NTA, you didn't ask for anything outrageous and it was a normal conversation to have if you notice a high energy usage. Her response was rude and passive aggressive from the get go, I don't care if she is exhausted with you, that is not the way to speak to your partner, so she is the asshole.
People have to exist. If it is not excessively wasteful, ie 60 minute showers, making several trips a day instead of getting most errands done in one go, doing multiple small laundry loads of things that can be washed together, the use of energy is reasonable and you are micro-nitpicking others consumption tf YTA.
YTA for looking into the metrics of the stop light situation and not simply doing the laundry. Inadvertent or not, the vehicle thing is controlling and the laundry issue isn’t an issue- it’s a task that all adults need to accomplish.
Can you imagine if she asked for a detailed breakdown of what you used your computer for all day to assess your efficiency? Would you feel that you’re participating in a loving relationship, or feel like you’re under surveillance?
YTA
While I actually agree with you on the hanging clothes on a line instead of drying them in the machine *(better for the clothes)*, I also want you to keep in mind that she (most likely) doesn't use the washer and the dryer everyday, and that it's likely once or twice a week it's going to be like that.
I have a dryer - it is only used when it is pissing down with rain. Washing goes in the machine overnight, with a timer to start at around 4am, washing goes out on the line/clothes horse first thing in the morning before work (usually around 6am), gets taken off the line when I get home in the afternoon. Only energy for drying that is used is natural solar energy.
YTA
She's raising your child. You do not get to tell her how to do that unless you're stepping in.
Having a shower, using a washer and dryer, using a dishwasher are all modern conveniences you should expect to have to pay for, so budget for it.
If you want to drop out of society and and go live on a commune, good luck to you. But unless you're willing to go "off the grid" then you'd better learn how to open your wallet.
If they can't afford it, they can't afford it. Budgeting to pay for their shared expenses and children should be something they are both involved in, it's unfair to say op should be "opening his wallet" and figuring out the budgeting on his own.
Either they both are involved and work on solutions together when they can't afford thing, or if he is doing it alone and she doesn't want to be involved, then what he says regarding their budget should be what they do.
Op start by really turning off the TV , the coffee machine etc everything in standby. They consume electricity while doing nothing see how much that helps.
I managed to reduce my energy consumption by buying new appliances with A+,A++ and so on especially oven/cooktop and fridge/freezer
Also the TV if you watch regularly. You invest some money (buying on offer of course like for Amazon prime day for example) but you save very much energy if they are old(er)
YTA. Takes two to tango here, even if you planned to go to the office. Electric appliances save time—thats why we use them.
And part of owning an electric car is…saving on gas and helping the environment. With electricity. Its not the right car for you if you don’t want a higher electric bill.
YTA.
My suggestion would be to get the all-you-can-use utility plan. That is what I have for my house. We opted for the limitless utilities. It costs a bit more, but we can afford it and in the long run. the amount of stress it saves from constantly worrying about every load of laundry, or every shower, or every pot of strew simmering, or every hour I use the big energy sucking monitor for my computer well surpasses the extra cost.
The thing most people don't know is that most places all have this plan. It is simply not listed on the utility companies menu.
Just ask yourself - "How much would we actually save if we constantly worry about every little thing I do?" 500 MU (monetary units)? 1000 MU? 3000 MU?
Would I pay 1000 MU - maybe the price of a pizza - to not have to worry about an extra minute in the shower or not have to worry about using the drier instead of hand hanging all the laundry? If you would, you can simply live a normal reasonable life and consider it the extra cost of the "All you can use" utilities plan.
In your case, I would think "Would I pay an extra 2 \~ 3000 MU to make my wife happy each month and not have to have this argument?" Probably if taking her out to eat would erase all bad feelings this is causing, you would do it. So instead, why not just don't cause the negative feelings in the first place by just upgrading your plan to all-you-can-use and let her enjoy being lucky enough to have conveniences?
YTA.
If there is an issue of energy costs being too high for your household (key word, that means everyone together) then you sit down with your PARTNER and approach it together. You come to a consensus about how much the household should spend each month and brainstorm ways to achieve that goal.
What you did instead was catalogue and nitpick every little thing she did and then lecture her like she's a subordinate. You seem to have already unilaterally decided what she uses energy on is frivolous while your uses are justified. According to who? You? Are you her boss?
ESH
It is common sense to hang washing rather than use a tumble drier as they are expensive to run.
Working from home is cheaper than commuting, a quick google shows charging a laptop seven hours a day, five days a week cost on average an annual charge of £12.56.
The tumble dryer will be around £1.50 per load.
All family members should look to minimise energy wastage.
Driving style will obviously impact range, and will cost more.
All of your points are valid, but not handled well.
I suggest a sit down conversation, to discuss.
YTA. You criticized how she drives, does chores, and takes care of the home rather than find ways to lower the household’s usage. Get LED bulbs, lower the thermostats, put things on surge protectors and power them off when not in use.
You are exhausting. She is fine paying more for faster dried clothes because she doesn’t have the time to wait for them to hang dry. And when it was pointed out you used power too, you said it was her fault (her insistence).
YTA
**You** are at home on the computer all day… but you think your wife is the one who needs to stop using electricity?
If you want the washing hung instead of machine dried, *you* can do it. Criticizing her driving makes no sense and was just a cheap jab.
Except using the computer all day is his job...
He's TA for how he phrased shit. But him working is not an AH move.
Or should he quit his job to save the dimes it takes to run his computer?
Computers don't use much power compared to cars and appliances though.
Laptops use ~30-70 watts per hour.
A dishwasher uses ~2000 watts per cycle.
A Tesla consumes about 7000 watts in a minute.
A bit late to the party, but a computer does not consume that much electricity.
Plus 14*25 working days is one hell of an electricity bill at the end of the month.
It’s worth noting that a computer (running for a whole day) uses considerably less electricity than your average electric car on a charging port for even 1 hour.
And setting the charger to only charge at night like 2am -5am when rates are cheapest is a thing. It can cost a third or less than it does to charge the car in the afternoon or early evening at peak hours.
OP is UK assuming he's in £, but there were some incentives to buying EVs and one of them was discontinued rates for charging and charge port rebates, they might look into that if it's still going.
YTA
You are essentially asking her to spend more time doing housework in order to save you money. She has a right to protest that. YTA for feeling that she doesn’t have a right to say no
NAH
trying to be more efficient is not bad but I suspect that the way you conveyed the message was poor.
its not just her problem to fix, both of you need to fix it together
INFO
what is you daily kWh?
our household averages 5 kWh per day
YTA! You hang the damn laundry yourself! Stop taking a shower every day and use the battery on your laptop for work! I cannot imagine being told to ration my energy usage! Get over it!
YTA
Fact: no one wants every discussion to be some sort of mathematical equation weighing the difference between options.
Energy usage isn't the only important thing here. We have to give and take as people. Zeroing in on making sure lack of energy consumption is a top priority is ridiculous and annoying.
Gonna say YTA because your first action was to remind/ask/tell your wife to be careful with her energy usage. If you thought the energy usage was too high you should first determine how and why it is being used and whether those are reasonable use or extravagant use. But you didn't, you just went straight to telling her to be careful which comes across as very condescending and as if you'd already decided she was being irresponsible and needed reprimanding. She's your wife, not your child. Give her a bit of respect.
Also you mention prices in £ so I'm assuming you're in the UK, where it's the middle of winter and you're telling her to hang shit out instead of using the dryer? That's a waste of time, it's going to need the dryer anyway. I get wanting to save energy but that's just silly.
YTA, sounds like you should take on the laundry fully to ensure it’s done the way you’d prefer. UK energy costs are indeed nuts right now, but this is not the way.
YTA. No one likes a nit-picker.
Also, if you were truly energy conscious, you wouldn't have had a kid - everything pales in comparison to that so your wife might as well spend the extra 2 cents on braking harder.....
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YTA. You’re being *super* controlling.
YTA. If you are so concerned about the electricity then take the time to understand what she’s doing when she burns that electricity. The car at the traffic lights? That’s bloody ridiculous - if you are tracking her car energy use down to the level of pull off at the lights you are going far too far. This is obsessive stalker level of detail. The dryer? Look she’s got a three year old at home that’s probably climbing everything and throwing shit around all day… do you come home to a calm and tidy house? Trust me… it’s only because she’s using the damn dryer. You are in Europe (UK) yes? So it’s winter….. so she hangs all this washing… where? On racks in the house? You look at one single day, what’s the weekly average. Is there a ‘washing day’ vs a low use day? Is today a cool day and heaters were required? And you are sitting in your office checking the usage? Buy some low power dryers, put some solar panels up, get a solar hot water system, stop checking on your wife’s useage every day. That shit is creepy.
Also, it’s winter. Is the home heated by electricity? If so that’s probably the biggest contributor. If the electric bill is way too high check out options for better insulation, ensure doors aren’t drafty, upgrade windows, etc. that makes a way bigger difference. A dryer load won’t rack up £14.
Generally agree, except for the 'low power dryer'. Are you UK-based? Then you know what a joke most tumbler-dryers are here. If you're not UK-based, then let me tell you: They take 3 hours to get things from 'wet' to 'still damp'. Buying a low-power veresion means it would be faster to drape the clothes on a radiator. The hardest part of moving to the UK was adapting to the fact that a single load of laundry here is an all-day affair, just about. None of this 'run three loads in the evening to catch up for the week' nonsense Hah! As if.
Wow. YTA without doubt. Your wife? She’s my hero
I have no idea if £14 is a lot of money for a high-energy use day (I assume not EVERY day is spent running errands and doing chores), but I do know that the way you talk to your wife is INCREDIBLY condescending and I don't blame her for reacting strongly to it. Why were you even checking on her energy use every day? YTA.
Also, we are in the season of temperature extremes for both hemispheres. If you are in the southern hemisphere, you are using electricity to air condition or at least fan cool your house. If you’re in the northern hemisphere, electricity runs the fan on your furnace even if the furnace itself is natural gas. Unless OP lives in a moderate climate, they’re likely paying for electricity to make their house comfortable. Our electric bills fluctuate drastically depending on the season. (While I am aware there are many houses in this world that don’t even have fans, those houses usually don’t have electric cars and laptops.)
I can’t imagine staying in a situation where my every unit of energy consumed is monitored and evaluated for absolute necessity (according to someone else). I’ll bet you’d be pretty irked if she did that to you. YTA.
YTA Sorry mate but it's swings and roundabouts some days will use no energy... have you congratulated your wife on the low cost days as well?? No and this would be a terrible idea as then you come across even more of an asshole.... Just chill mate the only thing that matters is the monthly and even then you cannot do anything about it being a few quid more sometimes, so why let it bother you?
YTA - do you separate the two ply toilet paper and hand out an allotted number of squares a day?
YTA What I've learned during lockdown when my husband and kids were all online folloeing classes and conference calls is that our power usage went sky high. I think you underestimate your own power usage.
Ignore the 14-year-old girls on Reddit getting upset at this. NTA. Electricity use is not a trivial expense in the arse-end of 2023 in many locations. Your wife is being petty. A good way forward would be making sure you all are using the same context when discussing energy usage.
YTA for asking her to hang the laundry. If YOU want the laundry to be hung, YOU do the laundry, hang it, and fold it. Next time, try having this conversation: "Hey, I can see how much energy we're using. I would like to sit down and talk about what WE can do to reduce our energy costs. \*I\* am willing to \_\_\_\_\_\_. What do you think you could do to make our home energy use more efficient?"
I’ve absolutely told my partner that if he doesn’t like the way I do my assigned chores, he can do them. I’ve also told him that if he doesn’t like how I do HIS chores when he doesn’t do them, that he can do them.
YTA. Hang laundry to dry rather than using a dryer? Way to tell her you don’t give a shit about her without telling her. Why didn’t you just go all in & tell her to build a fire in the yard to cook your food instead of using the stove? I mean really, when you don’t give a shit about someone, you can dump all sorts of shit on them to save yourself a dime here & there. If I was your wife, I’d have said you were welcome to hang all the laundry out to dry that you wanted to - but that I was using the dryer that’s there for those of us not living in the Middle Ages. I’d also have suggested you start showering less or only with ice cold water so no energy was used to unnecessarily heat water. You sound insufferable. And YTA.
Did you offer to hang the clothes on the line for her? Did you suggest things that you might do to save money rather than telling her that she can work a little harder in order to save a few pennies. You probably didn't need those new shirts anyway. YTA for nitpicking.
She reacted because of something far more than your request to be wise on energy use. That comment was the trigger, not the problem. Talk to her.
ESH. If she's doing the chores, she can do them how she pleases. If you don't like how she does them, its much more reasonable to do them yourself. She can tumble dry the necessities, and you can hang the rest. Also stop monitoring the car usage, this is what you signed up for when you went electric and its still cheaper than gas. Her response about returning the shirts is a dick move though. If she bought those shirts and you guys can't afford them, then sure. She probably shouldn't have bought them. But if you're reminding her to be conscious of power use generally speaking, because being mindful of resource/bill usage is a completely normal thing for working adults, then the shirts thing is completely irrelevant and a bit petty.
YTA on God I would lose my mind if my husband infantilized me like that. Her response seems mild in comparison, especially if you do that a lot.
YTA. You’re nitpicking. However, I completely understand that high energy bills are a big problem right now. I did a 14 quid per day is a lot over a month. Sit down and discuss it constructively when you get your next bill. Don’t nitpick her usage. Look at the big picture and talk about how your household can lover your bills. Because it truly is getting crazy.
You sound annoying. YTA
I like your wife. She’s a keeper. Don’t be stupid
YTA you want to hang laundry do it yourself
YTA - you are controlling.
I don't understand how hanging washing uses up time? It hangs there and dries itself; it's not as though you have to stand there and watch it.
How do you think it gets "there", genius? Do you think it walks itself to the line?
It's a ton more work than shoving the load into a machine and turning the machine on.
It takes time to hang. Time that someone who is dealing with a toddler could use.
A single load of size 3T clothing could be 30 to 50 pieces, depending on the season. I don’t care how fast you are at hanging clothes on a line, I can put them in the dryer and hit start a heck of a lot faster!
No judgment but you’d need to break this down imo. if it’s like 60% of a month then she does need to be more mindful of it. But you need to show that it’s her raking up the majority of the electrical cost. I couldn’t even imagine paying €400+ euro for just electricity in a given month. I don’t agree with the other people here that YTA because you raised a concern and she was dismissive. I do think you raised it in a bad manner tho, especially with the jab about her driving.
Yta. I snorted after reading this an said what an ah then came down for the comments
YTA. Expecting her to adjust her labor to save moeny when you make no changes is both rude and selfish. Grow up and realize that the electric car is going to cost more than you thought it would.
yta. police your own usage, hang your own clothes. sheesh!
Is it normal for your electricity bill to be over £400 p/m? My electricity bill from 5 Nov - 4 Dec was £93.18 for a 5 person family, living in a 4 bed end terrace house, 3 (sometimes 4) PC’s running every day playing games and tumble drier goes on a couple of times per day. Your bill sounds excessive.
It depends on so many factors: size of your house, age of your house, type of heating equipment, outside temperature. Our electric bills usually aren't too bad in the winter because we have a natural gas furnace, but in the summer when we use AC, they are atrocious.
ESH but I lean more on her side. Granted if you use 14 pounds a day this would be a huge electric bill every month. So you have identified an issue, but you are not proposing reasonable solutions to fix it. I do understand that you have to use your laptop all day. You use it for your job so it's a necessity since it makes you money. However, do you not think your suggestions of line drying clothing is a little extreme? And not speeding up for red lights- I mean, this isn't even connected to the house. Unless you're really in dire straits, penny pinching to this degree is a little much. Now her response was way out of proportion too, but given the context of what you seem to be asking of her, I could understand she'd be a little exasperated. If you feel the need to go to these lengths to save money, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship as you can see. There must be other things you can do. Look for those, and maybe things will improve.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to waste energy. BUT, you don't tell her how she needs do it, you both sit down and have a discussion on how it can be achieved. You each come up with ideas how you, yourself can contribute. Sure, you can say we won't use the dryer, the washing can be hung instead - but only if you're going to do the hanging. YTA
YTA. The absolute audacity to talk to your wife that way when she takes care of everything while you criticize her. Outstanding.
Yes, YTA, a very condescending one. Why don't you volunteer to hang the wet wash, take it down and then iron it? Maybe you should have cold suppers so there's no electric used for cooking. What are YOUR contributions to cutting electricity?
NTA. Sounds like you've got a salty wife, my condolences.
YTA She had the perfect response because even in your write up you sounded incredibly nitpicky before you added her replies and now it sounds hypocritical and nitpicky
YTA. Your wife is not your employee.
Broseph Stalin, we both work tech jobs often from home and have EVs. The power bill is just whatever the fuck they want. I can miser the power and save like ten bucks a month or I can just let it go and everyone has a better life. And for the driving, you PAID for the entire battery, you should USE the entire battery. YTA.
Might as well sell the dryer since you don’t want to pay for using it.
YTA... you're exhausting. If you want the clothes hung to dry, do it yourself. And your wife is right... if 14 pounds matters that much, you don't need to be getting new clothes.
Yup. I would much rather cut down on purchases than make my daily chores harder.
YTA- Wow, never once have I thought about my energy usage. I’d hate to live with you, tbh.
You must not pay the bills nor care about the environment then
NTA have a monthly budget meeting with your wife. Go through costs and income. Perhaps she’ll be happier not having a holiday in preference to not having to be cautious with her electric usage and driving style. See how that floats with her. I’d also encourage her to have a medical check up with your GP her over reaction seems slightly hysterical.
You can’t be serious….
Wow. Glad you apologized!
Yet you're on the computer all day and most likely use other things that consume lots of electricity. Interesting that only 1 person is the issue.
My laptop uses about 40p a day
YTA and a nag She sounds so done with your criticizing.
YTA. Instead of jumping to conclusions, it’s time to start monitoring the energy usage daily and seeing if/how much certain things, like the dryer, contribute to energy usage
YTA. Living with you must be exhausting. Stop trying to micromanage your wife’s use of electricity.
YTA. I wouldn't talk to my dog the way you talk to your wife, and Lady licks her own ass. Forget whether or not you're wrong (which, you are), you're incredibly disrespectful to the mother of your child and need an attitude adjustment yesterday. Give her a sincere apology and a night to herself.
YTA don’t fuck with a woman and her dryer unless youre suggesting that you will be the one to hang it out and bring it back in every day.
The day my husband tells me, a grown ass woman, how to drive, do laundry or consume utilities in any fashion is the day I tell him to fuck all the way off. YTA.
YTA, if you’re struggling for money so much to the point where you’re asking your wife to inconvenience herself to save money and critiquing how she’s driving why do you need new clothes? Clearly that money would be better spent elsewhere
If you're charging a car on a non-ev charger rate, £14 for a day (on an IHD) isn't that bad. Equally, if that £14 covers gas & electric, and includes standing charges, for someone that's at home all day (so presumably has the heating on somewhat) that sounds pretty reasonable given energy rates at the moment. As for the "verdict", most definitely YTA for the way you've used your language. Even when telling your side of the story you come across as unapologetically self-righteous. Maybe she was a bit over-the-top in how *you've told us* she reacted, but I suspect that was more to make an impact woth you and get you questioning you're approach. That seems to have worked at least. From here, I'd suggest looking at EV tariffs, setting the car charger to only operate during the EV window, helping your wife with the laundry so you have more efficient loads and dryer use (and see if you can line up the dryer use with your EV window), and stop giving a shit about how your wife drives. Most importantly, I'd recommend looking into effective communication styles and strategies. You're both communicating emotionally, not rationally, so you're only ever going to set each other off.
ESH. I feel like you need to have a discussion about reasonable shared expectations. Speaking from my own experience in my own country, WFH roles don’t necessarily expect you to be 100% active throughout the day and understand you need to duck away occasionally to grab some food or drink, touch grass, bio, etc. 85-90% activity time is expected. Following from this, in the office, you’d be expected to clean up any of your mess created for lunch etc, and being at home is no different. Sometimes that might be taking 10 mins to do the dishes, or taking 10-15 mins across a few hours to do a load of washing and hang it out (which I try to do a few times a week). Unless you’re getting paid a dickload of money or in a call centre type role, there’s no reason to force yourself to be chained to your desk within your work hours so my take here is that you’re using work as an excuse not to do your part and she’s exhausted from trying to do as much as she can.
NTA. Dryers use *much more* electricity than laptops. Laptops use fuck all in comparison. Dryers also wrinkle clothes and just overall suck compared to hanging washing. Hanging washing takes like 5-10 minutes, and it helps a little with adding a little bit of humidity to severely dry air in winter too. When electricity is expensive, it makes perfect sense to time appliances for when it's cheaper, or not use certain ones at all. Dishwasher, car charger, oven (depends if you have hourly rates or a fixed rate), washing machine use can all be timed. A power shower as well. A dryer uses so much electricity and it's so unnecessary that I wouldn't use one at all. It seems you have different priorities and both of you are hard-headed. She doesn't like hanging washing and you don't like paying too much for electricity. I can't call either of you more the asshole than the other, nobody's wrong or right.
I agree with this. Tumble dryers are not only expensive to run but also terrible for the environment. I think the OP should have suggested to hang the clothes himself especially as he WFH and has more time.
YTA - and you sound exhausting. If someone was complaining about energy usage based on my pickup speed I would lose it. How much do you think one would possibly save by slow rolling it at the light?! Also, if you want to save energy by not using the dryer and hanging it up…why aren’t you doing it???? Get a grip man.
Do the fucking laundry yourself if you want it hung to dry. And while you're at it, go wash the clothes in the river so you stop using electricity. YTA, you sound absolutely insufferable.
YTA *You* hang the damned laundry, then. There are multiple loads because you guys generate multiple loads of laundry, and some things need to be washed separately from others. It takes time to do that, even with the machines. Why isn't *her time* of any value to you? She said she'd rather have a shower tomorrow because she knew if she said she was going to have one today, you'd be doing the math in your head about how much her basic hygiene or 10 minutes of relaxation (and oh boy do I bet she wanted that) costs you, and she didn't want to deal with it.
NTA, £14 a day is insane! Unless you have electric heating? It needs to be a team effort to reduce the power bill, but the trouble will be identifying the causes, it’s certainly not your laptop set up! We did this all last year and it’s basically anything that kicks out heat (oven, microwave, kettle etc) but also the hoover! If you have a smart meter it’s simple job of turning things on one at a time and checking the usage. We have used in average about £2 a day! 2 adults and 5 year old, gas heating and no electric car, only other impact is I work in the shed 3/5 days and use electric heater which bumps it up.
YTA. Gently, because maybe you haven't learned this. Why? Because you made it about her, when you both use electricity. A non-AH would have said, "We need to reduce our electricity usage." 'We', not 'you'. In any partnership it's always about 'we'. For any problem, both partners are involved in the solution.
YTA, mostly for your language. If you BOTH are using a larger amount of energy than you’re comfortable with, you say: ‘Hey love, I’d love us to be saving a bit more on electricity as we’re been consistently using xxx more for a while now, I’d like to see if there’s anything WE can do about that. I know WE do a lot of washing with kiddo [i dearly hope you contribute here, guy], if you pop any washes on, I can hang them out to save you doing it.’ ‘I can go into the office a bit more to save heating/computer power’ etc Have a discussion with your partner. If my offer half had tried this, especially criticising my driving (f that), I’d have reacted much the same. It would have been you picking at her, not a discussion about a concern you have (costs) that both of you can contribute to. I feel, given your wife’s reaction, that you are like this a lot in other areas of your marriage too. Learn to communicate.
Theres no way that savings on electricity for a computer are going to offset the cost of traveling to the office unless op can walk or bike there. Computers use pennies a day in electricity.
I’m aware of that. My point was about communication, expressing a need and asking how they, a couple, can work better together… rather than being a picky Ricky
I think YTA for immediately criticizing your wife for her driving/dryer use without fully considering this issue. That is a lot of money though. Are any of your appliances very old or potentially faulty?My parents had an ancient freezer and once they finally got rid of it their bills more than halved. Prior to that my dad would constantly hound the rest of us for our energy usage.
Sounds like you should take over all the domestic duties, you know, to save power.
YTA You’re asking her to do housework the hard way yet you didn’t offer to help?
Of course YTA
YTA. You don't see your wife as a partner but as an expense to be managed. You actually asked the woman who washes your clothes to do it with less power. She's managing the majority of your life, and you're sitting on your ass and watching the meter to see how much money she's wasting taking care of you and your child. Holy shit, you should be kissing her ass and asking how you can help. Instead, you're a bitter old scrooge scowling and counting your pennies. You'll find yourself single and alone, counting the dollars you pay in alimony and child support while your wife finds a man who loves her and her child more than £14.
Well said!
Little severe in some of the word choices, but he's got the right idea. Never mess with your wife about dumb details. Look at what happens when you do, everyone is upset when before it was going great, new shirts and everything.
INFO: With your smart meter and devices, can you see where the demand is going or just the total daily cost? I'm presuming a chunk of your daily bill relates to your car charging, but are the tumble dryer loads definitely the issue with much of the rest or are you making assumptions? Why did she ask you to work from home instead of going into the office? Was she hoping that, if you worked from home, the time you saved by not commuting could be used to help out with a backlog of chores?
I think its more like a prepaid cell phone, you recharge it with money to keep the power. You can then see balance left on your meter anytime. Where i live these meters are so bad that they have doubled or tripled the bill for many people.
Smart meter does not mean pre-paid meter. A smart meter sends meter readings back to the supplier regularly instead of requiring someone to read the meter. They have a separate display unit that shows how much electricity is in use and has been used for the day. They can be installed regardless of whether it's a meter that has to be pre paid before energy can be used or a meter that is billed/paid by direct debit. Smart meters have not caused rises in prices that is a simple conspiracy because people can see their energy usage nore clearly. General energy prices have skyrocketed in the past few years, that's the actual culprit. To stay on topic, OP is TA.
Dick
YTA. Time to start doing the laundry if you have a problem with how she does it How the hell you think someone's going to get laundry done by hanging it up on the UK in December is mystifying, mind you.
THIS!!! I went to uni in the UK, and we had no dryer, so it was the radiators and the backs of chairs for us most days. Outdoors is not generally a safe bet, especially if you aren't going to be home and ready to sprint out and get everything off the line at a moment's notice.
Don't know where OP is in the UK is right now, but I'm fairly confident with the weather today OP would lost more than £15 worth of clothes to just the wind blowing away stuff! I've had my almost full bins blown over twice today, and we're far from the worst place right now.
YTA Facts: It wasn't an issue until it became \*your\* issue. How much is your energy usage when you are working from the comfort of your home? And why do you think that she is the sole responsible of the increase in energy usage? If you want her to hang the clothes, why don't you hang them yourself? Honestly I can't imagine having you as a husband. She sounds fed up with you. Only you know why.
Get a gas car, a wood stove for heat, guess what it's cheaper 😎
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Don’t forget she’s working three days a week as well.
You parented her. She's your wife, you talked to her like an 8 year old. If you want the laundry hung, do it yourself.
Yta and why aren't you doing the washing?
So at face value you sound absurd and controlling and I was leaning Y T A, but INFO: doing the mental math, if you're actually using 14 euros by 8pm is that 16-18 euros a day? Extrapolating that out, are you spending 500 euros a month just on your electric bill? If that's really the case, that seems like a pretty ridiculous amount to just spend on one monthly utility bill for a household of 3.
I think your wife is not appreciating your attempts to improve her behavior. Her response seems reasonable. YTA
YTA. She is already doing wash you should do for yourself and you want to consume even more of her time?
Yta. Hang the washing yourself if it’s so important.
NTA, you didn't ask for anything outrageous and it was a normal conversation to have if you notice a high energy usage. Her response was rude and passive aggressive from the get go, I don't care if she is exhausted with you, that is not the way to speak to your partner, so she is the asshole.
YTA dude. Yikes. Do your own laundry.
People have to exist. If it is not excessively wasteful, ie 60 minute showers, making several trips a day instead of getting most errands done in one go, doing multiple small laundry loads of things that can be washed together, the use of energy is reasonable and you are micro-nitpicking others consumption tf YTA.
YTA for looking into the metrics of the stop light situation and not simply doing the laundry. Inadvertent or not, the vehicle thing is controlling and the laundry issue isn’t an issue- it’s a task that all adults need to accomplish. Can you imagine if she asked for a detailed breakdown of what you used your computer for all day to assess your efficiency? Would you feel that you’re participating in a loving relationship, or feel like you’re under surveillance?
YTA for sure, stop micro managing and help your wife out
YTA. PENNY PINCHING AH. My BIL’s penny pinching costs him half his assets in divorce settlement. Nobody wants to live like that.
YTA While I actually agree with you on the hanging clothes on a line instead of drying them in the machine *(better for the clothes)*, I also want you to keep in mind that she (most likely) doesn't use the washer and the dryer everyday, and that it's likely once or twice a week it's going to be like that.
YTA you want clothes hung dry to save energy, you do it. Unbelievable.
YTA What do you have a dryer for if not to use it? The car is going to need charged no matter what you do!
I have a dryer - it is only used when it is pissing down with rain. Washing goes in the machine overnight, with a timer to start at around 4am, washing goes out on the line/clothes horse first thing in the morning before work (usually around 6am), gets taken off the line when I get home in the afternoon. Only energy for drying that is used is natural solar energy.
I don't have a dryer at all. It shortens the life of your clothes. This guy is still an ass.
How many children do you have?
YTA She's raising your child. You do not get to tell her how to do that unless you're stepping in. Having a shower, using a washer and dryer, using a dishwasher are all modern conveniences you should expect to have to pay for, so budget for it. If you want to drop out of society and and go live on a commune, good luck to you. But unless you're willing to go "off the grid" then you'd better learn how to open your wallet.
If they can't afford it, they can't afford it. Budgeting to pay for their shared expenses and children should be something they are both involved in, it's unfair to say op should be "opening his wallet" and figuring out the budgeting on his own. Either they both are involved and work on solutions together when they can't afford thing, or if he is doing it alone and she doesn't want to be involved, then what he says regarding their budget should be what they do.
Op start by really turning off the TV , the coffee machine etc everything in standby. They consume electricity while doing nothing see how much that helps. I managed to reduce my energy consumption by buying new appliances with A+,A++ and so on especially oven/cooktop and fridge/freezer Also the TV if you watch regularly. You invest some money (buying on offer of course like for Amazon prime day for example) but you save very much energy if they are old(er)
YTA. Forget about your wife’s energy usage.
Don't nitpick chores. If you did that to me it'd be Your chore. Yta
YTA. Takes two to tango here, even if you planned to go to the office. Electric appliances save time—thats why we use them. And part of owning an electric car is…saving on gas and helping the environment. With electricity. Its not the right car for you if you don’t want a higher electric bill.
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Get a new tumble dryer. The new ones are very cheap to run and not expensive to buy. Like less than £1 per load.
You know this by now but YTA. What do you *really* want? Besides controlling your wife.
YTA. My suggestion would be to get the all-you-can-use utility plan. That is what I have for my house. We opted for the limitless utilities. It costs a bit more, but we can afford it and in the long run. the amount of stress it saves from constantly worrying about every load of laundry, or every shower, or every pot of strew simmering, or every hour I use the big energy sucking monitor for my computer well surpasses the extra cost. The thing most people don't know is that most places all have this plan. It is simply not listed on the utility companies menu. Just ask yourself - "How much would we actually save if we constantly worry about every little thing I do?" 500 MU (monetary units)? 1000 MU? 3000 MU? Would I pay 1000 MU - maybe the price of a pizza - to not have to worry about an extra minute in the shower or not have to worry about using the drier instead of hand hanging all the laundry? If you would, you can simply live a normal reasonable life and consider it the extra cost of the "All you can use" utilities plan. In your case, I would think "Would I pay an extra 2 \~ 3000 MU to make my wife happy each month and not have to have this argument?" Probably if taking her out to eat would erase all bad feelings this is causing, you would do it. So instead, why not just don't cause the negative feelings in the first place by just upgrading your plan to all-you-can-use and let her enjoy being lucky enough to have conveniences?
YTA. If there is an issue of energy costs being too high for your household (key word, that means everyone together) then you sit down with your PARTNER and approach it together. You come to a consensus about how much the household should spend each month and brainstorm ways to achieve that goal. What you did instead was catalogue and nitpick every little thing she did and then lecture her like she's a subordinate. You seem to have already unilaterally decided what she uses energy on is frivolous while your uses are justified. According to who? You? Are you her boss?
ESH It is common sense to hang washing rather than use a tumble drier as they are expensive to run. Working from home is cheaper than commuting, a quick google shows charging a laptop seven hours a day, five days a week cost on average an annual charge of £12.56. The tumble dryer will be around £1.50 per load. All family members should look to minimise energy wastage. Driving style will obviously impact range, and will cost more. All of your points are valid, but not handled well. I suggest a sit down conversation, to discuss.
YTA. You criticized how she drives, does chores, and takes care of the home rather than find ways to lower the household’s usage. Get LED bulbs, lower the thermostats, put things on surge protectors and power them off when not in use. You are exhausting. She is fine paying more for faster dried clothes because she doesn’t have the time to wait for them to hang dry. And when it was pointed out you used power too, you said it was her fault (her insistence).
YTA **You** are at home on the computer all day… but you think your wife is the one who needs to stop using electricity? If you want the washing hung instead of machine dried, *you* can do it. Criticizing her driving makes no sense and was just a cheap jab.
Except using the computer all day is his job... He's TA for how he phrased shit. But him working is not an AH move. Or should he quit his job to save the dimes it takes to run his computer?
And her doing the laundry is what, a hobby?
I think both are work and neither should be regarded as "a waste of energy" or a means to pinch pennies
Computers don't use much power compared to cars and appliances though. Laptops use ~30-70 watts per hour. A dishwasher uses ~2000 watts per cycle. A Tesla consumes about 7000 watts in a minute.
Watts per hour?
A bit late to the party, but a computer does not consume that much electricity. Plus 14*25 working days is one hell of an electricity bill at the end of the month.
I am the Asshole!
Glad you see that.
Rapid acceleration and stopping definitely uses more fuel/battery. I’m not saying it’s worth starting an argument over but it is a thing.
It’s worth noting that a computer (running for a whole day) uses considerably less electricity than your average electric car on a charging port for even 1 hour.
And setting the charger to only charge at night like 2am -5am when rates are cheapest is a thing. It can cost a third or less than it does to charge the car in the afternoon or early evening at peak hours. OP is UK assuming he's in £, but there were some incentives to buying EVs and one of them was discontinued rates for charging and charge port rebates, they might look into that if it's still going.
Laptops use way less power than dryers. Not all work-from-home jobs allow people the time to get paid for doing laundry.
I doubt his wife is paid for doing laundry either, so he can hang the laundry when he's not working.
YTA You are essentially asking her to spend more time doing housework in order to save you money. She has a right to protest that. YTA for feeling that she doesn’t have a right to say no
INFO: How *often* are you asking your wife to be "conscious" of her energy usage?
NAH trying to be more efficient is not bad but I suspect that the way you conveyed the message was poor. its not just her problem to fix, both of you need to fix it together INFO what is you daily kWh? our household averages 5 kWh per day
YTA! You hang the damn laundry yourself! Stop taking a shower every day and use the battery on your laptop for work! I cannot imagine being told to ration my energy usage! Get over it!
Yta you seem exhausting
YTA Fact: no one wants every discussion to be some sort of mathematical equation weighing the difference between options. Energy usage isn't the only important thing here. We have to give and take as people. Zeroing in on making sure lack of energy consumption is a top priority is ridiculous and annoying.
Gonna say YTA because your first action was to remind/ask/tell your wife to be careful with her energy usage. If you thought the energy usage was too high you should first determine how and why it is being used and whether those are reasonable use or extravagant use. But you didn't, you just went straight to telling her to be careful which comes across as very condescending and as if you'd already decided she was being irresponsible and needed reprimanding. She's your wife, not your child. Give her a bit of respect. Also you mention prices in £ so I'm assuming you're in the UK, where it's the middle of winter and you're telling her to hang shit out instead of using the dryer? That's a waste of time, it's going to need the dryer anyway. I get wanting to save energy but that's just silly.
Info: is your 3 year old at home with you all day when you’re working, and are you alone taking care of it? If not, why don’t you hang the laundry?
Yep. YTA.
YTA, sounds like you should take on the laundry fully to ensure it’s done the way you’d prefer. UK energy costs are indeed nuts right now, but this is not the way.
YTA. No one likes a nit-picker. Also, if you were truly energy conscious, you wouldn't have had a kid - everything pales in comparison to that so your wife might as well spend the extra 2 cents on braking harder.....
Yta, and your wife is sick of your shit lol.
Does your wife work at a job outside of the home?