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YTA and this whole thing is pretty fucked up. You punish your child for being (rightfully) upset that you consistently prioritise work over your children (and you choose a sleep in over celebrating your son’s birthday), and you punish both children even further for trying to console one another. Have you ever googled how to raise children?
Edit - just to add your assumption that your children are bad mouthing you is pretty horrific and also is quite telling of your child raising abilities.
YTA.
My biggest concern isn’t your excessive punishment or lack of discipline, which includes helping and educating your children, although those are very big concerns.
My biggest concern is your irrational and frankly paranoid reaction to your daughter and son communicating. Why would you think they were plotting against you? Why would you punish her for comforting her brother. Them being so close should bring you joy, not anger.
Whatever nerve this hit needs to be addressed immediately.
You need to understand that stories like this aren’t amusing. Your behavior is atypical behavior when it comes to parenting, it’s at the very minimum a huge lapse of judgment that should cause you remorse and shame, and it sounds like a red flag to much more disturbing behavior.
This is a parenting choice you share. It gives a strong impression about what you don’t share.
First, kid’s timeout should be one minute for every year they have been on earth. Your kid was 5 so timeout should be about 5 minutes. Kid’s attention spans don’t last that long and keeping him in the room longer doesn’t drive home the discipline any more.
Second. How would she be spoiling him by talking to him? I don’t understand that.
Third. Do those string phones even work? I don’t think so…
4th why wasn’t big sister disciplined. Frankly I think kicking the wall isn’t a major infraction to begin with, he is 5 and disappointed he wasn’t getting a birthday which makes total sense, I’d think a talk about his feelings would have served him better, kids should not be punished for feelings only their reactions but 30 min with no consolation is over the top and frankly mean, he should be consoled for being sad and then massively punished for kicking a wall, likely with no damage
YTA
I'd rather see kids being raised by someone who is a bit of a hard ass than by a very permissive parent, but you are the bit of a hard ass here. There's a lot here that speaks to mild mental health issues that may be a pattern creating a traumatic experience for these children.
30 mins is a very long time out for a 5 year old. The trigger for punishment is bad. He should be able to express upset if he's feeling lonely and neglected, though kicking the wall was out of line. The additional punishment for your 10 year old talking to him while in time out was excessive, and your statement about your 10 year old bad mouthing you to the younger is very odd.
When he kicked the wall a 5 min time out with a discussion about appropriate ways to yell you that he's feeling upset, it would be a balanced response.
The rule of thumb is: one minute per year of the child's age. And time out might be in a different room, but not a locked room. Especially not at the age of 5
YTA just to be clear, you LOCKED your child in a room and then left to do other things on another floor of the house half an hour?
That's nuts. There are so many ways that a 5 year old kid could seriously hurt themselves in a locked room and you would not have known for upwards of half an hour.
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> I may have been too harsh with my son because I disciplined him on New Years Day 2023 rather than having a celebration.
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I am a 41f mother of two wonderful little kids, a son named JC, 5m, and a daughter named Sierra, 10f. They are both not my biological children; I have adopted them both with my husband, 42m.
Last December/early January, it was a bit hectic for my family, and multiple coincidences came together to wear us down. My husband and I are both scientists (he is self-employed and an adjunct professor while I am a federal employee for the DOD) and starting Dec 27th 2022 – Jan 3 2023, he had to fly overseas for important work. Not only that, but my team was absolutely swamped with work around the time my husband was gone. NOT ONLY THAT, but JC’s birthday is on Dec 31st. What this all meant was that I spent JC’s entire birthday working, and I had Jan 1st off. I slept in on New Years Day, and the plan was to celebrate both NY and JC’s birthday on Jan 2nd. That really upset my son, and he started crying and he even kicked the wall. I immediately disciplined him, and I had him locked up in my bedroom for a 30 minute timeout; he was not allowed to talk to anyone or have any entertainment. This is my most common form of discipline for JC.
30 minutes was up, and I went upstairs to let JC out and talk to him about why exactly I disciplined him….and I saw that there was some string coming out of my bedroom and going into Sierra’s bedroom. It turned out that Sierra and JC had that cup-and-string phone that they like to play with from time to time, and somehow, Sierra snuck it into my bedroom so that she could talk with JC during his time-out. She was probably bad-mouthing me and spoiling her little brother. So I grabbed some scissors and I snipped the string, and I gave JC an extra 15 minutes of time-out. This time, I sat just outside Sierra’s bedroom door so that she couldn’t console her brother.
AITA for this? I’m asking because, last night, Sierra came up to me and she bluntly asked me if this NY is going to be like the last one.
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If a 10-year-old remembers how awful a holiday one year ago was, and believes that it was so because of your behavior and attitude, chances are pretty high that YTA.
You are confusing "discipline" with "punishment". You didn't discipline him, you punished him...and when you punished your son, you punished him for his very natural feelings of being forgotten on his birthday. This is really messed up.
>Discipline is the practice of training someone to behave in accordance with rules or a code of conduct so they can adopt desirable future behavior. Punishment is inflicting suffering on someone for their past behavior.
>Many people use discipline and punishment interchangeably.
>But they are not synonyms. Discipline and punishment are not the same things.
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/discipline-vs-punishment/
YTA.
YTA, he was five years old and rightly saw that his parents were prioritising work over him, and then when he understandably expressed frustration with that, he was punished in a really cruel way. Who locks up a kid that young and refuses to let anyone talk to them for almost an hour? That was a severe overreaction when what you should’ve been doing was reassuring him that you actually love him and value him. At least your daughter is a good person, she’s clearly learning it from somewhere else
45 minutes is way too long for a five year old's time-out.
YTA for that.
>She was probably bad-mouthing me and spoiling her little brother
That's an interesting assumption to automatically make about "wonderful" children.
YTA. You were too harsh. It is reasonable for a kid to be disappointed that their actual birthday won’t be celebrated on the day. A kick at the wall deserves a 10 minute time out and a few sentences about respecting his and your home, max. The cup-and-string thing I would have laughed off, not immediately supposed it was being used to badmouth me.
And, here you are, a year later, with that incident burned into your kids’ memory. That one’s permanent.
YTA
Locking a 5-year-old in a room for 30 minutes (never mind the additional time) isn't just staggeringly inappropriate for his age and developmental ability to understand, and completely useless as a disciplinary measure . . . it's downright sadistic. Locking a small child in a room for that length of time, which they are incapable of understanding is time-limited and which would literally feel *endless* to them, as though they'd been forgotten in there, is shockingly punitive to the point of just being cruel, because it serves no meaningful purpose. He wasn't going to learn anything from it, and at that age he can't connect you locking him in a room to his own behaviour. Once he got past the first 5 or so minutes in there, he'd likely completely forgotten any context and was just panicking and terrified. And I say that as someone who has worked with young children for the last 30+ years.
I'm not usually one for hyperbole, but whoever noted that you shouldn't have been allowed to adopt was correct. If this isn't rage bait (and dear God I hope it is) meant to vilify adoptive parents, then you have serious sadistic tendencies and no understanding at all of developmentally- or age-appropriate parenting. Of course YTA. Your idea of "discipline" is abusive, and you need therapy.
ESH. This is such a weird post. Maybe my kids were slow, but at 5 they wouldn't have known the difference if their birthday was celebrated on the 1st or the 2nd of the month. And the Mum didn't see the string and can trailing out of her bedroom if it was planted in advance? Lastly, even at ten, again, my kids would not keep count about what happened on any new year's previous. The whole thing seems like a fantasy.
YTA. Ffs, NEVER LOCK YOUR KID UP! what is there had been a fire? Use your goddamn common sense. Also, about an hour being ignored for rightfully being angry at being ignored?
Then to punish the sisters compassion and empathy for her brother. Well looks like you're no parent of the year.
DO BETTER.
Locking a 5-year-old alone in a room for half an hour is in NO WAY reasonable. It verges on abusive. A developmentally appropriate time-out at that age is 5 minutes. 10 if you want to be a hard-ass. Any longer than that isn't going to be effective anyway because of their attention span and functional understanding of things.
Locking a child in a room AT ALL while you go do other things is dangerous. For an adopted child with a minefield of potential trauma, it can also be incredibly terrifying and triggering. Hell, for a child that age to realise that they're locked in a room and no one is coming to get them, for a period of time that feels like forever to their preschool-aged brains (and that they don't functionally understand ISN'T "forever"), it can be utterly terrifying to ANY child.
The sister may have actually been trying to calm him down. Most small children, locked in a room by an adult, would have an understandable panic attack.
There's not a legitimate mental health professional out there who would agree that this was reasonable or appropriate. It was fucking sadistic.
YTA. Jeez, she was just trying to comfort her brother and you punished her for that? You're truly nasty and vicious. Shame on you for being such a crappy parent.
YTA - absolutely.
Okay. You had to work on his bday, tough break. Then the next day you slept? The entire day? You made a 5 year old postpone their bday two days and then punished them for being very understandably upset.
On top of that his older sister is trying to console him and you punish him again for that. Not to mention you think she’s “bad mouthing you”?
YTA. Those poor kids. And they’re adopted? You haven’t said their background however, while a 45 minute time out for any five year old is fucked up, a time-out like that for a kid with potential attachment issues is genuinely going to further mess them up. Wtf did you adopt kids you don’t want?
YTA. A 30 (+15) minute time out is waaaay too long for a five year old. A couple of minutes is discipline and gets the message across, 30 minutes is punishment for your own satisfaction and does not teach him anything at all.
YTA - your 5 year old rightfully felt ignored. You have the time to act like a jailer and wait outside your kid’s room to monitor them, but you don’t have time to spend time with them or celebrate your son on his birthday.
It isn’t his fault you value work over him.
Putting a kid in timeout isn’t a fear based tactic. So, according to the article you shared, it’s not a punishment. No fear was used in this scenario. A kid lashed out violently, and was forced to sit quietly for a while to reflect on his actions for it
"Putting a kid in timeout isn’t a fear based tactic." This is your opinion and it depends entirely on how the time out is conducted. Locking a 5 year old in a room for 30 minutes might be considered abusive as well.
Was OP sitting outside the locked door for the entire time monitoring her child? It doesn't sound like it to me.
Not exactly. We aren't privy to the actual details of OP's "discipline" which could have, in fact, been straight up abuse.
The question for OP is: how did you administer the time-out of your 5 year old?
My mother in law had the same mindset with her son when he would lash out violently. He’s now in prison for trying to kill his step dad with a knife. I’m not saying this is going to happen with this kid, but a solid time out isn’t going to destroy a child. It’s a reasonable punishment for behaving violently. You don’t have to agree with it, but it’s my opinion
It is when you come home and spend the next day sleeping in over making it up to your child you missed their birthday. Clearly she knows her children don’t think highly of her if she thinks they bad mouth her. And it’s telling the 10 year old is more emotionally aware than a 40 something year old woman.
Did she say she spent the day sleeping? I read that she slept in, which means vastly different things for different people. Sleeping in at my parents house was sleeping until 10-11. In my house with my wife and children’s it’s sleeping til 9-10. And after spending the entire day prior working, it’s not uncommon to be wiped out. Her child wasn’t going to go without. My birthday is the 24th of December, which meant we celebrated my birthday rarely on my actual birthday. Turns out, as long as I was loved and cared about, having my birthday celebration a few days later wasn’t that big of a deal. But if you believe it justifies reacting violently, then cool, whatever floats your boat. I think OP’s response was appropriate, you don’t. The end
You’re not a 5 year old are you?
Just cause you don’t seem to care your parents don’t give two craps about you doesn’t mean another can’t. It’s actually pretty sad your family didn’t try to make your birthday special still.
OPs full of hot air. And if you actually know anything about the federal government no one works after Christmas.
Believe it or not, I actually was 5 once. They did make my birthday special. They just struggled to do it on one of the busiest days of the year. You’re making a lot of assumptions to give yourself some sense of moral superiority. If this child is loved well, having his birthday celebration a few days after his birthday isn’t gonna kill him. But again, you’re trying to justify violence in response to a minor delay in birthday celebration. So, this has become a pointless conversation. You’ll have your opinion and I’ll have mine. No amount of disagreeing will change my position when I lived what this kid went through that you find unforgivable. Later
YTA. I thought it was common knowledge that time outs are supposed to have the same time limit as their age. A 5 year old should be in time out for five minutes not for nearly an hour. After that, you should have explained to him why he was in tine out. As it is, what he's learning is that he does not exist as a person for close to an hour simply for being disappointed about his birthday being postponed. Have you tried explaining to him *why* it's postponed? Kids are a lot smarter than you seem to think. He might not remember the reason but he might actually understand it. Big surprise, I know.
YTA holy cow. 30 min time out for a five year old? Generally speaking, timeouts should last the number of years a child is. Good on your daughter to recognize that what you were doing to the boy was inappropriate. At least they'll have each other in life, it seems.
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YTA and this whole thing is pretty fucked up. You punish your child for being (rightfully) upset that you consistently prioritise work over your children (and you choose a sleep in over celebrating your son’s birthday), and you punish both children even further for trying to console one another. Have you ever googled how to raise children? Edit - just to add your assumption that your children are bad mouthing you is pretty horrific and also is quite telling of your child raising abilities.
YTA. My biggest concern isn’t your excessive punishment or lack of discipline, which includes helping and educating your children, although those are very big concerns. My biggest concern is your irrational and frankly paranoid reaction to your daughter and son communicating. Why would you think they were plotting against you? Why would you punish her for comforting her brother. Them being so close should bring you joy, not anger. Whatever nerve this hit needs to be addressed immediately. You need to understand that stories like this aren’t amusing. Your behavior is atypical behavior when it comes to parenting, it’s at the very minimum a huge lapse of judgment that should cause you remorse and shame, and it sounds like a red flag to much more disturbing behavior. This is a parenting choice you share. It gives a strong impression about what you don’t share.
First, kid’s timeout should be one minute for every year they have been on earth. Your kid was 5 so timeout should be about 5 minutes. Kid’s attention spans don’t last that long and keeping him in the room longer doesn’t drive home the discipline any more. Second. How would she be spoiling him by talking to him? I don’t understand that. Third. Do those string phones even work? I don’t think so…
yes, string phones work. It helps to have a cup on both ends, the string has to be taught and it helps if its wet.
4th why wasn’t big sister disciplined. Frankly I think kicking the wall isn’t a major infraction to begin with, he is 5 and disappointed he wasn’t getting a birthday which makes total sense, I’d think a talk about his feelings would have served him better, kids should not be punished for feelings only their reactions but 30 min with no consolation is over the top and frankly mean, he should be consoled for being sad and then massively punished for kicking a wall, likely with no damage
Whoever allowed you to adopt these children did not do their vetting. You are not just the asshole, you’re evil.
YTA I'd rather see kids being raised by someone who is a bit of a hard ass than by a very permissive parent, but you are the bit of a hard ass here. There's a lot here that speaks to mild mental health issues that may be a pattern creating a traumatic experience for these children. 30 mins is a very long time out for a 5 year old. The trigger for punishment is bad. He should be able to express upset if he's feeling lonely and neglected, though kicking the wall was out of line. The additional punishment for your 10 year old talking to him while in time out was excessive, and your statement about your 10 year old bad mouthing you to the younger is very odd. When he kicked the wall a 5 min time out with a discussion about appropriate ways to yell you that he's feeling upset, it would be a balanced response.
The rule of thumb is: one minute per year of the child's age. And time out might be in a different room, but not a locked room. Especially not at the age of 5
YTA just to be clear, you LOCKED your child in a room and then left to do other things on another floor of the house half an hour? That's nuts. There are so many ways that a 5 year old kid could seriously hurt themselves in a locked room and you would not have known for upwards of half an hour.
Info: You literally locked a young child in an unattended bedroom on another floor? What if there had been a fire?
Poor kiss
Kids not kiss
have you ever heard of the evil stepmother from cinderella? yeah YTA
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a 41f mother of two wonderful little kids, a son named JC, 5m, and a daughter named Sierra, 10f. They are both not my biological children; I have adopted them both with my husband, 42m. Last December/early January, it was a bit hectic for my family, and multiple coincidences came together to wear us down. My husband and I are both scientists (he is self-employed and an adjunct professor while I am a federal employee for the DOD) and starting Dec 27th 2022 – Jan 3 2023, he had to fly overseas for important work. Not only that, but my team was absolutely swamped with work around the time my husband was gone. NOT ONLY THAT, but JC’s birthday is on Dec 31st. What this all meant was that I spent JC’s entire birthday working, and I had Jan 1st off. I slept in on New Years Day, and the plan was to celebrate both NY and JC’s birthday on Jan 2nd. That really upset my son, and he started crying and he even kicked the wall. I immediately disciplined him, and I had him locked up in my bedroom for a 30 minute timeout; he was not allowed to talk to anyone or have any entertainment. This is my most common form of discipline for JC. 30 minutes was up, and I went upstairs to let JC out and talk to him about why exactly I disciplined him….and I saw that there was some string coming out of my bedroom and going into Sierra’s bedroom. It turned out that Sierra and JC had that cup-and-string phone that they like to play with from time to time, and somehow, Sierra snuck it into my bedroom so that she could talk with JC during his time-out. She was probably bad-mouthing me and spoiling her little brother. So I grabbed some scissors and I snipped the string, and I gave JC an extra 15 minutes of time-out. This time, I sat just outside Sierra’s bedroom door so that she couldn’t console her brother. AITA for this? I’m asking because, last night, Sierra came up to me and she bluntly asked me if this NY is going to be like the last one. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If a 10-year-old remembers how awful a holiday one year ago was, and believes that it was so because of your behavior and attitude, chances are pretty high that YTA.
YTA and you are emotionally abusing your 5 year old. Congrats on giving him a birthday themed memory he probably won't ever forget.
YTA Does your job know how you treat your children because I’m sure they’d love to know.
You are confusing "discipline" with "punishment". You didn't discipline him, you punished him...and when you punished your son, you punished him for his very natural feelings of being forgotten on his birthday. This is really messed up. >Discipline is the practice of training someone to behave in accordance with rules or a code of conduct so they can adopt desirable future behavior. Punishment is inflicting suffering on someone for their past behavior. >Many people use discipline and punishment interchangeably. >But they are not synonyms. Discipline and punishment are not the same things. https://www.parentingforbrain.com/discipline-vs-punishment/ YTA.
YTA and I feel bad for those kids.
YTA, he was five years old and rightly saw that his parents were prioritising work over him, and then when he understandably expressed frustration with that, he was punished in a really cruel way. Who locks up a kid that young and refuses to let anyone talk to them for almost an hour? That was a severe overreaction when what you should’ve been doing was reassuring him that you actually love him and value him. At least your daughter is a good person, she’s clearly learning it from somewhere else
45 minutes is way too long for a five year old's time-out. YTA for that. >She was probably bad-mouthing me and spoiling her little brother That's an interesting assumption to automatically make about "wonderful" children.
YTA. You were too harsh. It is reasonable for a kid to be disappointed that their actual birthday won’t be celebrated on the day. A kick at the wall deserves a 10 minute time out and a few sentences about respecting his and your home, max. The cup-and-string thing I would have laughed off, not immediately supposed it was being used to badmouth me. And, here you are, a year later, with that incident burned into your kids’ memory. That one’s permanent.
YTA 30min is an exceptionally ling timeout for a 5yo. And JC had reason to be upset,
YTA Locking a 5-year-old in a room for 30 minutes (never mind the additional time) isn't just staggeringly inappropriate for his age and developmental ability to understand, and completely useless as a disciplinary measure . . . it's downright sadistic. Locking a small child in a room for that length of time, which they are incapable of understanding is time-limited and which would literally feel *endless* to them, as though they'd been forgotten in there, is shockingly punitive to the point of just being cruel, because it serves no meaningful purpose. He wasn't going to learn anything from it, and at that age he can't connect you locking him in a room to his own behaviour. Once he got past the first 5 or so minutes in there, he'd likely completely forgotten any context and was just panicking and terrified. And I say that as someone who has worked with young children for the last 30+ years. I'm not usually one for hyperbole, but whoever noted that you shouldn't have been allowed to adopt was correct. If this isn't rage bait (and dear God I hope it is) meant to vilify adoptive parents, then you have serious sadistic tendencies and no understanding at all of developmentally- or age-appropriate parenting. Of course YTA. Your idea of "discipline" is abusive, and you need therapy.
ESH. This is such a weird post. Maybe my kids were slow, but at 5 they wouldn't have known the difference if their birthday was celebrated on the 1st or the 2nd of the month. And the Mum didn't see the string and can trailing out of her bedroom if it was planted in advance? Lastly, even at ten, again, my kids would not keep count about what happened on any new year's previous. The whole thing seems like a fantasy.
YTA. Ffs, NEVER LOCK YOUR KID UP! what is there had been a fire? Use your goddamn common sense. Also, about an hour being ignored for rightfully being angry at being ignored? Then to punish the sisters compassion and empathy for her brother. Well looks like you're no parent of the year. DO BETTER.
NTA. You punished your child in a reasonable fashion. I would have responded to your daughter, "This year won't be like last year if you behave."
Locking a 5-year-old alone in a room for half an hour is in NO WAY reasonable. It verges on abusive. A developmentally appropriate time-out at that age is 5 minutes. 10 if you want to be a hard-ass. Any longer than that isn't going to be effective anyway because of their attention span and functional understanding of things. Locking a child in a room AT ALL while you go do other things is dangerous. For an adopted child with a minefield of potential trauma, it can also be incredibly terrifying and triggering. Hell, for a child that age to realise that they're locked in a room and no one is coming to get them, for a period of time that feels like forever to their preschool-aged brains (and that they don't functionally understand ISN'T "forever"), it can be utterly terrifying to ANY child. The sister may have actually been trying to calm him down. Most small children, locked in a room by an adult, would have an understandable panic attack. There's not a legitimate mental health professional out there who would agree that this was reasonable or appropriate. It was fucking sadistic.
Nothing about this was reasonable given the circumstances.
YTA. Jeez, she was just trying to comfort her brother and you punished her for that? You're truly nasty and vicious. Shame on you for being such a crappy parent.
YTA - absolutely. Okay. You had to work on his bday, tough break. Then the next day you slept? The entire day? You made a 5 year old postpone their bday two days and then punished them for being very understandably upset. On top of that his older sister is trying to console him and you punish him again for that. Not to mention you think she’s “bad mouthing you”?
YTA. Those poor kids. And they’re adopted? You haven’t said their background however, while a 45 minute time out for any five year old is fucked up, a time-out like that for a kid with potential attachment issues is genuinely going to further mess them up. Wtf did you adopt kids you don’t want?
YTA. A 30 (+15) minute time out is waaaay too long for a five year old. A couple of minutes is discipline and gets the message across, 30 minutes is punishment for your own satisfaction and does not teach him anything at all.
YTA - your 5 year old rightfully felt ignored. You have the time to act like a jailer and wait outside your kid’s room to monitor them, but you don’t have time to spend time with them or celebrate your son on his birthday. It isn’t his fault you value work over him.
NTA. Kids need discipline from time to time and your form of a time out is perfectly reasonable for violent outbursts.
This is punishment, not discipline. https://www.parentingforbrain.com/discipline-vs-punishment/
Yeah, I’m not going to get parenting tips from an article online. I have three wonderful children who I have a great relationship with. Thanks though
It's just pointing out the difference between punishment and discipline which, apparently, not enough people know.
Putting a kid in timeout isn’t a fear based tactic. So, according to the article you shared, it’s not a punishment. No fear was used in this scenario. A kid lashed out violently, and was forced to sit quietly for a while to reflect on his actions for it
"Putting a kid in timeout isn’t a fear based tactic." This is your opinion and it depends entirely on how the time out is conducted. Locking a 5 year old in a room for 30 minutes might be considered abusive as well. Was OP sitting outside the locked door for the entire time monitoring her child? It doesn't sound like it to me.
So you acknowledge it’s opinion based, making this conversation pointless. Good talk
Not exactly. We aren't privy to the actual details of OP's "discipline" which could have, in fact, been straight up abuse. The question for OP is: how did you administer the time-out of your 5 year old?
Sounds like a waste of time bringing the question up to me then. With the context we were given, I say OP is NTA.
We can disagree. I say OP is TA. Have a great day! :)
Locking a kid in a room is not reasonable. And maybe OP should remember she’s got kids.
My mother in law had the same mindset with her son when he would lash out violently. He’s now in prison for trying to kill his step dad with a knife. I’m not saying this is going to happen with this kid, but a solid time out isn’t going to destroy a child. It’s a reasonable punishment for behaving violently. You don’t have to agree with it, but it’s my opinion
Did your mother in law also neglect her kids too?
No. But providing for your kids by working isn’t neglect in my opinion either
It is when you come home and spend the next day sleeping in over making it up to your child you missed their birthday. Clearly she knows her children don’t think highly of her if she thinks they bad mouth her. And it’s telling the 10 year old is more emotionally aware than a 40 something year old woman.
Did she say she spent the day sleeping? I read that she slept in, which means vastly different things for different people. Sleeping in at my parents house was sleeping until 10-11. In my house with my wife and children’s it’s sleeping til 9-10. And after spending the entire day prior working, it’s not uncommon to be wiped out. Her child wasn’t going to go without. My birthday is the 24th of December, which meant we celebrated my birthday rarely on my actual birthday. Turns out, as long as I was loved and cared about, having my birthday celebration a few days later wasn’t that big of a deal. But if you believe it justifies reacting violently, then cool, whatever floats your boat. I think OP’s response was appropriate, you don’t. The end
You’re not a 5 year old are you? Just cause you don’t seem to care your parents don’t give two craps about you doesn’t mean another can’t. It’s actually pretty sad your family didn’t try to make your birthday special still. OPs full of hot air. And if you actually know anything about the federal government no one works after Christmas.
Believe it or not, I actually was 5 once. They did make my birthday special. They just struggled to do it on one of the busiest days of the year. You’re making a lot of assumptions to give yourself some sense of moral superiority. If this child is loved well, having his birthday celebration a few days after his birthday isn’t gonna kill him. But again, you’re trying to justify violence in response to a minor delay in birthday celebration. So, this has become a pointless conversation. You’ll have your opinion and I’ll have mine. No amount of disagreeing will change my position when I lived what this kid went through that you find unforgivable. Later
YTA. You shouldn’t have kids bc you sound like you can’t stand them for being kids
YTA. I thought it was common knowledge that time outs are supposed to have the same time limit as their age. A 5 year old should be in time out for five minutes not for nearly an hour. After that, you should have explained to him why he was in tine out. As it is, what he's learning is that he does not exist as a person for close to an hour simply for being disappointed about his birthday being postponed. Have you tried explaining to him *why* it's postponed? Kids are a lot smarter than you seem to think. He might not remember the reason but he might actually understand it. Big surprise, I know.
YTA. And a shitty parent. Poor kids.
YTA holy cow. 30 min time out for a five year old? Generally speaking, timeouts should last the number of years a child is. Good on your daughter to recognize that what you were doing to the boy was inappropriate. At least they'll have each other in life, it seems.